July 12, 2025 • 44 mins
Feeling lost after your kids leave the nest? You're not alone. For decades, many parents’ identities have been intertwined with their roles at home, making the empty nest transition feel daunting. But what if this shift is an exciting opportunity to rediscover who you truly are—and craft a future that excites you?
In this enlightening episode, mind mapping expert John Diggs, known as the "Mappaneering Mentor," shares how a simple visual thinking tool can be a catalyst for personal transformation. John opens up about his own journey—from losing everything during the 2008 financial crisis to rebuilding his life with clarity, purpose, and passion through mind mapping.
At the heart of the conversation is the transformative "I Am Mind Map"—a practical exercise that puts your authentic identity at the core. By mapping what truly matters—health, wealth, happiness, success—you create not only a vision but a detailed roadmap for your next chapter.
As John emphasizes, “Most people never really see themselves in all these key areas of their life.”
Most importantly, this episode reminds us that empty nesting is not the end—it's a new beginning.
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- Mind mapping is a visual tool that organizes thoughts, highlights blind spots, and reveals new paths.
- The "I Am Mind Map" focuses on your authentic self beyond roles or responsibilities.
- John's personal story exemplifies how this practice can help rebuild life after loss.
- Recognize the power of choice—your life is yours to design.
- John’s motto: "The purpose of life is to love it" guides his journey and can inspire yours too.
John Diggs Bio
John Diggs, Your Mappineering Mentor, is dedicated to helping individuals unlock their full potential through the power of mind mapping. With a unique approach combining strategic self-discovery, goal-setting, and visualization, John empowers students, professionals, and athletes to embrace clarity, focus, and purpose in every area of life. As a motivational speaker, author, and coach, his mission is to guide you to achieve your best life, filled with health, wealth, success, and happiness.
Find John Online: LinkedIn, Twitter (X), Instagram, Website
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3 Steps to Loving Your Empty Nest Life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to
love it.
There's no ambiguity on whatlife purpose is.
So whenever I'm dealing with asituation empty nester or the
like, my first default is howcan I love this experience?
What do I need to do to lovethis experience?
(00:22):
How can I take advantage ofthis experience to enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host the EmptinessCoach, jay Ramston.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Hey there, my Emptiness friends.
If you're wondering who am Inow that I'm not parenting 24-7
and are feeling a little bitlost in life, then today's
episode is for you.
We'll be diving intoself-discovery and growth and
resilience in our next chapterin life, and helping me dive
into this topic is John Diggs,the Mappaneering Mentor, who is
(01:09):
dedicated to helping individualsdiscover who am I now while
improving their lives throughthe power of mind mapping.
John, welcome to this EmptyNest Life.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Hey Jason.
Thank you for having me.
It's good to be here.
I'm excited Due to the factthat I'm about to be an empty
nester.
This conversation is going tobe great, oh you're getting
close.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
How far away are you?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
About two years.
Yeah, my youngest daughter is ajunior in high school now, and
I'm not counting the days, butI'm looking forward.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I don't know if that hand motion looks like.
You may be counting the days.
We can get into that in alittle bit here.
But what I'm curious about,because I'm sure my audience, is
like what the heck is mindmapping and mapping, and how do
I apply it to my emptiness life?
You're the expert in this mindmapping stuff.
Let's apply it to empty nesting, since you're almost there, and
let's see where thisconversation takes us.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah for sure.
For those who've never heard ofa mind map or mind mapping, a
mind map is essentially just avisual information management
tool.
In other words, it's a way toorganize and visually see
whatever you are thinking about.
Whether you're making adecision, trying to problem
(02:28):
solve, plan a trip, goal set,deal with stuff in your past,
whatever swirling through yourmind, a mind map, in my opinion,
my belief, is the best tool toorganize whatever you're
thinking at, to give you greaterperspective of whatever you're
considering, to make moreinformed decisions or to deepen
your understanding of whateverit is you're considering.
To make more informed decisionsor to deepen your understanding
of whatever it is you'rethinking about.
It's very powerful.
(02:50):
It can be used for anythingAgain, for whatever you got to
think about.
A mind map is a very useful tooland it's essentially where you
can take a piece of paper.
There's online software now, butit's so simple that you can
actually take a napkin and apencil and all you do is, in the
middle of it, draw a circle,and that would be your central
(03:11):
topic, your main theme or the,the reason that your mind
mapping essentially.
Then, from there, you juststart adding subtopics to that
main topic.
For instance, if you were doinga book report or some part, the
title of the book would be inthe center, the chapters would
be around.
Then, from there, as you gothrough the chapters or go
(03:32):
through whatever, you'rebrainstorming those subtopics,
you start creating sub-subtopicsand you keep expanding it out
as you start to go down thatrabbit hole of whatever it is
you're considering.
But once you're done, it's sopowerful because now you can
step back from it and you canget so much greater perspective
(03:52):
of the book or whatever it isyou're mind mapping.
You can see how things connect,you can see how things relate.
It just deepens yourunderstanding of whatever it is
you're mapping.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I love that and where my mind goes with this, john,
is almost like if I create avision board, it's how I can
make the vision board maybeactionable to ask questions
about.
If I have a vision of, I don'tknow, going to Italy, let's say,
and it's like, okay, what doesthat mean If I put Italy in the
middle and then I've gotsubtopics around travel and
maybe finances and things I wantto do, and then just keep
(04:26):
drawing it out and out and outand out?
Is that what we're focusing on?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, it's very similar to vision boards.
However, the key distinctionbetween a vision board and a
vision map is that once mostpeople finish a vision board,
it's done.
It's kind of like all right,that's my vision of what I want,
but a vision map you can do thesame thing as a vision board
but then take it to the nextlevel, to start creating action
(04:53):
items or task lists or gettingmore clarity and more color into
how to actually achieve what'son your vision board.
You know what are my steps Ineed to take to make it happen,
now that I put it on my visionboard.
I mean, I've loved visionboards, been doing them my whole
life.
You know, just this is what Icall little clippings of
magazines and things of thatnature I want to live this way
(05:14):
or wear that suit or whatever.
Yes, yes, yeah, but with themind map, you know I can do the
same thing as a vision board,but, like I said, I could take
that additional step right now.
What needs to happen for thisto happen?
You know, then, who do I needto contact, what are my next
steps and that's how you canreally where it turns, not just
(05:35):
from a vision board or a visionmap, but actually like an action
list, a to-do list of thingsthat you must do to make that
vision real.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Got it Okay, so let's .
I don't intend for thisconversation to go in this
direction, but I feel like let'splay this out from for my Empty
Nest folks who are listening.
It's like if I'm answering thequestion, who am I now in the
middle?
Who am I now that I'm notparenting?
24, seven, what, what's gothrough?
What might that look like?
When we hit that first ring, itcomes to mind for you, let's do
(06:07):
a live, like a little live mindmapping here.
People can write it down asthey go along if it helps them,
but that's where my brain goes.
Who am I now, now that I'm notparenting for seven in the
middle?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
And it might, it might help with.
Before we dig deep into that,just to tell you about a little
bit how my map came into my life.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I just got so excited , John, for my people.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, no worries.
But what had happened with meback in the early 2000s?
I retired playing football andprofessional football in late 95
.
Got into the mortgage business,built this huge mortgage
company in Southern California,living like this millionaire
lifestyle, made more money inthe business than I did ever
playing football.
(06:51):
But then I lost literallyeverything in the mortgage
meltdown 2007, 2008,.
Lost career, houses, family,wife.
Everything was gone.
Moved back to my mother's house, a broken man.
I was jaded.
I was lost.
Everything that I identifiedmyself with, everything that was
(07:11):
important to me was gone.
I was literally just, in somesense, an empty nester.
I was just yeah, you're backhome lost.
Yeah yeah, I was empty.
I didn't know what to do.
Everything that I identifiedmyself with was no longer so.
What do I do with myself now?
So when I went back to mymother's house, I actually took
(07:32):
my bike, a gym bag full of gymclothes and a big box that was
full of motivational tapes andCDs decided I knew I had to go
back into that box.
It was just full of books thatI collected over the years Think
and Grow Rich, how to WinFriends and Influence People all
of the major self-help books inthere.
I knew I had to revisit thatnow that I'm starting from
(07:53):
ground zero again.
One book was in there called theMind Map Book by Tony Buzan.
I don't remember ever buying it.
I believe somebody must havegiven it to me at some point,
but whatever reason, itresonated with me at this time.
I looked at it and decided tomind map all of the contents of
that box.
So I spent like three months,literally all day, every day,
(08:14):
just mind mapping all of thosebooks Power of Now, the
Alchemist I mean all of thesebooks and I walked away with two
big, big things.
Distinctions after thatexercise three months.
The first was that all of thesebooks and I walked away with two
big big things distinctionsafter that exercise, three
months.
