45: I Went To The LOTR Musical

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Episode Transcript

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Well, it's good to have you back, Mitch.
How was your wizard's pilgrimage?
Yeah, it was good, man. It was good.
The tail looks good though. Yeah, thanks, dude.
Yeah. Did you install a skylight at
the up top here? Oh yeah, Mark dropped by so he

(01:28):
he left that giant hole in the. Oh, like he physically dropped?
It yeah, I know he really he dropped.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
And what, what's, what's this like cardboard over this clearly
a giant right hole Like what's what's going on there?
Said. Don't worry about that.
That was Mark as well, but just just ignore that man.
I've I've got to talk to the landlord about getting that
patch. Yeah, right.
Yeah. All right.
Well, welcome back to the. Shit, are you good down there,

(01:51):
dude? What was that?
Why is there a hole here? Yeah, sorry, man.
That was that was Mark, I did warn you there is a piece of
cardboard clearly covering a hole that you did just stand on.
Why? What's?
These chisms. Oh, watch out man.
They're gonna. They'll get you in the face, I
thought. You made these up.
Yeah, no, they're, they're very real and they are very lethal.
Just watch your eyes, man. Watch your eyes.

(02:14):
Anyway, welcome back to the Wizard's Tower.
They're. In my head.
The Wizard's Tower. I just want to start off the pod

(02:35):
to say thanks to Mark Gallagher for filling in for me last.
Yeah, that was huge. I was away and he, yeah, it was
really nice of him to to drop. By to drop by basically
highlight as well, which was cool Yeah, no, super generous of
him. He was he's the best.
He's such a such a nice guy and he actually like had to travel
pretty far as Oh really? So yeah.
And I was going to buy him lunch.

(02:55):
Everywhere was closed. By the time we finished the
podcast, everywhere was closed. I was like, yeah.
No classic Jackson there's. A great pub just down the road
here, trust me. And we walked in.
I'm like it is. Closed.
I forgot my wallet as well. Damn.
Damn, this, we ended up going toa coffee shop after we'd already
both had like 3 coffees. Oh shit.
And then we went into this coffee shop and he's like, oh,

(03:16):
we're not, we don't serve coffee.
We're it's not, it's not a coffee shop.
And I was like, what is this place?
He's like, oh, it's a, it's likea boutique like experience where
you book it. It's like $80 a person.
You book it and then they brew three different coffees for you
and then you taste them and theytalk you through the experience.
It's like a wine. Taste.
Yeah. It's like a wine taste of the
coffees. That's kind of, yeah.

(03:37):
And then he. Melbourne.
It is very Melbourne. Yeah, best Melbourne as you get
out there. He was like, we actually just
finished setting up this machineso we can give you coffees for
free and we're like, fuck, it's like 4:00 in the afternoon,
like. I kinda wanna sleep I.
Guess, but like, how strong is this coffee?
He's like, oh, it's just one, just one standard coffee.
One litre. Yeah, it's just one.
I ended up, I had, we had the coffees, Yeah.

(03:57):
And I haven't even told Mark this.
I ended up almost going to the hospital because I had heart
palpitations for. The next Oh my God.
'Cause I'd had a coffee in the morning, coffee before the pod,
then this coffee, my heart. I literally did the Apple Watch
like ECG thing and it was like. Inconclusive, just blinking
alert it was. Literally like every time I

(04:18):
scanned it was like inconclusive.
I had extra heartbeats. I had parts where my heart
wasn't beating at all and then Ihad like double heartbeats.
All of that's bad. There's not a single, there's
not a single thing in there that's good.
Yeah, ChatGPT was like this is it's not good, but like you
should be fine. But if it keeps happening, you
should go the doctor. The Apple Watch is like is 3

(04:40):
people wearing this watch? How am I getting no heartbeat?
2 heartbeats and what? They were like, it could just be
the, the ECG, you know, like could just be the Apple
technology. And I was like, I did it three
times and it kept happening and I felt my heart skipped when it
showed on the ECG and wow, ChatGPT was like, yes, it's
probably, it's probably not great.
He's saying Mark Gallagher, major heart skipper, base.

(05:02):
Yeah, yeah, He nearly killed me.Oh, OK.
It's actually Marksville. He nearly killed me.
Yeah, well. That was crazy.
Last time he's ever on the pod there.
That's it. That's it.
John can't. Kill our Co hosts.
That's rule. Number one of the wins.
To our I. Thought we made it clear they
can go on pilgrimages. Yeah, you can replace them for
an episode with somebody else, but you can't kill.
Them I thought I said that made that clear when a message.

(05:23):
You can petrify them. You can turn them into frogs.
You can. You can give him potions to make
him sleep until true Love's first kiss wakes him up, but you
cannot understand the circumstances.
Kill them. That's rule 1 of just being a
magical creature. You can never just outright kill
someone with a gun. It's always gonna be like Oh
yeah, what if we does free trials, trials 3 and he will be

(05:45):
awake from his slumber like you.It's only gonna be something
real convoluted that you can beat him.
Like a doctor evil always does, like some like elaborate plan
and then just got like, I got a gun under my bed.
I could just shoot him right now.
Yeah. Should we, should we watch the
sharks eat them? Yeah, No.
No, shut the doors. We'll put one guard at the door.

