Do You Know a Good Black Man When You See One? Part 2

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So God lovel, you can tell them my setting love
it up. God love what you just telling my setting
level up?

Speaker 2 (00:10):
God level, you can tell them my seting level up,
level up, level up.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Everything that means every.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Connected to everything, and that's why and that's why everything all.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
God All live on everything.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
That means everything, it's connected to.

Speaker 4 (00:34):
Everything, and that's why and that's why what's going all
y'all on this Tuesday. Hey, I appreciate having y'all in
the house, in the place to be. Oh, we just
lost one right, Hey, welcome do you everybody who's viewing
out there. This is things that people don't want to
talk about, brought to you by God level, who is

(00:55):
doing God lovel things at the moment. But that's all right,
because we're just gonna keep it going on this wonderful
tay is warm outside. You can see. I'm your girl ie.
I'm looking crazy, am my Wednesday. It's a onesie day, right,
I'm feeling my inner kid. It's a onesie day. So
we got a lot of stuff to talk about. I'm like, hey,
let's go ahead and get to it. We can start
with some introductions. So mister John Scott Walker, would you

(01:15):
please introduce yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Sir John Skywalker, the slot Talker.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Here.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm a lyricist, spoken word artist, martial artist, personal trainer,
lover of life, student of psychology, and I'm a father
who is currently taking personal training clients right now, virtually
right Hey. If you have diabetes, you just discovered you
got high blood pressure, if you got cancer, if you're
just trying to recover from an old work injury, if

(01:41):
you're just trying to lose some weight, whatever your goals are,
if you're struggling to meet them and get some serious results,
hit me up at master dot John Skywalker on Instagram
Master dot John Scott Walker.

Speaker 4 (01:56):
So absolutely, thank you very much. Just out Walker and listen.
Here is the bomb dot com. You know what I'm saying.
He'd be having them ten ton guns, you know.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Just as this God.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
All right, Shery, you want to come in and introduce yourself.

Speaker 5 (02:11):
Brother, I am Shermy vine My in trouble and probably
never be as decorated, but I love to be in
a room.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
I'll talk about it ain't gonna be as decorated, decorated
right down, man, Tom Danny Dropp'd be.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Like, oh, I'm just still yeah, he's still you on
talking like that.

Speaker 4 (02:32):
I got a little bit little you got time. I'm
telling you, big up yourself, bro, big up yourself because
you come in and you like you do the thing.
You know what I'm saying. Hey, thank you very much,
mister he just you just pop back here, mister king Newborn,
would you please introduce yourself since you just came back in.

Speaker 6 (02:57):
Newborn, you can follow me on all social media platforms
at new Born everything in all ways because I'm late, Uh,
I am that, I am on service to family friends,
I loved ones.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Peace peace, peace.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
He'll be back, Yeah, he'll be back. Okay. And mister
Mike Lee, I wanted to leave you last, brother, since
you're coming in here. You're kind of like you know,
you're a special uh special guess mister like Mike leave,
please go ahead and represent yourself.

Speaker 7 (03:34):
Yeah, first of all, thank you guys, you know, for
being consistent.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
That's the biggest thing, hardest thing.

Speaker 7 (03:42):
So you guys are doing the work and you know everything,
calm down, you know, you eat and then all of
a sudden, your belt buckle, which you.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Know you're pregnant. You're pregnant, you're pregnant.

Speaker 7 (03:55):
And then all of a sudden, you got a whole
baby right, can't walk, you can't walk, can't walk me?
And all of a sudden, the running like everything happens
gradually and all of a sudden.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
So congratulations on all of you guys' early success. I
am Mike Lee. I am a financial guru.

Speaker 7 (04:12):
I'm big on just making sure the black community is
hip to everything that's happened.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
I'm kind of like Robin Hood and go and I
take all the goods and I bring it back to
the crib.

Speaker 8 (04:20):
So y'all need that money, let me know for got
you that may for you appreciate it, mister y and
I am so excited that you are here together and
we've got these four phenomenal and magnificent black men representing,
because what is today's topic?

Speaker 4 (04:40):
Do you know a good black man when you see one?
This is carry hard too. This is a car from
last week. Listen, look left, I left my notebook over there,
and I left my wine. My wine is downstairs today.
But still, I'm like, let's get into it because y'all
was dropping gems last week, you know, and we've got
some more. Let's drop some more gems. I'm like let's
get to crack it. I remember that last week we

(05:02):
had like Mike Lee, he dropped a bomb and then
it was like, Ah, we're gonna stop. We're gonna stop,
and we're gonna save this for the next weekend. I
was like, oh, so, let me go ahead and grab
my soigns and let me grab my wind and let
me grab my notebook and my handy dandy pencil because
I'm ready go right here. Mister Mike Lee, would you
like to kick it off for sir?

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, off, ill kick it off.

Speaker 7 (05:25):
So if you guys don't remember, we was having an
incredible conversation last week and we simply ran out of time.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
It got really really good, and we.

Speaker 7 (05:34):
Actually continued to carry all the conversation for a couple
of minutes after the show was areing. And one of
the last things that we were talking about in that
brief time is would a woman rather have a man
who's a billionaire and it's not necessarily such a great man,
or would they rather have a man that it might
be struggling.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
But has all the moral comfortables and the integrity and
things like that. And we were going back and forth.

Speaker 7 (06:02):
It was a good conversation and one of the things
that I wanted to mention, and I guess this is
where I got cut off, is money is.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Just a magnifier.

Speaker 7 (06:13):
Okay, So if you are someone who's an asshole without money,
if you're a broke asshole, we're going to be even
more of an asshole when you have money. If you
don't have integrity as a broke man, you're not going
to have integrity what you got money. So and it
works the exact same way if you are anyone from

(06:35):
day one and you hold it down and you got
integrity and you're trying to take care of your.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Family, coming up coming across some liquor, coming across.

Speaker 8 (06:42):
Some money is not going to change who you are,
magnifier who you are.

Speaker 7 (06:48):
So we still got to get back to the basics,
like are we looking for a good man? Because if
we're looking for a good man, sometimes you got to
wait it out. Just because he doesn't have a financial
means that you may want him to have does not
mean that he's not even a man. Or just because
somebody does have a financial needs that you may want
them to have doesn't.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Make them a good man.

Speaker 7 (07:07):
So I just wanted to kind of just reintroduce that
subject and routsal reach that point because I think it
was such a.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Major topic a lot of us, a lot of you ladies.

Speaker 7 (07:17):
We can't answer for you guys, but a lot of
you ladies have to really look at what would I
rather have, you know, be a lord of a financial
stability or the actual stability of you know, having a
confident man who believes in me, who trusts me, and
who you know, takes care of me.

Speaker 3 (07:38):
Who is you know, territorial but not jealous, you know,
like some of the.

Speaker 7 (07:44):
Things that real men, you know, because let's really get
into it.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
It's okay for a man to.

Speaker 7 (07:51):
Be territorial, right, It's okay for a man to be
able to say, hey, listen, this is my lady, and
I'm gonna make sure that she's taken care of.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
And they know, motherfucker go and just come up and
run up on.

