August 6, 2024 • 27 mins
What if the intense pressures of medical school and residency could be transformed into a journey of self-compassion and personal growth? Join us for a heartfelt conversation with Dr. Olivia Ong, a remarkable pain and rehabilitation physician from Melbourne, who shares her incredible story of overcoming a spinal cord injury and the harsh, competitive culture of medicine. Through her personal experiences, Dr. Ong discusses the emotional toll of her accident and how it led her to embrace self-compassion, ultimately becoming a beacon of hope and a burnout coach for fellow doctors.
In this episode, we explore the three vital pillars of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Listen as Dr. Ong reveals how integrating these principles can transform your inner critic into a supportive ally, reshaping your professional and personal life. We also touch on the profound impact of living a life filled with love and kindness, emphasizing that self-love is not just a luxury but a necessity. This inspiring discussion aims to motivate you to be kinder to yourself and to foster a more compassionate environment in the high-pressure world of medicine. Don't miss this powerful and motivating episode that could redefine your approach to both life and work.
Connect with Dr. Ong:
https://drolivialeeong.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (00:01):
Welcome to another episode of the Worldly
Physician.
I'm your host, D SapnaShah-Hawk, reigniting your
humanity and passion formedicine.
So at what point in time does aculture shift happen from
medical school to, maybe,mid-career, early career?
When does that culture shiftstart to happen, or does it?
(00:21):
What does it take to startchanging how we think about
ourselves and others?
Today I have a special guest,dr Olivia Ong, who's joining us
from Australia.
Dr. Ong, MD (00:31):
Thanks for having me Sana.
So my name is Dr Olivia Ong andI'm a paid and rehabilitation
physician from Melbourne,Australia, and I'm also a
burnout coach for doctors.
So I help doctors throughburnout and helping them learn
to be their own best friend, andit's a very rewarding job, I
(00:53):
feel.
As a coach you got to help somany people out and helping them
truly find their true potential.
And I'm not only just a coach,I'm a published author.
I've published my own book, theHeart Center Doctor, and I've
also published a children's book, Jojo the Kind Sloth, with my
Son two years ago.
(01:13):
My books ultimately come backto the same theme.
It's on self-compassion and howto be your own best friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (01:20):
That's completely different than the
culture in medicine.
It's very competitive.
There are only so many spotsand then, depending on what
specialty you want to go into,you have to be like top 1%.
What forced you to change yourpersonal culture, your personal
outlook?
Dr. Ong, MD (01:42):
Yeah, I guess I want to just explain where, in
the context where I grew up in,that will make a lot of sense.
I grew up as a kid in Singaporewhere academic achievements
were like what was a priority.
Our parents focused a lot onthe three careers that we have
to be.
Some of you might resonate withthis Asian parents.
I don't want to stereotype, butthey usually want us kids to
(02:04):
either be a lawyer, doctor orengineer.
In Southeast Asia that's thenorm and we grew up like that.
And being very competitive wasthe culture as well in Singapore
.
Growing up in that kind ofculture with all these
competitions, I didn't quiteknow how to be my best friend.
In fact, I was my own harshestcritic and that was reinforced
(02:27):
in school.
Of course, when we make littlemistakes, teachers will point it
out, shame us in front ofeveryone.
Of course we're going to growup being so critical of
ourselves and that carried onwith me from primary school,
high school, all the way tomedical school.
And it's really hard toespecially medical school all
the way to medical school.
And it's really hard toespecially medical school where
the top 1%, as you said, theyall end up in one place and
(02:49):
asking for help would have beensheer terror, because they would
have been like admitting thatyou are incompetent, stupid, so
you just keep to yourselves,isn't it?
Yeah, so every little mistakewe make, of course, we were
again shamed by our professorsor our teachers in medical
school.
Even when we were in clinicalrotations, the doctors were
(03:10):
attached to us, sometimes shameus.
It's that kind of toxic viciouscycle, that kind of carried on,
I think, all the way until westarted working as resident
doctors, isn't it?
And you can imagine why doctorsburn out so quickly.
For me, something unexpectedhappened one day in 2008.
In fact, that was September10th.
(03:30):
So when I was a resident doctor, I was walking to work like any
other day.
So I was walking to work andsuddenly I was struck by a car.
This car came out of nowhereand before the next thing I knew
, I landed on the ground with abig fat thun and I was lying in
(03:52):
an awkward position and Irealized that something's not
right.
Because, first of all, Icouldn't feel below my legs, I
couldn't move my legs, and atthat time I just started my
first year training as aphysiatrist.
So it was quite interestingthat happened to me.
So, because I learned aboutspinal cord injury and all that.
(04:13):
So I started triaging myself.
I think it's very instinctivefor us doctors when we're in
crisis mode to just starttriaging or wearing a doctor's
hat.
That's why I just detachedwhatever was going on and just
started analyzing.
So I assessed the fact that Icould think I was quite happy.
I was going yeah, I didn't havea brain injury.
I could see what was going on,so, thankfully, I didn't have a
(04:35):
brain injury.
And then I started moving myarms and I was going yeah, I'm
not quadriplegic.
Hey, that's great.
But when I started triagingfrom all the way up to the waist
and below, I'm like, oh dear, Ican't move or feel my legs.
This must be either a pelvicfracture, which is a severe one,
or it could be a spinal cordinjury.
So that happened.
(04:57):
But the good thing about havinga accident in a hospital.
I had immediate medical.
We had a code blue that wascalled Tumor and then we had
doctors and nurses rushing in toassist me, to provide medical
care and ship me out to a majortrauma center in Melbourne.
(05:17):
That's what happened.
Then, after some testing andscans, the orthopedic surgeon
came up and told me that I had aspinal cord injury, I think a
part of me knew somethingserious happened, but I think a
part of me just died.
Part of my soul died because Iknew that a spinal cord injury
(05:38):
meant a life in a wheelchair andjust not being able to be my
high-functioning self.
Because before the accident Iwas a resident doctor, rushing
around doing my rounds, goingautopilot.
