Not Everyone Belongs in Your Creative Ecosystem

Your creative energy is like a sourdough starter—it needs the right ingredients and care to grow. But have you ever considered that the people you keep in your life are part of those essential ingredients?

Welcome to Part 1 of our three-part series, "The Unseen Architecture of Visibility," focusing on the profound impact of your relationships on your creative field and entrepreneurial journey.

In this bold and accessible episode, host Jazzmyn dives into the concept of a relationship audit and challenges you to evaluate who gets a seat at the table of your creative mind.

You'll learn:

• The Sourdough Starter Analogy: Why your creativity is a baking process and how "rotten ingredients" (toxic or unsupportive relationships) can cause it to fail.
• Setting Creative Boundaries: How to conserve energy by deciding what you share and who you share your big visions with—especially when dealing with people who can't meet you where you are.
• The Power of Peer Groups: The undeniable value of intentional peer support, networking, and why you cannot reach your goals alone. Learn about the influence of mentors and colleagues committed to the same level of growth as you.
• Quality Over Quantity: Why you need to know where to bucket people in your life (friend, acquaintance, collaborator) to avoid limited reciprocity and protect your space.
• Depth vs. Frequency: How showing up with intentionality and curiosity in your core relationships allows you the flexibility to be there for them without feeling inconvenienced.

If you're an entrepreneur, creator, or visionary who feels their visibility is hindered by the emotional weight of their relationships, this episode will give you the practical permission and framework to protect your energy and expand without guilt.

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Jazz's Link in Bio

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Are you sitting with thousands of hours of B-roll

(00:02):
content and telling yourself,I'll start posting tomorrow?
Are you in your head worriedabout your friends and family
thinking your friends werechoosing to be visible?
Are you chasing trends insteadof building influence?
Welcome to the VisibilityStandard where the visionaries
of today are changing the rulesof their industries and letting
their voice be heard.
I'm your host, Jasmine, and weare setting the standard.

(00:48):
We're going to be talking aboutrelationships, what you consume,
and the beliefs that you haveabout yourself and your
creativity.
Today we're kicking it off withrelationships.
I don't know about you, but myrelationships take up every part
of my heart, of my mind.
I'm always thinking about waysthat I can show up for the
people around me to beintentional in my relationships,

(01:11):
to build depth, even if thereisn't frequency, and to just be
present.
I'm also really passionate aboutmaintaining my creative space.
And so those relationships haveto align.
And that sometimes requires meto do a relationship audit.

(01:33):
When I first discoveredrelationship audits, it was
through Eliza Kelly's book, ThisIs Your Destiny, using astrology
to manifest your dream life.
At first, it might sound weirdto sit down and audit your
relationships and be like, okay,is there a give and take?
Is there reciprocity?
Do I feel energized when I'maround this person?

(01:56):
Does this person mean the best?
Do I feel good when I receivefeedback from this person?
At first that seems odd, butit's actually so important
because when you think aboutyour creativity, think of it as
a bubble.
Think of it as a relationshipbetween you and your source.

(02:18):
Think about it as a sourdoughstarter, right?
We have to feed a sourdoughstarter.
We have to maintain it.
We have to take care of it.
And if we are not putting thequality care that it requires
for it to grow, we won't have agood sourdough starter.

(02:40):
Our creativity is a bakingprocess.
You've got rotten eggs, ifyou've got expired flour, if you
are so careless with the bakingprocess of your creativity, it
is going to fail.
Part of those ingredients arethe people that you keep in your

(03:03):
life.
I am someone that has struggledwith abandonment, that has
struggled with reallymaintaining relationships,
holding on to relationships toolong.
I am a relational therapistbecause I have experienced maybe
far too many hiccups in myrelationships, then I would like

(03:25):
to admit.
So I am in this season right nowwhere when I think about
maintaining my creative field,that includes the relationships
that I have in my life.
If I am making the effort tospend time with people, to
connect, to even talk with on aregular basis or a casual basis,

(03:49):
it needs to offer something forme.
And all of your relationships donot have to be work-centered or
growth-centered.
However, all of yourrelationships should offer you
the space and capacity to grow.

(04:11):
Having people around you whoencourage you to think beyond
your limiting beliefs, to thinkbeyond what seems possible for
you, to even brainstorm andthink about ways to continue
evolving.

(04:32):
Those relationships are soimportant to maintaining your
creative field.
Again, because I am someonewhose relationships live in
their heart, in their mind, itis so important for me that I
have depth in my relationships,that there is safety, that there

(04:56):
is trust and respect in myrelationships.
And this also includes peoplethat I collaborate and partner
with in my work.
Whether it's a podcastinterview, whether it's someone
that I am building a partnershipwith on a long-term basis.
I may not need the depth.

(05:17):
I don't need the fulfillmentthat my personal relationships
give me, but we do need to bealigned in values, and there
needs to be a mutual benefit tothat relationship.
If it's a partnership that'sreally only benefiting them, I'm
not super interested in it.
I need to know that there is amutual investment.

