July 30, 2025 • 37 mins
Summary:
In this heartfelt and hilarious episode, Jordan and Vanessa share a real-life airplane encounter that turned into a powerful vibrational breakthrough. What starts as a chaotic travel day with three kids and a grumpy passenger transforms into a deep reflection on emotional sovereignty, conscious parenting, and the law of allowing.
Vanessa reveals the moment she locked in a new life framework:
“I’m not going to punish myself—or my children—for someone else’s perspective.”
Together, they explore how to stay above the green line when others are triggered, how not to fall into defensive or reactive energy, and why your alignment matters more than anyone else’s approval.
Whether you're a parent, a people-pleaser, or simply navigating tough social interactions, this episode will remind you of your power to hold your vibration steady, choose your perspective consciously, and respond with love, not fear.
Key topics include:
- How to handle unsolicited judgment in public
- The trap of defending yourself against someone else's insecurity
- The three paths when someone attacks: defend, attack back, or stand in alignment
- Practicing the Art of Allowing in real-time
- Emotional growth and honoring the version of you you’ve become
Quote of the episode:
"You can’t say the right thing to the wrong person—and you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person."
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Vibration Fit podcast.
I'm Vanessa and I'm Jordan andtoday's podcast actually spurs
from something that happened tous on an airplane from Park,
already boarded with our threechildren, and I just remembered
(00:31):
something funny from before weeven got on the airplane.
I looked at Jordan and I saidso we have three seats on one
side of the plane and we haveone seat right next to that on
the other side, across the aisle.
And I asked him what do youthink the configuration should
be for this fight?
And he just kind of laughed andhe goes I think you should be
on the side with the three seats, with all three of the children
(00:54):
, and I should be alone on theother side.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Enjoying my life.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Enjoying my life, enjoying my flight by myself
while you babysit all three ofthe children.
Yeah, and what actuallyhappened was I had our little
infant and I sat with her on theside that just had the one seat
, and Jordan sat on the otherside with our other two children
, and then our infant wanted himas well.
Once we sat down Immediately,Immediately him as well once we
(01:25):
sat down immediately,immediately.
So a few minutes after he gotour infant, he looks over at me
and just starts bursting outlaughing and he's like how did
this?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
happen.
How did I wind up on the sidewith all the children and you
over there and she just looksback at me and goes can I have
my book?
So you actually got some likechill reading time.
Now, in that scenario itactually does work out, because
I love having all the kids.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, so like it was, like you got all the snuggles I
got the anarchy Life wasawesome.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And the snuggles and all the things I like.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So yeah, so.
So that's the configuration.
You can kind of picture what itlooks like on the airplane.
So there's Jordan on the aislewith our two children.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, plane facing forward.
I'm in three seats on theleft-hand side Vanessa's on the
aisle seat, just across theaisle.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And so we have right next to him in the middle seat,
is our 4-year-old, and thenright next to her is our
6-year-old, and then right nextto her is our six-year-old, and
so they're all in a row and thenhe's holding our 12-month-old,
and then there's me, like rightacross the aisle, so we're just
sitting there and you know, ittakes a while for the plane to
(02:39):
actually get up in the air, fromthe time that you actually get
to board.
So we're sitting there forabout half an hour and to the
kids that feels like eternity.
And we started traveling thatmorning.
We woke up at 630 and then wewere at breakfast by seven and
we got all of our stuff packedand headed to the airport, drove
(03:00):
an hour and so anyway, with allthree of the kids, with all
you've ever traveled withchildren.
It's like insanity yeah, it's alot the amount of stuff that's
involved in that movement.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We actually have some pictures of it that just kind
of shows like the reality,because you have car seats and
strollers and bags and justeverything.
Whenever you got littles,you've got you know a whole
bunch of stuff.
It.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's absurd.
And the smaller the child, themore stuff it kind of inherently
brings.
It's because you need thecarrier, you need the stroller.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
You need the car seat .
You need to actually pack thecar.
The minivan has to be on theplane.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And the what ifs.
Like what if we have to go tothe moon?
Like what if we get to Utah andall of a sudden an opportunity
comes for us to fly to the moon?
Like we gotta be ready for that.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Gotta be ready for a moon trip.
What if she poops?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
On the moon.
What if?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
she like super poops to the point that it goes on her
outside the diaper.
What if she super poops outsidethe diaper onto her own self
and then it's on me?
So I need an extra, so I needsome extra clothes, otherwise
I'm gonna be covered in poo ohyeah, from the super poo, and
(04:20):
like I wish that was lessfrequent, like like that really
was a joke, but that actuallylike with infants.
If you've ever had an infant,it's not infrequent that you
have like a super poo.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, even our oldest occasionally.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Super poo on a plane.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
He's like I farted yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
As my buddy AJ says, says never trust a fart truth.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I'm just saying like you need a lot of stuff, you
need a lot of stuff to be ableto deal with like 10 000
different potential scenariosyeah, so in a nutshell, that's
our life.
So we were traveling with ourthree children for a week, and
we went with some friends whoalso have three kids of their
(05:11):
own that are the same ages asour three kids.
So really, we've been travelingwith six children for the last
week, and this is kind of likethe culmination of it.
This is the end of the trip,this is our way home, and so
we're sitting on this plane andour kids are just having a great
time.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
They're living their best life.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh yeah, they're having a really fun time they're
laughing really loud andthey're just playing with each
other and enjoying the ride yeah, and we're definitely like we
limit tablet time generally solike we're not just like, hey,
you're in public, take a tabletso like they're actually engaged
with each other, playing,goofing off being loud right.
(05:52):
So they haven't.
We haven't even broken out thetablets yet, like we haven't
even taken off yeah you have tohave some sort of arsenal while
you're actually, like, stuck onthe plane yeah, totally like
thousands of feet in the air sowe haven't brought out the
tablets yet and the kids arejust laughing and having fun and
we're letting them because wewant them to burn out that
energy before we actually get inthe air and people maybe go to
(06:16):
sleep.
So that's happening.
And before we even take off,the woman who's sitting in front
of you she doesn't really havea view of you because you're
behind her seat but she turnsaround and faces me and she just
starts in by saying you guysare the parents and your
(06:38):
children are being extremelyloud and you should do something
.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And then but this lady's spitting fire.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, she's obviously very ticked off and she's a
foreigner.
She looks Caucasian, but Icould tell that she had an
accent.
And so she starts talking aboutjust how we're not doing
anything and we're the parentsand we're responsible for them,
and they're just being very loudand they're basically
interrupting her reading timebecause, she was reading a book
(07:13):
and I said they're just laughing.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, they're children.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They're children, they're just laughing.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
They weren't even being bad, they were being.
They were being like good rightlike like by most people's
estimations, like afour-year-old and a six-year-old
.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Just happily giggling is good behavior you know, it's
like definitely not badbehavior yeah, they're not
hitting each other, they're notscreaming bloody murder they're
not kicking the back of the seat.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, they're not doing any of the bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
No, they were just laughing and playing and that
really ticked her off becausethey weren't being silent and
just sitting there.
And I said they're justlaughing.
And then she went on to show meevidence.
So she looked all around herand she was pointing to all the
kids.
She's like there's a kid,there's a kid, there's a kid.
She's like they're all sittingquietly, they all have tablets
(08:09):
in their faces.
Don't you have a screen thatyou can shove in their face?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, this lady was like ready.
