August 16, 2025 • 40 mins
The transition to an empty nest can feel like an identity crisis for parents who have dedicated years to raising children. The question then arises: what’s next? How do you find purpose, passion, and fulfillment in this new phase of life?
In this inspiring episode, Dr. Janelle explains the two stages of human development: the unconscious “boot camp” where we seek external validation, and the conscious “creating heaven on earth” phase, where we connect deeply with our hearts. She offers practical, powerful strategies to overcome subconscious blocks—like her insight: "If you challenge yourself, you'll attract support. If you stay in your comfort zone, you'll attract challenges."
For those asking, “What now?” after children leave home, she advocates connecting with your heart through gratitude and self-love to discover inspiration for your next steps.
Asking the fundamental questions—Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?—can turn this transition into an exciting journey of self-discovery and purpose.
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- Loving your children without tying your identity to parenting avoids unhealthy pressure.
- Making parenting your entire purpose leads to stress for both you and your kids.
- Understanding the two stages of development helps clarify where you are now.
- Challenge yourself to attract support, and resist staying in your comfort zone to avoid challenges.
- Connect with your heart through gratitude and self-love to unlock inspiration.
- Live authentically as a role model for your adult children.
- Use self-inquiry—Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?—to discover your next purpose.
Lise Janelle Bio
Dr. Lise Janelle is an author and speaker who helps high-level athletes and entrepreneurs understand how tweaking their subconscious beliefs can mean the difference between wins and losses, often resulting in millions to their bottom line.
Dr. Lise is co-authoring the book ""Unstuck"" with Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, based on her method and offers proven strategies for lasting success.
Find Lise Online: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Website
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You want to be bored?
Stay in your comfort zone.
Don't try to stretch.
You want to be passionate?
Stretch yourself out Like whyis it that people jump out of an
airplane?
If you challenge yourself,you'll attract support.
If you stay in your comfortzone, you're going to attract
challenges.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramsden.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Hey there, my Empty Nest friends.
In today's episode I'm chattingwith Dr Lise Janelle and while
she helps high achievingathletes and entrepreneurs
understand how tweaking theirsubconscious beliefs can show up
as wins or losses in all areasof life, I thought, hmm, we can
totally apply the work she doesto your journey as an Empty
Nester Because, when it comesdown to it, our subconscious
(01:00):
holds us all back.
Whether you're a full-time mom,an involved dad, a working mom
or a high-powered athlete, we'reall just human, and being stuck
well, that just plain sucks.
So, Lise, welcome to this EmptyNest Life.
I am thrilled to have you joinme today.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Oh, thank you for having me.
I look forward to conversingand exploring together.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yes, what intrigued me most about your work is your
heart freedom method, because Ithink if there's one thing empty
nesters know is that theirheart hurts when the kids leave
home, and I imagine the peopleyou work with might experience
something similar in dealingwith their own thoughts and
feelings about things that comeup for them.
And, when it comes down to it,our belief about what's
(01:44):
happening in our lives at anygiven moment drives that, and
it's our subconscious that holdsus back.
Is that fair?
Is that the work that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yes, whatever we have associated.
We were speaking a little bitbefore and I was a competitive
rower.
Maybe you're an athlete,somebody is listening right now
and working hard.
It's painful, but if youassociate it with joy, so you
have a different experience.
So we can associate joy toanything, even if it's painful.
And so when you are an emptynester, it's like I have.
(02:18):
I've literally worked withthousands of people, so I have
people who are empty nester andit's ah, ah.
Finally I can have mygirlfriend back, or my boyfriend
back.
We can be alone, we can havefun.
Now, the responsibilities areout of the house, no crazies.
And then I have the otherpeople.
It's dangerous for them.
I've had clients come to see mebecause they started drinking
(02:39):
or smoking too much pot.
Because there's this anxiety.
What's the meaning of my life?
And I think this is somethingthat's super important.
If you want, if you know thatyour kids are about to leave the
house or they will leave in acouple of years, make sure that
you don't make being a parentthe center of who you are and
(03:00):
your purpose in life.
Being a great parent is part ofthe full picture, but it's not
who you are Like.
For me, I had.
My brother died when he was 21years old in a car accident and
the most painful thing it waspainful losing my brother, but
what was really painful was tosee my mom and the pain she was
(03:24):
experiencing because it was gone.
And if my mom had made herwhole sense of self being a mom
and then he dies, well, whathappened to her?
She went naturally through atough time but she came out of
it actually quite wise.
So I have a girlfriend.
Her kids moved to Australiafrom Canada.
(03:46):
That's like about as far as youcan be from each other, and so
when you understand that youcannot make anything a
representation of yourself forus, that I believe our mission
in life is actually to bring thebest out of ourself in all the
different areas of life familial, career, financial, health,
(04:07):
social, our environment, likeour spiritual life, all of these
different areas of our life.
When we focus on bringing thebest out of each area of life,
then even if the kids leave,then we're happy.
We're happy for them, becauseit's so important not to need
(04:28):
your kids but to love your kids.
Not to need your kids but tolove your kids and I find that's
a big challenge If somebodyneeds their kids to feel like
they're somebody and the kidsleave.
It creates drama.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yeah, I love that you bring up the point about
bringing your identity up intobeing a parent instead of a
person, because I talk a lotabout that on this show, and so
how do you help people throughyour methods to unwind that, or
what's some advice you couldgive them about that?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
When I work with people most people, a lot of
people listening to this.
You might have read the bookThinking Grow Rich or the Secret
and all that.
So people become pretty clearthat they need to know what they
want to create to be able tocreate it.
The challenge for a lot ofpeople is that they actually
(05:21):
create a purpose for their lifethat's based on their head, not
on their heart.
Okay, tell me more so as a humanbeing, we can live from our
mind, from our gut or from ourheart and the power really like
if you think of the time youlook back in your life when you
(05:41):
felt the happiest you're goingto feel it it was moments of
connection, connection yourself,connection in the moment,
connection with a person,connection with your career,
connection with music,connection like when we are
present.
So that's not something thathappens in the head, it's
something that happens in ourbeing and I don't know how deep
(06:04):
I want to go here.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I think it's important for people to know,
because the heart is our center.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yes, and so the first part is clarity of your goals
in life, but the second part isyou absolutely need to know that
90 to 95% of what you do isactually pre-programmed inside
of you.
So you think you're running theshow but you're not, and most
(06:32):
people have not aware like theyfeel unlucky or they feel
frustrated.
I'm following the recipe.
Why is it not working?
And if you're a driven person,it's even worse, because you do
everything right and you get theopposite results to what you
want.
Then you go, ah, and then youtry again After a while.
(06:52):
You start to get depressed.
Then that's often when peopleneed their kids to make them
happy, or they need to do sports, or they need to eat, or they
to drink, or whatever we'regoing to look for on the outside
.
So from working with thousandsof people, I started to discover
some patterns, and what I seeis that there are two stages to
(07:18):
human development.
The first stage is theunconscious, asleep, infantile
stage, and we all go throughthat.
I also call that the boot camp.
And then we have the secondpart, which I call the conscious
, awake and mature stage, with anickname creating heaven on
earth.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Boot camp, heaven on earth.
So the main difference betweenthe bootcamp and heaven on earth
is that we're not conscious,we're kind of responding to
what's happening on the outsideworld and we are letting it give
us a sense of our worth.
So when I work and do thesubconscious work with my
(08:00):
clients, I always like the twothings I test all the time.
The first one is I love myself,and the second part is
admitting their dreams andaspirations.
If you were looking at this,usually I have a yin and yang
prop.
So the yin.
(08:20):
If you imagine the yin, thedark side of the Tao symbol.
The yin is the female principleof listening.
So whether you're a man or awoman, you have this.
