Can you recognize a good Black woman when you see one?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, God, lovel you can tell them my setting.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Love it up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
God love what you can tell them my setting, love
it up, God love it. You can tell them my
setting level up, level up, let her up.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Everything that means every name.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Connected to everything. And that's why. And that's why everything,
all my songs all live on everything. That means everything.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
It's connected to everything.

Speaker 4 (00:35):
That's wow.

Speaker 5 (00:36):
That's why exactly exactly the first things. First, I wanna
sorry for our fortiness. We were all running a little
bit line.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Can you not hear me?

Speaker 6 (00:51):
No, we can hear you.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
I was.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
On herself. I will do it.

Speaker 6 (00:58):
I cannot do.

Speaker 4 (01:02):
Might need to.

Speaker 7 (01:02):
I might need to pull a body somewhere. No, No, yeah,
pulling when it's time. I'm pulling when it's time.

Speaker 4 (01:09):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 5 (01:11):
Okay, cool. This is things that people don't want to
talk about. Brought to you by God level, brought to you.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
By God, lovel, Lord, have mercy in my tongue.

Speaker 8 (01:19):
Pad.

Speaker 5 (01:20):
I am originally from Saint Louis, Missouri. I'm a mother,
I'm a nurse, I'm an I'm a tt I'm a gg.
I have this podcast, I'm an entrepreneur. I am everything good.
Ivy you want to go ahead and represent yourself.

Speaker 7 (01:35):
What's going on you, guys, it's your girl and attentions
IVY coming to you straight from the PSW. Listen, I'm
running you here like a chicken with my head chopped off.

Speaker 6 (01:43):
I'll preach out y'all waiting. I appreciate it.

Speaker 7 (01:47):
But I am a sister, a friend, former military broadcast
journalist in the military talking about me and these ADHD
hamsters and mental health. I like to promote people with
people who are especially of the culture getting help with
mental health. And I'm gonna share my own bullshit to
keep myself accountable and hopefully to help somebody else out.

Speaker 6 (02:05):
And it's like as always as I say, I like
to keep it a buck.

Speaker 5 (02:08):
Let's go, all right, John, you want to go ahead
and represent yourself.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
John Scott Walker, the slot Talker Here. I'm a lyricist,
spoken word artist, martial artist, personal trainer, lover of life,
student of psychology, and I'm a father who has five
hip hop albums. Five hip hop albums available on all
major streaming music streaming platforms look for John Scott Walker. Also,
you can follow me on Instagram at master dot John

(02:37):
Scott Walker at master dot John Scott Walker. You know
I've been spending out a few freestyles here and there.
But also I did say I'm a personal trainer. I
am taking clients right now, serious clients, serious clients, serious
clients who are seeking serious results at master dot. John
Skywalker salutes.

Speaker 4 (02:57):
Salute King Noble, and you want to go ahead and
represent yourself?

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Peace, peace, peace, this King Newborn. You can follow me
on all social media platforms and Newborn Everything, And as
always I am of service to the community, family, friends,
loved ones, subscribers. Please follow me on all social media
platforms new Born everything. Peace, peace, peace, loving life. Peace.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
You got that good mic this week?

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yah?

Speaker 8 (03:25):
Yeah, you got?

Speaker 4 (03:29):
She go ahead and represent yourself.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
My name is Shermy Vaughn and I'm just happy to
be a product of this podcast.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
That's what's up.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
That's all I got.

Speaker 5 (03:42):
That's it all right tonight we are talking about can
you recognize a good woman when you see one?

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Man?

Speaker 4 (03:54):
Oh lord, we got some we got some questions.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Let's start off like this, y'all.
Let's start off like this. What well, no, you know, no, no,
before we do who, let's say what, yeah, what does
the phrase a good black woman mean?

Speaker 5 (04:13):
To you, someone who has integrity morals. Of course, she
is going to be a hard worker, educated, someone that
is handling her business while standing on business. She's she's
not following the crowd. You can't find it everywhere. She's

(04:33):
busy handling her business.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
She ain't everywhere.

Speaker 5 (04:38):
She's not everybody's cup of tea.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, there you go, but she still gets tipped.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yea, mm hmm.

Speaker 6 (04:55):
Sorry, I'm extra goofy today.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
Yeah, and I'm by been off of you.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Oh lord, this.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
Ain't gonna be good?

Speaker 5 (05:05):
Ridiculous, you know, Okay, did I lie? I mean, that's
what I think when I hear a good black woman.
This is somebody I can probably sit down and talk to,
that can that can educate me. Someone who doesn't get keyps.
You know what I'm saying. She's willing. She's willing to
give that information out if if a sister is worthy

(05:25):
enough to receive it, you know, because she ain't really
wasting her time talking to somebody that that's not gonna
do anything with the information. She's a she's a motivator,
she's an uplifter, she's amused. You know, she's a supporter.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
That's a good black woman. Okay, ahead, all right.

Speaker 7 (05:43):
So something that we figured out last week, right was
that being a good person and being a good black
man it can be subjective, right, because what's good in
somebody's eyes may not necessarily work for the other person.
So for me, when I hear the phrase a good

(06:03):
black woman, what.

Speaker 6 (06:04):
Does it mean to me? Whatever the hell I say,
it means, you know what I'm saying, Because I'm a
good black woman, period, full stop. And I've had some stumbles.

Speaker 7 (06:14):
I've been human, I've been i've been learning, I've been
going through my journey. But I also I come at
anything with heart first. Maybe that makes me sometimes a
little over emotional or whatever, but still the point is
is that I lead with my heart, and for me,
I'm a good black woman.

Speaker 6 (06:32):
I might not be everybody's cup of tea, you know
what I'm saying, but.

Speaker 7 (06:38):
On the first and the fifteenth at three pm.

Speaker 6 (06:42):
I'm gonna catch me a tip.

Speaker 7 (06:43):
So I'm just saying, like, for real, being a good
black woman, especially at this point in my life, I'm
realizing that it's it's how I define. It's where where
is my definition? Where does it lie for me to
be a good black woman? That means that I'm able
to take take accountability for me and my bullshit, which
is like first and foremost right for me to be

(07:05):
a good black woman, it means that it means that
I can hold space for other people, you know what
I'm saying, within whatever their difficulties. It also means that
I'm a hold space for myself, you know, for myself
to make mistakes, because a player can't be perfect all
the time. It took me a long time to come

(07:25):
to greet, you know what I'm saying. For me to
be a good Black woman, it means that it means
that I'm going to I regard other people for who
they are. I'm not seeing them as I'm seeing them
for their autonomy and realize that that people have the
right to do whatever it is that they want to do,

(07:47):
you know.

Speaker 6 (07:47):
What I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (07:48):
And I feel that, however it is that they define themselves,
that's good too. That's what makes me a good black woman,
a good Black woman. I'm standing on my square. I
leave with my values. My values are honesty, vulnerability, autonomy, creativity.
You know, those are my values and I'll lead with that.
So that's my definition.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
Oh, handling businesses.

Speaker 7 (08:12):
Standing on business, Yeah, damn, they can be two different things.
Handling and standing on those could be two different things.
But we're getting that later.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
I talk a lot.

Speaker 6 (08:22):
I'm I'm gonna be stop.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Oh my god, fellas.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Well, I do. I do think this question is very meaningful,
and I really do. I really do love this question.
But to everything said, I want to know the exact
rules because there's always rules, and there's always stipulations to

(08:56):
actually be in what you say. Everything. Everything's not so
throw up in the air, I would say because I
because when I when I, when I hear a good
black woman, I I think I see sensitivity, I see nurturing,
I see great communication, but I see a better listener.

(09:16):
I see a super supporter. I see somebody soft. Uh well,
I want to see somebody that I need to protect.
I want to see somebody that needs me same way
I need them. So I would love to hear the
rules of what exactly is a good black woman because

(09:40):
it seems that we don't know. It seems like our
people don't have that definition, and I want that to
be solidified. I want it to be so solidard if
you at least meet these qualifications, you at least know
you're going in the right direction. Because if you say
my ident my definition of a of a good black
woman and so blanket statement, it's very vague because people

(10:01):
because she can make up a bad quality that she
thinks is a good one.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 3 (10:06):
Because this because this rules to being a good black
man period. There's no f as a butz about it
that we all know them, at least the good ones do.
You don't have to search too far because everybody tells
you what a man should be. So this question is powerful.
I think I'm gonna do more learning than I am talking.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
M m all right, can mm hmmmm.

