Is the Art of Lovemaking Lost in the Black Community?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Making allowed.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Oh yeah, that's enough thing. I was gonna ask you
can y'all hear that beeping?

Speaker 3 (00:06):
Yeah yeah, we can hear that. But we're already live, y'all.
We're already live. For some reason, the intro didn't pop up.
But it's all good. It's all gold, and hey, welcome
to things that people don't want to talk about.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
Sponsored by God Level.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
I am, I guess today your primary host because God
lovels out there doing God level things. I am your
primary host for this evening, John Scott Walker. I'm a lyricist,
spoken word artist, martial artist, personal trainer, lover of life,
juring psychology, and I'm a father King Newborn. You want
to go ahead and introduce yourself, bro.

Speaker 5 (00:38):
He speak speech this King Newborn, Please forgive the beeping.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
You can follow me on all social media platforms at
Newborn Everything. And as always, I am for the community.
I'm ob service for the community, family, friends and loved ones,
and to everybody that's watching this podcast, Peast loving life.

Speaker 5 (00:57):
I am that I am because I am.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
And next up we got my man Sherman down there
in the bottom, a little obscure, but gonehead interesseelf, introduce yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:09):
Bro.

Speaker 6 (01:10):
Excuse me being in the dark form trying to handle
a couple of things. But I am Sherman Bob. I'm
just here to drop as many jills as I can.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
That's all I got.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
Excellent, excellent.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Also, we usually have one of our other co hosts
on here, Ivy. She's out here doing Ivy Tanner things
as well. So yeah, it's just gonna be All Brothers
podcast tonight, y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
It's All Brothers podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
So this question, this topic is a follow up from
our discussion last week where we had Robert on here
discussing HIV and it's impacting the black community. And we
went backstage and we just started talking and brewing about
the next topic. And I started thinking about what we
were talking about, and this was all in the vein

(02:00):
of sexual health and sexual education.

Speaker 5 (02:03):
And there was a.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
Part during the podcast last week where we were talking
about what goes on in the bedroom.

Speaker 4 (02:10):
It was the shame part that really stuck out.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
It's like, oh, you know what, I think we still
deal with that. I think we still struggle with that.
And then that led into all, right, well, is love
making a lost art form?

Speaker 4 (02:25):
In the Black community.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Even when we got off of the podcast last week,
I was talking to the Queen about this a little bit,
and I don't want to give away too much of
the dialogue, but you know, one of the features that
kind of stood out is the objectification, right, all right,
when it comes to sexual education, we usually focus.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
On venereal diseases.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
We kind of talk about the body parts, safe sex,
it's all the dangerous stuff, but we don't talk about
the parts that are important, the pleasure, you know, And
that's education, right, because you got to know how to
please yourself, you got to know how to please your partner.
But also it's like, what is this act? Like, what
is the purpose? What is the intent? What are we

(03:11):
doing here? You look at the influence of porn, you
look at the influence of music culture in the black community.
Might I add, and we have some healthy views of sex,
the love of art making. You know, I love how
we express our love and our sensuality through our music,
through our our books, through our movies. And there's a divide,

(03:38):
you know, you have some you have some folks that
kind of lean over to the idea that, all right,
we don't make love anymore as Black people, and I mean,
you know, it's also it seems more like a like
an ageist type of thing where love making is for
the older folks. And so I wanted to kind of,

(03:58):
you know, dive into, you know, the differences, the distinctions
between love making and sex, intimacy and sex. What is
our sexual education looking like when it comes And this
is also in lieu of Valentine's date coming up, right,
But I want to really talk about the shame aspect
when it comes to love making and sex. I want

(04:18):
to talk about our cultural influences. You know, how is
it that as black people we don't talk about our
sexual philosophies more openly because I mean, again, there is
a bit of what's the word that I'm looking for,
there's a bit of inequity when it comes to sex

(04:38):
between men and women, you know, and that's been historically documented, right,
But do we all evaluate how healthy our sex life
is or our sexual views, our sexual ideas?

Speaker 4 (04:53):
Do we evaluate that is it just about sex?

Speaker 5 (04:57):
Is that?

Speaker 4 (04:57):
Are are we using sex as a vehicle to express
our loves?

Speaker 5 (05:00):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (05:00):
We're gonna talk about it tonight, but first let's chop
into our first question. Gents, how do you define love
making versus sex? Do you think the difference matters in
relationships today? Who wants to who wants to take a
shot at that first?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
I ain't afraid of stepping up. I'm not saying anybody
else is how do you define love sex? Yeah, it's
a different it's a difference today. It's a difference today,
especially in relationships because everybody, every the people that I've

(05:41):
talked to.

Speaker 6 (05:42):
I understand that they know how to identify their love languages.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
I love that they I know that they know.

Speaker 6 (05:52):
I know that they love the idea of love, But
what it actually is and what it actually means to them,
they don't have a definition.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
They can't tell me a definition.

Speaker 6 (06:00):
They tell me, and it's it's mostly attached to transactional
things like oh yeah, this person.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Provides this or they provide that.

Speaker 6 (06:08):
And that's what I hear from the opposite sense on
my end, and it's what it's the acts that the
woman provides that they think is love, not what love
actually means.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
To them or how they see it.

Speaker 6 (06:20):
So love making is in the far far distance because
you don't even have an idea of love. You got
to have that definition first, has to have an exam.
Example has to be tangent.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
You gotta gotta you.

Speaker 6 (06:32):
Gotta know what that is first before you even because
it's to be honest.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
To be honest, I think it's a lot of.

Speaker 6 (06:38):
Adolescent minded people in relationships, ah doing what they think
love is.

Speaker 5 (06:45):
That's that's my idea.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
King, what you got, man, what you got.

Speaker 5 (06:55):
Peace? So it has to you sherman.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Uh yeah, bro uh i uh uh, I'm gonna take am.

Speaker 5 (07:09):
I'm gonna go left a little bit.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm I'm gonna teeter off the tangent uh and say,
I don't think it's a difference between sex and love
sex and love making.

Speaker 4 (07:24):
Okay, Okay, I'm gonna go even.

Speaker 5 (07:28):
Further than say, And of course.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Is sex and love making based off the individual's perception
of what they think is sex for them or making
love for them. Sex is an act which you can
use to express your love.

Speaker 5 (07:54):
So you kind of.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Playing both fields. Now, let's says somebody that I had said.

Speaker 5 (08:04):
Might like.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Aggression doing love making, but the partner look at that
is sex. So depending on the perception of the person
in the relationship, it kind of varies, but it's still interchangeable. Furthermore, Sherman,

(08:32):
you kind of pointing out something that I think.

Speaker 5 (08:35):
Is very important.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
To even be making love or to even be in love,
one has to love self, which would allude to what
John said. Some people don't even know how to satisfy
or even self care of their own love making for themselves.

Speaker 5 (08:53):
They don't even know what it's like.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
To love themselves, let alone be making love to somebody
as we're saying we're making love because we're saying we in.

Speaker 5 (09:03):
Love, you know. So it it just it just depends, man.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
It could be a mental which is psychological, or it
could be a physical. It just varies depending on the
perception of the individual or like like, like Sherman said,
based on what's your definition of sex, what's your definition
of love? That's that's that's my little teeth for right now.

Speaker 5 (09:29):
Absolutely, But John, go still.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
Huh huh yeah, yeah, I was on you. I went
on you all right, love making? Well, you know what,
before I go into mind, Before I go into mind,
because uh, the group did respond to this question right here.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
I give me a moment.

Speaker 5 (09:48):
What they say, what we got, what we let's see.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Uh, okay, let's get this connection.

Speaker 5 (09:56):
Good valid points though, Sherman real ship.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Yeah, I only give my I can only give my POV.

Speaker 3 (10:04):
Let's see all Okay, Seal was being funny here. He
said I was in love for those five to ten
minutes every time, five out of ten minutes. Chris says
sex is a function. It's just about meeting physical needs.
Love making is about connecting with the other person. There's

(10:26):
more than just physical. It's emotional, may even be spiritual
things involved.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
Nadia says to.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Me six, sex is strictly physical, while making love involves
an emotional connection. Tia says love making is a deep
connection between two people that can be strong, lasts longer
than expected, and turn into more for their lives. Sex
is maybe twenty to thirty minutes of excitement that you
can regret, slash, forget except for the negative effects of it.

(10:54):
Samuel says love making is a deep connection. Casual sex
can oh. Love making is a deconnection. Casual sex can't touch.
Sharon says there is vulnerability in love making. You open
yourselves to each other mentally and physically, and sex well
you know all right. Rain says sex is physical contact

(11:16):
with sexual body parts. Love Making is everything I do.
Love making is everything.

Speaker 5 (11:24):
I like that. I like that.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
That's that goes back to the intimacy. You know, everything
that I do with my partner is love making for me.
So it's like like I see where she's coming from.
So it's like saying, like from that standpoint, all day,
every day, I'm making love to my woman, I'll make
a love to my man. So by the time you
come down to that intimate moment of sexual encounter or

(11:47):
inter course, I made.

Speaker 5 (11:49):
Love to you all day. You you you hot and ready?
You know that something Yeah for real?

Speaker 6 (11:57):
Because individually, I think, I think you may be right
in my opinion, love, love making, and sex probably is
the same thing for those individual persons.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
For those individual people, it may be.

Speaker 6 (12:10):
Love to them, but love making is when you connect
as one, when you're trying to please the other one
or trying to do what they like and they're.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Trying to do the same, that's one becomes a connection.

Speaker 6 (12:19):
So if sir, I think, I think, I think, even separate,
it's the same thing because they both love something about
that person even though they're not connecting. But this person
loves something about this person even though they're not connecting.
So be sex, but for them it's still that's what.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, it's still sex. But I mean if I love you,
I love you, you know, and this is.

Speaker 5 (12:38):
Just gonna be a further extension.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Of my love through our sexual encounter, you know what
I mean. But I've been making love to you all day.
These are normal things that you say.

Speaker 5 (12:51):
Yeah, yeah, you know.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
What I'm setting up?

