October 27, 2025 • 25 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Want to see change in your marriage.
Start here.
Does your marriage need to berefreshed, remodeled, rebuilt
from the ground up?
We all have things we'd like tobe different between us.
We know that marriage problemscome in all shapes and sizes.
Now, david and I can't peekinto your house today.
We can't listen in on yourconversations and your arguments
, but we can dig into God's wordtogether and discover God's
(00:52):
amazing plan for marriage andhow it's possible for each of us
to attain that.
If you want to see a revolutionwithin your home, your marriage,
join us today on Vows to KeepRadio, as we have a conversation
about how to start the processof change in your relationship.
We'll unpack what we call thecycle of change and then learn
how to restart it.
(01:13):
When things between the two ofyou grind to a halt, god is more
than able to take what's brokenin your marriage and bring
lasting change that will blessyou more than you can imagine
how the answer may surprise youin today's episode of Vows to
Keep Radio, the show where youget sound biblical counsel you
can apply immediately to yourmarriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy, sellers of Vows to Keep.
(01:36):
We're biblical marriagecounselors, authors, teachers,
podcast hosts, radio hosts andconference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Wish upon a star in the blinkof an eye, the snap of a finger,
quick as lightning abracadabra.
If only we could change ourcircumstances or our marriage so
(01:56):
easily.
Just quick, get it done with.
Wake up tomorrow with all ofour troubles over and our secret
wishes granted.
It reminds me of a good friendof my parents.
Growing up, mark was a kind,godly man but always struggled
financially.
He had a steady, yetentry-level job that didn't
quite meet his family's needs.
Mark often told my dad how heprayed for God to give him a
(02:19):
different job.
Now the God I know is perfectlycapable of answering that
prayer, but for Mark it neverhappened.
He faithfully swept the floorsof his workplace, he stocked the
shelves, but you know what?
His phone never rang with thenews of a job offer.
As I tell you the story, Irealized I left out one very
important detail.
Not once in all of Mark's adultlife did he ever put in an
(02:42):
application for another job.
Never did he scour the want adsand make a phone call or let
any other employer know he wasready and available to make a
change.
Mark's kids were my age and Iwatched their family go without
so many times.
I know a decent, paying jobisn't the end-all be-all for
happiness, but oh how I wishedfor more for them Clean clothes,
(03:04):
a decent roof over their heads,a reliable car that could get
them to church and school.
I wanted to knock on his doormyself and take him to the
nearest employment agency.
Just do something.
I seem to shout at him insidemy head.
But I think that Mark's storyis really an example for all of
us, for me, for you.
Faith in action is often whatI'm missing in my own life.
(03:25):
Where am I spiritually orrelationally starving?
Where am I going without?
Not because someone or becauseGod is withholding something
from me, but because I'm seeingthe reality of James 2.17, that
faith by itself isn't enoughplayed out in my own life.
It it says unless faithproduces good deeds, it's dead
(03:46):
and it's useless.
I believe God wanted Mark'sinvolvement in getting from
where he was at financially towhere he needed to be for the
sake of his family, to prepare aresume, to follow through on a
phone call, to get trained forthe job that would fit him best.
Just like I believe God isinviting us to resign from our
role of onlooker or professionalarmchair warmer or comfort zone
(04:09):
controller in our marriages andto be all in for this
relationship, to live Ephesians2.10 right within our daily
interactions with our spouse.
That verse I just alluded tosays that we are God's
masterpiece.
He's created us anew in ChristJesus so that we can do the good
things that he planned for us.
Long ago, god gave us the faithin him, he created us anew in
(04:32):
Christ and set his plan ofaction in place for the rest of
our lives.
God has specific work for us todo in our marriages, and he's
asking us to get involved.
The snap of a finger healingsounds better though, doesn't it
?
God?
Just make these difficultfeelings go away.
Just get us back to where westarted.
Get us to where you want totake us.
(04:53):
I'm glad you want change.
That is so good today.
You see what could be different, and if the change is making
either you or your spouse oryour marriage more Christ-like,
then let me tell you those areGod given desires.
Hang on to them.
God is certainly capable oftaking your husband or your wife
and making their greatest, mosthurtful sin just disappear.
(05:14):
You could wake up tomorrow andfind that you are married to a
near perfect human, but that'snot how God works.
God is not going tomiraculously reach down and heal
or change your marriage withoutyou being involved in the
restoration.
He wants all of your heart tobe subject to him, tethered to
his irrevocably.
(05:35):
The God I serve is the God ofPsalm 18, who shot his arrows
and scattered his enemies.
Great bolts of lightningflashed and they were confused.
Verse 15 says Then, at yourcommand, o Lord, at the blast of
your breath, the bottom of thesea could be seen and the
foundations of the earth werelaid bare.
Verse 16 of Psalm 18 says hereached down from heaven and he
(05:57):
rescued me.
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerfulenemies, from those who hated me
and were too strong for me.
But I also know he's the Godwho became fully man, while
still being fully God, so thathe could live among us, showing
us how to live for him withinour relationships, and that
includes our marriages.
Jesus' earthly life was not neatand tidy, it was messy.
(06:20):
He got right in amongcomplicated situations because
he loved people.
He loved us.
He created us even though oursinful chaos would begin
straight away.
Right in the Garden of Eden, hewalked with Adam and Eve.
He talked with them daily.