She was so mad she was veryupset about us not sticking an
iPad in both of our kids' facesimmediately upon entering the
plane.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, and all I said was they're just laughing and I
said I'm sure they can find youanother seat if you would like
to sit somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I can relocate you.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And she said well, she was like no, I don't want
another seat.
And then she just kept ontalking.
I honestly don't even rememberwhat else she said from there.
Because I came to thisperspective, that really gave me
a lot of freedom, because, as aconscious creator, a lot of
times when we experiencesomething at least you and I we
(08:58):
always ask why were we inalignment with that thing?
That's weird that I would havesat close to a nagging person on
the plane that was obviouslyvery unhappy.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, most people that we encounter are pretty
chill and they really like usand they like our kids.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, and we're just kind of floating through life
enjoying all of the experiences.
So when something like thatcomes up, we really pay
attention and so a lot of thatflight.
I was just sitting therethinking about that experience
and coming to this framework,which is I am not going to
(09:33):
punish my children for yourperspective.
I thought that was so powerfulfurther, because I've thought
about it a lot more.
Since then it's turned intowhich is the most powerful
framework that you can apply itto.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I'm not going to punish myself for your
perspective yeah, that was hugeand I was really proud of how
you handled that on the planeyeah, so you're seeing it from a
whole different point of view.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, first off, like I am, completely oblivious,
because I'm just like, yeah, I'mjust over there having fun.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
So then, like I become aware of the situation,
and you look at me and it wasreally funny because she was
like nipping like a bulldog.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
And you looked at me and you were like she's
complaining.
I was like complaining.
She's like, yeah, about thechildren laughing.
It's like you just like made meaware of the situation and I
was like would you like toswitch seats?
I don't mind if she complains,and you were like no, I'm good,
but like it was that littleinteraction between the two of
us, cause, you know, sometimesthat actually happens too, where
(10:41):
, like, one parent is kind oflike chill about things but the
other parent is like, oh my gosh, someone's now noticed that my
children were giggling or mychildren are upsetting someone,
so the other parent may be morelike inclined to jump in and
reprimand or whatever based onsomeone else's perspective.
So, like I think, whatever shesaw that little like micro
(11:03):
culmination in our conversationabout her perspective, I think
she realized, oh wow, both ofthese parents neither of these
parents are going to punishtheir children from my
perspective, nor are were goingto do anything based on what she
thought we should be doing withour lives then she just went
(11:30):
back to what she was doing andshe left us alone.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Obviously, and I've definitely been that person,
because even as a child, myparents tell me they didn't
really have to punish me.
All they had to do wasbasically show that they were
disappointed in something that Idid, and that was enough.
Like that really tore me apart.
So I grew up really wanting tomake people happy and make them
(11:54):
comfortable and me not be areason for them to be
uncomfortable.
And so even like at thebeginning of parenthood, the
same thing.
And even now, like if I'moperating below the green line.
Like you know, you can bearound people and it's
noticeable that they'reuncomfortable with, like an
(12:15):
action that the kids are doing.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Or maybe something that we're doing in public and
it's almost second nature tochange the way that you're
showing up to make themcomfortable.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah and so, yeah, it's like we're sort of
conditioned that way in schoolor something.
I don't really know where ithappens, but I feel like it's
wanting to fit in.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah, you know wanting to fit into the tribe.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Like the tribe mentality, Because if you don't
have that from like, if you goback to like hunter gathering
society like you need to be partof the tribe to survive If you
don't have the tribe, thenyou're alone with the bears and
the wolves and you're probablynot going to survive.
Yeah, so you want to fit in, youwant to make people want to be
around you.
(12:59):
So I feel like that's secondnature to want to shift the way
that you're acting or shift yourbehavior, shift your kids
behavior, in order to beaccepted by others.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
But it's not necessary.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
No, totally Well, and that's where some of the really
powerful frameworks that weoperate by come in to like
everyday reality.
And one of the biggest onesthat we say all the time is that
every attack is from a point ofinsecurity.
Right, every attack is from apoint of insecurity.
And then I've actually takenthat to other levels where I say
(13:35):
the bigger the attack, thebigger the insecurity, right.
But then ultimately, somethingthat you brought up when we were
discussing this is that yougoing on the defense does not
soothe their insecurity, right,right.
So have you ever had thatexperience where somebody did
(13:57):
attack something like that andthen maybe you start shuffling
around to try to make them happy, like you try to do something,
to be like, oh gosh, they'vechosen a perspective that I
should be doing something.
Well, maybe I should go dosomething Right.
And you kind of go that routeor you defend why your children
would be laughing, or you defendwhy your children would be
(14:18):
rowdy.
It's like, oh well, we're atthe tail end of the trip and you
know we've been traveling andeverybody's tired and you know
what I mean, right.
Like people have a tendency tosort of go on the defense
whenever they get attacked.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Right and the issue is, and want to explain
themselves.
Yeah, Explain their background,explain their.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Maybe, if they just understand me better, understand
our day, understand like wherewe are.
They would give us some grace,almost.
Yeah, you know what I mean Like, but essentially, fundamentally
, it comes down to how do I stopthe attack?
Right, right, and the realityis, the more you go on the
defense, the more they generallydo attack, and the big problem
(14:59):
with every attack is from apoint of insecurity.
The big problem with going ondefense is that there is no
amount of defense that you canplay to soothe their insecurity.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
So you can play that game forever.
In fact I'm sure everybodyknows some couple or some
whatever that they kind ofoperate that way.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And it's just sad because people can play that
game for years Totally.
But once you lock this in, likeearly on in our relationship,
one of the things that you saidwas I never do or say anything
intentionally to hurt you.
That was like one of the thingsthat you kind of locked into me
really early.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
And I really believed you, and I still do.
Ten years later, that's beenvalidated.
So it's really cool justknowing that, like you're not
trying to put me on the defenseever.
You know, what I mean.
So for me that's a reallycomforting place to be in a
relationship because, like, ifyou say something or do
(15:59):
something and I take it thewrong way, I can instantly
remind myself like Vanessawouldn't do or say anything
intentionally to hurt me.
So if I'm taking it a certainway, she didn't mean it that way
, that's for sure, becauseVanessa's like way too sweet and
nice and perfect for that.
So I've been able to prettymuch instantly quell any of
those for the last 10 years,which is really good, so, but I
(16:20):
feel like that's really healthy,but a lot of people don't have
that because they don't havethat fundamental understanding
of every attack is from a pointof insecurity.
The bigger the attack, thebigger the insecurity.
And going on the defense doesnot soothe someone's insecurity
Right.
And going on the defense doesnot soothe someone's insecurity
Right.
If anything, it amplifies itbecause it gives them an outlet
to attack and no amount ofattack is ever going to soften
(16:43):
it Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, because they're dealing with their own thing
internally.
And it's funny that you lay itout that way, because that's
exactly what was going throughmy brain whenever I was in that
exact experience.
I was listening to her, butinside all I kept thinking was
this person is really hurt, likeshe's attacking me, but there's
(17:08):
something in her that is notresolved.
There's something in there thatis causing her, like some sort
of chronic thought patterns thatare causing her to feel below
the green line.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And it's probably not just hovering on the green line
Like the vibe that I got wasshe was very below the green
line.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, so on that point, I had actually seen an
interaction earlier on the plane.
That point, I had actually seenan interaction earlier on the
plane.
