November 29, 2025 • 36 mins
What if ending emotional eating isn’t about creating the perfect plan, but about choosing who you want to be? In this eye-opening episode, author, TEDx speaker, and coach Renée Jones shares her transformative journey from 40 years of yo-yo dieting to a steady, fulfilling relationship with food based on identity rather than willpower. Renée recounts her evolution from family meals in Texas to a pivotal moment at 49—a closet safety-pin crisis that prompted her to re-evaluate her relationship with food.
We delve into Renée’s HANG method, a practical way to defuse cravings in real-time, as well as the importance of external accountability for those who tend to neglect their own needs. By understanding food as data and testing what works best for your body, you can shift from tired, cranky meals to ones that foster energy and stability.
For anyone navigating the empty nest transition, this episode serves as a critical moment to ask: Who do I want to be now?
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- Redefine your identity after years of yo-yo dieting.
- Understand the influence of family food culture and early eating patterns.
- Recognize the emotional versus physical hunger distinction.
- Discover the HANG method to manage cravings effectively.
- Test foods to find your personal fit, guiding energy, mood, and satiety.
This episode offers a compassionate, practical path to build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with food—and ultimately, with yourself.
Renée Jones Bio
Renée spent decades struggling with the hidden barriers of self-sabotage, and once free, her passion became helping others get unstuck and unleash their full potential. Renée has a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, a Clinical Residency, and training in contemporary methods of transformation, and a TEDx talk. Her book is What’s Really Eating You: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating.
Find Renée Online: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Website
BECOME A VIP SUBSCRIBER (Join Today!)
- Bonus Content for Subscribers Only
- Episode Shoutouts
- Thank You Emails
- Private Meet & Greets via Zoom
- + More
ENJOY THE SHOW?
Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via Apple Podcasts or follow on Spotify and many more.
Review us on Love the Podcast, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify -- reviews and ratings help others find us and we’d appreciate your support greatly.
LOVE THE SHOW?
Get THIS EMPTY NEST LIFE swag
CONNECT WITH JAY
Email, LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
Had to deal with my emotional baggage.
Because it's always been, she'llshe'll eat anything.
And then I I was more clearabout what I wanted, and I
thought, okay, what is myidentity going to be?
And figuring out that identitypiece is I think the most
crucial part of it becauseanybody can do a diet for a
(00:22):
period of time and lose weight.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Welcome to this empty nest life, the podcast
dedicated to helping you embracethis transformative season with
purpose, passion, and joy.
In each episode, we explorestories, strategies, and
insights to help turn your emptynest into an exciting new
chapter.
Whether you're redefining youridentity, pursuing new passions,
or finding peace in the pause,you're in the right place.
Here's your host, the empty nestcoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_01 (00:47):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
Today's topic is near and dearto my heart.
Emotional eating.
I've been there, done that,losing and gaining the same 50
pounds at least three times.
In my emptiness life, emotionaleating took on a little bit
different look because let's behonest, cooking for just one or
two isn't the same as preparinga meal for the entire family.
(01:10):
And this comes to eatingwhenever and whatever you want.
Especially when I just felt likeit.
Well, today I'm joined byauthor, TEDx speaker, and coach
Renee Jones.
Renee spent 40 years yo-yodieting when emotional eating
came knocking on her door toruin it every single time.
She cracked the code in 2012 andhas kept the weight off,
(01:33):
becoming a weight loss expertalong the way.
Renee is the author of What'sReally Eating You?
Overcome the Triggers of ComfortEating, and her TEDx talk, Lose
Weight and Keep It Off.
Emotional Eating has threequarters of a million views on
YouTube.
Renee, welcome to this emptinesslife.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, I am so excited thatyou're here.
(01:55):
Partly because it's been part ofmy own journey.
And I assume that it's thejourney for so many people out
there in this world.
But I'm curious, 40 years is areally, really long time to wake
up on New Year's Day and promiseto have the same New Year's
resolution.
How did how did that begin?
The journey begin?
How did you craft a code?
(02:16):
Let's dive into this for peoplewho are like, oh, please help me
with this.
SPEAKER_03 (02:20):
It is a long time.
And when I think about it, Ithink, good grief, what was I
doing?
That you're not learning thelessons, as it were.
So actually, I my first diet waswhen I was 10 years old.
Now we don't brag on my motherbecause she was trying to help
me.
Unfortunately, she didn't knowwhat she was doing either.
(02:43):
We just didn't do very well atit.
We would we would do really wellfor a little while.
And either we'd get to somegoal, arbitrary goal we had, or
we'd get to a holiday, or justgo into my grandparents would do
it actually, and would be offand struggling to get back to
it.
So we never actually lost allthe weight in those years.
SPEAKER_01 (03:07):
I used to live in the South, so I know like food
is a big part of family in theSouth, and obviously lots of
other places and lots of othercultures, but specifically in
the South, you're in Texas, andthat's a big deal.
And I can imagine when you wentto your grandparents' house
kickstarting, whatever it maybe, to be like, you eat even
when you're not hungry, is howfamilies usually operate when
(03:29):
food is a big part of life.
Is that accurate?
Is that kind of what you saw asa child and as you went through
maybe your 20s and early 30s?
SPEAKER_03 (03:37):
Oh, yeah, because it was they had a ranch for a
start.
Yes, I am the Texan.
My grandparents had a ranch,absolutely.
And you would go out and youwould work.
We were working with the pigs orthe turkeys or the cows or the
sheep or whatever.
And then there's hay to movearound or feed to move around,
(04:00):
get the cattle into one place,move them from field to field.
It was just a lot of physicalwork.
And while we were there, thathelped.
We ate for two people ratherthan one, really.
And my grandmother was anexcellent cook.
And I remember this one day, mygrandfather said to my
grandmother, I can see a littlebit of the table here.
(04:23):
Meaning, find something else toput on the table because he
wanted it to be plentiful.
SPEAKER_01 (04:28):
Sure.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_03 (04:30):
And we'd have two or three desserts.
And it was just so much food.
It was like Thanksgiving everytime we went.
And it was wonderful.
If you if you could get up fromthe table and do anything but
waddle to the living room, youweren't doing it right.
SPEAKER_01 (04:46):
Yeah.
Well, I guess when you grew upseeing like here's a lifestyle
where people do spend a lot ofenergy keeping that lifestyle
going, and they're also creatingfood for others, then food makes
it makes sense where it becomesa big part of our big part of
our lives.
Yeah.
Then you you probably moved anddid life in your 20s and 30s.
(05:06):
How did those habits follow youand create this kind of yo-yo
experience?
Because I think we'll get intolike how you actually cracked
the code later in life.
But tell me more about thatexperience for you.
SPEAKER_03 (05:19):
I came of age in terms of going off to college in
the 80s.
And that was when everyone wasdoing fitness things.
SPEAKER_04 (05:30):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03 (05:32):
But we were still that's also when the food
pyramid was at its height.
So you could have four pieces oftoast for breakfast.
It was on the diet.
Except that didn't work for me.
And we would I I just didn'tknow what was right for my body.
And the government was sayingyou've got to do it this way.
(05:54):
So I was trying to follow thatand still keep under a certain
number of calories.
Because I'm I'm only five footthree.
I'm a little woman to startwith.
So I don't get that manycalories like my six-foot
husband.
We just tried to maintain and itleft me tired, hungry, and
cranky all the time.
(06:17):
But then in 1986, I was I got ajob working in Wales in the
United Kingdom.
And their motto is if you leavea Welsh table hungry, it's your
own fault.
Because they're gonna try tofeed you up.
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Sure.
SPEAKER_03 (06:37):
And I was their little American girl, and they
were trying to look after me andshow me hospitality.
So it just got worse.
