March 22, 2024 • 30 mins
Is jealousy truly a hallmark of love, or have we been led astray by common misconceptions? Join us, Doug and Leslie Davis, as we embark on a journey to uncover the biblical truths about jealousy in marriage. We tackle the pervasive myth that jealousy is an expression of love, instead revealing how true love, as depicted in 1 Corinthians 13, thrives without envy or possessiveness. Our discussion delves into the nuances between jealousy and envy, dismantling the notion that the two are synonymous. We stress the importance of understanding the protective nature of jealousy, as opposed to the covetousness of envy, aiming to steer couples towards a union that encapsulates the fullness of God's intention for love and marriage.
This episode isn't just about busting myths; it's about finding strength and unity in the spiritual intimacy that prayer brings to a marriage. By drawing a distinction between the possessiveness often mistaken for jealousy and the humble, selfless love that Scripture advocates, we seek to enlighten our listeners on the true nature of divine jealousy. Where the world sees control, we find partnership and equality, grounded in a biblical understanding that honors and protects the sacred covenant of marriage.
In our closing segment, we open our hearts in a collective prayer, confronting the struggles that envy and jealousy can impose on a relationship. We share our gratitude for the righteous example of divine jealousy, using it as a beacon to guide us towards honoring, loving, respecting, and caring for our spouses in a manner that resonates with God's flawless design. We invite you to reflect on the insights shared and to join us in the ongoing quest for hope, encouragement, and practical wisdom as we navigate the complex emotional landscape of marriage together.
Let's Connect
HeartCall Ministries
Facebook: @Doug&LeslieDavis
IG: @TheVisionDrivenMarriage
Things we Mention:
Ephesians 4:26
1 Cor 13:4-7
1 Cor 10:13
Phil 4:13
2 Cor 5:17
Romans 12:1-2
Join The Vision-Driven Email Community and get the free Couple's Prayer Guide
Midroll Music credits:
In Next Life by Uneasy
ASLC-1E56A76A-F9B00E8070
INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC CREDITS
Theme music: Dead Winter
ASLC-1BEF9A9E-9E9D609662
Artists: White Bones
Composers: White Bones
Audio source: Epidemic Sound
Find out more about Doug and Leslie:
- Free Resources
- Social Media Links
- Current episodes of The Vision Driven Marriage
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast.
If you're struggling in yourmarriage, or maybe you're
wondering if it's evensalvageable, before you give up
or before you let things get toohard, let us come alongside you
and help you solidify yourmarriage.
We offer Biblical encouragementand insight to help you
strengthen your marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast.
We're Doug and Leslie Davis.
Today we're going to continueto look at jealousy.
We're going to be able to takea little bit of a deeper dive
and to debunk some pretty commonmyths.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Yeah, there are some pretty weird myths floating
around out there about jealousy,isn't it?
We believe all sorts of wrongthings about jealousy.
In this episode, that's whatwe're doing we're going to
unpack five of the most commonmyths around jealousy.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Right.
Jealousy itself ismisunderstood.
We were talking earlier Leslieand I were talking earlier about
how there are certain thingsthat God does, and he does them
perfectly.
Because he is perfect, westruggle so greatly.
One example, just to make surewe understand this jealousy idea
, is when we get angry, we sin.
(01:21):
God doesn't.
God's anger is righteous andholy every time, and he's even
told us when you're angry, don'tsin in Ephesians, chapter 4.
But jealousy is a little bit ofa different animal.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
But that's not to say that God said don't be angry,
right, right.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Because he never, ever is angry in His jealousy
and he's called us also to seekto be right acting when we're
angry.
Now jealousy is a little bitdifferent, because we know that
God is jealous for us and weknow that the basis of that is a
really good thing, because hesays you're mine and I want you
and I don't want anybody else tohave you, and the basis of that
(01:59):
is a beautiful thing.
The problem we have is that we,in our jealousy, sin almost
every time, and it's anincredible struggle and it's
telling us how to act in ourjealousy.
God's given us the specifics ofwhat he does and he says do
these things Like outdo oneanother in giving honor?
(02:20):
Because if you love someone somuch that they're yours and no
one else can have them, youhonor them.
Or love, and this is what lovelooks like.
We've got an entire chapter.
1 Corinthians 13 shows us thatlove is patient and love is kind
and love does not boast, itdoes not envy, because a lot of
times we interchange jealousyand envy and so because of that,
(02:41):
god doesn't even say be jealous.
This way, he just doesn'taddress the jealousy issue at
all.
He says instead how we shouldbehave.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, so in an earlier episode we talked about
the differences between jealousyand envy, where the world uses
those two terms veryinterchangeably.
They're not actually the same,and so I just want to just real
quick reiterate the differencesbetween jealousy and envy.
Jealousy is when you areseeking to have something that
(03:09):
somebody else already has.
The Bible uses the termcovetedness, and so when you're
wanting something that somebodyelse has, you're envious of them
.
Jealousy is different.
Jealousy is keeping somethingthat you already have, and
that's you know.
The Lord describes himself as ajealous God because he wants to
(03:32):
keep that which he already has,and so when the Bible talks
about being jealous, or Godbeing jealous, that is Him in
His essence being loving andrespectful and kind and all the
things that he tells us to do,and that's why the Bible, like
you were saying, doesn't addressus being jealous, because he
(03:53):
teaches us how to love in amanner that keeps and protects
the things, that which we have,and I think that's something
that we misunderstand a lot, inthat how the Lord teaches us to
love is what protects ourrelationships.
It's what cultivates that solidrelationships, that very few
(04:14):
things can undermine.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Right, and when we respond to I love you and I want
you and your mind, and I'mthankful that you're mine we can
immediately turn to negativebehaviors, which are the
negative things that peopleusually define as jealousy and
jealous actions, and so thoseare the things that we want to
help shine some light on so wecan see that that's not God's
(04:37):
intent, and by doing that, wewanna show you some of the most
common myths about what jealousyis and then share with you
instead what God says.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
The first myth that we're gonna talk about is that
jealousy is a sign of love.
And how easy is it for us toassume that because of the way
that the Bible talks about Godbeing a jealous God, and we know
that God is love, thenlogically it would stand to say
well, jealousy is a sign of love, but it's not.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And a lot of relationships.
