Introduction to Psalm 23

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Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough for God?

 That’s where I found myself—completely wrecked, not just spiritually but physically. I’m battling stage four kidney cancer. It’s spread to my lungs. I’ve lost a kidney, a testicle, and both adrenal glands. And in the silence of night, when no one’s around, the darkest thoughts show up: God doesn’t love me. I’m going to die and be forgotten. My friends don’t care.

Then something unexpected happened. I started meditating on Psalm 23.
 The opening line—“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want”—became my lifeline. It calmed my panic attacks. It helped me sleep again. Most of all, it started breaking the grip of a lie I’d believed for years: God’s love must be earned.

I grew up knowing Jesus loved me, but only in my head. My heart couldn’t hold onto it. My dad loved me, but he always pushed for more. An A on a test was met with, “Why not all As?” Over time, that became my image of God: constantly evaluating, never satisfied, waiting for me to measure up. It made me critical of everyone else, too. I became a spiritual scorekeeper, not a son.

The turning point came through two things: friends who showed me grace when I didn’t deserve it, and those quiet nights meditating on Psalm 23. Slowly, I began to see the truth:
 God doesn’t love me because I’m right.
 He loves me because He’s right.
He doesn’t love me because I earned it.
He loves me because I can’t.

Romans 5:6 says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
That truth is changing me. And I believe it can change you too.

So I made this podcast. Each episode is under 10 minutes, straight from my heart. No hype. No filters. Just one hurting person talking to another.
 If life’s backed you into a corner…
 If you’ve hurt the people you love…
 If you wonder whether God really sees you or cares—this is for you.

The Holy Spirit is closer than you think. And He wants to show you:
 You are fully known.
 You are deeply loved.
 And you don’t have to earn a thing.

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

Episode Transcript

Austin Gardner (00:01):
I want to make this an introduction to a chat
I'd just like to have with you.
I don't really want to preach,I just want to share what God's
been doing in my life and I wantto take you on a journey with
me, if that's at all possible.
I am dealing with a lot ofissues in my life that put me in
a bad position and if you're myfriend and you're watching this

(00:24):
, you probably have some idea ofthat.
I have cancer.
I have stage four kidney cancer.
It is now spread to my lungs.
It's already taken out atesticle dosage to adrenal
glands and a kidney.
I have to take steroids everyday to stay alive and sometimes
I have the most horrendousthoughts that want to run

(00:47):
through my mind that God doesn'tlove me, that I am dying and I
will soon be gone and forgottenand my friends don't care.
And it's weird stuff thathappens to you.
I'm not saying that to complain.
I'm saying that to show youthat I've been in a dark place

(01:08):
and Psalm 23 and the Holy Spiritof God, our best friend, has
literally changed my life and Iwant to take you on that journey
.
I grew up knowing that Jesusloves me.
This I know.
I grew up knowing Jesus lovesall the children, all the little
children of the world.

(01:29):
I grew up knowing God is love,but I knew it in my head and I
didn't often know it in my anddue to maybe erroneous Bible

(01:50):
teaching, probably misunderstoodby me.
I'm not trying to blame anybodyfor anything, but I always
thought that I had to measure upto God.
If I didn't measure up, maybeGod wasn't pleased with me.
If I didn't measure up, maybeGod wasn't pleased with me If I
didn't do the right things.
I lived almost like you know,when I was a boy, my daddy would

(02:14):
send me to do something and Iwould run as fast as I could try
to find the wrench he asked meto find and run back with it.
And when I ran back with it, mydad was always like where you
been?
What took so long?
Why don't you do it like I toldyou to?
And that became, I think, mymodus operandi of the way I saw

(02:34):
God I looked at.
That's how God looks at me.
I'm never fast enough, nevergood enough.
My parents never meant it wrong.
You know, as a kid I was bitterabout it.
I thought bad things, but mydad was doing the best he knew
how to do, and he loved me.
He loved me with all of hisheart.
He was a good dad, my mom was agood mama, but when I would

(02:56):
come home with an A, my dadwould say see there, you can get
A's.
Why don't you get A's all thetime?
And when I'd come home with a90, he'd say why did you get a
90?
When you got an A last time?
You could have got a hundredagain.
What happened?
Why don't you do your work?
And so I know my dad was anorphan, by the way, he never had

(03:17):
a dad.
His mama died when he was sixof an illegal abortion and he
was passed from children's hometo children's home, abandoned
and abused, and so he didn'tknow how to love me like he
should have loved me.
I judged him for that a longtime.
I shouldn't have, and so all Iwould say to you is that that

(03:40):
same thought, that same way heacted, became the way I looked
at it and the way I thoughtabout it, and that's the way I
thought about God.
I think it also affected theway I parented.
I think I parented wrong,because you know, you repeat
what's happened to you with yourchildren and that's so wicked
and so wrong.