SPEAKER_01 (06:45):
Yeah, it got worse, and then you just it maybe
reinforced the habits that youhad learned as a child.
And I think that plays into abig part of it.
What spurred you to finallycrack the code and write the
book and to start talking aboutit?
SPEAKER_03 (06:59):
So I was staring down my 50th birthday, and
things happened for women around50.
And I had always heard thatafter 50, you can't lose weight,
or it's really hard.
And I thought, gosh, if I'mgonna do this, I better get it
done now, or I'm stuck forever.
(07:20):
So I started off New Year's Day2012.
Gonna get it done.
I'm gonna lose the weight.
And that worked for about twoweeks, maybe three.
And I fell off and I thought,no, no, no, I'm gonna do this.
And it was that on-off thinguntil April.
I suddenly needed a bigger size.
I'm staring at the clothes in mycloset, and I'm thinking, okay,
(07:44):
we went from normal to fatclothes, and now we're on the
what are you doing, Reneeclothes?
Except they didn't fit either.
I was I was standing in mycloset, wrenching together my
waistband and holding ittogether with a safety pin,
(08:04):
putting on a jacket that wouldcover it up, so I could just go
to work.
I thought, you've got to dosomething different.
This is just not working.
And that was when the researchfrom that is where I heard the
term emotional eating for thevery first time.
And boy, did I understand it.
That's me.
That's the problem.
(08:25):
So I had to then change what Iwas doing.
I actually hired myself a coachbecause I thought you've been
trying to do this on your ownforever.
You you do well withaccountability, so let's go that
way.
And I reached my goal weight theweek before my 50th birthday.
And I I'm the same weight now,13 years later.
SPEAKER_01 (08:45):
Okay.
So it was uh there was a animpetus, a moment.
And I I think you said, oh, Ibetter do this now, which I
think often happens for peoplewhen they are like, oh, I've got
to solve a problem and I want itdone now.
But you also said somethingalong the lines that kind of
raised a a thought for me islike, oh, there's a difference
between being motivated to dosomething, 50th birthday,
(09:10):
whatever it may be, motivated,because motivation fades versus
being disciplined, which isboring.
And when things are boring, wetend to go in the opposite
direction and run quickly awayfrom them.
SPEAKER_03 (09:25):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (09:26):
So when you get to a point of being like, well, I
gotta fix this, and I need tohave the discipline, and folks,
I don't mean discipline in a badway.
SPEAKER_03 (09:34):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
No, it's like you develop the habits underneath of
it.
And I think that's probablywhere you landed in your story,
but I'm really curious is like,how did you keep the weight off
since 2012?
Because I think that maybe willbe an aha moment for folks where
we can mesh the motivation anddiscipline together.
SPEAKER_03 (09:55):
Well, I would say there are two parts to it.
First, I came up with a phrasethat I started using.
It's a little in your face, butit's face your stuff, don't
stuff your face.
I had to deal with what wasdriving the behavior to soothe
with food in order to get pastit.
(10:17):
So I had to deal with myemotional baggage.
And then I I was more clearabout what I wanted.
And I thought, okay, what is myidentity going to be?
Because it's always been, she'llshe'll eat anything.
What is it that I want it to be?
So it was a shift from allowingthe feelings to drive the
(10:39):
behavior to is that who I wantto be?
No.
So who is this?
And figuring out that identitypiece is, I think, the most
crucial part of it becauseanybody can do a diet for a
period of time and lose weight.
We can we can go to a therapistor a coach and deal with our
(11:00):
emotional stuff.
If it doesn't change ourbehavior, if it doesn't change
who we feel like we are, it'snot going to change anything.
It's that intention gap and howyou get from A to B.
And that often comes down to whodo I want to be?
SPEAKER_01 (11:16):
Yeah, I love that.
Who do I want to be?
Because as people head intoempty nesting, it's a question I
often ask them.
It's like, well, who do you wantto be now?
Your kids, you're you're notparenting 24-7.
You've moved this guide on theside.
You have an opportunity to evenrecreate yourself if you want
to, or evolve yourself, I liketo say, rather than change.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like an evolution of you asa as a human being.
(11:38):
It's oh, who do you want to benow?
Perfect.
Do you want to be the personthat has like good health and
that your 80-year-old self couldbe proud of?
I think that's like themotivation to do it.
But then there's also thediscipline side too.
So how do you how do you staydisciplined with what works for
you?
Because what works for you maynot work for everybody.
SPEAKER_04 (11:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:00):
Right.
And so what works for you, howdo you stay disciplined with it?
SPEAKER_03 (12:05):
Well, I stumble across a method of learning what
works for your body.
So the one of the first thingswe do with my clients is to put
them through the the regime ofokay, what's going to work best
for your body?
Whatever anybody else says, whatkeeps you satisfied and happy.
(12:29):
And for me, the way I had doneit, the way I lost my weight,
that tired, hungry, crankyperson was not going to fly very
much longer because Mr.
Jones was not very happy aboutthat, to say the least.
So I stumbled across this, Ichanged my nutrition completely.
And I woke up about five daysin, and I thought, wow, I feel a
(12:53):
little different.
And then I lost two pounds thatweek, already at my goal weight,
at 52.
And I thought, okay, there'ssomething in this.
And about three months later, Inoticed I wasn't having the mood
swings that I'd had before.
So finding what works for yourbody makes it a heck of a lot
(13:15):
easier.
Because I wasn't tired, I wasn'thungry nor hangry.
SPEAKER_01 (13:22):
Yeah.
You know, we don't want to getin the hangry mode.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
Don't want to get into that whole crankiness.
And what I found is some of thefoods that I used to eat
actually make me a little mean.
So it made it easier to say noto them because I don't want to
feel bad.
I don't want to feel depressed.
I don't want to be mean to sweetMr.
Jones.
(13:46):
So that keeps me on trackbecause it helps me be my better
self.
SPEAKER_01 (13:53):
I love that.
Yeah, and I love it too becauseI did that myself back in
January.
I worked with a nutritionist tofind out like what works for my
body.
And I learned so much in thatprocess of, oh, here, these
things can like screw up yourgut and make you feel inflamed
and have inflammation in thebody.
And they're gonna, when you feelthose ways, you feel crappy.
(14:14):
And then when you feel crappy,you eat crappy.
Yeah.
And but it's so specific, I wasamazed.
Because what's again for me islike, oh yeah, maybe beef and
dairy isn't something you shouldbe eating anymore.
That's what it was for me.
And as soon as I switched thatand put in some intermittent
fasting for my body, likeknowing what works for me,
that's when everything justsettled out, right?
(14:37):
And the losing the weight was abyproduct of that, it wasn't an
intention.
Yes.
And I think perhaps that's whereyou come from is like, ooh,
let's not losing weight isn'tthe goal.
The goal is figuring out whatworks for you as a human.
unknown (14:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (14:50):
Is that accurate?
Well, a lot of people want tolose the weight as well, and
that's okay.
Because that's that's theimportant thing for them.
So we do what's important tothem, but they do get this
byproduct of not having theiremotions driving their food
choices.
(15:11):
Because in the end, I think Jay,I think people are actually
looking for life.
But they'll take a twinkie,because it's right there.
SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
Oh, easy, because it's easy.
SPEAKER_03 (15:22):
It's easy, it's available, yeah.
But if you think about that,what you really want will take a
little more effort, but it'swhat you really want, not the
twinkie.
SPEAKER_01 (15:35):
Yeah, what's on what that kind of outweighs the
easiness of the Twinkie versusfor how you want to.
I always say, what would your80-year-old or 90-year-year-old
self be proud of you now in thismoment?
That's how you get there.
SPEAKER_02 (15:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:50):
Yeah.
So it's ultimately what youwant.
What did you want when youstarted writing your book?
