Navigating the Outer Monologue, Creativity, and Parenthood w/ Skyler Glordano

Episode Transcript
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Theme Song (00:05):
Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent / Trauma
disguised as comedy / TherapyRoulette: Consent to Vent / If
you dont have problems, thenyoure likely repressing sh*t
and you should find a therapist/ (Whos not me)

Michele Baci (00:19):
Hey, rouletters.
Welcome back. My name is MicheleBaci, and this is therapy
roulette consent to vent. It's anew week. It's a new weekend,
it's almost Halloween. And I'mexcited for it. We actually
decorated our house today,Thursday, the 28th. We have
decorated for Halloween and justin the nick of time, Joseph

(00:43):
strung up some lights andprogrammed them to flash, purple
and orange. And he 3d printed alittle miniature ghost, a bunch
of little ghosts to put on thelights. So it's a little spooky.
And a little like, party. Bernieman style. Fun lights everywhere

(01:05):
around our exterior of the home.
And it's so nice to have somefestivities. And honestly, just
light in general is it's feelinggood to have a little bit of
light going on in the house.
Better late than never right? Ihope we get trick or treaters. I

(01:26):
heard people don't really dothat anymore. Because the world
can be a terrible, herhorrifying, very scary place. So
maybe parents aren't lettingtheir kids go trick or treating
like they used to when I wasyoung. But here's hoping if we
flash, purple and orange lights,and you know, we dress up and
just like linger by the door allday. Maybe some kids will kabane

(01:49):
eat all this candy I bought. Ihope so. So just a little bit of
light news. Because my week hasbeen depressing as is the
pattern. The news feed on socialmedia has been very depressing.
A lot of death going on, makesme grateful that I'm alive and

(02:10):
actively trying my best to livemy best life. Although it's
really hard. And this isdefinitely not my best life. I
mean, mostly I'm going throughthe motions and running errands,
doing dishes. This is not mybest life. But I'm grateful to
be alive. And to hopefullylighten your day a little bit. I

(02:33):
will tell you the latest in mymedical news, I went to the
dermatologist. Thank you. It'sbeen a year had to go. And I've
had this like skin conditionflaring up all over my face
since about March 2020. And ithasn't gone away. So I wanted to

(02:56):
go the dermatologist just to dolike an annual checkup. But I
was telling her like, Hey, Ithink I have some kind of
rosacea going on on my face aswearing my mask, as I said this
and she's like, Oh, you need onyour forehead. And I was like,
now it's not on my forehead,it's on my nose, cheeks and
upper lip area. It's like in atea on my face where I wear the

(03:19):
mask. But I guess it's also onmy forehead just less so. So
anyway, she asked me what myroutine is for my skincare. And
I said, Well, it's pretty basic.
I wake up in the morning andlike, slap baby shampoo on my
face and rinse it off. Andthat's pretty much been my

(03:42):
routine, all pandemic because Idon't really go out. I'm working
from home. I go from like thesink, washing my face to my
desk. And that's my commute,which I'm grateful for. But I
don't put on moisturizer. Idon't put on sunscreen, like I
used to when I would drive anhour to work. So she wrote me a

(04:05):
little regime and she said thisis what you have to start doing
eju cleanser, serum,moisturizer, sunscreen, and she
seemed a little threatening whenshe was like you have to wear
sunscreen every day, regardlessof if I go outside or not. And I
don't know if she's targeting mebecause I'm very light skinned.

(04:26):
But I do think she's right. Imean, she's a dermatologist. She
knows you know, she'sprofessionally trained. But she
motioned to her open officewindow and she's like, see this
light coming in? If I'm in thislight for 15 seconds, 15
seconds. I want to be wearingsunscreen. And so I mean, I get

(04:48):
it because where I live now inLong Beach. It's like the heat.
It's like a hot hot sun whereverwe are in SoCal. So what I do go
outside like for breedingmoments of the day, the sun
bears down on me pretty hard.
And I do have my windows open.
And I do sit in front of acomputer all day. So that's blue
light snow. I'm wearingsunscreen as I spend my day

(05:11):
indoors and you can't convinceme that it's any more mad than
what I was doing before, whichwas doing almost nothing for my
skin. So, at age 30, maybe I'mtaking care of myself. Stay
tuned, we'll find out. I hopeyou wash your face and
moisturize because if you don'tmoisturize you're kinda like

(05:34):
kicking yourself in the but it'sit's good to moisturize and
worth some sunscreen to just doit. You don't want to get skin
cancer. Okay, this week's guest,He is a fellow podcaster he
hosts a audio drama called omegastar seven. And in the episode

(05:58):
we get into talking about hisbrief flirtation, I guess with
stand up comedy, he says like hetries it sometimes he doesn't
love it. And you know, I get it.
We talk about that and we talkabout his ADHD and being a
parent and just you know, getthrough the COVID as best we can

(06:19):
this this pandemic time. I wouldlike to welcome to the podcast,
Skyler Glordano

Theme Song (06:27):
guest interview / a friend for you / strangers whose
issues are relatable / guestinterview / They're the voice
that's new / this person hasproblems and they don't mind
discussing it, but they stillneed a therapist / (Whos not me)

Welcome back to therapy roulette. I'm here with
style. Skyler. Skyler Giordano.
He is a podcaster creator,producer of omega star seven.
It's a space opera drama. Checkit out. And he's also a
musician. Skylar, welcome to thepodcast,

Skyler Glordano (06:58):
Happy to be here

we are. We're getting over the fact that I
forgot to record the first 20minutes and now we're gonna jump
back in.

Okay, we can do this one better.

I know it. Yeah.
Speaking of like, why your brainneeds sleep and your body needs
rest. This is why

exactly right.
Please, please take time foryourself. Because you need it.

I'm so all over the place. Like I swear, I'm
almost a year into therapyroulette. I'm like, I have a
system. I know everything.
Clearly, you can never stoplearning.

There's always something that comes up and
you're like, how do I fix this?
How do I do this? And you have,I've learned more in podcasting
that I have, like, a lot of myfriends went to school for this
and I'm like, why don't you juststart a podcast and learn
everything that way. Every dayis a crash course in something.
I mean, I

I spend learning curve I

when I do the podcast and mega star seven I do
so you see the synthesizersbehind me and I do a lot of the
music before the show. Because Iwant to like fee I like I like
to build this the the narrativearound like the feel of the
music. And it's like a rockopera kind of thing. And I
actually and sometimes I'll playto what's like I'll listen back

(08:10):
and I'll play with it. And todayI just had to sit there and
because I had to go out and geta new interface because the one
I have now doesn't work with PConly works on my Mac. So I had
to like play. Oh, yeah, both PCand Mac. Yeah, my well I use my
to record I record in thebasement, because it's what it's
meant. And there's soundproofingeverywhere so it sounds way

(08:33):
better. I mean, these dynamicmics that I use our a lot of the
You Can it cuts out most roomnoise but uh, I like even it's
even quieter down there. Anddown there. I use my wife's Mac
for line just I just get the theaudio and I send it over to my
PC to work on. Because I spent alot of money on this PC and I
have to feel like I wastedmoney.

I'm kind of jealous. You have a basement?
They don't have basements inCalifornia.

Yeah, when I was in San Francisco, I noticed
that it's I mean, because of theyou know, flooding, storms and
stuff. I mean, I hate mybasement though, because it
floods all the time. And about,it's gross. And I had the cat I
have cats and that's what ourlitter boxes are and just smell.
And it's not furnished either.
It's like, you know, it's notfinished whatsoever. It's all

(09:22):
slate walls. So if it's stormingreally bad out there, though,
like it'll be like waterfallscoming out of the wall. When
you're down there. You can hearit. It's it's basements have
their own issues, unfortunately.

Does this motivate you to record all these
environment factors?

Yes. It makes me want to get out of it as
quickly as possible. So yeah,that's something I'm down there.
And I'm like, let's just, let'sget it over with and we can go
upstairs and drink. So.

Yeah. So we were talking about your ADHD Yes, and
your motivation for sleep. omegastar sevens. You want to tell us
how those two connects your ADHDpodcast? Yes.

