September 20, 2025 • 38 mins
What happens when your identity, built over decades of parenting, no longer feels required all the time? Neena Perez’s powerful story reveals that the empty nest is not an end—it's a beginning. After overcoming trauma and embracing single motherhood, Nina transformed her life into that of a chef, transformational coach, author, and podcast host—all after her children left home.
In this inspiring episode, Nina shares her no-nonsense approach to reinvention: “We don’t build courage and then do stuff. We do stuff to build courage.” She encourages listeners to take immediate action—just 3-4 seconds—to overcome paralysis and fear in major life transitions. Her practical tip? Start with simple curiosity—try something new, see if you like it, and keep what serves you without pressure.
Whether you're just stepping into this phase or still navigating it, Nina provides wisdom and encouragement to face fears, embrace change, and make today count. Because life is short, and your next adventure is waiting—beyond the fears and doubts.
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- Courage is built through action, not waiting to feel ready.
- Reinvent yourself by exploring new interests with curiosity, pressure-free.
- Use your parenting skills as a foundation for new, meaningful pursuits.
- Overcome fear by giving yourself just 3-4 seconds to act—no overthinking.
- Challenge yourself daily to try one new thing.
- Remember: Life is short—prioritize fun, joy, and discovery.
Neena Perez Bio
Neena Perez is a transformational coach, chef, author, and motivational speaker who empowers women to build impactful coaching businesses rooted in their God-given talents. Having overcome teen pregnancy, domestic violence, and poverty—stories she shares in her autobiography, Hit Me With Your Best Shot—Neena created her Wisdom to Wealth program. Through her 3-step process of Inner Healing, Transcending Unwanted Behaviors, and Co-Creation, she helps women heal, shift their mindsets, and confidently step into entrepreneurship.
Find Neena Online: LinkedIn, X (Twitter), Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Website
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3 Steps to Loving Your Empty Nest Life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We don't build courage and then do stuff.
We do stuff to build courage.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Exactly.
Yeah, I think we always havethat backwards anyway.
As humans, right, we think weneed to be like pumped up to do
it.
No, no, no, you just do it.
Then you get pumped up becauseyou realize how good or how bad
you were.
That was really bad, okay, yeah, what do we do to change that?
Exactly, we got it out there.
We got it out there.
The bat is already done now.
That's good.
Now let's get to the good stuff.
You know.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host the.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Empty Nest Coach, jay Ramston.
One of the biggest struggles Isee with people entering the
Empty Nest chapter is thatthey're so locked into the
identity of being Billy orSusie's mom or dad they're
afraid to even considerreinventing themselves now that
the kids are grown and flown.
It's like you can't even see anew life of meaning and purpose
that doesn't involve your kids24-7.
(01:04):
If you're subconsciouslynodding your head along right
now in agreement and saying toyourself that's me, that's me,
then keep listening.
Today I'm joined by Nina Perez,whose story of transformation
and reinvention, from survivingtrauma and navigating single
motherhood to becoming a chef,transformational life and
business coach, author andpodcast host is one that will no
(01:28):
doubt open your mind to what'spossible in your life.
Now, nina, welcome to thisEmptiness Life.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm so happy to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
This is exciting oh yeah, I, you know I loved the
story.
Well, maybe not you goingthrough it, right, but the whole
story of how you went fromwhere you were to where you are
now.
There's so many pieces to it.
I have literally probably morequestions than what we'll get to
in this episode.
But the one that's top of mindfor me is I'm sure people may be
(02:00):
wondering too is how did youpick yourself up from every
single thing that happened, fromthe trauma, navigating single
motherhood, to be like, oh, I'mgonna become a chef now, and
like how did you pick yourselfup through all those massive
transformations?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
you know, I think, uh , you have to be very
intentional about your lifebecause our life is so fleeing.
And I just started to realizethat, like everything was going
by really fast, the the kidswere growing up really fast.
I was struggling a lot, likeworking two jobs and just
spending a lot of time doingthat kind of thing, so life just
kept going.
You know, I almost had nochoice.
Honestly and I think thathappens to a lot of people who
(02:35):
are parents right, you just haveno choice.
Your kids need you, so you getup every day and do what you
have to do.
And as they started to getolder and I started seeing them
hanging out with their friendsand kind of moving on and all
those kinds of things, it wasthe question of if no one needed
me today, what would I chooseto do?
What would I want to do ifnobody needed me, if nobody
(03:05):
contacted me, if nobody justthought of Nina anymore, what
would I choose to show up to doin the world?
And you know, to me faith playsa big part in my life as well,
so a lot of prayer was involvedin this and all those kinds of
things.
And so that's how I pickedmyself up because I realized I
really had no choice and I knewthat life had to be better than
what I was going through.
(03:25):
It just had to be.
Because too many people on theoutside I was seeing thriving
and doing great things, I knewthat something had to be better.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yeah.
So it's like that, that inklingof there's something else here
for me.
And just to be clear, folks, ifyou're listening, if you don't
necessarily have to have hadtrauma and issues or anything
right, Things that have happenedhorribly.
You can be asking yourself isthere more?
Your life can be amazing rightnow.
Is there more?
So when you open your mind to,is there more?
(03:59):
What did that look like for you, let's say, five years ago,
compared to where you are now?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
You know, I really started to get really curious
about things and decided that Iwas going to investigate them,
right?
So about maybe like six, sevenyears ago, I got into
neurolinguistic programming.
I didn't know what it was.
I just heard people talkingabout NLP and I'm like what is
NLP?
I don't know what that is and Ilike to investigate things.
So I always go into, like Isometimes I go too deep into the
(04:26):
rabbit hole.
To be quite honest, I thinkit's my ADHD.
So, you know, I'm like justtrying to figure it all out and
I realized that I really likedit.
And then I liked neuralpathways and I liked the fact
that you can reinvent yourselfdaily.
And I never thought about thosethings, right, I just always
thought life was hard, this iswhat I have to go through.
And then I realized actually,no, like yesterday's done.
(04:50):
And so I started to likechallenge myself.
What is one thing you can dotoday that's completely
different than yesterday?
And I started doing that everyday.
Then I wrote my book, then Idid my podcast and so on, right,
so I challenged myself everyday to do one different thing,
and that's what kind of likestarted the snowball.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I love that Every day is a new day to start again.
I know lots of folks who listento this show kind of are
probably thinking I don't evenknow what to do next.
I don't even know what the verynext step is.
My kids have left my identityas a parent.
They don't need me 24-7 anymore.
I feel like they call when theyneed me or they have a question
that they can't answer, butthat's it.
(05:33):
I feel like I'm waiting around,but it didn't sound like you
did that.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No, I didn't.
I started to prioritize thingsthat I love.
I started to prioritize thingsthat I love, and so I started to
explore new passions.
What does that mean exactly?
Right, so I won't go into thewhole story, but I knew inside
of me that I needed to go backto, or wanted to, be, a chef,
because I wanted that since Iwas a little girl.
And so I went and, you know,went back to school and became a
(06:03):
chef and all those things.
But I started to, and I wenthomeless during that time too.
So there was a lot of thingshappening, right, but I started
to explore what is it?
What are the things that I like, right?
So, if you like crocheting,start crocheting, or maybe take
a class, or maybe go teachsomebody how to crochet, like,
literally, start to work onthose passions.
Maybe you like to travel travelalone or travel with friends I
(06:27):
don't care what that is, but tryto explore what it is you like.
I felt like that sometimes whatdo I even like?
What is that?
So write yourself a list, beproactive, take a list, write
the things you like, what youlike about them, and then maybe,
how you can explore that.
Maybe there's a course outthere a group, a class, a
(06:47):
volunteer opportunity, something, because one step will lead to
the second step.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yes, yeah, I like that One step will lead to the
next one.
What I what I probably strugglewith a little bit for my folks
is that I hear this a lot fromfolks in my community and my
social media feeds is that, well, I loved being a mom and I
always wanted to be a mom or adad or whatever.
(07:14):
Usually it's moms telling methis I love being a mom, I can't
imagine doing anything else andI'm just, I'm lost, and so I'm
sure throughout your journey,you felt lost at times.
How did you find yourself?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You know, I use my story to serve others.
So if you love being a mom, youdon't have to stop being a mom.
