September 10, 2024 • 58 mins
In this episode of The Wayfinder Show, host Luis Hernandez speaks with Ed Gerety, an inspirational keynote speaker, author, and podcast host. They discuss the complexities of parenting teenagers, emphasizing the importance of communication and responsibility related to social media. Ed shares personal stories, practical advice on building teen confidence, and highlights the significance of being present and modeling positive behaviors. The episode also explores gaps between generational challenges, the impact of COVID-19 on youth, and actionable tips for fostering strong parent-teen relationships.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Our responsibility as parents isto communicate to our teen the
unbelievable responsibility theyhave with their social media.
That what they text, post,comment, and share, you know, is
out there forever.
That delete does not mean thatit's gone.
It's out there forever.
And there's consequences tothat.
(00:26):
Welcome to the Wayfinder showwith Louie Hernandez, where
guests discuss the why and howof making changes that led them
down a more authentic path orallow them to level up in some
area of their life.
Our goal is to dig deep andprovide not only knowledge, but
actionable advice to help youget from where you are to where
you want to be.
(00:48):
Come join us and find the way toyour dream life.
All right, welcome back to thewayfinder show today.
We have a very special guest allthe way from new hampshire Ed
garrity ed is an inspirationalkeynote speaker author and
(01:10):
podcast Host known for hisunique ability to connect with
the hearts and minds of hisaudience with a career spanning
over three decades He hascaptivated audiences across
north america ed's empoweringmessage of gratitude respect
love Kindness and resilience hasbeen shared with over 3 million
people in his new book, shineyour light.
(01:31):
Ed Garrity takes you on anempowering journey, guiding you
to discover more confidence,clarity, and inspiration.
This inspirational book iswritten for seekers of life who
are driven to manifest theirdreams and lead a powerful
purposeful life.
he's a great fit for thewayfinder show and we're really
happy to have him on as a guest,His other focus, is the highly
(01:55):
regarded podcast, ParentsNavigating the Teen Years, which
addresses crucial issues facingparents and teenagers today.
His online multimedia program,Stand Up for Your Greatness, is
widely utilized in middleschools and high schools across
North America, guiding studentsto strengthen their leadership
skills.
(02:16):
Ed, welcome to The WayfinderShow.
Thank you, Louis.
I'm so excited to be here today.
Yeah, thank you.
We're excited to have you on.
I love having the opportunity totalk to parenting experts about
parenting, especially the teenyears because that's the phase,
of life that my wife and I arein right now.
and those are challenging years,right?
(02:36):
They certainly are challengingyears and I'm right with you
because my wife and I, we havetwo teenagers right now.
We have, our son is going to asophomore year in college.
So he's 19 and our daughter,she's going to her senior year
in high school.
She's 17.
We've been navigating the teenyears for a little while I am
not a parenting expert because,nobody's an expert in parenting
(02:57):
it is a wild ride and there'snot just one right way of being
a parent.
Thank you for bringing that toour attention.
You're absolutely right,especially, just having two
kids, you can see such bigdifferences between them once
you think you figure it out,then the other one comes along
and changes everything, right?
Absolutely.
one of the things I've noticedLouis, is not only are they
different, in terms of how youparent them, But along with
(03:20):
those differences, there arealso some really common themes.
And one of the things I'venoticed with our teenagers, and
learned in talking with parentsdifferent psychologists and
therapists is that so many teensstruggle with that idea of
having that self confidence andbuilding their self confidence.
as a parent, I think you wouldagree.
that's one of the things we wantour kids to have as they
navigate life we beat ourselvesup a lot, thinking we might have
(03:43):
instilled some of that in them.
Is that right?
I know there's the common termof mother's guilt, and my wife
commonly shares that, butinternally, as a father, I share
it.
I wonder, hey, did I instillthat lack of confidence in my
child my wife and I talk aboutthis a lot, too, that, no one's
perfect, and so we are going tomake mistakes, and we're going
to say things, and do things,that maybe we wish we hadn't
(04:03):
said or done, or we're going towish that we had done certain
things, or said certain thingsthat we didn't do.
You learn from those mistakes,and you move forward.
I think it's really important asparents that we're honest with
our teens.
So that when we make a mistake,when we say, Hey, I didn't
handle this situation as well asI wanted to, we show that we're
real and that, Hey, this is myfirst rodeo as a parent, just
(04:26):
that it is your first rodeo asbeing a teenager.
So we're in this together.
And I think when you can be openand honest with your team and
let them know that you don'thave it all figured out that
really creates real trust in therelationship.
Yep.
I sometimes, now that I'mseeing, with my 16 year old
daughter, who I have the mostchallenges with, we all do, in
(04:46):
this household, I sometimes, getinto this self beat up about did
I instill some, Was I too hardon her and is that why there's a
lack of confidence these kindsof things, And then one day the
one special thing we had duringthe school year is I bring her
to school every day And that'sreally our only time to bond.
We have no choice but to be inthat car for 15 minutes
together.
And it's a magical time, right?
(05:08):
one day after a big blow up thatwe had the night before, I came
out and said to her, Hey, Iapologize for how we have this
relationship now and, The blowup and any feelings you have I
beat myself up over it a lot andyour mother does too, all we can
do is start all over every dayand hope that, we can learn from
it and get better because, Iwant to maintain this great
(05:29):
relationship led to one of themost magical conversations we
ever had.
We both started bawling in thecar and it was funny cause my
wife called, somewhere in thereand my daughter picked it up and
she's mom, shut up.
We're having a feel sesh orsomething like that, which is
really funny.
That's what she called it.
But it was great.
A huge breakthrough.
And then of course it all wentback to normal, but I think that
(05:51):
honesty and transparency really.
the honesty and the transparencyis so important.
I also think stop beatingyourself up.
I know it's natural for all ofus to do that.
one of the first ways to stopbeating yourself up is that
okay, so we move forward fromthe past what we did and what we
didn't do when they were 10 1211 or even younger, you know
(06:13):
what, That's over.
So we have to just keep movingforward.
And I think one of the ways youkeep moving forward is to
continue to remind your teen,how much you love them and how
much you appreciate them.
I really think sometimes Parentsmake the mistake that as our
kids get older, when our kidsare little, it's easy to tell
our kids, I love you.
And I'm so proud of you.
And because the kids will comeright back to you when they're
(06:34):
little and go, I love you too.
and thank you and all.
And then as our teens get older,you say, I love you.
You don't hear those.
I love yous back maybe as often,or you might never hear it at
all, or even hear, thank you,dad, or thank you mom for
everything you've done for me.
So I think it's important that,As we navigate the teen years,
it's really important to, beopen and honest, but also
continue to express yourgratitude and your appreciation
(06:56):
to them and say, hey, to letthem know that they are loved.
And how do you do that?
You can do it in a number ofdifferent ways.
You can do it verbally,Expressing that through your
words of saying, I love you andsay, I appreciate how hard
you're working in school.
I appreciate the effort you'reputting in the activities that
you're doing.
you can do it verbally, but Ithink the other way you can
express gratitude and love, toyour teen is also, if you're not
(07:17):
comfortable saying in the words,then taking the time to write a
letter.
And writing it in a card andsaying, Hey, I just want to let
you know how much you mean to usand how proud we are of you.
and you'll know your team betterthan anyone.
So Maybe you'll know if theyrespond better to a verbal
message or that written message.
Or maybe it's just giving yourteenager a big hug and they
really respond to that so theyfeel loved.
(07:38):
it's a scary world out there aswe all know.
And not only do we get scared,teenagers are scared right now.
don't forget our teenagers, wentthrough that whole pandemic as
well and how they managed it ina lot of ways was completely
different than how we managedit.
Yeah.
what are they scared of?
All the uncertainty that'shappening in the world, they
(07:59):
have access now to so muchthrough social media, and social
media thrives on fear.
I think the other thing thatthey get scared of maybe they're
not enough.
Maybe they're not good enough.
And that is a big conversation,not only for teenagers teenagers
are having that they're not goodenough that, I'm not good
enough.
I don't fit in.
I don't belong.
And that's a conversation thatdoesn't stop when you get out of
(08:20):
your teenage years.
That's a conversation thatparents have once again saying,
I'm not a good enough parent,I'm not doing a good enough job,
going back to beating yourselfup again I think that's a big
issue for teenagers.
I think it's a Big issue foreveryone, because if you're
going to live an extraordinarylife and we want our teens, we
want our kids to live anextraordinary life and navigate
(08:40):
their way to a life that theylove.
If they're going to do that,then they're going to have that
self confidence, that innerdrive and that inner compass, to
find their way.
Talk a little bit more aboutsocial media with that.
Cause that's definitely a newerphenomenon.
Probably the last 10, 15 years,right?
That you and I didn't grow upwith.
(09:01):
Definitely not.
I think that's where thecommunication comes into play.
Sometimes parents, my experiencein talking with parents has been
I can't keep up with thetechnology.
I can't track everything thatthey're doing.
No, you really can't trackeverything that you're doing.
And it's really, I don't thinkit's realistic to start putting,
you can't really put blocks onyour teenager's phone.
Because if you think in ourhouse, they're not allowed to go
(09:23):
on certain social mediachannels, or they're not allowed
on YouTube.
If they're not doing it in yourhouse, believe me, they're doing
it at school, or at theirfriend's house.
So they have access to it.
So I think our responsibility asparents is to communicate to our
teen the unbelievable,responsibility that they have
with their social media.
That what they text, post,comment, and share, is out there
(09:43):
forever.
That delete does not mean thatit's gone.
It's out there forever.
And there's consequences tothat.
I'll give you a personalexample.
Our son, Ryan, when he was goingthrough high school, we talked
to him about how important itwas to be aware of his social
media, what he was posting, evenwhat his handle was on, on, on
his, On his, Tik TOK and allthose different things and how,
(10:04):
once it's out there, it's outthere forever.
And who you're connecting to andwho you're following, all that's
being watched.
And so we reminded our son ofthat.
And then we reminded ourdaughter of that.
our son loves lacrosse.
he wanted to play lacrosse incollege.
sure enough, junior year, westart going to different
colleges that he's interested inmeeting different coaches, and
we finally get to the universitywhere he wants to play lacrosse
(10:28):
and the coach is interested inplaying there.
So we go in and we meet thecoach, and it's an awesome
meeting.
the coach says, okay, Ryan, thislooks like a great fit.
I can see what you can do on thefield.
your grades look great.
Your activities are outstandingwith leadership development.
But there's just one more thingthat we'd like to look at before
we offer you the invitation tocome and play lacrosse for our
(10:49):
team.
We would just like to take alook at your social media.
We understand that it's private,but we're making an investment
in you.
we just want to make sure thatwhat we see here is also
consistent with what's going onout in social media.