So I live my life like a Venn diagram. And I
find everything I like to do orin or am good at. Because not
all those things don't alwaysoverlap. And I, when I first did
omega star seven, I last year, Iwanted to do like an audio
drama. That was also an actualplay, you know, tabletop game.

(10:28):
And I realized that I didn't Ilike the role playing factors of
tabletop games, because youknow, you're like, you're
improving and I didn't like theactual like running the game
while also being recorded.
Because if you listen back tothese old episodes, they're just
me. Just like what I'm doingright now. I'm just can't get

(10:50):
what I want to say out and

like, surely episodes, yeah, like

the first a, I mean, it gets a lot better,
because we just kind of likesaid, you know, we got four
hours, let's just take it slow.
Yeah, we did. There's a wholeeffect and do on the behind the
scenes of actual play games. ButI realized that I like telling a
story. And I always have been.
And so going back to where, likehow the two affect each other is

(11:18):
living with ADHD. As I said, Isaid before, we didn't realize
we were recording. It's notmedically accurate. But I think
apt to say that, at least in myexperience, ADHD is like the
perception of schizophrenia. Youhear voices, but instead of it
being random voices, it's yourvoices just talking to yourself,
and you can't get to shut up.
Yeah. And I like thisassumption. I've never heard I

(11:40):
think it makes sense. I mean,like, I think like, ADHD is like
a blanket, it has a little bitof everything, like, a lot of my
friends are on the spectrum. AndI can see a lot of similarities
between like, you know, they Ialways say issues, because I
think everything is also I thinka lot of things are also
positive. But I think a lot ofwhat they deal with, I also deal
with or like schizophrenia, Ideal with like these loud

(12:03):
voices, you can't focus onanything, but the voices, and I
get that and I sound the same,obviously. But, you know, I feel
like ADHD has a little bit ofeverything, which is why it's
like one of the mostmisdiagnosed of all the I think
it's one of the mostmisdiagnosed because I you know,
growing up every kid had ADHD,or add or whatever. And so they

(12:24):
just threw pills at kids. Youknow, like, when we were kids,
they would just throw pills,right? Be like, how about
Zoloft? How about Adderall? Howabout Concerta and all this
stuff. And they just, it reallymessed up an entire generation
of kids. Yeah. I don't wanna gettoo depressing here. But Edie?
So I have a lot of passions. Anda lot of the passions are like

(12:47):
music, and telling stories andhanging out with my friends. And
just kind of like making it likeimproving and playing playing
games and watching movies. So Iwas like, Where do all of these
things meet? At first, I thoughtwell do an actual play podcast.
And then I realized I didn't. Ididn't like the editing down
three hours of audio to an hour.

(13:10):
So when

you started, it was scripted.

It was not scripted. It was a it was just
like it is now except there's nogameplay elements. Like there's
no role for this role for that.
Now. It's just, it's just fullstory now. And now it's like, I
think it moves a lot easierrecordings a lot easier, because
we just kind of sit because it'simprov. We don't script it. We
script a few little things. Butnow it's like, we sit down in

(13:34):
the room. And I, you know, I'llsay okay, this scene right here,
this is what's going to happen.
I'll have like scene notes. Andthen we'll just say let's him
let's just improv it. And Iactually got that from I don't
know if you're familiar with thethe Thor Ragnarok that movie
from the Marvel. No,

I'm actually really bad at Marvel. So

that's okay.
And because it's, it's reallybad. It's

probably the only person listening who doesn't
know what you're talking about.

I listen, like I I'm, I'm in and out of love of
Marvel all the time. Like someof its really good. Some of its
really like, yeah, like, it'sall it's all. It's all
watchable. But it's not allgreat for Ragnarok. Particular
Taika Waititi is the director ofthat movie and take a TT did
What We Do In The Shadows andJoJo rabbits. Oh, yeah. A lot of

(14:27):
these like, dark comedy movies.

Jojo Rabbit was so good.

I love that movie. I saw it in theater. I
just I was like, I want to seethis. Yeah, it's like it's like
Inglorious Basterds without theviolence. I like that. Like, you
know, has the it's, I don'tknow, but

how do you find sympathy for Nazi children? Jojo
rabbit.

Exactly. Well, you gotta realize like those
kids have, they didn't theydidn't know I was going, you
know. And being a parent myself.
I you know, I get like, youknow, if your parents are Nazis,
and it's the one person you lookup to as your parents. So when
you're like three or four yearsold, or five or six You only
look up to one person. So ifyour parents are, you know, not
evil as good as you might be tolike, and or you can be like the

(15:06):
opposite. It's it's a crapshootwith kids. But Uh huh.

Yeah, you either, like idolize that parent for a
long time, or you want to be thetotal opposite 550

your life. But I that meant that if your wife
was shoujo rabbit, it was somehard parts to watch. But I think
it's a it's a very, it's a verygood movie, but Tyco ytt. When
they did Thor Ragnarok, whatthey did was, what he did was,
he wrote this the narrative. Andthen ever a lot of the scenes
were improvised. I watched thebehind the scenes, and they

(15:42):
improvised a lot of that movie,to make it seem like it was
like, more grounded and likerelatable. And you can really
feel it when you watch the moviethat they're always having a
good time. And I just in mypodcasts, I try to echo that.
And that's kind of like goesback to like, why I do it is
because like, at the end of theday, it's fun to do. And if,

(16:03):
when I when I record it, or whenI edit it, I'm laughing the
whole time. So the bits and thegags we're doing and like, if it
wasn't fun to do, I wouldn't doit. That's kind of my thing. So
like, yeah, it can be hard todo, but not all. Not all. Not
all hard. Things are bad.

Yeah. I mean, there's some rewards. You're
like digging out of all the hardwork. Exactly. And you were
accomplishing you were tellingme and I don't want to make you
retell the whole story. But youwere telling me you started
omega star seven in 2020. Yes.
And cool to look back at like,Oh, look at what I did in 2020.

Yeah, like toy you know, we don't have to get
into COVID too much. But can wedid last

COVID still out there. We're not gonna get into
it.

Wear your mask if you need to get vaccinated if
you can, but uh yeah, lookingback and 2020 It's like I did
everything I could not to thinkabout 2020 I was out of work for
two months. I you know, and theycall me back. Honestly, I wish I
worked harder. During the timesI was off work. I wish I would

(17:08):
have went way harder becauselike right now on the podcast on
on on Twitch streaming podcast,because the podcast that
happened after I went back towork, I wish I had the concept
for omega star seven. But itcouldn't have been done then
because of the fact that we haveto do it in person. And we I
didn't see anyone for like twomonths. So like, Yeah, except

(17:29):
for my family. And they're stillfiguring that out. So like, I'm
glad it happened when it did butum, cuz you're gonna we tried to
do it online and it did not didnot fly. It was not working.

So is that just because of the improv element
you think?

The improv element like I think like, I
hear a lot. And this is thismight be a personal thing. But
you know, I might go out I mightgo on record to say that. You
can always I think there's ahigher quality to improv done in
person versus over a zoom call.
And that could be Oh, yeah.
Could like his like when youlisten to like these, like,

(18:02):
tabletop, like tabletoppodcasts. What you hear is like
this, those like, little bits oflike, cut out, like, oh, this
person so like this, I saidsomething to you. And then
there's like a space. And thatthrows off the comedic timing.
There's a lag. Yeah, like, youknow, cuz they say like three
dry it's a dry swallow or threeseconds. Yeah, I mean, for for a

(18:24):
joke for a punch line. That'snot always true. But uh, that's
like the That's it. That's agood run. I'm editing my
podcast. I'm moving dialoguearound, I'll sit there and count
to three. Just to get the timingof the jokes. Right. But uh,
okay. But yeah, I mean, like, Ithank you, like, it couldn't
have been done during thebeginning of COVID. And when it
opened back up, you know, wewere all very safe about as we

(18:46):
could be, and we, you know, wecan't I said, like, listen, they
say, we could have six people orless in the house in a small
environment. So I said, like,you know, me and for friends.
That's it in my basement. Wewear masks when we're, when
we're around the table. We allwear masks. We have microphones,
but when you're up walkingaround, where your masks are, we

(19:08):
go outside, and we stand apart.
We did we did we did, we did thebest we could. And it's

like being conscious of it and try we have
you know, kind of lay like houserules down.

