October 6, 2025 • 24 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
So many years in the past, I've looked at my schedule
between October and Decemberand thought how can I fit in all
that needs to be done, alongwith a few things that I want to
do around the holidays too,like the fun stuff the demand
seems so high.
I'd list them out for you, butI'm sure you have your own
mental list already tallying up,and I don't want to stress you
(00:43):
out more by naming one that youforgot to add to your list.
I usually exhaust myself bytrying to meet either my own
expectations or somebody else'sstandards, and in the end I have
nothing left.
I've got no margin for mymarriage or my relationship with
God, but this year that's not aforegone conclusion.
The God who called me his own,the one who made Christmas, who
(01:04):
is our Noel, who is our peace,is powerful enough to help me
make necessary changes.
He's powerful enough to help meunderstand his will in the
center of all this holidaybusyness.
Powerful enough to help me zeroin on what really matters and
help me evaluate what I'm doingthat doesn't matter.
Find out how this year can bedifferent in this special
(01:25):
holiday episode of Vows to Keep.
Radio Action Plan for Christmas, part 2.
We're going to weave together apractical and heart-oriented
action plan for marriage budget,extended family relationships,
connection with our Savior andother areas that may need some
prayer and reevaluation aroundthis time of year.
We'll change the tune fromstress to spending ourselves
(01:47):
well for the glory of our Fatherand the advancement of His
gospel.
On today's episode of Vows toKeep Radio, the show where you
get sound biblical counsel thatyou can apply immediately to
your marriage, I'm your host.
Traci.
Sellers of Vows to Keep, davidand I are biblical marriage
counselors, authors, teachers,radio hosts, podcast hosts and
(02:07):
conference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Okay, so I take back what Isaid earlier, with a different
mindset, a different heart set.
You know what I think we shouldgo through the most common
to-do list items that are onmost of our lists.
I'll share some of the thingsmy family has done to be less
(02:29):
culturally driven by theholidays and to really spend
ourselves well for God duringthis season, and you can take
these pointers or you can leavethem.
I'm not going to be offended ifyou don't use these in your
life, and I certainly don'tthink I have this all figured
out.
Our family has morphed andmatured over the years, so some
(02:50):
of these no longer apply becauseour kids are either all grown
or almost grown.
Everything I talk about today ismeant to be an extension of
part one of this two-part series, helping you make an action
plan for Christmas, makingmargin for what matters, and I
hope, as I talk, that you hearmy heart is really for you.
Today I'm walking arm in armwith you together.
I want us to be spirit ledtogether.
If you're feeling in your heartthat a change needs to be made
(03:13):
when it comes to how you handlethe holidays, we've got to start
with one thing, and that thingis prayer, a conversation just
between you and God.
Go back, listen to the previousbroadcast, wherever you podcast
, and go through the steps oflaying out these prayers that I
talked about in part one beforethe Lord.
We started with listing out thetopics that stress you out
(03:35):
about the holidays and thenwriting down next to each one
what makes you anxious aboutthat particular topic, and then
make a go-to list of truth fromGod's word so that you can keep
in step with the Spirit thisholiday season.
That's the extremely shortversion.
So go back and learn with uswhat God says about anxiety and
how that plays into all of thisPractically speaking.
(03:58):
The next step is to bullet pointyour holiday to-do list, and
that's what we're going to dotoday.
List everything that comes tomind, from organizing last
year's decorations into new tubsto making a holiday menu to
ordering your Christmas cards.
Once you've got everything inblack and white, I want you to
cross-reference your to-do listwith your anxiety list that you
(04:20):
created from part one.
Pray about each item on thatto-do list and ask the Lord to
give you discernment.
If this thing is a must-do, letme say this if it divides
relationships, let it go.
If it brings glory to God andloves on his people, keep it,
even if it comes at a cost toyou.
(04:40):
In this episode of Vows to KeepRadio, we're going to go through
the to-do lists one by one andreally get practical about what
needs to stay and what needs togo.
And if we're being spirit led,your list and my list aren't
going to look the same, butwe'll go through the most common
categories and situations thatbring that holiday stress.
Pray about everything we'regoing to talk about today.
Pray about the things that areon your list.
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If they belong, add them.
If not, let them go.
Some of these are less aboutwhat needs to stay and what
needs to go, and really moreabout a different perspective,
doing many of the same things wealways do, but with a different
goal in mind.
As we spend time before theLord on these things, he brings
change within our hearts, realchange that goes all the way
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down to the roots of ourmotivation for why we do what we
do.
So let's start with the biggestcategories, like gift giving,
travel, hosting and more Gifts.
Let's address budget first whenwe talk about this topic.
Don't break the bank, becauseit won't honor God to give with
the right motivation and go intodebt at the same time.
Keep your budget in mind and, Idare say, have an open
(05:47):
conversation about holiday moneywith your spouse Not just gifts
, but also travel and clothesand parties and food.
You don't have to just go bywhat you've always done in the
past or compare what you spendwith someone else's idea of
normal.
Pray about why you're spendingwhat you are and ask God if
adjustments need to be made.
Let's continue with who we'regiving to and why we're giving
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to them.
Are you giving to impress, tomeet their expectation, because
you quote unquote have to Toopen the door with someone to
possibly share the gospel withthem To bless.