I'm sure you can understandthat.
And because of thoseconversations that we had with
our son, Ryan was able to lookat the coach, say, Hey coach, no
problem.
Whatever you want to take a lookat, just let me know.
(11:10):
Happy to send it to you.
And now he's going into hissecond year playing lacrosse at
his university And he gets thatnow.
It continues on because now heknows what he follows for social
media in college is just asimportant.
I was speaking at a conferenceof managers and a JetBlue
manager came up to me at the endwhen we talked about the
unbelievable responsibility wehave with our social media.
(11:30):
she explained to me how thiswoman came in, her dream job was
to be a pilot for JetBlue andshe had all the qualifications,
went through all the tests,rockstar.
the last thing they did is theywent in and they looked at her
social media.
They looked at her, some of herLinkedIn profile, they looked at
some other social media.
And unfortunately they said wecan't hire you because some
(11:51):
things you posted and somepeople you're following aren't
in line with the mission andvision of our company.
she lost her dream job becauseof that.
it's really powerful and scary.
if it's that scary, you can'tclose the door on it and just
hope it goes away.
Cause it's not really, you needto really shine a light on it
and be like, Hey, with greatpower comes great
responsibility.
(12:11):
I know it comes from Spider Man,but it's true.
And I think we need to continueto give that message to our
teens.
And then we also have to modelit.
Because our teens are alsowatching.
What are we scanning on ourphones that they're paying
attention?
We're going through a socialmedia channel.
We're going through, or howoften are we texting?
How often are we posting?
And are we really present withour team?
(12:31):
We hear the story all the time.
We see parents out to dinnerwith their teens and their teens
are on the phone, for the entiredinner.
And not only the teens on thephone for the entire dinner, but
so the parents.
So we really need to make someagreements within our families
of, When do we use social media?
When do we not use social media?
And when you really get down toit, when do we use our phones
and when do we not use ourphones?
(12:52):
We need to put our phones awayin order to really connect.
we often see, we make fun of theteenagers for that, but I see it
all the time, and I've even beenguilty of it, it's actually the
adults more that are on theirphones, it may or may not be
social media, but we have otherthings on our mind, and we get
on the phones, and there we are,not being fully present with our
families Dinner.
(13:12):
Yeah, absolutely louie.
the other thing about that is Ireally think that one of the
biggest things we want to giveOur kids and teach our teens is
to have that self confidence Andone of the things that really
hurts, an individual selfconfidence Is when they have
that feeling of not feeling goodenough about themselves.
I'm having that conversationright now with my daughter Who's
really not sure, she has bigaspirations to go to some
(13:34):
amazing colleges and the finearts.
And, there's that hesitancy of Ijust don't know if I'm good
enough.
And we've had some really greatconversations about that because
it's not conversation of I'm notgood enough.
It's something that we're alltrying to navigate.
And when we get onto our socialmedia channels, they're so good
(13:54):
about saying, if you don't buythis product, then you don't fit
in.
If you don't join this group,then you don't belong.
If you don't wear this, if youdon't drink this, if you don't
take this, then you know what?
You're not good enough.
And so I think it's reallyimportant that we bring an
awareness to that our teens arestruggling with that
conversation.
Just as many adults are of thatconversation of, I don't feel
good enough.
so the question is then how dowe help our team?
(14:16):
How do we help them feel betterabout themselves?
How do we help them build theirself confidence?
And I think one of the bigthings we can talk to our teams
about is that it's so easy forus to get caught up into that
game of comparison.
And we start comparing ourselvesto others.
and that happens at an earlyage.
I think it starts to, speed upin our teenage years.
(14:37):
continues through college andeven through our life.
if we're not aware of it, oncewe start comparing ourselves to
others, it's such a naturalinstinct because it's one of the
ways we developed as humanbeings That's how we survived.
But now we compare ourselves toothers, we start to lose our own
value.
We start to lose our voice.
We start to lose, who we trulyare.
(14:59):
I think that's a realconversation to continue to have
with our teens about, we'veheard it before comparisons, the
thief of joy and to really that,every, to really continue to
remind our team that everybodyis unique.
And everybody has their ownvoice and that we can really
admire somebody for theirtalents and we can really
respect somebody for theirgifts.
(15:20):
What's that quote?
you can admire someone's beautyand that doesn't take the beauty
away from who you are.
That's right.
Something I found reallyalarming the other day, I had
lunch with a friend who grew upin Nigeria and he went to a
pretty elite school there,supposedly, and there were about
40 students in his class.
And from very early on, fromelementary school, they start
(15:41):
ranking where everybody is.
And letting them know So youcould get, a really high test
score in something.
and they'll let you know whatthat score is, and it's great,
and it might be equivalent of anA here.
But then there's also aboutlike, where you ranked against
everybody else.
And that always goes with you.
I think that can be verydestructive because it's always
(16:02):
instilling.
Okay.
Hey, I got an a I'm happy withthat Oh, but I came in 40th and
i'm not happy about it I justthink that can be so destructive
and I would think that wouldalso kill creativity because
you're competing on that piecethat you're graded on versus
finding things of joy and suchit's very important I think
competition could be good butalso help them understand how to
(16:22):
find joy.
Yeah, competition will always bethere, and comparison will
always be there.
Comparison will never go away.
And comparison actually can be agood thing.
Because it keeps your ego incheck So if you think you're the
greatest, basketball player inthe world, and you dominate in
your town, you dominate in yourstate, you might even dominate
for the whole, wherever you, thewhole County that you live in,
(16:44):
then you finally go to a bigbasketball camp And, what do
they call it?
The eighth, ACU or, a Nikebasketball camp.
And then it's put your ego incheck and say, wow, I got a lot
more work to do.
It is, but it's when we startcomparing ourselves to other,
and we start to now beatourselves up and say, wow, I'm
not good enough.
We might get compared to, I'mnot a good enough basketball
player.
And then next thing, it spiralsdown to, good at school.
(17:05):
I'm not good at anything Andthen that's when you really
start to lose that selfconfidence.
so the question that I oftenget, and I ask my guests and I
talk with parents about how dowe build our kids confidence?
How do we help build our teens?
In a sense, the word back in theseventies, eighties, it was self
esteem.
You will say we can't, we talkedso much about self esteem.
(17:27):
That's it's selfish.
It's not self, it's not selfishat all.
It's actually self caring.
we can't truly help others untilwe feel good about who we are
and what our values and beliefsare.
it's such an importantconversation to have, with our
team.
And I think one of the firstthings you can do to help them
build their confidence is toremind them that it does start
with their attitude and theirmindset.
(17:49):
we have to model that attitude,but also remind them that their
attitude every day is a choice.
when I work with teenagers,that's something that I continue
to reinforce with them, that itstarts with your attitude, with
your mindset.
And then the next question Ioftentimes get is that's great.
I tell my kids to be positiveall the time.
But how can they stay positive?
And I think that's where you canreally teach the lessons of who
(18:11):
are they surrounding themselveswith and really teach that, that
lesson of the way you build yourself confidence is really
important.
Being aware of also who are yousurrounding yourself with?
Who are the people that you'reinteracting with?
Who's in your community?
And that's a message that youneed to continue to reinforce
with your team, because thenthey get into their adult years.
I believe that the company youkeep as you get older, even as
parents and the people you workwith, those conversations in
(18:34):
your network, when you have thechoice to do so to hang out with
those positive people, they'llsupport you, those who encourage
you, is so important and youcontinue to build up your self
confidence.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Yeah.
What about, talk about withteenagers, it synonymous with
moodiness.
Yeah.
Can we talk about that?
I was a 16 year old girl and Iexperience a different mood
(18:54):
every minute.
Yeah, I, there are, there's somany emotions happening, right?
Because there's this, there's somany biological changes going
on.
And then there's so many changesin their environment in terms of
them trying to figure out where,what path are they going to take
in life?
And yeah, that can be really,the thing with the moods one of
the things that I found is weknow our team.
When our son, comes home a longday, I know he's tired, so
(19:18):
that's not the time to startasking him questions about his
plans for the next week, youhave to be aware, they're
feeling frustrated or a littlebit angry, you gotta give them
that space.
let them to be in that emotion,not what they come home and
they're angry and say, it'sokay.
Don't be angry.
Oh, don't be angry.
Get up, get off of it.
Let them be, let them have theemotion, let them experience the
emotion for what they'refeeling.
It's trying to teach them, youcan stay angry for a little
(19:40):
while.
That's okay.
But you just can't, you justcan't stay there for a long
time.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
I need to, yeah, to give himthat space.
And then, I think that alsoleads into Louie too.
If, if we noticed that our teenis moody and we noticed that,
and I think that those are signsas well.
as parents, we need to payattention to those moods.
And if we noticed that all of asudden our teenager has been, in
(20:02):
a great, in a real positive, ina positive mood, things are
going really well, then all of asudden they start to get really
quiet, over an extended periodof time or you seem to, they
seem to be a little bit angry,more than they have been before,
or being more disrespectful.
Then that's a time to step backand say, okay, now I need to
understand.
I need to understand why are youfeeling the way that you're
feeling when you have that timein the car, that 15 minutes on
(20:26):
the way to school is so preciousbecause you have their
attention.
you shouldn't be on your phone.
if you're driving, turn themusic down and ask questions
like, Hey, what does the daylook like today?
really engage in thatconversation.
What if my teen doesn't want totalk to me?
You're in the car for 15minutes.
You can ask your team, you cancreate a conversation with them
and it doesn't have to be soserious where do you want to go
to college?
Or tell me your three goals forthis week.
(20:48):
It could just be like, Hey, whatare you excited about today?
what are you looking forward totoday?
I noticed that you were workingreally hard on that project.
last night, how's that going?
if they know you're trulylistening, they'll share.
But if you ask these questions,you better make sure you're
listening because teenagers knowif you're present or not when
you ask, Hey honey, how was yourday today?
And they start talking and theyknow you're still on your phone,
(21:11):
scanning it, and doing both.
they check out.
they have a lot more awarenessthan we recognize.
somewhere in the mid to laterteen years we start to realize
just how aware and intelligentour kids are.
they're no longer cute littlekids that, we enjoy And it blows
my mind every day there's asignal they're sending that
(21:31):
reminds me of that.
Yeah, absolutely.
one of the other big issues thatcomes up a lot is not only
helping our team build theirself confidence, but also like
we want, we want our kids to berespectful.
To be respectful and to beresponsible and compassionate
human beings.
one of the questions that'soften asked is, how do I teach
my team that respect forthemselves and for others?
(21:53):
I think one of the first thingswe can do to teach that respect,
and it sounds obvious but we'vesometimes forget it is.
We have to model it.
We have to lead by example.
that doesn't mean we're perfect.
we can admit when we make thosemistakes, but they are watching
and they are listening, whatwe're doing and what we're
saying.