I was high-functioning, I wasclimbing stairs up and down
doing my rounds, so very activeindividual at work.
Yeah, I just realized that I'mgoing to be, I may not be able
(05:59):
to be a doctor.
So I think there was a lot offears that came up for me and I
was married for two years atthat time and my greatest fear
was to have my husband abandonme because it's too much for him
, and the whole hospitalexperience was really quite
terrifying.
So it was terrifying for me asa doctor.
(06:21):
So I can't imagine what itwould have been like for our
patients being in a hospitalsystem with all this uncertainty
.
And I had emergency spinalfusion surgery on that day, as
you can imagine, because thespinal cord injury was such that
I had an L1, l2 dislocation anda burst L2 vertebrae, so my
(06:45):
lower spinal canals were smashedand then lots of bony pieces
ended up bruising my quadriquina.
That's how I ended up having aL1 spinal cord injury.
Because of that there was ahuge hematoma actually that
compressed the quadroquina and,yeah, surgery happened to
(07:05):
debilitate the fracture.
Immediately after the surgery,when I woke up, I could feel my
legs.
Actually, I was really happy Icould feel my legs.
I didn't realize I took a lotof things for granted, including
feeling my legs.
That's such a wonderfulexperience, isn't it?
But unfortunately I had spinalshock and so I was paralyzed in
(07:26):
both legs so I couldn't movethem for about six to eight
weeks and that was quiteterrifying because I didn't know
whether that will be permanentor not.
After a couple of weeks in theacute hospital, they shipped me
across to the rehab hospital andI think that's where it was
truly confronting.
I think that's when, at night,all the thoughts really came to
(07:49):
my head, the fears, and yeah, itwas just a very scary couple of
months over there in rehab andI have to admit I wasn't my own
best friend at that time.
In fact, I was just blamingmyself for why did I walk in
that car park on at that moment?
I kept blaming myself like whydidn't I just arrive earlier or
(08:11):
later?
And then this wouldn't happen.
I started blaming myself.
Yeah, lots of things going,grief five stages of grief every
day, from anger to sadness, toacceptance, to bargaining with
God.
If you gave me the ability towalk, I will do anything for you
.
Stuff like that.
It just kept on happening everyday.
Yeah, I wasn't very kind tomyself and then stayed in rehab
(08:38):
hospital for a couple of monthsand then I was discharged and
had to live my life as aparacord injury survivor.
That was a big change.
Suddenly, the self-image took abig hit because now I have to
adjust to people seeing me in awheelchair, friends, family.
I even started feeling reallyangry when people stared at me
when I go out, which is quite anatural reaction, I imagine If
(09:01):
people see someone in thewheelchair, they'll start
looking and just with curiosity,no harm, no judgment.
But I perceive every stare,every look as a judgment thing
and of course I was harsh onmyself and beating myself up
going.
Now I have to put up with allthese things and all this crap
and yeah, it's just self-pity,self-critical all the way, and I
(09:24):
think what really saved me wasone a year after my accident,
even though I've returned topart-time work at this point.
But a part of me really wantedto walk.
By this stage, a year after theinjury, I have some functional
movement in my left leg, but notvery much movement in the right
.
But a deep desire in my heartwas to.
(09:45):
I really want to walk again.
I think every spinal cordinjury survivor always want to
walk again, and I came acrosssome YouTube videos of someone I
went through rehab with a yearago who attended a facility in
Carlsbad, california.
This facility is called ProjectWalk Carlsbad.
There's no project walkAustralia, project Walk Carlsbad
(10:08):
and he shot some videos of howhe was walking again.
And this is a fellow Aussie andI was going.
If he can do it, I can do ittoo.
So what I did was I took a yearoff work and my husband came
along with me and we moved toCarlsbad.
Initially we thought we'll justbe there for a couple of months,
but we ended up extending ourstay to three years because I
(10:32):
was making so much gain.
Just in my first couple ofweeks there I was getting a lot
more movement.
My right leg and I went.
I'm gonna just settle inCarlsbad.
It's not a bad place to settle.
It's Southern California, theweather's beautiful and I could
go to the beach every evening,almost every evening.
I came initially, when I came toCarlsbad, I had a mission I
(10:52):
wanted to achieve, or goal Iwanted to achieve was just to
focus on walking and that's it,and not socialize with people.
Just do my thing.
It's a very doctor thing, theLone Ranger thing, isn't it?
I'm just going to do my thing.
I'm just going to do this,achieve this and I'm just going
to move on.
I just don't need to have thefluffy interaction with other
(11:16):
people.
But I didn't realize that fluffyinteractions with other people
was the very thing that saved me, because through my friendship
with other spinal cord injurysurvivors most of them were
Americans and a smaller groupwere from like other countries,
like Brazil, japan, australia,new Zealand and a few and, yeah,
(11:37):
the friendships I made withthem was what taught me about
self compassion, just made meaware about how I have to really
start to accept myself, treatmyself kindly, because these
people accepted me with openarms.
It is something very differentabout the American, and
Australian culture is verydifferent.
I think Australian culture isvery different.
(11:59):
I think Australian culture isvery quite.
We tend to be quite how do yousay not as positive.
The Americans were justembracing me with open arms,
introduced me to so many things,took me to watch football games
I think we watched a Chargersgame.
I didn't understand the game,to be honest, but out there as a
participant and I enjoyed thewhole atmosphere they took me to
(12:20):
.
When we had Thanksgiving, theyinvited me over.
I didn't realize how much foodyou got.
It's like Thanksgiving and thenChristmas.
It's a lot of food, but Ienjoyed it.
Enjoyed it and just the wholeforming the connection,
emotional relationships thattaught me to be my own best
friend.
Because in those times when Iwas by myself, I had to be my
(12:40):
own best friend, because inthose times when I was by myself
, I had to have my own back.
Really, that was how I treatedmyself when I was at Carlsbad.
