May 15, 2024 • 22 mins
Have you ever felt like a fraud in your own life, waiting for someone to uncover that you're not as competent as you seem? Transformational coach Nikki Gangemi is here to dismantle that mindset and guide you to unshakable confidence with her CALM method. Our enlightening discussion with Nikki takes us through her transformation, from battling the lingering effects of bullying to harnessing her experiences as stepping stones toward empowering others. She shares how her journey led to the mastery of NLP and hypnotherapy, and how these tools can be applied to refashion negative emotions and limiting beliefs into a resilient, success-oriented mindset.
As we peel back the layers of imposter syndrome—identifying its symptoms and differentiating it from the Dunning-Kruger effect—Nikki lays out the life-changing strategies detailed in her book "The Calm Method." Learn how to become aware of your internal narrative and consciously shift towards possibilities that can redefine your life's trajectory. Moreover, we demystify hypnotherapy, revealing its true nature as a state of focused relaxation that can catalyze profound personal growth. For those ready to embark on a transformative journey toward success and independence, Nikki offers guidance that's just a connection away. Tune in to discover how to elevate your mindset and embrace the freedom that comes with a home business venture on the Home Business Success Show on BizRadio.
Website: https://nikkigangemi.com/
Facebook: https://facebook.com/mindfulmattersliving
Instagram: https://instagram.com/mindfulmattersllc/
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/nikkigangemi/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@NikkiGangemi
Be sure to visit BizRadio.US to discover hundreds more engaging conversations, local events and more.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hank (00:08):
Welcome to the Home Business Success Show.
Join us as we speak to homebusiness entrepreneurs for tips,
tricks, do's and even don'tsfor running a successful home
business.
Welcome everyone, I'm Hank Eder, also known as Hank the PR guy,
(00:32):
host of the Home BusinessSuccess Show, and you're
listening to bizradious.
All entrepreneurs all the time.
Our guest today Nikki Gangemi.
I said that, right, right.
Nikki (00:47):
You did, yes, all right.
Hank (00:49):
Our guest today, nikki Gangemi, has made three
significant pivots in her lifefrom actress to teacher to
entrepreneur.
The firsthand experiences equipher with a unique perspective
on navigating major lifetransitions.
As an internationalboard-certified master, nlp
(01:10):
practitioner, neurolinguisticprogramming NLP hypnotherapist,
speaker, trainer and author,nikki brings a blend of
expertise, compassion andempowerment to her coaching
practice.
She helps ambitiousentrepreneurs, perfectionists
and people-pleasers buildunshakable confidence and feel
(01:34):
empowered to pursue the goalsthey aspire to, without letting
fear and self-doubt rob them ofany more of their time.
Nikki helps her clientstranscend personal and
professional barriers throughtransformative NLP coaching and
her proprietary calm methodthat's calm-like, peaceful and
(01:59):
calm, equipping them with theinternal tools necessary for
attracting prosperity,relationship transformations and
elevating their life andbusiness.
Welcome to the show, nikki.
Nikki (02:14):
Thank you, hank, I'm excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Hank (02:18):
Oh, you're very welcome.
First, please tell us a littlebit about what you do.
Nikki (02:23):
Sure, well, I call myself a personal trainer for
your mind, rather than sayingall those things that you said
about the NLP and thehypnotherapy, and what that
means is really that we're usedto training our bodies.
And what if we trained our mindand built in that strength and
resilience so that we can handleanything that comes our way in
(02:48):
life?
So, helping people get to theroot cause of their problems,
which are usually a negativeemotion like self-doubt, fear,
limiting beliefs, like who am Ito do this?
What if I can't handle thissuccess?
And internal conflict, wherepart of them wants one thing but
there's this other part that isin conflict.
(03:09):
So when we resolve that, thenpeople find themselves just
taking massive, inspired actiontowards their goals.
Hank (03:18):
So, basically, you build their mental and emotional
muscles and move them past thethings that are blocking them
from taking the next steps.
Nikki (03:28):
Yes, I love that.
Hank (03:30):
If you would tell us a bit about your journey.
What is it that brought you towhere you are today?
Nikki (03:37):
My own story, really.
I for some.
Well, I'll tell you this.
We made a move from one town toanother and I went from
Catholic school to public schooland that's where the struggle
really began.
I had a hard time fitting inand just dealt with a lot of
bullying and exclusion.
(03:58):
And I let it and notice, I saidI let it define who I was and
who I wasn't and I just got inmy own way.