Why are you giving the gospelwith them To bless?
Why are you giving With yourspouse?
Pray about what you're givingand, most importantly, the why
For gifts.
I challenge you to thinkoutside the box.
(06:32):
How about a one-time gift to anorganization that feeds hungry
kids?
Or make an Operation ChristmasChild box together?
Or go to the local food pantrywith money you would have
normally spent on gifts?
For a couple years, we evengave our children the option of
giving a portion of the moneythat we would have normally
spent on them and give it tosomeone else in need.
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It was such a blessing to ourfamily and it taught our kids so
much.
I would encourage you to givegifts that aren't material.
Your granddaughter doesn't needmore toys in the living room to
entertain her.
She needs you.
She needs the discipleship thatyou can give her.
Your spouse doesn't want to beasked what he wants for
Christmas.
He can go out and buy that forhimself.
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So do something for him.
Plan a surprise trip as a gift.
Start watching hotel andairfare so that you're not
forced into purchasing at apremium at the last minute.
Make all the arrangements so hedoesn't have to think about any
of it.
The goal is to get away togetherand connect.
Take all the money you wouldhave spent on presents and go on
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a trip as a family.
Rent a cabin, and don't bringthe cell phones or the video
games Drive to the beach.
Whatever you do, the goal is tospend time together, to invest
in each other in a way that aphysical gift never could.
We've done this a couple timesand the memories are priceless.
Don't exchange money through theform of gift cards, through the
mail or in person, because likewhy I can buy myself a gift
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card?
Thank you very much.
Instead, give money for anouting that you're going to do
together Hot chocolate, ticketsto the zoo, something that will
make memories, something thatwill invest in the other person.
And a way to stay on budget isto draw names with extended
family and have fun blessingthat particular person.
How about gifts for teachersand neighbors and garbage men?
(08:21):
What an opportunity to sharethe gospel with them.
This doesn't have to beextravagant.
You could make them some fudgeand just write a short but
sincere thank you.
Note.
If your budget doesn't allowfor this, write the note anyway.
It just might be more memorablethan the fudge.
And for gift receiving, keepthat in mind as well.
Don't demand a certain gift orthe monetary value of a gift
(08:43):
that you anticipate someone'sgoing to give you.
Be easy to please Someone whoisn't after material things but
who shows in every way that theycare about people more than
things.
In this week's download resourceI'll provide you with a chart
you can use to break this downstep by step.
I think seeing it laid out andcovering it in prayer with your
spouse will really calibrate youwith God's will for gifts this
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year.
And then I would encourage youto set a budget for next year so
you can save a little eachmonth going forward into the
next 12 months.
And that brings us to shopping.
This doesn't have to be ascomplicated or as time consuming
.
I think as we make it out to beand as we check our heart
motivations before the Lord,this becomes a joy rather than a
(09:29):
chore.
After you've gotten this week'sdownload resource and you
prayed over who you're giving toand why, I want you to make
three lists Online you're givingto and why I want you to make
three lists Online, in-personand stocking stuffers.
For online, make a master listyou can do it any way you want
Paper Excel notes on your phone,whatever and plan to spend an
(09:53):
afternoon and an eveningshopping online.
Hit purchase when it falls intothe guidelines of your goals
and your budget.
For in-person, make anothermaster list.
Work to get everything on thislist purchased as early as
possible in the season.
Plan an entire day without thekids and just be in line through
the stores.
Maybe take one day for localbusinesses and one day for
commercial shopping Everythingexcept what you're going to buy
(10:14):
at, say, a local craft fair orother local places that might
not be open that day and thenplan a stocking stuffer day.
Or keep a running list in yourphone of what you want to buy
for stocking stuffers and get ina few each grocery trip to help
with the budget.
Just a little piece of adviceon shopping for gifts for
teenagers.
If the gift you want to giveyour children is something
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culturally relevant at themoment, make sure it's
spiritually relevant for them tohave, and if they're mature
enough in their walk with theLord to handle what you're
giving them, here's a biggie.
Let's talk holiday travel.
This is the perfect time to putinto practice what Romans 10-12
says Honor one another aboveyourselves, even though it might
(11:00):
not be your preference totravel a long distance to see
family or to host visitingfamily members.
Pray about this, present yourrequests to God and then let the
peace of God guard your heartand mind in Christ Jesus.
This is Philippians 4, 7, and 8.
When our family travels, wefind the close quarters in the
vehicle.
Those preferred sleepingarrangements, schedules, seven
and eight.
When our family travels, wefind the close quarters in the
vehicle.
Those preferred sleepingarrangements, schedules,
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activities, food and much moremake for a challenge, but they
also make for a greatopportunity to be deliberately
generous rather than our naturaltendency of selfishness and
personal preferences.
Travel always causes an instantbattle between flesh and spirit.
That's why several times, we'veimplemented the rubber band
(11:43):
bracelet.
Now I got this idea fromanother mom and it has made a
difference for me.
Here's the concept.
Philippians 2.14 says doeverything without complaining
and arguing.
Try putting that into practiceas you travel for the holidays.
The rest of the passage hasawesome advice for relationships
, but this particular versestands out for travel because I
(12:05):
can tend to complain and otherfamily members tend to argue.
With our rubber bands in place,we set off down the driveway.