(06:05):
Yeah. And the sharks with lasers on
their head, He's like, that's exactly what it is.
That is what we do every week. That's funny, but where I was, I
was away with on a mates trip and man, it was just the best
time. It was such a great time.
So like, I don't know if you guys like literally a year ago I
was in Spain because we talked about that Espanol on the
podcast a year ago. Spain, probably a year ago

(06:28):
Espanol. I don't know.
I don't know. It's been a year.
I can't remember either. But like, so when I got there on
Friday, I picked up my mate Mitch, who I went to Spain with,
another Mitch who I also went toSpain with my birthday.
Yeah. And a year later, we were just
walking around Mitch. Mitch, yeah.
Another. Oh yeah, another friend.
Mitch, Yeah. Another friend you went to Spain

(06:49):
with or who conveniently was also named Mitch.
I'm sure he exists. No for sure.
Yeah, definitely not made-up. I wasn't just walking around
Spain, but I'm super. Handsome loves wizard tower
thing. Yeah, wizard theme things.
That's schizophrenia this whole time.
And we were just walking around Sunny Coast together like we did
when we were in Spain. So we did that again a full year

(07:09):
later and just chatting, having a good time.
Yeah. So that was like just like just
highlights, like playing Super Smash Bros.
One of my close mates who fucking just keeps beating, He
plays Luigi and I play Pokémon, try and just keeps beating me.
Anyway, it's a whole thing. That's your problem.
You're playing Pokémon. No Pokémon, you gotta play Steve
for Minecraft like Steve from Minecraft.
Bro you would be a Steve. From I would be a Steve from

(07:30):
Mike. I'm surprised you're not in the
Smash Bros as a character. Oh, that'd be like a Steve.
Skin. Oh Mason, that'd be cool.
Just does exactly what Steve does.
Just I just go, no, you're actually violating so.
Yeah, there's no hand rails. And then just you just put hand
rails up around the battlefield.I actually save everybody.
I actually don't battle them at all.
I actually. Just like the cater who comes

(07:52):
down and picks them up and back on that's.
About to knock someone off? Hang on mate, wait a minute.
Just gotta put this and that's everyone, but yeah, no, it was a
really good trip. It's just like absolute
highlights. Like there was one night out
where there's like 45. Oh, I don't want to say she's
45. Maybe she's like 40.
She was an older, older lady, a mother.
Five year difference difference.Really, I don't want, I don't

(08:12):
want disrespect. Well, she wasn't 45, maybe.
Maybe like 43, but she came up to me and she was like all like
in front of all my mates and she's like, don't let anyone
tell you your hair's not beautiful.
You've got gorgeous red hair. Don't let anyone tell you.
And I'm looking around all my mates who literally for like 27
years have ripped into me about my hair being red.
And she's like, it's I'm a hairdresser and you have

(08:34):
beautiful hair. Like red hair's the best hair
you can have and all this sort of shit.
And I'm looking around and all my mates are like, is she
fucking blind? Like what she talking about?
It's weird to be like don't let anyone tell you your hair shit.
You're like no I'm like okay thanks.
Sorry is people thinking that isit.
Yeah, sorry. People going around thinking it
is shit. Why did you have to say that?
Like I wasn't thinking that. And now that you've said that.

(08:56):
I looked over at my mates and I'm like tell them that all of
these people hear that I've got 8 boys here right now all
individually giving me shit about my hair.
No you thank you for telling me that.
But you should tell them. That she's like, she's like,
don't let anyone tell you what'sshit.
Me and my friends over there, they've been ragging on your
hair this whole night and I justhad to go.

(09:17):
I had to back you up. It's like, and I'm a
hairdresser, I know. And I'm like, oh, it's really
nice, let me hug. And then she laughed.
It was really, it was really nice, but it was just so funny
looking at my mates and they're just all like got this face.
Like are you fucking serious? Like is she?
Is she taking the piss? So that was, that was really
funny. And then like literally the next
day I went for a walk down to a coffee shop and I'm walking past
and this lady who was on her bike.

(09:41):
How old? 4045.
I would say she's probably in her fifties, 60s, bit down in
her luck, you know what I mean? Like partakes in the in the
drugs. The crystal pistol.
The crystal pistol. Yeah, yeah, she Yeah.
Anyway, row pass and she goes bring back Rangers.
He's kept coming. I was just like just different
ends. Of the and actually remove from

(10:02):
that day on I lucked her yeah yeah.
Yeah, also. Did they go?
Yeah, where? Are we going?
I'm right here, Like, yeah, did we vanish?
Bring back, bring back Rangers? I'm like, hey mate, where have
they been? You.
It's on you. Did you wanna bring them all
back? You have to bring them back so I
know you've been keeping them. Back.
Where are you hiding them? You must be hiding them

(10:22):
somewhere. You gotta go.
Yeah. So that was really funny.
So those were two really interesting moments in Sunny
Coast and all central centralized around my hair.
So yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I just wondered, like, do
you reckon that Lady goes on like, like Bigfoot patrols but
just feel like people with red hair, it's like thinks they're a
myth. Kind of thing maybe?

