June 23, 2025 • 24 mins
The Battle of Priorities: How Your Choices Shape Your Marriage + Life :: [Ep. 274]
We are continuing our "Powerful Pursuit" series by examining how priorities reveal what we truly value and ultimately determine the quality of our marriages.
We will cover the following in this week's episode:
• Priorities determine how we spend our days and ultimately our lives
• Our actions reveal what's most important to us, regardless of what we claim
• The battle between urgent and important constantly shapes our marriages
• How King Solomon initially prioritized God but later allowed his priorities shifted
• Partial obedience is still disobedience when it comes to God's priorities
• Walking by the Spirit produces fruit that benefits marriage relationships
• Proper priorities in marriage come from recognizing everything as God's gift
• How to make margin for what matters most
We hope and pray that you and your spouse are helped!
Be sure to listen to previous episodes, if you haven't already, in this series to learn more about bringing God's encouraging truth to your marriage.
For episode transcripts, click HERE.
For more marriage encouragement, visit: www.VowsToKeep.com | V2K Blog | Marriage Counseling | Insta | FB
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey, we're David and Tracy Sellers, and we hope that
you, like us, have made Vows toKeep.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
We are continuing our series on powerful pursuit, so
if you missed the earlierbroadcast, go to our website,
vowstokeepcom to catch thoseearlier broadcasts.
Recently I met with a friendwe'll call Sean I'm not going to
use his real name.
He was crying out in agonybecause he realized how badly he
wasn't leading his family.
(00:48):
I know this pain.
I've been there before myself.
Now, in this case, he wassaying you know what?
I don't even think my wife willfollow me.
My kids they're two people Ihardly even know.
In fact, all he felt like hereally was good at was things
that his wife and his kidscouldn't actually see him do,
and that was his work.
And it was true he was reallygood at what he did.
(01:09):
He invested where he felt itwas fruitful, which was his job.
So what he felt like he coulddo in his home was simply to
pray, and he wanted to pray.
He did pray, but otherwise hefelt totally powerless to change
any of the dynamics that werehappening in his home.
So his view on this was for thelongest time if I could just
(01:31):
maintain status quo, we'd keepgetting by and I'd be happy.
Here I am, standing outside ofhis situation, and I don't know.
If you've ever been in thisposition, where you're the
outside looking in, it's prettyeasy to see that Sean's
priorities needed to change.
But on the inside, if I'm beinghonest, I was facing my own
(01:52):
difficulty about my ownpriorities.
We jumped in a canoe and wejust started writing down what
are all of our responsibilities,what are all of our priorities,
and how is it that we canreevaluate them.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
And we got in a canoe because we knew we wouldn't be
interrupted during those twohours.
It was two solid hours withoutkids, without phone calls.
I don't think we had cellreception.
It was a perfect place to dosome evaluating.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So today's show is for those like us at a point
where we've realized we've gotto reevaluate the priorities.
Maybe we're even evaluating thehealth of our marriage and
realizing, hey, this can nolonger be just about survival.
We have to do better than thatWorking together about what our
priorities are saying about ourpursuits.
(02:37):
Even our best intentions canquickly interfere with what God
has called us to pursue in ourspouse.
So is your life too much of ajumbled up mess of chaos that
you can't even pretend that it'sorderly anymore?
Maybe it's been a long timesince you've thought about what
you need to put first on yourlist.
Too many of us, as Christians,are saying you know what?
(02:59):
Of course, god is first.
But I think this thinking hasonly convinced us that we're on
the right track, without reallytruly evaluating whether we are
in line with that statement.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I think we all wish that we could just once and for
all, just figure it out and justmove on.
But, truth be told, we're nevergoing to stop learning and
changing that priority order.
It's always going to beshifting, because priorities
aren't just affecting me, theyaffect my marriage, they affect
my kids, they affect God'skingdom.
They have to be evaluated.
So what is a priority?
(03:32):
Our priorities determine how wespend our days and, ultimately,
how we spend our life.
Our priorities not onlyregulate our time, but also who
we spend it with.
Our priorities get us out ofbed in the morning and that's
what keeps us going all day long, and they shout loudly to God
and others the things that aremost important to us.
David, I bet if I asked youright now what my priorities
(03:54):
were, you could probably tell me.
I shout it out by the way I act.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Performance-driven people, which we both kind of
fall into this, are constantlyevaluating.
We're always worrying if we'redoing it wrong or right, and
we've learned, as we were evenpreparing this show, that the
best answer to that question isto be spirit led.
Galatians 5, verses 14 through21, says the flesh is always at
(04:22):
a fight with the spirit.
There's this tug of war for theresources of our lives.
It says this you, my brothersand sisters, were called to be
free, but do not use yourfreedom to indulge in the flesh.
Rather, serve one anotherhumbly in love, for the entire
law is fulfilled in keeping thisone command love your neighbor
(04:42):
as yourself.
And Tracy being my closestneighbor, your wife being my
closest neighbor, your wifebeing your closest neighbor,
your husband being your closestneighbor.
This really hits home.
Verse 15 says if you bite anddevour each other, watch out or
you will be destroyed by eachother.
And boy have we seen this inmarriages.
So I say 16 says walk by theSpirit and you will not gratify
(05:03):
the desires of the flesh by theSpirit and you will not gratify
the desires of the flesh, forthe flesh desires what is
contrary to the Spirit and theSpirit what is contrary to the
flesh.
They're in conflict with eachother, so that you are not to do
whatever you want to do.
But if you're led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And that's really what this is all about flesh
versus spirit.