So your heart wants you to knowtwo things.
The first thing your heartwants you to know is you're
worthy of love, and the secondthing it wants you to do is
admit your dreams andaspirations.
And guess what, when you're instage one, when the world
(08:43):
responds to you the way you likeit, you think you're worthy of
love, and when it doesn't, youcreate stories.
So that's how it starts Formany people it starts right from
the get-go.
Why?
Because when you are born, lovehas to come from the outside.
(09:05):
If it doesn't, you're going todie.
So if you cry and mommy ordaddy or whoever comes, come,
you feel like, oh, I'm king orqueen of the world, I'm amazing,
I'm worthy of love, I cancommand the world, and the world
comes to me, and so you havethis belief that you'll be able
to create a great life.
(09:25):
That's why it's important toknow about your subconscious
mind, because if you believethat because mom was in the room
and they put you in the nurseryand you cried and cried and
cried and cried and cried andcried and cry and nobody came,
what's wrong with me?
And then when I cry too, muchand nobody comes.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I stop asking for what I want.
So good, yes, keep going.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I love this so it is impossible.
Like people who feel, likepeople who are in their ego are
all not me.
I don't have any of that.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It is impossible.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
It is absolutely impossible.
You did not create storiesabout yourself.
Why?
Because your subconscious mindis there to keep you alive and
if it associates a behavior or aresponse with danger or pain,
it will hold you back, or painit will hold you back.
(10:29):
For example, I was in Chicagoand I was the keynote speaker
and I had 350 coaches from NorthAmerica and Europe and things.
So coaches are supposed to beall about success and doing what
I do.
If you're in front of me, I'lldo muscle testing and I will
prove to you that what you thinkyou want, subconsciously you
don't want it.
So I offered if you want toline up, I'm going to test you
(10:51):
on being ready, willing and ableto be successful.
And after my keynote I had atleast a hundred coaches lined up
.
It was like intensive and outof a hundred I only had one
person that was congruent withwanting to be successful.
Why?
Because subconsciously, peoplehave associated being successful
(11:15):
with people resenting you,being jealous of you, hurting
other people's feelings.
So most people have a set pointwhere they'll be able to accept
success because it doesn'tthreaten their family of origin,
like your rank.
All of these things I love,love, love, love empowering
(11:38):
people, because once you haveaccess to the Heart Freedom
Method, it's like having a toolin your back pocket where you
can whenever you feel blockedand people know it.
It's like you go forward andyou feel there's something
holding me back.
I'm not doing like the threeclues.
You have a subconscious beliefworking against you.
(11:58):
Number one you know what needsto be done, but you're not doing
it.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
The famous procrastination.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And when you're a driven person, that becomes a
problem because you go ha, lookat me, even though I know I need
to be doing this, I'm not doingit.
Now you get upset with yourselfbecause you know better.
Now you start beating yourselfdown, which decreases your
self-worth, which makes itharder for you to be successful.
(12:30):
The second clue is you doeverything right, but it gives
you the opposite.
No, you do everything right,but it feels like drudgery.
You have a subconscious abilityworking against you and it's
feeling inner resistance.
And the third one is you doeverything right but you get the
opposite results.
Why?
Because the subconscious mindthinks it's going to be
(12:52):
dangerous.
Ie, being successful will makeme alone that type of thing.
So what each and every oneneeds to know is you need to be
clear on where you're going fromyour heart, not from your head.
And then the yang part, the yinand the yang.
So the yin is about listeningto your heart, which wants you
to know you're worthy of love.
Second thing it wants you toadmit your dreams and aspiration
(13:13):
.
Then it's about organizing yourtime to give your heart what it
wants.
That's all we need to be happy,I can guarantee you if you do
this every day of your life,you'll feel more and more joy.
But why is it we don't do it?
Because of this story.
I saw it around everywhere.
My dream, my goal, is to haveat least one person per family
(13:37):
who knows how to do the heartfreedom method so that you can
use it with your kids, with yourspouse, like whenever you get
stuck and you watch one of thethree things opposite results,
procrastinating, feeling likedrudgery and you go and like.
I'll give you a personal example.
I have a book.
I'm writing a book about mymethod with Jack Canfield, the
coauthor of the chicken soup forthe soul series, and the book
(14:01):
is almost done and it's about tocome out.
Okay, I was having a reallyhard time sleeping because I'm
driven.
I'm working on it, finishingall kinds of things, and I'm
driven, but I couldn't sleep.
I would fall asleep at 1 andwake up at 5, and I was
exhausted and I'm thinking it'shormones.
Then I go please do theheart-feet-on-method instead.
(14:24):
So it went back.
When I was born, I was stuck.
I don't know why, but they putmy mom asleep.
So I was stuck there and Ithought I was going to die.
So when the Pavlovian bell wasringing my subconscious mind had
associated coming from onestate of being to another state
(14:46):
of being with death.
So even though writing thisbook, I'm excited about it and I
want it, subconsciously it wasgoing danger, danger, you're
going to die.
That's why it is impossible.
It is impossible that we don'thave any of these things and it
makes me sad because most peopledon't have any idea why some of
(15:10):
the things they do work and whysome of the things don't work.
But there's a tool and that'swhy I'm passionate to speak
about that.
It can be so silly, like lastweek I was working with this
client and she created a storythat she couldn't get what she
wants in life because I think itwas Easter time and she had
asked for chocolate and she gotchocolate, but it was hollow
(15:31):
chocolate.
Yeah, she could get some ofwhat she wants in life, not the
full thing.
Like, we create stories whenwe're in stage one, but I
believe that stage one isactually very important.
The bootcamp you were born intois powerful because it drives
you.
It drives you to places youwould not be able to go
(15:54):
otherwise and because I believethat the natural state of a
human being is to be successfuland happy, because I believe our
essence is love.
It's who we are.
So the good news is, if eachand every one of us, our essence
is love, we can all go back inthere.
The only thing that happens iswe create stories that make it
(16:18):
nuts.
So our job is to let go of thestories, to express our full
potential.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And parents, I think, create a lot of stories right.
And parents, I think, create alot of stories right.
Either they believe theyweren't a good parent or they
didn't teach their kids all thethings they needed to teach them
before they left home.
Or they create stories on whytheir children aren't reaching
out or aren't connecting oraren't being involved.
And all those stories are builtout of fear fear of the unknown
(16:53):
or fear of what comes next forthem.
So how does that tie back intothe heart method?
I know your method says, okay,let's move from fear, because
being uncomfortable withcomfortable things is how you
move forward from fear, buttrying to live from our hearts
instead sounds like it'schallenging for people.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
It's actually pretty simple.
What does that look like whenyou know where you're going?
So that's why it's important.
Like I have a book I call Iwrote this called Conversation
with the Heart, and basicallyyou need to have a mission for
(17:29):
your life.
You need to know why you'rehere, who you are, why you're
here, where are you going.
And then it's about takingaction steps and seeing which
one works and which one doesn'twork.
Then you do the heart freedom.
And now you can take that step,and I have a peer review study
(17:50):
that's going to come out, andwhat most people have discovered
from doing this work on aregular basis is that it creates
a sense of hope for theirfuture.
They know it's not random thatthey have control over their
life, and the control that wehave is to listen to our heart
or not.
And once you listen to yourheart, even if your kids are
(18:14):
left, I can guarantee you'llnever be bored.
You will never be bored becauseevery day, if you want to live
from your heart, your job is tobring the best out of yourself
and all the eight environmentsof the self.
You're going to be busy untilyou take your last breath.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
I can hear people listening to this right now and
their minds are going.
But, Lise, my purpose was mykids.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I know, but that's not a purpose, but that's what
they think.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So how do we help them move through that thought?