(10:44):
She goes by French the I saw onetoday I saw I saw a Ranger I.
Couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe.
It you take a photo and she's like, yeah, I didn't.
It's like really super. Blurry.
She's riding on a boat. You know the Bigfoot like what?
Like super blurry and they're like no you.
Didn't I got it like that's? Really.
A guy in a red wig. That's good ass.

(11:04):
Super blurry because she's on the boat.
It's never anytime there's something paranormal, it's
never. It's never good quality.
Yeah, that's so funny. I still don't.
Believe it, but I still don't believe.
It it is, it is hilarious. Hell, because when I was
younger, like, you know, really young, I used to wear a beanie
over my hair because I hated when because all women would
come to me all like grandmothersand stuff would come to me all

(11:26):
the time. Be like, well, look at cuties
red. And I hated it.
And then mum knew I hated it andI'll be standing like, thanks.
I'm like so angry about it. I used to hate being like, I
used to just draw so much attention to me and I just
didn't like it. And now you're begging.
Begging. Now I'm like please 45 year old
hairdressers please. Can any of those women stay the
same age and then. I wanna come just a bit.

(11:48):
Yeah, those same women are now. Yeah, the 4040.
Yeah, exactly. Damn, I was 20 years old.
Now I'm like please. Born in the wrong.
Generation year olds, please come up to me.
Born in the wrong generation, I swear.
Yeah. So that's, yeah, yeah.
So that was really fun. Sunny Coast was good.
Yeah. 2 highlights. I guess maybe, I don't know,

(12:09):
I'll take them as highlights. Yeah, sure.
Well, did you get up two hours away?
What's Oh, I I went and saw something that you'd be very
jealous of. Actually, I went and saw the
Lord of the Rings musical. Wow, I am jealous of that.
Yeah, yeah, I've been saying that everywhere.
You drive down, like the highwayin Melbourne.
It's just the musical poses everywhere.

(12:30):
They were really trying to promote it, you know that
really. I can't imagine why.
Really wanted people in those seats.
I don't imagine people were flocking to the Lord of the
Rings musical. That sounds great.
Well, the Billboard got got us 'cause we drove past it and Emma
was like, Oh my God, Lord of theRings, we should watch that.
We should watch that. It's the last weekend that it's
in Melbourne was like. We gotta watch and the 1st.

(12:52):
Yeah, the first and the US. Crazy.
It's weird of that. Yeah, well, the tickets.
Guess how much the tickets were for?
Adventure awaits with a new SUV from Woodhouse Nissan.
Experience the road like never before in the 2025 Nissan Rogue.
Perfect blend of comfort, technology and capability.

(13:14):
Or turn heads in the Nissan Kicks, A stylish and efficient
choice for your everyday drive. Get started today at one of our
two locations in Bellevue or Omaha off 144th and Giles Rd.
Serving our metro for over 20 years, this is Woodhouse Nissan.
Price. Loitering is musical.

(13:36):
Three parts goes for about 9 hours I don't know about.
Three hours I. Don't know like 120?
$200. 200 bucks for a musical. Down to I think we paid $79 or
$89.00. Pretty good seats, pretty good
seats. The funny thing about theatre is
you think you've got a really bad seat.

(13:56):
Like I'm so far back, but the way they're all set up, every
seat is. Really good, yeah.
Absolutely. We we sat down, we're really
excited to, to go watch it. They were even doing drinks that
were Lord of the Rings theme. So there was, oh, OK, there was
like sting, smeag. Yeah, Smeagles.
Smeag. It's really like bitter.

(14:20):
And it's kind of like salty, kind of.
Like sticks to your mouth. They had like, I think it was
Sting, which was like a blue one, and then there was another
one which was like a The Hobbit's draft or.
Something like a mate or whatever.
It was like a like an orange type flavour.
Yeah, I think I got that one. But if you like had Sting and
then you sat down and just started glowing, you look over

(14:40):
just the Gringotts goblin, I see.
Yeah. Oh, look.
Creatures of foot. And we sat down and I was like
looking at the stage and I was like, OK, this could be pretty
good. It could go either way.
And we're sitting there for about 10 minutes and then and
then it starts. Yeah.
And give. Us the rundown and give us.

(15:01):
Pretty much from the get go, yeah, you could tell it wasn't
great. Did Peter Jackson have anything
there? Was it?
No. Thank God so it it starts with
all the hobbits coming out and they're.
Like the hell yeah you will. And they're like fucking with
people in the audience. I read on Reddit one of the
hobbits came up to someone ate all their fucking popcorn and

(15:22):
then they didn't just didn't geta refund and they just continued
on very start of the show ate all their food was like.
Where the where the oh second breakfast?
Fuck off right? It's my first.
Give you second breakfast calledKnuckle sandwich.
Get out of my face. And so they were like, well,
yeah. And all of them, there wasn't
like a separate orchestra that played the music.