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, the build up all right, So there's a there's
an intent there, right, and yeah, they're there is an
endurance aspect to this.

Speaker 4 (13:02):
Sex you don't necessarily.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
Have to prepare for, but love making involves some preparation, yes, yeah, Yeah,
it's kind of like that full course meal versus the
fast food joint, you know, like, yeah, it's both food, right, right,
but it's about the quality, right. So yeah, I could
see the sex being a physical act, but it's kind

(13:28):
of hard to remove. Let's say, for example, cognition, right, So, yeah,
you have a brain inside of your body, and yeah,
your senses, your physical senses might be stimulated.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
But that's also involved in love making.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
Right.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
But then with sex, it's like there's different types of sex, right,
because it could be it could be non physical, you know,
it could be oral, it could be anal it could
be there's a lot of different ways to have sex, right,
So there's sub sections to sex and then there's love making.
Love Making is a bit more holistic though, Yeah, And

(14:02):
and that's why it's an art. You don't necessarily have
to I mean sex, I guess there's an art to sex, right.

Speaker 6 (14:10):
Yeah, but I think love making you what what makes
art is that you bring an emotion to that piece of.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Paper, asking the t you're bringing what.

Speaker 6 (14:19):
That's why I love art so much because I want
to I want.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
To see how I interpret it.

Speaker 6 (14:22):
I want to see how this person interprets it, and
then I want to know what the artist was thinking.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
So there's absolutely, there's definitely absolutely.

Speaker 6 (14:32):
Half that's I think that's the difference between sex and
love making because that post that clarity is a.

Speaker 4 (14:38):
Monster mm hmm clarity.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
I would have just been better with my hand, but that's.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
Neither all right.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Do you think just as a sub sub I guess
the sub question here? Can we look at act as
more goal oriented than love making or do you think
both actually have goals?

Speaker 6 (15:08):
Yeah, separately mm hmm, Yeah, I think those goals because
his goal is to I'm trying to give money. Her
goal is I'm trying to get mine. I think that's
that's when it's separate. But when it's love making, I'm
trying to get her, and when it's love making she
trying to get him, it's a difference.

Speaker 5 (15:27):
Hm hmm. What you thinking?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
What I'm thinking?

Speaker 4 (15:32):
Okay, okay, what about you? What about you?

Speaker 5 (15:34):
King? Up? Are you there? King? Oh?

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Wait, it looks like yeah, I think he's frozen. I
think he's frozen over there, all right, All right, yeah, yeah,
it looks like he's.

Speaker 4 (15:53):
Frozen over there, all right.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
So just following up with that, right, I think both
can be goal oriented and subjective at the same time.
I think, you, yeah, you can set a goal because
I mean, all right, if we're going to reduce sex,
and I don't like to do this, to reduce it
down to the yes, yes, yes we can.

Speaker 5 (16:15):
Okay, cool, right, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
But I think it's it's kind of of a disservice
to humanity to kind of reduce sex down to just
the physical, because there is a psychological element to sex too.
You know, it's like what gets you aroused in the
first place to even have sex? You know, everybody has
their own king, right, Yeah, Like what stimulates you to
get you in the mood.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
That's part of sex.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
That's the foreplay, right, So it's like we can't just
say four play is only for love making, right. But again,
I like the analogy of the cooking, right, the fast
food versus the full course meal. All right, A you
know that there's gonna be dessert, there's gonna be an appetizer,
there's going to be the mains. There's the entrees, the

(16:59):
side dishes. You got this white and then there's the pairing.
There's the ambiance. Ambiance is very important too when it
comes to cooking. Yeah, presentation, So that's the art of it.
There's more care, there's more I guess you're more meticulous, right,
You're more intentional, and you're also trying to send these

(17:20):
little messages. So before you even start dinner, it could be, Hey,
I'm making these announcements about what's going to be on
dinner just to get the brain prim like, oh my gosh,
I can't wait, and then the dessert is oh man.
So I think that's another part of it, is the
fore play, the teasing, right, But that could be involved

(17:42):
in sex too, right. And then I want to highlight
the distinctions of the objectivity and the subjectivity when it
comes to sex and love making making. Right, So a
lot of the times we can be very objective with sex,
as in, I'm trying to achieve this orgasm. I'm trying
to bust this now, or I want her to be
that's the goal, the end. I know we're finished when

(18:03):
this happens.

Speaker 5 (18:04):
That's trying to climax. I'm trying to squirk all it.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah, yeah, like I have this one thing in mind,
I don't care about nothing now, but that's goal, right,
that's objectivity. But with love making, a lot of the
times it's not very objective, not very it's very subjective
in the sense that you're trying to create an entire experience.
You don't necessarily have a goal, but you have all
these sub goals and maybe this overall goal, but you're

(18:31):
really just trying to create an experience. I want you
to feel something, or I want you to feel something
more intensely, and I want to do it with this
technique right here. I think also there's elements in which
you really see the person.

Speaker 4 (18:44):
For who they are. So this was the part that
me and the wife was talking about.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
In our community, we push sex very heavily right in
our mess, in our culture, and that influences the way
that we represent sex, how we see sex, how we
even see love making. Right, So when you are objectifying, aka,

(19:11):
it's bbl's, it's BBC's, it's bbw's, these categories, these are things.

Speaker 4 (19:18):
This isn't even the.

Speaker 3 (19:20):
Full human being, and we're objectifying and we're having a
relationship with those objects. You don't even see the person,
you don't have, you really don't have to respect them.
So here it is you're looking at this black person
as a commodity. We're already doing that outside of porn.
We're already doing this. Hey, when I look at her,
this is what I see. I break her down into

(19:41):
these parts, these lips, these breasts, this ass. And then
when a woman could look at this guy, Okay, he's
this tall and he's got these ads, and he's got uh,
this this dick, and he's got you know, we're breaking
we're breaking them down, right, So the objectivity can lead

(20:01):
us to disrespect the human being and not really see
them as fully realized, not see them for who they are,
and that can get missed, you know, missed.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
In the whole thing.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
But then in love making, there's a hefty amount of
consideration for your partner because you're like, all right, I
want I really want to cater to them. I want
to dine them, I want to wind them, I want
them to feel special, I want to elevate them. I'm
gonna be speaking affirmations to them. I'm I'm not going
to be, you know, talking down on them or desecrating them.

(20:31):
There's a certain level of respect that you give in
love making. There's principles involved in love making, all right.
So I noticed that in our culture we don't celebrate
those elements as much as oh, go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 5 (20:45):
Yeah, I want to say something.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Everything he said was so beautiful, fault it was beautiful.
But unfortunately, like you say, in our culture, that ain't
what they really want. It just sounds good in the mind.
It just sounds good in the mind. But that really
wants it sounds.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
Kind of it sounds kind of old school, doesn't it
Like it sounds like, yeah, you know, it's like love
making kind of is associated with the songs that we made,
and so the and it's not to say that we
don't make songs about love. We make we still make
songs about love. In our culture, in hip hop and
in R and B and in soul. Right, So it's

(21:26):
different textures, different flavors. Right, we're talking about heartbreak, we're
talking about love making. The language might have changed a
little bit, some of the style has definitely changed, right,
and then the content has changed a lot. Back in
the day, it used to be a bit more ambiguous,

(21:48):
a lot more vague, a lot of innu windows in
which we communicated are you know, sensuality and such.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
It was kind of out there. It was just like,
it's it's the tease.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
You know, it's I'm gonna say something to you to
make you think. But you also know the energy. You
also know the underlying theme. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 4 (22:06):
Girl? You know I talk like this.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
You know you know what town And you know that
there's the tone, there's the ambiance, it's the sound.

Speaker 4 (22:14):
It's not that we don't do that this day.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
We don't necessarily have like this rebellion against love making,
but sometimes it seems like it's a bit scarce, it
seems like it's not as prevalent. But I also understand
that when you when you think of something like the
art of love making, that's that doesn't sound like it's

(22:38):
it's game that you give out for free, either, does it?

Speaker 4 (22:42):
Because you think about oh go ahead?

Speaker 2 (22:45):
I think I think I think most of it is
the fact that back then you have to uh, you
have to talk up on it. You had to talk
your way into it. You know, you have to really
have wordplay, because it's the wordplay that stimulated the mind. Yeah,
he said, he said, he said, you know, and you

(23:08):
got some women that will do the same thing. They'll
say some stuff that will blow your mind. You'd be like, wait,
what what's she saying? What's running back? Running back said?

Speaker 5 (23:15):
What's that? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:17):
But now, oh man, look at them shoes he got on.
Look at that findy belt he got on. Look at
them glasses he got on where he dried.

Speaker 5 (23:27):
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
So it has changed dramatically, but you still have those
that seek after being Oh what they say, woo it?
Am I saying it correctly? M I don't know to
be to be wooed? And there it is to be wooed,
which basically is I'm making love to you the whole

(23:53):
entire time that I'm with you without even touching you.

Speaker 4 (23:57):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
You know, it's my grace, my presence, it's my demeanor,
it's my voice, it's my characteristics. It's how I cater
to you, it's how I pay attention to detail. It's
I mean, all of that the whole entire time you're brewing.

Speaker 5 (24:13):
And this is for either sex.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
You're just brewing up, and it'd be like, man, everything
she does or he does, it just turns me on.
I'm ready right now. All you gotta do is just
take it. All she has to do is just take.
All you gotta do is say the word.

Speaker 5 (24:27):
You know. But like you said, John, I don't.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
I don't think it's like that no more, because everybody
is looking as a looking for it as a transactional situation.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
Quick fix, yeah, Oka, quick fix yeah yeah. Instant we're
looking for those instant.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
Sinking.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's it.

Speaker 6 (24:51):
Everything is transaction so speaking, so speaking, just for the
generation that's maybe slight slightly behind that, I.

Speaker 7 (24:56):
Don't know if you can hear me, hear me, yeah, yeah,
and okay, I click it.

Speaker 5 (25:01):
For the figure.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
For my generation, everything gets transactional.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (25:05):
I think it doesn't matter unless it's tangible, unless I
can see it, unless I can feeling, unless I.