Anytime someone complains orargues, they snap their own band
on their wrist.
And I will tell you, I was thefirst culprit.
We'd only made it about aquarter mile the first time
before I was snapping my band,and I'm a really visual learner,
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so this has helped me toremember what God asked of us in
Philippians.
That was the only time I had tosnap my band, that entire seven
day trip.
When you're at your in-lawshouse or out of your comfort
zone in any way this season, Iwant you to look at Philippians,
chapter 2, to look at howChrist lived his life A humble,
joyful, willing servant andfriend.
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Lord, I just pray right nowthat you would help us to
reflect you, even when we don'tget our preferences.
If you are hosting this year,let's kiss.
Keep it simple, sweetie.
Your goal in hosting should beless about your home and less
about the food served and moreabout the condition of the
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hearts of the people who walkthrough your front door.
Always ask yourself thisquestion what does this person
need and how?
Would God like to use me to bea part of meeting that need, and
how would God like to use me tobe a part of meeting that need,
not just now, but throughoutthe year.
That, my friends, is a gamechanger.
So, as you're keeping it simple, make a cleaning list and a
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timeline, whether it's just aquick once over before people
come over for dinner or a morethorough cleaning for overnight
guests.
But here's the key Don't letstress about what they'll think
about you or your home dictatewhat you do.
If you do, trust me, it's goingto bleed into your attitude
when those guests show up atyour front door.
I am the first person who'sguilty of this.
Check your motivation and again, cover this in prayer.
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If you're hosting this year,make a menu well in advance and,
speaking of food, sit down inearly November and plan your
Thanksgiving and Christmas menus.
Make a few of the same thingsfor both meals.
No one's going to mind.
Think through Christmas Evedinner, christmas morning
breakfast and what you're goingto make with the leftovers, and
then start to add to theupcoming grocery list those
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non-perishable items to spreadthe cost out over time.
It's a fun thing to do withkids to set aside a day to cook
some things in advance.
Teach them and disciple them,spend time with them.
If you're hosting, it's okay toask guests to do a potluck style
For holiday baking.
Buy ingredients in Septemberand October that are usually
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hard to find in November orDecember.
Last year I was so proud of mypie shell find that I posted a
picture on Facebook that said Iwas willing to trade for a
classic car.
No lowball offers, I know whatI've got.
This year I would like to do acookie swap Early in the season.
Reach out to five to 10 friends, preferably those with no
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allergies in their family or thesame allergies as you, and
invite them to be in a cookieexchange with you.
The more ladies you have onboard, the larger the
smorgasbord of goodies all thefamilies involved will get to
enjoy.
But don't limit it to cookies.
Branch out into fudge, biscotti, whatever, but take that time
to open the doors of your houseto let people know you care
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about them.
So many of the things we'vetalked about need to be talked
about with your spouse inadvance budget hosting, travel
gifts but we also don't want toforget connection with our
spouse.
There are ways that you can beintentional about connecting
with your spouse, and I'd be thefirst person to highly advocate
for that.
But the main thing you can doto keep the unity between the
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two of you is to not run aroundlike a chicken with your head
cut off, trying to put togethera perfect Christmas at the
expense of your marriage.
This is where prayer comes in.
If you are coming before theLord with your anxieties, with
your to-do list, with yourconcerns, asking God to lead you
, you won't be that chickenrunning around.
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You will be someone who ispleasant to be with, whose
attitude reflects Christ,someone who has reprioritized
their to-do list to allow marginto give their spouse and their
marriage the attention that theyneed to stay biblically healthy
.
Unity with your spouse startswith the condition of your own
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heart before the Lord.
Get that right and keep currentwith God.
As new things crop up andyou're going to find unity and
connection and even passion withyour spouse are naturally going
to follow.
Practically speaking, we can'tjust hope that our relationship
will naturally drift tosomething better than it is
right now.
I've heard it said you'reeither growing closer together
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or further apart as a couple.
There's not a neutral here.
So we have to plan forintentionality.
Make a plan to date, at leastonce a month between now and the
end of the year.
Put it on both of yourcalendars now.
Protect that time Now.
I like a good grocery store dayas much as the next girl.
But I'm talking about goingabove and beyond here.
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Plan something you know yourspouse would enjoy and joyfully
give it to them withoutcomplaint If you can make one of
your dates between now and theend of the year and overnight.
If you can't squeeze that in,get the reservation on the
calendar for January.
Let your spouse know that youare intentionally pursuing them.
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We're going to talk aboutintentionally pursuing our
Savior as well during this time,but let's talk about a few more
practical things.
First, how about this one toChristmas card or not?
What are you going to do thisyear for Christmas cards?
Well, first let's examine thereason behind why we want to
send out cards this year.
It's easy to make it all aboutus, how our family looks, what
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accomplishments we've made thisyear when it comes to cards.
There are many tricks to makeit easier, but only a few heart
postures that will bring Godglory.
Number one make what you writea testimony of what God has done
.
Number two make connection,your goal In your message.
Let friends and family knowthat you're going to be hanging
their picture on your fridge asa reminder to pray for them
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throughout the year.
And number three, don't worryabout matchy matchy outfits or
the look on your face.
If deepening connection andrelationships is your goal, it's
going to come across in bothyour picture and your message or
your letter.