(15:43):
It was like all of them played music, which was really cool
because like, everyone was supertalented.
Being able to like multifaceted play instruments and singing and
stuff was really very impressive.
But as soon as it started I was like Oh my God, this is going to
be a long 3 hours. Yeah, because.
It starts with two random hobbits.
Step forward and they go. Today is Bilbo's 111th birthday.

(16:05):
Yeah bro, I've read the books. The next person steps on,
they're like the Shire, they save it, and then they just
start exposition dumping. And I was like, oh fuck, here we
go show. Don't tell, please.
Yeah. And then the first they.
Didn't even sing us. No, they could have sang a whole
thing. Oh.
No, see, this is the this was a theme for the whole musical.
They would give you a bunch of exposition and then they would

(16:26):
break for a song that had nothing to do with the story at
all, and then they would continue after the song's
finished to the next scene wherethey just give more exposition.
Can you remember a song? Can you give us a little taste
of one of the songs? But I I can tell you right now,
Smeagol had his own song. That was fucking crazy about
riddles or something. No.
No, no, it was about cute. I don't know been.

(16:46):
Be mischievous. I think he was like, we'll get
to that soon. Anyway, we start.
So Bilbo has his birthday. Yeah.
And he kind of, like, brushes over.
He does the speech, which I was like, OK, that's good.
But no muffin burns. I know.
Proud fit. Yeah, yeah, I know half as many
as I want to, and I know less asmany as I have to.
Yeah, something. Yeah, so he did that.

(17:09):
His impression was pretty mid. He was a pretty mid Bilbo.
And then he does the magic trickdisappear thing.
How'd that look? Oh, so shit.
It was just like, it was just like smoke comes up and then
he's like you just. Seem clearly Yeah, Duck.
He just leaves. I was like, they were you could
have done something. Surely you could have done
something. He just leaves and then.

(17:30):
And then it pretty much cuts to like Frodo getting the.
Ring. Pretty much it.
It kind of followed the books a little bit and the movies a bit
since like 50 years passed and Gandalf left.
Oh, yeah, yeah. And went off to do fucking
bullshit and then came back. And this is where this, this was
about 10 minutes in. And this is where I realized

(17:50):
this. This was not my Lord of the
Rings. This was where it was not going
the way I was hoping. So Gandalf, when he explains the
powers of the ring, he never touches the ring.
You know, he never touched. He's like, don't I'm not even
allowed to touch it. I'm so powerful, not allowed to
touch it. So when he's explaining it

(18:10):
though, he like used a bit of magic to throw it from Frodo's
hand into the fire, which I thought was sick.
That's kind of cool there. Was a little spark in the fires.
Fuck. Cool.
What are you? Doing.
And then he's like, that was quite cool.
It was like, that was pretty fucking cool, wasn't it?
It was quite cool, wasn't it? Audience, please clap.
And but what he did was he went and he reached into the fire and

(18:30):
grabbed it. Out and then just.
Held it in his hand and then gave the full exposition of like
this is the most fucking powerful ring ever.
And anyone touched it, that'd becorrupted by the power of it,
Yeah. While holding it, yeah.
And then, and then Frodo, he's like, take it.
It's quite cool. Yeah, he said it.
Frodo takes everyone clapped. And then Frodo goes, you should

(18:51):
take it, Gandalf. And then he was and.
I was like. You just had it in your.
Hand it up, you just had it. Yeah, you literally just had all
of the power of the ring in yourhand and.
He didn't even ever put it on. He just wasn't tempted by it,
even holding it just. Holding it in his parliament,
saying he's like this seems fucking crazy.
Anyway, you had a sort of like magical wizard or something, how
this would be crazy fucked up, Yeah.
And that that just instantly I was like whoever wrote this.

(19:15):
You know that's. If they, they clearly didn't
understand the source material because that.
Is spiraling down. Yeah, that's like rule number
one. Yeah, you know.
That's why it holds in the in the envelope and then puts it,
you know, so careful with it. And then their scene selection
was just very strange, cutting scenes out, you know, like the
whole Rohan riders just didn't exist.

(19:37):
And they, they combined Denethorwith that Theremin, the guy that
owns that is the King of Rohan. Combine that whole thing.
Combine the Battle of fuck me, I'm thinking of so many fantasy
words right now. Combine the Battle of Gondor
with the Battle of Helm's Helm. Yeah.

(19:58):
So that was just a whole weird disaster.
But the whole first act, becausethey have a intermission, was
the first book. You know, the first movie, then
the second act. Book 2 and three just slamming
it in. Just slam it.
In the most dense out of the three books.
Yeah, I was really excited for the scene with like fighting the
Balrog. That shit was not very good.

(20:20):
It was like Gandalf gets up on like a like a pillar kind of
thing. And then they some extras wheel
out like a black sheet. Yeah, the wheel out is like
black sheet. And then they project fire onto
the black sheet. And then someone was under the
sheet with like like glowing LEDeyes and was like.
Yeah. And he's.
And he was. Saying the whole wrong, yeah.