Speaker 5 (25:09):
Can touch it.

Speaker 6 (25:10):
None of that matters unless it's transactional because real love,
real love has so much a thing anymore.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
It just has to be seen.

Speaker 6 (25:19):
You could you could say a couple of things and
get them, and he can do a couple of things
and get you.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
That's that's cool, but it really is. It's a it's
a castle built on souten saying it has no foundation.
No sement is ever paid, no no game.

Speaker 6 (25:34):
Plan has ever talked about. You have no reason to
build with each other. Y'all just dealing with dealing with.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Each other to the fun stot.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
That's how it goes as a path. And that's majority.

Speaker 5 (25:46):
You know.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
I don't think the absolutes the best, the majority.

Speaker 5 (25:51):
Exact.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
I'm gonna drop this off. I run back.

Speaker 3 (25:54):
Okay, okay, let's move on to the next question. Do
we have open health the conversations about sex and pleasure
in our relationships or do we avoid them out of discomfort.
I think this is a very important question because again
we're talking about your sexual education. Your school, for the

(26:16):
most part, taught you the technical stuff. If you were fortunate,
your parents probably reinforced a few things but didn't really
dive into deep. They probably cautioned you about a few things,
but they didn't really teach you anything. And so there
becomes the question of, well, when you're a teenager, where
do you get your education from, Where you get your

(26:38):
information from? Where do you learn what to do and
what not to do? Where are you getting this from?
And the majority of us are probably looking at porn,
We're looking at porn hub, We're watching somebody else do it, right,
And so you have to wonder what kind of effect
that has on a generation between gender hetero or homo,

(27:03):
What effects that has on the relationships where the individual
who consumes and this is consumption. Okay, you're not necessarily
learning per se, but you're consuming it and then you're like, oh, okay,
I think I can imitate a few things. For the
most part, those of us who are experienced in watching porn,
we know that it's not really reliable as an educational

(27:28):
tool because there's a lot of fabrication, right, a lot
of it's not real, a lot of it's set up.
And this again, this goes back to a conversation I
was having with the wife, Right, what if we were
in a society, a healthy society where around your adolescence years,
you learn the art of love making. So you're taking

(27:51):
official courses, right, but these these are not perverted, you know.
I think that's the reason why we don't have these courses.
I guess in public view, because we don't have a
healthy concept of sex in our society. It's one of
those things where it's like it's very much in front

(28:13):
of us, but there's a certain level of stigma and
shame around it. It's like you could talk about it,
but you can't talk about it too much. And then
when you do talk about it, you're not talking about
it from a healthy perspective or a mature state of mind.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
You're talking about.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
It like you really don't know anything, or you got
some secondhand information. And so here it is, we have
this disparity between men and women where women feel like,
all right, men are not really pleasing women and men
are getting all the pleasure. But it's all in the programming,

(28:51):
It's all in the education and the motivation. What are
these guys learning when they grow up, What are they
learning about sex? What are the the messages that we're receiving,
you know, and what are we doing as a society
to correct those fathers. Are you talking to your sons
about sex in a very healthy way? Are you just
covering like the basics, like all right, hey, strap up,

(29:15):
stay away, hey, stay away from these type of women
don't have babies. Like, are we just covering our asses
or are we really interested in ensuring that our children are
somewhat successful or at least well informed.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
To have healthy sex lives. So what do you think, bro?

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Did you have any open, healthy conversations about sextion pleasure
as you were growing up?

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Nope, none, not, but I did have sex education.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
Wanted to you though, Why do you think that is though?
Why do you think that it wasn't talked about as
much when you were younger?

Speaker 5 (30:01):
M m.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Hm hm hm hm hm.

Speaker 4 (30:12):
Hm hm uh huh hold on.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
Uh king hondah, Yeah you're you're yeah, yeah, it wasn't
picking up any of your sounds.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
Just then you said, the last thing.

Speaker 5 (30:24):
I heard was well, oh that's New York as well.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
Dang yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
So I think my opinion, I think that not being
properly introduced H two sex because uh, it could be
that the parent is trying to protect you.

Speaker 5 (30:49):
And then also, you know, how.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
Do I sit down and tell you quote unquote about
the birds and the bees. You know, how do I
make this accompt subject when my experience of this wasn't
a comfortable one. You don't even never you never know
what your parents went through, uh as a child growing up?
You don't You don't know if they was molested growing up,
so therefore they not even properly informed, let alone want

(31:18):
to go get better understanding of sex period, you know,
between male female or same sex.

Speaker 5 (31:24):
However, you're shot away from it, and.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
It does become uncomfortable conversations to even have with your children.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
So you know, all right, so language, So they didn't
have or you don't think they had the language to
ooh yeah?

Speaker 4 (31:38):
That is kind of that is major, isn't it? Like
how do you?

Speaker 5 (31:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (31:42):
I mean, how do you express to something ooh yeah?

Speaker 5 (31:45):
Man?

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Because what if you had, Yeah, if you had to
teach that, if you had to teach a class or
a course on how to have sex, make sex, make love,
what language would you use to convey that?

Speaker 5 (32:01):
Like?

Speaker 4 (32:01):
How do you set that up?

Speaker 3 (32:04):
And yeah, if we're honest, a lot of us are
not well taught in that, Like no one taught us.
So why am I going to be teaching somebody something
that's so private, you know, I think that's probably another
enticing idea is well, John, you know, like what am
I going to do, Like I'm gonna walk my daughter
step by step on how to perform this technique or

(32:26):
how to move like this or how to find her
groove or what am I gonna with my daughter?

Speaker 4 (32:32):
With my child? I'm gonna do that.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
And I can understand that idea. It's like, dang, yeah,
that's uncomfortable. But again, why why is that uncomfortable? Why
is it uncomfortable to have that conversation with your child?

Speaker 5 (32:49):
Right?

Speaker 3 (32:49):
You can say stay away from these things, but you
can't give them something that's affirmative, like, hey, let me
give you some tips because you know, I want to
be married and or in your monogamy, your form of monogamy.
I want you to be successful. I want you to
be a successful lover. I don't want you to just

(33:10):
have a sexual prowess and sexual magnetism. Like there's so
much there's so much instruction on how to attract people
to look good, to look delicious enough to want to
have sex with, to wanna fuck. We have the art
of that. We're really good at that. Hey, I can
look good enough to want to fuck, but the actual sex,

(33:32):
the actual acts, stay away from that.

Speaker 4 (33:35):
Do you even come.

Speaker 3 (33:37):
Up with material to share with your children if you're
not even gonna teach them. Do we even provide the
service of research to say, hey, listen, I can't tell
you step by step how to make love to your woman,
to your husband, but read these books right here or
watch these videos right here.

Speaker 5 (33:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and when the library a whole lot, Yes,
it does.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
And there is a technical way.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
I really, I really don't think we educate ourselves up
to a point where we're comfortable enough to research that too.
I think there's a certain level of pride that comes
with researching love making, researching.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
How to have sex.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
There's a certain level of pride that blinds us from
even going to look. It's like, all right, I got
what I needed to get back in high school, and
then I probably went to college, vocational school, the military,
and then I just.

Speaker 4 (34:38):
Started, you know, fooling around.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
I had my whole phase and then I got married,
but I never followed up or continued my sexual education.
I just developed my sexual philosophy along the way. And
that could be a very dangerous thing because what if
you know, oh girl, she's eighteen, she lost her virginity
at nineteen, never had an orgasm because she never learned

(35:03):
the language to convey her needs, her sexual needs, her preferences.
Even more so, wasn't given the environment in which she
could have the conversation in a mature way. And I know,
you know, guys, when we're young and we're young minded,

(35:23):
anytime we talk about sex, we mess it up because
it's it's it's it's like, it's this thing that you
want so bad that it's you want it so bad
that it's always on your mind, right, and you keep
feeding that instinct, you keep feeding that desire, that mindset,

(35:44):
and it kind of escapes you. You even go to
a point of desperation almost because it's it's a it's
such a desirable experience that it you don't take the
proper you don't take the proper measures to approach it
with the sense of intentionality, a sense of grace, a
sense of respect, you know, to be like, all right,

(36:08):
we're gonna do this thing, but I just first need
to see this person as a full human being. I
need to respect the fact that there's gonna be some
things that they don't like, and I need to be
teachable that they're gonna be communicating to me what they
like to feel, what they want to see, what they're into,

(36:29):
and I have to compromise. And I think that part
right there. A lot of us don't learn how to
do that. We don't learn how to compromise when it
comes to sex and love making personally open, healthy conversations
about sex coming up.

Speaker 5 (36:51):
No.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
I got a good chunk of my sexual education from
high school and then it was parana, it was fetishizing.
I didn't know any of the terms. I didn't even
know that sexual philosophy was a thing until my thirties.
Like what, John, what is a sexual philosophy? It's how

(37:14):
you view sex. What are your values when it comes
to sex, your sexual identity, your sexual orientation. Who are
you when you're behind closed doors or when you're in
the back seat? Are you more adventurous when it comes
to your sex or are you very demure and very conservative?

(37:37):
Are you is your is your sexual experiences tainted with
religious religiosity?

Speaker 4 (37:44):
You know, because religion plays a role matter.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Fact, you know what you know what religion does play
a major role in it, and part of that is
holding your chastity until the day you get married.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
But but but even with with that, we're we're.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
Still finding ourselves, not even knowing ourselves.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
You know, so even if you do save your chastity
to the wed night, what if you like, I don't
like this, you might throw the whole marriage out the window.

Speaker 4 (38:24):
But just supposed to work on it, right that that's
that's the.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Now you're talking about doing doing what it takes as
being man and woman in a marriage or in a relationship.
With what you're saying is, let us sit down and
let's talk about this.