Yeah. And if there was that if anyone had any
symptoms of any kind, it wasn'tjust fever. If you have a cough,
don't let's just call it for theweekend, because we weren't like
we have to record let's just geta bunch of episodes together.
And then when it's done, we'llput it out. Mm hmm. So, and then
things started lifting up in,you know, early 20, late 2020.
And then it all kind of fellapart the podcast cuz I had I

(19:38):
had a second kid. Not mepersonally, my wife but uh, you
were involved. I was I wasinvolved. But uh, so yeah, I
mean, I was not going becauselike, I felt like 2020 And I'm
not going to go off and be likeone of those weird people who
said it's a good thing, becauseit was not a good thing, but uh,
but like to take her out of it.
came out of it. Yeah, you're oncredit for it. Yeah. I think a

(20:01):
lot of good stuff came out in2020 that I think a lot of us
looking back podcasts gotstarted, passions got found,
like that stuff that might havenever happened, like you saw
like an entire increase inpodcasting.

And I have started a podcast, probably not without
the pandemic need, you

need a reason to do something. And for me, I
Twitch streamed for i i Twitchstream to the Mass Effect
trilogy in its entirety, whichis about 120 hours of gameplay,
if you do everything over allthree games, and that ended
around May, so all of April, Idid that game. And then it

(20:43):
ended. So four hours a night, 30days, seven days a week.

And that's that's what you were saying you want to
do more of?

Well, I learned that I liked talking. I liked
because I've I've been amusician. So I've always been a
performer. But I found that Icould. I liked the broadcasting
elements of Twitch I liked. Iliked that you were putting on a
show. And I liked it to improv.
Like you got to keep peopleinterested. So you learn to talk
to yourself, you learn to dothings that you're you learn

(21:11):
from like improv one on one orcomedy one to one you learn. You
have to have an internaldialogue just to you have to
bounce stuff off yourself andyou learn it. And I think like,
if it wasn't for those first twomonths, I wouldn't have done
anything like I'm doing now Iwould have kept trying to be a
musician. And I was up untilabout a few I still am obviously

(21:31):
but I was a performing musicianwith all your instruments behind
you. Yeah, like I was aperforming musician. Up until
like, two months ago. And thenlike, the band like I love this
band. Yeah. But uh, they theywere like, we don't really so I
was a harsh vocalist for theband. I do a lot of harsh

(21:52):
vocals, screaming and whatnot.
Metal like metal. So I was in Iwas in two bands. I've been a
lot of bands, but I was in tolike know it at least relatively
noteworthy for me. Like I wouldsay I was in a band called
Persona gray. That was in 2017.
Up until like, 2019. We werelike synth wave and metal core.
And we were like a just a funmixture. And that bands, that

(22:16):
band kind of fell apart becauseit was impossible to play that
stuff live.

I like the name persona gray. It's

cool. Yeah, our guitarist was like, How about
persona gray. And we're like, Iall we all we were all like,
we're into it. Yeah. And Ijoined a band called bottom
shelf. And that's the band we'retalking about is it was a six
piece band. And they just wantedme to scream. And I'd sit I sat
I was in the car with aguitarist, were my best friends.
And I was like, because therewas a singer. Her name is Lexi.

(22:45):
And she's phenomenal at singing.
And I was like, I'm just goingto be in this band until you
guys don't need me anymorebecause you don't need me. And
sure enough, about like, eightmonths into and maybe six months
into doing I joined the bandOctober and around June July
they call I got a call and theywere like, Yeah, I think like we
like because I was doing sensefor them to I write synthesizers

(23:07):
for the music but like, they'relike, you know, they're like, we
don't we don't really want ascreamer. Like we want Lexi to
scream. And I was like, I mean,she can and I was like you
should like, like, there's noreason to hold on to it. Like I
didn't like, they made it in theconversation. They were like,
try real hard to make it likeit's not personal. Like, I never
took it that way. Like yeah,just like you guys have a

(23:30):
vision. Like, yeah, I'm like,like, I need you guys to get the
confidence. I was on a couplesongs. And that was good enough
for me. I mean, like, I'm happythat they're continuing on.
Like, I'm happy. They they, theykind of found direction because
like you want to see yourfriends succeed. And, and I
knew, like I remember there wasright after I got that call. I

(23:51):
sat down and I looked at myDiscord. And I said I have I
have a group chat with all theseideas for omega star seven. With
people I had been having aconversation with the other two
actors about when to start. AndI sat down looked at my Discord.
And because I was sitting righthere, right here, having this
conversation I look over, I justsay, alright, let's next

(24:13):
weekend, and then that was it. Ijust, I said I'm done with the
music because I'm doneperforming music. I mean, at
least in a band setting like I'mokay. Like if we were to do like
the music of omega star sevenlive or like someone need me to
fill in, I'd love to do thatkind of stuff. But like being in
a band and nightmare, or someonelistening who wants to be in a

(24:34):
band, don't do it. Just don'treally like it's if you're
hanging out with your friendsand jamming and you're like,
let's go play. Let's go play ashow. Let's go play. That's
fine. But like when you sit downand try to make a band, you will
lose all of your friends. Likeyour you will have three best
friends in the band. And by theend of it, they will never want
to talk to each other again.

(24:56):
Like it's too much like workit's pressure and like you it's
So it's so it's so hard to dealwith that kind of stuff like,
and it's hard. I mean, it's likeit but it's it's like
podcasting, too. But I findpodcasting rewarding because I
don't have to leave my house todo

it. Yeah. And you can kind of set your own
schedule and yeah, I

mean, like you asked me in our in our in our
test run. Yeah. You asked melike, how do I balance
everything and I say I don't,it's a lot easier to balance or
like, you know, have pretend abit to balance. So say ice cream
truck

that is my neighborhood ice cream truck
they Blau my God. It's reallygood ice cream. I can see why
they

Oh my god. I was like, I hear ice good. I was
probably back in Australia. Butya know, like being in a band
and having a family. Like havinga band and having a family and
not being an established band.
You almost have to look at like,it's a hobby, because if you
don't, you're being a badparent. I mean, like, honestly,

(25:59):
you have to prioritize it costso much money to be in a band
like, like, I can just name offtop my head if you want to get a
merch. Rondon is like $500 for100 shirts of decent quality and
like, recording persona Gray'salbum ran us like three to five
grand that was five songs forthree to $5,000 Hmm. And like I

(26:19):
you know, this is right before Ihad kids. So I lucked out. But
like, they asked me if I had mylike, son, I had my son very
shortly after I was like, guys,like no way. I'm like giving you
$900 When I just had a baby, youknow? What podcasting? It's the
only thing you're investing inis your time. Mm hmm. You know,

(26:42):
because like, and you could getbetter gear and I do have better
gear than I did when I startedbut like easiest to get the
equipment. Yeah, I mean, likethe equipment's the hardest
part. But like, I hear I hearpeople asking all the time in
the audio drama forums, how do Istart? How do I start? I'm like,
you just start. Yeah, yeah, youjust start like, and I was
freaking out.

By far the hardest part. Yeah, and

exactly. So like the first I feel the weeks,
the days leading up to the firstepisode recording of a megastar
seven the new season. I wentthrough eight different ways
that how we can record it. Howabout we do like an Eric Andre,
in space talk show, or like, andthen we went to like, what if we
did like this or like that. Andthen one of my friends was like,

(27:27):
Dude, this is ADHD talking mejust like, what are we doing
this way? That way, this way?
And my friend was like, Dude, Ithink it was Joe. He's like, how
can we just stick to the firstidea and see how it goes? And I
was like, I was like, You'reright. And then I still had
those thoughts. But then thefirst day recorded and all fell
into place and podcast, youknow, that's, that's for
everybody. Like, how do I do it?
Just do it. Yeah, just, I mean,I, a friend of mine at work was

(27:50):
like, you know, someone oncesaid, You always throw away the
first chapter of your book,because you learn that all the
stuff you feel like you need tosay doesn't need to be said. And
it's the same with podcasting ifyou just do an episode. And if
it comes out good use it. If itdoesn't, at least you did it,
you know, I mean, and then youlearn how to do it. Yeah. Like,
I feel like it's always good tohave a test run.