Especially when we're younger,we actually are kind of
encouraged that somebody likesus so much that they don't want
other people to be around us,and we kind of think it's cute
and endearing.
Well, when that is fed and whenthat grows, it can become
really really, really difficult,because then we think, well,
(05:30):
they're jealous, so they love me.
Now, the other problem withthis myth is that sometimes we
find people who think, well,they don't act in a way that I
describe as jealous, and so theyquestion whether they're being
loved at all.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, that's the flip side at that point and it's a
dangerous.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
dangerous thing because you can lose out on
something that's an incredibleblessing just because this
person isn't acting in what youwould describe as a jealous
manner.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And I think one of the ways to determine whether
jealousy is at a level that isunhelpful or even harmful to
your relationship is that, if itis, you know love is outward.
Giving you know love is whenyou say I'm doing this for my
(06:14):
spouse's best interest, for thesake of my spouse.
It's very selfless.
But when it hits that level ofI'm doing this to protect what I
have and I'm doing this for me,that's when that level of
jealousy can get to be harmfulin a relationship and it would
not be considered loving.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Right and we wanna make sure we differentiate,
because when you are so gratefulthat your spouse is yours, it's
great for you to tell themevery single day I'm so thankful
that you're mine and I'm sothankful that I'm yours.
That's good.
It's good for you to do thingsbecause I appreciate you and I'm
so grateful that I have theprivilege to do life with you.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Those are healthy things.
I get those texts every morning.
That says those things.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
But those are the healthy things.
Where it becomes destructive iswhen we once again, through our
actions, start to use envy andjealousy as synonyms.
Because when it becomes enviousbehavior, what were you doing,
talking to them or where wereyou, your five minutes late?
All of a sudden, instead of I'mthankful that you're mine, I'm
(07:20):
afraid I'm going to lose you andyou won't be mine.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And so we wanna make sure we clarify that's motivated
by fear.
I'm gonna fear, I fear losingyou.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Low self-confidence, all kinds of things.
As opposed to something that'sloving behavior that's motivated
by a love or that otherperson's best interest, and so
then it comes out as envy, andwe know that envy, while we use
that in the English language asa synonym with jealousy, it's
not the kind of jealousy thatGod has for us, and so myth
number one is that jealousy is asign of love.
(07:53):
If my spouse is jealous all thetime, it means they love me so
much.
But what we get to see in 1Corinthians 13, verses four
through seven, includes, amongthe huge list of things that
love is, it tells us a few ofthe things that love does not do
, and one of the things thatlove does not do is envy.
(08:13):
You know, love does not envy,love does not boast, it doesn't
keep a record of wrongs, and soin that list in 1 Corinthians 13
of the things love isn't, itclearly blows up this myth,
because jealousy is a sign oflove, explodes in the presence
of the light of God's word beingshying on it.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
The second myth that we're gonna unpack is jealousy
is inevitable in a relationship,and there again, that is just
not true, Right now littlepieces of it, of jealousy itself
rather than envy, will showthemselves.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
For example, what we mentioned earlier being able to
show that I'm going to recognizehow blessed I am because I'm
yours and your mind and I'm sothankful and I don't ever want
anything or anyone to be able totake your place in my heart.
Those are all good things,right, but those things should
(09:11):
be inevitable.
The problem is negative jealousbehaviors are not inevitable.
You might be believing.
It's just how it is.
People are just jealous, theyjust act in an inappropriate
manner when they love us so much.
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
It's not true.
And the reason why it's nottrue is because when we have
accepted Christ as our savior,when we're walking with the Lord
, we're a new creation and thatmeans that we can walk in the
love that Christ has for us andwalk in the way that he's
teaching us to love our spouse.
That is a divine manifestationof that love towards our spouse
(09:46):
and that means we can absolutelydo that by the power of the
Holy Spirit without thenegativity of harmful jealousy
in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Now I do want to warn you, who are listening right
now, one of the things that'sreally interesting and God shows
us that this is true all thetime Whatever you have your mind
set on, it does control yourbehaviors.
It really does so.
If you have your mind set onthe things of the flesh, you
follow your flesh.
You have your mind set on thethings of the spirit, you follow
the Holy Spirit.
Well, let me give you a realquick warning.
(10:16):
Some of you may be saying well,we're listening to this episode
because we really want to hearwhat Doug and Leslie have to say
, but we're not dealing withjealousy.
Let me make sure that I cautionyou.
If you spend these 30 minuteslistening about jealousy, what
you're gonna see is justthinking about that word could
spark a couple of jealousthoughts that maybe you haven't
(10:37):
had in a very long time, becausewhat we put our mind on can
affect us.
It really truly can, and soeven just talking about the
concept could make you realizeplaces where you might be
jealous that you've never actedon.
And so here's the thing youknow.
You're saying well, so isjealousy inevitable?
It's not inevitable.
You're a new creation in ChristJesus.
You don't have to think aboutthose things you can choose to
(11:00):
think about.
The glory that comes along withmy spouse is mine, and I love
her rather than what she's doingright now.
Do I have to protect this?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
So what I hear you saying is, if you're listening
to us for the 30 minutes, focuson Christ, not on jealousy and
not on jealousy.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Where is he, where's she at?
They're late.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
They should have been here by now, right.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Why did that person smile at them at the checkout
lane?
I don't care that she's 88.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Why didn't you look at him like that?
Yeah, why did she?
We have we've kind of had thoseconversations right, although I
love those little ladies thatgive you hugs at church.
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
But it's amazing how, even when you don't, you don't
think about certain things.
If you start to talk about themand start to have that term
come up over and, over and overagain, you're going to find out
that there will be temptationsin that area.
Now, one of the ways that justblows up that jealousy is
inevitable if you know JesusChrist is your savior.
1 Corinthians 10.13 says notonly that God is faithful, but
(11:58):
he is faithful that when you aretempted, you'll never be
tempted beyond what you can bear.
And so God will give you theability not only to bear under
the temptation.
You may be tempted to havejealous thoughts.
He will give you the ability tobear up under that, not to give
into them, but also, every timeyou're tempted, God promises
that he will give those whobelong to him a way of escape,
(12:20):
and so you have that way ofescape from the temptation.