Use those same strategies thatyou had to develop the humans
that you developed, right, thepeople that you love the most,
the ones that you spent the timeon.
Maybe there's something you canfind within your story being a
mom and the struggles of being amom and the challenges of being
(07:52):
a mom or a dad and you canstart a blog, you can start a
podcast, you can start a YouTubechannel, you can host small
groups, you can help a youngerperson who's going through
parenting right now, right.
So you can still utilize thoseskills of being a mom, because,
let's be real, being a parent isprobably the hardest job,
honestly, in the world, right.
And so I would say, just, Iwould ask curious questions like
(08:16):
what did you like about that?
Write those down.
Like what was the best part ofbeing a mom?
Write that down, what was themost challenging?
How did you get through that?
And then go help someone else.
I think that getting out of ourown way sometimes is really
helpful.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, it's almost like what were you good
at as a parent.
We all know there's that mom ordad like they were really good
at the lunch thing, or they werereally good at organizing play
dates, or they were really goodat carpool or whatever it may be
.
Lean on the skills.
It's the only job that youactually have literally on the
job training 24 seven 24 sevenyou know, finding that piece so
(08:54):
that's what I'm hearing you sayis find that piece where that
you were good at that you canactually.
Well, maybe this could besomething I could do now.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I think we need to be intentional, right, because
life, life will, um, will throwa bunch of curve balls your way
and some of them you'll catchand some of them you will not.
And, uh, I think, once you did,once you have poured your life
into, you know, raising a familyand and being a wife or spouse
or whatever, and and you, you'regoing through those moments in
(09:24):
life, there is that moment whereyou sit and go, now, what?
Like now, what Right?
And I mean I remember feelingscared, like that, what do I do
now?
And I'm like, well, you can'tsit here all day, nina, get your
butt up and go do something,you know.
So I started to volunteer atsoup kitchens.
I started to, you know, thinkabout, okay, I have this skill
(09:47):
which is cooking, right.
So I started a businessteaching children how to cook.
And then that became a prettybig business and I started doing
summer camps and afterschoolactivities with kids cooking.
And I still do that to this day, actually, and I've even grown
it into now that I teachunderserved communities how to
get into the culinary field byteaching them culinary.
(10:08):
So you see, I didn't think ofthat, you know, when I started
umpteen years ago.
But if you at least try onething you may like it, you may
not, that's okay, it's your lifeDo what you want, right.
So do it anyways what I say,and if right, good Even.
Do that even more.
You know, because I believethat you have to face and
(10:29):
eliminate all restriction, whichis what fear means to me.
I face it, I eliminate.
If it's a restriction, it'sgone.
I'm not doing that, we're goingto get through it.
So, as parents let's be realWe've been through some stuff
and we've dealt with really bigthings, especially if you have,
you know, multiple kids, so youcan do anything you put your
mind through.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, I agree with that.
You, just you.
You just said something soquick.
I don't even think you realizedyou said it.
It's probably how you.
You said this is how I think offear, and it was literally an
acronym.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I want you to say that again for people, because I
was like what was that?
I missed part of it.
So the F was Face.
Face.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
And eliminate.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And eliminate.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
All restrictions Face .
Eliminate all restrictions, Wow.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
That is like okay, let's go into that a little bit,
so face and eliminate allrestrictions.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
So fear and we talk a lot about on the show is like
the coach speak is limitingbeliefs, but I say it's like I
can't do that, I couldn't dothat, I'm not allowed to do that
or whatever it may be.
So how do you face that Like,if you want to eliminate
everything right, all yourrestrictions, do you start with
(11:43):
those words?
Do you start with somethingelse?
How did you do it?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So I, you know, I think, whenyou start to just do it and I
know that that sounds easiersaid than done, but this is one
of the issues that we have whenwe have limiting beliefs or the
I can't mentality is youoverthought it to begin with,
right?
So if you just do it whenyou're thinking it, you don't
have time to talk yourself outof it, right?
(12:10):
So I don't give myself muchtime, I give myself three to
four seconds and off I go.
Because if I last longer thanfive or six seconds, I'm not
going to get it done.
Because I start to go well,what about this?
And well, what about that andwhat about this?
And what if this comes in?
What did you know?
The whatabouts, right, the whatifs.
So I face it.
I'm like oh, oh, this doesn'tfeel very good in my body, like
(12:31):
I feel afraid of doing thisvideo, I feel afraid of doing
this blog, I feel afraid ofwhatever.
I'm like, all right, I got tolike, for instance, I wanted to
start recording cooking videos.
I haven't done it in years.
I wanted to start again.
And immediately fear came in,like oh, that's a big, a lot,
that's a lot of work and I said,girl, stop.
(12:54):
I went and took my iPad, I putit downstairs, I propped it up
and I started cooking.
You know, like what are youdoing?
Right, I don't give myself toomuch time, and I think we need
to stop giving ourselves so muchtime that we talk ourselves out
of it, or your brain isautomatically going to shut down
something it's afraid of, andso you have to, like, beat it to
the punch.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good, I like that.
But I also know folks may belistening and saying you know,
nina sounds pretty tough to me.
She went through it.
A lot Doesn't like, doesn'tsound like she puts up with a
whole lot from anyone or herself.
That's not me.
How do I even take the firststep?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, that's not me either.
People listening are like'malways thinking about it.
I always talk myself out ofgreat things.
Sometimes I do this all thetime, and so, because I've had
so much trauma, I don't have alot of.
(13:53):
I challenge myself a lotbecause I had low self-worth.
I just didn't think I wasvaluable enough, good enough,
smart enough, all the things,and so it is something that
constantly creeps up.
So I'm no different than anyonelistening.
I think that the onlydifference is is that I've
mastered Nina in that as soon asI see the fear coming, I know
(14:15):
me.
If I allow it, I'll be sittingon the couch eating bonbons.
For those of you who are my age52 and plus, I'll be on the
couch eating bonbons andliterally soothing the
unworthiness part of me.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It makes perfect sense.
Yeah, If you let the doubt seepin then, it just kind of
spirals.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yes, and then you soothe it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
You soothe it Netflix or doom scrolling, as the kids
would say today.
Yeah, whatever it may be Okay.
I would imagine in your journeyyou probably have a lot of
scars from that.
But I've read a little bit.
You use that to empower people.
Now, yeah, can you tell me more?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
about that?
Yeah, because I realized thatthere was a lot of giftings in
me that I didn't know I had.
Right, you know, when you'regrowing up with a lot of trauma,
you just don't see your worth.
And so I started to think aboutmy journey, as I, you know,
when I wrote my book, I was likeNina, you've gone through quite
(15:15):
a bit here, wow, you know.
So I started writing thosethings down and I started
writing what does that, what dothose pillars look like?
What does the framework looklike?
How did you get through thesethings?
And I started finding my truecalling, my what I call my God
given calling, because I believein God, right?
So, and I started to uncover mybelief systems.
(15:36):
And where did they come from?
And it was a lot from familydamage, right.
And started to renew the thingsthat they said to me for the
truth of what God says about me,and I started to develop all of
that.
So it's like a divine discovery.
And then I have a visionaryblueprint where I design my
values.
What is it that I have as myvalues?
(15:57):
My values are faith,authenticity, truthfulness,
kindness.
These are big values for me.
And so I help women kind ofdiscover not kind of, but to
discover what their valuealigned business model is.
What is it that they want tobring out into the world?
And I started to think abouthow does that look for these
(16:22):
women?
And so we started to work oninner healing, transcending all
of these unwanted belief systems.
And then I also have a team nowthat I brought on to the
business that helps women ifthey want to develop, like
coaching businesses, for example.
My team will then come in whenwe have done all the healing and
(16:43):
build up their business andeverything, and they will do
their funnel building, theirautomation, all the things, all
the things you need to actuallyrun a business that nobody tells
you about when you first.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
You first come out here to run a business, right,
exactly, yeah, okay, okay, thefolks nina has mentioned a
couple of times in the book.
It's called hit me with yourbest shot how I Overcame a
Hard-Hitting Life, and I thinkit's good to mention it because
there are things in it I wouldimagine that are like ooh, okay,
(17:14):
here's how I can transcendanything that's happened to me,
even deep trauma, but alsohaving your kids go off to
school, having them leave thenest that's going to be
emotional trauma for parents100%.