Like I think with my podcast, I'm proud of
everything. I think it's allbeen Yeah, the best it could be
along the way. It's a goodconcept to like, definitely.
Therapy. Thank you. It'sdefinitely improved over time.
Just like audio quality wise,like, my own. My own like
production schedule hasimproved. Except for today.
Without recording mishap. It'susually pretty smooth.

No, that's, that's again, like I was I'm
glad I get to be the one thatlearn a little bit about Yeah.

easygoing about it. But that's the thing. It's
like, you start you have to getout of your own head and start
the project. You want to start?

Yeah, no, and yeah, it that's you said it
perfectly. I had there's youjust have to do it. Like there's
usually like you psych yourselfout. You never do stuff like
that's I've lived my entire lifelike that, like everyone's like,
and yeah, like it's, it's thesame with music like we are
persona grassfire we have fiveso it's eight songs out plus a

(29:07):
cover of trippy red, which isfun. But we have five others are
three other songs from a fivesong EP, they're just sitting
there. And now it's been too toolong. We're like, I'm not we're
not putting those out. And butwe just like yourselves out
about the about the why we stillmight but uh, we psych ourselves
out about the production of it.
We're like, it doesn't soundperfect. I'm like, Who gives a
shit? I'm like, you could likethey're like, everyone gets

(29:31):
stuck on this one. Like, like, Ihave this big idea. And I'm
like,

so I wonder how you manage this with ADHD
because my boyfriend is ADHD.
He's very creative, but it seemslike for all of the ideas, he
talks about only a few of themtranspire. So like, how do you
tell yourself this is the ideaI'm going to make a tangible
thing.

I'm trying to think back so like there was
definitely a time when I wouldoverthink Everything in it
wouldn't go out. So like, oh, Iwant to do this. And if I just
get this, if I just get this andthis and this, it'll be perfect.
And then I wouldn't do it. I'mjust trying to there's there was
a time a camera when it was,

well, even with your example of the eight
different ways to record Omegaseven, it's like you could get
hung up on like, which of theeight different ways is the
right way to do it? Until yourfriend was like, let's just do
one?

I think that's the answer. You need someone
else that you trust to tell youwhat to do. I think you need
someone to be like, dude, like,you need someone who's honest.
Like, if if I build something,and my friends, like, that looks
horrible. Okay, I'll believe youknow, I'm not saying be mean to
your friends, I'm saying Behonest with your friends. You

(30:45):
know, be nicely honest with yourfriends. But um, but if I if I
do something, and someone'slike, that's a good idea. You
just have to trust them. You gotto get out of your own head. And

any should take that a suggestion that
compliment when you can, becauseit doesn't go very frequently.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it's, it's so like,
dealing with ADHD is very hard.
And I feel like I'm not sure ifit was like a growing up thing,
or was like some kind ofmiraculous moment where things
just kind of locked into place.
About how because I, ever sincethis, like this proverbial
moment that I'm talking aboutthat. I cannot recall what it
was. Like, that's mysteriouslike that. But um, I just made

(31:25):
one about my wife. I don't know.
I just realized that like, itdoesn't matter. Women are very
influential. He or she hasdefinitely pushed me to do
things better than anyone else.
I've been around friends family,there's just like, there's just
a moment. Like, you kind of haveto just do it. Like, I feel like
I'm just talking in circles, butit's ADHD.

Yeah, but it's like, what what's your first
step? Go do that first step.

Yeah. Like, like, and like I said,
podcasting. You just have torecord. Mm hmm. You might throw
it away. You might keep it youmight. But like, I think here's
what it is.

I think so telling telling a few people you record
it, then they can ask you later.
Hey, when does it come out?

Yeah, I mean, I think when it comes to
specifically podcasting, I'llsay the one thing that has
helped, helped me Ah, listeningback to yourself. That's the
hardest thing that a podcasterhas to do. Because you like you,
it's like, it opens your eyes.
Because it's like a, it's ablueprint of you as a person.

(32:28):
And while you have to like,you're like, you see yourself
you see the mannerisms you see,like, you learn a lot about
yourself through podcasting. AndI saw like a Twitter post a
Twitter question. Yeah. Allthese all these podcasting
platforms, like just post randomquestions as the algorithm and
what that's all about, I find itfunny. But uh, they're all one

(32:50):
was like, you know, do youlisten yourself back? And
everyone's like, No, I hate howI sound and I'm like, you know,
don't don't you need that selfawareness to like, be a better I
think you need self awareness tobe a better person

I share. Yeah, I

think you need to understand because like, we
all know these nice people. Butare they really nice? My in laws
are great people, but holy shit.
Do they say and do some, like,not horrible things, but like
stuff that you'd be like, Whatthe hell like?

Yeah. He's not as self aware as us. Yeah,

I think like, you have to look yourself in the
mirror and be like, so like,what do I need to fix about
myself? Because, like, I don'tknow, everyone's like, You
people don't change, peopledon't change. And it's like, and
this is ADHD is like, you know,looking at me with ADHD is like
a 10 year old versus a 28 yearold like I am now. You know,
it's like, I used to not likeeating a certain food but now I

(33:44):
like I used to hate hard boiledeggs. And now I love my favorite
food in the world. And that's achange right there. I mean, you
just kind of to hold on to whatyou're doing solely ADHD. Like,
I don't take medication. And notat all. Not at all. I did for a
very long time.

I didn't know that was possible to to have ADHD is
horrible. It might impair onyour like productivity, right
without medication.

My productivity was never a problem. It was my
creativity. Like I was a wellnot No, I That's it. There were
so I was first on Adderall. Thatone was a That one hurt my
productivity.

Adderall was always like the popular thing.
Yeah,

like, by the end of it Yes. Adderall like
that was like they're like well,this is a new drug Adderall try
this and I was just like, allthe time. Some people were like,
you could focus better but likeyou just have I had no like, I'm
to go do stuff and then they'relike, put me on some like I have
made depression as well. Right.
And they put me on. i It's beenso long here but what they were

(34:51):
I know what I ended up I knowwhat my last dosage was, but
ever before like, I know, I wason Adderall for a while and they
just kept like taking ConcertaGoing up and down with it and
Zoloft and up and down with itand antidepressant. Concerta is
the the and is the focusingmedicine. Okay. And they gave me
by the end of it. I was 1617years old. I was taking 72

(35:15):
milligrams of Concerta and 200milligrams of Zoloft. Oh

my god, this just I mean, I have not a lot of
personal experience with this,but that seems like a high
dosage.

It was so high that I remember the therapist,
there's not the psychiatristbeing like, like they get they
had like the teeth. I was likethis. He's like, let's try this.
And I was like, What am I gonnado? Like I felt I felt like a
guinea pig. And I was like, and,again, less like

hydrous is gritty and dairy. It's like, is this a
good sign?

Yeah, like it was. I remember like, just that
really stuck with me. This isthe now that was I was on that
for a couple years. I rememberit was early or late middle
school, early high school, and Iwent I went on that and like, I
17 I think 17 My senior year, Isaid, I'm done. I'm just I
stopped taking No, I'm justdone. And I like in this

(36:12):
experience, because the nextthree years of my life, I didn't
know who I was. Because I neverbecause I was very religious
about taking my medication. Ithought it made me a better
person. I thought it made mefocus better. I thought he would
like me more.

And well last year prescribed so you're like, This
is what I'm supposed to do.
Right?

Yeah, it felt like it was it was a normal and
natural thing that people haveto go through. So and I'll know
like maybe if I had less Zoloftand Concerta I knew who I going
off. I bet I knew who I wasbetter. But I was on so much. It
was like I was a differentperson.

Yeah, like, of course because it's changing
your your brain.

Yeah, like, and for years, I had to like I had
to like find who I was like itwas it was a night it was like a
I always say like, end of highschool to what I met my wife was
a constant nightmare.