(04:00):
But worse, I put that view onGod.
But worse I put that view onGod and I didn't know that God
loved me.
God brought a lot of peopleinto my life that really helped
me.
I got a friend named Steve andSteve was the most generous and

(04:21):
kind.
He wrote to me, he called mewhen a lot of friends had turned
against me and people hadattacked me publicly and I was
losing it.
He came to my aid and he helpedme and he encouraged me and he
introduced me to a guy namedMalcolm who I actually got to
talk to on the phone and who hastaught me so much about how
much God loves meunconditionally.
And so Malcolm and Steve havedone a tremendous work, been

(04:44):
used in my life.
But I started meditating onPsalm 23.
And I would lay in the bed atnight and these thoughts would
come rushing into my head abouthow I was dying and it was over
and God didn't love me andthings were going bad and I had
all these bad thoughts.
And then I stopped and I saidwait a minute, the Lord is my

(05:04):
shepherd, I shall not want.
And you know what.
It calmed me down, I went tosleep, no panic attacks, and I
want to help you with that.
I don't think I know anything,I don't think I've arrived, but
I think I could share with youwhat God's been sharing with me
and what God's been teaching me,and so what I thought I might
take over the next little bitand I'll keep them all real

(05:26):
short, less than 10 minutes andI just want to share with you
what God has been doing in mylife.
I know you're hurting.
I know most of us are goingthrough stuff that no one else
understands and no one knowsabout, but I know your father
does and he loves you.
I didn't know he loved me somuch and I am so thrilled.

(05:48):
Oh, by the way, a cousin ofmine named Mike, lord help me.
I go to a funeral of my auntand Mike stands up and he talks
about how he is God's belovedand I'm God's beloved.
So all these things, you knowwho's doing all this.
You know who's orchestratingall this in my life.
It's the Holy Spirit and he'scalling me to understand how

(06:10):
much God loves me and he'smaking a tremendous difference
in my life.
God loves me and he's making atremendous difference in my life
, I'm waking up to the fact thatI am loved.
And the bad thing is that whenyou don't think God loves you
and when you think you alwayshave to measure up and when you
think you're always being gradedand judged, what ends up

(06:32):
happening is you become a judgerand you then decide does my
wife love me like she should?
Are my children treating melike they should?
And you become a condemner andyou don't mean to, but it's kind
of like the nature of the beastand I don't know if that makes

(06:55):
sense to you, but that's how Ihad become and in the religious
group that I've been a part ofalmost all of my life, I mean
judging is just part of it.
It's like Phariseeism.
It's like I have more standardsthan you and I live more right
than you and I do more rightthan you, and that's the way we
talk and that's the way we actand the Lord's been teaching me.
It's the way we act and theLord's been teaching me.
So I'm inviting you to go on ajourney with me.

(07:18):
This will be the first and it'sthe introduction to my Psalms 23
series.
My son, chris, has reallypushed me hard to share this
with you.
I know you are backed in acorner and I know you feel like
no one loves you.
And I know when you get backedin that corner you strike out.
I did, I do.
I get frustrated.

(07:38):
I want to take it out on otherpeople.
Do you know what I mean?
You ever been there?
Then you hurt the ones you lovethe most and you regret what
you said You're like.
Why was I so mean, why was I sougly, when the best friend
you've ever had is the HolySpirit of God.
He lives in you.
If you're a born-again believer,god loves you and he loves you
unconditionally.
I'll be showing you this.

(07:59):
But in John 17, 23, god lovesyou like he loves Jesus.
And so, as I wrap this up, doyou realize how God loves Jesus?
When Jesus goes to get baptized, god opens the heavens, the
Holy Spirit comes down, the Sonis there and God says this is my
beloved Son, in whom I am wellpleased.

(08:20):
He hadn't worked a miracle yet.
He hadn't healed anybody, hehadn't raised anybody from the
dead, he hadn't faced temptation.
He hadn't done anything but bea normal person for 30 years as
a carpenter.
We've seen one time when hestepped out into the light at
the age of 12.
That's it, that's all.
And God loved him.

(08:42):
God loves you.
He doesn't love you because ofwhat you do.
He loves you because of who heis.
He doesn't love you becauseyou're right.
He loves you because he's right.
He doesn't love you because yougain it.
He loves you because he's right.
He doesn't love you because yougain it.
He loves you because you can't.
God commended his love toward usand while we were still sinners
, yet sinners, christ died forus In Romans 5, 6,.

(09:05):
He died for the ungodly, hedied for the helpless, those who
couldn't help themselves.
And I just want you to knowtoday God loves you.
Would you go on a journey withme?
Invite others if you'reinterested.
I'm really going to do thisbecause my son has really pushed
me to do it and I hope it is ablessing to you.
And if you get a blessing, letme know, send me a contact, send

(09:28):
me a note and I will get thisfixed with more and more things
and I'll try to become better atdoing, but I'm really just want
to get the message out.
I love you and I thank God forthe chance to talk to you.
You have a good time lovingJesus and understanding how he
loves you, and I'll bring Psalm23 to you over the next few days
.