October 11, 2025 • 44 mins
When the house quiets, your mind often rushes in. For many, this transition from full-time parent to empty nester triggers overwhelm—and the need to pause intentionally. In this episode, author and coach Jennie Phillips introduces her "Yellow Light Moments" framework to help reclaim rhythm, energy, and joy without sacrificing what came before.
Jennie shares her personal turning point—alone on a Florida beach—where she discovered the power of slowing down for clarity and choosing her next step. We explore her four pillars of vitality: improving sleep with simple environment tweaks, simplifying nutrition with whole-food basics, finding movement at home, and integrating self-care that feels sustainable.
The conversation dives into rebuilding identity and community where Jennie emphasizes that slow, intentional choices lead to pride and presence, helping you finish this season strong.
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- A "Yellow Light Moment" beats rushing—pause, yield, listen, then move.
- Movement doesn’t need a gym—start small with bodyweight and attainable goals.
- Habit stacking builds consistency without stress.
- Set boundaries, create white space, and say no with grace.
- Rebuild community and find accountability post-kids.
- Embrace identity shifts, grief, and intentional rhythms.
Jennie Phillips Bio
Jennie is a certified fitness professional, educator, author, and speaker passionate about helping others achieve vitality and balance through intentional living. With a background in teaching and curriculum development, she blends her expertise in education and fitness to inspire and empower individuals on their wellness journeys. Author of Yellow Light Moments: Maximize Your Health and Vitality Through the Power of Pausing, owner of Vitality Fitness Studio in Illinois, and creator of the RISE. MOVE. CONQUER. Event Series. Jennie spends her days living out her passion for this work and soaking up life with her husband and their four amazing kids.
Find Jennie Online: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook,
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_05 (00:00):
As I'm going into this next phase of life, knowing
that there's gonna be a learningperiod, learning curve that
we're all gonna have to gothrough by giving yourself the
permission to pause, findingthat there is power in pausing,
(00:22):
and so learning to give yourselfgrace to say there is a beauty
and hitting that yellow light.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Welcome to this empty nest life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leads youon a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the emptinesscoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
When you were parenting 24-7, itseemed like you never had a
moment to yourself.
You know, some goodold-fashioned self-care pause in
the moment moments.
And now that the kids are grownand flown, you find yourself
with lots of time on your hands,but maybe you just don't know
how to answer the question, whatdo I do now?
(01:14):
Well, today I'm joined by JennyPhillips, author of Yellow Light
Moments, and we're going to diveinto how you can use the natural
pause that comes with emptynesting to your advantage.
We're going to teach you how tocreate a life you love.
Jenny, welcome to this emptynest life.
SPEAKER_04 (01:33):
Thank you so much, Jay.
I appreciate your invitation tocome on to the show.
SPEAKER_02 (01:37):
I'm so excited to talk to you.
The whole idea of yellow lightmoments and pausing is something
I believe in deeply.
And so I'm excited to get intokind of this how this came to be
for you.
So I'm just curious, the conceptof pausing and self-evaluation
is something that some peopletalk about, but how did it
become a central theme in yourjourney and your writing?
SPEAKER_05 (02:01):
This was something that came at an interesting time
of my life when we had justlived through the pandemic.
And there was a lot of on timeduring that, where you had a
different amount of pressure inlife.
(02:22):
And for me, we found not onlydid life slow down in many ways,
it also became a very stressfultime in many ways.
And our family was going througha little bit of a transition in
which my husband was going backto school to finish an
(02:42):
additional degree.
And I became the solobreadwinner of the house at the
time.
And we have four children, threethat are now out of school and
living adult lives, and one thatis 16.
And I found myself putting a lotof pressure on all the dues, all
(03:06):
the things that needed to getaccomplished, and making sure
that all the bills were paid andlife continued as normally as it
could during the pandemic.
I own a studio.
It's called Vitality FitnessStudio in one of our neighboring
towns.
And with that, during thepandemic, the whole idea was
just trying not to get the doorsto close.
(03:28):
A lot of businesses werefailing.
And so I found myself saying yesto everything, every
opportunity, every client, everyobligation, every option was a
yes.
There was, there was neveranything that I turned away
because of being afraid of whatwas going to happen if I did
that.
(03:48):
And so after the pandemic, wecame through that and I found
life reopening.
And some things that reopened inlife for me were running events.
I'm a runner and I love toactually go run races.
And during the pandemic, thosewere closed.
So you were running by yourselfor you were running virtually
(04:10):
and just sending in what wecalled sweaty selfies and us
completing the race.
And the other thing that openedback up were conferences.
And so as a Fit Pro, I know thatyou can go to conferences
virtually, but sit pros don't doreally well with that.
Personal trainers don't do welltrying to go through a
conference.
Yeah, it's it's not as easy tolet's all be engaged and learn
(04:32):
this work out when we're behindthe camera.
And so there was a time wheretwo things happened.
Number one, my girlfriend said,Hey Jen, would you like to go on
a run trip?
Let's get the four of us girls.
We're gonna go down to Florida,we're going to run this race,
we're finally out of thepandemic.
(04:54):
And I said, Oh my gosh, thatwould be amazing.
And then the second thing wasthis conference.
Hey, one of my colleagues, doyou want to go to a conference
that's in DC?
That's awesome.
Can't wait to go and be a partof normal again.
But what I didn't realize when Isaid yes to both of those events
was that they were on slankingweekends of the week that was in
(05:18):
between.
So here I am living in the stateof Illinois.
And one weekend I'm gonna be inFlorida, and the next weekend
I'm gonna be in DC.
And originally the idea was I'mgonna drive with my girlfriends
down to Florida and I'm gonnarun my race.
And then after we get done,we'll pack up and we'll drive
back.
And then I'll get back home on aMonday night.
(05:40):
I'll do my laundry.
I will go see all my clients onTuesday, sit it all in.
Wednesday morning, I'll get up,I'll get on a red eye, and then
I'll fly to DC for a conferencethat weekend.
And we sat down as a family andkind of started to brainstorm
why why am I doing all of thistraveling in between?
Why don't you just stay inFlorida and just enjoy a little
(06:02):
bit of downtime?
Why don't you hit the pause?
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
Yeah, so good.
SPEAKER_05 (06:06):
And take a second.
And everybody was on board, allthe kids, my husband, are like,
this is great.
Clients were on board, this isawesome.
So my girlfriends leave and Ifind myself on the beach, my
first time alone.
It's tranquil, it's seagullsflying and the breeze blowing,
it's 80 degrees, and in the inIllinois, it is snowstorm.
(06:30):
So, really, even a morebeneficial time to be there.
But instead of finding peace andcalm, all of a sudden I found
anxiety and angst and panic anddid not know how to handle being
alone with no to-do, nopressure, no kids.
(06:51):
Why am why am I on vacation bymyself on a beach when my family
is at home?
Is this okay?
I worked so hard for thebusiness to not shut down during
the pandemic, but here I amintentionally shutting my doors
down for a week.
Are my clients still gonna bethere when I get back?
Are they gonna see off theydon't need a personal trainer?
My head fine rolled.
(07:12):
And that was the moment aftercalling my family and checking
within.
Is everybody okay?
Are we still okay that I'm here?
And having that guilt kind ofrelieve the body.
It was finally that I sat downand said, All right, it's time
for me to figure out how to hitthis pause button and how to
reset some priorities.
(07:34):
And I literally called it myyellow light day.
I'm gonna take a yellow lightday, just like as if we were
driving a car and coming up to ayellow light of a traffic
signal.
Sometimes it's green and you go,sometimes it's red and you stop.
Sometimes you just have toassess where you're at, slow
down for just a second, pause,see if you need to pivot, make
(07:58):
some really good choices, andthen decide how to go forward
with that.
And that's what that's whathappened to that day.
I just sat down and started toevaluate what were the things in
my life that really continued tobring me joy.
What were some things that I wasmaybe prioritizing too much?
Where did I need to let thebalance of my life refall?
(08:21):
And for me, especially in theprofessional world of sickness,
that fell into four categories.
And so I looked at how I wassleeping, how I was moving, how
I was eating, how I was dealingwith my self-care.
And I noticed that self-care forme felt very much like a luxury.
(08:41):
It didn't feel like somethingthat was deserving of someone
that was working so hard that Iwasn't allowed to hit that
pause.
And so that's really how thebook was born, was in a moment
of really that was supposed tobe calm that I sound myself not
knowing how to react to it.
And thought this is something Iteach my clients all the time.
(09:04):
I teach these four pillars ofwhat we call vitality.
I teach those to them, but I wasnot implementing them myself.
So is there a structure that Ican put together to teach people
and to share with them thisconcept?
