August 18, 2025 • 24 mins
Ever wondered why your Gen X boss seems to speak in code? Why they get weird when you ask "why" or seem obsessed with how many hours you work? This episode flips the script—giving Millennials and Gen Z the backstage pass to understanding what makes their Gen X bosses tick. It's not about excusing poor leadership; it's about cracking the code so you can work together more effectively.
What You'll Learn
- The real reason Gen X leaders act the way they do (hint: it's not personal)
- Why common Gen X behaviors that drive you crazy actually make perfect sense to them
- Specific language and strategies to get better results from your Gen X boss
- How understanding their "operating system" can turn friction into collaboration
Key Takeaways
"Your Gen X boss isn't trying to make your life difficult. They're just operating from a different instruction manual."
"When you start speaking their language, many Gen X leaders will actually start to evolve."
Who This Episode Is For
- Millennials and Gen Z feeling frustrated with their Gen X managers
- Anyone who's ever felt like they need a translator for their boss
- People who want to build better relationships with senior leadership
Your Action This Week
Pick your Gen X boss's most confusing behavior and try one new approach based on what you learn in this episode.
Connect with Colby
- Website: nxtstepadvisors.com
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colbymorris/
- Share this with someone else who's trying to crack the Gen X leadership code
Reflection Question
Which Gen X behavior have you been taking personally that might just be generational programming?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People First.
Leadership, actionablestrategies, real results this is
Things Leaders Do with ColbyMorris.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
If you've ever wondered why your Gen X boss
seems to speak in code, you'renot wrong.
We basically do.
If you've ever thought, whydoes my manager expect me to
read their mind, or why do theyact like asking questions is a
character flaw, well, buckle up.
You're about to get thebackstage pass to understanding
(00:32):
your Gen X leader.
Hey, leaders, I'm Colby Morrisand this is Things Leaders Do,
where we tackle realrelationships, real leadership
challenges with real solutions.
Today's episode is different.
Instead of talking to Gen Xleaders about what they're doing
, right or wrong, I'm talking to, like everyone else, the
(00:57):
millennials, gen Z, anyone who'sever felt like they need a
translator to understand theirGen X boss.
Think of this as your fieldguide to Gen X leaders, not to
excuse their behavior, okay, butto help you understand what's
driving it, so you can work withthem more effectively and maybe
(01:19):
even help them become betterleaders in the process.
Help them become better leadersin the process.
So let's get into the Gen Xorigin story, or basically why
we're like this.
Before we dive into the decoderring, you need to understand
where Gen X leaders came from,because our leadership style
(01:40):
isn't random.
It is the direct result of howwe grew up and learned to work.
We're the latchkey kids whocame home to empty houses and we
literally had to figure thingsout on our own.
We grew up during the corporatedownsizing of the 80s and 90s.
We watched our parents get laidoff after decades of loyalty.
(02:03):
We learned that job securitywas a myth and that you better
be able to stand on your own twofeet.
We entered the workforce whenthe internet was still dial up.
I mean you had to print outMapQuest directions and then
work-life balance.
That wasn't a phrase peopleused.
(02:24):
We learned to work by watchingleaders who believed in
hierarchy, who thought emotionsbelonged at home and who
measured dedication simply bythe hours logged rather than
really the outcomes that wereachieved.
So when your Gen X boss doessomething that seems really
(02:44):
bizarre or outdated, rememberthey're not trying to be
difficult.
They're operating from acompletely different playbook,
one that was written whenBlockbuster was still a viable
business model.
Now let's break down the code.
Decoder number one why do theywant me to pay my dues?
(03:08):
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss seems reluctantto give you literally any
growth opportunities, betterprojects, promotions until
you've been there for what feelslike eternity.
Right until you've been therefor what feels like eternity,
right?
They use phrases like earn yourstripes or put in your time, or
(03:30):
when you've been here so longas Sarah has.
Well, they might give the highvisibility projects to someone
who's been there two yearsinstead of you, even though you
have better skills for it.
Here's what's really happening.
Gen X leaders learned thatadvancement came through
endurance, not just performance.
(03:53):
We literally had to wait ourturn, sometimes for years,
before we ever got any kind ofmeaningful opportunity.
We were taught that shortcutswere cheating and that respect
had to be earned throughgrinding it out.
Why?
Well, here's the backstory.
We watched boomers climb theladder slowly and we did the
(04:17):
same.
There was an unspoken rule youstart at the bottom, you prove
yourself through consistencyover time and eventually, maybe
you get rewarded.
It wasn't about talent orpotential.
It was about persistence andproving you wouldn't quit when
the things got tough.