She actually had a daughter aswell who was on the opposite
aisle and a dog and this dog wassitting on a pillow, like in
its own seat.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Really cute dog actually the kids loved the dog.
Yeah, it was super, which isironic.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
But a person walked by and looked at the daughter
and just kind of I guessplayfully said cats rule, dogs
drool.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But then I saw how the daughter kind of took it,
and the daughter was kind oflike taken back by it, like I
don't really know what to dowith it, like why would somebody
say that to me, kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, what do I say back?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, then the guy just kind of like went back down
the aisle and then the mom wastalking to the daughter about
the interaction and then thedaughter's like trying to
explain.
He was like.
He said cats rule, dogs drool,you know.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah, what does that mean?
Is the dog not supposed to behere, Like what Just?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
whatever goes down on that level.
But what's interesting is, likeyou'd already seen, or I had
already seen this like abrasivesort of like poke at an
insecurity, potentially, and younever really know, like what
they're dealing with, whatthey've got going on.
So, like you said, whenever yousee someone as oh wow, this is
(18:58):
like insecurity coming out, thisis pain coming out, this is
them hurting coming out.
Right then, you can goinstantly into like compassion
right rather than, rather thanhaving to go on the attack back
or go on the defense.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, the defense.
I feel like the moment that youturn to the defense about
anything you lose yeah, well andI— you lose your power and I
like what just happened, likethat little explanation kind of
brought me some clarity of—.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So you kind of have three positions right.
One is you go on the defense ifsomeone's attacking you.
The second one is you go on thedefense if someone's attacking
you.
The second one is you attackback like now you're barking at
each other, right, but again,every attack is from a point of
insecurity.
So now she's activated aninsecurity within you that
(19:51):
you're now attacking back on,which obviously you didn't do in
this scenario and you don't do.
But there's this middle groundwhere you're now attacking back
on, which obviously you didn'tdo in this scenario and you
don't do.
But there's this middle groundwhere you're not going backwards
, you're not on the defense.
I'm not trying to explainmyself and my situation.
I'm, nor am I punishing mychildren for your perspective.
I'm also not attacking you back, like you're essentially just
neutral which basically means Idon't have to activate an
(20:14):
insecurity within myself.
Because you've activated aninsecurity within yourself.
I'm just going to stand firm inmy ground and, like any good
mother would do, give you someoptions.
Yeah, you know well.
You can either choose a betterperspective or I'm sure they can
find you another seat, lots ofroom on this airplane.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
And very accommodating staff.
Yeah, they'll find you a seat.
That probably comes withanother screaming child,
unfortunately.
Yeah, bro, because that's whereyou're vibing.
Oh, and I hear the screamingchildren.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
They were all over the plane.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I mean because, like when you hear kids, kids cry,
it's always kind of like is thatmine?
Yeah is that mine?
But then you realize, like mineare here, so there's one back
there, there's a couple there oryeah, and they're like
different pitches right onlyparents will get this.
But, like you know, you canhear like that sounds like my
adeline, but it's not that's notmy adeline, but it's not.
(21:13):
That's not my Adeline, that'sanother kid Close.
That's an OPK, that's an otherpeople's kids.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, we have an acronym forthem OPKs, opks.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So like you hear a cry, it's like OPKs.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, not mine, mine are good yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So I really feel like this was a powerful perspective
shift.
I really like the clarity thatyou got out of this.
I'm glad we're capturing ithere, because it really does
point to the idea that you dohave a choice and it kind of
goes into one of these, one ofthese three paths.
So and that's sort of thehow-to here is, if you go on the
defense, you're not going tosoothe their insecurity, so you
(21:58):
can basically guarantee acontinued attack well, and I
always think of it as likeputting fuel to fuel.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, so you're just fueling the fire exactly so.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Like you go on the defense now, you're just giving
them an outlet you, you go onthe attack, you are activating
your own insecurity, becauseevery attack is from a point of
insecurity.
So now you've allowed them toactivate an insecurity within
you, right?
Or there's just this neutralplace where it's like I'm not
(22:28):
going to go below the green lineover your perspective.
Right, yeah, and for me that'swhat it is go below the green
line, over your perspective.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
right yeah, and for me that's what it is.
The neutral stance ismaintaining your above the green
line vibration 100%.
And the other two, the defenseand the attack.
Those are both operating belowthe green line, so nothing good
is really going to come of that.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
So you may feel like your.
Your feathers are ruffled inthe moment Like, oh yeah, I did
good.
I attacked back.
But really that's not an abovethe green line stance, that's
more of like below the greenline and like vengeance.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
So your emotional state willshow you the way yeah, and so,
like there's one of the choice,one choice out of the three
allows you to keep your vibeabove the green line, your
emotional state right andexperience the scenario in a
particular way, and that's theone where you're just like
(23:34):
allowing them to be what they'regoing to be, but essentially
not creating a scenario whereyou have to be impacted by their
perspective right, I love thatlike I've like locked that in
now yeah as I roll through life,because some people, whenever
they see like you just beinghappy-go-l.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Lucky, regardless of like what other people think,
sometimes they kind of go the oh, you don't care, like what
other people think or you don'tknow what I've been through you
don't know what I've ever seenlike situations like that play
out, where you're like talkingabout how bad you have it and
then somebody else is like ohyeah, well, think about this.
(24:16):
And then they like lay downtheir life experience.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Then it's like oh no and then the next person comes
in and they're like oh yeah,well, let me one-up that yeah,
and then, like, a stranger willjoin, like, like, I wasn't a
part of this conversation, but Itoo am a victim, right?
You know?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
yeah, and it's like all of a sudden cinderella comes
in and it's like, oh yeah, yeah.
Well, my mom and my dad diedwhen I was a baby and I had a
wicked stepmother.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
I lived in a tower and my only friends were mice.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's why it doesn't work because you, like, you try
to defend yourself or, like,have excuses, and there's always
going to be something out therethat's worse than what you put
out there absolutely and so isthat what you want?
You want to like, take all thebad and be like oh well, I'm a
victim because of this yeah andthen, like, have other things
(25:12):
that you're attracting that areworse than that.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah, it's just, it doesn't work, one of the
frameworks that I've kind of hadfor a while, and I've heard
successful people say it.
It's basically like there'ssomebody who had it worse that
did better right you know, Imean, there's somebody that,
there's somebody out there thathad it worse, that became more
abundant or happy or you know,became something that they
(25:41):
wanted to become, even thoughthey were dealing with something
difficult.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
So when you can just allow yourself to be you?
And allow everybody else to bethem, choose that neutral stance
that keeps you above the greenline whenever you encounter
situations like this.
I feel like that's where, likethose positive feeling,
(26:07):
emotional states are continuedand perpetuated Totally Gives
you permission to do it.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That is the law of allowing, and that was another
thing that was going through mymind on the plane was I'm going
to maintain my alignment andthis is the law of allowing.
Like this is me actuallyexperiencing the law of allowing
.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Allowing you to be you.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Allowing you to be you, allowing me to be me,
allowing, allowing you to be you, allowing you to be you,
allowing me to be me, allowingmy kids to be my kids and
allowing myself to experiencemyself as the person that I am
and to me, like after that,after I had that confrontation,
I just sat there and, ironically, like I'd say, the feeling that
was going through my veins wasgratitude, because I just kept
(26:59):
thinking like, wow, I'm reallygrateful for that experience
because it showed me who I am.
Because, like, I thought aboutwho I was the decade previous
and I was like, oh man, vanessa,10 years ago I would have
crumbled.