The first was that all of thesemajor thought leaders Tony
Robbins, dale Carnegie, eckhartTolle, all of these guys were
basically telling us one thingthat life was meant to be loved.
(08:38):
Life was meant to be loved.
As I was mind mapping all ofthese books, I was literally
doing it on poster boards and Ihad all of these poster boards
all over my mother's house.
But that introduced me to thepower of mind mapping and how I
can see things clearer.
I can understand things deeperthan I ever did before.
But then I can also see theconnections between so many
(09:00):
different things, like what TonyRobbins was saying that was
similar to Dale Carnegie andwhat Dale Carnegie was saying
that was similar to Les Brown.
So after I made all of theseconnections, that's what I took
away from.
The biggest is that life ismeant to be loved.
Then the second thing that Igot out of that was that in
order for me to love life, Ihave to define who I am and what
(09:24):
loving life means to me.
So that got me to this point of.
What I think is useful for youraudience is that I started
developing what I call now isthe I am mind map, so just to
your point I am yeah, let's runwith it.
I am.
My map is is, out of thethousands and thousands of
(09:46):
possible mind maps a person canmake, there's zero more
important than an I am mind mapbecause it really gets clear on
who you are and what you wantyour life to be about.
So what I did to go to yourquestion, to show people, I just
put in a center I am.
Then I really started askingmyself some very deep,
(10:06):
thought-provoking questions likewhat is most important to me in
my life?
What is truly most important tome?
To me not kids, not husband,not wife, but to me what's most
important to me was the questionthat I kept asking myself over
and over again.
And I landed on health.
Health, okay, I am, was there.
(10:29):
Then I put health right there.
I put health at the top corner.
I said I know there's nothingmore important than health.
I got to make sure my health isright.
Then I started grappling againwhat else is most important to
me?
Then I was going through myexercise, which I encourage
everyone to do is just reallythink about what's next.
What's next?
I landed on wealth.
I wanted a wealth, an abundanceof things, so I put that on my
(10:54):
mind map.
Then I kept asking myself againand I said I want to be
successful.
Then, after again, this ishours and weeks of stuff of me
just really contemplating andputting things on and erasing
and scribbling out.
No, that doesn't resonate, thatdoesn't really feel right.
Then my last anchor was what Icall is happiness.
(11:15):
You know so my mind map, myinitial, was I am health, wealth
, success and happiness is howmy is how my I Am Mind Map
started.
Here's where the beauty of MindMap comes in, which I was
saying before is that now I justfocus strictly on health, so
(11:36):
general.
What specifically does thatmean to me?
Then, after again, time andtime and time, hours, hours,
hours, I landed on spiritualhealth.
Those are the three componentsof health.
That extended from that healthtopic.
Then I moved down to the wealthsection and started asking
(11:57):
myself what is wealth?
Is it really just money?
You know, wealth means anabundance of something.
You know.
I've had money that didn'treally help me love life.
I couldn't say it was moneythat caused me to love life.
So what do I really want?
An abundance of?
You know, a wealth of, and Ilanded on I wanted a wealth of
positive emotions to fill.
I wanted a wealth ofspecialized knowledge, skills,
(12:21):
and I wanted a wealth of freedom, which did include financial
freedom, but it also includedfreedom from drama, freedom from
stress.
All that, yeah, all the things,yeah, I just wanted to be free.
I didn't want to be like that.
If I want an abundance ofsomething in my life, I want an
abundance of positive emotionslove, enthusiasm, optimism, joy.
(12:44):
I wanted a wealth ofspecialized knowledge, I wanted
to be skillful, you know, andother things, cause I realized
that if I have the right skills,money's going to come.
So, skills, this.
Then I moved over to success.
All right, what does successreally mean?
What do I want to be successfulin?
Then I looked at it as I wantto be successful in
(13:05):
relationships, I want to havesuccessful results and I want to
have successful rewards.
So I added those to my I ammind map.
Then I looked at happiness, youknow.
Then I asked myself this reallythought provoking what really
needs to happen for me to behappy?
You know, I want to live mylife in happiness, but what
(13:25):
really needs to happen?
Then I, after, again, hours andhours of grappling with this, I
landed on that for me to trulybe happy of grappling with this.
I landed on that.
For me to truly be happy, Ihave to be blessed for my past,
meaning that when I think aboutmy past, I'm blessed for all of
it, not just the goods, but eventhe bad, the challenging
moments that I survived.
(13:46):
I grew from, I've evolved from,I survived it.
(14:09):
So I need to always look at mypast and be blessed for those.
I don't need to look in guilt,regret and all that stuff a lot
of us do about our past.
I need to be appreciative forthose.
Then I also need to be gratefulfor my future.
Right now, in the presentmoment, I'm happy.
So, as you can imagine, my mindmap had health, wealth, success
and happiness.
Then it had these additionalsubtopics extending from health,
wealth, success and happiness.
(14:31):
All right, now what do I needto do to have excellent
spiritual health?
What needs to happen for me tohave excellent mental health,
excellent physical health?
What emotions do I want to feel?
What do I need to do to feelmore of these emotions?
What skills do I want a wealthof, and how do I accumulate more
of them?
(14:51):
What do I need to do to havefreedom?
Eliminate, know, eliminate oryou know, people I may eliminate
from my life that's causingstress and drama.
You know what do I need.
And as I kept moving around mymap, you know, I was like, all
right, successful, what reallymeans?
What does it mean to have asuccessful relationship?
You know I need to haveintegrity.
(15:11):
You know accountability,reliability, you know I just was
going through all of that.
Then I was like, all right,what results, rewards?
How do I want to reward myselfafter I achieve some goals?
What are some of my ultimatedreams?
That I have had it all that onmy map.
Then I looked at the happinesssection, you know, and I looked
at the blessed section about mypast.
(15:32):
What do I need to get completewith, you know?
And it starts to expand.
So, after when you're said,when it's said and done and you
(15:59):
go through this process, you cannow step back and look at your
map and see your life likeyou've never seen it before.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, it sounds magical to me, but also my.
My brain goes to people who arelistening.
He's like well, how do I keeptrack of it all If it keeps
expanding and expanding?
How do I keep track of it allso I know what to make
actionable and to work on.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
It's so amazing when you have this visual clarity,
answers reveal itself In theprocess.
Okay, answers reveal itself inthe process.
In the process, you start torealize where you haven't been
focusing on and where you should.
You start to realize what youshould do or could do to fix a
(16:45):
relationship or repair arelationship.
You start all of these thingsjust because you're going that
you get momentum going downthese avenues of, yeah, physical
health.
You know I need to get that gymmembership.
Then who do I need to call?
Put that on your map.
When can I go to the gym?
You put that on your map.
And how do I hold myselfaccountable?
You put that on a map.
(17:06):
So, next thing, you know youjust don't have a vision board.
Like I said, you have a roadmap, got it A GPS on how to
actually fulfill upon each oneof those things.
You put on your vision map.
And, like I said, the I Am myMap.
I have keynotes, workshops, Iwrote books, I got courses, all
(17:28):
of that stuff, because I trulybelieve I don't care where a
person is Jason.
I truly believe I don't carewhere a person is Jason as far
as in their economic status,their age, in their life, their
marital status, it doesn'tmatter.
Getting clear and being able tovisually see who you are is
(17:49):
extremely powerful, because mostpeople never really seen
themselves like this in all ofthese different key components
of their life and like to yourpoint, you will know there'd be
no ambiguity on what you need todo to improve in these key
areas of your life when you gothrough it, because a mind map
(18:14):
eliminates blind spots.
A mind map answers a lot ofquestions for you, because most
people we're trying to makedecisions and do things and
trying to identify who we areand what we want and what we
like and how we want to live.
We try to do it here, just inour minds, in our minds you know
(18:34):
, and it's you know with ourminds.
you know we're crisscrossing itall the time with TV
interruptions, phone calls.
You know it's hard to organizeand structure something, and
that's what a mind map reallyallows people to do is just to
put it down and really structureit.
All right, this is what I'mthinking.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I see it right there before me.
I get it Okay.
So I want to make this a littlebit more tangible for folks
using your mind mapping and thenalso your life.
So what was what has been themost defining moment in your
life during this past yearthrough mind mapping?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Great, great question .
Well, the biggest thing is onmy I am mind map, I started to
include this new world that I'mgoing into of sharing this mind
mapping message with the world.
Before, for the first 10 yearslike I said back in that story I
(19:37):
was talking about, that wasback 2009, 2010.
10 years I've been using mindmapping to build a very
successful mortgage softwaredevelopment company.
I designed infrastructure formortgage banks and mind mapping
helped me do all of that.
When I went through that mindmapping process at my mother's
(19:57):
house, I got so much clarity onwho I am and what I was about
that I, within eight months, Ilanded almost a quarter of a
million dollar job.