And trying to wrap your headaround.
Ooh, if and this is what Ithink is the deep-seated one is
(17:34):
like what if I'm not wantedanymore?
You hinted at it before, right.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
What if I'm not?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
wanted anymore.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Then what?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Well, I call that a lie from the pit of hell.
Is what that?
What I?
call that a lie from the pit ofhell.
That's where that's from,because you are wanted, and
that's the thing, like you know.
I think it's just you're trulydiscovering, you know, all of
these amazing, beautiful giftsthat you have in you and and I
know some people say, well, Idon't know if I have any gifts
(18:04):
no, you absolutely do, becausewe have gone through things in
life and when you've gonethrough things in life, if you
can pull and extract, what I sayis, you know, chew the meat and
spit out the bones, right, andso, while you are extracting the
good stuff, spit out the ugly,bad stuff.
Nobody needs it or wants it,unless you're going to reframe
it into something better.
But what you have learned isorganization, how to be a parent
(18:28):
, how to deal with issues.
Like my kids had big issues.
I wrote it in my book like allthe heavy issues that I'm
through with my one of mychildren was on drugs, like
things like that.
Like there was a lot of thingsthat I dealt with that were very
heavy as a parent, but Ilearned to navigate and as I've
been able to work with thesewomen, they don't come to me for
(18:48):
parenting advice, but we dospeak about kids and things that
we've gone through.
You have got gifts within you.
Be intentional to find out whatthey are.
Discover them.
It's going to be fun.
You're going to learn so much,and what I mean is you are
wanted because someone out hereneeds your voice, because
(19:10):
there's something you have thatthey haven't been able to find.
I really believe that that's atrue belief of mine that we are
all here to serve another human.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that, yeah, and I know folks maybe think
well, for me it's my kids.
I'm a parent, that's who I'mserving.
But I totally agree with you.
There are other people whocould use your insight, could
use how your brain works, howyou think about things.
Nobody thinks about the samething the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Exactly right.
Yeah, I mean we're notreinventing the wheel.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Oh sure.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
But we all have a different angle.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
There's only so many thoughtsin this world, right?
We all just look at them alittle bit differently.
Our ideas are concepts.
We just look at them a littlebit differently and how we shape
that for folks.
But imagine, like folks, if youcould do something amazing for
somebody else, like Nina doeswith her people that she works
with, and you focus on helpingpeople build businesses,
(20:08):
specifically coaching businessesbut what, how, in that parallel
, how might you say, oh, if youwant to do something different,
what would that look like?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
If you want to do something different than.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I don't, I don't, I don't have a different period.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You mean like just different period.
Oh yeah, I think that's youknow, a little bit, going back
from what we said before, like,try some different things and
see what you like and don't like, because you're not going to
like everything, right, like I,I wanted to get into what was it
.
It was something and I was like, oh no, I don't know, I don't
like this.
So I stopped up.
(20:48):
You know, having I have a wholepart of my business, that's all
VA, it's a VA centric businessand I have them do it.
I cannot stand going on socialmedia every day, right, that's
not my thing, but I did try it,right, cause I'm like you know
what?
I'm going to do this for likesix to eight months.
Let me see if I really likethis, can I manage just myself,
blah, blah, blah, couldn't standit, couldn't stand it.
(21:14):
Four to six months in, I'm likeI'm really good at it and I
hate it.
So I'm not doing this anymore,right, so I did so I will tell
anybody who's listening.
Try it, like, if it's curiousto you, like, right now I'm
really curious about AI, very,very curious about AI and I'm
very curious about coding, right.
And so what did I do?
I went out there and exploredwell, what free courses can I
take on AI, what free coursescan I take on coding, and see if
(21:36):
I actually like it or not.
So I'm just starting that Right.
I might hate it, I don't know,but the truth is is I'm not
going to know unless I have funtrying to discover it.
So I will tell you.
Have some freaking fun.
Life is super short.
You are not promised tomorrow,so make today count, and that
means fun.
That's it.
Just go have some fun.
(21:56):
Go have some damn fun, y'all.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, that was just literally broccoli advice.
And so it just popped in myhead.
Do you know what broccoliadvice is?
No, it's just it just poppedinto my head.
You were talking about just tryit.
It's like when a parent says,oh, just try the broccoli, yeah
Right, if you don't like it,it's okay.
Yeah, yeah, you have to try it.
And so, like I was like, don'tlike whatever you're trying,
(22:22):
then go and try somethingdifferent until you find what
you like Exactly.
And that's the opportunitiesare endless at this stage in
life.
But don't wait, right, theother pieces, don't wait for it
all to happen.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Throughout your entire journey what's one thing
you've learned about yourself?
Oh, that's a good question.
I think I've learned that I'm alot stronger than I thought I
was.
I used to, you know, for many,many years, especially because I
was a lot stronger than Ithought I was.
I used to, you know, for many,many years, especially because I
was a very young mother.
I had my children very young andI struggled a lot with
depression and anxiety andthings like that, just
(22:56):
constantly trying to be the best, do the best.
You know, I was like a veryperformance driven individual
and I always thought I'm notgood enough, I'm just not smart
enough, I just can't do this.
You know all the stuff thatcomes at you when you're a human
being trying to just make it inthis world.
And I realized what, especiallywhen I wrote my book,
especially then, is when Irealized how strong I actually
(23:18):
am.
I didn't realize it because Iwas just in the motions, you
know, just going, but I'mfreaking strong, like I didn't
realize that Right.
So now what we?
You know it used to take meyears to get through.
Whether it was shame orunforgiveness or depression or
(23:38):
anger, whatever that thing was.
It used to take me like yearsto get through.
Then I started to work onmyself.
It started taking me months,and then weeks and then days,
and now it just takes moments.
Not many things affect me for along term anymore, so I think
it's my ability to pivot and andmy strength to withstand things
(24:02):
when they are hard.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
So good, so good.
Of all the things that you'vedone.
You've clearly done a lot inyour life.
How much of it have you done inyour emptiness life?
I think people will beinterested to know ooh, it was
all stuff she did before sheleft home, or has she done a lot
since then?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
No, since then, when my kids started leaving the home
is when I started to work on mypodcast and started to do
cooking videos on YouTube and Istarted to develop my coaching
business, and all that was doneas the kids were out of the
house.
So all of that came after.
(24:42):
I just can't even believe I hadthe strength to do all of that,
but I it's fun, it's freakingfun, and I just didn't have, I
didn't have to worry too much,like when I started studying to
become a coach and all that.
Yeah, my kids were younger andstuff, but then they got, you
know, 18, 19, 20.
And then they were like ow,they were like bye, mom, deuces.
(25:08):
You know they were out of here,but we're very close, like very
close, and sometimes they tellme a little more than I need to
or want to know.
But I started a routine withthem when they were younger.
We would sit down at the tableand this is when I started to
get into my own self-developmentjourney and I started something
at the table called free timeand what that was was that when
we were having dinner, it wasfree time, meaning anything that
(25:29):
they did, anything thathappened, anything that they
shouldn't have done, but theydid it anyway.
They can talk about it atdinnertime for that hour with
absolutely no consequences tothe action, only that they had
to listen to advice.
Give me two to three thingsthey could have done
alternatively to that actionthat they took.
(25:53):
And nobody was allowed to walkaway from the table until the
conversation was over, and so ithelped my family a lot.
And now, as adults because mychildren are from the age of 37,
my youngest is 27, they tell meeverything, everything, a
little too much, but everything.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Making those strong connections which.
I know some people strugglewith when the kids are adults,
that they don't know how tonavigate that.
Yeah, it's tough.
It's a tough child, yeah, kindof transformation that happens
there.
So I think that's an importantpiece is like, how can we find
ways to make that accessible, orhow can we approach it more?
(26:34):
Or does it mean because youdidn't start it earlier that you
can't start it now?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Absolutely, or just ask them.
They're adults now, right, Iasked my kids because my son
just had a baby.
She's a year old, right?
And I didn't actually know howto navigate that, because my
youngest daughter she's 27.
She has two kids, but she livesin Florida.
I'm all the way in Texas, soI'm not as involved physically.
(27:00):
I talk to her every day but myson, on the other hand, lives
maybe 30 minutes away.
