August 25, 2025 • 18 mins
Ever walked out of a meeting thinking everyone was aligned—only to realize the real conversation started in the hallway? That’s not alignment. That’s avoidance. And it’s killing your team’s potential.
In this kickoff episode of the Conflict IQ series, Colby Morris unpacks why most leaders get conflict wrong—and how you can build the intelligence to turn tension into trust. Drawing from research at Melbourne Business School, insights from Harvard Business Review, and Patrick Lencioni’s work on “healthy conflict,” this episode reframes conflict as a leadership superpower, not a liability.
You’ll discover:
- Why avoiding conflict creates disengagement—not peace.
- How Lencioni’s idea of “healthy conflict” changes everything about team dynamics.
- The four dimensions of Conflict IQ and what they look like in practice.
- Real-world stories of leaders who avoided conflict vs. those who leveraged it—and the very different outcomes they created.
- A simple, three-step action plan (“Name it. Frame it. Close it.”) you can start using in your next meeting.
Conflict doesn’t have to be messy, personal, or destructive. Handled well, it’s the fire that forges stronger ideas, stronger teams, and stronger leaders.
Question for you: When was the last time you avoided conflict—and what did it really cost you?
If this episode resonates, share it with another leader who needs to rethink their relationship with conflict. For more tools on people-first leadership, visit nxtstepadvisors.com
Connect with Colby on LinkedIn
.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People First.
Leadership, actionablestrategies, real results this is
Things Leaders Do with ColbyMorris.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Ever been in a meeting where everyone smiles,
nods and says looks good, andthen after the meeting, the real
conversation starts in thehallway.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about, right?
Susan from marketing suddenlyhas three major concerns she
didn't even mention.
Dave from operations is textinghis boss about why this will
(00:31):
never work and you're sittingthere like wait.
Didn't we just agree on thislike 10 minutes ago?
Yeah, that's not agreement,that's avoidance and it's
killing your team's potentialFaster than dial-up internet
connection killed our patiencein 1995.
(00:52):
Look, here's the hard truth.
Most leaders aren't conflictintelligent.
We either avoid it like it's ahorror movie that we're just too
scared to watch, or we justbulldoze through it.
Both approaches destroy trustand they leave us wondering why
our teams feel more like a groupof strangers at a bus stop than
(01:14):
a cohesive unit.
Hey, leaders, I'm Colby Morrisand this is Things Leaders Do,
the podcast where we get realabout leadership without the
corporate buzzword.
Bingo.
Today we're kicking off amini-series on something I'll
call Conflict IQ and why it'sone of the most critical skills
leaders need right now, not nextquarter, not when you get
(01:38):
around to it, but yesterday.
Because here's what nobodytells you in leadership school
Avoiding conflict doesn't makeyou a peacekeeper, it makes you
a peace faker.
So let's get real for a minute.
Conflict has a bad reputationand, honestly, it earned it.
(01:59):
Think about your earliestmemories of a workplace conflict
.
Maybe it was that boss thatturned every disagreement into a
public execution.
You know the type right.
They'd call someone out infront of the whole team, voice
getting louder that veinspopping out, made everyone else
(02:19):
shrink into their chairs likethey were witnessing a car
accident.
Or maybe it was the executivewho won, quote, unquote every
argument through sheerintimidation.
They didn't debate ideas, theysteamrolled people.
Disagreement wasn't discussion,it was insubordination.
So what happened to most of us?
We went the complete oppositedirection.
(02:42):
We became these conflictrefugees, fleeing to the land of
everything's fine and settingup permanent residence there.
You know what we did?
We confused peace with health.
We started believing that ifnobody's arguing, everything is
working is working.
(03:08):
But here's the thing Silence inthe room doesn't mean alignment
, it means disengagement orworse, it means people have
given up trying to make thingsbetter.
I learned this the hard way.
Early in my career I had a teamthat literally never argued.
They never pushed back, theynever raised their voices.
I thought I was a leadershipgenius, you know.
Look how smooth everything runs, I'm telling myself, look how
(03:29):
harmonious we are.