So I went from rags to richesin eight months and I know for a
fact, without a shadow of adoubt, it was because of the
clarity mind mapping gave me andthe roadmap it gave me on what
(20:19):
I needed to do to quicklyrebuild and reset my life so
fast forward.
After 10 years of doing that,when COVID hit us in 2020,
that's when I decidedeverything's changed.
Let me start writing some booksand sharing this mind mapping
message with the world, andsince then I wrote like 10 books
.
I've become an internationalbestselling author and I did all
(20:41):
of the stuff around it.
But what I didn't realize isthat I didn't include the
potential of truly stepping inas a world leader in this mind
mapping space on my mind map.
So I use that now.
Probably it's been about a yearor so that I've been adding more
(21:01):
of that to my I am mind map,which has been giving me the
clarity, the confidence, themomentum to do some really cool
things over this last year,including being here with you,
you know as just just gettingout there.
I'm so clear and passionateabout what I'm doing now and
that's another beauty about thisI am my map is that you not
(21:26):
only get clear on who you are,but in the development of it is.
It almost strengthens yourrelationship with your higher
power, whoever your God is.
I love that, because whenyou're talking to yourself about
certain things what should I doand how does it feel and it
doesn't feel right.
It feels like God is rightthere with you.
(21:47):
So as you start to really defineyour I am mind map and it
really starts to resonate on anemotional level mind map and it
really starts to resonate on anemotional level, you almost feel
like you're connected to God,like God has approved it, it's
like God supports it.
So you kind of get a differentenergy because you've done the
work to align with your purposeand it feels good.
(22:10):
So it's almost like you feellike God has blessed your
purpose and your mission and itfeels good.
So it's almost like you feellike God has blessed your
purpose and your mission.
So it gives you a differentsense of energy and I take
people through not only justdesigning your I Am Mind Map,
but I really show them how totransform that mind map into a
visual meditation exercise towhere we record literally
(22:35):
everything you put on your mindmap that you said I am healthy,
wealthy, successful and happy.
We're recorded in such a way towhere now every day, in the
morning, at night, you justlisten to yourself saying who
you are.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
That's so good, john.
I love that.
I love that because it letsyour subconscious go to work
right and to help you achievethose things.
That's what I love about it.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
And defining who you are in the world, versus letting
society or the environment orrelationship or job define who
you are.
You are waking up every morning.
This is who I am in the world,which puts you in a better
position to be that and livethat and experience that,
because now you've clearlydefined it.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Right Because you're giving yourself the internal
validation.
You're not looking for externalvalidation in terms of who you
are and what you can accomplishor what you can become, and I
think that's an importantmessage for my audience to take
away is that you've spent 20, 22, 23,.
You know, being a full timeparent, however many kids you
have and however long it takesfor them to transition out of
the house.
(23:41):
Being a parent 24, seven youbecome that identity of a parent
as opposed to being John or Jay.
We become this person's parentinstead of ourselves, and so the
clarity and confidence piecefor me is such an important part
of this conversation that Iwant people to take away,
because the clarity piece peoplesay, well, I was a parent, I
(24:04):
was a mom, a caregiver, that wasmy purpose, and now I'm unclear
in terms of what comes next,and mind mapping can help you
get the clarity again of whatcomes next for you.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
There's no better tool than to just map it out and
figure out.
Who are you now?
Who do you want to createyourself to be?
What were all of the thingsthat you wanted to do that you
couldn't do because of yourresponsibilities?
What are some of your dreamsand your wildest fascinations
that you had as a kid that youweren't able to do, but now you
(24:39):
can?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
You have the time and I want to take money out.
Sometimes people say, well, Ihad all these dreams and it
takes money.
Forget the money piece, folks.
That's not what it's about.
It's to set the vision for it,to map out the vision and then
figure out those components.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
And when you map out the visionthose components reveal itself,
and you'll find out thatthere's so many things that you
can do to move in that directionthat don't require money.
There are so many differentthings you can do that you can
do that you haven't even thoughtabout doing that mind mapping
(25:15):
is going to let you see.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Going back to the health piece, getting the gym
and figuring out when I can dostuff.
People say, well, that's money,you don't have to do those
things to get healthy.
Right, you can do everythingjust with your own body weight
and walking too.
You don't need a trainer, youdon't need a gym, you don't need
a gym.
So that's, I think, thesimplest way.
Is you think about I need moneyto do all these things that are
fabulous and amazing in my life.
That's not true.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Not true.
You don't need money to fast,you don't need money to walk.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I love that, but there's a lot of things like
that that I think as time as weevolve as humans you know, I'm
57.
We put ourselves in these boxes, we put ourselves in these
limits of we can't do certainthings, and that's our knee jerk
, habitual reaction to things oh, I can't do that.
Well, that's impossible.
(26:10):
Oh, no, that's I can't.
And you're not understandingthat truly anything is possible.
Anything, literally is possible.
And that's what?
Another benefit of mind mapping, because it causes you to think
outside of the box.
To think outside of the box,yeah, and that's awful, to think
(26:32):
outside of the box, you know,yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Thinking outside the box.
You're going to be an emptynester in about two years.
You've already been thinkingoutside the box, but like what
now for you?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And I'm just I'm.
I'm jazzed, you know and again,by the way of, of of what I've
been working on my eye and mymap.
I'm absolutely clear what I'mdoing when, when, when I'm an
empty nester and I'm excited.
My kids know about it.
They support everything that Igot planned for my life, which
ultimately is to relocate toOahu.
I'm a Hawaii guy Doing that,but I'm really excited about
(27:09):
this new venture, the speaking,sharing this map and airing
message, coaching people,helping people.
I really have done the work torealize that that is my life's
purpose.
That is my passion.
Football was one thing.
Professional ball was fine.
Big time mortgage company wascool.
But this is like it resonateswith my soul.
(27:33):
This is like honoring andpleasing my God to get out here
and help people understand thepower of this tool and how they
can love and live their bestlives.
So you know it's a running jokein my family, but I tell my
youngest daughter that when I'mputting her on the plane to go
(27:54):
to college, you know I'mprobably going to be two gates
down going to Hawaii.
We're going to Hawaii and youknow my kids love Hawaii and
they're like dad, you don't haveto wait, we can go to.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Hawaii.
Now I was like no, no, no, Igot to wait for this transition
piece.
But I think that's an importanttwo to tie in is because you
have been planning, I think, alot of times.
Empty nesting is one of thethings we all know is coming,
but very few of us actuallyprepare for right and that
moment hits and then we get lostand then we're not sure where
(28:26):
to turn or what to do next.
And that's where I think havingthe clarity, the mind mapping
piece, can be huge for people tosay, oh, oh, I just need to sit
down and figure out what I wantfor myself.
I need to shine the lightinward.
Now, as parents, we spend somuch time shining the light
outward, on our kids or ourpartner, our spouse, if we have
one, the people we work with ifwe're working parents.
(28:49):
We really shine it inside and Ithink that's the work here in
the mind mapping piece that isso powerful what do I want?
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Who am I?
You know what I mean.
Who am I really?
Yeah, I'm not his, his wife orhis daughter.
Who are you?
To your core?
Critical.
And it's shocking how manypeople never spent the time just
to get connected withthemselves.
(29:17):
And that's my passionatemission is to give them an easy
tool that's don't cost money.
Again, you can use a napkin,you can use a crayon and start
doing this work to really startto get clear on who you are and
what you want your life to beabout.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yeah, and the work that we both do.
We know that, though peopledon't do it because they're
afraid Fear builds into that,they don't even take the first
step of grabbing the napkin andthe pencil.
How do you help people withthat?
Or what would you say tosomebody who's like I, can't
even pull out the pencil and thenapkin to make it work?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, you know.
The question is just gettingclear.
Then, at that point of you know, what do you want in your life?
You know what I mean.
Do you just want to exist?
Yeah, you know.
I mean, do you want to justcontinue the status quo?
You want to just keep movingthe way you have been moving?
If you and I are talking rightnow, that's probably not the
case.
So again, the definition ofinsanity is keep doing the same
(30:19):
thing, get the same results.
So you got to at least be open,at least try something new if
you want new.
It comes back to how bad do youwant change?
If you don't really want thechange, I can lead you to water,
but I can't force you to drinkit.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Right.
The challenge of change is somuch so that people I think they
fear it because it involveswork.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Right and I try to encourage people to realize that
I understand change can bescary because it's uncertain,
but if you can control a change,that becomes more exciting
versus.
I think a lot of people areafraid of change because they
just resist the feeling ofunknown.
(31:05):
I don't know what that's goingto.
I'm comfortable with what Iknow, even though I hate it,
even though it sucks, eventhough it's bad, it's killing me
, it's stressing me out, but atleast I know this.