And, and it's important becausewhen you're in the kitchen
talking about the neighbors orin the car ripping somebody
(22:15):
apart at work, you think yourteenager is not listening
because they have their buds onin the backseat.
I'm telling you, the music hasbeen turned down.
They're listening to what'shappening up front because it's
a lot more interesting and a lotmore in some cases entertaining.
And so sometimes when I'mworking with teenagers, I hear
some of the language that theyuse and it's not the language of
a teenager.
I'm hearing the language of anadult.
(22:38):
How an adult might see the worldor how an adult might comment
about a particular subject.
And so it's really importantthat we lead by example.
We're going to teach thatrespect and that compassion.
I think the other thing we cando to help teach that respect
and that compassion with ourteams, we need to share our
stories.
when were the times when youwere struggling, when you made
(22:58):
that mistake and when you brokeup with your partner felt like
you were all alone, we need toshare our stories A parent asked
me once, what stories do weshare and what stories don't we
share?
I don't want them, I don't wantto, I don't want it to be such
that open book.
And my answer to that is, Idon't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But, but you're the parent.
You know will resonate with yourteam.
I think you can bounce off whatyou're going to share With your
(23:20):
team maybe about a lesson thatyou experienced or something you
went through in your life Shareit with a close friend go to
lunch with your friend and sayhey I'm thinking about talking
to my daughter about thisexperience I had in high school
or college Is this coming acrossright?
Am I making the point that Iwant to make?
So that way when you tell thestory with the lesson behind it,
you know that it's clear andspecific Yeah, that's a good
(23:42):
one.
I think we do a good job ofthat.
We share a lot of who we are,just everything.
We're an open book to our kids.
Sure.
And because of that, it allowsfor a really great relationship,
right?
Like in a communications way, Ilike to believe that our kids
aren't hiding anything from usand vice versa.
and that's important because, weall make mistakes as teenagers I
(24:04):
think when you hide everything,I know families that, are in
second, third generations now ofhiding these family secrets and
you can just see that there'ssomething in that family that
just doesn't, There's not a bondthere.
There's some kind of wall andyou wonder what it is.
And it could be that secret thatwasn't, those quote unquote
family secrets.
I think that goes back to alsowhere, as parents, we also have
(24:26):
to keep continuing to do thework.
And what I mean by that is, weneed to go back and say, what
are our values and our beliefs?
and not only what are our valuesand our beliefs, but also what
are our limiting beliefs andsome of the limiting beliefs
that we're still carrying.
If we're not aware of thoselimiting beliefs, if you're a
parent and you don't feel goodenough, if you're a parent where
you feel, you're not worthy.
(24:47):
If you're a parent where youfeel like maybe you don't belong
or that something's missing orthat something's wrong.
If you're not aware of that, ifyou don't do the work yourself
as a parent, then.
You'll transfer that over toyour team.
You will.
And that statement of sayingI'll never do what my dad did.
I'll never do what my mom did.
unless you do the work to getcomplete and really get whole on
(25:08):
those past experiences, you'lltransfer that over to your team.
that's why it's so important forparents to continue to do their
own personal work Instead oftransferring that, they can
transform a whole newconversation with their team
where they won't have thoselimiting beliefs you had when
you were a teenager.
Yeah.
and it teaches them that, we'realways in growth, right?
(25:29):
we will never have all thesolutions.
we're going to continue to learnand grow all of our lives.
And we recognize, hey we, we mayhave been in the wrong and,
let's figure out how to fixthat.
Absolutely.
And I think that's why it's oneof the things too.
It's it's a great there wasalways a kind of stigma around,
people that would go to therapyor counseling talk to a
counselor.
And now you see the demand forcounseling and for therapists is
(25:52):
off the charts, especiallyamong.
teenagers.
there's not that big stigmaanymore because kids are being
taught that, it's okay to askfor help, even if you don't know
what that help is.
And sometimes though in myconversations with parents is
that they share well.
I don't want, I don't want mychild to go to counseling or
therapy or to go get any outsidehelp because I don't want
(26:15):
anybody to know our business.
I don't want anybody to thinkthat maybe I'm not a good parent
or I'm a bad parent.
And my message that is.
The most courageous thing youcan do, I think, as a parent, is
to give your child the access,if they need it, if they want
it, to go and get therapy, to goget counseling, to work through
(26:36):
some emotional issues theyexperienced when they were
younger, that you maybe weren'teven aware of, whether it was at
school, whether it was on aCamping trip, who knows whether
it was a conversation they hadwith a couple of players on
their sports team.
We don't know those moments thatmaybe impacted them.
Just like nobody knows all thosedifferent moments that impacted
your life what you experienced.
(26:58):
I think important.
I know for me, about 10 yearsago, I started to see a
hypnotherapist.
Once a month and it was reallypowerful it helped with my
parenting It helped mycommunication skills and it
helped me also get complete withsome with different things in
the past So that wasn't going totransfer Some of the emotions
that maybe I weren't I wasn'tcomplete with to my teenager.
I'm now like I can be more likehey They know that.
(27:21):
my teenagers know, you knowwhat?
If you're going through achallenging time in your life
where you're trying to work somestuff out, it's okay to ask for
help.
It's okay to go to forcounseling.
And now I can look at my kidsand they know geez, dad, you say
that, but you would never go, Ohno, I go, I've been there.
I think it's important toencourage our teens to not only
be aware of who they surroundthemselves with, but also what
they surround themselves with.
we have a consistent message.
(27:42):
Of reminding our teenagers to beaware of your environment.
What are you watching?
What are you listening to?
being aware of your environment.
even that simple thing ofkeeping a house clean.
It doesn't mean that it has tobe, perfect like a hotel, but
having things in order there'sso much uncertainty in those
teenage years that sometimeswhen they come back, when they
come back from school to just toknow that things are a certain
(28:04):
way and there's It's not messyand it's not upside down that it
gives them that, that sense ofspace.
and that sense of feeling that,everything is okay and
consistent here.
Does that make sense, Louie?
It does.
It makes a whole lot of sense.
I'm wondering, going back alittle bit to the therapist
piece though, I got held upthere.
there's a lot of talk aboutmental health now with
(28:25):
teenagers, right?
more so than I think there was,during our time.
for example, even anxiety.
I think a lot of us had anxiety.
As kids and we didn't recognizeit wasn't diagnosed.
It was just like, we feltstressed or whatever as kids and
we'd learn how to deal with itand move on.
But now it's almost to a pointwhere it's almost like a mental
health diagnosis and you shouldsee a therapist for a while.
(28:46):
And I think that's a good thing,I'm wondering, do you see that
there's more, different, topicsthat could be considered mental
health?
today with teenagers and howthey're, acceptable to have them
and talk about them and dealwith them then during our
generation.
Absolutely.
And, in our generation, manypeople feel like I had anxiety
and all these emotional issuestoo.
And I never went to get anytherapy or help.
(29:08):
I just had to figure it outmyself.
Good for you.
But a lot of people think theyhad it figured out, but you
never did figure it out.
That's right.
And now, so you just creatingthe same, you actually creating
the same pattern for your teenwith that same anxiety and
stress that you think that youmaybe you, that you handled, but
you don't, you're actuallytransferring your stress and
your anxiety so yeah, I don'tthink it's a fix for everyone.
(29:29):
I think if a student is having atough week or even a tough
month, or maybe they're feelinga little bit sad for a week or
they're feeling a little bitdepressed.
I don't think that all of asudden it's like, Hey, that's
it.
You gotta go see a counselor.
you talk to the teachers, youtalk to the coaches and you
watch their behavior.
And if you notice that somethingdoesn't seem normal or seems a
little bit out of character foryour team, then yeah, I think
(29:51):
that's one of the options youcan do.
What are some of the othergenerational differences that
you notice with teenagers todayversus when we were growing up?
I think one of the bigdifferences is that right now We
are in a world of instantgratification and Get to have
things quicker and faster thanwe ever had before just look at
(30:11):
you order something now It'seither that day or the next day.
so it's that idea of okayeverything is quick and fast
instant gratification andsometimes what happens is this
generation forgets that you knowwhat?
It's not just about You It's notan over there's no there really
is no such thing as an overnightsuccess certain social media
channels and just the way theworld is tries to betray that
(30:32):
certain things happen overnightAnd so it but it takes hard work
sometimes, this generationthinks that I want it now, and
because I want it right now, Ideserve it right now, and I'm
entitled to it.
that's a big difference between,this generation and past
generations.
with everything that happenedwith COVID, teenagers now are a
little more hesitant.
(30:53):
not as confident about wherethey're going next.
Does that make sense, Louis?
No.
Can you elaborate on that alittle more?
Yeah, can you say a little bitmore about those differences?
Sure.
one of the differences in thisgeneration and past generations
beyond just the instantgratification is also what the
(31:15):
teens experienced through COVIDand going through that whole
COVID experience.
I'm talking with so manyteachers and also other parents,
teens now are a lot morehesitant to make a firm
commitment sometimes Forexample, there are a lot of
students right now are not goingright from high school to
college.
There are many students that arenow taking time to do a gap
(31:37):
year.
Or they're taking, they'retaking a year to just to go do a
job, they're taking a year toexplore because it's taking a
little bit more time for them tofind their way than it has in
the past generations because ofwhat they experienced with COVID
being not in the network ofconversations, not seeing people
face to face that had an impact.
On this generation, without adoubt.
(31:58):
And I think we're going to stillcontinue to see impacts that we
don't even know as we go intothe future as well.
Yeah, I totally agree with that.
We're going through that withour oldest child.
She coming out of COVID oncethey got reintroduced to the
traditional way of going back toschool and everything, she was
incredibly overwhelmed and shepreferred to go back online, and
so she did.
(32:18):
We let her in and she startedthriving taking extra classes
and ended up finishing a yearearly.
she took time off beforedeciding what to do for college
and we've been fine with thattoo And now she's finally
decided and she's going to startcollege but a very non
traditional path I think theyreally needed that time to
figure it out.
I'll argue with you, Ed, that Idon't think it was just COVID.
(32:40):
in our household, One of the bigstressors was student debt.
we had massive student loansthat we came out with, and we
were working on for years, andwe finally got rid of them.
But, our kids knew, Experiencethat stress in us to get rid of
that.
So I think they really are moreabout making sure they're making
the right choice with collegebecause they don't want to make
(33:02):
the same mistake we did and havecrazy student debt.
I could be wrong.
That's just my own theory.
I think that's definitely afactor as well.
And that could be a wholepodcast in itself is that high
cost of college is these Days, Ithink it's also important for
parents to remember that,college isn't a fit for every
teenager.
there are a lot of differentavenues for students, whether
(33:22):
it's, going to a trade schooland to really become a master at
a trade or, different otherlearning experiences than the
traditional four year track.
