May 26, 2025 • 33 mins
Our dating preferences might be keeping us from God's provision, especially when what we call preferences are actually prejudices, pain, or programming in disguise.
• There is only one race—the human race—and ethnicity is cultural while race is a social construct used to divide
• Many dating preferences are shaped by media, trauma, and family traditions rather than biblical standards
• God never instructed us to marry within an ethnic box but did command us to be equally yoked in faith
• Our preferences must be surrendered to God's will or we risk missing His provision
• "Love at first sight" is flawed because it's based solely on physical attraction without knowing someone's character
• When you find someone in Christ, that becomes your primary culture—not your ethnic background
• Marriage is a gift, not a guarantee or requirement for heaven
• Your single life can still glorify God, and Paul argues it can actually allow greater freedom to serve
• Be open to the unexpected ways God provides love, which may not match your programmed preferences
Support the SoulFuel podcast on Patreon at patreon.com/theesoulful as we continue growing and potentially adding interview episodes in the future.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If your type is keeping you tied up in cycles,
maybe it's time to admit yourtype ain't God's type for you.
Let's talk about how yourprogram appetite might be the
reason why you're still single.
Welcome to the SoulFuel podcast.
(00:21):
Another episode of the SoulFuelpodcast, the pit stop for your
soul to be fueled for yourjourney in life, as you do it
with Christ.
Listen in today's episode.
I'm excited about it becausewe're tearing down Satan's
kingdom.
That's all we keep doing here.
This is the fuel for you totake action and light the flame
(00:42):
and blow up the toxic lies thatculture and even church culture
has sold you.
That's right.
That's right.
What even the church has soldyou?
That love has to look a certainway.
Some of us are out here sayingI don't date outside my race, I
don't date outside my race, notrealizing that we're operating
(01:05):
out of preference and notpurpose, out of pride and not
provision.
First of all, let me set therecord straight because some of
you would agree with this, someof you would really agree with
this, and my wife and I, we weresitting at dinner the other day
(01:25):
with a group of people whichreally like really a group of
single people, and there were abunch of excuses on why they
want to stay in with a, with ablack man, with a black woman.
I need me a sister, I need me abrother, and that's fine.
That's fine, but the placewhere it comes from is what's
(01:48):
problematic, because one of thethings that I know, one of the
words that gets tossed around alot, is date what I said outside
my race.
I want to stay within my race.
Well, I hope you would, becausethere's only one race and that
is the human race.
And yet we've allowed media,we've allowed trauma and
tradition to program our heartsto reject what God may have
(02:12):
already sent or is sending.
Let me be super duper clear youare not God.
I'm not God.
You are not the Holy Spirit.
I'm not the Holy Spirit, butI'll be the voice used by the
Holy Spirit to speak to youright where you are, and before
you probably end up turning offthis episode because you might
(02:33):
be a little frustrated orirritated at a married man
speaking on this, just hold upand think about this.
I just want to give yousomething to think about Before
you end up lonely, frustrated orin a situationship God never
(02:54):
ordained.
It's time to check yourappetite.
It's time to check yourpreference.
It's time to check yourpreference.
It's time to check your pride.
Let's talk about why who youwant may not be who God will
(03:15):
send or has sent, and how to getback in alignment with kingdom.
Love Acts, chapter 17, verse26,.
The NASB 1995 says and he madefrom one man every nation of
mankind to live on all the faceof the earth, having determined
(03:38):
their appointed times and theboundaries of their habitation
and the boundaries of theirhabitation.
God's design was never racialseparation but diversity with
humanity.
I hear so many stupidconversations and so many stupid
(04:00):
people, and I'm gonna just sayit.
There are stupid people thatbelieve that you must stay with
your own kind.
But we have to understand thatethnicity is cultural and there
are cultures that come withethnicity.
Race is a social construct,man-made and used to divide.
(04:22):
Have you ever thought that thereasons why you have an appetite
for this kind of woman, man, orthe appetite for this kind of
man, woman, it's because of yourcultural biases?
It's because of this demon ofracism, which is a costume for
(04:43):
the true and utter, uh, demon ofhate?
You cannot say I don't dateoutside my race when there is
only the human race.
That's first thing.
You can't.
You just can't say that I hopeyou would stay in your race,
because to date outside of yourrace would mean that you're
dating an animal.
(05:04):
But there is a danger ofprogramming and preference.
There's a danger to programmingand preference.
Romans 12 and 2,.
This is a very popular verseand I almost use I want to say I
probably almost use theseverses all the time, but they go
hand in hand with a lot ofother things as it pertains to
(05:27):
staying away from the world, andyou know what it is this is.
Do not be conformed to thisworld, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind so thatyou may prove what the will of
God is, that which is good andacceptable and perfect.
Let me stop right there for asecond.
Take that back and do not beconformed to this world.
So to be conformed to thisworld would to would be to
(05:50):
actually be pre-programmed.
To have a preference doesn'tmean what you tried in the past
and because you didn't like that, that every person, every
person, is different.
Every one man is not every, isnot every man, lady, and not
every woman.
Is, is, is, is is not not onewoman, is every woman, man,
(06:17):
right, you, you, you can't.
You would be a fool to go intodifferent relationships and
friendships like this right,thinking that everybody's the
same.
But that's why you can't allowyour mind to be conformed to
this world but be transformed bythe renewing of your mind.
And the renewing of your mindcomes by way of the Spirit and
(06:37):
your willingness to acquiesce tothe Spirit and to the will of
God.
And in order to renew, and whenyou are renewing your mind, you
are proving what the will ofGod.
And in order to renew, and whenyou are renewing your mind, you
are proving what the will ofGod is.
And six, five, six, four, 200pounds of muscle tatted sleeve
just might not be in his willfor you, keisha.
(07:00):
It may not be in his will foryou, audrey.
I'm just calling out names,come on.
Jerome 525-5557, a woman,beautiful, beautiful, amazing
features.
She looks amazing.
(07:21):
That may not be God's will.
It's not to say that she won'tbe beautiful, because beauty is
in the eye of the beholder.
I've seen so many attractivewomen but are still so ugly.
What do you mean?
Because of their attitude, theway they carry themselves.
And if you notice, the mostattractive people in the room
are the people that are thenicest.