Speaker 7 (08:03):
Her and say the type of all of that is fine,
All of that is fine, but that's completely different and jealousy.
So I just wanted to bring the conversation back in.
I know, we got a lot of different things that
we're want to talk about.

Speaker 4 (08:14):
I just wanted to bring I'm like you better spit them,
mister Mike Lee, because that is so broad. I heard
somebody a long time ago that I considered a good
man say I'm not jealous, I'm territorial those exact words,
and I was like, oh, okay, see, you know, go
ahead put that in there. And I just want to
I just want to point out thank you very much

(08:35):
for saying that, especially talking about like the financial bits,
you know, because like me and and God lovel Will
said like last week, it's like we know a lot
of a lot. Oh I've even heard a man go
so hard to say, oh I'm six foot five, I
make six figures and uh and I still got all
my teeth. That means that I am. I am in
the top the top, the top tier ten percent of

(08:57):
black men that are available and you know, states of
American And I was like, okay, we counting teeth and
height now, like that's it. Yeah, you know, I'm like,
but and it was I don't know, it was just
it was interesting to me. Go ahead, John, because you know,
you be asking all the questions.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
But oh well, I was just gonna say, you know again,
back to that question right there, just the significance, right, yeah,
how are you evaluating your guy, right, your prospect. You'll
have some women that say that emotional intelligence and character
are important, and they could be telling the truth, right,

(09:33):
but it's still a matter of priorities, right. So a
lot of the times you get a lot of women
that perhaps from their experience, you know, dealt with a
lot of brokies as they call now, and that's traumatizing.
And so you go to the extreme and you say,
all right, well this is the priority because that was
so traumatizing, and you just hyper focused on these main

(09:55):
qualities because you know, the experience endured, the negative ex
experience endured for so long you feel like you have
to overcompensate for that. So, I mean, that's the explanation,
that's the understanding, that's the ration now. But we just
want to get some clarity, you know, where how are
you prioritizing your you know, your preferences. You know, the

(10:17):
qualities of a man or what you deem a good man, right,
the tools, the resources, his access to those resources.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
That's one department. Right.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
You want a man that's resourceful in essence, that's what
you're saying, right, you summarize it. But of course that
resourcefulness is going to be very particular. It's going to
be very specific, right, So we're just trying to evaluate, like, Yo,
is it really as important as you say it is?
Because yeah, money can run out, right, job situations can change.

(10:50):
But what about that emotional intelligence? Is it getting better
or worse?

Speaker 1 (10:55):
What about his character? Is he?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
You know, is he switching it up on you? Is
the infant on the rise now? Is he lying too much?
Is he manipulating you too much?

Speaker 1 (11:05):
You know? Is he not standing on his values anymore?
Or do you guys not?

Speaker 2 (11:09):
You know, those things they tend to matter in terms
of compatibility. You know, there's different tiers of compatibility. But
I just want us to be clear. How are you
prioritizing needs, wants, preferences when it comes to evaluating a
good man? Are there stereotypes that make it harder for
people to recognize a good black man when they see one.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
Yes, I'm gonna go. I want to try to go
ahead and spit them out though before I get started,
because I mean, I know I've been listen, I have
made some journeys, okay, and I've learned a lot of
stuff about myself, and I could definitely recognize how I
think I probably bet into these stereotypes because of just

(11:51):
how like how you were talking about before John, about
like you know, my own trauma, you know what I'm saying,
and not being able to recognize what goes beyond like
not instead instead looking at red flags like they were
concrete instead of they were they were a bitch. Does
that make any sense? Like does that make I hope
that that makes that makes sense to you? Because Okay, So,

(12:14):
for instance, I watched my mother get domineered like for
for most of her for most of their you know,
for their marriage before she passed away. And for me,
I'm like, oh, you yelling at me, not yelling at me,
but if you're forcefully you know what I'm saying, being like, uh,
you can't tell oh, there she goes. But I'll just

(12:38):
keep on my.

Speaker 9 (12:41):
Keep going.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Okay, all right.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
But not so much as domineering, but like not realizing
that there's a way that somebody can tell you something
in love, and there's a way that somebody could be
telling you something that's controlling and manipulating, but if it
had the same tone, I couldn't differentiate. If that makes
any difference. Do you understand what I'm saying like if
if like thinking that, like some of the stereotypes, thinking

(13:05):
that if somebody, oh, if they want to take me out,
they want to they want to fly me here, they
want to take me on a good time, and that means, oh,
this one is a keeper, but not seeing those other
those other things that lie beneath that, because I have been,
I have been like the stereotype was a man provides,
a man provides, a man provides. There was no emotional
intelligence that was supposed to be involved in that component,

(13:27):
you know what I'm saying. And I didn't even know
for myself that I was lacking in the emotional intelligence
component until I finally figured out that that's something that
I was missing. So I can definitely say that one
of the stereos, and one of the stereotypes that makes
it harder is thinking that a man just is is
like only supposed to provide or only supposed to protect,

(13:52):
Like there's no there's no great area for multi dimensionality
at that miss.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
So it's a it's another level of oppression for the
most part.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Because you're you're put.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Because you're we're basically saying, he's placed in the box.
He only has one function, so he can't do anything else,
not even fatherhood, which is why the absentee father is
such a you know, a strong stereotype for us. All
he can do is provide. You know, he can't be
a father, but he can at least provide. And if

(14:25):
he can't do that, but what else is he good for?

Speaker 4 (14:30):
That's kind of good that I think that definitely feels
feeds into it. What kind of stereotypes have have you, know,
you wonderful gracious men, Like what have you kind of
like fallen into and what have you heard about yourselves
that that thinks that it's been maybe difficult for people
to recognize you for who you really are? Is that
a thing?

Speaker 9 (14:49):
Bless him?

Speaker 3 (14:52):
It is?

Speaker 4 (14:52):
Okay, okay, all right, let's talk about shirt.

Speaker 5 (14:57):
It becomes competition over time because it starts off sweet.
Everything has a honeymoon phase, of course. Yeah, But over
time that I guess that boring life, when that structured life,
as I would call it, it gets still and I
see competition constantly. Weather it's not it's not them versus

(15:22):
the problem. It's the man the problem and then her.
They're never fighting together. It's never a benefit of the doubt.
So those stereotypes do make it harder because they're making chaotic.
That's that's my take.

Speaker 4 (15:39):
Okay, hey, thank you Christine. You know she was in
she was in the spot with a joy. Yeah, thank you,
thank you about Yeah. Yeah, my other expert fers are
incredible black fathers man, come on represent because people need
to hear that. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I
think that thank you, Thank you girl. I think the
timing is yeah, no, that's thank you for saying that. Sherman,

(16:03):
like any other any of you other guys, like have
you kind of butted up against like I guess the
reality and the you know what I'm saying, like the
reality and the fantasy of who you're supposed to be
as a black man.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Well, let me just toast what Sherman said for a
hot second.

Speaker 7 (16:19):
Of all, we gotta we gotta recognize where are we
getting the definition.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
Good?

Speaker 7 (16:28):
You know what I'm saying, like, is it from the television?
Is it More's chestnut? Because he answered me, you got
good Joe Bones. You know, like, where are we getting
the definition? Because yes, we do have stereotypes. We do
have to We are expected to be we are expected
to be the protective we are expected to be the listener.

