The Conflict Series, Episode 2: How to Say Hard Things Without Burning Bridges

Struggling to have tough conversations without damaging relationships? You’re not alone—and this episode shows you how to lead with clarity and care.

In Part 2 of The Conflict Series, Colby Morris breaks down a practical 3-step framework for saying hard things as a leader—without losing trust, morale, or momentum. Drawing from years of leadership experience and a real-life story with a former supervisor, Colby reveals how consistent one-on-ones, clear expectations, and people-first leadership make tough conversations easier and more effective.

Whether you're giving performance feedback, addressing accountability gaps, or confronting team dynamics, this episode gives you the exact words, mindset, and tools you need to lead like a pro—even in the uncomfortable moments.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why avoiding tough conversations erodes trust faster than speaking the truth
• A 3-step framework for direct and compassionate feedback
• How consistent one-on-ones and feedback rhythms make accountability easier
• The biggest mistakes leaders make when delivering hard messages—and how to fix them
• A leadership challenge to help you take immediate action this week

This episode is a must-listen for new managers, seasoned executives, HR leaders, and anyone committed to building a culture of clarity, care, and high performance.

If this episode challenged or helped you, share it with your leadership team.
Colby is available for speaking engagements, team offsites, and leadership trainings focused on building people-first leaders who communicate with courage.
Connect with him on LinkedIn or reach out through the contact link below.

Webpage

• Colby's LinkedIn Profile
• Things Leaders Do Instagram

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello leaders and welcome back to the TLD podcast.
I'm Colby Morris and I've ledat every level, from frontline
supervisor to executiveleadership.
These episodes are designed tofit into your commute and
hopefully packed with enoughsubstance to shift how you lead
the moment you walk through thedoor.

(00:21):
Before we get into it, let meremind you of something I say
often you don't get better atanything you don't actually
practice.
Knowledge doesn't change people, practice does.
You can read all the leadershipbooks you want, but if you
don't actually say the hardthing, you're just stockpiling

(00:42):
theory.
Nothing changes if you don'tact.
So today we're continuing ourconflict series with one of the
most common leadershipbreakdowns how do you say what
needs to be said without burningthe bridge, whether it's
feedback correction.
Tough conversations, saying hardthings is part of the job.

(01:04):
Correction.
Tough conversations, sayinghard things is part of the job.
But when you lead as a peoplefirst leader, when you've
invested the time, consistentdirection and built trust
through one-on-ones, those hardconversations get a whole lot
easier.
So let's talk about how to dothis.
Well, first I want to definethe problem, and that's.

(01:26):
Hard.
Conversations often feel likechoosing between truth and
relationship.
Brene Brown said it best Clearis kind, unclear is unkind.
Most leaders don't avoid hardconversations because they're
lazy.
They avoid them because they'reafraid of the fallout, afraid

(01:48):
of damaging the relationship,afraid of being seen as harsh or
uncaring.
But if you're leading yourpeople consistently, investing
in them regularly and building aculture of feedback, then
saying a hard thing isn't abetrayal of relationship.
It's a result of it Peoplefirst.

(02:12):
Leadership isn't soft, it'sstructured, it's intentional.
It means knowing your peopleand giving them everything they
need to succeed, and thatincludes the truth.
So I'm going to give you aframework.
It's just kind of a three-partformula for hard conversations.

(02:34):
Okay.
So if we break it down, here'show we do this.
It's at least the structurethat I use and I coach others to
use.
It's simple, actionable androoted in trust.
First, I want you to acknowledgethe relationship.
Okay, start with the human side.

(02:56):
Remind them of your investmentin them, not because you're
sugarcoating the truth, butbecause you're anchoring in the
context.
Say something like I value thework you do and I've appreciated
the effort you put in.
Or this isn't an easyconversation, but I'm having it

(03:16):
because I care about you andyour success here, when you've
been meeting with your peopleregularly through monthly or
biweekly one-on-ones.
This doesn't feel like asurprise.
Okay, it feels like acontinuation of the relationship
.
Two, I want you to align onexpectations, see.

(03:39):
Next, you've got to make thestandard clear.
This is where most leaders justkind of fall apart.
Okay, they assume the personshould know better, but clarity
beats assumption.
Every time, instead of catchingthem off guard, you calmly
reinforce what's already beendiscussed.

(03:59):
Hey, we've talked about this inour previous check-ins.
Or this role is responsible forthis and we've had
conversations around what goodlooks like, okay, or we've
worked together to clarifyexpectations around this already

(04:20):
.
This is where people-firstleadership pays off, because if
you've been leading withconsistency, this part won't
feel like a landmine.
Okay, it feels like like acheckpoint.
I want to tell you a story Mikesituation.
Um well, let me back up.