So that's how this wholeconcept being your own best
friend started, because when Idid that in Carlsbad, in Project
War, that's how my healingoccurred emotionally, physically
, spiritually, mentally.
(13:02):
So I think it's a veryimportant message I really want
to send out to the people outthere and just be your own best
friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (13:10):
I just want to take a moment and honor that
story.
I don't know if I could handlesomething like that with as much
grace, but what you did andyour perseverance and positivity
, and yeah, you're absolutelyright, as physicians we have a
goal, we're going to achieve itand then we move on to the next
accolade, the next milestone.
(13:31):
Except we forget to stop andlive life, and that includes the
friendships, like what you said.
And when you embrace thecommunity, you started to heal
Somebody that has not had astragic and life-changing event
(13:52):
as yourself.
How do they start formulatingthat relationship with
themselves to start to becometheir own best friend?
There are three pillars toself-compassion, really.
Dr. Ong, MD (14:07):
So there's three pillars.
I'll just go into detail in ashort while what they are.
The first pillar is mindfulness.
Second pillar is commonhumanity.
Third pillar is self-kindness.
So let me explain whatmindfulness the first pillar
Mindfulness is awareness thatyou're actually suffering.
I think a lot of us physicianstend to numb ourselves when we
(14:30):
are actually truly sufferingbecause uncomfortable emotions
come up.
And then what do we do?
We just stuff it all down andthen just move on and continue
doing our work.
It's just being mindful thatyou're suffering at that moment
or you're going throughsomething.
Just acknowledging thatawareness is a start.
And the second pillar is thatconcept of common humanity or
(14:52):
interconnectedness, which iswhat I experienced beautifully
in Carlsberg Reaching out toother spina coli injury
survivors, being open andconnecting to other people.
That's common humanity and justknow that we're all in it
together and I had a strongsense of that when I'm connected
with the other spinal cordinjury survivors.
(15:12):
And the third pillar, veryimportant pillar, is
self-kindness.
Probably the hardest pillarbecause you might go through the
other two pillars and you go,yeah, I've got this.
And then once you reachself-kindness, you're like, oh,
this is too much, this is toomuch, this is like trying to
love myself.
We talked about inner critic orbeing so harsh on ourselves.
We never knew what it was liketo love ourselves, isn't it?
(15:36):
Even as kids growing up.
So that part the birth failuremight be a bit too much for
people, but it's okay.
You just take a breather, a fewdeep breaths, and then try to,
I'll say, connect with yourinner child.
This is all that coaching workthat I did on myself, but that's
what I had to learn.
I had to learn to accept theyoung Olivia that grew up
(15:58):
without loving herself, havingto get the perfect grades, going
to med school, putting lots ofpressure on herself.
That's self-kindness and itmeans just being your own best
friend, that, no matter whatchallenges you have, you've got
your own back and you've got tobe kind to yourself, because no
one else is going to be kind toyou if you're not going to be
starting that first.
(16:18):
So I think that those threepillars of self-compassion will
be a starting point for anyonewho's going through challenges,
adversity.
That will be a starting point.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (16:28):
That's beautifully said and thank you
for pointing out those threepillars, because it's such a
juxtaposition.
Right, we know that we'resupposed to practice self-love
and self-acceptance, but it'svery counterintuitive when
you're for lack of better termsbaptized in this culture of
medicine like what you described.
(16:49):
It's quite often the same inthe US.
Now you know there's been somework to soften those edges.
However, it doesn't take awaythe competition.
It doesn't take away thechastisement about asking for
help or trying to team up andnot really sure if somebody's
going to backstab you because itis so cutthroat.
Having said that, I'm like Itell my medical students if
(17:12):
you're on the rotation with me,I'm not here to chastise you or
to make you feel less than we'relearning from each other.
We have to move that needle toa better culture.
Do you find that when youbecame your own best friend, do
you think it changed how youpresented yourself in public or
how you carried yourself?
(17:32):
What you started to do, theinternal work?
Did it come out externally withhow you talked or interacted?
Dr. Ong, MD (17:43):
yeah, I think once I learned that how healing it
was to learn to be your own bestfriend, I just wanted not only
just my patients to learn thatpeople around me.
Once you start to have thatawareness of this concept of
being your own best friend, youstart seeing how patients treat
themselves unkindly.
Our patients do that.
(18:03):
Our patients are very criticalof themselves because I'm a pain
physician, so a lot of mypatients are very critical of
themselves because I'm a painphysician.
So a lot of my patients aresuper critical of themselves
because they've seen countlessdoctors because of their chronic
pain.
They're quite isolated.
They've lost all theirrelationships with people.
So there's a lot of self-blame,self-critical of nurse of
themselves.
(18:25):
So once I saw how healing it wasfor me, I wanted my patients to
experience that, so I teachthem some self-compassion
practices.
I see clearly how my friendsare treating themselves,
sometimes even my kids.
Hey, my husband, and yeah, yousee that.
And then you just teach thatand then you just want them to
learn that you are your own bestrole model.
You start modeling that andthat's how I think people can
(18:48):
see that and learn from you in away to let people know about
this when you see how healing itis for yourself.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (18:55):
Tell us about the heart-centered doctor.
Dr. Ong, MD (18:58):
How did that come about?
Yes, yeah, how I came up withthis?
Because I led a life thatwasn't aligned to my values For
the first five years of mymedical career as a paid
physician.
I just did the work turn offthe world do my thing.
In 2019, another significantevent happened.
(19:19):
I suffered a severe burnoutepisode in late 2019 because by
this stage, I've lived with aspinal cord injury for almost a
decade.
I just sat for my board exams.
My son was three at that timeand I was working full-time.
That's a lot and I think, justpushing through the early years
(19:42):
of the spinal cord injury, withthe rehab intensive rehab in
Calvert, coming back toMelbourne to resume my medical
career and having to provemyself to my peers that I still
had the capacity to be aphysician, I spent some years
trying to prove to people that Istill got it and still do the
work then set for the borderexams.