(16:48):
And I'm not saying these are bad things at all.
I'm just saying that number one, as a black man,
there's an additional level of pressure that restaurants just in
general that no, and that's not a black man will
ever say.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
Let me just get that out of the way. Okay.

Speaker 7 (17:05):
However, when you take all the pressure that we have
on our shoulders as black men, a lot of the times,
what we're looking for, what we need is somebody who
we can we talked about the last time, somebody that
we can be worn.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
On over right. Being vulnerable is a stereotype.

Speaker 7 (17:24):
We become weak black men if we decide to be
warnable or open up, you know, we become someone who's
not strong more.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
Based on us having emotions, you know.

Speaker 7 (17:36):
So that is a that is a stereotype that unfortunately
us as black men, we try to address ahead of time.
We stay tough, we stay rough, we don't open up
because of the stereotype. If it will make it a
lot easier for us to find our person, if we
can be transparent, if we can be strong black men however,

(17:58):
still have the ability to relate our message and be
able to communicate properly. You know, one thing that I
always ask people is what's more important to you? Action
or intent? So let's go back to what you said.
I you said, you have a man.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
He may have spoke to you in a certain way.
What is more important how he said it or his
intent of how he was saying or his intent behind
r I was both talk more important. Let's talk more important?
But what's more important?

Speaker 1 (18:32):
Wow?

Speaker 4 (18:33):
That's what I was like. That is a slippery slope.
The reason I want to say that, right is because Okay,
so I learned. I learned the quote right, and it
says the road to good intentions are always the road
to good behavior is always paid with like intents, right.
And something that I learned myself, like in my own journey,
is that that we always judge ourselves by our intent,

(18:57):
but other people judge us by our actions.

Speaker 7 (19:00):
Right.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
So even so, that's why I like like in in
uh in, just like in communications with my kids. Right,
It's like I I would think that I always had
good intentions, right, but before I went through therapy, before
I did the work, my words they didn't necessarily come
out that they didn't come out. That created space for

(19:21):
for you know, for for safety, they didn't. So so
for me, it's like there is a if you don't
understand somebody, it's like you only see their actions and
you can't get to know their intentions until you get
to know them. However, it's like there's a really fine
line between intentions and actions. So I don't wanted to know.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
That I.

Speaker 7 (19:42):
Completely agree with every word that you said, every single
word that you said.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
But what I'm going with this is sometimes you.

Speaker 7 (19:49):
Can't necessarily look at the man as she has that
his intent because all people have scar tissue. Some people
will raise different ways. Both of my parents were military.
My dad was a master's my mom did seventeen years.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
In the military. So the way that I initially learned
to communicate with people was not there was no that
was behind it. It's just how I learned how to communicate.

Speaker 8 (20:10):
What did it for me is I even a spouse
that understood my intent beyond my actions, so.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
I can learn how to act differently.

Speaker 7 (20:20):
Right, So that's why I ask, like, it's a lot
of pressure that falls on our shoulders, you know, and
sometimes if I'm a good man, you gotta look at
your tent.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
And that allowed him to communicate.

Speaker 7 (20:32):
I have an open tun in communication so he can
work on his actions because a lot of everybody's gonna.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
Come in a hundred per tent. The one hundred percent
good nigga is not there. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (20:41):
He's gonna have some things that you don't like, and
you gonna have some things that he don't like me.
But sometimes it's the communication fact never.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
Listening and that right there, that that's a whole another show,
like because I think sometimes you got a lot of
people out here who are looking for it. Look, I'm
just gonna go ahead and spit it out. They look
souper nigga. You know what I'm saying. It's like the
world who could do everything? And I'm like, but we're
all human, you know, Like there's got to be that

(21:08):
given that take, there's always that eighty twenty. Okay, I'm
gonna be quiet. I'm going on.

Speaker 9 (21:12):
You Can I just say something?

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Can I?

Speaker 9 (21:14):
Can I say something?

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Definitely?

Speaker 9 (21:17):
How y'all doing?

Speaker 10 (21:19):
Stereotypes are created and broken home by unhealthy people.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
I'll leave for two seconds, and that's what you come
in with really coming in hot.

Speaker 10 (21:32):
Now if you sit down and think about it, where
you're getting most of your advice from at home by
what your parents going through and what they seen their
parents went through, so they're trying to give you the
best advice as to Okay, grandmama had a man that

(21:52):
wasn't no good, It wasn't a good provider. Make sure
you get you a man that's going to provide. You know,
it just travels down the line. Make sure he don't
he ain't a cheater, make sure he don't beat on you.
You know, it's it's always those main things that was
a problem in the previous relationships that us people.

Speaker 9 (22:14):
We tell our children, Okay, this is what you don't
want to do.

Speaker 10 (22:17):
Like for instance, with my situation, I tell my daughters
my kids don't love anybody, whether you love yourself. We're
still learning, we're still learning. So the stereotypes are created
and broken home by unhealthy people.

Speaker 9 (22:35):
Okay, I'm just leave it at that.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Okay, Yeah, because I mean when you think about it, yeah,
a stereotype is just a shortcut, right, It's just a
cognitive shortcut. So there are cultural stereotypes, and then yeah,
there are personal stereotypes, right, and they can be shared,
they can be shared. But yeah, Okay, So here it is,
mom is passing on Now. I wanted to highlight something here, right,

(23:03):
the story right, that that's what it's about. It's about
the stories we tell ourselves about other people. So the
messages and the stories, how do you know that they
line up?

Speaker 7 (23:19):
Like?

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Let let me let's let's just say, for example, does
your does your your moms? Do your moms pass on
good things about good black men? Like, hey, if you
want a good black man, do these things right?

Speaker 3 (23:33):
Like?

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Are they passing down those recipes too?

Speaker 10 (23:36):
My mother gave me the blueprint of the kind of
relationship I need to avoid.

Speaker 4 (23:47):
I will I will say for me.

Speaker 10 (23:50):
I love her, Rest in peace, Mom, But she gave
me the blueprint.

Speaker 9 (23:57):
This I'm living.

Speaker 10 (23:58):
This life with this man is not good. It's not
healthy to me. That's the blueprint of what not to
be like. But a lot of us end up getting
in situations like that because it feels so familiar, it
feels like home.

Speaker 4 (24:13):
That is very true. However, I can say now, speaking
of my mom, now that I have like a little
bit more of an I don't want to maybe an
expanded view of relationships. You know what I'm saying, Because
I'm moving. I'm moving out of mind that hurt, you
know what I'm saying. It's like I can see that
there was both. There was both good and bad because

(24:35):
because on one side, it's like, you know, my dad
is a very multi dimensional figure. Right, so even though
he was he was very harsh, very a little misogynistic,
pretty you know what I'm saying, all those different things. Also,
but he was he was very direct, you know what
I'm saying. He wasn't gonna lie about anything. He was
like I did it, and what you know what I'm saying.

(24:55):
I mean, he took. He provided to me and work
like he worked really really hard, you know what I'm saying,
to provide. So I can say that those are two
things that I got from, you know, from watching that
relationship as well. I don't know if anybody else has
anything to say about you know about that as well,
but yeah, that's my that's my view. Oh and okay,

(25:17):
so I know, oh.