So here's how to work with thisDon't fight the system, work
(04:43):
within it strategically.
And here's how to work withthis Don't fight the system,
work within it strategically.
And here's how.
First, just have a directconversation about growth
expectations.
I want you to ask somethinglike this.
I'm really interested indeveloping this role.
Can you help me understand whatsuccess looks like here and
what the typical timeline is foradvancement looks like here and
(05:08):
what the typical timeline isfor advancement?
Second, demonstrate consistencybefore asking for the
opportunity.
Okay, show up reliably, deliverquality work and stick around
through a few challengingprojects.
Look, gen X bosses are watchingto see if you're going to bail
when the things get tough.
And third, frame your growthrequests in terms of value that
(05:28):
you can provide.
Say something like I'd love totake on more responsibility in
client presentations because Ithink I can help us close deals
faster with my background intheir industry.
Or, hey, I'm interested inleading the social media
strategy because I have ideasthat could increase our
engagement rates based on whatI'm seeing in the market.
(05:49):
Remember, they're not trying tohold you back.
They're trying to make sureyou're ready for what comes next
.
All right, decoder number twowhy are they so uncomfortable
with feelings?
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss changes thesubject when you bring up
(06:09):
work-life balance.
They seem awkward duringemotional conversations or they
respond to personal sharing withuncomfortable silence, followed
by immediate task switching youmentioned you're stressed about
a deadline or something andthey just say, okay, well, let's
focus on getting it done andmove on.
(06:30):
Or you share that you're havinga tough time personally, and
they respond with something likeI'm sorry to hear that, and
then immediately pivot to worktopics.
Here's what's really happening.
We were raised with a clearseparation between work and
personal life.
Bringing emotions or personalchallenges to the workplace,
(06:54):
that was just seen asunprofessional.
It was like wearing pajamas toa business meeting.
You just didn't do it.
Here's the backstory.
Gen X learned tocompartmentalize like it was a
survival skill.
Well, let's be honest.
It was a survival skill.
Work was work, home was home.
(07:16):
You didn't bring your problemsto the office and you certainly
didn't expect your boss to careabout your feelings.
We were taught that showingvulnerability was a sign of
weakness and that emotionalintelligence wasn't really
intelligence at all.
Really Think about it.
We grew up watching our parentscome home from work and not
(07:37):
talk about their day beyond.
It was fine.
We learned that professionalmeant keeping a poker face, even
when you were stressed, whenyou were overwhelmed or if
you're dealing with personalchallenges.
Our role models were leaderswho prided themselves on never
letting anyone see them sweat.
We were explicitly taught thatbringing personal issues to work
(08:04):
was unprofessional, having abad day, suck it up Family
problems, leave those at homeFeeling burned out.
That's not your boss's problem.
We learn to see emotionalconversations at work as messy,
inappropriate and, frankly, kindof selfish.
(08:24):
So here's how to work with this.
You can still have theseconversations, you just need to
approach them a littledifferently.
Instead of leading withemotions, I want you to lead
with impact.
Instead of saying I'm feelingreally stressed and overwhelmed,
try something like I want tomake sure I'm managing my
(08:45):
workload effectively.
Can we talk about priorities soI can deliver my best work?
See what I did there.
Instead of sharing personalstruggles, directly, frame them
in terms of work effectiveness.
I've got some family stuffgoing on that might affect my
schedule over the next few weeks.
Here's how I'm planning tomanage my responsibilities.
(09:05):
You're not being less authentic.
You're just learning to speaktheir language, and once you
build trust through consistentperformance, many Gen X leaders
will actually become morecomfortable with those
conversations.
All right, decoder number threewhy don't they just tell me what
(09:26):
they want?
I've heard this one a lot.
This is what it looks like whenGen X bosses give you vague
instructions like handle theJohnson account or put something
together for the board meeting,then they expect you to figure
that out on your own.
You know what handle means orwhat kind of something they want
(09:48):
.
When you come back withquestions like what's the
timeline or what format, are youthinking, they seem annoyed,
like you should already knowthose things matter?
You're thinking they seemannoyed, like you should already
know those things?
Well, here's what's reallyhappening.
We learn through trial and error, usually with little or no
guidance.
We were expected to just figureit out and we did, or at least
(10:12):
eventually we did.
So we assume that you can too.
It's not that we don't want tohelp.
We genuinely believe thatfiguring out yourself is better
for your development.
Is that right?
No, but that's where we camefrom.
The backstory.
Gen X came up during the era ofthat whole sink or swim
(10:35):
management.
Our bosses just threw us in thedeep end and expected us to
learn by doing.
We got minimal training,limited feedback and we were
expected to be resourcefulproblem solvers.