Speaker 8 (10:39):
Peace peace, Uh, I'll be uh straight to the point.
A good woman would be the reflection of what a

(11:00):
man should be and duality because I can't identify what
you are if I can't even identify what I am.
With that being said, perfection because we were made by God,
so I have to accept you for transparency in your

(11:24):
weakest moment as well as in your strongest moment, and
I think we forget to do that. So therefore, in
order for me to be a good black man or
a man period, I got to see you as a
woman and accept all of you in your totality. That's

(11:45):
just for me, peace.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Mm hmm, all right. I guess for me, the phrase
a good black woman means to me a compliment, right,
because I see myself as a good black man, and
so when I'm in the presence of good black women,

(12:08):
it's a nice compliment, you know. It's it's it's that
double entendre. It just it works to kind of you know,
tell on what King was saying. Yeah, there's a reflection there, right,
You're looking at her and you know, yeah, the features
are different right here, but that essence, it's like you're

(12:30):
on the same vibe. You know, you're looking at certain
features about her and you feel that connection because it's
like you're looking at you, you know, so you're you know,
it's gonna be a subjective of course, right, the goodness aspect,
But there are some things that we can agree on.
We can agree that good black women are resilient, but

(12:54):
we'll probably disagree on self sacrificing. Some will probably deem
a self sacrificing quality to be indicative of a good
black woman. Me. Nah, I've seen that. I've seen that,
I've seen how it unfolds it looks good on the surface.
Long term, nah, it's not healthy. It's not healthy. So

(13:18):
and then yeah, there's aspects like the femininity, you know,
the nurturing aspects of her. You know, I respect you know,
both the masculine and feminine. But you know, it's when
one is more over developed than the other, then we
got some problems, you know, the hyper and the passive
right here, right, supportive understanding. That's what makes her a

(13:43):
good compliment because she understands me. It's mutual. It's like,
oh okay, I see you see me, all right, So
we recognize the struggle, we recognize what's really important. All
the other stuff are tools, you know, but this is
where the authentic he comes in. And of course we're
talking about a continuum here, all right. So I don't

(14:05):
want to get too detailed on like this, you know,
I don't want to get too detailed on what the
goodness is because that's really just pertaining to me, my experiences,
my upgrade bringing. I had and have the most wonderful
mom and that was my first example, right, and so
I base this archetype of a good woman off of that,

(14:27):
and then I evolved from there, like oh okay, so
all right, I chose my wife based off of this,
and I'm attracted to this, but this is really what
I want. You know, you start to make those distinctions
and those value judgments based off of that archetype. But
you you're supposed to evolve it. I think you're supposed

(14:48):
to evolve that. Like, Okay, if you have an idea
of what a good woman can be, is it very
restrictive or is it expansive?

Speaker 6 (15:00):
Wow, I was just gonna read to say that. I
like that last sentence. Man, is it constructing or is
it expansive?

Speaker 7 (15:07):
Because I was going to say, I was like, if
if a woman is none of that, are they still
a good woman? Not necessarily like with the toxic traits,
but if they just don't have those exact in line,
are they still my bad?

Speaker 6 (15:24):
Go ahead?

Speaker 2 (15:25):
I see that, I mean, but it does make it
does make you wonder, right, But okay, I'll even have
this in there. I'll even have this in there.

Speaker 3 (15:35):
A a.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Black woman isn't good just because she does something for me.
It's not about her performance. It's not about what she
can do for me. It's not about her utility. That's
it's not the same just existing right, Like, that's base
just existing. I could look at you without you doing nothing,
just being because what you do is a product of

(16:01):
your being as a black woman, a good one. Right,
So that's what I'm That's my mind frame when it
comes to that evaluation is it's who she is, then
what she does that's secondary. So just being here, like
I can be in the same room with you, that
is all I need, just off the rip. Some people

(16:22):
don't have it like that though. It's like, all right, hey,
you can't just be in here, like can you cook?
Can you do some laundry real quick? I mean, I
know you don't live here, but can you just do something?
You got some folks like that.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
I gotta uh. The only reason I said I gotta
figure back is because that's why you come up with
a definition. That's why you come up with a set
of something. You don't have to hit everything, but what
you strive to do is to hit everything. But that
comes as a collective got we gotta we gotta agree

(16:58):
on something, and I think we're far from that one.
We got to look gap.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
So you're saying we need to come up with a standard, I.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Mean because that we have one. Yeah, podcasts fluctuated a lot,
but we have pretty much a solid definition of what
a good man is. We need a solid definition of
what a good woman is because he seems like it
just seems like society has told our women that you

(17:29):
could do whatever and still be a good woman. That's
not true because it's some roles that you go down
you cannot turn back. It's only a one way. Because
I'll be honest with you, let's just let's just give
an example. If you're a sex worker, it's certain roles
that you won't get when it comes to maybe a
good man. You won't get that. Sometimes you ex yourself

(17:53):
out of certain things. But that's just our life is.

Speaker 7 (17:58):
So then that leads me to ask a question ship Right,
So I heard you say that if someone is a
sex worker, that exes them out from getting a good man. Right,
So that leads me to think it's the definition of
a good black woman one who can acquire a black man.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Same for a man. It's about to keep. It's not
about the just the acquire. You have to.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Okay, go ahead, wait, wait, wait, But there's something a
little troubling about that question, right, because it's like, but
why is it about him though, like, okay, to acquire
a black man, Like, is that what she's supposed to do?

Speaker 6 (18:43):
Or that's what I'm saying, that's what's everything.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
I wouldn't say everything is suggested to just one. You
can find happiness and a million different things. But for
the majority, I think what we're here, what we're here
to find out is love is serving appropriate. I think
those only two things that we're here for. But that's
just me. And that's why, you know, I'm still learning
and I'm still listening. I'm still open to new ideas
and I'm still open to new you know, windows of life.

(19:10):
I just want to I just want to understand everybody else.
It's perspective so I can kind of sharpen and mold
my So I'm never giving up a long entergy.

Speaker 6 (19:17):
So well, that's the reason why I ask no, that's
that's perfectly fine. That's the reason why I asked the question.

Speaker 7 (19:25):
I was like, okay, because the way that I had
linked that together my brain, right, the way that my
brain and leading together was okay. So we're talking about
a good woman, right, and there has to be a standard.
And in that standard, is it to say that someone
who is a sex worker is not a good woman.
And I was I guess I was linking in the Okay,
if she's a sex worker, she's not gonna be able
to get a good man. And then I was thinking

(19:47):
to myself, Well, I know plenty of good women who don't.

Speaker 6 (19:50):
Have a man, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (19:52):
I mean, who maybe some of them who've decided to Ye,
you got some You got some women out there, some
black women who maybe they tried a relationship, it didn't
necessarily work, so they decided the rest of their life
to dedicate themselves to up to uplifting their community.

Speaker 6 (20:05):
Does that mean that they're a bad woman because of the.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
Okay, No, we never speak at absolutes, you see what
I'm saying, because it's it's always a fine line and
in a silver line into absolutely everything. So a lot
of things can be true, a lot of things can
be true. But I think what we're mostly here for
that it's just like knowing the standard. I'm trying to
figure out the standard to life. It seems like we're
going to figure out all these emotions and maybe get

(20:31):
back to the stars. And maybe it has to do
something with numbers. It's a lot of things going on
in my mind, but though these are the roads that
I'm going down, and now it feels like I'm going
the right direction.

Speaker 6 (20:42):
All right, opinions, you know, No, I'm not I'm not attacking.
I'm being curious.

Speaker 3 (20:47):
No, no, no, no, I understand, I understand.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
Okay, all right, So with what so with what you
guys are so I have I had another question in
starting to slip me now, oh yeah, okay, So the comparison,
because we're talking about you know, black women as a prostitute.
All right, that's a vocation, a job, an occupation, it's
a function. Right would it be fair to compare that

(21:11):
woman in that occupation to someone like a Queen Latifah
or de Brat? Would that be fair? Or Erica Baddu?
Like just putting those two in the same room, right,
And you're trying to come up with this metric for
a good Black woman and you put those two in
and it's like, isn't that maybe even a little insulting

(21:35):
to Erkabadu?

