June 9, 2025 • 24 mins
The False Promise of Happily Ever After :: [Ep. 272]
Join us this week as we debunk the entitlement myth that pervades modern marriages. We are challenging couples to reevaluate their lives through the lens of God's purpose rather than personal paradise. We will explore how cultural expectations and fairytale narratives create dangerous assumptions about what marriage should provide.
We will be talking about the following:
• Marriage wasn't designed to be perfect—it was designed to be purposeful
• God created marriage for dual purposes
• The pursuit of earthly paradise leads to disappointment and destructive behaviors
• Nothing on earth was meant to be permanent or fully satisfying
• Shifting our expectations from spouse-centered to God-centered
• Action steps needed to move forward in the right direction
We hope you are helped and encouraged! Be sure to join us next week for part four of the Powerful Pursuit series: "Why Your Spouse Should Be Your Closest Friend."
For episode transcripts, click HERE.
For more marriage encouragement, visit: www.VowsToKeep.com | V2K Blog | Marriage Counseling | Insta | FB
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hey, we are David and Tracy Sellers.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
And, like you, we have made vows to keep.
I've been working on a prettyfun project with my 13-year-old
daughter.
For those that don't know,we're building a 1960 Volkswagen
.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
It's going to be so cute when it's done like mint
green.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
It is.
It is, and we've been weldingon new body parts and cutting
out rust has been a prettyintense project and it's one
that has required us to gosearch for parts because we
bought it as a project car.
So here I am on FacebookMarketplace and I put in like VW
bug parts, scrolling throughtons of pictures, and
periodically on the screenthere's these women.
(00:59):
They're fully clothed but Imean looking real lusty eyed at
me trying to sell tools andobviously it's junk that this
woman has never used.
She's like a hired model, andit occurred to me the other day.
Why does this work?
I mean, why don't they have apicture of an overweight farmer
in bib overalls trying to sellthese tools?
Because he's the guy who'slikely to actually have had some
(01:19):
experience, he could recommendthe tool with some authority,
but they don't do that becausethat's not who we, as the person
, are trying to market to wantto be.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's not who you want to be with.
They're trying to say, if youbuy this, this is the girl you
can be with.
But I don't think it's a wholelot different for women, because
I'm watching these homerenovation shows and so all of a
sudden I want my house to looklike that.
I look at the Smiths down thestreet and see how they've got
their stuff and boy it surewouldn't my life be better if I
had that.
You can look at Pinterest andFacebook, and the list can go on
(01:51):
, and the message is really outthere.
It says your life should looklike this and if it does, you're
going to be happy.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, go grab this for yourself.
The imagery, as you say.
It's a little bit different forguys and girls, but the message
is the same.
This is perfection and this iswhat you want, and it creates
something scary a paradise, ifyou will, that we go pursue.
1 John 2.16 describes it as thelust of the flesh, the lust of
the eyes, the pride of life, andit's basically everything the
(02:20):
world has to offer, and notthings from the Father in heaven
.
Above it is a picture that ispainted perfectly for me to go
pursue.
In fact, if you know anythingabout artificial intelligence
and how websites work, they havedeveloped an algorithm to try
to understand how they can bestmarket to you.
So today, on Vast Keep Radio,our goal is to debunk this myth,
(02:44):
debunk the entitlement myth.
Help us to reevaluate our lives, looking at things through the
lens of purpose, and not forourselves, but a purpose that
will outlast us.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yes, this is part three in our Powerful Pursuit
series.
Really be looking today at whatare we pursuing, because these
mentalities we've been talkingabout, they not only invade our
homes, david, they invade ourmarriages, and I know guys have
that entitlement in a differentway than girls do.
So talk about that, for asecond.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, sure, I mean.
I think a lot of us guys we getmarried and we think, well,
this woman should adore me allthe time.
And I do this woman should wantto have sex with me anytime I
want it.
We get entitled in our view ofwhat this relationship, how it
should serve me.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And for girls, I see it in the presumption of you're
always going to be there for me,you're always going to pay
attention to the desires of myheart, and not only that, you're
going to work really hard tomeet those desires.
But it's interesting that whenwe start to think this way, it
alters the expectations we haveof each other.
Now, all of a sudden, you oweme my dreams, david, and that
(03:50):
gives me license to well, let'sjust call it what it is.
It gives me license to sin.
It gives me license to go frombeing pleasant and kind and
patient to being a nag, frombeing a tenderhearted giver
who's looking on how I can meetyour needs to now, all of a
sudden, saying hey, I'm going todemand my way.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
So if you've been married for more than about two
weeks, you are well aware of thefact that you married a sinner,
and so did they, and thefairytale charade that we
envisioned on the day that wewere married isn't going to
deliver.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I remember a friend talking to me a few years after
she got married and she waspretty upset and I didn't quite
understand it at first.
But as she got going shebasically said I wish someone
would have told me the truthabout marriage.
That someone would have spokenup and said just because you
guys have the same last namedoesn't mean you're going to
have happily ever after.
She felt gypped, david.
She felt fooled.
She wishes someone would havetold her the truth.
(04:45):
Now, you wanted a great lifewith your spouse.
There's nothing wrong with that.
You wanted to share your lifewith them.
But maybe that hasn't been areality for you for the last
year or 40 years.
So you might be saying, hey,listen, chick, marriage is not
cool, you shouldn't do it, itdoesn't work.
I've been there.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yeah, we set the expectation even when our kids
are even very little.
I remember reading stories toour daughters when they were
real little and all thestorybooks all end with and they
lived happily ever after yeah.