(20:04):
I think all that reallydestroyed my body and my soul
because I just kept pushingthrough each moment and in July
2019, I had such severe burnoutthat I just wouldn't literally
get out of bed.
I thought it was my spinal cordinjury getting worse, but it
wasn't even there.
It was just that I was so burntout and I just ignored the
signs because at that time Ididn't quite I've heard about
(20:25):
the term burnout but I didn'tquite understand it very much.
I didn't realize that physicalexhaustion would be one of the
first few, was the first sign,and then followed by
disconnecting, isolating myselffrom people, disconnecting from
others and myself and beingsnappy, irritable, and then I
think the last, and I didn'trealize that, losing my sense of
(20:46):
purpose in medicine, which wasthe quite the quite a severe
symptom of burnout, was the dealbreaker that really got me into
this situation, the burnout.
So I took a few months off workbut I came back to work.
Even after that I wasn't thesame person and somehow I
thought burnout must have took awhole chunk of my soul out of
(21:08):
me and I don't think I everfully recovered until I started
working on my personal growththe year after, because of the
pandemic and I was heavilypregnant at that time I focused
on my personal growth so Istarted to work on it and that's
how I learned about why I burntout, about all the stuff that
we learned, the narratives wehave as kids because of the
(21:31):
culture that we grew up in andall the beliefs that carried
until adulthood.
That's what I learned on allthese things and that's the
reason the burnout was quitespectacular.
But I think it was through thatexperience I learned to be your
own best friend came out fromthat too, because it's easy to
forget that concept once you'rein the day-to-day working as a
(21:52):
physician because you're so busyon survival mode.
It's really hard to have thatconcept at the back of your mind
.
Like any habit, like going tothe gym.
You just have to train thatself-compassion muscle every day
.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (22:07):
And it's not to blame the physician for the
burnout, that's not the issue.
But we also know that thesystem's not going to change and
if this is the reality we workin, we need to really advocate
for ourselves.
But we can't advocate forourselves and what we truly need
to thrive until we do the innerwork.
Dr. Ong, MD (22:27):
And, yeah, I think it's easy to get caught up with
the blaming thing, like blamingthe system yes, the system's to
blame, sometimes the healthcaresystem but I think we can
control our inner self and Ithink this is something that we
have great control over.
So I think learning your ownlesson is something that we can
exercise over.
(22:48):
And back to the why heartcenter After I did all that
personal growth work, I realizedthat I wasn't living according
to the values, because one of mystrong, one of my values in my
work that I did on myself wasthat coaching found me.
I did find coaching.
Coaching found me Because, yeah, I didn't realize I'd been
coaching almost my whole life.
(23:09):
Even when I first resumed mymedical career, I was already
coaching my peers, coaching thejunior staff, about mindset and
things I did coach myselfthrough walking.
Again, that was a lot ofself-coaching.
So coaching found me.
And once I started integratingcoaching and medicine together,
I think that's when I was reallyliving a heart-centered life as
(23:31):
the heart-centered doctor,because just combining coaching
and my medical work as a painphysician was the best
combination, just made me happyagain, thriving again.
Yeah, I think burnout couldserve us.
I think burnout's a warningsign, in a way, that our soul is
not aligning very well withourselves and we need to
reevaluate our values.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (23:52):
Basically, Amen to all the above.
Unfortunately it took a tragicaccident, but thank God you're
still here.
And then, on top of that, themove, the life-changing at
multiple points.
The move, the life-changing atmultiple points.
But the beautiful thing is thatyou brought it back to make
yourself whole again, and notjust physically, but mentally,
(24:13):
emotionally, spiritually.
And it's hard to start toreally sit I believe you said it
earlier really sit with yourfeelings and evaluate what are
my core values, what's true tome?
Because there might be afraidof not knowing the answer or
having to go down a path of Iknow.
(24:34):
For me it was what if I can'tanswer this question to myself?
What if my values have changedand I don't know what to do with
that?
That opens up a lot of what ifs, but I think that it's not
something that you definitelyhave to work at.
(24:54):
Do you think?
Dr. Ong, MD (24:56):
Yeah, I think physician land where we always
want certainties and that's ourthing, yeah, yeah.
But I think after doing allthis inner work, just being
curious is such a wonderful gift.
If you're facing challenges andyou're freaking out and all
these fears come up, what if youshift that with a curiosity
mindset and asking yourselflet's just find out, okay, let's
(25:16):
just find out.
Just coming in with that kindkind of reframing just helps so
much.
And I teach this to my patientsand my coaching clients as well
, because they come to me and go, look, I'm facing all these
challenges and I say, what ifyou come in with a different
mindset, saying, let's just find, be curious, let's just find
out?
Yeah, I think I used to freakout with up with uncertainty,
especially during covid.
(25:37):
That was really a tough timebecause we didn't obviously we
all didn't know how long it wasgoing to last, what kind of
complications it will bring andmeet.
The media was always portrayingall this like disastrous things
every day to scare us, not justthe doctors everybody in the
world rightly right.
we're faced with that kind ofbombardment of mass media, and
(25:59):
all that that curiosity mindsetgot me through those tough times
.
Let's just say that.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (26:05):
That's a beautiful way to redirect, and
so if the listener wanted toconnect with you, what is the
best way to connect with DrOlivia Ong?
Olivia Ong.
Dr. Ong, MD (26:18):
Absolutely so.
I'm on several social mediachannels I'm on Facebook, I'm on
Instagram and I'm on LinkedIn,and I also have a website,
drolivialeeongcom, and you canreach me through email through
my website as well, so there'sseveral ways you can reach out
to me.
You can message me on my socialmedia channel on my website.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (26:40):
Yeah, you can message me on social all in
my social media channel on mywebsite.
Yeah, and those links will bein the show notes.
So what is one final pearl ofwisdom that you would leave with
us?
Dr. Ong, MD (26:51):
I think what I would like to leave your
audience with is live your loveand be your own best friend.
Live your love means live thelife that you love and be kind
to yourself.