Typical onboarding was like hey, here's your desk, there's the
coffee machine, you can figureout the rest.
(10:56):
We learned to be scrappy, toresearch things ourselves, to
try multiple approaches untilsomething worked.
When we couldn't figuresomething out.
We were expected to exhaust ourown resources before we ever
asked for help.
Asking too many questions wasseen as needy or actually seen
(11:19):
as lazy, like you weren't tryinghard enough to solve problems
on your own.
So when we see you asking lotsof questions, our first thought
is have you tried figuring thisout first?
We're not trying to bedifficult.
We genuinely believe that thestruggle of figuring out
yourself is what makes youbetter at your job.
(11:39):
So here's how to work with this.
Show your work before askingfor help, instead of saying I
don't know how to do this.
Try something like hey, I'veresearched this and that
approaches and I'm thinking thismay actually be the best path
forward.
Does that align with whatyou're looking for or should I
(12:01):
consider other options?
Instead of asking open-endedquestions like what do you want
me to focus on?
Try, based on our lastconversations, I think these are
the priorities and I shouldstart with this one.
Or would you like me to adjustthis order?
And I should start with thisone?
Or would you like me to adjustthis order?
(12:22):
This shows you're not beinglazy or helpless.
You're being strategic andyou're confirming your thinking.
Most Gen X bosses will respectthis approach and they'll
actually give you more guidanceonce they see you're actually
doing the work.
All right.
Decoder number four why isfeedback so awkward and rare?
This is what it looks like.
(12:43):
You only hear from your Gen Xboss when something's wrong.
Positive feedback is rare andwhen it does happen it's usually
brief and uncomfortable, likethey're reading from a script.
Performance conversations feellike a dental procedure.
You finish a big projectsuccessfully and get maybe a
(13:04):
good job in passing, but whenyou make a small mistake you get
a detailed email about whatwent wrong.
Here's what's really happening.
We grew up in a no news is goodnews culture.
If you weren't getting yelledat, you were probably doing fine
.
We learned that feedback wasmostly about correction, not
(13:26):
development or encouragement.
Here's the backstory.
Gen X learned to work withminimal feedback Environments
where praise was rare andcriticism was the primary form
of let's call it guidance.
Our bosses operated on theassumption that if you were
still employed, you wereprobably doing okay.
(13:47):
Positive feedback was souncommon that when it did happen
, it usually felt fake or forced, at least like someone told
them they had to say somethingnice.
We learned not to expectrecognition for doing our job
well.
That was just expected.
You got noticed when youscrewed up, not when you
(14:10):
succeeded.
So we developed thick skin andlearned to find our own
motivation internally ratherthan seeking external validation
, to find our own motivationinternally rather than seeking
external validation.
Unfortunately, this also meanswe never learned how to give the
kind of regular, meaningfulfeedback that actually helps
people grow.
So how do you work with this?
(14:31):
You're going to have to trainthem to give you feedback.
Yes, seriously.
Start by asking for specificfeedback regularly.
Hey, I just finished theJohnson project.
What went well and what can Iimprove next time?
Make it easy for them by askingtargeted questions.
I'm working on my presentationskills.
(14:53):
How do you think I handled thatclient meeting today?
When they do give you positivefeedback, acknowledge it.
Thanks.
That's really helpful to knowthat I'm on track and then be
patient.
They are learning a new skill,we're learning a new skill and
it's going to feel awkward forus at first, but most Gen Xers
(15:15):
once they see how much it helpsyour performance, we'll get
better at it.
All right, decoder number fivewhy are they obsessed with hours
worked?
Yeah, I saw you roll your eyes.
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss seems to equatetime spent in the office with
dedication, spent in the officewith dedication.
(15:37):
They notice when you leave at 5pm and make comments like must
be nice to keep banker's hours,or leaving early again.
They seem suspicious offlexible work arrangements and
might say things like I need tosee that people are working, or
question whether remote work isreally productive at all.
Here's what's really happening.
(15:59):
We learned that commitment wasmeasured by sacrifice.
The harder you worked and themore you sacrificed, the more
dedicated you were.
It's not really about the hours.
It's about what the hoursrepresent to us.
See, the back story is Gen Xbuilt their careers during an
(16:20):
era when FaceTime mattered morethan outcomes, when staying late
was a visible sign ofcommitment and when work-life
balance was something youfigured out on your own time.
If at all.
We proved our worth by being thefirst one in and the last one
out.
We sacrificed weekends andfamily time when projects
(16:40):
demanded it.
We learned that dedicationwasn't just about what you
produced.
It was about how much you werewilling to sacrifice to produce
it.