Then our biggest project failedspectacularly, not because we
didn't have the talent, notbecause we didn't have the
resources, but because threedifferent people saw problems
coming up and never said a word.
They didn't have the resources,but because three different
people saw problems coming upand never said a word.
They didn't want to createconflict.
(03:50):
Here's what the research tellsus.
Melbourne Business Schoolidentifies conflict intelligence
as one of the most in-demandleadership skills for 2025.
Yet Harvard Business Reviewfound that, while 76% of
organizations are experimentingwith conflict management
training because they know it'sa problem, only about 40% of
(04:11):
those leaders feel confident intheir ability to handle it.
That's a massive gap, andhere's where it gets really
expensive.
Hbr also found that teams withpoor conflict management have
23% lower psychological safetyscores.
Think about what that means.
When people don't trust thatthey can disagree safely, they
(04:34):
stop contributing their bestideas entirely.
That gap shows up in differentways, like stalled projects,
unresolved tension, teams thatnever hit their stride because
they're too busy tiptoeingaround that giant elephant in
the room.
But, here's what's really crazy.
We've created this, I guess,this false choice between toxic
(04:58):
conflict and no conflict at all.
It's like the only options wehave are a Jerry Springer show
or a library reading room.
Look, there's a third optionand that's where the magic
happens.
Patrick Lencioni nailed this inthe Five Dysfunctions of a Team
and, by the way, if you haven'tread that book, may I highly
recommend it.
In it he puts fear of conflictright at the foundation of team
(05:23):
dysfunction, not as anice-to-have skill, but as a
prerequisite for everything elsethat matters.
Here's what Lencioni figuredout that most of us miss.
Teams that avoid conflict can'tget to real commitment.
Think about that If peoplearen't willing to voice their
concerns or their doubts ordifferent perspectives, how can
(05:46):
they actually buy into the finaldecision?
They can't.
They just go along with it andthen wonder why nothing sticks.
Lincione reframes conflict ashealthy conflict.
This is where the magic happens.
He's not talking about fighting.
He's not talking about personalattacks or storming out of the
room.
(06:07):
He's talking about rigorousdebate, about ideas.
He says.
When there's trust, conflictbecomes nothing but the pursuit
of truth, an attempt to find thebest possible answer.
Do you hear that?
The pursuit of truth.
Not winning, not being right,not proving someone else wrong,
(06:33):
but finding the best possibleanswer.
That's the shift leaders needto make.
Conflict isn't chaos, it'sclarity, it's not destruction,
it's construction.
It's sharpening ideas until thebest ones rise to the top, like
cream in the coffee, exceptinstead of coffee we're talking
(06:58):
about solutions that actuallywork.
Listen, I think about this likea blacksmith working with metal
.
You don't avoid the firebecause it's hot.
Right, you use the fire to makesomething stronger.
Healthy conflict is the firethat forges better ideas and
makes stronger teams andsolutions that people will
actually believe in.
(07:19):
The difference between toxicconflict and healthy conflict is
like the difference between abar fight and a debate team One
destroys, one builds, one leaveseveryone bruised and one leaves
everyone sharper.
So what does conflict IQactually look like in practice?
(07:40):
Because it's not just aboutbeing comfortable with
disagreement.
Any teenager can disagree.
It's about being strategic,intentional and skilled.
Well, first, there's awareness.
You recognize conflict for whatit is Energy that can be
directed, not a threat to avoid.
(08:02):
Most leaders miss thiscompletely.
They see tension andimmediately think problem to
solve instead of energy toharness.
I remember working with a CEO.
He could literally spotconflict from a mile away, but
not in the way you'd think.
He didn't wait for voices toraise or people to storm out.
(08:26):
He could sense it in the pausesand the way people phrased
their agreement and who wasn'tspeaking up.
I swear he had conflict radar,all right.
The second is framing.
You set the tone up front, andthis is where most people fail.
They either don't address it atall or they address it so
(08:49):
poorly.
The leaders who get this rightsay things like we're going to
debate hard but we're going towalk out aligned, or something
like I want you to disagree withme if you think I'm wrong.
That's not disrespect, that'syour job.