(05:41):
For this conversation, though,I'm going to focus specifically
on personal relationshipsbecause those personal
relationships take up the bulkof my energy field, and I'm sure
they take up the bulk of yourenergy field.
The first tip I want to offer isthat you get to maintain
boundaries in thoserelationships as it relates to

(06:06):
what you share about yourcreativity.
There are some relationshipsdaydream.
Like, I mean, you get to betransparent, you get to share,
you get to be so open with thembecause they're on the same
energy field.
Like you win, I win.
I win, you win.

(06:26):
Your growth is my growth, andvice versa.
Like, I want to see you win.
That's what I'm about when itcomes to my professional growth.
I want to see you win just asmuch as I want to win.
And if we can do that together,even better.
There are some people who aren'tthere yet.

(06:48):
There are some people that aresitting with insecurity, that
are sitting with their ownlimiting beliefs and they can't
get out of their way.
You don't have to write themoff, but they might not be the
person that you would go to whenyou are dreaming big, have this
big vision for yourself becausethey may not be able to meet you

(07:10):
there.
A lot of us get disappointedwhen we have friendships that
can't meet us in a certainplace, and we really want to
have that person there with us.
When the truth is they probablycan't meet you there.
And that's not a failure, thatis not a reflection on anybody.

(07:30):
It's just where both partiesare.
To intentionally invest in thoserelationships.

(07:52):
The second point that I offer ishave peer groups, peers around
you who are committed to thesame level of growth that you
are.
And I mean, there's no dream toobig kind of people, which is
harder to find than I expected.

(08:14):
I have worked with varioussupervisors in different work
settings.
I've had different colleagues.
I would say one of the mostinfluential co-workers that I
have had.
His name is Walladi.
He just really shifted myperspective on what it meant to

(08:36):
build a legacy.
While we were working together,he was in entrepreneurship.
He was building something tosupport his local community.
He is originally from Liberia,and so he was building out
essentially a general storewhere people could access

(08:58):
medications, food, water, and hewould be a one-stop shop for his
community.
And the protection of thisvision that this man had while
we were working together was soadmirable.
Like every choice, every stepthat he made, he was so locked

(09:23):
in on his values and what themission was for his business,
how many times he would need totravel, the people he would need
to have around him to see thisvision come to life.
I wasn't in the space at thetime, like to really understand
it, but I was definitely liketaking notes and just watching

(09:48):
in admiration because I wasstill very much in a space where
like you work for somebody elseand you give them your heart and
soul and you expect the same inreturn.
I hadn't yet gotten to the placewhere the person that you work
for could definitely like screwyou over.

(10:09):
And so watching him buildsomething while being in a space
that he wasn't necessarily happywith, I had so much respect for.
And having him in that space, Iwill say changed the trajectory

(10:31):
of how I saw my work goingforward.
Even as I was going into gradschool and starting this process
of becoming a therapist, I hadthis new fire under me that I
wanted to build something, buildsomething that would last, build
a legacy beyond working forsomebody.

(10:51):
And as I've continued to buildexperience and knowledge and
connections, I'm starting to seethat come into fruition because
of the relationships that I havein my life.
I have an amazing supervisorthat supports my growth beyond
clinical work, who I amfortunate enough to be so

(11:14):
transparent with about what I'mworking on and getting her
feedback on all the things.
And I have a really greatpartner and I have really
amazing friends who are in thesame space.
When a lot of people ask meabout social media and what it's

(11:34):
like to consistently be in thisspace of creating, I say the
community that I have built iswhy I've stayed as long as I
have.
On those days where I'm notgetting any engagement, when I'm
not reaching new audiences, whenI'm making zero dollars.
The community that I'm building,the people that I am continuing

(11:57):
to meet, makes it so worthwhile.
So many people often look atsocial media as an opportunity
to scale their business or makemoney or to find new clients.
Yeah.
And there is still so much powerin building a network, having

(12:19):
people that if they were in aroom with other people, if they
said your name, they would havenothing but great things to say
about you.
They would love to refer you toan opportunity and allow that
wealth to be shared amongst thegroup.
Networking is still soimportant.

(12:40):
If you are a helper, if you arein the wellness space, you are
an entrepreneur, if you are afounder, building that network
is so valuable.
You cannot get where you want tobe on your own.
You can sure as hell work yourass off.

(13:01):
You can be motivated, you canhave the resilience, you can
have all the things.
Nothing beats having the peoplearound you that can support you
in getting where you want to go,who can direct you to
opportunities, who can redirectyou and offer feedback to be

(13:21):
better.
I think not only have the peoplethat I surround myself with
support me in being better, butthey also offer the pe feedback
in areas that I can grow in,areas that I may not be the
sharpest in.
Becca is so business savvy.
I mean, that girl knows herstuff, and if you ever have the

(13:42):
opportunity to work with her, Ihighly recommend it for your
business.
She is who I go to.
If I've got a business question,if I'm not handling paperwork in
the way that I need to, if I'mnot setting rates that I need
to, I go to her.
And in return, when it comes tocontent, when it comes to

(14:03):
visibility, when it comes tomarketing, she comes to me and
being able to have that supportand connection is so valuable,
but she is also an a core partof my personal life as well.
And so having someone that I canbounce these ideas off with and
be like, eh, also I'm having ashitty day.