Speaker 5 (38:40):
So now we have to get.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Completely mentally naked, so where we can expose each other
of our uncertainties or things that we haven't even probably
been educated on. Now we gotta take this together and
merge our understanding so we come full circle to what
we need to understand. So this could be successful, and

(39:03):
that could be a little difficult. Like you said, you
got pride in a way like I ain't gonna tell
them that I don't nah, nah, I ain't gonna you know,
So it could be difficult, it could be challenging. And
that one word that we all like to play with
every now and then.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
It could make you kind of afraid, fearful.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
Of just letting your guard down to the person that
you say you want to commit yourself to or open
up to sexually.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Absolutely absolutely and yeah I'm back for.

Speaker 5 (39:38):
Uh just.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
When it goes back to sexual education, for me, that
was none.

Speaker 6 (39:44):
That wasn't a sexual education one and that was it
and that was in middle school. Everything else definitely came
from pornography, you know, fetishes and.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Stuff like that.

Speaker 6 (39:52):
Just learning to just same thing, same same path, And
I had to figure out what it meant for me.
You gotta you kind of you out there fighting on
your own because you kind of hear about everybody else
doing it, even if they're not.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
You kind of see everybody else doing it, even if
you don't. You just want to be.

Speaker 6 (40:10):
It's more so you want to be a part of
these things. It's not about knowing how to knowing pretty much,
I mean, it's about knowing what to do.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
You just got it. You just want to do it.
You can see what the hype is about.

Speaker 6 (40:22):
It's because because if I've never seen gold and I
hear about how amazing.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
Gold is, it doesn't matter what you tell me about it,
I still want to do it. I'm going in no hat,
Skinny Dipperence, get.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
The manual, forget a book, get the this surf. I'll
read it later.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
I can read later, Okay, research later, Get get experienced.

Speaker 5 (40:49):
First, exactly.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
And that's not the way to go.

Speaker 6 (40:53):
We need we need a lot more open conversation about this,
because that is that's a delicate thing, and especially for me,
if you choose the wrong one, that's a detriment for
at least eighteen to twenty five years.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Of your life.

Speaker 5 (41:07):
Now.

Speaker 6 (41:08):
And we're not talking about the hardships that come from
the hard habits of.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Your kid that will affect you.

Speaker 6 (41:14):
This is life changing, and those five minutes, those five
minutes or even five seconds can change the entirety of
the trajection of your life because you could have wanted
to be in Arizona, but you can't. And you got
your son here or you got your daughter here, and
you need to see something. You need to talk to
them face to face. It's a lot of things that
could change.

Speaker 5 (41:36):
All right.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
So let's transition over into this question right here. Have
we inherited sexual shame or repression from religious, familial or
societal expectations within the black community. This one kind of
this one kind of stands from last week.

Speaker 5 (41:53):
Right.

Speaker 4 (41:55):
It was the part about the shame, right.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
Robert was talking about how and this wasn't a blame
towards women. He was just describing the causes as to
why you have black men kind of taking their experiences
and relocating. Right, it was the shame aspect, right, And
that one made me light up because I'm like, yo,

(42:18):
there is quite a bit of shame surrounding sex. Like
he was identifying that, Okay, two women could be kissing
and you know, they can make out whatever, right, eat
each other out, whatever they're going to do. Right, you
just deal those on each other and that just be
an experience that doesn't change their sexual identity. But a
man performs one act and that changes his whole sexual identity.

(42:39):
So it's those type of ideas, right, Those are not
sexual ideas per se. Right, All that is is just
you're shaming. And so even in before you've had sex,
there's a certain level of shame around behaviors, around activities
like Okay, if you and your partner wants to swing
their shame around that, if you like to have sex

(43:02):
with women that dress up as anime characters. There's shame
around that it's the kinky stuff, and it's like, there's
a reason why it's a kink. There's a reason why
it is the way that it is. And here it is.
You're with somebody that you're going to be married to
for the rest of your life. But because of some
of your social or religious ideas surrounding sex, you guys

(43:25):
cannot fully be liberated and sex.

Speaker 5 (43:28):
With each other.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
So even if you did it right, you waited until marriage,
there's still a certain level of shame surrounding sex to
where you can't do everything that you really want to do.
Like you you want to have fun while you're having sex.
This is your partner for life, Like yo, you crossed over.
You have the freedom now because it's your bedroom, but

(43:51):
you're afraid to try new things with each other because oh,
I think they're gonna think this way about me.

Speaker 4 (43:57):
And maybe they will. Maybe they will.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
But this is what I'm saying about the conversation before
you guys get married.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
Why aren't you having those conversations?

Speaker 5 (44:09):
Is it shame? Is it?

Speaker 4 (44:10):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Well, you know what all we need is love. That's
a little naive, right, it's just preparation. It's to see
if there's compatibility, sexual compatitivity.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
Embarrassing, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 5 (44:26):
Yeah, hmm, I can't. I can't tell you. I like
you lick my elbow right before I come, Like what
you know? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Or the name crazy, It's like, yo, is there certain
names that you want? Like certain names, like certain things
you want me to say? Is there a certain voice?

Speaker 5 (44:46):
Man?

Speaker 3 (44:47):
If you really pull away from the Western ideals of
sex and really just deprogram yourself and really appreciate, I mean,
really appreciate your spouse, your girl, your person, right, it's
their skin tone, the way that they smell, the way
that they smile. I'm talking details. Suddenly sex becomes art.

(45:12):
It's because of the appreciation. It's just like all right again,
when you're eating food, right, and you close your eyes
and you're feeling textures, You're like, oh, I taste this
a regano in here? Oh man, the sauce is a
little bit too thick. You're feeling it out like you're
having an experience in your mouth and including your nose, right,
because they're smell involved. So here it is you're appreciating

(45:33):
breaking everything.

Speaker 4 (45:34):
Down how does it feel? How does it taste? The rhythm?

Speaker 3 (45:38):
You're doing that with sex, right, But you have this
religious shame that shrinks your consciousness. You can't think about
sex in a healthy way because you've been told that
so much is off limits. You're afraid of doing the
wrong thing, or you're afraid that God is going to
look at you a certain way. In your bedroom where

(46:01):
that's the most permissive place and it's the most private place,
Like you don't even have to share your experience, but
you're afraid to talk about what you like and say, hey,
this is why I like this.

Speaker 4 (46:13):
You know, hey, I like this position. Why do you
like this position? I don't know.

Speaker 5 (46:17):
I just do.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
Well, Hey, you know what, as as your partner, I
think it's worth figuring that out.

Speaker 4 (46:22):
What's the features?

Speaker 5 (46:24):
Like?

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Just tell me?

Speaker 3 (46:25):
Can we can do it right now? You could talk
to me. We don't have to like simulate. You know,
there's the education. It's about knowing yourself. You're gonna put
the responsibility of pleasure on another human being, but you're
not gonna take any responsibility for your own pleasure. You're
just gonna put it on another person. You get out
this relationship and then you got to start over all

(46:47):
that knowledge lost with that other person.

Speaker 4 (46:49):
You have to start all the way over sharing again.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
But if you don't take the time out to learn
what you like, what pleases you, what stimulates you, what
gets you to that point.

Speaker 4 (47:01):
Or to even explore and try new things. If you
just say, oh, okay, I can only do these things
not knowing, it's just ignorance, you're really question oh answer.

Speaker 5 (47:14):
So.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
To even explore? Are we saying explore and become sexually
involved with ourselves or create an experience with someone else
and try to feel my way through this to see
what I like or maybe don't like?

Speaker 4 (47:36):
Both?

Speaker 5 (47:40):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Now, so with both being said, how am I supposed
to do this?

Speaker 5 (47:48):
If and only if.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
I'm trying to have a religion or better yet, a
spiritual experience with God?

Speaker 5 (47:59):
Should I be thinking about sex?

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Can you invite God into the bedroom?

Speaker 4 (48:06):
I think I think some.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
People are afraid of that thought, Like, how how dare
I invite God into my This is sex? Like as
if everything you're doing is sexually immoral? All right, I'm
gonna invite God in the bedroom while I'm giving head.
I'm gonna invite God in the bedroom. While I'm sucking
on her breast, I'm invite God in the bedroom. While
I'm calling her all of these crazy names and she's

(48:31):
moaning like this and screaming like this, and I'm smacking
her with this whip, I'm gonna invite God in on
all of that.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Well, I mean, let's be honest. If God created it
for just I'm just saying. I'm just saying, if God
created only four to be fruitful and multiply and not
necessarily necessarily be for pleasure, because we've been told that

(48:59):
these particular means that enhances our our pleasure and experience,
our animalistic beast reality. So how do we really do
that if we're trying to invite God to the bedroom?
Are we really supposed to be doing this pro creating?

(49:20):
It wasn't even supposed to be an event. I come
in here, and, like you said, any word from thirty seconds,
maybe five minutes, we should be harvesting another baby. That's
how we're doing. We're plating seeds. That's it, nothing more,

(49:41):
nothing less. Matter of fact, it was a science to it.

Speaker 5 (49:49):
It was a science to it.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
Literally, how far have we gone away from the original
of what it was actually meant to be, which is
just create, which is really the whole cycle of life.
You want to live forever, legacy, children, pass down your knowledge,

(50:14):
be fruitful.

Speaker 5 (50:15):
M hm.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
So love making was more of a it was more
of an evolution. It sounds like like that.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
Yes, yes, because now we have it to the point.
Don't nobody want to have sex in fear of having children?

Speaker 4 (50:35):
Mm hmmm mmm. I mean that seems pretty really reasonable though, right.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
I mean, some people have looked at the economy, they
look at the state of the world, and they say,
I'm not gonna be irresponsible and bring a child into
all of this. So I can have the act of sex,
but I can't bring the child into this. Uh pleasure,

(51:05):
that's what and what that's not what it was really
originally created for.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
I mean, but nature made it pleasurable.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Though, nature makes sex pleasurable.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
Yeah, the only thing was release, release these seeds.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
Think about the nerve ending Think about the nerve endings.
Bro think about those nerve endings. Why are there's so
many nerve endings at these pleasure points?

Speaker 4 (51:37):
Right?