But that's what they think.
So how do we help them movethrough that?
Speaker 1 (18:49):
thought it's good because it made you want to be a
good parent.
But I can guarantee you it'snot like we talked a bit before,
like needing your kids to giveyou stuff.
Can you imagine the pressure itputs on your kids if they sense
(19:12):
that, oh my goodness, myparents, I'm the center of their
universe and if I mess up or ifI don't do the right things,
I'm going to destroy them?
That's not loving your kids.
One of my blessings, my mom.
She lived in Quebec and I livein Toronto.
She was eight hours away.
My mom never, ever, pressuredme in being her center of
happiness ever.
(19:33):
She always left me the freedomof wanting to be my pure essence
.
And my worst clients I can tellyou parents listening to my
worst clients are the clientswhose parents try to cocoon them
too much because they're notable to be courageous and to
(19:53):
live an amazing life.
You need courage and I have acorny story that I like to use.
It's a perfect corny story andit's like the scientist is
observing a butterfly coming outof a cocoon and it's a huge
struggle.
It takes hours and hours.
So to be nice to the butterflycuts the cocoon open to make it
easy.
Because when I was a kid, lifewas tough and I'm going to be a
(20:18):
better parent than my parent.
Therefore, I'm going to make mykid's life easy, guess what?
Because the butterfly hasnothing to struggle against.
The wings are weak, it cannever fly and it dies like that.
So, whatever challenge you hadwhen you were a kid, it made
your wings stronger.
(20:39):
And if you're loving of yourkids, you need to believe in
them and you need to let them bescared, because if you don't
teach them to get out of theircomfort zone, why should I do
anything that's uncomfortable?
Because my parents are going torescue me.
Those are my worst clients,because they're unable to get
what they want.
(20:59):
So I have clients that ask mewhat do you think I can have
this that I want?
And I say, if you have anintense desire and you're
courageous, willing to do thework, yeah, I am convinced.
I am convinced that each andevery one of us if you're a
football player and you want tobe a prima ballerina, that's not
really your heart speaking I amconvinced that each and every
(21:23):
one of us, we have within ourheart desires that are specific,
just for us, that are therecalling us to bring our essence
into the world and if you'rewilling to listen to your heart,
do the work, know you're worthyof love and then admit your
dreams and aspirations and thenget going to make it happen.
(21:44):
This is how you live apassionate life.
You want to be bored?
Stay in your comfort zone.
Don't try to stretch.
You want to be passionate,stretch yourself out.
Why is it that people jump outof an airplane?
Because it's really out oftheir comfort zone.
And when we land on the grass,like hee-haw, I made it, I
(22:06):
didn't die.
So that's a bit too extreme.
You wouldn't want to be livingso much out of your comfort zone
all the time.
But if, consciously, you decideto create your own heaven on
earth, you sit there and youcreate a statement of purpose
for your life, then you canstretch yourself and that's how
you feel alive.
(22:28):
One of my mentors says whenyou're green, you grow, when
you're ripe, you rot.
When you're green, you grow,when you're ripe, you rot.
And most of my clients areactually between the age of 45
to 65.
There are people I guess Iattract that kind of people like
(22:49):
people want to live life, notjust an ordinary life, but an
extraordinary life.
And the only difference betweensomeone who lives an ordinary
life and an extraordinary lifeis the ability to take the right
actions based on their heart.
And this is how you feel, likehee-haw, I'm alive, I'm blessed.
(23:09):
And then your kids are notworried about you because they
left home and they go.
Oh, look at mom and dad.
They seem happy.
I don't have to worry aboutthem.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yeah, I think it's important for us to talk a
little bit about too, like ifthat's theirs.
My people sometimes need someinspiration, right, because they
feel so stuck their identitywas so wrapped up as a mom or a
dad that how do you bringinspiration into your daily life
and kind of what role does thatplay if you're creating this
conscious life choices, becauseI think that's what you're
(23:41):
hitting at is like now that thekids have left home, oh, I have
to make some conscious decisionsabout my life.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
One carrot.
You know the stage one is thestick and stage two consciously
is the carrot.
So the carrot.
If you're really driven by yourkids, you can decide.
I'm going to be an example tomy kids on how to live a great
life.
You can become a role model.
Your physical duties are done,but now you can be an example of
(24:13):
what it takes to live anamazing life.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
So take the time to ask yourself Pardon me, be an
example of what's possible foryour kids.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, yeah, like I said, like those of you who are
listening right now, close youreyes, feel what it feels like
when you think you worry aboutyour parents.
How good do you feel?
And think about how you feelwhen you feel your parents are
happy.
Which one do you want?
(24:43):
You want to be a parent thatinspires your kids, makes them
feel safe.
My mom and dad are okay.
They don't need me.
I don't need to feel guiltythat I'm pursuing my life, all
of those things.
Yeah, it's important to spendtime to ask yourself who am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
I have my book, conversationwith the Heart.
(25:05):
I have a client in Madrid andhe said Lise, your book is all
meat, no potatoes.
When people come and see me,they have my book.
It's underlined, earmarked andeverything Like.
It's solid, it's not fluff.
If you read my book, you willget a really good insights as to
(25:26):
what it takes to live a reallygood life.
I also have my extreme freedomweekend where you spend two days
just learning about yourself.
You absolutely like.
I have this analogy.
Let's say, I give you a map, Igive you a car, money for the
gas, but I don't tell you whereto go.
Most people live life that waythey have no clue where they're
(25:50):
going and they're zigzagging,going all over the place.
And they spend too much time onsocial media, watching TV,
doing all the things to try tonumb the anxiety they have
because they're not listening tothe heart.
You want to be happy.
You definitely need to be intouch with your heart.
That you are in touch with yourheart, that you are in touch
(26:11):
with your heart when you're ableto sit quiet without having the
need to get up and have to gorunning or drink a beer or a
whole bag of chocolate cookies.
When you're connected into yourheart, you can actually feel ah
, I'm grateful.
If you're able to do this, thatmeans you're connected with
(26:35):
your heart, you're being guidedand it's so nice just to stop.
Sometimes, when you're busyliving this amazing life, then
you go.
Ah, I'm grateful.
You don't feel panicked becauseyou're not filling up the time
with something.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yeah, I know a lot of people who listen to the show,
or in my social feed they oftensay I don't know what comes next
, I don't know how to answer thequestions what now and what's
next for me and I feel likethat's just subconsciously
blocking you.
So what would you recommend forpeople who are dealing with
subconscious blocks like that orsome self-sabotaging beliefs,
(27:11):
to help them move forward?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah again, there are two parts to knowing what you
want in life.
One is the conscious and theother one is the subconscious.
And you're right when I workwith people sometimes and I'm
really willing and able to knowmy purpose or what I want to do
with my life, a lot of peopleare afraid that what if I admit
what I want but I can't get it?
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
So that's why it's important to do the subconscious
work on this, because,relatively speaking, your mind
that wants to know is the sizeof a football, but your
subconscious mind that's thereto keep you alive, the football
field.
So who do you think is going towin?
The subconscious?
So that's part of you need to.
(27:56):
That's why people need toreally know about the
subconscious.
So that's part of you need to.
That's why people need toreally know about the
subconsciously.
If the people, whenever someonefeels like they're being
blocked somewhere, whether it'sabout knowing what they want to
do in life, just know that it'snot a coincidence, it's because,
at some level, it's safer foryou not to know.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Oh, always yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, always.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Yeah, it feels comfortable to be safe.
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
That's not a comfort zone that's why it's important
to be courageous.
So that's one part of theequation.
The second part is I know I'vebeen teaching my extreme freedom
weekend since 1992, so I knowbecause I've done this, probably
with a thousand people mostpeople, like 99.9% of the people
(28:48):
have no idea why they're here.