So, by going through years oftherapy and delving into this
health help world, I reallylearned how to love myself, be
(04:18):
happy with who I was, know myworth and have the confidence to
go after what I want in life.
And that's really what I helppeople do, only saving them a
lot more time, because a lot ofthat didn't happen until I was
in my late 30s.
Hank (04:33):
I see.
So then, basically, when youbecame aware that these things
that had happened to you werethings that you allowed to
happen to you, basically, youwere things that you allowed to
happen to you.
Nikki (04:48):
Basically, I allowed, yeah, I basically took the
suggestions which you know, whenwe talk about hypnotherapy,
that's what that is.
It's you accept a suggestion assomething that's true without
questioning it.
So all of those suggestionsfrom the time I could still see
being on the playground withwhat don't you get, we don't
want to play with you, get away.
And it's taking that as oh, Idon't belong, I don't fit in,
(05:10):
and then looking for evidence tosupport that.
And that's really what we do.
We, as humans, want to be right.
So once we start believingsomething, we start to look for
evidence that it's true and webuild a really strong case, and
it's usually to our detriment.
Hank (05:27):
I've heard people define fear as false evidence appearing
real.
If you turn it into an acronym,false evidence appearing real,
and it sounds like that's whatwe're applying here.
Nikki (05:39):
We are, yes, and one of my mentors says fear is false
education appearing real.
And that goes back to thosesuggestions.
We take a lot of what is saidto us, especially when we're
young, as the word of the Lordlike.
This is the way it is, and thenwe build a life around that the
(06:07):
life around that.
Hank (06:07):
Well, you know, we look back on our own experiences and
we see certain things that wecan put into perspective now but
were a little bit harder whenwe were children.
And there's those teachersreally who never should have
been educators or should neverhave been allowed near children.
And I actually had a thirdgrade teacher tell me you're
never going to amount toanything in your whole life.
And you know, being stubbornand contrary like I was, I mean
(06:33):
I internalized that and said,yeah, that's a lot of BS, I'll
show you.
But actually then, as the yearswent by, I showed myself.
I didn't show her, you know,because once I reached a point
where I realized it didn'tmatter to me whether she was
alive or had left the planet,you know, yeah.
Nikki (06:57):
Wow, that's amazing that she said that to you and I love
that you took on that attitudeof well, I'll show her and you
really showed yourself.
And there's people who will dothat.
There's people who will takewhat's been handed to them,
what's been said to them, andthey'll essentially turn lemons
into lemonade and they'll go offand have this success.
(07:18):
And then there's another groupof people who really take it to
heart and then they'll let itstick for a long time.
Hank (07:25):
I'm sure there were a lot of things in those formative
years that I did take to heart,that took some time to unravel,
and probably there's quite a fewthat I'm still unraveling, even
with all of the gray that I'vegot these days.
Nikki (07:37):
Oh, I'm still unraveling things.
Yeah, we're always in process.
Hank (07:42):
Exactly what would you say is one of the most important
lessons you ever learned in yourlife.
Nikki (07:49):
Question everything.
That was one of the mostimportant lessons.
There were many things thatwere said and I took it very
literally.
Like I said, this is the truth,this is the way that life is.
Like I said, this is the truth.
This is the way that life is.
One example I'll share issomebody had said to me that
(08:09):
when you have children, yourlife is over.
It's no longer about you, it'sall about the kids.
And my mind went I've got tofigure out who I am and what I
want before I could havechildren.
Kids how could my life be overwhen I feel like it hasn't even
begun?
That was the beginning of it.
(08:30):
And then there was lots ofstories that were interwoven and
built around that and so takinga long time to figure out who I
am and what I want to do inthis world.
Like I said, it didn't come tomy late 30s.
And then finally, 40, making abig leap the kids didn't happen.
And then, finally, 40, making abig leap the kids didn't happen
.
Not to sound like I'm blaminganything, but just to give a
(08:52):
tangible example of how, when wetake something as truth and we
don't stop to question it anddon't stop to say does it have
to be this or that?
Can we live in this and, andhow else can this look?
So that's that's what I want toshare with people is question
(09:13):
everything and create your ownempowering stories.
Hank (09:17):
Right.
So if you don't like or agreewith the story you've lived up
to this point just rewrite it.
Nikki (09:24):
Yeah, rewrite it.
You know, one question I loveto ask is what's another option
or what's another interpretationof this story and what's
another and what's be this wayand nothing else is possible.
When you start giving yourselfother interpretations, you could
start to see otherpossibilities that are out there
(09:57):
, and there are many.
Hank (09:59):
Yes, there are.