He entrusted his creation tothem even though he knew what
was going to happen.
God created marriage eventhough he knew what would happen
(06:42):
.
He knew you and your spousewould need to turn to him for
your every need.
God created us for relationshipand let me say this really
clearly he did not create us forperfect relationship.
Yet his design is perfect.
He didn't make a mistake increating man and woman.
He didn't make a mistake increating marriage and family and
(07:04):
friendships, and he didn't makea mistake creating your
marriage.
He created marriage so that youwould live within its perfect
crucible to learn how he loveshis bride, the church.
He created family and the bodyof Christ so that you would rely
on him completely foreverything.
God himself lives withinrelationship.
Think about it.
He lives within the Trinity.
(07:24):
He lives within us when thingsare hard.
God's not going to change whohe is and he's not going to
change his design.
He is perfect and his design isperfect.
The restoration of your marriagetoday starts with the
restoration of your relationshipwith Jesus.
He's inviting you to come backtoday to your first love.
(07:45):
Now the two may soundcompletely unconnected, but oh,
they are so intricatelyintertwined.
Just like Mark couldn't get anew job unless he took action,
he went all in.
You and I can't get the ballrolling for change in our
marriages without starting atsquare one and pushing that ball
down the hill.
What's square one for God Withour Savior?
(08:06):
It always comes back to theheart.
His is a rescue mission.
Reflect on that passage we readfrom Psalm 18.
He isn't just showing offscattering the enemy or using a
blast of his breath to lay thesea bear.
He is on the move with apurpose, swooping in to show
King David that he'll moveheaven and earth to get to him.
(08:27):
That's what God did for us withJesus.
It's the greatest rescuemission ever.
This is going to get reallypractical right here.
If you're looking for change inyour marriage, I'd like to think
of what I'm going to describeto you as a cycle.
Let's call it the cycle ofchange.
I like to think of what I'mgoing to describe to you as a
cycle.
Picture a graphic like a clock,and if you're a visual person,
(08:52):
you can download it in our freeresource this week.
It's got eight sections thatare all in a circle with arrows
in between, one leading to thenext, and, just like a clock,
you can't skip ahead to get backto noon.
You have to go through all theothers to complete the cycle.
I'm going to quickly walkthrough all eight of them one by
one right now, but later on inthe broadcast I'll explain them
(09:12):
in detail.
And, like I said, I highlyrecommend you download this
week's resource so you canfollow along.
You'll find that atVowsToKeepcom, on our podcast
tab, the cycle of change goeslike this Number one God first
loved us.
Two God calls us to love himback.
Three we say yes to his loveand salvation.
Four we now know what love isbecause we've experienced it for
(09:37):
ourselves when we were rescuedfrom death to life.
Number five we draw near to Godto understand him and his love
more deeply.
Number six we obey God becausenow we know his way is best, and
this knowing provides a naturaland instantaneous overflow of
obedience.
And this knowing provides anatural and instantaneous
overflow of obedience.
Number seven our obedience isshown in loving others, and
(09:57):
loving others show that we trulyknow God's love for us.
And number eight.
As we complete the cycle, wefind our truest joy and peace,
our happy place, rememberingthat God first loved us.
That's the cycle of change.
You could probably find yourselfin one of the sections along
the cycle, but more than likelyyou're somewhere in between one
of the sections, stuck andwondering how to get back on.
(10:19):
The good news is this cycle canrestart as many times as we
need, and, trust me, I need torestart it daily.
That first section, rememberingthat God first loved me and
called out to me, alwayskickstarts me back on the right
track again.
Before we jump into each ofthese sections individually,
let's talk first about where youmight be today.
Something along the way hascaused you to get off track Me
(10:41):
too.
That's why we're searching forsolutions, and that's a good
place to be Searching, and beingwilling to listen to God's
voice leading us back into thecycle is really the best place.
Jesus tells us in John 16, 33,that here on earth we're going
to have lots of trials andsorrows.
He says, but take heart, I haveovercome the world.
We should count on troublebeing part of our marriages, but
(11:04):
we should also count on God'spromises that he will bring
peace and victory, even throughthe trials.
Our enemy would like nothingless than to break up the cycle.
If we're already Christians, hecan't take that away from us,
but he can use and he will useevery form of lie and deceit he
can think of to try to stop usmidway or prevent us from
(11:24):
getting back to thatall-important starting point.
So what's he been using withyou lately?
What have you listened tothat's caused you to trip and
fall out of the cycle, or maybeeven jump out on purpose?
Here's some things that breakthe cycle for me Listening to
lies, feeling the fear, sinsneaking in, faltering in my
faith and then ending upfloundering in frustration.
(11:47):
Those things lead me to refuseto obey.
They lead me to a place ofindifference and carelessness,
isolation and worship of self.
Let's start with Satan's gameof listening to lies, and I'm
going to put this at the top ofthe list for what freezes our
hearts up, what stops changefrom happening.
And I think it belongs at thetop because the other ones can't
happen unless this first takesplace.
(12:09):
Lies are Satan's end game.
It's his MO, the obvious way hetrips us up.
He will work tirelessly yourentire life to get you to
believe the opposite of what Godsays.
He's pretty crafty at it,though.
It comes in subtly, it comes inslowly.
Your marriage will never change, he says.
Your husband will never loveyou fully.
(12:30):
You'd be better off on your own.