Because if we don't evaluateand line up our lives with God's
word, we're just going to veeroff into the flesh.
And it goes on in verse 19 ofGalatians 5, what the flesh is
going to produce?
Sexual immorality, impurity,idolatry which boy priorities
fall right into that categoryEven hatred and discord.
(05:41):
When I'm trying to get my wayand you're trying to get yours,
that creates that dissensionbetween us.
There's selfish ambition.
Well, I think you get thepicture.
The list can go on.
But here's the obvious oppositeof that list and I bet you have
heard this before the fruit ofthe spirit.
Right, the fruit of the spirit.
When we follow what he asks usto do is all these awesome
(06:02):
things that affect our marriagein awesome ways Love, joy, peace
, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control, and against any ofthose things there's no law.
I'm going to finish with thisverse from Galatians 5.24.
Those who belong to ChristJesus have crucified the flesh
with its passions and desires.
There's some evaluating goingon in the person that's willing
(06:23):
to do that.
Since we live by the Spirit,let us keep in step with the
Spirit.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So your marriage is in this constant battle between
the urgent and the important.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
So who or what would you say is winning at the moment
?
In your life?
Now, I know you've probablyheard a lot of sermons, a lot of
speeches about having the rightpriorities, and I think that
when we hear the word priorities, david, there's like one of
four reactions to that.
I think number one we can feelactually guilty sometimes when
confronted with the fact thatyour priorities are not in the
(06:57):
right order.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, also, we can feel justified in hearing
someone else tell us what ourpriorities should be, justified
in hearing someone else tell uswhat our priorities should be,
knowing that we've pretty muchgot it right and we can sit back
and finally not have to be souptight about this.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
And the third one would be that we see the need
for change.
We hear the word priorities andyou're like, yep, you know what
, I do need to make some changes.
So we feel motivated and nowthat we know what needs to
happen, we decide to dosomething about it.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Or number four.
We're constantly questioningourselves, never really certain
of what our priorities are.
We burn more emotionalresources actually in reviewing
our priorities than actuallydoing something about it.
So today, on Vows to Keep Radio, we're going.
We burn more emotionalresources actually in reviewing
our priorities than actuallydoing something about it.
So today, on Vows to Keep Radio, we're going to be talking
about what a priority is, somegreat examples in scripture that
we can learn from and whypriorities matter in our
(07:48):
marriage, especially in how Godwants us to set those priorities
.
You've heard the saying whatmatters most gets the most.
The squeaky wheel gets thegrease, as they say.
So normally there becomes acertain catalyst, something that
causes us to all of a suddenscrutinize our lives.
And we just came back from ahospital visiting family who was
(08:10):
walking down this road.
For you, maybe it's a job,maybe it's a move across the
country.
What's causing you to evaluatewhat you have at the top of your
list?
Sometimes it's more job, maybeit's a move across the country.
What's causing you to evaluatewhat you have at the top of your
list?
Sometimes it's more subtle inthese extreme examples.
Perhaps you're running on emptyevery single day, just trying
to keep your head above waterand you're wondering is this all
there is to life?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Maybe all of your pursuits aren't really buying
for you the promised happinessthat they initially offered.
In the back of your mind,you're thinking okay, maybe I've
just missed something along theway, so I'm going to try making
this the priority instead, andlet's see how that goes.
You got to think about it thisway.
Life is life.
We all have to make these smallshifts in our choices and our
schedules constantly andactually I do mean constantly
(08:52):
because sin and the enemy causeus to do the old switcheroo all
the time.
All of a sudden, hey, we've gotthe number one thing, the
number one thing, and then twominutes later it's already down
at number 10.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
The reality is that, in the end, what matters most to
us comes out on top andeverything else falls below it.
You've got a list.
Your life tells a story, andrarely is there any ties in that
.
When it comes to priorities,there's always a pecking order.
So if the squeaky wheel getsthe grease, where is the grease
going to?
Perhaps the wrong place?
What capacity from your life isbeing robbed from where it's
(09:30):
actually needed to serve God, toserve something it shouldn't be
?
Maybe sometimes we need toleave something ungreased, I
guess is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yes.
Do I want to see my face in myscrubbed floors or do I want to
see God's kingdom come?
Sometimes I got to leave thefloors alone.
There's not one person on earthwho's walking around
missionless right now.
That mission, those priorities,no matter how small minded they
, not only determine ourdirection but ultimately how our
(09:59):
entire lives play out.
Our list affects those aroundus, especially those that we're
closest to.
There's not one marriage in theworld that's not affected by
the priority list of theirspouse.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
God prioritizes us, not because he has to, but
because he loves you.
He wants you.
So the question is will youprioritize him?
Will you prioritize what heasked for?
Let's say, you just got thebiggest promotion of your life.
Your most cherished dreams arenow fulfilled.
So what's the first thing thatyou would do?
(10:31):
Would you give away your car?
No, would you give away yourhouse?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I just got a promotion.
I don't think I'd give it away.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
How about your wedding ring?
No, probably not.
No, I'm going to keep that.
So that's basically what a guydoes in the Bible.
When he was made king and we'regoing to talk about this
amazing example he gave up atreasure worth countless amounts
of money and his name is KingSolomon.
He's someone in the Bible whohad his priorities in order and
(11:01):
then he got duped by sin and anenemy and took them all out of
whack.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
You can read his story in the Old Testament we're
going to be in 2 Chronicles 1,where it talks about how, when
Solomon became king, he took allthe leaders of Israel and he
led them to a place of worship.