And that slowly led to mepresenting at a few different
institutes with teachers,working with clients in a
(09:26):
different way, in a morein-depth manner of teaching them
these points, helping them toreally ask great questions and
evaluate their life.
And then that led to the book.
And so there was Yellow LightMoments, the book that was born
on how to maximize your healthand vitality through the power
of pausing.
And that book very much startsout with 40 questions that
(09:49):
evaluate where you are.
So it's a moment really to stopand say, I need to really think
about this and not just say, I'mokay, I'm fine.
It's fine.
It's all fine.
Because I think we've all done,right?
We just kind of brush over life.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05 (10:08):
We're completely fine.
We we don't live in a naturaldisaster area.
I don't have a child that isfighting a major illness.
I have enough money to pay thebills.
So we dismiss some of our ownangst and anxiety and burnout
symptoms as this is just normal.
(10:29):
And we kind of wear it as abadge of honor of oh, I just I
didn't freet very well lastnight, or I worked most of the
night, or I didn't eat lunchduring the day because I had a
meeting, so I was rushingthrough it.
We we almost kind of sometimesseem prideful over being so
busy.
SPEAKER_02 (10:45):
Yeah, definitely.
I hear people talk about thatall the time, right?
Before the kids leave home.
SPEAKER_05 (10:51):
Yes.
So now all of a sudden we'relooking at how do we build a
life with balance and as emptynesters, how is it that we can
incorporate that so that westart to pause and honor this
transition in our lives and toknow that it's okay to feel all
(11:12):
of the feelings that come withbeing an empty nester, and that
we still want to use what I callthe Y L M framework.
So this is yellow light moments.
We're gonna take the Y, the L,and the M.
We're gonna break it apart.
This is where my teacher comesinto play, right?
Yeah.
So my why is to yield.
(11:33):
That is your pause.
We're gonna pause and just feel,just be okay with where we're
at.
Then we're gonna listen andwe're gonna ask ourselves some
really good questions.
Who am I?
What do I want next?
What brings me joy?
And then the M is move.
What intentional action do Ineed to take next to reignite,
(11:57):
especially with empty nesters,to reignite some passions, maybe
rediscover some hobbies, redo toredefine your purpose now that
the kids are gone.
And so it fits in so manydifferent avenues of our life,
whether we're teaching this toteens, whether we're teaching
this to clients, whether we'reteaching this to our loved ones,
whether we're teaching this toempty nesters.
SPEAKER_02 (12:19):
Yeah, Jen, I love that.
You talked a little bit likebeing on the beach and talking
about the guilt piece.
And I know parents think aboutthat all the time when the kids
are home.
When it's 24-7 parenting, liketaking a break seems very
luxurious, right?
It's like something I can'thave.
But then when the kids leavehome, then it ends up with all
(12:39):
this extra time.
But the guilt and shame is stillthere.
Like, what if they need me?
Right.
So that then people typicallydon't do the self-care and
figure out what comes next forthem because they're waiting.
SPEAKER_04 (12:53):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
And so I love where this is like this book was
originally written for peoplemaybe who are parenting or in
the moment and like stressed outabout life and move, move, move.
But it's so applicable to thosejust entering their emptiness
life.
So I appreciate thisconversation to kind of
highlight that for people.
So I'm I'm curious.
Like you you broke down the uhyellow light moments, right?
(13:16):
Yellow, listen, and move, whichI love.
Ties into a lot of the thingsthat I talk to people about.
But what can you give us maybesome simple, maybe effective uh
practical tips that yourecommend for improving sleep
and nutrition?
SPEAKER_05 (13:32):
Absolutely.
Uh and again, sometimes it'sjust starting with what do I do
well and evaluating what are mystrengths, and then where do I
fall on the weaker side ofthings?
And so it starts by asking,okay, so is it the quality or
(13:53):
the quantity of my sleep thatmaybe is hurting?
And maybe it's a combination ofboth.
But sometimes it's okay, I canget myself to bed at a timely
fashion so that in theory, I'min bed for seven to nine hours,
which is our recommended amountas adults.
(14:13):
But then I sit and my head spinsand I can't turn it off.
And for a lot of people, it isyes, wondering, how are the
children doing?
What do I have going ontomorrow?
What are ways to kind ofdisconnect that head?
So sometimes setting up anenvironment where you can get
(14:34):
all of that out of your head,keeping a notepad by your bed to
write all the to-dos, all thethoughts, just to declutter the
brain before you go to sleep.
It's creating an environment inwhich you sleep.
Is your room dark and cool andcomfortable for you to sleep?
(14:55):
Do you maybe need some whitenoise because you live in a busy
area and so that keeps you up?
It could be you're hot all thetime when you sleep, and so you
need to change the comforter oradd a fan to that environment.
Is it dark enough?
Do we need some room darkeningshades in that room that will
(15:18):
help tone down so that all of asudden it signals to your head,
especially depending on whatthere are a lot of people that
work shift work?
And so maybe they're going tobed when the lights are still up
during the summertime.
Right now, that's really hard.
I open the gym very early, andso bedtime is normally around 8,
8:30 for me.
(15:38):
The sun is still up.
So having those room darkeningshades really helps in that
environment.
For nutrition, it's a lot ofmeal planning and being
intentional and mindful of whatyou are putting into your body.
So, what is it you're lookingfor?
What combination of protein,carbohydrates, fats do you need
(16:01):
during a day?
Sometimes you can figure that onyour own.
And sometimes it's reaching outto a dietitian or a nutritionist
to say, can you please help meset my numbers so I know what to
start with?
Sometimes nutrition becomes sooverwhelming because of all the
different information that isout there that the first thing
we do is get overwhelmed by itand then just don't do anything
(16:24):
at all.
We just paralyze ourselves andsay, I don't even know where to
start.
So I'm not going to worry aboutthat at all.
SPEAKER_02 (16:29):
Too many decisions to make.
SPEAKER_05 (16:31):
Too many decisions.
Yeah.
So shopping the perimeter of thegrocery store is a great way to
start where all of the wholefoods are.
A whole food would be anythingthat the ingredient is the food.
So an apple is an apple.
A carrot is a carrot.
It doesn't have a list ofingredients with that.
(16:54):
Chicken is chicken.
It's all the middle aisles thatbecome those ultra-processed and
really sugary foods that wereyou in a limit.
And so even if it just says, allright, I'm going to start by
just choosing more foods that Ican cook at home or more foods
that are not ultra-processed inmy life.
(17:14):
And that could be a great changeright there.
For movement, we talk about 150minutes of moderate movement
during the day, 75 minutes ofits vigorous movement in which
you are, you can talk throughit, but you shouldn't be able to
sing through it.
That means your heart rate, yourcardiovascular is really up.
(17:36):
And then also adding somestrength training or resistance
training, which sometimes peopleget really overwhelmed by that
because they get overwhelmed bythe idea of going to a gym.
That seems intimidating to them.
And so I try to teach people youhave all the tools that you have
at home because you have yourown body.
(17:57):
So use your body weight.
SPEAKER_02 (17:58):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_05 (17:59):
Swats, push-ups, things that your body can do.
And if you want to add weight,go get a backpack, throw some
books in it, and all of a suddenyou've got weight that you can
throw on your back and do someextra spots.
SPEAKER_01 (18:10):
Brilliant.
We make it easy, right?
Make it so easy.
SPEAKER_05 (18:15):
Meet people where they are.
Some people will say, No, I needto get out of the gym because I
need to have that environmentand I need to have the
adrenaline and the energy ofother people around me.
And other people don't.
They want a quiet space thatthey can do that.
And then self-care that comes inwith our stress management and
how we again are listening towhat our body is saying.
(18:39):
Do you need to meditate and justbring lies down?
Do you need to learn to breathe?
A boxed breathing is a beautifulmethod where we inhale for four,
we hold for four, we exhale forfour, and then again we hold for
four.
So getting in tune with joyousoccasions.
Maybe it's listening to music,maybe it's dancing, maybe it's
(19:02):
going outside and walking innature or walking barefoot in
the grass.
Just sometimes taking it down tosay, I am important enough.
I am not a luxury.
This is my health and myvitality.
And I'm going to put that at theforefront many times as busy
(19:24):
professionals and or as emptynesters, we don't know where
boundaries are.
So we don't always put thatwhite space in our day.
We are just going and going andgoing and saying yes to
everything, just like I was.
And then all of a sudden, yourealize that you have no time
left in your day because you'regetting to everyone else.
(19:45):
You're burning yourself at bothcan at both ends of the candle,
using all of that emotionalenergy because you're giving and
giving and giving.
So really, again, beingintentional about does the
choice that I'm about to makealign with my ultimate goal?
And that could be servingothers.
It could be as empty nesters,even serving your children after
(20:08):
they have left the house.