I don't know what it's likeover there, and it's always a
unique conversation that youhave with different people,
(31:25):
because they seem like differentpeople always have various
reasons to avoid changing,despite complaining right.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
They complain a lot but don't want to change.
They also don't want to change.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Right.
So I try to have some justheartfelt conversations with
them to try to touch, move andinspire them to try new.
You can always go back to theold.
I mean you know what that'slike, you know how to go back
there.
But if you really want somezest in your life, some
fulfillment in your life andsome excitement in your life,
(32:02):
you got to try some new stuff.
I mean, there's no real wayaround it.
And if you're not willing totry any new stuff, then maybe
just get super comfortable withwhat you're dealing with and not
live the most fulfilled lifeyou can.
I had this conversation with mykids.
We saw the Jurassic Park iscoming out, so we started
talking about dinosaurs and Iasked him I said do you realize
(32:25):
that dinosaurs like walk thisplanet like 25, 60 million years
?
They was on this planet for 25to 60 million years.
They walked this planet andthey didn't really think about
it like that.
I was like yeah, and I said buthere's the key thing, babe,
that was like 25 to 60 millionyears ago that they did that.
(32:47):
This planet is like super duperold and we're only trying to be
on it.
I mean, the best of us areblessed if we live 80 years
right, and you're stressingabout what?
And you're not trying tomaximize your life, you're not
trying to enjoy every secondthat you have, knowing that, in
(33:08):
the larger scheme of things,you're only here for a snap
second, and probably the biggerpoint is that you can choose how
you live your life.
It's not like you're forced tohave to do it.
You've got a choice on how youwant to spend these 80, 90,
hopefully, 100 years.
Why not exercise that choiceand try to live the very best
(33:33):
life possible for this littletime that you're blessed to
experience on this planet?
I know it's hard for people,but I do my very best to just
try to encourage them that look,man, you can wake up every
morning and choose how you think, choose how you feel, choose
(33:58):
what you do and choose how youlive.
You may just need to changesome things.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Be open to changing some things, but why not?
Why not die smiling?
I think what might be harderfor people to grasp on is you
said I'm going to put mydaughter in the plane when she
goes to college and then I'mgoing to move to Hawaii.
I think that may be the biggerthing people are grasping with
right now in this episode.
Is people like he said he'sgoing to move to Hawaii, Like
he's going to leave the familyhome in an instant?
(34:24):
How did you come to thatdecision?
I know people are going to begrappling with that in this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, you know again, I don't know if it's by way of
mind mapping or not, and by wayof my career I've been a
software guy, working from home,working for myself, working
remotely.
So for 10 years or so I used totravel around the country and
the world asking myself thatquestion if I can live anywhere
in the world, where would I live?
(34:51):
I've been asking myself thatquestion decades If I could live
anywhere, where would I live?
And it always defaulted back toHawaii.
That's just my spot.
So it's not that I'm trying todisconnect or disassociate from
my children or my family.
(35:13):
No it's just realizing.
The hardcore truth of thematter is that my kids are out
living their lives, they're outdoing them.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Yes, so spot on right there.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Yeah, they're out doing them.
They're out developing theirown lives.
Soon they're going to getmarried.
Soon they're going to starttheir families.
Soon they're going to be doingtheir thing.
They may get job relocated.
They're out doing their thing.
Why can't I?
I should be able to too.
(35:53):
You know, yeah, they've leftthis chapter to go to college.
They're excited, they'relooking forward to their future.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Why can't I be excited too?
Speaker 1 (35:59):
With this new chapter I got they got a new chapter, I
got a new chapter.
Let's share in our chapterstogether and love each other and
still have our relationships,but understanding that we're
both in new chapters and we'reboth going to support each other
in these chapters.
Let's love life together.
I love it.
I love it so good.
That's just my perception ofthings and what I try to help
(36:20):
people to realize that life isabout change.
I mean, when you look at all ofthe people, all of your
audience, you think about it.
I use a mind map for this too.
This just flashed in my mind isthat I have people will create
in the middle of their mind map.
It can be I am.
They can put I am in here, buteach one of the subtopics are
(36:42):
different decades of their life.
So one through 10, 11 through20, 21 through 30, 31 through 40
.
Then go through each one ofthose subtopics and just start
putting things on your mind mapthat stood out to you in those
chapters of your life, thosedecades of your life.
(37:03):
What are some of the standoutmemories, what are the things
you would like to share, whatare the things you forgot, or
what are your most learningexperiences in those chapters of
your life?
This is powerful, jay, becauseit gets people to realize that
they've been living chapterstheir whole life anyway, and
(37:24):
this is just another chapter.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
It seems like it's like it's a whole story that's
ending, but it's not right.
It can be another chapter or,if you want, you could write a
whole new book.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
No different.
When you were no longer singleand got married.
That chapter ended, a new onestarted.
This is the same process whenyou're an empty nester it's just
another chapter of your lifethat you can create and be just
as excited for and look forwardto just as much as all those
(37:56):
other chapters you've alreadydone, Because everybody has
chapters in their lives wherethey had dramatic changes,
exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
The only difference and what my mission is here is
you can see what it looks liketo go to elementary school.
You can see what it looks liketo go to middle and high and go
to college and get a job and getmarried and have kids.
They even tell you what to dowhen you retire, but nobody
tells you what to do when thekids leave home.
To go back to your point of doyou just want to keep doing what
you've always been doing, right, or do you want to maximize
(38:27):
this time and I think that'swhat I love about this
conversation and how mapping andmap and nearing can help people
and setting that vision map fortheir own journey, power of
decision, the power of choice.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
It seems like a lot of people, especially some I
know that are empty nesters.
They lose the understandingthat they have choice and
decision to change, to make newdecisions, to make different
decisions.
A lot of people think that theycan't change and that's false.
You can change any day.
You have the ability to doanything you want to with your
(39:22):
life, for crying out loud, and Iwish more people would exercise
that so when life throws somecurveballs or unexpected events,
they can really realize well,all right, well, I have the
power of decision.
How am I going to view this?
What do I do next?
What do I want to make thismean?
So it can be advantageous forme versus painful.
(39:43):
You have that power of decisionto change how you view things
and how you behave, and I thinka lot of people lose that power
for some reason and it drives menuts, yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I think it's, it's the the.
I think the hardest part aboutmaking decision is actually
deciding to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Right.
Once you decide you're going tomake a decision, making the
decision becomes easy.
It's grappling with.
I have to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Have to make a decision and at some point like
for Empty Nesters, I mean withthe kids gone and you're in a
big old fat house that whatrooms you don't go in anymore.
You're coming home and it'sjust complete silence.
I mean that might be a bigblaring alert that a decision of
(40:31):
some sort needs to be made.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Yes, yes, I know you're.
You're pretty close toemptiness and you're not there
yet.
Yeah, I'm curious, before I letyou go, um, cause it's been a
fabulous conversation aboutsetting a vision and setting
what you want your journey tolook like, using mind mapping.
And I'm curious is what yourmotto is Like.
I talk about my empty nest lifemotto, and so for me it's every
(40:55):
step has purpose.
I started that when I became anempty nester.
But as you get ready for thatright, what might your empty
nest life motto be?
Or is it going to stay the sameas it is now?
Or is it going to stay the sameas it is now?
That's a great question, greatquestion.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to
love it, and that's just.
There's no ambiguity on whatlife purpose is.
I believe all of the thoughtleaders were trying to tell us
that.
Jesus was trying to say it.
Muhammad was trying to tell usyou live this way, love your
(41:38):
life, kind of deal.
So whenever I'm dealing with asituation empty nester or the
like my first default is allright, how can I love this
experience?
What do I need to do to lovethis experience?
How can I take advantage ofthis experience to enjoy it?
Because everything happens fora reason.
People believe that God worksin mysterious ways, all those
little cliches and euphemismsand all that stuff.
(41:59):
Then, if that's the case and Ihave faith in a higher power
then this is happening for aspecific reason.
What can I do to position myselfto love every second of this
situation that I'm dealing with?
And that is just my overallframework.
You know I have a bunch oftools and processes, my mind
(42:21):
maps and all of that stuff tohelp me achieve that, but
anything that happens, I'mtrying to figure out how can I
love that experience as best Ican, regardless of what's going
on, and that helps me so muchwith making the small decisions
that I need to make.
That's the big goal.
(42:41):
Now, all of the other stuff Iknow has to fit underneath that,
all the way to what I need todo every day, how I need to wake
up every morning, all the wayto what I need to do every day,
how I need to wake up everymorning.
All of that stuff to make surethat I'm putting myself in the
best position to love my life,despite the external
(43:02):
circumstances that may not be inalignment with my expectations,
even though it doesn't align myexpectations, or even though I
find myself like what the heckis this?
How can I frame this?
To still love my life?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Because if today is, in fact, my last day.