As messed up as that sounds,the leaders we admired were the
ones who worked the longesthours, who were always available
, who never seemed to take realvacations.
(17:03):
We internalized the messagethat, if it works, it was
important to you and it wouldconsume most of your time and
energy.
All right, so here's how to workwith this.
All right, so here's how towork with this.
Focus on results, butacknowledge the effort behind
them.
Communicate your productivity,not just your schedule.
(17:30):
No-transcript, simple.
Be visible about yourcontributions.
I know you noticed I left earlyyesterday for my doctor's
appointment.
I made sure to finish theclient proposal first and I sent
it to the team before I left.
When you do work flexible hours, show the results.
(17:52):
Hey, I did some work from homelast night on the presentation
and incorporated the feedbackthat you gave me.
You're teaching them thatproductivity isn't about hours,
it's about outcomes, but youneed to make those outcomes
visible.
All right, our last decoder.
(18:15):
Why do they get weird when I askwhy?
This is what it looks like.
When you ask why you're doing atask or a project, gen X bosses
seem irritated, defensive, orthey give you that dreaded
because I said so response.
They might say things like justfocus on getting it done or you
(18:37):
don't need to understand thewhole strategy, just handle your
piece.
Sometimes they act like yourquestions are slowing everyone
down or questioning theirjudgment.
Here's what's really happening.
We learn not to questionauthority.
When our bosses gave us tasks,we just did them, no questions
asked.
So when you ask why, our firstinstinct is often to think
(18:59):
you're questioning our judgmentor just being difficult Doesn't
mean it's right.
That's just kind of the mindset.
The backstory is this Gen Xlearned in hierarchical
environments where questioningor questioning up was seen as
really insubordination or, atbest, inefficiency.
(19:20):
We were taught that goodemployees did what they were
told, figured out the why ontheir own time and didn't slow
down the process with questions.
The chain of command was clearLeaders made decisions, workers
executed them.
Workers executed them.
We learned that asking whycould be interpreted as
(19:45):
challenging authority or beingdifficult or not trusting
leadership judgment.
Our bosses expected us to justtake assignments on faith and
prove our competence throughexecution, not through
understanding strategy.
We were told that understandingthe big picture was above our
pay grade and that our job wasto focus on our piece of the
puzzle.
So how do you work with this?
(20:07):
Well, frame your questions asseeking clarity, not really
challenging authority.
Instead of why are we doingthis?
Try, I want to make sure Iunderstand the bigger picture so
I can do this effectively.
Can you help me understand howthis connects to our main goals?
Instead of this doesn't makesense.
(20:29):
Try, I want to make sure I'mapproaching this the right way.
What's the most importantoutcome you're looking for?
Or, instead of, why is this apriority?
Try, can you help me understandthe context so I know what to
focus on?
You're not changing what you'reasking.
(20:50):
You're changing how you'reasking it, and that's what makes
a difference.
All right, your action plansfor this week.
Here's how to put this decoderring to work.
First, pick your Gen X boss'sbiggest quirk.
Is it the pay your duesmentality?
the feedback, avoidance, theobsession with hours.
(21:13):
Pick the one that frustratesyou most and commit to trying a
new approach this week.
And second, have one strategicconversation.
Use the language and framing Ijust gave you to just address
one ongoing friction point.
Remember, you're not trying tochange them, you're trying to
work more effectively together.
And then, third, just documentwhat works.
(21:37):
When you try these newapproaches, pay attention to
what gets better.
Okay, gen X bosses are prettyconsistent.
Once you figure out theirpatterns.
Look, I'm not asking you toexcuse poor leadership or accept
outdated management styles.
If you've been listening tothis podcast at all, you know
(21:57):
that's not who I am.
What I'm asking you to do isjust try to understand where
your Gen X boss is coming fromso you can work together more
effectively.
The best part when you startspeaking their language and
working within their framework,many Gen X leaders will actually
start to evolve.
They'll see that you'recompetent, thoughtful, committed
(22:19):
.
They'll often become moreflexible and supportive.
In response, your Gen X bossisn't trying to make your life
difficult.
Well, most of us are not tryingto make your life difficult.
They're just operating from adifferent instruction manual,
one that was written when dollopinternet was cutting edge
(22:40):
technology.
But now you've got the decoderring, use it wisely.
Here's my question for youwhich of these Gen X behaviors
have you been taking personallythat you realize now might just
be generational programming?
Hey, if this helped youunderstand your Gen X boss a
(23:03):
little better, share it withsomeone else who's trying to
crack this code.
And if you want more tools fornavigating workplace
relationships across generations, if you're looking for someone
to help coach you or a keynotespeaker, head over to
nextstepadvisorscom that's N-X-T, no E nextstepadvisorscom.