Be careful here.
You won't even notice the liesbeing whispered in your ear.
They're going to seemjustifiable and very reasonable
at the moment.
That's why you need to begrounded in God's word every
single day.
It's the only way you're goingto recognize a voice that's
counterfeit.
Fear comes as a direct result ofbelieving Satan's lies, of not
(12:52):
believing the truth.
1 John 4.18 says Whoever fearshas not been made perfect in
love.
It doesn't say whoever doesn'tlove hasn't been made perfect in
love.
There's an importantdistinction Knowing God and
believing in his love personallyfor you will cause you to love
others.
Whoever doesn't love has notknown God.
(13:13):
1 John 4.8 says If you're notacting or if you're frozen
because of fear, it's not thatyou don't want to love.
You're letting fear keep youfrom fully trusting God's love
for you, and that's causing youto not love your spouse like you
should.
You're letting the lies feedthe fear.
Lies also allow sin to sneak in.
About a hundred years ago, aman named Samuel Bringle, a
(13:37):
commissioner in the SalvationArmy who was well known for
teaching on holiness, said thissin does not leap upon us fully
armed.
It steals in through a look, aswift, silent suggestion or
imagination.
But love and loyalty to Jesuswill make you watchful and swift
to rise up and cast out thesubtle enemy.
Do this and you shall live, andlive victoriously.
Once, while riding on a subwaytogether, a close friend asked
(14:01):
Mr Bringle, commissioner, you'vebeen a teacher of holiness for
many, many years.
Tell me, what kind oftemptations do you have?
Bringle responded only one,like I said only one, yes, only
one.
That is to move out of myintimate relationship with
Christ.
When, by carelessness,indifference and failure to
attend to him and his work, Ifind myself drifting out of that
(14:24):
intimate relationship with theLord Jesus, and every other
temptation comes in and I amvulnerable.
Bringle could have followed uphis profound yet simple
statements with scripture fromJames, chapter 4, that says
Submit yourselves, therefore, toGod.
Resist the devil and he willflee from you.
You see, when we placeourselves under the authority of
God's word, we've set ourselvesup for success.
(14:44):
We've said God, you are whatI'm going to follow, not my
feelings, which typically leadme to sin.
But then something will happenand I don't feel like I'm
getting the results that I wantand I begin to falter in my
faith.
So let's talk about that for aminute.
This is a biggie for me, maybefor you too.
When I fumble in my faith, it'sbecause I've taken my eyes off
(15:05):
my Savior.
I forget that the grace I'vebeen given was a gift that I
didn't earn, I didn't deserve.
In my forgetfulness, I get busytrying to do things my way, and
that makes me weary to my core.
I love the honest statement ofbelief and admission of needing
help that the father of ademon-possessed boy made to
Jesus.
The dad says I believe, butLord, help my unbelief.
(15:27):
Jesus answers that kind ofprayer.
He reaches down from heaven andhe rescues us.
He draws us out of the deepwaters that we're in.
Lord, I just pray right nowthat you would help us to keep
our eyes on you, trusting thatyour timing and your design is
perfect and remembering that youare up to something good.
When I don't actively believethat God is working, I flounder
(15:50):
in frustration and that's whereI tend to give up.
Perfect, the enemy says rightwhere I wanted her, I'll keep
her there by feeding her liesthat lead to being frozen in
fear and tell her that sin isgoing to free her up from being
stuck.
Her faith will falter when sindoesn't provide what she needs
and she'll flounder infrustration to the point where
she ends her marriage, even ifit's only in her heart.
(16:12):
The perfect plan executed.
Hi, this is Tracy from Vows toKeep Radio.
We're asking you to help usbecome fully funded so Vows to
Keep has the financial resourcesto keep sharing hope with
marriages like yours.
God is growing this ministrytremendously and the testimonies
we hear confirm that God's worddoes not return void.
(16:33):
Right now we need an additional$6,500 a month.
Would you consider becoming amonthly partner with us to build
biblically healthy marriages?
We're asking 100 families togive $50 a month and 60 families
to give $25 a month.
Preferably, make your best giftat vowstokeepcom.
When you feel stagnant, whenyour marriage feels like it will
(16:56):
never be any different than itis right now, when you've been
listening to lies, when you'vegotten stuck in sin and frozen
in fear, god has given you a wayto restart the cycle.
Go back to square one.
Do you recall what the firstsection was in the cycle of
change.
Remember that God first lovedyou.
That's where we have to start.
(17:16):
It's always the way to restartthe cycle.
And number two then he calls usto love him.
In response, he's saying I wanta relationship with you.
I do love you, but I want youto love me too.
And number three we can say yesagain and again, not to
salvation, for that can never betaken from us, nor do we need
(17:36):
to ask for it over and over, butyes to Jesus, yes to his word,
yes to walking in communion withhim again.
And number four my heartsoftens as I say yes to God and
I begin to understand love,because I've been rescued, I've
been made new.
And number five in the cycle ofchange understanding his love
makes me want to draw closer tohim.
As I do that, every day, Iexperience for myself who he is
(17:58):
and I long to walk in his love.
I begin to abide in it.
And six as I abide in Jesus, mylove for him grows.
I want what he wants.
The most natural thing for meto do becomes obeying his spirit
and his word.
And number seven our abiding inhim is shown in loving others,
and loving others is the purestexpression of our obedience to
(18:20):
him, who has captured our entireheart.