And that's pretty much how ourwedding ended, didn't it?
Isn't that what he said?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
That's what Pastor Rob said when he sent us down
the aisle.
Not exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, but things don't go like we planned.
And then we begin to doubt.
We have these thoughts Did Imarry the wrong person?
Did I miss God's will for mylife in marrying this person?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, things aren't going right.
So we start thinking that wayand if that's you, you've been
there or maybe you're thereright now.
Let's talk just you and us,today about pursuing paradise
and what paradise you areactually pursuing, about God's
plan for your life and yourmarriage, and about the truth of
these things and the root ofthose questions, and then let's
make some forward progress fromhere.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
We are sadly programmed to think that
happiness in marriage isautomatic simply because we now
share the same address.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So here's the lie.
If marriage is the problem,divorce or never getting married
in the first place would be thesolution right.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Another lie.
If this girl isn't making mehappy, or if this guy is not
making you happy, someone elsestill could, and maybe I need to
go out and do a little lookingaround.
But this is where it gets alittle awkward, because God
actually did create us toultimately live in a paradise,
and we will get there.
But in the meantime, we have tounderstand that acting on these
(06:30):
lies that we've just talkedabout is where the real
destruction takes place.
We forget that our marriagesare actually here for two
purposes and that when we livein the here and now by God's
word, we can actually fulfillthose.
The first purpose I want totalk about is to prepare us for
a forever with our maker.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Absolutely, and that's not something I think
about very often.
I don't think about that.
This relationship is like arefiner's fire.
It's meant to show what's in myheart and then I can make that
right with the Lord and with you.
And I love how you said, david,that our marriages are for two
purposes.
They are dual purpose, becausethe second thing is that God has
intended for your marriage toreflect your Savior's love to
(07:14):
your spouse every single day.
And then when other people seethat love, then they're going to
see a reflection of theSavior's love for them.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
That is why God created marriage.
That's why God handpicked youto be with your spouse.
Both of these purposes bringglory to God, and they put the
gospel on display to a worldthat desperately needs to see
the meaning of what God's lovelooks like.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
We just talked about the purpose of marriage.
But when I was wearing whiteand looking for your eyes
meeting mine down the aisle, Iwasn't thinking about the
purpose of my marriage fromGod's point of view.
It's like when I met you, Ijust wanted you to ask me out,
or when we were dating, I justwanted you to propose.
I was just looking at that nextlittle baby step in front of me
.
I couldn't see very far downthe road or why we were even
(08:01):
doing the same.
Of course I wanted to give youmy love and I wanted you to love
me in return.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But we can't stop there.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, and unfortunately that is where a
lot of people do stop.
They'll stick their head in ahole at that point and say gosh,
I mean, I'm assumingeverything's going to work out
good from here.
And so many marriages crossthat wedding finish line only to
realize that they actuallyhaven't crossed the finish line
at all.
They have missed the fact thattheir goal in marriage can't
(08:30):
simply be to please themselvesor to have their spouse please
them or them to please theirspouse.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I think when we get to that point and a lot of us
have we become reallynearsighted.
David, you just got glassesrecently.
You can probably speak to thisbetter than me.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Yeah, everything that's right in front of us,
that's what we run toward.
The stuff that's easy in frontof us.
That's what we run toward, thestuff that's easy to get right,
the easy pleasures, thelow-hanging fruit, as we call it
in the business world.
But we can't just focus on alife that's lived day in, day
out.
We have to be thinking about ayear from now or maybe even 10
years from now.
We have to be thinking abouteternity.
(09:07):
We have to live in such a waythat we don't let the princess
mentality that those storybookweddings seem to promise put
blinders on our eyes for what wewere really created to be doing
, for what our marriages werereally created to be doing.
There's so much more that Godhas designed for you and for
your marriage, all to tell aworld that desperately needs to
(09:30):
know of the gospel of JesusChrist.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So you're listening to us today.
You might be saying, guys, youhave no idea what my marriage is
like.
My home is a wreck.
I'm just trying to stay afloathere.
I'm just trying to get uptomorrow morning and just keep
going.
If that's where you're at, thenwe're really glad you're here,
because we're going to talkabout how God has, first of all,
not intended your marriage tobe perfect.
(09:53):
It was meant to be used by God.
In fact, nothing that we cansee or touch has any intention
of lasting forever.
Nothing is intended to beperfect.
That's not how God created it.
You look at our bodies, ourpossessions.
Nothing is forever.
David and I just bought aleather couch off of our
possessions.
Nothing is forever.
David and I just bought aleather couch off of Craigslist,
which is awesome.
We love getting deals like that.
(10:14):
But guess what, david?
It already has like an inchlong boo-boo on one of the seats
.
Yeah, I don't even know where itcame from.
And those hardwood floors thatyou just took a home equity line
and credit out to redo so youcould have that forever home.
Guess what, it's not yourforever home and somebody else
is going to come in one day andrip up those floors and redo the
house.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
So you're saying the Volkswagen bug that Hope and I
are restoring isn't going tolast for forever?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
then yeah, someday it's going to be in the scrap
heap or maybe someone else isgoing to redo it, but you know
what?
It's actually okay.
It's actually totally cool thatour time here is just brief.
Our bodies weren't meant tolast Our life.
Here is just a shadow of what'sto come.
We are gearing up to go fromtemporary to eternal, and that's
(11:00):
awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
So if your home is a wreck, what we want you to hear
is that God is not done with you.
He's given us a lot of toolsfor success.
When we read in his word, webegin to see that even if we're
the only one in our home who'sinvesting, he tells us how to
treat each other.