What do you mean?
Why they're here, like on thisplanet?
On this planet, yeah, what am Isupposed to do?
The kids are gone.
That was my whole raison d'etre.
It's like what am I supposed todo now?
Raison d'être it's like what amI supposed to do now?
And if, again, if you thoughtthat your raison d'être was to
be a parent, and then your kids,because you love them, you want
them to be the best version ofthemselves, what do you do?
(29:12):
That's why, if your kids havenot left home yet, I highly
encourage you to take the timeto find out more about who you
are, why you're here, whereyou're going to really connect
with your heart.
There are only four things thatlive in the heart.
One is love, the other one isgratitude, the other one is
inspiration and wisdom Love,gratitude, inspiration and
(29:37):
wisdom and the more we havegratitude and love for who we
are, what we do and what we have, the more access we have to
inspiration, which then gives usinsights as to what we should
be doing next the inspirationpiece, I think is where most
people who listen to the showprobably struggle with right
it's like where do I find?
inspiration for what comes nextyeah, and it will only happen
(30:01):
again if you take the time tolove who you are, if you connect
with yourself, because if youwere speaking with me, I'm sure
that's happened to you.
You go to a cocktail party andyou start speaking to somebody,
and then they just turn aroundand look around while you're
speaking.
It doesn't feel so good, doesit?
Your heart is speaking to youall the time, saying hey, let's
(30:26):
do this.
But most people don't listen.
And if you and I were in along-term relationship and I
don't listen when you speak, youprobably feel like I don't care
about you.
You might feel depressed.
Most people feel depressedbecause they don't spend time
connecting with their own heart.
But let's say, we talk andyou'd mentioned to me that you
(30:52):
like going to Thai restaurantsand the next time we get
together I made a reservation toa Thai restaurant.
You probably feel a littlevelour.
You would go, wow, not only didshe listen to me, but she did
something for me.
So when you start listening toyour heart and you take actions
to fulfill your heart's desire,then you feel grateful and
(31:15):
you'll get more and moreinspiration.
There's an expression that Ilearned from one of my mentors,
dr John Demartini, when you dowhat you love, it leads you to
what you love.
When you do what you love, itleads you to what you love.
And love doesn't mean like thisis something beautiful in
(31:36):
English that we don't have inFrench.
There's a huge differencebetween liking and loving.
Like, you probably dislikechanging poopy diapers, but you
learn to love it, otherwise yourkids would die.
So loving means I'm willing todo what it takes to get what I
want out of it.
(31:56):
So for me, for example, mybackground I was a chiropractor.
I was a holistic chiropractor.
I love being a chiropractor andin 1988, my father was
diagnosed with terminal cancer.
He was given nine months tolive.
That was three weeks before mysister's wedding.
A week after my sister'swedding, my 21-year-old brother
(32:21):
died in a car accident and then,within a month of that, my
eight-year relationship to theman I thought I was going to
marry ended and it was like ow,ow, ow.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
A lot, that's a lot.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
That was a lot, a lot , that's a lot, that is a lot.
So, to survive the pain in mystage one, my bootcamp, to
survive the pain, I went on aquest to understand what does it
take to live a great life.
So I was driven to run awayfrom pain and I'm sitting here
speaking with you today becauseof this challenge that happened
(33:00):
in my life, because I went allright.
It's not if these things aregoing to happen to me, it's when
these things happen.
How do I live life?
So I don't go flat like apancake.
So for you, listening to this,if your kids have left again,
ask yourself who am I?
Why am I here?
How do I live a great life?
(33:30):
I have a definition of love andit's pretty useful, pretty
practical.
I'm a pretty common sense,down-to-earth type of person.
So for me, my definition oflove is wanting the best for
another being while respectingyour needs.
Want, wanting the best foranother being while respecting
your needs.
Wanting the best for anotherbeing while respecting your
needs.
So if your kids are grown upand they need to go to Australia
, when you live in America, youwant the best for them.
(33:52):
But what are your needs now?
Because you cannot be selfishand want to tie them to you,
even though it's better for themto leave.
But that's when wanting thebest for you is truly.
It's about you spending thetime to look at who you are Like
(34:13):
.
If you're a good parent this ismy vision of a good parent you
have a baby and you look at thisbaby and you go all right, how
am I going to help bring thebest out of this baby?
Because you can have twins andone twin is going to be a
musician and the other one goingto be a football player.
So you look at them differentlyand you strive to coax the best
(34:36):
out of them.
As an adult, nobody's in chargeof doing this for you.
You cannot wait for the divinebeing an angel, your spouse, to
come and say oh, you're amazing.
How are we going to bring thebest out of you?
It's your job.
(34:57):
Your job is to do the work Ifyou challenge yourself.
You know the movie the Secretand the law of attraction and
all that.
I actually got to be on stageand teach this to the people
from the movie the Secret and Igot a real kick out of doing
that.
So I will give you in anutshell the true law of
(35:18):
attraction.
So I will give you in anutshell the true law of
attraction.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
If you challenge yourself you'll attract support.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
If you stay in your comfort zone, you're going to
attract challenges.
So nobody has more pain andpleasure, more pleasure than
pain.
We all have support andchallenges.
The only thing we can do is theform it comes in.
So if you decide to challengeyourself and go, you know what?
My kids are gone.
(35:49):
But I'm going to challengemyself to bring the best out of
myself.
I'm going to do the work, I'mgoing to read books, I'm going
to do my thing.
Then you're going to feel happy.
But if you just feel sorry foryourself, you want your kids to
come home, you can't wait forthe weekends when they come to
(36:09):
visit and that's all you do.
You put your life on suspense.
You're going to be miserable.
So the only thing we can all doand I've asked this, I've asked
this like it was interesting,like a month ago one of my
clients that I was teaching thissupport and challenge thing, he
actually created a movie wherein that movie the kids had been
(36:32):
so supported that they createdlike hell on earth for all the
kids and I got to be on stageand talk to the people.
That was cool because my workgot to pack more people and
that's what I always.
I asked them like raise yourhand if you've never had huge
challenges.
And guess what?
(36:53):
Nobody raised their hand.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Nobody raised their hand.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
No.
So if you're smart human being,you're not going to try to
create only pleasure.
You're going to learn how touse support and challenge to
fulfill your purpose.
So that's our job is to knowwhat is this you want to create.
And when it's nice having anice spouse, when you're
(37:21):
cuddling in the morning and youdon't want to get up, it's nice.
But if you did that every day,you wouldn't feel your heart, it
would get mad at your spousebecause all of a sudden you feel
it can't fulfill you anymorebecause you're not doing the
stuff that's good for yourself.
So it's important to understandif I eat a whole chocolate cake
, even though I like it, it'snot going to be good for me.
So that's when you're conscious.
(37:42):
You learn not to get stuck inpleasure.
And then, when you face achallenge, then you ask yourself
how am I going to use this tomy advantage?
So you learn to use both sidesand life becomes an adventure.
So you learn to use both sidesand life becomes an adventure.
(38:03):
I haven't been bored in years.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
I love that Life becomes an adventure and I think
that's a really good way for usto even wrap up.
Today is like life becomes anadventure when you start to
challenge yourself because thesupport finds you in those
challenges.
Is that fair?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yep, exactly, if you challenge yourself to follow
your heart, you'll get lucky.
If you stay in your comfortzone, you feel drama happens to
you.
I call that the baseball bat.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I love that.
Challenge yourself, the supportwill come.
And if you don't know, if yourbrain says I don't know, look at
your heart.
I think is what the culminationof our conversation today has
been Look inward and you'll beable to move forward.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
While knowing that your subconscious mind is
something you need to be awareof and that there are tools.
