July 21, 2025 • 14 mins
“Yes” feels positive, open, and full of possibility. But every time you say it, you’ve swiped a card—whether you realize it or not. The bill shows up later in the form of stress, late nights, or missed opportunities.
In this episode of The Workplace Chameleon, Dr. Celina Peerman explores why every yes costs you something—and how to make sure the trade is worth it. From hidden opportunity costs to the “ten-minute trap” that turns into hours lost, Dr. Celina shows how leaders and teams can protect what matters most by saying yes with intention.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Workplace Chameleon.
This is Dr Selina.
This is where we chase less,choose better, lead with
intention, even when theworkplace feels pretty wild
place feels pretty wild.
Today we're going to talk abouta word that feels so positive,
(00:39):
so open, so full ofpossibilities and one of my
favorites.
Yet it comes with a bill.
You know like the server bringsyou at the end of your meal and
says this is what it just costyou.
The word I'm talking about isyes, y-e-s.
Your last yes came with areceipt.
(01:03):
Did you read it?
Because every yes costs yousomething.
Now the people in my life wouldlike me to repeat that a few
more times, because I'm reallygood at saying yes.
If you didn't check the price,you might already be paying in
(01:23):
stress, late nights or missedopportunities.
And here's the truth that I seeA yes in one direction is
always a no somewhere else, andsometimes that no it's just
(01:45):
something you actually careabout more.
Have you ever had that happen?
I know I have.
When every yes costs yousomething, you get to decide if
the trade is worth it.
To decide if the trade is worthit.
(02:11):
I explore this in my bookcalled 39 Squirrels a little bit
more, because yes has costs andsaying yes is also saying no.
So let's get really clear for amoment on what I mean by cost.
I'm not talking about money.
Every yes gives you costs in atleast one of these three
(02:34):
currencies Time, energy andthirdly, focus Time
(02:57):
no-transcript.
You might be saying to yourselfright now Selena, can I play
that part for my boss?
Yes, because sometimes thingscome at us and we don't feel or
we may not have any choice.
The timing isn't what we wanted, but here we are and then we
(03:21):
acknowledge the delay or thedrop because there's still only
so many hours in our day.
The second one I mentioned wasenergy.
Your mental bandwidth islimited.
Pouring it into one commitmentactually means draining it from
another.
We still only have so muchenergy.
(03:45):
Every day you get to decidewhere that goes, and focus.
Every yes adds competition foryour attention, pulling you into
multiple directions.
Now, as I have fully disclosedwith 300 squirrels running
(04:09):
through my head all the time,regardless of those squirrels, I
enjoy having my focus indifferent places.
I enjoy lots of different kindsof stimulus around me, and
those stimuli kind of draw meinto lots of neat things to
(04:34):
think about, because I'm an ideaperson, but there's always a
hidden opportunity cost.
By saying yes to this, I'veautomatically had to say no then
to something else, even if Ididn't mean to or want to.
I like to think of it likeswiping your Focus credit card
(04:59):
it feels really good in themoment, but I'm going to pay for
it later with interest if I'mnot intentional.
Let's consider for a momentwhen we overspend on yes.
So why do we keep saying yeswithout checking the price tag?
(05:21):
I believe there's a few reasons.
Number one approval seeking.
We don't want to disappointpeople.
We want to be seen as helpful,collaborative, a team player.
Maybe it's really good workthat we're interested in and we
want other people to know yes,we're interested.
(05:46):
Second, fomo fear of missingout.
That project looks shiny,exciting and maybe even career
boosting.
Now I love to start things.
I love ideas.
I love the launch stage.
I go, oh, I want to soak thatup.
(06:09):
One of the things I've had tolearn over the years and it's
been very helpful to me is I cansay that is really good work.
I could enjoy that work, Iwould enjoy that project.
But it's not my work right now,it's somebody else's.
When I can choose that it'sgood for them and be happy for
(06:33):
that.
The third one was approvalseeking.
Two was FOMO.