That's N-X-T, no Enextstepadvisorscom, and I'd
love to help you out.
Also, connect with me onLinkedIn.
(23:25):
That link is in the show notes,as always.
Thank you so much for listeningto Things Leaders Do.
I'm Colby Morris, helping youjust try to build these bridges
across the generations.
Helping you just try to buildthese bridges across the
generations.
So go out there, lead better,understand, change your
communication, try to be abetter leader every day.
(23:45):
And you know why?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Because those are the things that leaders do.
Thank you for listening toThings Leaders Do.
No-transcript.
People First.
Leadership, actionablestrategies, real results this is
Things Leaders Do with ColbyMorris.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
If you've ever wondered why your Gen X boss
seems to speak in code, you'renot wrong.
We basically do.
If you've ever thought, whydoes my manager expect me to
read their mind, or why do theyact like asking questions is a
character flaw, well, buckle up.
You're about to get thebackstage pass to understanding
(00:32):
your Gen X leader.
Hey, leaders, I'm Colby Morrisand this is Things Leaders Do,
where we tackle realrelationships, real leadership
challenges with real solutions.
Today's episode is different.
Instead of talking to Gen Xleaders about what they're doing
, right or wrong, I'm talking to, like everyone else, the
(00:57):
millennials, gen Z, anyone who'sever felt like they need a
translator to understand theirGen X boss.
Think of this as your fieldguide to Gen X leaders, not to
excuse their behavior, okay, butto help you understand what's
driving it, so you can work withthem more effectively and maybe
(01:19):
even help them become betterleaders in the process.
Help them become better leadersin the process.
So let's get into the Gen Xorigin story, or basically why
we're like this.
Before we dive into the decoderring, you need to understand
where Gen X leaders came from,because our leadership style
(01:40):
isn't random.
It is the direct result of howwe grew up and learned to work.
We're the latchkey kids whocame home to empty houses and we
literally had to figure thingsout on our own.
We grew up during the corporatedownsizing of the 80s and 90s.
We watched our parents get laidoff after decades of loyalty.
(02:03):
We learned that job securitywas a myth and that you better
be able to stand on your own twofeet.
We entered the workforce whenthe internet was still dial up.
I mean you had to print outMapQuest directions and then
work-life balance.
That wasn't a phrase peopleused.
(02:24):
We learned to work by watchingleaders who believed in
hierarchy, who thought emotionsbelonged at home and who
measured dedication simply bythe hours logged rather than
really the outcomes that wereachieved.
So when your Gen X boss doessomething that seems really
(02:44):
bizarre or outdated, rememberthey're not trying to be
difficult.
They're operating from acompletely different playbook,
one that was written whenBlockbuster was still a viable
business model.
Now let's break down the code.
Decoder number one why do theywant me to pay my dues?
(03:08):
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss seems reluctantto give you literally any
growth opportunities, betterprojects, promotions until
you've been there for what feelslike eternity.
Right until you've been therefor what feels like eternity,
right?
They use phrases like earn yourstripes or put in your time, or
(03:30):
when you've been here so longas Sarah has.
Well, they might give the highvisibility projects to someone
who's been there two yearsinstead of you, even though you
have better skills for it.
Here's what's really happening.
Gen X leaders learned thatadvancement came through
endurance, not just performance.
(03:53):
We literally had to wait ourturn, sometimes for years,
before we ever got any kind ofmeaningful opportunity.
We were taught that shortcutswere cheating and that respect
had to be earned throughgrinding it out.
Why?
Well, here's the backstory.
We watched boomers climb theladder slowly and we did the
(04:17):
same.
There was an unspoken rule youstart at the bottom, you prove
yourself through consistencyover time and eventually, maybe
you get rewarded.
It wasn't about talent orpotential.
It was about persistence andproving you wouldn't quit when
the things got tough.
So here's how to work with thisDon't fight the system, work
(04:43):
within it strategically.
And here's how to work withthis Don't fight the system,
work within it strategically.
And here's how.
First, just have a directconversation about growth
expectations.
I want you to ask somethinglike this.
I'm really interested indeveloping this role.
Can you help me understand whatsuccess looks like here and
what the typical timeline is foradvancement looks like here and
(05:08):
what the typical timeline isfor advancement?
Second, demonstrate consistencybefore asking for the
opportunity.
Okay, show up reliably, deliverquality work and stick around
through a few challengingprojects.
Look, gen X bosses are watchingto see if you're going to bail
when the things get tough.
And third, frame your growthrequests in terms of value that
(05:28):
you can provide.