I had somebody tell me oncethat if you feel stuck or
stymied with something, there'sa way to trick your mind by
saying to yourself I don't knowwhat the answer is, but if I did
, it would be this yes, and comeup with several alternatives.
Nikki (10:17):
Oh yeah, I actually use that with clients, when they
tell me I ask a question andthey say I don't know.
And I'll say well, I know youdon't know, but if you did, what
would it be?
And suddenly they have ananswer.
Hank (10:30):
There you go, because I guess it takes the pressure off
to feel like you're absolutelyknowing and that instead you are
trying it on.
Nikki (10:39):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Hank (10:42):
You know, a lot of people struggle, struggle I'm
struggling right now.
A lot of people struggle withsomething we call imposter
syndrome, and most of us havebeen through it at one time or
another, and I keep hearingabout people dealing with it,
and most of the people that Irun into who are occasionally
dealing with it are amazinglycompetent, educated, smart and
(11:06):
competent people.
What would you say impostersyndrome really is, and if you
would share a couple oftechniques of how to overcome it
?
Nikki (11:18):
Sure, yeah.
And I will say that impostersyndrome is something I have
struggled with and sometimes Istill catch myself, I still
notice it.
The key is having thatawareness.
You know, that's really whatjust kind of snaps us, sure, and
doubting yourself despiteevidence of success.
So, some, if you notice these,I'll give you a couple of
(12:01):
characteristics that you'llnotice and that will help you to
understand that, oh, I might bestruggling from this imposter
syndrome, to understand that, oh, I might be struggling from
this imposter syndrome,downplaying your successes and
wins, like minimizing thosesuccesses, and say, oh, that
book I wrote, oh, that's not abig deal, it wasn't a bestseller
anyway.
That would be an example of abehavior of someone with
imposter syndrome Feeling likeyou need more certifications
(12:28):
because you don't know enoughyet, and it's always staying in
that learning mode versus doingNow.
Learning is important and wealways want to be learning.
But it's when you stay stuck inthat and then you don't put
yourself out there that thatcould be imposter syndrome.
That's in your way.
And perfectionism is anotherbehavior where the bar is so
(12:50):
high that it's just never enoughand then you end up not growing
into the potential that youhave.
Hank (12:57):
So that's what imposter syndrome can look like A friend
of mine always talks about theimportance of taking imperfect
action, because if you waituntil everything is perfect,
you're just always going to beparalyzed and never take action.
And you know, going back justfor a second, to imposter
syndrome I'm forgetting the name, I don't know if you'd call it
(13:19):
a syndrome, but there's somekind of a phenomenon that the
people who would have theimposter syndrome would be
highly intelligent, rational anddeeply thinking people.
But this syndrome that I'mtrying to remember the name of,
Is it the Dunning-Kruger effect?
What's that?
Nikki (13:38):
The Dunning-Kruger effect.
Hank (13:40):
It's the Dunning-Kruger effect, that's it.
Those who are very you know Idon't want to say not
intelligent, but those who arejust, you know, coasting by in
life, they don't realize thatthat's how they are.
They think that's great andthat everybody is that way.
So yeah, the imposter syndromecomes from deeply thinking
(14:00):
people usually.
Nikki (14:02):
Yes, definitely it's another characteristic.
Yeah, those deep thinkers, it'sanother characteristic.
Hank (14:08):
Yeah, those deep thinkers.
Yeah Well, Nikki, you wroteyour own book, the Calm Method.
Nikki (14:18):
Please tell us a little bit about what the Calm Method
is and a little bit about thebook.
Yeah, I'd love to, and this willanswer the second part of your
question of how can people stopimposter syndrome or eliminate
it, and the Calm Method is onesuch tool.
So the calm method was aninspired idea that came from a
workshop I was supposed to bedoing on money mindset in sales
(14:40):
for a jewelry company, and itwas two days before the workshop
that the woman called me up andsaid this is no longer an
appropriate topic.
It was March 2020 and the worldhad just shut down.
She goes can you do somethingto help these women manage their
emotions, because there's suchuncertainty right now?
And I said, sure, no problem.
(15:02):
And I went to bed with theintention that I would wake up
with the just right idea,because I had two days to replan
everything and I saw the wordcalm in my mind, and each letter
stood for a step, for how to gofrom that chaos in your mind to
a place of calm and confidenceso that you can take inspired
(15:24):
action and feel empowered to doso.
So that's how the calm methodcame about, and I can go through
very high level each of thefour steps if you'd like.
Hank (15:34):
Sure, tell us about those steps and what the acronym
stands for.