Three habit Sometimes we'vejust been on yes autopilot for
years.
We just get used to saying yeswithout understanding what that
(06:53):
actually costs us.
And the fourth, for this part,fear, fear.
Fear that saying no will hurtour reputation, our
relationships or futureopportunities.
Okay, this one, this one, I'mstill working on, and it took me
(07:19):
a long time to understand that.
It was fear that if I say no toyou, I don't want to risk my
reputation or my relationship ormy future opportunities,
because those are, like three ofmy key motivators in this life.
What are yours?
I also think about justshort-term traps that happen on
(07:41):
the job.
Someone says, hey, could youhelp me out real quick?
And you think, sure, 10 minutesis nothing, except the
follow-up questions come, andthen the clarifications, and
then the extra meeting, and thensuddenly it's two hours and
you're behind on what youalready had planned to do.
(08:01):
I want us to be helpful.
It is one of the number onerelationship builders.
But in that moment when that10-minute trap pops up and you
want to be helpful, you want tosay, sure, I'll jump in, but we
also need to protect our energy,our time and our focus so we
(08:27):
can be the co-worker, theprofessional and, by the way in
our personal lives the person wewant to be.
What can we do?
Let's look at some of myfavorite filters for a better
yes.
(08:48):
So how do we spend our yeseswisely?
Here are a couple of thingsthat I try to do.
One, the alignment check.
Does this match our top goals?
If not, why am I saying yes?
Alignment Number two bandwidthcheck.
(09:13):
Do we have the time and energyfor this now?
Bandwidth Three the trade test.
If I say yes here, what will Ihave to delay, drop or diminish
(09:36):
Trade?
And the fourth one the timingquestion Is now the right time
or could this wait?
Timing, alignment, bandwidth,trade timing Sometimes you can
(09:59):
buy yourself a little bit ofbreathing room with a phrase
like this.
That's a great idea.
Let's look at the right timefor it.
You're not shutting it downforever.
You're just protecting whatmatters most right now and after
(10:20):
a thoughtful conversation.
If it's this, then somethingelse gets postponed.
I think there's opportunity foreach of us to work on our own,
but one of the areas that I'mmost interested in is how we do
this work together, because thisisn't just about our personal
(10:42):
calendar.
It's really about team culture.
I'm convinced that, within ourworkplace, team time management
is one of the things we shouldbe paying attention to, because
teams that value intentionalyeses get more done and, by the
way, they experience lessburnout.
(11:03):
When we encourage a teamculture where not right now is
respected, when we sharepriorities openly so people
understand why some requestscan't be added, when we use
backlog lists, great ideas don'tdisappear.
(11:25):
They just wait for the righttime and we celebrate no's as
much as we celebrate smart yes's.
We do better, we serve better,we take better care of each
other and our organizations arehealthier.
(11:47):
Here are three questions youcould bring to your next team
meeting.
What's one thing we've said yesto?
That's now crowding out abigger priority?
That's now crowding out abigger priority.
What would we gain if we saidno to one current project?
(12:10):
Where do we need a pause beforeyes habit?
Okay, let me do that one again,but this time you're going to
check out my air quotes that youcan't see, but I'm going to
insert them.
Where do we need a air quote?
This time, you're going tocheck out my air quotes that you
can't see, but I'm going toinsert them.
Where do we need a air quote?
Pause before yes.
Air quote have it.
(12:31):
These are skills we can buildas a team.
What's our biggest priority?
What would we gain if we saidno to a current project?
And a pause before yes is okay.
It's clarity in our mind tochoose our next best step.
So my hope is this is yourtakeaway, because it's one I
(12:58):
continue to wrestle with everyday.
Yes is not free.
It's a trade.
The best leaders spend it likeit matters because it does.
Before your next yes, pause.
Check the price tag in time,energy focus and opportunity
(13:28):
time, energy focus andopportunity and make sure it's
worth what you will pay.
Thanks for joining me on theWorkplace Chameleon.