Was this on? Both ADHD and answer depressed?

Yeah. Cuz like i The pression thing is like,
I'm not sad very often. I mean,I get like, I get the mood
swings the anger sometimes. Butmostly, it's like, I have this.
Like laziness. Like I just like,I wouldn't call it laziness,

(37:28):
like that's what people view itas. But it's more like, like
sloth like behavior. Like, itfeels like you're catatonic but
like your brain is going 1000miles an hour. So you want to
move. But your body's notletting you do stuff. And I
still deal with that. Every dayI get up, I get up for work
every day. 7am I'm just like, Ijust get my phone out. I scroll

(37:49):
my phone until I feel like Ifeel like a lot of people deal
with that. But like I wouldrather have I'd rather deal with
that every day for half an hourthan like live like how I had to
live. And again, a lot of thishappened when I was a kid. And I
think the mental illness isstill very, very misunderstood.
On all fronts, ADHD, autism,everything is totally

(38:13):
misunderstood, misdiagnosed, andlike mistreated all the time.
And a lot of people die from it.
Because you know, people findthat it's hard to live life with
mental illness.

Because it's not, it's not as understood as it
should be. It's not as like,it's not that easy to find the
solutions you're looking for. Itshould be easier. But in
America, we don't have time.

When I was a, I went to see a play with my Oh,
yeah, we have a playhouse inLancaster. And it's the Fulton
Opera House. And we went and sawBeauty and the Beast, right and
I always have is the play wasover. And everyone's stood up. I
remember feeling superoverwhelmed, and that it doesn't

(38:58):
everything felt very loud. Atthat very moment, I just kind of
had a panic attack. And my wifeunderstood this. And she kind of
gave me my space. I just have tolike, let's just leave, get in
the car, take a deep breath.
It'll be over my mother in law,this and again, I don't want to
I don't want to like make my myin laws feel bad. They're good
people, but I'm sure I don'tunderstand mental illness and

(39:19):
going back to like, not likemisunderstanding. She comes up
to me, puts her hands on myface, and just says Just relax.
And I'm like, What do you thinkI'm trying to do right now? And
like, I think ever the peoplewho are in control of the world
right now are people like that.

(39:41):
And they just they mentalillness has always been a thing
and it's some people like youknow, people who are control
this thing just get over it. Wedid I'm like no, you didn't look
at like look at your like, lookat your kids. Like I look I look
at my parents and like theirkids like because you know I
don't count as my parents kidslike, I am technically their

(40:03):
kid. But I was raised by mygrandparents. So really, my
mother and my father are like mysiblings. Because like, I know
it's a weird a weird dichotomyto have. But like, I call a mom
and dad, but like, theconversations we have are not
the kind of conversations youhave with your parents.

And are they younger, or just because they
didn't? My my,

my parents who are have been divorced since I
was a year old are in their mid40s. Okay, I'm almost I'm almost
30 Mm hmm. So, I was raised onmy grandparents who have always
treated like Mike, like myparents. And so, yeah, I mean,
it's just I think I look at howthey parent their kids now. And

(40:45):
like, my dad does a better jobthan my mom. Why if I had if I
had to, if I had if I had topick who's doing a better

job, everyone has their strengths, right.

But my grandparents were always very
progressive people, as you know,as good as like, because they're
not boomers, they were they werethe generation before. Hi, when
they're seven, they're they'realmost 80. Now, they've always
been progressive people. And sothey were like, medication,
we'll try it because this iswhat medication for this mental
illness was big. So they, they,they they did everything they
could to give me like the bestHeadstart that I could get. But

(41:17):
like, that's because they wantedme to be normal. I don't, I
don't, I don't fault. Mygrandparents. For this issue. I
fault like society as a whole.
That like, I don't know, I feellike there was a lot more of a
colorful place. When people aretreated the way they need to be
treated. There's there are manymental illnesses out there that
need medication, obviously, theyou know, and there's even ADHD,

(41:37):
some people need medication, butsome people just need a better
way to do things. You know, Iwas horrible in school, but I
was smart. And then I burnt outbecause I wasn't challenged
enough in the right ways. And Ithink like, it could take the
same amount of effort andexecution to like get kids with
ADHD or, you know, autism, and,you know, get them to learn.

(41:59):
There's better ways to like,teach them. And we don't do it
until now. Like my kid, jet. Heis four years old, and he is in
school. He's in preschool. Andwe were talking, I was like, I
we think we think you may haveADHD and

talking to the teacher or your wife.

Yeah, the teacher and she was like, the
teacher was like, you know, weshe, I wish I wish she said but
she was she was like, I was likehe can be hyperactive sometimes.
No, she said, I was like, he canact a little cray. I don't use
this word crazy. She's like weused to say I like to say hyper
while she's like, we like to sayhyperactive. Because we get it.

(42:40):
Like, I don't know, I think at28. I learned more through my
own methods than I ever did as akid. Because sitting in a
classroom, looking at a book. Ican't focus like I don't read
books, I listen to audio, Ilisten to audiobooks, because I
can't sit there and read, but Ican listen. So I you know, like,

(43:00):
How long until kids with ADHD?
Just get an audio book on theirphones? Because all kids have
phones now. And the teachersgive them an audio book of their
lesson.

Yeah, I think it's, it's something that
demands a lot of individualattention, which unfortunately,
we can't really do with like thecurrent school system.

I just have such a like, I know like, wife,
shameless. Unitised. Yeah, mywife wants to do like a, like a
half homeschool, half realschool thing, because there's
stuff from your stuff you need.
I believe a lot of kids needthat. That like, what you learn
in school isn't what you learn.
It's what you learn with otherpeople, like, you know, dealing

(43:42):
with other people is what youlearned in school. And that's
you can't teach that at home. Idon't care what anyone says.
It's a hard thing to deal with,unless you have like, five kids
and they have to deal with eachother. But I learned a lot about
social interaction in school andI never could have learned at
home.

Yeah, I think for me, school is much more about
like, this is how the socialworlds were Yes.

And there's no way to change it. Like you know,
like, we can't like Well, that'snot true. I think there's like a
primordial level of like, socialinteraction, that's never gonna
change. I'm not saying like yourstandard stuff that we all like,
rally against today. I'm talkingabout like, oh, this person
looks like that. And

so there's Yeah, like how to be embarrassed and
they're like,

like, I think that's important and like I
think we handle bullyingimproperly and not saying it
should be allowed I'm justsaying like, I think like, from
what this is when I was a kid, Idon't know how it's being
handled anymore. So I don't wantto speak you'll probably like
learn through your kids. I willI will learn soon enough I'm
sure cuz like he's been toschool twice. Now two days. He
was sick in the middle one. Andhe hasn't had any problems yet.

(44:46):
So I guess we're gonna find outbut again, he's in preschool
though. You know, all they wantto do is play. There's no social
cliques in preschool.

I don't know. I remember being I think I was
kind of a bully in preschool. Ifeel like it starts young.

It does start young I mean, like, there's
definitely like, oh, this kidslike taking Kranz and stuff, but
like,

my cubby, there, there,

there is some I care of called them perfectly.
So I'm not going to tell anystories, but like, I remember
like some really bad bullyingmoments. I don't want to like
Miss I don't want to like makeit sound worse than it was. But
when I was growing up, and I waslike, man, what's wrong with
these kids? Like, when I was akid, I was like, but then like,
I don't know, it's hard to saywho's a bully? Now we're gonna
get like a real philosophical.
Like, what is being a bully as abeing loud as it be? Is it

(45:31):
hurting people? Like,

yeah, I think I think I was a meaner child. And
then I got bullied and that Ihad a turnaround moment.

But were you meaner? Or were you just like
more outspoken and no one knewhow to direct that.

I was probably more aggressive. When I was
really my

son's super aggressive and like, he's such a
nice kid. Like, he's nice toother kids, but he will get up
in someone's face. And I'm like,Whoa, dude. What you're doing
seems mean. Like, I know, you'renot trying to be me. But you're
being mean. Yeah. I don't know.
It's

because you're like I was bossy. Sometimes. I
wanted to be the Yes, leader.