I want to be smiling so true,so true, so true and I think
that's the takeaway from todayis now that your kids are grown
and flown folks, how can youcontinue to love your life and
help you do that?
Mind mapping is a way to getthere, and John has shown us how
that can happen and has givenus wonderful examples.
And, john, it's been anabsolute pleasure having you on
(43:45):
the show today and helping myfolks in this emptiness life
figure out what now and whatnext.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Thank you so much for having me.
This has been an honor.
I love sharing this message and, for you and your listeners, if
anybody have any questions,don't hesitate.
This is a passion thing for me.
This is not a money thing forme.
This is just really what Ienjoy doing is trying to cause
and create positive change inlives.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Put all your contact info in the show notes, folks
you'll be able to find all theinfo about John and his work,
and we'll see you the next time.
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Appreciate you.
Are you ready to start livingand enjoying your empty nest
years?
If so, head over to JasonRamsdencom and click work with
me to get the conversationstarted.
This empty nest life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC.
All rights reserved.
My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to
love it.
There's no ambiguity on whatlife purpose is.
So whenever I'm dealing with asituation empty nester or the
like, my first default is howcan I love this experience?
What do I need to do to lovethis experience?
(00:22):
How can I take advantage ofthis experience to enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host the EmptinessCoach, jay Ramston.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Hey there, my Emptiness friends.
If you're wondering who am Inow that I'm not parenting 24-7
and are feeling a little bitlost in life, then today's
episode is for you.
We'll be diving intoself-discovery and growth and
resilience in our next chapterin life, and helping me dive
into this topic is John Diggs,the Mappaneering Mentor, who is
(01:09):
dedicated to helping individualsdiscover who am I now while
improving their lives throughthe power of mind mapping.
John, welcome to this EmptyNest Life.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Hey Jason.
Thank you for having me.
It's good to be here.
I'm excited Due to the factthat I'm about to be an empty
nester.
This conversation is going tobe great, oh you're getting
close.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
How far away are you?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
About two years.
Yeah, my youngest daughter is ajunior in high school now, and
I'm not counting the days, butI'm looking forward.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I don't know if that hand motion looks like.
You may be counting the days.
We can get into that in alittle bit here.
But what I'm curious about,because I'm sure my audience, is
like what the heck is mindmapping and mapping, and how do
I apply it to my emptiness life?
You're the expert in this mindmapping stuff.
Let's apply it to empty nesting, since you're almost there, and
let's see where thisconversation takes us.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah for sure.
For those who've never heard ofa mind map or mind mapping, a
mind map is essentially just avisual information management
tool.
In other words, it's a way toorganize and visually see
whatever you are thinking about.
Whether you're making adecision, trying to problem
(02:28):
solve, plan a trip, goal set,deal with stuff in your past,
whatever swirling through yourmind, a mind map, in my opinion,
my belief, is the best tool toorganize whatever you're
thinking at, to give you greaterperspective of whatever you're
considering, to make moreinformed decisions or to deepen
your understanding of whateverit is you're considering.
To make more informed decisionsor to deepen your understanding
of whatever it is you'rethinking about.
It's very powerful.
(02:50):
It can be used for anythingAgain, for whatever you got to
think about.
A mind map is a very useful tooland it's essentially where you
can take a piece of paper.
There's online software now, butit's so simple that you can
actually take a napkin and apencil and all you do is, in the
middle of it, draw a circle,and that would be your central
(03:11):
topic, your main theme or the,the reason that your mind
mapping essentially.
Then, from there, you juststart adding subtopics to that
main topic.
For instance, if you were doinga book report or some part, the
title of the book would be inthe center, the chapters would
be around.
Then, from there, as you gothrough the chapters or go
(03:32):
through whatever, you'rebrainstorming those subtopics,
you start creating sub-subtopicsand you keep expanding it out
as you start to go down thatrabbit hole of whatever it is
you're considering.
But once you're done, it's sopowerful because now you can
step back from it and you canget so much greater perspective
(03:52):
of the book or whatever it isyou're mind mapping.
You can see how things connect,you can see how things relate.
It just deepens yourunderstanding of whatever it is
you're mapping.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I love that and where my mind goes with this, john,
is almost like if I create avision board, it's how I can
make the vision board maybeactionable to ask questions
about.
If I have a vision of, I don'tknow, going to Italy, let's say,
and it's like, okay, what doesthat mean If I put Italy in the
middle and then I've gotsubtopics around travel and
maybe finances and things I wantto do, and then just keep
(04:26):
drawing it out and out and outand out?
Is that what we're focusing on?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, it's very similar to vision boards.
However, the key distinctionbetween a vision board and a
vision map is that once mostpeople finish a vision board,
it's done.
It's kind of like all right,that's my vision of what I want,
but a vision map you can do thesame thing as a vision board
but then take it to the nextlevel, to start creating action
(04:53):
items or task lists or gettingmore clarity and more color into
how to actually achieve what'son your vision board.
You know what are my steps Ineed to take to make it happen,
now that I put it on my visionboard.
I mean, I've loved visionboards, been doing them my whole
life.
You know, just this is what Icall little clippings of
magazines and things of thatnature I want to live this way
(05:14):
or wear that suit or whatever.
Yes, yes, yeah, but with themind map, you know I can do the
same thing as a vision board,but, like I said, I could take
that additional step right now.
What needs to happen for thisto happen?
You know, then, who do I needto contact, what are my next
steps and that's how you canreally where it turns, not just
(05:35):
from a vision board or a visionmap, but actually like an action
list, a to-do list of thingsthat you must do to make that
vision real.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Got it Okay, so let's .
I don't intend for thisconversation to go in this
direction, but I feel like let'splay this out from for my Empty
Nest folks who are listening.
It's like if I'm answering thequestion, who am I now in the
middle?
Who am I now that I'm notparenting?
24, seven, what, what's gothrough?
What might that look like?
When we hit that first ring, itcomes to mind for you, let's do
(06:07):
a live, like a little live mindmapping here.
People can write it down asthey go along if it helps them,
but that's where my brain goes.
Who am I now, now that I'm notparenting for seven in the
middle?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
And it might, it might help with.
Before we dig deep into that,just to tell you about a little
bit how my map came into my life.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I just got so excited , John, for my people.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, no worries.
But what had happened with meback in the early 2000s?
I retired playing football andprofessional football in late 95
.
Got into the mortgage business,built this huge mortgage
company in Southern California,living like this millionaire
lifestyle, made more money inthe business than I did ever
playing football.
(06:51):
But then I lost literallyeverything in the mortgage
meltdown 2007, 2008,.
Lost career, houses, family,wife.
Everything was gone.
Moved back to my mother's house, a broken man.
I was jaded.
I was lost.
Everything that I identifiedmyself with, everything that was
(07:11):
important to me was gone.
I was literally just, in somesense, an empty nester.
I was just yeah, you're backhome lost.
Yeah yeah, I was empty.
I didn't know what to do.
Everything that I identifiedmyself with was no longer so.
What do I do with myself now?
So when I went back to mymother's house, I actually took
(07:32):
my bike, a gym bag full of gymclothes and a big box that was
full of motivational tapes andCDs decided I knew I had to go
back into that box.
It was just full of books thatI collected over the years Think
and Grow Rich, how to WinFriends and Influence People all
of the major self-help books inthere.
I knew I had to revisit thatnow that I'm starting from
(07:53):
ground zero again.
One book was in there called theMind Map Book by Tony Buzan.
I don't remember ever buying it.
I believe somebody must havegiven it to me at some point,
but whatever reason, itresonated with me at this time.
I looked at it and decided tomind map all of the contents of
that box.
So I spent like three months,literally all day, every day,
(08:14):
just mind mapping all of thosebooks Power of Now, the
Alchemist I mean all of thesebooks and I walked away with two
big, big things.
Distinctions after thatexercise three months.
The first was that all of thesebooks and I walked away with two
big big things distinctionsafter that exercise, three
months.
The first was that all of thesemajor thought leaders Tony
Robbins, dale Carnegie, eckhartTolle, all of these guys were
basically telling us one thingthat life was meant to be loved.
(08:38):
Life was meant to be loved.
As I was mind mapping all ofthese books, I was literally
doing it on poster boards and Ihad all of these poster boards
all over my mother's house.
But that introduced me to thepower of mind mapping and how I
can see things clearer.
I can understand things deeperthan I ever did before.
But then I can also see theconnections between so many
(09:00):
different things, like what TonyRobbins was saying that was
similar to Dale Carnegie andwhat Dale Carnegie was saying
that was similar to Les Brown.
So after I made all of theseconnections, that's what I took
away from.
The biggest is that life ismeant to be loved.
Then the second thing that Igot out of that was that in
order for me to love life, Ihave to define who I am and what
(09:24):
loving life means to me.
So that got me to this point of.