So he gets this big job,promotion and he's like guys,
we're going to give glory whereglory is due.
That's super cool.
So he sacrifices some bulls onthe altar, not one or two, or 10
, or a hundred, a thousand ofthem.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
That's an awful lot.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It is so telling of where his heart is at.
Our actions always show what'sgoing on inside.
He's saying God, you're my Lord, everything I've got is yours
and I'm going to honor you withwhat I do.
And not only that, if you keepreading Solomon's story.
That day he prayed that Godwould grant him the wisdom to
lead the nation of Israel.
That's quite a request.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
It is.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
He didn't ask for wealth or long life or fame.
He had his priorities in order.
He put God first, worshiped himonly and then said God,
everything you've given me isyours.
How can I best be a steward ofthat?
You've entrusted me with this.
Okay, here I go.
I need wisdom, god says.
I'm going to answer a prayerlike that.
(12:12):
It sounds like such a greatsetup for our own lives, david.
But if you've ever heard ofKing Solomon before, you've ever
read his story, you canprobably guess where this is
heading.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
That's not a great beginning that makes a great
ending.
It's the small, little choicesthat we make every day to keep
the number one thing, the numberone thing, and those things
determine the outcomes.
Eventually, he chases aftermany of the things that tear him
down.
He chases after many of thethings that tear him down.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Solomon fell in the areas of sexual immorality,
impurity, debauchery, idolatryand more.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
He placed personal pleasures as more important than
God's best for him, which ledhim to do a lot of very
detestable things.
He eventually worships othergods, builds altars to them.
He no longer considered thatthe Lord was his only God.
His loyalties became divided,His priorities were not in order
, and this caused his life totopple.
(13:06):
The question is will we bespirit-led or Solomon-led?
Will we be Tracy-led orDavid-led?
Which one are we?
Because we can't be both.
We can't be led by the Lord andled by ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
The priorities of our hearts set the priorities of
our lives.
So what do the things you makethe most margin for in your life
Tell your spouse or your friendor your coworker about who is
leading you Growing up?
Did you have maybe an oldersibling who made some mistakes,
an example that you watched andyou said to yourself, hey, I'm
never going to go down that path?
(13:40):
Well, we have that here, david,in the life of King Solomon, an
example of what not to do, andit's an amazing life lesson, if
we'll pay attention to it, totake note of where we've held
something in higher regard.
Maybe we started off on theright foot.
We really did mean it at thebeginning.
We were committed, but evensometimes the most heartfelt
decisions we can veer off whenwe make something other than God
(14:03):
, our greatest desire.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Solomon is this classic example of what we as
humans do.
We have these great moments ofhumility, life surrender, and
then we go back to what we thinkis right.
Proverbs 3 says don't be wisein your own eyes.
And really, maybe that's whereSolomon's life started to go
south.
He had been given a great giftwisdom beyond what any person
(14:26):
had ever experienced.
And maybe he's starting tothink to himself yep, I am all
that in a box of chocolates.
I got this figured out.
Pride is a priority derailer.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Where has your pride been a derailer to your original
intent or calling?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
This is such a simple fix and I want you to hear this
today, because God made it veryclear to Solomon that he would
continue to bless him if hecontinued to obey God and his
commands.
So our priorities can be boileddown to the basics.
They equal either obedience ordisobedience to God's word.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
God's number one command to us, if you look at
God's word, is to love the Lord,your God, with all your heart,
all your soul and all your mind.
And it's so interesting when wefollow that one command.
Guess what happens If God isnumber one and you keep him
there.
You won't have to work so hardto keep all the other things in
the right order, because he'sgoing to order your life.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
God prioritizes us, not because he has to, but
because he loves you, he wantsyou.
Will you prioritize him?
Can you deprioritize the stuffthat he isn't asking you to do?
Because obedience is often justsaying no.
It's killing something thatneeds to die as a priority, and
that's not easy to do.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's hard.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So what do you need to say no to?
What disobedience needs to stop?
If this thing could die, whatwould be the good that would
come out of it?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I think priorities can fall into all kinds of
different categories, but let'stalk about the priority of
comfort just for a second.
Now.
I'm all for enjoying a movie onthe couch, David, or maybe even
propped up in bed.
I got my jammies on, got my icecream with extra peanut butter,
maybe some popcorn.
Hey, I'm in my element, butit's interesting.
You think about comfort andthat's kind of what I shoot for
(16:12):
right away.
But comfort really can take allkinds of different forms.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
That's right.
For most of us men, comforttakes the form of peace, a lack
of confronting those things thatare uncomfortable.
So this is why so many men failto spiritually lead, just like
my friend Sean was strugglingwith.
So many Christians want to stayaway from that level of
discipleship, because it meansmaking a priority of being God's
(16:36):
hands and feet in otherpeople's lives, without any
attempt at personal gain.
Let's face it, there's a lot oftimes where it's easier to be
married to our jobs than just todeal with what's going on at
home.
And that's pretty much whereSean and I were struggling,
because we had slowly becomepeople working hours well beyond
what was normal, to the degreethat a new normal is becoming
(16:57):
established.
We had basically married ourjobs.
So, taken to extremes, you mightsay, okay, well, what are you
going to do?
Divorce your job?
No, we're both the breadwinnersin our family.
We couldn't do that.
But what has to happen is wehave to raise the accountability
to the level where we realizewhat's actually required within
our marriage.
God prioritizes you, notbecause he has to, but because
(17:21):
he loves you, he wants you.
So he's asking you.
Will you prioritize him andwill you deprioritize what he
isn't asking you to.