How do I navigate that, right?
So I asked, I just asked.
I'm like, okay, so you're a dad, it's your baby girl, my
grandbaby, you know I'm gonna beall over her.
So what are my parameters?
You know, how do I respect yourspace?
(27:21):
How do I come at this?
How do I advise you?
And he was very clear on that,and so now we have, I have a
clear roadmap.
I know exactly how he wants meto talk to him and how he wants
me to communicate.
And it's been great, becauseyou have to ask the questions A
lot of times.
We just assume and we shouldstop doing that they're adults
now.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, we assume we'll , we'll, we'll live in their
lives the way that we lived intheir lives.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, we want to actually.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
We want to actually as well.
Yeah, we're just coming overwithout being without an answer.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We're here, where's the baby Exactly?
As opposed to saying Ooh, yeah,how do you want me to operate
in your new?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
now yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I understand it's your life now.
How do you want me to show upin it?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
It's hard to to get.
You know the answers.
With the restrictions, I don'tlike the answers.
But it also gives you freedom,though, because it lowers the
ability to have like some kindof tension, you know it.
It doesn't allow us to have toargue with each other or
anything because I disrespectedhim, so he may see it that way.
So I'm really really um withthe how was I going to say the
(28:29):
kids?
They're not kids anymore.
The men and the women in mylife.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
There are kids.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, they sure are.
I told them, you're still mybaby.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, I still see you as four and that's okay.
That's how it is.
But I love that piece aboutjust opening up the conversation
because it is a huge topic forparents who are empty nesting
around.
How do I navigate this now?
Even when the kids first leaveand go to college, ask them how
do you want me to communicatewith you?
Do you want me?
to just call you.
Do you want to set a set oftime?
(29:00):
Do you want me to text you?
Do you want me to wait for youto text me?
But let them guide theconversation.
You decide how decide howyou're gonna.
Yeah, so good.
I love that.
I love that.
What's one thing that you wishfor your future self as you're
going through what you're doingnow?
If you looked at yourself at at80, what's one thing you would
wish for yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Oh, that's such a good question.
You know, I, I, I do, um, Imeditate, right, I try to
meditate.
Anyway, adhd brains don'treally meditate that well, but I
try, and I've thought of that.
Actually, I've taken myselfdown what I call a two-path
journey.
One path is what would life belike if I stayed exactly the
same and did nothing, and in mydeathbed, what would I think?
(29:44):
And then the other path is if Istarted to do different things
that I wanted to do along thispath, one or five years, 10
years, 15 years deathbed whatwould that look like?
And so your question is veryrelevant to that, because what I
want to leave behind is alegacy of love and
transformation and compassionand growth for others and for
myself.
(30:04):
I love learning, so that's whatI want to do in my deathbed one
day is just look back and say,man, I lived a really good, full
life and I believe that I'veimpacted people in a really good
, full way.
That's what I want.
That's what I want, and thatdoesn't mean millions and
billions and gajillions ofdollars.
That just means joy and peaceand love and compassion, and you
(30:29):
know, that's what that means tome.
That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
I love it.
So we we didn't really talkabout your story in particular,
Like we didn't dive into manydetails, but I'm just curious
what's one thing that a lot ofpeople don't know about you?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I'm like what don't people know about me?
I wrote a book about me.
I'm like what don't?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
people know about me.
I wrote a book about me Exactly.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I don't know.
That's a good question.
Uh, I think a lot of people,going back to what you said
earlier, like they think oh,Nina's tough, and I think one of
the things that people don'tknow is how insecure I feel
often, you know, because I amalways online often, you know,
because I am always online, alot of my business is built
(31:11):
online.
You know you might see me ascompletely confident and
go-getter-ness, and becausethat's really the part of me
that comes out, because Istruggle a lot with being
insecure about, you know, am Igood enough, smart enough, can I
do this?
You know I do struggle quite abit a lot with that, and so I
(31:33):
have to overcome that by going.
Remember, I told you I just go,so I just go.
So I think people don't seethat part of me.
So sometimes people think, oh,nina's good, but nobody checks
in on me because Nina's alwaysgood.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, that makes sense, it makes perfect.
Yeah, yeah, I feel that ahundred percent A lot of my
social media is me walking andtalking.
But, folks, I'll tell you, itlooks like it's so natural, but
it takes me about 45 minutes ofa 55 minute walk to psych myself
up to create a video.
Right, like, ooh, like, is itgoing to be good enough?
Same?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yes, the same Sometimes.
I don't even record, becauseI'm like, ah no, it's not good
enough.
It's not good enough.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Exactly my coach talks about just you have to gag
and go right.
Just you know, just deal withit.
And so I think that's a lot ofwhat this conversation is about.
It's like you feel stuck andyou're not sure what to do.
Do it anyway.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
We don't build courage and then do stuff.
We do stuff to build courage.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Exactly.
Yeah, I think we always havethat backwards anyway.
As humans, right, we think weneed to be like pumped up to do
it.
No, no, no, you just do it.
Then you get pumped up becauseyou realize how good or how bad
you were.
That was really bad, okay, yeah.
What do we do to change that?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
We got it out there.
The bad is already done.
Now.
That's good.
Now let's get to the good stuff.
You know, yeah, oh, a hundredpercent, A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
So if you look at your entire life, right and
folks, if you want to learn more, you can you buy the book you
read about her entire journeyand this entire journey.
But if you could go back andyou looked at your entire life,
what's one thing you would dodifferently?
If you knew, no one would judgeyou.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
That's such a great question.
You know, I've always said thatI wouldn't change a thing
because it made me who I amtoday.
I honestly really believe that.
But if I can go back to me andencourage me just a bit more,
you know, and just say, listen,you're going to go through some
shiznick in life, you know.
So I want to encourage you thatyou're a badass at the 52, but
(33:36):
just remember, you got this.
I think that's the only thing Iwould change is the
encouragement.
I had no encouragement in mylife and so that kept me a lot
in pressure and in this wheel,this hamster wheel that I
couldn't get off of.
So I think that's what I wouldchange More encouragement,
because I feel like I would bemaybe stronger or further along
(33:59):
than I am at 52.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
But other than that, the traumas I mean and there's a
lot of traumas in my life.
I don't know if I would changethose things.
I think I would just want theknowledge on how to get through
them better.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yes, yeah, to not spin in it.
It's cliche to say, but peoplesay it often.
It's like how did this happenfor me instead of to me?
Yeah, exactly, exactly I.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
But no, that now, but I wish I knew that during yeah
exactly.
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Uh, one question, like one more question before I
let you go, is what's the mostdifficult decision you've ever
made in your journey?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Oh, okay, there's a few.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Um there's.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
there's quite a bit of decisions in my life and in
my journey of this life that Ihave found extremely hard.
I think, um, I think, well,there's, there's a couple, but
I'm going to choose the onethat's really on my heart.
So I have a son.
He's now 31.
He is an amazing kid now, butwhen he was younger he was
(35:12):
getting into a lot of troubleand he was doing drugs and he
was hanging out with unsavorypeople and just doing a lot of
things.
And during this journey of meyou know, starting to do my
coaching and growing andwhatever I was also contending
with him and what he was goingthrough and I literally ripped
him out of the life he was inand threw his ass thousands of
(35:37):
miles away.
So we lived in Connecticut andI threw him to Texas by himself
to fend for himself.
He was 18.
And that was the hardestdecision I have ever had to make
as a parent and as mom and asjust as a human, because that
was my baby.
But it was either that orcontend with the fact that I may
(36:00):
have to either look for him injail or bury him in the ground.
And he hated me for it.
Didn't speak to me for a verylong time because he was so
angry, and I don't blame him forthe anger, but I think that was
the hardest journey.
The hardest piece of my journeywas making a decision that was
(36:21):
against all of my being as aparent.
You know, just taking your kidand just putting them in a place
where he's going to have to,he's going to have to navigate
this because I'm not going tobury my son young.
I just won't do it.
You know it just won't happenNot on my watch, right and so,
even though he loves me now andwe get along great now, he hated
(36:44):
me for a very long time and Isaid it's okay for you to hate
me because I'm not your friend,I'm your mother.
So you can hate me, but one dayyou'll talk to me again.