Speaker 3 (21:37):
You know?

Speaker 2 (21:38):
But then it's like, well, where do I get off
saying you know, okay, insulting to Rikabadu? Like, where do
I get off with that?

Speaker 5 (21:43):
Right?

Speaker 2 (21:44):
And it's just according to some of those values, right,
that are inserted when we're talking about a good black woman.
I can say Erica Badu is a good black woman
because of a whole litany of reasons, right, qualities mainly,
But she tworks on stage one time? Does that make her?

(22:06):
I mean, this is behaviorally right? And then next you know, okay,
oh shoot, twerking becomes part of her forte all of
a sudden. But then the stripper does the same thing regularly.
But if she doesn't do it for a little you know,
So in these comparisons, as we're you know, saying, okay,
there has to be a standard. I'm more comfortable with

(22:29):
the identification or the qualification of one. But it's like
with a standard, there has to be like a like
a window or a continuum for that standard. It seems
because we're gonna because we're gonna be comparing women to
other women, and that in itself is already kind of
reeking of competition.

Speaker 3 (22:51):
Okay, So.

Speaker 8 (22:55):
I'm sorry, I just want to jump in real fest.
So I would like to say, there's a phrase that
used to go around beauty is in the eye of
the beholder, right, So let's say we take that and
let that be the standard for saying that a good
woman is in the eye of the beholder. That will
also include self. So whatever you look at at self

(23:18):
being as a good woman to yourself, that will be
your bar or your standard to build from, especially if
you're pressing the issue to be better than what you
was yesterday. Eve, if you was a sex worker and
you decided to yourself that, hey, I no longer want

(23:40):
to reside in that field. I want to do something
different with my life, something that is substantial, something that
is promising, something that I can almost pass down as legendary,
that has nothing to do with nobody on the outside
of you. We're studying searching for a definding Like John, say,

(24:07):
what can I compete against to prove I'm it or
status quo or to be accepted by others, when really
I just have to accept me as most people like say,
all of my flaws, which brings me back to my
initial statement, have to be a reflection of self. So
if you find good in yourself, it's just show in

(24:29):
your universe, and that's based off your decisions, your choices,
and your execution. I don't have to ask John, hey
do you work out is it just in your DNA? No,
you could tell in this posture. You can see him
carrying a shape bottle, you would These are just telltale
signs because the decisions he made.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, but that's evidence, right, So yeah, we're talking about evidence.
So that's good. Yeah. That kind of leads into that
question of yeah, how do we know, right, we're trying
to diagnose, so feedback feedback, Like, how do you know
if you ain't getting no feedback?

Speaker 3 (25:06):
And I think, and I think, and I think a
standard answers most of that, and I don't. I'm not
and I'm definitely not saying you have to hit every qualification,
you have to hit everything. I'm not saying that now.
I don't. I don't want to hold it to such
a logical from I don't want to hold it from
such a logical standpoint because I think it's it's always
good to have a balance. And I may be a

(25:26):
little too logical, but I'm not saying you have to
hit everything. I just want to know what's mostly good,
what's mostly bad, and how do we categorize it? Because
if there, if there is a blanket definition, and it
could be absolutely everything, you'll never actually know. Yeah, but
I'm saying too, if I says to you, you'll find

(25:48):
good in the universe because souls are kin to souls,
so you'll attract the one eventually, not the one. I
think the reatings a faint at tide to many, but
somebody good for you.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah, that's all that's on your level.

Speaker 6 (26:02):
That's it.

Speaker 7 (26:03):
I mean, I'm gonna go I'm gonna go back to
what I said in the beginning. If that's the case,
then that means that it is just like joh just
said right here, Haija, evidence is still defined by the beholder,
right and even King King you said it's it is
what is it that that you that you define it
as because you're you as yourself. You can see the

(26:23):
evidence in John that he works out right, Yeah, and
John you even said that you can you can see
a woman's vibe before you actually start to talk to
them and see like what it is, right you were like,
I can, I can see that you know that she's
presenting this way and presenting that way. So if we
really want to get into it, you know what I'm saying.
Like for me, For me, for all of my life,

(26:45):
I have been I have been really really hard on myself,
right and I had to I had to learn that
a part of being good being being able to see
other people for who they are, was being able to
see me for the human being that I was, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (27:02):
Being able to say they a players.

Speaker 7 (27:03):
Sometimes I'm gonna have an off day and I'm a
fucking up, you know what I'm saying, Being able to
say that I am human, but in that same vein,
being able to say, but I'm always gonna put one
hundred percent in, and my one hundred percent might not
necessarily look like anybody else's hundred percent.

Speaker 6 (27:17):
You know what I'm saying. But does that make me
a bad person?

Speaker 7 (27:19):
Maybe for maybe for somebody else, But it still makes
me a good woman, you know what I'm saying. Because
my thing, my values honesty, My values are vulnerability, ontonomy,
and creativity. I'm gonna be honest and be like, yeah,
I fuck that up, you know what I'm saying, Or yeah,
hey I'm gonna give my all right here, or hey
I might not be at my full one hundred right now.
For me, a good person is honest and they're vulnerable.

(27:42):
A good person man, woman, fish pal I don't give
a shit. A good person A standard is be honest
and be vulnerable. So that's what I'm saying. For me,
my definition is is that I'm gonna be honest and vulnerable.
I'm also gonna I'm to make sure that you have
your autonomy and try not to step upon that. And

(28:04):
my personal is creativity. So those are my standards, those
are my things, and that's.

Speaker 6 (28:10):
My definition of who you know.

Speaker 7 (28:12):
I get to set my own definition because I'm finally
realizing that.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
But I will say the listening to everything that we've
been saying, and then we're gonna move on listening to
everything that we've been saying. I think the key ingredient
here is consensus. Does your definition, your standard match mine?
Because we're about to do some work here, right, all right,
So you're enlisting me to hold you accountable in being

(28:39):
the good woman that you project yourself to be. So
you have to trust my feedback, you have to trust
my guidance and all that. Right, So there's a relationship
here because of that trust, and there's an understanding that,
all right, we got some work to do. So consensus
is gonna have to be important, as in, if you
set this standard. Clearly, I know what I'm looking for

(29:00):
for based off of that, Like, I have to be
clear minded, clear sighted to see what you're trying to
do and be you know, honest and at least caring
enough for you to help you stand in alignment with that,
because that's a big responsibility, right like just the whole
you to that, Like, okay, you want me to hold
you to that, but you're punishing me right now. Man,

(29:23):
I don't know if we're on the same page.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
Okay, cos I'm starting to see where I'm looking from.
That's why I'm starting to see exactly the point of
view that I'm looking from. I'm starting to I think
I understand what even what I just said. I'm looking
at it from a people standpoint because I look at numbers.
I'm more analytic. So you see in the numbers in

(29:49):
here and what we will be by twenty thirty. It's
alarm into me to see how many women will be single,
to see how many men will be single, and stuff
like that, all like, but we have to but I
think we would have to agree just so I can
get something to bounce it off of. Is there a
state of confusion right now? Are we going in the

(30:10):
right direction. Do we need a standard to get back
on track? Because the standard can fluctuate? I think later,
But I think it can only fluctuate with minds like ours.
Is that good for the collective? I don't think so.
I think we've been led astray. That's why I'm so
strenuous and I got my blinders on. But I know
I have my line. I know that's not right.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like that.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
That's why I bring up the truck.

Speaker 6 (30:34):
I like that I can see that. Is it good
for the collective?

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Woo?

Speaker 3 (30:39):
Because I mean because we see we all see the numbers,
don't we about twenty thirty single and non barrens? So
that means the men will still be single dirrect. It's
a lot of stuff that's going on, and the numbers
are showing that we are not going in the right direction.
We've been going in this direction. That's not I don't

(31:01):
think that's okay. Because we are stronger together. We are
we are the number one man. I believe that in
my heart completely. We are the original. It may not
have been light skinned, but we came around there we go.
So basically, I'm saying, I'm speaking from a standpoint that

(31:23):
I know I could be wrong. How do we get
it right?