And nowhere does it say that youwon't be tempted, Right right,
and just talking about the wordjealousy might make you to be
tempted to feel jealous, and sowe just wanted to warn you.
Right now, you're like yeah,yeah, I know you've said the
word 17 times.
And now I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
thanks, yeah, thanks, doug, and I want to break in
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(12:58):
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Speaker 1 (13:00):
Praying together is one of the most rewarding
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It's the cornerstone and candeepen your love for your spouse
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Speaker 2 (13:13):
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Speaker 1 (13:33):
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Speaker 2 (13:45):
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To get this free guide called praying with your
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Speaker 2 (13:59):
And now back to our show.
All right, moving on to ournext myth.
Myth number three is thatjealousy is a sign of ownership.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Go ahead, jump in.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
This is like the oh, this is like the, the
cornerstone of narcissism, Ithink, and and or at least could
be a building block of it.
Because, oh, I don't even, Idon't even know how to begin to
unpack this.
Look at where do you startunpacking the myth of ownership,
because you know the Bibletalks about that we do belong to
(14:34):
our spouse, right, and ourspouse belongs to us, and we're
to humble ourselves to eachother.
But that ownership, thatpossession, doesn't the Lord
never lords over us, and that'swhere that should never be
emulated in a marriage, like ahusband should never lord over a
(14:55):
wife and a wife certainlyshould not ever lord over her
husband, but that we shouldhumble ourselves before our
spouses.
But nowhere does love equateownership.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
No, and there's a specific scripture that
addresses that for you, for us,as men, in first Peter 3, 7 says
husbands in the same way.
You know, be considerate as youlive with your wives.
And you know we've talkedbefore about how we are equally
valuable in the eyes of God.
But we're very, very different,very different from one another
(15:29):
.
And so you know there are goingto be times where One spouse is
going to be okay with asituation that another spouse is
grieved by.
There's going to be times whereone spouse is broken by
Circumstances and the other oneseems to be sailing through
those circumstances withoutcatching too much.
You know difficulty.
(15:51):
Often what we get to see here isis that men are just told look,
your wife does thingsdifferently than you do, and so
if it's one of those momentswhere she's broken, make sure
that you live with her and honorher.
Understanding that she's brokenand just because you are not
doesn't mean that you get thelord it over her now the the
concept here applies way beyondthat.
(16:12):
We belong to one another, asLeslie said, and that's a great
thing, but I don't have theright to Say I'm gonna take what
belongs to me and lock it awayin a tower.
God never called men or womento lock their spouse away and to
To say I have a plan for whatyou're going to do, instead of
(16:35):
saying God has a plan for whatyou're going to do.
Jealousy causes people toooften, when they think of
ownership, to say you're goingto do what I want.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
The sin in that is thinking that you have the right
to plan Someone's life when Godalone is the one who has that
right and I think the you knowfrom from the women's
perspective, from a woman's sideof it, you know thinking about,
because more often than not,when you hear the word ownership
, it's the, the, historically,it's the female who's being
(17:06):
owned.
But the Bible talks about webelong to each other.
Right you know, and so we'reequal in the side of the Lord,
and we need to understand that,where God's workmanship and that
Working together makes usstronger than if we were to work
individually right.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
And so it's not just you know Rapunzel being locked
away in the tower.
Rapunzel shouldn't lock theprince there either it goes both
ways, so what's?
What's myth?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
number four myth number four is that jealousy is
always harmful.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay now, jealousy is always harmful.
That sounds like it makes sense.
Why doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
it doesn't, because the Lord describes himself as a
jealous God.
So we know that there isessence of jealousy that is not
harmful or the Lord wouldn'thave described himself as a
jealous God.
But I think it's veryinteresting, like Doug was
saying earlier, that the wherethe Bible says the Bible
(18:04):
instructs us not to be, not tosin in our anger, doesn't tell
us not to be angry, you know.
But the Bible doesn't sayanything about us not being
jealous.
But the Bible does lay out allof the ways that the Bible lays
out that we are supposed to loveone another.
That is how to love one anotherwithout being jealous.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
And the other thing that's really difficult our
flesh gets in the way.
We can't be jealous the way Godwants us to be, because we sit
in it because we sin, and thereare Countless numbers, huge
numbers of places.
Nearly every letter to everychurch has something where it
says do not envy.
Do not envy is a command fromGod, and what we do is when
(18:49):
we're jealous, we tend to envy.
That's always going to be sin,and so you know.
We don't have a.
When you're jealous, do it likethis, like we do with anger.
What we have instead is thebiggest place you're gonna mess
it up is you're gonna turn itinto envy.
And we have command aftercommand after command Do not
envy.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Right, absolutely that'll preach.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
All right.
So what is the fifth myth?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
The fifth myth is that-.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Say that five times fast.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Fifth myth.
Fifth myth.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
All right, myth number five.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Myth number five is that jealousy is unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right, and too often people think it's just the way I
am.
You know, it's just how I am.
My parents were this way.
My grandparents were this way.
There's nothing that can bedone.
I will be this way forever.
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It's not true, but sometimes it's logical, because
if we grow up in a householdthat has jealous parents and we
see that modeled for us, welearn that Jealousy can also be
acquired by having a traumaticloss as a young child or feeling
(20:08):
incredibly out of control as ayoung child and needing to
control the situation as anadult.
And so it may seem logicalbecause of the things that have
happened during thedevelopmental years.
But it's not true.
Jealousy is changeable.
And there again we're back tothe leading of the Holy Spirit,
(20:29):
because the Lord invites us tolearn how to love like he loves,
and in that, learning how tolove like he loves, he's gonna
heal those places and that'sgoing to allow you to develop
the ability to love like heloves.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Right, and so the myth is that jealousy is
unchangeable.
The reality is, you might beexperiencing that jealousy has
become a habit.
Now habits are hard to break,but they can be broken, and so I
wanna make sure that you havesome hope.
You might be thinking you'renot understanding.
This feels impossible for me.
No, we do get it.
(21:09):
Habits, regardless of what thehabit is, feel like they can't
be changed, but that's not true.
Our feelings deceive us all thetime, and so you may have the
habit of jealousy and it mightbe incredibly difficult.
You might be firmly entrenchedin it.
But what Leslie just shared isreally important.
See, it became a habit, maybebecause all of the adults in
(21:32):
your life who you loveddemonstrated this habit of
jealousy too.