Yeah, if I had a confrontationlike that, I would have like
lashed out at whoever wasmisbehaving that I was in charge
(27:23):
of oh yeah, whether it was mykids, or like people I was
babysitting or whatever.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, you would have set them straight as a result of
this person's perspective, forsure.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, I would have totally responded or reacted in
response to what they weresaying, but I kind of detached
from the situation and justviewed all of these different
versions of me and I was like,wow, I'm really grateful for
this present current Vanessa,because I feel like I've become
(27:57):
so much more resilient versuswho I was 10 years ago.
Yeah, absolutely, and this islike exactly who I wanted to
become.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, and you were like sitting in that version of
yourself.
It's actually kind of funnybecause you dealt with it so
well.
But I remember the tail end ofthe conversation, like I said, I
actually asked you.
I was like, well, do you wantto switch seats, because I don't
care if she complains you knowyeah.
But you were like no, I'm goodso.
It's like even being so solidwithin yourself that you didn't
(28:28):
need to move yourself to avoidthe confrontation.
You were like I'm going to sitright here, be me, and I'm good
with me.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Like that's super powerful and when you can come
to that, when you can be in thecircumstance because that's the
hardest part of life right, likeyou're in these circumstances
and they're in your face.
Like our biggest one, I feellike, is our children, like they
could be screaming in our facesometimes like it's right there,
so you can't ignore it.
(28:57):
It's like it's there, but thequestion is, what are you going
to do about it?
How are you going to respond?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
And I just I felt like that was that was really
incredible and critical momentfor me.
I was like, wow, I thank youuniverse.
I literally sat there and I waslike thank you universe for
this experience that allowed meto experience myself as the
vibrationally fit person that Iam.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Well, without those experiences you can't really
experience yourself as that wetalk about that a lot.
It's like know that I am thisand that's the whole reason we
come here to experience ourselfas these incredible beings.
But without the experience, howdo you know?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
absolutely so, like essentially you think about, I
believe I am this, but untilyou're in a situation where you
get to be that and then youhaven't known yourself as that
yet and that's you knowessentially what physical life's
all about.
Right, you get toexperientially know yourself as
(30:05):
that.
Exactly, and one of the thingsthat you and I talk about a lot
is your principles have to beable to take weight right.
So it's all well and goodwhenever you're kind of hashing
this out over coffee with afriend.
Like, oh, like, vibrationalharmony with your desires is
totally the path to happiness.
Rock on, you know, likewhatever.
Like law of attraction andaction.
(30:25):
Baby Woo, I manifested thatLike there's a lot of that
funness.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
But then whenever you get into real life situations
where essentially yourprinciples are taxed like they,
they push against the principle.
It has to be able to takeweight and that's why these
situations are so cool, becauseyou literally got to experience
yourself as this version ofVanessa.
(30:49):
That's bad-ass, you know,that's this.
That.
That 10 year old version ofyourself would be like damn,
look at me on the airplane.
You know, like I'm a boss, likethat's this that, that 10 year
old version of yourself would belike damn.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Look at me on the airplane.
You know like I'm a boss like,yeah, it's really cool, yeah,
totally.
No, it was really liberatingand freeing, just to to see all
the progress that I've made andalso to realize I that I was
really, I was really proud ofmyself, that I didn't punish
(31:16):
myself for their perspective.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Because I feel like, as parents and I know this
example is high like it's reallyrelying on, like parenting and
everything, but you can apply itto any subject.
What example, for that specificexample, I was proud of myself
for not punishing myself forlike, well, that's your fault
(31:40):
because you're the parent andyou didn't step in like she said
, and like, if you, like, aremore structured, then they'd
probably be sitting there likejust facing forward, sitting on
their butts, not anything.
And if, like you, didn't makefun the forefront in your family
, then maybe they would be morewell-behaved so that other
(32:02):
people would accept them.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Yeah, don't you know, it's your job to make everyone
around you happy.
Hasn't society beat that intoyou enough.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
And in other cultures like we've experienced, like in
Japan.
It's so sad when you see thatas the reality, like the kids
really are struck, like they'rereally beat into this structure
and beat into this just kind oflike robot nature of going
through existence, behaving andnot standing out.
(32:33):
I feel like that's the biggestthing in the culture that we saw
is like you don't want to standout, you want to fit in and you
want to abide by all the rules,and so when these things come
up, it's easy to like self,reflect, like all of this energy
on ourselves and be like, oh,what does this mean about me?
Like my kids are behaving thisway, my husband's behaving this
(32:54):
about me?
Like my kids are behaving thisway, or my husband's behaving
this way, or my parents arebehaving this?
Speaker 2 (32:59):
way.
Oh man, that'd be a tough one.
Oh man, if your husband had tobe right with everyone in the
world, it'd be a big problem.
You are not.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
You are not built like that, thank god, because
that just would not work yeah,so you can apply this to
anything and I like in thatmoment I was just thinking I'm
really proud of myself for nottaking that inwardly and
questioning all of these thingsabout my own identity.
What?
What does this mean aboutmyself?
like my kids are being loud in apublic space like this isn't
(33:32):
you know, but you can do that todeath with everything that
somebody says like somebody cansay something about your
complexion or your hair orwhatever it is the way that
you're walking or your, yourposture, whatever it is, and you
can take that internally andthat can become a chronic
thought pattern that makes youfeel insecure.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah.
So the big question is are yougoing to roll through life
trying to create creates, a safespace for you, or is it
actually better for you just tolock?
(34:17):
In to your vibration, yourconnection to the infinite part
of your consciousness and youremotional well-being, coming
from within rather than without.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
And embody that truth in every interaction.
One of the things that keepsgoing through my brain along
these lines is you can't say theright thing to the wrong person
and you can't say the wrongthing to the right person.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And when you're in alignment, even if you're in one
of those situations where youcan't say the right thing to the
wrong person.
A lot of times I just stoptalking and I know my truth.
I'm embodying my truth.
I'm not wavering from that.
I'm staying in alignment.
When you're in those situationswith people where you feel like
you can't say the wrong thingto the right person, then it's
(35:13):
just so freeing.
Yeah, it's like wow, I found mypeople.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like my vibe tribe.
You're part of that.
Yeah, exactly, and this goesback to essentially a beautiful
relationship comes from twopeople that are independently
responsible for their ownemotional state.
Right you know, based on theirown perspective.
So essentially I've actuallyhad a lot of experiences in my
(35:42):
life that were kind of funny,where I offended people.
And it's because I'munoffendable right?
So somebody walking around anddoing whatever is not going to
offend me.
I've been practicing the law ofallowing for like quite some
time.
So that's, just a human being, ahuman doing whatever they're
(36:02):
going to do so for the most partlike somebody could literally
say to my face like I thinkyou're a big dumb idiot and I'm
going to be like.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I'm offended.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Be like unoffended by that.
You know.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
So it's like that, that whole thing that was really
popular, like theunapologetically right, yeah,
yeah, just unapologetically you.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
But at the end of the day it's really just like when
you aren't taking offense toother people around you and when
you aren't looking for thingsin them intentionally that would
piss you off or would botheryou or whatever, and you just in
that space where everybody'sjust choosing to be happy, and
(36:56):
they're choosing to focus on thefunnest thing and they're
choosing to laugh and they'relike they literally put
themselves in a situation wherethey're there to have fun.