I have a tool called the HeartFreedom Method, and if everybody
equipped themselves with theconscious and the subconscious
part and is courageous andfollows their heart, that's how
you have success.
I can give you a great life.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
Perfect, lise.
Thank you so much.
I loved our conversation todaybecause I hit on a lot of topics
I cover on this show for people, but you wrapped it up in such
a nice little bow topics I coveron this show for people, but
you wrapped it up in such a nicelittle bow.
I hope people like reallylisten and take this to
literally, take this to heart.
We were talking about it islook inward and that's how
you're going to find your nextpath Now that the kids are grown
(39:31):
and flown.
I really appreciate you beinghere today.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
It was my pleasure.
Thank you for having me andhelping me bring message of hope
to people.
I love when I see the sparklein people's eyes because they
get it, they can actually live agreat life.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
You want to be bored?
Stay in your comfort zone.
Don't try to stretch.
You want to be passionate?
Stretch yourself out Like whyis it that people jump out of an
airplane?
If you challenge yourself,you'll attract support.
If you stay in your comfortzone, you're going to attract
challenges.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramsden.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Hey there, my Empty Nest friends.
In today's episode I'm chattingwith Dr Lise Janelle and while
she helps high achievingathletes and entrepreneurs
understand how tweaking theirsubconscious beliefs can show up
as wins or losses in all areasof life, I thought, hmm, we can
totally apply the work she doesto your journey as an Empty
Nester Because, when it comesdown to it, our subconscious
(01:00):
holds us all back.
Whether you're a full-time mom,an involved dad, a working mom
or a high-powered athlete, we'reall just human, and being stuck
well, that just plain sucks.
So, Lise, welcome to this EmptyNest Life.
I am thrilled to have you joinme today.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Oh, thank you for having me.
I look forward to conversingand exploring together.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yes, what intrigued me most about your work is your
heart freedom method, because Ithink if there's one thing empty
nesters know is that theirheart hurts when the kids leave
home, and I imagine the peopleyou work with might experience
something similar in dealingwith their own thoughts and
feelings about things that comeup for them.
And, when it comes down to it,our belief about what's
(01:44):
happening in our lives at anygiven moment drives that, and
it's our subconscious that holdsus back.
Is that fair?
Is that the work that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yes, whatever we have associated.
We were speaking a little bitbefore and I was a competitive
rower.
Maybe you're an athlete,somebody is listening right now
and working hard.
It's painful, but if youassociate it with joy, so you
have a different experience.
So we can associate joy toanything, even if it's painful.
And so when you are an emptynester, it's like I have.
(02:18):
I've literally worked withthousands of people, so I have
people who are empty nester andit's ah, ah.
Finally I can have mygirlfriend back, or my boyfriend
back.
We can be alone, we can havefun.
Now, the responsibilities areout of the house, no crazies.
And then I have the otherpeople.
It's dangerous for them.
I've had clients come to see mebecause they started drinking
(02:39):
or smoking too much pot.
Because there's this anxiety.
What's the meaning of my life?
And I think this is somethingthat's super important.
If you want, if you know thatyour kids are about to leave the
house or they will leave in acouple of years, make sure that
you don't make being a parentthe center of who you are and
(03:00):
your purpose in life.
Being a great parent is part ofthe full picture, but it's not
who you are Like.
For me, I had.
My brother died when he was 21years old in a car accident and
the most painful thing it waspainful losing my brother, but
what was really painful was tosee my mom and the pain she was
(03:24):
experiencing because it was gone.
And if my mom had made herwhole sense of self being a mom
and then he dies, well, whathappened to her?
She went naturally through atough time but she came out of
it actually quite wise.
So I have a girlfriend.
Her kids moved to Australiafrom Canada.
(03:46):
That's like about as far as youcan be from each other, and so
when you understand that youcannot make anything a
representation of yourself forus, that I believe our mission
in life is actually to bring thebest out of ourself in all the
different areas of life familial, career, financial, health,
(04:07):
social, our environment, likeour spiritual life, all of these
different areas of our life.
When we focus on bringing thebest out of each area of life,
then even if the kids leave,then we're happy.
We're happy for them, becauseit's so important not to need
(04:28):
your kids but to love your kids.
Not to need your kids but tolove your kids and I find that's
a big challenge If somebodyneeds their kids to feel like
they're somebody and the kidsleave.
It creates drama.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yeah, I love that you bring up the point about
bringing your identity up intobeing a parent instead of a
person, because I talk a lotabout that on this show, and so
how do you help people throughyour methods to unwind that, or
what's some advice you couldgive them about that?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
When I work with people most people, a lot of
people listening to this.
You might have read the bookThinking Grow Rich or the Secret
and all that.
So people become pretty clearthat they need to know what they
want to create to be able tocreate it.
The challenge for a lot ofpeople is that they actually
(05:21):
create a purpose for their lifethat's based on their head, not
on their heart.
Okay, tell me more so as a humanbeing, we can live from our
mind, from our gut or from ourheart and the power really like
if you think of the time youlook back in your life when you
(05:41):
felt the happiest you're goingto feel it it was moments of
connection, connection yourself,connection in the moment,
connection with a person,connection with your career,
connection with music,connection like when we are
present.
So that's not something thathappens in the head, it's
something that happens in ourbeing and I don't know how deep
(06:04):
I want to go here.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I think it's important for people to know,
because the heart is our center.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yes, and so the first part is clarity of your goals
in life, but the second part isyou absolutely need to know that
90 to 95% of what you do isactually pre-programmed inside
of you.
So you think you're running theshow but you're not, and most
(06:32):
people have not aware like theyfeel unlucky or they feel
frustrated.
I'm following the recipe.
Why is it not working?
And if you're a driven person,it's even worse, because you do
everything right and you get theopposite results to what you
want.
Then you go, ah, and then youtry again After a while.
(06:52):
You start to get depressed.
Then that's often when peopleneed their kids to make them
happy, or they need to do sports, or they need to eat, or they
to drink, or whatever we'regoing to look for on the outside
.
So from working with thousandsof people, I started to discover
some patterns, and what I seeis that there are two stages to
(07:18):
human development.
The first stage is theunconscious, asleep, infantile
stage, and we all go throughthat.
I also call that the boot camp.
And then we have the secondpart, which I call the conscious
, awake and mature stage, with anickname creating heaven on
earth.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Boot camp, heaven on earth.
So the main difference betweenthe bootcamp and heaven on earth
is that we're not conscious,we're kind of responding to
what's happening on the outsideworld and we are letting it give
us a sense of our worth.
So when I work and do thesubconscious work with my
(08:00):
clients, I always like the twothings I test all the time.
The first one is I love myself,and the second part is
admitting their dreams andaspirations.
If you were looking at this,usually I have a yin and yang
prop.
So the yin.
(08:20):
If you imagine the yin, thedark side of the Tao symbol.
The yin is the female principleof listening.
So whether you're a man or awoman, you have this.
So your heart wants you to knowtwo things.
The first thing your heartwants you to know is you're
worthy of love, and the secondthing it wants you to do is
admit your dreams andaspirations.
And guess what, when you're instage one, when the world
(08:43):
responds to you the way you likeit, you think you're worthy of
love, and when it doesn't, youcreate stories.
So that's how it starts Formany people it starts right from
the get-go.
Why?
Because when you are born, lovehas to come from the outside.
(09:05):
If it doesn't, you're going todie.
So if you cry and mommy ordaddy or whoever comes, come,
you feel like, oh, I'm king orqueen of the world, I'm amazing,
I'm worthy of love, I cancommand the world, and the world
comes to me, and so you havethis belief that you'll be able
to create a great life.