Nikki (15:39):
Sure, absolutely so.
The C in calm is to becomeconscious of how you're feeling.
Sometimes we've got a millionthoughts in our mind that we
don't know exactly what's goingon in there.
But if we stop and tune in, weknow how we feel, even if we
just have a sense that we'refeeling resistance.
So I'll go back and just saythat the calm method is
(16:01):
something you want to use whenyou want something to change.
You're in a situation or acircumstance and you would
prefer it to be different.
So the first step is to seeconscious of how you're feeling.
The A in calm is to become awareof the thoughts.
It's usually thoughts and thestories that we tell ourselves
that trigger these emotions.
(16:23):
So become aware of them bygetting them out of your head
and putting them onto paper.
So become aware of them bygetting them out of your head
and putting them onto paper,writing them out.
We process things differentlywhen we go from just thinking
inside our minds or writing iton paper and then reading them
out loud.
Sometimes all you've got to dois read a thought out loud and
say well, that's not really true, I didn't really mean that.
(16:44):
You know, I'm sure you've doneit.
I've done that.
So it's being like a lawyer andputting those thoughts on trial
.
Are these facts, or are theybeliefs, worries, projections,
my own interpretations?
So then you move into the thirdstep, the L, which is lean into
(17:05):
what else is possible.
If you determine that thesethoughts are not facts, then
what else might be true?
And this is where you start toreframe the thoughts.
And then the fourth step, the M, is to make a new decision.
So, now that you've changedyour mind, essentially now what
is it you're going to decide todo?
(17:27):
And then take that actionimmediately, before you talk
yourself out of it.
Hank (17:33):
That's so important to take that action while the
feeling is there, while it's hot, Because, yeah, by the next day
you'll have all kinds ofexcuses as to why you should not
do it.
Nikki (17:46):
Oh yeah, we'll start to doubt and question and talk
ourselves out of it.
Hank (17:52):
Yeah, Well, you utilize hypnotherapy in your program.
What are some of themisconceptions people have about
that, and what is hypnotherapyreally?
Nikki (18:05):
Yes, well, thanks to Hollywood and the news, there's
lots of misinterpretation.
Look into my eyes, look into myeyes and watch this swinging
pendulum.
Yeah, lots of misconceptionsthat you're going to act like a
chicken or bark like a dog, andthose are certainly not true.
(18:29):
So, really, what hypnosis is isa state.
It's a state of mind.
It's also called you know whenyou're in the zone.
They use that word in sports.
When the players are in thezone, they're very focused and
they're relaxed so that theyknow what their next move is and
(18:51):
they can take it withconfidence.
And so that's what hypnosis is.
Simplified is a state of focusedrelaxation.
And we're all in a state ofhypnosis throughout the day,
every day.
And what that might look likeis you're watching your shows on
Netflix and somehow five hourswent by and you're like, oh my
(19:15):
God, where did the time go?
And it's, you were in thistrance, you were just zoned out
watching your shows.
Or if you've ever drivensomewhere and you arrived and
you thought, wow, I'm herealready.
I don't even remember half thedrive because you were just in
your mind, thinking about whatyou were thinking, and your body
got you where you were going.
(19:37):
So those are examples of howwe're in that state every day
we're in that state every day.
Hank (19:44):
So then, when we're in the state, then if we have a
facilitator like yourself tohave us focus on really
growth-oriented and positivethings, am I on the right track?
Nikki (19:59):
You are, yes.
So when you're in that state,your conscious mind, that
logical part of you, is kind oflike out to lunch.
It's like the guard to thecastle is away and your mind is
wide open to suggestion.
So that's where thehypnotherapist will start to use
(20:20):
some talk therapy, nottraditional therapy like a
psychologist, but basicallygiving you handpicked
suggestions.
What are those suggestions thatyou want given to you?
Someone with imposter syndrome?
They might want to have thesuggestion that I'm capable of
anything that I put my mind to.
(20:42):
I show up powerfully in thework that I love to do and those
suggestions are given and theconscious mind can't reject and
say, well, that's not reallytrue now, is it?
You know you don't have thatanymore and you know there's
more to it.
But basically you help paint animage of that person, that
(21:03):
future version of them that theywant to be, so that they are
compelled to embody that andbehave that way.
Hank (21:12):
So that becomes the reality rather than the fear,
the false reality.
You know, the time has justflown by.
Yeah, I've really enjoyed this.
I'd like to ask you to sharewhat is the best way that our
listeners can get in touch withyou if they'd like to explore
(21:32):
the calm method or to find outabout the other things that you
do that can help move themforward.