Say something like I'd love totake on more responsibility in
client presentations because Ithink I can help us close deals
faster with my background intheir industry.
Or, hey, I'm interested inleading the social media
strategy because I have ideasthat could increase our
engagement rates based on whatI'm seeing in the market.
(05:49):
Remember, they're not trying tohold you back.
They're trying to make sureyou're ready for what comes next
.
All right, decoder number twowhy are they so uncomfortable
with feelings?
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss changes thesubject when you bring up
(06:09):
work-life balance.
They seem awkward duringemotional conversations or they
respond to personal sharing withuncomfortable silence, followed
by immediate task switching youmentioned you're stressed about
a deadline or something andthey just say, okay, well, let's
focus on getting it done andmove on.
(06:30):
Or you share that you're havinga tough time personally, and
they respond with something likeI'm sorry to hear that, and
then immediately pivot to worktopics.
Here's what's really happening.
We were raised with a clearseparation between work and
personal life.
Bringing emotions or personalchallenges to the workplace,
(06:54):
that was just seen asunprofessional.
It was like wearing pajamas toa business meeting.
You just didn't do it.
Here's the backstory.
Gen X learned tocompartmentalize like it was a
survival skill.
Well, let's be honest.
It was a survival skill.
Work was work, home was home.
(07:16):
You didn't bring your problemsto the office and you certainly
didn't expect your boss to careabout your feelings.
We were taught that showingvulnerability was a sign of
weakness and that emotionalintelligence wasn't really
intelligence at all.
Really Think about it.
We grew up watching our parentscome home from work and not
(07:37):
talk about their day beyond.
It was fine.
We learned that professionalmeant keeping a poker face, even
when you were stressed, whenyou were overwhelmed or if
you're dealing with personalchallenges.
Our role models were leaderswho prided themselves on never
letting anyone see them sweat.
We were explicitly taught thatbringing personal issues to work
(08:04):
was unprofessional, having abad day, suck it up Family
problems, leave those at homeFeeling burned out.
That's not your boss's problem.
We learn to see emotionalconversations at work as messy,
inappropriate and, frankly, kindof selfish.
(08:24):
So here's how to work with this.
You can still have theseconversations, you just need to
approach them a littledifferently.
Instead of leading withemotions, I want you to lead
with impact.
Instead of saying I'm feelingreally stressed and overwhelmed,
try something like I want tomake sure I'm managing my
(08:45):
workload effectively.
Can we talk about priorities soI can deliver my best work?
See what I did there.
Instead of sharing personalstruggles, directly, frame them
in terms of work effectiveness.
I've got some family stuffgoing on that might affect my
schedule over the next few weeks.
Here's how I'm planning tomanage my responsibilities.
(09:05):
You're not being less authentic.
You're just learning to speaktheir language, and once you
build trust through consistentperformance, many Gen X leaders
will actually become morecomfortable with those
conversations.
All right, decoder number threewhy don't they just tell me what
(09:26):
they want?
I've heard this one a lot.
This is what it looks like whenGen X bosses give you vague
instructions like handle theJohnson account or put something
together for the board meeting,then they expect you to figure
that out on your own.
You know what handle means orwhat kind of something they want
(09:48):
.
When you come back withquestions like what's the
timeline or what format, are youthinking, they seem annoyed,
like you should already knowthose things matter?
You're thinking they seemannoyed, like you should already
know those things?
Well, here's what's reallyhappening.
We learn through trial and error, usually with little or no
guidance.
We were expected to just figureit out and we did, or at least
(10:12):
eventually we did.
So we assume that you can too.
It's not that we don't want tohelp.
We genuinely believe thatfiguring out yourself is better
for your development.
Is that right?
No, but that's where we camefrom.
The backstory.
Gen X came up during the era ofthat whole sink or swim
(10:35):
management.
Our bosses just threw us in thedeep end and expected us to
learn by doing.
We got minimal training,limited feedback and we were
expected to be resourcefulproblem solvers.
Typical onboarding was like hey, here's your desk, there's the
coffee machine, you can figureout the rest.
(10:56):
We learned to be scrappy, toresearch things ourselves, to
try multiple approaches untilsomething worked.
When we couldn't figuresomething out.
We were expected to exhaust ourown resources before we ever
asked for help.
Asking too many questions wasseen as needy or actually seen
(11:19):
as lazy, like you weren't tryinghard enough to solve problems
on your own.
So when we see you asking lotsof questions, our first thought
is have you tried figuring thisout first?
We're not trying to bedifficult.
We genuinely believe that thestruggle of figuring out
yourself is what makes youbetter at your job.
(11:39):
So here's how to work with this.