Well, I did, like I always wanted to be the
leader to like, I think it goesback to like, why I do what I
do. I always wanted to be takenseriously. Even if it's fun,
like, Oh, he's funny. But like,he's taken seriously about his
funniness. Like I want like, I'mlike, prestige or something
like, I want to feel higher onthe social ladder. I was kind of

(46:28):
a joke. Yeah, like, well, I feltlike that was a big motivator
for me. I'm not sure about howfor you. But like, I know, I
want to be a musician. Becausepeople would like me more. Yeah,
I mean, and like, Oh, this guy'scool. He's a musician. And like,
I learned that none of that shitmeans anything. Because like,
when you turn 2425, you're stillplaying in a band. And that

(46:49):
bands, that bass not doinganything, and anything could be,
you know, at least you'replaying shows every couple of
weeks, or you're, you know,you're doing something but I
mean, like, you play in a bandwith your friends, and you think
you've made it like those kindof people. And like, no one
like, you're right back to notbeing taken seriously anymore.
Like, it's, I don't know, I feltI found like, until I always

(47:11):
wanted to be validated, but Icouldn't be validated to like,
validate myself. And that's apretty recent discovery of
myself was, yeah, validatemyself.

You're so young, you're 28 I'm 30. You're like,
oh,

so I'm so much younger, and

you're aeons ahead of like Ellie's like the family
raising kids thing. So I thinkyou're pretty mature for where
you're at in life.

Having kids definitely helped, I think, I
mean, I know that's like athat's a big cliche is like, oh,
when you have kids, it'll allit'll all fall into place. But
like, I mean, I'm still like, Imean, you never learned how
messy your parents are untilyou're a parent. Mm hmm. And I
mean, I think I'm doing a betterjob than my parents obviously.

You want to improve his

show? I think I'm doing better.

To To answer your question. I think I do comedy
and podcasting because I youknow, didn't get enough enough
attention as a kid now. I'mlike, This is my time. So

yeah, it's nice being on that microphone. The
lights on you. I get that like Iget whenever I do an open mic
night I get like these. I stillget like the like the pit in the
stomach. Like there was onerecently where I just told the
host, I was like, take me offthe night. I'm having like a
panic attack because I was like,I didn't have any material
prepared.

Yeah, you don't wanna go broadcast your panic
attack

that I do. I walked away. I drove home. Oh,
do you want you want to haveADHD? tell you right now that
bad day. Oh, that isn't really afunny story. It's actually kind
of sad, but like,

I don't see it. I

keep I keep babbling. I find it funny.
Everyone else finds itdepressing. But I will make it
theirs. And he was a comediannamed Ron Kane. And he's a
really funny, really nice guy.
And we had to have aconversation with him. But what
I wouldn't have he seems verynice. And he was doing a stand
up bit. Like I was supposed togo I told Audrey to take me off.
Before I didn't do it right. Asthe my time was up. I said, Hey,
just take me off tonight. Andthen he's up. And I'm like

(49:05):
having this panic attack. Soit's all outdoors. This is a
this is in 2012, late, late2020. And it's all outdoors. So
it was kind of had a brick walland everything was kind of cool.
It reminds you the Seinfeld, butI got in my car. And it was
during Ron Kane's staff spot andI was listening to him but I had

(49:25):
my windows down. And I waswaiting. I didn't turn my car
on. It was hot. I just sat thereuntil I heard people start
clapping like it was over. ThenI turned the car on and drove
away polite because I thought ifI know not pull, like you think
it looks polite? But I did thatbecause I was scared that he was
gonna make a joke about meleaving during his set.

Oh, yeah, it's kind of a rude thing to do. I
know what the open mics hereyou're supposed to say for the
full hour.

And well, ours is like the one we go twos and
Millersville check out if you'reever in power. Castlevania
Millersville phantom power MonetCAMI knights but I will

go next time I'm in the state.

Um, ours is like from seven to nine. And
we're hosting a third six. And Iwas like, Yeah, a few hours, a
few weeks a few our commitmentand it's not slow. Like there's
no, there's no good time toleave because everyone's spot is
five minutes. And then theturnovers about 30 seconds. Oh,
wow. That's it. There's, there'sno great emotions, like, it's,

(50:30):
we know who's up next, the postcomes up and says, How are you
up and up next, that was reallyfunny. Haha, this is what's
happening next. And then thatperson comes up, and then that's
it, then we're just on to thenext person. And it goes by very
quickly. And I don't likeleaving though. But like, as a
parent with two kids, and we'reI'd be up at work at seven and I
have a podcast, you know,

it's some other obligations,

but I was having like a panic attack and
like ADHD works in a way that'slike, I was like, I was like,
you know, if you leave rightnow, he's gonna make fun of you.
So just wait, just listen to theset and wait. So it's because
like, if I if I if I status, whyHe said you're gonna be I'm like
reliving this moment, I wassitting in my seat by myself. I
had other friend comediansaround me, but I had my own

(51:15):
little table. And I was like,sitting there. I'm like, if I
leave right now, it's gonna lookweird. So I'll wait to the next
guy. And then when he's walkingup, I'll leave. And then so I'm
hyper fixating on this, like,someone could have been talking
to me and I wouldn't evennotice. So I'm hyper fixating.
And I just so person sets and Istand up while Ron canes walking

(51:35):
up, and I walked to my car, Ibeelined to my car. I know,
someone was like, see? And I waslike, by Yeah. And I just got my
car sat there, he startstalking. I'm like, Shit, I gotta
wait now. Five minutes. It'slike 98 degrees. And I have my
windows down listening. And thenhe's like, Alright, guys, that's
my time. Thanks. I turned my carand just leave as fast. I can.

Yeah. So that that's only because it is an
outdoor mic, too. Yeah.

And, like, if it was indoor, it would have
been like, so easy. Just belike, Alright, guys, I'm out of
here. But like, my ADHD, like, Ijust couldn't get out of my own
head. And I think that's like,the hardest part about ADHD is
getting out of your own head.
But once you can learn to dothat, I think ADHD is like one
of the most. I think having ADHDif I could change it, I
wouldn't. It's the one mentalillness I think that like, for

(52:22):
me, personally, this isn't isn'tfor everybody. I couldn't live
without it. I needed like, Ineed the ability to hyper
fixate, and I need I love thefact that I have so many
different passions that keep mealways busy. And I like that. My
life is such a mess. Sometimes,like I like I feel that comfort
in the chaos. You know what Imean? Like I just, I like

(52:44):
everything's falling. I like thepressure of like, needing to do
something because it makes mefeel young. Even at 28 Like, it
makes me feel like I'm a kid.
You are young. But even younger,as I'm saying, I feel like I
feel like I'm in high school orlike I need to pay for do and I
need to like but like it justfeels like I feel like I have
direction. Yeah, wheneverything's falling apart.

(53:04):
Yeah,

but and adrenaline coming through. Yeah, it's like,

like, you know, idle hands are the devil's work
that that whole thing. Like, ifI just sit there and do nothing,
I feel like I just I wasted mylife away. Like, I'll just watch
TV. And it's not even good TV.
Somebody is saying anything.
It's just TV. And I respectpeople who can do that. But
like, I like I can't even enjoyit though. Like I respect people

(53:29):
and envy people who can enjoymindless TV because I can't my
mom's sitting there watching 90Day fiance. I'm over at her
house. And I'm like, What isthis? And I like like it's not a
few honestly that big adds onand I'm like what is going on?
And like we're sitting there andI feel like this weird
everything's melting it almostfelt like like, like they're in

(53:50):
they're all sitting in thecouch. And like her Christmas
tree Stella for some reason. Andwe're just watching it fiance. I
have like a wine. I have likewine in spikes. I was I was put
some kind of soda and an alcoholfor some reason. I don't know
why I'm sitting there. And it'slike, I didn't know if it was 30
seconds or 20 minutes, but Ijust stood up and said I'm

(54:11):
leaving. And yeah, I

did. Grab her. She sent you over to like hang out
though it wasn't to watch Niveafiance. No, no,

yeah, she cooks mom's a hairdresser just cuts my
hair so but like I was hangingout because she's my mom and I
love her but like I was likethis all you do, and she's like,
Yeah, just watch TV. I'm like, Iwant I want to kill myself being
here and I know you should makejokes about that. But I really
mentioned in that

I was where what you're saying I got

to make those kind of jokes. I mean it I was
like I could never live likethis. You know

what, Skyler I think it's warranted for 90 Day
fiance because I got into thatshow during the pandemic. Yeah,
I

think everyone did from right here.

