April 28, 2025 • 59 mins
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What happens when your life falls apart and you find yourself alone in a new state with no support system? For Ana, this breaking point became the foundation for an extraordinary journey back to faith and purpose.
A journey through a "legalistic" Christian household, feeling controlled by family expectations, an abusive marriage, and a strong addiction to pornography are just some of Ana's story we'll discuss. Her refreshing and authentic approach to leading herself first is eye-opening and rare!
Through her podcast "Honest Christian Conversations," Ana creates space for Christians to discuss topics often considered taboo in church settings. Her mission stems from her own experience of feeling unable to express doubts or ask questions within her faith community. "I started the podcast because I'm tired of skirting around issues," she explains, "I don't want people to be led down the same path as me."
• Moving from Sacramento to Connecticut to escape family control and an abusive ex-husband
• Building a blended family and navigating co-parenting with multiple fathers
• Supporting a daughter struggling with identity issues while maintaining clear boundaries
• Overcoming a 17-year pornography addiction and finding freedom at a porn convention
• Creating the "Honest Christian Conversations" podcast to address topics often considered taboo in church
• Committing to radical honesty after years of feeling like a hypocrite
• Learning Russian with the goal of sharing the gospel with Russian speakers
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
welcome back to your favorite interview show.
I'm one-on-one with Mr U.
I'm your host, of course, Mr U.
In studio with us is podcasthost and author Anna Murphy.
So excited to have you in, Anna.
This is such fun.
We had an awesome pre-interviewchat.
I'm excited for the folks toget a chance to meet you live
and in person.
How are things with you all?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
They're good, they're good.
We've had a couple days oflousy weather, rain and
everything, but today we havethe sun back, so we'll see.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Rain.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
That's lousy weather, it is because I don't like the
oh, I love the snow.
I'd rather shovel than go outin the rain.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Not too many people like hearing that.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, I don't mind, especially at night.
It's just.
It's a really peaceful thing tobe outside in the snow at night
.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Snow is beautiful at night.
I don't think people get that.
We don't get it much down hereat all.
When it happens down here inthe South, it's an event.
The kids are outside playing,it's a whole thing.
But back where you are now,where I'm from, back then, man,
the snow was so peaceful atnight.
I would stare out the windowand think and meditate and dream
(01:28):
.
It's a beautiful thing.
The snow mixed with thenighttime, it's really beautiful
.
Unless you're a driver, thenit's not so great.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's good to have you in the house.
I'm so glad to have thisopportunity for live interviews.
All of our listeners andviewers can kind of hear more
about you.
So let's start.
Where are you from yourupbringing?
Kind of talk about that alittle bit with us, share it I'm
from california, sacramentooriginally.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, yeah, um, I used to be into the sacramento
kings, uh, when they actuallywere good.
I guess maybe they're good now,I don't know.
I've switched teams now thatI'm married to someone from the
East Coast, where I live inConnecticut.
We like the Celtics now.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Oh, you're from the Kings, but I.
It's hard to go from a bad teamto a good team.
Was that hard for you guys todo that Unbelievable over here
already?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, when I was a quote unquote Kings fan I didn't
really follow sports anyways,so my dad worked for somebody
who worked with the team, so Igot to go to the games, I got to
meet some people, so that was.
My tie into all of it is that Ijust had that in me and I liked
(02:47):
going with my dad.
That was just one of the thingsI enjoyed doing.
I didn't know enough about it.
I liked the squeaky shoessounds on the court, but I just,
I really just liked hanging outwith my dad and I carried that
over and yeah.
So now I don't mind basketball,but yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
The team used to be really good.
They were in the car, they werein the conversation in the
western conference.
So now they're kind of like afew games on the 500s or they're
probably not in the playoffs,so it's kind of not a thing
right now.
But no, I love that.
Now you chose the front one ofthe boston celtics.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I have some questions about that it's only me it's
only because I'm married tosomeone who's from the east
coast and that was his teamalready and I like green, as I
told you before we started.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I like green, so I was like okay I could go with
that it doesn't hurt thatthey're a good team so no, it
does not hurt at all, but youand I are divided on football.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I like the Saints and he likes the Patriots.
It's funny because the reason Ilike the Saints is because him
and I used to do fantasyfootball together and while Drew
Brees was on the team they werereally good and I kept winning
with my stuff.
So I was like how do I tell myhusband I think I like the
Saints and not the Patriots?
(04:05):
And he's like you betrayed me.
I was like you started it.
You had me doing this.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well, you mentioned fantasy football.
To me you already this is likeyeah.
Wonderful, I don't do itanymore, because I don't really.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
My picking skills were just.
I went with what I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And that's what you do, and occasionally I win.
That's what wins.
You pick colors and uniforms.
Oh, his name is cool, I'lldraft him.
I'm like huh, and they win.
They win the entire league.
So I don't.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
funny, I'm looking at stats and standing up at 3
o'clock in the morning lookingat stats and it kind of matched
in that.
I don't know why.
I'm a reason to it, but that'san awesome story.
So you went from Sacramento,california, to Connecticut.
Normally folks don't make a bigmove like that unless it's like
for their jobs or for someother reason within their family
(05:01):
.
Could you share what promptedthat huge move from literally as
far well across the country isvery late, so in California,
connecticut.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, it's kind of a a very selfish story basically
why I did that.
I I was already rebellingagainst my family, my Christian
family.
I didn't want to live for themanymore.
I was going through a painfuldivorce that I was glad was
finally getting done, because Iwas feeling controlled by him,
(05:34):
by my family.
I just was done with everythingand just wanted to do whatever.
I thought.
I had met somebody onlinethrough another online friend
who lived in Connecticut, and westarted talking.
We met up a couple times.
It wasn't a very good meetupbecause we didn't do a lot of
(05:55):
talking about future things.
We did other stuff, but Idecided I just wanted to go away
from my family, from mydaughter's abusive father.
I just wanted to get her as faraway as possible and he lived
in Connecticut.
It made sense.
I could get her away.
I didn't have to deal with myparents telling me what to do,
(06:16):
even though I was an adult.
I just I, you know, had a break.
So that's what pretty muchbrought me over to Connecticut.
And then two years later thathusband decided he didn't want
to be married anymore.
And then I was all of a suddenin Connecticut no family, no
real friends, a couple of peoplethat I had met from a church
(06:37):
that I just went to once a weekbefore that, but I didn't know
them, didn't trust them, didn't.
But I didn't know them, didn'ttrust them, wasn't even
following God quite then.
But I found myself super alone,no money because I was a
stay-at-home mom and yeah.
So that's how I got to.
Connecticut is a whole bunch ofselfish.
It's about me and what I wantkind of attitude.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
That totally makes sense and thanks for all the
listeners and viewers jumping in.
Good to see you, Sam.
Good morning to you.
Sir, this is a big uh tennesseetitans fan right here, probably
the biggest one that Ipersonally know.
I know one was uh actually acolumnist for the titans or I
guess he does some uh onlinework for him.
But this guy right here, he's ahuge fan, which I love to hear.
That.
(07:21):
So far, so a lot.
Now I to just do the thing inyour neck of the woods, but from
where I'm at, people seem tohave an emphasis for you know
what?
Almost like you have to go backhome.
Once you leave home, it's kindof almost like a pull.
We see it played out in cinemaand arts and entertainment where
somebody leaves their home.
Then all of a sudden, theseplot lines you go back to where
(07:43):
you came from, because it's likesome kind of unspoken rule.
You know, I don't think aboutgoing back.
I used to.
I don't think about going backhome to New York and living
there.
What is it about?
Sacramento?
That's your first thought.
When someone says Sacramento Isyour first thought.
You know what?
This is my home.
This is where I came up in mychildhood.
(08:04):
Memories are all here.
Do I want to go back to thisplace, or is it different for
you?
How would you answer that?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
This is such a fun thing for me to mention.
I could care less if I ever goback to California.
Wow, at one point that was allI wanted.
All I wanted.
That was all I wanted.
All I wanted when I came backto Christ, when I was 30 and I
(08:31):
was in Connecticut, feeling likeI had done a disservice to my
kids because they didn't get togrow up the way I did, where we
were in a close-knit family, wehad everybody.
My cousins didn't live that faraway.
My cousins and my brother and Iwere all babysat by my grandma.
We were just really close.
And my kids don't get to havethat.
(08:51):
Their grandparents live inTennessee or they have family in
Canada and California andArizona.
They're like all scatteredaround and they haven't gotten
to really see them in years.
So that really upset me for awhile.
I felt really guilty for that.
So I wanted to go back.
But God really told me stay inConnecticut, I'm going to take
(09:15):
care of you.
Because of that I listened andI was angry with God because he
wouldn't give me what I wanted,which was I want my kids to be
with their grandparents inCalifornia, because before COVID
that's where everyone lived wasin California, still their
grandparents, my parents,everyone was still in California
(09:35):
.
I wanted to go back and Iwanted my kids to be able to
grow up with their grandparents,now that I was back with my
relationship with God and I wasno longer trying to run from
them.
But he never gave me that and Iwas so angry at God because of
that.
But then a big event happenedand I got to go back and go to
my cousin's wedding severalyears after being married and I
(09:58):
went by myself for four days andas soon as I got out of San
Francisco and to the borderlineof Sacramento, I felt a dark
cloud on me.
I felt like someone just put awool wet blanket on top of me
and I wanted to.
On the freeway, I wanted toU-turn and drive all the way
(10:22):
back to San Francisco, get on aplane and go back to Connecticut
.
I don't know what it was, Ijust didn't want to be there.
I was depressed, I was upsetand I tried not to let my family
see it, because they wereexcited to see me and I was
there for a happy occasion itwas a wedding but I just was not
myself.
I was not happy anymore.
I was not excited to try thefoods that I had missed.
(10:42):
I tried the foods that I hadmissed and they did not taste
the same.
None of it tastes the same.
Everything was different and Idid not like it and I didn't
want to be there anymore.
And then, at some point duringmy cousin's reception, I'm
looking out at my family and I'mseeing that they're going.
They're talking to theirfriends or talking with other
family members.
They're laughing, they'rehaving fun.
(11:04):
I'm sitting there pouting andI'm realizing their lives went
on even though I wasn't there.
I don't know, I don't know ifit was some sort of selfish
thing I had where I was like, oh, they're probably miserable,
like I am because I'm not there.
I have some special whatever.
But it just really affected meand I was crying and in my heart
(11:24):
I said, god, I want to go home.
I had never called Connecticuthome before that and I had been
there for a while, but I nevercalled it that and at that
moment I just no longer had thisconnection to California, that
it was where I needed to be, orI was missing out on something
(11:46):
needed to be, or I was missingout on something.
So I went back to Connecticutand from that moment on I had a
peace that if I never steppedfoot in California again, I will
be okay, I will be fine,everything will be fine.
So then COVID happened and Iwas praising God Thank you for
not giving me what I wanted,because I did not want to be
stuck there.
And yeah, it was terrible.
What they've done to it hasreally hurt my heart, cause San
(12:08):
Francisco was one of the mostbeautiful places.
It was one of my favoriteplaces to go.
Would I ever go there now?
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
My dad.
He spent a lot of his life, thelast year of his life, in that,
in a town outside of San right,about an hour out of out of San
Francisco, about an hour out ofSanta Rosa County.
Yeah, yeah, it's different now.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Yeah, definitely.
So I'm definitely thankful hedid not give me what I wanted,
because I would not want to bestuck there.
I'd be begging to get out.
But that's why I say if I neverstep foot in California, it's
not necessarily that I wouldn'twant to see certain people that
I miss.
Most of my family, like I said,has branched out of California.
Still have some family there,but, yeah, I'm just, I'm very at
(12:55):
peace with, I don't need to bethere.
I think I get it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I think I get it.
You said a lot of profoundstuff.
I love how you talked about howpeople's lives went on and it's
not what you thought in yourhead was going on.
It's like that's the reality.
People do go on.
No matter what they've done orhave been done to them, they go
on.
I want to get into some more ofthat, but when you shout out,
some of our listeners thecoaches in the house jumping in
(13:18):
here.
Thanks, coach, for listening toon the story and watching us
Appreciate it.
Thank you for subscribing tothe channel and watching the
show.