Show your work before askingfor help, instead of saying I
don't know how to do this.
Try something like hey, I'veresearched this and that
approaches and I'm thinking thismay actually be the best path
forward.
Does that align with whatyou're looking for or should I
(12:01):
consider other options?
Instead of asking open-endedquestions like what do you want
me to focus on?
Try, based on our lastconversations, I think these are
the priorities and I shouldstart with this one.
Or would you like me to adjustthis order?
And I should start with thisone?
Or would you like me to adjustthis order?
(12:22):
This shows you're not beinglazy or helpless.
You're being strategic andyou're confirming your thinking.
Most Gen X bosses will respectthis approach and they'll
actually give you more guidanceonce they see you're actually
doing the work.
All right.
Decoder number four why isfeedback so awkward and rare?
This is what it looks like.
(12:43):
You only hear from your Gen Xboss when something's wrong.
Positive feedback is rare andwhen it does happen it's usually
brief and uncomfortable, likethey're reading from a script.
Performance conversations feellike a dental procedure.
You finish a big projectsuccessfully and get maybe a
(13:04):
good job in passing, but whenyou make a small mistake you get
a detailed email about whatwent wrong.
Here's what's really happening.
We grew up in a no news is goodnews culture.
If you weren't getting yelledat, you were probably doing fine
.
We learned that feedback wasmostly about correction, not
(13:26):
development or encouragement.
Here's the backstory.
Gen X learned to work withminimal feedback Environments
where praise was rare andcriticism was the primary form
of let's call it guidance.
Our bosses operated on theassumption that if you were
still employed, you wereprobably doing okay.
(13:47):
Positive feedback was souncommon that when it did happen
, it usually felt fake or forced, at least like someone told
them they had to say somethingnice.
We learned not to expectrecognition for doing our job
well.
That was just expected.
You got noticed when youscrewed up, not when you
(14:10):
succeeded.
So we developed thick skin andlearned to find our own
motivation internally ratherthan seeking external validation
, to find our own motivationinternally rather than seeking
external validation.
Unfortunately, this also meanswe never learned how to give the
kind of regular, meaningfulfeedback that actually helps
people grow.
So how do you work with this?
(14:31):
You're going to have to trainthem to give you feedback.
Yes, seriously.
Start by asking for specificfeedback regularly.
Hey, I just finished theJohnson project.
What went well and what can Iimprove next time?
Make it easy for them by askingtargeted questions.
I'm working on my presentationskills.
(14:53):
How do you think I handled thatclient meeting today?
When they do give you positivefeedback, acknowledge it.
Thanks.
That's really helpful to knowthat I'm on track and then be
patient.
They are learning a new skill,we're learning a new skill and
it's going to feel awkward forus at first, but most Gen Xers
(15:15):
once they see how much it helpsyour performance, we'll get
better at it.
All right, decoder number fivewhy are they obsessed with hours
worked?
Yeah, I saw you roll your eyes.
This is what it looks like.
Your Gen X boss seems to equatetime spent in the office with
dedication, spent in the officewith dedication.
(15:37):
They notice when you leave at 5pm and make comments like must
be nice to keep banker's hours,or leaving early again.
They seem suspicious offlexible work arrangements and
might say things like I need tosee that people are working, or
question whether remote work isreally productive at all.
Here's what's really happening.
(15:59):
We learned that commitment wasmeasured by sacrifice.
The harder you worked and themore you sacrificed, the more
dedicated you were.
It's not really about the hours.
It's about what the hoursrepresent to us.
See, the back story is Gen Xbuilt their careers during an
(16:20):
era when FaceTime mattered morethan outcomes, when staying late
was a visible sign ofcommitment and when work-life
balance was something youfigured out on your own time.
If at all.
We proved our worth by being thefirst one in and the last one
out.
We sacrificed weekends andfamily time when projects
(16:40):
demanded it.
We learned that dedicationwasn't just about what you
produced.
It was about how much you werewilling to sacrifice to produce
it.
As messed up as that sounds,the leaders we admired were the
ones who worked the longesthours, who were always available
, who never seemed to take realvacations.
(17:03):
We internalized the messagethat, if it works, it was
important to you and it wouldconsume most of your time and
energy.
All right, so here's how to workwith this.
All right, so here's how towork with this.
Focus on results, butacknowledge the effort behind
them.
Communicate your productivity,not just your schedule.
(17:30):
No-transcript, simple.
Be visible about yourcontributions.
I know you noticed I left earlyyesterday for my doctor's
appointment.
I made sure to finish theclient proposal first and I sent
it to the team before I left.
When you do work flexible hours, show the results.