He says this is how to saythings between each other and
(11:22):
maybe what not to say right,those selfish thoughts we got to
hold on to the judgment.
He teaches us aboutexpectations and intimacy.
And if we read in 2 Peter,chapter 1, he gives us
everything we need to know tolive a godly life.
And when we follow hiscommandments for us, we realize
that obedience does bringblessings.
It is literally that simple.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
So here's a little bit of homework for you guys.
I want you to read through thebook of Ephesians, and if that
seems a little long, becauseit's six chapters, that's okay.
Start with chapters four andfive.
Such great blueprints, david,for how we should talk to each
other, what's really going on inour hearts and how that comes
out in the way that we speak.
If people put Ephesians fourand five into practice in their
(12:06):
marriage and homes, our entirenation and world would change
dramatically.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
So what about you?
Maybe there's some of us thatright now are saying I have not
let go of the hope of happilyever after.
What about the paradise that Iam holding on to?
Maybe your wife doesn't hold onto your every word like she
used to hang on to it.
Maybe there's no friendshipbetween us to brighten the day
when those days are dark.
Maybe your husband is sodistracted that he doesn't even
(12:33):
see you anymore.
Your marriage may not bepicturesque.
It may not be what you dreamedit would be, and you may have
actually strived very hard tomake it that way.
You may still be striving toput everything right so that
your happily ever after canstill come.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
So what does that look like in your life?
For me, over the last few yearsI've been trying to bring to
fruition a dream that David andI have had from the beginning of
our marriage.
Maybe I shouldn't say trying tobring to fruition, it's just
something I've been reallyhoping that would happen, and
it's not a bad dream.
In fact I really do hope thatsomeday God is going to grant
that.
But where I can get off trackis by just firmly saying I have
(13:13):
to have this, I need this,otherwise I'm going to suffer.
And when I start to put thosethings in a place of priority
that doesn't belong same with myactions, hey, I'm not going to
be happy.
Unless this happens, then ourmarriage starts to suffer.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah, it's crazy that we can do the same thing with
material possessions like housesand cars.
I mean, we may not have thecastle on the hill, but we work
like crazy to have the besthouse on the block and we can go
deeply in debt, sometimes evenasking our bankers to work magic
with the numbers so we can geta loan for a car we really can't
afford, and knock the socks offof anyone who sees us driving
(13:51):
around town.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's just evidence that we easily default to
pursuing paradise here ratherthan pursuing paradise in our
eternity.
We've got to ask ourselveswhere have I made something an
idol in my life?
What am I chasing after?
Or, at the very least, what amI letting be a distraction
against going after what God hasactually called me to do?
Jesus gives us a heads up onthis, david in Luke 12, where he
(14:16):
says don't worry about thesethings.
He's saying don't pursue thethings.
You can see right now Sayingwhat will we eat, what will we
drink, what will we wear when?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
will we live.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Very practical stuff.
These things, he says, dominatethe thoughts of unbelievers.
But your heavenly fatheralready knows all your needs,
he's saying.
Your God is the best providerin the world.
You don't need to chase afterthese things.
Instead, seek the kingdom ofGod above all else.
Live righteously and he's goingto give you everything that you
need.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
God knows us so well.
Jesus is saying these thingsbecause he knows that our
temporary goals of pursuingthese things is going to
interfere with our ability toactually pursue his paradise.
So we live divided andtherefore we live defeated.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I've seen that played out in my life a number of
times.
Has pursuing paradise put youin the position of expecting
heaven on earth?
It has for me for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I think a fast cure is to go look at Colossians 3.
It says this since you've beenraised to new life with Christ,
set your sights on the realitiesof heaven, where Christ sits in
the place of honor at God'sright hand.
Think about the things ofheaven, not the things of earth,
for you died this life and yourreal life is hidden with Christ
(15:33):
in God.
And when Christ, who is yourlife, is revealed to the whole
world, you will share in all hisglory.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
So I want to ask you what's the main thing that gets
your eyes off of Christ andpursuing his paradise?
What is the thing that'sdistracting you from his purpose
for your marriage?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
If we don't see heaven as a reality, if we doubt
and forget where we're headed.
We need to take some time andactually remember that and
actually renew our minds withGod's word.
I want to direct us to 1 Peter,chapter 1.
It says I'm going to jump intoverse 17 first and then we'll
back up after this.
It says I'm going to jump intoverse 17 first and then we'll
back up after this.
It says since you call on afather who judges each person's
(16:14):
work impartially, live out yourtime as foreigners here in
reverent fear, for you know thatit was not with perishable
things such as silver or goldthat you were redeemed from the
empty way of life handed down toyou by your ancestors, but and
this is a big but with theprecious blood of Christ, a lamb
(16:38):
without blemish or defect.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I love how that verse reminds us that we are
temporary residents.
Just passing through on our wayto our permanent home Earth was
never meant to fulfill orsatisfy.
Instead, we're headed somewhereso much better.
So, like David said, we'regoing to back up in 1 Peter 1.
Here let's go to verse 3 and 4,because it's by his great mercy
that we have been born again,again, remembering what God has
(17:01):
done for us and where we'reheaded, because God raised Jesus
Christ from the dead.
So now we live with greatexpectation and we have a
priceless inheritance, aninheritance that is kept in
heaven for us.
It's pure and undefiled andit's beyond the reach of change
and decay, so opposite ofeverything that we can see
around us.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
And this is a happily ever after that we can actually
believe in.
It's a paradise that we canpursue.