(09:25):
That's why it's important toknow about your subconscious
mind, because if you believethat because mom was in the room
and they put you in the nurseryand you cried and cried and
cried and cried and cried andcried and cry and nobody came,
what's wrong with me?
And then when I cry too, muchand nobody comes.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I stop asking for what I want.
So good, yes, keep going.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I love this so it is impossible.
Like people who feel, likepeople who are in their ego are
all not me.
I don't have any of that.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It is impossible.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
It is absolutely impossible.
You did not create storiesabout yourself.
Why?
Because your subconscious mindis there to keep you alive and
if it associates a behavior or aresponse with danger or pain,
it will hold you back, or painit will hold you back.
(10:29):
For example, I was in Chicagoand I was the keynote speaker
and I had 350 coaches from NorthAmerica and Europe and things.
So coaches are supposed to beall about success and doing what
I do.
If you're in front of me, I'lldo muscle testing and I will
prove to you that what you thinkyou want, subconsciously you
don't want it.
So I offered if you want toline up, I'm going to test you
(10:51):
on being ready, willing and ableto be successful.
And after my keynote I had atleast a hundred coaches lined up
.
It was like intensive and outof a hundred I only had one
person that was congruent withwanting to be successful.
Why?
Because subconsciously, peoplehave associated being successful
(11:15):
with people resenting you,being jealous of you, hurting
other people's feelings.
So most people have a set pointwhere they'll be able to accept
success because it doesn'tthreaten their family of origin,
like your rank.
All of these things I love,love, love, love empowering
(11:38):
people, because once you haveaccess to the Heart Freedom
Method, it's like having a toolin your back pocket where you
can whenever you feel blockedand people know it.
It's like you go forward andyou feel there's something
holding me back.
I'm not doing like the threeclues.
You have a subconscious beliefworking against you.
(11:58):
Number one you know what needsto be done, but you're not doing
it.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
The famous procrastination.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And when you're a driven person, that becomes a
problem because you go ha, lookat me, even though I know I need
to be doing this, I'm not doingit.
Now you get upset with yourselfbecause you know better.
Now you start beating yourselfdown, which decreases your
self-worth, which makes itharder for you to be successful.
(12:30):
The second clue is you doeverything right, but it gives
you the opposite.
No, you do everything right,but it feels like drudgery.
You have a subconscious abilityworking against you and it's
feeling inner resistance.
And the third one is you doeverything right but you get the
opposite results.
Why?
Because the subconscious mindthinks it's going to be
(12:52):
dangerous.
Ie, being successful will makeme alone that type of thing.
So what each and every oneneeds to know is you need to be
clear on where you're going fromyour heart, not from your head.
And then the yang part, the yinand the yang.
So the yin is about listeningto your heart, which wants you
to know you're worthy of love.
Second thing it wants you toadmit your dreams and aspiration
(13:13):
.
Then it's about organizing yourtime to give your heart what it
wants.
That's all we need to be happy,I can guarantee you if you do
this every day of your life,you'll feel more and more joy.
But why is it we don't do it?
Because of this story.
I saw it around everywhere.
My dream, my goal, is to haveat least one person per family
(13:37):
who knows how to do the heartfreedom method so that you can
use it with your kids, with yourspouse, like whenever you get
stuck and you watch one of thethree things opposite results,
procrastinating, feeling likedrudgery and you go and like.
I'll give you a personal example.
I have a book.
I'm writing a book about mymethod with Jack Canfield, the
coauthor of the chicken soup forthe soul series, and the book
(14:01):
is almost done and it's about tocome out.
Okay, I was having a reallyhard time sleeping because I'm
driven.
I'm working on it, finishingall kinds of things, and I'm
driven, but I couldn't sleep.
I would fall asleep at 1 andwake up at 5, and I was
exhausted and I'm thinking it'shormones.
Then I go please do theheart-feet-on-method instead.
(14:24):
So it went back.
When I was born, I was stuck.
I don't know why, but they putmy mom asleep.
So I was stuck there and Ithought I was going to die.
So when the Pavlovian bell wasringing my subconscious mind had
associated coming from onestate of being to another state
(14:46):
of being with death.
So even though writing thisbook, I'm excited about it and I
want it, subconsciously it wasgoing danger, danger, you're
going to die.
That's why it is impossible.
It is impossible that we don'thave any of these things and it
makes me sad because most peopledon't have any idea why some of
(15:10):
the things they do work and whysome of the things don't work.
But there's a tool and that'swhy I'm passionate to speak
about that.
It can be so silly, like lastweek I was working with this
client and she created a storythat she couldn't get what she
wants in life because I think itwas Easter time and she had
asked for chocolate and she gotchocolate, but it was hollow
(15:31):
chocolate.
Yeah, she could get some ofwhat she wants in life, not the
full thing.
Like, we create stories whenwe're in stage one, but I
believe that stage one isactually very important.
The bootcamp you were born intois powerful because it drives
you.
It drives you to places youwould not be able to go
(15:54):
otherwise and because I believethat the natural state of a
human being is to be successfuland happy, because I believe our
essence is love.
It's who we are.
So the good news is, if eachand every one of us, our essence
is love, we can all go back inthere.
The only thing that happens iswe create stories that make it
(16:18):
nuts.
So our job is to let go of thestories, to express our full
potential.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And parents, I think, create a lot of stories right.
And parents, I think, create alot of stories right.
Either they believe theyweren't a good parent or they
didn't teach their kids all thethings they needed to teach them
before they left home.
Or they create stories on whytheir children aren't reaching
out or aren't connecting oraren't being involved.
And all those stories are builtout of fear fear of the unknown
(16:53):
or fear of what comes next forthem.
So how does that tie back intothe heart method?
I know your method says, okay,let's move from fear, because
being uncomfortable withcomfortable things is how you
move forward from fear, buttrying to live from our hearts
instead sounds like it'schallenging for people.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
It's actually pretty simple.
What does that look like whenyou know where you're going?
So that's why it's important.
Like I have a book I call Iwrote this called Conversation
with the Heart, and basicallyyou need to have a mission for
(17:29):
your life.
You need to know why you'rehere, who you are, why you're
here, where are you going.
And then it's about takingaction steps and seeing which
one works and which one doesn'twork.
Then you do the heart freedom.
And now you can take that step,and I have a peer review study
(17:50):
that's going to come out, andwhat most people have discovered
from doing this work on aregular basis is that it creates
a sense of hope for theirfuture.
They know it's not random thatthey have control over their
life, and the control that wehave is to listen to our heart
or not.
And once you listen to yourheart, even if your kids are
(18:14):
left, I can guarantee you'llnever be bored.
You will never be bored becauseevery day, if you want to live
from your heart, your job is tobring the best out of yourself
and all the eight environmentsof the self.
You're going to be busy untilyou take your last breath.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
I can hear people listening to this right now and
their minds are going.
But, Lise, my purpose was mykids.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I know, but that's not a purpose, but that's what
they think.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So how do we help them move through that thought?
But that's what they think.
So how do we help them movethrough that?
Speaker 1 (18:49):
thought it's good because it made you want to be a
good parent.
But I can guarantee you it'snot like we talked a bit before,
like needing your kids to giveyou stuff.
Can you imagine the pressure itputs on your kids if they sense
(19:12):
that, oh my goodness, myparents, I'm the center of their
universe and if I mess up or ifI don't do the right things,
I'm going to destroy them?
That's not loving your kids.
One of my blessings, my mom.
She lived in Quebec and I livein Toronto.
She was eight hours away.
My mom never, ever, pressuredme in being her center of
happiness ever.
(19:33):
She always left me the freedomof wanting to be my pure essence
.
And my worst clients I can tellyou parents listening to my
worst clients are the clientswhose parents try to cocoon them
too much because they're notable to be courageous and to
(19:53):
live an amazing life.