No, I'm not, it's very angry.
I don't blame him, but I thinkthat was the hardest decision to
do that while trying to be abetter coach, be a better person
(37:04):
, be a better.
Everything was against me inthat moment, because I felt like
I am a terrible mother,terrible coach, terrible person,
terrible everything.
But it was the best decision Iever made in my life.
He has become the best human.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
I love that.
I love that, nina, and I'mpretty sure that was God
clapping his hands telling him.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, probably because that thunder is loud.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Just reminding you, just reminding you you did a
good job.
You did the right thing.
Thank you so much for joiningme today on this emptiness life.
Folks, if you're wondering kindof what comes next for you,
listen to this episode overagain.
Nina has so many nuggets inhere.
Especially the one about fearis something I think we all need
(37:49):
to think about.
It's like how can we just letthat go and move on?
Yeah, really appreciate youbeing here today.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
I appreciate you having me here.
Thank you so much.
This was so nice, I loved it.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
We don't build courage and then do stuff.
We do stuff to build courage.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Exactly.
Yeah, I think we always havethat backwards anyway.
As humans, right, we think weneed to be like pumped up to do
it.
No, no, no, you just do it.
Then you get pumped up becauseyou realize how good or how bad
you were.
That was really bad, okay, yeah, what do we do to change that?
Exactly, we got it out there.
We got it out there.
The bat is already done now.
That's good.
Now let's get to the good stuff.
You know.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host the.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Empty Nest Coach, jay Ramston.
One of the biggest struggles Isee with people entering the
Empty Nest chapter is thatthey're so locked into the
identity of being Billy orSusie's mom or dad they're
afraid to even considerreinventing themselves now that
the kids are grown and flown.
It's like you can't even see anew life of meaning and purpose
that doesn't involve your kids24-7.
(01:04):
If you're subconsciouslynodding your head along right
now in agreement and saying toyourself that's me, that's me,
then keep listening.
Today I'm joined by Nina Perez,whose story of transformation
and reinvention, from survivingtrauma and navigating single
motherhood to becoming a chef,transformational life and
business coach, author andpodcast host is one that will no
(01:28):
doubt open your mind to what'spossible in your life.
Now, nina, welcome to thisEmptiness Life.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm so happy to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
This is exciting oh yeah, I, you know I loved the
story.
Well, maybe not you goingthrough it, right, but the whole
story of how you went fromwhere you were to where you are
now.
There's so many pieces to it.
I have literally probably morequestions than what we'll get to
in this episode.
But the one that's top of mindfor me is I'm sure people may be
(02:00):
wondering too is how did youpick yourself up from every
single thing that happened, fromthe trauma, navigating single
motherhood, to be like, oh, I'mgonna become a chef now, and
like how did you pick yourselfup through all those massive
transformations?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
you know, I think, uh , you have to be very
intentional about your lifebecause our life is so fleeing.
And I just started to realizethat, like everything was going
by really fast, the the kidswere growing up really fast.
I was struggling a lot, likeworking two jobs and just
spending a lot of time doingthat kind of thing, so life just
kept going.
You know, I almost had nochoice.
Honestly and I think thathappens to a lot of people who
(02:35):
are parents right, you just haveno choice.
Your kids need you, so you getup every day and do what you
have to do.
And as they started to getolder and I started seeing them
hanging out with their friendsand kind of moving on and all
those kinds of things, it wasthe question of if no one needed
me today, what would I chooseto do?
What would I want to do ifnobody needed me, if nobody
(03:05):
contacted me, if nobody justthought of Nina anymore, what
would I choose to show up to doin the world?
And you know, to me faith playsa big part in my life as well,
so a lot of prayer was involvedin this and all those kinds of
things.
And so that's how I pickedmyself up because I realized I
really had no choice and I knewthat life had to be better than
what I was going through.
(03:25):
It just had to be.
Because too many people on theoutside I was seeing thriving
and doing great things, I knewthat something had to be better.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yeah.
So it's like that, that inklingof there's something else here
for me.
And just to be clear, folks, ifyou're listening, if you don't
necessarily have to have hadtrauma and issues or anything
right, Things that have happenedhorribly.
You can be asking yourself isthere more?
Your life can be amazing rightnow.
Is there more?
So when you open your mind to,is there more?
(03:59):
What did that look like for you, let's say, five years ago,
compared to where you are now?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
You know, I really started to get really curious
about things and decided that Iwas going to investigate them,
right?
So about maybe like six, sevenyears ago, I got into
neurolinguistic programming.
I didn't know what it was.
I just heard people talkingabout NLP and I'm like what is
NLP?
I don't know what that is and Ilike to investigate things.
So I always go into, like Isometimes I go too deep into the
(04:26):
rabbit hole.
To be quite honest, I thinkit's my ADHD.
So, you know, I'm like justtrying to figure it all out and
I realized that I really likedit.
And then I liked neuralpathways and I liked the fact
that you can reinvent yourselfdaily.
And I never thought about thosethings, right, I just always
thought life was hard, this iswhat I have to go through.
And then I realized actually,no, like yesterday's done.
(04:50):
And so I started to likechallenge myself.
What is one thing you can dotoday that's completely
different than yesterday?
And I started doing that everyday.
Then I wrote my book, then Idid my podcast and so on, right,
so I challenged myself everyday to do one different thing,
and that's what kind of likestarted the snowball.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I love that Every day is a new day to start again.
I know lots of folks who listento this show kind of are
probably thinking I don't evenknow what to do next.
I don't even know what the verynext step is.
My kids have left my identityas a parent.
They don't need me 24-7 anymore.
I feel like they call when theyneed me or they have a question
that they can't answer, butthat's it.
(05:33):
I feel like I'm waiting around,but it didn't sound like you
did that.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No, I didn't.
I started to prioritize thingsthat I love.
I started to prioritize thingsthat I love, and so I started to
explore new passions.
What does that mean exactly?
Right, so I won't go into thewhole story, but I knew inside
of me that I needed to go backto, or wanted to, be, a chef,
because I wanted that since Iwas a little girl.
And so I went and, you know,went back to school and became a
(06:03):
chef and all those things.
But I started to, and I wenthomeless during that time too.
So there was a lot of thingshappening, right, but I started
to explore what is it?
What are the things that I like, right?
So, if you like crocheting,start crocheting, or maybe take
a class, or maybe go teachsomebody how to crochet, like,
literally, start to work onthose passions.
Maybe you like to travel travelalone or travel with friends I
(06:27):
don't care what that is, but tryto explore what it is you like.
I felt like that sometimes whatdo I even like?
What is that?
So write yourself a list, beproactive, take a list, write
the things you like, what youlike about them, and then maybe,
how you can explore that.
Maybe there's a course outthere a group, a class, a
(06:47):
volunteer opportunity, something, because one step will lead to
the second step.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yes, yeah, I like that One step will lead to the
next one.
What I what I probably strugglewith a little bit for my folks
is that I hear this a lot fromfolks in my community and my
social media feeds is that, well, I loved being a mom and I
always wanted to be a mom or adad or whatever.
(07:14):
Usually it's moms telling methis I love being a mom, I can't
imagine doing anything else andI'm just, I'm lost, and so I'm
sure throughout your journey,you felt lost at times.
How did you find yourself?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You know, I use my story to serve others.
So if you love being a mom, youdon't have to stop being a mom.
Use those same strategies thatyou had to develop the humans
that you developed, right, thepeople that you love the most,
the ones that you spent the timeon.
Maybe there's something you canfind within your story being a
mom and the struggles of being amom and the challenges of being
(07:52):
a mom or a dad and you canstart a blog, you can start a
podcast, you can start a YouTubechannel, you can host small
groups, you can help a youngerperson who's going through
parenting right now, right.
So you can still utilize thoseskills of being a mom, because,
let's be real, being a parent isprobably the hardest job,
honestly, in the world, right.
And so I would say, just, Iwould ask curious questions like
(08:16):
what did you like about that?
Write those down.
Like what was the best part ofbeing a mom?
Write that down, what was themost challenging?
How did you get through that?
And then go help someone else.
I think that getting out of ourown way sometimes is really
helpful.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, it's almost like what were you good
at as a parent.
We all know there's that mom ordad like they were really good
at the lunch thing, or they werereally good at organizing play
dates, or they were really goodat carpool or whatever it may be
.