You know, you're playing flipcup, or you're playing beer pong
or like whatever back in theday, so long and short of it is.
I think this new perspectivethat you locked in on the
airplane is amazing.
(37:16):
I absolutely love it.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Me too.
I actually use it a lot.
Now, like I'm not going topunish myself for your
perspective, or insert the blank.
I'm not going to punish myhusband for your perspective.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
I'm not going to punish my children for your
perspective whatever it is, yeah, so I just I think it's amazing
.
I've definitely locked it infor myself and I'm going to be
using it all week, so thank youvery much Thanks for listening,
sending love and light to all.
Welcome to the Vibration Fit podcast.
I'm Vanessa and I'm Jordan andtoday's podcast actually spurs
from something that happened tous on an airplane from Park,
already boarded with our threechildren, and I just remembered
(00:31):
something funny from before weeven got on the airplane.
I looked at Jordan and I saidso we have three seats on one
side of the plane and we haveone seat right next to that on
the other side, across the aisle.
And I asked him what do youthink the configuration should
be for this fight?
And he just kind of laughed andhe goes I think you should be
on the side with the three seats, with all three of the children
(00:54):
, and I should be alone on theother side.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Enjoying my life.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Enjoying my life, enjoying my flight by myself
while you babysit all three ofthe children.
Yeah, and what actuallyhappened was I had our little
infant and I sat with her on theside that just had the one seat
, and Jordan sat on the otherside with our other two children
, and then our infant wanted himas well.
Once we sat down Immediately,Immediately him as well once we
(01:25):
sat down immediately,immediately.
So a few minutes after he gotour infant, he looks over at me
and just starts bursting outlaughing and he's like how did
this?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
happen.
How did I wind up on the sidewith all the children and you
over there and she just looksback at me and goes can I have
my book?
So you actually got some likechill reading time.
Now, in that scenario itactually does work out, because
I love having all the kids.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, so like it was, like you got all the snuggles I
got the anarchy Life wasawesome.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And the snuggles and all the things I like.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So yeah, so.
So that's the configuration.
You can kind of picture what itlooks like on the airplane.
So there's Jordan on the aislewith our two children.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, plane facing forward.
I'm in three seats on theleft-hand side Vanessa's on the
aisle seat, just across theaisle.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And so we have right next to him in the middle seat,
is our 4-year-old, and thenright next to her is our
6-year-old, and then right nextto her is our six-year-old, and
so they're all in a row and thenhe's holding our 12-month-old,
and then there's me, like rightacross the aisle, so we're just
sitting there and you know, ittakes a while for the plane to
(02:39):
actually get up in the air, fromthe time that you actually get
to board.
So we're sitting there forabout half an hour and to the
kids that feels like eternity.
And we started traveling thatmorning.
We woke up at 630 and then wewere at breakfast by seven and
we got all of our stuff packedand headed to the airport, drove
(03:00):
an hour and so anyway, with allthree of the kids, with all
you've ever traveled withchildren.
It's like insanity yeah, it's alot the amount of stuff that's
involved in that movement.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We actually have some pictures of it that just kind
of shows like the reality,because you have car seats and
strollers and bags and justeverything.
Whenever you got littles,you've got you know a whole
bunch of stuff.
It.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's absurd.
And the smaller the child, themore stuff it kind of inherently
brings.
It's because you need thecarrier, you need the stroller.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
You need the car seat .
You need to actually pack thecar.
The minivan has to be on theplane.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And the what ifs.
Like what if we have to go tothe moon?
Like what if we get to Utah andall of a sudden an opportunity
comes for us to fly to the moon?
Like we gotta be ready for that.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Gotta be ready for a moon trip.
What if she poops?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
On the moon.
What if?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
she like super poops to the point that it goes on her
outside the diaper.
What if she super poops outsidethe diaper onto her own self
and then it's on me?
So I need an extra, so I needsome extra clothes, otherwise
I'm gonna be covered in poo ohyeah, from the super poo, and
(04:20):
like I wish that was lessfrequent, like like that really
was a joke, but that actuallylike with infants.
If you've ever had an infant,it's not infrequent that you
have like a super poo.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, even our oldest occasionally.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Super poo on a plane.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
He's like I farted yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
As my buddy AJ says, says never trust a fart truth.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I'm just saying like you need a lot of stuff, you
need a lot of stuff to be ableto deal with like 10 000
different potential scenariosyeah, so in a nutshell, that's
our life.
So we were traveling with ourthree children for a week, and
we went with some friends whoalso have three kids of their
(05:11):
own that are the same ages asour three kids.
So really, we've been travelingwith six children for the last
week, and this is kind of likethe culmination of it.
This is the end of the trip,this is our way home, and so
we're sitting on this plane andour kids are just having a great
time.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
They're living their best life.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh yeah, they're having a really fun time they're
laughing really loud andthey're just playing with each
other and enjoying the ride yeah, and we're definitely like we
limit tablet time generally solike we're not just like, hey,
you're in public, take a tabletso like they're actually engaged
with each other, playing,goofing off being loud right.
(05:52):
So they haven't.
We haven't even broken out thetablets yet, like we haven't
even taken off yeah you have tohave some sort of arsenal while
you're actually, like, stuck onthe plane yeah, totally like
thousands of feet in the air sowe haven't brought out the
tablets yet and the kids arejust laughing and having fun and
we're letting them because wewant them to burn out that
energy before we actually get inthe air and people maybe go to
(06:16):
sleep.
So that's happening.
And before we even take off,the woman who's sitting in front
of you she doesn't really havea view of you because you're
behind her seat but she turnsaround and faces me and she just
starts in by saying you guysare the parents and your
(06:38):
children are being extremelyloud and you should do something
.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And then but this lady's spitting fire.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, she's obviously very ticked off and she's a
foreigner.
She looks Caucasian, but Icould tell that she had an
accent.
And so she starts talking aboutjust how we're not doing
anything and we're the parentsand we're responsible for them,
and they're just being very loudand they're basically
interrupting her reading timebecause, she was reading a book
(07:13):
and I said they're just laughing.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, they're children.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They're children, they're just laughing.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
They weren't even being bad, they were being.
They were being like good rightlike like by most people's
estimations, like afour-year-old and a six-year-old
.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Just happily giggling is good behavior you know, it's
like definitely not badbehavior yeah, they're not
hitting each other, they're notscreaming bloody murder they're
not kicking the back of the seat.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, they're not doing any of the bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
No, they were just laughing and playing and that
really ticked her off becausethey weren't being silent and
just sitting there.
And I said they're justlaughing.
And then she went on to show meevidence.
So she looked all around herand she was pointing to all the
kids.
She's like there's a kid,there's a kid, there's a kid.
She's like they're all sittingquietly, they all have tablets
(08:09):
in their faces.
Don't you have a screen thatyou can shove in their face?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, this lady was like ready.
She was so mad she was veryupset about us not sticking an
iPad in both of our kids' facesimmediately upon entering the
plane.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, and all I said was they're just laughing and I
said I'm sure they can find youanother seat if you would like
to sit somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I can relocate you.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And she said well, she was like no, I don't want
another seat.
And then she just kept ontalking.
I honestly don't even rememberwhat else she said from there.
Because I came to thisperspective, that really gave me
a lot of freedom, because, as aconscious creator, a lot of
times when we experiencesomething at least you and I we
(08:58):
always ask why were we inalignment with that thing?