(07:45):
Why do you think you hear?
Sometimes you say somebody grewon me.
They grow on you, depending ontheir character and what you
define to be nice or to havegood character.
Right, they grow on you becauseit's not so much about the look
, but it's about how they treatyou.
It's about how you feel whenyou are around them and what is
(08:05):
it about what you are feeling?
That is healthy versusunhealthy, all right.
So you really got to understandthat, in order to prove what
the will of God is, your mindmust be transformed.
You must be transformed by therenewing of your mind.
Let the spirit continue to washyour mind.
Let the continue to bebrainwashed by the word of god
(08:28):
that will steer you away fromwhat's not good for you.
Listen, uh, programming fromamerica.
Media trauma and familytraditions have shaped many
people's type, and you know this.
You know this.
I love when people are, are,are quote-unquote outliers.
(08:49):
I love when people uh defy,defy culture.
I love it why?
Because it shows you it's.
It's not always systemic andand and and from uh deeper
rooted issues, as a lot ofpeople would love to think.
Why is a so-called black manwith a so-called white woman.
(09:11):
And the reason why I sayso-called, because I don't
believe in black and whitelabels.
They don't exist.
Black and white people don'texist.
That's for another conversation.
But the love is there.
If they're for each other,they're going to be with each
other.
If it's, if it's really healthy, it's going to be.
Listen, it does not matter aslong as it is male and female,
(09:35):
sayeth the Lord.
Male and female, do they loveeach other?
Are they there for each other?
Are they?
Are they sound?
Are they together as one unit?
Don't matter if, if it's ahispanic and a and a and a um
and an american, of of with ofafrican descent, or if it's a
(09:59):
caucasian man with an asianwoman, an asian man with a Asian
woman, an Asian man with aHispanic woman, it does not
matter.
It does not matter Because,again, this country, social
media and media, just in general, television celebrities, family
(10:21):
traditions have shaped manypeople's types.
30s family traditions haveshaped many people's types.
And just a side note, inhollywood there are certain
relationships that have beenformed for the sake of publicity
.
And when you think about it,it's how hollywood, hollywood, I
want to say hollyweird how theykind of shape the acceptance of
(10:43):
certain actors in certainmovies, in certain subjects, it
it leaks off because it's like,oh yeah, I can watch that
because she married to such andso and so, and that's just with
some, that's.
That's not to say that's work,that's with everybody.
But a lot of the publicrelationships, some of them are
are playing.
Some of them are playing.
Some of them are playing.
But I need you to understandwhat you call preference might
(11:07):
really be prejudice.
What you call preference mightreally be pain.
What you call preference mightbe pride disguised.
Has it ever dawned on you thatman, this man, you man I'm
talking to you man, you guy, whoonly like women of your
(11:32):
ethnicity because you have beenprogrammed to love your own
because of the oppressor, loveyour own because of the
oppressor Right?
Perhaps the Caucasian man wantsto stay with his Caucasian
(11:53):
woman or stay in his Caucasianethnicity because he has been
taught that or program that?
This is, this woman over hereis no good she's, she's a
chicken head, she's.
Everything in the book that isbeneath me Is that, and we know
for a fact that that's not whateverybody thinks.
We know that for a fact.
(12:14):
But there are some people whohave buried pain and buried
prejudices and call itpreference, pride in pride in
the flesh, pride in the color ofyour skin, and you missing out
and you keep on going throughthese broken, battered
relationships because you reallyare rejecting what God
(12:37):
potentially has for you.
You may be conforming toculture rather than God's
provision.
I'm saying that God provided.
Listen, god, listen, man.
Can I talk to the man for asecond, just for a quick second.
Listen, man.
(12:58):
The Lord gave women.
Women are beautiful, women areamazing.
I love my wife.
I do.
I love my wife.
There is nobody else for me, butthere are other women that he
has made for every other man,and the reason why I say that is
because I'm able to acknowledgea beautiful woman, another
beautiful woman.
I'm able to acknowledge that,and so in me acknowledging that,
(13:21):
as well as my wife couldacknowledge that there are other
many other handsome men, and Iknow that she only has eyes for
me, as I only have eyes for her.
But we, if we can notice thisand see this and see them in in
all shapes and sizes, then weknow for a fact that there is
(13:42):
somebody who is single, that ismade for that person, and they
don't have to come from the sameethnicity.
They don't even have to comefrom the same country, they
don't even have to come from.
Listen, it's a bag of Skittlesand I don't really know nobody I
don't know too many people whoeat Skittles and only pick out
(14:03):
the green ones and only pick outthe orange ones.
But except, you eat themtogether and there may be some
people that eat one at a time,but regardless you're going to
eat them all.
Yes, there is an acquired taste, but whichever one that I like,
guess what?
I like it, because you ain'tnone of them colors in that bag.
(14:25):
But you gotta be willing to.
You have to be willing tochoose provision over preference
.
All I'm saying, and again, it'snot to change your mind and
what you and what you like, it'sjust to open up your mind to
what god has for you, becausewhen you say I'm not doing that,
(14:48):
I'm not doing that, you'vealready shut yourself off from
what he would want to do in yourlife relationship.
Wise, you've already shut himoff.
Yeah, well, I wanted to give youwhat, if, what have you?
Uh, american woman of africandescent?
What if he wanted you to havean asian man?
What if he wanted you to bewith the caucasian man.
(15:10):
What if he wanted you with,with with a uh uh, uh uh, with
the, with the, with the chineseman?
What if he did?
You gonna say no because ofculture and the stigmatism that
comes with chinese men and asianmen of other culture, japanese
man, whatever it is, are yougonna say no?
If that's what the lordhandpicked for you, he's gonna
(15:32):
treat you right, he gonna loveyou right, he gonna do, he gonna
do you right.
But or you rather have tyrone,you rather have jaleel, you
rather have cortez, you ratherhave quinerius, you rather you
rather have john, john, I'm justtrying to make up different
(15:53):
names.
I can't even make, but you knowwhat I'm saying.
And not even just that.
But but like even others, likeif somebody sticks to one
specific other ethnicity, likean American of African descent
male who says I only date Asianwomen, it's the same thing.
You can't just, don't just limityourself there, because you are
(16:15):
possibly cutting off theprovision that God has for you.