(20:41):
He didn't say you shall not pass.
He said you cannot pass because that's what he says in the the
book as well. You cannot pass.
You cannot pass hates calling the movie.
Yeah, so I was like, it's kind of weird.
So that kind of sucked. Yeah.
The whole thing just was pretty bad.
The the elves were just just notvery good.

(21:03):
Just not very attractive This. Just wasn't very good.
For some reason. Legolas was playing the
accordion that was his musical instrument.
OK, which I was like interesting, what if?
You played the harp, and his harp was a bow.
Oh, maybe. OK, All right, I'm not saying I
should write this but. Yeah, well, this, the nail in
the coffin was when I actually saw Legolas, I was like, there's

(21:25):
no way that's Legolas. Yeah, it was a guy with slicked
back brown hair. So I was like.
OK. And he was wearing white chinos
and white Air Force ones. Wow.
And that was his outfit. And he had, like, a red shirt
on. What was it?
It was pretty low budget. Yeah, But if you're going to do
Lord of the Rings. It's Lord of the Rings.
It's like the highest budget thing you can possibly do.

(21:47):
Or if it's low budget, play intoit being low budget.
But it was so earnest and so like, wow, what a great
adventure. Like, we're not really going to
have any jokes in this at all. We're just going to tell the
story that you already fucking know.
And so that was a big let down. The elves were weird.
There was like, they got to, youknow, one of the elf villages.

(22:09):
The whole stage goes black. And then you just hear like it's
like literally dead songs in five seconds.
And you just hear but like 15 seconds, I'm like, what is
happening? And then the the spotlight comes
on. There's just a lady standing in
like the. Oh my God.
She's one of the elves and she'sstill holding not.
Gladrew Just a random. Just a random out.

(22:30):
Literally a random out. I was like I.
Was like, if that's how they introduced Gladrew, I'm like oh
OK what? The fuck is happening?
Damn. Every time there was a song
nothing to do with the story. They're like time to go on an
adventure and then they're like meat and second breakfast
really. I love I'm a Hobbit and you're
like fuck me. And then, you know, when they're
at the elf village, it's just they have a whole song in

(22:52):
Elvish, which is cool I guess, but what the fuck is going?
On that was so much important stuff and they just said it all
in Elvis. You're like what?
So it was a three hour show, butthey wasted most of the time on
bullshit songs that had nothing to do with anything and that.
Sucks. So that did suck.
And then, you know, the second-half of the play was, was

(23:12):
just equally, I think it was worse than the first half
because of how rushed it was. Yeah, yeah.
That makes sense. Yeah, Smiga was really good.
Gandalf was really good. Nice.
Boromir played Boromir like perfect good.
So that was really, really cool.Was good character in the Nile.
Yeah, good. I, I actually got a little bit
teary when he died. Oh, well, yeah.
I was like, damn. I was like, fuck, that was my

(23:33):
favorite guy, like my favorite actor in this whole show.
And he, he died. That's good.
Yeah. And he didn't have a song.
Maybe that's why I was. I was I.
Didn't have a song? Oh, yeah.
And like, you know, it's classicmusical, but Aragon's such a
stern, serious character. Yeah.
And towards the end of the play,he has his own song.
And I'm like, it's weird watching this bloke.

(23:54):
Yeah, I. Just bailed out a ballad, yeah.
I'm the king of gone of the. King has returned.
The good, the good parts, though, I'll give, I'll give
some of the credit where credit is is due.
The Sheila battle was sick. That's good.
They actually built like a spider, and they let people come
out and, like, control the spiders.

(24:16):
They're like fighting. It was really cool that that
actually looked visually like, awesome.
Smeaga was great. Yeah, he had a whole musical
number, which was weird. Between him and Gollum, like
back in, you know. No, it was after that.
It was after that and he was like singing in the Gollum
voice. Oh, that's.
Good. Oh, that's.
Pretty cool. So that was good.
Him falling into the lava was goofy as far.
Yeah, he literally just. He's like on the same pillow

(24:39):
that Gandalf was on when he fell, and he's like the ring and
he goes to fall and then a bunchof people in black.
Like men suits. Come out like catch him and then
they spin him around the stage and he's like, that's like just
spinning around. It was.
It was pretty funny and pretty comical.
What would you give it out of turn?
That's 410 four Lord of the Rings rings out of turn. 4/4 of

(25:01):
the 9. Four of the nine rings.
Oh, I forgot to mention the craziest part of all the orcs.
Oh yeah, there was like 8 orcs and, and they were all, they
just wore like gas masks insteadof like kind of looking orkish,
it wore gas masks. And they were like break
dancers. When they would come out, they'd

(25:22):
be like, yes, my army of orcs, and they'd be like, And then
they'd be dancing, like doing fucking break.
Dancing and shit. Just click it.
That's. One of them was on the drums,
boom, boom, boom. And I was like, yeah, no
breakdance. And like the actor that played.
We need our legs. We need our legs.
Go, go get our legs. That whole thing, that whole