Speaker 4 (31:28):
No, you know something?

Speaker 6 (31:29):
Go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 5 (31:30):
No, he's not lying because we did the violation of
black girls and doing that research, I found that sixty
five percent of our households in the black community are
ran by black women and that number is definitely going
to continue to increase if we don't do something about
it now. But that's gonna be on both parts. Yeah,

(31:54):
that's gonna be. That's that's gonna be work that needs
to be done from both male and female Black women
and black men. You just can't put that on the
shoulders of just what the black women, or put them
on the shoulders of all the black men. That's gonna
have to be cheered responsibility right there, exactly.

Speaker 4 (32:13):
My brother is shaking his head.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Go ahead, say.

Speaker 8 (32:22):
No, we can stay on topic. I mean, you and
Sherman brought up something that would be ideal for another show.

Speaker 5 (32:29):
Like seriously, but yeah, I get I get you, I
get you, but I understand. I know, I'm just I
was just being back, but I get it. Yeah, if
we don't get it together.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Yeah, I just want to find love again. And if
you come up with this definition, even if it's just
for us, just saying, cause I'll be honest with you.
I take I may say something a little little brads,
a little crazy, but I mean, listen, I take segregation
for a little second. Give us three hundred years to
figure out how to love on each other again, because

(33:03):
it seems we've lost it, and I want that amount
of time. I want to walk down my neighborhood and
see nothing but black people. We have to figure out
how to love again. That's all I really care about. Yeah,
I really think that's the power to the world.

Speaker 8 (33:17):
But maybe that's just a very right So even to
say that, though, are you saying to love people or
just to love black people. I'm just saying we need
to start with us. I mean, that's that's cool and all,
But some of us ain't just us anymore.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
Everybody can't come.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
That's an uncomfortable truth.

Speaker 8 (33:39):
I'm still saying some of us ain't even us no more.
And I ain't even talking about from a cultural standpoint.
I'm saying through DNA, we ain't even just us no more.
We got a lot of half and halfs out here.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Mm hmm. I got I got a concept. I gotta
concentrate on the problem that I can see everybody that
ain't us. It seems like if they look close enough
to something else, they act right. So I'm more streamlined.
I just I can't think about it any other way.

(34:15):
I can't. I need to learn how to work in
the gray area because I'm really black and I'm white.
I don't really have it in between. Yeah, so I
see it in I see it in this direction and
if it may be hard, and it may be it
may be some some curves of the shape that's cut off,
and it may be a little bit rocket, But if
it's at least in the right direction, that's where I

(34:35):
want to go. Because sometimes it may feel like a
rip of the tail and then you immediately go on
this way. You're pushing against the water. But that feels
wrong until it feels right.

Speaker 7 (34:47):
So I just would sorry, So since you just said that, right,
because my mind is very black or white, right, I
mean that's a part of my neuro divergence, right, is
very black or white thinking what if the what if
the conditions of who are good black man or good
black woman are lie and accepting the gray?

Speaker 6 (35:05):
What if they lie in accepting the gray?

Speaker 3 (35:07):
You know, like Grand's chaos. We got to come up
with the example of what gray is because I don't
think gray so much is it. I think from what
I'm hearing I hear, I hear gray is accepting. I
don't think gray is so much of accepting. I think
gray is chaos. I think gray is constant, constantly, constant,

(35:31):
different thoughts bouncing off for one of the other. To
be honest, it really don't matter.

Speaker 8 (35:35):
Yeah, gray is more. So what he's saying, gray is
like the comment mister Renee just said, gray is undefined truth.
Gray is more and so saying how are your feelings?
What you feel like? Not necessarily where Sherman is from, saying,
just logic just numbers. Either you do or you don't.
There's no maybe be luke warm. No, there's no lukewarm.

(35:58):
It's either it is one degree or one degree hot.
That's That's pretty much what he's saying. And we ain't
doing pas.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
Okay, And that's just to get back on track, Yeah,
because all I want to do is get back on track.
I'm not I'm not talking going going more villain. I'm
not talking going more hero. I'm talking right in the
middle where we used to.

Speaker 8 (36:22):
Be and in some cases, people gotta die in the
story and.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
I'm logical enough and he's not.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
It's an uncomfortable truth, but it's real.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
It breeds confidence, certainty, you know, certainty confidence you when
you look at it, you want to be able to say, yeah,
that's what that is, not a no, we don't want either. Yeah.
So yeah, I mean really, when you think about our decisions,
I mean, those are some of the best decisions coming

(36:58):
out of clarity, moments of clarity, moments of defining clarity.
This is what it is. I am sure of it,
that feeling.

Speaker 6 (37:10):
Okay, all right, if that's the case, all right, let's
go back to question. Okay, okay, to the next question.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Go ahead.

Speaker 6 (37:22):
It kind of ties in backstage.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
Do you think society has a clear or consistent idea
of what a good black woman looks like?

Speaker 3 (37:33):
No?

Speaker 8 (37:36):
Next question?

Speaker 2 (37:38):
All right, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (37:42):
I can go a little further with this reason, being
that there are twice a maker of images of black
women online, then there is white Even though we are
the number one, even though we're the educated, even though
we're the number one entrepreneurs, even though against our own
and I'm not putting you out down against against black men.

(38:05):
It's twice just a black woman on mine right now.
I who I don't know where this is coming from.
Every time I open up my face, but I'm seeing
it and it's like it's ridiculous. Yeah, so yeah, anybody
want go ahead?

Speaker 7 (38:25):
I'm waiting for the brother because I saw both. Look,
I saw both serving and king, both of them, and.

Speaker 8 (38:31):
I was.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Still jumping.

Speaker 4 (38:35):
It's like, go ahead, I'm.

Speaker 6 (38:37):
Ready to listen.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
I don't think there is. I just don't think there is.
That's it. That's all. I don't really have anything else.
I just say no, mm hmm, I'm sorry.

Speaker 6 (38:55):
What are we saying though?

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Too?

Speaker 6 (38:56):
I'm like, I'm like, es, okay, question, do you.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Think society has a clear idea? Okay, m m.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Not at all? Go ahead?

Speaker 8 (39:09):
Can oh yeah, the floor has spoken yeah no, and
he said.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Next question, okay, all right, I'll even I'll even add
to as well. Something to considers is the unrealistic expectations
that the country overall has even the examples of white
women as they perceive black women.

Speaker 8 (39:35):
Right.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
A lot of white women are intimidated by black women.
They are they can admit that, it's okay to admit
that y'all. It's okay to admit that, you know, because
sometimes I look at black women and I get intimidated, like, ooh,
that looks like that's dangerous. Okay, So yeah, because y'all,

(39:58):
y'all have seen black women and angry. Okay, y'all y'all
seen them, and it's like whoo whoo whoo. All right, yep,
I know what not to do. I've learned. I've learned
what not to do. You usually give some respect to that.
It's not fear, it's it's respects like, oh, okay that
you went there really fast, not like her, but wow. Yeah,

(40:23):
so you learn to and you and black men understand that.
Though we understand, it's like there's a respect there. There's
also some opinions about it. But for the most part,
it's like well should I mean, you know, we're just
more on the acceptance side, Like I don't like it
when she's like this, but I need to wait. She's
got some healing to do that. You know, this is

(40:44):
her overreacting. But trust me, if you get to know her,
you would see all these other sides, like, yo, she
handles business, she holds it down. You know, I'm in
school because of her. Those kids are in school because
of her. You see that car right there, like she
helped me get that car, right, you know it's but yeah, yeah,
she's this way too, and so you learn to respect
the multi fact, right, But they don't get that other

(41:06):
side until they get to know y'all. Right, they stay
with y'all along, and I'm like, dang, you know when
I first met your yeah, I know, girl, just don't
say too much, right, y'all. Y'all y'all you know, you
know how to check your multicultural friends, right. So it's
not consistent, but there's also a lot of fear that

(41:27):
influences that misperception, okay, And again it's understandable because Yo,
it's not a pleasant feel, you know, It's just it
just feels uncomfortable. But there's an understanding that comes with
it that comes equipped with that. It's like, Yo, she
wasn't She wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for

(41:47):
this environment that we're in. So you guys are influencing
this too, and you don't want to take any accountability
for it. So when society has its perception, they're also
not taking an accountability for their influence on that perception ship.
So the next question, thank you, thank you a what

(42:11):
was just waiting for?