Anybody have questions for honoron myself or you want to share
your personal stories?
Please do so.
We're open to hear those, evenin the midst of this
conversation.
We were talking a lot in ourpre-interview chat about being a
prodigal and I really feel likethis is just my perception of
(13:40):
that term.
If you feel like people kind offeel like the prodigal is
somebody who just didn't want todo things the family's way and
they want to be rebellious andthey kind of want to try to
break ties with their familybecause they just had their own
goal that didn't align or somebad things happened within the
(14:01):
family and the family didn'tdeal with it or want to talk
about it.
I mean, that's what I thinkpeople think a prodigal is.
I'd love to hear from yourstandpoint what do you think it
means to be a prodigal and howhas your view of yourself
changed in the aftermath of this, if that makes sense to you.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah Well, I grew up in the church so I knew
everything that you needed toknow.
I knew all the bedtime Biblestories.
I knew them by heart.
I had certain verses memorizedbecause I went to a Christian
high school, so you had to havecertain things memorized.
Do I still have them memorized?
I wouldn't say so because I wasonly doing it just to get my
(14:40):
grades, but it was a verylegalistic style relationship
that I had with God, alwayswondering am I going to heaven?
Because I didn't think I wasdoing enough or I didn't do it
right.
So it was really when I decidedthat I wanted to rebel, I was
(15:01):
in my early 20s.
I mean, that's not usually whenyou rebel, you do it in your
teen years, but I did it latebecause I was always trying to
do the good things that everyonewanted me to do that I put
myself on the back burner, so tospeak, and I was tired of it
after my first marriage had hadended.
That was an abusive marriage.
(15:22):
I didn't even want to be in it.
The only thing that was goodthat came out of it was my
daughter.
I didn't even want to be in it.
The only thing that was goodthat came out of.
It was my daughter and I wasjust done with everything.
At that point I was done withGod, I was done with my family,
I was done with all of it.
I just I finally wanted to seewho am I, what do I want, and it
was very selfish, did what Iwanted, and I think that's the
(15:42):
heart of a prodigal child.
They don't necessarily have tobe a Christian who turns away
from the faith.
They just have to be somebodywho's done with something,
enough where they just want togo complete 180 from that.
They're just done.
Maybe their whole family isfull of doctors and this one's
(16:04):
like you know what?
I don't want to be a doctor.
Sorry, I'm out, I'm going to gobe a comedian.
It's like that would be theworst thing for them.
That would be their prodigalchild, their black sheep or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And that's what.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think I think that's the heart of it all is
that you're just done withsomething and you just
completely do somethingdifferent, and you either come
back at some point or you don't,you know?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah, that's what I think that's a great example.
Look, that's an interview aboutthe doctor.
That's very, very good.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I've heard comedians use it before, so that's kind of
how.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I got.
It's apropos for sure you and Ihave some shared experience
when it comes to blendedfamilies.
I love to hear your look you toshare your biggest challenge in
growing one, because the onesthat I see played out sometimes
in in lives of friends and andpeople close to us.
(17:03):
It's almost like it's twofamilies in the same house as
opposed to a blended family.
But the way you described it tome in our pre-interview chat,
it seems like it's reallyblended in a way where you guys
actually immersed in eachother's lives and stuff, but
share the biggest challenge thatyou saw in trying to grow a
blended family.
(17:24):
You know challenges withdiscipline and boundaries also
that we have to deal with.
You know situation, becausethere's different voices
speaking into our household fromthe outside.
So I know it's a lot of.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
It's a long question, but it was a lot more difficult
when my daughter's father wasinvolved that my eldest is on
the brink of becoming 18, so Ihaven't yeah, I know I haven't
had to deal with him in manyyears because she hasn't lived
with me, so that's been ablessing.
(17:57):
But he was uh, he was awful,that's, that's the nicest way I
can put it.
He was not he's not nice to her,but the way he talked to me was
very disrespectful.
Whenever he would call, I havedifferent ringtones for certain
people that I talk to often sothat I know when they're calling
(18:18):
or when they're texting.
And he was one of them andwhenever his ringtone would come
on or his text would come on,my heart would skip a beat, I'd
freak out, I feel sick to mystomach, like I had to go to the
bathroom and he didn't evenhave to say anything at that
point.
It was just his ringtone, but Iknew it was him and it gave me
anxieties and everything.
(18:39):
And there's so much thatmentally he did to me while we
were married for the three yearswe were married and the torture
he still puts on our daughteris irritating to say the least.
But when he was involved it wasreally hard.
He financially didn't take careof us, which was one problem,
but he just would undermine orhe'd talk different about me
(19:03):
than her and he didn't careabout what was best for her.
He wanted what he was supposedto have.
If she had something she wantedto do during the summer, she
couldn't do it because it washis time with her and she had to
suck it up and just go anyway.
If he wanted to take hersomewhere on like a cruise or
whatever during the school year,okay, but she's not doing very
(19:24):
good with her grades, oh well,who cares, she's going anyway.
It's.
I made the you know like hemade the decisions.
That's how it was with him.
So once he got out of thepicture it was a lot easier to
handle, although now we have tobuild up um, my daughter because
of everything there, which is awhole different animal.
But her stepdad has been areally good stepdad.
(19:45):
Her first one not so much.
My second husband was not verygood to her, but he was also
young and I was forcing him tobe the father I wanted her to
have, which was not fair to him.
And I look back on that now andI realized it wasn't fair, but
at the time I just thought hewasn't working with me, realized
it wasn't fair, but at the timeI just thought he wasn't
(20:06):
working with me.
So when we got divorced he wasvery not present for her at all.
But he's been a really goodfather to his son, but not until
he was nine years old.
Before that I was doingeverything on my own, doing my
own thing and it was really hardonce he started getting more
involved, wanting to go toevents with me, wanting to have
more chats with me, to talkabout how to discipline.
(20:29):
You know, going to doctor'svisits, all these things
allowing, having me allow him totake him on things was really
difficult.
To let go of the reins and sayyou know what?
I can't take him to a doctorappointment today, you're going
to have to do it.
Allowing him to be the one who,you know, picks him up from
school because he's closer tothe school, these are all things
(20:50):
that I had to learn how to letgo of because I was the one
doing everything.
And then all of a sudden he'sthere and on top of that he's
got a really my son's got areally good stepdad, the father
of my other three children, andhe treats him just like his own
child and he wants to disciplinehim the way that we discipline
for our family.
(21:11):
But sometimes it bucks againstmy my son's father.
So then I'm the monkey in themiddle, trying to figure out how
I can make peace with everybody.
So they don't the both the menthat I have to deal with don't
feel like I'm discounting eitherof them, which is a stressful
thing.
But I put myself in thatposition with the choices that I
made.
(21:31):
So I asked God to help me allthe time and rely on him.
My son's father and I get alongfairly well.
I mean, we're not like one ofthose Hallmark movie styles
where you know we're happy.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Is anybody?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
No, it's like outside of movies.
It's not quite like that.
We don't go at each other'sthroats or yell and you know
we're not disrespectful to eachother.
We work really well to where myson knows that what's going on
at his dad's house for apunishment is most likely going
on with mom and we'll talk.
Before he decides anything,before I decide anything, we try
(22:05):
to talk it out and say, hey, isthis what we should do?
And I'll say you know, I needto talk to my husband and we
need to figure this out.
And my, my son's father and myhusband also fairly get along.
I mean, they talk more than hetalks to me.
So you know it is blended andit has been blended for a while.
I've made sure that my kidsdon't see each other as half
(22:28):
siblings or half anything.
You know they're, they'resiblings.
You know they have differentfathers.
My, my three younger kids knowthat my son has his father
outside of the house and he'sgot dad which is what he calls
him here, so that it's notconfusing for everybody.
And you know this just comeswith the territory.
(22:50):
When you make decisions likethat, you have to be able to
work with that, with that, andit's not easy, but I have God to
rely on and I trust that he'sgoing to help me and I'm growing
as a person just by dealingwith this.
So I mean, you reap what yousow and I sowed bad seeds and
(23:11):
you know I got to make the bestof it.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I love that.
Thank you for sharing that.
This is kind of transparencythat I love about these kind of
interviews.
I don't always hear it quitethe way I'm hearing this now and
it just is you're very rare ina lot of ways.
I just put it like that.
I love about you know owningthe mistakes that you've made
and recognizing you know what,even though you might apologize
or you repent, and you know what, even though you might
(23:34):
apologize or even repent,there's some consequences that
you have to walk through andsome areas of growth that you
have to deal with, because youkind of sow seeds in this garden
and what comes up you have todeal with it.
We can't avoid it.
So I love that.
That's very, very refreshing.
I definitely say that.
Talk to me Now.
(23:56):
I know I want to get into someof your stuff with the podcast.
I'm going to ask you a few morequestions about marriage and
stuff first.
But you're talking about kindof rebuilding your daughter.
Without getting into manypersonal specifics.
I kind of just want to justunderstand how do you go about
rebuilding somebody's from aself-esteem standpoint?
It feels like you're doing someof that with your podcast as
well.
So I'm trying to figure out?
(24:16):
How do you, how do youjuxtapose the two things?
You got one person in your lifethat you know, that you love so
much, that you know is brokenin some areas, and you want to
help them to rebuild thatperson's not their psyche, but I
guess just kind of just rebuildtheir self-esteem, I guess and
(24:38):
then at the same time, you got apodcast where you're having the
kind of honest Christianconversations where you're
rebuilding people who come tothe interview, maybe have broken
with some stuff in their lifeand you're trying to help
encourage them and using yourpersonal stories to do so.
How do you manage both of thosesituations, especially daughter
(24:58):
?
How do you?
How are you rebuilding herself-esteem and everything?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
well, to start it, I have to say that I'm
unfortunately not the one whoshe wants to do the healing.
Okay, that makes sense it doesher father has done a
significant number of making herfeel like she's nothing and
that she doesn't matter to him.
(25:22):
Maybe things are slightlydifferent now, but from what she
says it doesn't sound like it.
But I have since coming back toChrist.
When she was about five yearsold, I have still made mistakes
as a mom.
I've had moments where I wasangry and frustrated with her.
We're pretty sure she has highfunctioning autism, but she
(25:45):
hasn't been able to get anydiagnosis for it, so it's been
hard to deal with.
She's got some other mentalhealth issues that you know make
it difficult to work through.
She's got a little bit ofnarcissistic tendencies, just
like her dad.
So there's just so much.
She's turned out so much likeher dad, even though she didn't
want to.
So it makes it really hard.
(26:06):
But I have been consistent in mylove for her, even though she's
right now going through aseason where she doesn't believe
in God.
She doesn't want to follow him.
She's doing everything thatpretty much I did when I was in
my 20s, but she's 18 almost andyou know she's also gotten a
little bit into the transgenderstuff as well.
(26:27):
So she's just gone down a veryterrible rabbit hole and she
knows how I feel about it.
She knows that I don't like ifshe takes God's name in vain.
She respects that.
So she'll sometimes say I'msorry if it just came out or
something.
So she's respectful of myboundaries for the most part.
But she knows that I will loveher no matter what.
And she sometimes will accuseme and say, oh well, you love
(26:50):
who you want me to be.
And I said no, I don't.
I said I love you because Ilove you.
You are my child and I willalways love you, no matter what
happens, no matter what you doto yourself, to anything, you
know that I love you and I willalways be here for you.
But that's not what she wantsto hear and it's not what.
It's what she wants to hear,but not from me.
(27:12):
She wants to hear that from herdad, which is really
heartbreaking, because she'sgetting to this point where she
realizes she's not going to hearthat and no matter how much she
knows that her stepdad lovesher, that's also not enough.
That's not what she's wanting.
So we have just been consistent.
Her stepfather and I have beenvery consistent in loving her,
(27:33):
being there for her.
We talk to her when we can.
When she wants to talk, we'lltalk.
And you know, do we alwaysbelieve everything she's saying
because of some of the otherissues she has and just wanting
to be the center of attention?
We don't always, but we don'tminimize things and we also
don't maximize things and wedon't condone things either.
(27:55):
She knows where I stand inregards to this whole
transgender stuff.
I don't call her by the nameshe wants me to call her by.
I don't do all that, and I saidI don't bow and need anyone
except for God.