What was your goal with that?
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
I wanted to be able to reach more people to give
them a guide.
SPEAKER_03 (16:05):
Because it it basically has a it has some
questions to consider at the endof each chapter so that they
could identify some of thethings that would help them.
If they can't afford coaching orone of my courses or one of my
special offer things, they can'tafford that.
They can start with a book.
(16:27):
So I wanted to make it a littlemore practical.
As well as hey, these are thethings we've got to pay
attention to.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
What's an example of one of the questions that you
have in your book that couldspur people to think about
themselves specifically?
SPEAKER_03 (16:44):
Wealth.
Not that we have it right hereor anything.
What are your intermediate goalsand rewards?
List them.
Both parts, goals and rewards.
What's your vision of yourselfat that goal?
SPEAKER_01 (17:00):
Oh, I like that.
Yeah.
Can you see yourself at thatgoal?
Yeah.
Sometimes people may strugglewith that, right?
Like, oh, I can't see myself 10pounds lighter.
I can't see myself 20 poundslighter.
I can't see myself not enjoyinga steak.
I use that as my example, right?
Because I don't do beef anymore.
But like, how do you help peoplesee that in the work that you
(17:22):
do?
SPEAKER_03 (17:24):
Well, I have to confess that periodically I see
a photo of myself or areflection in a glass uh window
or something, and I think, whois that?
Oh, that's me.
Because it's just so muchsmaller.
I was never a hundred poundsoverweight.
I probably lost a thousandpounds over the 40 years because
(17:47):
it was just up and down, up anddown.
But it's still quite adifference from my size 1416
down to a size four.
So it always surprises them.
Oh, yeah.
But the more you see that, andof course, now with AI, you can
do a model of yourself and havehave it where you can see it so
(18:09):
you know what you're workingtowards.
SPEAKER_01 (18:12):
I never thought of that.
That's brilliant, right?
To be able to say, oh, what do Iwant to look like?
And then how do I achieve it ina sustainable, healthy way?
SPEAKER_03 (18:22):
Yeah, because so often there if people are just
like I was.
Okay, I'll do a diet, I'll getto the point, and then I can
have whatever I wanted.
Which is true for one meal.
But if you start eating that wayforever, you're gonna get back
to the place you were.
And it's har it just gets harderto lose it after a while, partly
(18:45):
because it's frustrating anddemoralizing.
But I think our bodies begin togo, I don't think you mean this,
so I'm not gonna go through thisstruggle.
SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Yeah, yeah, no, that makes perfect sense.
And I think too, with the eatingpart, I find it for myself is
like when I stop partaking ofsomething that's not beneficial
for my body, or my body's like,oh, that stuff isn't good, but
you can have this stuff overhere.
When I have it back again, likejust as a maybe once a month, my
body tells me no, like my tastebuds are like, eh, that's not so
(19:20):
great anymore.
Yeah.
Was that the same experience foryou?
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
Yeah.
Part I gave up sugar severalyears ago because it just didn't
do well for me.
And now if I have it, like we'resomeplace Mr.
Jones has a piece of cake, Imight have a taste of his.
And it's like there's somesomething on my tongue, and it's
(19:45):
that's gross.
Why did we do this?
So yeah, there are certainfoods, and again, if I go back
into for me, heavycarbohydrates, they make me
crazy.
They just don't settle well withmy body.
If I'm if I'm having I makegreat bread, Jay.
I make really good bread.
(20:05):
I'm right here with you, but Ijust don't eat it because it
affects how I feel and how Irespond to others.
And Mr.
Jones doesn't deserve that.
SPEAKER_01 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah.
And I found the same thing forme is bread that I buy from the
store affects me.
One day, bread that I make,sourdough bread that I make for
myself, is different.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just again, I think ithighlights the point.
It's like you have to find whatworks for you.
What we're talking about todaydoesn't work for every single
person, except underneath, yeah,like the finding out what works
(20:37):
best for you.
How's been the response to your?
It's almost a three-quarter or alittle over three-quarters of a
million views on YouTube, yourTEDx talk.
What's been the response to thatin general?
SPEAKER_03 (20:48):
Um good.
For me, shocking.
It's like I have no idea wherethese people are coming from.
But it it it is an opportunityto share some good information,
an idea worth spreading.
I I I have had clients on everycontinent except Antarctica.
(21:09):
I'm not sure what's up with thepenguins and the scientists down
there, but it gives them eitheran avenue of somebody's contact
or it gives them the informationthey can use.
SPEAKER_01 (21:21):
I love that.
What do you love most helpingpeople?
SPEAKER_03 (21:26):
I love that moment when they do that that puppy dog
thing of and they got it.
SPEAKER_01 (21:34):
Yeah, a little tilt of the head with a ear, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:36):
Yeah.
Oh.
I never thought about it thatway before, and you know you've
given them a moment of heat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:45):
I love that.
A moment of healing.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:48):
It's just so much fun to help people be their
best, to find what works forthem, and to to give them a
little support as they go alongthe way.
SPEAKER_01 (21:57):
I just love it.
So good.
So good.
What's one thing you've learnedabout yourself in your journey?
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
That it is better if I gain if I get to say four
pounds over my goal weight andit's hangs in there for a day or
two, it is better if I addressit then rather than waiting.
Because it's a heck of a loteasier to lose four pounds than
14.
(22:57):
I also learned from thisexperience that I do best with
some external accountability.
I may not like it, but it helpsme stay on track.
And there are it's the largestgroup of people out there,
people who do well with externalaccountability.
And I find it's the only waythat I can accomplish something
(23:18):
for myself.
I can Jay, if I tell you I'mgonna do something, I'm gonna be
there, I'm gonna get it done,it's gonna be done well.
If I say, I'm gonna do this forme, eh, maybe, probably not.
But if there's someone who'ssaying, Okay, so you said you
were gonna do this, but this isnot happening, what's going on
(23:40):
there in the nicest possibleway, then I'll do it.
For example, I have spent thelast 15 years doing a morning
walk.
The first two or three I I didit so many days a week, but now
it's unless there's lightning orice, I'm gonna do my morning
(24:01):
walk.
Or I'm sick or something, someother reason.
But the only way I could makemyself do that was to recognize
that my dog was a better puppywhen he or she had had a walk,
depending on what part of thattime frame.
So I do the walk currently forhim.
And if I think about it thatway, then I I will do it.
SPEAKER_01 (24:23):
You will do it.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
It's interesting.
Some people can hold themselvesaccountable, right?
And some people need a littleaccountability in their life.
Ultimately, we have to holdourselves accountable.
But if you if it's what thetrick that works for you, right?
The puppy is the trick thatworks to help hold yourself
accountable.
SPEAKER_02 (24:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:43):
When you when you think about your weight loss
part, though, you said you stillneed somebody to hold you
accountable.
Is that still true?
You have somebody present inyour life that holds you
accountable, or you work with tohold yourself accountable?
SPEAKER_03 (24:55):
I don't know, maybe 775,000 TEDx viewers.
This is the thing.
Because I made this my business,I have external accountability
because people watch mywaistline.
If I gain weight, I would not beable to coach.
It would be out of integrity tocoach on this.
SPEAKER_04 (25:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (25:15):
So that is what I use as my accountability to do
what I want to do, be who I wantto be.
But there's just that element ofexternal accountability that
helps me get over the roughpatches.
SPEAKER_01 (25:28):
Yeah.
To be a product of your ownproduct, to be a product of your
product.
Yes.
But also to be an example ofwhat's possible.
Yeah.
I think is is probably thebigger picture.
Is like, oh, like I struggledfor 40 years.
I finally cracked the code.
And here's here's how you can doit for yourself, specifically
(25:49):
for you, not exactly the sameway.