Speaker 3 (51:38):
And these are sexual organs we're talking about that have
these nerve endings connected to each other? And so the
right amount of friction leads to this event where oh, man,
not only is it orgasmic from an experience, from an
experiential point of view, but I'm also appropriating. I'm about
to you know, pass on some life some DNA at

(51:58):
the same time. And so there's a motivation already like
built into the act of sex if.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
I yeah, that's just one of the.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's one of the benefits of it.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
But it's only for the act of appropreation.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
It wasn't at a at an animal level.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Yeah, okay, at an animal level.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Animal yeah, yeah, yeah, we're part We're part of the
animal kingdom.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
Sure, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. But I mean nature is
also creative though. Man, she's very creative to be able
to take something that's you know, designed to be this
way and then we innovate it and say, okay, hey,
I'm not even gonna appropriate with this. I'm just gonna
play around with the senses. I'm gonna start cooking with
the senses.

Speaker 5 (52:50):
Right So, so, so I'm glad you brought up that.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
So let me, let me, let me, let me throw
this at you. So we're dealing with the black widow.
She chills everything she makes. Mm hmm, that's not pleasurable, right.
His sole objective is that he just want his legacy
to go on. He goes into it with the understanding,
I'm gonna die.

Speaker 5 (53:14):
Behind this, right.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
But I mean, okay, so let's let's consider for a moment.
Let's let's consider for a moment. You know, we're talking
about two organisms that have two different systems in which
they're procreating. Right, So in one hand, we got spiders
that lay eggs.

Speaker 4 (53:35):
We're not laying eggs, and.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
So we're not the The process of insemination is a
bit different for humans. I mean, you motivate humans to
procreate with the visual stimuli. For example, spiders they don't
need no visual stimuli. They don't need to be warmed
up or primed for that.

Speaker 5 (53:54):
Right.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
Beauty even becomes an aspect of procreation. Beauty becomes an
aspect of appropriation in several animals in the animal kingdom.

Speaker 5 (54:04):
Right.

Speaker 4 (54:05):
So we now, now we've evolvedimating tactics.

Speaker 5 (54:08):
Right.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
But the idea is, all right, what do I have
to do to seduce you, convince you, persuade you to
join me in this dance right here so that we
can produce another us how like it's like we got
to convince each other to do this, Like, hey, I
don't I don't know if you're a good fit, but

(54:29):
let me.

Speaker 5 (54:32):
Yeah, I like where you're going with this.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
We're still on the subject of of of love making
through the day, h and doing things to arouse bring.

Speaker 5 (54:42):
A person so up.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Yeah, it's a lot of things that happen in the
animal kingdom that we do as people, and it's pretty
much the same thing.

Speaker 5 (54:59):
Me and to so we can look, we.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
Do try to bust our ass to go get a
job so that way we are financially fit to entertain
the idea of quote unquote dating. We do try to
make sure that we have a certain mannerism, whether it's
a thug or ivy league. We do a lot of
things to point on a show and all we try

(55:31):
to do is bust or nut.

Speaker 5 (55:35):
Oh what happened?

Speaker 4 (55:38):
I think that's Sherman coming back in.

Speaker 5 (55:41):
Yeah, oh he popped out.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
Okay, Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm just saying on both
sides of it, Like you said, there's an art to
it in some way for them, a factor.

Speaker 5 (55:53):
There's an art.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Like they even have birds that do little dances and
they compete against each other in order to win her.
When the female bird, they actually compete, they have a
dance off.

Speaker 5 (56:05):
That's crazy, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Can you imagine human beings me and having a dance off.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
I mean, hey, but it's already been catalog though, it's
been cataloged certain certain tribes, certain peoples. I mean, I
can't call them off the top of my head, but
I've seen it before, you know what, having certain ceremonial dances.
You know, it's part of a subculture. You dance off
the women over there looking at the men dance. The
men are looking at the women dance, So you just

(56:40):
kind of eyeing your prize, like, ooh, I like that
one over there, Yeah, that one with the curves right there, Yeah,
the dark one, Sure, yeah, I like.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
Them like that.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
Look at how she's moving.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
Oh, the way that she's dancing, she's conveying that she
knows how to move in the bedroom. She's communicating her
sexual prowess, and it's making me interesting it. So, yeah,
there's this dance. There's this this level of communication where
it's where you're saying, hey, this is what I want
to do, but do you want to do it too?

Speaker 5 (57:11):
Right?

Speaker 3 (57:11):
And so sometimes that communication can be very you know,
very fast. Again, the art of love making is about
making that conversation a long one. It's a long conversation
versus sex where it's just like, hey, let's talk.

Speaker 4 (57:26):
It's like, uh, talk about what? Let's just talk?

Speaker 5 (57:29):
Do they really say that much?

Speaker 4 (57:33):
Small talk?

Speaker 5 (57:34):
Small talk?

Speaker 3 (57:35):
Talk straight to the point, straight to the point, right, mundane? Right,
But there's a against For some people, there's a simple
appreciation for It's like, yo, I just like the simplicity
of it. We get down the business and then I
move about my day and I can just hey, I
got a memory right there, like, oh man, that happens.
That's exciting for me.

Speaker 5 (57:54):
Right.

Speaker 4 (57:55):
But with love making, there's a depth to it.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
It's in the morning you wait up and you know,
you're cuddling and you're kissing, and you're you know a
little bit of four play. You kind of get there,
and then you're like, oh, we got to go to work.
And then it's like you built up some anticipation, some
excitement and right and you just both of you are
in the bathroom smiling, You're going to work. You feel
great because you just had that episode. And so it

(58:20):
goes throughout the day. Man, you know, you send a
little text message, because we're in that technological era now,
you send a text message and maybe it's a nude,
maybe it's a little shot, maybe it's all I feel
like doing. The ay you remember that night when a
memory right and building up more anticipation.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
Oh man, I'm really excited now.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
I was already in a good mood right, and these
are just words and it's pictures and it's hey, you
want to go out to lunch? Oh, you're requesting my presence? Okay,
that feels good. That feels very affirming. You go out,
you eat a good meal, and you just have good conversation,
very stimulating. You're not even talking about politics, You're not.
Are you go back to work? You get home, do

(59:04):
a little bit more for a play.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Leaving on one one one thing though, Scott Walker. We're
leaving on one thing, one small thing. And I think
you're gonna really agree to this. M we understand para bonding, right?

Speaker 4 (59:20):
Oh? Okay, okay, okay, do.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
We understand that? If we don't, let's let's can we
jump in for a second real.

Speaker 5 (59:27):
Quick shoot it.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Have you ever came across somebody you don't know why
you keep looking at them? Why seeing some way, somehow
you get drawn to them, whether it's the workplace, whether
it's a a family function and just somebody happen to
invite a friend of a friend of a friend, or
you're just happen to be out, or you came across
this person more than once in life. May be like,

(59:50):
how is it possible that I keep encountering this person
or Betty?

Speaker 4 (59:56):
Yet?

Speaker 2 (59:57):
What if, strangely, oli enough, you find yourself being aroused
to something someone, I'm sorry someone Now you feel like
there's no attraction because it's not what you like or
what you would consider to be attractive to you versus
I mean based off of your visual aesthetics looking. But

(01:00:20):
for whatever reason, you get around this person, you get chilled,
really can't breathe for real, fluverering heart, sweaty palms. They're like, man,
I can't stand him or her. She ain't understanding why
this The temperature in a room, you know, the argets
really thin. You can't even put your words together, formulate

(01:00:43):
a sentence. That's that chemical chemical bonding. Sometimes we confuse
chemical bonding as being in love as well. Don't even
go together thinking that we're supposed to be the together.
Chemically we mix relationship. We ain't shit. We bad for

(01:01:09):
one another. We didne created habits in life and through
our experiences that we really damaging each other. But don't
get me wrong, great sex. Whenever I'm around you, all
do lose my breath. You do take my sensitivity levels
to in heightened level that I ain't ever been with

(01:01:30):
nobody else. But you bad with money, I don't know
how to take her a home front. I'm bad with bills.
I'm forever late to work. I really don't have a
foundation on what I got going on or feel for
my own life. Still trying to work on the things

(01:01:50):
that I feel like I'm scarred from as a child.

Speaker 5 (01:01:54):
But yet whenever around you, it just feels good that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
We are next to each other together. Then sex is great,
it's amazing, But we don't belong together at all. Yeah,
that chemical bonding, that's a man, that's I experienced that
twice in my life. That could be some real scary stuff. Man,

(01:02:28):
you just can't shake them.

Speaker 5 (01:02:30):
You just.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
You gotta have them. And it's not even sexually. We
just gotta have them, gotta be around them. You gotta
see them, touch them, talk to them, and.

Speaker 5 (01:02:42):
It's it's man, and you get a high off of it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
You get sweat beads down your back, you get chill
bumps to her on your arm, stands up, hair on
your neck, even stand up.

Speaker 5 (01:02:54):
But y'all just bad for each other, real bad for
each other. It's crazy. I'm sorry. I was sharing a
little bit of an experience.

Speaker 4 (01:03:03):
Yeah, we're talk good, it's all good. And I know
we're all right.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
So I know we got this question right here, but
we're pretty much up on our hour, right, so I'm
just gonna post this last question a sherman, Are you
still there? Hold on, hold on, let me see you're
still there, sherman. My check, my check, sherman, sherman. All right,
So I'm gonna throw this up here real quick, since

(01:03:32):
we're pretty much at our hour. What can we do
to resurrect love making? What can we do? What can
we do? I know, right off top, and a lot
of a lot, just to give our viewers a clue,
you know, we've been talking about a lot of it
throughout right. One of them is let's reframe how we

(01:03:56):
see sex, you know, And I'm very I'm very guilty
of this. But there's a lot of performance anxiety that
comes with love making in sex, right, and that's mainly
because there is a goal. When you have a orientation
in sex to a goal, there's more emphasis on the performance,

(01:04:21):
kind of like you know, Kendrick's Super Bowl halftime special,
it was more so about, hey, he didn't deliver, he
didn't perform, right, let's just miss all the messaging. You know,
you didn't you didn't deliver correctly. You know, let's not

(01:04:42):
look at ourselves and say, hey, you know, maybe my
communication skills, maybe my comprehension skills are lackluster. Maybe I
need to rethink how I look at sex. Maybe some
of my ideas are wrong. I also understand that, you know,
it's a little bit of hustle culture. You know, we

(01:05:06):
don't have a whole lot of time. Love making does
require a lot of focus, preparation. You gotta have some
prep time, like Batman, and so typically you would prioritize
some emotional intimacy, not just physical. You would prioritize some
emotional intimacy. It's things like you know, expressing appreciation. I
really want you to think, isn't it a lot harder

(01:05:28):
to have sex when you're not in the mood, when
you don't really want to, you don't really feel good
about yourself.

