Do You Think the Black Community Has Improved in the Fight Against HIV?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We ready. God love it. You can tell them, you
know when you're already.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Love God love what you to tell them my setting
level up?

Speaker 3 (00:10):
God love it.

Speaker 4 (00:11):
You can tell them my setting level up, level up,
level up. Everything that means every name connected to everything.
And that's why and that's why. Everything all lies on,
all lies on everything. That means everything eyes connected to everything.

Speaker 5 (00:35):
I love and I love that song. I can never get.
I don't never hit skip when I shuffle in the car, well,
I just everything, Come on, I don't know, Yeah, John,
I don't skip your ship.

Speaker 6 (00:48):
It's a fact.

Speaker 7 (00:51):
Yes, yes, we can hear you. Things that people don't
want to talk about, brought to you by God level.

Speaker 5 (00:58):
I am originally from Saint Louis Louri. I'm a mother,
I'm a nurse. I'm ann, I'm a gigi, I'm a sister.
I'm a friend. Did I miss something? I'm an entrepreneur.
I have this podcast. I am everything good, Ivy, you
want to go ahead and represent yourself?

Speaker 6 (01:15):
Sure thing?

Speaker 8 (01:16):
Hey, what's going on out there in a digital, digital
digital land. It's your girl in intensive Ivy coming to
you from the P and W. Former military broadcast journalist.
I own my ADHD and I was talking about mental
health things of that sort, because y'all know, I'm the
owner of all the damn hamsters, right because my hamsters
be hamster, especially for twenty twenty five. So it's always

(01:38):
coming in here sharing my stories because we're all this
is to keep me accountable sharing my bullshit.

Speaker 6 (01:44):
So we're all going to keep it a buck. Thank
you very much.

Speaker 7 (01:47):
Thanks you.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
What's up?

Speaker 7 (01:49):
That's what's up? John? You want to go ahead and
represent yourself?

Speaker 2 (01:52):
John Scott Walker, the slide talker Here.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
I'm a lyricist, spoken word artist, martial artist, personal trainer,
lover of life, joining the psychology, and I'm a father
who is currently taking serious committed clients who are seeking
to improve their health and their fitness. To improve any
mental health condition they have or even any physical elements.
If you've got diabetes, you're overweight, hypertension, yo. If you

(02:17):
need help, I'm your guy at master dot John Scott
Walker on Instagram at master dot John Scott Walker.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
That's me on Instagram.

Speaker 5 (02:31):
Salute Sherman. You want to go ahead and represent yourself.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I'm Sherman.

Speaker 9 (02:37):
Vin can't wait to be as decorated and as amazing
as the people around me, but I'm trying to. I'm
just picking up as many jewels as I can and
sharing them.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
On the way.

Speaker 5 (02:50):
You better annoy it, you better annoy it is that it.
We have a special guest today. His name is Robert.
We'll we'll get it too. Why he's here. I just
want Robert the boy ahead and just just tell people.

Speaker 7 (03:02):
Who he is.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
What's up? How y'all doing?

Speaker 10 (03:06):
Man, I hope everybody is blessed under the sound of
my voice.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
My name is Rob. I don't know how much I
want to say right now.

Speaker 10 (03:13):
I'm a father of a friend and an enemy to
the haters.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
That's what I got for y'all.

Speaker 5 (03:26):
Oh my god, I guess I gotta do a backstory
before I proceed.

Speaker 7 (03:34):
Being Ivy was on the phone, Hamster's.

Speaker 5 (03:37):
Going hers in mind and you know this is this
is black his three months and you know, we always
focused on a positive and I'm not going to say
that this is a negative, but this is Tonight's one
of the podcasts that we're going to be talking about several,
this one, which is some of the things that we
all can improve in the black community.

Speaker 7 (03:57):
One of the things that is holding us back.

Speaker 5 (04:00):
And it was Ivy's idea that we focused on that
and our first topic is STDs and HIV so and
that's where mister Robert comes in. I approached mister Robert
after seeing one of his tiktoks and he agreed to

(04:22):
come on here and to share his story about being
HIV positive.

Speaker 11 (04:29):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (04:30):
You are brave. Thank you, because man, I don't think
I could, but you are absolutely brave. Oh John, you
want to go ahead and go up? The first question?
All right, this is can you walk us through the
moment you will see your HIV diagnosis, What emotions, fears

(04:54):
or questions arose, and how did you process them?

Speaker 3 (04:59):
All? Right?

Speaker 10 (05:00):
When I first found out that I was HIV positive,
my first I didn't really have a thought.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Like you don't have thoughts when you find out that
type of information.

Speaker 10 (05:11):
You know what I'm saying, Like, it's not thoughts, it's
just a whole bunch of everything playing for your head,
the good, the bad, you know what I'm saying, the
wise and h Initially, I was devastated to learn my
diagnosis because you know, it's traumatic to learn, you know

(05:32):
what I'm saying, even though I lived at risk lifestyle.
You know what I'm saying that put me in direct
line of fire for HIV and other STDs and STIs.
Like I wasn't prepared, you know what I'm saying, because
it's not talked about.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
So when I.

Speaker 10 (05:46):
Receive the information, I was still living under the thought
like HIV, I'm gonna die next week. You know what
I'm saying. Hi, everybody gonna hate me? You know what
I'm saying, ain't nobody gonna to talk to me. As
far as my emotionals, like emotions, like they was all
over the place, everything but joy, Like I didn't find

(06:07):
much joy in it at all, Like I had every
other emotion there though, fear, anger, uh, Like I said, pretty.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Much everything but being happy. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (06:19):
There's so much to go along with that come out
as we ask more questions. But my fears, my fears
was the pretty much how everybody goes treat me. You know, Okay,
I can say I was wrong, Like I was surprised
by how some of the people treat me. Coming as

(06:41):
far as the questions that arose, I instantly started thinking
about everybody else. I don't know why I got for
whatever reason, like I instantly like once we get into
that part of the story, I'll explain it. But like,
the first person that came to my mind was the
person I was with at the time. Okay, even after him,
I thought about the people that we had been in

(07:03):
contact with, you know what I'm saying, And I don't know,
fear what out the window, and I knew, like I
can't allow for somebody else to go through this intention,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
So I just go too deep into some of my
other answers.

Speaker 4 (07:20):
Well, hold on, follow up question, how long did it
take for you to kind of a ride to that
open ended conclusion that you just laced at the very
end right there.

Speaker 10 (07:29):
Not willing to let nobody else go through it. When
the nurse came in and cried with me. You know
what I'm saying, Because the nurse, she literally cried with
me like she sh had real life hears. She was like, bro,
you came in so happy and so bright, like full
of life, and she was like, like what you gonna

(07:52):
do now? She's like, I don't see you giving up.
And I just made a choice on a fight for everybody.
You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna be fine.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
I dig here.

Speaker 10 (08:00):
I'm gonna forever be here, but everybody not here and
forever be here, so I need to say them.

Speaker 12 (08:06):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
I love the simplicity of that.

Speaker 6 (08:11):
I love you, man, There's nothing complex about it. It's
just like he.

Speaker 5 (08:18):
Accept it you really quick.

Speaker 10 (08:23):
Oh yeah, I got to represent say, hey, all the
queris is our money, y'all.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
There?

Speaker 7 (08:36):
Okay, Oh my god, Okay.

Speaker 5 (08:39):
Have you ever felt compelled to hide your status due
to the stigma? How did that secrecy affect your relationship
our self work?

Speaker 10 (08:51):
That's an awesome That's an awesome, awesome, awesome question.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Oh can I use a couple of curse words?

Speaker 6 (09:00):
We do it all the time?

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Be artful with it? Was.

Speaker 10 (09:05):
I was raised as a child in Memphis, Tennessee. And
if y'all know anything about Memphis, Tennessee in the early eighties,
wasn't nothing my complexion down there, you know what I'm saying. Like,
I was the closest thing you gonna find the white.
So I learned early to be sought.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
And so.

Speaker 10 (09:25):
I don't know, I'm just here's just not something I do,
you know what I'm saying, Like, if I see something
that's supposed to scare me, I'm looking in the face
and tell you eating my dick, plain and simple, like
I'm not I'm sorry, Like I'm not.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Scared of nothing. You know what I'm saying. I don't.
I don't live about here because I know him for ever.