Will you prioritize what hedoes ask you to do?
Will you take on his purposefor our lives?
This is that little thingcalled being obedient you were
talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I think we discredit obedience as something that's
going to massively direct ourlives.
We kind of shy away from it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah, god asks us, though, to take care of and
nurture our marriages, and hesays this in Ephesians that a
husband should take care of hiswife just as he would take care
of himself.
He should love her like Christloved the church, but in our
culture, that seems prettyoptional.
We've been in this positionwhere we slough off a little bit
and there's not an immediateexplosion, and we're fooled into
(18:06):
continuing down this wrong path.
We start to get to that pointwhere we put our friends or our
hobbies or our work above ourmarriage, and it almost seems
like, hey, nothing is wrong here, everything is the status quo.
And if you don't have to dealwith that drama at home and you
get to spend some time doingsomething you enjoy with easier
(18:26):
people, why not?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Let's look at John, chapter two, because something
interesting happens when Jesusperforms his first public
miracle.
Do you remember what it is?
It's that wedding party.
They'd run out of wine.
The servants are standing by.
They're kind of wondering whatto do, because the guests are
expecting this.
So Jesus' mother is there andhe tells the guests one simple
thing.
She says do whatever he tellsyou.
(18:49):
And then, in their obedience,what happens?
Well, they get a miracle, anoverabundance of what they could
never have come up with ontheir own.
And sometimes, what Jesus isasking of us, it takes us out of
our comfort zone.
In fact, a lot of times itrequires a lot of humility.
Does it feel like he's pruningyou by asking you to obey him?
(19:09):
If you're waiting for Jesus toact on your behalf, do one
simple thing, just like theservants that were standing by,
when you hear his request, dowhatever he tells you to do.
And we know what he tells us.
It's plain in his word, it'snot a mystery.
You don't have to wait for avoice from heaven.
David, it is right in his wordto love the Lord, your God, and
(19:31):
him only to love your neighbor,your spouse, as yourself.
That's it.
If our obedience is onlypartial, though.
If you're trying to have yourcake and eat it too, then that's
not actually true obedience.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yeah, we're going to look at another example.
That's like that.
Sometimes the Lord does havesome special instructions and
our flesh fights for our ownpriorities, sometimes alongside
God's priorities.
If we were going to pull oneover In the Old Testament,
no-transcript, the Lord wantedSaul to fight this people group
(20:03):
and destroy them.
Saul and his armies were not totake any prisoners and they
weren't to bring home anyanimals.
Well, Saul goes out to fightthe battle and of course, he
doesn't obey the Lord.
His army didn't obey the Lordeither.
They captured the enemy kingand took all the best animals.
So here's Saul, super proud ofhimself, and what does he do?
He goes and builds a monumentto himself.
(20:25):
When Samuel told Saul that hehad disobeyed the Lord, Saul
does what we all start doing.
First he even denies that ithad happened.
Then he said, well, it wasn'tme, it was the soldiers that did
happened.
Then he said, well, it wasn'tme, it was the soldiers that did
it.
And then he said the soldiersmade him do it.
(20:45):
Saul did obey by taking on theenemy, but he added his own spin
on the command.
In the end, his actions turnedhis heart against God, Just like
what Solomon did and what youread Trace, are you living only
partially in what God has asked?
Is God and what he asks of yousomewhere on your list, but not
at the top?
Full obedience is God's bestfor you and it's his best for
your marriage as well.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
All right.
So as we conclude here today onVows to Keep Radio, let's get a
little bit practical.
Let's take a moment to processthis lesson through life and
marriage, we will be badstewards, sometimes unable to
manage priorities, until werealize that everything we have
comes from God.
It is from His hand, it's fromHis good hand to you as a gift.
So if you're feeling a tug onyour heart to reprioritize,
(21:29):
start by recognizing that God isyour provider.
Not our money, not ourpossessions, not our health, not
even our own.
Marriage is by our own doing,and neither is our time our own.
We are all given the samenumber of hours in a day.
Our lives have an expirationdate on them.
So we got to take this stuffseriously.
Psalm 90 says teach us, lord,to number our days so that we
(21:50):
can gain a heart of wisdom.
We don't want to ask for wisdomlike Solomon did and then just
toss it to the side.
We want to live in wisdom.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
When we do ask that of God, he helps us to see that
our lives, our days are not oursto begin with.
They are gifts from his hands,and this is such a simple yet
profound thought.
If we're humble enough to admitthis, then it's actually super
easy to put God in that place offirst priority and let the
truth of his word guide whereall of these resources,
(22:19):
including our time, where ourlife, is headed under his
direction.
God prioritizes us, not becausehe has to.
He loves you, he wants you.
Will you pursue him?
Will you be in pursuit of whathe asks you to in your marriage?
Wholeheartedly so?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Remember the priorities of our heart.
Set the priorities of our lives.
We said that earlier.
Walk away with that today.
Every outward action that youever have expresses something
inwardly that you're pursuingOur actions.
Speak what means the most to us.
People whose priorities are offare people whose purpose is off
.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So what are God's priorities?
First of all, it is you.
That's why Jesus went to thecross, but it's also to know him
in such a way that you'd wantto make him known to others.
It's that you'd be a steward ofwhat he gives, including and
especially your marriage, toshow the love of a Savior for us
as sinners, to a world thatneeds to see it.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Powerful pursuit is shown by making margin for what
matters most.
Don't believe your own lies.
It's too easy to do that.
Don't just prioritize what youfeel you can't live without.
Don't be deceived that therereally is no other choice.