And third are the tools.
You know the room.
This isn't accidental.
(09:10):
It's tactical Questions likehelp me understand where you're
coming from, or what would haveto be true for your concern to
be valid.
These aren't just nice phrases,they're conflict navigation
tools.
And finally, there'sfollow-through.
This is where good intentionsgo to die.
(09:33):
You don't leave conflictunresolved like some kind of
leadership cliffhanger.
You make a decision, you alignand you move forward together.
No loose ends, no unfinishedbusiness.
No, we'll circle back to thatlater.
That never happens.
Think about the last time yourteam avoided conflict.
(09:55):
Did that problem magicallydisappear, like it was David
Copperfield working in Vegas?
Or did it show up later, bigger, messier, harder to solve, like
conflict, compound interest?
Except, instead of buildingwealth, you're building
resentment.
(10:15):
Except, instead of buildingwealth, you're building
resentment.
Conflict IQ is aboutintercepting that pattern before
it costs you.
Trust money people, because itwill cost you one of those three
guaranteed All right.
I want to tell you about twoleaders I worked with.
Same industry, similarchallenges, completely different
approaches to conflict.
The result Night and day.
(10:37):
The first leader I'm going tocall him Michael.
Michael prided himself onkeeping the peace.
Meetings were smooth as butter.
Nobody argued, everyone waspolite, Everything looked fine
from the outside.
I mean, it was like a perfectlymanicured lawn that you later
(10:58):
discovered it was mostly weeds.
Michael's team meetingsfollowed the same pattern every
time He'd present an idea,people would nod, maybe ask a
few of those softball questionsand everyone would leave
quote-unquote, aligned.
Except they weren't aligned,they were just quiet.
(11:20):
Six months into working withMichael, his top performer quit.
Not just any employee, hisabsolute best, the person
everyone else looked up to, theone who made everyone else
better just by being there.
When I asked her why she wasleaving, she said something that
stopped me cold.
She said I'm tired of raisingconcerns that nobody wants to
(11:43):
hear.
I'm tired of being the only onewho thinks we should actually
solve problems instead of justsmiling and hoping they go away.
Michael had created a culturewhere conflict was so unwelcome
that people stopped trying tomake things better.
They just showed up, did theirjobs and saved their real
(12:05):
thoughts for after-hoursconversations that never led to
change.
Now I'm going to contrast thatwith another leader.
I'm going to call her Sarah.
Sarah invited conflict like itwas her favorite dinner guest.
Every single strategy meetingstarted with something like okay
, poke holes in this.
Tell me what I'm missing.
(12:25):
Convince me I'm wrong if youthink I am.
The first time I sat in on oneof her meetings, I thought it
was chaos.
People were interrupting eachother, challenging assumptions,
pushing back on everything.
It was loud, it was messy andit looked like exactly the kind
of meeting most leaders try toavoid.
But here's what I noticedNobody was attacking people.
(12:51):
They were attacking ideas.
Nobody was getting personal,they were getting specific.
And at the end of every meeting, something amazing happened
they made a decision.
Everyone understood their roleand they walked out energized
(13:11):
instead of exhausted.
Sarah's retention rate Throughthe roof.
Her team's performanceno-transcript.
The difference wasn't thepeople Both teams were talented.
The difference wasn't thechallenges they both faced
(13:33):
similar obstacles.
The difference was the leader'sconflict IQ.
Michael treated conflict likekry this week and yes, I'm
calling it homework, becausethis is school and the subject
is leadership and the grade thatmatters is whether your team
(13:56):
trusts you enough to tell youthe truth.
Next week, your next meeting,if you sense tension, say it out
loud.
Say something like I feel likewe're not aligned here.
Let's unpack that, or I'msensing some hesitation.
(14:20):
What are we not talking about?
Just naming conflict lowers thetemperature faster than jumping
in a cold lake.
Why?
Because most conflict stays hotwhen it stays hidden.
The moment you acknowledge it,you're going to transform it
from that scary monster underthe bed into a problem you can
actually solve.
(14:41):
And then second frame it Setthe rules of engagement.