Others is the purest expressionof our obedience to him, who
has captured our entire heart.
And finally, number eightloving him and loving like him
become my purest and greatestjoys.
I'd like to say that if I everfind myself wondering how I can
begin the cycle of change in mymarriage, I can always restart
with the first step and takemyself around the whole cycle to
get restarted.
That would be a nice blanketstatement, but the truth is I
(18:44):
have to do all these thingsevery single day.
I can't skip a day and I can'tskip a step.
There's no way I will bewilling to let God change me, to
be willing to let God use me tohelp change my spouse, to be an
instrument of change for mymarriage, unless in my heart I
go through this cycle everysingle day.
Let me explain that.
(19:04):
There's no way I could say yesto God without first recalling
his love for me.
There's no way I would want toobey his word and his spirit if
I haven't spent time with him,truly getting to know him, so
that it's just second nature tosurrender everything.
There's no way I can want to dothat without a step of faith
and saying yes to God and no tothe way I think is best.
(19:25):
Not one of the steps in thecycle of change can take place
without the one prior to it.
If you're looking to be happy,which is really step eight, and
your marriage isn't deliveringthat, start with step one and
work your way around the cycle.
That peace, that victory comesfirst by a humble faith, knowing
that God is who he says he is,that he is perfect and his
(19:47):
design for marriage is perfect.
Will we believe that today?
Hebrews 11, 6 says withoutfaith it's impossible to please
him, for whoever would draw nearto God must first believe that
he exists and that he rewardsthose who seek him.
God, I believe that you are whoyou say you are and that your
promises are true In faith.
(20:11):
I believe that you will blessme when I seek you and choose to
say yes to you, even in thehardest of moments.
Remember, mark, from thebeginning of our talk today.
Healing and change follows closeon the heels of not missing the
next step of the cycle.
For you, in this moment, I wantyou to identify what's gotten
you off track and will you bewilling to start from square one
(20:33):
again.
Where do you need to obey?
What is God asking you to do?
Where is he asking you tobelieve?
God isn't going to miraculouslyreach down and heal or change
your marriage without you beinginvolved in the restoration.
He's got a rescue mission inmind, and it starts with your
own heart.
If you will allow your heart tobe shaped and made more and
(20:54):
more like his in his mastercraftsman's hands, your marriage
will begin to change.
Not because you wake uptomorrow with everything perfect
, but because you're willing tobe moldable right in the middle
of the mess.
Before we end today, I want tocamp for just a minute on the
step of obedience and the cycleof change.
This week I challenge you toread Psalm 18 and John chapter
(21:18):
14 through chapter 17.
Read Psalm 18 and John chapter14 through chapter 17.
King David of Psalm 18 was nota perfect guy, but he was
willing to strive to obey God.
In John 14 through 17, you'regoing to get such a clear
picture of Jesus' heart for you,how to abide in him and how
love for him and how knowing himplays such an integral role in
actively doing the things thathe planned long ago for you to
(21:42):
do right in your messy marriage.
It's easy to think that we'reeither all alone in this or that
we've got this on our own.
But Jesus makes it clear thatwe can't obey in isolation.
He's not going to bring youanswers while you're listening
to lies within your littlewalled off world of isolation.
That's not how he works.
(22:03):
In the chapters from John that Iwant you to read this week,
jesus tells his disciples thatthey will be able to remember
what he taught them because hewas going to send the Holy
Spirit.
There's the first groupingtoday you and the Holy Spirit.
But even that doesn't grasp thewhole picture.
Jesus says in John 16, 12, Ihave much more to say to you,
more than you can now bear.
(22:24):
But when he, the spirit oftruth, comes, he will guide you
into all truth.
He will not speak on his own.
He will speak only what hehears and he will tell you what
is yet to come.
He will glorify me, because itis from me that he will receive
what he will make known to you.
All that belongs to the Fatheris mine.
That's why I said the Spiritwill receive from me what he
(22:44):
will make known to you.
You're no longer in isolation.
The Father is speaking to Jesus, to speak to the Holy Spirit,
to speak to you.
The love that the Father hasfor us is the heartbeat of
everything that he's going totell Jesus, to tell the Holy
Spirit, to tell you Will youshare the heart of the Father
then with your spouse?
Change and healing always comewhen we abide in him and are
(23:06):
obedient to his word, when youfollow Christ's example in
teaching and love andforgiveness.
The healing is a supernaturaloutcome.
That's God's word, it'spowerful, it's healing, it's
enough.
Samuel Brangle, when asked abouthis secret to holiness, replied
Keep in the will of God, obeyhim, seek him daily, waiting at
his gates, read the Bibleregularly, never neglect secret
(23:28):
prayer.
Keep testifying to the gracebestowed upon you and help
others.
No man is perfect.
Your marriage will not beperfect, but Samuel Brangle knew
the key to starting the cycleover again, and now you know it
too.
Start at the beginning, startwith God's love for you and then
follow the cycle all the wayaround to the end, keeping close
watch for both you and yourspouse, for where you each get
(23:50):
stuck easily or where you eachfall off the track.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Pray for yourself, pray for your spouse, pray for
your marriage, lord, I believe,and pastoral advisors, if you
(24:18):
have a desire to serve marriagesin your community, we would
love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
(24:38):
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on thedonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
(24:59):
.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Want to see change in your marriage.