What I think is useful for youraudience is that I started
developing what I call now isthe I am mind map, so just to
your point I am yeah, let's runwith it.
I am.
My map is is, out of thethousands and thousands of
(09:46):
possible mind maps a person canmake, there's zero more
important than an I am mind mapbecause it really gets clear on
who you are and what you wantyour life to be about.
So what I did to go to yourquestion, to show people, I just
put in a center I am.
Then I really started askingmyself some very deep,
(10:06):
thought-provoking questions likewhat is most important to me in
my life?
What is truly most important tome?
To me not kids, not husband,not wife, but to me what's most
important to me was the questionthat I kept asking myself over
and over again.
And I landed on health.
Health, okay, I am, was there.
(10:29):
Then I put health right there.
I put health at the top corner.
I said I know there's nothingmore important than health.
I got to make sure my health isright.
Then I started grappling againwhat else is most important to
me?
Then I was going through myexercise, which I encourage
everyone to do is just reallythink about what's next.
What's next?
I landed on wealth.
I wanted a wealth, an abundanceof things, so I put that on my
(10:54):
mind map.
Then I kept asking myself againand I said I want to be
successful.
Then, after again, this ishours and weeks of stuff of me
just really contemplating andputting things on and erasing
and scribbling out.
No, that doesn't resonate, thatdoesn't really feel right.
Then my last anchor was what Icall is happiness.
(11:15):
You know so my mind map, myinitial, was I am health, wealth
, success and happiness is howmy is how my I Am Mind Map
started.
Here's where the beauty of MindMap comes in, which I was
saying before is that now I justfocus strictly on health, so
(11:36):
general.
What specifically does thatmean to me?
Then, after again, time andtime and time, hours, hours,
hours, I landed on spiritualhealth.
Those are the three componentsof health.
That extended from that healthtopic.
Then I moved down to the wealthsection and started asking
(11:57):
myself what is wealth?
Is it really just money?
You know, wealth means anabundance of something.
You know.
I've had money that didn'treally help me love life.
I couldn't say it was moneythat caused me to love life.
So what do I really want?
An abundance of?
You know, a wealth of, and Ilanded on I wanted a wealth of
positive emotions to fill.
I wanted a wealth ofspecialized knowledge, skills,
(12:21):
and I wanted a wealth of freedom, which did include financial
freedom, but it also includedfreedom from drama, freedom from
stress.
All that, yeah, all the things,yeah, I just wanted to be free.
I didn't want to be like that.
If I want an abundance ofsomething in my life, I want an
abundance of positive emotionslove, enthusiasm, optimism, joy.
(12:44):
I wanted a wealth ofspecialized knowledge, I wanted
to be skillful, you know, andother things, cause I realized
that if I have the right skills,money's going to come.
So, skills, this.
Then I moved over to success.
All right, what does successreally mean?
What do I want to be successfulin?
Then I looked at it as I wantto be successful in
(13:05):
relationships, I want to havesuccessful results and I want to
have successful rewards.
So I added those to my I ammind map.
Then I looked at happiness, youknow.
Then I asked myself this reallythought provoking what really
needs to happen for me to behappy?
You know, I want to live mylife in happiness, but what
(13:25):
really needs to happen?
Then I, after, again, hours andhours of grappling with this, I
landed on that for me to trulybe happy of grappling with this.
I landed on that.
For me to truly be happy, Ihave to be blessed for my past,
meaning that when I think aboutmy past, I'm blessed for all of
it, not just the goods, but eventhe bad, the challenging
moments that I survived.
(13:46):
I grew from, I've evolved from,I survived it.
(14:09):
So I need to always look at mypast and be blessed for those.
I don't need to look in guilt,regret and all that stuff a lot
of us do about our past.
I need to be appreciative forthose.
Then I also need to be gratefulfor my future.
Right now, in the presentmoment, I'm happy.
So, as you can imagine, my mindmap had health, wealth, success
and happiness.
Then it had these additionalsubtopics extending from health,
wealth, success and happiness.
(14:31):
All right, now what do I needto do to have excellent
spiritual health?
What needs to happen for me tohave excellent mental health,
excellent physical health?
What emotions do I want to feel?
What do I need to do to feelmore of these emotions?
What skills do I want a wealthof, and how do I accumulate more
of them?
(14:51):
What do I need to do to havefreedom?
Eliminate, know, eliminate oryou know, people I may eliminate
from my life that's causingstress and drama.
You know what do I need.
And as I kept moving around mymap, you know, I was like, all
right, successful, what reallymeans?
What does it mean to have asuccessful relationship?
You know I need to haveintegrity.
(15:11):
You know accountability,reliability, you know I just was
going through all of that.
Then I was like, all right,what results, rewards?
How do I want to reward myselfafter I achieve some goals?
What are some of my ultimatedreams?
That I have had it all that onmy map.
Then I looked at the happinesssection, you know, and I looked
at the blessed section about mypast.
(15:32):
What do I need to get completewith, you know?
And it starts to expand.
So, after when you're said,when it's said and done and you
(15:59):
go through this process, you cannow step back and look at your
map and see your life likeyou've never seen it before.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, it sounds magical to me, but also my.
My brain goes to people who arelistening.
He's like well, how do I keeptrack of it all If it keeps
expanding and expanding?
How do I keep track of it allso I know what to make
actionable and to work on.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
It's so amazing when you have this visual clarity,
answers reveal itself In theprocess.
Okay, answers reveal itself inthe process.
In the process, you start torealize where you haven't been
focusing on and where you should.
You start to realize what youshould do or could do to fix a
(16:45):
relationship or repair arelationship.
You start all of these thingsjust because you're going that
you get momentum going downthese avenues of, yeah, physical
health.
You know I need to get that gymmembership.
Then who do I need to call?
Put that on your map.
When can I go to the gym?
You put that on your map.
And how do I hold myselfaccountable?
You put that on a map.
(17:06):
So, next thing, you know youjust don't have a vision board.
Like I said, you have a roadmap, got it A GPS on how to
actually fulfill upon each oneof those things.
You put on your vision map.
And, like I said, the I Am myMap.
I have keynotes, workshops, Iwrote books, I got courses, all
(17:28):
of that stuff, because I trulybelieve I don't care where a
person is Jason.
I truly believe I don't carewhere a person is Jason as far
as in their economic status,their age, in their life, their
marital status, it doesn'tmatter.
Getting clear and being able tovisually see who you are is
(17:49):
extremely powerful, because mostpeople never really seen
themselves like this in all ofthese different key components
of their life and like to yourpoint, you will know there'd be
no ambiguity on what you need todo to improve in these key
areas of your life when you gothrough it, because a mind map
(18:14):
eliminates blind spots.
A mind map answers a lot ofquestions for you, because most
people we're trying to makedecisions and do things and
trying to identify who we areand what we want and what we
like and how we want to live.
We try to do it here, just inour minds, in our minds you know
(18:34):
, and it's you know with ourminds.
you know we're crisscrossing itall the time with TV
interruptions, phone calls.
You know it's hard to organizeand structure something, and
that's what a mind map reallyallows people to do is just to
put it down and really structureit.
All right, this is what I'mthinking.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I see it right there before me.
I get it Okay.
So I want to make this a littlebit more tangible for folks
using your mind mapping and thenalso your life.
So what was what has been themost defining moment in your
life during this past yearthrough mind mapping?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Great, great question .
Well, the biggest thing is onmy I am mind map, I started to
include this new world that I'mgoing into of sharing this mind
mapping message with the world.
Before, for the first 10 yearslike I said back in that story I
(19:37):
was talking about, that wasback 2009, 2010.
10 years I've been using mindmapping to build a very
successful mortgage softwaredevelopment company.
I designed infrastructure formortgage banks and mind mapping
helped me do all of that.
When I went through that mindmapping process at my mother's
(19:57):
house, I got so much clarity onwho I am and what I was about
that I, within eight months, Ilanded almost a quarter of a
million dollar job.
So I went from rags to richesin eight months and I know for a
fact, without a shadow of adoubt, it was because of the
clarity mind mapping gave me andthe roadmap it gave me on what
(20:19):
I needed to do to quicklyrebuild and reset my life so
fast forward.
After 10 years of doing that,when COVID hit us in 2020,
that's when I decidedeverything's changed.
Let me start writing some booksand sharing this mind mapping
message with the world, andsince then I wrote like 10 books
.
I've become an internationalbestselling author and I did all
(20:41):
of the stuff around it.
But what I didn't realize isthat I didn't include the
potential of truly stepping inas a world leader in this mind
mapping space on my mind map.
So I use that now.
Probably it's been about a yearor so that I've been adding more
(21:01):
of that to my I am mind map,which has been giving me the
clarity, the confidence, themomentum to do some really cool
things over this last year,including being here with you,
you know as just just gettingout there.