God is preparing and preservingfor you a future that you've
always dreamed of and never beenable to conjure up.
This side of heaven, and thismindset should cause us to shift
our priorities and our goalstoday.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So those verses, coupled with where Jesus was
talking in Luke 12 about notworrying, should give us a new
drive for getting up in themorning.
God tells us we have aninheritance that he's preserving
for us.
So let's break that down as welook forward to that inheritance
in Christ.
When he comes and takes us home, we are promised heaven.
Righteousness dwells there.
(18:00):
It's this picture-perfectfuture that awaits us.
So first of all, he says yourinheritance is priceless, david,
and we know that because Jesuspurchased it with his own blood
and there's no way we could everearn our way into that.
It's a gift to you and I andit's going to be amazing.
And secondly, this verse tellsus that our inheritance is
(18:20):
reserved for us and kept inheaven.
It's far from decay, likeeverything here.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, knowing what awaits we have.
To echo Hebrews 11, verse 10.
It says confidently, lookingforward to a city with eternal
foundations, a city designed andbuilt by God.
Finally, our eternity and oureternal home is pure and
undefiled.
It is beyond the reach of decaythat we see happen all around
us today.
(18:47):
In all of our relationships,everything will be how God
originally intended it to be,and that's that paradise we were
talking about earlier on.
These truths from 1 Peter are agreat reminder that I really do
have a happily ever aftercoming.
Maybe you don't have thefairytale marriage right now to
a spouse who really can't grantevery wish, but we have a living
(19:09):
, glorious Savior who has givenus a hope and given us a future.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
So we can pursue God and one day be with him in
paradise, knowing that we didstrive here, we did push forward
with our marriage, david, wedid seek to be like Christ and
even if it's not perfect, whatwe're doing now does make a
difference.
I can make a difference in yourlife and you can make a
difference in mine, and itreaches eternity.
And let me tell you, it's adaily, sometimes hourly thing to
(19:37):
make decisions that are goingto affect what I cannot see.
God tells us to store up ourtreasures in heaven, and that
doesn't come by anything otherthan saying, god, I'm laying
down my will my way and I'mdoing it your way.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Yeah, too often we don't see the immediate outcome
when we sacrifice for someoneelse, and this is where we
forget that the way that weactually get the advantage of
those the benefits, if you willis by touching the kingdom of
God.
Not only do we do things thatbenefit God, but we see the
reward of that when we get toheaven.
And I think too often we areshort-sighted.
(20:12):
We can't make that kind ofinvestment.
I default to trying to arrangesomething perfect for me here,
and now and being in pursuit ofme, like we were saying before,
we push off what the truepurpose is for our marriage.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
We don't see that God never intended for us to try
and fill up our love cupentirely in our marriage.
I should not hang all myhappiness on you, david, even
though you do make me very happy.
It's not your responsibility tofulfill all my expectations for
a picture-perfect life.
That's setting you up forfailure.
So I want to ask you where haveyou set your hope?
Is it in your spouse?
(20:48):
Or maybe you've given up onthat and now you've placed it in
your career, or your kids, oryour home and possessions, your
personal pleasure?
Even All these pale incomparison to that inheritance
that we were talking about, thatwe have in Christ.
So here's two action points aswe start to conclude today on
Vows to Keep Radio.
Number one we can put all ofour hope in the gracious
(21:10):
salvation that 1 Peter 1.13talks about, that's going to be
coming to us when Jesus Christis revealed to the world.
We can set our hope in theright place.
You can take action on thattoday, evaluate where your hope
is and shift it over to Christ.
And number two we can do whatJesus was talking about in Luke,
chapter 12, david, aboutseeking the kingdom of God above
(21:31):
all else and trusting that he'sgoing to give us everything we
need.
Let's keep reading in thatchapter for just a minute in
Luke 12.
In verse 32, he says so don'tbe afraid, little flock, for it
gives your father greathappiness to give you the
kingdom.
Sell your possessions and giveto those in need.
And in your marriage I can hearhim almost saying lay down your
(21:51):
life, lay down your preferencesfor your spouse.
Don't worry about providing foryourself.
I'm going to take care of you.
This will store up for youtreasures in heaven.
And the purses of heaven, hesays, never get old.
They don't develop holes.
Your treasure is going to besafe.
No thief can steal it.
No moth can destroy it.
Praise God for that.
Wherever your treasure is there, the desires of your heart will
(22:13):
be also.
Jesus goes on to say in verse35 of Luke 12, be dressed for
service.
Keep your lamps burning, asthough you were waiting for your
master to return from thewedding feast.
Then you'll be ready to openthe door and let him in the
moment he arrives and knocks.
Speaking and acting in the nameof Jesus and through the power
of the Holy Spirit will keep youalways ready for his return.
(22:33):
Those kind of beliefs changethe way we act.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
When we go to be with Jesus, we will see.
This place and theserelationships were just simply
never meant to satisfy thelonging that's in each of our
hearts for the things ofeternity.
And in the meantime, whilewe're here, let's shift our
pursuits from wanting God tobless our plans to give to us to
(22:59):
turning our life's plans tobeing about his plans.
Not that we would use ourmarriage selfishly for our own
gain, but that we would see itas a tool that God is using to
shape us and a mirror reflectingChrist to others.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
God is not intended for your marriage to really just
be a way of passing the timeuntil you see him face to face,
until you get that eternalinheritance.
There is so much more this week.
Remember he's giving you apurpose in your marriage to
pursue him first of all, and notyour own definition of paradise
.
God is going to bring youblessing when you do it his way.