Speaker 10 (09:45):
You know what I'm saying, Like I know I've been here,
I know him here now, and I know him forever.
Gona be here, So I don't worry about oh too
much h stuff that should cause no feel Okay, I
did that was answer to I mean, not a good answer.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
To what I mean.

Speaker 5 (10:02):
It's it's how you feel, you know that is that
is how you feel.

Speaker 8 (10:09):
So now I just got to ask a question, just
like where did that? Where did that lack of fear
or you know, just come from? Yeah, where are that bravery?
Just to be able like I'm standing up in front
of this because you know, everything condition a lot on here.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
Like.

Speaker 10 (10:23):
It came from my upbringing, you know what I'm saying,
Like I was raised around a bunch of rough individuals
and they wasn't quick the whole they were, So you
either learn to be tough and roll with the punches
on you cry like a girl, and me I'm never
wanted to cry like a girl. I'm anna Aquarius, So
I ain't gonna cry, and I'm a warrior. I'm gonna
come at you head on. I don't care what the

(10:45):
situation is.

Speaker 6 (10:47):
Okay, Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
So battle tested, Okay.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (10:54):
The more my story come out, the more y'all see, Like, man,
this dude here, man.

Speaker 8 (11:00):
So so you didn't ever you didn't ever hide your
status from from it from like day one, no.

Speaker 10 (11:06):
No, once that nurse cried in front of me and
we had our little talk, you know what I'm saying.
Instantly told her like, hey, look, I know there's gonna
be some more urban dudes, you know what I'm saying,
because this was the people wasn't of our you know
what I'm saying, of our decentse So you know, I
had to.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Let them know.

Speaker 10 (11:22):
When people of our you know what I'm saying, come
through this, come through here, and they had that situation,
y'all can call me because I can sit down and
talk to her, because I got a different than y'all do,
and my nurse she understood that. So I worked directly
with a couple of HIV as of sentence here in
my home city.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
You know, I don't.

Speaker 8 (11:44):
Okay, okay, you want to give a shout out, I'm
just saying, like a quick shout out, like.

Speaker 10 (11:50):
Oh, friends of Illinois and joke Horn reduction and pure Illinois.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Man, they do their stuff.

Speaker 10 (11:57):
Man, y'all ever need help get them up if y'all
are or find me, I'm always out. I'm always out
somewhere passing out condoms or something.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Just don't punch me in the face.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
No more.

Speaker 8 (12:11):
Wow, I got Oh my goodness, great wow.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
Okay, before we get into our third question, King now
one just answered the chat. Do you want to go
ahead and represent yourself?

Speaker 3 (12:27):
I forgot what peace?

Speaker 13 (12:34):
Peace, peace, family, peace, family, peace first and foremost. I
just want to say peace and love to you, brother,
welcome to the show. I appreciate you taking the time
off of ship like and then also, you know, entertaining
all questions just being asked. I love you being forthcoming

(12:55):
and courageous on something. Not just that is a a condition,
but it's a widespread fear because of lack of knowledge,
and I understand that's one of the things that keeps
our community and our culture in a stagnant or place,
lack of knowledge, not being able to have access to wisdom,

(13:16):
know their experience or understanding. So I really appreciate you
taking time out to.

Speaker 10 (13:24):
Man listen, more for everybody else than it is myself.
I'm not looking for nothing but to help somebody else. Man,
I don't want nobody to go through some of the
things I go through. What you will get into later,
you know what I'm saying. But that's my real thing. Like,
I don't want nobody ever to have to endure some
of the feelings out and endure it.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
You know what I'm saying. I just thank God that
he made me the way he made me. So I
just look at like, hey, all right, cool, what's next?
You know what I'm saying, right right right?

Speaker 13 (13:51):
So without further ado, let me say peace, family is
king you born. You can follow me on all social
media platforms and newborn everything. And as always I am
that I am for service, for the community, for family, friends,
loved one, and to the podcast, to the panel peach,
love and life.

Speaker 7 (14:10):
Let's get it, okay, All right, John?

Speaker 5 (14:14):
Before we address those questions, can you bring up counter
questions until the end? Yeah, for our viewers, So yeah,
go ahead and bring up our third question. How has
your relationship with your body changed since you're diagnosis. What
practices help you prioritize your physical and mental health?

Speaker 10 (14:42):
The relationship with my body, it's not a real major
change because I always been like the size I am now,
So my body didn't change far as physically with the
medicine that I had to take. It did cause me
to put on more weight. If it is any physical
changes when I don't take my medicine, my lemonoid swell up.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Like my gums they turned real white.

Speaker 10 (15:10):
Your tongue of turned white. Your fingernails and have little
ridges in it like the chips. Those are signs of
HI beat the little ripples in your fingernails. Like I said,
white gums. But I didn't really have a lot of problems.
I was blessed.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
I caught mine pretty early, so I was able to
get right on top of it.

Speaker 10 (15:30):
And I also practiced yoga, so you know, I pretty
much stay in shape anyway. Uh, What practice has help
you riveritize your physical and mental health?

Speaker 1 (15:41):
I meditate a lot.

Speaker 10 (15:43):
Like if y'all watching my tiktoks, I meditate and I
self medicine. Kate, you know what I'm saying, And I
just tell myself every day like I'm worthy, man.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
That's that's that's the biggest way of getting over anything.

Speaker 10 (15:54):
Like I know I'm worthed your way more than anything
I get, Okay, a billion dollars, I'm worthed.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
You sixteen billions. You know what I'm saying. I'm always
striving for more better. That's what it is. I strive
for better.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
So mind doesn't matter.

Speaker 10 (16:09):
Mind over matter exactly. It's definitely mind over matter. You
gotta be you gotta.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Be mentally strong to deal with this.

Speaker 10 (16:16):
You have to if you're not mentally strong, bro, is
it somebody mentally strong?

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Lean?

Speaker 6 (16:25):
Yeah? I think that people really don't like.

Speaker 8 (16:29):
Leading to the idea of how much your self worth
really like, like it really affects, like your quality of life.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
That's because it's it's downplayed by society.

Speaker 10 (16:42):
If you if you believe in yourself, you call irrigant,
you call egotistical, you call what's their favorite word, narcissist.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
I can call that one. Yep, I'm not going how
we see it.

Speaker 10 (16:56):
Yeah, you calling you, I will be a narcissist. Us,
I will be a narcissist. But guess what I believe
in me? And if me believing in me is wrong,
then I will. I would rather be wrong.

Speaker 13 (17:10):
I want to say something real quick, bro, Peace to you, Robert.
I want to say this, and it may it may
shake the room for two seconds, depending on who watching it.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
Who are muh.

Speaker 13 (17:25):
My brother did one thing that we don't do personally.
We seek ye first kingdom of God within. By doing
that first and foremost, he's able to overcome there.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
If you can yourself, how can you believe in God?

Speaker 3 (17:45):
That part, that part, that part, that.

Speaker 13 (17:48):
Part's not a shot at no religion.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yes, true, that's just what it is. That's the relationship.

Speaker 10 (17:57):
Because God, if we keep it real, because you don't
exist with our men, So that relationship, it's a whole
other story that we ain't gonna go there.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Today I see them with query's eyes up, their bullying.

Speaker 8 (18:12):
After that, the Queers is getting all of us today,
y'all here this.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Season fact and people.

Speaker 7 (18:27):
Okay, yeah, we're gonna yeah.

Speaker 5 (18:29):
Is that medical? I like, listen, yeah, okay, what are
some misconceptions about HIV you've had to.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Learn unlearned?

Speaker 7 (18:41):
He took the question that unlearned for your own well being.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
I thought HIV was like.

Speaker 10 (18:56):
Visible if if that makes sense to you, like I
thought like look at a person and see HIV. I'm
gonna tell y'all, right now, if y'all look at me,
y'all not gonna see HIV. So that's one of the
biggest misconceptions because people think they could look at people
until who got HIV.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Uh.

Speaker 10 (19:16):
This hasn't come out in the podcast yet, but I'm
uh sacho sexual.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Meaning that if you male or female and you intrigue me,
we can get nasty. But just take my way to
the pain. But I caught HIV from my ex boyfriend.
Uh X, be honest.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
Uh.