Speaker 10 (25:24):
So Iby coming through that, come throughout, be decisive, but compassionate.

Speaker 4 (25:33):
Bodies of potential growth is the goal. Make it count,
make it healthy. Thank you all for the co man
soul is always like yeah, always spit bodies.

Speaker 9 (25:43):
Of potential which is unused energy use it.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
I like that.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
I gotta put up that. I gotta put back up
with Christy said, because because this one right here and
kind of hit you. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I was like,
speak at a stereo speaking of stereotypes. Oh, that's another show,
like for real, because you got a lot of sisters

(26:09):
who are like, oh, they don't want to date a
black man because these black men have had stereotypes and
they're like, they only exclusively date outside of their race.
Shut up.

Speaker 10 (26:23):
Yeah, I know someone who dates exclusively outside of her race.
She does not want to date black men at all
because of the trauma that she has endured with black
men growing up. So that was that was her reason
for not wanting to date inside her race. So yeah,

(26:45):
it's it's all of your experience, your trauma. She watched
her father be very abusive.

Speaker 9 (26:53):
To her mother.

Speaker 4 (26:54):
MM, so she was.

Speaker 9 (26:56):
Like, no, but that's not the kind of man I want.
I don't want. I don't want nobo man, you know,
and only to go to the other side.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
Yeah, that only happens.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
You're only look.

Speaker 9 (27:12):
Some of the same.

Speaker 5 (27:15):
You can get the same thing with a different face
and a different scenario.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
But because life will.

Speaker 5 (27:24):
Cheap, life lesson over and over and over again. Until
you understand that you have to heal. You can run
away from it. You cannot get past it.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
You have to look at it, and you have to
be that obstacle. You have to make that demon until
you're angel.

Speaker 5 (27:41):
You have to because if you don't, people, you won't
find out how accountability and you'll never grow up.

Speaker 4 (27:49):
You'll never grow up.

Speaker 10 (27:52):
I have yet to realize that, hey, the home was toxic,
the home was unhealthy. You know that self awareness, that
taking a step back and looking at everything like, you
know what, that wasn't right.

Speaker 9 (28:06):
The way she dealt with wasn't right. The way he
dealt with her wasn't right.

Speaker 10 (28:10):
Like, and you walk away with those unhealthy habits.

Speaker 5 (28:16):
And if you never hear every man is that same
bookie man.

Speaker 4 (28:21):
Man say words that, Oh, because the same thing happened
to my cousin, Maybe I shouldn't say the sounding Nope,
I'm gonna say that it already came out okay, So.

Speaker 9 (28:37):
And it happens to a black men as well when dating.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Yeah, yeah, and I have I've heard that as well.
It's like I've heard this on both parts. Yeah, yep, exactly,
like it's come on, man, And it's the stereotypes that
feed into that, because I've also heard that there are
you know, white guys who only they white black women
because you know, it's like they have that there's that
thing and the same thing that can be there could

(29:03):
be the same thing on each side. And that's why
it's like, it's really really important to break those stereotypes.
But let's go ahead and get into this question.

Speaker 9 (29:09):
It's really important to be a healthy individual.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
Man.

Speaker 10 (29:12):
Man, let's break into stereotype. Have you been to therapy?
Have you helped from your trauma? You're still carrying some
damn baggage from ten to twenty years ago. Because I
don't have time to unpack that shit with you. What
I need for you to handle that on your own?
Be patient, No, honey, I don't have it.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
So I do. Honestly wonder I wonder about this question.
Do women sometimes mistake toxic or controlling for strength and leadership?

Speaker 3 (29:48):
You know?

Speaker 4 (29:52):
Oh man, that is a lot to unpack.

Speaker 10 (29:58):
Oh yeah, may I, may I, may I. Sometimes women
stay toxic and controling the behavior first rank and leadership.
Women who have been abused by men tend to see
them in a certain light and or trying to control

(30:20):
the situation and prevent themselves from being heard in the situation.

Speaker 9 (30:24):
So if they even if even if it's.

Speaker 10 (30:27):
Not real, and they told themselves that it was real,
they felt like their partner was controlling, then they're going
to start operating out of traumas to be a trauma response,
they got.

Speaker 9 (30:40):
To control, control, to content themselves from being controlled.

Speaker 10 (30:45):
But in the same time, they're hindering someone that is
a good person that is just trying to help help
them both as a as a as a team and
lead them, lead them in the right direction. And you're
only going to get that with a man who knows himself.
I'm sorry, you're only a man who knows himself.

Speaker 9 (31:11):
Anything less than that and you're gonna have a whole.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Lot of problems.

Speaker 9 (31:19):
So yeah, makes sense.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
Anybody else, well, I mean, I just want to.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
Hear about somebody else saying that, you know, like controlling
your toxic behavior, strength and leadership. Oh and I also
wanted to go back to something that that Nate said,
women think that leadership is controlling.

Speaker 10 (31:45):
Yeah, okay, heal, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you right there.
I'm gonna stop you right there, mister Nate. Women who
have yet to heal from their trauma will look at
leadership as controlling.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Period.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Mm hmm, So let me let me hit this topic.
Let me hit this topic right right in between the eyes.

Speaker 7 (32:13):
The short answer to the question is yes, many women,
especially women that was raised in.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Environments where love was tied to control the chaos.

Speaker 7 (32:23):
They can definitely mistake toxic toxic dominance for strengths leadership.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
Again. But I think we talked about it a lot
last week. But we're all going to be product event
of our environment until our environment changes.

Speaker 7 (32:39):
And it's often because control just feels familiar, and confidence
without compassion can be men for security. You know, you
got a compassionate man over here, you got a confident
man over here.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
Two very different things, you know.

Speaker 7 (32:56):
And true leadership really empowers people, it doesn't really dominate.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
So that's how I feel about it. But yeah, you
can definitely mistake.

Speaker 7 (33:05):
Toxicity toxicity for for leadership.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
All right, let's let's get into it. What's the difference.
Give us examples. What's the difference between control and leadership?

Speaker 7 (33:18):
Mm hmm, Well, I think leadership again and empowers, you know,
So think about raising kids. If you guys have children,
it's a very easy example of showing the difference between
control and leadership because they don't have a choice. You're
either going to control them or you're going to leave them.
So when you're raising children, how do you raise them?

(33:38):
Are you demanding them on what to do? And I'm
not saying that this is like you know, I for
I in a in an adult relationship, but it's easy
to kind of separate them too. Are you asking your
children the type of questions that's going to help them
get to the answer?

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Are you just telling them the answer? You know?

Speaker 7 (33:56):
Are you allowing them to grow through action, through example,
through speech, or are you hindering them.

Speaker 3 (34:04):
Through those different things? So it's it's a nuance, you know.

Speaker 7 (34:10):
But when you break it down to his nacency, to
the very basics of it, you see it.

Speaker 3 (34:15):
You see it.

Speaker 7 (34:15):
How would you how would you talk to your child?
How would you want somebody else to talk to your child?
I got a kindergartener. I know one thing, y'all better
respect my son and talk to him like either adult, because.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
That's how I talk to him. You see what I'm
saying I talked to him with respect. You know.