If this episode might make youthink twice before your next yes
, share it with your team andsee what conversations it sparks
.
I invite you to check out mybook 39 Squirrels and always
(13:51):
lead with intention.
Protect your priorities andkeep, please, please, please,
please, learning something newtoday.
Take care, I'll see you nexttime.
Welcome to the Workplace Chameleon.
This is Dr Selina.
This is where we chase less,choose better, lead with
intention, even when theworkplace feels pretty wild
place feels pretty wild.
Today we're going to talk abouta word that feels so positive,
(00:39):
so open, so full ofpossibilities and one of my
favorites.
Yet it comes with a bill.
You know like the server bringsyou at the end of your meal and
says this is what it just costyou.
The word I'm talking about isyes, y-e-s.
Your last yes came with areceipt.
(01:03):
Did you read it?
Because every yes costs yousomething.
Now the people in my life wouldlike me to repeat that a few
more times, because I'm reallygood at saying yes.
If you didn't check the price,you might already be paying in
(01:23):
stress, late nights or missedopportunities.
And here's the truth that I seeA yes in one direction is
always a no somewhere else, andsometimes that no it's just
(01:45):
something you actually careabout more.
Have you ever had that happen?
I know I have.
When every yes costs yousomething, you get to decide if
the trade is worth it.
To decide if the trade is worthit.
(02:11):
I explore this in my bookcalled 39 Squirrels a little bit
more, because yes has costs andsaying yes is also saying no.
So let's get really clear for amoment on what I mean by cost.
I'm not talking about money.
Every yes gives you costs in atleast one of these three
(02:34):
currencies Time, energy andthirdly, focus Time
(02:57):
no-transcript.
You might be saying to yourselfright now Selena, can I play
that part for my boss?
Yes, because sometimes thingscome at us and we don't feel or
we may not have any choice.
The timing isn't what we wanted, but here we are and then we
(03:21):
acknowledge the delay or thedrop because there's still only
so many hours in our day.
The second one I mentioned wasenergy.
Your mental bandwidth islimited.
Pouring it into one commitmentactually means draining it from
another.
We still only have so muchenergy.
(03:45):
Every day you get to decidewhere that goes, and focus.
Every yes adds competition foryour attention, pulling you into
multiple directions.
Now, as I have fully disclosedwith 300 squirrels running
(04:09):
through my head all the time,regardless of those squirrels, I
enjoy having my focus indifferent places.
I enjoy lots of different kindsof stimulus around me, and
those stimuli kind of draw meinto lots of neat things to
(04:34):
think about, because I'm an ideaperson, but there's always a
hidden opportunity cost.
By saying yes to this, I'veautomatically had to say no then
to something else, even if Ididn't mean to or want to.
I like to think of it likeswiping your Focus credit card
(04:59):
it feels really good in themoment, but I'm going to pay for
it later with interest if I'mnot intentional.
Let's consider for a momentwhen we overspend on yes.
So why do we keep saying yeswithout checking the price tag?
(05:21):
I believe there's a few reasons.
Number one approval seeking.
We don't want to disappointpeople.
We want to be seen as helpful,collaborative, a team player.
Maybe it's really good workthat we're interested in and we
want other people to know yes,we're interested.
(05:46):
Second, fomo fear of missingout.
That project looks shiny,exciting and maybe even career
boosting.
Now I love to start things.
I love ideas.
I love the launch stage.
I go, oh, I want to soak thatup.
(06:09):
One of the things I've had tolearn over the years and it's
been very helpful to me is I cansay that is really good work.
I could enjoy that work, Iwould enjoy that project.
But it's not my work right now,it's somebody else's.
When I can choose that it'sgood for them and be happy for
(06:33):
that.
The third one was approvalseeking.
Two was FOMO.
Three habit Sometimes we'vejust been on yes autopilot for
years.
We just get used to saying yeswithout understanding what that
(06:53):
actually costs us.
And the fourth, for this part,fear, fear.
Fear that saying no will hurtour reputation, our
relationships or futureopportunities.