So you think that's what adultsdo when they love, and so what
God will do is God, if it's whatyou believe to be true, it's
your mindset.
God will start with yourmindset.
It may be through a traumaticevent, and if it's through a
traumatic event, god will beginby bringing healing.
(21:52):
And it's not something half ofwhat you're thinking is right.
It's not something that you'regonna be successful breaking on
your own, probably, but Godspecializes in the impossible.
What's impossible for us ispossible for God, and we get to
see some of the verses that areused frequently get to
demonstrate a little bit of that.
You might be thinking I don'tthink I can do this, but if you
(22:14):
lean on the Lord for it,philippians 4.13 really is
important, because it doesn'tmatter what you're going through
.
I can do all things.
Through Christ, who strengthensme, I really can.
Now one of the other thingsthat's just amazing to me Leslie
mentioned this that we read in2 Corinthians 5.17 that through
Jesus Christ, we're a newcreation.
(22:34):
We aren't what we used to be,and so those habits that are
deeply entrenched, they do comefrom experiences that might be
even before you knew Christ, andthe behaviors that you've
developed definitely are not thenew creation God's intending
for you to be.
So take some hope and somecourage by that.
(22:55):
But how in the world do you doit?
I love Romans 12, 1, and 2.
And I don't think they'reunderstood well enough, because
we live in a world that says,well, this is just how it is,
you're just stuck that way.
This myth that we're busting isit's just how it is.
I'm just made this way.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
But the reality is, every day we have an opportunity
to offer ourselves to God, tosacrifice ourselves as a living
sacrifice to God.
To say I can't do this, now,that's the big thing, I can't
fix this, okay, it feelsimpossible.
But when you give yourself tothe Lord, say, will you do what
(23:35):
only you can do?
What you'll get to see is thatyour mind changes.
You know, the thoughts that youhave will change and the
behaviors will change.
Read Romans 12, 1 and 2.
Look at the whole thing andlook at how God says be
transformed by the renewing ofyour mind, because he wants to
do that for you.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
I think part of that or at least in my personal
experience, part of thattransformation that takes that,
you know, takes hold because ofthose verses, is my saying not,
not only can I not do it, youknow in my own strength, but I
don't understand how to do itand I don't understand what
needs to happen.
Right, and I think a lot oftimes we don't press into those
(24:13):
verses as hard as we shouldbecause we don't understand what
needs to happen, instead ofsaying it's okay that I don't
understand what needs to happen,because the Lord understands
what needs to happen.
The Lord understands whathappened to that child that was
traumatized.
The Lord understands whathabits that need to be, you know
, needs to be changed or broken.
(24:35):
So the Lord understands it.
And we don't have to have thatknowledge, we don't have to have
that understanding.
We just have to trust that theLord has that understanding when
we press into those verses.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Right.
And you know, god's people,even in the Old Testament, felt
the same things that you'refeeling, the same things that
Leslie just expressed and,through the prophet Ezekiel, god
told his people I will give youa new heart, I will give you a
new spirit.
I'll put that within you.
And so you know God wants togive you a new heart and a new
(25:08):
spirit within you, and he isfaithful and he's good.
You don't have to have it allfigured out, you just need to
trust the one who does.
And so, as we look at how we'vegot an opportunity to really
shine light and to expose and toknock down these myths, there
is hope.
There really is hope.
(25:29):
Jealousy by itself is fosteredby a good thing your mind, and I
want you and I'm so glad and Idon't want anybody else to have
you.
You belong to me.
That's an awesome thing.
The result of it, however, endsup being envy.
That ends up being destructiveway too often, because our flesh
is weak and when we completelythink about things like envy as
(25:53):
thoughts, we become more andmore and more willing to act on
those inviost thoughts.
Let's do a real quick recapwhat are the myths and what's
the truth?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, well, the first myth that we looked at was that
jealousy is a sign of love, andthat is not true.
No, instead jealousy is a signof envy.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
God shows us what love looks like.
Check out 1 Corinthians 13.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
The second myth is jealousy is inevitable in a
relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
It might feel that way for you, and again, little
pieces of it seem to reiteratethat somehow that might be true,
but it's just not.
You can have a healthy dose ofhonor, love, respect, rather
than seeing the signs of envyenter into your relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Absolutely.
Myth number three is jealousyis a sign of ownership.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Again, we don't want to lock anyone away in a tower.
Instead, we've been given theprivilege that we do belong to
one another, just the same waythat my right hand belongs to my
left hand, and if my right hand, you know, ends up with some
kind of an injury, it affects mywhole body.
We belong to one another likethat, not, you'll do what I say
and I'm going to lock you in atower.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Absolutely.
Myth number four is thatjealousy is always harmful.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
And we know that God's jealousy for us is not.
The problem is that we arealways flawed and fallible, and
so what we need to do is look atthe beautiful things God shows
us to do, rather than looking athow jealousy ends in envy
nearly all the time, and we knowthere's a clear command of that
.
That's what we are not to do.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
And the last one was that jealousy is unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Right, and there is nothing impossible for God.
We know that.
You know we are new creaturesin Christ Jesus.
God told his people even beforeChrist that he wanted to give
them a new heart and a newspirit.
He does that through JesusChrist, and so when you turn to
the Lord, you can see change,even in these places that feel
(27:55):
like it's impossible.
It's not true.
These are myths that we knowthe light of truth will expose
and there's a better way for you.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
So what we want to do is we want to pray for you real
quickly before we let you gofor this episode, and so,
whether you're dealing withjealousy or not, we would like
to lift you up in prayer,heavenly Father.
We pray for our listeners, forthose who are encouraged because
they've found honor and respectand love.
I pray that that would continueFor those listeners who are
(28:30):
struggling because they see envycome out and they don't want it
to, but it's there and they'redealing with it and they feel
anxious and they feel afraid andthey're dealing with so many
things that make them thinkthese myths that we talked about
today they think they're true.
Lord, I pray that you show themthat they're not true and that
there is a way for them to beovercome, so that those myths
(28:52):
are no longer feeling true andthat the relationship for our
listeners might become more andmore and more something that
honors you, that draws them toone another and encourages and
strengthens them.