Speaker 10 (19:41):
The biggest one of the biggest misconceptions about HIV for
me is like, do not gonna die? I know a
lot of people, a lot of people that's HIV positive,
even though a lot of people don't know that their
HIV positive. By me being HIV positive and being open
with a lot of people talk to me about they diagnosed.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (20:02):
And I can honestly say I know more people that's
HIV positive than not in the gay community.

Speaker 8 (20:10):
Oh wow, can I just can I can I interject?
I just want to bring up something because steal had
popped up, you know, and we put it up here,
and he talked about like he talked about not this one.

Speaker 6 (20:22):
I'm sorry, it was the one he wanted to say.

Speaker 8 (20:24):
He wanted to talk about new breakthroughs and people being untraceable,
and mister here he also he talked about being untraceable, like,
I don't think that people really understand.

Speaker 6 (20:33):
What that what that means. So do you have any knowledge?
Can you give us any knowledge about it? Yeah, I'm sorry, John.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Undetectable not untraceable.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 (20:46):
Yeah, untraceable undetectable two different things.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 10 (20:51):
The medicine I take is called big Tarvy. It's a
daily pill that I have to take every day. Of
what it does, you don't necessarily get rid of HIV,
but they break down the bodies of HIV two where
you can't spread it to other people if you choose
to the internet with someone. Oh, it's side effects, It's
definitely side effects. When I initially started taking out, I

(21:14):
flew up a lot sweating, Like, it's a lot that
comes with it.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
Man.

Speaker 10 (21:21):
The best I would say was, it's go. It's go
very from person to person. It's also other medicines out there.
I'm not exactly sure. What they are, but they do
have other medicines out there. Yeah, they have other medicines
out there, but they have preventedive medicines too, which is
prep you know what I'm saying, which I encourage for anybody,
anybody that's sexually active, whether it's with males or females,

(21:44):
because prepill.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
Help you to keep you from catching HIV.

Speaker 10 (21:49):
And we don't stop AIDS, but a's is normally the
second or the third phase of HIV is HIV one.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
HIV two. Then you got your different of aids.

Speaker 10 (22:01):
But if I could pass out an encouraging word, man,
everybody take prip male, word female, because I'm gonna tell
another truth, just gonna make a lot of people feel
some type of way.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
I don't know any straight men.

Speaker 6 (22:15):
Oh I.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
I don't know. I don't know that once. Well I
take that back, he s.

Speaker 7 (22:28):
All these three gentlemen at the bottom.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Right, Well, I don't know the person.

Speaker 10 (22:36):
I don't know what that was he said. I'm talking
about in my own personal life, Like, I don't know
that any straight men.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
Like it's loud, it's it's a laughable moment, but it's serious.

Speaker 10 (22:55):
I'm saying that to say, like everybody gotta protect themselves
because you never know your baby mama could be creeping
and creeping with a dudes just because you're not creeping
on your baby mama, don't be your baby mama not
creeping with a dude.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
And that dude the yell because I'm gonna tell the truth.

Speaker 10 (23:12):
It's a lot of guys out here giving these girls
some competition now so, and these guys out here thirsty
and horny and they try and stuff and there's some
deep consequences behind it.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 9 (23:27):
Real with them and love being with them.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Man. Twice on Sunday.

Speaker 8 (23:35):
Can I bring up this this comment that, Yeah, man,
I just wanted to bring that out right, and that's
kind of in the same band of what you were
just saying, go ahead, go ahead, John.

Speaker 6 (23:46):
I think I feel like you were.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
This is what I was telling about.

Speaker 5 (23:54):
Yeah, I appreciate you for being so open. I lost
a very close cousin two years. Though I actually eulogize
his funeral, I wish we would have been I wish
he would have been comfortable enough to tell us he
was on the DM and sick before he had as
a lot of people are not saying anything.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Man, let me tell y'all this. I'm sorry to just
borrow jail right here.

Speaker 10 (24:20):
Like, I don't know how much to say because I
don't want to put nobody out there.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
I don't know who watch it from where, So I
just say that this thing people don't want to talk about. Yeah.

Speaker 10 (24:30):
And then last year I lost like three of my
friends to HIV. You know what I'm saying That people
don't know that they died from HIV, like when they
passed away, it was COVID flu and other stuff, so
they not go to say you.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Like the last year in twenty twenty four, I say,
I messed with about about five people, all five.

Speaker 10 (24:55):
But it was positive, and none of them told me
until after I told him. So, ain't nobody? Ain't nobody? Yeah,
just so happened. I'm wondering people like, I don't. I
ain't trying to too my horn, but I don't give
a fun because what you gonna do to him? I'm
gonna tell you, I'm positively, You're gonna deal with me?

Speaker 5 (25:13):
You right?

Speaker 1 (25:14):
You know what I'm saying, mm, yeah, straightforward man, And only.

Speaker 10 (25:20):
Again find out that other people are positive because most
of the time, I mean, I get it I get it, Like,
I don't know what drive me to just come out
here and be like, hey, this is what I got
going on. But I appreciate it, you know what I'm saying,
because I know this is this is what I'm here for.
Like at first I looked at it as a curse
of being diagnosed with HIV, but now it's like a

(25:41):
mixed blessing almost, like because I know, oh, somebody go
here to somebody go be like, hey, you know what, man,
I can get some help it broken step out here
and do it.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
I know I can do it.

Speaker 10 (25:53):
I'm gonna telling you if I can do what, y'all
can do it because I ain't ship, I ain't gonna
buy it to you. I ain't shit, I ain't got
no real uh major rashn't life to be claiming myself
as nobody or better than nobody else.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
So if I can do it, I know y'all can
do it. Man, if you're worried about what somebody think
you did, that, ain't I want to touch it. I
wouldn't think so.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
I think.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
That's my slogan, my dick.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
Oh my god, what is our next question? What is
the what's the most hurtful assumption someone has made about
you because of your HIV status, And how did you respond.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
This?

Speaker 8 (26:44):
This?

Speaker 1 (26:44):
This, this one right here hurt all right, this this
one real personal for me.

Speaker 10 (26:48):
I'm gonna smile my way through it because that's just
my uh, that's how I reflect my pain. Oh Okay,
I did twenty five years in prison, never called nothing
in tire, twenty five years in prison, nothing, It wasn't
all at one time. So this last time, I did

(27:08):
five years and my grandmother and my kids Mom passed
away like really close to me coming home, and we
end up me and my kids. Mom ended up loving,
loving the custody of our kids. So they ended up
in foster care. And the people that they was in
foster care with was cool. You know what I'm saying,
They was cool with me. When I came home, I
missed my baby mama. So you know what I'm saying,

(27:30):
I just couldn't date women no more.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
You know what I'm saying. I always been saco sexual,
but I just couldn't date women.

Speaker 10 (27:35):
No more without my baby mama being So I started
dating duel and I even you know what I'm saying,
I'm up front with everything. I do. So I let
my son know what was going on, and by him
with his foster parents, they seen the person that I
was with, you know what I'm saying. And so when
my diagnosis came out and they learned about it, I

(27:56):
can't see my kids no more because they don't know
enough about HIV to where they will let me come
around them and they can leave like them just looking
at your recoming in their presence.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
You know what I'm saying. They can contract HIV in Oh.

Speaker 10 (28:13):
That's why I really do it, man, because I don't
want nobody go through this shit, bro, Like, we need
to get the knowledge out there, especially for black people,
because I ain't gonna lie to you.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
I feel like they put it here for us. Ain't
gonna lie everybody.

Speaker 14 (28:23):
I know.

Speaker 10 (28:24):
That's what And that's a dude then an HIV positive.
I even got a niece that contracted HIV from a dude,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (28:33):
So I want to just, you know, take a moment
right here to just kind of give some some respect
to that part right there, because this question is about
creating the mindset, the mentality of empathy. Here right if
you audience out here, take a moment to really put

(28:56):
yourself in the position of, you know, being on the
other end and judging him for that.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Like, just think about that effect.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
Think about that impact, right, and it's not even happening
to you, but just imagine, right if you just play
along with it.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
And just feel that feeling of telling that to someone
you love, no, you can't see your kids, right, and
then blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
Like imagine you saying that and then think about the
impact that that makes that denial. Right, So this is
important for us to have this conversation so that we
can develop that empathy. It's hard to develop the empathy
when you don't even have anything to work with. All
you have is your beliefs. You don't have the truth,
you don't have anything tangible. So with us listening to

(29:42):
him say that, hey, this affected me. This assumption, that's
the stigma we're talking about.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
That is again, you're Christians.