Proverbs, chapter 19,.
Verse 21 says many plans are ina person's heart, but the
advice of the Lord, but it isthe purpose of the Lord that
will always stand.
But the advice of the Lord willstand.
You can have all thepreferences you want, but if
(16:35):
they are not surrendered to theLord, you will miss his
provision.
I'm saying, all I'm saying isthat you'll miss it.
I'm not trying to again, I'm nottrying to convince anybody to
date outside what you have anappetite for, but I'm saying
that, very well, what you mighthave an appetite for may very
(16:58):
well not be for you.
It just might not be very wellnot be for you, it just might
not be.
And that doesn't mean you adaptto their culture or they adapt
to your culture, because whenyou find somebody that is in
Christ, anyway that is yourculture.
So nobody's culture is going towin.
(17:18):
And even though you getpermission from a father and you
pay your respects to the fatherby asking permission to marry
and meeting the family and allof that, that just.
And if you don't do what, youdon't like what they do, and she
and and the other vice versa,and she doesn't like what they
do on his side, it doesn'tmatter, because those are not
(17:40):
going to be your cultures.
Anyway.
Nobody said you had to staythere, right?
Because again, if you I don'tand I'm really, and I'm really
speaking to believers you canapply this to your life If
you're not a believer.
If you're listening and you'vemade it this far, god bless you.
Thank you for being here, butI'm really talking to believers,
because that's where all ofthat stuff gets left out anyway.
(18:08):
Right, god never told us tomarry within an ethnic box.
The Lord never says this in theWord.
But he did instruct us to beequally yoked in faith, even in
the Old Testament.
When they were to get married,they were only supposed to stay
not within their ethnicity butwithin their faith, because the
(18:28):
others, other nations, wereserving other gods, such as
Samson, who wanted the womanfrom Timnah.
That was a tribe that was inBabylon.
He was not supposed to marrywith her.
And you see how much drama hegot into, got her killed, got
her dad killed, got, and then hegoes back and he kills a lot of
(18:51):
people and he sets the crops onfire.
He does a lot of stuff.
He raises hell because of hishell, his rebellion, that he did
not keep the law.
He he didn't keep what the wordwas for his life because his
life was prophesied over and heliterally went against the word
because of someone.
(19:12):
That was his preference but wasnot his provision.
Provision is found in obedience.
You have to ask yourself againwho programmed me?
Why do I like this?
Why do I like and watch this?
Your preference has to alwayssupersede your preference is and
(19:35):
this is what will cause you tocheck your preference because
you have to think to yourselfand ask yourself this question
who programmed me to like thisand what?
Why am I setting this as aqualification?
Because I know a lot of guys.
I had conversation with men andthey will say that that's just.
(19:57):
I just got to be with a sisterbro.
I just got to be with a sisterbro.
I, I, I just got to be with asister bro.
I just want me a good sister.
I want me a good.
I always want me a good, thicksister.
But first of all, time out, youjust said thick.
Why?
Where did you develop yourdefinition of love and
attraction?
Is it love at first sight?
That's a lie.
I think love at first sight isthe devil, honestly, because
(20:23):
just because you see somethingdon't mean that it's for you.
I think that love at firstsight is equivalent to eve in
the garden having a conversationwith satan and longing for
something that she knows she'snot supposed to touch.
The reason why I say it'sequivalent is because when you
(20:43):
say love at first sight, oh,it's something that I'm, you be
instantly.
You don't even know him, you'reinfatuated with the look.
Well, you don't know she couldbe hell bro.
You don't know that man is.
That man is is a walkingmistake for you not saying he's
a mistake, but for you he is atreacherous future baby daddy.
(21:07):
But you like him because yousaid, oh, I loved him when I
first saw.
That's a lie.
It's the death, that's thedevil talking through you,
talking to you, to say, oh, Ilike, I like, it's almost like a
cartoon character.
When you see something,something like the Mask.
When you saw the girl, his eyes, like when he was the Mask with
(21:28):
Jim Carrey, his eyes got bigand his tongue came out his
mouth and you know all thelittle different things he did.
Even when cartoon characters,they see something like that and
it's like why?
Because I'm attracted to what Isee.
I don't even know what thatcomes with.
You don't even know what itcomes with, but you like it
because you've seen it andthat's how we know that.
(21:50):
That is one of the three, whatI call the big three, the big
three ingredients to sin thelust of the eyes, the lust of
the flesh and the boastful prideof life.
And that's what?
The lust of the eyes, I likewhat I see, I'm longing for what
I see, it turns me on, I likeit.
(22:11):
The man says oh she thick, ohshe bowled, oh man, she bad, got
a hair.
I don't even care if that's herhair or not, right, and then
they build these stigmatisms andthe and the preference around
other ethnicities that are lesslikely to do what.
The American of African descentwoman.
(22:32):
I'm going to find another wayto say that, because I know
that's crazy.
I'm basically saying anAfrican-American woman, but I'm
trying to find another way tosay it, because technically,
you're not African, you'reAmerican.
That's why I leave withAmerican, and I know somebody's
like oh, he's so twisted he, hismind is so messed up.
I guess it is, but I'm married.
I ain't the one single you are,don't?
I'm trying to help you, though,because even with me, I had to
(22:55):
understand like and my wifeknows this, my wife is, she's a
beautiful woman, but she was notmy preference.
I had a thing for light-skinnedwomen, light-skinned young
ladies.
You know, I'm saying like thatwas a type.
(23:17):
And then Guess what?
My type kind of stem from mydad, because my dad married my
mom who was light skinned, andthen my dad got married a second
time after his divorce and shewas light skinned.
(23:38):
So, and guess what, they wereboth short.
My dad's like right at six feettall, maybe 5'11", six feet,
right there, I'm six feet.
And my wife is like right atfive something.
I think she like right 5'1",5'2", something like that, 5'3"
(23:58):
maybe.
I don't know, I don't even knowher height, I just know she's
like here me, but that was mytype, like she had the height
and it and it really didn't eventhe height, didn't even matter.
I'm one of those guys.
I was called an outlier, rightwe was having this conversation
with others at the table.
I was called an outlier becauseI really I had a preference,
(24:19):
but I didn't have a preferenceright.
I had like super pretty, super,just, super high-maintenance.