And I think sometimes asparents, we get locked in and
say, Nope, my child's going fouryears of college and that's it.
And we're forcing ourexpectations on them when that
might not be the best fit forthem.
(33:43):
That's right.
we try to get them to figure outwhat they want to do and support
them 100 percent with thatwhat's going to bring them joy.
So our daughter, for her gapyear, she pursued beauty school.
And we're like, okay, Let's findthe best beauty school we can.
halfway through she realized,okay, this is not the right fit
for me.
And she decided on her own thatshe wants to go to college and
she started figuring it out.
And it's pretty neat.
(34:03):
that's a great example rightthere, Louis, one of the things
we can do as parents to help ourteen navigate their way to
living a life they love is toreally encourage them that when
they express an interest insomething that we give them an
opportunity to like really feedthat fire.
in your case, your daughter wasinterested in beauty school and
you and your wife like, yes,let's go.
Okay.
What are the, what's the bestbeauty school and give them the
(34:24):
opportunity to explore that.
I think we can encourage, Ithink it's important to
encourage our teens.
He doesn't know where they wantto go.
And what if they don't have anydirection in their life?
It's actually okay.
our teenagers don't have to haveit all figured out, all planned
out, the average college studentchanges their major once
oftentimes your parents say, Ijust want my kid to find a
passion.
I don't think it is passionfirst, Louie.
(34:45):
it's curiosity first.
I think our great message thatwe need to share with our teens
is to be curious to encouragethem to step outside of their
comfort zone, We want our kidsto be safe.
Sometimes we almost want to putthem in a box, say, okay, this
is what you do if you go to thisfour years of college and you
have this job.
they'll be safe.
Then they'll be okay.
Then everything will be allright.
in a lot of ways, that's adirection that can really set up
(35:08):
your child for failure becausethey're not exploring.
They're just, going down a paththat they're told to take
instead of saying, what's thepath that's going to What am I
curious about?
we're really encouraged thatmessage for them because it's
through curiosity that they canthen start to think, learn about
the things that they'reinterested in.
I'll give you a great example Ispeak at a lot of colleges and
(35:29):
universities and at oneuniversity I was speaking at,
And it's been speaking at thisuniversity for over 20 years.
at one of the orientationsthere, a senior orientation
leader walked up to me goes,Hey, I, he goes, I remember you,
he goes, you spoke at myorientation when I was a
freshman here.
I said, Really?
He goes, yeah, you actuallybrought me up on stage and asked
me what one of my big dreams wasand I said, wow, that's so cool.
(35:51):
You remember that?
I go, what was your big goalthat you share with the whole
group?
He said, I will be an Oscaraward winning director by the
age of 35 here in New York City.
And I was like, wow, that'sawesome.
I can't believe you stillremember that.
and here he was a senior incollege.
Are you still studying filmhere?
And he looked right at me and hewent, no, I started out in
college.
(36:12):
I started out with film but themore I explored film the more
curious, I became about music herealized that's what he wanted
to do with his life.
He wanted to build it aroundmusic.
I said, that's great.
I said, so what's your new goalnow?
He goes, now he goes, I willhave my own music production
company here in New York city bythe age of 30, representing the
top hip artists in the world.
I was like, wow, good for you.
so what are you doing right nowto get closer to that goal?
(36:33):
And he looked right at me.
He says right now I have aninternship with Sony and their
international marketingdepartment.
I think that's such a greatexample because one of the
lessons we can teach our teensis that success is not linear.
We fall and we slip and we makemistakes.
We've talked so much today aboutresilience and perseverance, and
we want our kids to beresilient.
We want our kids to be able topersevere.
(36:54):
resilience doesn't come from thewins.
It doesn't come from The easythe resilience comes when we get
faced with setbacks and we turninto a great comeback or when we
get faced with an unbelievableobstacle in our life, and we
turn it into a greatopportunity.
And what a great message toshare with our teens.
Wow.
I love that.
That's powerful.
Ed, we're at that point where wego over our world famous
(37:16):
Wayfinder 4.
I can't believe how quickly thistime passed.
We definitely got to get youback on, man.
That sounds great.
I really enjoyed this, Louis.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, likewise.
Thank you.
Ed, can you give us a hack,something you use every day to
just make your life easier?
I can't, I'm going to give you acouple of hacks because I think
that's such a great question.
I love the way finder forquestions.
(37:38):
and so I took some time to thinkabout this cause I listened to
some of the other podcasts thatyou had.
I think, one of the hacks that Ido every day, and I've been
doing this now for a couple ofyears is every morning I have a
half a lemon.
I take a half a lemon, squeezeit into a glass, fill it up
halfway with water.
that's the first thing I have inthe morning.
it helps alkalize my body.
you can read all about thebenefits but I feel like it's
(37:59):
really made a big difference forme.
I'm starting each morning offwith a half a lemon, squeezing
it into a glass of water andthen drinking that to start my
day.
another great life hack that I,it's an app that I love called
insight timer.
It's great.
Insight timer has a lot of,guided meditations to help you
sleep, to help you get morecalm.
(38:21):
And that's, we didn't get intothat today at all, but, and
maybe at another time we couldtalk about just the power of
meditation and how important itis.
so I love that app insighttimer, another hack that, that I
learned, and I learned thisthrough a program called
strategic coach and that'scalled positive.
The focus.
And so positive focus is justsomething where, you celebrate
the positive things thathappened to you for that week.
(38:43):
And that's something that I'vebeen doing my wife and I do this
consistently can be doing thisnow probably for over 10 years,
each week I'll write down the 10positive things that happened to
me personal and professional Andthen my wife will do the same
thing.
And then when we start our weekon a Monday morning, we'll both
sit down and share our positivefocus from the week before.
it validates, how much weaccomplished, all the amazing
(39:06):
things we had, with our kids Andso that gives you that momentum
to keep moving forward.
those are a few hacks that Idefinitely use.
I love that.
And if I'm not mistaken, thefounder of positive focus, I'm
drawing a blank in his name, buthe also wrote a book, called the
gap in the game.
Yes.
Dan Sullivan.
Dan Sullivan.
That's who it is.
Yes.
and he talks a lot about how webeat ourselves up thinking about
(39:27):
what we got to do, what we gotto do, I haven't done enough.
if we actually just take a stepback and look backwards a week,
a month, a year, what we'veaccomplished it's just mind
blowing and help us get out ofthat gap mindset and get us into
the game mindset.
Absolutely.
and I think that's another greatstrategy to get out of the gap
Sometimes thinking that we'renot enough or we beat ourselves
up.
(39:47):
Even at the idea of I'm not agood parent.
Wait a minute.
How about you make a list of the10 great things you did this
week as a parent?
What were the great things youdid this week as a parent?
That creates momentum.
That's the one thing I learnedfrom Dan Sullivan too, It's all
about progress, not perfection.
Cause nobody's perfect.
So it's just about makingprogress and moving forward.
Yeah.
Love that.
All right.
How about a favorite?
(40:08):
A favorite?
Music, book, movie, show,activity.
I just went to an awesomeconcert, the other night with my
son.
We went to go see Zach Bryan,just an awesome show.
60, 000 people sold out.
Wow.
so love that.
another great experience to havewith your family is to go to a
concert.
Absolutely.
Just experience the energy andall that.
that memory now I have with myson is something that I'll have
(40:30):
for my entire life.
And hopefully that he'llremember for his entire life as
well.
I love that.
Another favorite, I'll tell you,I'm really a big fan of a book
that I read recently calledBreath by James Nestor.
it's all about the power ofbreath.
And How that really is a hugefactor in our health and
(40:53):
wellness.
James Nestor Breath, just anawesome book.
I'm also a big fan of the work.
One of my favorites is Breakingthe Habit of Being Yourself by
Joe Dispenza.
Joe Dispenza is just aphenomenal book.
And then he has another bookcalled You Are the Placebo.
That's one of my favorites.
Oh, I haven't read that one.
You know about the concert?
(41:15):
Yeah.
Go to Spencer.
All his work is amazing, by theway.
Yeah, it really is.
about the concert thing, I gottashare this with you.
funny story.
So my now 18-year-old daughter,soon to be 19, for her 16th
birthday, I took her to aWu-Tang Clan concert And we joke
in our household that it's ourfirst time getting high.
Who knows if it really is ornot, but it was everybody there.
(41:37):
it was actually an unbelievableexperience.
It was so good.
Such an inspirational concerttoo, by the way, like they, it's
about their story at the end.
And it just really inspiredpeople to just do better and
dream big.
it was really powerful.
And to this day, it's a goodstory in our household.
But yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I relate to you.
Zach brian concert experienceWhat about a piece of advice for
(42:00):
your younger self?
This show was almost all thatbut Yeah, a piece of advice for
my if I could go back and talkto my younger self I think I
would go back and tell myyounger self that not that
everything's going to be okay,but rather everything is okay
right now and to just trust andto really have that trust in
yourself and, to just listen toyour heart and know that
(42:23):
everything is okay.
Beautiful.
What about a big opportunitythat you see out there, or that
you're working on?
I think there's a hugeopportunity to, help teens and
adults to really learn how to bein the present moment, how to be
right here right now.
I think in a fast pacedtechnological driven world.
(42:46):
I think there's just, it's soeasy for us to get pulled into
the past or pushed into thefuture.
something that I try to work onevery day is how do we stay in
the present moment?
I think there's a hugeopportunity for everyone to
really live and create anextraordinary life that they can
really master the art of beingin the present moment.
Because when you're in thepresent moment, you can start to
really get present to whatyou're grateful for in your
(43:08):
life.
And if you can start to liveyour life with gratitude, which
really exists in the presentmoment.
that can be really exciting andcan make a difference, not only
for people and our communities,but being in the present moment
and living with gratitude andknowing that we're all
connected, is something thatcould, make the world a better
place.
It's more important than evernow, right?
What about, finding if peoplewant to know more about you,
(43:30):
what should you got a lot outthere.
Where should we send them to?
Sure, you can go right to mywebsite, has access to all of
the information about myspeaking programs, my podcast,
and my new book, Shine YourLight.
So that's edgerety.
com.
E D G E R E T Y, edgerety.
com.
And if anybody has any questionsfrom this podcast, you can email
(43:50):
me through that website as well.
Excellent.
Ed, thank you so much.
you shared a whole lot of wisdomwith our folks, and I think we
all, left with a lot moreknowledge and a lot to think
about and a lot more, that wecan start practicing in our own
households and with ourteenagers.
so I'm really grateful, and Ihope to have you back on, maybe
we can talk about your book moreor some of the other topics you
(44:12):
talk about, because, I thinkWe're a little bit, symbiotic in
what we do.