(04:40):
I had a supervisor named Mikeand he reported to me.
He was a great guy, loyal,consistent, the kind of person
everyone liked.
But over time, performanceissues started creeping in.
The team wasn't hittingtimelines, the follow-through
was slipping and I knew I neededto step in.

(05:02):
But here's the thing We'd beendoing monthly one-on-ones for
months.
Every time we met, we talkedthrough goals, obstacles, team
dynamics.
We had built a rhythm.
So when I finally sat down tohave the hard conversation, it
wasn't an ambush.
I just said Mike, you know I'vebeen in your corner and I want

(05:25):
to see you win, but we've alsotalked about this issue in our
last few meetings.
Here's what hasn't changed.
He didn't argue, he just noddedand said yeah, I figured we
needed to talk about this soon.
See, that's the power ofleading with consistency.

(05:47):
By the time you need to addressa gap.
It's not a shock, it's justlike confirmation.
Okay, now three.
I want you to address the gapclearly Now.
This is where leaders eitherstep into clarity or they
backpedal into vagueness.

(06:09):
You've acknowledged the person,you've aligned on what was
expected.
Now you've got to say the thingDirect, measured, honest, okay,
no fluff.
Say something like we're stillnot meeting the expectations
here, or here's the impact thisis having on the team, or

(06:35):
something.
If you need to really addressit, if we don't see a change by
30 days, we'll have to considera shift here.
The more clarity you've builtthrough one-on-ones and
real-time coaching, the lessemotion and more alignment

(06:55):
you'll have in this moment.
Remember and I really want youto hear me on this the more
consistent your investment, theeasier your accountability.
All right.
That brings us to what gets inthe way.

(07:16):
Here's what leaders often getwrong.
Even when leaders know theyneed to have the conversation,
they fall into some common traps, and I've seen it at every

(07:38):
level.
I want to walk through them,because awareness here is
everything.
Number one leaders theyovertalk and they under say Look
, we've all been there.
You open the meeting withpraise, talk in circles, hedge
the feedback and walk away,never actually saying what
needed to be said.
You feel better, but they leaveconfused.
Clarity doesn't come from morewords.
It comes from the right words.

(07:59):
This isn't about being cold,it's about being courageous.
Start with care, land withtruth, be brief, be kind, but be
clear.
Problem number two leaders waittoo long.

(08:22):
Avoidance is one of the fastestways to erode leadership
credibility.
You wait and wait and wait,hoping the issue is just going
to fix itself, but by the timeyou speak up, the damage is
already done.
Accountability delayed isaccountability denied.

(08:42):
And here's the kicker your teamknows when you're avoiding the
problem.
Okay, they're watching, andyour silence becomes a signal,
one that says mediocrity istolerated here.
Is that the message you want tosend?
All right, and number threeleaders treat every issue like a

(09:04):
friendship conversation.
Look, empathy matters, butleadership isn't friendship.
You can care deeply for someoneand still hold the line.
You can be personal withoutlosing your professionalism.
Leadership isn't about beingliked, it's about being trusted.
And trust is built when youconsistently show up with

(09:27):
empathy and truth together.
All right, here's yourleadership challenge.
Let's put this into action.
Don't just listen.
Practice.
Number one I want you toidentify a conversation you've
been avoiding.
What's the one thing youhaven't said?

(09:48):
But need to Write it down?
Okay, get clear on what theissue actually is.
To use the three-step frameworkI just gave you.
Okay, don't wing it.
Map it out.
Acknowledge the relationship.
Okay, align on expectations.
Address the gap.
Use your real words.

(10:08):
Get it on paper.
Practice saying it out loud.
Yes, I know that sounds weird,but the more you practice it,
the easier it's going to be todeliver it.
And then three, schedule theconversation this week.
Don't, don't wait for theperfect moment.
Okay, leadership is the moment.

(10:31):
Leadership is the moment.
Block 20 minutes.
Get in the room, say the thingOkay, leadership isn't built on
theory.
It's built on reps.
Leaders, being people firstdoesn't mean avoiding hard
truths.
It means you care enough todeliver them with clarity and

(10:51):
compassion.
It means you've invested inyour people through time, trust,
coaching and connection.
So when accountability shows up, it's not a surprise.
It's a continuation of therelationship.
Look, if you want to helpbuilding this kind of leadership
culture or you're ready toreset the tone in your team, I'd

(11:14):
love to help.
You can connect with me onLinkedIn or through the link
below to bring this conversationto your next leadership
training or retreat, and if thisepisode helped you, please
share it with a leader you workwith.
Okay, start the conversation,encourage the reps, and you know
why?
Because those are the thingsthat leaders do.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Thank you for listening to Things Leaders Do.
If you're looking for more tipson how to be a better leader,
be sure to subscribe to thepodcast and listen to next
week's episode.
Until next time, keep workingon being a better leader by
doing the things that leaders do.