Lean on the skills.
It's the only job that youactually have literally on the
job training 24 seven 24 sevenyou know, finding that piece so
(08:54):
that's what I'm hearing you sayis find that piece where that
you were good at that you canactually.
Well, maybe this could besomething I could do now.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I think we need to be intentional, right, because
life, life will, um, will throwa bunch of curve balls your way
and some of them you'll catchand some of them you will not.
And, uh, I think, once you did,once you have poured your life
into, you know, raising a familyand and being a wife or spouse
or whatever, and and you, you'regoing through those moments in
(09:24):
life, there is that moment whereyou sit and go, now, what?
Like now, what Right?
And I mean I remember feelingscared, like that, what do I do
now?
And I'm like, well, you can'tsit here all day, nina, get your
butt up and go do something,you know.
So I started to volunteer atsoup kitchens.
I started to, you know, thinkabout, okay, I have this skill
(09:47):
which is cooking, right.
So I started a businessteaching children how to cook.
And then that became a prettybig business and I started doing
summer camps and afterschoolactivities with kids cooking.
And I still do that to this day, actually, and I've even grown
it into now that I teachunderserved communities how to
get into the culinary field byteaching them culinary.
(10:08):
So you see, I didn't think ofthat, you know, when I started
umpteen years ago.
But if you at least try onething you may like it, you may
not, that's okay, it's your lifeDo what you want, right.
So do it anyways what I say,and if right, good Even.
Do that even more.
You know, because I believethat you have to face and
(10:29):
eliminate all restriction, whichis what fear means to me.
I face it, I eliminate.
If it's a restriction, it'sgone.
I'm not doing that, we're goingto get through it.
So, as parents let's be realWe've been through some stuff
and we've dealt with really bigthings, especially if you have,
you know, multiple kids, so youcan do anything you put your
mind through.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, I agree with that.
You, just you.
You just said something soquick.
I don't even think you realizedyou said it.
It's probably how you.
You said this is how I think offear, and it was literally an
acronym.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I want you to say that again for people, because I
was like what was that?
I missed part of it.
So the F was Face.
Face.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
And eliminate.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And eliminate.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
All restrictions Face .
Eliminate all restrictions, Wow.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
That is like okay, let's go into that a little bit,
so face and eliminate allrestrictions.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
So fear and we talk a lot about on the show is like
the coach speak is limitingbeliefs, but I say it's like I
can't do that, I couldn't dothat, I'm not allowed to do that
or whatever it may be.
So how do you face that Like,if you want to eliminate
everything right, all yourrestrictions, do you start with
(11:43):
those words?
Do you start with somethingelse?
How did you do it?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So I, you know, I think, whenyou start to just do it and I
know that that sounds easiersaid than done, but this is one
of the issues that we have whenwe have limiting beliefs or the
I can't mentality is youoverthought it to begin with,
right?
So if you just do it whenyou're thinking it, you don't
have time to talk yourself outof it, right?
(12:10):
So I don't give myself muchtime, I give myself three to
four seconds and off I go.
Because if I last longer thanfive or six seconds, I'm not
going to get it done.
Because I start to go well,what about this?
And well, what about that andwhat about this?
And what if this comes in?
What did you know?
The whatabouts, right, the whatifs.
So I face it.
I'm like oh, oh, this doesn'tfeel very good in my body, like
(12:31):
I feel afraid of doing thisvideo, I feel afraid of doing
this blog, I feel afraid ofwhatever.
I'm like, all right, I got tolike, for instance, I wanted to
start recording cooking videos.
I haven't done it in years.
I wanted to start again.
And immediately fear came in,like oh, that's a big, a lot,
that's a lot of work and I said,girl, stop.
(12:54):
I went and took my iPad, I putit downstairs, I propped it up
and I started cooking.
You know, like what are youdoing?
Right, I don't give myself toomuch time, and I think we need
to stop giving ourselves so muchtime that we talk ourselves out
of it, or your brain isautomatically going to shut down
something it's afraid of, andso you have to, like, beat it to
the punch.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good, I like that.
But I also know folks may belistening and saying you know,
nina sounds pretty tough to me.
She went through it.
A lot Doesn't like, doesn'tsound like she puts up with a
whole lot from anyone or herself.
That's not me.
How do I even take the firststep?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, that's not me either.
People listening are like'malways thinking about it.
I always talk myself out ofgreat things.
Sometimes I do this all thetime, and so, because I've had
so much trauma, I don't have alot of.
(13:53):
I challenge myself a lotbecause I had low self-worth.
I just didn't think I wasvaluable enough, good enough,
smart enough, all the things,and so it is something that
constantly creeps up.
So I'm no different than anyonelistening.
I think that the onlydifference is is that I've
mastered Nina in that as soon asI see the fear coming, I know
(14:15):
me.
If I allow it, I'll be sittingon the couch eating bonbons.
For those of you who are my age52 and plus, I'll be on the
couch eating bonbons andliterally soothing the
unworthiness part of me.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It makes perfect sense.
Yeah, If you let the doubt seepin then, it just kind of
spirals.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yes, and then you soothe it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
You soothe it Netflix or doom scrolling, as the kids
would say today.
Yeah, whatever it may be Okay.
I would imagine in your journeyyou probably have a lot of
scars from that.
But I've read a little bit.
You use that to empower people.
Now, yeah, can you tell me more?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
about that?
Yeah, because I realized thatthere was a lot of giftings in
me that I didn't know I had.
Right, you know, when you'regrowing up with a lot of trauma,
you just don't see your worth.
And so I started to think aboutmy journey, as I, you know,
when I wrote my book, I was likeNina, you've gone through quite
(15:15):
a bit here, wow, you know.
So I started writing thosethings down and I started
writing what does that, what dothose pillars look like?
What does the framework looklike?
How did you get through thesethings?
And I started finding my truecalling, my what I call my God
given calling, because I believein God, right?
So, and I started to uncover mybelief systems.
(15:36):
And where did they come from?
And it was a lot from familydamage, right.
And started to renew the thingsthat they said to me for the
truth of what God says about me,and I started to develop all of
that.
So it's like a divine discovery.
And then I have a visionaryblueprint where I design my
values.
What is it that I have as myvalues?
(15:57):
My values are faith,authenticity, truthfulness,
kindness.
These are big values for me.
And so I help women kind ofdiscover not kind of, but to
discover what their valuealigned business model is.
What is it that they want tobring out into the world?
And I started to think abouthow does that look for these
(16:22):
women?
And so we started to work oninner healing, transcending all
of these unwanted belief systems.
And then I also have a team nowthat I brought on to the
business that helps women ifthey want to develop, like
coaching businesses, for example.
My team will then come in whenwe have done all the healing and
(16:43):
build up their business andeverything, and they will do
their funnel building, theirautomation, all the things, all
the things you need to actuallyrun a business that nobody tells
you about when you first.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
You first come out here to run a business, right,
exactly, yeah, okay, okay, thefolks nina has mentioned a
couple of times in the book.
It's called hit me with yourbest shot how I Overcame a
Hard-Hitting Life, and I thinkit's good to mention it because
there are things in it I wouldimagine that are like ooh, okay,
(17:14):
here's how I can transcendanything that's happened to me,
even deep trauma, but alsohaving your kids go off to
school, having them leave thenest that's going to be
emotional trauma for parents100%.
And trying to wrap your headaround.
Ooh, if and this is what Ithink is the deep-seated one is
(17:34):
like what if I'm not wantedanymore?
You hinted at it before, right.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
What if I'm not?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
wanted anymore.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Then what?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Well, I call that a lie from the pit of hell.
Is what that?
What I?
call that a lie from the pit ofhell.
That's where that's from,because you are wanted, and
that's the thing, like you know.
I think it's just you're trulydiscovering, you know, all of
these amazing, beautiful giftsthat you have in you and and I
know some people say, well, Idon't know if I have any gifts
(18:04):
no, you absolutely do, becausewe have gone through things in
life and when you've gonethrough things in life, if you
can pull and extract, what I sayis, you know, chew the meat and
spit out the bones, right, andso, while you are extracting the
good stuff, spit out the ugly,bad stuff.
Nobody needs it or wants it,unless you're going to reframe
it into something better.