Speaker 4 (29:52):
You're Christians, Okay, So that assumption that you made was
not in truth and it wasn't in love. I just
want you, guys, audience, please take this question, take his
response seriously as a consideration.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
It could happen to anybody. Literally, do you want to
be that person?

Speaker 10 (30:13):
Right If I could say anything to anybody that's listening
right now, man, male, female, if you gazed straight by
SAPO sexual, whatever your sexual orientation is, ORR the way
you identify yourself. Please don't be a test and learn
your status and awe you sexually? Have the man take
some crap, man for real, because it ain't worth it.
I don't care if you've been in the same relationship

(30:34):
with the same person for ten years. Somebody could be creeping. Man,
Just get tested.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
It's worth it.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (30:41):
Can I can I share a story that I that
I heard husband and wife.

Speaker 5 (30:47):
You just said it right there. He could be with
somebody for ten years husband and wife. Husband contracted HILD
while out cheating on his wife, running home to his wife.
He went and got tested and got treatment for but
did not disclose it to his wife, and she ended

(31:07):
up dying from complications. And then when it came out
that he had HIV, a lot of other women, like
twenty two or twenty three other women came out.

Speaker 7 (31:22):
Stating they slept with him, you know. And then we
had a young girl, you know.

Speaker 5 (31:28):
I can't remember what state she was in, but she
slept with everyone on her job knowingly and getting around every.

Speaker 4 (31:38):
Man on that job.

Speaker 5 (31:41):
And just think, out of twelve men, what if six
of them had families, you didn't took that back and
you destroyed six families.

Speaker 7 (31:51):
You didn't give it to that woman.

Speaker 5 (31:53):
Now half of them, what if they stepping out, they
didn't give it to the person that they didn't stepped
out with.

Speaker 7 (32:00):
You know it moves.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
I say something that quick, go ahead, really quick.

Speaker 10 (32:10):
So I learned in people dealing with their emotions after
be being found out that they HIV positive. For me,
I was with a dude for four years and he
gave it to me, and he had known he had
it since he was sixteen and never told me it
wasn't to after I was The dude came in the
room with me when I got diagnosed.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
And cried, look me in my face and cried, held
my hand and cried with me. You hear me.

Speaker 10 (32:37):
I just received the most devastating news in my life,
and you came here and cried with me, only to
find out that you were the source and you normally
gave it to me. So you gotta be careful out here, man.
People aren't necessarily looking for love. They looking for a
love location.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
I just want to add.

Speaker 13 (32:59):
I don't know if Robert encountered this or had a
conversation about it, but in some cases, depending on what
state you in, uh, that's been considered to be a
premeditated murder.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yes, yeah, it's not here. I've definitely checked into it.
I've definitely checked into it.

Speaker 6 (33:16):
I just can I just ask, like real talk, what
did that do to you? Dude? Knew that he gave
it to you. He came in the ring with you
and was crying with you.

Speaker 7 (33:29):
What did that do for you?

Speaker 6 (33:31):
I mean, if you don't mind me asking if I
need to back.

Speaker 12 (33:34):
Off, No, no, no, you good.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
It fucked me up to the point it made me right.
I know that sounds crazy.

Speaker 13 (33:44):
That makes sense to take a trauma to introduce to
another trauma to make you want to be on a
higher level, higher conscious, higher.

Speaker 10 (33:52):
Level of conscious. Like I was so devastated with what
I had going on, and then when I found out that.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
He was the source.

Speaker 10 (33:59):
Okay, once I found out he was the source, his
sister came back and told me like, oh, yeah, why
you're so mad at my brother?

Speaker 1 (34:06):
I say, your brother gave it to me. She was
like stupid. You knew he had it.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
He told me. He told you he didn't. He been
having since he was sixteen. You didn't know that.

Speaker 10 (34:18):
And in that moment, some of my brains is clicked, bro, Like,
like I told you, I did twenty five years in prison,
so violence is not far from my reach.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
But I knew it was. It was something else I
had to do. You know what I'm saying. I had
another I had another mission, I had another something that's
I had to do it.

Speaker 10 (34:40):
I said all the time, I don't know what my
purpose is as far as this HIV thing, but it's
got to be a purpose because he gave it to me.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
What better person?

Speaker 11 (34:50):
M man there?

Speaker 13 (34:54):
Yeah, I want to add sometimes and I'm going to
I'm going to a deep left field tangent. Sometimes people
pray for a certain level of success wealth and not
understanding the story that goes along with that. Sometimes they'll
be paining, they'll be hurt or be sacrifice. And I

(35:15):
want to say to you, Robert bro you just leveling up.
We don't know what we have to go through, We
don't know what trauma we might have to do endure
in order to evolve. To the next level or the
next version or the next consciousness of self. So I'm
I'm just saying to you, brother, keep going inward so

(35:38):
that way your love and appreciation for what you're going through.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
This struggle, well, it ain't really a struggle.

Speaker 13 (35:43):
It's more so of a journey of learning that too,
that too, you know what I'm saying to where you
continue to share it but then also awaken others to
be more conscious and aware of themselves and what they
doing or what they practicing, and they little culture, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
So he already it's big.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
B Yeah, it's that work question.

Speaker 10 (36:04):
I definitely want to get into about the religious leaders.
I definitely want to get to them.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
They asked, Yeah, entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
In real life. I want y'all ask.

Speaker 5 (36:25):
The next question, how do you navigate dating or intimacy
while managing society biases about HIV transmission?

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Thankfully for me, like I'm bold about my situation.

Speaker 10 (36:42):
So, like I told y'all in previous questions, like I
tell you, I tell you first, regardless, like if I
meet you on one of these apps and some I'm
gonna tell you like I'm gonna kick it with you,
just to get a feel for you. And then I'm
gonna let you know and let me ooo. Some of
the stuff people are said to me about my status,
be my dick. That's all the material.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
You ain't bother me. That don't That don't phaze me
because a lot of.

Speaker 10 (37:10):
People don't know. HIV is nothing but another form of cancer.
So you talk about me, you have HIV. If I
talk about your mom having cancer, then you're gonna be
in your feelings.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
So it's the same.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
It's the same.

Speaker 10 (37:22):
Okay, wow, they they I don't have no problem with
that because I tell somebody, I don't care what you're
gonna say. No, okay, cool, that's fine. I'm not mad
at you as long as you don't say nothing ignoranting,
you know, going about your business and be blessed.

Speaker 6 (37:40):
M We need to get we need to get to
this question because this is man, because oh my.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
Goodness, on my bottles, on my bottle, A little personal,
you know.

Speaker 6 (38:00):
I just want to put it out here.

Speaker 8 (38:01):
I used to live in Atlanta, right, and when I
first got to Atlanta, it was probably like like late
late nineties, right, early two thousands.

Speaker 6 (38:11):
Come out, son, and that's.

Speaker 8 (38:15):
That's where I heard the term welcome to Atlanta, where
the boys will play and the women will pay that
a nice long time. And I think that this question
has a lot to do with that, because, just like
Seal just shared, you know what I'm saying, he had
a cousin that felt.

Speaker 6 (38:35):
That he couldn't share a part of who he was,
you know what I'm saying. So I just wanted to ask, like,
what do you like? What do you think about that?

Speaker 10 (38:45):
I'm gonna speak for myself. It's a difference. You got
different levels of DAL. You know what I'm saying, because
I've always dealt with me and I'll put it like that,
the entirety and when I say the entirety of my life,
I literally mean the entirety of my life has always
been some type of men in my life. Oh and

(39:07):
I wasn't d yell. I was on a need to
know basis. It's a difference between d yell and need
to know basis because the women I dealt with them,
they knew what I was on, you know what I'm
saying that they was fine with it. I do think
like the DAL thing is bad though, because I think

(39:30):
a lot of guys would be dyll if so many
women went so hard on them for being.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Freaky, because if we's about to be our natural freaky self.