That was my type.
I had to understand that mytype was toxic because every
time I was with those particularyoung ladies they had a type.
(24:45):
See, I was the nice guy buttheir real type was the bone
thugs and harmony I'm sayingthey had.
They had a type of thugs likethat.
They wanted the thug but thenthey needed, like I was the
backup plan and for the mostpart, like the ones that I was
(25:06):
actually like, we had a title,we was together.
You know what I'm saying.
I was the boyfriend at thatschool but I would always be
getting played because they hadsome thug dude at another school
who played sports At least theydidn't disrespect me enough to
do it at the same school that Iknew of.
They had a type and I had a typeand I was getting hurt over and
(25:29):
over again.
I really did like have love forsome of these girls, like I
really, and I was loving hard.
You know I'm saying never beenintimate with any of them until
after high school, right, butbut I was developing something
and you don't have to give yourbody a way to get hurt.
Oh my, I hope y'all reallylisten.
(25:52):
You don't have to.
All you have to do is give yourmind, your soul, your heart and
have this idea that one day wewill get married.
Because that's how I was.
I had that idea, that was mymindset, but it didn't happen.
It didn't happen because Ifound out what was going on and
I would get hurt.
And I seen man my type, man mytype, hurts me every single time
(26:17):
, every single day.
It never felt so and that waslike, and that was no, no thing
against darker skinned women.
Because my wife is dark skin,right, american woman of African
descent, dark skin.
I love her, she's beautiful,that's that's.
That's that's she's, she's mine, right, I'm hers.
(26:39):
And it never meant that.
Oh, I didn't ever find anydark-skinned women attractive,
because I did, but I just didn'tgo for them because I just, I
just didn't, it just.
But if they, if they were forme, actually I was, I I did talk
to somebody that was darkerthan myself, a little darker
(27:01):
than myself, darker skincomplexion, mocha, right, and I
call them mocha, but it didn'twork out.
It didn't work out because oneone young lady, who's
upperclassman, she had a thingfor a thug guy and that was just
like since middle school.
(27:21):
So it was really no competing.
And then I messed that up insome ways, right, but I'm just
saying like there wasn't reallya preference, because I've been
with a Caucasian woman beforetrying to be in the relationship
(27:46):
, right, so there was no, I'mjust like, eh, but it wasn't
based off anything culturalized,but there was pressure due to
culture.
But when you want what you want, it doesn't matter what anybody
says.
I don't want to get stuck onthat too long, but you get what
I'm saying.
Like you have to ask yourselfthat question when did you
develop your definition of loveand attraction?
Is it biblical or is it basedon trauma and culture?
(28:06):
Psalm 139, verse 23 and 24,says search me, god, and know my
heart, put me to the test andknow my anxious thoughts and see
if there is any hurtful way inme and lead me in the
everlasting way.
Man, we're almost done.
(28:29):
I'm almost done because this ismarriage is not a requirement
for heaven.
I want you to know that too.
For the people who say I justcan't find, I can't find, I
can't find, I can't find, Idon't see, I don't see, I don't
see.
Even if I am looking outside ofculture, if I'm looking outside
(28:50):
of my preference, I don't.
Let me free you up.
Marriage is not a requirementfor heaven.
It is only a requirement tofulfill your earthly, it's only
a requirement to fulfill yourearthly, fleshly desire of being
with the other sex intimatelyengaging in close combat under
(29:20):
sheets.
Close combat under sheets iscrazy.
That like no fornication,regardless of what these crazy
weirdo preachers are saying.
Fake, false teachers are sayingright, no fornication is sin,
right.
And to avoid that is to keepyourself occupied, and to avoid
(29:44):
that is to keep yourselfoccupied.
Occupy yourself until he comes,until Jesus comes right.
But marriage is a gift.
Matthew 22, verse 30 says Forin the resurrection they neither
marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Again, marriage is a gift, nota guarantee.
(30:14):
Stop putting marriage on apedestal.
Stop putting marriage on apedestal of identity.
Stop feeling less than becauseyou're not married yet.
I don't care how old you are,don't do that, you're enough,
you got enough.
Jesus is everything, all allright, especially if it's based
on worldly standards.
Because that ain't how youjudge anything.
That ain't how you.
It's amazing how so many people, yeah, don't judge, don't judge
(30:34):
.
But yet you judge yourself inthe wrong way.
Your single life can stillglorify god.
In fact, paul argues that it isbetter for you to serve God
while you're single, because youdon't have to care for some of
the things of the world so thatyou may please your husband, or
you don't have to care for someof the things of the world so
that you may please your wife,right?
(30:54):
But if you do desire marriage,don't let worldly preferences
become a stronghold that keepsyou in cycles of singleness.
All right, your heart might beblocking what God is trying to
provide because your preferenceis louder than your obedience.
(31:16):
Be open to the unexpected waysGod provides love.
No, it's not through the samesex, but it's through his holy
image of Jesus and the church,his bride.
(31:39):
All right, so that's it for thisepisode, y'all.
I pray that you got some out ofthis.
I pray that you receive thiswith love.
No, I said a lot.
No, there was a lot to unpack,but I really want you to get
this.
I really want you to be patient.
I really want you to be bejoyful, because happiness is
(32:03):
wrapped in your joy, right?
There are sad times.
We all go through the rollercoaster of emotion, emotions in
our lives.
But when it comes to spouses,when it comes to husbands and
wives, listen, it'll come,listen, it'll come.
(32:33):
But I, I, I feel the power ofthe holy ghost when I tell you
his provision.
It may not come the way, in thecolor that you wanted it in, it
may not come in the ethnicitythat you wanted it in and and it
may not not even just that itmay not come in the ethnicity
that you wanted it in, and itmay not not even just that it
may not come in the time thatyou expected it to come in, all
right, so keep that in mindagain.
(32:55):
This is another episode of thesoul fuel podcast, the pit stop
for your soul to be fueled foryour journey in life, as you do
it with Christ.
Listen to join the SoulFuelfamily Just go to the Patreon
the link is down in thedescription Patreoncom forward
slash T-H-E-E SoulFuel,t-h-e-e-s-o-u-l-f-u-e-l.
(33:16):
The SoulFuel to support thechannel, support the podcast and
what we're doing.