Before the engagement starts,try something like hey, we're
debating ideas, not attackingpeople.
Disagreement is how we getsharper, not how we tear each
other down.
I'd rather have a messyconversation now than a failed
(15:02):
project later.
Hey, this isn't just feel-goodleadership.
Speak.
This is creating psychologicalsafety so people can do their
best thinking instead of theirmost cautious thinking.
That was good, all right.
Third, close it.
Don't let conflict linger likethat one friend who never knows
(15:24):
when the party's over.
End it with clarity.
Here's what we decided.
Here's who owns it.
Here's where we'll check backin.
Unresolved conflict is it's likea splinter.
It might not seem like a bigdeal at first, but it gets
infected and causes problems wayout of proportion to its
(15:45):
original size.
So here's my question for youas we wrap up today when was the
last time you avoided conflictand what did it actually cost
you?
I don't mean what you toldyourself it cost you.
I mean what it really cost you.
Maybe it was a project thatfailed because nobody wanted to
(16:07):
point out the obvious flaws.
Maybe it was a team member whochecked out because they just
felt unheard.
Maybe it was an opportunity youmissed because you were too
busy managing around the tensioninstead of addressing it.
Here's the truth I've learnedafter years of watching leaders
rise and fall.
Conflict is not a leadershipliability, it's a leadership
(16:32):
superpower.
When you can handle it well,develop your conflict IQ and
you'll transform those tensemoments from team killers into
trust builders.
The leaders who master this,they don't just have better
meetings, they have better teams.
They don't just avoid problems,they solve them faster.
(16:53):
And they don't just keep thepeace, they build something
worth fighting for.
Next week, we're going to divedeeper into this, and I want you
to know sometimes the mostdangerous conflicts are the ones
nobody's talking about yet.
Hey, if you want more tools forpeople-first leadership that
(17:13):
actually work in the real world,make sure to visit my website
at nextstepadvisorscom.
There's no E in next, just NXT.
And if this episode helped youthink differently about conflict
, do me a favor and share itwith another leader who needs to
hear it.
And, if you don't mind, give mea review and share it with
another leader who needs to hearit.
And, if you don't mind, give mea review wherever you listen to
(17:34):
your podcast.
That's how we help leaders getbetter.
Get the word out so that moreleaders will lead better faster.
Again, thank you for listeningto the TLD podcast.
I'm Colby Morris, facingconflict with courage, turning
tension into trust and buildingstronger teams.
(17:54):
And you know why?
Because those are the thingsthat leaders do.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Thank you for listening to Things Leaders Do.
If you're looking for more tipson how to be a better leader,
be sure to subscribe to thepodcast and listen to next
week's episode.
Until next time, keep workingon being a better leader by
doing the things that leaders do.
People First.
Leadership, actionablestrategies, real results this is
Things Leaders Do with ColbyMorris.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Ever been in a meeting where everyone smiles,
nods and says looks good, andthen after the meeting, the real
conversation starts in thehallway.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about, right?
Susan from marketing suddenlyhas three major concerns she
didn't even mention.
Dave from operations is textinghis boss about why this will
(00:31):
never work and you're sittingthere like wait.
Didn't we just agree on thislike 10 minutes ago?
Yeah, that's not agreement,that's avoidance and it's
killing your team's potentialFaster than dial-up internet
connection killed our patiencein 1995.
(00:52):
Look, here's the hard truth.
Most leaders aren't conflictintelligent.
We either avoid it like it's ahorror movie that we're just too
scared to watch, or we justbulldoze through it.
Both approaches destroy trustand they leave us wondering why
our teams feel more like a groupof strangers at a bus stop than
(01:14):
a cohesive unit.
Hey, leaders, I'm Colby Morrisand this is Things Leaders Do,
the podcast where we get realabout leadership without the
corporate buzzword.
Bingo.
Today we're kicking off amini-series on something I'll
call Conflict IQ and why it'sone of the most critical skills
leaders need right now, not nextquarter, not when you get
(01:38):
around to it, but yesterday.
Because here's what nobodytells you in leadership school
Avoiding conflict doesn't makeyou a peacekeeper, it makes you
a peace faker.