I'm so clear and passionateabout what I'm doing now and
that's another beauty about thisI am my map is that you not
(21:26):
only get clear on who you are,but in the development of it is.
It almost strengthens yourrelationship with your higher
power, whoever your God is.
I love that, because whenyou're talking to yourself about
certain things what should I doand how does it feel and it
doesn't feel right.
It feels like God is rightthere with you.
(21:47):
So as you start to really defineyour I am mind map and it
really starts to resonate on anemotional level mind map and it
really starts to resonate on anemotional level, you almost feel
like you're connected to God,like God has approved it, it's
like God supports it.
So you kind of get a differentenergy because you've done the
work to align with your purposeand it feels good.
(22:10):
So it's almost like you feellike God has blessed your
purpose and your mission and itfeels good.
So it's almost like you feellike God has blessed your
purpose and your mission.
So it gives you a differentsense of energy and I take
people through not only justdesigning your I Am Mind Map,
but I really show them how totransform that mind map into a
visual meditation exercise towhere we record literally
(22:35):
everything you put on your mindmap that you said I am healthy,
wealthy, successful and happy.
We're recorded in such a way towhere now every day, in the
morning, at night, you justlisten to yourself saying who
you are.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
That's so good, john.
I love that.
I love that because it letsyour subconscious go to work
right and to help you achievethose things.
That's what I love about it.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
And defining who you are in the world, versus letting
society or the environment orrelationship or job define who
you are.
You are waking up every morning.
This is who I am in the world,which puts you in a better
position to be that and livethat and experience that,
because now you've clearlydefined it.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Right Because you're giving yourself the internal
validation.
You're not looking for externalvalidation in terms of who you
are and what you can accomplishor what you can become, and I
think that's an importantmessage for my audience to take
away is that you've spent 20, 22, 23,.
You know, being a full timeparent, however many kids you
have and however long it takesfor them to transition out of
the house.
(23:41):
Being a parent 24, seven youbecome that identity of a parent
as opposed to being John or Jay.
We become this person's parentinstead of ourselves, and so the
clarity and confidence piecefor me is such an important part
of this conversation that Iwant people to take away,
because the clarity piece peoplesay, well, I was a parent, I
(24:04):
was a mom, a caregiver, that wasmy purpose, and now I'm unclear
in terms of what comes next,and mind mapping can help you
get the clarity again of whatcomes next for you.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
There's no better tool than to just map it out and
figure out.
Who are you now?
Who do you want to createyourself to be?
What were all of the thingsthat you wanted to do that you
couldn't do because of yourresponsibilities?
What are some of your dreamsand your wildest fascinations
that you had as a kid that youweren't able to do, but now you
(24:39):
can?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
You have the time and I want to take money out.
Sometimes people say, well, Ihad all these dreams and it
takes money.
Forget the money piece, folks.
That's not what it's about.
It's to set the vision for it,to map out the vision and then
figure out those components.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
And when you map out the visionthose components reveal itself,
and you'll find out thatthere's so many things that you
can do to move in that directionthat don't require money.
There are so many differentthings you can do that you can
do that you haven't even thoughtabout doing that mind mapping
(25:15):
is going to let you see.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Going back to the health piece, getting the gym
and figuring out when I can dostuff.
People say, well, that's money,you don't have to do those
things to get healthy.
Right, you can do everythingjust with your own body weight
and walking too.
You don't need a trainer, youdon't need a gym, you don't need
a gym.
So that's, I think, thesimplest way.
Is you think about I need moneyto do all these things that are
fabulous and amazing in my life.
That's not true.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Not true.
You don't need money to fast,you don't need money to walk.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I love that, but there's a lot of things like
that that I think as time as weevolve as humans you know, I'm
57.
We put ourselves in these boxes, we put ourselves in these
limits of we can't do certainthings, and that's our knee jerk
, habitual reaction to things oh, I can't do that.
Well, that's impossible.
(26:10):
Oh, no, that's I can't.
And you're not understandingthat truly anything is possible.
Anything, literally is possible.
And that's what?
Another benefit of mind mapping, because it causes you to think
outside of the box.
To think outside of the box,yeah, and that's awful, to think
(26:32):
outside of the box, you know,yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Thinking outside the box.
You're going to be an emptynester in about two years.
You've already been thinkingoutside the box, but like what
now for you?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And I'm just I'm.
I'm jazzed, you know and again,by the way of, of of what I've
been working on my eye and mymap.
I'm absolutely clear what I'mdoing when, when, when I'm an
empty nester and I'm excited.
My kids know about it.
They support everything that Igot planned for my life, which
ultimately is to relocate toOahu.
I'm a Hawaii guy Doing that,but I'm really excited about
(27:09):
this new venture, the speaking,sharing this map and airing
message, coaching people,helping people.
I really have done the work torealize that that is my life's
purpose.
That is my passion.
Football was one thing.
Professional ball was fine.
Big time mortgage company wascool.
But this is like it resonateswith my soul.
(27:33):
This is like honoring andpleasing my God to get out here
and help people understand thepower of this tool and how they
can love and live their bestlives.
So you know it's a running jokein my family, but I tell my
youngest daughter that when I'mputting her on the plane to go
(27:54):
to college, you know I'mprobably going to be two gates
down going to Hawaii.
We're going to Hawaii and youknow my kids love Hawaii and
they're like dad, you don't haveto wait, we can go to.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Hawaii.
Now I was like no, no, no, Igot to wait for this transition
piece.
But I think that's an importanttwo to tie in is because you
have been planning, I think, alot of times.
Empty nesting is one of thethings we all know is coming,
but very few of us actuallyprepare for right and that
moment hits and then we get lostand then we're not sure where
(28:26):
to turn or what to do next.
And that's where I think havingthe clarity, the mind mapping
piece, can be huge for people tosay, oh, oh, I just need to sit
down and figure out what I wantfor myself.
I need to shine the lightinward.
Now, as parents, we spend somuch time shining the light
outward, on our kids or ourpartner, our spouse, if we have
one, the people we work with ifwe're working parents.
(28:49):
We really shine it inside and Ithink that's the work here in
the mind mapping piece that isso powerful what do I want?
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Who am I?
You know what I mean.
Who am I really?
Yeah, I'm not his, his wife orhis daughter.
Who are you?
To your core?
Critical.
And it's shocking how manypeople never spent the time just
to get connected withthemselves.
(29:17):
And that's my passionatemission is to give them an easy
tool that's don't cost money.
Again, you can use a napkin,you can use a crayon and start
doing this work to really startto get clear on who you are and
what you want your life to beabout.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yeah, and the work that we both do.
We know that, though peopledon't do it because they're
afraid Fear builds into that,they don't even take the first
step of grabbing the napkin andthe pencil.
How do you help people withthat?
Or what would you say tosomebody who's like I, can't
even pull out the pencil and thenapkin to make it work?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, you know.
The question is just gettingclear.
Then, at that point of you know, what do you want in your life?
You know what I mean.
Do you just want to exist?
Yeah, you know.
I mean, do you want to justcontinue the status quo?
You want to just keep movingthe way you have been moving?
If you and I are talking rightnow, that's probably not the
case.
So again, the definition ofinsanity is keep doing the same
(30:19):
thing, get the same results.
So you got to at least be open,at least try something new if
you want new.
It comes back to how bad do youwant change?
If you don't really want thechange, I can lead you to water,
but I can't force you to drinkit.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Right.
The challenge of change is somuch so that people I think they
fear it because it involveswork.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Right and I try to encourage people to realize that
I understand change can bescary because it's uncertain,
but if you can control a change,that becomes more exciting
versus.
I think a lot of people areafraid of change because they
just resist the feeling ofunknown.
(31:05):
I don't know what that's goingto.
I'm comfortable with what Iknow, even though I hate it,
even though it sucks, eventhough it's bad, it's killing me
, it's stressing me out, but atleast I know this.
I don't know what it's likeover there, and it's always a
unique conversation that youhave with different people,
(31:25):
because they seem like differentpeople always have various
reasons to avoid changing,despite complaining right.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
They complain a lot but don't want to change.
They also don't want to change.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Right.
So I try to have some justheartfelt conversations with
them to try to touch, move andinspire them to try new.
You can always go back to theold.
I mean you know what that'slike, you know how to go back
there.
But if you really want somezest in your life, some
fulfillment in your life andsome excitement in your life,
(32:02):
you got to try some new stuff.
I mean, there's no real wayaround it.
And if you're not willing totry any new stuff, then maybe
just get super comfortable withwhat you're dealing with and not
live the most fulfilled lifeyou can.
I had this conversation with mykids.
We saw the Jurassic Park iscoming out, so we started
talking about dinosaurs and Iasked him I said do you realize
(32:25):
that dinosaurs like walk thisplanet like 25, 60 million years
?
They was on this planet for 25to 60 million years.
They walked this planet andthey didn't really think about
it like that.