That's weird that I would havesat close to a nagging person on
the plane that was obviouslyvery unhappy.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, most people that we encounter are pretty
chill and they really like usand they like our kids.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, and we're just kind of floating through life
enjoying all of the experiences.
So when something like thatcomes up, we really pay
attention and so a lot of thatflight.
I was just sitting therethinking about that experience
and coming to this framework,which is I am not going to
(09:33):
punish my children for yourperspective.
I thought that was so powerfulfurther, because I've thought
about it a lot more.
Since then it's turned intowhich is the most powerful
framework that you can apply itto.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I'm not going to punish myself for your
perspective yeah, that was hugeand I was really proud of how
you handled that on the planeyeah, so you're seeing it from a
whole different point of view.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, first off, like I am, completely oblivious,
because I'm just like, yeah, I'mjust over there having fun.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
So then, like I become aware of the situation,
and you look at me and it wasreally funny because she was
like nipping like a bulldog.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
And you looked at me and you were like she's
complaining.
I was like complaining.
She's like, yeah, about thechildren laughing.
It's like you just like made meaware of the situation and I
was like would you like toswitch seats?
I don't mind if she complains,and you were like no, I'm good,
but like it was that littleinteraction between the two of
us, cause, you know, sometimesthat actually happens too, where
(10:41):
, like, one parent is kind oflike chill about things but the
other parent is like, oh my gosh, someone's now noticed that my
children were giggling or mychildren are upsetting someone,
so the other parent may be morelike inclined to jump in and
reprimand or whatever based onsomeone else's perspective.
So, like I think, whatever shesaw that little like micro
(11:03):
culmination in our conversationabout her perspective, I think
she realized, oh wow, both ofthese parents neither of these
parents are going to punishtheir children from my
perspective, nor are were goingto do anything based on what she
thought we should be doing withour lives then she just went
(11:30):
back to what she was doing andshe left us alone.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Obviously, and I've definitely been that person,
because even as a child, myparents tell me they didn't
really have to punish me.
All they had to do wasbasically show that they were
disappointed in something that Idid, and that was enough.
Like that really tore me apart.
So I grew up really wanting tomake people happy and make them
(11:54):
comfortable and me not be areason for them to be
uncomfortable.
And so even like at thebeginning of parenthood, the
same thing.
And even now, like if I'moperating below the green line.
Like you know, you can bearound people and it's
noticeable that they'reuncomfortable with, like an
(12:15):
action that the kids are doing.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Or maybe something that we're doing in public and
it's almost second nature tochange the way that you're
showing up to make themcomfortable.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah and so, yeah, it's like we're sort of
conditioned that way in schoolor something.
I don't really know where ithappens, but I feel like it's
wanting to fit in.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah, you know wanting to fit into the tribe.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Like the tribe mentality, Because if you don't
have that from like, if you goback to like hunter gathering
society like you need to be partof the tribe to survive If you
don't have the tribe, thenyou're alone with the bears and
the wolves and you're probablynot going to survive.
Yeah, so you want to fit in, youwant to make people want to be
around you.
(12:59):
So I feel like that's secondnature to want to shift the way
that you're acting or shift yourbehavior, shift your kids
behavior, in order to beaccepted by others.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
But it's not necessary.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
No, totally Well, and that's where some of the really
powerful frameworks that weoperate by come in to like
everyday reality.
And one of the biggest onesthat we say all the time is that
every attack is from a point ofinsecurity.
Right, every attack is from apoint of insecurity.
And then I've actually takenthat to other levels where I say
(13:35):
the bigger the attack, thebigger the insecurity, right.
But then ultimately, somethingthat you brought up when we were
discussing this is that yougoing on the defense does not
soothe their insecurity, right,right.
So have you ever had thatexperience where somebody did
(13:57):
attack something like that andthen maybe you start shuffling
around to try to make them happy, like you try to do something,
to be like, oh gosh, they'vechosen a perspective that I
should be doing something.
Well, maybe I should go dosomething Right.
And you kind of go that routeor you defend why your children
would be laughing, or you defendwhy your children would be
(14:18):
rowdy.
It's like, oh well, we're atthe tail end of the trip and you
know we've been traveling andeverybody's tired and you know
what I mean, right.
Like people have a tendency tosort of go on the defense
whenever they get attacked.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Right and the issue is, and want to explain
themselves.
Yeah, Explain their background,explain their.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Maybe, if they just understand me better, understand
our day, understand like wherewe are.
They would give us some grace,almost.
Yeah, you know what I mean Like, but essentially, fundamentally
, it comes down to how do I stopthe attack?
Right, right, and the realityis, the more you go on the
defense, the more they generallydo attack, and the big problem
(14:59):
with every attack is from apoint of insecurity.
The big problem with going ondefense is that there is no
amount of defense that you canplay to soothe their insecurity.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
So you can play that game forever.
In fact I'm sure everybodyknows some couple or some
whatever that they kind ofoperate that way.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And it's just sad because people can play that
game for years Totally.
But once you lock this in, likeearly on in our relationship,
one of the things that you saidwas I never do or say anything
intentionally to hurt you.
That was like one of the thingsthat you kind of locked into me
really early.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
And I really believed you, and I still do.
Ten years later, that's beenvalidated.
So it's really cool justknowing that, like you're not
trying to put me on the defenseever.
You know, what I mean.
So for me that's a reallycomforting place to be in a
relationship because, like, ifyou say something or do
(15:59):
something and I take it thewrong way, I can instantly
remind myself like Vanessawouldn't do or say anything
intentionally to hurt me.
So if I'm taking it a certainway, she didn't mean it that way
, that's for sure, becauseVanessa's like way too sweet and
nice and perfect for that.
So I've been able to prettymuch instantly quell any of
those for the last 10 years,which is really good, so, but I
(16:20):
feel like that's really healthy,but a lot of people don't have
that because they don't havethat fundamental understanding
of every attack is from a pointof insecurity.
The bigger the attack, thebigger the insecurity.
And going on the defense doesnot soothe someone's insecurity
Right.
And going on the defense doesnot soothe someone's insecurity
Right.
If anything, it amplifies itbecause it gives them an outlet
to attack and no amount ofattack is ever going to soften
(16:43):
it Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, because they're dealing with their own thing
internally.
And it's funny that you lay itout that way, because that's
exactly what was going throughmy brain whenever I was in that
exact experience.
I was listening to her, butinside all I kept thinking was
this person is really hurt, likeshe's attacking me, but there's
(17:08):
something in her that is notresolved.
There's something in there thatis causing her, like some sort
of chronic thought patterns thatare causing her to feel below
the green line.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And it's probably not just hovering on the green line
Like the vibe that I got wasshe was very below the green
line.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, so on that point, I had actually seen an
interaction earlier on the plane.
That point, I had actually seenan interaction earlier on the
plane.
She actually had a daughter aswell who was on the opposite
aisle and a dog and this dog wassitting on a pillow, like in
its own seat.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Really cute dog actually the kids loved the dog.
Yeah, it was super, which isironic.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
But a person walked by and looked at the daughter
and just kind of I guessplayfully said cats rule, dogs
drool.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But then I saw how the daughter kind of took it,
and the daughter was kind oflike taken back by it, like I
don't really know what to dowith it, like why would somebody
say that to me, kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, what do I say back?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, then the guy just kind of like went back down
the aisle and then the mom wastalking to the daughter about
the interaction and then thedaughter's like trying to
explain.
He was like.