It is obsessive.
You really get into the peoplebecause they're fucking
ridiculous. But then myboyfriend would come in and be
like, Why are you watching thisgarbage? It makes me upset. It
makes me triggered. I'm likeyou're right. Is is terrible and
they they spin it out to thelast 90 minutes and that's just
unnecessary. So

I think reality TV has a lot of like positive
outlook like not not itself, butlike I think there's a positive
learning like, thing about youif you can like, step outside
what's going on in the show?
You're like, if you

can turn it off if you can stop watch Yeah,

then yeah, like, but like, yeah, when I
watch TV like, I'll watch like,I always say like, I always like
to watch anime, but like, it'svery specific anime, but uh,
stuff that I grew up with when Iwas a little kid watching anime
like three in the morning mygrandparents are sleeping. I'm
watching Adult Swim. And like,that's what I like to watch like
that. Like those kinds of animesthat you'd you'd see like three

(55:46):
in the morning like just realpulpy. Stupid animes are really
good ones. But I named two of mykids I named to both my kids are
named after anime characters,but Oh, that's cute. But uh,
yeah, I just

watch TV. You're getting like something out of
watching anime. If you'rewatching. Like, are you getting
a lot out of it?

Oh, either watch anime or I watch like old
crappy movies. Or I'll watchlike really good movies. Like,
I'd like my favorite movie ofall time is Blade Runner. 2049.
Have you ever seen that one? No.
But like is the first BladeRunner. I've always liked the
first Blade Runner. But like,it's when I saw the second one.
I was like, I saw it intheaters. And I was like, Whoa,

(56:28):
this is like the best movie I'veever seen in my life. Like, it's
just it's like three hours longand like, are like two and a
half hours long. And some scenesare just like 30 seconds of just
establishing shots. It's abeautiful movie. But yeah, I,
whenever I watch TV, I need toget something like, I wish I
could. I don't know. I'm tryingto say I wish I could turn off
and watch nine days feed 90 Dayfiance. That's what I wish I

(56:49):
wish I could just sit down andturn on a stupid TV show. My
wife would sit there and watchthe good doctor right now, huh?
And she just listen. But she'slike, what's because I'm home
with the kids a lot. And I feellike I have friends. I listen to
doctors talk. And I'm like,Okay, thanks. But uh, but
there's,

there's different mindless TV you could get into
if you really want to, I don'tthink it's something you have to
do. But I'm sure there's a lotabout musicians or comedy that
you could watch apps in my apps.
And

here's the problem, though, is like, here's
my problem. Like, I Alright, soI bought my sense. I bought all
of these about this ad agencysquared ADHD. It was it was
earlier this year, I think Marchwas my was the blue one over
here. And then was $700. I'lljust say it out loud. I didn't

(57:43):
pay up front. So you i, i got idid a payment plan on it.
Because you know, I'm amillennial, I don't have any
money.

Yeah, I'm a fan of payment plans.

But I get I get the I get that. And I'm like if
I just get this has given me anice layer of music. But if I
get like this, I'll be set. So Iget something else. And I get
something else. And I just hadto say stop. Because I bought
that one, that one, there'sthree below it. There's another
one somewhere else in my housethat's like a drum machine that

(58:15):
I broke like an idiot. And Ijust couldn't stop because like,
I just want to get to enjoyplaying since. But I had to do
it for something. If I if I geta guitar, I want to join a band.
If I get a sense I want to dosense for podcast. Like, I feel
like everything I do has to beconnected to something bigger.
This is the I guess that's kindof like the the caveat ADHD

(58:38):
because I did say it was reallynice to be able to hyper fixate
and have like, direction likehaving no direction while also
having direction. Those are allgood things about ADHD. But the
same time like you always feellike you're not doing enough.
You always feel like you're onaccomplish. So you I rarely feel
accomplishment. Like, I feel aconstant imposter syndrome.
Whenever I get like, like, oh,man, you you broke 1000 plays

(59:01):
I'm like, That's not me. Ididn't do that. And I'm like,
No, you did a podcast broke out.
And I'm like, my name's on it.
But I don't know what you'retalking. I didn't do that man
that was just like, I feel likeI can't, I can't just sit back
and like relish in anything thatI've ever done.

Right? You have to you have to do that. In order to
be happy. You have to be able tostep back a little bit and be
like, Look at myaccomplishments.

Yeah, and luckily, these days like these
people, like before I hit you upto you know, we started talking,
I was like, I finally started tofeel like I'm gonna sit back and
just enjoy. I think Twitterhelp. I know Twitter, people
have a problem with Twitter. Butif you look at my Twitter for
megastar seven I just poststupid stuff that pops into my
head. And that's ADHD again, I'mat work and I'm like this be

(59:45):
really funny and I makes nosense. I'll just post it anyway.
Ah, it feels nice to have thatplace to like just speak out
into the world because you can'tkeep it in your head and I have
an outer monologue. So I'll justtalk to myself. About like What
I have to do, and it's nice tobe able to like focus it
somewhere. But then again, like,I feel like ADHD is like a water

(01:00:08):
balloon, and you just have topop it once in a while to let go
of all that building up. And Ithink

Michele Baci (01:00:14):
you're onto a lot of analogies like this. I have

Skyler Glordano (01:00:17):
thought. And you know, now I've never really
thought about until these pastcouple years about ADHD and can
I the manic depression thing Idon't even think about like, I
know I have it. I know I havesome like not like I have some
like angry moments where I getlike real angry and I hold on to
the anger a lot easier. Like I'mstarting to get better at
letting it all go. And kids willteach you that if you're an

(01:00:39):
angry person. You're talking tosomeone who doesn't hear you can
be a very angering experience.
But eventually you begin to justlet it go. But ADHD I've thought
heavily about because like I'mstarting to realize that like, a
lot of my friends will like Missdiagnose me which if you're
listening don't miss diagnoseyour friends. Yeah, I had a
friend try very hard to go seek.

(01:01:01):
Oh, I have my son here. Oh,yeah. Hello, jet.

Is he okay? Oh, everything. Okay.

He's like, he's like, I want to be out there on
my God. I'm calling coming in afew minutes.

And I've kept you too long. I'm

sorry. No, no.
I think my wife on a fallenasleep. So I don't speak of the
devil. I'm like, here he comes.
I'm like, Oh, I hear someonecoming in. Like, I figured it'd
be jet. But uh, he's no, my kidsare great. But, uh,

he wants you to do an update.

Yes, he's like, Well, Stella's sounds awake.
Because the sun's interface. AndI'm like, Okay.

Well, I won't keep you too much longer. I did want
to ask just because I'm sure thepodcasts are you. You said you
weren't in therapy. So why didyou stop going? Why? Why aren't
you?

Sorry? Okay, so therapy is just too expensive.

It can be expensive. I

feel like, what when I decided to stop going? It
was I was like, 17. And I justwas like, I don't know, like, I
kind of blended psychiatristsand therapists together, which
is not the case.

And you asked Vasa bin Ahmed. Since Yeah, that's a
lot to

No one sat me down and said, Look, scholar
therapists are different thanpsychiatrist they're not the
same thing. Like a psychiatristwill listen to what you have to
say. But they're not going tooffer you like listening here.
They're just there to like, helpguide you to a good, like
prescribed medication to helpyou a therapist is there to help
and offer advice. No one eversat me down to say that, because
my therapist, I had one I can'tread any of her names, but he

(01:02:34):
was an old, it was like maybe 60years old. And I would, he would
try to pry me open because I wasalways like, very, like, I want
to talk. I'll talk about andwe'll talk about it. And I would
find start talking and wheneverI start talking, he would just
not often he's like, Alright,that was great. I was like, oh,
no, no, if that was like somekind of like, weird, cuz I'm
gonna tell you something. Thatsounds like he was being a jerk.