And maybe grandkids come alongand you don't know how to say, I
don't, I don't necessarily wantto be the babysitter every
single day.
I retired and I wanted to dosome of these other things.
So where are the boundaries thatyou're setting with all of the
things?
Now you're an empty nestrodoesn't mean that all of a
(20:29):
sudden you need to volunteer forevery organization there is and
say yes to everything becausepeople say, Well, your kids are
gone.
You have all this free time.
unknown (20:38):
Right.
SPEAKER_05 (20:38):
This is not necessarily that time of your
life.
It's time for you to alsorediscover who you are and what
brings you joy and what's goingto help you grow in new ways and
this new phase of your life.
SPEAKER_02 (20:51):
We talk, I talk about it on the show all the
time.
It's like your time to shine.
That's the most important pieceof now.
It doesn't mean that you forgetabout your kids or you don't
care about your grandkids, butyou have to start putting
yourself first at some point inyour life, and now's the best
time to do it.
I want to point out somethingyou said.
You said meet people where theyare.
Folks, if you're listening, itwhat that really means is meet
(21:12):
yourself where you are.
So many times you want to makethis big leap.
People think, oh, I'm gonnastart running, and they think I
gotta go from nothing to 10miles.
This is all baby steps, right?
Practical steps.
Every step has purpose.
And so that was one thing that Ireally enjoyed you bringing to
their attention was meetyourself where you are.
(21:34):
Perfect.
The next step is take time tofigure out what you want to do.
Like people think, oh, all thesepractical tips, I have to do
them all.
And I like to remind people picka pick one.
Start small.
SPEAKER_04 (21:49):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
The sleep stuff was easy because it's easy to do
those things.
But the nutrition piece or theexercise piece, people think
it's all or nothing.
So how do you teach people aboutbringing it in slowly?
Is that something that's in thebook?
Is that something you do in youryour practice?
SPEAKER_05 (22:06):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Because I feel some people wantto jump in and do all the things
at once.
They're just gonna wanna they'regonna wipe the fleet clean and
say, I'm all or nothing.
But truly things that stick overtime are the things that then
you can repeat consistently overtime.
That's really where the changehappens, or those small shifts
(22:31):
in your day one at a time.
So I say find a habit that youcan stack with another habit.
I brush my teeth every night.
Okay, so what is it that I cando every night when I'm brushing
my teeth?
I can do five to ten squatsright then and there.
Just make one small change everyday.
(22:54):
Every morning I make my cup ofcoffee before I leave for work.
And so when I'm making that cupof coffee, can I write down
three things that I'm gratefulfor to shift my focus into
positivity for the day before Iget started?
But really, it is all aboutstarting small and picking one
(23:14):
or two things every week,mastering those, finding if it
works, because sometimes we trysomething and say, maybe that
wasn't the right choice for me.
Sometimes we need to bounce itoff with a professional.
So if you are unsure what issafe for you in the fitness
world after maybe talking toyour doctor and getting
(23:37):
permission to work out, thenmaybe talking with someone that
says, here's what's good foryour body type and for where you
are biomechanically, if you haveany structural issues or
imbalances that maybe we want toaddress with that.
So asking for help in those, andthen yes, starting very small
(24:00):
and seeing how those one shiftsat a time, those one baby steps
at a time, add up to making thislife that is exactly what you
want it to be.
SPEAKER_02 (24:10):
Yeah, I love that.
And folks, checking in with yourdoctor, that's a green line
moment.
So get the green light from yourdoctor first.
Yes, yeah, and then come intofiguring out how your l yellow
moments fit into your life.
So I when you're talking aboutcommunity, right?
I think that's important.
Lots of empty nesters losecommunity because their friends
typically are their kids' theirkids' friends' parents.
(24:34):
But in this journey with yellowlight moments, is like how
important is supportiverelationships and communities in
kind of maintaining andreclaiming one's health and
balance?
SPEAKER_05 (24:44):
Absolutely.
It is, it really follows usthrough all of life.
And like you said, when we'reyounger, it's just built into
our day.
As kids, we're puttingclassrooms and our friends just
follow us from year to year asparents that it's already built
in because you become friendswith whoever your son plays ball
with, whoever your daughterdances with, because you see
(25:06):
each other all the time.
Kids leave, and all of a sudden,where are all the adult friends?
If they haven't become lifelongfriends, now all of a sudden it
becomes the ease of not seeingeach other anymore, the time,
the energy that you would putinto those relationships.
So now it's a refocus of wheream I going to find those people?
(25:29):
And one of the biggest things isto find a community and a tribe
that is like you.
What are things that you enjoydoing that you know those people
will be there?
So whether it's starting to goto play pickleball, going to an
art class, maybe it's dancelessons, finding ways that are
(25:53):
building your own new community.
And that might even start offwith some social media as far as
finding out other people thatare in your like circles that
then you can go out and meet atdifferent times.
And it really is importantbecause it gives you the
accountability, it gives you themotivation, it just gives you
that joy, it gives you thatfamily, that friendship that
(26:16):
isn't always just built inanymore during our time.
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
Let's pivot here for a minute.
We've give people lots of greatadvice here, which I love doing
on the show, but also I'mcurious about your own empty
nest experience.
We were talking a little bitbefore, you're not quite there.
Your youngest is 16.
Yes.
But you're starting to see theimportance of doing things.
I mean, you've written about it,but now you need to apply it in
(26:43):
your own life as your youngestgets ready to go off in the next
two years.
So, what are you seeing there inyour journey for the next couple
of years?
SPEAKER_05 (26:52):
It was really it's been really interesting because
I didn't expect to feel it yet.
Having my youngest still at 16,I thought, okay, we've got a few
years before we really start tofeel this.
Our three older children haveall moved out of the house and
now they have their ownapartments and their own homes.
And it's a different energy inthe house when all of a sudden
(27:13):
you go from three to four kidsbouncing in and out to now
having one.
And our youngest even said afterthe last one moved out, she
said, I didn't sign up for this.
I didn't sign up to be an onlychild.
And I said, Oh, sweetie.
I said, That's just part of thedeal as far as being the baby.
But now you look at all thegreat choices you get, right?
You get to choose dinner all thetime and you don't have to share
(27:34):
a bathroom anymore.
So trying to spend that for her.
But we were all realizing it'svery different because there's
not the dizziness that's in thehousehold.
And again, the mood has shifteda little bit because it's it's
the it's the daily conversationthat isn't there at it normally
is.
And as the kids are busy andworking their adult jobs, you
(27:57):
can't always just pick up thephone because then they're also
at work.
And so we're finding that, andespecially now that the
16-year-old is driving, we nolonger have to be in the carpool
lane.
We never have to be the onesthat are in charge.
If she needs something, she justgoes and gets it.
(28:17):
It becomes a little lonely attimes.
It feels like a little loss.
Wow, I spent a lot of time.
22 years, my oldest is 22.
22 years of always being mom andalways being needed in some way.
(28:38):
And now, even I don't even need,she doesn't need me to go even
pick up, you know, a hamburgeror a taco for her.
She can do it by herself.
And so I found myself kind ofwanting to sneak back into their
lives, like, hey, do you want togo get lunch?
Or do you need to go shopping?
And kind of asking them, andthen realizing again, we're we
(29:00):
did exactly what we were meantto do, raise these independent
kids that will always need youas a parent, but in a very
different way now.
And so we want them to grow andbe awesome at where they are in
life.
And now we have to learn, evenwith still having one child in
(29:22):
the house, new ways of beingtogether, new ways to fill the
time so that we're not sittingthere thinking, oh, gosh, always
on Friday nights we knew what wewere doing because there was
always a game, and now it's not.
And so our friends have becomemuch more evident almost in our
lives in many ways, because Ithink we're kind of all hitting
(29:44):
that that stays together.
And so we all kind of findourselves like, hey, we don't
have to do anything on a Fridaynight.
Do we want to get together andgo grab dinner or go for a walk
or go to pivotal up courts orHit some buff ball, like all of
a sudden we find we have thoseopportunities.
And so in that regard, it's veryfreeing.
(30:07):
So there's a lot of emotionsthat I think that we've walked
through, even in the past fewmonths, of a little bit of
grief, definitely a lot of pridein the children as they are
being successful, butuncertainty and sometimes, but
(30:27):
then also relief as they areagain stable on their own.
It's a lot of emotions tounpack.
And we're just trying to allowourselves to feel that.
And for me, journaling is one ofmy favorite things because when
all of those emotions start tohit at once, I can sit down with
(30:47):
my journal and just write, whatis it that I'm feeling?
Why am I feeling that?
Knowing that it is okay toabsolutely feel that.
And is there something that Ineed to do as a shift?
If I'm feeling very sad, allright, what are some things that
you can do?