Start here.
Does your marriage need to berefreshed, remodeled, rebuilt
from the ground up?
We all have things we'd like tobe different between us.
We know that marriage problemscome in all shapes and sizes.
Now, david and I can't peekinto your house today.
We can't listen in on yourconversations and your arguments
, but we can dig into God's wordtogether and discover God's
(00:52):
amazing plan for marriage andhow it's possible for each of us
to attain that.
If you want to see a revolutionwithin your home, your marriage,
join us today on Vows to KeepRadio, as we have a conversation
about how to start the processof change in your relationship.
We'll unpack what we call thecycle of change and then learn
how to restart it.
(01:13):
When things between the two ofyou grind to a halt, god is more
than able to take what's brokenin your marriage and bring
lasting change that will blessyou more than you can imagine
how the answer may surprise youin today's episode of Vows to
Keep Radio, the show where youget sound biblical counsel you
can apply immediately to yourmarriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy, sellers of Vows to Keep.
(01:36):
We're biblical marriagecounselors, authors, teachers,
podcast hosts, radio hosts andconference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Wish upon a star in the blinkof an eye, the snap of a finger,
quick as lightning abracadabra.
If only we could change ourcircumstances or our marriage so
(01:56):
easily.
Just quick, get it done with.
Wake up tomorrow with all ofour troubles over and our secret
wishes granted.
It reminds me of a good friendof my parents.
Growing up, mark was a kind,godly man but always struggled
financially.
He had a steady, yetentry-level job that didn't
quite meet his family's needs.
Mark often told my dad how heprayed for God to give him a
(02:19):
different job.
Now the God I know is perfectlycapable of answering that
prayer, but for Mark it neverhappened.
He faithfully swept the floorsof his workplace, he stocked the
shelves, but you know what?
His phone never rang with thenews of a job offer.
As I tell you the story, Irealized I left out one very
important detail.
Not once in all of Mark's adultlife did he ever put in an
(02:42):
application for another job.
Never did he scour the want adsand make a phone call or let
any other employer know he wasready and available to make a
change.
Mark's kids were my age and Iwatched their family go without
so many times.
I know a decent, paying jobisn't the end-all be-all for
happiness, but oh how I wishedfor more for them Clean clothes,
(03:04):
a decent roof over their heads,a reliable car that could get
them to church and school.
I wanted to knock on his doormyself and take him to the
nearest employment agency.
Just do something.
I seem to shout at him insidemy head.
But I think that Mark's storyis really an example for all of
us, for me, for you.
Faith in action is often whatI'm missing in my own life.
(03:25):
Where am I spiritually orrelationally starving?
Where am I going without?
Not because someone or becauseGod is withholding something
from me, but because I'm seeingthe reality of James 2.17, that
faith by itself isn't enoughplayed out in my own life.
It it says unless faithproduces good deeds, it's dead
(03:46):
and it's useless.
I believe God wanted Mark'sinvolvement in getting from
where he was at financially towhere he needed to be for the
sake of his family, to prepare aresume, to follow through on a
phone call, to get trained forthe job that would fit him best.
Just like I believe God isinviting us to resign from our
role of onlooker or professionalarmchair warmer or comfort zone
(04:09):
controller in our marriages andto be all in for this
relationship, to live Ephesians2.10 right within our daily
interactions with our spouse.
That verse I just alluded tosays that we are God's
masterpiece.
He's created us anew in ChristJesus so that we can do the good
things that he planned for us.
Long ago, god gave us the faithin him, he created us anew in
(04:32):
Christ and set his plan ofaction in place for the rest of
our lives.
God has specific work for us todo in our marriages, and he's
asking us to get involved.
The snap of a finger healingsounds better though, doesn't it
?
God?
Just make these difficultfeelings go away.
Just get us back to where westarted.
Get us to where you want totake us.
(04:53):
I'm glad you want change.
That is so good today.
You see what could be different, and if the change is making
either you or your spouse oryour marriage more Christ-like,
then let me tell you those areGod given desires.
Hang on to them.
God is certainly capable oftaking your husband or your wife
and making their greatest, mosthurtful sin just disappear.
(05:14):
You could wake up tomorrow andfind that you are married to a
near perfect human, but that'snot how God works.
God is not going tomiraculously reach down and heal
or change your marriage withoutyou being involved in the
restoration.
He wants all of your heart tobe subject to him, tethered to
his irrevocably.
(05:35):
The God I serve is the God ofPsalm 18, who shot his arrows
and scattered his enemies.
Great bolts of lightningflashed and they were confused.
Verse 15 says Then, at yourcommand, o Lord, at the blast of
your breath, the bottom of thesea could be seen and the
foundations of the earth werelaid bare.
Verse 16 of Psalm 18 says hereached down from heaven and he
(05:57):
rescued me.
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerfulenemies, from those who hated me
and were too strong for me.
But I also know he's the Godwho became fully man, while
still being fully God, so thathe could live among us, showing
us how to live for him withinour relationships, and that
includes our marriages.
Jesus' earthly life was not neatand tidy, it was messy.
(06:20):
He got right in amongcomplicated situations because
he loved people.
He loved us.
He created us even though oursinful chaos would begin
straight away.
Right in the Garden of Eden, hewalked with Adam and Eve.
He talked with them daily.