Live your love and be your ownbest friend.
Live your love means live thelife that you love and be kind
to yourself.
Live your love and be your ownbest friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (27:06):
That's awesome.
Thank you so much.
That just really put a smile onmy face with everything that
you said and just thank you forsharing your story and just your
words of wisdom and inspiration.
Thank you for having me.
If you're having difficultyfinding out what your type of
print is on the world around youor trying to figure out what
(27:33):
type of print you want to leave,hit the link down in the show
notes and connect to theworkbook that is on
theworthyphysiciancom.
Welcome to another episode of the Worldly
Physician.
I'm your host, D SapnaShah-Hawk, reigniting your
humanity and passion formedicine.
So at what point in time does aculture shift happen from
medical school to, maybe,mid-career, early career?
When does that culture shiftstart to happen, or does it?
(00:21):
What does it take to startchanging how we think about
ourselves and others?
Today I have a special guest,dr Olivia Ong, who's joining us
from Australia.
Dr. Ong, MD (00:31):
Thanks for having me Sana.
So my name is Dr Olivia Ong andI'm a paid and rehabilitation
physician from Melbourne,Australia, and I'm also a
burnout coach for doctors.
So I help doctors throughburnout and helping them learn
to be their own best friend, andit's a very rewarding job, I
(00:53):
feel.
As a coach you got to help somany people out and helping them
truly find their true potential.
And I'm not only just a coach,I'm a published author.
I've published my own book, theHeart Center Doctor, and I've
also published a children's book, Jojo the Kind Sloth, with my
Son two years ago.
(01:13):
My books ultimately come backto the same theme.
It's on self-compassion and howto be your own best friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (01:20):
That's completely different than the
culture in medicine.
It's very competitive.
There are only so many spotsand then, depending on what
specialty you want to go into,you have to be like top 1%.
What forced you to change yourpersonal culture, your personal
outlook?
Dr. Ong, MD (01:42):
Yeah, I guess I want to just explain where, in
the context where I grew up in,that will make a lot of sense.
I grew up as a kid in Singaporewhere academic achievements
were like what was a priority.
Our parents focused a lot onthe three careers that we have
to be.
Some of you might resonate withthis Asian parents.
I don't want to stereotype, butthey usually want us kids to
(02:04):
either be a lawyer, doctor orengineer.
In Southeast Asia that's thenorm and we grew up like that.
And being very competitive wasthe culture as well in Singapore
.
Growing up in that kind ofculture with all these
competitions, I didn't quiteknow how to be my best friend.
In fact, I was my own harshestcritic and that was reinforced
(02:27):
in school.
Of course, when we make littlemistakes, teachers will point it
out, shame us in front ofeveryone.
Of course we're going to growup being so critical of
ourselves and that carried onwith me from primary school,
high school, all the way tomedical school.
And it's really hard toespecially medical school all
the way to medical school.
And it's really hard toespecially medical school where
the top 1%, as you said, theyall end up in one place and
(02:49):
asking for help would have beensheer terror, because they would
have been like admitting thatyou are incompetent, stupid, so
you just keep to yourselves,isn't it?
Yeah, so every little mistakewe make, of course, we were
again shamed by our professorsor our teachers in medical
school.
Even when we were in clinicalrotations, the doctors were
(03:10):
attached to us, sometimes shameus.
It's that kind of toxic viciouscycle, that kind of carried on,
I think, all the way until westarted working as resident
doctors, isn't it?
And you can imagine why doctorsburn out so quickly.
For me, something unexpectedhappened one day in 2008.
In fact, that was September10th.
(03:30):
So when I was a resident doctor, I was walking to work like any
other day.
So I was walking to work andsuddenly I was struck by a car.
This car came out of nowhereand before the next thing I knew
, I landed on the ground with abig fat thun and I was lying in
(03:52):
an awkward position and Irealized that something's not
right.
Because, first of all, Icouldn't feel below my legs, I
couldn't move my legs, and atthat time I just started my
first year training as aphysiatrist.
So it was quite interestingthat happened to me.
So, because I learned aboutspinal cord injury and all that.
(04:13):
So I started triaging myself.
I think it's very instinctivefor us doctors when we're in
crisis mode to just starttriaging or wearing a doctor's
hat.
That's why I just detachedwhatever was going on and just
started analyzing.
So I assessed the fact that Icould think I was quite happy.
I was going yeah, I didn't havea brain injury.
I could see what was going on,so, thankfully, I didn't have a
(04:35):
brain injury.
And then I started moving myarms and I was going yeah, I'm
not quadriplegic.
Hey, that's great.
But when I started triagingfrom all the way up to the waist
and below, I'm like, oh dear, Ican't move or feel my legs.
This must be either a pelvicfracture, which is a severe one,
or it could be a spinal cordinjury.
So that happened.
(04:57):
But the good thing about havinga accident in a hospital.
I had immediate medical.
We had a code blue that wascalled Tumor and then we had
doctors and nurses rushing in toassist me, to provide medical
care and ship me out to a majortrauma center in Melbourne.
(05:17):
That's what happened.
Then, after some testing andscans, the orthopedic surgeon
came up and told me that I had aspinal cord injury, I think a
part of me knew somethingserious happened, but I think a
part of me just died.
Part of my soul died because Iknew that a spinal cord injury
(05:38):
meant a life in a wheelchair andjust not being able to be my
high-functioning self.
Because before the accident Iwas a resident doctor, rushing
around doing my rounds, goingautopilot.
I was high-functioning, I wasclimbing stairs up and down
doing my rounds, so very activeindividual at work.
Yeah, I just realized that I'mgoing to be, I may not be able
(05:59):
to be a doctor.
So I think there was a lot offears that came up for me and I
was married for two years atthat time and my greatest fear
was to have my husband abandonme because it's too much for him
, and the whole hospitalexperience was really quite
terrifying.
So it was terrifying for me asa doctor.
(06:21):
So I can't imagine what itwould have been like for our
patients being in a hospitalsystem with all this uncertainty
.