Starting with the right heartwill turn this from being a task
that you have to get done tosomething you get to do for
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others and Christ this Christmas.
Two more before we talk aboutour time with Jesus Decorations
and schedules.
Decorations, now, this issomething a lot of us enjoy, but
it certainly isn't necessary byany stretch of the word.
Ask yourself whose measuringstick you're trying to reach and
again, pray about how much timeand investment you will make
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this year around decorating.
Make your goal to bless otherswill make this year around
decorating.
Make your goal to bless others.
I know some of us have kind ofgiven up on decorating.
Check your heart on that too,expending yourself by putting up
the tree when you don't feellike it might be a total
blessing to your husband or yourkids or your grandkids.
So inventory what you have,donate what you don't need
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Decide what you quote unquoteneed to buy versus want to buy
and see if that fits within yourbudget.
Shop if necessary, go to acraft show, support local
vendors and have fun decoratingto celebrate what our savior has
done for us, and do it with therest of your family.
Make it a family activitytogether.
Schedules I'll make this oneshort and sweet.
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Put the non-negotiables on yourcalendar now so they don't crop
up at the last minute and throwsomething else awry.
Think through these dates andget your spouse's dates on the
calendar too.
School concerts, travel, end ofthe year, doctor's appointments
put it all in there.
But even with these thingsseemingly set in concrete, be
willing to hold them loosely andseek to keep in step with the
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spirit.
Just like gifts, are therethings on your schedule that
you're doing just to impress ormeet your own expectations?
Talk about these things withyour spouse and be unified in
what you're saying yes to andwhat you're saying no to.
Don't try to divide and conquer, because being in unity is hard
when we're not even together.
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It can be tempting for me tosigh and feel the weight of yet
another event to attend.
I really have to check my heartif I catch myself doing this
and I catch myself doing itoften I find that my attitude
changes completely when I don'tlook at the school concert or
the holiday staff gift exchangeas just one more thing to check
off the list, but instead to seeeach of the interactions that
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God puts before me as anopportunity to serve and love
others.
It's not about accomplishingmore during the holidays.
It's about where the Spirit isleading us to serve and love his
people.
So, last but not least, timewith Jesus.
We've talked about a lot ofways to get our ducks in a row,
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and I think in doing so we canbe good stewards of what God has
entrusted to us.
It makes me think of Colossianschapter 3, that says Whatever
you do in word and deed, doeverything in the name of the
Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God, the Father.
Through him.
Whatever you do or say, do itas a representative of the Lord
Jesus.
But even the most organized andprayed over schedule cannot
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replace time with Jesus,learning more about our Savior
and digesting his word so we canlearn to live it even in the
most trying of holiday moments.
If anything on your list iscrowding out your personal
one-on-one time with God.
It needs to go or it needs tobe reprioritized.
Nothing not gift giving,shopping, travel hosting, baking
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, decorating or schedules shouldcome in front of your time with
the Lord.
Everything we do flows from ourhearts, as Proverbs 4.23 says.
All of our choices, all of ourwords, all from our hearts.
That's what Proverbs 4.23 saysAll of our choices, all of our
words, all of our emotions.
So you cannot expect to be atpeace in your heart if you're
not giving your relationshipwith God the attention that it
needs.
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I think Isaiah 26.3 is anawesome theme verse to keep us
on track during this time.
It says you will keep inperfect peace all who trust in
you, all whose thoughts arefixed on you.
I want to renew my mind,understanding what the Lord's
will is for me during this time,to not get sucked into the
drama or the busyness whileforgetting what's really
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important loving God and lovinghis people.
I want to take time to be stilland know that he is God, to
remind myself of the gospel thatstarted with a special day we
call Christmas.
Make this a daily habit andwatch not only your heart but
your life.
Show the fruit when you meetwith the Lord.
Bring your anxieties to him,lay them at his feet, rest in
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his provision for you and alignyour expectations with his good
and perfect will for you.
Get quiet each day and listento what he has to say and then
obey accordingly.
You'll find you're building afoundation of peace that will
bring joy and unity throughoutthis season, and you'll stop
saying how busy you are andstart telling others with your
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words and actions and attitudehow much God loves them.
Go to the show notes for thisepisode of Vows to Keep Radio
and download the PDF to help youwalk through these heart
changing truths in a practicalway.
Or, if you want the resource,you can email me resource at
vows to keepcom.
That's V-O-W-S-T-O-K-E-E-Pcom,and put Christmas in the subject
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line to get your action planfor Christmas ready to go.
Join David and I next time foranother episode of Vows to Keep
Radio and in the meantime, checkout our great blog resource on
our website where we answer someof your most pressing questions
about marriage and family andrelationships.
Find that at VowsToKeepcom.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profit marriageministry designed to bring God's
encouraging truth to themarriages of our area, as a
not-for-profit organization, ourcommitment to Christlike
(24:31):
marriages includes providingmuch-needed services, regardless
of a couple's financial abilityto offset the cost of Vows to
Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
(24:58):
.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
So many years in the past, I've looked at my schedule
between October and Decemberand thought how can I fit in all
that needs to be done, alongwith a few things that I want to
do around the holidays too,like the fun stuff the demand
seems so high.