So let's get real for a minute.
Conflict has a bad reputationand, honestly, it earned it.
(01:59):
Think about your earliestmemories of a workplace conflict
.
Maybe it was that boss thatturned every disagreement into a
public execution.
You know the type right.
They'd call someone out infront of the whole team, voice
getting louder that veinspopping out, made everyone else
(02:19):
shrink into their chairs likethey were witnessing a car
accident.
Or maybe it was the executivewho won, quote, unquote every
argument through sheerintimidation.
They didn't debate ideas, theysteamrolled people.
Disagreement wasn't discussion,it was insubordination.
So what happened to most of us?
We went the complete oppositedirection.
(02:42):
We became these conflictrefugees, fleeing to the land of
everything's fine and settingup permanent residence there.
You know what we did?
We confused peace with health.
We started believing that ifnobody's arguing, everything is
working is working.
(03:08):
But here's the thing Silence inthe room doesn't mean alignment
, it means disengagement orworse, it means people have
given up trying to make thingsbetter.
I learned this the hard way.
Early in my career I had a teamthat literally never argued.
They never pushed back, theynever raised their voices.
I thought I was a leadershipgenius, you know.
Look how smooth everything runs, I'm telling myself, look how
(03:29):
harmonious we are.
Then our biggest project failedspectacularly, not because we
didn't have the talent, notbecause we didn't have the
resources, but because threedifferent people saw problems
coming up and never said a word.
They didn't have the resources,but because three different
people saw problems coming upand never said a word.
They didn't want to createconflict.
(03:50):
Here's what the research tellsus.
Melbourne Business Schoolidentifies conflict intelligence
as one of the most in-demandleadership skills for 2025.
Yet Harvard Business Reviewfound that, while 76% of
organizations are experimentingwith conflict management
training because they know it'sa problem, only about 40% of
(04:11):
those leaders feel confident intheir ability to handle it.
That's a massive gap, andhere's where it gets really
expensive.
Hbr also found that teams withpoor conflict management have
23% lower psychological safetyscores.
Think about what that means.
When people don't trust thatthey can disagree safely, they
(04:34):
stop contributing their bestideas entirely.
That gap shows up in differentways, like stalled projects,
unresolved tension, teams thatnever hit their stride because
they're too busy tiptoeingaround that giant elephant in
the room.
But, here's what's really crazy.
We've created this, I guess,this false choice between toxic
(04:58):
conflict and no conflict at all.
It's like the only options wehave are a Jerry Springer show
or a library reading room.
Look, there's a third optionand that's where the magic
happens.
Patrick Lencioni nailed this inthe Five Dysfunctions of a Team
and, by the way, if you haven'tread that book, may I highly
recommend it.
In it he puts fear of conflictright at the foundation of team
(05:23):
dysfunction, not as anice-to-have skill, but as a
prerequisite for everything elsethat matters.
Here's what Lencioni figuredout that most of us miss.
Teams that avoid conflict can'tget to real commitment.
Think about that If peoplearen't willing to voice their
concerns or their doubts ordifferent perspectives, how can
(05:46):
they actually buy into the finaldecision?
They can't.
They just go along with it andthen wonder why nothing sticks.
Lincione reframes conflict ashealthy conflict.
This is where the magic happens.
He's not talking about fighting.
He's not talking about personalattacks or storming out of the
room.
(06:07):
He's talking about rigorousdebate, about ideas.
He says.
When there's trust, conflictbecomes nothing but the pursuit
of truth, an attempt to find thebest possible answer.
Do you hear that?
The pursuit of truth.
Not winning, not being right,not proving someone else wrong,
(06:33):
but finding the best possibleanswer.
That's the shift leaders needto make.
Conflict isn't chaos, it'sclarity, it's not destruction,
it's construction.
It's sharpening ideas until thebest ones rise to the top, like
cream in the coffee, exceptinstead of coffee we're talking
(06:58):
about solutions that actuallywork.
Listen, I think about this likea blacksmith working with metal
.
You don't avoid the firebecause it's hot.