(25:42):
plot point gone. The whole Battle of Eisengard,
actually 2 minutes. Damn.
But it was pretty funny, like when Denethor was battling in
like the Battle of gondola type thing, he was a pretty old bloke
and his fight choreography was so feeble and like half assed,
it was pathetic. It was literally like, you know,
like the orcs are battling like Aragon's like attempting to make

(26:06):
it look like a real fight. And he's just literally half
sitting down and he's like, and he's just kind of like feebly
swinging. The orcs like fucking everyone
versus Darth Vader and he's just.
Kind of like feebly swinging andthe orcs like try and make it
look. More impactful than it.
Was, but he was just kind of sitting there just kind of
waving his sword around. Damn.
So that kind of, Yeah, it was all pretty.

(26:27):
It's a bit of a cash grab type vibe.
I think it just $200 a ticket and you get orcs wearing gas
masks. I just.
I think it just came down to a fundamental issue with the
script, you know? But even like the production
value sounds pretty pathetic. Yeah, yeah.
But I I also think that's the scripts.
Like I went to go see I I saw King Kong in the theatre.
That thing was fucking crazy good.

(26:49):
That was so good. They built a whole massive King
Kong. Like damn, that's pretty in
terms of. It'd be weird if it was just a
regular. Just a gorilla.
Just a regular guy comes out. King Kong was crazy.
They had it like in the back when I was on the boat and he
like, they had like, all these people running around in like,
black suits and stuff, and he would like, bring his arm out
into the crowd and all this sortof shit.
It was insane. And like, King Kong's IP is
pretty small compared to Lord ofthe Rings.

(27:10):
Like, yeah. And you can't.
You're telling me they can't make a decent, you know.
Yeah, I don't know how it managed to get past the way they
they swung things together and they changed people's like core
beliefs and reasons why they didstuff like, you know, like
Smeagol's whole motivation in the Ring in the theater

(27:30):
production for like fucking overFrodo is finding out he's a bag
insurance because Baggins took his ring, you know, in the to
begin. He's like Baggins, like, no,
yeah, yeah. And so in the theatre show, like
Frodo, Sam's like, come on, Mr. Baggins or whatever.
He's like Baggins, like oh fuck this guy, let's kill him with
Sheila. Why they changed so many things?

(27:51):
So they're just strong, just. To get it moving, you know, like
cutting out all the deep complexities of the character
and just making it they. Should've just watched the
animated Lord of the Rings. Just literally copy that because
that's what that does. Yeah, and that doesn't solve it.
I don't know. I don't, I don't know what they
did. But then, you know, they did
include, yeah, they did include a bit of the book, the book

(28:11):
ending where they go back to theShire and the Shire's all messed
up. Yeah.
From, what's his name, EisengardFellow.
Yeah, Sarah. So that was like, kind of, I was
like, oh, that's cool. But then they butchered that
too. And I was like, oh, that sucks.
Yeah. And I guess you're going to tell
a different story, but like, story so good, you know what I

(28:33):
mean? Well, it's just there was just
so many moments where I was like, you could have told that
so much. Better.
It just felt like it was writtenby somebody that kind of like
watched the movies and maybe read the books once, but has
never watched a YouTube 2 hour breakdown of anything like.
And the funniest part of the whole thing was after the first

(28:55):
hour and a half of this movie ofthis, this musical, this girl in
front sitting with her partner or whatever goes.
Oh, I didn't even know it was about a ring.
Oh fuck, that's what you said toher.
But I was like, it's called Lordof the.
Rings. That's so funny.
Is that a spot on her or the spot on how shit the musical
was? I don't know.

(29:16):
That's so funny. Or maybe him he should have been
for bro it's on you. Actually, that's a great point.
It's. Called Lord of the Rings.
Though that's hilarious. I couldn't imagine going to this
musical, having never seen the movie and then just watching.
And that's your first introduction.
Introduction to Lord of the Rings is crazy.
Bro I would be like, yeah, kind of mid.
Yeah, Lord of the Rings. I don't know why everyone thinks

(29:38):
it's good like. Yeah.
So yeah, you didn't. Miss much?
You know, they gave it a good go.
There was some good talent, but,you know, no one could really.
No one was the trifecta. Yeah.
OK. You know, no one could sing,
dance and act. It was one of the three.
Yeah, Right. You'd be a really good singer.
Just line delivery. Just so bad.
Yeah. Really good actor.

(29:59):
Like Boromir, but never sung or dance.
Yeah. And that's why he was so good.
That's why he was the best. Yeah, yeah.
So. I'm glad you went to that.
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't, but I'mglad you did it.
Was definitely an experience forsure.
The Academy. Adventure awaits with a new SUV

(30:21):
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before in the 2025 Nissan Rogue.Perfect blend of comfort,
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Omaha off 144th and Giles Rd. Serving our metro for over 20

(30:44):
years, this is Woodhouse Nissan.I learnt 3 very interesting
animal facts. Well, two.
Well, yeah, three very interesting animal.
Facts, right? Tell why did you why did you
hesitate? You're like, well, they're
actually kind of interesting. The second one.
I think about it. They're all interesting.
Not get me wrong. The second one's kind of an

(31:05):
animal fact, but also not really, but it is OK.
The first one. This one's really interesting.
OK, Wood, please, please tell mehow interesting it is the
woodpecker. OK, Yeah.
Has an extraordinary long tonguethat wraps around it own brain
and that it acts as a helmet forwhen it is pecking against wood.