Lord, we're thankful that you'rejealous for us and we're
thankful that you're holy, butwe admit we're not holy and
we're not righteous, and wecan't be jealous the way you are
(29:16):
without sinning.
We want to.
So, lord, thank you for showingus honor, and you teach us what
that looks like love.
And you teach us what thatlooks like Respect and care, and
you teach us what that lookslike, lord, let us learn those
things you've told us so that wecan see the way you are jealous
for us because we struggle withenvy.
Lord, god, let us give thatenvy to you that we might be
(29:39):
changed by the power of JesusChrist, and it's in His name we
pray.
Amen.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Listeners, we are so thankful that you are here, and
if our podcast has given youhope, if it has changed your
mind and the way that you'rethinking, if it has encouraged
you, if it has equipped you, wewould love to hear about it.
Could you please rate andreview our podcast, where you
listen to podcasts?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
And again, we're Doug and Leslie Davis.
This is the Vision DrivenMarriage and we continue to pray
that God will see it.
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast.
If you're struggling in yourmarriage, or maybe you're
wondering if it's evensalvageable, before you give up
or before you let things get toohard, let us come alongside you
and help you solidify yourmarriage.
We offer Biblical encouragementand insight to help you
strengthen your marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast.
We're Doug and Leslie Davis.
Today we're going to continueto look at jealousy.
We're going to be able to takea little bit of a deeper dive
and to debunk some pretty commonmyths.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Yeah, there are some pretty weird myths floating
around out there about jealousy,isn't it?
We believe all sorts of wrongthings about jealousy.
In this episode, that's whatwe're doing we're going to
unpack five of the most commonmyths around jealousy.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Right.
Jealousy itself ismisunderstood.
We were talking earlier Leslieand I were talking earlier about
how there are certain thingsthat God does, and he does them
perfectly.
Because he is perfect, westruggle so greatly.
One example, just to make surewe understand this jealousy idea
, is when we get angry, we sin.
(01:21):
God doesn't.
God's anger is righteous andholy every time, and he's even
told us when you're angry, don'tsin in Ephesians, chapter 4.
But jealousy is a little bit ofa different animal.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
But that's not to say that God said don't be angry,
right, right.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Because he never, ever is angry in His jealousy
and he's called us also to seekto be right acting when we're
angry.
Now jealousy is a little bitdifferent, because we know that
God is jealous for us and weknow that the basis of that is a
really good thing, because hesays you're mine and I want you
and I don't want anybody else tohave you, and the basis of that
(01:59):
is a beautiful thing.
The problem we have is that we,in our jealousy, sin almost
every time, and it's anincredible struggle and it's
telling us how to act in ourjealousy.
God's given us the specifics ofwhat he does and he says do
these things Like outdo oneanother in giving honor?
(02:20):
Because if you love someone somuch that they're yours and no
one else can have them, youhonor them.
Or love, and this is what lovelooks like.
We've got an entire chapter.
1 Corinthians 13 shows us thatlove is patient and love is kind
and love does not boast, itdoes not envy, because a lot of
times we interchange jealousyand envy and so because of that,
(02:41):
god doesn't even say be jealous.
This way, he just doesn'taddress the jealousy issue at
all.
He says instead how we shouldbehave.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, so in an earlier episode we talked about
the differences between jealousyand envy, where the world uses
those two terms veryinterchangeably.
They're not actually the same,and so I just want to just real
quick reiterate the differencesbetween jealousy and envy.
Jealousy is when you areseeking to have something that
(03:09):
somebody else already has.
The Bible uses the termcovetedness, and so when you're
wanting something that somebodyelse has, you're envious of them
.
Jealousy is different.
Jealousy is keeping somethingthat you already have, and
that's you know.
The Lord describes himself as ajealous God because he wants to
(03:32):
keep that which he already has,and so when the Bible talks
about being jealous, or Godbeing jealous, that is Him in
His essence being loving andrespectful and kind and all the
things that he tells us to do,and that's why the Bible, like
you were saying, doesn't addressus being jealous, because he
(03:53):
teaches us how to love in amanner that keeps and protects
the things, that which we have,and I think that's something
that we misunderstand a lot, inthat how the Lord teaches us to
love is what protects ourrelationships.
It's what cultivates that solidrelationships, that very few
(04:14):
things can undermine.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Right, and when we respond to I love you and I want
you and your mind, and I'mthankful that you're mine we can
immediately turn to negativebehaviors, which are the
negative things that peopleusually define as jealousy and
jealous actions, and so thoseare the things that we want to
help shine some light on so wecan see that that's not God's
(04:37):
intent, and by doing that, wewanna show you some of the most
common myths about what jealousyis and then share with you
instead what God says.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
The first myth that we're gonna talk about is that
jealousy is a sign of love.
And how easy is it for us toassume that because of the way
that the Bible talks about Godbeing a jealous God, and we know
that God is love, thenlogically it would stand to say
well, jealousy is a sign of love, but it's not.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And a lot of relationships.
Especially when we're younger,we actually are kind of
encouraged that somebody likesus so much that they don't want
other people to be around us,and we kind of think it's cute
and endearing.
Well, when that is fed and whenthat grows, it can become
really really, really difficult,because then we think, well,
(05:30):
they're jealous, so they love me.
Now, the other problem withthis myth is that sometimes we
find people who think, well,they don't act in a way that I
describe as jealous, and so theyquestion whether they're being
loved at all.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, that's the flip side at that point and it's a
dangerous.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
dangerous thing because you can lose out on
something that's an incredibleblessing just because this
person isn't acting in what youwould describe as a jealous
manner.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And I think one of the ways to determine whether
jealousy is at a level that isunhelpful or even harmful to
your relationship is that, if itis, you know love is outward.
Giving you know love is whenyou say I'm doing this for my
(06:14):
spouse's best interest, for thesake of my spouse.
It's very selfless.
But when it hits that level ofI'm doing this to protect what I
have and I'm doing this for me,that's when that level of
jealousy can get to be harmfulin a relationship and it would
not be considered loving.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Right and we wanna make sure we differentiate,
because when you are so gratefulthat your spouse is yours, it's
great for you to tell themevery single day I'm so thankful
that you're mine and I'm sothankful that I'm yours.
That's good.
It's good for you to do thingsbecause I appreciate you and I'm
so grateful that I have theprivilege to do life with you.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Those are healthy things.