But what you have learned isorganization, how to be a parent
(18:28):
, how to deal with issues.
Like my kids had big issues.
I wrote it in my book like allthe heavy issues that I'm
through with my one of mychildren was on drugs, like
things like that.
Like there was a lot of thingsthat I dealt with that were very
heavy as a parent, but Ilearned to navigate and as I've
been able to work with thesewomen, they don't come to me for
(18:48):
parenting advice, but we dospeak about kids and things that
we've gone through.
You have got gifts within you.
Be intentional to find out whatthey are.
Discover them.
It's going to be fun.
You're going to learn so much,and what I mean is you are
wanted because someone out hereneeds your voice, because
(19:10):
there's something you have thatthey haven't been able to find.
I really believe that that's atrue belief of mine that we are
all here to serve another human.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that, yeah, and I know folks maybe think
well, for me it's my kids.
I'm a parent, that's who I'mserving.
But I totally agree with you.
There are other people whocould use your insight, could
use how your brain works, howyou think about things.
Nobody thinks about the samething the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Exactly right.
Yeah, I mean we're notreinventing the wheel.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Oh sure.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
But we all have a different angle.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
There's only so many thoughtsin this world, right?
We all just look at them alittle bit differently.
Our ideas are concepts.
We just look at them a littlebit differently and how we shape
that for folks.
But imagine, like folks, if youcould do something amazing for
somebody else, like Nina doeswith her people that she works
with, and you focus on helpingpeople build businesses,
(20:08):
specifically coaching businessesbut what, how, in that parallel
, how might you say, oh, if youwant to do something different,
what would that look like?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
If you want to do something different than.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I don't, I don't, I don't have a different period.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You mean like just different period.
Oh yeah, I think that's youknow, a little bit, going back
from what we said before, like,try some different things and
see what you like and don't like, because you're not going to
like everything, right, like I,I wanted to get into what was it
.
It was something and I was like, oh no, I don't know, I don't
like this.
So I stopped up.
(20:48):
You know, having I have a wholepart of my business, that's all
VA, it's a VA centric businessand I have them do it.
I cannot stand going on socialmedia every day, right, that's
not my thing, but I did try it,right, cause I'm like you know
what?
I'm going to do this for likesix to eight months.
Let me see if I really likethis, can I manage just myself,
blah, blah, blah, couldn't standit, couldn't stand it.
(21:14):
Four to six months in, I'm likeI'm really good at it and I
hate it.
So I'm not doing this anymore,right, so I did so I will tell
anybody who's listening.
Try it, like, if it's curiousto you, like, right now I'm
really curious about AI, very,very curious about AI and I'm
very curious about coding, right.
And so what did I do?
I went out there and exploredwell, what free courses can I
take on AI, what free coursescan I take on coding, and see if
(21:36):
I actually like it or not.
So I'm just starting that Right.
I might hate it, I don't know,but the truth is is I'm not
going to know unless I have funtrying to discover it.
So I will tell you.
Have some freaking fun.
Life is super short.
You are not promised tomorrow,so make today count, and that
means fun.
That's it.
Just go have some fun.
(21:56):
Go have some damn fun, y'all.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, that was just literally broccoli advice.
And so it just popped in myhead.
Do you know what broccoliadvice is?
No, it's just it just poppedinto my head.
You were talking about just tryit.
It's like when a parent says,oh, just try the broccoli, yeah
Right, if you don't like it,it's okay.
Yeah, yeah, you have to try it.
And so, like I was like, don'tlike whatever you're trying,
(22:22):
then go and try somethingdifferent until you find what
you like Exactly.
And that's the opportunitiesare endless at this stage in
life.
But don't wait, right, theother pieces, don't wait for it
all to happen.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Throughout your entire journey what's one thing
you've learned about yourself?
Oh, that's a good question.
I think I've learned that I'm alot stronger than I thought I
was.
I used to, you know, for many,many years, especially because I
was a lot stronger than Ithought I was.
I used to, you know, for many,many years, especially because I
was a very young mother.
I had my children very young andI struggled a lot with
depression and anxiety andthings like that, just
(22:56):
constantly trying to be the best, do the best.
You know, I was like a veryperformance driven individual
and I always thought I'm notgood enough, I'm just not smart
enough, I just can't do this.
You know all the stuff thatcomes at you when you're a human
being trying to just make it inthis world.
And I realized what, especiallywhen I wrote my book,
especially then, is when Irealized how strong I actually
(23:18):
am.
I didn't realize it because Iwas just in the motions, you
know, just going, but I'mfreaking strong, like I didn't
realize that Right.
So now what we?
You know it used to take meyears to get through.
Whether it was shame orunforgiveness or depression or
(23:38):
anger, whatever that thing was.
It used to take me like yearsto get through.
Then I started to work onmyself.
It started taking me months,and then weeks and then days,
and now it just takes moments.
Not many things affect me for along term anymore, so I think
it's my ability to pivot and andmy strength to withstand things
(24:02):
when they are hard.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
So good, so good.
Of all the things that you'vedone.
You've clearly done a lot inyour life.
How much of it have you done inyour emptiness life?
I think people will beinterested to know ooh, it was
all stuff she did before sheleft home, or has she done a lot
since then?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
No, since then, when my kids started leaving the home
is when I started to work on mypodcast and started to do
cooking videos on YouTube and Istarted to develop my coaching
business, and all that was doneas the kids were out of the
house.
So all of that came after.
(24:42):
I just can't even believe I hadthe strength to do all of that,
but I it's fun, it's freakingfun, and I just didn't have, I
didn't have to worry too much,like when I started studying to
become a coach and all that.
Yeah, my kids were younger andstuff, but then they got, you
know, 18, 19, 20.
And then they were like ow,they were like bye, mom, deuces.
(25:08):
You know they were out of here,but we're very close, like very
close, and sometimes they tellme a little more than I need to
or want to know.
But I started a routine withthem when they were younger.
We would sit down at the tableand this is when I started to
get into my own self-developmentjourney and I started something
at the table called free timeand what that was was that when
we were having dinner, it wasfree time, meaning anything that
(25:29):
they did, anything thathappened, anything that they
shouldn't have done, but theydid it anyway.
They can talk about it atdinnertime for that hour with
absolutely no consequences tothe action, only that they had
to listen to advice.
Give me two to three thingsthey could have done
alternatively to that actionthat they took.
(25:53):
And nobody was allowed to walkaway from the table until the
conversation was over, and so ithelped my family a lot.
And now, as adults because mychildren are from the age of 37,
my youngest is 27, they tell meeverything, everything, a
little too much, but everything.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Making those strong connections which.
I know some people strugglewith when the kids are adults,
that they don't know how tonavigate that.
Yeah, it's tough.
It's a tough child, yeah, kindof transformation that happens
there.
So I think that's an importantpiece is like, how can we find
ways to make that accessible, orhow can we approach it more?
(26:34):
Or does it mean because youdidn't start it earlier that you
can't start it now?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Absolutely, or just ask them.
They're adults now, right, Iasked my kids because my son
just had a baby.
She's a year old, right?
And I didn't actually know howto navigate that, because my
youngest daughter she's 27.
She has two kids, but she livesin Florida.
I'm all the way in Texas, soI'm not as involved physically.
(27:00):
I talk to her every day but myson, on the other hand, lives
maybe 30 minutes away.
How do I navigate that, right?
So I asked, I just asked.
I'm like, okay, so you're a dad, it's your baby girl, my
grandbaby, you know I'm gonna beall over her.
So what are my parameters?
You know, how do I respect yourspace?
(27:21):
How do I come at this?
How do I advise you?
And he was very clear on that,and so now we have, I have a
clear roadmap.
I know exactly how he wants meto talk to him and how he wants
me to communicate.
And it's been great, becauseyou have to ask the questions A
lot of times.
We just assume and we shouldstop doing that they're adults
now.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, we assume we'll , we'll, we'll live in their
lives the way that we lived intheir lives.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, we want to actually.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
We want to actually as well.
Yeah, we're just coming overwithout being without an answer.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We're here, where's the baby Exactly?
As opposed to saying Ooh, yeah,how do you want me to operate
in your new?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
now yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I understand it's your life now.
How do you want me to show upin it?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
It's hard to to get.