Do you need to just call one ofthe kids because maybe you just
(31:10):
are missing their voice and soyou need to call them, or maybe
you need to make a lunch date?
Or do you need to reshift thenarrative, rewrite the narrative
and the focus and say, be happythat they are so successful and
doing what they need to do?
This is your time now to gowrite more, go hiking more, go
(31:33):
travel more, do morephotography, finding the things
that you you kind of had to puton the back shelf just a little
bit for a while because yourfocus was on the kids.
And so maybe traveling worldwidewasn't always in the budget or
wasn't always in the schedule.
Okay, now we can do that.
Taking time to really just enjoyphotography, where the kids were
(31:56):
like, okay, let's go.
Let's let's keep running, let'skeep going.
And also yes, now you can slowdown and say, I'm gonna take
these photos and just reallyenjoy it.
So finding the things we call itthe fab four, one of the one of
the the four things in your lifethat bring you joy, bring you
purpose, bring you excitement.
Um, so I actually just listed myfour.
(32:17):
That does just it's really easy.
Um, hiking, reading, traveling,and photography are my four.
And everyone has that.
They have something that justwhen they think about it, it
lights them up inside.
It brings a spark and a joy.
And it doesn't have to be thesame as your partner in life.
It doesn't have to be the sameas your children in life.
SPEAKER_02 (32:35):
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's not a it's just you.
Exactly.
You could do things together andyou could do things separately.
SPEAKER_05 (32:41):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (32:42):
That's an important point.
One of the things you talkedabout was like the energy being
different in the house.
And I was walking through ourtown the other day on one of my
one of my morning walks, and thespin class has a sign outside
that says, Come for the uh comefor the rhythm, energy, and joy.
And I was like, that's emptynesting.
(33:02):
That's the transition point.
The rhythm changes, the energychanges, and you lose the joy.
And so it's like, how do youreclaim those three things?
The rhythm, the energy, and thejoy.
SPEAKER_03 (33:13):
I think that's actually perfect.
I love those three words.
Those fit exactly.
I must be.
SPEAKER_05 (34:19):
When I'm going to take that next intentional move,
that next intentional step, whatare things that bring me energy?
What are things that bring methat joy?
What are your new habits,schedules, rituals, routines
that will give you that rhythm?
Because that changes very muchwhen you're no longer having to
(34:40):
get up to get a kid, to get thebreakfast, to get off to school.
Now all of a sudden you're like,oh, I can maybe sleep in and
grab my coffee and go sit on theporch and just enjoy the
sunshine.
There is a new rhythm in life.
And I think that for me, thestruggle is my identity for so
(35:04):
long was wrapped around theirroutines.
SPEAKER_02 (35:07):
I was You're hitting the nail on the head.
Keep running with it.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (35:11):
Not Jenny sil ups.
I was Julia's mom.
I was Jessica's mom.
I was Brian's mom.
I was Allie's stepmom.
So now all of a sudden you havethis new place where you say,
I'm me.
(35:33):
I am I am not someone's spouseand just someone's mom.
And I don't mean just.
Those are very important roles.
Those are roles that we wouldnever give up ever.
We would do it again in aheartbeat.
But now you have a new journeythat you get to start.
You get to dream big in thisseason.
And maybe those were dreams thatyou had to put on hold.
(35:55):
And I hope that energizes you.
I hope that brings you joy.
And you can say, I get to find anew rhythm that puts me first,
puts maybe my relationship withmy spouse or my significant
other in a place that maybe thathad to take a second or a back
row for a little bit while youwere so busy with the kids.
(36:20):
And so I I hope they're gratefuland can look at the past as
being something that was a is abeautiful, beautiful story, but
not be grateful for this newseason and anticipate all of the
new that is going to come intotheir lives.
SPEAKER_02 (36:39):
So well said.
I love that.
When you think about the book,Yellow Light Moments, in writing
it, in your journey to havingthis book come to life, what's
one thing you learned aboutyourself through the process?
SPEAKER_05 (36:53):
I don't give myself enough grace.
I think I had to learn to givegrace and in life, in
relationships, in the writingprocess, writing that for the
first time.
You know, I I we were chattingearlier.
I started as a biology andchemistry high school teacher
that then went on to get hermaster's in curriculum and
(37:16):
instruction.
So I always loved developing.
And I think that's where thenatural part of writing came
into be.
I think I'm just a book nerd atheart.
Like I'll always just want todive into research and those
kinds of things.
But giving myself grace to knowthat it's not always easy and
fluid.
So parenting, not always easyand fluid relationships, not
(37:37):
always easy and fluid.
Professionalism, not always easyand fluid.
And so as I'm going into thisnext phase of life, knowing that
there's going to be a learningperiod, learning curve that
we're all going to have to gothrough by giving yourself the
(37:59):
permission to pause, findingthat there is power in pausing.
So where I once found myselfweak on a beach, thinking I
can't handle this, and feltashamed and guilty and all the
negative on that initial part ofthe trip.
(38:22):
Again, when my entire family wassupportive and my entire client
base was supported.
But I was so hard on myself tosay I'm not, I'm not, I have to
go 110% all of the time.
And so learning to give yourselfgrace to say there is a beauty
(38:45):
and hitting that yellow light.
And that once I started to talkabout it and renamed yellow
light, um it was amazing to mehow many people said, Yeah,
that's exactly I can, I can, Ican absolutely understand where
you're at.
And I feel the exact same thingwhere you sometimes feel like
(39:08):
you're alone in those feelingsof hitting the stress and the
burnout.
You realize you're truly not.
There is an entire community ofpeople that feel the exact same
way, but you have to giveyourself grace to feel that and
accept that and to walk throughthose times and then to
(39:29):
hopefully come out on the otherside saying, I'm important, I'm
not a luxury.
My self-care is not just aluxury, this is a necessity, and
this is what is really importantto build in.
And so I'm hoping as people arecoming to their parts of being
(39:51):
an empty nester, that they canlearn to check in with their
identity and their emotion andthey can start to redefine their
purpose and their passion andgive themselves grace along the
way to feel all the fields andto talk about it openly, knowing
that there is an entirecommunity out there that feels
the same way that you do.
And if you don't know how toconnect with that, um, start
(40:12):
with you you can come totinyphillipscoaching.com and
find that there's an entirecommunity of Vitality followers
that are going through thisvaried network.
And if not, there they are therein your community through your
churches, through your volunteerorganizations, through Red
Cross, through all the differentplaces that you can and be a
(40:33):
part of something bigger, butalso knowing that it's okay to
stay small, not feeling that youhave to then jump in and fill
all of that time.
And so now when I come home fromwork and it's been a busy day,
and I pull my car into thegarage and I shut the garage
(40:54):
door and I sit in my car forthree to five minutes before I
even get out of it because Iknow even when I come in the
house, not as many familymembers in there, but I still
have to reset, let go of the dayand be able to walk in with a
different appreciation of it'sin the house.
(41:16):
And before, where I thought,does anybody else sit in the
garage by themselves for a fewminutes to reset their day?
And I found out, yeah, there'sactually lots of people that do
this.
And it is, it's just it's takingthat white space, it's making
your own margins and uh giveyourself grace for that.
SPEAKER_02 (41:33):
Give yourself grace.
Yeah, it's such a great point,Jenny.
Before I let you go, what isyour life motto?
SPEAKER_05 (41:41):
Life motto is it used to be embrace the suck.
And you'll read that in the backof my book.
That even when life is hard,there's always a beauty in it.
And I I learned that oncewhenever I was running a
marathon in Chicago, and Iremember getting to the end of
it.
(42:01):
And it's an amazing relationshipwhen you train for very long
races, that you get to a pointwhere the body is just doing
what the body does, and itbecomes a mental game.
And sometimes you just have toembrace the moment that you're
in.
And I know that the word sexsometimes comes as a very
negative, and at the same time,there's a beauty in it that
(42:26):
sometimes that you learn so muchthrough those hardships.
And so for me, at the very endof the marathon, I saw this
sign, and it was held as mile21.
And there were two peopleholding the sign, and I thought,
what an awesome journey to beon.
Like I am dying inside, my legsburn, my chest burns, I want to
(42:48):
quit, but I've got five milesleft.
You're not gonna quit at thispoint.
So embrace it, embrace that partof it, embrace that part of the
journey and just keep kickingbecause maybe one day you're not
gonna be able to do this, buttoday is not that day.
And so just be uh uh proud ofwhere you are.
Again, give yourselves thatkindness, speak yourself with
(43:11):
kind words towards yourself andknow that you're gonna finish
your best race.
And so teaching the kids toothat that is a really important
part of life.
That even in the dark, hardtimes, there is something
positive to come out of that.
We always come back to the gracemodels.