(23:36):
So set your sights on therealities of heaven and on
pursuing God's paradise.
Join us next week for part fourof the Powerful Pursuit series
why your Spouse Should Be yourClosest Friend, and find more on
our website, vowstokeepcom.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:21):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities, but
would like to help support Vowsto Keep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
Like what you heard today onVows to Keep Radio, listen to
(24:45):
more life-changing broadcasts atVowsToKeepcom.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
The mission of Vows to Keep isto help couples develop a
biblically healthy marriagethrough the application of God's
Word and a deeper relationshipwith Him.
They desire to help you andyour spouse grow closer to each
other and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hey, we are David and Tracy Sellers.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
And, like you, we have made vows to keep.
I've been working on a prettyfun project with my 13-year-old
daughter.
For those that don't know,we're building a 1960 Volkswagen
.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
It's going to be so cute when it's done like mint
green.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
It is.
It is, and we've been weldingon new body parts and cutting
out rust has been a prettyintense project and it's one
that has required us to gosearch for parts because we
bought it as a project car.
So here I am on FacebookMarketplace and I put in like VW
bug parts, scrolling throughtons of pictures, and
periodically on the screenthere's these women.
(00:59):
They're fully clothed but Imean looking real lusty eyed at
me trying to sell tools andobviously it's junk that this
woman has never used.
She's like a hired model, andit occurred to me the other day.
Why does this work?
I mean, why don't they have apicture of an overweight farmer
in bib overalls trying to sellthese tools?
Because he's the guy who'slikely to actually have had some
(01:19):
experience, he could recommendthe tool with some authority,
but they don't do that becausethat's not who we, as the person
, are trying to market to wantto be.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's not who you want to be with.
They're trying to say, if youbuy this, this is the girl you
can be with.
But I don't think it's a wholelot different for women, because
I'm watching these homerenovation shows and so all of a
sudden I want my house to looklike that.
I look at the Smiths down thestreet and see how they've got
their stuff and boy it surewouldn't my life be better if I
had that.
You can look at Pinterest andFacebook, and the list can go on
(01:51):
, and the message is really outthere.
It says your life should looklike this and if it does, you're
going to be happy.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, go grab this for yourself.
The imagery, as you say.
It's a little bit different forguys and girls, but the message
is the same.
This is perfection and this iswhat you want, and it creates
something scary a paradise, ifyou will, that we go pursue.
1 John 2.16 describes it as thelust of the flesh, the lust of
the eyes, the pride of life, andit's basically everything the
(02:20):
world has to offer, and notthings from the Father in heaven
.
Above it is a picture that ispainted perfectly for me to go
pursue.
In fact, if you know anythingabout artificial intelligence
and how websites work, they havedeveloped an algorithm to try
to understand how they can bestmarket to you.
So today, on Vast Keep Radio,our goal is to debunk this myth,
(02:44):
debunk the entitlement myth.
Help us to reevaluate our lives, looking at things through the
lens of purpose, and not forourselves, but a purpose that
will outlast us.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yes, this is part three in our Powerful Pursuit
series.
Really be looking today at whatare we pursuing, because these
mentalities we've been talkingabout, they not only invade our
homes, david, they invade ourmarriages, and I know guys have
that entitlement in a differentway than girls do.
So talk about that, for asecond.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, sure, I mean.
I think a lot of us guys we getmarried and we think, well,
this woman should adore me allthe time.
And I do this woman should wantto have sex with me anytime I
want it.
We get entitled in our view ofwhat this relationship, how it
should serve me.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And for girls, I see it in the presumption of you're
always going to be there for me,you're always going to pay
attention to the desires of myheart, and not only that, you're
going to work really hard tomeet those desires.
But it's interesting that whenwe start to think this way, it
alters the expectations we haveof each other.
Now, all of a sudden, you oweme my dreams, david, and that
(03:50):
gives me license to well, let'sjust call it what it is.
It gives me license to sin.
It gives me license to go frombeing pleasant and kind and
patient to being a nag, frombeing a tenderhearted giver
who's looking on how I can meetyour needs to now, all of a
sudden, saying hey, I'm going todemand my way.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
So if you've been married for more than about two
weeks, you are well aware of thefact that you married a sinner,
and so did they, and thefairytale charade that we
envisioned on the day that wewere married isn't going to
deliver.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I remember a friend talking to me a few years after
she got married and she waspretty upset and I didn't quite
understand it at first.
But as she got going shebasically said I wish someone
would have told me the truthabout marriage.
That someone would have spokenup and said just because you
guys have the same last namedoesn't mean you're going to
have happily ever after.
She felt gypped, david.
She felt fooled.
She wishes someone would havetold her the truth.
(04:45):
Now, you wanted a great lifewith your spouse.
There's nothing wrong with that.
You wanted to share your lifewith them.
But maybe that hasn't been areality for you for the last
year or 40 years.
So you might be saying, hey,listen, chick, marriage is not
cool, you shouldn't do it, itdoesn't work.
I've been there.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yeah, we set the expectation even when our kids
are even very little.
I remember reading stories toour daughters when they were
real little and all thestorybooks all end with and they
lived happily ever after yeah.
And that's pretty much how ourwedding ended, didn't it?
Isn't that what he said?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
That's what Pastor Rob said when he sent us down
the aisle.
Not exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, but things don't go like we planned.
And then we begin to doubt.
We have these thoughts Did Imarry the wrong person?
Did I miss God's will for mylife in marrying this person?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, things aren't going right.
So we start thinking that wayand if that's you, you've been
there or maybe you're thereright now.