We want to go bigger.
We want to go bigger.
We want to go greater.
We want to even start havinginterview and conversation in
conversational type interviewswith different guests of God
knows you know, people you maynot know and people you may know
(33:38):
, whatever God leads us to,because I'm definitely not
chasing celebrities.
I'm not chasing Christiancelebrities.
I'm not chasing Christiancelebrities.
I ain't chasing nobody foranything.
It's going to happen if ithappens.
So stay tuned.
I hope to see you next time,peace.
If your type is keeping you tied up in cycles,
maybe it's time to admit yourtype ain't God's type for you.
Let's talk about how yourprogram appetite might be the
reason why you're still single.
Welcome to the SoulFuel podcast.
(00:21):
Another episode of the SoulFuelpodcast, the pit stop for your
soul to be fueled for yourjourney in life, as you do it
with Christ.
Listen in today's episode.
I'm excited about it becausewe're tearing down Satan's
kingdom.
That's all we keep doing here.
This is the fuel for you totake action and light the flame
(00:42):
and blow up the toxic lies thatculture and even church culture
has sold you.
That's right.
That's right.
What even the church has soldyou?
That love has to look a certainway.
Some of us are out here sayingI don't date outside my race, I
don't date outside my race, notrealizing that we're operating
(01:05):
out of preference and notpurpose, out of pride and not
provision.
First of all, let me set therecord straight because some of
you would agree with this, someof you would really agree with
this, and my wife and I, we weresitting at dinner the other day
(01:25):
with a group of people whichreally like really a group of
single people, and there were abunch of excuses on why they
want to stay in with a, with ablack man, with a black woman.
I need me a sister, I need me abrother, and that's fine.
That's fine, but the placewhere it comes from is what's
(01:48):
problematic, because one of thethings that I know, one of the
words that gets tossed around alot, is date what I said outside
my race.
I want to stay within my race.
Well, I hope you would, becausethere's only one race and that
is the human race.
And yet we've allowed media,we've allowed trauma and
tradition to program our heartsto reject what God may have
(02:12):
already sent or is sending.
Let me be super duper clear youare not God.
I'm not God.
You are not the Holy Spirit.
I'm not the Holy Spirit, butI'll be the voice used by the
Holy Spirit to speak to youright where you are, and before
you probably end up turning offthis episode because you might
(02:33):
be a little frustrated orirritated at a married man
speaking on this, just hold upand think about this.
I just want to give yousomething to think about Before
you end up lonely, frustrated orin a situationship God never
(02:54):
ordained.
It's time to check yourappetite.
It's time to check yourpreference.
It's time to check yourpreference.
It's time to check your pride.
Let's talk about why who youwant may not be who God will
(03:15):
send or has sent, and how to getback in alignment with kingdom.
Love Acts, chapter 17, verse26,.
The NASB 1995 says and he madefrom one man every nation of
mankind to live on all the faceof the earth, having determined
(03:38):
their appointed times and theboundaries of their habitation
and the boundaries of theirhabitation.
God's design was never racialseparation but diversity with
humanity.
I hear so many stupidconversations and so many stupid
(04:00):
people, and I'm gonna just sayit.
There are stupid people thatbelieve that you must stay with
your own kind.
But we have to understand thatethnicity is cultural and there
are cultures that come withethnicity.
Race is a social construct,man-made and used to divide.
(04:22):
Have you ever thought that thereasons why you have an appetite
for this kind of woman, man, orthe appetite for this kind of
man, woman, it's because of yourcultural biases?
It's because of this demon ofracism, which is a costume for
(04:43):
the true and utter, uh, demon ofhate?
You cannot say I don't dateoutside my race when there is
only the human race.
That's first thing.
You can't.
You just can't say that I hopeyou would stay in your race,
because to date outside of yourrace would mean that you're
dating an animal.
(05:04):
But there is a danger ofprogramming and preference.
There's a danger to programmingand preference.
Romans 12 and 2,.
This is a very popular verseand I almost use I want to say I
probably almost use theseverses all the time, but they go
hand in hand with a lot ofother things as it pertains to
(05:27):
staying away from the world, andyou know what it is this is.
Do not be conformed to thisworld, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind so thatyou may prove what the will of
God is, that which is good andacceptable and perfect.
Let me stop right there for asecond.
Take that back and do not beconformed to this world.
So to be conformed to thisworld would to would be to
(05:50):
actually be pre-programmed.
To have a preference doesn'tmean what you tried in the past
and because you didn't like that, that every person, every
person, is different.
Every one man is not every, isnot every man, lady, and not
every woman.
Is, is, is, is is not not onewoman, is every woman, man,
(06:17):
right, you, you, you can't.
You would be a fool to go intodifferent relationships and
friendships like this right,thinking that everybody's the
same.
But that's why you can't allowyour mind to be conformed to
this world but be transformed bythe renewing of your mind.
And the renewing of your mindcomes by way of the Spirit and
(06:37):
your willingness to acquiesce tothe Spirit and to the will of
God.
And in order to renew, and whenyou are renewing your mind, you
are proving what the will ofGod.
And in order to renew, and whenyou are renewing your mind, you
are proving what the will ofGod is.
And six, five, six, four, 200pounds of muscle tatted sleeve
just might not be in his willfor you, keisha.
(07:00):
It may not be in his will foryou, audrey.
I'm just calling out names,come on.
Jerome 525-5557, a woman,beautiful, beautiful, amazing
features.
She looks amazing.
(07:21):
That may not be God's will.
It's not to say that she won'tbe beautiful, because beauty is
in the eye of the beholder.
I've seen so many attractivewomen but are still so ugly.
What do you mean?
Because of their attitude, theway they carry themselves.
And if you notice, the mostattractive people in the room
are the people that are thenicest.
(07:45):
Why do you think you hear?
Sometimes you say somebody grewon me.
They grow on you, depending ontheir character and what you
define to be nice or to havegood character.
Right, they grow on you becauseit's not so much about the look
, but it's about how they treatyou.
It's about how you feel whenyou are around them and what is
(08:05):
it about what you are feeling?
That is healthy versusunhealthy, all right.
So you really got to understandthat, in order to prove what
the will of God is, your mindmust be transformed.
You must be transformed by therenewing of your mind.