Speaker 5 (01:05:36):
That's when I get my best performance.

Speaker 4 (01:05:39):
Up up when you don't feel good about yourself.

Speaker 5 (01:05:43):
When you don't feel good, because now I'm competing with myself.

Speaker 3 (01:05:46):
Ooh yeah, it's competitive up here.

Speaker 5 (01:05:50):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
And one of the main things at that particular point
you gotta switch out is this about me or about them?
Because if it's about me, I'm being selfish. But if
I want to be selfless and be of service, I'm
just gonna focus on making sure I'm pleasing them.

Speaker 4 (01:06:10):
M hmm, okay, okay, emotional closeness.

Speaker 3 (01:06:18):
I also think something that we didn't really get a
chance to really dive into is the healing aspect, right,
this shame that. Yeah, there's a lot of shame that
we've been conditioned, largely cultural, religious, some of its social.
We need to look at some of these ideas again,

(01:06:40):
you know, talking to my wife about some of this,
we talk. We've been talking about fantasies for the past
couple of weeks, right, and I've been telling her I
was like, you know, ten years ago, I was such
a horned doll. Like just my mind, it's just so
heavily perverted. It was very, very vertic, but you wouldn't

(01:07:01):
know because I didn't express those thoughts outwardly, right, But
you know, it kind of spilled over. But the perversions
started to fade away when I started challenging some of
my fantasies. Right, it's certain ones that just didn't make
sense anymore because my values had changed. Right, So it'll

(01:07:21):
be things like, all right, let's just say, for.

Speaker 5 (01:07:23):
Example, Cortex.

Speaker 4 (01:07:27):
I mean, yeah, but it's.

Speaker 3 (01:07:29):
Just like certain fantasies just don't make sense anymore.

Speaker 5 (01:07:32):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:07:33):
It's like, all right, let's say, for example, the maid, Right,
it's like.

Speaker 4 (01:07:39):
Why would that happen? You know, my mind starts thinking logically,
like you know how with porn their setups. You got
to set the stage, or why.

Speaker 3 (01:07:47):
This is happening, Why is this act happening? Why are
they having sex?

Speaker 4 (01:07:51):
Oh their stepbrother and stepsister.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
Oh okay, they're Boston, their Boston employee, you know, or
she stole something from.

Speaker 4 (01:08:01):
The store, or you know, you gotta set up.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
These scenarios, these fantasies, right, and we entertain the fantasies,
We play.

Speaker 4 (01:08:08):
A part in them. You make up your own.

Speaker 3 (01:08:11):
But me and the wife was talking about how certain
there's certain fantasies you never really want to act out.
They remain fantasies. And it's like, but why is that right?
And it's because the fantasy is not the goal. The
fantasy is just a stimulator, right. The goal is the orgasm,

(01:08:33):
or the goal is to have this experience. But I'm
just using this fantasy to get there, right, Having that conversation, like, Yo,
certain fantasies that we have, we don't let them joints
go and they manifest in.

Speaker 4 (01:08:47):
Our attitudes about the opposite gender.

Speaker 5 (01:08:51):
Definitely here here you go.

Speaker 3 (01:08:55):
Okay, good bro, okay, cool, So let me bring it
back around, right. So, yeah, I think one thing that
we can do to resurrect love making is to heal
heal some of our sexual shame, heal some of our
sexual misinformation, challenge some of our sexual ideas. Hey why

(01:09:19):
am I holding this? Mm hmm, addressing those with therapy.
They yeah, getting a proper sexual education, right, Like, Hey,
it ain't nothing wrong with reading books, ain't nothing wrong
with watching a YouTube video or you know, like there
are resources out there. We just got to look for

(01:09:40):
Unfortunately I didn't do my due diligence today by providing
those resources.

Speaker 4 (01:09:44):
I got some, but I didn't provide them today.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
But yeah, and then I think, also, what's what I'm
gonna come back to is again last week, creating that
nurturing safe space to a have the converse about sex and.

Speaker 4 (01:10:02):
Be to explore sex with your partner.

Speaker 3 (01:10:05):
You know, it's like, all right, when you go on
a date, you don't know anything about this person, and
so the date serves as the vehicle in which you
get to.

Speaker 4 (01:10:14):
Learn yourself and the other person.

Speaker 3 (01:10:17):
So why wouldn't you want to create a very conducive
environment for that for that reason, to gain some sexual
knowledge about yourself and the other person, or to share
some sexual knowledge. Yeah, so sure, what can we do
to resurrect love making?

Speaker 4 (01:10:33):
In your opinion?

Speaker 7 (01:10:34):
In your view, you can you yep, oh beautiful, What
can we do to resurrect love making?

Speaker 1 (01:10:49):
Shit?

Speaker 6 (01:10:50):
We got to start from the ground up, build a foundation.
Know where you're going with it. Don't just because it's
every everything has a meaning. Nothing that you do is meaningless.

Speaker 1 (01:11:03):
It's I don't, I don't.

Speaker 6 (01:11:05):
I don't personally think it's never just about getting anything off.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
It's well, at least it shouldn't be.

Speaker 6 (01:11:11):
We should take that very seriously because it's I mean, it's.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
It's a sharing of energy, and whether you like it
or not, the.

Speaker 6 (01:11:19):
Person says, we do forever, even though it's an even
though it's a notch on your belt, that's in your.

Speaker 5 (01:11:25):
Spirit DNA swapping baby.

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
Especially especially on the woman. On our end, it's.

Speaker 6 (01:11:34):
Good to have, you know, a lot more experience, and
on the opposite end, it's good to give something pure,
so definitely and the yang.

Speaker 1 (01:11:43):
So I think we need to. Yeah, we gotta, we gotta,
we gotta build up.

Speaker 4 (01:11:50):
Can you can you? Can you engage in love making
if you haven't loved yourself?

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Absolutely not. I don't believe. I don't believe so at all.

Speaker 5 (01:11:58):
That at all.

Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
Yeah, I think you're just acting.

Speaker 5 (01:12:03):
You're just shaping a fallacy.

Speaker 4 (01:12:07):
You just pretending out here. I can't. So you might
have a facade. You might do everything from a technical standpoint.

Speaker 1 (01:12:15):
Exactly everything that you've seen.

Speaker 6 (01:12:17):
You just you just act on it and can't nobody
tell you because you can't tell a crazy person that
they're crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
I got one for you. You're basically masking and emotion
asking it and the reason why I say that most
of the times we do stuff to replicate a past
experience that we thought was a great experience, and not
knowing this could be a horrible experience for the person

(01:12:46):
that we're encountering.

Speaker 6 (01:12:48):
Exactly because you're not learning that person. You're just acting
on what you did what.

Speaker 5 (01:12:53):
You did with somebody else. Because somebody you gotta be.

Speaker 1 (01:12:59):
You gotta be my girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (01:13:01):
I don't want you to be the girlfriend that you
work to him talk you to be.

Speaker 1 (01:13:06):
I want you to be my girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (01:13:08):
So you have to form yourself to me, just like
I have to form myself to you.

Speaker 5 (01:13:13):
Yep.

Speaker 6 (01:13:13):
It's all energy exchange, and I don't and misplaced energy.

Speaker 1 (01:13:17):
It could tear you down for much longer than you think. Yeah,
things that you think you over they can come back
and bite you.

Speaker 6 (01:13:25):
In the worst situations in the differen scenario and think
in something that you may think is better.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
So figure that out before you move forward.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Yeah, I would say I would say to to to
to raise love making, let's sit down first and foremost,
like STT.

Speaker 5 (01:13:42):
Walker say, we need to have a talk.

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
We have to strip ourselves of everything that we had
learned from previous relationships and let's.

Speaker 5 (01:13:52):
Learn each other.

Speaker 2 (01:13:56):
One significant thing that I took from last week's podcast
is that you want to put each other on notice. Hey,
let's go get tested together. Let's start third Sherman. That
will be our foundation. That will be our foundation. Yeah,
they're our foundation right there. We're starting with a clean
supposed slate. Now, now we know what we stand as individuals.

(01:14:20):
We know what we stand. So if I do want
to become explicit with you, I know what level I
could take it to. Being the fact that we just
found No, we just we just went about getting our status.

Speaker 5 (01:14:34):
We know what our foundation is.

Speaker 1 (01:14:37):
That's a beautiful bath.

Speaker 2 (01:14:39):
Man for Redoh, we know what our foundation is. Now
the communication part, Yeah, that's I'm just finna say. Now
from that understanding, we can come into communication, which.

Speaker 5 (01:14:48):
Would be part of our culture.

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
And that's basically that, Hey, I need to know what
you like and dislike, and on top of that, what
are your expectations of me so I can least see
if I'm able to fulfill them.

Speaker 5 (01:15:03):
That's vice versa. That's very important. Family.

Speaker 2 (01:15:08):
We ain't talking enough, we ain't having enough communication. We
have enough sitting down, we have too many distractions. We
have too many things, like you say, porn that is
miseducating us on what it's like to be with the
new person, with this new individual, with their understanding. We're
too busy being subjective and not objective so we can
get to the absolute.

Speaker 5 (01:15:30):
We gotta do the work.

Speaker 3 (01:15:31):
But there's also character, right, there's also characters, because you
gotta like, all right, So to learn another human being
in terms of their sexual needs and preferences, you gotta
be humble, right, You have to be curious to even
ask the questions of Okay, am I going? Am I
moving slow enough? What does it take to turn you on?