If you don't like that youdon't have to talk to me, I said
.
But you are always.
You're always on my mind,you're always in my prayers and
if you need me you know where tofind me.
(28:16):
But I have made sure she knowsthat you do what you've got to
do.
But I'm not going to go alongwith you for that ride.
And you know we have a fairlydecent relationship.
She loves me, I love her.
She's just got to do her thingright now and if she's anything
(28:36):
like me, hopefully she'll comeback to Christ and it won't take
too long.
But who knows?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Everybody got to make some decisions, you know, about
their own lives.
At the end of the day, that'sthe one constant.
We have to make some decisions.
We have free will.
For that reason, I want to getinto some more things that we
discussed in our chat.
But would you be able to offerany advice to people who are
watching and listening that havegone through multiple marriages
(29:04):
, divorce and then have to dealwith the aftermath of it?
If you can give one piece ofadvice to those that are
listening that have experiencedsomething similar or exactly the
same as you, what do you thinkis the most necessities that you
share with them today?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
You got to stay close to God.
That is key.
If I did not stay close to God,if I did not call out to Him
when I'm feeling angst aboutsomething I don't know that I
would have been able to handlethe situations I'm in as well as
I have.
And, yeah, he helps me witheverything.
(29:43):
I know that I made my mistakes,but he was gracious and kind
enough to give me a wonderfulhusband and three more children,
and no, I just have to rollwith what I've done, and having
God's hand there to hold throughthis really does help.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I love this.
I got so many more questionsand time is running short.
I want to try to see if we canperhaps squeeze all these
incredible questions that I havefor you.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
We can rapid fire if you want.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You may have to at this point because I have a lot
more questions to ask, but I'llget into the podcast momentarily
.
The name of the podcast isHonest Christian Conversations.
I've definitely heard someepisodes and they're fantastic,
fantastic episodes.
You're a fantastic podcast host, for sure, and they are
actually honest conversationsand I love that part about it.
(30:41):
We had an honest conversationin our pre-interview chat about
porn addiction and we kind oftalked about one thing you
emphasized with that.
You know, women can be addictedto porn too, and I thought that
was so profound.
Because when you hear pornaddiction, I know where people's
mind goes.
I know where my mind goes.
It goes to one specific gender,the male.
(31:03):
It doesn't go.
I don't think about the womanbeing quote unquote addicted.
But you have a story about that, about women being addicted to
porn.
I'd love for you to share it inwhatever way in iteration.
You want to share it and feelfree to speak as freely as you
as you'd like to, but share onthat please.
That's.
That's incredible.
It's an incredible story.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, women, we have this problem, and because
everyone thinks of it as a man'sproblem, because forever
they've been talking about itLike it's just a man's problem
Women are afraid to talk aboutthe fact that they have this too
.
They feel an extra layer ofshame because this is a man's
problem.
Why do I have this problem?
And I was really good at hidingit.
(31:45):
Nobody knew that I had thisproblem.
I nobody knew until I finallycame clean to my husband while I
was pregnant with our thirdchild and told him that I had an
addiction to pornography.
At that point I came clean.
I gave him passwords, I gavehim passcodes to get my phone.
(32:08):
He had full range to check upon me whenever he wanted.
I told my family, I toldfriends, I told everybody,
friends, I told everybody and Igot involved with triple X,
churchcom, which is a placewhere men and women, or people
who are married, who arestruggling with it, can find
resources to help you with that.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Triple X churchcom.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, triple X churchcom yeah.
And at the time that I was athim and he cried, got up from
(33:01):
his nap later I asked him whydid you get out from your nap
early?
He said God told me to find you.
That wrecked me and that's whatset me off to realize I needed
to tell somebody I have anaddiction.
So that's what I did.
But before that it was abusiness transaction.
I was there for what I neededit for.
(33:22):
I don't care about who thesepeople are.
Yes, they may be sex traffickedor whatever.
I don't really care whatthey're there for.
They're there for me and what Ineed.
I need to get rid of mynegative emotions.
So let's get this done.
That's what pornography was isa transaction for me, and I
hated myself because of it,because I knew it was wrong.
(33:42):
I knew these were real peopleand after I heard a pastor say
that that could be someone'sdaughter, that just wrecked me
even more.
But I still couldn't stop.
It was because after 17 plusyears I'd been training my brain
that when you're feeling anegative emotion, this is how
you get rid of it until the nextone, and it's unhealthy.
(34:03):
So when I decided I was done, Ihad to go cold turkey.
That was the only way I wasgoing to do it, because I knew I
wasn't going to be able tootherwise.
So I didn't watch anythinghigher than a PG rating for a
year and a half.
I didn't listen to anything butChristian music.
I didn't use my computer.
After a certain hour of the dayI didn't use it if I was alone.
(34:25):
I just I put a lot ofparameters and boundaries on
myself on my computer usage andeverything.
And then I got to go on one ofthe mission trips that XXX
Church did, where they went topornography conventions and they
handed out Bibles and T-shirtsthat says Jesus loves porn stars
(34:46):
.
I was so excited to go to theone in New Jersey this was a
thing I really wanted to do.
So.
That night, the first night, Iwas really pumped and ready to
go, but I was also reallynervous because in a year and a
half I had not seen anythinghigher than PG.
I did not know what was goingto happen.
Once I go in there and see allthis stuff in my face, how was I
(35:07):
going to react?
I did not react the way Ithought I would.
As soon as I got in there, Istarted crying.
Once I saw everything, Istarted crying.
I felt my heart breaking.
Once I saw everything, Istarted crying.
I felt my heart breaking.
I saw the need, the depression,the sadness, all the negative
emotions that were in there.
I saw the reason why we werethere and I felt this
(35:33):
overwhelming urge to just jumpon a table and start preaching
the gospel.
I didn't because I'm kind ofshy, but I really felt like I
had to.
Yeah, I really felt like I hadto.
That's just it was almostimpulsive, Like if I had just
released myself to do it Iprobably would have.
That's just how much of animpulse it was.
And there weren't literalchains that broke, but chains
did break inside me and I didnot see that stuff the same way
(35:55):
I had before.
I mean, we were next to a boothwith some questionable stuff
next to it, but I didn't carebecause I was there to preach
the gospel.
I did not see any of that stuff.
I got to talk to a woman whowas topless.
While I was talking to her, shewas praying with me.
She cried and I was pumped forthe rest of the weekend.
It was a three-day event and Iwas really excited.
(36:17):
I was like this is day one.
Are you kidding me?
I am so there.
But Satan was mad because hehad lost me and he messed with
me hard during that whole night.
I couldn't sleep.
There was a situation with myhusband and I and I had to leave
the next morning and go homeand fix everything because it
was just too much mentally forme.
And that's what I would say toanyone who's going into a really
(36:41):
difficult mission trip type ofthing you have to be prayed
better.
I was not.
I definitely was not prayed upthe way I should have.
I had people praying for me andeverything, but I was not
expecting that kind of spiritualwarfare.
I had never been on a missiontrip before but, through all
that, I was set free frompornography.
(37:02):
I don't have the same drive toit anymore.
I don't have any issues with it.
Does something pop in my brainevery once while at some random
time which has nothing to dowith anything I'm doing?
Yeah, you know, I mean justlike if you were a former
alcoholic or a drug addict.
You know you see something onTV it might trigger something in
your past of oh remember, youused to do that.
(37:24):
But I have the power to say no,I'm not, that's not me anymore.
Sorry, I.
What in the world is this evenhere for Goodbye?
You know I didn't have thatbefore, but yeah, so I love
telling people.
I was set free from mypornography addiction at a porn
convention.
It's like oh my.
God.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
That's astounding.
I don't even think I've evenshared.
In my first three seasons ofour show I think I shared so
much to my whole.
Everybody that knew me was likeam I next?
Am I going to be the one he'sgoing to talk about next?
Because I shared everything.
But that's one area that Idealt with myself and I never
(38:07):
talked about it, at least not ina podcast where I'm anyway.
So that was.
This is inspiring to me becauseI kind of I handled the same.
I didn't go to a pornconvention.
In my mind there's no way I cando that and and get and get
healed, but I did go the coldturkey route.
Uh, I believe the lord did, uhdid the work in that regard.
I don't think it was me at all.
I'm not taking any credit for,but I can relate to this.
So this is, this is prettyawesome.
(38:28):
I love this.
Um, you know so in your, inyour mind.
Do you feel and this is justsomething for, uh, our listeners
and viewers to kind of uh thinkabout do you feel like last
question on this?
Also, do you think that, uh,triplexchurchcom was helpful or
is a good resource to helppeople who deal with porn
addiction?
(38:48):
Do you feel as though this is aplace that you have and would
recommend for people?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, they've gone through some changes on how they
do things and everything, so Ihaven't been following it
recently.
But yeah, I mean, it'sdefinitely a really good
resource.
It's probably one of the onlyones out there that just puts it
out there.
Hey, this is what we're herefor, although I will give a
shout out to someone who was onmy podcast.
(39:16):
His name is Logan Hufford.
He was in season three of mypodcast and he was talking about
his sexual addiction and he'sin based in Alaska.
So, unless you're in Alaska, hedoes have a ministry that he
works with, but you can alwaysfind him on.
You know I can send you thelink to my podcast with that
(39:37):
episode and people can hear hismessage, and you know you can go
to his website.
You can find him on Instagram.
He does stuff on Instagram.
He he knows more about, youknow, the male side.
If they need help somewhere, hewould probably have resources
for that.
But yeah, triple X Church isdefinitely it's for men, it's
(39:57):
for women, it's for couples.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
So, if you don't mind , please share the link to both
Logan Huffer and Tribal AgeChurch on the YouTube channel in
the comment section under theepisode.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you want to go back and hearit or hear the replay, they can
find the information veryeasily.
Please don't forget to do that.
That'd be awesome.
Let's talk about HonestChristian Conversation.
What was the impetus for thispodcast?
(40:21):
Why did you start this?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
this podcast?
Why did you start this?
Well, I started it because,like I mentioned, I was in a
legalistic style relationshipwith God and just really felt
like I wasn't allowed to havedoubts.
I wasn't allowed to questionand it's not necessarily that
anyone told me you couldn'tother than maybe church sermons
I heard where it's like, if youhave doubt, people are like, oh
no, they're going to leave thefaith You's just
over-exaggeration of maybe.
(40:45):
You're just wanting to ask aquestion why is sex and marriage
good but you can't talk aboutit in church?
If this is something Godcreated, why can't we talk about
it?
Why shouldn't we do it whenwe're not married?
It's like, yes, it says that inthe Bible, but why, you know?
Like just questions thatsomebody might have of why can't
(41:08):
I do this?
Why should I do this?
Why am I doing this?
You know I never questioned.
Why am I following everything myparents are saying?
Why do I believe what I believe?
Reasons why I strayed away isbecause I got tired of being
told everything and notexperiencing anything for myself
and understanding the depth ofwhy I believe what I believe.
(41:32):
So when I came back to Christat 30, I started realizing I
can't ride on my parents'coattails to heaven.
I never felt saved doing thatanyways.
So when I actually felt savedand realized that trusting in
God and knowing what I believeand why I believe it was
important to me, that's when Istarted going through different
(41:55):
changes in what I thought andhow I reacted.
Do I agree with some thingsthat my parents believe in, do I
not?
And I just started going throughall this stuff, getting all
this knowledge, listening topodcasts and videos and
everything, and books and during2020, I had a lot of extra time
on my hands, like everyone else, so I did a lot of you know
(42:17):
YouTubing and went down somerabbit trails, found out that
some of the Christian musicartists I listened to were no
longer following Christ and itwas just messing with me.
It was like messing with my head, my heart.
I realized that some of theworship songs we listened to are
from genres of Christianitywhich aren't correct and they
don't have correct biblicaltheology, and it just messed
(42:41):
with me so much.
And as I'm learning all this,I'm like I need somebody, needs
to tell somebody something, andI just really felt like I should
do a podcast where I do that,because I'm tired of skirting
around issues and I don't wantpeople to be let down a same
path as me, where they have tofind out in their later years
that what they thought was wrongor God forbid something happens
(43:03):
and they don't make it to theirlater years and they were wrong
into their eternity.