I'd list them out for you, butI'm sure you have your own
mental list already tallying up,and I don't want to stress you
(00:43):
out more by naming one that youforgot to add to your list.
I usually exhaust myself bytrying to meet either my own
expectations or somebody else'sstandards, and in the end I have
nothing left.
I've got no margin for mymarriage or my relationship with
God, but this year that's not aforegone conclusion.
The God who called me his own,the one who made Christmas, who
(01:04):
is our Noel, who is our peace,is powerful enough to help me
make necessary changes.
He's powerful enough to help meunderstand his will in the
center of all this holidaybusyness.
Powerful enough to help me zeroin on what really matters and
help me evaluate what I'm doingthat doesn't matter.
Find out how this year can bedifferent in this special
(01:25):
holiday episode of Vows to Keep.
Radio Action Plan for Christmas, part 2.
We're going to weave together apractical and heart-oriented
action plan for marriage budget,extended family relationships,
connection with our Savior andother areas that may need some
prayer and reevaluation aroundthis time of year.
We'll change the tune fromstress to spending ourselves
(01:47):
well for the glory of our Fatherand the advancement of His
gospel.
On today's episode of Vows toKeep Radio, the show where you
get sound biblical counsel thatyou can apply immediately to
your marriage, I'm your host.
Traci.
Sellers of Vows to Keep, davidand I are biblical marriage
counselors, authors, teachers,radio hosts, podcast hosts and
(02:07):
conference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Okay, so I take back what Isaid earlier, with a different
mindset, a different heart set.
You know what I think we shouldgo through the most common
to-do list items that are onmost of our lists.
I'll share some of the thingsmy family has done to be less
(02:29):
culturally driven by theholidays and to really spend
ourselves well for God duringthis season, and you can take
these pointers or you can leavethem.
I'm not going to be offended ifyou don't use these in your
life, and I certainly don'tthink I have this all figured
out.
Our family has morphed andmatured over the years, so some
(02:50):
of these no longer apply becauseour kids are either all grown
or almost grown.
Everything I talk about today ismeant to be an extension of
part one of this two-part series, helping you make an action
plan for Christmas, makingmargin for what matters, and I
hope, as I talk, that you hearmy heart is really for you.
Today I'm walking arm in armwith you together.
I want us to be spirit ledtogether.
If you're feeling in your heartthat a change needs to be made
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when it comes to how you handlethe holidays, we've got to start
with one thing, and that thingis prayer, a conversation just
between you and God.
Go back, listen to the previousbroadcast, wherever you podcast
, and go through the steps oflaying out these prayers that I
talked about in part one beforethe Lord.
We started with listing out thetopics that stress you out
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about the holidays and thenwriting down next to each one
what makes you anxious aboutthat particular topic, and then
make a go-to list of truth fromGod's word so that you can keep
in step with the Spirit thisholiday season.
That's the extremely shortversion.
So go back and learn with uswhat God says about anxiety and
how that plays into all of thisPractically speaking.
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The next step is to bullet pointyour holiday to-do list, and
that's what we're going to dotoday.
List everything that comes tomind, from organizing last
year's decorations into new tubsto making a holiday menu to
ordering your Christmas cards.
Once you've got everything inblack and white, I want you to
cross-reference your to-do listwith your anxiety list that you
(04:20):
created from part one.
Pray about each item on thatto-do list and ask the Lord to
give you discernment.
If this thing is a must-do, letme say this if it divides
relationships, let it go.
If it brings glory to God andloves on his people, keep it,
even if it comes at a cost toyou.
(04:40):
In this episode of Vows to KeepRadio, we're going to go through
the to-do lists one by one andreally get practical about what
needs to stay and what needs togo.
And if we're being spirit led,your list and my list aren't
going to look the same, butwe'll go through the most common
categories and situations thatbring that holiday stress.
Pray about everything we'regoing to talk about today.
Pray about the things that areon your list.
(05:02):
If they belong, add them.
If not, let them go.
Some of these are less aboutwhat needs to stay and what
needs to go, and really moreabout a different perspective,
doing many of the same things wealways do, but with a different
goal in mind.
As we spend time before theLord on these things, he brings
change within our hearts, realchange that goes all the way
(05:24):
down to the roots of ourmotivation for why we do what we
do.
So let's start with the biggestcategories, like gift giving,
travel, hosting and more Gifts.
Let's address budget first whenwe talk about this topic.
Don't break the bank, becauseit won't honor God to give with
the right motivation and go intodebt at the same time.
Keep your budget in mind and, Idare say, have an open
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conversation about holiday moneywith your spouse Not just gifts
, but also travel and clothesand parties and food.
You don't have to just go bywhat you've always done in the
past or compare what you spendwith someone else's idea of
normal.
Pray about why you're spendingwhat you are and ask God if
adjustments need to be made.
Let's continue with who we'regiving to and why we're giving
(06:10):
to them.
Are you giving to impress, tomeet their expectation, because
you quote unquote have to Toopen the door with someone to
possibly share the gospel withthem To bless.
Why are you giving the gospelwith them To bless?
Why are you giving With yourspouse?
Pray about what you're givingand, most importantly, the why
For gifts.
I challenge you to thinkoutside the box.
(06:32):
How about a one-time gift to anorganization that feeds hungry
kids?