And I had emergency spinalfusion surgery on that day, as
you can imagine, because thespinal cord injury was such that
I had an L1, l2 dislocation anda burst L2 vertebrae, so my
(06:45):
lower spinal canals were smashedand then lots of bony pieces
ended up bruising my quadriquina.
That's how I ended up having aL1 spinal cord injury.
Because of that there was ahuge hematoma actually that
compressed the quadroquina and,yeah, surgery happened to
(07:05):
debilitate the fracture.
Immediately after the surgery,when I woke up, I could feel my
legs.
Actually, I was really happy Icould feel my legs.
I didn't realize I took a lotof things for granted, including
feeling my legs.
That's such a wonderfulexperience, isn't it?
But unfortunately I had spinalshock and so I was paralyzed in
(07:26):
both legs so I couldn't movethem for about six to eight
weeks and that was quiteterrifying because I didn't know
whether that will be permanentor not.
After a couple of weeks in theacute hospital, they shipped me
across to the rehab hospital andI think that's where it was
truly confronting.
I think that's when, at night,all the thoughts really came to
(07:49):
my head, the fears, and yeah, itwas just a very scary couple of
months over there in rehab andI have to admit I wasn't my own
best friend at that time.
In fact, I was just blamingmyself for why did I walk in
that car park on at that moment?
I kept blaming myself like whydidn't I just arrive earlier or
(08:11):
later?
And then this wouldn't happen.
I started blaming myself.
Yeah, lots of things going,grief five stages of grief every
day, from anger to sadness, toacceptance, to bargaining with
God.
If you gave me the ability towalk, I will do anything for you
.
Stuff like that.
It just kept on happening everyday.
Yeah, I wasn't very kind tomyself and then stayed in rehab
(08:38):
hospital for a couple of monthsand then I was discharged and
had to live my life as aparacord injury survivor.
That was a big change.
Suddenly, the self-image took abig hit because now I have to
adjust to people seeing me in awheelchair, friends, family.
I even started feeling reallyangry when people stared at me
when I go out, which is quite anatural reaction, I imagine If
(09:01):
people see someone in thewheelchair, they'll start
looking and just with curiosity,no harm, no judgment.
But I perceive every stare,every look as a judgment thing
and of course I was harsh onmyself and beating myself up
going.
Now I have to put up with allthese things and all this crap
and yeah, it's just self-pity,self-critical all the way, and I
(09:24):
think what really saved me wasone a year after my accident,
even though I've returned topart-time work at this point.
But a part of me really wantedto walk.
By this stage, a year after theinjury, I have some functional
movement in my left leg, but notvery much movement in the right
.
But a deep desire in my heartwas to.
(09:45):
I really want to walk again.
I think every spinal cordinjury survivor always want to
walk again, and I came acrosssome YouTube videos of someone I
went through rehab with a yearago who attended a facility in
Carlsbad, california.
This facility is called ProjectWalk Carlsbad.
There's no project walkAustralia, project Walk Carlsbad
(10:08):
and he shot some videos of howhe was walking again.
And this is a fellow Aussie andI was going.
If he can do it, I can do ittoo.
So what I did was I took a yearoff work and my husband came
along with me and we moved toCarlsbad.
Initially we thought we'll justbe there for a couple of months,
but we ended up extending ourstay to three years because I
(10:32):
was making so much gain.
Just in my first couple ofweeks there I was getting a lot
more movement.
My right leg and I went.
I'm gonna just settle inCarlsbad.
It's not a bad place to settle.
It's Southern California, theweather's beautiful and I could
go to the beach every evening,almost every evening.
I came initially, when I came toCarlsbad, I had a mission I
(10:52):
wanted to achieve, or goal Iwanted to achieve was just to
focus on walking and that's it,and not socialize with people.
Just do my thing.
It's a very doctor thing, theLone Ranger thing, isn't it?
I'm just going to do my thing.
I'm just going to do this,achieve this and I'm just going
to move on.
I just don't need to have thefluffy interaction with other
(11:16):
people.
But I didn't realize that fluffyinteractions with other people
was the very thing that saved me, because through my friendship
with other spinal cord injurysurvivors most of them were
Americans and a smaller groupwere from like other countries,
like Brazil, japan, australia,new Zealand and a few and, yeah,
(11:37):
the friendships I made withthem was what taught me about
self compassion, just made meaware about how I have to really
start to accept myself, treatmyself kindly, because these
people accepted me with openarms.
It is something very differentabout the American, and
Australian culture is verydifferent.
I think Australian culture isvery different.
(11:59):
I think Australian culture isvery quite.
We tend to be quite how do yousay not as positive.
The Americans were justembracing me with open arms,
introduced me to so many things,took me to watch football games
I think we watched a Chargersgame.
I didn't understand the game,to be honest, but out there as a
participant and I enjoyed thewhole atmosphere they took me to
(12:20):
.
When we had Thanksgiving, theyinvited me over.
I didn't realize how much foodyou got.
It's like Thanksgiving and thenChristmas.
It's a lot of food, but Ienjoyed it.
Enjoyed it and just the wholeforming the connection,
emotional relationships thattaught me to be my own best
friend.
Because in those times when Iwas by myself, I had to be my
(12:40):
own best friend, because inthose times when I was by myself
, I had to have my own back.
Really, that was how I treatedmyself when I was at Carlsbad.
So that's how this wholeconcept being your own best
friend started, because when Idid that in Carlsbad, in Project
War, that's how my healingoccurred emotionally, physically
, spiritually, mentally.
(13:02):
So I think it's a veryimportant message I really want
to send out to the people outthere and just be your own best
friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (13:10):
I just want to take a moment and honor that
story.
I don't know if I could handlesomething like that with as much
grace, but what you did andyour perseverance and positivity
, and yeah, you're absolutelyright, as physicians we have a
goal, we're going to achieve itand then we move on to the next
accolade, the next milestone.
(13:31):
Except we forget to stop andlive life, and that includes the
friendships, like what you said.