Speaker 6 (42:12):
It was like I was just waiting for the boy.
Wait a second, let's not talk about Okay, anyway, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
But he hit it though, man, in what ways do
the mental health challenges of black women intersect with the
social pressure to be good?

Speaker 6 (42:30):
Oh my gosh, oh my goodness. The you know, I've
talked about it. I've talked about it a bunch of times.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
It's the go ahead.

Speaker 6 (42:43):
No like the pressure, you know, I know that. Brothers,
I've heard you got pressure.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
The pressure.

Speaker 7 (42:56):
Well, okay, so I'm not gonna lie. That feels really minimized,
right because we as women.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Man.

Speaker 7 (43:04):
Just I've heard all three of you brothers talk about
how you guys take on this pressure to be certain
things as a black man, right, and women.

Speaker 6 (43:13):
Do the same thing. Hell yeah, I mean shit, I
would I ended up in I know, I'm like, step
in the room.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
I step in the room, Mike Lee.

Speaker 4 (43:23):
Somebody sending a link for real, listen, I was.

Speaker 6 (43:29):
I would.

Speaker 7 (43:30):
I had an idea of how things were supposed to
look because of the fact that I put so much
pressure on myself to be a mom and and and
a wife. When I was away, You understand what I'm saying.
I put so much pressure on myself and.

Speaker 6 (43:41):
Like literally and I didn't know that I was trying
to control.

Speaker 7 (43:44):
Everything else because inside there was so much chaos that
I was not being able to live up to the
idea of what society thought that I was.

Speaker 6 (43:52):
Supposed to be.

Speaker 5 (43:54):
And I didn't health problems that part right there, So
that that has done un check. Come on, but you're
still dealing with the trauma from and you're still carrying
this shit Like I'm still trying to be who I
feel like I need to be.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
Why carrying this load backer that I haven't dealt with? Yeah,
it's man.

Speaker 6 (44:14):
So when I talk about I saw you posting that
question too, King.

Speaker 7 (44:17):
So when I talk about being human, one of the
first things in order for me to not live in
the lululand is to understand that I was human, that
I do make mistakes, that I don't have to live
up to that standards all the time. I still have
to love, I still have to come from a place
where I'm leading with my heart right and I also
have to understand that these are things that are within
me that I am emotional and not refute them because

(44:39):
it's a part of who I am.

Speaker 6 (44:41):
It's a part of me that nurtures because of the
fact that I'm emotional.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Right.

Speaker 7 (44:45):
I also had to come to the point where I
was like I was putting too much pressure on myself
and that was literally causing depression, anxiety. My ADHD was
spiraling out of control, and I felt like I had
to be everything else that everybody wanted and needed me
to be, but I was not who I needed to be.
In fact, I completely yourself, stut myself off from myself.

Speaker 6 (45:05):
So we can understand the pressure that brothers are under.

Speaker 7 (45:09):
If y'all can understand the pressures that, yeah, it might
be delusional, but we still put a lot of pressure
on ourselves.

Speaker 6 (45:15):
And that's where the.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
He was saying delusions plural, right, because I mean that is.

Speaker 8 (45:30):
But but but I appreciate the challenge of miss Tanner,
and I will walk give it to you, full face
into it, and I will still say everything you just
said more than just the man on the this this
this platform. They don't even look at it as pressure.
They just look at it as just I'm supposed to
that's it. I'm just supposed to that's it. There's there's

(45:53):
no I never acknowledged that it was a problem or
trauma or I'm carrying extra baggage. It's just that I'm
just polls too. I'm not supposed to take time out
to let me say, let me unpack my book bag,
my luggage and let me sort it out. Let me
put my socks with my socks and put my t shirts.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
No.

Speaker 8 (46:12):
At some point, all men frontal load. When it developed,
it kicks in. Man, I can't be doing this right.
Look at the way King wait Sherman, Look way Joe,
look at John John over there. Man the other day
when I was talking to Mike, and at some point,
at some point we feel like maybe that's the good

(46:32):
route because he has a nice car. I seen him
other day spend more than twenty dollars when we was
out together. Let me follow some of that. But then
sometimes that can conflict with quote unquote my own personal
views of self. Now I'm forcing myself to be more
accountable because I want to hang with that. I remember
what I used to hang with, used to align myself with.

(46:55):
But I kind of like the way that's moving. Damn
in society, I'm starting to see the things that open
my eyes up to the way I was moving, and
now I'm I'm super or hypercritical about that. I don't
like that I started. I started doing this, so messing
with drugs or selling drugs or stealing cars or robbing
or raping or killing, like damn, I am my own

(47:17):
detriment to the culture that I want to see do good.
So right now I'm in the balance of good and evil,
trying to figure out which one is gonna force me
to wake up and go fully like like Sherman King
Sherman said, Hey, ain't no great. You're either gonna be
all the way negative and fuck up shit, excuse my language,

(47:39):
or you're gonna button down, continue to convict yourself daily.
But the bullish that you need to let go in
order to become period, it's not even becoming a good man.
I don't even think. No man, look at itself and say,
I'm trying to be a good man. Nah man, I
just got I just got shit I gotta deal with.
And you know, really, at this point, who gives a

(47:59):
fuck if I'm complaining about it? Who curs? It don't
even matter. I could throw a pity point saying I'm
not saying that you ain't supposed to take time out
for self. You ain't supposed to acknowledge what you're really
going through and dissect it. I'm not saying that because
then that ties into the mental health challenge. I'm saying
every time you leave your front door, you start your car,

(48:22):
you clock in at work, or you tend to the kids,
to the wife, the girlfriend, the side check, whatever it is,
you automatically understand, it don't matter because if it's not
acknowledged that, hey, I thank you for doing this, or
thank you for doing a little pat on the head,
or something like, what what the fuck am I doing?

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Who cares?

Speaker 8 (48:43):
If I'm upset?

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Who cares?

Speaker 8 (48:44):
If I'm hurting? Who cares if I'm still dealing with
mommy issues daddy issues? Ain't nobody got time to listen
to none of that. I have to curve enough to
say I just don't want to do the bullshit no more.
That's it. I just got a cur enough to do
that and see my environment change because I'm changing. Well,
I ain't losing weight because I'm eating three three to

(49:05):
six times a day and it ain't nothing but pringles
what I'm what I'm you know, I'm not getting no
protein in I'm eating saturated cholesterol. I'm refining salts and sugars,
and yeah, I'm I'm I'm killing myself. I'm drinking three
to four times a day. I'm hiding that thinking of

(49:25):
I spray a little cologne and throw men in. And
we're all going through the same cycle of just trying
to understand who we are to become better.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Period.

Speaker 8 (49:38):
So even if we do come up with a standard, yeah,
now we have a standard from a societal standpoint, but
societal standpoint don't give a fuck about what I went through.
I have to deal with what I went through in
order to meet societal standpoints. And I can't even meet
those points because I'm too busy trying to figure out
why I can't have a relationship with my daughter. Why

(49:59):
don't underst saying the last three to four relationships I
had were very unsuccessful. And when it do hit you
in your head, oh, it was all you. Weren't nobody else. Third,
it was you. It was you that made those decisions,
so only you can be held accountable. And it might
be like like Shermon, say it's cut and dry, it
ain't no gray. But until we able just to accept

(50:21):
that one little thing, it was all my decision. It
was all my decision making. Like like I even find
out sometimes because I turned the blinker on and I
was going to make a right, but I kept straight.
It was the right that I should have took that
have kept me from entering flood waters that flooded my motive.
Sometimes I can't put it in reverse and bag out
of the decision. The decision has been made up here

(50:44):
to where I committed to it in life. I gotta
walk this all the way out and deal with it
along the way because I made the decision half a
block ago. As much as we would like to put
it in reverse and undo a lot of things, you
just you only could deal with it in the quote
unquote now fast. I'm just saying I, like I say,

(51:06):
I'm not trying to press nobody on nothing, because I'm
still a work of art for myself first and foremost
before anything else, and I'm proud of that. Shit. I
look at all my past and I accept everything from
both of my parents being deceased at four and five,
and I'm still right here today pushing fifty. You can't
tell me shit it's fast, and I'm gonna keep on

(51:29):
building on that. So if it takes me another five
ten years to get to that ultimate level, because I
just learned this just walking the steps the other day.
Even though I got to the top, somewhere else, there's
another fight or another level, something to conquer again. So
it doesn't stop. So even if I do unpack all that,

(51:52):
somebody might come across my path and acknowledge, Hey, I
see your great stride, I see what you've done. But
they guess what just getting started, just getting started it.
So that boy is gonna fluctuate from person to person,

(52:12):
culture of culture, It ain't gonna life is forever until
you die.