Let the spirit continue to washyour mind.
Let the continue to bebrainwashed by the word of god
(08:28):
that will steer you away fromwhat's not good for you.
Listen, uh, programming fromamerica.
Media trauma and familytraditions have shaped many
people's type, and you know this.
You know this.
I love when people are, are,are quote-unquote outliers.
(08:49):
I love when people uh defy,defy culture.
I love it why?
Because it shows you it's.
It's not always systemic andand and and from uh deeper
rooted issues, as a lot ofpeople would love to think.
Why is a so-called black manwith a so-called white woman.
(09:11):
And the reason why I sayso-called, because I don't
believe in black and whitelabels.
They don't exist.
Black and white people don'texist.
That's for another conversation.
But the love is there.
If they're for each other,they're going to be with each
other.
If it's, if it's really healthy, it's going to be.
Listen, it does not matter aslong as it is male and female,
(09:35):
sayeth the Lord.
Male and female, do they loveeach other?
Are they there for each other?
Are they?
Are they sound?
Are they together as one unit?
Don't matter if, if it's ahispanic and a and a and a um
and an american, of of with ofafrican descent, or if it's a
(09:59):
caucasian man with an asianwoman, an asian man with a Asian
woman, an Asian man with aHispanic woman, it does not
matter.
It does not matter Because,again, this country, social
media and media, just in general, television celebrities, family
(10:21):
traditions have shaped manypeople's types.
30s family traditions haveshaped many people's types.
And just a side note, inhollywood there are certain
relationships that have beenformed for the sake of publicity
.
And when you think about it,it's how hollywood, hollywood, I
want to say hollyweird how theykind of shape the acceptance of
(10:43):
certain actors in certainmovies, in certain subjects, it
it leaks off because it's like,oh yeah, I can watch that
because she married to such andso and so, and that's just with
some, that's.
That's not to say that's work,that's with everybody.
But a lot of the publicrelationships, some of them are
are playing.
Some of them are playing.
Some of them are playing.
But I need you to understandwhat you call preference might
(11:07):
really be prejudice.
What you call preference mightreally be pain.
What you call preference mightbe pride disguised.
Has it ever dawned on you thatman, this man, you man I'm
talking to you man, you guy, whoonly like women of your
(11:32):
ethnicity because you have beenprogrammed to love your own
because of the oppressor, loveyour own because of the
oppressor Right?
Perhaps the Caucasian man wantsto stay with his Caucasian
(11:53):
woman or stay in his Caucasianethnicity because he has been
taught that or program that?
This is, this woman over hereis no good she's, she's a
chicken head, she's.
Everything in the book that isbeneath me Is that, and we know
for a fact that that's not whateverybody thinks.
We know that for a fact.
(12:14):
But there are some people whohave buried pain and buried
prejudices and call itpreference, pride in pride in
the flesh, pride in the color ofyour skin, and you missing out
and you keep on going throughthese broken, battered
relationships because you reallyare rejecting what God
(12:37):
potentially has for you.
You may be conforming toculture rather than God's
provision.
I'm saying that God provided.
Listen, god, listen, man.
Can I talk to the man for asecond, just for a quick second.
Listen, man.
(12:58):
The Lord gave women.
Women are beautiful, women areamazing.
I love my wife.
I do.
I love my wife.
There is nobody else for me, butthere are other women that he
has made for every other man,and the reason why I say that is
because I'm able to acknowledgea beautiful woman, another
beautiful woman.
I'm able to acknowledge that,and so in me acknowledging that,
(13:21):
as well as my wife couldacknowledge that there are other
many other handsome men, and Iknow that she only has eyes for
me, as I only have eyes for her.
But we, if we can notice thisand see this and see them in in
all shapes and sizes, then weknow for a fact that there is
(13:42):
somebody who is single, that ismade for that person, and they
don't have to come from the sameethnicity.
They don't even have to comefrom the same country, they
don't even have to come from.
Listen, it's a bag of Skittlesand I don't really know nobody I
don't know too many people whoeat Skittles and only pick out
(14:03):
the green ones and only pick outthe orange ones.
But except, you eat themtogether and there may be some
people that eat one at a time,but regardless you're going to
eat them all.
Yes, there is an acquired taste, but whichever one that I like,
guess what?
I like it, because you ain'tnone of them colors in that bag.
(14:25):
But you gotta be willing to.
You have to be willing tochoose provision over preference
.
All I'm saying, and again, it'snot to change your mind and
what you and what you like, it'sjust to open up your mind to
what god has for you, becausewhen you say I'm not doing that,
(14:48):
I'm not doing that, you'vealready shut yourself off from
what he would want to do in yourlife relationship.
Wise, you've already shut himoff.
Yeah, well, I wanted to give youwhat, if, what have you?
Uh, american woman of africandescent?
What if he wanted you to havean asian man?
What if he wanted you to bewith the caucasian man.
(15:10):
What if he wanted you with,with with a uh uh, uh uh, with
the, with the, with the chineseman?
What if he did?
You gonna say no because ofculture and the stigmatism that
comes with chinese men and asianmen of other culture, japanese
man, whatever it is, are yougonna say no?
If that's what the lordhandpicked for you, he's gonna
(15:32):
treat you right, he gonna loveyou right, he gonna do, he gonna
do you right.
But or you rather have tyrone,you rather have jaleel, you
rather have cortez, you ratherhave quinerius, you rather you
rather have john, john, I'm justtrying to make up different
(15:53):
names.
I can't even make, but you knowwhat I'm saying.
And not even just that.
But but like even others, likeif somebody sticks to one
specific other ethnicity, likean American of African descent
male who says I only date Asianwomen, it's the same thing.
You can't just, don't just limityourself there, because you are
(16:15):
possibly cutting off theprovision that God has for you.
Proverbs, chapter 19,.
Verse 21 says many plans are ina person's heart, but the
advice of the Lord, but it isthe purpose of the Lord that
will always stand.
But the advice of the Lord willstand.
You can have all thepreferences you want, but if
(16:35):
they are not surrendered to theLord, you will miss his
provision.
I'm saying, all I'm saying isthat you'll miss it.
I'm not trying to again, I'm nottrying to convince anybody to
date outside what you have anappetite for, but I'm saying
that, very well, what you mighthave an appetite for may very
(16:58):
well not be for you.