And I think that's the bigtakeaway here is like finding
the exact thing that works for aperson.
If the people are like, oh, butI don't I don't have time to
find out what works for me.
What would you say to them?
SPEAKER_03 (26:03):
You don't have time not to, because you're wasting
away your health by beingoverweight.
You're putting so much pressureon your joints, you're limiting
your longevity and mobility inlater life.
And it starts now.
It starts when you're 20s and30s.
We've got to be careful with ourbodies because that's the only
(26:24):
one we get.
SPEAKER_01 (26:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah, I wish I would have knownthe whole nutritional piece for
me in my 20s.
And it could have easily beendifferent then, too.
Um, my nutritionist said to mewhen she saw the results, have
you ever been bitten by a tick?
And I was like, Oh, yeah, Ihave.
(26:45):
Um I'm in the woods, I'm ahiker.
And she's like, There is somecorrelation, not widespread, but
some correlation between tickbites and then having a
sensitivity to beef and dairy.
And I was like, oh, interesting.
So it couldn't have been partof, but then it came later in
life.
So again, if this is not a oneand done either, it's like it's
a continual finding out whatworks best for you as an
(27:08):
individual.
SPEAKER_02 (27:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (27:10):
Yeah.
What's yeah, what's one piece ofadvice you would give to people
who are listening to this andare like, I don't, I don't know.
I don't believe I don't know ifI believe this or not.
SPEAKER_03 (27:21):
It always comes down to who you are.
It's not the diet, it's not theexercise plan.
It is who you are and who youwant to be.
That is the the intention gapsolution.
When you know who you are, andhopefully that's who you want to
(27:46):
be, then you can begin to makechoices around that.
Because it comes down to yourchoices of what you put in your
mouth.
SPEAKER_01 (27:57):
True.
Yeah, it's always we always makewe always can make choices, I
think, is the takeaways, right?
Like we have things happen inour lives, we have thoughts and
feelings about them, and then wehave a choice on how we think
and feel about what takes placeand the action that we take.
Yeah.
And I think that's so important.
You had mentioned, I think yousaid a tension gap, right?
SPEAKER_03 (28:17):
Intention gap.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
Intention.
Okay.
And so you mentioned it twice,intention gap.
Thank you for the clarification.
Yeah.
What what is that?
SPEAKER_03 (28:25):
It is the space between what we think we want to
do and accomplishment.
And we like to turn our goodintentions into tangible
achievements.
SPEAKER_01 (28:35):
Okay.
Yeah.
And the gap is, I'll say thatsounds like it's it's part of
the like what could be part ofthe struggle for people.
SPEAKER_03 (28:43):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, we may want to, butthere's this and this and this.
Okay, well, let's work on thisand this and this then, so that
you can bridge that gap.
SPEAKER_01 (28:55):
Bridge the gap, yeah.
My coach calls it gag and go,right?
Okay.
Right?
Yeah, like yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (29:01):
Yeah, you just have to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (29:03):
You have to do it.
I think my conversation withNino Perez, we were talking
about that before, is likebroccoli advice.
It's like, you know, you may notlike it at first, but give it a
try.
You may not like this approach,but give it a try.
You never know.
It could be the thing thatclicks for you.
SPEAKER_02 (29:19):
You never know.
SPEAKER_01 (29:20):
Yeah, you never know.
If you did know something aboutwhat comes next for you in life,
what do you think that would be?
SPEAKER_02 (29:30):
I am currently ramping up my speaking and
coaching business.
SPEAKER_03 (29:39):
Uh because you know, health is so important and
weight is a big part of that,and the the obesity crisis is
real and it can't be fixed byGLP1.
So I that's a that's a tool,it's not the solution.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's like anything else,they're all tools.
(30:02):
But until you utilize thosetools, well, your health is
going to be impacted.
So I am just feeling strongerthan ever that people need help
to do this.
They need to we're not we'rewe're taught some basics of
nutrition, but not the toolsthat actually help us get to
(30:24):
where we want to be.
And if I can help them bridgethat gap, help them heal a
little bit so they can build onthe Your own like a physical
therapist.
They help you get back on yourfeet, don't they?
Well, I'm an emotional, not atherapist, but a coach to help
them get back on their feet.
And it I I I walk into placesand I think, oh bless you,
(30:49):
you're wearing your issues.
Let's deal with the issues soyou don't have to wear them
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (30:55):
Yeah, that's so good.
We do.
They're like, oh, I I wear myemotions on my sleeve, but
literally we wear it in ourclothes when we do the emotional
eating.
And I know that I I can speakfrom it.
I've been super heavy.
Um, and I know what that feelslike to be like not comfortable
in the clothes that you'rewearing for so many reasons.
(31:18):
And also the shame and guiltthat goes along with that as
well.
SPEAKER_04 (31:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:25):
Yeah.
What did it tell me?
Like that I think you probablyexperienced it a lot.
There's the shame and guilt ofbeing heavy and redheaded.
SPEAKER_03 (31:34):
Yeah.
In a time when redheaded wasn'tcool.
SPEAKER_01 (31:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
How do you help people throughthat?
The shame and guilt part.
SPEAKER_03 (31:45):
Well, for this particular situation, they are
not actually valid.
And we we do it to each other,but it's not valid because okay,
so you've made some poorchoices.
Okay.
But they're not the end of thestory.
Shame is not appropriate becauseshame is I am bad.
(32:10):
Guilt is I did something bad.
Shame is I did some I am bad.
And that's just not true.
So one of the things that I Ishare with people is okay, it's
not hard to overcome emotionaleating.
You just have to get the hang ofit.
And hang is an acronym.
So you say, Am I hungry?
(32:33):
And if you are, okay, maybe youneed something to eat.
But if you're not, A, what isyour attraction to food in this
moment?
What are you looking for?
N, what do I actually need?
Okay, if I'm looking for that,what would give me that?
What would meet that actualneed?
And then G, go go get that,because that will soothe you
(32:56):
more than the food ever possiblycould.
SPEAKER_01 (32:59):
Yeah, it's swapping what is at the core of what's
going on, really.
SPEAKER_03 (33:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's driving this behaviorbus?
Let's take away the keys.
SPEAKER_01 (33:09):
Love it.
Yeah.
So if I'm either grabbingsomething, it's like, ooh, why?
Well, because I'm bored or I'mstressed.
Or I'm hungry or I'm mad or I'msad.
Literally any emotion thatgenerates.
Or I'm happy.
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
Yeah.
Or I'm I'm at a party and I'mhappy, so I'm gonna have an
extra whatever.
unknown (33:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (33:27):
But it's not necessary.
It's okay if you want it.
It's the I gotta have it.
It's that craving thing becauseit's a craving peace, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:37):
Yeah, yeah.
Before I let you go, what's yourwhat's your life motto for
everything that you're doingright now?
SPEAKER_02 (33:47):
My life motto is be your best.
I love that.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
And I I spent 20 years as a hospital chaplain.
So faith is incredibly importantto me personally, and being my
best is part of the mandate ofChristianity.
So it just works for me.
SPEAKER_01 (34:13):
Yeah.
And I think that's important toobecause it's like you can still
have hiccups along the road.
SPEAKER_03 (34:20):
Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (34:21):
As long as you're still doing your best, right?
Yeah.
So I think that's such animportant reminder for people,
and a good way to wrap up thisepisode is hey, this is not a
one and done.
This is not a journey that isgoing to be full of all ups.
There's going to be ups anddowns, but as long as you're
doing your best and followingwhat works best for you, I think
(34:42):
that's how people will achievesuccess.
SPEAKER_03 (34:45):
Just like their financial budget, just like
keeping the house clean, justlike car maintenance.
It can't, you can't just let itgo.
You've got to pay attention toall of it.