He entrusted his creation tothem even though he knew what
was going to happen.
God created marriage eventhough he knew what would happen
(06:42):
.
He knew you and your spousewould need to turn to him for
your every need.
God created us for relationshipand let me say this really
clearly he did not create us forperfect relationship.
Yet his design is perfect.
He didn't make a mistake increating man and woman.
He didn't make a mistake increating marriage and family and
(07:04):
friendships, and he didn't makea mistake creating your
marriage.
He created marriage so that youwould live within its perfect
crucible to learn how he loveshis bride, the church.
He created family and the bodyof Christ so that you would rely
on him completely foreverything.
God himself lives withinrelationship.
Think about it.
He lives within the Trinity.
(07:24):
He lives within us when thingsare hard.
God's not going to change whohe is and he's not going to
change his design.
He is perfect and his design isperfect.
The restoration of your marriagetoday starts with the
restoration of your relationshipwith Jesus.
He's inviting you to come backtoday to your first love.
(07:45):
Now the two may soundcompletely unconnected, but oh,
they are so intricatelyintertwined.
Just like Mark couldn't get anew job unless he took action,
he went all in.
You and I can't get the ballrolling for change in our
marriages without starting atsquare one and pushing that ball
down the hill.
What's square one for God Withour Savior?
(08:06):
It always comes back to theheart.
His is a rescue mission.
Reflect on that passage we readfrom Psalm 18.
He isn't just showing offscattering the enemy or using a
blast of his breath to lay thesea bear.
He is on the move with apurpose, swooping in to show
King David that he'll moveheaven and earth to get to him.
(08:27):
That's what God did for us withJesus.
It's the greatest rescuemission ever.
This is going to get reallypractical right here.
If you're looking for change inyour marriage, I'd like to think
of what I'm going to describeto you as a cycle.
Let's call it the cycle ofchange.
I like to think of what I'mgoing to describe to you as a
cycle.
Picture a graphic like a clock,and if you're a visual person,
(08:52):
you can download it in our freeresource this week.
It's got eight sections thatare all in a circle with arrows
in between, one leading to thenext, and, just like a clock,
you can't skip ahead to get backto noon.
You have to go through all theothers to complete the cycle.
I'm going to quickly walkthrough all eight of them one by
one right now, but later on inthe broadcast I'll explain them
(09:12):
in detail.
And, like I said, I highlyrecommend you download this
week's resource so you canfollow along.
You'll find that atVowsToKeepcom, on our podcast
tab, the cycle of change goeslike this Number one God first
loved us.
Two God calls us to love himback.
Three we say yes to his loveand salvation.
Four we now know what love isbecause we've experienced it for
(09:37):
ourselves when we were rescuedfrom death to life.
Number five we draw near to Godto understand him and his love
more deeply.
Number six we obey God becausenow we know his way is best, and
this knowing provides a naturaland instantaneous overflow of
obedience.
And this knowing provides anatural and instantaneous
overflow of obedience.
Number seven our obedience isshown in loving others, and
(09:57):
loving others show that we trulyknow God's love for us.
And number eight.
As we complete the cycle, wefind our truest joy and peace,
our happy place, rememberingthat God first loved us.
That's the cycle of change.
You could probably find yourselfin one of the sections along
the cycle, but more than likelyyou're somewhere in between one
of the sections, stuck andwondering how to get back on.
(10:19):
The good news is this cycle canrestart as many times as we
need, and, trust me, I need torestart it daily.
That first section, rememberingthat God first loved me and
called out to me, alwayskickstarts me back on the right
track again.
Before we jump into each ofthese sections individually,
let's talk first about where youmight be today.
Something along the way hascaused you to get off track Me
(10:41):
too.
That's why we're searching forsolutions, and that's a good
place to be Searching, and beingwilling to listen to God's
voice leading us back into thecycle is really the best place.
Jesus tells us in John 16, 33,that here on earth we're going
to have lots of trials andsorrows.
He says, but take heart, I haveovercome the world.
We should count on troublebeing part of our marriages, but
(11:04):
we should also count on God'spromises that he will bring
peace and victory, even throughthe trials.
Our enemy would like nothingless than to break up the cycle.
If we're already Christians, hecan't take that away from us,
but he can use and he will useevery form of lie and deceit he
can think of to try to stop usmidway or prevent us from
(11:24):
getting back to thatall-important starting point.
So what's he been using withyou lately?
What have you listened tothat's caused you to trip and
fall out of the cycle, or maybeeven jump out on purpose?
Here's some things that breakthe cycle for me Listening to
lies, feeling the fear, sinsneaking in, faltering in my
faith and then ending upfloundering in frustration.
(11:47):
Those things lead me to refuseto obey.
They lead me to a place ofindifference and carelessness,
isolation and worship of self.
Let's start with Satan's gameof listening to lies, and I'm
going to put this at the top ofthe list for what freezes our
hearts up, what stops changefrom happening.
And I think it belongs at thetop because the other ones can't
happen unless this first takesplace.
(12:09):
Lies are Satan's end game.
It's his MO, the obvious way hetrips us up.
He will work tirelessly yourentire life to get you to
believe the opposite of what Godsays.
He's pretty crafty at it,though.
It comes in subtly, it comes inslowly.
Your marriage will never change, he says.
Your husband will never loveyou fully.
(12:30):
You'd be better off on your own.
Be careful here.