It's just the way it has to be.
Biblically, shifting prioritiesequals pursuit of God's best
for your life and for yourmarriage.
Romans 12 says don't copy thebehavior and customs of this
(23:42):
world, but let God transform youinto a new person by changing
the way that you think.
Then you'll learn to know God'swill for you, which is good and
pleasing and perfect.
Find more at VowsToKeepcom.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:24):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
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Like what you heard today onVows to Keep Radio, listen to
(24:45):
more life-changing broadcasts atVowsToKeepcom.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey, we're David and Tracy Sellers, and we hope that
you, like us, have made Vows toKeep.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
We are continuing our series on powerful pursuit, so
if you missed the earlierbroadcast, go to our website,
vowstokeepcom to catch thoseearlier broadcasts.
Recently I met with a friendwe'll call Sean I'm not going to
use his real name.
He was crying out in agonybecause he realized how badly he
wasn't leading his family.
(00:48):
I know this pain.
I've been there before myself.
Now, in this case, he wassaying you know what?
I don't even think my wife willfollow me.
My kids they're two people Ihardly even know.
In fact, all he felt like hereally was good at was things
that his wife and his kidscouldn't actually see him do,
and that was his work.
And it was true he was reallygood at what he did.
(01:09):
He invested where he felt itwas fruitful, which was his job.
So what he felt like he coulddo in his home was simply to
pray, and he wanted to pray.
He did pray, but otherwise hefelt totally powerless to change
any of the dynamics that werehappening in his home.
So his view on this was for thelongest time if I could just
(01:31):
maintain status quo, we'd keepgetting by and I'd be happy.
Here I am, standing outside ofhis situation, and I don't know.
If you've ever been in thisposition, where you're the
outside looking in, it's prettyeasy to see that Sean's
priorities needed to change.
But on the inside, if I'm beinghonest, I was facing my own
(01:52):
difficulty about my ownpriorities.
We jumped in a canoe and wejust started writing down what
are all of our responsibilities,what are all of our priorities,
and how is it that we canreevaluate them.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
And we got in a canoe because we knew we wouldn't be
interrupted during those twohours.
It was two solid hours withoutkids, without phone calls.
I don't think we had cellreception.
It was a perfect place to dosome evaluating.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So today's show is for those like us at a point
where we've realized we've gotto reevaluate the priorities.
Maybe we're even evaluating thehealth of our marriage and
realizing, hey, this can nolonger be just about survival.
We have to do better than thatWorking together about what our
priorities are saying about ourpursuits.
(02:37):
Even our best intentions canquickly interfere with what God
has called us to pursue in ourspouse.
So is your life too much of ajumbled up mess of chaos that
you can't even pretend that it'sorderly anymore?
Maybe it's been a long timesince you've thought about what
you need to put first on yourlist.
Too many of us, as Christians,are saying you know what?
(02:59):
Of course, god is first.
But I think this thinking hasonly convinced us that we're on
the right track, without reallytruly evaluating whether we are
in line with that statement.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I think we all wish that we could just once and for
all, just figure it out and justmove on.
But, truth be told, we're nevergoing to stop learning and
changing that priority order.
It's always going to beshifting, because priorities
aren't just affecting me, theyaffect my marriage, they affect
my kids, they affect God'skingdom.
They have to be evaluated.
So what is a priority?
(03:32):
Our priorities determine how wespend our days and, ultimately,
how we spend our life.
Our priorities not onlyregulate our time, but also who
we spend it with.
Our priorities get us out ofbed in the morning and that's
what keeps us going all day long, and they shout loudly to God
and others the things that aremost important to us.
David, I bet if I asked youright now what my priorities
(03:54):
were, you could probably tell me.
I shout it out by the way I act.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Performance-driven people, which we both kind of
fall into this, are constantlyevaluating.
We're always worrying if we'redoing it wrong or right, and
we've learned, as we were evenpreparing this show, that the
best answer to that question isto be spirit led.
Galatians 5, verses 14 through21, says the flesh is always at
(04:22):
a fight with the spirit.
There's this tug of war for theresources of our lives.
It says this you, my brothersand sisters, were called to be
free, but do not use yourfreedom to indulge in the flesh.
Rather, serve one anotherhumbly in love, for the entire
law is fulfilled in keeping thisone command love your neighbor
(04:42):
as yourself.
And Tracy being my closestneighbor, your wife being my
closest neighbor, your wifebeing your closest neighbor,
your husband being your closestneighbor.
This really hits home.
Verse 15 says if you bite anddevour each other, watch out or
you will be destroyed by eachother.
And boy have we seen this inmarriages.
So I say 16 says walk by theSpirit and you will not gratify
(05:03):
the desires of the flesh by theSpirit and you will not gratify
the desires of the flesh, forthe flesh desires what is
contrary to the Spirit and theSpirit what is contrary to the
flesh.
They're in conflict with eachother, so that you are not to do
whatever you want to do.
But if you're led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And that's really what this is all about flesh
versus spirit.
Because if we don't evaluateand line up our lives with God's
word, we're just going to veeroff into the flesh.
And it goes on in verse 19 ofGalatians 5, what the flesh is
going to produce?
Sexual immorality, impurity,idolatry which boy priorities
fall right into that categoryEven hatred and discord.
(05:41):
When I'm trying to get my wayand you're trying to get yours,
that creates that dissensionbetween us.
There's selfish ambition.
Well, I think you get thepicture.
The list can go on.
But here's the obvious oppositeof that list and I bet you have
heard this before the fruit ofthe spirit.