Speaker 10 (39:37):
In the bedroom, we wouldn't have to go experiment with
another dude, because it's a lot of stuff dudes would
do the females and with females, and let females.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Do if they women were so nasty and.

Speaker 10 (39:51):
Vindictive about it, because I tell you what, my kids'
mom's and my life.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
They ain't got no issues with me at all, and
they know everything God do.

Speaker 6 (40:02):
So do you think that that's just a that is
just a it's literally just accepting where people are.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah, women, let's just say that.

Speaker 8 (40:12):
Let's just say that for for instance, right, just like
across the spectrum with genders. Maybe if it's just the
thing where people are accepting except they are except.

Speaker 10 (40:23):
A woman, A woman can deal with another woman and
it's considered what they're curious, they're not, they're not sneaky
fags or whatever.

Speaker 13 (40:35):
You know.

Speaker 10 (40:35):
What I'm saying, whatever the derogatory terms, is not trying
to disrespect my body.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Oh but I don't believe that right there?

Speaker 6 (40:43):
Yeah, all right, No, I think that that's difference.

Speaker 14 (40:46):
Go ahead, go ahead, Yeah, because it's what he just said,
is like you blaming us for y'all going out and
blaming some of us.

Speaker 7 (41:00):
Yeah, y'all going out wanting to deal with another man.

Speaker 6 (41:09):
That's a choice.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, that's the choice.

Speaker 7 (41:14):
That's the choice that you made.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Because that's not what you're saying that, that's not what Yeah,
I didn't.

Speaker 9 (41:21):
You got to realize women don't fight like me and
do we have an underline you know violence, y'all fight
with your tom You don't know how, you don't know how,
you don't know how deep you cut into a tree.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
And you want honesty, but then you punish, you know,
Like that's the part. You can't have both. You can't say, oh,
well it's your you should be honest with me, But
you don't create the environment for honesty.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
You have a responsibility to create that. You want you
want honesty, you have to create that.

Speaker 6 (41:48):
Yeah, it's not a blaming that way.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
It was her choice to react that way. Women and
I like if.

Speaker 10 (42:00):
They miss they misunderstood what I was saying. Yeah, you
saying if I'm allowed to be it's safe, like okay,
for instance with me, I'm safe with my wife.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
You will never hear nothing that happen and me and
my wife bear room.

Speaker 10 (42:12):
Now if my wife wasn't take that into a different
route with until everybody that we get, he nasty because
he did this, He freaking because he.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
Want to do this. You know what certain things men
do in the bed room to a woman, they start, Oh,
that's gay. Why you want to do this? Why you
want to do that? That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (42:30):
And so when we can't do that comfortably at home,
then we start exploring elsewhere, and.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
You're shaming them. And sex, that's what we're talking about.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Men could be sex.

Speaker 6 (42:44):
Okay, I can see that. I can see that from
both from both sides of this.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Yeah, from both sides.

Speaker 6 (42:49):
Yeah, well from any any spectrum of anybody.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
It's anybody. It's not just yeah, sex is not it's
it's gender neutral. Anybody can do that.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
I'm like everyone, and I love where.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (43:04):
No, I honestly I see what you're saying. You're saying
that if you can't like and I actually I brought
this up. But remember like last year we talked about
we talked about like you know, like like the LGBTQ
community in the in the black community, and how like
the acceptance and that whole entire thing, right, And it's
like and it was almost like, well, just full disclosure.

Speaker 6 (43:24):
My youngest, my youngest identifies as right.

Speaker 8 (43:27):
So from my guess, it's like they feel like they
can't really that they can't really like you know, speak
to other black people about about about what they feel
that they that they are living about their life, you
know what I'm saying, because they feel that that that'll
be weaponized, Like there's not a lot of safe containers.
They that's what that's their experience, not I'm just saying, right,

(43:49):
so I understand what you're saying. You're saying that, you know,
keep a keep an open space for whatever the experience is.

Speaker 6 (43:55):
Yeah, so you're healthy.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yeah, okay, gave me a fuck there, I see you.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, Like that's how intimacy works.

Speaker 4 (44:05):
You want and you want real intimacy, then you can't
have shame, you can't have same Like that's common sense.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
You're liberated.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
But how if you're shaming your partner, Like what if
they want to put dress up in anime and you're
shaming that, Yeah, you know that's expression, like the come on,
it's it's just it is what it is, right, So
that's why. That's why I love about your spear, bro.
It's just you're just saying, this is what it is.
Don't give it a judgment.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Don't just say that's it. That's it, that's this is
a camera. Oh you like to do this, That's what
it is.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
It's a camera feeling. Oh. The second partner's real fast.

Speaker 10 (44:43):
They say, do you think this stereotype has just started
conversations about HIV prevention?

Speaker 1 (44:48):
Yes?

Speaker 10 (44:48):
I do, because if you can't be free to be
yourself and we can't talk about, uh, what comes with it.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
So if I can't be openly to talk about being gay, I.

Speaker 10 (44:58):
Can't openly talk about all the things that come along
with being gay, you know what I'm saying. So, yeah,
I do think that the d I thing kind of
distorted us talking about safe sects.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
Come on, let's get to.

Speaker 8 (45:14):
I just thought then that literally that puts you back
in the box. And then that means that that you
you literally you feel isolated and alone. And when you
feel isolated where it's just like when you when you
kick a puppy into a corner, what's the puppy gonna do?

Speaker 6 (45:28):
The puppy is gonna start, you know what? I mean, okay,
I'm gonna shut up because I see this all heat
and took his hat off.

Speaker 13 (45:33):
I'm going on you.

Speaker 6 (45:34):
You're back.

Speaker 7 (45:39):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (45:40):
Black religious institutions hold significant influence, but rarely address HIV openly.
Do you see them as part of the problem or
potential solutions?

Speaker 10 (45:56):
Okay, if you got a hard having the bulletproof vast
put it on right now. You got soft skin, weak skin,
you might want to go sit down if you love
your religious people, because I'm like a t I is
give y'all ward.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
It definitely come with an impact. Look, they clowns.

Speaker 10 (46:16):
They clowns, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, them other people that
be on there dancing every time when of our people
get hurt or killed them, people that be at the
White House in front of them cameras talking anybody with
this color skin. They got access to one of these
and a lot of people watching listen to them. They

(46:37):
got a job, they feel because they know what's going on.
John Lennon, ain't that his name? John Lennon from seeing
in you're part of the community. I ain't never heard
him speak on it. Jesse Jackson, I think one of
his sons a part of the community. Never heard him
talk about it. Al Sharpton, shit, I think he is, yeah,

(47:03):
but yeah, I ain't never heard him talk about it.
And the thing is, they the ones y'all in position,
y'all out here in front of these cameras. Y'all know
what's going on. Y'all see the numbers, y'all know what
they're doing to us, and y'all not saying shit. They're
gona these preachers, these Muhammad Ali's people, not Muhammad Ali himself,
but like the the Muslim brothers that be out here,

(47:25):
these five percent nations. The nation is long, uh Moish Americans,
the gangs, the gang leaders, politicians, everybody is at fault. Bro.
Anybody would a positioned that's a part of an organization
that gotta power and say something that don't say something.
Fuck y'all because y'all should have said something by now,

(47:46):
I should have been to about this. How go to
prison where where all this stuff is supposed to be
the most prevalament, And nobody never said, Well, we got
a little classes, We get a little class put on
the condo.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Don't catch HIV as that's the stamps. If I've learning
about HIV, AIDS STIs or STV.

Speaker 10 (48:05):
Yeah, they feeling us. They dropping them goddamn call. They
sitting somewhere just want to be on the camera when
it's time for them to sing it. Then something they
gonna make a check on Sundays you find all the
preachers where at the churches. At the churches now Monday
to Saturday. Where y'all at Wednesday, y'all at church for

(48:25):
Bible study. We know that y'all go pass that damn
collection plate, But ain't none of y'all go get out
here and come to these parades, pass our commers. Y'all
ain't gonna get out here at these centers and talk
to these people when they find out the HIV positive
or even worse, they got a's or sti's, STDs. We
don't see none of them unless it's something going on
where they can make a name for themself where they

(48:46):
shake their goddamn collection plate in your page or they
ask them for a vote. H Scandaliza Harris, Oh, y'all
all politicians in Washington, Uh, the capitals of all these
states man.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Y'all not doing your job. I don't given how black
y'all think. Y'all this y'all saving y'all people. Y'all eat.