Nikki (21:40):
Well, they're welcome to visit my website.
There's a lot of informationthere which is my name,
nikkigangemicom, and they canalso reach out to me.
They can call me or email aswell, and I'm all over social
media Instagram, facebook,linkedin either under my name,
nikki Gangemi, or my businessMindful Matters.
Hank (22:02):
Mindful Matters?
Yeah, and the contactinformation will be in the show
notes as well, as this goes out.
Mindful Matters, and to ourlisteners, tune in every
(22:22):
Wednesday for the Home BusinessSuccess Show here on bizradious.
Remember, you can achievesuccess, freedom and
independence in your own homebusiness.
I've done it, nikki has done itand you can too.
No-transcript.
Welcome to the Home Business Success Show.
Join us as we speak to homebusiness entrepreneurs for tips,
tricks, do's and even don'tsfor running a successful home
business.
Welcome everyone, I'm Hank Eder, also known as Hank the PR guy,
(00:32):
host of the Home BusinessSuccess Show, and you're
listening to bizradious.
All entrepreneurs all the time.
Our guest today Nikki Gangemi.
I said that, right, right.
Nikki (00:47):
You did, yes, all right.
Hank (00:49):
Our guest today, nikki Gangemi, has made three
significant pivots in her lifefrom actress to teacher to
entrepreneur.
The firsthand experiences equipher with a unique perspective
on navigating major lifetransitions.
As an internationalboard-certified master, nlp
(01:10):
practitioner, neurolinguisticprogramming NLP hypnotherapist,
speaker, trainer and author,nikki brings a blend of
expertise, compassion andempowerment to her coaching
practice.
She helps ambitiousentrepreneurs, perfectionists
and people-pleasers buildunshakable confidence and feel
(01:34):
empowered to pursue the goalsthey aspire to, without letting
fear and self-doubt rob them ofany more of their time.
Nikki helps her clientstranscend personal and
professional barriers throughtransformative NLP coaching and
her proprietary calm methodthat's calm-like, peaceful and
(01:59):
calm, equipping them with theinternal tools necessary for
attracting prosperity,relationship transformations and
elevating their life andbusiness.
Welcome to the show, nikki.
Nikki (02:14):
Thank you, hank, I'm excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Hank (02:18):
Oh, you're very welcome.
First, please tell us a littlebit about what you do.
Nikki (02:23):
Sure, well, I call myself a personal trainer for
your mind, rather than sayingall those things that you said
about the NLP and thehypnotherapy, and what that
means is really that we're usedto training our bodies.
And what if we trained our mindand built in that strength and
resilience so that we can handleanything that comes our way in
(02:48):
life?
So, helping people get to theroot cause of their problems,
which are usually a negativeemotion like self-doubt, fear,
limiting beliefs, like who am Ito do this?
What if I can't handle thissuccess?
And internal conflict, wherepart of them wants one thing but
there's this other part that isin conflict.
(03:09):
So when we resolve that, thenpeople find themselves just
taking massive, inspired actiontowards their goals.
Hank (03:18):
So, basically, you build their mental and emotional
muscles and move them past thethings that are blocking them
from taking the next steps.
Nikki (03:28):
Yes, I love that.
Hank (03:30):
If you would tell us a bit about your journey.
What is it that brought you towhere you are today?
Nikki (03:37):
My own story, really.
I for some.
Well, I'll tell you this.
We made a move from one town toanother and I went from
Catholic school to public schooland that's where the struggle
really began.
I had a hard time fitting inand just dealt with a lot of
bullying and exclusion.
(03:58):
And I let it and notice, I saidI let it define who I was and
who I wasn't and I just got inmy own way.
So, by going through years oftherapy and delving into this
health help world, I reallylearned how to love myself, be
(04:18):
happy with who I was, know myworth and have the confidence to
go after what I want in life.
And that's really what I helppeople do, only saving them a
lot more time, because a lot ofthat didn't happen until I was
in my late 30s.
Hank (04:33):
I see.
So then, basically, when youbecame aware that these things
that had happened to you werethings that you allowed to
happen to you, basically, youwere things that you allowed to
happen to you.
Nikki (04:48):
Basically, I allowed, yeah, I basically took the
suggestions which you know, whenwe talk about hypnotherapy,
that's what that is.
It's you accept a suggestion assomething that's true without
questioning it.
So all of those suggestionsfrom the time I could still see
being on the playground withwhat don't you get, we don't
want to play with you, get away.