So I didn't want any of thatfor anybody, so that's why I
started the podcast.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I love it.
How long has the podcast beengoing now?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
It's been a year and a half, maybe, or not that long,
maybe a year and three months.
I'm terrible with timing, butit's been at least a year.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
So I'm following the podcast.
I personally love it.
I know that people who arewatching, if you like, honest
conversations on podcasts, whichis like I hope that's a norm.
We try to do that with thisshow and some of our other
podcasts work, but I mean, Ihope I know you're doing that
with honest Christianconversations for sure.
It's definitely authentic.
So I hope everybody follows andlistens to this.
(43:45):
This is really good.
I got so many more questions andI don't think we're rapid
firing enough.
I have so many more.
I may have to cut some goodones out, but oh, my goodness,
where can I start?
Oh, there's so much, so muchhere.
We can always do another one.
No, we may very well have to.
I think the questions are evenexpand now that we know so much
(44:09):
more now.
But one thing I wanted to askyou about, because I know I have
podcasters in content createdlisten to our show, uh, and
people who are authors want tobe authors and stuff.
Talk to me about that partabout the office, because I know
you went to a silk pub routeand you were excited, excited.
You survived it, because that'slike yeah, it was not it's a
(44:33):
monster.
But but talk this kind ofcompounds together.
Why did you feel compelled towrite a book or write books and
do a podcast?
In a world where there's somuch of that going on, everybody
that has a story feels asthough they should be either an
author or a podcaster and turnon mics and record and tell
people about their lives.
I don't have that inclination.
(44:54):
I've done both.
I've authored a book, I've donepodcasts multiple but I don't
feel like it'm it's, I don'tfeel like it's my right.
Yet I mean, I don't feel likemy story is so important that I
have to tell it.
You know, or why did you decideto open up, you know, your world
(45:17):
to podcasting and authoringbooks?
What was the single, solitaryreason why you felt like you
know what it wasn't?
You had to do it?
I'm speaking to the introvertin you because I, the introvert,
is asking the same question.
So so I'm like introvert tointrovert.
Why do you feel like you had todo these things that put your
kind of world on front streetand open up everybody to your
(45:38):
life?
Why did you decide to do thatwith authoring a book and
podcasting?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
well, I've always loved writing.
That was where my go-to thingthat I always did, and I never
really thought about becoming apublished author.
Uh, I just I finished one of mybooks and I don't even remember
how it got found out by apublishing company.
(46:03):
But they're like, oh, you know,we want to publish your book.
And I'm like, okay, it wasn'tthe greatest company and no, I
won't name drop.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
But you know, it was.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
It was an exciting experience once it happened.
So I kind of got that.
You know, ooh, I'd love to be apublished author.
It just sounds cool andexciting but, like you said,
it's oversaturated in thismarket, in the podcasting market
, all of it is.
But because I'm such anintrovert and so quiet and shy,
there was no way that I wasgoing to be able to share all
(46:35):
these truths with a whole bunchof people if I didn't start a
podcast.
I could tell my friends all thestuff I was learning about.
But what about all the peoplein the world who may not know
that?
You know the type of songs arelistening to.
Just because they're calledChristians doesn't mean they're
made by Christian artists ordoesn't mean they believe what
(46:57):
they're saying.
Or have you looked at thelyrics?
Those might not be biblical,you know.
It's like there's people allover the world who need to know
this stuff and I was like I haveto tell somebody, but I can't
go telling everybody.
What am I going to do?
That's easy.
That makes it easy for me,where, if I get rejected, it's
not that big of a deal.
So it was like a podcast isperfect for that.
(47:19):
So that's why I was drawn topodcasting, especially the video
part was something I had towork on because I was like audio
.
I'm totally an audio first kindof person, but you know, I
record the videos with it.
I'm like, okay, I might as welljust publish it, but it's just
like I'm my own worst enemy withthat.
(47:41):
But anyway, but with thewriting, yeah, with the writing
it's really scary because youknow people are going to
criticize, they're going to say,oh well, this isn't good and
you have to learn to accept that.
And I've realized that I wantto write for God.
I want to share what he puts inme.
(48:01):
I want to share with people andwhether they like it or not,
that's for them to decide.
But the right people will withpeople and whether they like it
or not, that's that's for themto decide.
But the right people will hearit and they'll receive it in the
way that God was expecting themto receive it.
So that's why I continue towrite, other than the fact that
I just love doing it.
It's one of my favoritepastimes.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
But yeah, this is, this is.
This is a wild world for theself-professed introvert.
For some reason, I've chosen atall the social media platforms
beside our YouTube channel.
I've chosen Twitter as a placewhere I want to share about
things relating to the gospeland sharing inspiration through
(48:41):
our show Inspiration Station,and just encouraging folks to be
the best that they can be andlocate purpose, and I'm like
Twitter is not, in people's mind, the best place for this.
So I'm like why am I?
I'm doing this and most of mynetwork is sports and I'm not
doing much sports anymore.
So now I'm like trying totransition to using this vast
(49:02):
network of five digit thousandpeople and talking to them about
things like this.
I'm like this is to do this.
You can't.
You can't think about yournumbers and your likes and
analysis and analytics.
You can't do it.
You got to just do it.
You got to just do what you'resupposed to be doing.
All the other stuff got to takecare of itself, because if get
(49:24):
obsessed with numbers and andanalytics and and if people like
this, you'll be in your head,you'll be in a super dark place.
So this is encouraging.
Hopefully, we can encourageeach other on this, on this
journey because I think we needto we need yeah, yeah I want to
try to finish up with just acouple more questions, if I can.
Yeah, excuse me, sorry, but butyou know one of the things that
(49:46):
I've seen is played out in art.
You know we hear the old termthat art imitates life.
We hear this a lot and you knowabout those movies where the
person is in their old hometown,like we talked about a little
earlier in the show and there'sso many secrets there and people
trying to figure out out likewhy is this happening to me?
Why is my life going the wayit's going?
And then they start uncoveringthe secrets that have been held
(50:09):
in there for how many years now,decades and people want to
finally talk about it.
But I think that's one way thatpeople it's kind of a mechanism
to how to deal with hard stuff.
You talked about in apre-interview chat about how
much information you share withyour husband about your past and
how you invite your childreninto the healing process, if you
(50:30):
will, the growth process, ifyou will.
You're not keeping things fromthem, because we can see from
those kind of examples I wastalking about how bad it can be
for them later on, like how didI get here?
Why did this happen?
I didn't know, and mom and momthat, why did you tell me all
this time?
So it could prevent me fromgoing through x, y and z.
So talk to me a little bit, asbrief as you can, about how you
(50:53):
share information with yourhusband, your children, about
your past, how you help themunderstand why family's not
around as much and why you don'tdo things like why you don't go
to the uh, the family cookoutsin the family.
That kind of shit.
We'll brief, if you can, howyou decided to deal with that
situation.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Well, it's because most of my life had felt like a
lie, like I was either ahypocrite or I wasn't true to
myself.
I wasn't true and honest toothers.
I just always felt devious.
And there were times in myfirst marriage where I was
devious and I was doing thingsthat were wrong and I just got
(51:35):
tired of it.
Once I became a believer inChrist, and especially after I
came clean about my addiction topornography, I just realized I
can't live a not honest lifeanymore.
I didn't like the way I feltwhen I was skirting around
things or hiding things.
You just feel icky, you feelnauseous.
(51:58):
I get nauseous easily and I getstomach aches easily when I
feel guilt or shame of any sortof anything.
So that's where my consciencelives, that's where the Holy
Spirit works on me is if I'mfeeling like that, then I know
something's off and I just Ihate that feeling.
I hate feeling like I can't eat.
(52:19):
I physically can't eat becauseI feel so much negativity about
something and I got tired of it.
I didn't want to live like thatanymore.
I realized that if I wanted tostop being angry so much, I
needed to not hide things.
I needed not to bottle thingsup and pretend like they don't
bother me and be so passive,aggressive.
I need to just come out andtalk to somebody, not
(52:41):
necessarily blow up, but justsay hey, kids, I need a break.
You all are irritating momright now.
I'm going to go do somethingbefore I say something I regret,
or if I did say somethingalready and blew up on them, I
go back and I apologize.
So I'm trying to be more humbleas well and not be so full of
pride.
I mean, when people say thingsabout the podcast or when they
(53:04):
leave reviews, I smile and thenI say thank you God, because I
know he's the reason I am,what's going on or that people
are giving positivity.
I don't want to.
I don't want to put that on metoo much and be like, oh, it's
me.
You know, the only time I reallysay my podcast is if it, if it
makes sense in the sense that Ihave to.
(53:24):
Otherwise I say, God, it's yourpodcast.
Because if I say, oh, yourpodcast, people are going to be
like wait, whose podcast is shetalking about?
Your podcast?
You know one of those that meanthe Spider-Man meme where
they're all pointing at eachother.
You know so it's like, but itis, it's his podcast and as long
as he wants it to go, it'sgoing to go, same with my
writing and everything,everything I do I'm trying to do
(53:47):
for him.
So I'm working on being morehonest and I like that, I like
that.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Okay, I'll be running out of time, all right, I'll
just ask one more final question.
The show for now, all right.
Question of all of our and I dothat because I want them to
really think about the answer IfAna was not doing the ACC
podcast and she wasn't authoringfiction books, what is Ana
(54:16):
doing with her life right now?
Speaker 2 (54:19):
The other thing that I'm doing, which is learning the
Russian language.
Really, yeah, ever since highschool, I've had a heart for it.
It's the only language I'veever wanted to learn.
One day, I would love to govisit.
I've made some friends throughonline correspondence that I
talk to.
I have a tutor that I talk toand, yeah, that's where I put my
(54:42):
energies when I'm not momming,podcasting, writing or being
white?
Speaker 1 (54:48):
Is there like a career in that?
Do you like?
Would you be teaching peoplehow to speak language?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (54:55):
I haven't thought of a career, but I did at one point
start a podcast where I wastalking in Russian, as obviously
.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
Get out of here.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah, there's only a few episodes because I didn't do
so well, but I had memorizedwhat I was going to say and
spoke it in English or inRussian, but I was, you know,
english speaker.
So I would like to either pickthat back up once I know more of
what I'm talking about or turnit into something else, Cause my
overall goal is I want to sharethe gospel with people in
(55:28):
Russia, cause I know theybelieve, but I do believe that
they.
I don't want to I don't want tosay they have it wrong, out of
respect for my Russian friendsand everything, but you know,
there's certain parts of whatthey believe where it's more
Catholicism and more of thelegalistic style, and I want to.
I want to have thosecommunications with them where
(55:48):
you know the language isn't aproblem.
The difference between you knowour language isn't a problem,
because if I were to talk tothem like I talked to you right
now about you know why we needto be saved in sins and all this
stuff, the language barrier isgoing to be a problem.
Speaker 1 (56:04):
So Sure, that makes sense.
That's amazing.
I love this.
Just a new ring.
I didn't expect that.
I like that.
You've been a delight.
Thank you for jumping on andhaving this conversation with us
.
I'd love for you to jump ontoour YouTube channel if you don't
mind doing that.
Where the episode is, dropthose links.
I don't want you to forget that.
It's really important.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
No, I'll spam you a whole bunch of different links
for things.
Yeah, I love spam.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
No, you can reach up in and do that whenever you get
a chance to do that and, for allour viewers and listeners, all
of Honor's information, how youcan reach out regarding
XXXChurchcom and Honor's workwith the Honor's Christian
Conversations podcast, it'sgoing to all be there on the
YouTube channel under thecomments section.
We follow each other on socialmedia now, so you know if you
find me, you can probably findher as well.
So we're excited about seeingyour profile grow and you
(56:56):
getting a chance to have morehonest conversations like this
one.
So I'm excited about this andif you have any closing thoughts
to our listenership, here'syour chance to do so before we
sign off.
Speaker 2 (57:08):
Well, thank you first of all for having me on.
It's been a pleasure and you'refun to talk to.
You got some great questions,but, yeah, everyone who's
listening especially if there'sany women who are listening and
you are dealing with anaddiction you can reach out to
me.
Just go tohonestchristianconversationscom
(57:29):
and go to the contact page andjust send me an email and I'm
happy to talk to you about this.
I know it's not easy.