(17:52):
Hey, I did some work from homelast night on the presentation
and incorporated the feedbackthat you gave me.
You're teaching them thatproductivity isn't about hours,
it's about outcomes, but youneed to make those outcomes
visible.
All right, our last decoder.
(18:15):
Why do they get weird when I askwhy?
This is what it looks like.
When you ask why you're doing atask or a project, gen X bosses
seem irritated, defensive, orthey give you that dreaded
because I said so response.
They might say things like justfocus on getting it done or you
(18:37):
don't need to understand thewhole strategy, just handle your
piece.
Sometimes they act like yourquestions are slowing everyone
down or questioning theirjudgment.
Here's what's really happening.
We learn not to questionauthority.
When our bosses gave us tasks,we just did them, no questions
asked.
So when you ask why, our firstinstinct is often to think
(18:59):
you're questioning our judgmentor just being difficult Doesn't
mean it's right.
That's just kind of the mindset.
The backstory is this Gen Xlearned in hierarchical
environments where questioningor questioning up was seen as
really insubordination or, atbest, inefficiency.
(19:20):
We were taught that goodemployees did what they were
told, figured out the why ontheir own time and didn't slow
down the process with questions.
The chain of command was clearLeaders made decisions, workers
executed them.
Workers executed them.
We learned that asking whycould be interpreted as
(19:45):
challenging authority or beingdifficult or not trusting
leadership judgment.
Our bosses expected us to justtake assignments on faith and
prove our competence throughexecution, not through
understanding strategy.
We were told that understandingthe big picture was above our
pay grade and that our job wasto focus on our piece of the
puzzle.
So how do you work with this?
(20:07):
Well, frame your questions asseeking clarity, not really
challenging authority.
Instead of why are we doingthis?
Try, I want to make sure Iunderstand the bigger picture so
I can do this effectively.
Can you help me understand howthis connects to our main goals?
Instead of this doesn't makesense.
(20:29):
Try, I want to make sure I'mapproaching this the right way.
What's the most importantoutcome you're looking for?
Or, instead of, why is this apriority?
Try, can you help me understandthe context so I know what to
focus on?
You're not changing what you'reasking.
(20:50):
You're changing how you'reasking it, and that's what makes
a difference.
All right, your action plansfor this week.
Here's how to put this decoderring to work.
First, pick your Gen X boss'sbiggest quirk.
Is it the pay your duesmentality?
the feedback, avoidance, theobsession with hours.
(21:13):
Pick the one that frustratesyou most and commit to trying a
new approach this week.
And second, have one strategicconversation.
Use the language and framing Ijust gave you to just address
one ongoing friction point.
Remember, you're not trying tochange them, you're trying to
work more effectively together.
And then, third, just documentwhat works.
(21:37):
When you try these newapproaches, pay attention to
what gets better.
Okay, gen X bosses are prettyconsistent.
Once you figure out theirpatterns.
Look, I'm not asking you toexcuse poor leadership or accept
outdated management styles.
If you've been listening tothis podcast at all, you know
(21:57):
that's not who I am.
What I'm asking you to do isjust try to understand where
your Gen X boss is coming fromso you can work together more
effectively.
The best part when you startspeaking their language and
working within their framework,many Gen X leaders will actually
start to evolve.
They'll see that you'recompetent, thoughtful, committed
(22:19):
.
They'll often become moreflexible and supportive.
In response, your Gen X bossisn't trying to make your life
difficult.
Well, most of us are not tryingto make your life difficult.
They're just operating from adifferent instruction manual,
one that was written when dollopinternet was cutting edge
(22:40):
technology.
But now you've got the decoderring, use it wisely.
Here's my question for youwhich of these Gen X behaviors
have you been taking personallythat you realize now might just
be generational programming?
Hey, if this helped youunderstand your Gen X boss a
(23:03):
little better, share it withsomeone else who's trying to
crack this code.
And if you want more tools fornavigating workplace
relationships across generations, if you're looking for someone
to help coach you or a keynotespeaker, head over to
nextstepadvisorscom that's N-X-T, no E nextstepadvisorscom.
That's N-X-T, no Enextstepadvisorscom, and I'd
love to help you out.
Also, connect with me onLinkedIn.
(23:25):
That link is in the show notes,as always.
Thank you so much for listeningto Things Leaders Do.
I'm Colby Morris, helping youjust try to build these bridges
across the generations.
Helping you just try to buildthese bridges across the
generations.
So go out there, lead better,understand, change your
communication, try to be abetter leader every day.
(23:45):
And you know why?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Because those are the things that leaders do.
Thank you for listening toThings Leaders Do.
No-transcript.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.