Okay, this one, this one, I'mstill working on, and it took me
(07:19):
a long time to understand that.
It was fear that if I say no toyou, I don't want to risk my
reputation or my relationship ormy future opportunities,
because those are, like three ofmy key motivators in this life.
What are yours?
I also think about justshort-term traps that happen on
(07:41):
the job.
Someone says, hey, could youhelp me out real quick?
And you think, sure, 10 minutesis nothing, except the
follow-up questions come, andthen the clarifications, and
then the extra meeting, and thensuddenly it's two hours and
you're behind on what youalready had planned to do.
(08:01):
I want us to be helpful.
It is one of the number onerelationship builders.
But in that moment when that10-minute trap pops up and you
want to be helpful, you want tosay, sure, I'll jump in, but we
also need to protect our energy,our time and our focus so we
(08:27):
can be the co-worker, theprofessional and, by the way in
our personal lives the person wewant to be.
What can we do?
Let's look at some of myfavorite filters for a better
yes.
(08:48):
So how do we spend our yeseswisely?
Here are a couple of thingsthat I try to do.
One, the alignment check.
Does this match our top goals?
If not, why am I saying yes?
Alignment Number two bandwidthcheck.
(09:13):
Do we have the time and energyfor this now?
Bandwidth Three the trade test.
If I say yes here, what will Ihave to delay, drop or diminish
(09:36):
Trade?
And the fourth one the timingquestion Is now the right time
or could this wait?
Timing, alignment, bandwidth,trade timing Sometimes you can
(09:59):
buy yourself a little bit ofbreathing room with a phrase
like this.
That's a great idea.
Let's look at the right timefor it.
You're not shutting it downforever.
You're just protecting whatmatters most right now and after
(10:20):
a thoughtful conversation.
If it's this, then somethingelse gets postponed.
I think there's opportunity foreach of us to work on our own,
but one of the areas that I'mmost interested in is how we do
this work together, because thisisn't just about our personal
(10:42):
calendar.
It's really about team culture.
I'm convinced that, within ourworkplace, team time management
is one of the things we shouldbe paying attention to, because
teams that value intentionalyeses get more done and, by the
way, they experience lessburnout.
(11:03):
When we encourage a teamculture where not right now is
respected, when we sharepriorities openly so people
understand why some requestscan't be added, when we use
backlog lists, great ideas don'tdisappear.
(11:25):
They just wait for the righttime and we celebrate no's as
much as we celebrate smart yes's.
We do better, we serve better,we take better care of each
other and our organizations arehealthier.
(11:47):
Here are three questions youcould bring to your next team
meeting.
What's one thing we've said yesto?
That's now crowding out abigger priority?
That's now crowding out abigger priority.
What would we gain if we saidno to one current project?
(12:10):
Where do we need a pause beforeyes habit?
Okay, let me do that one again,but this time you're going to
check out my air quotes that youcan't see, but I'm going to
insert them.
Where do we need a air quote?
This time, you're going tocheck out my air quotes that you
can't see, but I'm going toinsert them.
Where do we need a air quote?
Pause before yes.
Air quote have it.
(12:31):
These are skills we can buildas a team.
What's our biggest priority?
What would we gain if we saidno to a current project?
And a pause before yes is okay.
It's clarity in our mind tochoose our next best step.
So my hope is this is yourtakeaway, because it's one I
(12:58):
continue to wrestle with everyday.
Yes is not free.
It's a trade.
The best leaders spend it likeit matters because it does.
Before your next yes, pause.
Check the price tag in time,energy focus and opportunity
(13:28):
time, energy focus andopportunity and make sure it's
worth what you will pay.
Thanks for joining me on theWorkplace Chameleon.
If this episode might make youthink twice before your next yes
, share it with your team andsee what conversations it sparks
.
I invite you to check out mybook 39 Squirrels and always
(13:51):
lead with intention.
Protect your priorities andkeep, please, please, please,
please, learning something newtoday.
Take care, I'll see you nexttime.
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