It's very awkward and weird forwomen to talk about quote
unquote a man's problem, butit's quickly becoming a woman's
problem and if we don't stop itanytime soon, before we know it
it's going to flip in a completedifferent way and it's no
(57:50):
longer going to be a man'sproblem, it's going to be a
woman's problem.
So let's kick that in the buttbefore it becomes one.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
Thank you.
Please support Ana and hermission.
Honest Christian Conversationspodcast.
You can find it all over social.
I believe definitely on ourYouTube as well and on the
listening platforms as well.
This has been an honor.
Thank you, thank you have agreat day, guys.
Thanks for watching.
welcome back to your favorite interview show.
I'm one-on-one with Mr U.
I'm your host, of course, Mr U.
In studio with us is podcasthost and author Anna Murphy.
So excited to have you in, Anna.
This is such fun.
We had an awesome pre-interviewchat.
I'm excited for the folks toget a chance to meet you live
and in person.
How are things with you all?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
They're good, they're good.
We've had a couple days oflousy weather, rain and
everything, but today we havethe sun back, so we'll see.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Rain.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
That's lousy weather, it is because I don't like the
oh, I love the snow.
I'd rather shovel than go outin the rain.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Not too many people like hearing that.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, I don't mind, especially at night.
It's just.
It's a really peaceful thing tobe outside in the snow at night
.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Snow is beautiful at night.
I don't think people get that.
We don't get it much down hereat all.
When it happens down here inthe South, it's an event.
The kids are outside playing,it's a whole thing.
But back where you are now,where I'm from, back then, man,
the snow was so peaceful atnight.
I would stare out the windowand think and meditate and dream
(01:28):
.
It's a beautiful thing.
The snow mixed with thenighttime, it's really beautiful
.
Unless you're a driver, thenit's not so great.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's good to have you in the house.
I'm so glad to have thisopportunity for live interviews.
All of our listeners andviewers can kind of hear more
about you.
So let's start.
Where are you from yourupbringing?
Kind of talk about that alittle bit with us, share it I'm
from california, sacramentooriginally.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, yeah, um, I used to be into the sacramento
kings, uh, when they actuallywere good.
I guess maybe they're good now,I don't know.
I've switched teams now thatI'm married to someone from the
East Coast, where I live inConnecticut.
We like the Celtics now.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Oh, you're from the Kings, but I.
It's hard to go from a bad teamto a good team.
Was that hard for you guys todo that Unbelievable over here
already?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, when I was a quote unquote Kings fan I didn't
really follow sports anyways,so my dad worked for somebody
who worked with the team, so Igot to go to the games, I got to
meet some people, so that was.
My tie into all of it is that Ijust had that in me and I liked
(02:47):
going with my dad.
That was just one of the thingsI enjoyed doing.
I didn't know enough about it.
I liked the squeaky shoessounds on the court, but I just,
I really just liked hanging outwith my dad and I carried that
over and yeah.
So now I don't mind basketball,but yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
The team used to be really good.
They were in the car, they werein the conversation in the
western conference.
So now they're kind of like afew games on the 500s or they're
probably not in the playoffs,so it's kind of not a thing
right now.
But no, I love that.
Now you chose the front one ofthe boston celtics.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I have some questions about that it's only me it's
only because I'm married tosomeone who's from the east
coast and that was his teamalready and I like green, as I
told you before we started.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I like green, so I was like okay I could go with
that it doesn't hurt thatthey're a good team so no, it
does not hurt at all, but youand I are divided on football.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I like the Saints and he likes the Patriots.
It's funny because the reason Ilike the Saints is because him
and I used to do fantasyfootball together and while Drew
Brees was on the team they werereally good and I kept winning
with my stuff.
So I was like how do I tell myhusband I think I like the
Saints and not the Patriots?
(04:05):
And he's like you betrayed me.
I was like you started it.
You had me doing this.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well, you mentioned fantasy football.
To me you already this is likeyeah.
Wonderful, I don't do itanymore, because I don't really.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
My picking skills were just.
I went with what I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And that's what you do, and occasionally I win.
That's what wins.
You pick colors and uniforms.
Oh, his name is cool, I'lldraft him.
I'm like huh, and they win.
They win the entire league.
So I don't.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
funny, I'm looking at stats and standing up at 3
o'clock in the morning lookingat stats and it kind of matched
in that.
I don't know why.
I'm a reason to it, but that'san awesome story.
So you went from Sacramento,california, to Connecticut.
Normally folks don't make a bigmove like that unless it's like
for their jobs or for someother reason within their family
(05:01):
.
Could you share what promptedthat huge move from literally as
far well across the country isvery late, so in California,
connecticut.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, it's kind of a a very selfish story basically
why I did that.
I I was already rebellingagainst my family, my Christian
family.
I didn't want to live for themanymore.
I was going through a painfuldivorce that I was glad was
finally getting done, because Iwas feeling controlled by him,
(05:34):
by my family.
I just was done with everythingand just wanted to do whatever.
I thought.
I had met somebody onlinethrough another online friend
who lived in Connecticut, and westarted talking.
We met up a couple times.
It wasn't a very good meetupbecause we didn't do a lot of
(05:55):
talking about future things.
We did other stuff, but Idecided I just wanted to go away
from my family, from mydaughter's abusive father.
I just wanted to get her as faraway as possible and he lived
in Connecticut.
It made sense.
I could get her away.
I didn't have to deal with myparents telling me what to do,
(06:16):
even though I was an adult.
I just I, you know, had a break.
So that's what pretty muchbrought me over to Connecticut.
And then two years later thathusband decided he didn't want
to be married anymore.
And then I was all of a suddenin Connecticut no family, no
real friends, a couple of peoplethat I had met from a church
(06:37):
that I just went to once a weekbefore that, but I didn't know
them, didn't trust them, didn't.
But I didn't know them, didn'ttrust them, wasn't even
following God quite then.
But I found myself super alone,no money because I was a
stay-at-home mom and yeah.
So that's how I got to.
Connecticut is a whole bunch ofselfish.
It's about me and what I wantkind of attitude.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
That totally makes sense and thanks for all the
listeners and viewers jumping in.
Good to see you, Sam.
Good morning to you.
Sir, this is a big uh tennesseetitans fan right here, probably
the biggest one that Ipersonally know.
I know one was uh actually acolumnist for the titans or I
guess he does some uh onlinework for him.
But this guy right here, he's ahuge fan, which I love to hear.
That.
(07:21):
So far, so a lot.
Now I to just do the thing inyour neck of the woods, but from
where I'm at, people seem tohave an emphasis for you know
what?
Almost like you have to go backhome.
Once you leave home, it's kindof almost like a pull.
We see it played out in cinemaand arts and entertainment where
somebody leaves their home.
Then all of a sudden, theseplot lines you go back to where
(07:43):
you came from, because it's likesome kind of unspoken rule.
You know, I don't think aboutgoing back.
I used to.
I don't think about going backhome to New York and living
there.
What is it about?
Sacramento?
That's your first thought.
When someone says Sacramento Isyour first thought.
You know what?
This is my home.
This is where I came up in mychildhood.
(08:04):
Memories are all here.
Do I want to go back to thisplace, or is it different for
you?
How would you answer that?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
This is such a fun thing for me to mention.
I could care less if I ever goback to California.
Wow, at one point that was allI wanted.
All I wanted.
That was all I wanted.
All I wanted when I came backto Christ, when I was 30 and I
(08:31):
was in Connecticut, feeling likeI had done a disservice to my
kids because they didn't get togrow up the way I did, where we
were in a close-knit family, wehad everybody.
My cousins didn't live that faraway.
My cousins and my brother and Iwere all babysat by my grandma.
We were just really close.
And my kids don't get to havethat.
(08:51):
Their grandparents live inTennessee or they have family in
Canada and California andArizona.
They're like all scatteredaround and they haven't gotten
to really see them in years.
So that really upset me for awhile.
I felt really guilty for that.
So I wanted to go back.
But God really told me stay inConnecticut, I'm going to take
(09:15):
care of you.
Because of that I listened andI was angry with God because he
wouldn't give me what I wanted,which was I want my kids to be
with their grandparents inCalifornia, because before COVID
that's where everyone lived wasin California, still their
grandparents, my parents,everyone was still in California
(09:35):
.
I wanted to go back and Iwanted my kids to be able to
grow up with their grandparents,now that I was back with my
relationship with God and I wasno longer trying to run from
them.
But he never gave me that and Iwas so angry at God because of
that.
But then a big event happenedand I got to go back and go to
my cousin's wedding severalyears after being married and I
(09:58):
went by myself for four days andas soon as I got out of San
Francisco and to the borderlineof Sacramento, I felt a dark
cloud on me.
I felt like someone just put awool wet blanket on top of me
and I wanted to.
On the freeway, I wanted toU-turn and drive all the way
(10:22):
back to San Francisco, get on aplane and go back to Connecticut
.
I don't know what it was, Ijust didn't want to be there.
I was depressed, I was upsetand I tried not to let my family
see it, because they wereexcited to see me and I was
there for a happy occasion itwas a wedding but I just was not
myself.
I was not happy anymore.
I was not excited to try thefoods that I had missed.
(10:42):
I tried the foods that I hadmissed and they did not taste
the same.
None of it tastes the same.
Everything was different and Idid not like it and I didn't
want to be there anymore.
And then, at some point duringmy cousin's reception, I'm
looking out at my family and I'mseeing that they're going.
They're talking to theirfriends or talking with other
family members.
They're laughing, they'rehaving fun.
(11:04):
I'm sitting there pouting andI'm realizing their lives went
on even though I wasn't there.
I don't know, I don't know ifit was some sort of selfish
thing I had where I was like, oh, they're probably miserable,
like I am because I'm not there.
I have some special whatever.
But it just really affected meand I was crying and in my heart
(11:24):
I said, god, I want to go home.
I had never called Connecticuthome before that and I had been
there for a while, but I nevercalled it that and at that
moment I just no longer had thisconnection to California, that
it was where I needed to be, orI was missing out on something
(11:46):
needed to be, or I was missingout on something.
So I went back to Connecticutand from that moment on I had a
peace that if I never steppedfoot in California again, I will
be okay, I will be fine,everything will be fine.
So then COVID happened and Iwas praising God Thank you for
not giving me what I wanted,because I did not want to be
stuck there.
And yeah, it was terrible.
What they've done to it hasreally hurt my heart, cause San
(12:08):
Francisco was one of the mostbeautiful places.
It was one of my favoriteplaces to go.
Would I ever go there now?
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
My dad.
He spent a lot of his life, thelast year of his life, in that,
in a town outside of San right,about an hour out of out of San
Francisco, about an hour out ofSanta Rosa County.
Yeah, yeah, it's different now.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Yeah, definitely.
So I'm definitely thankful hedid not give me what I wanted,
because I would not want to bestuck there.
I'd be begging to get out.
But that's why I say if I neverstep foot in California, it's
not necessarily that I wouldn'twant to see certain people that
I miss.
Most of my family, like I said,has branched out of California.
Still have some family there,but, yeah, I'm just, I'm very at
(12:55):
peace with, I don't need to bethere.
I think I get it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I think I get it.
You said a lot of profoundstuff.
I love how you talked about howpeople's lives went on and it's
not what you thought in yourhead was going on.
It's like that's the reality.
People do go on.
No matter what they've done orhave been done to them, they go
on.
I want to get into some more ofthat, but when you shout out,
some of our listeners thecoaches in the house jumping in
(13:18):
here.
Thanks, coach, for listening toon the story and watching us
Appreciate it.
Thank you for subscribing tothe channel and watching the
show.
Anybody have questions for honoron myself or you want to share
your personal stories?
Please do so.
We're open to hear those, evenin the midst of this
conversation.
We were talking a lot in ourpre-interview chat about being a
prodigal and I really feel likethis is just my perception of
(13:40):
that term.
If you feel like people kind offeel like the prodigal is
somebody who just didn't want todo things the family's way and
they want to be rebellious andthey kind of want to try to
break ties with their familybecause they just had their own
goal that didn't align or somebad things happened within the
(14:01):
family and the family didn'tdeal with it or want to talk
about it.
I mean, that's what I thinkpeople think a prodigal is.