Right, you use the fire to makesomething stronger.
Healthy conflict is the firethat forges better ideas and
makes stronger teams andsolutions that people will
actually believe in.
(07:19):
The difference between toxicconflict and healthy conflict is
like the difference between abar fight and a debate team One
destroys, one builds, one leaveseveryone bruised and one leaves
everyone sharper.
So what does conflict IQactually look like in practice?
(07:40):
Because it's not just aboutbeing comfortable with
disagreement.
Any teenager can disagree.
It's about being strategic,intentional and skilled.
Well, first, there's awareness.
You recognize conflict for whatit is Energy that can be
directed, not a threat to avoid.
(08:02):
Most leaders miss thiscompletely.
They see tension andimmediately think problem to
solve instead of energy toharness.
I remember working with a CEO.
He could literally spotconflict from a mile away, but
not in the way you'd think.
He didn't wait for voices toraise or people to storm out.
(08:26):
He could sense it in the pausesand the way people phrased
their agreement and who wasn'tspeaking up.
I swear he had conflict radar,all right.
The second is framing.
You set the tone up front, andthis is where most people fail.
They either don't address it atall or they address it so
(08:49):
poorly.
The leaders who get this rightsay things like we're going to
debate hard but we're going towalk out aligned, or something
like I want you to disagree withme if you think I'm wrong.
That's not disrespect, that'syour job.
And third are the tools.
You know the room.
This isn't accidental.
(09:10):
It's tactical Questions likehelp me understand where you're
coming from, or what would haveto be true for your concern to
be valid.
These aren't just nice phrases,they're conflict navigation
tools.
And finally, there'sfollow-through.
This is where good intentionsgo to die.
(09:33):
You don't leave conflictunresolved like some kind of
leadership cliffhanger.
You make a decision, you alignand you move forward together.
No loose ends, no unfinishedbusiness.
No, we'll circle back to thatlater.
That never happens.
Think about the last time yourteam avoided conflict.
(09:55):
Did that problem magicallydisappear, like it was David
Copperfield working in Vegas?
Or did it show up later, bigger, messier, harder to solve, like
conflict, compound interest?
Except, instead of buildingwealth, you're building
resentment.
(10:15):
Except, instead of buildingwealth, you're building
resentment.
Conflict IQ is aboutintercepting that pattern before
it costs you.
Trust money people, because itwill cost you one of those three
guaranteed All right.
I want to tell you about twoleaders I worked with.
Same industry, similarchallenges, completely different
approaches to conflict.
The result Night and day.
(10:37):
The first leader I'm going tocall him Michael.
Michael prided himself onkeeping the peace.
Meetings were smooth as butter.
Nobody argued, everyone waspolite, Everything looked fine
from the outside.
I mean, it was like a perfectlymanicured lawn that you later
(10:58):
discovered it was mostly weeds.
Michael's team meetingsfollowed the same pattern every
time He'd present an idea,people would nod, maybe ask a
few of those softball questionsand everyone would leave
quote-unquote, aligned.
Except they weren't aligned,they were just quiet.
(11:20):
Six months into working withMichael, his top performer quit.
Not just any employee, hisabsolute best, the person
everyone else looked up to, theone who made everyone else
better just by being there.
When I asked her why she wasleaving, she said something that
stopped me cold.
She said I'm tired of raisingconcerns that nobody wants to
(11:43):
hear.
I'm tired of being the only onewho thinks we should actually
solve problems instead of justsmiling and hoping they go away.
Michael had created a culturewhere conflict was so unwelcome
that people stopped trying tomake things better.
They just showed up, did theirjobs and saved their real
(12:05):
thoughts for after-hoursconversations that never led to
change.
Now I'm going to contrast thatwith another leader.
I'm going to call her Sarah.
Sarah invited conflict like itwas her favorite dinner guest.
Every single strategy meetingstarted with something like okay
, poke holes in this.
Tell me what I'm missing.
(12:25):
Convince me I'm wrong if youthink I am.
The first time I sat in on oneof her meetings, I thought it
was chaos.
People were interrupting eachother, challenging assumptions,
pushing back on everything.