And when you embrace thecommunity, you started to heal
Somebody that has not had astragic and life-changing event
(13:52):
as yourself.
How do they start formulatingthat relationship with
themselves to start to becometheir own best friend?
There are three pillars toself-compassion, really.
Dr. Ong, MD (14:07):
So there's three pillars.
I'll just go into detail in ashort while what they are.
The first pillar is mindfulness.
Second pillar is commonhumanity.
Third pillar is self-kindness.
So let me explain whatmindfulness the first pillar
Mindfulness is awareness thatyou're actually suffering.
I think a lot of us physicianstend to numb ourselves when we
(14:30):
are actually truly sufferingbecause uncomfortable emotions
come up.
And then what do we do?
We just stuff it all down andthen just move on and continue
doing our work.
It's just being mindful thatyou're suffering at that moment
or you're going throughsomething.
Just acknowledging thatawareness is a start.
And the second pillar is thatconcept of common humanity or
(14:52):
interconnectedness, which iswhat I experienced beautifully
in Carlsberg Reaching out toother spina coli injury
survivors, being open andconnecting to other people.
That's common humanity and justknow that we're all in it
together and I had a strongsense of that when I'm connected
with the other spinal cordinjury survivors.
(15:12):
And the third pillar, veryimportant pillar, is
self-kindness.
Probably the hardest pillarbecause you might go through the
other two pillars and you go,yeah, I've got this.
And then once you reachself-kindness, you're like, oh,
this is too much, this is toomuch, this is like trying to
love myself.
We talked about inner critic orbeing so harsh on ourselves.
We never knew what it was liketo love ourselves, isn't it?
(15:36):
Even as kids growing up.
So that part the birth failuremight be a bit too much for
people, but it's okay.
You just take a breather, a fewdeep breaths, and then try to,
I'll say, connect with yourinner child.
This is all that coaching workthat I did on myself, but that's
what I had to learn.
I had to learn to accept theyoung Olivia that grew up
(15:58):
without loving herself, havingto get the perfect grades, going
to med school, putting lots ofpressure on herself.
That's self-kindness and itmeans just being your own best
friend, that, no matter whatchallenges you have, you've got
your own back and you've got tobe kind to yourself, because no
one else is going to be kind toyou if you're not going to be
starting that first.
(16:18):
So I think that those threepillars of self-compassion will
be a starting point for anyonewho's going through challenges,
adversity.
That will be a starting point.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (16:28):
That's beautifully said and thank you
for pointing out those threepillars, because it's such a
juxtaposition.
Right, we know that we'resupposed to practice self-love
and self-acceptance, but it'svery counterintuitive when
you're for lack of better termsbaptized in this culture of
medicine like what you described.
(16:49):
It's quite often the same inthe US.
Now you know there's been somework to soften those edges.
However, it doesn't take awaythe competition.
It doesn't take away thechastisement about asking for
help or trying to team up andnot really sure if somebody's
going to backstab you because itis so cutthroat.
Having said that, I'm like Itell my medical students if
(17:12):
you're on the rotation with me,I'm not here to chastise you or
to make you feel less than we'relearning from each other.
We have to move that needle toa better culture.
Do you find that when youbecame your own best friend, do
you think it changed how youpresented yourself in public or
how you carried yourself?
(17:32):
What you started to do, theinternal work?
Did it come out externally withhow you talked or interacted?
Dr. Ong, MD (17:43):
yeah, I think once I learned that how healing it
was to learn to be your own bestfriend, I just wanted not only
just my patients to learn thatpeople around me.
Once you start to have thatawareness of this concept of
being your own best friend, youstart seeing how patients treat
themselves unkindly.
Our patients do that.
(18:03):
Our patients are very criticalof themselves because I'm a pain
physician, so a lot of mypatients are very critical of
themselves because I'm a painphysician.
So a lot of my patients aresuper critical of themselves
because they've seen countlessdoctors because of their chronic
pain.
They're quite isolated.
They've lost all theirrelationships with people.
So there's a lot of self-blame,self-critical of nurse of
themselves.
(18:25):
So once I saw how healing it wasfor me, I wanted my patients to
experience that, so I teachthem some self-compassion
practices.
I see clearly how my friendsare treating themselves,
sometimes even my kids.
Hey, my husband, and yeah, yousee that.
And then you just teach thatand then you just want them to
learn that you are your own bestrole model.
You start modeling that andthat's how I think people can
(18:48):
see that and learn from you in away to let people know about
this when you see how healing itis for yourself.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (18:55):
Tell us about the heart-centered doctor.
Dr. Ong, MD (18:58):
How did that come about?
Yes, yeah, how I came up withthis?
Because I led a life thatwasn't aligned to my values For
the first five years of mymedical career as a paid
physician.
I just did the work turn offthe world do my thing.
In 2019, another significantevent happened.
(19:19):
I suffered a severe burnoutepisode in late 2019 because by
this stage, I've lived with aspinal cord injury for almost a
decade.
I just sat for my board exams.
My son was three at that timeand I was working full-time.
That's a lot and I think, justpushing through the early years
(19:42):
of the spinal cord injury, withthe rehab intensive rehab in
Calvert, coming back toMelbourne to resume my medical
career and having to provemyself to my peers that I still
had the capacity to be aphysician, I spent some years
trying to prove to people that Istill got it and still do the
work then set for the borderexams.
(20:04):
I think all that reallydestroyed my body and my soul
because I just kept pushingthrough each moment and in July
2019, I had such severe burnoutthat I just wouldn't literally
get out of bed.
I thought it was my spinal cordinjury getting worse, but it
wasn't even there.
It was just that I was so burntout and I just ignored the
signs because at that time Ididn't quite I've heard about
(20:25):
the term burnout but I didn'tquite understand it very much.