SPEAKER_01 (35:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like emotional wealth,physical wealth, right,
financial wealth.
It's all components of beingwealthy in different ways.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, so good.
I so appreciate you being here,Renee, and shedding a little bit
of light and sharing a littlebit of your journey.
And folks, we'll we'll get it inthe show notes.
Renee's book and her YouTube areavailable, widely available on
(35:26):
YouTube and the book on Amazonand other places.
And so we'll make sure thateverybody knows how to find you
and find the information becauseI think it's an important story
for them to take a look at andsee how it might fit into their
own lives.
So thanks again for being here.
SPEAKER_03 (35:40):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (35:42):
Thank you for listening to this Emptiness
Life.
Remember, this chapter isn't anending, it's an invitation to
redefine, rediscover, andreignite your life.
If today's episode sparkssomething in you, don't forget
to take that first step andvisit this empty nestlife.com
and click work with me to getthe conversation started.
Until next time, keep your heartopen, your mind curious, and
your spirit shining.
(36:04):
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC.
All rights reserved.
Had to deal with my emotional baggage.
Because it's always been, she'llshe'll eat anything.
And then I I was more clearabout what I wanted, and I
thought, okay, what is myidentity going to be?
And figuring out that identitypiece is I think the most
crucial part of it becauseanybody can do a diet for a
(00:22):
period of time and lose weight.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Welcome to this empty nest life, the podcast
dedicated to helping you embracethis transformative season with
purpose, passion, and joy.
In each episode, we explorestories, strategies, and
insights to help turn your emptynest into an exciting new
chapter.
Whether you're redefining youridentity, pursuing new passions,
or finding peace in the pause,you're in the right place.
Here's your host, the empty nestcoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_01 (00:47):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
Today's topic is near and dearto my heart.
Emotional eating.
I've been there, done that,losing and gaining the same 50
pounds at least three times.
In my emptiness life, emotionaleating took on a little bit
different look because let's behonest, cooking for just one or
two isn't the same as preparinga meal for the entire family.
(01:10):
And this comes to eatingwhenever and whatever you want.
Especially when I just felt likeit.
Well, today I'm joined byauthor, TEDx speaker, and coach
Renee Jones.
Renee spent 40 years yo-yodieting when emotional eating
came knocking on her door toruin it every single time.
She cracked the code in 2012 andhas kept the weight off,
(01:33):
becoming a weight loss expertalong the way.
Renee is the author of What'sReally Eating You?
Overcome the Triggers of ComfortEating, and her TEDx talk, Lose
Weight and Keep It Off.
Emotional Eating has threequarters of a million views on
YouTube.
Renee, welcome to this emptinesslife.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, I am so excited thatyou're here.
(01:55):
Partly because it's been part ofmy own journey.
And I assume that it's thejourney for so many people out
there in this world.
But I'm curious, 40 years is areally, really long time to wake
up on New Year's Day and promiseto have the same New Year's
resolution.
How did how did that begin?
The journey begin?
How did you craft a code?
(02:16):
Let's dive into this for peoplewho are like, oh, please help me
with this.
SPEAKER_03 (02:20):
It is a long time.
And when I think about it, Ithink, good grief, what was I
doing?
That you're not learning thelessons, as it were.
So actually, I my first diet waswhen I was 10 years old.
Now we don't brag on my motherbecause she was trying to help
me.
Unfortunately, she didn't knowwhat she was doing either.
(02:43):
We just didn't do very well atit.
We would we would do really wellfor a little while.
And either we'd get to somegoal, arbitrary goal we had, or
we'd get to a holiday, or justgo into my grandparents would do
it actually, and would be offand struggling to get back to
it.
So we never actually lost allthe weight in those years.
SPEAKER_01 (03:07):
I used to live in the South, so I know like food
is a big part of family in theSouth, and obviously lots of
other places and lots of othercultures, but specifically in
the South, you're in Texas, andthat's a big deal.
And I can imagine when you wentto your grandparents' house
kickstarting, whatever it maybe, to be like, you eat even
when you're not hungry, is howfamilies usually operate when
(03:29):
food is a big part of life.
Is that accurate?
Is that kind of what you saw asa child and as you went through
maybe your 20s and early 30s?
SPEAKER_03 (03:37):
Oh, yeah, because it was they had a ranch for a
start.
Yes, I am the Texan.
My grandparents had a ranch,absolutely.
And you would go out and youwould work.
We were working with the pigs orthe turkeys or the cows or the
sheep or whatever.
And then there's hay to movearound or feed to move around,
(04:00):
get the cattle into one place,move them from field to field.
It was just a lot of physicalwork.
And while we were there, thathelped.
We ate for two people ratherthan one, really.
And my grandmother was anexcellent cook.
And I remember this one day, mygrandfather said to my
grandmother, I can see a littlebit of the table here.
(04:23):
Meaning, find something else toput on the table because he
wanted it to be plentiful.
SPEAKER_01 (04:28):
Sure.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_03 (04:30):
And we'd have two or three desserts.
And it was just so much food.
It was like Thanksgiving everytime we went.
And it was wonderful.
If you if you could get up fromthe table and do anything but
waddle to the living room, youweren't doing it right.
SPEAKER_01 (04:46):
Yeah.
Well, I guess when you grew upseeing like here's a lifestyle
where people do spend a lot ofenergy keeping that lifestyle
going, and they're also creatingfood for others, then food makes
it makes sense where it becomesa big part of our big part of
our lives.
Yeah.
Then you you probably moved anddid life in your 20s and 30s.
(05:06):
How did those habits follow youand create this kind of yo-yo
experience?
Because I think we'll get intolike how you actually cracked
the code later in life.
But tell me more about thatexperience for you.
SPEAKER_03 (05:19):
I came of age in terms of going off to college in
the 80s.
And that was when everyone wasdoing fitness things.
SPEAKER_04 (05:30):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03 (05:32):
But we were still that's also when the food
pyramid was at its height.
So you could have four pieces oftoast for breakfast.
It was on the diet.
Except that didn't work for me.
And we would I I just didn'tknow what was right for my body.
And the government was sayingyou've got to do it this way.
(05:54):
So I was trying to follow thatand still keep under a certain
number of calories.
Because I'm I'm only five footthree.
I'm a little woman to startwith.
So I don't get that manycalories like my six-foot
husband.
We just tried to maintain and itleft me tired, hungry, and
cranky all the time.
(06:17):
But then in 1986, I was I got ajob working in Wales in the
United Kingdom.
And their motto is if you leavea Welsh table hungry, it's your
own fault.
Because they're gonna try tofeed you up.
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Sure.
SPEAKER_03 (06:37):
And I was their little American girl, and they
were trying to look after me andshow me hospitality.
So it just got worse.
SPEAKER_01 (06:45):
Yeah, it got worse, and then you just it maybe
reinforced the habits that youhad learned as a child.
And I think that plays into abig part of it.
What spurred you to finallycrack the code and write the
book and to start talking aboutit?
SPEAKER_03 (06:59):
So I was staring down my 50th birthday, and
things happened for women around50.
And I had always heard thatafter 50, you can't lose weight,
or it's really hard.
And I thought, gosh, if I'mgonna do this, I better get it
done now, or I'm stuck forever.
(07:20):
So I started off New Year's Day2012.
Gonna get it done.
I'm gonna lose the weight.
And that worked for about twoweeks, maybe three.
And I fell off and I thought,no, no, no, I'm gonna do this.
And it was that on-off thinguntil April.
I suddenly needed a bigger size.
I'm staring at the clothes in mycloset, and I'm thinking, okay,
(07:44):
we went from normal to fatclothes, and now we're on the
what are you doing, Reneeclothes?
Except they didn't fit either.