Speaker 7 (34:33):
So I'm trying to lead a child. I'm not trying
to raise a child. I'm trying to lead a child,
you know. So that's that's my that's my impud.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
Okay, So the same thing applies to nodded every man
on here.

Speaker 10 (34:47):
Yeah, every man on here nodded every single last morning.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
So basically, So basically you're saying that in relationships that
a man is to speak to their partner the same
way that they would want to be spoken to.

Speaker 7 (35:06):
Yes, but not just necessarily the same way that they
would want to be spoken to, but also the way
that you would want to be spoken to. Like, there's
a respect factor that you have to take a consideration,
and you have to be able to communicate in a
way where people can hear you. Like, if I raise
my voice, my spouse may not be able to hear
what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
All they can hear is from yelling. You know.

Speaker 7 (35:28):
I have to be able to communicate in a way
that is producive for them. Just like you can't overspeak,
hit your old you can't use big words, big braggadocious
words that he's not going to understand, because the point
is to communicate, not to talk, but to actually communicate.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
I think that's the biggest difference is really meeting people halfway.

Speaker 7 (35:50):
Making sure that they understand what you're actually trying to.

Speaker 9 (35:54):
Let we really.

Speaker 11 (36:02):
Push for understanding and comprehension. That's very important, very important.
Most of the time there's no comprehension, none.

Speaker 4 (36:22):
Understanding relationship so hard.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
My man, Yeah, my bad.

Speaker 12 (36:35):
I'm just saying, sometimes we don't comprehend what's really being
said to us.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
And like uh, like Lee said, you may be.

Speaker 11 (36:47):
Try your your best to lower your tone in your speech,
but because it kind of come off assionately, well heard
nothing that's being said, you're yelling at me right now.

Speaker 10 (37:07):
Aggressive aggressive, which sometimes you have.

Speaker 12 (37:12):
Whether they say why when you was talking crazy to me?
Why you talk crazy to him? You was like, dang, ouch,
wait a minute, baby, I want talking like that to you.
I was actually toning it down when I was talking

(37:32):
to you. Now if I talk to him like that,
I'm talking with the understanding. There's a very thin line
of being respectful being disrespectful, very very thin line. That's
a different over attent then.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
Conversation.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
So I'm just put it out there because Mike Lee,
you was like, you kind of communicate, you communicate possible
that for.

Speaker 9 (38:07):
I want that question backed up so I can answer
it properly.

Speaker 4 (38:10):
Go ahead, go ahead, you got it, You got it.

Speaker 9 (38:15):
I'm just waiting for.

Speaker 4 (38:18):
What are we waiting on this question? Hell no, you
don't think so. You don't think it's possible.

Speaker 9 (38:32):
But not to another. If you are a good person.
If you are a good person, a good human being, you.

Speaker 10 (38:43):
Mean to tell me you're gonna take our time to
be good to this person then be shitty to the next.
But what you that's some old manulation.

Speaker 4 (38:55):
But what considers good? What is considered as good?

Speaker 9 (39:00):
That's a good question.

Speaker 4 (39:00):
I mean, yeah, because.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Go ahead, Look we're just saying subjectively.

Speaker 9 (39:13):
To one woman but not to another.

Speaker 4 (39:16):
Yeah, I think it is honestly.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
All right. So compatibility is highly personal. Okay.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
A man's qualities might resonate perfectly with you know, this
woman's values and needs, and then the same thing might.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Cause some friction over here, you know.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
So I don't think that the fact that it's not
compatible with her lifestyle and her needs and her preferences.
I don't think that that incompatibility diminishes his goodness. I
think it just highlights the importance of.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
Mutual I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
It our.

Speaker 9 (40:03):
Being like who they are, not who they pretend to be.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
So yeah, because it's.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
I can, you know, exhibit all the same qualities in
all of my relationships matter off house, just talking about
this today when it comes to my parenting.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
I'm not the parent for every kid.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
I know that about myself, right, So what I'm looking
for is that compatibility I want. I mean, I feel
like I could, you know, father any child. But also
there is a compatibility issue. So one kid will say,
you know, man, if I could just have a dad
like John, and there could be a whole wealth of

(40:43):
kids that think that in that compatibility right, But a
lot of the times you're thinking, you know, you're thinking
in a different context, right. But then same kids, same kids,
different dads, they don't feel that way.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
So individual differences.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
It's like I could be the same way to every child,
but will every child receive me? I could be the
same way with every woman, But what every woman received
me in that that because you know, she has her experiences,
she has her filter, all right, so I have to
respect that. Hey, maybe I'm just not for her in
all of my goodness. Maybe I'm just not for her.

(41:23):
I can move on to the next one. You know,
I could take that and I've done it. Yeah, right,
So that's that's also part of respecting, you know, the
autonomy of a woman, the self determination of a woman.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
You know, it's not I'm not trying to control you.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
I don't want you to just be here. I want
you to love it here. And so if you do, cool,
that's Hey, that's the schematic. You're just confirming what I
believe to be true about myself and my ambiance. Right, So,
all right, intentionally trying to be a good man, and
then this woman says otherwise, and I know she's lying,
but it's still all about the story, her stereotypes versus

(41:59):
my truth.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
And a lot of the times.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
You're gonna believe the stereotypes because it just sounds better.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
It's more juicy, it's more exciting.

Speaker 4 (42:11):
It's relacious to me.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
I mean, think about Pat Poos and Remy and Clarissa Shields.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Right, stand up, dude.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
But all the women out there were arguing and respect
to y'all for y'all opinions and your feelings.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
But this is.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
He did something no evidence, no evidence, but he did something. No,
nobody's that perfect. It's like you can't even just be
good enough.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
You have to be perfect. That was the argument.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
You couldn't find anything on this man, but you had
to conjure up something.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
So here it is stereotype living in the truth. Ain't
there nothing wrong? Just being myself? Good God? And somehow
I got caught in that crossfire.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
I ain't do nothing. I was just being a good dude.
And then bow like I just caught a stray from
these women over here because they didn't like what happened
to this chick. And she was the one that danged.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
She was you know.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
So it's what are these stories, these stereotypes of consciousness
that's influencing your perception of whether good men are out there.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
And what they do and how they operate.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Where all the good men at Okay, well, what do.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
You think good men do? What do you think just
you know, let's just shoot.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Them off, right, and you don't know, nothing comes out
because you don't know, but but you know what you want.
But you don't know what you're looking for, but you
know what you want, all right. This is about the
accountability for our thoughts.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
It's about the.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
Accountability for our convictions, our preferences. Hey, you know, I
need to prioritize some of this stuff, you know, I
need to reorganize this. Like maybe if I shift this around,
I could probably get this and then compensate. You know.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
We're just making the adjustments here just to see if
we can make it work. That's it.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Like the goal is to be in the presence of goodness,
good men, good people, good family, good.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Tribes, good jobs.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
Right, but do you know what it looks like before
it comes to you, because you don't need to chase
a good man. You attract a good man all right,
Like he's attracted to you too, if.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
You're a good person, if you're a good person. Right,
and and.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Then here comes that part right the well, I know
I'm a good person.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Do you know? Are you?