You won't even notice the liesbeing whispered in your ear.
They're going to seemjustifiable and very reasonable
at the moment.
That's why you need to begrounded in God's word every
single day.
It's the only way you're goingto recognize a voice that's
counterfeit.
Fear comes as a direct result ofbelieving Satan's lies, of not
(12:52):
believing the truth.
1 John 4.18 says Whoever fearshas not been made perfect in
love.
It doesn't say whoever doesn'tlove hasn't been made perfect in
love.
There's an importantdistinction Knowing God and
believing in his love personallyfor you will cause you to love
others.
Whoever doesn't love has notknown God.
(13:13):
1 John 4.8 says If you're notacting or if you're frozen
because of fear, it's not thatyou don't want to love.
You're letting fear keep youfrom fully trusting God's love
for you, and that's causing youto not love your spouse like you
should.
You're letting the lies feedthe fear.
Lies also allow sin to sneak in.
About a hundred years ago, aman named Samuel Bringle, a
(13:37):
commissioner in the SalvationArmy who was well known for
teaching on holiness, said thissin does not leap upon us fully
armed.
It steals in through a look, aswift, silent suggestion or
imagination.
But love and loyalty to Jesuswill make you watchful and swift
to rise up and cast out thesubtle enemy.
Do this and you shall live, andlive victoriously.
Once, while riding on a subwaytogether, a close friend asked
(14:01):
Mr Bringle, commissioner, you'vebeen a teacher of holiness for
many, many years.
Tell me, what kind oftemptations do you have?
Bringle responded only one,like I said only one, yes, only
one.
That is to move out of myintimate relationship with
Christ.
When, by carelessness,indifference and failure to
attend to him and his work, Ifind myself drifting out of that
(14:24):
intimate relationship with theLord Jesus, and every other
temptation comes in and I amvulnerable.
Bringle could have followed uphis profound yet simple
statements with scripture fromJames, chapter 4, that says
Submit yourselves, therefore, toGod.
Resist the devil and he willflee from you.
You see, when we placeourselves under the authority of
God's word, we've set ourselvesup for success.
(14:44):
We've said God, you are whatI'm going to follow, not my
feelings, which typically leadme to sin.
But then something will happenand I don't feel like I'm
getting the results that I wantand I begin to falter in my
faith.
So let's talk about that for aminute.
This is a biggie for me, maybefor you too.
When I fumble in my faith, it'sbecause I've taken my eyes off
(15:05):
my Savior.
I forget that the grace I'vebeen given was a gift that I
didn't earn, I didn't deserve.
In my forgetfulness, I get busytrying to do things my way, and
that makes me weary to my core.
I love the honest statement ofbelief and admission of needing
help that the father of ademon-possessed boy made to
Jesus.
The dad says I believe, butLord, help my unbelief.
(15:27):
Jesus answers that kind ofprayer.
He reaches down from heaven andhe rescues us.
He draws us out of the deepwaters that we're in.
Lord, I just pray right nowthat you would help us to keep
our eyes on you, trusting thatyour timing and your design is
perfect and remembering that youare up to something good.
When I don't actively believethat God is working, I flounder
(15:50):
in frustration and that's whereI tend to give up.
Perfect, the enemy says rightwhere I wanted her, I'll keep
her there by feeding her liesthat lead to being frozen in
fear and tell her that sin isgoing to free her up from being
stuck.
Her faith will falter when sindoesn't provide what she needs
and she'll flounder infrustration to the point where
she ends her marriage, even ifit's only in her heart.
(16:12):
The perfect plan executed.
Hi, this is Tracy from Vows toKeep Radio.
We're asking you to help usbecome fully funded so Vows to
Keep has the financial resourcesto keep sharing hope with
marriages like yours.
God is growing this ministrytremendously and the testimonies
we hear confirm that God's worddoes not return void.
(16:33):
Right now we need an additional$6,500 a month.
Would you consider becoming amonthly partner with us to build
biblically healthy marriages?
We're asking 100 families togive $50 a month and 60 families
to give $25 a month.
Preferably, make your best giftat vowstokeepcom.
When you feel stagnant, whenyour marriage feels like it will
(16:56):
never be any different than itis right now, when you've been
listening to lies, when you'vegotten stuck in sin and frozen
in fear, god has given you a wayto restart the cycle.
Go back to square one.
Do you recall what the firstsection was in the cycle of
change.
Remember that God first lovedyou.
That's where we have to start.
(17:16):
It's always the way to restartthe cycle.
And number two then he calls usto love him.
In response, he's saying I wanta relationship with you.
I do love you, but I want youto love me too.
And number three we can say yesagain and again, not to
salvation, for that can never betaken from us, nor do we need
(17:36):
to ask for it over and over, butyes to Jesus, yes to his word,
yes to walking in communion withhim again.
And number four my heartsoftens as I say yes to God and
I begin to understand love,because I've been rescued, I've
been made new.
And number five in the cycle ofchange understanding his love
makes me want to draw closer tohim.
As I do that, every day, Iexperience for myself who he is
(17:58):
and I long to walk in his love.
I begin to abide in it.
And six as I abide in Jesus, mylove for him grows.
I want what he wants.
The most natural thing for meto do becomes obeying his spirit
and his word.
And number seven our abiding inhim is shown in loving others,
and loving others is the purestexpression of our obedience to
(18:20):
him, who has captured our entireheart.