Or make an Operation ChristmasChild box together?
Or go to the local food pantrywith money you would have
normally spent on gifts?
For a couple years, we evengave our children the option of
giving a portion of the moneythat we would have normally
spent on them and give it tosomeone else in need.
(06:54):
It was such a blessing to ourfamily and it taught our kids so
much.
I would encourage you to givegifts that aren't material.
Your granddaughter doesn't needmore toys in the living room to
entertain her.
She needs you.
She needs the discipleship thatyou can give her.
Your spouse doesn't want to beasked what he wants for
Christmas.
He can go out and buy that forhimself.
(07:15):
So do something for him.
Plan a surprise trip as a gift.
Start watching hotel andairfare so that you're not
forced into purchasing at apremium at the last minute.
Make all the arrangements so hedoesn't have to think about any
of it.
The goal is to get away togetherand connect.
Take all the money you wouldhave spent on presents and go on
(07:36):
a trip as a family.
Rent a cabin, and don't bringthe cell phones or the video
games Drive to the beach.
Whatever you do, the goal is tospend time together, to invest
in each other in a way that aphysical gift never could.
We've done this a couple timesand the memories are priceless.
Don't exchange money through theform of gift cards, through the
mail or in person, because likewhy I can buy myself a gift
(07:59):
card?
Thank you very much.
Instead, give money for anouting that you're going to do
together Hot chocolate, ticketsto the zoo, something that will
make memories, something thatwill invest in the other person.
And a way to stay on budget isto draw names with extended
family and have fun blessingthat particular person.
How about gifts for teachersand neighbors and garbage men?
(08:21):
What an opportunity to sharethe gospel with them.
This doesn't have to beextravagant.
You could make them some fudgeand just write a short but
sincere thank you.
Note.
If your budget doesn't allowfor this, write the note anyway.
It just might be more memorablethan the fudge.
And for gift receiving, keepthat in mind as well.
Don't demand a certain gift orthe monetary value of a gift
(08:43):
that you anticipate someone'sgoing to give you.
Be easy to please Someone whoisn't after material things but
who shows in every way that theycare about people more than
things.
In this week's download resourceI'll provide you with a chart
you can use to break this downstep by step.
I think seeing it laid out andcovering it in prayer with your
spouse will really calibrate youwith God's will for gifts this
(09:06):
year.
And then I would encourage youto set a budget for next year so
you can save a little eachmonth going forward into the
next 12 months.
And that brings us to shopping.
This doesn't have to be ascomplicated or as time consuming
.
I think as we make it out to beand as we check our heart
motivations before the Lord,this becomes a joy rather than a
(09:29):
chore.
After you've gotten this week'sdownload resource and you
prayed over who you're giving toand why, I want you to make
three lists Online you're givingto and why I want you to make
three lists Online, in-personand stocking stuffers.
For online, make a master listyou can do it any way you want
Paper Excel notes on your phone,whatever and plan to spend an
(09:53):
afternoon and an eveningshopping online.
Hit purchase when it falls intothe guidelines of your goals
and your budget.
For in-person, make anothermaster list.
Work to get everything on thislist purchased as early as
possible in the season.
Plan an entire day without thekids and just be in line through
the stores.
Maybe take one day for localbusinesses and one day for
commercial shopping Everythingexcept what you're going to buy
(10:14):
at, say, a local craft fair orother local places that might
not be open that day and thenplan a stocking stuffer day.
Or keep a running list in yourphone of what you want to buy
for stocking stuffers and get ina few each grocery trip to help
with the budget.
Just a little piece of adviceon shopping for gifts for
teenagers.
If the gift you want to giveyour children is something
(10:36):
culturally relevant at themoment, make sure it's
spiritually relevant for them tohave, and if they're mature
enough in their walk with theLord to handle what you're
giving them, here's a biggie.
Let's talk holiday travel.
This is the perfect time to putinto practice what Romans 10-12
says Honor one another aboveyourselves, even though it might
(11:00):
not be your preference totravel a long distance to see
family or to host visitingfamily members.
Pray about this, present yourrequests to God and then let the
peace of God guard your heartand mind in Christ Jesus.
This is Philippians 4, 7, and 8.
When our family travels, wefind the close quarters in the
vehicle.
Those preferred sleepingarrangements, schedules, seven
and eight.
When our family travels, wefind the close quarters in the
vehicle.
Those preferred sleepingarrangements, schedules,
(11:21):
activities, food and much moremake for a challenge, but they
also make for a greatopportunity to be deliberately
generous rather than our naturaltendency of selfishness and
personal preferences.
Travel always causes an instantbattle between flesh and spirit.
That's why several times, we'veimplemented the rubber band
(11:43):
bracelet.
Now I got this idea fromanother mom and it has made a
difference for me.
Here's the concept.
Philippians 2.14 says doeverything without complaining
and arguing.
Try putting that into practiceas you travel for the holidays.
The rest of the passage hasawesome advice for relationships
, but this particular versestands out for travel because I
(12:05):
can tend to complain and otherfamily members tend to argue.
With our rubber bands in place,we set off down the driveway.
Anytime someone complains orargues, they snap their own band
on their wrist.
And I will tell you, I was thefirst culprit.