Speaker 10 (49:06):
That, I'll do it by myself. If I gotta get
out of here, say word condon. Well that's my position
on that.

Speaker 6 (49:17):
I mean, it's a pretty solid past.

Speaker 7 (49:20):
It really is. Thank you for the warning.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Kids.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
Collective responsibility, Yeah, that's a collective responsibility.

Speaker 5 (49:33):
John know how to take a whole paragraph and put
it in two words? Though, you know how to take
everything I said, Okay.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
This is bloom bloom.

Speaker 11 (49:44):
I'm like, you know what you're right simplicit.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah, y'all know what's crazy? This question right here? Please
ask me this question?

Speaker 5 (49:55):
Who are what has been your greatest source of support
in your journey with hid.

Speaker 10 (50:02):
Everybody that's looking at this computer, tabent, phone TV, however
you watch me, you my greatest support journey, Like, y'all
help my journey because I'm doing it for.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Y'all man, Like I don't. If y'all can look at me,
y'all can tell I don't give a fuck because it
is what it is with me.

Speaker 10 (50:17):
But I know it's other people out here that care
about what people think and how people feel about them.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
And you know what I'm saying, what society gonna think
about them? Me? I'm just not one of the people
like I am who I am.

Speaker 10 (50:27):
I'm gonna be one go be and I always will
be and I always will So oh, my biggest support
is is y'all. Man, everybodyn't counter regardless to if you
hate me or you like me. If you hate me,
you will even make it even better for me because
that means I'm doing something right. I'm gonna go hard.
If you like me, I don't love you, and if
you love me, I'm unconditional for you. So yeah, everybody's

(50:49):
my support. Even if you're trying to be against me,
you my support. You more support for me when you
go against me.

Speaker 6 (50:54):
So man, I'm not gonna lie. I wish I had
that bravery like you know, like I've been saying, like
this is fine. I don't give up yere.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (51:14):
But I'm just saying like that just because you say
it with your whole chest.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
You know, I mean, I gotta respect for it. That's
why I do it. You know what I'm saying, Like
I got respect for life, man, So that's why I said.

Speaker 10 (51:27):
Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna start with mine, but
I'm want everybody you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
I want everybody to get past this because it's stupid.

Speaker 5 (51:33):
Ship m Yeah, the numbers are on the rise. Yeah, listen,
we are making up half the new HIV cases.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
More than that. I told y'all, listen. I honestly know.

Speaker 10 (51:54):
I can think of ten Douds really, just any random
ten doores in my head, none of them straight. I
live in a small city, so out of them teen.

Speaker 1 (52:05):
If you took any any ten regular urban dudes, out
of ten of them, you probably find seven cases of HIV.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Mhm.

Speaker 5 (52:17):
Wow.

Speaker 10 (52:18):
I done been on the apps. I ain't gonna I
ain't gonna promote the apps, but I donet been on
all the apps. And you look and see any of
my things on any of my apps, they all say,
I pause, I'm positive. And I still get a lot
of people reach out to me, and, like I say,
most of the time they already positive. And then the
ones that don't say they positive once they show up
and I tell.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Them, hey, I'm positive. Okay, well it's cool, I am cool.

Speaker 6 (52:42):
So wow, okay, all right, Wow, that.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Is it's sad out here, man, for real.

Speaker 8 (52:52):
The idea that everybody, even if bad, is the idea
that if you're even a committed relationship.

Speaker 6 (52:59):
Yeah, I committed like you still probably need to take prep.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
I'm my niece. My niece found out when she had
her baby.

Speaker 10 (53:07):
She went to have her baby and the doctor came
in and told her, hey, so, how long have you
been HIV positive? She said, what ain't HIV positive? Own
only has only had sexual ones due to my entire life.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Wow. Yeah, gotta be careful out here, man.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
Wow.

Speaker 6 (53:30):
That is wow.

Speaker 10 (53:31):
Yeah, it's not by it's not by uh by coincidence
that it's all here though. It's definitely not by chance
that HIV.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Is the way it is. Mm hmm.

Speaker 6 (53:45):
Why do you say that?

Speaker 1 (53:47):
I believe.

Speaker 10 (53:50):
I believe it was targeted and it just got out
of hand. M Who was targeted and got out of hand?
They wasn't expecting.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
Afford to go that part. They thought he was gonna
stay on this side. But they didn't know. They like
to come down and play in the dirt sometimes. M hm.
They love to gattle. They love BBC. Wow. Man, So I'm.

Speaker 8 (54:20):
Gonna ask this question. Since you you've told us all
this stuff. You also told us that one good thing
is to get on prep. Right, But what's another actionable
step that that our audience can do.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
You know that.

Speaker 6 (54:34):
I'm sorry I didn't. I couldn't remember the rest of
the question because it was yeah, to support, either to
support people living with HIV or to combat stigma. And
I'm gonna go further.

Speaker 8 (54:45):
What's another actionable step that that our audience can take
to to be more educated on their own besides you know,
listening to this right here?

Speaker 10 (54:56):
Yeah, oh, look it up honestly, Like google it, like
you'd be surprised some of the stuff you'll learn, Like
it's it's it's stuff out there to where HIV is
visible if you know what you're looking for. So that
would be my That's what I would say, do your research, man,

(55:16):
because it's as bad as it is, like you make
it worse for people who are not en thrown as myself,
you know what I'm saying. Like it's people I know
theyself out behind this. You know what I'm saying. I
know people who died from the stress of having HIV.
They didn't die from the disease except die from the stress.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
They died they.

Speaker 10 (55:35):
Didn't eat because they were stressed out or like, it's
a lot of different stuff to go wrong with HIV.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
It's not the disease that's killing people. It's not other
stuff that's going the wrong being found out.

Speaker 10 (55:50):
Like I remember going through the stage where people when
I first came out and start telling people like people
didn't you want to meet it to come to their
house and drink out. They comes, and you know if
they said, where I swear to go. I had an
early tea. She there wor stuff away.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
She thought I left. I went out the door. She
threw it away. I came back in the house and
took it out of the garbage and washed it out
and took it with me just to be funny.

Speaker 4 (56:14):
I was sorry, go ahead, So I was gonna say, So,
what you're identifying here is that some people fail to
cope with the reality of it, and that's what kept
the failure to coke, the.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Failure to adapt.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Yeah yeah, yeah, dang, that's crazy because I mean, if.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
You, like, if you really take care of yourself, bro, like,
you go feel different.

Speaker 10 (56:39):
Naturally, you go feel different because you got something living
inside your body, so.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
You gonna feel different. But if you take care of yourself,
go look.

Speaker 10 (56:46):
At my tiktoks HIV positive for almost three years now
and I look damn good, So it don't have to
hurt you.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
It's a choice. It's honestly a choice. If it breaks
you down and tells you if it's because you lily
break down and tell you up.

Speaker 10 (57:01):
You got to get to the point to where you
can just say, hey, what you know what I'm dealing with.
What I'm dealing with.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
Whoever came deal with it, eat my dick. You ain't
gotta dick, eat my titties. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Oh, quick cut question. Have you Have you gone to
therapy at all or ever before?

Speaker 13 (57:17):
Not?

Speaker 10 (57:17):
Not little therapy, but yeah, Like my therapy is like
just talking about it sometimes, you know what I'm saying,
Like because I don't talk to a person about it before.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
But it's not the same because I don't I don't
comprehend what they talking about. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (57:31):
But when I talk to my people, you know what
I'm saying, I feel different, I feel I feel you
know what I'm saying. Lick, I be ready, I be
turned up about it. Like I told you, I do
condom drives. I go to gate clubs and pass out condoms.

Speaker 13 (57:48):
Uh.

Speaker 10 (57:48):
I just recently started passing our deal downs because all
the girls was getting mad at me. What we're gonna
do with conca is we community, don't worry about. I
got something for y'all too, So I went and got some. Hey,
the women got it too, everywhere, you know, the like

(58:11):
they like to put them.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
On us, but they got it too.