(31:25):
Really. So it's the it's tongue.
That protects it, that protects its brain.
And then humans notice that, andthat's why we made helmets the
way we made them. Really.
So we designed our design designed.
That nature learned from nature.So we put tongues in our
helmets. Yeah, it's all, it's all horse
tongues. No, it's like the air, like that

(31:46):
way of like having like the air and you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, it's the tongue wrapping around.
How interesting. They know what a brain tastes
like. You know what their own brain
tastes? Like legit.
Do you reckon they ever get likethey need to scratch an itch?
Just get their tongue up there. Just get up there.
Yeah, well, my brains itching. No.
Let me just scratch that. How crazy is that?
So that's what protects them when they're pecking into wood.

(32:08):
That's why they can handle the shock.
How do you even as evolution baby, come up evolution bro,
like it is just yeah, nature is we'll never understand.
It one for one. We'll never.
Understand. Never understand it.
There's never going to be any studies.
No. One's ever going to come any
closer to understanding it, we'll just leave it as it is.

(32:29):
We'll. Just keep shrugging, good on
them. I guess.
I'll you know. I'll never know.
Imagine if humans evolved into that.
Just got a tongue wrapped aroundher entire brain.
Some people develop no brain at all.
It feels like sometimes some some people go their whole lives
without a brain. And without a tongue and with.
Yeah, yeah, I guess. There you go.

(32:49):
Makes you think. Some I'll make some people.
Think some people think, but yeah, so that's kind of crazy.
That is kind of crazy. That is an interesting fact.
What's that fact? Me with the second one.
I got another fact here. I'm a little bit hungry for
another fact. Now, Oh well, let me fill that
need, that of hunger. Might consider my brain a giant
tongue. Oh.
Just that need. Is just ready to have its palate

(33:12):
cleanse with another fact. Great, great.
OK, I don't even know what to say to that.
That's great. I'm glad 'cause I've got two
more right here for you. This next one, the Ponderosa
pine. OK, sorry.
Before you bring me a FAC next time you got you gotta come.
You gotta figure out how to. The pine tree, this type of pine

(33:35):
tree, Ponderosa. Ponderosa.
Ponderosa. That's what I said.
Sounds like a pine. The Ponder Ponderosa pine when
attacked by a western pine beetle.
OK, it releases a pheromone intothe air that attracts that
beetles predator. That's pretty cool, isn't it?

(33:55):
That's fuck, isn't that fucking crazy?
Oh man, you're. Just like getting like a ticks
on you. You're like, fuck, this tick's
really annoying. And then you release a pheromone
that just like attracts Frank tocome get rid of it and.
Then just a bird comes out and picks it up.
Man, how annoyed would you be asthat as that tree if it was any
other type of beetle? That's a good point.
Oh yeah? What about fuck yeah what What

(34:18):
eats that thing? What if we're just climbing that
tree and then it's like fuck this and just like brings the
lion over just. Attracts the lion.
Yeah, a bear comes over. What the hell?
What kind of? Pheromone to trust a bear native
to this place. Yeah, I'm in the middle of
Australia. You're like.
Climbing up and then you like look up and one of the branches
is just holding a gun. Oh shit, I'm gonna climb down.

(34:45):
And then the other, the other branch is a hand holding it like
just a looks like a hand holdingout and you've got to give it 20
bucks. Yeah, it's Frobsy.
Yeah. They treat Robbsy mid climb Oh
my God. Evolution, man, we'll never
understand it. I've.
Never understand. Hey, that's a great model story.
We'll never understand it. And this next one's a bit closer
to home. Koalas.

(35:07):
There's a fact about koalas. Koala's fingerprints are almost
indistinguishable from humans. And a few times when, you know,
police are doing some forensics,they're like, oh, we found the
humans fingerprints turns out tobe a koala's.
Really. Isn't that crazy?
Damn, that's a crazy fact. So like imagine like because

(35:28):
koalas are also famous for chlamydia, yes.
So you just that like a. Most koalas have chlamydia for
those, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That's another fact about koalas.
Yeah, it's just crazy. So you're like, you're like with
a lover. How do I get this chlamydia?
And you find their fingerprints and turns out to be koalas
fingerprints. What the hell?
You could like rob a store with little koala.
Yeah, yeah. A little koala.

(35:49):
The perfect crime. Yeah.
You know, like they wipe off thefingerprints.
You wipe it onto a koala. Yes, wipe.
It rather than using a cloth, it's a small taxi doing a koala
hand that you wipe off. The perfect crime.
Yeah. Yeah.
So that's my you're. Getting rested.