So I really appreciate it Iappreciate the opportunity and
what you do because I think weneed, I think a podcast like
what you have and helpingpeople, really create a life
they love and, is just soimportant.
So I acknowledge you for that.
Thank you.
(44:34):
We hope you've enjoyed TheWayfinder Show.
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We'll catch you on the nextepisode.
Our responsibility as parents isto communicate to our teen the
unbelievable responsibility theyhave with their social media.
That what they text, post,comment, and share, you know, is
out there forever.
That delete does not mean thatit's gone.
It's out there forever.
And there's consequences tothat.
(00:26):
Welcome to the Wayfinder showwith Louie Hernandez, where
guests discuss the why and howof making changes that led them
down a more authentic path orallow them to level up in some
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Our goal is to dig deep andprovide not only knowledge, but
actionable advice to help youget from where you are to where
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(00:48):
Come join us and find the way toyour dream life.
All right, welcome back to thewayfinder show today.
We have a very special guest allthe way from new hampshire Ed
garrity ed is an inspirationalkeynote speaker author and
(01:10):
podcast Host known for hisunique ability to connect with
the hearts and minds of hisaudience with a career spanning
over three decades He hascaptivated audiences across
north america ed's empoweringmessage of gratitude respect
love Kindness and resilience hasbeen shared with over 3 million
people in his new book, shineyour light.
(01:31):
Ed Garrity takes you on anempowering journey, guiding you
to discover more confidence,clarity, and inspiration.
This inspirational book iswritten for seekers of life who
are driven to manifest theirdreams and lead a powerful
purposeful life.
he's a great fit for thewayfinder show and we're really
happy to have him on as a guest,His other focus, is the highly
(01:55):
regarded podcast, ParentsNavigating the Teen Years, which
addresses crucial issues facingparents and teenagers today.
His online multimedia program,Stand Up for Your Greatness, is
widely utilized in middleschools and high schools across
North America, guiding studentsto strengthen their leadership
skills.
(02:16):
Ed, welcome to The WayfinderShow.
Thank you, Louis.
I'm so excited to be here today.
Yeah, thank you.
We're excited to have you on.
I love having the opportunity totalk to parenting experts about
parenting, especially the teenyears because that's the phase,
of life that my wife and I arein right now.
and those are challenging years,right?
(02:36):
They certainly are challengingyears and I'm right with you
because my wife and I, we havetwo teenagers right now.
We have, our son is going to asophomore year in college.
So he's 19 and our daughter,she's going to her senior year
in high school.
She's 17.
We've been navigating the teenyears for a little while I am
not a parenting expert because,nobody's an expert in parenting
(02:57):
it is a wild ride and there'snot just one right way of being
a parent.
Thank you for bringing that toour attention.
You're absolutely right,especially, just having two
kids, you can see such bigdifferences between them once
you think you figure it out,then the other one comes along
and changes everything, right?
Absolutely.
one of the things I've noticedLouis, is not only are they
different, in terms of how youparent them, But along with
(03:20):
those differences, there arealso some really common themes.
And one of the things I'venoticed with our teenagers, and
learned in talking with parentsdifferent psychologists and
therapists is that so many teensstruggle with that idea of
having that self confidence andbuilding their self confidence.
as a parent, I think you wouldagree.
that's one of the things we wantour kids to have as they
navigate life we beat ourselvesup a lot, thinking we might have
(03:43):
instilled some of that in them.
Is that right?
I know there's the common termof mother's guilt, and my wife
commonly shares that, butinternally, as a father, I share
it.
I wonder, hey, did I instillthat lack of confidence in my
child my wife and I talk aboutthis a lot, too, that, no one's
perfect, and so we are going tomake mistakes, and we're going
to say things, and do things,that maybe we wish we hadn't
(04:03):
said or done, or we're going towish that we had done certain
things, or said certain thingsthat we didn't do.
You learn from those mistakes,and you move forward.
I think it's really important asparents that we're honest with
our teens.
So that when we make a mistake,when we say, Hey, I didn't
handle this situation as well asI wanted to, we show that we're
real and that, Hey, this is myfirst rodeo as a parent, just
(04:26):
that it is your first rodeo asbeing a teenager.
So we're in this together.
And I think when you can be openand honest with your team and
let them know that you don'thave it all figured out that
really creates real trust in therelationship.
Yep.
I sometimes, now that I'mseeing, with my 16 year old
daughter, who I have the mostchallenges with, we all do, in
(04:46):
this household, I sometimes, getinto this self beat up about did
I instill some, Was I too hardon her and is that why there's a
lack of confidence these kindsof things, And then one day the
one special thing we had duringthe school year is I bring her
to school every day And that'sreally our only time to bond.
We have no choice but to be inthat car for 15 minutes
together.
And it's a magical time, right?
(05:08):
one day after a big blow up thatwe had the night before, I came
out and said to her, Hey, Iapologize for how we have this
relationship now and, The blowup and any feelings you have I
beat myself up over it a lot andyour mother does too, all we can
do is start all over every dayand hope that, we can learn from
it and get better because, Iwant to maintain this great
(05:29):
relationship led to one of themost magical conversations we
ever had.
We both started bawling in thecar and it was funny cause my
wife called, somewhere in thereand my daughter picked it up and
she's mom, shut up.
We're having a feel sesh orsomething like that, which is
really funny.
That's what she called it.
But it was great.
A huge breakthrough.
And then of course it all wentback to normal, but I think that
(05:51):
honesty and transparency really.
the honesty and the transparencyis so important.
I also think stop beatingyourself up.
I know it's natural for all ofus to do that.
one of the first ways to stopbeating yourself up is that
okay, so we move forward fromthe past what we did and what we
didn't do when they were 10 1211 or even younger, you know
(06:13):
what, That's over.
So we have to just keep movingforward.
And I think one of the ways youkeep moving forward is to
continue to remind your teen,how much you love them and how
much you appreciate them.
I really think sometimes Parentsmake the mistake that as our
kids get older, when our kidsare little, it's easy to tell
our kids, I love you.
And I'm so proud of you.
And because the kids will comeright back to you when they're
(06:34):
little and go, I love you too.
and thank you and all.
And then as our teens get older,you say, I love you.
You don't hear those.
I love yous back maybe as often,or you might never hear it at
all, or even hear, thank you,dad, or thank you mom for
everything you've done for me.
So I think it's important that,As we navigate the teen years,
it's really important to, beopen and honest, but also
continue to express yourgratitude and your appreciation
(06:56):
to them and say, hey, to letthem know that they are loved.
And how do you do that?
You can do it in a number ofdifferent ways.
You can do it verbally,Expressing that through your
words of saying, I love you andsay, I appreciate how hard
you're working in school.
I appreciate the effort you'reputting in the activities that
you're doing.
you can do it verbally, but Ithink the other way you can
express gratitude and love, toyour teen is also, if you're not
(07:17):
comfortable saying in the words,then taking the time to write a
letter.
And writing it in a card andsaying, Hey, I just want to let
you know how much you mean to usand how proud we are of you.
and you'll know your team betterthan anyone.
So Maybe you'll know if theyrespond better to a verbal
message or that written message.
Or maybe it's just giving yourteenager a big hug and they
really respond to that so theyfeel loved.
(07:38):
it's a scary world out there aswe all know.
And not only do we get scared,teenagers are scared right now.
don't forget our teenagers, wentthrough that whole pandemic as
well and how they managed it ina lot of ways was completely
different than how we managedit.
Yeah.
what are they scared of?
All the uncertainty that'shappening in the world, they
(07:59):
have access now to so muchthrough social media, and social
media thrives on fear.
I think the other thing thatthey get scared of maybe they're
not enough.
Maybe they're not good enough.
And that is a big conversation,not only for teenagers teenagers
are having that they're not goodenough that, I'm not good
enough.
I don't fit in.
I don't belong.
And that's a conversation thatdoesn't stop when you get out of
(08:20):
your teenage years.
That's a conversation thatparents have once again saying,
I'm not a good enough parent,I'm not doing a good enough job,
going back to beating yourselfup again I think that's a big
issue for teenagers.
I think it's a Big issue foreveryone, because if you're
going to live an extraordinarylife and we want our teens, we
want our kids to live anextraordinary life and navigate
(08:40):
their way to a life that theylove.
If they're going to do that,then they're going to have that
self confidence, that innerdrive and that inner compass, to
find their way.
Talk a little bit more aboutsocial media with that.
Cause that's definitely a newerphenomenon.
Probably the last 10, 15 years,right?
That you and I didn't grow upwith.
(09:01):
Definitely not.
I think that's where thecommunication comes into play.
Sometimes parents, my experiencein talking with parents has been
I can't keep up with thetechnology.
I can't track everything thatthey're doing.
No, you really can't trackeverything that you're doing.
And it's really, I don't thinkit's realistic to start putting,
you can't really put blocks onyour teenager's phone.
Because if you think in ourhouse, they're not allowed to go
(09:23):
on certain social mediachannels, or they're not allowed
on YouTube.
If they're not doing it in yourhouse, believe me, they're doing
it at school, or at theirfriend's house.
So they have access to it.
So I think our responsibility asparents is to communicate to our
teen the unbelievable,responsibility that they have
with their social media.
That what they text, post,comment, and share, is out there
(09:43):
forever.
That delete does not mean thatit's gone.
It's out there forever.
And there's consequences tothat.
I'll give you a personalexample.
Our son, Ryan, when he was goingthrough high school, we talked
to him about how important itwas to be aware of his social
media, what he was posting, evenwhat his handle was on, on, on
his, On his, Tik TOK and allthose different things and how,
(10:04):
once it's out there, it's outthere forever.
And who you're connecting to andwho you're following, all that's
being watched.
And so we reminded our son ofthat.
And then we reminded ourdaughter of that.
our son loves lacrosse.
he wanted to play lacrosse incollege.
sure enough, junior year, westart going to different
colleges that he's interested inmeeting different coaches, and
we finally get to the universitywhere he wants to play lacrosse
(10:28):
and the coach is interested inplaying there.
So we go in and we meet thecoach, and it's an awesome
meeting.
the coach says, okay, Ryan, thislooks like a great fit.
I can see what you can do on thefield.
your grades look great.
Your activities are outstandingwith leadership development.
But there's just one more thingthat we'd like to look at before
we offer you the invitation tocome and play lacrosse for our
(10:49):
team.
We would just like to take alook at your social media.
We understand that it's private,but we're making an investment
in you.
we just want to make sure thatwhat we see here is also
consistent with what's going onout in social media.
I'm sure you can understandthat.
And because of thoseconversations that we had with
our son, Ryan was able to lookat the coach, say, Hey coach, no
problem.
Whatever you want to take a lookat, just let me know.
(11:10):
Happy to send it to you.