Speaker 3 (52:20):
Mh. Yeah, And that speaks, that speaks to a standard.
You perfectly spoke to it, because basically what I heard
is it is ever evolving, but we at least need
something to look at. Yeah he didn't. You didn't speak
in the gray. You're smoking black and you're smoking white.

Speaker 4 (52:44):
And if you're not evolving, you're just stuck.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
The minute you stop, you there it is.

Speaker 4 (52:52):
And and it's not even a physical depth, it's it's.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
A spiritual people four or five years ago.

Speaker 4 (52:59):
Yeah, still walking around.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
That's what they are in the circle. That's because we
didn't see. We didn't save forty two year olds act
like twenty one year olds in here. Trauma can stop
you thinking, you know, it all can stop you. It's
a bunch of things that's willing to stop you if
you stop there. You gotta choose to stop there. Yeah,

(53:23):
it's all on you. You can be your greatest asset
and you can be your greatest demidse mm hm clately.

Speaker 8 (53:28):
Up to you. This was good.

Speaker 5 (53:36):
We we still have more questions. And this is why
I said we're gonna have to do a part too.
I rene, we just gonna have to do a part too.
Sometimes y'all don't listen to me.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
I mean, we only had a couple more questions. You
guys are actually answering a lot of them already.

Speaker 4 (53:49):
So are confusing being good with us? Just why I
have themselves?

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Second?

Speaker 4 (53:54):
Like god, question, that's question?

Speaker 3 (54:00):
And wait to hear what John said about this buck.

Speaker 6 (54:04):
Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna hold.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
I've done it. I've done it.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
What's being good?

Speaker 4 (54:15):
Being good with being agreeable?

Speaker 6 (54:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Yeah, I've done it. I have children, three of them.
I've done it, done it with each neighbor.

Speaker 8 (54:25):
I just.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
What's be agreeable to be the good parent?

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (54:37):
Self sacrificing. I'm still learning with that last one. Self sacrificing.
Oh my god, I will go without just.

Speaker 8 (54:47):
So she can have.

Speaker 5 (54:50):
I'm and my sister gets on me about it all
the time. Stop putting yourself last night. I've been done
it so much it's like second nature.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
My kids can call me right now, mom, I need.

Speaker 5 (55:06):
I'm happy, and I tell myself I'm happy to be
a resource for them because I'm trying to.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
Be to them when I did up. Okay, I'm gonna
leave that right there.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Are we confusing good with being agreeable, quiet or self sacrificing? Yes, yes,
and yes. And it's not just confusion. It's also conditioning.
It's not just confusion, it's also conditioning. We are conditioning
good with agreeable, quiet and self sacrificing. It's there often

(55:51):
in the form of oppression, unfortunately, and it's both subtle
and very exact. It's also the product of unconscious conditioning.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
It's our it's in our men, it's in the society,
it's in the culture, it's in how we raise girls.
And then you know, women developed to find their voice,
and sometimes it becomes a bit excessive in the sense
of you're trying to overcorrect. You're trying to overcompensate for

(56:28):
all the time that was lost being silent, right, and
that that can happen with anything, by the way, that
cap with a thing. If you've been repressed about anything,
it could have been sex, uh, cigarettes, alcohol, TV. You
can try to overcorrect, to try to overcompensate for that
lost time, all those opportunities that you wish you had,
and you're like, well, shoot, i'ma I'm gonna do it

(56:49):
all the way up.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Poverty consciousness though, you know, because with freedom there comes
a certain there, there comes an understanding of the balance
when it comes to freedom or what we conceive is freedom. Right,
So you get all this freedom, but you understand that
there are still consequences that come with freedom. And so
with a black woman, you know, having to be conditioned
to be this way, and they find their voice. Some

(57:13):
some can develop into the trajectory of doing too much
and it's like he says, look, glad you found your voice,
but you're gonna have to And then it's it's almost
like it's an echo from the past telling you to
be quiet and this but this time, this quiet is saying, hey,
if you keep going, you're gonna make another error if

(57:36):
you keep going. But again, it's this overcorrection is from
a place of heart. This is the conditioning. This is
the betrayal. All Right, you guys betrayed me. You know
you conditioned me to be this. You know you call
it demure, but it's really just me being timid. You

(57:57):
know you've bullied me into this, You've kind of made me.
And I'm afraid that if I don't please you, if
I'm not an instrument to you, if I'm not of
use to you, you'll discard me into my former condition.

Speaker 6 (58:12):
Okay, can I just needed to piggyback off of that.

Speaker 7 (58:17):
If being quiet and agreeable and self sacrificing is being good,
I'm not a good woman period, because of everything that
you just said, John, I was raised to be quiet,
to be demure, to be self sacrificing, to be agreeable,
and literally that put me in some of the most

(58:38):
hurtful places.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
Right.

Speaker 7 (58:41):
So, I don't even think that I'm argumentative. I honestly
just think I'm going to be curious. I'm going to
ask a question. If I feel that something is going left,
I'm going to speak on it, and I'm not trying
to do it from a place where I'm like, I've
got to edge you out.

Speaker 6 (58:55):
I'm thinking for.

Speaker 7 (58:57):
Years I abandoned my self else because I was told
in order to be a good woman, in order to
have a husband, which was the prize for a black woman,
I had to be quiet, I had to be self sacrificing.

Speaker 6 (59:14):
I had to be good. And that's the reason why
for me.

Speaker 7 (59:18):
Today, i'd say that my good is me defining whatever
my black woman this is.

Speaker 6 (59:26):
I get it.

Speaker 7 (59:26):
You're saying that we need to have a black and
white standard. Maybe I'm over correcting. No, I'm not even
gonna say that, not necessarily, because I'm not necessarily demanding
that everybody look at everything my way. I'm just saying
that I'm gonna challenge and I'm gonna ask questions. And
it's because of the fact that, especially Black women, we
are raised with being quiet, being self sacrificing, being.

Speaker 6 (59:49):
My kids is gonna eat before I do. My husband's
gonna get this plate before this usband.

Speaker 7 (59:54):
I'm gonna make sure that I cook tonight after working
a double after coming in and doing laundry.

Speaker 6 (59:58):
I'm gonna make sure that I come and I cook.

Speaker 7 (01:00:00):
You understand I'm saying, because he can't go to bed
hungry and because my kids can't go to bad hungry. Oh,
I'm not gonna get my hair on my nails and
I'm not gonna do something that's for me because he
needs that. He needs a new lunchbox, or he needs
a new this.

Speaker 6 (01:00:13):
You know what I'm saying. I did that. I lived
that life and I didn't because of that, I think
black and white. There was it was all or nothing.
There was no gray, there was no area for me.

Speaker 7 (01:00:26):
So I self sacrifice everything because it was what I
was taught to do, if that makes any sense.

Speaker 6 (01:00:33):
So maybe it came from a condition I was conditioned
to do that. That's the reason why for me in
this time and day in space, I'm like, I know
so many good women who are not who are not quiet,
who are loud.

Speaker 7 (01:00:46):
But the thing is that what people don't understand is
that if I fight for myself like this, imagine what
the fuck I'm gonna do for you.

Speaker 6 (01:00:52):
You understand I'm saying, because I'm gonna.

Speaker 7 (01:00:56):
Fight for my kids, baby, I got a meeting with
my kids, my kids school tomorrow, because I'm about to
go and fuck somebody up.