He said cats rule, dogs drool,you know.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah, what does that mean?
Is the dog not supposed to behere, Like what Just?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
whatever goes down on that level.
But what's interesting is, likeyou'd already seen, or I had
already seen this like abrasivesort of like poke at an
insecurity, potentially, and younever really know, like what
they're dealing with, whatthey've got going on.
So, like you said, whenever yousee someone as oh wow, this is
(18:58):
like insecurity coming out, thisis pain coming out, this is
them hurting coming out.
Right then, you can goinstantly into like compassion
right rather than, rather thanhaving to go on the attack back
or go on the defense.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, the defense.
I feel like the moment that youturn to the defense about
anything you lose yeah, well andI— you lose your power and I
like what just happened, likethat little explanation kind of
brought me some clarity of—.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So you kind of have three positions right.
One is you go on the defense ifsomeone's attacking you.
The second one is you go on thedefense if someone's attacking
you.
The second one is you attackback like now you're barking at
each other, right, but again,every attack is from a point of
insecurity.
So now she's activated aninsecurity within you that
(19:51):
you're now attacking back on,which obviously you didn't do in
this scenario and you don't do.
But there's this middle groundwhere you're now attacking back
on, which obviously you didn'tdo in this scenario and you
don't do.
But there's this middle groundwhere you're not going backwards
, you're not on the defense.
I'm not trying to explainmyself and my situation.
I'm, nor am I punishing mychildren for your perspective.
I'm also not attacking you back, like you're essentially just
neutral which basically means Idon't have to activate an
(20:14):
insecurity within myself.
Because you've activated aninsecurity within yourself.
I'm just going to stand firm inmy ground and, like any good
mother would do, give you someoptions.
Yeah, you know well.
You can either choose a betterperspective or I'm sure they can
find you another seat, lots ofroom on this airplane.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
And very accommodating staff.
Yeah, they'll find you a seat.
That probably comes withanother screaming child,
unfortunately.
Yeah, bro, because that's whereyou're vibing.
Oh, and I hear the screamingchildren.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
They were all over the plane.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I mean because, like when you hear kids, kids cry,
it's always kind of like is thatmine?
Yeah is that mine?
But then you realize, like mineare here, so there's one back
there, there's a couple there oryeah, and they're like
different pitches right onlyparents will get this.
But, like you know, you canhear like that sounds like my
adeline, but it's not that's notmy adeline, but it's not.
(21:13):
That's not my Adeline, that'sanother kid Close.
That's an OPK, that's an otherpeople's kids.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, we have an acronym forthem OPKs, opks.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So like you hear a cry, it's like OPKs.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, not mine, mine are good yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So I really feel like this was a powerful perspective
shift.
I really like the clarity thatyou got out of this.
I'm glad we're capturing ithere, because it really does
point to the idea that you dohave a choice and it kind of
goes into one of these, one ofthese three paths.
So and that's sort of thehow-to here is, if you go on the
defense, you're not going tosoothe their insecurity, so you
(21:58):
can basically guarantee acontinued attack well, and I
always think of it as likeputting fuel to fuel.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, so you're just fueling the fire exactly so.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Like you go on the defense now, you're just giving
them an outlet you, you go onthe attack, you are activating
your own insecurity, becauseevery attack is from a point of
insecurity.
So now you've allowed them toactivate an insecurity within
you, right?
Or there's just this neutralplace where it's like I'm not
(22:28):
going to go below the green lineover your perspective.
Right, yeah, and for me that'swhat it is go below the green
line, over your perspective.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
right yeah, and for me that's what it is.
The neutral stance ismaintaining your above the green
line vibration 100%.
And the other two, the defenseand the attack.
Those are both operating belowthe green line, so nothing good
is really going to come of that.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
So you may feel like your.
Your feathers are ruffled inthe moment Like, oh yeah, I did
good.
I attacked back.
But really that's not an abovethe green line stance, that's
more of like below the greenline and like vengeance.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
So your emotional state willshow you the way yeah, and so,
like there's one of the choice,one choice out of the three
allows you to keep your vibeabove the green line, your
emotional state right andexperience the scenario in a
particular way, and that's theone where you're just like
(23:34):
allowing them to be what they'regoing to be, but essentially
not creating a scenario whereyou have to be impacted by their
perspective right, I love thatlike I've like locked that in
now yeah as I roll through life,because some people, whenever
they see like you just beinghappy-go-l.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Lucky, regardless of like what other people think,
sometimes they kind of go the oh, you don't care, like what
other people think or you don'tknow what I've been through you
don't know what I've ever seenlike situations like that play
out, where you're like talkingabout how bad you have it and
then somebody else is like ohyeah, well, think about this.
(24:16):
And then they like lay downtheir life experience.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Then it's like oh no and then the next person comes
in and they're like oh yeah,well, let me one-up that yeah,
and then, like, a stranger willjoin, like, like, I wasn't a
part of this conversation, but Itoo am a victim, right?
You know?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
yeah, and it's like all of a sudden cinderella comes
in and it's like, oh yeah, yeah.
Well, my mom and my dad diedwhen I was a baby and I had a
wicked stepmother.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
I lived in a tower and my only friends were mice.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's why it doesn't work because you, like, you try
to defend yourself or, like,have excuses, and there's always
going to be something out therethat's worse than what you put
out there absolutely and so isthat what you want?
You want to like, take all thebad and be like oh well, I'm a
victim because of this yeah andthen, like, have other things
(25:12):
that you're attracting that areworse than that.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah, it's just, it doesn't work, one of the
frameworks that I've kind of hadfor a while, and I've heard
successful people say it.
It's basically like there'ssomebody who had it worse that
did better right you know, Imean, there's somebody that,
there's somebody out there thathad it worse, that became more
abundant or happy or you know,became something that they
(25:41):
wanted to become, even thoughthey were dealing with something
difficult.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
So when you can just allow yourself to be you?
And allow everybody else to bethem, choose that neutral stance
that keeps you above the greenline whenever you encounter
situations like this.
I feel like that's where, likethose positive feeling,
(26:07):
emotional states are continuedand perpetuated Totally Gives
you permission to do it.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That is the law of allowing, and that was another
thing that was going through mymind on the plane was I'm going
to maintain my alignment andthis is the law of allowing.
Like this is me actuallyexperiencing the law of allowing
.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Allowing you to be you.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Allowing you to be you, allowing me to be me,
allowing, allowing you to be you, allowing you to be you,
allowing me to be me, allowingmy kids to be my kids and
allowing myself to experiencemyself as the person that I am
and to me, like after that,after I had that confrontation,
I just sat there and, ironically, like I'd say, the feeling that
was going through my veins wasgratitude, because I just kept
(26:59):
thinking like, wow, I'm reallygrateful for that experience
because it showed me who I am.
Because, like, I thought aboutwho I was the decade previous
and I was like, oh man, vanessa,10 years ago I would have
crumbled.
Yeah, if I had a confrontationlike that, I would have like
lashed out at whoever wasmisbehaving that I was in charge
(27:23):
of oh yeah, whether it was mykids, or like people I was
babysitting or whatever.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, you would have set them straight as a result of
this person's perspective, forsure.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, I would have totally responded or reacted in
response to what they weresaying, but I kind of detached
from the situation and justviewed all of these different
versions of me and I was like,wow, I'm really grateful for
this present current Vanessa,because I feel like I've become
(27:57):
so much more resilient versuswho I was 10 years ago.