I'd love to hear from yourstandpoint what do you think it
means to be a prodigal and howhas your view of yourself
changed in the aftermath of this, if that makes sense to you.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah Well, I grew up in the church so I knew
everything that you needed toknow.
I knew all the bedtime Biblestories.
I knew them by heart.
I had certain verses memorizedbecause I went to a Christian
high school, so you had to havecertain things memorized.
Do I still have them memorized?
I wouldn't say so because I wasonly doing it just to get my
(14:40):
grades, but it was a verylegalistic style relationship
that I had with God, alwayswondering am I going to heaven?
Because I didn't think I wasdoing enough or I didn't do it
right.
So it was really when I decidedthat I wanted to rebel, I was
(15:01):
in my early 20s.
I mean, that's not usually whenyou rebel, you do it in your
teen years, but I did it latebecause I was always trying to
do the good things that everyonewanted me to do that I put
myself on the back burner, so tospeak, and I was tired of it
after my first marriage had hadended.
That was an abusive marriage.
(15:22):
I didn't even want to be in it.
The only thing that was goodthat came out of it was my
daughter.
I didn't even want to be in it.
The only thing that was goodthat came out of.
It was my daughter and I wasjust done with everything.
At that point I was done withGod, I was done with my family,
I was done with all of it.
I just I finally wanted to seewho am I, what do I want, and it
was very selfish, did what Iwanted, and I think that's the
(15:42):
heart of a prodigal child.
They don't necessarily have tobe a Christian who turns away
from the faith.
They just have to be somebodywho's done with something,
enough where they just want togo complete 180 from that.
They're just done.
Maybe their whole family isfull of doctors and this one's
(16:04):
like you know what?
I don't want to be a doctor.
Sorry, I'm out, I'm going to gobe a comedian.
It's like that would be theworst thing for them.
That would be their prodigalchild, their black sheep or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And that's what.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think I think that's the heart of it all is
that you're just done withsomething and you just
completely do somethingdifferent, and you either come
back at some point or you don't,you know?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah, that's what I think that's a great example.
Look, that's an interview aboutthe doctor.
That's very, very good.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I've heard comedians use it before, so that's kind of
how.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I got.
It's apropos for sure you and Ihave some shared experience
when it comes to blendedfamilies.
I love to hear your look you toshare your biggest challenge in
growing one, because the onesthat I see played out sometimes
in in lives of friends and andpeople close to us.
(17:03):
It's almost like it's twofamilies in the same house as
opposed to a blended family.
But the way you described it tome in our pre-interview chat,
it seems like it's reallyblended in a way where you guys
actually immersed in eachother's lives and stuff, but
share the biggest challenge thatyou saw in trying to grow a
blended family.
(17:24):
You know challenges withdiscipline and boundaries also
that we have to deal with.
You know situation, becausethere's different voices
speaking into our household fromthe outside.
So I know it's a lot of.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
It's a long question, but it was a lot more difficult
when my daughter's father wasinvolved that my eldest is on
the brink of becoming 18, so Ihaven't yeah, I know I haven't
had to deal with him in manyyears because she hasn't lived
with me, so that's been ablessing.
(17:57):
But he was uh, he was awful,that's, that's the nicest way I
can put it.
He was not he's not nice to her,but the way he talked to me was
very disrespectful.
Whenever he would call, I havedifferent ringtones for certain
people that I talk to often sothat I know when they're calling
(18:18):
or when they're texting.
And he was one of them andwhenever his ringtone would come
on or his text would come on,my heart would skip a beat, I'd
freak out, I feel sick to mystomach, like I had to go to the
bathroom and he didn't evenhave to say anything at that
point.
It was just his ringtone, but Iknew it was him and it gave me
anxieties and everything.
(18:39):
And there's so much thatmentally he did to me while we
were married for the three yearswe were married and the torture
he still puts on our daughteris irritating to say the least.
But when he was involved it wasreally hard.
He financially didn't take careof us, which was one problem,
but he just would undermine orhe'd talk different about me
(19:03):
than her and he didn't careabout what was best for her.
He wanted what he was supposedto have.
If she had something she wantedto do during the summer, she
couldn't do it because it washis time with her and she had to
suck it up and just go anyway.
If he wanted to take hersomewhere on like a cruise or
whatever during the school year,okay, but she's not doing very
(19:24):
good with her grades, oh well,who cares, she's going anyway.
It's.
I made the you know like hemade the decisions.
That's how it was with him.
So once he got out of thepicture it was a lot easier to
handle, although now we have tobuild up um, my daughter because
of everything there, which is awhole different animal.
But her stepdad has been areally good stepdad.
(19:45):
Her first one not so much.
My second husband was not verygood to her, but he was also
young and I was forcing him tobe the father I wanted her to
have, which was not fair to him.
And I look back on that now andI realized it wasn't fair, but
at the time I just thought hewasn't working with me, realized
it wasn't fair, but at the timeI just thought he wasn't
(20:06):
working with me.
So when we got divorced he wasvery not present for her at all.
But he's been a really goodfather to his son, but not until
he was nine years old.
Before that I was doingeverything on my own, doing my
own thing and it was really hardonce he started getting more
involved, wanting to go toevents with me, wanting to have
more chats with me, to talkabout how to discipline.
(20:29):
You know, going to doctor'svisits, all these things
allowing, having me allow him totake him on things was really
difficult.
To let go of the reins and sayyou know what?
I can't take him to a doctorappointment today, you're going
to have to do it.
Allowing him to be the one who,you know, picks him up from
school because he's closer tothe school, these are all things
(20:50):
that I had to learn how to letgo of because I was the one
doing everything.
And then all of a sudden he'sthere and on top of that he's
got a really my son's got areally good stepdad, the father
of my other three children, andhe treats him just like his own
child and he wants to disciplinehim the way that we discipline
for our family.
(21:11):
But sometimes it bucks againstmy my son's father.
So then I'm the monkey in themiddle, trying to figure out how
I can make peace with everybody.
So they don't the both the menthat I have to deal with don't
feel like I'm discounting eitherof them, which is a stressful
thing.
But I put myself in thatposition with the choices that I
made.
(21:31):
So I asked God to help me allthe time and rely on him.
My son's father and I get alongfairly well.
I mean, we're not like one ofthose Hallmark movie styles
where you know we're happy.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Is anybody?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
No, it's like outside of movies.
It's not quite like that.
We don't go at each other'sthroats or yell and you know
we're not disrespectful to eachother.
We work really well to where myson knows that what's going on
at his dad's house for apunishment is most likely going
on with mom and we'll talk.
Before he decides anything,before I decide anything, we try
(22:05):
to talk it out and say, hey, isthis what we should do?
And I'll say you know, I needto talk to my husband and we
need to figure this out.
And my, my son's father and myhusband also fairly get along.
I mean, they talk more than hetalks to me.
So you know it is blended andit has been blended for a while.
I've made sure that my kidsdon't see each other as half
(22:28):
siblings or half anything.
You know they're, they'resiblings.
You know they have differentfathers.
My, my three younger kids knowthat my son has his father
outside of the house and he'sgot dad which is what he calls
him here, so that it's notconfusing for everybody.
And you know this just comeswith the territory.
(22:50):
When you make decisions likethat, you have to be able to
work with that, with that, andit's not easy, but I have God to
rely on and I trust that he'sgoing to help me and I'm growing
as a person just by dealingwith this.
So I mean, you reap what yousow and I sowed bad seeds and
(23:11):
you know I got to make the bestof it.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I love that.
Thank you for sharing that.
This is kind of transparencythat I love about these kind of
interviews.
I don't always hear it quitethe way I'm hearing this now and
it just is you're very rare ina lot of ways.
I just put it like that.
I love about you know owningthe mistakes that you've made
and recognizing you know what,even though you might apologize
or you repent, and you know what, even though you might
(23:34):
apologize or even repent,there's some consequences that
you have to walk through andsome areas of growth that you
have to deal with, because youkind of sow seeds in this garden
and what comes up you have todeal with it.
We can't avoid it.
So I love that.
That's very, very refreshing.
I definitely say that.
Talk to me Now.
(23:56):
I know I want to get into someof your stuff with the podcast.
I'm going to ask you a few morequestions about marriage and
stuff first.
But you're talking about kindof rebuilding your daughter.
Without getting into manypersonal specifics.
I kind of just want to justunderstand how do you go about
rebuilding somebody's from aself-esteem standpoint?
It feels like you're doing someof that with your podcast as
well.
So I'm trying to figure out?
(24:16):
How do you, how do youjuxtapose the two things?
You got one person in your lifethat you know, that you love so
much, that you know is brokenin some areas, and you want to
help them to rebuild thatperson's not their psyche, but I
guess just kind of just rebuildtheir self-esteem, I guess and
(24:38):
then at the same time, you got apodcast where you're having the
kind of honest Christianconversations where you're
rebuilding people who come tothe interview, maybe have broken
with some stuff in their lifeand you're trying to help
encourage them and using yourpersonal stories to do so.
How do you manage both of thosesituations, especially daughter
(24:58):
?
How do you?
How are you rebuilding herself-esteem and everything?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
well, to start it, I have to say that I'm
unfortunately not the one whoshe wants to do the healing.
Okay, that makes sense it doesher father has done a
significant number of making herfeel like she's nothing and
that she doesn't matter to him.
(25:22):
Maybe things are slightlydifferent now, but from what she
says it doesn't sound like it.
But I have since coming back toChrist.
When she was about five yearsold, I have still made mistakes
as a mom.
I've had moments where I wasangry and frustrated with her.
We're pretty sure she has highfunctioning autism, but she
(25:45):
hasn't been able to get anydiagnosis for it, so it's been
hard to deal with.
She's got some other mentalhealth issues that you know make
it difficult to work through.
She's got a little bit ofnarcissistic tendencies, just
like her dad.
So there's just so much.
She's turned out so much likeher dad, even though she didn't
want to.
So it makes it really hard.
(26:06):
But I have been consistent in mylove for her, even though she's
right now going through aseason where she doesn't believe
in God.
She doesn't want to follow him.
She's doing everything thatpretty much I did when I was in
my 20s, but she's 18 almost andyou know she's also gotten a
little bit into the transgenderstuff as well.
(26:27):
So she's just gone down a veryterrible rabbit hole and she
knows how I feel about it.
She knows that I don't like ifshe takes God's name in vain.
She respects that.
So she'll sometimes say I'msorry if it just came out or
something.
So she's respectful of myboundaries for the most part.
But she knows that I will loveher no matter what.
And she sometimes will accuseme and say, oh well, you love
(26:50):
who you want me to be.
And I said no, I don't.
I said I love you because Ilove you.
You are my child and I willalways love you, no matter what
happens, no matter what you doto yourself, to anything, you
know that I love you and I willalways be here for you.
But that's not what she wantsto hear and it's not what.
It's what she wants to hear,but not from me.
(27:12):
She wants to hear that from herdad, which is really
heartbreaking, because she'sgetting to this point where she
realizes she's not going to hearthat and no matter how much she
knows that her stepdad lovesher, that's also not enough.
That's not what she's wanting.
So we have just been consistent.
Her stepfather and I have beenvery consistent in loving her,
(27:33):
being there for her.
We talk to her when we can.
When she wants to talk, we'lltalk.
And you know, do we alwaysbelieve everything she's saying
because of some of the otherissues she has and just wanting
to be the center of attention?
We don't always, but we don'tminimize things and we also
don't maximize things and wedon't condone things either.
(27:55):
She knows where I stand inregards to this whole
transgender stuff.
I don't call her by the nameshe wants me to call her by.
I don't do all that, and I saidI don't bow and need anyone
except for God.
If you don't like that youdon't have to talk to me, I said
.
But you are always.
You're always on my mind,you're always in my prayers and
if you need me you know where tofind me.
(28:16):
But I have made sure she knowsthat you do what you've got to
do.
But I'm not going to go alongwith you for that ride.
And you know we have a fairlydecent relationship.
She loves me, I love her.
She's just got to do her thingright now and if she's anything
(28:36):
like me, hopefully she'll comeback to Christ and it won't take
too long.
But who knows?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Everybody got to make some decisions, you know, about
their own lives.
At the end of the day, that'sthe one constant.
We have to make some decisions.