We'd only made it about aquarter mile the first time
before I was snapping my band,and I'm a really visual learner,
(12:27):
so this has helped me toremember what God asked of us in
Philippians.
That was the only time I had tosnap my band, that entire seven
day trip.
When you're at your in-lawshouse or out of your comfort
zone in any way this season, Iwant you to look at Philippians,
chapter 2, to look at howChrist lived his life A humble,
joyful, willing servant andfriend.
(12:49):
Lord, I just pray right nowthat you would help us to
reflect you, even when we don'tget our preferences.
If you are hosting this year,let's kiss.
Keep it simple, sweetie.
Your goal in hosting should beless about your home and less
about the food served and moreabout the condition of the
(13:10):
hearts of the people who walkthrough your front door.
Always ask yourself thisquestion what does this person
need and how?
Would God like to use me to bea part of meeting that need, and
how would God like to use me tobe a part of meeting that need,
not just now, but throughoutthe year.
That, my friends, is a gamechanger.
So, as you're keeping it simple, make a cleaning list and a
(13:35):
timeline, whether it's just aquick once over before people
come over for dinner or a morethorough cleaning for overnight
guests.
But here's the key Don't letstress about what they'll think
about you or your home dictatewhat you do.
If you do, trust me, it's goingto bleed into your attitude
when those guests show up atyour front door.
I am the first person who'sguilty of this.
Check your motivation and again, cover this in prayer.
(13:58):
If you're hosting this year,make a menu well in advance and,
speaking of food, sit down inearly November and plan your
Thanksgiving and Christmas menus.
Make a few of the same thingsfor both meals.
No one's going to mind.
Think through Christmas Evedinner, christmas morning
breakfast and what you're goingto make with the leftovers, and
then start to add to theupcoming grocery list those
(14:20):
non-perishable items to spreadthe cost out over time.
It's a fun thing to do withkids to set aside a day to cook
some things in advance.
Teach them and disciple them,spend time with them.
If you're hosting, it's okay toask guests to do a potluck style
For holiday baking.
Buy ingredients in Septemberand October that are usually
(14:40):
hard to find in November orDecember.
Last year I was so proud of mypie shell find that I posted a
picture on Facebook that said Iwas willing to trade for a
classic car.
No lowball offers, I know whatI've got.
This year I would like to do acookie swap Early in the season.
Reach out to five to 10 friends, preferably those with no
(15:01):
allergies in their family or thesame allergies as you, and
invite them to be in a cookieexchange with you.
The more ladies you have onboard, the larger the
smorgasbord of goodies all thefamilies involved will get to
enjoy.
But don't limit it to cookies.
Branch out into fudge, biscotti, whatever, but take that time
to open the doors of your houseto let people know you care
(15:22):
about them.
So many of the things we'vetalked about need to be talked
about with your spouse inadvance budget hosting, travel
gifts but we also don't want toforget connection with our
spouse.
There are ways that you can beintentional about connecting
with your spouse, and I'd be thefirst person to highly advocate
for that.
But the main thing you can doto keep the unity between the
(15:43):
two of you is to not run aroundlike a chicken with your head
cut off, trying to put togethera perfect Christmas at the
expense of your marriage.
This is where prayer comes in.
If you are coming before theLord with your anxieties, with
your to-do list, with yourconcerns, asking God to lead you
, you won't be that chickenrunning around.
(16:04):
You will be someone who ispleasant to be with, whose
attitude reflects Christ,someone who has reprioritized
their to-do list to allow marginto give their spouse and their
marriage the attention that theyneed to stay biblically healthy
.
Unity with your spouse startswith the condition of your own
(16:25):
heart before the Lord.
Get that right and keep currentwith God.
As new things crop up andyou're going to find unity and
connection and even passion withyour spouse are naturally going
to follow.
Practically speaking, we can'tjust hope that our relationship
will naturally drift tosomething better than it is
right now.
I've heard it said you'reeither growing closer together
(16:47):
or further apart as a couple.
There's not a neutral here.
So we have to plan forintentionality.
Make a plan to date, at leastonce a month between now and the
end of the year.
Put it on both of yourcalendars now.
Protect that time Now.
I like a good grocery store dayas much as the next girl.
But I'm talking about goingabove and beyond here.
(17:08):
Plan something you know yourspouse would enjoy and joyfully
give it to them withoutcomplaint If you can make one of
your dates between now and theend of the year and overnight.
If you can't squeeze that in,get the reservation on the
calendar for January.
Let your spouse know that youare intentionally pursuing them.
(17:30):
We're going to talk aboutintentionally pursuing our
Savior as well during this time,but let's talk about a few more
practical things.
First, how about this one toChristmas card or not?
What are you going to do thisyear for Christmas cards?
Well, first let's examine thereason behind why we want to
send out cards this year.
It's easy to make it all aboutus, how our family looks, what
(17:52):
accomplishments we've made thisyear when it comes to cards.
There are many tricks to makeit easier, but only a few heart
postures that will bring Godglory.
Number one make what you writea testimony of what God has done
.
Number two make connection,your goal In your message.
Let friends and family knowthat you're going to be hanging
their picture on your fridge asa reminder to pray for them
(18:15):
throughout the year.
And number three, don't worryabout matchy matchy outfits or
the look on your face.