Right, the fruit of the spirit.
When we follow what he asks usto do is all these awesome
(06:02):
things that affect our marriagein awesome ways Love, joy, peace
, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control, and against any ofthose things there's no law.
I'm going to finish with thisverse from Galatians 5.24.
Those who belong to ChristJesus have crucified the flesh
with its passions and desires.
There's some evaluating goingon in the person that's willing
(06:23):
to do that.
Since we live by the Spirit,let us keep in step with the
Spirit.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So your marriage is in this constant battle between
the urgent and the important.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
So who or what would you say is winning at the moment
?
In your life?
Now, I know you've probablyheard a lot of sermons, a lot of
speeches about having the rightpriorities, and I think that
when we hear the word priorities, david, there's like one of
four reactions to that.
I think number one we can feelactually guilty sometimes when
confronted with the fact thatyour priorities are not in the
(06:57):
right order.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, also, we can feel justified in hearing
someone else tell us what ourpriorities should be, justified
in hearing someone else tell uswhat our priorities should be,
knowing that we've pretty muchgot it right and we can sit back
and finally not have to be souptight about this.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
And the third one would be that we see the need
for change.
We hear the word priorities andyou're like, yep, you know what
, I do need to make some changes.
So we feel motivated and nowthat we know what needs to
happen, we decide to dosomething about it.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Or number four.
We're constantly questioningourselves, never really certain
of what our priorities are.
We burn more emotionalresources actually in reviewing
our priorities than actuallydoing something about it.
So today, on Vows to Keep Radio, we're going.
We burn more emotionalresources actually in reviewing
our priorities than actuallydoing something about it.
So today, on Vows to Keep Radio, we're going to be talking
about what a priority is, somegreat examples in scripture that
we can learn from and whypriorities matter in our
(07:48):
marriage, especially in how Godwants us to set those priorities
.
You've heard the saying whatmatters most gets the most.
The squeaky wheel gets thegrease, as they say.
So normally there becomes acertain catalyst, something that
causes us to all of a suddenscrutinize our lives.
And we just came back from ahospital visiting family who was
(08:10):
walking down this road.
For you, maybe it's a job,maybe it's a move across the
country.
What's causing you to evaluatewhat you have at the top of your
list?
Sometimes it's more job, maybeit's a move across the country.
What's causing you to evaluatewhat you have at the top of your
list?
Sometimes it's more subtle inthese extreme examples.
Perhaps you're running on emptyevery single day, just trying
to keep your head above waterand you're wondering is this all
there is to life?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Maybe all of your pursuits aren't really buying
for you the promised happinessthat they initially offered.
In the back of your mind,you're thinking okay, maybe I've
just missed something along theway, so I'm going to try making
this the priority instead, andlet's see how that goes.
You got to think about it thisway.
Life is life.
We all have to make these smallshifts in our choices and our
schedules constantly andactually I do mean constantly
(08:52):
because sin and the enemy causeus to do the old switcheroo all
the time.
All of a sudden, hey, we've gotthe number one thing, the
number one thing, and then twominutes later it's already down
at number 10.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
The reality is that, in the end, what matters most to
us comes out on top andeverything else falls below it.
You've got a list.
Your life tells a story, andrarely is there any ties in that
.
When it comes to priorities,there's always a pecking order.
So if the squeaky wheel getsthe grease, where is the grease
going to?
Perhaps the wrong place?
What capacity from your life isbeing robbed from where it's
(09:30):
actually needed to serve God, toserve something it shouldn't be
?
Maybe sometimes we need toleave something ungreased, I
guess is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yes.
Do I want to see my face in myscrubbed floors or do I want to
see God's kingdom come?
Sometimes I got to leave thefloors alone.
There's not one person on earthwho's walking around
missionless right now.
That mission, those priorities,no matter how small minded they
, not only determine ourdirection but ultimately how our
(09:59):
entire lives play out.
Our list affects those aroundus, especially those that we're
closest to.
There's not one marriage in theworld that's not affected by
the priority list of theirspouse.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
God prioritizes us, not because he has to, but
because he loves you.
He wants you.
So the question is will youprioritize him?
Will you prioritize what heasked for?
Let's say, you just got thebiggest promotion of your life.
Your most cherished dreams arenow fulfilled.
So what's the first thing thatyou would do?
(10:31):
Would you give away your car?
No, would you give away yourhouse?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I just got a promotion.
I don't think I'd give it away.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
How about your wedding ring?
No, probably not.
No, I'm going to keep that.
So that's basically what a guydoes in the Bible.
When he was made king and we'regoing to talk about this
amazing example he gave up atreasure worth countless amounts
of money and his name is KingSolomon.
He's someone in the Bible whohad his priorities in order and
(11:01):
then he got duped by sin and anenemy and took them all out of
whack.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
You can read his story in the Old Testament we're
going to be in 2 Chronicles 1,where it talks about how, when
Solomon became king, he took allthe leaders of Israel and he
led them to a place of worship.
So he gets this big job,promotion and he's like guys,
we're going to give glory whereglory is due.
That's super cool.
So he sacrifices some bulls onthe altar, not one or two, or 10
, or a hundred, a thousand ofthem.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
That's an awful lot.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It is so telling of where his heart is at.
Our actions always show what'sgoing on inside.
He's saying God, you're my Lord, everything I've got is yours
and I'm going to honor you withwhat I do.
And not only that, if you keepreading Solomon's story.
That day he prayed that Godwould grant him the wisdom to
lead the nation of Israel.
That's quite a request.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
It is.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
He didn't ask for wealth or long life or fame.