We have free will.
For that reason, I want to getinto some more things that we
discussed in our chat.
But would you be able to offerany advice to people who are
watching and listening that havegone through multiple marriages
(29:04):
, divorce and then have to dealwith the aftermath of it?
If you can give one piece ofadvice to those that are
listening that have experiencedsomething similar or exactly the
same as you, what do you thinkis the most necessities that you
share with them today?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
You got to stay close to God.
That is key.
If I did not stay close to God,if I did not call out to Him
when I'm feeling angst aboutsomething I don't know that I
would have been able to handlethe situations I'm in as well as
I have.
And, yeah, he helps me witheverything.
(29:43):
I know that I made my mistakes,but he was gracious and kind
enough to give me a wonderfulhusband and three more children,
and no, I just have to rollwith what I've done, and having
God's hand there to hold throughthis really does help.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I love this.
I got so many more questionsand time is running short.
I want to try to see if we canperhaps squeeze all these
incredible questions that I havefor you.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
We can rapid fire if you want.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You may have to at this point because I have a lot
more questions to ask, but I'llget into the podcast momentarily
.
The name of the podcast isHonest Christian Conversations.
I've definitely heard someepisodes and they're fantastic,
fantastic episodes.
You're a fantastic podcast host, for sure, and they are
actually honest conversationsand I love that part about it.
(30:41):
We had an honest conversationin our pre-interview chat about
porn addiction and we kind oftalked about one thing you
emphasized with that.
You know, women can be addictedto porn too, and I thought that
was so profound.
Because when you hear pornaddiction, I know where people's
mind goes.
I know where my mind goes.
It goes to one specific gender,the male.
(31:03):
It doesn't go.
I don't think about the womanbeing quote unquote addicted.
But you have a story about that, about women being addicted to
porn.
I'd love for you to share it inwhatever way in iteration.
You want to share it and feelfree to speak as freely as you
as you'd like to, but share onthat please.
That's.
That's incredible.
It's an incredible story.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, women, we have this problem, and because
everyone thinks of it as a man'sproblem, because forever
they've been talking about itLike it's just a man's problem
Women are afraid to talk aboutthe fact that they have this too
.
They feel an extra layer ofshame because this is a man's
problem.
Why do I have this problem?
And I was really good at hidingit.
(31:45):
Nobody knew that I had thisproblem.
I nobody knew until I finallycame clean to my husband while I
was pregnant with our thirdchild and told him that I had an
addiction to pornography.
At that point I came clean.
I gave him passwords, I gavehim passcodes to get my phone.
(32:08):
He had full range to check upon me whenever he wanted.
I told my family, I toldfriends, I told everybody,
friends, I told everybody and Igot involved with triple X,
churchcom, which is a placewhere men and women, or people
who are married, who arestruggling with it, can find
resources to help you with that.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Triple X churchcom.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, triple X churchcom yeah.
And at the time that I was athim and he cried, got up from
(33:01):
his nap later I asked him whydid you get out from your nap
early?
He said God told me to find you.
That wrecked me and that's whatset me off to realize I needed
to tell somebody I have anaddiction.
So that's what I did.
But before that it was abusiness transaction.
I was there for what I neededit for.
(33:22):
I don't care about who thesepeople are.
Yes, they may be sex traffickedor whatever.
I don't really care whatthey're there for.
They're there for me and what Ineed.
I need to get rid of mynegative emotions.
So let's get this done.
That's what pornography was isa transaction for me, and I
hated myself because of it,because I knew it was wrong.
(33:42):
I knew these were real peopleand after I heard a pastor say
that that could be someone'sdaughter, that just wrecked me
even more.
But I still couldn't stop.
It was because after 17 plusyears I'd been training my brain
that when you're feeling anegative emotion, this is how
you get rid of it until the nextone, and it's unhealthy.
(34:03):
So when I decided I was done, Ihad to go cold turkey.
That was the only way I wasgoing to do it, because I knew I
wasn't going to be able tootherwise.
So I didn't watch anythinghigher than a PG rating for a
year and a half.
I didn't listen to anything butChristian music.
I didn't use my computer.
After a certain hour of the dayI didn't use it if I was alone.
(34:25):
I just I put a lot ofparameters and boundaries on
myself on my computer usage andeverything.
And then I got to go on one ofthe mission trips that XXX
Church did, where they went topornography conventions and they
handed out Bibles and T-shirtsthat says Jesus loves porn stars
(34:46):
.
I was so excited to go to theone in New Jersey this was a
thing I really wanted to do.
So.
That night, the first night, Iwas really pumped and ready to
go, but I was also reallynervous because in a year and a
half I had not seen anythinghigher than PG.
I did not know what was goingto happen.
Once I go in there and see allthis stuff in my face, how was I
(35:07):
going to react?
I did not react the way Ithought I would.
As soon as I got in there, Istarted crying.
Once I saw everything, Istarted crying.
I felt my heart breaking.
Once I saw everything, Istarted crying.
I felt my heart breaking.
I saw the need, the depression,the sadness, all the negative
emotions that were in there.
I saw the reason why we werethere and I felt this
(35:33):
overwhelming urge to just jumpon a table and start preaching
the gospel.
I didn't because I'm kind ofshy, but I really felt like I
had to.
Yeah, I really felt like I hadto.
That's just it was almostimpulsive, Like if I had just
released myself to do it Iprobably would have.
That's just how much of animpulse it was.
And there weren't literalchains that broke, but chains
did break inside me and I didnot see that stuff the same way
(35:55):
I had before.
I mean, we were next to a boothwith some questionable stuff
next to it, but I didn't carebecause I was there to preach
the gospel.
I did not see any of that stuff.
I got to talk to a woman whowas topless.
While I was talking to her, shewas praying with me.
She cried and I was pumped forthe rest of the weekend.
It was a three-day event and Iwas really excited.
(36:17):
I was like this is day one.
Are you kidding me?
I am so there.
But Satan was mad because hehad lost me and he messed with
me hard during that whole night.
I couldn't sleep.
There was a situation with myhusband and I and I had to leave
the next morning and go homeand fix everything because it
was just too much mentally forme.
And that's what I would say toanyone who's going into a really
(36:41):
difficult mission trip type ofthing you have to be prayed
better.
I was not.
I definitely was not prayed upthe way I should have.
I had people praying for me andeverything, but I was not
expecting that kind of spiritualwarfare.
I had never been on a missiontrip before but, through all
that, I was set free frompornography.
(37:02):
I don't have the same drive toit anymore.
I don't have any issues with it.
Does something pop in my brainevery once while at some random
time which has nothing to dowith anything I'm doing?
Yeah, you know, I mean justlike if you were a former
alcoholic or a drug addict.
You know you see something onTV it might trigger something in
your past of oh remember, youused to do that.
(37:24):
But I have the power to say no,I'm not, that's not me anymore.
Sorry, I.
What in the world is this evenhere for Goodbye?
You know I didn't have thatbefore, but yeah, so I love
telling people.
I was set free from mypornography addiction at a porn
convention.
It's like oh my.
God.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
That's astounding.
I don't even think I've evenshared.
In my first three seasons ofour show I think I shared so
much to my whole.
Everybody that knew me was likeam I next?
Am I going to be the one he'sgoing to talk about next?
Because I shared everything.
But that's one area that Idealt with myself and I never
(38:07):
talked about it, at least not ina podcast where I'm anyway.
So that was.
This is inspiring to me becauseI kind of I handled the same.
I didn't go to a pornconvention.
In my mind there's no way I cando that and and get and get
healed, but I did go the coldturkey route.
Uh, I believe the lord did, uhdid the work in that regard.
I don't think it was me at all.
I'm not taking any credit for,but I can relate to this.
So this is, this is prettyawesome.
(38:28):
I love this.
Um, you know so in your, inyour mind.
Do you feel and this is justsomething for, uh, our listeners
and viewers to kind of uh thinkabout do you feel like last
question on this?
Also, do you think that, uh,triplexchurchcom was helpful or
is a good resource to helppeople who deal with porn
addiction?
(38:48):
Do you feel as though this is aplace that you have and would
recommend for people?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, they've gone through some changes on how they
do things and everything, so Ihaven't been following it
recently.
But yeah, I mean, it'sdefinitely a really good
resource.
It's probably one of the onlyones out there that just puts it
out there.
Hey, this is what we're herefor, although I will give a
shout out to someone who was onmy podcast.
(39:16):
His name is Logan Hufford.
He was in season three of mypodcast and he was talking about
his sexual addiction and he'sin based in Alaska.
So, unless you're in Alaska, hedoes have a ministry that he
works with, but you can alwaysfind him on.
You know I can send you thelink to my podcast with that
(39:37):
episode and people can hear hismessage, and you know you can go
to his website.
You can find him on Instagram.
He does stuff on Instagram.
He he knows more about, youknow, the male side.
If they need help somewhere, hewould probably have resources
for that.
But yeah, triple X Church isdefinitely it's for men, it's
(39:57):
for women, it's for couples.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
So, if you don't mind , please share the link to both
Logan Huffer and Tribal AgeChurch on the YouTube channel in
the comment section under theepisode.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you want to go back and hearit or hear the replay, they can
find the information veryeasily.
Please don't forget to do that.
That'd be awesome.
Let's talk about HonestChristian Conversation.
What was the impetus for thispodcast?
(40:21):
Why did you start this?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
this podcast?
Why did you start this?
Well, I started it because,like I mentioned, I was in a
legalistic style relationshipwith God and just really felt
like I wasn't allowed to havedoubts.
I wasn't allowed to questionand it's not necessarily that
anyone told me you couldn'tother than maybe church sermons
I heard where it's like, if youhave doubt, people are like, oh
no, they're going to leave thefaith You's just
over-exaggeration of maybe.
(40:45):
You're just wanting to ask aquestion why is sex and marriage
good but you can't talk aboutit in church?
If this is something Godcreated, why can't we talk about
it?
Why shouldn't we do it whenwe're not married?
It's like, yes, it says that inthe Bible, but why, you know?
Like just questions thatsomebody might have of why can't
(41:08):
I do this?
Why should I do this?
Why am I doing this?
You know I never questioned.
Why am I following everything myparents are saying?
Why do I believe what I believe?
Reasons why I strayed away isbecause I got tired of being
told everything and notexperiencing anything for myself
and understanding the depth ofwhy I believe what I believe.
(41:32):
So when I came back to Christat 30, I started realizing I
can't ride on my parents'coattails to heaven.
I never felt saved doing thatanyways.
So when I actually felt savedand realized that trusting in
God and knowing what I believeand why I believe it was
important to me, that's when Istarted going through different
(41:55):
changes in what I thought andhow I reacted.
Do I agree with some thingsthat my parents believe in, do I
not?
And I just started going throughall this stuff, getting all
this knowledge, listening topodcasts and videos and
everything, and books and during2020, I had a lot of extra time
on my hands, like everyone else, so I did a lot of you know
(42:17):
YouTubing and went down somerabbit trails, found out that
some of the Christian musicartists I listened to were no
longer following Christ and itwas just messing with me.
It was like messing with my head, my heart.
I realized that some of theworship songs we listened to are
from genres of Christianitywhich aren't correct and they
don't have correct biblicaltheology, and it just messed
(42:41):
with me so much.
And as I'm learning all this,I'm like I need somebody, needs
to tell somebody something, andI just really felt like I should
do a podcast where I do that,because I'm tired of skirting
around issues and I don't wantpeople to be let down a same
path as me, where they have tofind out in their later years
that what they thought was wrongor God forbid something happens
(43:03):
and they don't make it to theirlater years and they were wrong
into their eternity.
So I didn't want any of thatfor anybody, so that's why I
started the podcast.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I love it.
How long has the podcast beengoing now?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
It's been a year and a half, maybe, or not that long,
maybe a year and three months.
I'm terrible with timing, butit's been at least a year.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
So I'm following the podcast.
I personally love it.
I know that people who arewatching, if you like, honest
conversations on podcasts, whichis like I hope that's a norm.
We try to do that with thisshow and some of our other
podcasts work, but I mean, Ihope I know you're doing that
with honest Christianconversations for sure.
It's definitely authentic.
So I hope everybody follows andlistens to this.
(43:45):
This is really good.