We always come back to, youknow, where where you can find
(43:32):
that in yourself, where you cansign forgiveness, where you can
find ease in yourself.
Those would probably, yeah,those would probably be where my
two are learning to not justsurvive, but to thrive through
the hard.
SPEAKER_02 (43:47):
So good.
So good.
And I I love the piece aboutfinishing the race strong
because folks, that's where youare right now in life.
And I think that's what thisjourney is about is finishing it
strong so that you can be anexample for your kids.
So, folks, yellow light moments,maximize your health and
vitality through the power ofpausing, is now available
(44:08):
wherever you buy books.
Jenny Phillips, it has been anhonor and a pleasure to have you
on the show.
SPEAKER_05 (44:14):
Thank you, Jay.
It's been great talking with youtoday.
SPEAKER_00 (44:17):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsden.com and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC, all rights reserved.
As I'm going into this next phase of life, knowing
that there's gonna be a learningperiod, learning curve that
we're all gonna have to gothrough by giving yourself the
permission to pause, findingthat there is power in pausing,
(00:22):
and so learning to give yourselfgrace to say there is a beauty
and hitting that yellow light.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Welcome to this empty nest life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leads youon a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the emptinesscoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
When you were parenting 24-7, itseemed like you never had a
moment to yourself.
You know, some goodold-fashioned self-care pause in
the moment moments.
And now that the kids are grownand flown, you find yourself
with lots of time on your hands,but maybe you just don't know
how to answer the question, whatdo I do now?
(01:14):
Well, today I'm joined by JennyPhillips, author of Yellow Light
Moments, and we're going to diveinto how you can use the natural
pause that comes with emptynesting to your advantage.
We're going to teach you how tocreate a life you love.
Jenny, welcome to this emptynest life.
SPEAKER_04 (01:33):
Thank you so much, Jay.
I appreciate your invitation tocome on to the show.
SPEAKER_02 (01:37):
I'm so excited to talk to you.
The whole idea of yellow lightmoments and pausing is something
I believe in deeply.
And so I'm excited to get intokind of this how this came to be
for you.
So I'm just curious, the conceptof pausing and self-evaluation
is something that some peopletalk about, but how did it
become a central theme in yourjourney and your writing?
SPEAKER_05 (02:01):
This was something that came at an interesting time
of my life when we had justlived through the pandemic.
And there was a lot of on timeduring that, where you had a
different amount of pressure inlife.
(02:22):
And for me, we found not onlydid life slow down in many ways,
it also became a very stressfultime in many ways.
And our family was going througha little bit of a transition in
which my husband was going backto school to finish an
(02:42):
additional degree.
And I became the solobreadwinner of the house at the
time.
And we have four children, threethat are now out of school and
living adult lives, and one thatis 16.
And I found myself putting a lotof pressure on all the dues, all
(03:06):
the things that needed to getaccomplished, and making sure
that all the bills were paid andlife continued as normally as it
could during the pandemic.
I own a studio.
It's called Vitality FitnessStudio in one of our neighboring
towns.
And with that, during thepandemic, the whole idea was
just trying not to get the doorsto close.
(03:28):
A lot of businesses werefailing.
And so I found myself saying yesto everything, every
opportunity, every client, everyobligation, every option was a
yes.
There was, there was neveranything that I turned away
because of being afraid of whatwas going to happen if I did
that.
(03:48):
And so after the pandemic, wecame through that and I found
life reopening.
And some things that reopened inlife for me were running events.
I'm a runner and I love toactually go run races.
And during the pandemic, thosewere closed.
So you were running by yourselfor you were running virtually
(04:10):
and just sending in what wecalled sweaty selfies and us
completing the race.
And the other thing that openedback up were conferences.
And so as a Fit Pro, I know thatyou can go to conferences
virtually, but sit pros don't doreally well with that.
Personal trainers don't do welltrying to go through a
conference.
Yeah, it's it's not as easy tolet's all be engaged and learn
(04:32):
this work out when we're behindthe camera.
And so there was a time wheretwo things happened.
Number one, my girlfriend said,Hey Jen, would you like to go on
a run trip?
Let's get the four of us girls.
We're gonna go down to Florida,we're going to run this race,
we're finally out of thepandemic.
(04:54):
And I said, Oh my gosh, thatwould be amazing.
And then the second thing wasthis conference.
Hey, one of my colleagues, doyou want to go to a conference
that's in DC?
That's awesome.
Can't wait to go and be a partof normal again.
But what I didn't realize when Isaid yes to both of those events
was that they were on slankingweekends of the week that was in
(05:18):
between.
So here I am living in the stateof Illinois.
And one weekend I'm gonna be inFlorida, and the next weekend
I'm gonna be in DC.
And originally the idea was I'mgonna drive with my girlfriends
down to Florida and I'm gonnarun my race.
And then after we get done,we'll pack up and we'll drive
back.
And then I'll get back home on aMonday night.
(05:40):
I'll do my laundry.
I will go see all my clients onTuesday, sit it all in.
Wednesday morning, I'll get up,I'll get on a red eye, and then
I'll fly to DC for a conferencethat weekend.
And we sat down as a family andkind of started to brainstorm
why why am I doing all of thistraveling in between?
Why don't you just stay inFlorida and just enjoy a little
(06:02):
bit of downtime?
Why don't you hit the pause?
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
Yeah, so good.
SPEAKER_05 (06:06):
And take a second.
And everybody was on board, allthe kids, my husband, are like,
this is great.
Clients were on board, this isawesome.
So my girlfriends leave and Ifind myself on the beach, my
first time alone.
It's tranquil, it's seagullsflying and the breeze blowing,
it's 80 degrees, and in the inIllinois, it is snowstorm.
(06:30):
So, really, even a morebeneficial time to be there.
But instead of finding peace andcalm, all of a sudden I found
anxiety and angst and panic anddid not know how to handle being
alone with no to-do, nopressure, no kids.
(06:51):
Why am why am I on vacation bymyself on a beach when my family
is at home?
Is this okay?
I worked so hard for thebusiness to not shut down during
the pandemic, but here I amintentionally shutting my doors
down for a week.
Are my clients still gonna bethere when I get back?
Are they gonna see off theydon't need a personal trainer?
My head fine rolled.
(07:12):
And that was the moment aftercalling my family and checking
within.
Is everybody okay?
Are we still okay that I'm here?
And having that guilt kind ofrelieve the body.
It was finally that I sat downand said, All right, it's time
for me to figure out how to hitthis pause button and how to
reset some priorities.
(07:34):
And I literally called it myyellow light day.
I'm gonna take a yellow lightday, just like as if we were
driving a car and coming up to ayellow light of a traffic
signal.
Sometimes it's green and you go,sometimes it's red and you stop.
Sometimes you just have toassess where you're at, slow
down for just a second, pause,see if you need to pivot, make
(07:58):
some really good choices, andthen decide how to go forward
with that.
And that's what that's whathappened to that day.
I just sat down and started toevaluate what were the things in
my life that really continued tobring me joy.
What were some things that I wasmaybe prioritizing too much?
Where did I need to let thebalance of my life refall?
(08:21):
And for me, especially in theprofessional world of sickness,
that fell into four categories.
And so I looked at how I wassleeping, how I was moving, how
I was eating, how I was dealingwith my self-care.
And I noticed that self-care forme felt very much like a luxury.
(08:41):
It didn't feel like somethingthat was deserving of someone
that was working so hard that Iwasn't allowed to hit that
pause.
And so that's really how thebook was born, was in a moment
of really that was supposed tobe calm that I sound myself not
knowing how to react to it.
And thought this is something Iteach my clients all the time.
(09:04):
I teach these four pillars ofwhat we call vitality.
I teach those to them, but I wasnot implementing them myself.
So is there a structure that Ican put together to teach people
and to share with them thisconcept?
And that slowly led to mepresenting at a few different
institutes with teachers,working with clients in a
(09:26):
different way, in a morein-depth manner of teaching them
these points, helping them toreally ask great questions and
evaluate their life.
And then that led to the book.
And so there was Yellow LightMoments, the book that was born
on how to maximize your healthand vitality through the power
of pausing.
And that book very much startsout with 40 questions that
(09:49):
evaluate where you are.
So it's a moment really to stopand say, I need to really think
about this and not just say, I'mokay, I'm fine.
It's fine.
It's all fine.
Because I think we've all done,right?
We just kind of brush over life.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05 (10:08):
We're completely fine.
We we don't live in a naturaldisaster area.
I don't have a child that isfighting a major illness.
I have enough money to pay thebills.
So we dismiss some of our ownangst and anxiety and burnout
symptoms as this is just normal.