You need courage and I have acorny story that I like to use.
It's a perfect corny story andit's like the scientist is
observing a butterfly coming outof a cocoon and it's a huge
struggle.
It takes hours and hours.
So to be nice to the butterflycuts the cocoon open to make it
easy.
Because when I was a kid, lifewas tough and I'm going to be a
(20:18):
better parent than my parent.
Therefore, I'm going to make mykid's life easy, guess what?
Because the butterfly hasnothing to struggle against.
The wings are weak, it cannever fly and it dies like that.
So, whatever challenge you hadwhen you were a kid, it made
your wings stronger.
(20:39):
And if you're loving of yourkids, you need to believe in
them and you need to let them bescared, because if you don't
teach them to get out of theircomfort zone, why should I do
anything that's uncomfortable?
Because my parents are going torescue me.
Those are my worst clients,because they're unable to get
what they want.
(20:59):
So I have clients that ask mewhat do you think I can have
this that I want?
And I say, if you have anintense desire and you're
courageous, willing to do thework, yeah, I am convinced.
I am convinced that each andevery one of us if you're a
football player and you want tobe a prima ballerina, that's not
really your heart speaking I amconvinced that each and every
(21:23):
one of us, we have within ourheart desires that are specific,
just for us, that are therecalling us to bring our essence
into the world and if you'rewilling to listen to your heart,
do the work, know you're worthyof love and then admit your
dreams and aspirations and thenget going to make it happen.
(21:44):
This is how you live apassionate life.
You want to be bored?
Stay in your comfort zone.
Don't try to stretch.
You want to be passionate,stretch yourself out.
Why is it that people jump outof an airplane?
Because it's really out oftheir comfort zone.
And when we land on the grass,like hee-haw, I made it, I
(22:06):
didn't die.
So that's a bit too extreme.
You wouldn't want to be livingso much out of your comfort zone
all the time.
But if, consciously, you decideto create your own heaven on
earth, you sit there and youcreate a statement of purpose
for your life, then you canstretch yourself and that's how
you feel alive.
(22:28):
One of my mentors says whenyou're green, you grow, when
you're ripe, you rot.
When you're green, you grow,when you're ripe, you rot.
And most of my clients areactually between the age of 45
to 65.
There are people I guess Iattract that kind of people like
(22:49):
people want to live life, notjust an ordinary life, but an
extraordinary life.
And the only difference betweensomeone who lives an ordinary
life and an extraordinary lifeis the ability to take the right
actions based on their heart.
And this is how you feel, likehee-haw, I'm alive, I'm blessed.
(23:09):
And then your kids are notworried about you because they
left home and they go.
Oh, look at mom and dad.
They seem happy.
I don't have to worry aboutthem.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yeah, I think it's important for us to talk a
little bit about too, like ifthat's theirs.
My people sometimes need someinspiration, right, because they
feel so stuck their identitywas so wrapped up as a mom or a
dad that how do you bringinspiration into your daily life
and kind of what role does thatplay if you're creating this
conscious life choices, becauseI think that's what you're
(23:41):
hitting at is like now that thekids have left home, oh, I have
to make some conscious decisionsabout my life.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
One carrot.
You know the stage one is thestick and stage two consciously
is the carrot.
So the carrot.
If you're really driven by yourkids, you can decide.
I'm going to be an example tomy kids on how to live a great
life.
You can become a role model.
Your physical duties are done,but now you can be an example of
(24:13):
what it takes to live anamazing life.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
So take the time to ask yourself Pardon me, be an
example of what's possible foryour kids.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, yeah, like I said, like those of you who are
listening right now, close youreyes, feel what it feels like
when you think you worry aboutyour parents.
How good do you feel?
And think about how you feelwhen you feel your parents are
happy.
Which one do you want?
(24:43):
You want to be a parent thatinspires your kids, makes them
feel safe.
My mom and dad are okay.
They don't need me.
I don't need to feel guiltythat I'm pursuing my life, all
of those things.
Yeah, it's important to spendtime to ask yourself who am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
I have my book, conversationwith the Heart.
(25:05):
I have a client in Madrid andhe said Lise, your book is all
meat, no potatoes.
When people come and see me,they have my book.
It's underlined, earmarked andeverything Like.
It's solid, it's not fluff.
If you read my book, you willget a really good insights as to
(25:26):
what it takes to live a reallygood life.
I also have my extreme freedomweekend where you spend two days
just learning about yourself.
You absolutely like.
I have this analogy.
Let's say, I give you a map, Igive you a car, money for the
gas, but I don't tell you whereto go.
Most people live life that waythey have no clue where they're
(25:50):
going and they're zigzagging,going all over the place.
And they spend too much time onsocial media, watching TV,
doing all the things to try tonumb the anxiety they have
because they're not listening tothe heart.
You want to be happy.
You definitely need to be intouch with your heart.
That you are in touch with yourheart, that you are in touch
(26:11):
with your heart when you're ableto sit quiet without having the
need to get up and have to gorunning or drink a beer or a
whole bag of chocolate cookies.
When you're connected into yourheart, you can actually feel ah
, I'm grateful.
If you're able to do this, thatmeans you're connected with
(26:35):
your heart, you're being guidedand it's so nice just to stop.
Sometimes, when you're busyliving this amazing life, then
you go.
Ah, I'm grateful.
You don't feel panicked becauseyou're not filling up the time
with something.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yeah, I know a lot of people who listen to the show,
or in my social feed they oftensay I don't know what comes next
, I don't know how to answer thequestions what now and what's
next for me and I feel likethat's just subconsciously
blocking you.
So what would you recommend forpeople who are dealing with
subconscious blocks like that orsome self-sabotaging beliefs,
(27:11):
to help them move forward?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah again, there are two parts to knowing what you
want in life.
One is the conscious and theother one is the subconscious.
And you're right when I workwith people sometimes and I'm
really willing and able to knowmy purpose or what I want to do
with my life, a lot of peopleare afraid that what if I admit
what I want but I can't get it?
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
So that's why it's important to do the subconscious
work on this, because,relatively speaking, your mind
that wants to know is the sizeof a football, but your
subconscious mind that's thereto keep you alive, the football
field.
So who do you think is going towin?
The subconscious?
So that's part of you need to.
(27:56):
That's why people need toreally know about the
subconscious.
So that's part of you need to.
That's why people need toreally know about the
subconsciously.
If the people, whenever someonefeels like they're being
blocked somewhere, whether it'sabout knowing what they want to
do in life, just know that it'snot a coincidence, it's because,
at some level, it's safer foryou not to know.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Oh, always yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, always.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Yeah, it feels comfortable to be safe.
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
That's not a comfort zone that's why it's important
to be courageous.
So that's one part of theequation.
The second part is I know I'vebeen teaching my extreme freedom
weekend since 1992, so I knowbecause I've done this, probably
with a thousand people mostpeople, like 99.9% of the people
(28:48):
have no idea why they're here.
What do you mean?
Why they're here, like on thisplanet?
On this planet, yeah, what am Isupposed to do?
The kids are gone.
That was my whole raison d'etre.
It's like what am I supposed todo now?
Raison d'être it's like what amI supposed to do now?
And if, again, if you thoughtthat your raison d'être was to
be a parent, and then your kids,because you love them, you want
them to be the best version ofthemselves, what do you do?
(29:12):
That's why, if your kids havenot left home yet, I highly
encourage you to take the timeto find out more about who you
are, why you're here, whereyou're going to really connect
with your heart.
There are only four things thatlive in the heart.