It just might not be very wellnot be for you, it just might
not be.
And that doesn't mean you adaptto their culture or they adapt
to your culture, because whenyou find somebody that is in
Christ, anyway that is yourculture.
So nobody's culture is going towin.
(17:18):
And even though you getpermission from a father and you
pay your respects to the fatherby asking permission to marry
and meeting the family and allof that, that just.
And if you don't do what, youdon't like what they do, and she
and and the other vice versa,and she doesn't like what they
do on his side, it doesn'tmatter, because those are not
(17:40):
going to be your cultures.
Anyway.
Nobody said you had to staythere, right?
Because again, if you I don'tand I'm really, and I'm really
speaking to believers you canapply this to your life If
you're not a believer.
If you're listening and you'vemade it this far, god bless you.
Thank you for being here, butI'm really talking to believers,
because that's where all ofthat stuff gets left out anyway.
(18:08):
Right, god never told us tomarry within an ethnic box.
The Lord never says this in theWord.
But he did instruct us to beequally yoked in faith, even in
the Old Testament.
When they were to get married,they were only supposed to stay
not within their ethnicity butwithin their faith, because the
(18:28):
others, other nations, wereserving other gods, such as
Samson, who wanted the womanfrom Timnah.
That was a tribe that was inBabylon.
He was not supposed to marrywith her.
And you see how much drama hegot into, got her killed, got
her dad killed, got, and then hegoes back and he kills a lot of
(18:51):
people and he sets the crops onfire.
He does a lot of stuff.
He raises hell because of hishell, his rebellion, that he did
not keep the law.
He he didn't keep what the wordwas for his life because his
life was prophesied over and heliterally went against the word
because of someone.
(19:12):
That was his preference but wasnot his provision.
Provision is found in obedience.
You have to ask yourself againwho programmed me?
Why do I like this?
Why do I like and watch this?
Your preference has to alwayssupersede your preference is and
(19:35):
this is what will cause you tocheck your preference because
you have to think to yourselfand ask yourself this question
who programmed me to like thisand what?
Why am I setting this as aqualification?
Because I know a lot of guys.
I had conversation with men andthey will say that that's just.
(19:57):
I just got to be with a sisterbro.
I just got to be with a sisterbro.
I, I, I just got to be with asister bro.
I just want me a good sister.
I want me a good.
I always want me a good, thicksister.
But first of all, time out, youjust said thick.
Why?
Where did you develop yourdefinition of love and
attraction?
Is it love at first sight?
That's a lie.
I think love at first sight isthe devil, honestly, because
(20:23):
just because you see somethingdon't mean that it's for you.
I think that love at firstsight is equivalent to eve in
the garden having a conversationwith satan and longing for
something that she knows she'snot supposed to touch.
The reason why I say it'sequivalent is because when you
(20:43):
say love at first sight, oh,it's something that I'm, you be
instantly.
You don't even know him, you'reinfatuated with the look.
Well, you don't know she couldbe hell bro.
You don't know that man is.
That man is is a walkingmistake for you not saying he's
a mistake, but for you he is atreacherous future baby daddy.
(21:07):
But you like him because yousaid, oh, I loved him when I
first saw.
That's a lie.
It's the death, that's thedevil talking through you,
talking to you, to say, oh, Ilike, I like, it's almost like a
cartoon character.
When you see something,something like the Mask.
When you saw the girl, his eyes, like when he was the Mask with
(21:28):
Jim Carrey, his eyes got bigand his tongue came out his
mouth and you know all thelittle different things he did.
Even when cartoon characters,they see something like that and
it's like why?
Because I'm attracted to what Isee.
I don't even know what thatcomes with.
You don't even know what itcomes with, but you like it
because you've seen it andthat's how we know that.
(21:50):
That is one of the three, whatI call the big three, the big
three ingredients to sin thelust of the eyes, the lust of
the flesh and the boastful prideof life.
And that's what?
The lust of the eyes, I likewhat I see, I'm longing for what
I see, it turns me on, I likeit.
(22:11):
The man says oh she thick, ohshe bowled, oh man, she bad, got
a hair.
I don't even care if that's herhair or not, right, and then
they build these stigmatisms andthe and the preference around
other ethnicities that are lesslikely to do what.
The American of African descentwoman.
(22:32):
I'm going to find another wayto say that, because I know
that's crazy.
I'm basically saying anAfrican-American woman, but I'm
trying to find another way tosay it, because technically,
you're not African, you'reAmerican.
That's why I leave withAmerican, and I know somebody's
like oh, he's so twisted he, hismind is so messed up.
I guess it is, but I'm married.
I ain't the one single you are,don't?
I'm trying to help you, though,because even with me, I had to
(22:55):
understand like and my wifeknows this, my wife is, she's a
beautiful woman, but she was notmy preference.
I had a thing for light-skinnedwomen, light-skinned young
ladies.
You know, I'm saying like thatwas a type.
(23:17):
And then Guess what?
My type kind of stem from mydad, because my dad married my
mom who was light skinned, andthen my dad got married a second
time after his divorce and shewas light skinned.
(23:38):
So, and guess what, they wereboth short.
My dad's like right at six feettall, maybe 5'11", six feet,
right there, I'm six feet.
And my wife is like right atfive something.
I think she like right 5'1",5'2", something like that, 5'3"
(23:58):
maybe.
I don't know, I don't even knowher height, I just know she's
like here me, but that was mytype, like she had the height
and it and it really didn't eventhe height, didn't even matter.
I'm one of those guys.
I was called an outlier, rightwe was having this conversation
with others at the table.
I was called an outlier becauseI really I had a preference,
(24:19):
but I didn't have a preferenceright.
I had like super pretty, super,just, super high-maintenance.
That was my type.
I had to understand that mytype was toxic because every
time I was with those particularyoung ladies they had a type.
(24:45):
See, I was the nice guy buttheir real type was the bone
thugs and harmony I'm sayingthey had.
They had a type of thugs likethat.
They wanted the thug but thenthey needed, like I was the
backup plan and for the mostpart, like the ones that I was
(25:06):
actually like, we had a title,we was together.
You know what I'm saying.
