Why do so many couples stay stuck in the same painful patterns—even when they say they want change? In this episode of The Voyage Cast, Ed unpacks the hidden force called secondary gain: the subtle rewards we get from staying in dysfunction.
From avoiding conflict by scrolling on your phone, to blaming your partner so you never have to look in the mirror, to clinging to comfort, finances, or social image—the payoffs of pain are real. And they’re often what keep marriages circling the same arguments for years.
Drawing on real therapy work, cultural examples like Succession’s Shiv and Tom, and insights from the docuseries Couples Therapy, Ed shows why repair stalls until these “hidden benefits” are named. Because you can’t heal what you’re still profiting from.
Whether you’re married, dating, or reflecting on past relationships, this conversation will challenge you to see the subtle ways you might be protecting pain instead of pursuing intimacy.
👉 The Voyage Cast—offering help beyond the office, for the days when life demands more than a session.
For Counseling Support in Colorado Contact Voyages Counseling
This podcast is a labor of love, and you can help us keep it going strong. Join our Patreon community and become a key part of what makes it all possible.
Connect with us on the socials:
Instagram
Products used to create The Voyage Cast:
Rodecaster Pro 2
AKG P120 Mic
Mogami XLR Mic Cables
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.