Others is the purest expressionof our obedience to him, who
has captured our entire heart.
And finally, number eightloving him and loving like him
become my purest and greatestjoys.
I'd like to say that if I everfind myself wondering how I can
begin the cycle of change in mymarriage, I can always restart
with the first step and takemyself around the whole cycle to
get restarted.
That would be a nice blanketstatement, but the truth is I
(18:44):
have to do all these thingsevery single day.
I can't skip a day and I can'tskip a step.
There's no way I will bewilling to let God change me, to
be willing to let God use me tohelp change my spouse, to be an
instrument of change for mymarriage, unless in my heart I
go through this cycle everysingle day.
Let me explain that.
(19:04):
There's no way I could say yesto God without first recalling
his love for me.
There's no way I would want toobey his word and his spirit if
I haven't spent time with him,truly getting to know him, so
that it's just second nature tosurrender everything.
There's no way I can want to dothat without a step of faith
and saying yes to God and no tothe way I think is best.
(19:25):
Not one of the steps in thecycle of change can take place
without the one prior to it.
If you're looking to be happy,which is really step eight, and
your marriage isn't deliveringthat, start with step one and
work your way around the cycle.
That peace, that victory comesfirst by a humble faith, knowing
that God is who he says he is,that he is perfect and his
(19:47):
design for marriage is perfect.
Will we believe that today?
Hebrews 11, 6 says withoutfaith it's impossible to please
him, for whoever would draw nearto God must first believe that
he exists and that he rewardsthose who seek him.
God, I believe that you are whoyou say you are and that your
promises are true In faith.
(20:11):
I believe that you will blessme when I seek you and choose to
say yes to you, even in thehardest of moments.
Remember, mark, from thebeginning of our talk today.
Healing and change follows closeon the heels of not missing the
next step of the cycle.
For you, in this moment, I wantyou to identify what's gotten
you off track and will you bewilling to start from square one
(20:33):
again.
Where do you need to obey?
What is God asking you to do?
Where is he asking you tobelieve?
God isn't going to miraculouslyreach down and heal or change
your marriage without you beinginvolved in the restoration.
He's got a rescue mission inmind, and it starts with your
own heart.
If you will allow your heart tobe shaped and made more and
(20:54):
more like his in his mastercraftsman's hands, your marriage
will begin to change.
Not because you wake uptomorrow with everything perfect
, but because you're willing tobe moldable right in the middle
of the mess.
Before we end today, I want tocamp for just a minute on the
step of obedience and the cycleof change.
This week I challenge you toread Psalm 18 and John chapter
(21:18):
14 through chapter 17.
Read Psalm 18 and John chapter14 through chapter 17.
King David of Psalm 18 was nota perfect guy, but he was
willing to strive to obey God.
In John 14 through 17, you'regoing to get such a clear
picture of Jesus' heart for you,how to abide in him and how
love for him and how knowing himplays such an integral role in
actively doing the things thathe planned long ago for you to
(21:42):
do right in your messy marriage.
It's easy to think that we'reeither all alone in this or that
we've got this on our own.
But Jesus makes it clear thatwe can't obey in isolation.
He's not going to bring youanswers while you're listening
to lies within your littlewalled off world of isolation.
That's not how he works.
(22:03):
In the chapters from John that Iwant you to read this week,
jesus tells his disciples thatthey will be able to remember
what he taught them because hewas going to send the Holy
Spirit.
There's the first groupingtoday you and the Holy Spirit.
But even that doesn't grasp thewhole picture.
Jesus says in John 16, 12, Ihave much more to say to you,
more than you can now bear.
(22:24):
But when he, the spirit oftruth, comes, he will guide you
into all truth.
He will not speak on his own.
He will speak only what hehears and he will tell you what
is yet to come.
He will glorify me, because itis from me that he will receive
what he will make known to you.
All that belongs to the Fatheris mine.
That's why I said the Spiritwill receive from me what he
(22:44):
will make known to you.
You're no longer in isolation.
The Father is speaking to Jesus, to speak to the Holy Spirit,
to speak to you.
The love that the Father hasfor us is the heartbeat of
everything that he's going totell Jesus, to tell the Holy
Spirit, to tell you Will youshare the heart of the Father
then with your spouse?
Change and healing always comewhen we abide in him and are
(23:06):
obedient to his word, when youfollow Christ's example in
teaching and love andforgiveness.
The healing is a supernaturaloutcome.
That's God's word, it'spowerful, it's healing, it's
enough.
Samuel Brangle, when asked abouthis secret to holiness, replied
Keep in the will of God, obeyhim, seek him daily, waiting at
his gates, read the Bibleregularly, never neglect secret
(23:28):
prayer.
Keep testifying to the gracebestowed upon you and help
others.
No man is perfect.
Your marriage will not beperfect, but Samuel Brangle knew
the key to starting the cycleover again, and now you know it
too.
Start at the beginning, startwith God's love for you and then
follow the cycle all the wayaround to the end, keeping close
watch for both you and yourspouse, for where you each get
(23:50):
stuck easily or where you eachfall off the track.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Pray for yourself, pray for your spouse, pray for
your marriage, lord, I believe,and pastoral advisors, if you
(24:18):
have a desire to serve marriagesin your community, we would
love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
(24:38):
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on thedonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
(24:59):
.
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