(10:29):
And we kind of wear it as abadge of honor of oh, I just I
didn't freet very well lastnight, or I worked most of the
night, or I didn't eat lunchduring the day because I had a
meeting, so I was rushingthrough it.
We we almost kind of sometimesseem prideful over being so
busy.
SPEAKER_02 (10:45):
Yeah, definitely.
I hear people talk about thatall the time, right?
Before the kids leave home.
SPEAKER_05 (10:51):
Yes.
So now all of a sudden we'relooking at how do we build a
life with balance and as emptynesters, how is it that we can
incorporate that so that westart to pause and honor this
transition in our lives and toknow that it's okay to feel all
(11:12):
of the feelings that come withbeing an empty nester, and that
we still want to use what I callthe Y L M framework.
So this is yellow light moments.
We're gonna take the Y, the L,and the M.
We're gonna break it apart.
This is where my teacher comesinto play, right?
Yeah.
So my why is to yield.
(11:33):
That is your pause.
We're gonna pause and just feel,just be okay with where we're
at.
Then we're gonna listen andwe're gonna ask ourselves some
really good questions.
Who am I?
What do I want next?
What brings me joy?
And then the M is move.
What intentional action do Ineed to take next to reignite,
(11:57):
especially with empty nesters,to reignite some passions, maybe
rediscover some hobbies, redo toredefine your purpose now that
the kids are gone.
And so it fits in so manydifferent avenues of our life,
whether we're teaching this toteens, whether we're teaching
this to clients, whether we'reteaching this to our loved ones,
whether we're teaching this toempty nesters.
SPEAKER_02 (12:19):
Yeah, Jen, I love that.
You talked a little bit likebeing on the beach and talking
about the guilt piece.
And I know parents think aboutthat all the time when the kids
are home.
When it's 24-7 parenting, liketaking a break seems very
luxurious, right?
It's like something I can'thave.
But then when the kids leavehome, then it ends up with all
(12:39):
this extra time.
But the guilt and shame is stillthere.
Like, what if they need me?
Right.
So that then people typicallydon't do the self-care and
figure out what comes next forthem because they're waiting.
SPEAKER_04 (12:53):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
And so I love where this is like this book was
originally written for peoplemaybe who are parenting or in
the moment and like stressed outabout life and move, move, move.
But it's so applicable to thosejust entering their emptiness
life.
So I appreciate thisconversation to kind of
highlight that for people.
So I'm I'm curious.
Like you you broke down the uhyellow light moments, right?
(13:16):
Yellow, listen, and move, whichI love.
Ties into a lot of the thingsthat I talk to people about.
But what can you give us maybesome simple, maybe effective uh
practical tips that yourecommend for improving sleep
and nutrition?
SPEAKER_05 (13:32):
Absolutely.
Uh and again, sometimes it'sjust starting with what do I do
well and evaluating what are mystrengths, and then where do I
fall on the weaker side ofthings?
And so it starts by asking,okay, so is it the quality or
(13:53):
the quantity of my sleep thatmaybe is hurting?
And maybe it's a combination ofboth.
But sometimes it's okay, I canget myself to bed at a timely
fashion so that in theory, I'min bed for seven to nine hours,
which is our recommended amountas adults.
(14:13):
But then I sit and my head spinsand I can't turn it off.
And for a lot of people, it isyes, wondering, how are the
children doing?
What do I have going ontomorrow?
What are ways to kind ofdisconnect that head?
So sometimes setting up anenvironment where you can get
(14:34):
all of that out of your head,keeping a notepad by your bed to
write all the to-dos, all thethoughts, just to declutter the
brain before you go to sleep.
It's creating an environment inwhich you sleep.
Is your room dark and cool andcomfortable for you to sleep?
(14:55):
Do you maybe need some whitenoise because you live in a busy
area and so that keeps you up?
It could be you're hot all thetime when you sleep, and so you
need to change the comforter oradd a fan to that environment.
Is it dark enough?
Do we need some room darkeningshades in that room that will
(15:18):
help tone down so that all of asudden it signals to your head,
especially depending on whatthere are a lot of people that
work shift work?
And so maybe they're going tobed when the lights are still up
during the summertime.
Right now, that's really hard.
I open the gym very early, andso bedtime is normally around 8,
8:30 for me.
(15:38):
The sun is still up.
So having those room darkeningshades really helps in that
environment.
For nutrition, it's a lot ofmeal planning and being
intentional and mindful of whatyou are putting into your body.
So, what is it you're lookingfor?
What combination of protein,carbohydrates, fats do you need
(16:01):
during a day?
Sometimes you can figure that onyour own.
And sometimes it's reaching outto a dietitian or a nutritionist
to say, can you please help meset my numbers so I know what to
start with?
Sometimes nutrition becomes sooverwhelming because of all the
different information that isout there that the first thing
we do is get overwhelmed by itand then just don't do anything
(16:24):
at all.
We just paralyze ourselves andsay, I don't even know where to
start.
So I'm not going to worry aboutthat at all.
SPEAKER_02 (16:29):
Too many decisions to make.
SPEAKER_05 (16:31):
Too many decisions.
Yeah.
So shopping the perimeter of thegrocery store is a great way to
start where all of the wholefoods are.
A whole food would be anythingthat the ingredient is the food.
So an apple is an apple.
A carrot is a carrot.
It doesn't have a list ofingredients with that.
(16:54):
Chicken is chicken.
It's all the middle aisles thatbecome those ultra-processed and
really sugary foods that wereyou in a limit.
And so even if it just says, allright, I'm going to start by
just choosing more foods that Ican cook at home or more foods
that are not ultra-processed inmy life.
(17:14):
And that could be a great changeright there.
For movement, we talk about 150minutes of moderate movement
during the day, 75 minutes ofits vigorous movement in which
you are, you can talk throughit, but you shouldn't be able to
sing through it.
That means your heart rate, yourcardiovascular is really up.
(17:36):
And then also adding somestrength training or resistance
training, which sometimes peopleget really overwhelmed by that
because they get overwhelmed bythe idea of going to a gym.
That seems intimidating to them.
And so I try to teach people youhave all the tools that you have
at home because you have yourown body.
(17:57):
So use your body weight.
SPEAKER_02 (17:58):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_05 (17:59):
Swats, push-ups, things that your body can do.
And if you want to add weight,go get a backpack, throw some
books in it, and all of a suddenyou've got weight that you can
throw on your back and do someextra spots.
SPEAKER_01 (18:10):
Brilliant.
We make it easy, right?
Make it so easy.
SPEAKER_05 (18:15):
Meet people where they are.
Some people will say, No, I needto get out of the gym because I
need to have that environmentand I need to have the
adrenaline and the energy ofother people around me.
And other people don't.
They want a quiet space thatthey can do that.
And then self-care that comes inwith our stress management and
how we again are listening towhat our body is saying.
(18:39):
Do you need to meditate and justbring lies down?
Do you need to learn to breathe?
A boxed breathing is a beautifulmethod where we inhale for four,
we hold for four, we exhale forfour, and then again we hold for
four.
So getting in tune with joyousoccasions.
Maybe it's listening to music,maybe it's dancing, maybe it's
(19:02):
going outside and walking innature or walking barefoot in
the grass.
Just sometimes taking it down tosay, I am important enough.
I am not a luxury.
This is my health and myvitality.
And I'm going to put that at theforefront many times as busy
(19:24):
professionals and or as emptynesters, we don't know where
boundaries are.
So we don't always put thatwhite space in our day.
We are just going and going andgoing and saying yes to
everything, just like I was.
And then all of a sudden, yourealize that you have no time
left in your day because you'regetting to everyone else.
(19:45):
You're burning yourself at bothcan at both ends of the candle,
using all of that emotionalenergy because you're giving and
giving and giving.
So really, again, beingintentional about does the
choice that I'm about to makealign with my ultimate goal?
And that could be servingothers.
It could be as empty nesters,even serving your children after
(20:08):
they have left the house.
And maybe grandkids come alongand you don't know how to say, I
don't, I don't necessarily wantto be the babysitter every
single day.
I retired and I wanted to dosome of these other things.
So where are the boundaries thatyou're setting with all of the
things?
Now you're an empty nestrodoesn't mean that all of a
(20:29):
sudden you need to volunteer forevery organization there is and
say yes to everything becausepeople say, Well, your kids are
gone.
You have all this free time.
unknown (20:38):
Right.
SPEAKER_05 (20:38):
This is not necessarily that time of your
life.
It's time for you to alsorediscover who you are and what
brings you joy and what's goingto help you grow in new ways and
this new phase of your life.
SPEAKER_02 (20:51):
We talk, I talk about it on the show all the
time.
It's like your time to shine.
That's the most important pieceof now.
It doesn't mean that you forgetabout your kids or you don't
care about your grandkids, butyou have to start putting
yourself first at some point inyour life, and now's the best
time to do it.