And it's taking that as oh, Idon't belong, I don't fit in,
(05:10):
and then looking for evidence tosupport that.
And that's really what we do.
We, as humans, want to be right.
So once we start believingsomething, we start to look for
evidence that it's true and webuild a really strong case, and
it's usually to our detriment.
Hank (05:27):
I've heard people define fear as false evidence appearing
real.
If you turn it into an acronym,false evidence appearing real,
and it sounds like that's whatwe're applying here.
Nikki (05:39):
We are, yes, and one of my mentors says fear is false
education appearing real.
And that goes back to thosesuggestions.
We take a lot of what is saidto us, especially when we're
young, as the word of the Lordlike.
This is the way it is, and thenwe build a life around that the
(06:07):
life around that.
Hank (06:07):
Well, you know, we look back on our own experiences and
we see certain things that wecan put into perspective now but
were a little bit harder whenwe were children.
And there's those teachersreally who never should have
been educators or should neverhave been allowed near children.
And I actually had a thirdgrade teacher tell me you're
never going to amount toanything in your whole life.
And you know, being stubbornand contrary like I was, I mean
(06:33):
I internalized that and said,yeah, that's a lot of BS, I'll
show you.
But actually then, as the yearswent by, I showed myself.
I didn't show her, you know,because once I reached a point
where I realized it didn'tmatter to me whether she was
alive or had left the planet,you know, yeah.
Nikki (06:57):
Wow, that's amazing that she said that to you and I love
that you took on that attitudeof well, I'll show her and you
really showed yourself.
And there's people who will dothat.
There's people who will takewhat's been handed to them,
what's been said to them, andthey'll essentially turn lemons
into lemonade and they'll go offand have this success.
(07:18):
And then there's another groupof people who really take it to
heart and then they'll let itstick for a long time.
Hank (07:25):
I'm sure there were a lot of things in those formative
years that I did take to heart,that took some time to unravel,
and probably there's quite a fewthat I'm still unraveling, even
with all of the gray that I'vegot these days.
Nikki (07:37):
Oh, I'm still unraveling things.
Yeah, we're always in process.
Hank (07:42):
Exactly what would you say is one of the most important
lessons you ever learned in yourlife.
Nikki (07:49):
Question everything.
That was one of the mostimportant lessons.
There were many things thatwere said and I took it very
literally.
Like I said, this is the truth,this is the way that life is.
Like I said, this is the truth.
This is the way that life is.
One example I'll share issomebody had said to me that
(08:09):
when you have children, yourlife is over.
It's no longer about you, it'sall about the kids.
And my mind went I've got tofigure out who I am and what I
want before I could havechildren.
Kids how could my life be overwhen I feel like it hasn't even
begun?
That was the beginning of it.
(08:30):
And then there was lots ofstories that were interwoven and
built around that and so takinga long time to figure out who I
am and what I want to do inthis world.
Like I said, it didn't come tomy late 30s.
And then finally, 40, making abig leap the kids didn't happen.
And then, finally, 40, making abig leap the kids didn't happen
.
Not to sound like I'm blaminganything, but just to give a
(08:52):
tangible example of how, when wetake something as truth and we
don't stop to question it anddon't stop to say does it have
to be this or that?
Can we live in this and, andhow else can this look?
So that's that's what I want toshare with people is question
(09:13):
everything and create your ownempowering stories.
Hank (09:17):
Right.
So if you don't like or agreewith the story you've lived up
to this point just rewrite it.
Nikki (09:24):
Yeah, rewrite it.
You know, one question I loveto ask is what's another option
or what's another interpretationof this story and what's
another and what's be this wayand nothing else is possible.
When you start giving yourselfother interpretations, you could
start to see otherpossibilities that are out there
(09:57):
, and there are many.
Hank (09:59):
Yes, there are.
I had somebody tell me oncethat if you feel stuck or
stymied with something, there'sa way to trick your mind by
saying to yourself I don't knowwhat the answer is, but if I did
, it would be this yes, and comeup with several alternatives.
Nikki (10:17):
Oh yeah, I actually use that with clients, when they
tell me I ask a question andthey say I don't know.
And I'll say well, I know youdon't know, but if you did, what
would it be?
And suddenly they have ananswer.
Hank (10:30):
There you go, because I guess it takes the pressure off
to feel like you're absolutelyknowing and that instead you are
trying it on.
Nikki (10:39):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Hank (10:42):
You know, a lot of people struggle, struggle I'm
struggling right now.