Speaker 2 (44:36):
Are you being a little bit too haughty here?

Speaker 7 (44:43):
I feel I think we're all just looking for a
fertile ground, you know, we're all living boy, a place
where we can go and grow. And sometimes fertile ground
is going to be different based on the seed that
you're playing. You know, needed to be born on, tropical
need to be you know, at a certain temperature.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
You know, it's kind of like fire. Fire can you
either eat a room, light up.

Speaker 7 (45:06):
A room, or it can also consume main fire from
a candle. It's the right amount of heat, the right
amount of energy, and the right amount of life to
bring happiness to people. But the fire from an artsy
or a fire front a stove that gets how to
control is too much. So it's really just trying to
find the place where we're in a place where we

(45:28):
produce it growth. So I think, yes, you can. It's
possible for men to be good to one woman but
not another. But we can all agree that there are qualities.
That is baseline. You know, you gotta have integrity, you
gotta have you know, emotional intelligence.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
We often agree with that stuff, but ability is the thing.

Speaker 4 (45:51):
Yeah, we got yeah, because that was now this is
go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Short.

Speaker 5 (45:59):
It was speaking to that toxicity because the geot you
was talking about, you went on about just a little
bit and it and it kind of yeers back to
a previous question. Society is taught, not just not just women,
but I think of people in home that you can
make reality whatever you want it to do. You can

(46:20):
make up any rule, you can make up what good
looks like because you know what you want. You know
you want these materialistic and you know you want this house,
the white picket fence, the family, the whole nine. But
are you ready for that? You even know what it
looks like to be a good way? Do you know
what it looks like to be a good cheerleader? Do
you know what it looks like.

Speaker 9 (46:40):
You get a person?

Speaker 5 (46:43):
Everybody has the access to just change their mind and
not deal with hard because it seems like as of
right now, you only.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
Deal with highs.

Speaker 5 (46:53):
You never go up because and since nobody's perfect, everybody's
not good enough, you'll never be good at one. It's
absolutely so figure out what good is first, figure out
who you are second, or you can you can even
swap those if you are, and then go out into

(47:14):
the world, because you'll only lay fire if you don't
do those.

Speaker 7 (47:22):
People.

Speaker 4 (47:23):
Man, that is so true. So oh, listened about it?
I see you, brother, the it and Christine these extensions,
baby did not mind, but thank you very much. I
appreciate it. So, yes, how does it? Women expectations? Oh yes,

(47:56):
Woody knows, I'm already shure okay to cloud. You know
what I'm saying, let's go ahead and go to that,
because Ben, this is major yo. Okay. Literally, I remember
I was having to talk with my oldest son. My
oldest son is twenty four, right, and my oldest son,
you know, I try to encourage him. I'm like, you're
a young man, you know, live your life. Da da
da da da.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
Right.

Speaker 4 (48:15):
And so I'm a mom, right, so of course I'm
asking invasive questions. It's just kind of it kind of
comes with the with the place, right. I'm like, Son,
you know, I was like, you know, why don't you
take your your friend X, Y and Z, your little friend,
like on a date, you know. And he's like, man,
he was like, because these girls today, all they want
is they just want to do with money. They don't
want to do with they don't want a good guy.

(48:37):
They don't want somebody who's got a good heart because
he'll get clowned. He'll be calling a simp. And I'm
like what And this is at twenty four, you know
what I'm saying. And I'm just like, really, son, And
he was like yeah, he was like, you hear it
all over Twitter, all over Instagram all the time. He
was like, that's what you see and I'm like, it
just caused me to think that the loudest voices are
the simplest fucking voices. They're the ones that are out

(48:59):
there talking about some Oh, make sure you get a bag,
make sure you get this, make sure you get And
there's not any like there's there's there's no talk about
what's real in a relationship. And let's go ahead and
keep it a buck. How many of us have really
seen good healthy black relationships like lived in those like

(49:20):
lived in that, you know what I'm saying, Like, how
many of us are like and like lived in it
for real?

Speaker 7 (49:26):
For real?

Speaker 4 (49:26):
There's not a lot. So it's like a lot of
a lot of our younger our younger generation, they still
don't have that good idea that, you know what I'm saying,
Yes you are, dammin Yes you are. But who's in
your house to witness that? You know what I'm saying.
I mean, because let's keep that a book. People got
to watch it, you know what I'm saying. People got

(49:48):
to see, they've got to see those healthy black relationships
to be able to be like, Okay, it's I'm possible
I'm capable of being in one, because they know what
it because they know what it takes.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
You know.

Speaker 4 (49:59):
Oh, by the way, I send me, send me my
hamster back because he been tripping. You've been calling me
asking for money and ship and go ahead, y'all, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
Now, I agree. I do think that.

Speaker 7 (50:15):
Social media is tricky because against people unrealistic expectations. Like,
first of all, we already expect black men to be masculine,
get emotional, available. We expect black men to be wealthy
yet grounded. We expect them to be dominant yet gentle.
It's like a walking contradiction because what you're seeing is
not necessarily what you're seeing, you know, And everybody on

(50:37):
social media, everybody's putting up their hoigh longs anyway, the
best version of themselves. Oh yeah, Like they play that
role for what ten minutes a day, you know, ye,
ten minutes a month or whatever it is. So yeah,
it does create It does create.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
A lot of friction. It does create a little bit
more pressure.

Speaker 7 (51:00):
I think Sherman mentioned before that it feels like a
competition a lot of the times, and social media is
a big part of that because keep of the buck.
If you're a attractive woman online, you already know the
men already know that dudes are in your d M.
They don't care what you gotta mean, they don't care,

(51:20):
you know what I'm saying. Like, so it's a lot
that goes on with that. But yes, I do think
that it creates it doesn't flows the expectation of women.

Speaker 4 (51:33):
Yeah, and not only that, but it's like the fantasy
like you just said, like you like we live in
It's like it creates those fantasies like you expect for
a man to be protective but yet still emotionally barable.
Like there's no you know what I'm saying, there's no
there's no in between the d I'm and bring me
back my hamster, bring me I'm sorry, my bad.

Speaker 10 (51:55):
But yeah, I can't never mind.

Speaker 4 (52:06):
H I was like, because I know I watched What's
the Dame of the What's the show that they talked
about it like Trip Fontaine.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
And yeah show, yes, right right?

Speaker 4 (52:18):
I mean so they're always talking about that narrative is
responsible for suicide and attempts, Yes, man, because people are like,
we can't live up to what we see on social media,
to whose life this is? That's that's that's perfectly curated
and crafted real. Yeah, you know so so yeah, m.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
Hm h yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
And then of course there's the hyper focus on wealth
and status, right, I mean, we we we've.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
All seen pop the balloon, right and so.

Speaker 3 (52:56):
Horrible.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
It's entertainment, it's entertainment, right. But that's part of the
discussion here is even though that's entertainment, we're all reacting
to that, right, We're processing that, we're encoding that, and
that is shaping our perception. We're believing some of that stuff. Now,
let's be clear, we're believing that this is how people think.

(53:20):
We're thinking like, oh, okay, there's a thirty something and a
forty something that's speaking like this, thinking like this, dressing
like this. You know, you're listening to the bios. You know,
I'm an entrepreneur, you're hearing this.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
I'm a model. You're hearing this, and you're like, is
this what the dating scene is like these days?