And now he's going into hissecond year playing lacrosse at
his university And he gets thatnow.
It continues on because now heknows what he follows for social
media in college is just asimportant.
I was speaking at a conferenceof managers and a JetBlue
manager came up to me at the endwhen we talked about the
unbelievable responsibility wehave with our social media.
(11:30):
she explained to me how thiswoman came in, her dream job was
to be a pilot for JetBlue andshe had all the qualifications,
went through all the tests,rockstar.
the last thing they did is theywent in and they looked at her
social media.
They looked at her, some of herLinkedIn profile, they looked at
some other social media.
And unfortunately they said wecan't hire you because some
(11:51):
things you posted and somepeople you're following aren't
in line with the mission andvision of our company.
she lost her dream job becauseof that.
it's really powerful and scary.
if it's that scary, you can'tclose the door on it and just
hope it goes away.
Cause it's not really, you needto really shine a light on it
and be like, Hey, with greatpower comes great
responsibility.
(12:11):
I know it comes from Spider Man,but it's true.
And I think we need to continueto give that message to our
teens.
And then we also have to modelit.
Because our teens are alsowatching.
What are we scanning on ourphones that they're paying
attention?
We're going through a socialmedia channel.
We're going through, or howoften are we texting?
How often are we posting?
And are we really present withour team?
(12:31):
We hear the story all the time.
We see parents out to dinnerwith their teens and their teens
are on the phone, for the entiredinner.
And not only the teens on thephone for the entire dinner, but
so the parents.
So we really need to make someagreements within our families
of, When do we use social media?
When do we not use social media?
And when you really get down toit, when do we use our phones
and when do we not use ourphones?
(12:52):
We need to put our phones awayin order to really connect.
we often see, we make fun of theteenagers for that, but I see it
all the time, and I've even beenguilty of it, it's actually the
adults more that are on theirphones, it may or may not be
social media, but we have otherthings on our mind, and we get
on the phones, and there we are,not being fully present with our
families Dinner.
(13:12):
Yeah, absolutely louie.
the other thing about that is Ireally think that one of the
biggest things we want to giveOur kids and teach our teens is
to have that self confidence Andone of the things that really
hurts, an individual selfconfidence Is when they have
that feeling of not feeling goodenough about themselves.
I'm having that conversationright now with my daughter Who's
really not sure, she has bigaspirations to go to some
(13:34):
amazing colleges and the finearts.
And, there's that hesitancy of Ijust don't know if I'm good
enough.
And we've had some really greatconversations about that because
it's not conversation of I'm notgood enough.
It's something that we're alltrying to navigate.
And when we get onto our socialmedia channels, they're so good
(13:54):
about saying, if you don't buythis product, then you don't fit
in.
If you don't join this group,then you don't belong.
If you don't wear this, if youdon't drink this, if you don't
take this, then you know what?
You're not good enough.
And so I think it's reallyimportant that we bring an
awareness to that our teens arestruggling with that
conversation.
Just as many adults are of thatconversation of, I don't feel
good enough.
so the question is then how dowe help our team?
(14:16):
How do we help them feel betterabout themselves?
How do we help them build theirself confidence?
And I think one of the bigthings we can talk to our teams
about is that it's so easy forus to get caught up into that
game of comparison.
And we start comparing ourselvesto others.
and that happens at an earlyage.
I think it starts to, speed upin our teenage years.
(14:37):
continues through college andeven through our life.
if we're not aware of it, oncewe start comparing ourselves to
others, it's such a naturalinstinct because it's one of the
ways we developed as humanbeings That's how we survived.
But now we compare ourselves toothers, we start to lose our own
value.
We start to lose our voice.
We start to lose, who we trulyare.
(14:59):
I think that's a realconversation to continue to have
with our teens about, we'veheard it before comparisons, the
thief of joy and to really that,every, to really continue to
remind our team that everybodyis unique.
And everybody has their ownvoice and that we can really
admire somebody for theirtalents and we can really
respect somebody for theirgifts.
(15:20):
What's that quote?
you can admire someone's beautyand that doesn't take the beauty
away from who you are.
That's right.
Something I found reallyalarming the other day, I had
lunch with a friend who grew upin Nigeria and he went to a
pretty elite school there,supposedly, and there were about
40 students in his class.
And from very early on, fromelementary school, they start
(15:41):
ranking where everybody is.
And letting them know So youcould get, a really high test
score in something.
and they'll let you know whatthat score is, and it's great,
and it might be equivalent of anA here.
But then there's also aboutlike, where you ranked against
everybody else.
And that always goes with you.
I think that can be verydestructive because it's always
(16:02):
instilling.
Okay.
Hey, I got an a I'm happy withthat Oh, but I came in 40th and
i'm not happy about it I justthink that can be so destructive
and I would think that wouldalso kill creativity because
you're competing on that piecethat you're graded on versus
finding things of joy and suchit's very important I think
competition could be good butalso help them understand how to
(16:22):
find joy.
Yeah, competition will always bethere, and comparison will
always be there.
Comparison will never go away.
And comparison actually can be agood thing.
Because it keeps your ego incheck So if you think you're the
greatest, basketball player inthe world, and you dominate in
your town, you dominate in yourstate, you might even dominate
for the whole, wherever you, thewhole County that you live in,
(16:44):
then you finally go to a bigbasketball camp And, what do
they call it?
The eighth, ACU or, a Nikebasketball camp.
And then it's put your ego incheck and say, wow, I got a lot
more work to do.
It is, but it's when we startcomparing ourselves to other,
and we start to now beatourselves up and say, wow, I'm
not good enough.
We might get compared to, I'mnot a good enough basketball
player.
And then next thing, it spiralsdown to, good at school.
(17:05):
I'm not good at anything Andthen that's when you really
start to lose that selfconfidence.
so the question that I oftenget, and I ask my guests and I
talk with parents about how dowe build our kids confidence?
How do we help build our teens?
In a sense, the word back in theseventies, eighties, it was self
esteem.
You will say we can't, we talkedso much about self esteem.
(17:27):
That's it's selfish.
It's not self, it's not selfishat all.
It's actually self caring.
we can't truly help others untilwe feel good about who we are
and what our values and beliefsare.
it's such an importantconversation to have, with our
team.
And I think one of the firstthings you can do to help them
build their confidence is toremind them that it does start
with their attitude and theirmindset.
(17:49):
we have to model that attitude,but also remind them that their
attitude every day is a choice.
when I work with teenagers,that's something that I continue
to reinforce with them, that itstarts with your attitude, with
your mindset.
And then the next question Ioftentimes get is that's great.
I tell my kids to be positiveall the time.
But how can they stay positive?
And I think that's where you canreally teach the lessons of who
(18:11):
are they surrounding themselveswith and really teach that, that
lesson of the way you build yourself confidence is really
important.
Being aware of also who are yousurrounding yourself with?
Who are the people that you'reinteracting with?
Who's in your community?
And that's a message that youneed to continue to reinforce
with your team, because thenthey get into their adult years.
I believe that the company youkeep as you get older, even as
parents and the people you workwith, those conversations in
(18:34):
your network, when you have thechoice to do so to hang out with
those positive people, they'llsupport you, those who encourage
you, is so important and youcontinue to build up your self
confidence.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Yeah.
What about, talk about withteenagers, it synonymous with
moodiness.
Yeah.
Can we talk about that?
I was a 16 year old girl and Iexperience a different mood
(18:54):
every minute.
Yeah, I, there are, there's somany emotions happening, right?
Because there's this, there's somany biological changes going
on.
And then there's so many changesin their environment in terms of
them trying to figure out where,what path are they going to take
in life?
And yeah, that can be really,the thing with the moods one of
the things that I found is weknow our team.
When our son, comes home a longday, I know he's tired, so
(19:18):
that's not the time to startasking him questions about his
plans for the next week, youhave to be aware, they're
feeling frustrated or a littlebit angry, you gotta give them
that space.
let them to be in that emotion,not what they come home and
they're angry and say, it'sokay.
Don't be angry.
Oh, don't be angry.
Get up, get off of it.
Let them be, let them have theemotion, let them experience the
emotion for what they'refeeling.
It's trying to teach them, youcan stay angry for a little
(19:40):
while.
That's okay.
But you just can't, you justcan't stay there for a long
time.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
I need to, yeah, to give himthat space.
And then, I think that alsoleads into Louie too.
If, if we noticed that our teenis moody and we noticed that,
and I think that those are signsas well.
as parents, we need to payattention to those moods.
And if we noticed that all of asudden our teenager has been, in
(20:02):
a great, in a real positive, ina positive mood, things are
going really well, then all of asudden they start to get really
quiet, over an extended periodof time or you seem to, they
seem to be a little bit angry,more than they have been before,
or being more disrespectful.
Then that's a time to step backand say, okay, now I need to
understand.
I need to understand why are youfeeling the way that you're
feeling when you have that timein the car, that 15 minutes on
(20:26):
the way to school is so preciousbecause you have their
attention.
you shouldn't be on your phone.
if you're driving, turn themusic down and ask questions
like, Hey, what does the daylook like today?
really engage in thatconversation.
What if my teen doesn't want totalk to me?
You're in the car for 15minutes.
You can ask your team, you cancreate a conversation with them
and it doesn't have to be soserious where do you want to go
to college?
Or tell me your three goals forthis week.
(20:48):
It could just be like, Hey, whatare you excited about today?
what are you looking forward totoday?
I noticed that you were workingreally hard on that project.
last night, how's that going?
if they know you're trulylistening, they'll share.
But if you ask these questions,you better make sure you're
listening because teenagers knowif you're present or not when
you ask, Hey honey, how was yourday today?
And they start talking and theyknow you're still on your phone,
(21:11):
scanning it, and doing both.
they check out.
they have a lot more awarenessthan we recognize.
somewhere in the mid to laterteen years we start to realize
just how aware and intelligentour kids are.
they're no longer cute littlekids that, we enjoy And it blows
my mind every day there's asignal they're sending that
(21:31):
reminds me of that.
Yeah, absolutely.
one of the other big issues thatcomes up a lot is not only
helping our team build theirself confidence, but also like
we want, we want our kids to berespectful.
To be respectful and to beresponsible and compassionate
human beings.
one of the questions that'soften asked is, how do I teach
my team that respect forthemselves and for others?
(21:53):
I think one of the first thingswe can do to teach that respect,
and it sounds obvious but we'vesometimes forget it is.
We have to model it.
We have to lead by example.
that doesn't mean we're perfect.
we can admit when we make thosemistakes, but they are watching
and they are listening, whatwe're doing and what we're
saying.
And, and it's important becausewhen you're in the kitchen
talking about the neighbors orin the car ripping somebody
(22:15):
apart at work, you think yourteenager is not listening
because they have their buds onin the backseat.