I was I was standing in mycloset, wrenching together my
waistband and holding ittogether with a safety pin,
(08:04):
putting on a jacket that wouldcover it up, so I could just go
to work.
I thought, you've got to dosomething different.
This is just not working.
And that was when the researchfrom that is where I heard the
term emotional eating for thevery first time.
And boy, did I understand it.
That's me.
That's the problem.
(08:25):
So I had to then change what Iwas doing.
I actually hired myself a coachbecause I thought you've been
trying to do this on your ownforever.
You you do well withaccountability, so let's go that
way.
And I reached my goal weight theweek before my 50th birthday.
And I I'm the same weight now,13 years later.
SPEAKER_01 (08:45):
Okay.
So it was uh there was a animpetus, a moment.
And I I think you said, oh, Ibetter do this now, which I
think often happens for peoplewhen they are like, oh, I've got
to solve a problem and I want itdone now.
But you also said somethingalong the lines that kind of
raised a a thought for me islike, oh, there's a difference
between being motivated to dosomething, 50th birthday,
(09:10):
whatever it may be, motivated,because motivation fades versus
being disciplined, which isboring.
And when things are boring, wetend to go in the opposite
direction and run quickly awayfrom them.
SPEAKER_03 (09:25):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (09:26):
So when you get to a point of being like, well, I
gotta fix this, and I need tohave the discipline, and folks,
I don't mean discipline in a badway.
SPEAKER_03 (09:34):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
No, it's like you develop the habits underneath of
it.
And I think that's probablywhere you landed in your story,
but I'm really curious is like,how did you keep the weight off
since 2012?
Because I think that maybe willbe an aha moment for folks where
we can mesh the motivation anddiscipline together.
SPEAKER_03 (09:55):
Well, I would say there are two parts to it.
First, I came up with a phrasethat I started using.
It's a little in your face, butit's face your stuff, don't
stuff your face.
I had to deal with what wasdriving the behavior to soothe
with food in order to get pastit.
(10:17):
So I had to deal with myemotional baggage.
And then I I was more clearabout what I wanted.
And I thought, okay, what is myidentity going to be?
Because it's always been, she'llshe'll eat anything.
What is it that I want it to be?
So it was a shift from allowingthe feelings to drive the
(10:39):
behavior to is that who I wantto be?
No.
So who is this?
And figuring out that identitypiece is, I think, the most
crucial part of it becauseanybody can do a diet for a
period of time and lose weight.
We can we can go to a therapistor a coach and deal with our
(11:00):
emotional stuff.
If it doesn't change ourbehavior, if it doesn't change
who we feel like we are, it'snot going to change anything.
It's that intention gap and howyou get from A to B.
And that often comes down to whodo I want to be?
SPEAKER_01 (11:16):
Yeah, I love that.
Who do I want to be?
Because as people head intoempty nesting, it's a question I
often ask them.
It's like, well, who do you wantto be now?
Your kids, you're you're notparenting 24-7.
You've moved this guide on theside.
You have an opportunity to evenrecreate yourself if you want
to, or evolve yourself, I liketo say, rather than change.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like an evolution of you asa as a human being.
(11:38):
It's oh, who do you want to benow?
Perfect.
Do you want to be the personthat has like good health and
that your 80-year-old self couldbe proud of?
I think that's like themotivation to do it.
But then there's also thediscipline side too.
So how do you how do you staydisciplined with what works for
you?
Because what works for you maynot work for everybody.
SPEAKER_04 (11:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:00):
Right.
And so what works for you, howdo you stay disciplined with it?
SPEAKER_03 (12:05):
Well, I stumble across a method of learning what
works for your body.
So the one of the first thingswe do with my clients is to put
them through the the regime ofokay, what's going to work best
for your body?
Whatever anybody else says, whatkeeps you satisfied and happy.
(12:29):
And for me, the way I had doneit, the way I lost my weight,
that tired, hungry, crankyperson was not going to fly very
much longer because Mr.
Jones was not very happy aboutthat, to say the least.
So I stumbled across this, Ichanged my nutrition completely.
And I woke up about five daysin, and I thought, wow, I feel a
(12:53):
little different.
And then I lost two pounds thatweek, already at my goal weight,
at 52.
And I thought, okay, there'ssomething in this.
And about three months later, Inoticed I wasn't having the mood
swings that I'd had before.
So finding what works for yourbody makes it a heck of a lot
(13:15):
easier.
Because I wasn't tired, I wasn'thungry nor hangry.
SPEAKER_01 (13:22):
Yeah.
You know, we don't want to getin the hangry mode.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
Don't want to get into that whole crankiness.
And what I found is some of thefoods that I used to eat
actually make me a little mean.
So it made it easier to say noto them because I don't want to
feel bad.
I don't want to feel depressed.
I don't want to be mean to sweetMr.
Jones.
(13:46):
So that keeps me on trackbecause it helps me be my better
self.
SPEAKER_01 (13:53):
I love that.
Yeah, and I love it too becauseI did that myself back in
January.
I worked with a nutritionist tofind out like what works for my
body.
And I learned so much in thatprocess of, oh, here, these
things can like screw up yourgut and make you feel inflamed
and have inflammation in thebody.
And they're gonna, when you feelthose ways, you feel crappy.
(14:14):
And then when you feel crappy,you eat crappy.
Yeah.
And but it's so specific, I wasamazed.
Because what's again for me islike, oh yeah, maybe beef and
dairy isn't something you shouldbe eating anymore.
That's what it was for me.
And as soon as I switched thatand put in some intermittent
fasting for my body, likeknowing what works for me,
that's when everything justsettled out, right?
(14:37):
And the losing the weight was abyproduct of that, it wasn't an
intention.
Yes.
And I think perhaps that's whereyou come from is like, ooh,
let's not losing weight isn'tthe goal.
The goal is figuring out whatworks for you as a human.
unknown (14:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (14:50):
Is that accurate?
Well, a lot of people want tolose the weight as well, and
that's okay.
Because that's that's theimportant thing for them.
So we do what's important tothem, but they do get this
byproduct of not having theiremotions driving their food
choices.
(15:11):
Because in the end, I think Jay,I think people are actually
looking for life.
But they'll take a twinkie,because it's right there.
SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
Oh, easy, because it's easy.
SPEAKER_03 (15:22):
It's easy, it's available, yeah.
But if you think about that,what you really want will take a
little more effort, but it'swhat you really want, not the
twinkie.
SPEAKER_01 (15:35):
Yeah, what's on what that kind of outweighs the
easiness of the Twinkie versusfor how you want to.
I always say, what would your80-year-old or 90-year-year-old
self be proud of you now in thismoment?
That's how you get there.
SPEAKER_02 (15:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:50):
Yeah.
So it's ultimately what youwant.
What did you want when youstarted writing your book?
What was your goal with that?
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
I wanted to be able to reach more people to give
them a guide.
SPEAKER_03 (16:05):
Because it it basically has a it has some
questions to consider at the endof each chapter so that they
could identify some of thethings that would help them.
If they can't afford coaching orone of my courses or one of my
special offer things, they can'tafford that.
They can start with a book.
(16:27):
So I wanted to make it a littlemore practical.
As well as hey, these are thethings we've got to pay
attention to.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
What's an example of one of the questions that you
have in your book that couldspur people to think about
themselves specifically?
SPEAKER_03 (16:44):
Wealth.
Not that we have it right hereor anything.
What are your intermediate goalsand rewards?
List them.
Both parts, goals and rewards.
What's your vision of yourselfat that goal?
SPEAKER_01 (17:00):
Oh, I like that.
Yeah.
Can you see yourself at thatgoal?
Yeah.
Sometimes people may strugglewith that, right?
Like, oh, I can't see myself 10pounds lighter.
I can't see myself 20 poundslighter.