He had his priorities in order.
He put God first, worshiped himonly and then said God,
everything you've given me isyours.
How can I best be a steward ofthat?
You've entrusted me with this.
Okay, here I go.
I need wisdom, god says.
I'm going to answer a prayerlike that.
(12:12):
It sounds like such a greatsetup for our own lives, david.
But if you've ever heard ofKing Solomon before, you've ever
read his story, you canprobably guess where this is
heading.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
That's not a great beginning that makes a great
ending.
It's the small, little choicesthat we make every day to keep
the number one thing, the numberone thing, and those things
determine the outcomes.
Eventually, he chases aftermany of the things that tear him
down.
He chases after many of thethings that tear him down.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Solomon fell in the areas of sexual immorality,
impurity, debauchery, idolatryand more.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
He placed personal pleasures as more important than
God's best for him, which ledhim to do a lot of very
detestable things.
He eventually worships othergods, builds altars to them.
He no longer considered thatthe Lord was his only God.
His loyalties became divided,His priorities were not in order
, and this caused his life totopple.
(13:06):
The question is will we bespirit-led or Solomon-led?
Will we be Tracy-led orDavid-led?
Which one are we?
Because we can't be both.
We can't be led by the Lord andled by ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
The priorities of our hearts set the priorities of
our lives.
So what do the things you makethe most margin for in your life
Tell your spouse or your friendor your coworker about who is
leading you Growing up?
Did you have maybe an oldersibling who made some mistakes,
an example that you watched andyou said to yourself, hey, I'm
never going to go down that path?
(13:40):
Well, we have that here, david,in the life of King Solomon, an
example of what not to do, andit's an amazing life lesson, if
we'll pay attention to it, totake note of where we've held
something in higher regard.
Maybe we started off on theright foot.
We really did mean it at thebeginning.
We were committed, but evensometimes the most heartfelt
decisions we can veer off whenwe make something other than God
(14:03):
, our greatest desire.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Solomon is this classic example of what we as
humans do.
We have these great moments ofhumility, life surrender, and
then we go back to what we thinkis right.
Proverbs 3 says don't be wisein your own eyes.
And really, maybe that's whereSolomon's life started to go
south.
He had been given a great giftwisdom beyond what any person
(14:26):
had ever experienced.
And maybe he's starting tothink to himself yep, I am all
that in a box of chocolates.
I got this figured out.
Pride is a priority derailer.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Where has your pride been a derailer to your original
intent or calling?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
This is such a simple fix and I want you to hear this
today, because God made it veryclear to Solomon that he would
continue to bless him if hecontinued to obey God and his
commands.
So our priorities can be boileddown to the basics.
They equal either obedience ordisobedience to God's word.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
God's number one command to us, if you look at
God's word, is to love the Lord,your God, with all your heart,
all your soul and all your mind.
And it's so interesting when wefollow that one command.
Guess what happens If God isnumber one and you keep him
there.
You won't have to work so hardto keep all the other things in
the right order, because he'sgoing to order your life.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
God prioritizes us, not because he has to, but
because he loves you, he wantsyou.
Will you prioritize him?
Can you deprioritize the stuffthat he isn't asking you to do?
Because obedience is often justsaying no.
It's killing something thatneeds to die as a priority, and
that's not easy to do.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's hard.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So what do you need to say no to?
What disobedience needs to stop?
If this thing could die, whatwould be the good that would
come out of it?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I think priorities can fall into all kinds of
different categories, but let'stalk about the priority of
comfort just for a second.
Now.
I'm all for enjoying a movie onthe couch, David, or maybe even
propped up in bed.
I got my jammies on, got my icecream with extra peanut butter,
maybe some popcorn.
Hey, I'm in my element, butit's interesting.
You think about comfort andthat's kind of what I shoot for
(16:12):
right away.
But comfort really can take allkinds of different forms.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
That's right.
For most of us men, comforttakes the form of peace, a lack
of confronting those things thatare uncomfortable.
So this is why so many men failto spiritually lead, just like
my friend Sean was strugglingwith.
So many Christians want to stayaway from that level of
discipleship, because it meansmaking a priority of being God's
(16:36):
hands and feet in otherpeople's lives, without any
attempt at personal gain.
Let's face it, there's a lot oftimes where it's easier to be
married to our jobs than just todeal with what's going on at
home.
And that's pretty much whereSean and I were struggling,
because we had slowly becomepeople working hours well beyond
what was normal, to the degreethat a new normal is becoming
(16:57):
established.
We had basically married ourjobs.
So, taken to extremes, you mightsay, okay, well, what are you
going to do?
Divorce your job?
No, we're both the breadwinnersin our family.
We couldn't do that.
But what has to happen is wehave to raise the accountability
to the level where we realizewhat's actually required within
our marriage.
God prioritizes you, notbecause he has to, but because
(17:21):
he loves you, he wants you.
So he's asking you.
Will you prioritize him andwill you deprioritize what he
isn't asking you to.
Will you prioritize what hedoes ask you to do?
Will you take on his purposefor our lives?
This is that little thingcalled being obedient you were
talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I think we discredit obedience as something that's
going to massively direct ourlives.
We kind of shy away from it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah, god asks us, though, to take care of and
nurture our marriages, and hesays this in Ephesians that a
husband should take care of hiswife just as he would take care
of himself.
He should love her like Christloved the church, but in our
culture, that seems prettyoptional.
We've been in this positionwhere we slough off a little bit
and there's not an immediateexplosion, and we're fooled into
(18:06):
continuing down this wrong path.
