The Conflict Series: Your Team is Not a Family

The Conflict Series: Your Team is Not a Family

Is your workplace really a family—or are you avoiding the tough conversations your team actually needs?

In this episode of Things Leaders Do, Colby Morris kicks off The Conflict Series by taking aim at one of the most popular myths in leadership today: the idea that your team should function like a family. While “we’re like a family here” sounds heartwarming, it often creates confusion, stifles innovation, and sabotages accountability.

Colby shares personal stories, expert quotes, and hard-won lessons from the front lines of leadership to help you build a culture of trust, performance, and growth—without the emotional traps that “family culture” can bring. Whether you're a new leader trying to define your voice or a seasoned executive looking to shift your organization’s culture, this episode gives you the tools to lead with clarity and courage.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why calling your team a “family” can lead to underperformance and missed opportunities
• How avoiding conflict in the name of harmony kills innovation
• Real-world examples of leadership mistakes and what they taught Colby
• The exact language to use instead of “we’re a family” to inspire accountability and unity
• A 3-step leadership challenge to reset expectations and take action this week

This episode is ideal for frontline managers, senior leaders, HR professionals, and leadership coaches who want to create high-trust, high-performance cultures without falling into the emotional traps of outdated leadership clichés.

If this episode hits home, share it with your team and open the conversation.
Interested in bringing this message to your organization? Colby is available for leadership trainings, offsites, and team culture resets. Connect with him on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/colbymorris/) or reach out directly using the contact link below:

Nxtstepadvisors.com

• Colby's LinkedIn Profile
• Things Leaders Do Instagram

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello leaders and welcome back to the TLD podcast.
I'm Colby Morris and I have ledfrom the front line all the way
to the C-suite.
My goal is really simple it'sjust to give you real practical
tools you can use to lead better, faster.
These episodes are designed tofit into your commute.

(00:23):
You've noticed they're short,but I want them to be packed
with enough substance to shifthow you lead the moment you walk
through the door.
Today we're kicking off theconflict series, and this first
topic might ruffle just a fewfeathers, and it's this your

(00:45):
team is not a family.
Did I just hit a nerve?
Probably, but let me explain.
You can have strong, healthy,people-first cultures, but if
you're calling your workplace afamily, there's a good chance

(01:06):
you're unintentionally avoidingthe very conflict that would
help your team grow.
Let's get into it the myth ofwe're a family here.
Adam Grant said the mostdysfunctional organizations I've
worked with were the ones thatdescribe themselves as families.

(01:28):
Look, when leaders say we'relike a family here, they usually
mean well.
I mean they want to communicatesafety, loyalty and belonging.
But here's the thing.
Families are built onunconditional love and lifetime

(01:48):
commitment.
Organizations are built onaligned values, shared goals and
performance.
Calling your workplace.
A family creates an unspokenexpectation.
One, that feedback is optionalbecause, well, we love each

(02:08):
other.
Or two, that underperformanceis tolerated because we've known
each other forever.
Or three, that people leavingfeels like a betrayal.
That's not healthy culture.
That's confusion with a warmtone.
Okay, so let's talk about whyavoiding conflict in family

(02:33):
culture kills growth.
Number one avoidance ofaccountability.
You see, when we treat a teamlike a family, we often hesitate
to hold people accountable.
After all, in a family weoverlook flaws.
We tell ourselves well, that'sjust how Uncle Dave is right.

(02:54):
But in a team, avoidingaccountability leads to
mediocrity fast.
Years ago I had a highperformer who had slowly become
toxic.
They were great at their job,but they bulldoze other people.
They ignored deadlines andresisted feedback.

(03:17):
I just kept thinking we've beenthrough a lot together.
I know their heart, so I I letit go and I kept letting it go
Until one day a new team membercame to me and very innocently
asked why does everyone have tofollow the rules except for that

(03:40):
person?
That's when I realized I wasnot leading, I was enabling.
In that moment I learned thisAvoiding accountability does not
protect culture, it poisons itAll right.