Speaker 6 (01:01:02):
You understand I'm saying. I have a meeting with my
with my my sons, my son's college because they gonna pay.
They're gonna pay him what he's old.

Speaker 7 (01:01:12):
I fight for myself and I will never abandon myself,
not anymore.

Speaker 6 (01:01:17):
And the things that I do, I will also do
for the people that I love.

Speaker 7 (01:01:20):
So I just want to put that out there for
anybody who's thinking that, oh, I can't be with a
black woman because she's a she's this, she's that. No, bro,
this is what you want.

Speaker 6 (01:01:30):
You want this. You know what I'm saying. You want somebody.
You want somebody who's going to be like fuck that,
where the god we're going? I mean, that's period. You
know what I'm saying. I mean he did.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
Or the okay, go ahead, because that's because.

Speaker 6 (01:01:47):
That's okay, all right, you're right, And I didn't speak
for you guys, and.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say, that's exactly what
we and not looking for, okay, because you and this
is why and this is why I say this. You
use that as a life study, because I would love
to read your book from cover to cover, use it
as a life study, just to see where your love lied,

(01:02:17):
because you might be an acceptance to the rule that
what your love was it wasn't a it wasn't a family,
it wasn't it wasn't a man, or you getting the prize.
Your prize was this. I want to see what you
see through your life's window. I would love to read it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
But I want to remind all of us, by the way, Uh,
just on that tail end right there, the feedback is
still important. Okay, this is still yeah, this is still
all about the feedback. Okay, so it does. Okay, So
everything that we were you were just listening to Ivy,
it was in service, Like she's in service to her king,

(01:02:56):
she's in service to her children, she's in service to
her community. Right, But they're also supposed to be they're
also supposed to be in service to her. Right. But
this is feedback still, this is this is still feedback, right,
the responsibility right, and again we're talking about upbringing. But
the main thing is is there a mutual understanding of

(01:03:19):
her role, her function and then does the environment, the community,
the family that verifies confirms, Yeah, she doing it. I'm
witnessing because I mean, we we're here to witness each other.
She's doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:36):
She is who she says she is, and she is
who she says she is. I mean she's been verified.
I've said, we've watched the growth from last year up
until the day, from the first day she stepped on
this podcast. It's not the same. Maybe yeah, yeah, my

(01:04:02):
blue love flowers.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
I'm good.

Speaker 6 (01:04:05):
I'm snipping my flowers.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
I'm good, And.

Speaker 3 (01:04:08):
Damn right you are. And to kind of reiterate what
I was speaking to, I just want to see I
just I want to hear from you. I gotta learn
from this, because, like I said, I see life and
black and white, and sometimes it's hard for me to
look at anything else. But if I'm shown, if I'm
guided through, of course I can see it. Absolutely, of

(01:04:32):
course I can see it. But but this is this,
this is my thought and my thought only. I thought,
once you healed enough, you were able to be self sacrificing,
you were able to be agreeable, and you were able
to come to a commonality with a person. But I
but sometimes I think you can do all those right

(01:04:53):
things for a wrong pick, because it's because it's something
in your life that you see, it didn't quite figure out,
and you just missed it because it's hard to hit
the bull's eye. Sometimes you're missing, and sometimes it's the
wrong person. But it's if you keep doing the work.
There's no way in heaven and hell, somebody else wanna

(01:05:14):
pop up and they'll be just what you need.

Speaker 8 (01:05:16):
Just to write.

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Bit. Maybe that's a fairy tale, but I've seen it.
I got to see it. That's why that's why I speak.
So that's why I speak from the soul. I'm literally
shooting my little revolver straight from the soul. I've seen it.
I've seen the woman that I was just I was
blown away with natural everything. But the way she spoke

(01:05:38):
was so soft, but I heard everything she said that
she was all the way in the battle store. It
was commanding it. But everything she said felt like it
was an open ended question. I couldn't believe what I
couldn't believe what I met, and I thought I was
like that. I think that was the closest thing I
ever met to when John it was a black woman,

(01:05:58):
and boy, what's she beautiful?

Speaker 8 (01:06:01):
Yeah, to see it. When she was married, she what
I'm saying, sir, but.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
No, no, she was just I got you. But this
just to just to finish the story. She was explaining
how she was treating her husband to one of my friends.
His name was Seanna, and I just got in on
the conversation. But the way she spoke, Jesus Christ, I've
never heard anything like that. That's how I knew it

(01:06:29):
was feasible. That's how I knew it was achievable. And
I seen it in a black woman. God damn it.
I'm glad I saw it got first.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
I want to see yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:06:43):
That's what I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
So I just I just think I need to give
my battle scores right because it is okay for me
and to cry. I got that. I gotta give my
other battle score right because it is okay for me
to be vulnerable. I gotta get this other battle score
right because I need to figure out what the hell
love is so I can give out the right energy
out there, because I need us as a collective to
be back together. I don't anything else.

Speaker 8 (01:07:05):
My brother's sermon, I just want to say it. I
was just gonna say that what you just said is
a list of conditions that you're applying to your life,
which is love. That's what you're doing right now. That
take it back to the beginning part when I stated,
and John correct me if I'm wrong. Once you turns internal,
when you change internally internally, I'm talking about when you
and dark by yourself. Ain't nobody else around, nobody to

(01:07:26):
validate anything. When you change internally, everything you do moving
forward will be a reflection of that. Everything everything, So
most of the stuff that we go through, it's good
that we recorded up here so we can refer back
to it. What was I supposed to learn from that?
Because this identify and triggers as the same as that

(01:07:50):
was was, which is past, it's not now. Sometimes we
replay the movie of the past as if it's going
on right now.

Speaker 3 (01:08:00):
That's true.

Speaker 8 (01:08:01):
But my brother, my sister, I'm saying this from my experience.
I can identify with my past, but I am no
longer my past. I don't give a fuck if nobody
else sees it. I see it every day I wake
up and I appreciate this shit. I encourage anybody that

(01:08:21):
listen to this quit allow your past to dictate your
next step. Order your steps in your own motherfucking words,
and you stand on this shit. Ms iv Tanner. If
you see the good woman in you, even in your
darkest hour, you're still a good motherfucking woman to you. First. Now,

(01:08:44):
if you want to talk about self sacrificing, that's self
sacrificing acknowledging to yourself. You're a good woman first. Even
though you could say, hey, me and my hamster's my bullshit.
It's cool you put that on scale. But if you're
still saying you're a good woman through it all, now
this shit, don't you matter. You're still a good woman.

(01:09:06):
Whatever it is you striving to be a become, that's
all that matters. When I posted my little video to
the top of the staircase, it didn't hit me till
I got to the top of the mouth. Sir. That
was level one, you know what I'm saying. No, no,
feel me on it because Sherman spoke on it earlier,

(01:09:28):
John spoke on it as well. My sister tap danced
around it. Yeah, okay, I'm at the peak of this ship,
but it's still level one. It's thirteen more of these here.

Speaker 6 (01:09:39):
Yeah, yes, if I can just jump in it.

Speaker 8 (01:09:43):
I love it.

Speaker 7 (01:09:44):
I love it because that's the truth where I am,
that's the truth. You're always elevantor man, if you stop learning,
you die.

Speaker 3 (01:09:51):
Right.

Speaker 7 (01:09:52):
So right now my level for me is I'm a
good woman. Right I'm never going to say that there
is not things that I have to learn. I'm I'm
not trying to say that I am. I'm not soft,
I'm not this, that and the other. But the thing
is is that I got to learn safety within myself
and I haven't had safety within myself. I got to
learn that first for me before I can be safe.
Before I I'm learning how to be a safe space

(01:10:13):
for me and my kids.

Speaker 6 (01:10:14):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (01:10:16):
And the reason why I'm not I am not dating
because I am at level one. I'm finally knowing mastery
of me. I don't want to go into any bullshit
like I did before, like I did for forty something
that was a fallacy that who is meant for me
is going to be meant for me.

Speaker 6 (01:10:36):
Period. So let me figure this out and the whole
entire time, I'm still.

Speaker 8 (01:10:39):
A good woman, and it will challenge you to show
and proof know that. And I think I know what
I'm saying, except I'm not against it. Even like my brother. Yes,
the young lady spoke yestay, young lady was married. But
for you in your timeline to come across what you
see as divine right when the real opportunity hit, bro,

(01:11:03):
you gotta be ready.