I can't see myself not enjoyinga steak.
I use that as my example, right?
Because I don't do beef anymore.
But like, how do you help peoplesee that in the work that you
(17:22):
do?
SPEAKER_03 (17:24):
Well, I have to confess that periodically I see
a photo of myself or areflection in a glass uh window
or something, and I think, whois that?
Oh, that's me.
Because it's just so muchsmaller.
I was never a hundred poundsoverweight.
I probably lost a thousandpounds over the 40 years because
(17:47):
it was just up and down, up anddown.
But it's still quite adifference from my size 1416
down to a size four.
So it always surprises them.
Oh, yeah.
But the more you see that, andof course, now with AI, you can
do a model of yourself and havehave it where you can see it so
(18:09):
you know what you're workingtowards.
SPEAKER_01 (18:12):
I never thought of that.
That's brilliant, right?
To be able to say, oh, what do Iwant to look like?
And then how do I achieve it ina sustainable, healthy way?
SPEAKER_03 (18:22):
Yeah, because so often there if people are just
like I was.
Okay, I'll do a diet, I'll getto the point, and then I can
have whatever I wanted.
Which is true for one meal.
But if you start eating that wayforever, you're gonna get back
to the place you were.
And it's har it just gets harderto lose it after a while, partly
(18:45):
because it's frustrating anddemoralizing.
But I think our bodies begin togo, I don't think you mean this,
so I'm not gonna go through thisstruggle.
SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Yeah, yeah, no, that makes perfect sense.
And I think too, with the eatingpart, I find it for myself is
like when I stop partaking ofsomething that's not beneficial
for my body, or my body's like,oh, that stuff isn't good, but
you can have this stuff overhere.
When I have it back again, likejust as a maybe once a month, my
body tells me no, like my tastebuds are like, eh, that's not so
(19:20):
great anymore.
Yeah.
Was that the same experience foryou?
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
Yeah.
Part I gave up sugar severalyears ago because it just didn't
do well for me.
And now if I have it, like we'resomeplace Mr.
Jones has a piece of cake, Imight have a taste of his.
And it's like there's somesomething on my tongue, and it's
(19:45):
that's gross.
Why did we do this?
So yeah, there are certainfoods, and again, if I go back
into for me, heavycarbohydrates, they make me
crazy.
They just don't settle well withmy body.
If I'm if I'm having I makegreat bread, Jay.
I make really good bread.
(20:05):
I'm right here with you, but Ijust don't eat it because it
affects how I feel and how Irespond to others.
And Mr.
Jones doesn't deserve that.
SPEAKER_01 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah.
And I found the same thing forme is bread that I buy from the
store affects me.
One day, bread that I make,sourdough bread that I make for
myself, is different.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just again, I think ithighlights the point.
It's like you have to find whatworks for you.
What we're talking about todaydoesn't work for every single
person, except underneath, yeah,like the finding out what works
(20:37):
best for you.
How's been the response to your?
It's almost a three-quarter or alittle over three-quarters of a
million views on YouTube, yourTEDx talk.
What's been the response to thatin general?
SPEAKER_03 (20:48):
Um good.
For me, shocking.
It's like I have no idea wherethese people are coming from.
But it it it is an opportunityto share some good information,
an idea worth spreading.
I I I have had clients on everycontinent except Antarctica.
(21:09):
I'm not sure what's up with thepenguins and the scientists down
there, but it gives them eitheran avenue of somebody's contact
or it gives them the informationthey can use.
SPEAKER_01 (21:21):
I love that.
What do you love most helpingpeople?
SPEAKER_03 (21:26):
I love that moment when they do that that puppy dog
thing of and they got it.
SPEAKER_01 (21:34):
Yeah, a little tilt of the head with a ear, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:36):
Yeah.
Oh.
I never thought about it thatway before, and you know you've
given them a moment of heat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:45):
I love that.
A moment of healing.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:48):
It's just so much fun to help people be their
best, to find what works forthem, and to to give them a
little support as they go alongthe way.
SPEAKER_01 (21:57):
I just love it.
So good.
So good.
What's one thing you've learnedabout yourself in your journey?
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
That it is better if I gain if I get to say four
pounds over my goal weight andit's hangs in there for a day or
two, it is better if I addressit then rather than waiting.
Because it's a heck of a loteasier to lose four pounds than
14.
(22:57):
I also learned from thisexperience that I do best with
some external accountability.
I may not like it, but it helpsme stay on track.
And there are it's the largestgroup of people out there,
people who do well with externalaccountability.
And I find it's the only waythat I can accomplish something
(23:18):
for myself.
I can Jay, if I tell you I'mgonna do something, I'm gonna be
there, I'm gonna get it done,it's gonna be done well.
If I say, I'm gonna do this forme, eh, maybe, probably not.
But if there's someone who'ssaying, Okay, so you said you
were gonna do this, but this isnot happening, what's going on
(23:40):
there in the nicest possibleway, then I'll do it.
For example, I have spent thelast 15 years doing a morning
walk.
The first two or three I I didit so many days a week, but now
it's unless there's lightning orice, I'm gonna do my morning
(24:01):
walk.
Or I'm sick or something, someother reason.
But the only way I could makemyself do that was to recognize
that my dog was a better puppywhen he or she had had a walk,
depending on what part of thattime frame.
So I do the walk currently forhim.
And if I think about it thatway, then I I will do it.
SPEAKER_01 (24:23):
You will do it.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
It's interesting.
Some people can hold themselvesaccountable, right?
And some people need a littleaccountability in their life.
Ultimately, we have to holdourselves accountable.
But if you if it's what thetrick that works for you, right?
The puppy is the trick thatworks to help hold yourself
accountable.
SPEAKER_02 (24:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:43):
When you when you think about your weight loss
part, though, you said you stillneed somebody to hold you
accountable.
Is that still true?
You have somebody present inyour life that holds you
accountable, or you work with tohold yourself accountable?
SPEAKER_03 (24:55):
I don't know, maybe 775,000 TEDx viewers.
This is the thing.
Because I made this my business,I have external accountability
because people watch mywaistline.
If I gain weight, I would not beable to coach.
It would be out of integrity tocoach on this.
SPEAKER_04 (25:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (25:15):
So that is what I use as my accountability to do
what I want to do, be who I wantto be.
But there's just that element ofexternal accountability that
helps me get over the roughpatches.
SPEAKER_01 (25:28):
Yeah.
To be a product of your ownproduct, to be a product of your
product.
Yes.
But also to be an example ofwhat's possible.
Yeah.
I think is is probably thebigger picture.
Is like, oh, like I struggledfor 40 years.
I finally cracked the code.
And here's here's how you can doit for yourself, specifically
(25:49):
for you, not exactly the sameway.
And I think that's the bigtakeaway here is like finding
the exact thing that works for aperson.
If the people are like, oh, butI don't I don't have time to
find out what works for me.
What would you say to them?
SPEAKER_03 (26:03):
You don't have time not to, because you're wasting
away your health by beingoverweight.
You're putting so much pressureon your joints, you're limiting
your longevity and mobility inlater life.
And it starts now.
It starts when you're 20s and30s.
We've got to be careful with ourbodies because that's the only
(26:24):
one we get.
SPEAKER_01 (26:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah, I wish I would have knownthe whole nutritional piece for
me in my 20s.
And it could have easily beendifferent then, too.
Um, my nutritionist said to mewhen she saw the results, have
you ever been bitten by a tick?
And I was like, Oh, yeah, Ihave.
(26:45):
Um I'm in the woods, I'm ahiker.
And she's like, There is somecorrelation, not widespread, but
some correlation between tickbites and then having a
sensitivity to beef and dairy.
And I was like, oh, interesting.
So it couldn't have been partof, but then it came later in
life.