I didn't realize that physicalexhaustion would be one of the
first few, was the first sign,and then followed by
disconnecting, isolating myselffrom people, disconnecting from
others and myself and beingsnappy, irritable, and then I
think the last, and I didn'trealize that, losing my sense of
(20:46):
purpose in medicine, which wasthe quite the quite a severe
symptom of burnout, was the dealbreaker that really got me into
this situation, the burnout.
So I took a few months off workbut I came back to work.
Even after that I wasn't thesame person and somehow I
thought burnout must have took awhole chunk of my soul out of
(21:08):
me and I don't think I everfully recovered until I started
working on my personal growththe year after, because of the
pandemic and I was heavilypregnant at that time I focused
on my personal growth so Istarted to work on it and that's
how I learned about why I burntout, about all the stuff that
we learned, the narratives wehave as kids because of the
(21:31):
culture that we grew up in andall the beliefs that carried
until adulthood.
That's what I learned on allthese things and that's the
reason the burnout was quitespectacular.
But I think it was through thatexperience I learned to be your
own best friend came out fromthat too, because it's easy to
forget that concept once you'rein the day-to-day working as a
(21:52):
physician because you're so busyon survival mode.
It's really hard to have thatconcept at the back of your mind
.
Like any habit, like going tothe gym.
You just have to train thatself-compassion muscle every day
.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (22:07):
And it's not to blame the physician for the
burnout, that's not the issue.
But we also know that thesystem's not going to change and
if this is the reality we workin, we need to really advocate
for ourselves.
But we can't advocate forourselves and what we truly need
to thrive until we do the innerwork.
Dr. Ong, MD (22:27):
And, yeah, I think it's easy to get caught up with
the blaming thing, like blamingthe system yes, the system's to
blame, sometimes the healthcaresystem but I think we can
control our inner self and Ithink this is something that we
have great control over.
So I think learning your ownlesson is something that we can
exercise over.
(22:48):
And back to the why heartcenter After I did all that
personal growth work, I realizedthat I wasn't living according
to the values, because one of mystrong, one of my values in my
work that I did on myself wasthat coaching found me.
I did find coaching.
Coaching found me Because, yeah, I didn't realize I'd been
coaching almost my whole life.
(23:09):
Even when I first resumed mymedical career, I was already
coaching my peers, coaching thejunior staff, about mindset and
things I did coach myselfthrough walking.
Again, that was a lot ofself-coaching.
So coaching found me.
And once I started integratingcoaching and medicine together,
I think that's when I was reallyliving a heart-centered life as
(23:31):
the heart-centered doctor,because just combining coaching
and my medical work as a painphysician was the best
combination, just made me happyagain, thriving again.
Yeah, I think burnout couldserve us.
I think burnout's a warningsign, in a way, that our soul is
not aligning very well withourselves and we need to
reevaluate our values.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (23:52):
Basically, Amen to all the above.
Unfortunately it took a tragicaccident, but thank God you're
still here.
And then, on top of that, themove, the life-changing at
multiple points.
The move, the life-changing atmultiple points.
But the beautiful thing is thatyou brought it back to make
yourself whole again, and notjust physically, but mentally,
(24:13):
emotionally, spiritually.
And it's hard to start toreally sit I believe you said it
earlier really sit with yourfeelings and evaluate what are
my core values, what's true tome?
Because there might be afraidof not knowing the answer or
having to go down a path of Iknow.
(24:34):
For me it was what if I can'tanswer this question to myself?
What if my values have changedand I don't know what to do with
that?
That opens up a lot of what ifs, but I think that it's not
something that you definitelyhave to work at.
(24:54):
Do you think?
Dr. Ong, MD (24:56):
Yeah, I think physician land where we always
want certainties and that's ourthing, yeah, yeah.
But I think after doing allthis inner work, just being
curious is such a wonderful gift.
If you're facing challenges andyou're freaking out and all
these fears come up, what if youshift that with a curiosity
mindset and asking yourselflet's just find out, okay, let's
(25:16):
just find out.
Just coming in with that kindkind of reframing just helps so
much.
And I teach this to my patientsand my coaching clients as well
, because they come to me and go, look, I'm facing all these
challenges and I say, what ifyou come in with a different
mindset, saying, let's just find, be curious, let's just find
out?
Yeah, I think I used to freakout with up with uncertainty,
especially during covid.
(25:37):
That was really a tough timebecause we didn't obviously we
all didn't know how long it wasgoing to last, what kind of
complications it will bring andmeet.
The media was always portrayingall this like disastrous things
every day to scare us, not justthe doctors everybody in the
world rightly right.
we're faced with that kind ofbombardment of mass media, and
(25:59):
all that that curiosity mindsetgot me through those tough times
.
Let's just say that.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (26:05):
That's a beautiful way to redirect, and
so if the listener wanted toconnect with you, what is the
best way to connect with DrOlivia Ong?
Olivia Ong.
Dr. Ong, MD (26:18):
Absolutely so.
I'm on several social mediachannels I'm on Facebook, I'm on
Instagram and I'm on LinkedIn,and I also have a website,
drolivialeeongcom, and you canreach me through email through
my website as well, so there'sseveral ways you can reach out
to me.
You can message me on my socialmedia channel on my website.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (26:40):
Yeah, you can message me on social all in
my social media channel on mywebsite.
Yeah, and those links will bein the show notes.
So what is one final pearl ofwisdom that you would leave with
us?
Dr. Ong, MD (26:51):
I think what I would like to leave your
audience with is live your loveand be your own best friend.
Live your love means live thelife that you love and be kind
to yourself.
Live your love and be your ownbest friend.
Live your love means live thelife that you love and be kind
to yourself.
Live your love and be your ownbest friend.
Dr. Shah-Haque, MD (27:06):
That's awesome.
Thank you so much.
That just really put a smile onmy face with everything that
you said and just thank you forsharing your story and just your
words of wisdom and inspiration.
Thank you for having me.
If you're having difficultyfinding out what your type of
print is on the world around youor trying to figure out what
(27:33):
type of print you want to leave,hit the link down in the show
notes and connect to theworkbook that is on
theworthyphysiciancom.
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