Speaker 2 (53:39):
And then you see the social media videos you remember
that little run we had a couple of years ago,
because we haven't really seen it in a while, but
you know, cheese Ka Factor and all that, there was
an attack on just basic eating eateries, basic like just
basic eateries, attack on that, like nah, that's not good
enough no more. We went through that little phase for
a while and I like, what but everybody was talking

(54:04):
about it. Now okay, now now these days, it's cool down.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
A little bit.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
I've looked around, I've checked the temperature. It's cool down
a bit. But we were going on a run those
past couple of years.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
It was it was hard.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
You couldn't take a woman nowhere the video and then
you come to find out a lot of these videos
are fabricated. Oh yeah, they're not even real. But people
believe the hype so much. Now they're afraid to date. Now,
they're afraid to interact mingo, right, and so here it
is black women having this stigma against them, black men
having this stigma against them. Where the good guy's at

(54:42):
he gotta still do this, this, this, this, this, And
then it's like, as a guy, a lot of times
we'll kind of go along with it, like, well, look, okay,
let's just see where this goes, you know, you know,
it's this new age. And then you get to the
end and it's like, dang, I got scammed.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
I ain't gonna do this shit no more. I got burned.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
So we know, the social media has an influence and
we have to give credit. Right, It's not just what
we've been identifying. This whole show is where are the
sources of our information? Where are the sources of our ideas?
Where is the truth coming from? And where is the

(55:28):
story coming from? And are you taking accountability for that
narrative that you've developed in your head, that you inherited
in your head? Are you taking is it getting you
what you want? Is it getting you where you want
to go? I ain't got no good men in my life?

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Why?

Speaker 7 (55:47):
Like?

Speaker 2 (55:48):
What inventory? Your thoughts? Your patterns? Inventory?

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Are your thoughts serving you in a way to deliver you? Right?

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Because I'm telling you from my sister's point of view
right here, Okay, I wouldn't still be here connecting with them,
just like these brothers don't. I wouldn't be here connecting
if they didn't.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Do their part.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
So they had to have done something right for us
to still be here. So I look at some.

Speaker 1 (56:17):
Of my female friends sometimes too, and it's like.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Hey, if you ain't got enough of them, you something
just you might want to look at you and just
tend to your garden, the garden in your mind. You
might have some unchecked biases that are preventing you from
attracting those.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Good guys in your circle.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
It's usually the belief first and then the reality, not
the other way around.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
Usually that's how it works.

Speaker 4 (56:43):
I gotta, I gotta go ahead, than for pop it in.
I appreciate you being here. And she asked the question,
since times have changed, when now women are more a
part of the workforce, should the same expectations? Should the
expectations of men remain the same? And that's the that
was like, that's a good one because let's talk about
social media and how we talked about how we didn't

(57:05):
even know this world in emotional intelligence. What five six
years in the black community, we didn't know what this
trauma time man come.

Speaker 10 (57:14):
Because I'm serious, we didn't know that we was operating
out of trauma.

Speaker 9 (57:18):
So it's like it's.

Speaker 10 (57:19):
Like, well, you know, before we jumped into a relationship,
go sit down on somebody's couch, make sure you're.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
Good before answer that question.

Speaker 12 (57:29):
It's time.

Speaker 9 (57:32):
Oh I.

Speaker 11 (57:39):
Was I was saying, miss Tanner, what are you about
to answer that question?

Speaker 4 (57:45):
No at all, I was. I was asking that question like,
I mean, should the should the should the brook bed
the expectations of men change. I personally, I my opinion
is is that I think that they should. You know
what I'm saying, because I mean, back in the day,
you just got a husband because it was the thing
to do for survival, you know what I'm saying. And

(58:07):
because of the fact that women today we are part
of the workforce, we can't I mean single moms and
you know they're going to school working full time jobs.
They got a flower shop and a part time hustle.
You know what I'm saying. I mean, so it's like,
it's like, but instead of the survival is where are
you matching to what goes? It depends on the woman's expectations, yes,
because one woman may see as a good man, I

(58:30):
might personally turn up my lip it go up. Yeah,
like yeah, and about that, yeah, John Dad is true.

Speaker 10 (58:37):
Oh no, he works at this place, but he's been
there for three four years. He's invested, he's moving up now.
He needs to make more money.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
You have that.

Speaker 9 (58:47):
Yeah, Yeah, you have to know your expectations.

Speaker 5 (58:50):
That's all because no matter where you want to go,
if you want to be with that man, if he's
good enough, quote unquote, you'll put your money where his
money is, and then you'll build something together because you
are part of the work.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
You do.

Speaker 5 (59:04):
Say you love that man, You'll show what love is,
love and sacrifice, love and service.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
That's what she was saying.

Speaker 9 (59:14):
Okay, but what about what I was saying.

Speaker 4 (59:16):
I'm sorry, what was I saying? What was I saying?

Speaker 3 (59:21):
I want is so big?

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Girls?

Speaker 9 (59:25):
What you sound I'm like, I want what money can't buy.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
I heard that?

Speaker 2 (59:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 (59:33):
So sorry, And I told this to my ex.

Speaker 10 (59:38):
You know, I want what money can't buy, that trust,
that honestly, that integrity, Like give me, give me the loves.
I want what money can't buy.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Beautiful.

Speaker 4 (59:56):
I'm just saying, just when they had and nailed it.

Speaker 10 (01:00:01):
Yeah, because a lot of us, Kathy, we didn't grew
up in broken homes and have yet to see that
the behaviors that we are exhibiting is due to the broken.

Speaker 9 (01:00:15):
Homes that we grew up in. I'm sorry they.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
Asked a questions.

Speaker 9 (01:00:25):
Yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Was gonna say, simply put Yeah, there are some you know,
we're not generalizing it, but there are some that are
looking at marriage.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
And they're looking at weddings.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Yeah, and as a status, it's a status though, Yeah.

Speaker 9 (01:00:42):
Yeah, there's so many.

Speaker 4 (01:00:47):
Would you say, Sherman, I'm sorry, I couldn't just.

Speaker 5 (01:00:50):
When it comes to do they just want the wedding.
There's so many examples. And if you just watch where
you get your information, and even when you get your information,
if you study your information and look forward, you you
want to get out of it, meaning research and not
just listen to and take whatever you hear. His gospel,
you figure you figure that out. It's pretty easy to
see the bath from the hood.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Now.

Speaker 5 (01:01:11):
That's what I like that social media has done. Other
than that, social media is trash. M hmm.

Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
Yeah. I teach my students and clients, my clients and
students to go for the reality you desire. If a
woman desires a high roller for a man, she should
not change that expectation. However, you need to be worthy
of that which you expect.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Beautiful, Yeah, beautiful, You need to be worthy of it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:43):
Has anybody ever watched that show Dexter, You know, the
one about the psychopath he know, Okay, so I didn't
watch the whole entire thing, but I watched the first
season and it was something that popped out that was
really interesting, right, because he knew that he was a psychopath,
but he was still trying to figure out relationships. Right,
So a little bit of a spoiler. One of these episodes,
he's getting ready to off this couple. They're really really bad, right,

(01:02:04):
It's like they're they're doing like human trafficking and stuff.
And before he, you know, he does what Dexter does.
He asked them both, He said, why did you guys
get very very crazy question to ask right before you're
getting ready to you know, off somebody. But he still said,
he was like, why did you guys get married? And
they both said they were like, we shared the same goals, right,

(01:02:26):
we shared the same goals and their goals were I mean,
yet I was like wow, because if you really look
at it, it's like, who is it that has the
potential to meet whatever your goal in is? And if
your goal, if your goal is medium, don't be you
know what I'm saying, don't be ashamed of where if
that goal is like, like like you just said, at
guy level, you was like, I want things that can't

(01:02:47):
be bought.

Speaker 10 (01:02:48):
At point blank period that I want what money cannot buy.
Are y'all gonna address what?

Speaker 4 (01:03:02):
I'm so sorry?

Speaker 9 (01:03:07):
Please?

Speaker 10 (01:03:09):
This Yeah, Nor was I condition to Mary. I was
given an aultimatum, and many times me and just rock
with whatever the woman wants.

Speaker 9 (01:03:22):
We don't think of that ship at all.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Some dude, Yeah it's not new, that's not experience.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
Yeah, it's like I wasn't conditioned to Mary, but I liked.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
The idea of it. I was like, oh, yeah, okay,
I could see that I could work with that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Oh this is how you design and you start playing
with the idea, you know, you nurture it and you
try to make it your own. So you know, I
held on to it just like anybody else. But if
you ain't got nobody to you know, model it. It's
a great idea to you, but execution.

Speaker 4 (01:03:56):
You know, especially a man of the twenties and not
thinking about it all that deep. But if I like
you and you told me that you love me you
want some kids, then boom, let's do it. And then
he learned and.

Speaker 7 (01:04:07):
Let's go ahead.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
Man.

Speaker 4 (01:04:09):
Look, I got married. You know, I got married not
because I wanted to get married, because of the fact
that I thought. I was like, well, this is the
next step, I guess, and I realize now at the
almost at that wonderful big age, I'm like, WHOA, why
did I get married? You know, you know what I'm saying,
Because in your twenties, if you if you're even thinking

(01:04:31):
about a relationship, you should be thinking that deep because
choosing the right partner for you can be the most
detrimental or the most beneficial thing that you can ever
do in your life.

Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (01:04:41):
So take your time until you're ready to think that deep.
Don't get into your relationship, thank you, because it's just
as much work as going outside and working in you know,
a nine to five.

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
You gotta come home and you gotta work on your
relationship as well.

Speaker 5 (01:04:53):
You can't let one outweigh another.

Speaker 4 (01:04:56):
Who's gonna tell them? Who's gonna tell me?

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:05:03):
Yeah, No. The community performed sufficiently to uplist and support
black men who are truly good, but overlook Nope, because
like we just said before, like I was telling you
about what my son said, the loudest, the loudest voices
on social media are the ones that get the attention

(01:05:25):
the good people, good guys.

Speaker 10 (01:05:28):
A lot a lot of highlights on the things that
men do wrong or showcased first or talked about first.
Even though John have shared some stuff with me. You
know about black men healing, you know, meditating, getting together
and uplifting and building one another.

Speaker 9 (01:05:52):
You don't see that as much. You see.

Speaker 10 (01:05:58):
The man over here that won't take you know, you
see the man over here that's cheating on his woman.
You see the norse assistic guy. You don't see that.
The images of good black men are not circulating as
much as those of the negative womans.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
And the other thing about that.

Speaker 7 (01:06:22):
The other thing about that is when you see a
quote unquote good black man, he also has to be handsome.

Speaker 3 (01:06:28):
You also have to be rescular. You also have to
be wealthy.

Speaker 7 (01:06:31):
You also have to be all these things that you
want to wrap up. People consider a good black man,
and it comes in all ships and forums. Not all
good black men have the financial stability or the muscles
you know, necessary to fit your Instagram feed.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
However, there are a lot of good black men out.

Speaker 7 (01:06:50):
There that's compatible with you, that actually care about your
well being and all the things. So, no, I don't
think that the community sufficiently uplifts the black black men.

Speaker 3 (01:07:00):
In our communities.

Speaker 7 (01:07:03):
However, I don't think that that is all the responsibility
of the community.

Speaker 3 (01:07:08):
I think more black.

Speaker 7 (01:07:09):
Men need to come together, and when you find a
group of good black men, that's a little bit different problemation.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
Like I think that black.

Speaker 7 (01:07:18):
Man, what Sherman mentioned last week, if you can't, if
you're depending on your own opinion, then there is no
growth available to you. You know. So I think that
there used to do more situations where black men are beautified.

Speaker 4 (01:07:34):
You know, we need that same Wow, thank you, Mike. Yeah,
I'm not gonna lie to you. I think it was
Sherman who said this like last week, like like what
is it? Or no, it might have been actually Stayed too.

(01:07:56):
I think it was Michaely and Sherman like you guys
both said it while we've been on here, or like
what are you what are you feeding? What algorithm are
you feeding to yourself? So I'm not gonna right, So
I'm not gonna lie. I've said it before, like I
got two young black men. I'm like, you know what
I'm saying, those are my sons, and I'm not gonna
live my last relationship. Was asked you. He was saying,

(01:08:19):
But the thing is is that with my healing, I
also understand that I have to go and look for
I literally have started to look for those algorithms in
social media to look for black men doing good shit,
you know what I mean. And I have to because
of the fact that I'm like, not only am I
accountable to my sons, but I'm also accountable for these

(01:08:39):
four brothers that I'm on this podcast with. I'm also
accountable for the guys who I hold in high regard.
I'm also accountable for if I ever decide to day.
You know what I'm saying, I'm accountable to whoever it
is that I'm gonna date next, so that I'm so
I'm doing my work. You know what I'm saying. The
community is lacking in unity who the village concept is
door that this leaves the members of the community left

(01:09:02):
the self preservation under the struggle of survival when we're
gonna get them there boo. Because the thing is that, man,
I'm telling you, because we got no that's a that's
a that's a good show because that's because now.

Speaker 5 (01:09:18):
We're talking about the machine. We're talking about the system,
because they have now taken their hands completely off the
system and we are running it ourselves. Because all you
heard throughout the black community is mind your own business, and.

Speaker 4 (01:09:30):
We were never those speaker all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:09:37):
That's another show.

Speaker 4 (01:09:39):
It shall I would have asked this question before we go,
and I know we gotta go.

Speaker 9 (01:09:44):
Yeah, I'm sorry because we're we're we're we're running over
right now.

Speaker 4 (01:09:49):
I don't want to.

Speaker 9 (01:09:49):
Take everyone for jumping in on tonight's Live. I really
appreciate all the comments.

Speaker 10 (01:09:57):
Keep that question, name Maggie, everyone who left the who
left the message.

Speaker 9 (01:10:04):
Thanks Mike Lee for joining us tonight.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
Oh my god, we.

Speaker 9 (01:10:07):
Will see you all back here next week. John, you
got me?

Speaker 1 (01:10:11):
Yep ye