Speaker 10 (58:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (58:15):
Yeah, So I got a question, So, while you're passing economus,
do you ever talk about like the facts, like while
you're passing them out? Like I think that we already
talked about the stigma, like you know, you said that,
you said what it looks like. But I find that
stigmas are broken once you have information. And uh, once again,
I'm gonna go back to see it because he drops
some knowledge up there.

Speaker 6 (58:34):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 8 (58:35):
He was saying that there are you know, they are
people don't really like it's so stigmatized, and that there's
there's new types of medical stuff that's.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
Coming out there to deal every day with.

Speaker 8 (58:44):
Yeah, that can build that combat with HIV, HIV aids, heurkeys,
like all those type of stigmatized you know. So I'm
just wondering, I'm like, do you also talk about like
the facts like do you do you talk about like
what you know, like what it really is. I mean,
you just said that it was a foreign you know, Yeah,
but do you talk about the facts of it?

Speaker 1 (59:05):
And uh?

Speaker 10 (59:06):
In some instances I get the chance to do that,
and a lot of instances I don't like when I
do my condom drives in the clubs, I don't because
of the music. But I'm known as condom Man, so
a lot of times people, you know, people will put
me to the side to ask me certain questions.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (59:25):
So yeah, I tried, but I get more one on
one time with people outside of my cousin Drives. Like
I'm the type of dude like I walk around sometimes
with my book back. I walk up in certain areas
where I know the little trades be it. I walk
through there in my book back and pass our condoms tour.
I ain't gonna educate y'all on trade because y'all looking lost,

(59:46):
but I am. It's exactly what it sounds like. They trade,
so they trade off goods. So yeah, I go to
the neighborhoods and I pass out and I talk to them.
Then okay, yeah, so in the club now, I really

(01:00:07):
don't get a chance to do a whole lot of
talking in there.

Speaker 5 (01:00:12):
What message do you wish every person newly diagnosed with
HIV could hear today?

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Bro, please listen if I can give y'all a message.
This it man. You not alone, I promise the God.
You are not by yourself. One This is my own number.
So I'm go looking for this on the internet. One
in three.

Speaker 10 (01:00:36):
Dudes, HIV possible. Man, I'm gonna tell you that's at
least one in three. So you definitely not by yourself,
and take the same courage that you got in something
else and transfer it over to yourself, because sometimes we
believe in other stuff more than we believe in ourselves.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
Fortunately for me, I'm not one of those people.

Speaker 10 (01:00:58):
I believe holly in myself before I believe in anything else,
because it don't exist without me.

Speaker 7 (01:01:03):
So wow, h.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Yeah, perfect?

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
That was it?

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
Perfect?

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
That was that?

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Was it?

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
At an hour?

Speaker 7 (01:01:15):
Didn't I say it was gonna take it?

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
What?

Speaker 5 (01:01:19):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Questions?

Speaker 7 (01:01:23):
Oh joy, Oh my god? I think that those was
all the questions, Johnny.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
There was a fum out there.

Speaker 10 (01:01:31):
Yes, I think that was the questions the ones I've
seen dropped down in the bottle. I mean, if you
got some more, if y'all got more time, I got
I got time.

Speaker 7 (01:01:41):
Oh yeah, oh day, I can do this. I mean,
how y'all feeling the girls like that?

Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (01:01:51):
There was another question of let's all right audience without it,
they're they're in a chair.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
Oh god.

Speaker 5 (01:02:03):
What barriers have you faced in assessing quality HIV care?

Speaker 1 (01:02:11):
No?

Speaker 10 (01:02:12):
No, not a damn okay, I'm not gonna say we
got the best care treatment centers in America.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
But come to p Or.

Speaker 10 (01:02:20):
If you HIV positive, bro, find me and I'll put
you in the right place. Or contact me through here
and we'll find you some other help. Bro, I ain't
had no positive enoughing at all. They help pay for
my rent, They don't help pay for my life. They
don't give me a bus passes, anything I need. My
medical is taken care of.

Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
I don't know. It's almost like a no, I ain't
gonna say that.

Speaker 10 (01:02:43):
I ain't gonna say that stupidast ship. But HIV HIV
is not as bad as most people think it is.
I said like that, there's plenty of help out here,
especially where I with that in the Illinois, we got
help for you, bro, So come to Illinois.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Mmmm, you can't stay with me, but you can come.

Speaker 7 (01:03:05):
This is mister D. Do you think it's okay to
teach our sons to be gay openly?

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
Okay, this is slippery slope. Somebody tried to set me up.

Speaker 10 (01:03:16):
Uh, mister D. You try to set me up. So
I'm gonna try to answer this politically correct.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
I'm lying. Okay, I'm not gonna as answer politically correct.

Speaker 10 (01:03:27):
Listen, you teach your son what you want your son
to know, what you believe is best for your son
in the uh, in the area y'all live in. For me,
my son knows that I deal with who I want
to deal with, male or female. Uh, butch queen, feminine,
mask whatever. What it bore down for me is teach

(01:03:48):
your son to love who they want to love, because
at the end of the day, who gonna do what
about it? I know it's not a good thing to
tell your son. Doctor will tell your son if they
don't like him, tell him. You know my famous words.

Speaker 6 (01:04:01):
You're gonna put that on one of these.

Speaker 4 (01:04:10):
I think that's a good question though, that he just
just said right there, And I'm saying that for Ivy,
just signaling the Ivy you know when you when you
think about the courage and the acceptance, that really is
the magical question.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
What's gonna happen?

Speaker 6 (01:04:24):
What you're gonna be the end of the day.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
No, no, no, I mean just just to people, like
just in terms of this decision that you're about to make.
Right when it comes to people, it's like, what are
you gonna do to me? That's that's the that's the
interesting question, is yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:04:40):
Because if more answer you at the end of the day,
you know what I'm saying, Like for me, my son
know what I do, and I tell my.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
Son all like my son go through a lot. He
gets teased because the fact his mom passed away. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (01:04:51):
Now he getting teased about the fact that, oh his
father's You know, if you safe or sexual, you gay
in the black community. So now you seemed about that.
So I tell my song on a regular basis, man,
do what you feel fast.

Speaker 1 (01:05:07):
You know, like whoever you like.

Speaker 10 (01:05:09):
You know what I'm saying is you don't like something,
then you don't like it. If you like something, then
you like it. Don't don't never be a shame to
be a little rob, because big rob being shame you
gotta be You gotta be happy in your own skin
at the end of the day.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
Because what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna please you. I'm
gonna please you and make you come, but I'm gonna
go to be a dry.

Speaker 6 (01:05:29):
And to that you can eat it.

Speaker 8 (01:05:37):
No, you know something that's that's like a perfect analogy,
Like nobody really I'm gonna speak from from my experience
and especially growing up.

Speaker 6 (01:05:45):
Female in my world. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 8 (01:05:47):
It's like we were always taught to nurture and care
about everything else and everybody else, and just like finally
getting to the idea that at the end of the day,
what you're gonna do today, what.

Speaker 6 (01:05:56):
You're gonna do to me? You know what I'm saying
about whatever it is that my opinion is.

Speaker 8 (01:06:00):
And just like you said, you're like, I gotta live.
I gotta live for what it is that I feel like,
like where my where my lane is?

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
All day, I spend time making you happy, but I
go to bed miserable.

Speaker 6 (01:06:14):
Come on, how that works?

Speaker 10 (01:06:16):
No, man, I'm not even gonna try to find an
impasse with you. If it don't make me feel right,
I'm not doing it. I don't care how you feel
about it. I just went I just lost a friend
a few days. Well, I ain't gonna call him friend. Man,
when he was talking about that, go call me and call.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
Me a loser. Oh I'm playing.

Speaker 6 (01:06:37):
No.

Speaker 10 (01:06:37):
Hey, you call me a bitch, you call me a whole,
you call me a slept, call me a whole. Bunch
of things you can call me, but a loser is
not one of them.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
Baby. That's why I drop a line that day. I
ain't never lost.

Speaker 8 (01:06:56):
Yeah, no intense. O, my god, man, you he was
gonna blow the doors down, he did.

Speaker 7 (01:07:06):
I want to thank you for your bravery. Man. I
admire that shit.

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
I think.