(01:15:53):
And is there a window? How do I reconnize, like
do you like to initiate? What do I How do
I communicate to you that I want to be touched
and felt on if I.

Speaker 4 (01:16:07):
Don't see you or you know, like.

Speaker 3 (01:16:10):
You have to have the language in order to convey
these feelings in these thoughts, all right, And so I
know that one other variable to this is developing our
sexual communication. And it has to be beyond vulgar it
has to be beyond just the words of vulgarity. It's
things like you know and I get this, I get

(01:16:32):
how unexciting.

Speaker 4 (01:16:34):
This can be because you have to be very patient.

Speaker 3 (01:16:37):
But again, this is why I'm saying the character, the
character involved in the motivation and the commitment to sexual education, communication,
sexual understanding, developing your sexual philosophy, developing the art of
love making.

Speaker 5 (01:16:55):
You have to be humble.

Speaker 4 (01:16:57):
And I know that a lot of us like.

Speaker 3 (01:16:59):
To carry that chip on our shoulder that we know
what we're doing. We don't want to come off as
sexually incompetent. It's a shame around that. Yeah, you have
to know what you're doing. You have to there is
no learning. And so that's the part. That's the part
is can you even teach love making anymore? Can you

(01:17:20):
even teach that? Because again it seems like one of
those it seems like Grandma's recipe, right, recipes ain't getting
passed down. They dine with grandma, man, I mean, who's
getting in the kitchen with them? So love making, if
it's an art, it's.

Speaker 4 (01:17:35):
Like, how do you teach that?

Speaker 3 (01:17:36):
How do you pass that down? You just figure it out?
Or is it like it just makes you wonder if
no one was like giving these classes back then. But
it just seemed it just seemed like so many of
our people were making love back then. It makes you
want like, how does that get around unless you're just
simply in the consciousness of love and you're just expressing

(01:17:59):
your sexual identity through that.

Speaker 4 (01:18:01):
So the consciousness is already there.

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
Hey, already I have this old school, old fashioned simple
love for my wife, for my husband, and so when
I'm having sex with them, it's like this because.

Speaker 4 (01:18:14):
I love them.

Speaker 3 (01:18:16):
That's why it's like this, And so that's why it's
love making because that all I'm doing is just showing
them love.

Speaker 4 (01:18:23):
And then yeah, sex happens to.

Speaker 3 (01:18:25):
Be a part of that love making, you know, Like
that's what makes it so big, that's what makes it
so holistic.

Speaker 4 (01:18:32):
You're saying, Yeah, when I be dwance with my wife,
you know.

Speaker 3 (01:18:36):
I be too stepping with her and everything. You know,
I'm pressing her ways, I'm saying little things. I'm complimenting her,
I'm giving her affirmation. I'm like, girls, man, you are
an awesome mom.

Speaker 5 (01:18:47):
You know that.

Speaker 4 (01:18:48):
It's like what for for real?

Speaker 5 (01:18:51):
Man?

Speaker 3 (01:18:51):
And then you're having a conversation he just making it
feel good, celebrating her accomplishments and all that. That's just
prepping you for what's about to go down in the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
But it also stimulates self though, John stimulates self when
you give affirmation to a compliment your spouse. And reason
why I say that it's more of a three sixty
of knowledge. And here's why to decide you was to
execute you. Gotta remember they didn't just pick you, you
picked them as well. Yep, that's a reflection of you.

(01:19:27):
So to see the beauty in that, and that still
gives you a high, It still turns you on, It
still puts you in the mind frame.

Speaker 5 (01:19:36):
Man, you did that shit.

Speaker 2 (01:19:37):
Today, I'm fucking the shit out of you later, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:19:42):
Ah, fut I like it. She might like it direct,
she might she might want it indirect. It might be
little songs that you send to her. Man fall recommendations. Right,
it's the environment.

Speaker 4 (01:19:59):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:20:00):
I also want to throw out in response to this question, Yeah,
we gotta we really gotta wrap it up. Sex therapist
show sex therapist. That's an investment.

Speaker 5 (01:20:13):
It is.

Speaker 3 (01:20:14):
They have best practices, best ideas regarding sex.

Speaker 4 (01:20:20):
Healthy views.

Speaker 3 (01:20:21):
Like they are the advocates of sexual education.

Speaker 4 (01:20:25):
They take it to the next level.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
And you can find a sex therapist that aligns with
your orientations.

Speaker 4 (01:20:32):
Whether you're black, white.

Speaker 3 (01:20:33):
Age, they out there, they out there. You don't have
to be in person to do that. You're just requesting information.
You're requesting insights, you're requesting direction, instruction, because yeah, a
therapist could be your coach, right, your sex coach saying
all right, hey, this is your assignment. I want you, guys,
before you have sex. The next time you have sex,

(01:20:54):
I want you to say five things about each other
that you love, just before you get started. Just say, right,
that's an assignment.

Speaker 4 (01:21:03):
And then I want you guys to document and talk
about what that did for you. And then in our
next session, we're gonna talk about that.

Speaker 5 (01:21:09):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:21:09):
And it's like, well, why is that even important? That's
not important yet?

Speaker 3 (01:21:12):
It is yet it is because together you so the
therapist gives you the assignment, right, but you together as
a unit, you accept the assignment and say, we're gonna
try this out for ourselves. You're not in our bedroom,
but you gave us just enough information for us to
try it out ourselves.

Speaker 4 (01:21:31):
And we trust you.

Speaker 3 (01:21:33):
We know that you have a mature mindset. So when
we deliver our report, our findings, it's all love, it's
all healthy and then we can figure out whether that's
something we want to incorporate or not. That can become
our practice. So getting a sex therapist in your corner,
and it ain't got to be like a whole year.
Maybe you just need to touch up. Hey, I just

(01:21:55):
want to improve on our sexual communication and our sense
of adventure and our sense of understanding and our intimacy
for the next three months. That's all we want. That's
all we can afford because it's gonna cost.

Speaker 4 (01:22:10):
Yeah, that's therapist. That's one option. Y'all got any clothing comments.

Speaker 2 (01:22:16):
I got one real fast. He went first early, so
I'm gonna jump out real quick. I just want to
say I encourage any and everybody take the time out,
even if you're dating, even if you're doing smashing Dash,
go get tested. Please just get tested, get tested, Get tested,
Get tested. I got tested myself and I think it

(01:22:38):
was October, November October, and I just encourage everybody to
go get tested. Don't don't be afraid to know your status.
Don't be afraid to know what's going on with you.
You know, I had a little bit of high cholesterol,
I got a little stress, But just go get tested.

Speaker 5 (01:22:57):
It's okay, to know where you're at.

Speaker 2 (01:22:59):
It's the best way to see where you're strong, or
you got some work you gotta do. Oh yeah, and
I need to lose like fifty pounds. But go get tested, man.
I encourage you, go get tested. And if you're currently
in a relationship, I encourage both of y'all go get
tested together.

Speaker 5 (01:23:15):
Make it a date. Go get tested together.

Speaker 2 (01:23:18):
And when you come back home, sit down and have
the uncomfortable awkwardness of a conversation. You know, let's let's
make this uncomfortedness. This this this being ashamed of each
other or or or or holding secrets back. Let's let's
get back to the art of talking. Turn off the TV,

(01:23:39):
turn off the radio, put the phones down, sit down
in front of each other, on side by side, and
really engage in real, healthy conversations, mainly the difficult ones.

Speaker 5 (01:23:51):
It's important if you say you want to be there,
you say you want to.

Speaker 2 (01:23:54):
Build, Let's talk. Let's communicate, y'all. Let's get back to
each other minds. The body is always gonna be there
and it's forever changing. But some of these thought processes,
we've been having them since we was kids. Let's let's
let's build this up. Man, let's talk. Let's talk.

Speaker 5 (01:24:17):
I know your status.

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
Mother Sharon closing comments, I.

Speaker 6 (01:24:24):
Can only speak from the man's point of view. Uh
tell us to piggyback. Yeah, go get tested, Go get tested.
And uh, I would say in my lifetime, twenty five
intimate interactions with women, to see what you're attracting and
to see what you like. At least twenty five so
you can see in every which way, shape or form.

Speaker 1 (01:24:44):
I mean, if you.

Speaker 6 (01:24:45):
Can try every every flavor it, see what you like,
see what you want to hold your hat on. Because
it all comes back to black no matter how you
look at it. Whatever we go into, everything comes out black.
So it starts to ends us. So don't it's not
I'm not ashamed of whatever you do.

Speaker 1 (01:25:01):
I love my sisters and that's why I'm staying. But
that's just my preference.

Speaker 6 (01:25:06):
Know your status, Get at least twenty five intimate interactions
with you know, And and it doesn't have to be
everybody as your interest in it.

Speaker 5 (01:25:15):
It can be.

Speaker 6 (01:25:15):
It can be your sisters that you talk to. It
could be they're home girls that you talk to.

Speaker 5 (01:25:19):
To say that say that your third and why I say.

Speaker 6 (01:25:24):
And why say at least twenty five, because you got
to know what you're attracted to, because you are what
you're attracted. So if it's something, if it's constant, damaging,
damaged people, you gotta go fix something. It ain't just
done because that's what you're fixing. Know what you're doing,
know your energy, and put your best foot forward.

Speaker 5 (01:25:45):
It's sure. I like this sermon.

Speaker 2 (01:25:48):
I like that, and understand intimacy don't always end in
sexual intercourse.

Speaker 1 (01:25:54):
It's not always right right turning the TV off and.

Speaker 3 (01:25:58):
Talking besides and cuddling, eye contact, breathing with each other.

Speaker 4 (01:26:04):
Everything, just touching.

Speaker 5 (01:26:07):
It's a hell of a journey, it really is.

Speaker 6 (01:26:10):
And and don't nobody really want to be alone?

Speaker 1 (01:26:13):
So you can scream that ship from the rooftops. I'm
never believing.