(36:09):
Shut up and eat your gum leaves.Any last meals?
What's your last meal? Probably gum.
Gum leaves would be good, yeah. Go gum leaves make a really hard
log that I can just sit on and sleep and maybe.
This beds too soft. I've been set up.
Yeah. Who else would rob a gum leaf

(36:30):
factory? I've been set up, yeah.
So yeah, there there'll be 3 animal facts alone this week.
Wow, that's awesome. Pretty good.
Thanks. Thanks for those facts.
I've got a little fact for you actually.
I haven't fact checked this, butI'm pretty sure it's true.
OK, good. That's what we like to hear.
Yeah, after the bushfires we hadthe terrible bushfires, which,

(36:52):
you know, burnt most. Of like, yeah, yeah.
Koalas are pretty much extinct, like in nature.
Most of them burned, that's what.
They want you to think, yeah, sothey get away with some petty
crunch. That's.
So true, I didn't even think about.
Them. Yeah, they're like.
Functionally extinct because of that.
And they were already dealing with the whole chlamydia thing,

(37:14):
which makes them like sterile. So they're pretty much, yeah.
It may be in in like 50 years. There probably.
Won't be any koalas maybe, I don't know speculation.
Have I don't have like. No, somebody, somebody check
that out. We're gonna have like, no native
animals. I feel like everything's going
extinct in Australia except for fucking like spiders and snakes

(37:37):
and yeah. We'll have like heaps of toads
though. Oh.
That's good. Yeah.
I really like the cane which are.
Also not native to Australia. Fucking cane toads.
What are they native to? Cane the.
The planet Cane. Cane, I don't know.
No, I think they're from the UK because it wasn't like because
we brought the cane toads over to kill the like a cane beetle
that ate the sugar cane. That's right.

(37:58):
And then they didn't eat that because, oh, actually I did
learn this as well. Oh, please.
The reason why there's so many cane toads is because when
they're in like, I think, I think they're, I think they're
Danish, I think they're Dutch. The over there, they have eggs,
but it's so cold over there. They'll lay like 40,000 eggs.
But because it's so cold, only like 5 or 6 would hatch.

(38:18):
But because it's so warm over here, they'll like 40,000 eggs
and fucking 40,000 cane toads would hatch.
So that's why we had so many. That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they you're allowed to
just kill them. Yeah.
And that's like, yeah. Like my dad used to, he had a
golf set that was exclusively for.
Cane toads because. We got a lot of cane toads and

(38:38):
you have to because if a, you know, if a dog eats it or a crow
eats it or something, it kills the knave because they're
poisonous. So they have like AI think you
can boil them and they give you a hallucinogenic effects but
that's not good for you. Interesting, I think.
Yeah, some more speculations segment where we just speculate
on things the Academy give like give like half, half facts that

(39:01):
we've like kind of cobbled together and learned true.
Yeah, no, we brought the cane toads in.
Killed cane beetle. Because that way, eating the
sugar cane, yeah. And then Kane the wrestler,
yeah, he's named after he became.
Beetles eating all the beetles as well.
It's the same thing with rabbits.
You know, we introduced foxes tokill the rabbits and now we have
a fox problem. Why don't we just not do that?

(39:24):
We just leave. Everything alone.
Just stop fucking with shit, Oh my God.
Yeah, you just stop fucking withshit.
Maybe it might just sell itself out.
Make sure finds a way, yeah. As long as that equation doesn't
include removing us from the. Equation.
That's a good point. Yeah, yeah.
Because we, yeah, because that'swhat happened, I guess.
Yeah, Well, I don't know. We got a Fact Check.
Hey, guys. Fact Check that.

(39:45):
Is that true? Yeah.
And then we can bring it up in the next Academy that we learnt
about the things that we just made-up.
Yeah, yeah. Let's just spread more
misinformation. Yeah, sure.
The Earth is flat. Yeah, that's actually.
True. Oh, that's a fact.
Yeah, well, that's. All the time we have on the
Wizards Tower. If you'd like to reach the
Wizards, you can send her now tothe Wizards Tower [e-mail]

(40:07):
and you can also follow us on Instagram and TikTok, whatever
the hell that is. Anyway, don't forget to grab
your hat, grab your star, and we'll see you on the next
episode of the Wizards Tower. Adventure awaits with a new SUV

(40:33):
from Woodhouse Nissan. Experience the road like never
before in the 2025 Nissan Rogue,a perfect blend of comfort,
technology and capability. Or turn heads in the Nissan
Kicks, A stylish and efficient choice for your everyday drive.
Get started today at one of our two locations in Bellevue or
Omaha off 144th and Giles Rd. Serving our metro for over 20

(40:56):
years, this is Woodhouse Nissan.Acast powers the world's best
podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
Do you like being educated on things that entertain but don't
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listening to the podcast with Knox and Jamie.
Every Wednesday we put together an episode dedicated to

(41:17):
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slang, or dunking on our own listeners for their bad takes or
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And we end every episode with recommendations on all the best
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To find out more, just search upthe podcast with Knox and Jamie
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