Yeah, absolutely, and this islike exactly who I wanted to
become.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, and you were like sitting in that version of
yourself.
It's actually kind of funnybecause you dealt with it so
well.
But I remember the tail end ofthe conversation, like I said, I
actually asked you.
I was like, well, do you wantto switch seats, because I don't
care if she complains you knowyeah.
But you were like no, I'm goodso.
It's like even being so solidwithin yourself that you didn't
(28:28):
need to move yourself to avoidthe confrontation.
You were like I'm going to sitright here, be me, and I'm good
with me.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Like that's super powerful and when you can come
to that, when you can be in thecircumstance because that's the
hardest part of life right, likeyou're in these circumstances
and they're in your face.
Like our biggest one, I feellike, is our children, like they
could be screaming in our facesometimes like it's right there,
so you can't ignore it.
(28:57):
It's like it's there, but thequestion is, what are you going
to do about it?
How are you going to respond?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
And I just I felt like that was that was really
incredible and critical momentfor me.
I was like, wow, I thank youuniverse.
I literally sat there and I waslike thank you universe for
this experience that allowed meto experience myself as the
vibrationally fit person that Iam.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Well, without those experiences you can't really
experience yourself as that wetalk about that a lot.
It's like know that I am thisand that's the whole reason we
come here to experience ourselfas these incredible beings.
But without the experience, howdo you know?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
absolutely so, like essentially you think about, I
believe I am this, but untilyou're in a situation where you
get to be that and then youhaven't known yourself as that
yet and that's you knowessentially what physical life's
all about.
Right, you get toexperientially know yourself as
(30:05):
that.
Exactly, and one of the thingsthat you and I talk about a lot
is your principles have to beable to take weight right.
So it's all well and goodwhenever you're kind of hashing
this out over coffee with afriend.
Like, oh, like, vibrationalharmony with your desires is
totally the path to happiness.
Rock on, you know, likewhatever.
Like law of attraction andaction.
(30:25):
Baby Woo, I manifested thatLike there's a lot of that
funness.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
But then whenever you get into real life situations
where essentially yourprinciples are taxed like they,
they push against the principle.
It has to be able to takeweight and that's why these
situations are so cool, becauseyou literally got to experience
yourself as this version ofVanessa.
(30:49):
That's bad-ass, you know,that's this.
That.
That 10 year old version ofyourself would be like damn,
look at me on the airplane.
You know, like I'm a boss, likethat's this that, that 10 year
old version of yourself would belike damn.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Look at me on the airplane.
You know like I'm a boss like,yeah, it's really cool, yeah,
totally.
No, it was really liberatingand freeing, just to to see all
the progress that I've made andalso to realize I that I was
really, I was really proud ofmyself, that I didn't punish
(31:16):
myself for their perspective.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Because I feel like, as parents and I know this
example is high like it's reallyrelying on, like parenting and
everything, but you can apply itto any subject.
What example, for that specificexample, I was proud of myself
for not punishing myself forlike, well, that's your fault
(31:40):
because you're the parent andyou didn't step in like she said
, and like, if you, like, aremore structured, then they'd
probably be sitting there likejust facing forward, sitting on
their butts, not anything.
And if, like you, didn't makefun the forefront in your family
, then maybe they would be morewell-behaved so that other
(32:02):
people would accept them.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Yeah, don't you know, it's your job to make everyone
around you happy.
Hasn't society beat that intoyou enough.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
And in other cultures like we've experienced, like in
Japan.
It's so sad when you see thatas the reality, like the kids
really are struck, like they'rereally beat into this structure
and beat into this just kind oflike robot nature of going
through existence, behaving andnot standing out.
(32:33):
I feel like that's the biggestthing in the culture that we saw
is like you don't want to standout, you want to fit in and you
want to abide by all the rules,and so when these things come
up, it's easy to like self,reflect, like all of this energy
on ourselves and be like, oh,what does this mean about me?
Like my kids are behaving thisway, my husband's behaving this
(32:54):
about me?
Like my kids are behaving thisway, or my husband's behaving
this way, or my parents arebehaving this?
Speaker 2 (32:59):
way.
Oh man, that'd be a tough one.
Oh man, if your husband had tobe right with everyone in the
world, it'd be a big problem.
You are not.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
You are not built like that, thank god, because
that just would not work yeah,so you can apply this to
anything and I like in thatmoment I was just thinking I'm
really proud of myself for nottaking that inwardly and
questioning all of these thingsabout my own identity.
What?
What does this mean aboutmyself?
like my kids are being loud in apublic space like this isn't
(33:32):
you know, but you can do that todeath with everything that
somebody says like somebody cansay something about your
complexion or your hair orwhatever it is the way that
you're walking or your, yourposture, whatever it is, and you
can take that internally andthat can become a chronic
thought pattern that makes youfeel insecure.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah.
So the big question is are yougoing to roll through life
trying to create creates, a safespace for you, or is it
actually better for you just tolock?
(34:17):
In to your vibration, yourconnection to the infinite part
of your consciousness and youremotional well-being, coming
from within rather than without.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
And embody that truth in every interaction.
One of the things that keepsgoing through my brain along
these lines is you can't say theright thing to the wrong person
and you can't say the wrongthing to the right person.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And when you're in alignment, even if you're in one
of those situations where youcan't say the right thing to the
wrong person.
A lot of times I just stoptalking and I know my truth.
I'm embodying my truth.
I'm not wavering from that.
I'm staying in alignment.
When you're in those situationswith people where you feel like
you can't say the wrong thingto the right person, then it's
(35:13):
just so freeing.
Yeah, it's like wow, I found mypeople.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like my vibe tribe.
You're part of that.
Yeah, exactly, and this goesback to essentially a beautiful
relationship comes from twopeople that are independently
responsible for their ownemotional state.
Right you know, based on theirown perspective.
So essentially I've actuallyhad a lot of experiences in my
(35:42):
life that were kind of funny,where I offended people.
And it's because I'munoffendable right?
So somebody walking around anddoing whatever is not going to
offend me.
I've been practicing the law ofallowing for like quite some
time.
So that's, just a human being, ahuman doing whatever they're
(36:02):
going to do so for the most partlike somebody could literally
say to my face like I thinkyou're a big dumb idiot and I'm
going to be like.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I'm offended.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Be like unoffended by that.
You know.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
So it's like that, that whole thing that was really
popular, like theunapologetically right, yeah,
yeah, just unapologetically you.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
But at the end of the day it's really just like when
you aren't taking offense toother people around you and when
you aren't looking for thingsin them intentionally that would
piss you off or would botheryou or whatever, and you just in
that space where everybody'sjust choosing to be happy, and
(36:56):
they're choosing to focus on thefunnest thing and they're
choosing to laugh and they'relike they literally put
themselves in a situation wherethey're there to have fun.
You know, you're playing flipcup, or you're playing beer pong
or like whatever back in theday, so long and short of it is.
I think this new perspectivethat you locked in on the
airplane is amazing.
(37:16):
I absolutely love it.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Me too.
I actually use it a lot.
Now, like I'm not going topunish myself for your
perspective, or insert the blank.
I'm not going to punish myhusband for your perspective.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
I'm not going to punish my children for your
perspective whatever it is, yeah, so I just I think it's amazing
.
I've definitely locked it infor myself and I'm going to be
using it all week, so thank youvery much Thanks for listening,
sending love and light to all.
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