I was the boyfriend at thatschool but I would always be
getting played because they hadsome thug dude at another school
who played sports At least theydidn't disrespect me enough to
do it at the same school that Iknew of.
They had a type and I had a typeand I was getting hurt over and
(25:29):
over again.
I really did like have love forsome of these girls, like I
really, and I was loving hard.
You know I'm saying never beenintimate with any of them until
after high school, right, butbut I was developing something
and you don't have to give yourbody a way to get hurt.
Oh my, I hope y'all reallylisten.
(25:52):
You don't have to.
All you have to do is give yourmind, your soul, your heart and
have this idea that one day wewill get married.
Because that's how I was.
I had that idea, that was mymindset, but it didn't happen.
It didn't happen because Ifound out what was going on and
I would get hurt.
And I seen man my type, man mytype, hurts me every single time
(26:17):
, every single day.
It never felt so and that waslike, and that was no, no thing
against darker skinned women.
Because my wife is dark skin,right, american woman of African
descent, dark skin.
I love her, she's beautiful,that's that's.
That's that's she's, she's mine, right, I'm hers.
(26:39):
And it never meant that.
Oh, I didn't ever find anydark-skinned women attractive,
because I did, but I just didn'tgo for them because I just, I
just didn't, it just.
But if they, if they were forme, actually I was, I I did talk
to somebody that was darkerthan myself, a little darker
(27:01):
than myself, darker skincomplexion, mocha, right, and I
call them mocha, but it didn'twork out.
It didn't work out because oneone young lady, who's
upperclassman, she had a thingfor a thug guy and that was just
like since middle school.
(27:21):
So it was really no competing.
And then I messed that up insome ways, right, but I'm just
saying like there wasn't reallya preference, because I've been
with a Caucasian woman beforetrying to be in the relationship
(27:46):
, right, so there was no, I'mjust like, eh, but it wasn't
based off anything culturalized,but there was pressure due to
culture.
But when you want what you want, it doesn't matter what anybody
says.
I don't want to get stuck onthat too long, but you get what
I'm saying.
Like you have to ask yourselfthat question when did you
develop your definition of loveand attraction?
Is it biblical or is it basedon trauma and culture?
(28:06):
Psalm 139, verse 23 and 24,says search me, god, and know my
heart, put me to the test andknow my anxious thoughts and see
if there is any hurtful way inme and lead me in the
everlasting way.
Man, we're almost done.
(28:29):
I'm almost done because this ismarriage is not a requirement
for heaven.
I want you to know that too.
For the people who say I justcan't find, I can't find, I
can't find, I can't find, Idon't see, I don't see, I don't
see.
Even if I am looking outside ofculture, if I'm looking outside
(28:50):
of my preference, I don't.
Let me free you up.
Marriage is not a requirementfor heaven.
It is only a requirement tofulfill your earthly, it's only
a requirement to fulfill yourearthly, fleshly desire of being
with the other sex intimatelyengaging in close combat under
(29:20):
sheets.
Close combat under sheets iscrazy.
That like no fornication,regardless of what these crazy
weirdo preachers are saying.
Fake, false teachers are sayingright, no fornication is sin,
right.
And to avoid that is to keepyourself occupied, and to avoid
(29:44):
that is to keep yourselfoccupied.
Occupy yourself until he comes,until Jesus comes right.
But marriage is a gift.
Matthew 22, verse 30 says Forin the resurrection they neither
marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Again, marriage is a gift, nota guarantee.
(30:14):
Stop putting marriage on apedestal.
Stop putting marriage on apedestal of identity.
Stop feeling less than becauseyou're not married yet.
I don't care how old you are,don't do that, you're enough,
you got enough.
Jesus is everything, all allright, especially if it's based
on worldly standards.
Because that ain't how youjudge anything.
That ain't how you.
It's amazing how so many people, yeah, don't judge, don't judge
(30:34):
.
But yet you judge yourself inthe wrong way.
Your single life can stillglorify god.
In fact, paul argues that it isbetter for you to serve God
while you're single, because youdon't have to care for some of
the things of the world so thatyou may please your husband, or
you don't have to care for someof the things of the world so
that you may please your wife,right?
(30:54):
But if you do desire marriage,don't let worldly preferences
become a stronghold that keepsyou in cycles of singleness.
All right, your heart might beblocking what God is trying to
provide because your preferenceis louder than your obedience.
(31:16):
Be open to the unexpected waysGod provides love.
No, it's not through the samesex, but it's through his holy
image of Jesus and the church,his bride.
(31:39):
All right, so that's it for thisepisode, y'all.
I pray that you got some out ofthis.
I pray that you receive thiswith love.
No, I said a lot.
No, there was a lot to unpack,but I really want you to get
this.
I really want you to be patient.
I really want you to be bejoyful, because happiness is
(32:03):
wrapped in your joy, right?
There are sad times.
We all go through the rollercoaster of emotion, emotions in
our lives.
But when it comes to spouses,when it comes to husbands and
wives, listen, it'll come,listen, it'll come.
(32:33):
But I, I, I feel the power ofthe holy ghost when I tell you
his provision.
It may not come the way, in thecolor that you wanted it in, it
may not come in the ethnicitythat you wanted it in and and it
may not not even just that itmay not come in the ethnicity
that you wanted it in, and itmay not not even just that it
may not come in the time thatyou expected it to come in, all
right, so keep that in mindagain.
(32:55):
This is another episode of thesoul fuel podcast, the pit stop
for your soul to be fueled foryour journey in life, as you do
it with Christ.
Listen to join the SoulFuelfamily Just go to the Patreon
the link is down in thedescription Patreoncom forward
slash T-H-E-E SoulFuel,t-h-e-e-s-o-u-l-f-u-e-l.
(33:16):
The SoulFuel to support thechannel, support the podcast and
what we're doing.
We want to go bigger.
We want to go bigger.
We want to go greater.
We want to even start havinginterview and conversation in
conversational type interviewswith different guests of God
knows you know, people you maynot know and people you may know
(33:38):
, whatever God leads us to,because I'm definitely not
chasing celebrities.
I'm not chasing Christiancelebrities.
I'm not chasing Christiancelebrities.
I ain't chasing nobody foranything.
It's going to happen if ithappens.
So stay tuned.
I hope to see you next time,peace.
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