If deepening connection andrelationships is your goal, it's
going to come across in bothyour picture and your message or
your letter.
Starting with the right heartwill turn this from being a task
that you have to get done tosomething you get to do for
(18:35):
others and Christ this Christmas.
Two more before we talk aboutour time with Jesus Decorations
and schedules.
Decorations, now, this issomething a lot of us enjoy, but
it certainly isn't necessary byany stretch of the word.
Ask yourself whose measuringstick you're trying to reach and
again, pray about how much timeand investment you will make
(18:57):
this year around decorating.
Make your goal to bless otherswill make this year around
decorating.
Make your goal to bless others.
I know some of us have kind ofgiven up on decorating.
Check your heart on that too,expending yourself by putting up
the tree when you don't feellike it might be a total
blessing to your husband or yourkids or your grandkids.
So inventory what you have,donate what you don't need
(19:18):
Decide what you quote unquoteneed to buy versus want to buy
and see if that fits within yourbudget.
Shop if necessary, go to acraft show, support local
vendors and have fun decoratingto celebrate what our savior has
done for us, and do it with therest of your family.
Make it a family activitytogether.
Schedules I'll make this oneshort and sweet.
(19:39):
Put the non-negotiables on yourcalendar now so they don't crop
up at the last minute and throwsomething else awry.
Think through these dates andget your spouse's dates on the
calendar too.
School concerts, travel, end ofthe year, doctor's appointments
put it all in there.
But even with these thingsseemingly set in concrete, be
willing to hold them loosely andseek to keep in step with the
(20:02):
spirit.
Just like gifts, are therethings on your schedule that
you're doing just to impress ormeet your own expectations?
Talk about these things withyour spouse and be unified in
what you're saying yes to andwhat you're saying no to.
Don't try to divide and conquer, because being in unity is hard
when we're not even together.
(20:24):
It can be tempting for me tosigh and feel the weight of yet
another event to attend.
I really have to check my heartif I catch myself doing this
and I catch myself doing itoften I find that my attitude
changes completely when I don'tlook at the school concert or
the holiday staff gift exchangeas just one more thing to check
off the list, but instead to seeeach of the interactions that
(20:47):
God puts before me as anopportunity to serve and love
others.
It's not about accomplishingmore during the holidays.
It's about where the Spirit isleading us to serve and love his
people.
So, last but not least, timewith Jesus.
We've talked about a lot ofways to get our ducks in a row,
(21:08):
and I think in doing so we canbe good stewards of what God has
entrusted to us.
It makes me think of Colossianschapter 3, that says Whatever
you do in word and deed, doeverything in the name of the
Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God, the Father.
Through him.
Whatever you do or say, do itas a representative of the Lord
Jesus.
But even the most organized andprayed over schedule cannot
(21:31):
replace time with Jesus,learning more about our Savior
and digesting his word so we canlearn to live it even in the
most trying of holiday moments.
If anything on your list iscrowding out your personal
one-on-one time with God.
It needs to go or it needs tobe reprioritized.
Nothing not gift giving,shopping, travel hosting, baking
(21:56):
, decorating or schedules shouldcome in front of your time with
the Lord.
Everything we do flows from ourhearts, as Proverbs 4.23 says.
All of our choices, all of ourwords, all from our hearts.
That's what Proverbs 4.23 saysAll of our choices, all of our
words, all of our emotions.
So you cannot expect to be atpeace in your heart if you're
not giving your relationshipwith God the attention that it
needs.
(22:16):
I think Isaiah 26.3 is anawesome theme verse to keep us
on track during this time.
It says you will keep inperfect peace all who trust in
you, all whose thoughts arefixed on you.
I want to renew my mind,understanding what the Lord's
will is for me during this time,to not get sucked into the
drama or the busyness whileforgetting what's really
(22:37):
important loving God and lovinghis people.
I want to take time to be stilland know that he is God, to
remind myself of the gospel thatstarted with a special day we
call Christmas.
Make this a daily habit andwatch not only your heart but
your life.
Show the fruit when you meetwith the Lord.
Bring your anxieties to him,lay them at his feet, rest in
(23:01):
his provision for you and alignyour expectations with his good
and perfect will for you.
Get quiet each day and listento what he has to say and then
obey accordingly.
You'll find you're building afoundation of peace that will
bring joy and unity throughoutthis season, and you'll stop
saying how busy you are andstart telling others with your
(23:22):
words and actions and attitudehow much God loves them.
Go to the show notes for thisepisode of Vows to Keep Radio
and download the PDF to help youwalk through these heart
changing truths in a practicalway.
Or, if you want the resource,you can email me resource at
vows to keepcom.
That's V-O-W-S-T-O-K-E-E-Pcom,and put Christmas in the subject
(23:47):
line to get your action planfor Christmas ready to go.
Join David and I next time foranother episode of Vows to Keep
Radio and in the meantime, checkout our great blog resource on
our website where we answer someof your most pressing questions
about marriage and family andrelationships.
Find that at VowsToKeepcom.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profit marriageministry designed to bring God's
encouraging truth to themarriages of our area, as a
not-for-profit organization, ourcommitment to Christlike
(24:31):
marriages includes providingmuch-needed services, regardless
of a couple's financial abilityto offset the cost of Vows to
Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
(24:58):
.
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