I get those texts every morning.
That says those things.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
But those are the healthy things.
Where it becomes destructive iswhen we once again, through our
actions, start to use envy andjealousy as synonyms.
Because when it becomes enviousbehavior, what were you doing,
talking to them or where wereyou, your five minutes late?
All of a sudden, instead of I'mthankful that you're mine, I'm
(07:20):
afraid I'm going to lose you andyou won't be mine.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And so we wanna make sure we clarify that's motivated
by fear.
I'm gonna fear, I fear losingyou.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Low self-confidence, all kinds of things.
As opposed to something that'sloving behavior that's motivated
by a love or that otherperson's best interest, and so
then it comes out as envy, andwe know that envy, while we use
that in the English language asa synonym with jealousy, it's
not the kind of jealousy thatGod has for us, and so myth
number one is that jealousy is asign of love.
(07:53):
If my spouse is jealous all thetime, it means they love me so
much.
But what we get to see in 1Corinthians 13, verses four
through seven, includes, amongthe huge list of things that
love is, it tells us a few ofthe things that love does not do
, and one of the things thatlove does not do is envy.
(08:13):
You know, love does not envy,love does not boast, it doesn't
keep a record of wrongs, and soin that list in 1 Corinthians 13
of the things love isn't, itclearly blows up this myth,
because jealousy is a sign oflove, explodes in the presence
of the light of God's word beingshying on it.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
The second myth that we're gonna unpack is jealousy
is inevitable in a relationship,and there again, that is just
not true, Right now littlepieces of it, of jealousy itself
rather than envy, will showthemselves.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
For example, what we mentioned earlier being able to
show that I'm going to recognizehow blessed I am because I'm
yours and your mind and I'm sothankful and I don't ever want
anything or anyone to be able totake your place in my heart.
Those are all good things,right, but those things should
(09:11):
be inevitable.
The problem is negative jealousbehaviors are not inevitable.
You might be believing.
It's just how it is.
People are just jealous, theyjust act in an inappropriate
manner when they love us so much.
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
It's not true.
And the reason why it's nottrue is because when we have
accepted Christ as our savior,when we're walking with the Lord
, we're a new creation and thatmeans that we can walk in the
love that Christ has for us andwalk in the way that he's
teaching us to love our spouse.
That is a divine manifestationof that love towards our spouse
(09:46):
and that means we can absolutelydo that by the power of the
Holy Spirit without thenegativity of harmful jealousy
in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Now I do want to warn you, who are listening right
now, one of the things that'sreally interesting and God shows
us that this is true all thetime Whatever you have your mind
set on, it does control yourbehaviors.
It really does so.
If you have your mind set onthe things of the flesh, you
follow your flesh.
You have your mind set on thethings of the spirit, you follow
the Holy Spirit.
Well, let me give you a realquick warning.
(10:16):
Some of you may be saying well,we're listening to this episode
because we really want to hearwhat Doug and Leslie have to say
, but we're not dealing withjealousy.
Let me make sure that I cautionyou.
If you spend these 30 minuteslistening about jealousy, what
you're gonna see is justthinking about that word could
spark a couple of jealousthoughts that maybe you haven't
(10:37):
had in a very long time, becausewhat we put our mind on can
affect us.
It really truly can, and soeven just talking about the
concept could make you realizeplaces where you might be
jealous that you've never actedon.
And so here's the thing youknow.
You're saying well, so isjealousy inevitable?
It's not inevitable.
You're a new creation in ChristJesus.
You don't have to think aboutthose things you can choose to
(11:00):
think about.
The glory that comes along withmy spouse is mine, and I love
her rather than what she's doingright now.
Do I have to protect this?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
So what I hear you saying is, if you're listening
to us for the 30 minutes, focuson Christ, not on jealousy and
not on jealousy.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Where is he, where's she at?
They're late.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
They should have been here by now, right.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Why did that person smile at them at the checkout
lane?
I don't care that she's 88.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Why didn't you look at him like that?
Yeah, why did she?
We have we've kind of had thoseconversations right, although I
love those little ladies thatgive you hugs at church.
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
But it's amazing how, even when you don't, you don't
think about certain things.
If you start to talk about themand start to have that term
come up over and, over and overagain, you're going to find out
that there will be temptationsin that area.
Now, one of the ways that justblows up that jealousy is
inevitable if you know JesusChrist is your savior.
1 Corinthians 10.13 says notonly that God is faithful, but
(11:58):
he is faithful that when you aretempted, you'll never be
tempted beyond what you can bear.
And so God will give you theability not only to bear under
the temptation.
You may be tempted to havejealous thoughts.
He will give you the ability tobear up under that, not to give
into them, but also, every timeyou're tempted, God promises
that he will give those whobelong to him a way of escape,
(12:20):
and so you have that way ofescape from the temptation.
And nowhere does it say that youwon't be tempted, Right right,
and just talking about the wordjealousy might make you to be
tempted to feel jealous, and sowe just wanted to warn you.
Right now, you're like yeah,yeah, I know you've said the
word 17 times.
And now I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
thanks, yeah, thanks, doug, and I want to break in
right here in the middle of thisepisode and tell you about a
very special free resource thatwe've created for you.
We know that most couples don'tknow how to begin a journey to
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Some couples are just trying tostay on the journey to physical
(12:58):
intimacy.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Praying together is one of the most rewarding
disciplines of spiritualintimacy.
It's the cornerstone and candeepen your love for your spouse
and your commitment to yourmarriage, and that strengthens
emotional and physical intimacy.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
It's also one of the hardest to actually be
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You know things come up,excuses, bear weight.
Time gets away from us.
That's why we developed thisbrief guide to praying with your
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Speaker 1 (13:33):
Just as there are many reasons why it's difficult
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Speaker 2 (13:45):
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Speaker 1 (13:51):
To get this free guide called praying with your
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Speaker 2 (13:59):
And now back to our show.
All right, moving on to ournext myth.
Myth number three is thatjealousy is a sign of ownership.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Go ahead, jump in.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
This is like the oh, this is like the, the
cornerstone of narcissism, Ithink, and and or at least could
be a building block of it.
Because, oh, I don't even, Idon't even know how to begin to
unpack this.