One is love, the other one isgratitude, the other one is
inspiration and wisdom Love,gratitude, inspiration and
(29:37):
wisdom and the more we havegratitude and love for who we
are, what we do and what we have, the more access we have to
inspiration, which then gives usinsights as to what we should
be doing next the inspirationpiece, I think is where most
people who listen to the showprobably struggle with right
it's like where do I find?
inspiration for what comes nextyeah, and it will only happen
(30:01):
again if you take the time tolove who you are, if you connect
with yourself, because if youwere speaking with me, I'm sure
that's happened to you.
You go to a cocktail party andyou start speaking to somebody,
and then they just turn aroundand look around while you're
speaking.
It doesn't feel so good, doesit?
Your heart is speaking to youall the time, saying hey, let's
(30:26):
do this.
But most people don't listen.
And if you and I were in along-term relationship and I
don't listen when you speak, youprobably feel like I don't care
about you.
You might feel depressed.
Most people feel depressedbecause they don't spend time
connecting with their own heart.
But let's say, we talk andyou'd mentioned to me that you
(30:52):
like going to Thai restaurantsand the next time we get
together I made a reservation toa Thai restaurant.
You probably feel a littlevelour.
You would go, wow, not only didshe listen to me, but she did
something for me.
So when you start listening toyour heart and you take actions
to fulfill your heart's desire,then you feel grateful and
(31:15):
you'll get more and moreinspiration.
There's an expression that Ilearned from one of my mentors,
dr John Demartini, when you dowhat you love, it leads you to
what you love.
When you do what you love, itleads you to what you love.
And love doesn't mean like thisis something beautiful in
(31:36):
English that we don't have inFrench.
There's a huge differencebetween liking and loving.
Like, you probably dislikechanging poopy diapers, but you
learn to love it, otherwise yourkids would die.
So loving means I'm willing todo what it takes to get what I
want out of it.
(31:56):
So for me, for example, mybackground I was a chiropractor.
I was a holistic chiropractor.
I love being a chiropractor andin 1988, my father was
diagnosed with terminal cancer.
He was given nine months tolive.
That was three weeks before mysister's wedding.
A week after my sister'swedding, my 21-year-old brother
(32:21):
died in a car accident and then,within a month of that, my
eight-year relationship to theman I thought I was going to
marry ended and it was like ow,ow, ow.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
A lot, that's a lot.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
That was a lot, a lot , that's a lot, that is a lot.
So, to survive the pain in mystage one, my bootcamp, to
survive the pain, I went on aquest to understand what does it
take to live a great life.
So I was driven to run awayfrom pain and I'm sitting here
speaking with you today becauseof this challenge that happened
(33:00):
in my life, because I went allright.
It's not if these things aregoing to happen to me, it's when
these things happen.
How do I live life?
So I don't go flat like apancake.
So for you, listening to this,if your kids have left again,
ask yourself who am I?
Why am I here?
How do I live a great life?
(33:30):
I have a definition of love andit's pretty useful, pretty
practical.
I'm a pretty common sense,down-to-earth type of person.
So for me, my definition oflove is wanting the best for
another being while respectingyour needs.
Want, wanting the best foranother being while respecting
your needs.
Wanting the best for anotherbeing while respecting your
needs.
So if your kids are grown upand they need to go to Australia
, when you live in America, youwant the best for them.
(33:52):
But what are your needs now?
Because you cannot be selfishand want to tie them to you,
even though it's better for themto leave.
But that's when wanting thebest for you is truly.
It's about you spending thetime to look at who you are Like
(34:13):
.
If you're a good parent this ismy vision of a good parent you
have a baby and you look at thisbaby and you go all right, how
am I going to help bring thebest out of this baby?
Because you can have twins andone twin is going to be a
musician and the other one goingto be a football player.
So you look at them differentlyand you strive to coax the best
(34:36):
out of them.
As an adult, nobody's in chargeof doing this for you.
You cannot wait for the divinebeing an angel, your spouse, to
come and say oh, you're amazing.
How are we going to bring thebest out of you?
It's your job.
(34:57):
Your job is to do the work Ifyou challenge yourself.
You know the movie the Secretand the law of attraction and
all that.
I actually got to be on stageand teach this to the people
from the movie the Secret and Igot a real kick out of doing
that.
So I will give you in anutshell the true law of
(35:18):
attraction.
So I will give you in anutshell the true law of
attraction.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
If you challenge yourself you'll attract support.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
If you stay in your comfort zone, you're going to
attract challenges.
So nobody has more pain andpleasure, more pleasure than
pain.
We all have support andchallenges.
The only thing we can do is theform it comes in.
So if you decide to challengeyourself and go, you know what?
My kids are gone.
(35:49):
But I'm going to challengemyself to bring the best out of
myself.
I'm going to do the work, I'mgoing to read books, I'm going
to do my thing.
Then you're going to feel happy.
But if you just feel sorry foryourself, you want your kids to
come home, you can't wait forthe weekends when they come to
(36:09):
visit and that's all you do.
You put your life on suspense.
You're going to be miserable.
So the only thing we can all doand I've asked this, I've asked
this like it was interesting,like a month ago one of my
clients that I was teaching thissupport and challenge thing, he
actually created a movie wherein that movie the kids had been
(36:32):
so supported that they createdlike hell on earth for all the
kids and I got to be on stageand talk to the people.
That was cool because my workgot to pack more people and
that's what I always.
I asked them like raise yourhand if you've never had huge
challenges.
And guess what?
(36:53):
Nobody raised their hand.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Nobody raised their hand.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
No.
So if you're smart human being,you're not going to try to
create only pleasure.
You're going to learn how touse support and challenge to
fulfill your purpose.
So that's our job is to knowwhat is this you want to create.
And when it's nice having anice spouse, when you're
(37:21):
cuddling in the morning and youdon't want to get up, it's nice.
But if you did that every day,you wouldn't feel your heart, it
would get mad at your spousebecause all of a sudden you feel
it can't fulfill you anymorebecause you're not doing the
stuff that's good for yourself.
So it's important to understandif I eat a whole chocolate cake
, even though I like it, it'snot going to be good for me.
So that's when you're conscious.
(37:42):
You learn not to get stuck inpleasure.
And then, when you face achallenge, then you ask yourself
how am I going to use this tomy advantage?
So you learn to use both sidesand life becomes an adventure.
So you learn to use both sidesand life becomes an adventure.
(38:03):
I haven't been bored in years.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
I love that Life becomes an adventure and I think
that's a really good way for usto even wrap up.
Today is like life becomes anadventure when you start to
challenge yourself because thesupport finds you in those
challenges.
Is that fair?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yep, exactly, if you challenge yourself to follow
your heart, you'll get lucky.
If you stay in your comfortzone, you feel drama happens to
you.
I call that the baseball bat.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I love that.
Challenge yourself, the supportwill come.
And if you don't know, if yourbrain says I don't know, look at
your heart.
I think is what the culminationof our conversation today has
been Look inward and you'll beable to move forward.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
While knowing that your subconscious mind is
something you need to be awareof and that there are tools.
I have a tool called the HeartFreedom Method, and if everybody
equipped themselves with theconscious and the subconscious
part and is courageous andfollows their heart, that's how
you have success.
I can give you a great life.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
Perfect, lise.
Thank you so much.
I loved our conversation todaybecause I hit on a lot of topics
I cover on this show for people, but you wrapped it up in such
a nice little bow topics I coveron this show for people, but
you wrapped it up in such a nicelittle bow.
I hope people like reallylisten and take this to
literally, take this to heart.
We were talking about it islook inward and that's how
you're going to find your nextpath Now that the kids are grown
(39:31):
and flown.
I really appreciate you beinghere today.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
It was my pleasure.
Thank you for having me andhelping me bring message of hope
to people.
I love when I see the sparklein people's eyes because they
get it, they can actually live agreat life.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
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