A lot of people struggle withsomething we call imposter
syndrome, and most of us havebeen through it at one time or
another, and I keep hearingabout people dealing with it,
and most of the people that Irun into who are occasionally
dealing with it are amazinglycompetent, educated, smart and
(11:06):
competent people.
What would you say impostersyndrome really is, and if you
would share a couple oftechniques of how to overcome it
?
Nikki (11:18):
Sure, yeah.
And I will say that impostersyndrome is something I have
struggled with and sometimes Istill catch myself, I still
notice it.
The key is having thatawareness.
You know, that's really whatjust kind of snaps us, sure, and
doubting yourself despiteevidence of success.
So, some, if you notice these,I'll give you a couple of
(12:01):
characteristics that you'llnotice and that will help you to
understand that, oh, I might bestruggling from this imposter
syndrome, to understand that, oh, I might be struggling from
this imposter syndrome,downplaying your successes and
wins, like minimizing thosesuccesses, and say, oh, that
book I wrote, oh, that's not abig deal, it wasn't a bestseller
anyway.
That would be an example of abehavior of someone with
imposter syndrome Feeling likeyou need more certifications
(12:28):
because you don't know enoughyet, and it's always staying in
that learning mode versus doingNow.
Learning is important and wealways want to be learning.
But it's when you stay stuck inthat and then you don't put
yourself out there that thatcould be imposter syndrome.
That's in your way.
And perfectionism is anotherbehavior where the bar is so
(12:50):
high that it's just never enoughand then you end up not growing
into the potential that youhave.
Hank (12:57):
So that's what imposter syndrome can look like A friend
of mine always talks about theimportance of taking imperfect
action, because if you waituntil everything is perfect,
you're just always going to beparalyzed and never take action.
And you know, going back justfor a second, to imposter
syndrome I'm forgetting the name, I don't know if you'd call it
(13:19):
a syndrome, but there's somekind of a phenomenon that the
people who would have theimposter syndrome would be
highly intelligent, rational anddeeply thinking people.
But this syndrome that I'mtrying to remember the name of,
Is it the Dunning-Kruger effect?
What's that?
Nikki (13:38):
The Dunning-Kruger effect.
Hank (13:40):
It's the Dunning-Kruger effect, that's it.
Those who are very you know Idon't want to say not
intelligent, but those who arejust, you know, coasting by in
life, they don't realize thatthat's how they are.
They think that's great andthat everybody is that way.
So yeah, the imposter syndromecomes from deeply thinking
(14:00):
people usually.
Nikki (14:02):
Yes, definitely it's another characteristic.
Yeah, those deep thinkers, it'sanother characteristic.
Hank (14:08):
Yeah, those deep thinkers.
Yeah Well, Nikki, you wroteyour own book, the Calm Method.
Nikki (14:18):
Please tell us a little bit about what the Calm Method
is and a little bit about thebook.
Yeah, I'd love to, and this willanswer the second part of your
question of how can people stopimposter syndrome or eliminate
it, and the Calm Method is onesuch tool.
So the calm method was aninspired idea that came from a
workshop I was supposed to bedoing on money mindset in sales
(14:40):
for a jewelry company, and itwas two days before the workshop
that the woman called me up andsaid this is no longer an
appropriate topic.
It was March 2020 and the worldhad just shut down.
She goes can you do somethingto help these women manage their
emotions, because there's suchuncertainty right now?
And I said, sure, no problem.
(15:02):
And I went to bed with theintention that I would wake up
with the just right idea,because I had two days to replan
everything and I saw the wordcalm in my mind, and each letter
stood for a step, for how to gofrom that chaos in your mind to
a place of calm and confidenceso that you can take inspired
(15:24):
action and feel empowered to doso.
So that's how the calm methodcame about, and I can go through
very high level each of thefour steps if you'd like.
Hank (15:34):
Sure, tell us about those steps and what the acronym
stands for.
Nikki (15:39):
Sure, absolutely so.
The C in calm is to becomeconscious of how you're feeling.
Sometimes we've got a millionthoughts in our mind that we
don't know exactly what's goingon in there.
But if we stop and tune in, weknow how we feel, even if we
just have a sense that we'refeeling resistance.
So I'll go back and just saythat the calm method is
(16:01):
something you want to use whenyou want something to change.
You're in a situation or acircumstance and you would
prefer it to be different.
So the first step is to seeconscious of how you're feeling.
The A in calm is to become awareof the thoughts.
It's usually thoughts and thestories that we tell ourselves
that trigger these emotions.
(16:23):
So become aware of them bygetting them out of your head
and putting them onto paper.