Look at where do you startunpacking the myth of ownership,
because you know the Bibletalks about that we do belong to
(14:34):
our spouse, right, and ourspouse belongs to us, and we're
to humble ourselves to eachother.
But that ownership, thatpossession, doesn't the Lord
never lords over us, and that'swhere that should never be
emulated in a marriage, like ahusband should never lord over a
(14:55):
wife and a wife certainlyshould not ever lord over her
husband, but that we shouldhumble ourselves before our
spouses.
But nowhere does love equateownership.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
No, and there's a specific scripture that
addresses that for you, for us,as men, in first Peter 3, 7 says
husbands in the same way.
You know, be considerate as youlive with your wives.
And you know we've talkedbefore about how we are equally
valuable in the eyes of God.
But we're very, very different,very different from one another
(15:29):
.
And so you know there are goingto be times where One spouse is
going to be okay with asituation that another spouse is
grieved by.
There's going to be times whereone spouse is broken by
Circumstances and the other oneseems to be sailing through
those circumstances withoutcatching too much.
You know difficulty.
(15:51):
Often what we get to see here isis that men are just told look,
your wife does thingsdifferently than you do, and so
if it's one of those momentswhere she's broken, make sure
that you live with her and honorher.
Understanding that she's brokenand just because you are not
doesn't mean that you get thelord it over her now the the
concept here applies way beyondthat.
(16:12):
We belong to one another, asLeslie said, and that's a great
thing, but I don't have theright to Say I'm gonna take what
belongs to me and lock it awayin a tower.
God never called men or womento lock their spouse away and to
To say I have a plan for whatyou're going to do, instead of
(16:35):
saying God has a plan for whatyou're going to do.
Jealousy causes people toooften, when they think of
ownership, to say you're goingto do what I want.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
The sin in that is thinking that you have the right
to plan Someone's life when Godalone is the one who has that
right and I think the you knowfrom from the women's
perspective, from a woman's sideof it, you know thinking about,
because more often than not,when you hear the word ownership
, it's the, the, historically,it's the female who's being
(17:06):
owned.
But the Bible talks about webelong to each other.
Right you know, and so we'reequal in the side of the Lord,
and we need to understand that,where God's workmanship and that
Working together makes usstronger than if we were to work
individually right.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
And so it's not just you know Rapunzel being locked
away in the tower.
Rapunzel shouldn't lock theprince there either it goes both
ways, so what's?
What's myth?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
number four myth number four is that jealousy is
always harmful.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay now, jealousy is always harmful.
That sounds like it makes sense.
Why doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
it doesn't, because the Lord describes himself as a
jealous God.
So we know that there isessence of jealousy that is not
harmful or the Lord wouldn'thave described himself as a
jealous God.
But I think it's veryinteresting, like Doug was
saying earlier, that the wherethe Bible says the Bible
(18:04):
instructs us not to be, not tosin in our anger, doesn't tell
us not to be angry, you know.
But the Bible doesn't sayanything about us not being
jealous.
But the Bible does lay out allof the ways that the Bible lays
out that we are supposed to loveone another.
That is how to love one anotherwithout being jealous.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
And the other thing that's really difficult our
flesh gets in the way.
We can't be jealous the way Godwants us to be, because we sit
in it because we sin, and thereare Countless numbers, huge
numbers of places.
Nearly every letter to everychurch has something where it
says do not envy.
Do not envy is a command fromGod, and what we do is when
(18:49):
we're jealous, we tend to envy.
That's always going to be sin,and so you know.
We don't have a.
When you're jealous, do it likethis, like we do with anger.
What we have instead is thebiggest place you're gonna mess
it up is you're gonna turn itinto envy.
And we have command aftercommand after command Do not
envy.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Right, absolutely that'll preach.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
All right.
So what is the fifth myth?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
The fifth myth is that-.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Say that five times fast.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Fifth myth.
Fifth myth.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
All right, myth number five.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Myth number five is that jealousy is unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right, and too often people think it's just the way I
am.
You know, it's just how I am.
My parents were this way.
My grandparents were this way.
There's nothing that can bedone.
I will be this way forever.
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It's not true, but sometimes it's logical, because
if we grow up in a householdthat has jealous parents and we
see that modeled for us, welearn that Jealousy can also be
acquired by having a traumaticloss as a young child or feeling
(20:08):
incredibly out of control as ayoung child and needing to
control the situation as anadult.
And so it may seem logicalbecause of the things that have
happened during thedevelopmental years.
But it's not true.
Jealousy is changeable.
And there again we're back tothe leading of the Holy Spirit,
(20:29):
because the Lord invites us tolearn how to love like he loves,
and in that, learning how tolove like he loves, he's gonna
heal those places and that'sgoing to allow you to develop
the ability to love like heloves.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Right, and so the myth is that jealousy is
unchangeable.
The reality is, you might beexperiencing that jealousy has
become a habit.
Now habits are hard to break,but they can be broken, and so I
wanna make sure that you havesome hope.
You might be thinking you'renot understanding.
This feels impossible for me.
No, we do get it.
(21:09):
Habits, regardless of what thehabit is, feel like they can't
be changed, but that's not true.
Our feelings deceive us all thetime, and so you may have the
habit of jealousy and it mightbe incredibly difficult.
You might be firmly entrenchedin it.
But what Leslie just shared isreally important.
See, it became a habit, maybebecause all of the adults in
(21:32):
your life who you loveddemonstrated this habit of
jealousy too.
So you think that's what adultsdo when they love, and so what
God will do is God, if it's whatyou believe to be true, it's
your mindset.
God will start with yourmindset.
It may be through a traumaticevent, and if it's through a
traumatic event, god will beginby bringing healing.
(21:52):
And it's not something half ofwhat you're thinking is right.
It's not something that you'regonna be successful breaking on
your own, probably, but Godspecializes in the impossible.
What's impossible for us ispossible for God, and we get to
see some of the verses that areused frequently get to
demonstrate a little bit of that.
You might be thinking I don'tthink I can do this, but if you
(22:14):
lean on the Lord for it,philippians 4.13 really is
important, because it doesn'tmatter what you're going through
.
I can do all things.
Through Christ, who strengthensme, I really can.
Now one of the other thingsthat's just amazing to me Leslie
mentioned this that we read in2 Corinthians 5.17 that through
Jesus Christ, we're a newcreation.