Speaker 6 (01:26:16):
It's always good to go through this crazy life with
somebody else that kind of sees it your way.

Speaker 1 (01:26:24):
That's reassuring. That's a hell of a fuel and that'll
reach you to the home if you want it.

Speaker 3 (01:26:28):
That's man, that's high vibe right where you can just
again we're looking at sex from a performative view, right,
but you can just lay there with the person like
both of y'all are naked, not doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:26:42):
Just lay there.

Speaker 5 (01:26:45):
That's hot, just being right.

Speaker 3 (01:26:48):
We're not saying doing anything, but just being like you're
basically saying, Yo, you're good as you are. You know,
you're just good as you are. You don't have to
do anything for me. You don't have to kiss.

Speaker 5 (01:27:02):
Just listen.

Speaker 2 (01:27:04):
Sherman Scott Walker. I want to say something. What you're
talking about right now, it's equivalent to hug in a treat.
It grounds you, It grounds you. If you think I'm lying,
try it. Lay naked next to your spouse or significant other,
husband wife, what.

Speaker 5 (01:27:21):
Just just later lay neked. You ain't gotta you ain't
even got to touch.

Speaker 3 (01:27:26):
Yeah, because they like if you ain't really into them,
it's just they don't have to do They just dope
that you literally but you're just a good person to
be around.

Speaker 4 (01:27:42):
That and that and that.

Speaker 3 (01:27:45):
I feel close to you just being here. You don't
have to do anything to make me feel close. Just
be here, let me smell you, let me see you, let.

Speaker 5 (01:27:57):
Me reach.

Speaker 3 (01:28:00):
You're just right here and you're just you're just you're
just ah. There's no words, You're just ah. And I
just want to chill here for a while.

Speaker 1 (01:28:09):
Such a beautiful thing we got.

Speaker 3 (01:28:10):
We got twenty minutes just to just do this. Okay, yeah, TV,
that's okay.

Speaker 5 (01:28:15):
I'm watching on the TV. Man completecharge.

Speaker 3 (01:28:22):
To a person. Right, But I understand again, I understand.

Speaker 4 (01:28:25):
We still talk, We still talk, but.

Speaker 3 (01:28:27):
I understand, right, that's not easy to find. It's not
because there's a lot of you know, what, what's the
word we say. There's a lot of basic people around.
We say that, right, But you know, just being dope,
not because of what you can do, but just.

Speaker 5 (01:28:44):
You are cool.

Speaker 4 (01:28:45):
You are like, you're.

Speaker 3 (01:28:48):
You're kind, you're compassionate, you're understanding, you're patient, you're gracious,
you're forgiving. You're just cool. You're well spoken, so spoken,
you just you're all of these things. And I know
it's in there, but you don't have to show it
to me right now. I just know it's there. You've
shown me enough consistently, and it's that.

Speaker 4 (01:29:07):
But I get it.

Speaker 3 (01:29:08):
We we we're living and we get distracted, We get
distracted from that, and that becomes too much work. And
if you're not practicing the love making, if you're not
practicing the art, you end up.

Speaker 4 (01:29:22):
Losing it and you end up sucking at it exactly.
And then there's the emotion that comes with that, Right,
what do we do? We get mad because I'm out
of practice, so I'm not as good as I used
to be. All my age has caught up with me.

Speaker 2 (01:29:35):
Oh my back God, but man, I don't want this
last one out her real quick. I well, I just
want to say, don't shame nobody for being clany. Don't
shame nobody for being clanky. That just might be the
way that they are. And because you are who you are,
they really into you.

Speaker 4 (01:29:56):
You gotta work it out. Yeah, you got to negotiate.

Speaker 3 (01:29:59):
You got you know what, uh my, my virgo goddess
is is cleany?

Speaker 5 (01:30:04):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:30:05):
But but but but but it's a good clingy though,
Like it's just right, It's right there in the middle.
It's like sometimes it can be a little overwhelm, but
I know what you do, right, But yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:30:18):
I love it. Don't shame anybody for anything, Just negotiate.
It may just not be for you, that's all.

Speaker 6 (01:30:25):
It doesn't matter what they're into that, none of that matters,
because if it's not for you, the only thing you
need to be worried about is you In that moment,
you just just nurture, just just nurture who they are,
because I can I celebrate anybody for who they are because.

Speaker 3 (01:30:41):
But you though, right, yeah, you can compromise because like
if she's clingy and you're just a little aloof right,
but you like the cleanliness, you want her to stay
interested in treated and interested, right, So you you you
got to negotiate because you're like, yo, I don't want
you to be I don't want you to be like
this with nobody else will me? But I mean just

(01:31:01):
a little space you communicating absolutely if.

Speaker 4 (01:31:05):
You're figuring it out, because you're like, yo, you're dope.

Speaker 3 (01:31:08):
But we just we just gotta harmonize a little, like
can I give you a little bit of this and
then you give me a little bit of this and
then we good? Exactly, babe, you know what, that's fine.
You know that I can adjust, I can adapt.

Speaker 1 (01:31:19):
Because you don't.

Speaker 6 (01:31:20):
And the reason I say what I say is because
if you shame, you don't know, you don't know how
fast that door can close and something.

Speaker 5 (01:31:28):
Don't shut them down.

Speaker 1 (01:31:30):
Not to somebody that you say that you love. You
never do that.

Speaker 6 (01:31:35):
To somebody that you say that you love, you don't
do that even if that's not for you, if you
if you feel like you're can accommodate it a little bit.
It's always about a mint of ground because it's not
always about just you. It's two people coming together. That's
the hardest thing in the world to do, but it's
the most fulfilling because when something is hard, it gives you.
It gives you back so many jewels all at once.

(01:31:56):
And you never knew that you want to close. You
never knew that you can use.

Speaker 1 (01:32:00):
Those as fossil fuel.

Speaker 6 (01:32:01):
You never knew the jewels that was there, You had
no idf Your communication and your willingness to accept has opened.

Speaker 3 (01:32:08):
Up crazy, yeah, because you opening them up like it's
a safe space, right, so why they're gonna pour in.
It's like, Yo, this is a safe space. I can
I can put all this here, even the keys, the
whole thing. I can just put it all in. You
can put it all in there. I'm not judging, but hey,
some now some of this stuff, I'm not judging, but
some of this stuff can't say.

Speaker 1 (01:32:28):
You know that right exactly, And that's all we're seeing.

Speaker 6 (01:32:31):
Just have a safe space because because we I mean,
we go out into the world and we judged about
every single thing that we do.

Speaker 1 (01:32:37):
That's the war zone.

Speaker 6 (01:32:39):
Why would we not want to come back to somebody
that accepts us for everything that we are?

Speaker 4 (01:32:43):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 6 (01:32:44):
I know that's hard to find. And if you can
hear me, all I need you to do, is it?
Because all things I think, honestly, all people really need
is to be seen and her mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (01:32:55):
But you know this kind of ties into the emotional intelligence,
doesn't it. It does because yeah, there's a presumption that, yeah,
you have the emotional intelligence too.

Speaker 1 (01:33:06):
Not condemned. I don't care about what you do. And
if you tell me, I got to Oh that's interesting.
I've never came across that. How about you say that
instead that that's weird.

Speaker 6 (01:33:15):
See now they're doings closed and now you'll never get
it open again.

Speaker 1 (01:33:19):
Why don't you talk to me? Why don't you tell
me stuff?

Speaker 6 (01:33:21):
I can't tell you some of my deepest so why
would I tell you some of the surface that I don't.

Speaker 5 (01:33:25):
Want you to know? Different?

Speaker 4 (01:33:26):
You can't. You can't fault me for that. That was
one time.

Speaker 1 (01:33:29):
See what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:33:31):
Can change it.

Speaker 1 (01:33:32):
The entire trajectory of their relationship, just like that.

Speaker 5 (01:33:35):
Five cent man. It can change their timeline period.

Speaker 1 (01:33:39):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (01:33:40):
So don't condemn, try to accept, because you would want
somebody to accept you right for everything that you are,
all your.

Speaker 1 (01:33:46):
Ugly, all your good, all your bad. That's what you want.
That's what everybody's looking for. That's what they say.

Speaker 4 (01:33:53):
You're saying, don't be a hypocrite, hypocrid, don't.

Speaker 6 (01:33:57):
Be a hypocrit because if you do, you'll always find
yourself condemned and locked behind us.

Speaker 1 (01:34:04):
That's what I happened.

Speaker 3 (01:34:05):
Ah, So that's another reason why we would be afraid
to disclose, because we're afraid that we would give the
treatment that we give others, that we were receive the
treatment that we give others shame.

Speaker 4 (01:34:15):
And I'm afraid to be shamed.

Speaker 3 (01:34:17):
Yeah, Like I'm afraid it's gonna come back because I've
done it so fool.

Speaker 6 (01:34:20):
Yeah, it's hard to look in the mirror and you're
not accepting something about you. So when you look at
that mirror and say I love everything in there, that's
when you can accept somebody else.

Speaker 1 (01:34:28):
So before you do anything, you gotta love. You do
that and you'll.

Speaker 6 (01:34:33):
Be able to accept any and everything because it's not
always about you. Just because you accept it don't mean
you have to be with it. You can be like, oh,
you know, that's just not for me, But I love
that for you, and I know some people out there
that like it and they gonna love you even if
I can't. That's what that's about. Don't do something that
you wouldn't want done to you. It's really easy, it's
been told to us.

Speaker 4 (01:34:53):
That's with the children Golden Room.

Speaker 3 (01:34:56):
Yes sir, all right, folks, we have definitely overstayed our
welcome with you guys tonight. But hey, I mean the
conversation was like brewing and it was cooking, and then
you know, we came back for seconds and it was like, oh,
we dropped a few crumbs. So I don't know what
we're going to be talking about next week, but a
stay tuned, stay live, and a happy lovers day get.

Speaker 4 (01:35:23):
Tested, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:35:25):
This is things that people don't want to talk about,
brought to you by God level.

Speaker 4 (01:35:30):
We will see you guys later, So Lou