I'm telling you, the music hasbeen turned down.
They're listening to what'shappening up front because it's
a lot more interesting and a lotmore in some cases entertaining.
And so sometimes when I'mworking with teenagers, I hear
some of the language that theyuse and it's not the language of
a teenager.
I'm hearing the language of anadult.
(22:38):
How an adult might see the worldor how an adult might comment
about a particular subject.
And so it's really importantthat we lead by example.
We're going to teach thatrespect and that compassion.
I think the other thing we cando to help teach that respect
and that compassion with ourteams, we need to share our
stories.
when were the times when youwere struggling, when you made
(22:58):
that mistake and when you brokeup with your partner felt like
you were all alone, we need toshare our stories A parent asked
me once, what stories do weshare and what stories don't we
share?
I don't want them, I don't wantto, I don't want it to be such
that open book.
And my answer to that is, Idon't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But, but you're the parent.
You know will resonate with yourteam.
I think you can bounce off whatyou're going to share With your
(23:20):
team maybe about a lesson thatyou experienced or something you
went through in your life Shareit with a close friend go to
lunch with your friend and sayhey I'm thinking about talking
to my daughter about thisexperience I had in high school
or college Is this coming acrossright?
Am I making the point that Iwant to make?
So that way when you tell thestory with the lesson behind it,
you know that it's clear andspecific Yeah, that's a good
(23:42):
one.
I think we do a good job ofthat.
We share a lot of who we are,just everything.
We're an open book to our kids.
Sure.
And because of that, it allowsfor a really great relationship,
right?
Like in a communications way, Ilike to believe that our kids
aren't hiding anything from usand vice versa.
and that's important because, weall make mistakes as teenagers I
(24:04):
think when you hide everything,I know families that, are in
second, third generations now ofhiding these family secrets and
you can just see that there'ssomething in that family that
just doesn't, There's not a bondthere.
There's some kind of wall andyou wonder what it is.
And it could be that secret thatwasn't, those quote unquote
family secrets.
I think that goes back to alsowhere, as parents, we also have
(24:26):
to keep continuing to do thework.
And what I mean by that is, weneed to go back and say, what
are our values and our beliefs?
and not only what are our valuesand our beliefs, but also what
are our limiting beliefs andsome of the limiting beliefs
that we're still carrying.
If we're not aware of thoselimiting beliefs, if you're a
parent and you don't feel goodenough, if you're a parent where
you feel, you're not worthy.
(24:47):
If you're a parent where youfeel like maybe you don't belong
or that something's missing orthat something's wrong.
If you're not aware of that, ifyou don't do the work yourself
as a parent, then.
You'll transfer that over toyour team.
You will.
And that statement of sayingI'll never do what my dad did.
I'll never do what my mom did.
unless you do the work to getcomplete and really get whole on
(25:08):
those past experiences, you'lltransfer that over to your team.
that's why it's so important forparents to continue to do their
own personal work Instead oftransferring that, they can
transform a whole newconversation with their team
where they won't have thoselimiting beliefs you had when
you were a teenager.
Yeah.
and it teaches them that, we'realways in growth, right?
(25:29):
we will never have all thesolutions.
we're going to continue to learnand grow all of our lives.
And we recognize, hey we, we mayhave been in the wrong and,
let's figure out how to fixthat.
Absolutely.
And I think that's why it's oneof the things too.
It's it's a great there wasalways a kind of stigma around,
people that would go to therapyor counseling talk to a
counselor.
And now you see the demand forcounseling and for therapists is
(25:52):
off the charts, especiallyamong.
teenagers.
there's not that big stigmaanymore because kids are being
taught that, it's okay to askfor help, even if you don't know
what that help is.
And sometimes though in myconversations with parents is
that they share well.
I don't want, I don't want mychild to go to counseling or
therapy or to go get any outsidehelp because I don't want
(26:15):
anybody to know our business.
I don't want anybody to thinkthat maybe I'm not a good parent
or I'm a bad parent.
And my message that is.
The most courageous thing youcan do, I think, as a parent, is
to give your child the access,if they need it, if they want
it, to go and get therapy, to goget counseling, to work through
(26:36):
some emotional issues theyexperienced when they were
younger, that you maybe weren'teven aware of, whether it was at
school, whether it was on aCamping trip, who knows whether
it was a conversation they hadwith a couple of players on
their sports team.
We don't know those moments thatmaybe impacted them.
Just like nobody knows all thosedifferent moments that impacted
your life what you experienced.
(26:58):
I think important.
I know for me, about 10 yearsago, I started to see a
hypnotherapist.
Once a month and it was reallypowerful it helped with my
parenting It helped mycommunication skills and it
helped me also get complete withsome with different things in
the past So that wasn't going totransfer Some of the emotions
that maybe I weren't I wasn'tcomplete with to my teenager.
I'm now like I can be more likehey They know that.
(27:21):
my teenagers know, you knowwhat?
If you're going through achallenging time in your life
where you're trying to work somestuff out, it's okay to ask for
help.
It's okay to go to forcounseling.
And now I can look at my kidsand they know geez, dad, you say
that, but you would never go, Ohno, I go, I've been there.
I think it's important toencourage our teens to not only
be aware of who they surroundthemselves with, but also what
they surround themselves with.
we have a consistent message.
(27:42):
Of reminding our teenagers to beaware of your environment.
What are you watching?
What are you listening to?
being aware of your environment.
even that simple thing ofkeeping a house clean.
It doesn't mean that it has tobe, perfect like a hotel, but
having things in order there'sso much uncertainty in those
teenage years that sometimeswhen they come back, when they
come back from school to just toknow that things are a certain
(28:04):
way and there's It's not messyand it's not upside down that it
gives them that, that sense ofspace.
and that sense of feeling that,everything is okay and
consistent here.
Does that make sense, Louie?
It does.
It makes a whole lot of sense.
I'm wondering, going back alittle bit to the therapist
piece though, I got held upthere.
there's a lot of talk aboutmental health now with
(28:25):
teenagers, right?
more so than I think there was,during our time.
for example, even anxiety.
I think a lot of us had anxiety.
As kids and we didn't recognizeit wasn't diagnosed.
It was just like, we feltstressed or whatever as kids and
we'd learn how to deal with itand move on.
But now it's almost to a pointwhere it's almost like a mental
health diagnosis and you shouldsee a therapist for a while.
(28:46):
And I think that's a good thing,I'm wondering, do you see that
there's more, different, topicsthat could be considered mental
health?
today with teenagers and howthey're, acceptable to have them
and talk about them and dealwith them then during our
generation.
Absolutely.
And, in our generation, manypeople feel like I had anxiety
and all these emotional issuestoo.
And I never went to get anytherapy or help.
(29:08):
I just had to figure it outmyself.
Good for you.
But a lot of people think theyhad it figured out, but you
never did figure it out.
That's right.
And now, so you just creatingthe same, you actually creating
the same pattern for your teenwith that same anxiety and
stress that you think that youmaybe you, that you handled, but
you don't, you're actuallytransferring your stress and
your anxiety so yeah, I don'tthink it's a fix for everyone.
(29:29):
I think if a student is having atough week or even a tough
month, or maybe they're feelinga little bit sad for a week or
they're feeling a little bitdepressed.
I don't think that all of asudden it's like, Hey, that's
it.
You gotta go see a counselor.
you talk to the teachers, youtalk to the coaches and you
watch their behavior.
And if you notice that somethingdoesn't seem normal or seems a
little bit out of character foryour team, then yeah, I think
(29:51):
that's one of the options youcan do.
What are some of the othergenerational differences that
you notice with teenagers todayversus when we were growing up?
I think one of the bigdifferences is that right now We
are in a world of instantgratification and Get to have
things quicker and faster thanwe ever had before just look at
(30:11):
you order something now It'seither that day or the next day.
so it's that idea of okayeverything is quick and fast
instant gratification andsometimes what happens is this
generation forgets that you knowwhat?
It's not just about You It's notan over there's no there really
is no such thing as an overnightsuccess certain social media
channels and just the way theworld is tries to betray that
(30:32):
certain things happen overnightAnd so it but it takes hard work
sometimes, this generationthinks that I want it now, and
because I want it right now, Ideserve it right now, and I'm
entitled to it.
that's a big difference between,this generation and past
generations.
with everything that happenedwith COVID, teenagers now are a
little more hesitant.
(30:53):
not as confident about wherethey're going next.
Does that make sense, Louis?
No.
Can you elaborate on that alittle more?
Yeah, can you say a little bitmore about those differences?
Sure.
one of the differences in thisgeneration and past generations
beyond just the instantgratification is also what the
(31:15):
teens experienced through COVIDand going through that whole
COVID experience.
I'm talking with so manyteachers and also other parents,
teens now are a lot morehesitant to make a firm
commitment sometimes Forexample, there are a lot of
students right now are not goingright from high school to
college.
There are many students that arenow taking time to do a gap
(31:37):
year.
Or they're taking, they'retaking a year to just to go do a
job, they're taking a year toexplore because it's taking a
little bit more time for them tofind their way than it has in
the past generations because ofwhat they experienced with COVID
being not in the network ofconversations, not seeing people
face to face that had an impact.
On this generation, without adoubt.
(31:58):
And I think we're going to stillcontinue to see impacts that we
don't even know as we go intothe future as well.
Yeah, I totally agree with that.
We're going through that withour oldest child.
She coming out of COVID oncethey got reintroduced to the
traditional way of going back toschool and everything, she was
incredibly overwhelmed and shepreferred to go back online, and
so she did.
(32:18):
We let her in and she startedthriving taking extra classes
and ended up finishing a yearearly.
she took time off beforedeciding what to do for college
and we've been fine with thattoo And now she's finally
decided and she's going to startcollege but a very non
traditional path I think theyreally needed that time to
figure it out.
I'll argue with you, Ed, that Idon't think it was just COVID.
(32:40):
in our household, One of the bigstressors was student debt.
we had massive student loansthat we came out with, and we
were working on for years, andwe finally got rid of them.
But, our kids knew, Experiencethat stress in us to get rid of
that.
So I think they really are moreabout making sure they're making
the right choice with collegebecause they don't want to make
(33:02):
the same mistake we did and havecrazy student debt.
I could be wrong.
That's just my own theory.
I think that's definitely afactor as well.
And that could be a wholepodcast in itself is that high
cost of college is these Days, Ithink it's also important for
parents to remember that,college isn't a fit for every
teenager.
there are a lot of differentavenues for students, whether
(33:22):
it's, going to a trade schooland to really become a master at
a trade or, different otherlearning experiences than the
traditional four year track.
And I think sometimes asparents, we get locked in and
say, Nope, my child's going fouryears of college and that's it.
And we're forcing ourexpectations on them when that
might not be the best fit forthem.