We start to get to that pointwhere we put our friends or our
hobbies or our work above ourmarriage, and it almost seems
like, hey, nothing is wrong here, everything is the status quo.
And if you don't have to dealwith that drama at home and you
get to spend some time doingsomething you enjoy with easier
(18:26):
people, why not?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Let's look at John, chapter two, because something
interesting happens when Jesusperforms his first public
miracle.
Do you remember what it is?
It's that wedding party.
They'd run out of wine.
The servants are standing by.
They're kind of wondering whatto do, because the guests are
expecting this.
So Jesus' mother is there andhe tells the guests one simple
thing.
She says do whatever he tellsyou.
(18:49):
And then, in their obedience,what happens?
Well, they get a miracle, anoverabundance of what they could
never have come up with ontheir own.
And sometimes, what Jesus isasking of us, it takes us out of
our comfort zone.
In fact, a lot of times itrequires a lot of humility.
Does it feel like he's pruningyou by asking you to obey him?
(19:09):
If you're waiting for Jesus toact on your behalf, do one
simple thing, just like theservants that were standing by,
when you hear his request, dowhatever he tells you to do.
And we know what he tells us.
It's plain in his word, it'snot a mystery.
You don't have to wait for avoice from heaven.
David, it is right in his wordto love the Lord, your God, and
(19:31):
him only to love your neighbor,your spouse, as yourself.
That's it.
If our obedience is onlypartial, though.
If you're trying to have yourcake and eat it too, then that's
not actually true obedience.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yeah, we're going to look at another example.
That's like that.
Sometimes the Lord does havesome special instructions and
our flesh fights for our ownpriorities, sometimes alongside
God's priorities.
If we were going to pull oneover In the Old Testament,
no-transcript, the Lord wantedSaul to fight this people group
(20:03):
and destroy them.
Saul and his armies were not totake any prisoners and they
weren't to bring home anyanimals.
Well, Saul goes out to fightthe battle and of course, he
doesn't obey the Lord.
His army didn't obey the Lordeither.
They captured the enemy kingand took all the best animals.
So here's Saul, super proud ofhimself, and what does he do?
He goes and builds a monumentto himself.
(20:25):
When Samuel told Saul that hehad disobeyed the Lord, Saul
does what we all start doing.
First he even denies that ithad happened.
Then he said, well, it wasn'tme, it was the soldiers that did
happened.
Then he said, well, it wasn'tme, it was the soldiers that did
it.
And then he said the soldiersmade him do it.
(20:45):
Saul did obey by taking on theenemy, but he added his own spin
on the command.
In the end, his actions turnedhis heart against God, Just like
what Solomon did and what youread Trace, are you living only
partially in what God has asked?
Is God and what he asks of yousomewhere on your list, but not
at the top?
Full obedience is God's bestfor you and it's his best for
your marriage as well.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
All right.
So as we conclude here today onVows to Keep Radio, let's get a
little bit practical.
Let's take a moment to processthis lesson through life and
marriage, we will be badstewards, sometimes unable to
manage priorities, until werealize that everything we have
comes from God.
It is from His hand, it's fromHis good hand to you as a gift.
So if you're feeling a tug onyour heart to reprioritize,
(21:29):
start by recognizing that God isyour provider.
Not our money, not ourpossessions, not our health, not
even our own.
Marriage is by our own doing,and neither is our time our own.
We are all given the samenumber of hours in a day.
Our lives have an expirationdate on them.
So we got to take this stuffseriously.
Psalm 90 says teach us, lord,to number our days so that we
(21:50):
can gain a heart of wisdom.
We don't want to ask for wisdomlike Solomon did and then just
toss it to the side.
We want to live in wisdom.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
When we do ask that of God, he helps us to see that
our lives, our days are not oursto begin with.
They are gifts from his hands,and this is such a simple yet
profound thought.
If we're humble enough to admitthis, then it's actually super
easy to put God in that place offirst priority and let the
truth of his word guide whereall of these resources,
(22:19):
including our time, where ourlife, is headed under his
direction.
God prioritizes us, not becausehe has to.
He loves you, he wants you.
Will you pursue him?
Will you be in pursuit of whathe asks you to in your marriage?
Wholeheartedly so?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Remember the priorities of our heart.
Set the priorities of our lives.
We said that earlier.
Walk away with that today.
Every outward action that youever have expresses something
inwardly that you're pursuingOur actions.
Speak what means the most to us.
People whose priorities are offare people whose purpose is off
.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So what are God's priorities?
First of all, it is you.
That's why Jesus went to thecross, but it's also to know him
in such a way that you'd wantto make him known to others.
It's that you'd be a steward ofwhat he gives, including and
especially your marriage, toshow the love of a Savior for us
as sinners, to a world thatneeds to see it.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Powerful pursuit is shown by making margin for what
matters most.
Don't believe your own lies.
It's too easy to do that.
Don't just prioritize what youfeel you can't live without.
Don't be deceived that therereally is no other choice.
It's just the way it has to be.
Biblically, shifting prioritiesequals pursuit of God's best
for your life and for yourmarriage.
Romans 12 says don't copy thebehavior and customs of this
(23:42):
world, but let God transform youinto a new person by changing
the way that you think.
Then you'll learn to know God'swill for you, which is good and
pleasing and perfect.
Find more at VowsToKeepcom.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:24):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities, but
would like to help support Vowsto Keep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on thedonate link.
Like what you heard today onVows to Keep Radio, listen to
(24:45):
more life-changing broadcasts atVowsToKeepcom.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
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