(14:24):
Like having those people aroundyou is so special.
It is life-giving because itallows the space to feel
worthwhile.
In the space that I am in, Idon't have a lot of capacity
like for competition within myrelationships.

(14:48):
And I don't have a lot ofcapacity for limited
reciprocity.
If I am pouring into you, if Iam taking the time, the energy
to connect or build anintentional relationship with
you, to some degree, I do needto know that it is in return.

(15:10):
And I say that to say my thirdand last tip is know where to
bucket people in your life.
Not everybody is your friend.
There are people who are merelyacquaintances, who are merely
work buddies, who are people youmay record with or share this

(15:34):
one specific facet with, but noteverybody is your friend, and
not everybody needs to be yourfriend.
Again, I spoke earlier aboutstruggling with abandonment and
really craving that connectionand community.
I have had to learn, noteveryone is my friend, and not
everyone needs to be my friend,and that's okay.

(15:57):
Because I have recognized thespace that people take up in my
mind and my heart.
That just isn't feasible when Ithink about the ways that I want
to show up.
Quality over quantity.
Yes, I would rather have fourquarters over a hundred pennies

(16:21):
because I can't keep up with ahundred pennies for one.
And it starts to feel reallyheavy.
Pennies get lost more easily,hard to keep track with, and
there's a lack of substance whenI'm carrying a hundred pennies.
Now, if I've got four quartersor even ten dimes, you know, I

(16:46):
can keep track of that a littleeasier.
I do love a good analogy,clearly, and this episode is
filled with them.
Do not come for me.
Just take it in, take notes,write it down.
But yeah, quality over quantity.
I don't really have a lot ofspace to be gossiping.

(17:10):
I love the occasional tea and Iwatch Real Housewives to fulfill
that part, but I don't have alot of space to be talking about
other people or, you know, whatthey're doing.
I'm really not focused on howother people are handling their
own business or doing whatthey're doing because that's
taking my vision and presenceaway from what I'm doing.

(17:34):
Grace McCarrick is one of myfavorite content creators over
on TikTok, and she talks prettyconsistently about the 70-30
rule.
70% of her conversations withthe people in her life are
energizing, they are upbringing,they are growth-oriented, drama,

(17:57):
messiness, anything that takesuh the energy and creative
sphere and dims it at all.
Only 30% of those conversations.
And then if you recognize thatthere's somebody that's
exceeding that 30%, or yourenergy is just not in it, you

(18:18):
get to set those limits, you getto set a boundary, or you get to
reevaluate the place that thatrelationship has.
I've been talking a lot on shortform this week about the
difference between depth andfrequency, and basically how you

(18:41):
can have frequency in yourrelationships without
necessarily having any depth.
And you can have depth in yourrelationships without
necessarily having frequency.
The difference is that depthrequires intention, depth
requires a level of curiositywith the other person.
Like, are you interested intheir day-to-day?

(19:02):
Are you interested in getting toknow them and understanding
them?
And the season of life that I amin.
And if you are also in a spacewhere you are working to
maintain your creative space,you are building those pillars
that support your creativity andbeing to sh being able to show

(19:24):
up online or in your life, makean impact.
The relationships that I requirerequire a level of intention and
curiosity.
Otherwise, what are we doing?
Like when I think about reallyanything that I do nowadays, I

(19:44):
do ask myself, why am I doingthis?
What is the value?
It can be fun, it can beconnection, it can be catching
up.
But every choice that I makewhen it comes to my
relationships, there is a love.
Of intention that is requiredbecause the larger purpose is

(20:06):
maintaining my creative bubble,is maintaining my creative
space.
Showing up in theserelationships with the
intentionality and depth that Idesire also allows me the
flexibility to be inconveniencedby these relationships.
If they are needing me to showup for them, if they are asking

(20:29):
for my energy or attention, it'snot an inconvenience for me
because I want to.
I want to be a part of theirvillage.
I want to show up.
We have built that depth.
We have built that connectionand community.
They are extensions of my life.
They live in my mind and myheart.

(20:50):
And so it's not an inconveniencewhen they ask me to show up.
It's not an inconvenience whenthey want to talk through
something.
That's because the trust,respect, the reciprocity has
been built for me to feel thatway in the relationship.
So that's it on relationships.
I would love to hear yourthoughts.
I would love to hear what seasonof life you are in.

(21:12):
Are you someone that is buildingintentionality?
Are you someone that is moreinterested in people that you
can have fun with, people thatyou can create with without
having the expectation or theobligation for that
relationship?
I love hearing your thoughts.
You can let me know under thepodcast, or you can let me know

(21:33):
at Healing with Jasmine on allmajor social platforms.
I love talking with you all.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
I'll see you on Friday.