(01:02:58):
But like, it got me to open upentirely. I don't know, if there
was like some kind of likereverse mind trickery there.
Because like, that was extreme.
Because, like, if you give me awall to talk to, I will talk to
a wall. Yeah, this guy wouldjust fall asleep. And I would
say everything was on my mind. Iwould walk out feeling better.
So I don't know. Like, maybe andmaybe that's just like, you

(01:03:21):
know, idiot savant where, like,you know, you just fall into a
good thing, but, but you know, Idon't know, I felt like growing
up, I have a pride of a level ofpride that I feel like I need to
break down sometimes to go talkto a therapist. So like, when I
was my pride, four years of nomore medication, trying to
refine myself learning moreabout myself, and kind of kind
of trying to like relive somestuff that was missed as a kid

(01:03:44):
because I was on medication. AndI just didn't want it I was so
busy and by the time I could goto therapy or should go to
therapy, I had no money becauselike in a very quick time I went
from live with my grandparentswhich was like a relatively
privileged environment to livingwith my mom in not so relatively
privileged environment. And thatfell apart met my wife I live in

(01:04:05):
an apartment the size of my roomback here. I had a bathroom it
was pretty much my whole heartmy apartment. And that I did
that for a while that was mywife and I lived he lived in a
Columbia which is like a watertown outside of Lancaster. And
that's it. But yeah, I mean, Ishould have learned to like use

(01:04:26):
like go to therapy and just kindof bite the bullet cuz I think
it's helpful but like, I don'tknow like, I think my wife's
like my wife is worse we'retrying to get to like I think
it's good for couples to have acouple counseling even if you're
not telling Yeah, I think I wasthere I think it was great.
Yeah. Like I think like I thinkeven if you're if your marriage

(01:04:48):
or relationship is good, likenothing hurts to just Yeah. Oh,
and just get like a make sureeverything's cool. Like the key

is to go before you need it. Otherwise like
things could get Bad later.

Yeah, I mean, like, so I think that's the
first step because like, we havekids right now and COVID so bad,
it's gonna get bad again. Solike, I think like, once things
kind of like, lighten up again,I think we'll just start with
couples counseling. And thenkind of just to, I think we're,
I think we're in a good place.
But I think like, again, I wantto make sure that I think it's
again, so going back, we weretalking about self awareness is
important. And, yeah, I think, Ithink why I stopped going was

(01:05:25):
because like, I dropped all ofit at once, medication therapy
and everything. And then I spentso long trying to find myself.
And by the time, it all cameback around, I felt like I
didn't need it anymore. And nowI'm kind of like regretting not
going back just to kind of getlike a mental checkup to see
where I was. And I felt like, Ifelt like I've done the hard way

(01:05:48):
for a long time about what notgoing to therapy, like I've had
to like, work out my own issuesa lot harder without someone to
talk to that was just totallyunbiased. So I think in the next
few months, I'll probably startgoing back. So yeah, do you
don't even know where to start?
Do

you have insurance benefits you could use? I do.
Luckily. Yeah. So look up atherapist and your insurance
network

and just try Yeah, does i That's I'm probably
gonna do that for sure.

And I can't recommend couples counseling
enough. Like, I think myboyfriend and I just, you know,
got stuck in quarantine. And Ithink we needed it. But the
therapist mostly just opened upthings I didn't know about him
at all. And it really didstrengthen us as a couple. So I
recommend it.

And I'm going to take their recommendation,
and I think I will do that.

Do it if you if you listen to therapy roulette.
We're having a couples therapiston soon so

Oh, I did I didn't I did listen a couple
episodes because I think a lotof our podcast recently was my
wife's friend who has a podcastwith comedian I'd never met him
before. So I listen to like thefirst eight episodes of his
podcast. Who I'm gonna besitting down with

so yeah, it's smart. It's good way to get to
know someone. Yeah,

I mean, because it podcast you just say it all.
So

yeah, check it out. Later this month. Love the
couples therapist on and let'sspin the wheel if you have time
just to answer a quick question.
They're all gone now. So okay,if if he comes back? Okay,
landed on. If you had to choosea superpower, what would you
choose? And why?

Oh, I guess this is a good question. I don't
know. Like part of me likes theidea of like, whatever Mr.
Manhattan was on sounds cool ashell, like, documented. But uh,

he's like a space jet.

If I had a jet if I had a superpower, what
would it be? No, I'm finishingup now.

He's He's a space alien. Right

doctor that if you had a superpower, what would
it be? What's your superpower?
Yeah, running and jumping. Ithink my superpower would be
water breathing, or some kind ofpsycho communication. Like being
able to like walk through wallsor stuff like that. Sounds cool.
Cool. I got one. Interfacingwith technology. That sounds

(01:08:11):
cool.

What does that mean? Like? Well, you

know, like technology. Yeah. Like, you
know, like being able to like,lay a ghost. I don't know, like
being like, I had this idea fora superhero that was like, that
was like he could like mess itup. I want to call poltergeist
and he can like go in throughthe Marvel don't steal this idea
from me. I had this idea for asuperhero that was like, his

(01:08:37):
name was poltergeist and hewould like mess with technology.
He would go into like, you know,like the old movie poltergeist.
The TV would do weird stuff.
Yeah. So I thought it'd be cool.
Like, that could

be cool.
Definitely very helpful in thecurrent age. So

yes, but like, I think I think Dr. Manhattan's
like reality bending abilitywould be awesome. That'd be
that'd be mine.

That'd be very cool. I love that a HBO version
of Watchmen to that I

haven't washed it yet. I need to I hear it's a
lot more faithful. I mean, Idon't know. I think I think Zack
Snyder's version was veryfaithful to the comic as well I
think it but like I liked thatlike cuz it doesn't take place
after the comic books. Thoughthe hBo

hBo I think a comic book I think it just like
an interpretation of the worldduring the comic, but not okay.
Different story I think but Inot

because I don't really like the alien squids in
it like the alien square thatlike I heard that the alien
squid shows up and that was likea big thing that was that was
skipped in Zack Snyder'sversion. So

I think it's different from the movie. So
yeah, movies,

the movies like its own thing, I think but like
I do have to check it out. Whatshow what so HBO? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, I could get my hands onthat.

Do it. I'm not even a big superhero person. I
loved it. So

I'm not here.
Yeah.

It's good. It's good storytelling.

Yeah, I'm more of a Star Wars guy, but

there you go. I'm Skyler. Thank you. so much.
Thank you so much for having me.
Tell us where to find you andhow to listen.

Oh, okay, you can check out a megastar seven
on any streaming platform. Andif you if you saw on the one you
listened to let me know onTwitter at at omega star seven
underscore pod, because I willget it on that podcast app for
you. So you can check out mybands persona gray bottom shelf,
from when I was doing music, andyou can check out mega star

(01:10:24):
seven on your favorite podcaststreaming platform.

Alright, well, we'll definitely check it out.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to Therapy
Roulette. I will be back with anew episode in two Thursdays.
But before you turn off yourphone or switch around to
another episode of something,could you leave me review on
Apple podcasts it would mean alot. If you don't mess with
Apple. Just tell a friend aboutthe podcast and that's your way

(01:10:52):
of spreading the word and itreally helps this podcast to
grow. Just drop a DM or snap atick tock or whatever the kids
do these days just tell us a lotabout Therapy Roulette because
it's it's good and people needto know if you want to support
us and donate to our caffeinebudget and production costs. You
can drop a few bucks oncoffee.com it's K-O dash F-I dot

(01:11:15):
com slash Therapy Roulette. Ifyou don't know how to spell that
still, it's in the show notes.
So just click to the EpisodeNotes and the link is there to
support us. A few bucks goes along way and I appreciate it and
my brain will get all jitteryand then I'll you know want to
talk to people and I'm anintrovert. So that's like really
good for me. Thank you so much.

(01:11:37):
I'll talk to you again in twoThursdays

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