I got so many more questions andI don't think we're rapid
firing enough.
I have so many more.
I may have to cut some goodones out, but oh, my goodness,
where can I start?
Oh, there's so much, so muchhere.
We can always do another one.
No, we may very well have to.
I think the questions are evenexpand now that we know so much
(44:09):
more now.
But one thing I wanted to askyou about, because I know I have
podcasters in content createdlisten to our show, uh, and
people who are authors want tobe authors and stuff.
Talk to me about that partabout the office, because I know
you went to a silk pub routeand you were excited, excited.
You survived it, because that'slike yeah, it was not it's a
(44:33):
monster.
But but talk this kind ofcompounds together.
Why did you feel compelled towrite a book or write books and
do a podcast?
In a world where there's somuch of that going on, everybody
that has a story feels asthough they should be either an
author or a podcaster and turnon mics and record and tell
people about their lives.
I don't have that inclination.
(44:54):
I've done both.
I've authored a book, I've donepodcasts multiple but I don't
feel like it'm it's, I don'tfeel like it's my right.
Yet I mean, I don't feel likemy story is so important that I
have to tell it.
You know, or why did you decideto open up, you know, your world
(45:17):
to podcasting and authoringbooks?
What was the single, solitaryreason why you felt like you
know what it wasn't?
You had to do it?
I'm speaking to the introvertin you because I, the introvert,
is asking the same question.
So so I'm like introvert tointrovert.
Why do you feel like you had todo these things that put your
kind of world on front streetand open up everybody to your
(45:38):
life?
Why did you decide to do thatwith authoring a book and
podcasting?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
well, I've always loved writing.
That was where my go-to thingthat I always did, and I never
really thought about becoming apublished author.
Uh, I just I finished one of mybooks and I don't even remember
how it got found out by apublishing company.
(46:03):
But they're like, oh, you know,we want to publish your book.
And I'm like, okay, it wasn'tthe greatest company and no, I
won't name drop.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
But you know, it was.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
It was an exciting experience once it happened.
So I kind of got that.
You know, ooh, I'd love to be apublished author.
It just sounds cool andexciting but, like you said,
it's oversaturated in thismarket, in the podcasting market
, all of it is.
But because I'm such anintrovert and so quiet and shy,
there was no way that I wasgoing to be able to share all
(46:35):
these truths with a whole bunchof people if I didn't start a
podcast.
I could tell my friends all thestuff I was learning about.
But what about all the peoplein the world who may not know
that?
You know the type of songs arelistening to.
Just because they're calledChristians doesn't mean they're
made by Christian artists ordoesn't mean they believe what
(46:57):
they're saying.
Or have you looked at thelyrics?
Those might not be biblical,you know.
It's like there's people allover the world who need to know
this stuff and I was like I haveto tell somebody, but I can't
go telling everybody.
What am I going to do?
That's easy.
That makes it easy for me,where, if I get rejected, it's
not that big of a deal.
So it was like a podcast isperfect for that.
(47:19):
So that's why I was drawn topodcasting, especially the video
part was something I had towork on because I was like audio
.
I'm totally an audio first kindof person, but you know, I
record the videos with it.
I'm like, okay, I might as welljust publish it, but it's just
like I'm my own worst enemy withthat.
(47:41):
But anyway, but with thewriting, yeah, with the writing
it's really scary because youknow people are going to
criticize, they're going to say,oh well, this isn't good and
you have to learn to accept that.
And I've realized that I wantto write for God.
I want to share what he puts inme.
(48:01):
I want to share with people andwhether they like it or not,
that's for them to decide.
But the right people will withpeople and whether they like it
or not, that's that's for themto decide.
But the right people will hearit and they'll receive it in the
way that God was expecting themto receive it.
So that's why I continue towrite, other than the fact that
I just love doing it.
It's one of my favoritepastimes.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
But yeah, this is, this is.
This is a wild world for theself-professed introvert.
For some reason, I've chosen atall the social media platforms
beside our YouTube channel.
I've chosen Twitter as a placewhere I want to share about
things relating to the gospeland sharing inspiration through
(48:41):
our show Inspiration Station,and just encouraging folks to be
the best that they can be andlocate purpose, and I'm like
Twitter is not, in people's mind, the best place for this.
So I'm like why am I?
I'm doing this and most of mynetwork is sports and I'm not
doing much sports anymore.
So now I'm like trying totransition to using this vast
(49:02):
network of five digit thousandpeople and talking to them about
things like this.
I'm like this is to do this.
You can't.
You can't think about yournumbers and your likes and
analysis and analytics.
You can't do it.
You got to just do it.
You got to just do what you'resupposed to be doing.
All the other stuff got to takecare of itself, because if get
(49:24):
obsessed with numbers and andanalytics and and if people like
this, you'll be in your head,you'll be in a super dark place.
So this is encouraging.
Hopefully, we can encourageeach other on this, on this
journey because I think we needto we need yeah, yeah I want to
try to finish up with just acouple more questions, if I can.
Yeah, excuse me, sorry, but butyou know one of the things that
(49:46):
I've seen is played out in art.
You know we hear the old termthat art imitates life.
We hear this a lot and you knowabout those movies where the
person is in their old hometown,like we talked about a little
earlier in the show and there'sso many secrets there and people
trying to figure out out likewhy is this happening to me?
Why is my life going the wayit's going?
And then they start uncoveringthe secrets that have been held
(50:09):
in there for how many years now,decades and people want to
finally talk about it.
But I think that's one way thatpeople it's kind of a mechanism
to how to deal with hard stuff.
You talked about in apre-interview chat about how
much information you share withyour husband about your past and
how you invite your childreninto the healing process, if you
(50:30):
will, the growth process, ifyou will.
You're not keeping things fromthem, because we can see from
those kind of examples I wastalking about how bad it can be
for them later on, like how didI get here?
Why did this happen?
I didn't know, and mom and momthat, why did you tell me all
this time?
So it could prevent me fromgoing through x, y and z.
So talk to me a little bit, asbrief as you can, about how you
(50:53):
share information with yourhusband, your children, about
your past, how you help themunderstand why family's not
around as much and why you don'tdo things like why you don't go
to the uh, the family cookoutsin the family.
That kind of shit.
We'll brief, if you can, howyou decided to deal with that
situation.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Well, it's because most of my life had felt like a
lie, like I was either ahypocrite or I wasn't true to
myself.
I wasn't true and honest toothers.
I just always felt devious.
And there were times in myfirst marriage where I was
devious and I was doing thingsthat were wrong and I just got
(51:35):
tired of it.
Once I became a believer inChrist, and especially after I
came clean about my addiction topornography, I just realized I
can't live a not honest lifeanymore.
I didn't like the way I feltwhen I was skirting around
things or hiding things.
You just feel icky, you feelnauseous.
(51:58):
I get nauseous easily and I getstomach aches easily when I
feel guilt or shame of any sortof anything.
So that's where my consciencelives, that's where the Holy
Spirit works on me is if I'mfeeling like that, then I know
something's off and I just Ihate that feeling.
I hate feeling like I can't eat.
(52:19):
I physically can't eat becauseI feel so much negativity about
something and I got tired of it.
I didn't want to live like thatanymore.
I realized that if I wanted tostop being angry so much, I
needed to not hide things.
I needed not to bottle thingsup and pretend like they don't
bother me and be so passive,aggressive.
I need to just come out andtalk to somebody, not
(52:41):
necessarily blow up, but justsay hey, kids, I need a break.
You all are irritating momright now.
I'm going to go do somethingbefore I say something I regret,
or if I did say somethingalready and blew up on them, I
go back and I apologize.
So I'm trying to be more humbleas well and not be so full of
pride.
I mean, when people say thingsabout the podcast or when they
(53:04):
leave reviews, I smile and thenI say thank you God, because I
know he's the reason I am,what's going on or that people
are giving positivity.
I don't want to.
I don't want to put that on metoo much and be like, oh, it's
me.
You know, the only time I reallysay my podcast is if it, if it
makes sense in the sense that Ihave to.
(53:24):
Otherwise I say, God, it's yourpodcast.
Because if I say, oh, yourpodcast, people are going to be
like wait, whose podcast is shetalking about?
Your podcast?
You know one of those that meanthe Spider-Man meme where
they're all pointing at eachother.
You know so it's like, but itis, it's his podcast and as long
as he wants it to go, it'sgoing to go, same with my
writing and everything,everything I do I'm trying to do
(53:47):
for him.
So I'm working on being morehonest and I like that, I like
that.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Okay, I'll be running out of time, all right, I'll
just ask one more final question.
The show for now, all right.
Question of all of our and I dothat because I want them to
really think about the answer IfAna was not doing the ACC
podcast and she wasn't authoringfiction books, what is Ana
(54:16):
doing with her life right now?
Speaker 2 (54:19):
The other thing that I'm doing, which is learning the
Russian language.
Really, yeah, ever since highschool, I've had a heart for it.
It's the only language I'veever wanted to learn.
One day, I would love to govisit.
I've made some friends throughonline correspondence that I
talk to.
I have a tutor that I talk toand, yeah, that's where I put my
(54:42):
energies when I'm not momming,podcasting, writing or being
white?
Speaker 1 (54:48):
Is there like a career in that?
Do you like?
Would you be teaching peoplehow to speak language?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (54:55):
I haven't thought of a career, but I did at one point
start a podcast where I wastalking in Russian, as obviously
.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
Get out of here.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah, there's only a few episodes because I didn't do
so well, but I had memorizedwhat I was going to say and
spoke it in English or inRussian, but I was, you know,
english speaker.
So I would like to either pickthat back up once I know more of
what I'm talking about or turnit into something else, Cause my
overall goal is I want to sharethe gospel with people in
(55:28):
Russia, cause I know theybelieve, but I do believe that
they.
I don't want to I don't want tosay they have it wrong, out of
respect for my Russian friendsand everything, but you know,
there's certain parts of whatthey believe where it's more
Catholicism and more of thelegalistic style, and I want to.
I want to have thosecommunications with them where
(55:48):
you know the language isn't aproblem.
The difference between you knowour language isn't a problem,
because if I were to talk tothem like I talked to you right
now about you know why we needto be saved in sins and all this
stuff, the language barrier isgoing to be a problem.
Speaker 1 (56:04):
So Sure, that makes sense.
That's amazing.
I love this.
Just a new ring.
I didn't expect that.
I like that.
You've been a delight.
Thank you for jumping on andhaving this conversation with us
.
I'd love for you to jump ontoour YouTube channel if you don't
mind doing that.
Where the episode is, dropthose links.
I don't want you to forget that.
It's really important.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
No, I'll spam you a whole bunch of different links
for things.
Yeah, I love spam.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
No, you can reach up in and do that whenever you get
a chance to do that and, for allour viewers and listeners, all
of Honor's information, how youcan reach out regarding
XXXChurchcom and Honor's workwith the Honor's Christian
Conversations podcast, it'sgoing to all be there on the
YouTube channel under thecomments section.
We follow each other on socialmedia now, so you know if you
find me, you can probably findher as well.
So we're excited about seeingyour profile grow and you
(56:56):
getting a chance to have morehonest conversations like this
one.
So I'm excited about this andif you have any closing thoughts
to our listenership, here'syour chance to do so before we
sign off.
Speaker 2 (57:08):
Well, thank you first of all for having me on.
It's been a pleasure and you'refun to talk to.
You got some great questions,but, yeah, everyone who's
listening especially if there'sany women who are listening and
you are dealing with anaddiction you can reach out to
me.
Just go tohonestchristianconversationscom
(57:29):
and go to the contact page andjust send me an email and I'm
happy to talk to you about this.
I know it's not easy.
It's very awkward and weird forwomen to talk about quote
unquote a man's problem, butit's quickly becoming a woman's
problem and if we don't stop itanytime soon, before we know it
it's going to flip in a completedifferent way and it's no
(57:50):
longer going to be a man'sproblem, it's going to be a
woman's problem.
So let's kick that in the buttbefore it becomes one.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
Thank you.
Please support Ana and hermission.
Honest Christian Conversationspodcast.
You can find it all over social.
I believe definitely on ourYouTube as well and on the
listening platforms as well.
This has been an honor.
Thank you, thank you have agreat day, guys.
Thanks for watching.
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