I want to point out somethingyou said.
You said meet people where theyare.
Folks, if you're listening, itwhat that really means is meet
(21:12):
yourself where you are.
So many times you want to makethis big leap.
People think, oh, I'm gonnastart running, and they think I
gotta go from nothing to 10miles.
This is all baby steps, right?
Practical steps.
Every step has purpose.
And so that was one thing that Ireally enjoyed you bringing to
their attention was meetyourself where you are.
(21:34):
Perfect.
The next step is take time tofigure out what you want to do.
Like people think, oh, all thesepractical tips, I have to do
them all.
And I like to remind people picka pick one.
Start small.
SPEAKER_04 (21:49):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
The sleep stuff was easy because it's easy to do
those things.
But the nutrition piece or theexercise piece, people think
it's all or nothing.
So how do you teach people aboutbringing it in slowly?
Is that something that's in thebook?
Is that something you do in youryour practice?
SPEAKER_05 (22:06):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Because I feel some people wantto jump in and do all the things
at once.
They're just gonna wanna they'regonna wipe the fleet clean and
say, I'm all or nothing.
But truly things that stick overtime are the things that then
you can repeat consistently overtime.
That's really where the changehappens, or those small shifts
(22:31):
in your day one at a time.
So I say find a habit that youcan stack with another habit.
I brush my teeth every night.
Okay, so what is it that I cando every night when I'm brushing
my teeth?
I can do five to ten squatsright then and there.
Just make one small change everyday.
(22:54):
Every morning I make my cup ofcoffee before I leave for work.
And so when I'm making that cupof coffee, can I write down
three things that I'm gratefulfor to shift my focus into
positivity for the day before Iget started?
But really, it is all aboutstarting small and picking one
(23:14):
or two things every week,mastering those, finding if it
works, because sometimes we trysomething and say, maybe that
wasn't the right choice for me.
Sometimes we need to bounce itoff with a professional.
So if you are unsure what issafe for you in the fitness
world after maybe talking toyour doctor and getting
(23:37):
permission to work out, thenmaybe talking with someone that
says, here's what's good foryour body type and for where you
are biomechanically, if you haveany structural issues or
imbalances that maybe we want toaddress with that.
So asking for help in those, andthen yes, starting very small
(24:00):
and seeing how those one shiftsat a time, those one baby steps
at a time, add up to making thislife that is exactly what you
want it to be.
SPEAKER_02 (24:10):
Yeah, I love that.
And folks, checking in with yourdoctor, that's a green line
moment.
So get the green light from yourdoctor first.
Yes, yeah, and then come intofiguring out how your l yellow
moments fit into your life.
So I when you're talking aboutcommunity, right?
I think that's important.
Lots of empty nesters losecommunity because their friends
typically are their kids' theirkids' friends' parents.
(24:34):
But in this journey with yellowlight moments, is like how
important is supportiverelationships and communities in
kind of maintaining andreclaiming one's health and
balance?
SPEAKER_05 (24:44):
Absolutely.
It is, it really follows usthrough all of life.
And like you said, when we'reyounger, it's just built into
our day.
As kids, we're puttingclassrooms and our friends just
follow us from year to year asparents that it's already built
in because you become friendswith whoever your son plays ball
with, whoever your daughterdances with, because you see
(25:06):
each other all the time.
Kids leave, and all of a sudden,where are all the adult friends?
If they haven't become lifelongfriends, now all of a sudden it
becomes the ease of not seeingeach other anymore, the time,
the energy that you would putinto those relationships.
So now it's a refocus of wheream I going to find those people?
(25:29):
And one of the biggest things isto find a community and a tribe
that is like you.
What are things that you enjoydoing that you know those people
will be there?
So whether it's starting to goto play pickleball, going to an
art class, maybe it's dancelessons, finding ways that are
(25:53):
building your own new community.
And that might even start offwith some social media as far as
finding out other people thatare in your like circles that
then you can go out and meet atdifferent times.
And it really is importantbecause it gives you the
accountability, it gives you themotivation, it just gives you
that joy, it gives you thatfamily, that friendship that
(26:16):
isn't always just built inanymore during our time.
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
Let's pivot here for a minute.
We've give people lots of greatadvice here, which I love doing
on the show, but also I'mcurious about your own empty
nest experience.
We were talking a little bitbefore, you're not quite there.
Your youngest is 16.
Yes.
But you're starting to see theimportance of doing things.
I mean, you've written about it,but now you need to apply it in
(26:43):
your own life as your youngestgets ready to go off in the next
two years.
So, what are you seeing there inyour journey for the next couple
of years?
SPEAKER_05 (26:52):
It was really it's been really interesting because
I didn't expect to feel it yet.
Having my youngest still at 16,I thought, okay, we've got a few
years before we really start tofeel this.
Our three older children haveall moved out of the house and
now they have their ownapartments and their own homes.
And it's a different energy inthe house when all of a sudden
(27:13):
you go from three to four kidsbouncing in and out to now
having one.
And our youngest even said afterthe last one moved out, she
said, I didn't sign up for this.
I didn't sign up to be an onlychild.
And I said, Oh, sweetie.
I said, That's just part of thedeal as far as being the baby.
But now you look at all thegreat choices you get, right?
You get to choose dinner all thetime and you don't have to share
(27:34):
a bathroom anymore.
So trying to spend that for her.
But we were all realizing it'svery different because there's
not the dizziness that's in thehousehold.
And again, the mood has shifteda little bit because it's it's
the it's the daily conversationthat isn't there at it normally
is.
And as the kids are busy andworking their adult jobs, you
(27:57):
can't always just pick up thephone because then they're also
at work.
And so we're finding that, andespecially now that the
16-year-old is driving, we nolonger have to be in the carpool
lane.
We never have to be the onesthat are in charge.
If she needs something, she justgoes and gets it.
(28:17):
It becomes a little lonely attimes.
It feels like a little loss.
Wow, I spent a lot of time.
22 years, my oldest is 22.
22 years of always being mom andalways being needed in some way.
(28:38):
And now, even I don't even need,she doesn't need me to go even
pick up, you know, a hamburgeror a taco for her.
She can do it by herself.
And so I found myself kind ofwanting to sneak back into their
lives, like, hey, do you want togo get lunch?
Or do you need to go shopping?
And kind of asking them, andthen realizing again, we're we
(29:00):
did exactly what we were meantto do, raise these independent
kids that will always need youas a parent, but in a very
different way now.
And so we want them to grow andbe awesome at where they are in
life.
And now we have to learn, evenwith still having one child in
(29:22):
the house, new ways of beingtogether, new ways to fill the
time so that we're not sittingthere thinking, oh, gosh, always
on Friday nights we knew what wewere doing because there was
always a game, and now it's not.
And so our friends have becomemuch more evident almost in our
lives in many ways, because Ithink we're kind of all hitting
(29:44):
that that stays together.
And so we all kind of findourselves like, hey, we don't
have to do anything on a Fridaynight.
Do we want to get together andgo grab dinner or go for a walk
or go to pivotal up courts orHit some buff ball, like all of
a sudden we find we have thoseopportunities.
And so in that regard, it's veryfreeing.
(30:07):
So there's a lot of emotionsthat I think that we've walked
through, even in the past fewmonths, of a little bit of
grief, definitely a lot of pridein the children as they are
being successful, butuncertainty and sometimes, but
(30:27):
then also relief as they areagain stable on their own.
It's a lot of emotions tounpack.
And we're just trying to allowourselves to feel that.
And for me, journaling is one ofmy favorite things because when
all of those emotions start tohit at once, I can sit down with
(30:47):
my journal and just write, whatis it that I'm feeling?
Why am I feeling that?
Knowing that it is okay toabsolutely feel that.
And is there something that Ineed to do as a shift?
If I'm feeling very sad, allright, what are some things that
you can do?
Do you need to just call one ofthe kids because maybe you just
(31:10):
are missing their voice and soyou need to call them, or maybe
you need to make a lunch date?
Or do you need to reshift thenarrative, rewrite the narrative
and the focus and say, be happythat they are so successful and
doing what they need to do?
This is your time now to gowrite more, go hiking more, go
(31:33):
travel more, do morephotography, finding the things
that you you kind of had to puton the back shelf just a little
bit for a while because yourfocus was on the kids.
And so maybe traveling worldwidewasn't always in the budget or
wasn't always in the schedule.
Okay, now we can do that.
Taking time to really just enjoyphotography, where the kids were
(31:56):
like, okay, let's go.
Let's let's keep running, let'skeep going.
And also yes, now you can slowdown and say, I'm gonna take
these photos and just reallyenjoy it.