(33:43):
That's right.
we try to get them to figure outwhat they want to do and support
them 100 percent with thatwhat's going to bring them joy.
So our daughter, for her gapyear, she pursued beauty school.
And we're like, okay, Let's findthe best beauty school we can.
halfway through she realized,okay, this is not the right fit
for me.
And she decided on her own thatshe wants to go to college and
she started figuring it out.
And it's pretty neat.
(34:03):
that's a great example rightthere, Louis, one of the things
we can do as parents to help ourteen navigate their way to
living a life they love is toreally encourage them that when
they express an interest insomething that we give them an
opportunity to like really feedthat fire.
in your case, your daughter wasinterested in beauty school and
you and your wife like, yes,let's go.
Okay.
What are the, what's the bestbeauty school and give them the
(34:24):
opportunity to explore that.
I think we can encourage, Ithink it's important to
encourage our teens.
He doesn't know where they wantto go.
And what if they don't have anydirection in their life?
It's actually okay.
our teenagers don't have to haveit all figured out, all planned
out, the average college studentchanges their major once
oftentimes your parents say, Ijust want my kid to find a
passion.
I don't think it is passionfirst, Louie.
(34:45):
it's curiosity first.
I think our great message thatwe need to share with our teens
is to be curious to encouragethem to step outside of their
comfort zone, We want our kidsto be safe.
Sometimes we almost want to putthem in a box, say, okay, this
is what you do if you go to thisfour years of college and you
have this job.
they'll be safe.
Then they'll be okay.
Then everything will be allright.
in a lot of ways, that's adirection that can really set up
(35:08):
your child for failure becausethey're not exploring.
They're just, going down a paththat they're told to take
instead of saying, what's thepath that's going to What am I
curious about?
we're really encouraged thatmessage for them because it's
through curiosity that they canthen start to think, learn about
the things that they'reinterested in.
I'll give you a great example Ispeak at a lot of colleges and
(35:29):
universities and at oneuniversity I was speaking at,
And it's been speaking at thisuniversity for over 20 years.
at one of the orientationsthere, a senior orientation
leader walked up to me goes,Hey, I, he goes, I remember you,
he goes, you spoke at myorientation when I was a
freshman here.
I said, Really?
He goes, yeah, you actuallybrought me up on stage and asked
me what one of my big dreams wasand I said, wow, that's so cool.
(35:51):
You remember that?
I go, what was your big goalthat you share with the whole
group?
He said, I will be an Oscaraward winning director by the
age of 35 here in New York City.
And I was like, wow, that'sawesome.
I can't believe you stillremember that.
and here he was a senior incollege.
Are you still studying filmhere?
And he looked right at me and hewent, no, I started out in
college.
(36:12):
I started out with film but themore I explored film the more
curious, I became about music herealized that's what he wanted
to do with his life.
He wanted to build it aroundmusic.
I said, that's great.
I said, so what's your new goalnow?
He goes, now he goes, I willhave my own music production
company here in New York city bythe age of 30, representing the
top hip artists in the world.
I was like, wow, good for you.
so what are you doing right nowto get closer to that goal?
(36:33):
And he looked right at me.
He says right now I have aninternship with Sony and their
international marketingdepartment.
I think that's such a greatexample because one of the
lessons we can teach our teensis that success is not linear.
We fall and we slip and we makemistakes.
We've talked so much today aboutresilience and perseverance, and
we want our kids to beresilient.
We want our kids to be able topersevere.
(36:54):
resilience doesn't come from thewins.
It doesn't come from The easythe resilience comes when we get
faced with setbacks and we turninto a great comeback or when we
get faced with an unbelievableobstacle in our life, and we
turn it into a greatopportunity.
And what a great message toshare with our teens.
Wow.
I love that.
That's powerful.
Ed, we're at that point where wego over our world famous
(37:16):
Wayfinder 4.
I can't believe how quickly thistime passed.
We definitely got to get youback on, man.
That sounds great.
I really enjoyed this, Louis.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, likewise.
Thank you.
Ed, can you give us a hack,something you use every day to
just make your life easier?
I can't, I'm going to give you acouple of hacks because I think
that's such a great question.
I love the way finder forquestions.
(37:38):
and so I took some time to thinkabout this cause I listened to
some of the other podcasts thatyou had.
I think, one of the hacks that Ido every day, and I've been
doing this now for a couple ofyears is every morning I have a
half a lemon.
I take a half a lemon, squeezeit into a glass, fill it up
halfway with water.
that's the first thing I have inthe morning.
it helps alkalize my body.
you can read all about thebenefits but I feel like it's
(37:59):
really made a big difference forme.
I'm starting each morning offwith a half a lemon, squeezing
it into a glass of water andthen drinking that to start my
day.
another great life hack that I,it's an app that I love called
insight timer.
It's great.
Insight timer has a lot of,guided meditations to help you
sleep, to help you get morecalm.
(38:21):
And that's, we didn't get intothat today at all, but, and
maybe at another time we couldtalk about just the power of
meditation and how important itis.
so I love that app insighttimer, another hack that, that I
learned, and I learned thisthrough a program called
strategic coach and that'scalled positive.
The focus.
And so positive focus is justsomething where, you celebrate
the positive things thathappened to you for that week.
(38:43):
And that's something that I'vebeen doing my wife and I do this
consistently can be doing thisnow probably for over 10 years,
each week I'll write down the 10positive things that happened to
me personal and professional Andthen my wife will do the same
thing.
And then when we start our weekon a Monday morning, we'll both
sit down and share our positivefocus from the week before.
it validates, how much weaccomplished, all the amazing
(39:06):
things we had, with our kids Andso that gives you that momentum
to keep moving forward.
those are a few hacks that Idefinitely use.
I love that.
And if I'm not mistaken, thefounder of positive focus, I'm
drawing a blank in his name, buthe also wrote a book, called the
gap in the game.
Yes.
Dan Sullivan.
Dan Sullivan.
That's who it is.
Yes.
and he talks a lot about how webeat ourselves up thinking about
(39:27):
what we got to do, what we gotto do, I haven't done enough.
if we actually just take a stepback and look backwards a week,
a month, a year, what we'veaccomplished it's just mind
blowing and help us get out ofthat gap mindset and get us into
the game mindset.
Absolutely.
and I think that's another greatstrategy to get out of the gap
Sometimes thinking that we'renot enough or we beat ourselves
up.
(39:47):
Even at the idea of I'm not agood parent.
Wait a minute.
How about you make a list of the10 great things you did this
week as a parent?
What were the great things youdid this week as a parent?
That creates momentum.
That's the one thing I learnedfrom Dan Sullivan too, It's all
about progress, not perfection.
Cause nobody's perfect.
So it's just about makingprogress and moving forward.
Yeah.
Love that.
All right.
How about a favorite?
(40:08):
A favorite?
Music, book, movie, show,activity.
I just went to an awesomeconcert, the other night with my
son.
We went to go see Zach Bryan,just an awesome show.
60, 000 people sold out.
Wow.
so love that.
another great experience to havewith your family is to go to a
concert.
Absolutely.
Just experience the energy andall that.
that memory now I have with myson is something that I'll have
(40:30):
for my entire life.
And hopefully that he'llremember for his entire life as
well.
I love that.
Another favorite, I'll tell you,I'm really a big fan of a book
that I read recently calledBreath by James Nestor.
it's all about the power ofbreath.
And How that really is a hugefactor in our health and
(40:53):
wellness.
James Nestor Breath, just anawesome book.
I'm also a big fan of the work.
One of my favorites is Breakingthe Habit of Being Yourself by
Joe Dispenza.
Joe Dispenza is just aphenomenal book.
And then he has another bookcalled You Are the Placebo.
That's one of my favorites.
Oh, I haven't read that one.
You know about the concert?
(41:15):
Yeah.
Go to Spencer.
All his work is amazing, by theway.
Yeah, it really is.
about the concert thing, I gottashare this with you.
funny story.
So my now 18-year-old daughter,soon to be 19, for her 16th
birthday, I took her to aWu-Tang Clan concert And we joke
in our household that it's ourfirst time getting high.
Who knows if it really is ornot, but it was everybody there.
(41:37):
it was actually an unbelievableexperience.
It was so good.
Such an inspirational concerttoo, by the way, like they, it's
about their story at the end.
And it just really inspiredpeople to just do better and
dream big.
it was really powerful.
And to this day, it's a goodstory in our household.
But yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I relate to you.
Zach brian concert experienceWhat about a piece of advice for
(42:00):
your younger self?
This show was almost all thatbut Yeah, a piece of advice for
my if I could go back and talkto my younger self I think I
would go back and tell myyounger self that not that
everything's going to be okay,but rather everything is okay
right now and to just trust andto really have that trust in
yourself and, to just listen toyour heart and know that
(42:23):
everything is okay.
Beautiful.
What about a big opportunitythat you see out there, or that
you're working on?
I think there's a hugeopportunity to, help teens and
adults to really learn how to bein the present moment, how to be
right here right now.
I think in a fast pacedtechnological driven world.
(42:46):
I think there's just, it's soeasy for us to get pulled into
the past or pushed into thefuture.
something that I try to work onevery day is how do we stay in
the present moment?
I think there's a hugeopportunity for everyone to
really live and create anextraordinary life that they can
really master the art of beingin the present moment.
Because when you're in thepresent moment, you can start to
really get present to whatyou're grateful for in your
(43:08):
life.
And if you can start to liveyour life with gratitude, which
really exists in the presentmoment.
that can be really exciting andcan make a difference, not only
for people and our communities,but being in the present moment
and living with gratitude andknowing that we're all
connected, is something thatcould, make the world a better
place.
It's more important than evernow, right?
What about, finding if peoplewant to know more about you,
(43:30):
what should you got a lot outthere.
Where should we send them to?
Sure, you can go right to mywebsite, has access to all of
the information about myspeaking programs, my podcast,
and my new book, Shine YourLight.
So that's edgerety.
com.
E D G E R E T Y, edgerety.
com.
And if anybody has any questionsfrom this podcast, you can email
(43:50):
me through that website as well.
Excellent.
Ed, thank you so much.
you shared a whole lot of wisdomwith our folks, and I think we
all, left with a lot moreknowledge and a lot to think
about and a lot more, that wecan start practicing in our own
households and with ourteenagers.
so I'm really grateful, and Ihope to have you back on, maybe
we can talk about your book moreor some of the other topics you
(44:12):
talk about, because, I thinkWe're a little bit, symbiotic in
what we do.
So I really appreciate it Iappreciate the opportunity and
what you do because I think weneed, I think a podcast like
what you have and helpingpeople, really create a life
they love and, is just soimportant.
So I acknowledge you for that.
Thank you.
(44:34):
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