It was loud, it was messy andit looked like exactly the kind
of meeting most leaders try toavoid.
But here's what I noticedNobody was attacking people.
(12:51):
They were attacking ideas.
Nobody was getting personal,they were getting specific.
And at the end of every meeting, something amazing happened
they made a decision.
Everyone understood their roleand they walked out energized
(13:11):
instead of exhausted.
Sarah's retention rate Throughthe roof.
Her team's performanceno-transcript.
The difference wasn't thepeople Both teams were talented.
The difference wasn't thechallenges they both faced
(13:33):
similar obstacles.
The difference was the leader'sconflict IQ.
Michael treated conflict likekry this week and yes, I'm
calling it homework, becausethis is school and the subject
is leadership and the grade thatmatters is whether your team
(13:56):
trusts you enough to tell youthe truth.
Next week, your next meeting,if you sense tension, say it out
loud.
Say something like I feel likewe're not aligned here.
Let's unpack that, or I'msensing some hesitation.
(14:20):
What are we not talking about?
Just naming conflict lowers thetemperature faster than jumping
in a cold lake.
Why?
Because most conflict stays hotwhen it stays hidden.
The moment you acknowledge it,you're going to transform it
from that scary monster underthe bed into a problem you can
actually solve.
(14:41):
And then second frame it Setthe rules of engagement.
Before the engagement starts,try something like hey, we're
debating ideas, not attackingpeople.
Disagreement is how we getsharper, not how we tear each
other down.
I'd rather have a messyconversation now than a failed
(15:02):
project later.
Hey, this isn't just feel-goodleadership.
Speak.
This is creating psychologicalsafety so people can do their
best thinking instead of theirmost cautious thinking.
That was good, all right.
Third, close it.
Don't let conflict linger likethat one friend who never knows
(15:24):
when the party's over.
End it with clarity.
Here's what we decided.
Here's who owns it.
Here's where we'll check backin.
Unresolved conflict is it's likea splinter.
It might not seem like a bigdeal at first, but it gets
infected and causes problems wayout of proportion to its
(15:45):
original size.
So here's my question for youas we wrap up today when was the
last time you avoided conflictand what did it actually cost
you?
I don't mean what you toldyourself it cost you.
I mean what it really cost you.
Maybe it was a project thatfailed because nobody wanted to
(16:07):
point out the obvious flaws.
Maybe it was a team member whochecked out because they just
felt unheard.
Maybe it was an opportunity youmissed because you were too
busy managing around the tensioninstead of addressing it.
Here's the truth I've learnedafter years of watching leaders
rise and fall.
Conflict is not a leadershipliability, it's a leadership
(16:32):
superpower.
When you can handle it well,develop your conflict IQ and
you'll transform those tensemoments from team killers into
trust builders.
The leaders who master this,they don't just have better
meetings, they have better teams.
They don't just avoid problems,they solve them faster.
(16:53):
And they don't just keep thepeace, they build something
worth fighting for.
Next week, we're going to divedeeper into this, and I want you
to know sometimes the mostdangerous conflicts are the ones
nobody's talking about yet.
Hey, if you want more tools forpeople-first leadership that
(17:13):
actually work in the real world,make sure to visit my website
at nextstepadvisorscom.
There's no E in next, just NXT.
And if this episode helped youthink differently about conflict
, do me a favor and share itwith another leader who needs to
hear it.
And, if you don't mind, give mea review and share it with
another leader who needs to hearit.
And, if you don't mind, give mea review wherever you listen to
(17:34):
your podcast.
That's how we help leaders getbetter.
Get the word out so that moreleaders will lead better faster.
Again, thank you for listeningto the TLD podcast.
I'm Colby Morris, facingconflict with courage, turning
tension into trust and buildingstronger teams.
(17:54):
And you know why?
Because those are the thingsthat leaders do.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Thank you for listening to Things Leaders Do.
If you're looking for more tipson how to be a better leader,
be sure to subscribe to thepodcast and listen to next
week's episode.
Until next time, keep workingon being a better leader by
doing the things that leaders do.
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