Let's talk just you and us,today about pursuing paradise
and what paradise you areactually pursuing, about God's
plan for your life and yourmarriage, and about the truth of
these things and the root ofthose questions, and then let's
make some forward progress fromhere.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
We are sadly programmed to think that
happiness in marriage isautomatic simply because we now
share the same address.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So here's the lie.
If marriage is the problem,divorce or never getting married
in the first place would be thesolution right.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Another lie.
If this girl isn't making mehappy, or if this guy is not
making you happy, someone elsestill could, and maybe I need to
go out and do a little lookingaround.
But this is where it gets alittle awkward, because God
actually did create us toultimately live in a paradise,
and we will get there.
But in the meantime, we have tounderstand that acting on these
(06:30):
lies that we've just talkedabout is where the real
destruction takes place.
We forget that our marriagesare actually here for two
purposes and that when we livein the here and now by God's
word, we can actually fulfillthose.
The first purpose I want totalk about is to prepare us for
a forever with our maker.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Absolutely, and that's not something I think
about very often.
I don't think about that.
This relationship is like arefiner's fire.
It's meant to show what's in myheart and then I can make that
right with the Lord and with you.
And I love how you said, david,that our marriages are for two
purposes.
They are dual purpose, becausethe second thing is that God has
intended for your marriage toreflect your Savior's love to
(07:14):
your spouse every single day.
And then when other people seethat love, then they're going to
see a reflection of theSavior's love for them.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
That is why God created marriage.
That's why God handpicked youto be with your spouse.
Both of these purposes bringglory to God, and they put the
gospel on display to a worldthat desperately needs to see
the meaning of what God's lovelooks like.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
We just talked about the purpose of marriage.
But when I was wearing whiteand looking for your eyes
meeting mine down the aisle, Iwasn't thinking about the
purpose of my marriage fromGod's point of view.
It's like when I met you, Ijust wanted you to ask me out,
or when we were dating, I justwanted you to propose.
I was just looking at that nextlittle baby step in front of me
.
I couldn't see very far downthe road or why we were even
(08:01):
doing the same.
Of course I wanted to give youmy love and I wanted you to love
me in return.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But we can't stop there.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, and unfortunately that is where a
lot of people do stop.
They'll stick their head in ahole at that point and say gosh,
I mean, I'm assumingeverything's going to work out
good from here.
And so many marriages crossthat wedding finish line only to
realize that they actuallyhaven't crossed the finish line
at all.
They have missed the fact thattheir goal in marriage can't
(08:30):
simply be to please themselvesor to have their spouse please
them or them to please theirspouse.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I think when we get to that point and a lot of us
have we become reallynearsighted.
David, you just got glassesrecently.
You can probably speak to thisbetter than me.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Yeah, everything that's right in front of us,
that's what we run toward.
The stuff that's easy in frontof us.
That's what we run toward, thestuff that's easy to get right,
the easy pleasures, thelow-hanging fruit, as we call it
in the business world.
But we can't just focus on alife that's lived day in, day
out.
We have to be thinking about ayear from now or maybe even 10
years from now.
We have to be thinking abouteternity.
(09:07):
We have to live in such a waythat we don't let the princess
mentality that those storybookweddings seem to promise put
blinders on our eyes for what wewere really created to be doing
, for what our marriages werereally created to be doing.
There's so much more that Godhas designed for you and for
your marriage, all to tell aworld that desperately needs to
(09:30):
know of the gospel of JesusChrist.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So you're listening to us today.
You might be saying, guys, youhave no idea what my marriage is
like.
My home is a wreck.
I'm just trying to stay afloathere.
I'm just trying to get uptomorrow morning and just keep
going.
If that's where you're at, thenwe're really glad you're here,
because we're going to talkabout how God has, first of all,
not intended your marriage tobe perfect.
(09:53):
It was meant to be used by God.
In fact, nothing that we cansee or touch has any intention
of lasting forever.
Nothing is intended to beperfect.
That's not how God created it.
You look at our bodies, ourpossessions.
Nothing is forever.
David and I just bought aleather couch off of our
possessions.
Nothing is forever.
David and I just bought aleather couch off of Craigslist,
which is awesome.
We love getting deals like that.
(10:14):
But guess what, david?
It already has like an inchlong boo-boo on one of the seats
.
Yeah, I don't even know where itcame from.
And those hardwood floors thatyou just took a home equity line
and credit out to redo so youcould have that forever home.
Guess what, it's not yourforever home and somebody else
is going to come in one day andrip up those floors and redo the
house.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
So you're saying the Volkswagen bug that Hope and I
are restoring isn't going tolast for forever?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
then yeah, someday it's going to be in the scrap
heap or maybe someone else isgoing to redo it, but you know
what?
It's actually okay.
It's actually totally cool thatour time here is just brief.
Our bodies weren't meant tolast Our life.
Here is just a shadow of what'sto come.
We are gearing up to go fromtemporary to eternal, and that's
(11:00):
awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
So if your home is a wreck, what we want you to hear
is that God is not done with you.
He's given us a lot of toolsfor success.
When we read in his word, webegin to see that even if we're
the only one in our home who'sinvesting, he tells us how to
treat each other.
He says this is how to saythings between each other and
(11:22):
maybe what not to say right,those selfish thoughts we got to
hold on to the judgment.
He teaches us aboutexpectations and intimacy.
And if we read in 2 Peter,chapter 1, he gives us
everything we need to know tolive a godly life.
And when we follow hiscommandments for us, we realize
that obedience does bringblessings.