You know the answers.
With the restrictions, I don'tlike the answers.
But it also gives you freedom,though, because it lowers the
ability to have like some kindof tension, you know it.
It doesn't allow us to have toargue with each other or
anything because I disrespectedhim, so he may see it that way.
So I'm really really um withthe how was I going to say the
(28:29):
kids?
They're not kids anymore.
The men and the women in mylife.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
There are kids.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, they sure are.
I told them, you're still mybaby.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, I still see you as four and that's okay.
That's how it is.
But I love that piece aboutjust opening up the conversation
because it is a huge topic forparents who are empty nesting
around.
How do I navigate this now?
Even when the kids first leaveand go to college, ask them how
do you want me to communicatewith you?
Do you want me?
to just call you.
Do you want to set a set oftime?
(29:00):
Do you want me to text you?
Do you want me to wait for youto text me?
But let them guide theconversation.
You decide how decide howyou're gonna.
Yeah, so good.
I love that.
I love that.
What's one thing that you wishfor your future self as you're
going through what you're doingnow?
If you looked at yourself at at80, what's one thing you would
wish for yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Oh, that's such a good question.
You know, I, I, I do, um, Imeditate, right, I try to
meditate.
Anyway, adhd brains don'treally meditate that well, but I
try, and I've thought of that.
Actually, I've taken myselfdown what I call a two-path
journey.
One path is what would life belike if I stayed exactly the
same and did nothing, and in mydeathbed, what would I think?
(29:44):
And then the other path is if Istarted to do different things
that I wanted to do along thispath, one or five years, 10
years, 15 years deathbed whatwould that look like?
And so your question is veryrelevant to that, because what I
want to leave behind is alegacy of love and
transformation and compassionand growth for others and for
myself.
(30:04):
I love learning, so that's whatI want to do in my deathbed one
day is just look back and say,man, I lived a really good, full
life and I believe that I'veimpacted people in a really good
, full way.
That's what I want.
That's what I want, and thatdoesn't mean millions and
billions and gajillions ofdollars.
That just means joy and peaceand love and compassion, and you
(30:29):
know, that's what that means tome.
That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
I love it.
So we we didn't really talkabout your story in particular,
Like we didn't dive into manydetails, but I'm just curious
what's one thing that a lot ofpeople don't know about you?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I'm like what don't people know about me?
I wrote a book about me.
I'm like what don't?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
people know about me.
I wrote a book about me Exactly.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I don't know.
That's a good question.
Uh, I think a lot of people,going back to what you said
earlier, like they think oh,Nina's tough, and I think one of
the things that people don'tknow is how insecure I feel
often, you know, because I amalways online often, you know,
because I am always online, alot of my business is built
(31:11):
online.
You know you might see me ascompletely confident and
go-getter-ness, and becausethat's really the part of me
that comes out, because Istruggle a lot with being
insecure about, you know, am Igood enough, smart enough, can I
do this?
You know I do struggle quite abit a lot with that, and so I
(31:33):
have to overcome that by going.
Remember, I told you I just go,so I just go.
So I think people don't seethat part of me.
So sometimes people think, oh,nina's good, but nobody checks
in on me because Nina's alwaysgood.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, that makes sense, it makes perfect.
Yeah, yeah, I feel that ahundred percent A lot of my
social media is me walking andtalking.
But, folks, I'll tell you, itlooks like it's so natural, but
it takes me about 45 minutes ofa 55 minute walk to psych myself
up to create a video.
Right, like, ooh, like, is itgoing to be good enough?
Same?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yes, the same Sometimes.
I don't even record, becauseI'm like, ah no, it's not good
enough.
It's not good enough.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Exactly my coach talks about just you have to gag
and go right.
Just you know, just deal withit.
And so I think that's a lot ofwhat this conversation is about.
It's like you feel stuck andyou're not sure what to do.
Do it anyway.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
We don't build courage and then do stuff.
We do stuff to build courage.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Exactly.
Yeah, I think we always havethat backwards anyway.
As humans, right, we think weneed to be like pumped up to do
it.
No, no, no, you just do it.
Then you get pumped up becauseyou realize how good or how bad
you were.
That was really bad, okay, yeah.
What do we do to change that?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
We got it out there.
The bad is already done.
Now.
That's good.
Now let's get to the good stuff.
You know, yeah, oh, a hundredpercent, A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
So if you look at your entire life, right and
folks, if you want to learn more, you can you buy the book you
read about her entire journeyand this entire journey.
But if you could go back andyou looked at your entire life,
what's one thing you would dodifferently?
If you knew, no one would judgeyou.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
That's such a great question.
You know, I've always said thatI wouldn't change a thing
because it made me who I amtoday.
I honestly really believe that.
But if I can go back to me andencourage me just a bit more,
you know, and just say, listen,you're going to go through some
shiznick in life, you know.
So I want to encourage you thatyou're a badass at the 52, but
(33:36):
just remember, you got this.
I think that's the only thing Iwould change is the
encouragement.
I had no encouragement in mylife and so that kept me a lot
in pressure and in this wheel,this hamster wheel that I
couldn't get off of.
So I think that's what I wouldchange More encouragement,
because I feel like I would bemaybe stronger or further along
(33:59):
than I am at 52.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
But other than that, the traumas I mean and there's a
lot of traumas in my life.
I don't know if I would changethose things.
I think I would just want theknowledge on how to get through
them better.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yes, yeah, to not spin in it.
It's cliche to say, but peoplesay it often.
It's like how did this happenfor me instead of to me?
Yeah, exactly, exactly I.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
But no, that now, but I wish I knew that during yeah
exactly.
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Uh, one question, like one more question before I
let you go, is what's the mostdifficult decision you've ever
made in your journey?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Oh, okay, there's a few.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Um there's.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
there's quite a bit of decisions in my life and in
my journey of this life that Ihave found extremely hard.
I think, um, I think, well,there's, there's a couple, but
I'm going to choose the onethat's really on my heart.
So I have a son.
He's now 31.
He is an amazing kid now, butwhen he was younger he was
(35:12):
getting into a lot of troubleand he was doing drugs and he
was hanging out with unsavorypeople and just doing a lot of
things.
And during this journey of meyou know, starting to do my
coaching and growing andwhatever I was also contending
with him and what he was goingthrough and I literally ripped
him out of the life he was inand threw his ass thousands of
(35:37):
miles away.
So we lived in Connecticut andI threw him to Texas by himself
to fend for himself.
He was 18.
And that was the hardestdecision I have ever had to make
as a parent and as mom and asjust as a human, because that
was my baby.
But it was either that orcontend with the fact that I may
(36:00):
have to either look for him injail or bury him in the ground.
And he hated me for it.
Didn't speak to me for a verylong time because he was so
angry, and I don't blame him forthe anger, but I think that was
the hardest journey.
The hardest piece of my journeywas making a decision that was
(36:21):
against all of my being as aparent.
You know, just taking your kidand just putting them in a place
where he's going to have to,he's going to have to navigate
this because I'm not going tobury my son young.
I just won't do it.
You know it just won't happenNot on my watch, right and so,
even though he loves me now andwe get along great now, he hated
(36:44):
me for a very long time and Isaid it's okay for you to hate
me because I'm not your friend,I'm your mother.
So you can hate me, but one dayyou'll talk to me again.
No, I'm not, it's very angry.
I don't blame him, but I thinkthat was the hardest decision to
do that while trying to be abetter coach, be a better person
(37:04):
, be a better.
Everything was against me inthat moment, because I felt like
I am a terrible mother,terrible coach, terrible person,
terrible everything.
But it was the best decision Iever made in my life.
He has become the best human.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
I love that.
I love that, nina, and I'mpretty sure that was God
clapping his hands telling him.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, probably because that thunder is loud.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Just reminding you, just reminding you you did a
good job.
You did the right thing.
Thank you so much for joiningme today on this emptiness life.
Folks, if you're wondering kindof what comes next for you,
listen to this episode overagain.
Nina has so many nuggets inhere.
Especially the one about fearis something I think we all need
(37:49):
to think about.
It's like how can we just letthat go and move on?
Yeah, really appreciate youbeing here today.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
I appreciate you having me here.
Thank you so much.
This was so nice, I loved it.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
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