(22:34):
We aren't what we used to be,and so those habits that are
deeply entrenched, they do comefrom experiences that might be
even before you knew Christ, andthe behaviors that you've
developed definitely are not thenew creation God's intending
for you to be.
So take some hope and somecourage by that.
(22:55):
But how in the world do you doit?
I love Romans 12, 1, and 2.
And I don't think they'reunderstood well enough, because
we live in a world that says,well, this is just how it is,
you're just stuck that way.
This myth that we're busting isit's just how it is.
I'm just made this way.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
But the reality is, every day we have an opportunity
to offer ourselves to God, tosacrifice ourselves as a living
sacrifice to God.
To say I can't do this, now,that's the big thing, I can't
fix this, okay, it feelsimpossible.
But when you give yourself tothe Lord, say, will you do what
(23:35):
only you can do?
What you'll get to see is thatyour mind changes.
You know, the thoughts that youhave will change and the
behaviors will change.
Read Romans 12, 1 and 2.
Look at the whole thing andlook at how God says be
transformed by the renewing ofyour mind, because he wants to
do that for you.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
I think part of that or at least in my personal
experience, part of thattransformation that takes that,
you know, takes hold because ofthose verses, is my saying not,
not only can I not do it, youknow in my own strength, but I
don't understand how to do itand I don't understand what
needs to happen.
Right, and I think a lot oftimes we don't press into those
(24:13):
verses as hard as we shouldbecause we don't understand what
needs to happen, instead ofsaying it's okay that I don't
understand what needs to happen,because the Lord understands
what needs to happen.
The Lord understands whathappened to that child that was
traumatized.
The Lord understands whathabits that need to be, you know
, needs to be changed or broken.
(24:35):
So the Lord understands it.
And we don't have to have thatknowledge, we don't have to have
that understanding.
We just have to trust that theLord has that understanding when
we press into those verses.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Right.
And you know, god's people,even in the Old Testament, felt
the same things that you'refeeling, the same things that
Leslie just expressed and,through the prophet Ezekiel, god
told his people I will give youa new heart, I will give you a
new spirit.
I'll put that within you.
And so you know God wants togive you a new heart and a new
(25:08):
spirit within you, and he isfaithful and he's good.
You don't have to have it allfigured out, you just need to
trust the one who does.
And so, as we look at how we'vegot an opportunity to really
shine light and to expose and toknock down these myths, there
is hope.
There really is hope.
(25:29):
Jealousy by itself is fosteredby a good thing your mind, and I
want you and I'm so glad and Idon't want anybody else to have
you.
You belong to me.
That's an awesome thing.
The result of it, however, endsup being envy.
That ends up being destructiveway too often, because our flesh
is weak and when we completelythink about things like envy as
(25:53):
thoughts, we become more andmore and more willing to act on
those inviost thoughts.
Let's do a real quick recapwhat are the myths and what's
the truth?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, well, the first myth that we looked at was that
jealousy is a sign of love, andthat is not true.
No, instead jealousy is a signof envy.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
God shows us what love looks like.
Check out 1 Corinthians 13.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
The second myth is jealousy is inevitable in a
relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
It might feel that way for you, and again, little
pieces of it seem to reiteratethat somehow that might be true,
but it's just not.
You can have a healthy dose ofhonor, love, respect, rather
than seeing the signs of envyenter into your relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Absolutely.
Myth number three is jealousyis a sign of ownership.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Again, we don't want to lock anyone away in a tower.
Instead, we've been given theprivilege that we do belong to
one another, just the same waythat my right hand belongs to my
left hand, and if my right hand, you know, ends up with some
kind of an injury, it affects mywhole body.
We belong to one another likethat, not, you'll do what I say
and I'm going to lock you in atower.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Absolutely.
Myth number four is thatjealousy is always harmful.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
And we know that God's jealousy for us is not.
The problem is that we arealways flawed and fallible, and
so what we need to do is look atthe beautiful things God shows
us to do, rather than looking athow jealousy ends in envy
nearly all the time, and we knowthere's a clear command of that
.
That's what we are not to do.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
And the last one was that jealousy is unchangeable.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Right, and there is nothing impossible for God.
We know that.
You know we are new creaturesin Christ Jesus.
God told his people even beforeChrist that he wanted to give
them a new heart and a newspirit.
He does that through JesusChrist, and so when you turn to
the Lord, you can see change,even in these places that feel
(27:55):
like it's impossible.
It's not true.
These are myths that we knowthe light of truth will expose
and there's a better way for you.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
So what we want to do is we want to pray for you real
quickly before we let you gofor this episode, and so,
whether you're dealing withjealousy or not, we would like
to lift you up in prayer,heavenly Father.
We pray for our listeners, forthose who are encouraged because
they've found honor and respectand love.
I pray that that would continueFor those listeners who are
(28:30):
struggling because they see envycome out and they don't want it
to, but it's there and they'redealing with it and they feel
anxious and they feel afraid andthey're dealing with so many
things that make them thinkthese myths that we talked about
today they think they're true.
Lord, I pray that you show themthat they're not true and that
there is a way for them to beovercome, so that those myths
(28:52):
are no longer feeling true andthat the relationship for our
listeners might become more andmore and more something that
honors you, that draws them toone another and encourages and
strengthens them.
Lord, we're thankful that you'rejealous for us and we're
thankful that you're holy, butwe admit we're not holy and
we're not righteous, and wecan't be jealous the way you are
(29:16):
without sinning.
We want to.
So, lord, thank you for showingus honor, and you teach us what
that looks like love.
And you teach us what thatlooks like Respect and care, and
you teach us what that lookslike, lord, let us learn those
things you've told us so that wecan see the way you are jealous
for us because we struggle withenvy.
Lord, god, let us give thatenvy to you that we might be
(29:39):
changed by the power of JesusChrist, and it's in His name we
pray.
Amen.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Listeners, we are so thankful that you are here, and
if our podcast has given youhope, if it has changed your
mind and the way that you'rethinking, if it has encouraged
you, if it has equipped you, wewould love to hear about it.
Could you please rate andreview our podcast, where you
listen to podcasts?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
And again, we're Doug and Leslie Davis.
This is the Vision DrivenMarriage and we continue to pray
that God will see it.
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