Speaker 7 (01:11:04):
That's and I will take your challenge if anybody else,
I will definitely take your challenge.

Speaker 3 (01:11:10):
Right, definitely, beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:11:14):
Done.

Speaker 4 (01:11:16):
I hope, I hope you find your guy. I hope
your guy fights you.

Speaker 6 (01:11:21):
That's if it's even done.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
I'm done.

Speaker 3 (01:11:26):
I'm anything.

Speaker 7 (01:11:28):
I gotta I gotta put this. I gotta put this
in here. I'm not I am forty eight years old.
I'm about to be fifty.

Speaker 8 (01:11:34):
Right.

Speaker 7 (01:11:35):
Because of the fact that I did not think, oh,
I'm glad that you I'm glad that you were watching, sir,
I'm almost fifty. I had to make this up with
the fact that pausive girl, listen.

Speaker 6 (01:11:47):
I'm sorry, No, it's all there.

Speaker 7 (01:11:49):
I had to make peace with the fact that it
my there might not be another opportunity in this lifetime.

Speaker 6 (01:11:55):
You know what I'm saying. I have to make peace
with that.

Speaker 7 (01:11:57):
It's because of the fact that I didn't learn the
lessons that I was supposed to coming into this life.
But the thing is is that I'm still a good woman.
I am still a good woman, and I'm just I'm
just on step one two, you know what I'm saying.
And I got another staircase to go. I got another
I want to stop learning, and I'm never going to
stop learning because of the fact that I finally realized
that life this is a thing that you have to learn.

Speaker 6 (01:12:19):
The challenges have to be accepted, you know what I'm saying.
And that's the reason why I noticed you guys said
that there were no great for me.

Speaker 7 (01:12:25):
Right now everything is great because I'm figuring it out
and I have this strength and idea of what things
look like.

Speaker 6 (01:12:33):
But right now it has to be great because I
am figuring it out.

Speaker 2 (01:12:37):
Oh, I've been holding this for the whole time. Y'all
know that there's other colors, right, there's red, blue, yellow, green,
so black, white, red, blue, purple, purquoise. Yeah, so I

(01:12:58):
just want to reiterate, there's a spectrum too. There's a spectrum.
It's not just it's gray. It's not spectrum, right. The
colors are though. The colors are a spectrum. So you
can just say, hey, there's a spectrum and I'm just
flipping through them to figure out which one of these is.
You know, it doesn't have to be gray where I'm uncertain.

(01:13:20):
It could just be oh right, now I'm in green.
I'm just feeling it out. It feels earthy. Now I'm
going ahead to this blue exploring.

Speaker 6 (01:13:30):
Yeah, I can feel that in my world is technicolor.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
So I'm just searching. You're searching, so and I want.

Speaker 6 (01:13:36):
To say this. I want to say this too.

Speaker 7 (01:13:38):
I am very passionate, right, I am very passionate, especially
in this space because I am I'm really coming into
I'm finally coming into my own. So if I am
extra expressive, I hope that you guys don't take it
as you know, and I can't control how you're taking it,
but just understand that this is not a direction. I'm
speaking passionately because this is me, my bin and I

(01:14:01):
embody all of this passion. You know what I'm saying.
And I wish that these are things that lessons that
young women would learn, you know.

Speaker 6 (01:14:08):
What I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (01:14:10):
So when I'm saying these things, I hate to be
like this, bros. But I'm not even really addressing y'all.
I'm addressing those who are out here, who are watching this,
who grew up in that similar situation, who had the
programming that told them that they were supposed to self subsume,
who got a list of rules or a standard from
somebody who didn't even see them, and they lost themselves.

Speaker 6 (01:14:33):
I had to come back to myself.

Speaker 7 (01:14:34):
So I'm saying these things to be like, baby, she's
here and she wants you to reattack to who you are.
You can't have anybody else come into all of that
craziness until you figure this part out. And that's what
I'm talking to. So I hope that y'all don't.

Speaker 3 (01:14:54):
Because just really shortly, because I know way over the time,
I know that's what I would try to That's the
that's the almost exact definition that I would want to
instill in my child. Know yourself before you know these rules,
you got it because if you put rules on a
blank statement, you don't know what these rules are too.
You have no idea. So then you're just walking in

(01:15:16):
the straight line. It don't matter what you hit, because
you're not You can't veer off this path. You got
to figure out who you are for, what makes you happy,
what's your fire what's your passion. I think that's what
we try to do for children. So I like that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:30):
Yeah, try to help try to help her fall in
love with herself. I'm sorry, rise in love it with herself.

Speaker 4 (01:15:38):
That's what I took a lot of homes didn't didn't
get that type of.

Speaker 8 (01:15:43):
Education doing that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:45):
So we got to help her rise in love with herself.

Speaker 8 (01:15:50):
Facts with us, miss miss miss Tanner, I said to
you on the phone before, and I'm gonna say it
one more time. I speak for every man on this panel.
We don't look at you as a threat, so we
won't be alarm that you would be anything but love, nurturing, caring,
you know, intuitive, passionate and vulnerable. You're not gonna see

(01:16:14):
nothing outside of that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
But she's a Leo too, so I mean it's kind
of expecting out.

Speaker 8 (01:16:23):
But I want you to understand that in your tribe
that you got right here though the same thing. I
love them. So you can act our rate all you want.
If you wanted to trip spast if anything, you probably
get a hug and like, all right now, you.

Speaker 2 (01:16:40):
Ain't finna do all that. Yeah, just keeps it the buck,
you know, Yeah, we.

Speaker 6 (01:16:47):
Know what, we know what it looks like that, everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:16:52):
And that's what I think we're here for. That's what
I think we're here for.

Speaker 8 (01:16:55):
That's what I mean, because that's the reflection.

Speaker 3 (01:16:58):
It just it may be just a question and my
idea of what life is to challenge you, because I'll
never just come out right and strike at you, because
I may be I may be your treat because if
you ask for death, you're gonna get the opportunity to
make a desk. You're gonna it's gonna be a treat
that Papa behind the work. So it's always going to
be a challenge. But I understand, hopefully it's always understood

(01:17:21):
that I'm never coming from a malice place. I'm just
speaking from my idea and I want to hear your idea.
So it may it may it may sometimes seem like
a challenge, but I'm.

Speaker 8 (01:17:32):
Again, you're just reflecting Miss Tanner her favorite word, be curious.
That's all you're doing. That's that's all you're doing.

Speaker 6 (01:17:40):
My brother, that's it, because I'm gonna let you know,
I'm going to keep it if I'm challenging either of y'all.
Every man, No, I'm a challenge. That is my sister
heard and you know we have.

Speaker 4 (01:18:02):
Recently and not Damn.

Speaker 5 (01:18:06):
I'm sorry. I want to thank everyone for jumping in
on tonight's Live. This has been things people don't want
to talk about.

Speaker 4 (01:18:12):
How do you see a what do you see a
good Can you recognize a good woman when you see one?
Didn't we the black woman at a good black woman?
Do we need to do we need to revisit this
next week? Did we have any more questions left? Do
we answer all the questions?

Speaker 2 (01:18:32):
We just had a couple.

Speaker 8 (01:18:35):
A couple.

Speaker 6 (01:18:36):
Let's bring it back.

Speaker 4 (01:18:37):
Let's bring it We'll bring it back.

Speaker 5 (01:18:39):
We yeah, yeah, let's bring it back next week part
two and we'll finish those questions out.

Speaker 3 (01:18:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:18:48):
I want to thank everyone for jumping in on tonight's Live.
Don't forget to like, subscribe and share. If you are
on our Facebook group, please please, please, please please please
go over to you YouTube and go ahead and subscribe.
All of our old videos are over there right now,
so you can always go back and look. I know

(01:19:08):
Facebook has this thing where they're getting rid of lives
after thirty days, and over there on our YouTube channel,
things that people don't want to talk about, you can
go all the way back to the first show we
had three years ago and just putting that out there.
I want to thank my panel for company and tonight.
We will see you all back here next week.

Speaker 4 (01:19:28):
John, you got me.