So become aware of them bygetting them out of your head
and putting them onto paper,writing them out.
We process things differentlywhen we go from just thinking
inside our minds or writing iton paper and then reading them
out loud.
Sometimes all you've got to dois read a thought out loud and
say well, that's not really true, I didn't really mean that.
(16:44):
You know, I'm sure you've doneit.
I've done that.
So it's being like a lawyer andputting those thoughts on trial
.
Are these facts, or are theybeliefs, worries, projections,
my own interpretations?
So then you move into the thirdstep, the L, which is lean into
(17:05):
what else is possible.
If you determine that thesethoughts are not facts, then
what else might be true?
And this is where you start toreframe the thoughts.
And then the fourth step, the M, is to make a new decision.
So, now that you've changedyour mind, essentially now what
is it you're going to decide todo?
(17:27):
And then take that actionimmediately, before you talk
yourself out of it.
Hank (17:33):
That's so important to take that action while the
feeling is there, while it's hot, Because, yeah, by the next day
you'll have all kinds ofexcuses as to why you should not
do it.
Nikki (17:46):
Oh yeah, we'll start to doubt and question and talk
ourselves out of it.
Hank (17:52):
Yeah, Well, you utilize hypnotherapy in your program.
What are some of themisconceptions people have about
that, and what is hypnotherapyreally?
Nikki (18:05):
Yes, well, thanks to Hollywood and the news, there's
lots of misinterpretation.
Look into my eyes, look into myeyes and watch this swinging
pendulum.
Yeah, lots of misconceptionsthat you're going to act like a
chicken or bark like a dog, andthose are certainly not true.
(18:29):
So, really, what hypnosis is isa state.
It's a state of mind.
It's also called you know whenyou're in the zone.
They use that word in sports.
When the players are in thezone, they're very focused and
they're relaxed so that theyknow what their next move is and
(18:51):
they can take it withconfidence.
And so that's what hypnosis is.
Simplified is a state of focusedrelaxation.
And we're all in a state ofhypnosis throughout the day,
every day.
And what that might look likeis you're watching your shows on
Netflix and somehow five hourswent by and you're like, oh my
(19:15):
God, where did the time go?
And it's, you were in thistrance, you were just zoned out
watching your shows.
Or if you've ever drivensomewhere and you arrived and
you thought, wow, I'm herealready.
I don't even remember half thedrive because you were just in
your mind, thinking about whatyou were thinking, and your body
got you where you were going.
(19:37):
So those are examples of howwe're in that state every day
we're in that state every day.
Hank (19:44):
So then, when we're in the state, then if we have a
facilitator like yourself tohave us focus on really
growth-oriented and positivethings, am I on the right track?
Nikki (19:59):
You are, yes.
So when you're in that state,your conscious mind, that
logical part of you, is kind oflike out to lunch.
It's like the guard to thecastle is away and your mind is
wide open to suggestion.
So that's where thehypnotherapist will start to use
(20:20):
some talk therapy, nottraditional therapy like a
psychologist, but basicallygiving you handpicked
suggestions.
What are those suggestions thatyou want given to you?
Someone with imposter syndrome?
They might want to have thesuggestion that I'm capable of
anything that I put my mind to.
(20:42):
I show up powerfully in thework that I love to do and those
suggestions are given and theconscious mind can't reject and
say, well, that's not reallytrue now, is it?
You know you don't have thatanymore and you know there's
more to it.
But basically you help paint animage of that person, that
(21:03):
future version of them that theywant to be, so that they are
compelled to embody that andbehave that way.
Hank (21:12):
So that becomes the reality rather than the fear,
the false reality.
You know, the time has justflown by.
Yeah, I've really enjoyed this.
I'd like to ask you to sharewhat is the best way that our
listeners can get in touch withyou if they'd like to explore
(21:32):
the calm method or to find outabout the other things that you
do that can help move themforward.
Nikki (21:40):
Well, they're welcome to visit my website.
There's a lot of informationthere which is my name,
nikkigangemicom, and they canalso reach out to me.
They can call me or email aswell, and I'm all over social
media Instagram, facebook,linkedin either under my name,
nikki Gangemi, or my businessMindful Matters.
Hank (22:02):
Mindful Matters?
Yeah, and the contactinformation will be in the show
notes as well, as this goes out.
Mindful Matters, and to ourlisteners, tune in every
(22:22):
Wednesday for the Home BusinessSuccess Show here on bizradious.
Remember, you can achievesuccess, freedom and
independence in your own homebusiness.
I've done it, nikki has done itand you can too.
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