024: How Parents Can Navigate Conflict While Keeping Their Connection Strong with Rhona Berens

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Has navigating the world of parenting introduced a whole new set of challenges for you and your partner?

If so, you're not alone. Today, we dive into an insightful conversation with Rhona Berens, a professional certified coach and co-author of the book *"Fight Right for Your Baby"*. This comprehensive guide is designed to help expecting and new parents shift from conflict to connection, an essential aspect of co-parenting that is often underestimated.

Becoming a parent inevitably places stress on relationships. Rhona and her wife experienced firsthand the shock of how parenting impacted their relationship. Rhona's journey emphasized the importance of creating a "designed partnership alliance" to navigate the often tumultuous transition from being a couple to being parents.

One of the key topics discussed was the concept of fighting right versus fighting wrong. Rhona explained that fighting wrong involves unskillful, unproductive ways of disagreeing that pull couples apart. Drawing from John Gottman's research, she explains the four toxic communication styles: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling. 

1. Contempt: Disrespectful communication including condescension, sarcasm, and eye-rolling.

2. Defensiveness: Reacting with a chip on your shoulder, refusing to see your part in the conflict.

3. Criticism: Blaming and nagging that turns issues into personal attacks.

4. Stonewalling: Becoming uncommunicative, walking away, or avoiding the conflict entirely.

Rhona emphasized the importance of becoming aware of these behaviors and working towards changing unproductive patterns. She encourages couples to recognize the impact of their communication on their children and to make a conscious effort to model healthier interaction.

Fighting is normal. It's not about never fighting but about how you fight and, more importantly, how you repair and reconnect after a conflict. Small moments of reconnection—like affirming words, a hug, or simply holding hands—can make a significant difference in maintaining a positive relationship dynamic in front of your children. 

For parents approaching this monumental life change, Rhona’s insights and the tools in her book can serve as a valuable resource to navigate the complexities of new parenthood while maintaining a healthy, connected relationship with your partner.

We talk about:

• 00:00 Intro
• 01:25 Rhona's Personal Journey to Becoming a Coach
• 04:30 The Impact of Parenting on Relationships
• 10:31 The Book: Fight Right for Your Baby
• 17:26 Understanding and Addressing Conflict in Relationships
• 35:35 Tips for New and Expecting Parents

Connect with Rhona

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/FightRightBooks/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhonaberens/ 
• www.rhonaberens.com 
• www.fightrightbooks.com 
• https://rhonaberens.com/resources/ 
• https://rhonaberens.com/changing-habits/ 

Connect with me

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wholebundle/
• https://thewholebundle.com/