(04:01):
Number two stagnation overinnovation.
Healthy conflict is whereinnovation is born.
The moment you create a culturewhere people are afraid to
challenge ideas or speakuncomfortable truths, you've
captured potential.
But real innovation requiresfiction.
That's friction, not fiction.

(04:33):
Productive tension,disagreement in service of
something better.
Think about the best ideasyou've seen come to life.
How many started with someonesaying I don't think this is
working.
In growth cultures, peoplearen't pushed for challenging

(04:54):
the status quo.
They're expected to.
If you want a culture ofexcellence, your team has to
know it's safe to say there's abetter way and you, as the
leader, have to be open tohearing it, even when it's
uncomfortable.

(05:20):
Three the guilt trap.
Family language creates guilton both sides.
As a leader, I once had someoneon my team who simply just
wasn't meeting expectations.
I had coached, trained,extended multiple chances, but I
just couldn't bring myself tolet them go.
Why?
Because we had a family culture.
Letting them go felt personal.
Eventually they left on theirown, and you know what someone

(05:43):
told me afterward we werewondering why you kept them
around so long.
Ouch, that one hurt.
But it taught me something thelonger you hold on to the wrong
person, the more damage you doto the right ones.
All right, I want you to replacefamily with this.

(06:07):
This is where we pivot Newleaders.
Look, I get it.
You're building your leadershipidentity.
You want to be liked, you wantto be trusted.
So calling your team a familyfeels like the quickest way to
create that closeness.
But here's the truth.
Clarity creates trust, notsentiment.

(06:30):
Instead of saying we're afamily, I want you to say we're
a high trust team that holdseach other to a high standard.
Okay, or we care personally andwe challenge directly.
Shout out there to Kim Scott'sRadical Candor.
If you haven't read it.
You seasoned leaders out there.

(06:58):
Look, look, you've weatheredstorms.
You've seen teams rise, you'veseen them fall, but if you're
still clinging to the familyidentity, you might be
protecting what was instead ofbuilding what's next.
John maxwell said it this waythe greatest enemy of tomorrow's
success is today's comfort.
So, instead of we're a family,shift your language.
We're a mission-driven teamthat values performance and

(07:23):
support in equal measure.
Or we're a culture of feedback,accountability and shared
success.
Let your team feel safe, butdon't confuse safety with
immunity from responsibility.
All right, let's get to theleadership challenge.
Here's your move this week.

(07:45):
I want you to do a few things.
Number one be confident.
Audit your language.
I want you to go back throughyour team meetings, onboarding
materials, job descriptions.
Are you using family language?
I want you to replace it withclearer, performance, aligned
language.
How do we want to define ourculture?

(08:11):
Do we want to be a family?
Do we want to be a team thatwins together?
Let them speak, let themwrestle with it.
That's how culture shifts, andfeel free to counter argue with
some of the points I've made inthis.
See how they think about it.
And then three make one hardmove you've been avoiding.

(08:32):
And then three make one hardmove you've been avoiding.
Is there a tough conversationyou've been putting off of in
the name of, you know, keepingthe peace?
Schedule it this week.
Come in clear, kind and direct.
You're not just holding themaccountable.
You're showing the rest of theteam that standards matter.

(08:55):
Look, leaders, great culturesare built on clarity,
consistency and courage, not oncomfort, not on nostalgia and
definitely not on dysfunctionalfamily dynamics dressed up as
loyalty.
If you've been calling yourteam a family, it's time to
evolve that language.
Build a team where people arecared for and challenged and, if

(09:22):
you'd like, help facilitatingthat shift, if your team needs
to reset expectations,reestablish accountability or
just have an honest culturecheck.
I'd love to help.
I'd love to speak at yourorganization.
You can connect with me onLinkedIn or reach out using the
link in the show notes and hey,if this episode hit home, share

(09:45):
it with a leader on your team.
Open up the conversation forall of you, invite the hard
dialogue.
That's how teams grow and youknow why?
Because those are the thingsthat leaders do.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Thank you for listening to Things Leaders Do.
If you're looking for more tipson how to be a better leader,
be sure to subscribe to thepodcast and listen to next
week's episode.
Until next time, keep workingon being a better leader by
doing the things that leaders do.