It is literally that simple.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
So here's a little bit of homework for you guys.
I want you to read through thebook of Ephesians, and if that
seems a little long, becauseit's six chapters, that's okay.
Start with chapters four andfive.
Such great blueprints, david,for how we should talk to each
other, what's really going on inour hearts and how that comes
out in the way that we speak.
If people put Ephesians fourand five into practice in their
(12:06):
marriage and homes, our entirenation and world would change
dramatically.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
So what about you?
Maybe there's some of us thatright now are saying I have not
let go of the hope of happilyever after.
What about the paradise that Iam holding on to?
Maybe your wife doesn't hold onto your every word like she
used to hang on to it.
Maybe there's no friendshipbetween us to brighten the day
when those days are dark.
Maybe your husband is sodistracted that he doesn't even
(12:33):
see you anymore.
Your marriage may not bepicturesque.
It may not be what you dreamedit would be, and you may have
actually strived very hard tomake it that way.
You may still be striving toput everything right so that
your happily ever after canstill come.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
So what does that look like in your life?
For me, over the last few yearsI've been trying to bring to
fruition a dream that David andI have had from the beginning of
our marriage.
Maybe I shouldn't say trying tobring to fruition, it's just
something I've been reallyhoping that would happen, and
it's not a bad dream.
In fact I really do hope thatsomeday God is going to grant
that.
But where I can get off trackis by just firmly saying I have
(13:13):
to have this, I need this,otherwise I'm going to suffer.
And when I start to put thosethings in a place of priority
that doesn't belong same with myactions, hey, I'm not going to
be happy.
Unless this happens, then ourmarriage starts to suffer.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah, it's crazy that we can do the same thing with
material possessions like housesand cars.
I mean, we may not have thecastle on the hill, but we work
like crazy to have the besthouse on the block and we can go
deeply in debt, sometimes evenasking our bankers to work magic
with the numbers so we can geta loan for a car we really can't
afford, and knock the socks offof anyone who sees us driving
(13:51):
around town.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's just evidence that we easily default to
pursuing paradise here ratherthan pursuing paradise in our
eternity.
We've got to ask ourselveswhere have I made something an
idol in my life?
What am I chasing after?
Or, at the very least, what amI letting be a distraction
against going after what God hasactually called me to do?
Jesus gives us a heads up onthis, david in Luke 12, where he
(14:16):
says don't worry about thesethings.
He's saying don't pursue thethings.
You can see right now Sayingwhat will we eat, what will we
drink, what will we wear when?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
will we live.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Very practical stuff.
These things, he says, dominatethe thoughts of unbelievers.
But your heavenly fatheralready knows all your needs,
he's saying.
Your God is the best providerin the world.
You don't need to chase afterthese things.
Instead, seek the kingdom ofGod above all else.
Live righteously and he's goingto give you everything that you
need.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
God knows us so well.
Jesus is saying these thingsbecause he knows that our
temporary goals of pursuingthese things is going to
interfere with our ability toactually pursue his paradise.
So we live divided andtherefore we live defeated.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I've seen that played out in my life a number of
times.
Has pursuing paradise put youin the position of expecting
heaven on earth?
It has for me for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I think a fast cure is to go look at Colossians 3.
It says this since you've beenraised to new life with Christ,
set your sights on the realitiesof heaven, where Christ sits in
the place of honor at God'sright hand.
Think about the things ofheaven, not the things of earth,
for you died this life and yourreal life is hidden with Christ
(15:33):
in God.
And when Christ, who is yourlife, is revealed to the whole
world, you will share in all hisglory.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
So I want to ask you what's the main thing that gets
your eyes off of Christ andpursuing his paradise?
What is the thing that'sdistracting you from his purpose
for your marriage?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
If we don't see heaven as a reality, if we doubt
and forget where we're headed.
We need to take some time andactually remember that and
actually renew our minds withGod's word.
I want to direct us to 1 Peter,chapter 1.
It says I'm going to jump intoverse 17 first and then we'll
back up after this.
It says I'm going to jump intoverse 17 first and then we'll
back up after this.
It says since you call on afather who judges each person's
(16:14):
work impartially, live out yourtime as foreigners here in
reverent fear, for you know thatit was not with perishable
things such as silver or goldthat you were redeemed from the
empty way of life handed down toyou by your ancestors, but and
this is a big but with theprecious blood of Christ, a lamb
(16:38):
without blemish or defect.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I love how that verse reminds us that we are
temporary residents.
Just passing through on our wayto our permanent home Earth was
never meant to fulfill orsatisfy.
Instead, we're headed somewhereso much better.
So, like David said, we'regoing to back up in 1 Peter 1.
Here let's go to verse 3 and 4,because it's by his great mercy
that we have been born again,again, remembering what God has
(17:01):
done for us and where we'reheaded, because God raised Jesus
Christ from the dead.
So now we live with greatexpectation and we have a
priceless inheritance, aninheritance that is kept in
heaven for us.
It's pure and undefiled andit's beyond the reach of change
and decay, so opposite ofeverything that we can see
around us.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
And this is a happily ever after that we can actually
believe in.
It's a paradise that we canpursue.
God is preparing and preservingfor you a future that you've
always dreamed of and never beenable to conjure up.
This side of heaven, and thismindset should cause us to shift
our priorities and our goalstoday.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So those verses, coupled with where Jesus was
talking in Luke 12 about notworrying, should give us a new
drive for getting up in themorning.
God tells us we have aninheritance that he's preserving
for us.
So let's break that down as welook forward to that inheritance
in Christ.