I was like yeah, and I said buthere's the key thing, babe,
that was like 25 to 60 millionyears ago that they did that.
(32:47):
This planet is like super duperold and we're only trying to be
on it.
I mean, the best of us areblessed if we live 80 years
right, and you're stressingabout what?
And you're not trying tomaximize your life, you're not
trying to enjoy every secondthat you have, knowing that, in
(33:08):
the larger scheme of things,you're only here for a snap
second, and probably the biggerpoint is that you can choose how
you live your life.
It's not like you're forced tohave to do it.
You've got a choice on how youwant to spend these 80, 90,
hopefully, 100 years.
Why not exercise that choiceand try to live the very best
(33:33):
life possible for this littletime that you're blessed to
experience on this planet?
I know it's hard for people,but I do my very best to just
try to encourage them that look,man, you can wake up every
morning and choose how you think, choose how you feel, choose
(33:58):
what you do and choose how youlive.
You may just need to changesome things.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Be open to changing some things, but why not?
Why not die smiling?
I think what might be harderfor people to grasp on is you
said I'm going to put mydaughter in the plane when she
goes to college and then I'mgoing to move to Hawaii.
I think that may be the biggerthing people are grasping with
right now in this episode.
Is people like he said he'sgoing to move to Hawaii, Like
he's going to leave the familyhome in an instant?
(34:24):
How did you come to thatdecision?
I know people are going to begrappling with that in this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, you know again, I don't know if it's by way of
mind mapping or not, and by wayof my career I've been a
software guy, working from home,working for myself, working
remotely.
So for 10 years or so I used totravel around the country and
the world asking myself thatquestion if I can live anywhere
in the world, where would I live?
(34:51):
I've been asking myself thatquestion decades If I could live
anywhere, where would I live?
And it always defaulted back toHawaii.
That's just my spot.
So it's not that I'm trying todisconnect or disassociate from
my children or my family.
(35:13):
No it's just realizing.
The hardcore truth of thematter is that my kids are out
living their lives, they're outdoing them.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Yes, so spot on right there.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Yeah, they're out doing them.
They're out developing theirown lives.
Soon they're going to getmarried.
Soon they're going to starttheir families.
Soon they're going to be doingtheir thing.
They may get job relocated.
They're out doing their thing.
Why can't I?
I should be able to too.
(35:53):
You know, yeah, they've leftthis chapter to go to college.
They're excited, they'relooking forward to their future.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Why can't I be excited too?
Speaker 1 (35:59):
With this new chapter I got they got a new chapter, I
got a new chapter.
Let's share in our chapterstogether and love each other and
still have our relationships,but understanding that we're
both in new chapters and we'reboth going to support each other
in these chapters.
Let's love life together.
I love it.
I love it so good.
That's just my perception ofthings and what I try to help
(36:20):
people to realize that life isabout change.
I mean, when you look at all ofthe people, all of your
audience, you think about it.
I use a mind map for this too.
This just flashed in my mind isthat I have people will create
in the middle of their mind map.
It can be I am.
They can put I am in here, buteach one of the subtopics are
(36:42):
different decades of their life.
So one through 10, 11 through20, 21 through 30, 31 through 40
.
Then go through each one ofthose subtopics and just start
putting things on your mind mapthat stood out to you in those
chapters of your life, thosedecades of your life.
(37:03):
What are some of the standoutmemories, what are the things
you would like to share, whatare the things you forgot, or
what are your most learningexperiences in those chapters of
your life?
This is powerful, jay, becauseit gets people to realize that
they've been living chapterstheir whole life anyway, and
(37:24):
this is just another chapter.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
It seems like it's like it's a whole story that's
ending, but it's not right.
It can be another chapter or,if you want, you could write a
whole new book.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
No different.
When you were no longer singleand got married.
That chapter ended, a new onestarted.
This is the same process whenyou're an empty nester it's just
another chapter of your lifethat you can create and be just
as excited for and look forwardto just as much as all those
(37:56):
other chapters you've alreadydone, Because everybody has
chapters in their lives wherethey had dramatic changes,
exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
The only difference and what my mission is here is
you can see what it looks liketo go to elementary school.
You can see what it looks liketo go to middle and high and go
to college and get a job and getmarried and have kids.
They even tell you what to dowhen you retire, but nobody
tells you what to do when thekids leave home.
To go back to your point of doyou just want to keep doing what
you've always been doing, right, or do you want to maximize
(38:27):
this time and I think that'swhat I love about this
conversation and how mapping andmap and nearing can help people
and setting that vision map fortheir own journey, power of
decision, the power of choice.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
It seems like a lot of people, especially some I
know that are empty nesters.
They lose the understandingthat they have choice and
decision to change, to make newdecisions, to make different
decisions.
A lot of people think that theycan't change and that's false.
You can change any day.
You have the ability to doanything you want to with your
(39:22):
life, for crying out loud, and Iwish more people would exercise
that so when life throws somecurveballs or unexpected events,
they can really realize well,all right, well, I have the
power of decision.
How am I going to view this?
What do I do next?
What do I want to make thismean?
So it can be advantageous forme versus painful.
(39:43):
You have that power of decisionto change how you view things
and how you behave, and I thinka lot of people lose that power
for some reason and it drives menuts, yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I think it's, it's the the.
I think the hardest part aboutmaking decision is actually
deciding to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Right.
Once you decide you're going tomake a decision, making the
decision becomes easy.
It's grappling with.
I have to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Have to make a decision and at some point like
for Empty Nesters, I mean withthe kids gone and you're in a
big old fat house that whatrooms you don't go in anymore.
You're coming home and it'sjust complete silence.
I mean that might be a bigblaring alert that a decision of
(40:31):
some sort needs to be made.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Yes, yes, I know you're.
You're pretty close toemptiness and you're not there
yet.
Yeah, I'm curious, before I letyou go, um, cause it's been a
fabulous conversation aboutsetting a vision and setting
what you want your journey tolook like, using mind mapping.
And I'm curious is what yourmotto is Like.
I talk about my empty nest lifemotto, and so for me it's every
(40:55):
step has purpose.
I started that when I became anempty nester.
But as you get ready for thatright, what might your empty
nest life motto be?
Or is it going to stay the sameas it is now?
Or is it going to stay the sameas it is now?
That's a great question, greatquestion.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to
love it, and that's just.
There's no ambiguity on whatlife purpose is.
I believe all of the thoughtleaders were trying to tell us
that.
Jesus was trying to say it.
Muhammad was trying to tell usyou live this way, love your
(41:38):
life, kind of deal.
So whenever I'm dealing with asituation empty nester or the
like my first default is allright, how can I love this
experience?
What do I need to do to lovethis experience?
How can I take advantage ofthis experience to enjoy it?
Because everything happens fora reason.
People believe that God worksin mysterious ways, all those
little cliches and euphemismsand all that stuff.
(41:59):
Then, if that's the case and Ihave faith in a higher power
then this is happening for aspecific reason.
What can I do to position myselfto love every second of this
situation that I'm dealing with?
And that is just my overallframework.
You know I have a bunch oftools and processes, my mind
(42:21):
maps and all of that stuff tohelp me achieve that, but
anything that happens, I'mtrying to figure out how can I
love that experience as best Ican, regardless of what's going
on, and that helps me so muchwith making the small decisions
that I need to make.
That's the big goal.
(42:41):
Now, all of the other stuff Iknow has to fit underneath that,
all the way to what I need todo every day, how I need to wake
up every morning, all the wayto what I need to do every day,
how I need to wake up everymorning.
All of that stuff to make surethat I'm putting myself in the
best position to love my life,despite the external
(43:02):
circumstances that may not be inalignment with my expectations,
even though it doesn't align myexpectations, or even though I
find myself like what the heckis this?
How can I frame this?
To still love my life?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Because if today is, in fact, my last day.
I want to be smiling so true,so true, so true and I think
that's the takeaway from todayis now that your kids are grown
and flown folks, how can youcontinue to love your life and
help you do that?
Mind mapping is a way to getthere, and John has shown us how
that can happen and has givenus wonderful examples.
And, john, it's been anabsolute pleasure having you on
(43:45):
the show today and helping myfolks in this emptiness life
figure out what now and whatnext.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Thank you so much for having me.
This has been an honor.
I love sharing this message and, for you and your listeners, if
anybody have any questions,don't hesitate.
This is a passion thing for me.
This is not a money thing forme.
This is just really what Ienjoy doing is trying to cause
and create positive change inlives.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Put all your contact info in the show notes, folks
you'll be able to find all theinfo about John and his work,
and we'll see you the next time.
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Appreciate you.
Are you ready to start livingand enjoying your empty nest
years?
If so, head over to JasonRamsdencom and click work with
me to get the conversationstarted.
This empty nest life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC.
All rights reserved.
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