So again, if this is not a oneand done either, it's like it's
a continual finding out whatworks best for you as an
(27:08):
individual.
SPEAKER_02 (27:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (27:10):
Yeah.
What's yeah, what's one piece ofadvice you would give to people
who are listening to this andare like, I don't, I don't know.
I don't believe I don't know ifI believe this or not.
SPEAKER_03 (27:21):
It always comes down to who you are.
It's not the diet, it's not theexercise plan.
It is who you are and who youwant to be.
That is the the intention gapsolution.
When you know who you are, andhopefully that's who you want to
(27:46):
be, then you can begin to makechoices around that.
Because it comes down to yourchoices of what you put in your
mouth.
SPEAKER_01 (27:57):
True.
Yeah, it's always we always makewe always can make choices, I
think, is the takeaways, right?
Like we have things happen inour lives, we have thoughts and
feelings about them, and then wehave a choice on how we think
and feel about what takes placeand the action that we take.
Yeah.
And I think that's so important.
You had mentioned, I think yousaid a tension gap, right?
SPEAKER_03 (28:17):
Intention gap.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
Intention.
Okay.
And so you mentioned it twice,intention gap.
Thank you for the clarification.
Yeah.
What what is that?
SPEAKER_03 (28:25):
It is the space between what we think we want to
do and accomplishment.
And we like to turn our goodintentions into tangible
achievements.
SPEAKER_01 (28:35):
Okay.
Yeah.
And the gap is, I'll say thatsounds like it's it's part of
the like what could be part ofthe struggle for people.
SPEAKER_03 (28:43):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, we may want to, butthere's this and this and this.
Okay, well, let's work on thisand this and this then, so that
you can bridge that gap.
SPEAKER_01 (28:55):
Bridge the gap, yeah.
My coach calls it gag and go,right?
Okay.
Right?
Yeah, like yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (29:01):
Yeah, you just have to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (29:03):
You have to do it.
I think my conversation withNino Perez, we were talking
about that before, is likebroccoli advice.
It's like, you know, you may notlike it at first, but give it a
try.
You may not like this approach,but give it a try.
You never know.
It could be the thing thatclicks for you.
SPEAKER_02 (29:19):
You never know.
SPEAKER_01 (29:20):
Yeah, you never know.
If you did know something aboutwhat comes next for you in life,
what do you think that would be?
SPEAKER_02 (29:30):
I am currently ramping up my speaking and
coaching business.
SPEAKER_03 (29:39):
Uh because you know, health is so important and
weight is a big part of that,and the the obesity crisis is
real and it can't be fixed byGLP1.
So I that's a that's a tool,it's not the solution.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's like anything else,they're all tools.
(30:02):
But until you utilize thosetools, well, your health is
going to be impacted.
So I am just feeling strongerthan ever that people need help
to do this.
They need to we're not we'rewe're taught some basics of
nutrition, but not the toolsthat actually help us get to
(30:24):
where we want to be.
And if I can help them bridgethat gap, help them heal a
little bit so they can build onthe Your own like a physical
therapist.
They help you get back on yourfeet, don't they?
Well, I'm an emotional, not atherapist, but a coach to help
them get back on their feet.
And it I I I walk into placesand I think, oh bless you,
(30:49):
you're wearing your issues.
Let's deal with the issues soyou don't have to wear them
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (30:55):
Yeah, that's so good.
We do.
They're like, oh, I I wear myemotions on my sleeve, but
literally we wear it in ourclothes when we do the emotional
eating.
And I know that I I can speakfrom it.
I've been super heavy.
Um, and I know what that feelslike to be like not comfortable
in the clothes that you'rewearing for so many reasons.
(31:18):
And also the shame and guiltthat goes along with that as
well.
SPEAKER_04 (31:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:25):
Yeah.
What did it tell me?
Like that I think you probablyexperienced it a lot.
There's the shame and guilt ofbeing heavy and redheaded.
SPEAKER_03 (31:34):
Yeah.
In a time when redheaded wasn'tcool.
SPEAKER_01 (31:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
How do you help people throughthat?
The shame and guilt part.
SPEAKER_03 (31:45):
Well, for this particular situation, they are
not actually valid.
And we we do it to each other,but it's not valid because okay,
so you've made some poorchoices.
Okay.
But they're not the end of thestory.
Shame is not appropriate becauseshame is I am bad.
(32:10):
Guilt is I did something bad.
Shame is I did some I am bad.
And that's just not true.
So one of the things that I Ishare with people is okay, it's
not hard to overcome emotionaleating.
You just have to get the hang ofit.
And hang is an acronym.
So you say, Am I hungry?
(32:33):
And if you are, okay, maybe youneed something to eat.
But if you're not, A, what isyour attraction to food in this
moment?
What are you looking for?
N, what do I actually need?
Okay, if I'm looking for that,what would give me that?
What would meet that actualneed?
And then G, go go get that,because that will soothe you
(32:56):
more than the food ever possiblycould.
SPEAKER_01 (32:59):
Yeah, it's swapping what is at the core of what's
going on, really.
SPEAKER_03 (33:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's driving this behaviorbus?
Let's take away the keys.
SPEAKER_01 (33:09):
Love it.
Yeah.
So if I'm either grabbingsomething, it's like, ooh, why?
Well, because I'm bored or I'mstressed.
Or I'm hungry or I'm mad or I'msad.
Literally any emotion thatgenerates.
Or I'm happy.
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
Yeah.
Or I'm I'm at a party and I'mhappy, so I'm gonna have an
extra whatever.
unknown (33:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (33:27):
But it's not necessary.
It's okay if you want it.
It's the I gotta have it.
It's that craving thing becauseit's a craving peace, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:37):
Yeah, yeah.
Before I let you go, what's yourwhat's your life motto for
everything that you're doingright now?
SPEAKER_02 (33:47):
My life motto is be your best.
I love that.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
And I I spent 20 years as a hospital chaplain.
So faith is incredibly importantto me personally, and being my
best is part of the mandate ofChristianity.
So it just works for me.
SPEAKER_01 (34:13):
Yeah.
And I think that's important toobecause it's like you can still
have hiccups along the road.
SPEAKER_03 (34:20):
Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (34:21):
As long as you're still doing your best, right?
Yeah.
So I think that's such animportant reminder for people,
and a good way to wrap up thisepisode is hey, this is not a
one and done.
This is not a journey that isgoing to be full of all ups.
There's going to be ups anddowns, but as long as you're
doing your best and followingwhat works best for you, I think
(34:42):
that's how people will achievesuccess.
SPEAKER_03 (34:45):
Just like their financial budget, just like
keeping the house clean, justlike car maintenance.
It can't, you can't just let itgo.
You've got to pay attention toall of it.
SPEAKER_01 (35:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like emotional wealth,physical wealth, right,
financial wealth.
It's all components of beingwealthy in different ways.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, so good.
I so appreciate you being here,Renee, and shedding a little bit
of light and sharing a littlebit of your journey.
And folks, we'll we'll get it inthe show notes.
Renee's book and her YouTube areavailable, widely available on
(35:26):
YouTube and the book on Amazonand other places.
And so we'll make sure thateverybody knows how to find you
and find the information becauseI think it's an important story
for them to take a look at andsee how it might fit into their
own lives.
So thanks again for being here.
SPEAKER_03 (35:40):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (35:42):
Thank you for listening to this Emptiness
Life.
Remember, this chapter isn't anending, it's an invitation to
redefine, rediscover, andreignite your life.
If today's episode sparkssomething in you, don't forget
to take that first step andvisit this empty nestlife.com
and click work with me to getthe conversation started.
Until next time, keep your heartopen, your mind curious, and
your spirit shining.
(36:04):
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC.
All rights reserved.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.
The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.