Speaker 5 (01:07:13):
Was more open about their status and not take away
someone else's choice.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Yeah, I mean it ain't worth it, bro, because you
got to think about it.

Speaker 12 (01:07:23):
Like, if you love your kids, you love your mom,
you love your dad, you love your brother, you love
your sister, why would you intentionally go out and you
know what I'm saying, take that away from somebody unless
of late time.

Speaker 1 (01:07:37):
You know what I'm saying, Like, it's crazy. You don't
have to because it's people that's accepted.

Speaker 10 (01:07:41):
Like have my ex told me, Hey, look, I'm HIV positive,
but I'm taking meds.

Speaker 12 (01:07:47):
We still could have been in a relationship because okay, cool,
as long as.

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
You're taking care of yourself, you're not hurting me if
you're taking care of yourself, and that's what we gotta
get to, like, take care of yourself.

Speaker 10 (01:07:58):
If you take care of yourself, it's actors naturally go
take care of everybody else. You keep yourself healthy, everybody
else is naturally gonna be healthy because you can't help
to get so.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
You ain't got no role to playing that.

Speaker 7 (01:08:10):
Yes, wow, oh oh my god. Does does anybody have
anything they want to add?

Speaker 3 (01:08:20):
Just one thing?

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (01:08:22):
Summary Uh. If you're curious, get tested. After you're tested,
seek help. There's so many free resources out here. There's
so many free, free, free, free, free resources out here.
You are not alone. Get some help, keep moving. There's
still life to live. You're not done, all right. If
you're curious, get tested.

Speaker 10 (01:08:45):
Not even if you're curious, get tested. Just it should
be something that should be done anyway. Everybody needs to
get tested, because who'ould say that us not coming from
the hospitals.

Speaker 7 (01:08:55):
God level approve.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Everybody need to get tested. Don't trust nobody.

Speaker 7 (01:09:07):
Go get tested. Tested know your status.

Speaker 8 (01:09:12):
Go ahead, and I was going to say, after you
notice thatus, come on, black people, can we do a
little bit differently? Yeah, we hold space so we can
get rid of the stigma. Because once we get rid
of the stigma, then we can go ahead and give
more money to U to it to like to fund
research education. You know what I'm saying, Like, once we
get rid of the stigma, then we can actually start

(01:09:34):
to collectively heal.

Speaker 6 (01:09:35):
We can start to act.

Speaker 8 (01:09:36):
But you know what I'm saying, Just like you said,
you're like, you're what I can't yuck Y're young, whatever
your young is.

Speaker 6 (01:09:42):
You know what I'm saying, Like, I really can't yuck it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Ignorance is what keeps it going. Yeah, come on man.

Speaker 8 (01:09:47):
So I'm just saying, it's like, let's get into a
place where we can actually start to heal that as
a community.

Speaker 6 (01:09:52):
That's all I'm gonna be there. Understand how heavy your
words are. Understand that they have a positive and a
negative is it's always an opposite spectrum.

Speaker 9 (01:10:03):
So if you wouldn't want that said to you, maybe
hold your time, give it a second, and if you
need to adjust to it, or if you need some
time take that time as just just just tell them
to give you some time to think it over.

Speaker 6 (01:10:18):
Nothing happens at the speed of life. You have to
take your time, and it's a shock. It's a shell
shock for everybody. It's it's brave.

Speaker 9 (01:10:26):
I mean, it's brave to We're constantly telling them that
he's brave because we can understand the opposite end of
the spectrum, that what hurts painful, that's that's just that's
what you see. But it's a mind thing. If you
can flip it, anything can be positive.

Speaker 11 (01:10:44):
Take your time.

Speaker 10 (01:10:45):
I definitely have my days.

Speaker 1 (01:10:47):
I'm not strong every day.

Speaker 10 (01:10:49):
I got days, man Like, having to wake up every
day and take appeal to extend your life is the
most humble thing in the world. Knowing that out this
pill it's a possibility within a short amount of time
you won't get up out your bed. That's some humble
and shit man. So when y'all talk bad to people

(01:11:10):
who dealing't with that, like, y'all don't know what y'all
taking from them, But y'all gotta remember too, y'all take
it from y'allself when y'all talk bad about them people,
because it's gonna come back to you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
Wow, everybody there hanging on me going through hell?

Speaker 7 (01:11:29):
Oh had this mic up?

Speaker 10 (01:11:36):
Y'all ain't out here body, y'allself, that's the message, man like,
y'all ain't out here boy, y'allself.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
There's more people like.

Speaker 10 (01:11:42):
There's plenty of people that's willing to talk to y'all,
plenty of people that's willing to deal with it with y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Y'all just can't be scared. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (01:11:48):
Who knows you might be that person if you accept it,
you could be the one that everybody want to listen
to them wanna get their advice from and help from.

Speaker 11 (01:11:57):
There you go, there, you go, yeah, oh wow, who
this is Bed.

Speaker 1 (01:12:09):
I appreciate y'all man, I definitely.

Speaker 7 (01:12:11):
Appreciate you too. King is just waiting to get a
word and he's waiting.

Speaker 3 (01:12:17):
Go ahead, King boy, real quick? Uh again.

Speaker 13 (01:12:24):
Peace to you, brother. I appreciate you for coming on
one one one one strong positive thing. Awareness awareness, awareness, awareness, awareness, awareness. Okay,
that's that's that's a high level. But I'm gonna go
a little bit higher and I'm gonna say knowledge yourself.
The reason why I say knowledge yourself, you don't take

(01:12:45):
the time out to know your self period, just to
know who you are. Yeah, you gotta stop lying to
yourself because the thing that's in the dark does come
to light because it's you the yang. You can't accept
one without the other. So if you can accept somebody
else's lying to you, but you can't accept yourself being

(01:13:09):
lied to, you gotta stop lying to yourself. Then you
gotta hold that mirror up, stand before that mirror go behind.
Quit hiding behind your secrets as if they won't become
public one day.

Speaker 3 (01:13:26):
Stand up for yourself. That's all I'm saying. Stand up
for yourself.

Speaker 13 (01:13:30):
If the level of love is the highest level of
expression in everything, display it first and foremost with yourself.
The brother said it himself, because he stands in his truth.
Can nothing shake his kingdom, Nothing can shake his kingdom.

(01:13:53):
He represents himself one hundred twenty four to seven, all day,
every day, even though he has his struggles. It's because
his struggles he's able to elevate in the presence of
other people to represent himself. And I'm gonna say it again,
represents himself in the kingdom of who he truly is.

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
Stop running for yourself. Man.

Speaker 13 (01:14:15):
Now you're rob But I'm just saying for anybody else,
stop running for yourself. Take charge of your life. I
ain't saying don't go get tested, but go get tested,
but test yourself. Make sure you understand who you are,
represent you to the fullest. Don't be ashamed. It ain't
necessarily a male thing. It ain't necessary a female thing.
It's a conscious thing. We stay in fear and locked
up up here so much we keep ourselves from living life.

(01:14:39):
The brother said to himself. Without the pial, he probably been,
but her we can go a little bit further. Before
the peal, he didn't even know so, since what was
in the dark never came to the light, he still
was living his life. He was still living his life.
A lot of us live our life under the pretense
that tomorrow's guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. There's no guarantee tomorrow.

(01:15:04):
Ain't nobody guaranteed to wake up within the next second hour.
The day is not guaranteed. So if it's not guaranteed,
like this man, say, take a pack of courage for self,
for knowledge of self, for understanding self, to being real
to self.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Except yo, as a lot of people like to say flaws.

Speaker 13 (01:15:25):
Man, just accept your unspoken truth to yourself about who
you really are to yourself. Accept that shit word it
as a badger. Honor in that mirror. Practice it over
and over and over and over and over. And Man,
just show and prove who you are to the world.
Because you are the world. Your universe collides with multiple
other universes out here.

Speaker 3 (01:15:48):
Stop playing man, get real out here.

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (01:15:55):
And with that being said, I want to thank you
all for jumping on tonight. I want to thank mister
Robert personally for coming on and being so brave and
sharing his story encouragement and getting us all to become
more aware of Go get tested, tested, Please, go get tested.

Speaker 7 (01:16:19):
Thank you again, John, You got me