When he comes and takes us home, we are promised heaven.
Righteousness dwells there.
(18:00):
It's this picture-perfectfuture that awaits us.
So first of all, he says yourinheritance is priceless, david,
and we know that because Jesuspurchased it with his own blood
and there's no way we could everearn our way into that.
It's a gift to you and I andit's going to be amazing.
And secondly, this verse tellsus that our inheritance is
(18:20):
reserved for us and kept inheaven.
It's far from decay, likeeverything here.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, knowing what awaits we have.
To echo Hebrews 11, verse 10.
It says confidently, lookingforward to a city with eternal
foundations, a city designed andbuilt by God.
Finally, our eternity and oureternal home is pure and
undefiled.
It is beyond the reach of decaythat we see happen all around
us today.
(18:47):
In all of our relationships,everything will be how God
originally intended it to be,and that's that paradise we were
talking about earlier on.
These truths from 1 Peter are agreat reminder that I really do
have a happily ever aftercoming.
Maybe you don't have thefairytale marriage right now to
a spouse who really can't grantevery wish, but we have a living
(19:09):
, glorious Savior who has givenus a hope and given us a future.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
So we can pursue God and one day be with him in
paradise, knowing that we didstrive here, we did push forward
with our marriage, david, wedid seek to be like Christ and
even if it's not perfect, whatwe're doing now does make a
difference.
I can make a difference in yourlife and you can make a
difference in mine, and itreaches eternity.
And let me tell you, it's adaily, sometimes hourly thing to
(19:37):
make decisions that are goingto affect what I cannot see.
God tells us to store up ourtreasures in heaven, and that
doesn't come by anything otherthan saying, god, I'm laying
down my will my way and I'mdoing it your way.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Yeah, too often we don't see the immediate outcome
when we sacrifice for someoneelse, and this is where we
forget that the way that weactually get the advantage of
those the benefits, if you willis by touching the kingdom of
God.
Not only do we do things thatbenefit God, but we see the
reward of that when we get toheaven.
And I think too often we areshort-sighted.
(20:12):
We can't make that kind ofinvestment.
I default to trying to arrangesomething perfect for me here,
and now and being in pursuit ofme, like we were saying before,
we push off what the truepurpose is for our marriage.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
We don't see that God never intended for us to try
and fill up our love cupentirely in our marriage.
I should not hang all myhappiness on you, david, even
though you do make me very happy.
It's not your responsibility tofulfill all my expectations for
a picture-perfect life.
That's setting you up forfailure.
So I want to ask you where haveyou set your hope?
Is it in your spouse?
(20:48):
Or maybe you've given up onthat and now you've placed it in
your career, or your kids, oryour home and possessions, your
personal pleasure?
Even All these pale incomparison to that inheritance
that we were talking about, thatwe have in Christ.
So here's two action points aswe start to conclude today on
Vows to Keep Radio.
Number one we can put all ofour hope in the gracious
(21:10):
salvation that 1 Peter 1.13talks about, that's going to be
coming to us when Jesus Christis revealed to the world.
We can set our hope in theright place.
You can take action on thattoday, evaluate where your hope
is and shift it over to Christ.
And number two we can do whatJesus was talking about in Luke,
chapter 12, david, aboutseeking the kingdom of God above
(21:31):
all else and trusting that he'sgoing to give us everything we
need.
Let's keep reading in thatchapter for just a minute in
Luke 12.
In verse 32, he says so don'tbe afraid, little flock, for it
gives your father greathappiness to give you the
kingdom.
Sell your possessions and giveto those in need.
And in your marriage I can hearhim almost saying lay down your
(21:51):
life, lay down your preferencesfor your spouse.
Don't worry about providing foryourself.
I'm going to take care of you.
This will store up for youtreasures in heaven.
And the purses of heaven, hesays, never get old.
They don't develop holes.
Your treasure is going to besafe.
No thief can steal it.
No moth can destroy it.
Praise God for that.
Wherever your treasure is there, the desires of your heart will
(22:13):
be also.
Jesus goes on to say in verse35 of Luke 12, be dressed for
service.
Keep your lamps burning, asthough you were waiting for your
master to return from thewedding feast.
Then you'll be ready to openthe door and let him in the
moment he arrives and knocks.
Speaking and acting in the nameof Jesus and through the power
of the Holy Spirit will keep youalways ready for his return.
(22:33):
Those kind of beliefs changethe way we act.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
When we go to be with Jesus, we will see.
This place and theserelationships were just simply
never meant to satisfy thelonging that's in each of our
hearts for the things ofeternity.
And in the meantime, whilewe're here, let's shift our
pursuits from wanting God tobless our plans to give to us to
(22:59):
turning our life's plans tobeing about his plans.
Not that we would use ourmarriage selfishly for our own
gain, but that we would see itas a tool that God is using to
shape us and a mirror reflectingChrist to others.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
God is not intended for your marriage to really just
be a way of passing the timeuntil you see him face to face,
until you get that eternalinheritance.
There is so much more this week.
Remember he's giving you apurpose in your marriage to
pursue him first of all, and notyour own definition of paradise
.
God is going to bring youblessing when you do it his way.
(23:36):
So set your sights on therealities of heaven and on
pursuing God's paradise.
Join us next week for part fourof the Powerful Pursuit series
why your Spouse Should Be yourClosest Friend, and find more on
our website, vowstokeepcom.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:21):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities, but
would like to help support Vowsto Keep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
Like what you heard today onVows to Keep Radio, listen to
(24:45):
more life-changing broadcasts atVowsToKeepcom.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
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