So finding the things we call itthe fab four, one of the one of
the the four things in your lifethat bring you joy, bring you
purpose, bring you excitement.
Um, so I actually just listed myfour.
(32:17):
That does just it's really easy.
Um, hiking, reading, traveling,and photography are my four.
And everyone has that.
They have something that justwhen they think about it, it
lights them up inside.
It brings a spark and a joy.
And it doesn't have to be thesame as your partner in life.
It doesn't have to be the sameas your children in life.
SPEAKER_02 (32:35):
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's not a it's just you.
Exactly.
You could do things together andyou could do things separately.
SPEAKER_05 (32:41):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (32:42):
That's an important point.
One of the things you talkedabout was like the energy being
different in the house.
And I was walking through ourtown the other day on one of my
one of my morning walks, and thespin class has a sign outside
that says, Come for the uh comefor the rhythm, energy, and joy.
And I was like, that's emptynesting.
(33:02):
That's the transition point.
The rhythm changes, the energychanges, and you lose the joy.
And so it's like, how do youreclaim those three things?
The rhythm, the energy, and thejoy.
SPEAKER_03 (33:13):
I think that's actually perfect.
I love those three words.
Those fit exactly.
I must be.
SPEAKER_05 (34:19):
When I'm going to take that next intentional move,
that next intentional step, whatare things that bring me energy?
What are things that bring methat joy?
What are your new habits,schedules, rituals, routines
that will give you that rhythm?
Because that changes very muchwhen you're no longer having to
(34:40):
get up to get a kid, to get thebreakfast, to get off to school.
Now all of a sudden you're like,oh, I can maybe sleep in and
grab my coffee and go sit on theporch and just enjoy the
sunshine.
There is a new rhythm in life.
And I think that for me, thestruggle is my identity for so
(35:04):
long was wrapped around theirroutines.
SPEAKER_02 (35:07):
I was You're hitting the nail on the head.
Keep running with it.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (35:11):
Not Jenny sil ups.
I was Julia's mom.
I was Jessica's mom.
I was Brian's mom.
I was Allie's stepmom.
So now all of a sudden you havethis new place where you say,
I'm me.
(35:33):
I am I am not someone's spouseand just someone's mom.
And I don't mean just.
Those are very important roles.
Those are roles that we wouldnever give up ever.
We would do it again in aheartbeat.
But now you have a new journeythat you get to start.
You get to dream big in thisseason.
And maybe those were dreams thatyou had to put on hold.
(35:55):
And I hope that energizes you.
I hope that brings you joy.
And you can say, I get to find anew rhythm that puts me first,
puts maybe my relationship withmy spouse or my significant
other in a place that maybe thathad to take a second or a back
row for a little bit while youwere so busy with the kids.
(36:20):
And so I I hope they're gratefuland can look at the past as
being something that was a is abeautiful, beautiful story, but
not be grateful for this newseason and anticipate all of the
new that is going to come intotheir lives.
SPEAKER_02 (36:39):
So well said.
I love that.
When you think about the book,Yellow Light Moments, in writing
it, in your journey to havingthis book come to life, what's
one thing you learned aboutyourself through the process?
SPEAKER_05 (36:53):
I don't give myself enough grace.
I think I had to learn to givegrace and in life, in
relationships, in the writingprocess, writing that for the
first time.
You know, I I we were chattingearlier.
I started as a biology andchemistry high school teacher
that then went on to get hermaster's in curriculum and
(37:16):
instruction.
So I always loved developing.
And I think that's where thenatural part of writing came
into be.
I think I'm just a book nerd atheart.
Like I'll always just want todive into research and those
kinds of things.
But giving myself grace to knowthat it's not always easy and
fluid.
So parenting, not always easyand fluid relationships, not
(37:37):
always easy and fluid.
Professionalism, not always easyand fluid.
And so as I'm going into thisnext phase of life, knowing that
there's going to be a learningperiod, learning curve that
we're all going to have to gothrough by giving yourself the
(37:59):
permission to pause, findingthat there is power in pausing.
So where I once found myselfweak on a beach, thinking I
can't handle this, and feltashamed and guilty and all the
negative on that initial part ofthe trip.
(38:22):
Again, when my entire family wassupportive and my entire client
base was supported.
But I was so hard on myself tosay I'm not, I'm not, I have to
go 110% all of the time.
And so learning to give yourselfgrace to say there is a beauty
(38:45):
and hitting that yellow light.
And that once I started to talkabout it and renamed yellow
light, um it was amazing to mehow many people said, Yeah,
that's exactly I can, I can, Ican absolutely understand where
you're at.
And I feel the exact same thingwhere you sometimes feel like
(39:08):
you're alone in those feelingsof hitting the stress and the
burnout.
You realize you're truly not.
There is an entire community ofpeople that feel the exact same
way, but you have to giveyourself grace to feel that and
accept that and to walk throughthose times and then to
(39:29):
hopefully come out on the otherside saying, I'm important, I'm
not a luxury.
My self-care is not just aluxury, this is a necessity, and
this is what is really importantto build in.
And so I'm hoping as people arecoming to their parts of being
(39:51):
an empty nester, that they canlearn to check in with their
identity and their emotion andthey can start to redefine their
purpose and their passion andgive themselves grace along the
way to feel all the fields andto talk about it openly, knowing
that there is an entirecommunity out there that feels
the same way that you do.
And if you don't know how toconnect with that, um, start
(40:12):
with you you can come totinyphillipscoaching.com and
find that there's an entirecommunity of Vitality followers
that are going through thisvaried network.
And if not, there they are therein your community through your
churches, through your volunteerorganizations, through Red
Cross, through all the differentplaces that you can and be a
(40:33):
part of something bigger, butalso knowing that it's okay to
stay small, not feeling that youhave to then jump in and fill
all of that time.
And so now when I come home fromwork and it's been a busy day,
and I pull my car into thegarage and I shut the garage
(40:54):
door and I sit in my car forthree to five minutes before I
even get out of it because Iknow even when I come in the
house, not as many familymembers in there, but I still
have to reset, let go of the dayand be able to walk in with a
different appreciation of it'sin the house.
(41:16):
And before, where I thought,does anybody else sit in the
garage by themselves for a fewminutes to reset their day?
And I found out, yeah, there'sactually lots of people that do
this.
And it is, it's just it's takingthat white space, it's making
your own margins and uh giveyourself grace for that.
SPEAKER_02 (41:33):
Give yourself grace.
Yeah, it's such a great point,Jenny.
Before I let you go, what isyour life motto?
SPEAKER_05 (41:41):
Life motto is it used to be embrace the suck.
And you'll read that in the backof my book.
That even when life is hard,there's always a beauty in it.
And I I learned that oncewhenever I was running a
marathon in Chicago, and Iremember getting to the end of
it.
(42:01):
And it's an amazing relationshipwhen you train for very long
races, that you get to a pointwhere the body is just doing
what the body does, and itbecomes a mental game.
And sometimes you just have toembrace the moment that you're
in.
And I know that the word sexsometimes comes as a very
negative, and at the same time,there's a beauty in it that
(42:26):
sometimes that you learn so muchthrough those hardships.
And so for me, at the very endof the marathon, I saw this
sign, and it was held as mile21.
And there were two peopleholding the sign, and I thought,
what an awesome journey to beon.
Like I am dying inside, my legsburn, my chest burns, I want to
(42:48):
quit, but I've got five milesleft.
You're not gonna quit at thispoint.
So embrace it, embrace that partof it, embrace that part of the
journey and just keep kickingbecause maybe one day you're not
gonna be able to do this, buttoday is not that day.
And so just be uh uh proud ofwhere you are.
Again, give yourselves thatkindness, speak yourself with
(43:11):
kind words towards yourself andknow that you're gonna finish
your best race.
And so teaching the kids toothat that is a really important
part of life.
That even in the dark, hardtimes, there is something
positive to come out of that.
We always come back to the gracemodels.
We always come back to, youknow, where where you can find
(43:32):
that in yourself, where you cansign forgiveness, where you can
find ease in yourself.
Those would probably, yeah,those would probably be where my
two are learning to not justsurvive, but to thrive through
the hard.
SPEAKER_02 (43:47):
So good.
So good.
And I I love the piece aboutfinishing the race strong
because folks, that's where youare right now in life.
And I think that's what thisjourney is about is finishing it
strong so that you can be anexample for your kids.
So, folks, yellow light moments,maximize your health and
vitality through the power ofpausing, is now available
(44:08):
wherever you buy books.
Jenny Phillips, it has been anhonor and a pleasure to have you
on the show.
SPEAKER_05 (44:14):
Thank you, Jay.
It's been great talking with youtoday.
SPEAKER_00 (44:17):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsden.com and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC, all rights reserved.
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The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.