91. Unlocking Connections: Communicating with Your Adult Children

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Join us for an engaging and transformative episode as we explore the challenges and triumphs of parenting teens while preparing for the empty nest phase. 

In this captivating conversation, we welcome Jeanine Mouchawar, a seasoned parenting coach, who shares her expertise on fostering genuine connections with our children amidst their growing independence.

Jeanine emphasizes the importance of understanding teenagers' emotional undercurrents and offers practical techniques that not only strengthen parent-child relationships but also enhance connections in all adult relationships. By embracing compassion and curiosity, parents can navigate this transition with greater ease and grace.

Highlights:

• Gain insights into the underlying emotions that shape conversations with teenagers.
• Discover effective parenting approaches that resonate with both teens and young adults.
• Learn strategies for maintaining strong connections even as children seek independence.
• Explore the identity shifts parents experience as their children leave home and how to find passion and meaning in this new chapter.
• Understand how parenting skills can be applied to enhance adult relationships.

Key Takeaways:

• Transition into the empty nest phase by fostering curiosity and compassion in communication.
• Implement effective dialogue techniques to build stronger bonds with your children and other loved ones.
• Recognize and embrace your evolving identity and the opportunities it brings for personal growth.
• Prepare for the exciting changes ahead by reflecting on your parenting journey and its impact on future relationships.

Jeanine Mouchwar Bio
Jeanine Mouchawar is a parenting coach who helps moms and dads be their teenager’s go-to person. Her Parenting Mastery program teaches new strategies to stop battles and create a calm, peaceful home so their children can thrive. Her approach allows parents to stop feeling at a loss and start knowing what to do to feel close again. Parents reduce their frustration and worries and help their children be the best version of themselves.
 
Jeanine earned her B.A. from Stanford University and is a certified professional life coach. She is married and has three adult children.

You can find Jeanine online: LinkedIn,

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happening inside of them andreally understanding that, and
that that's what's causing,maybe, the poor choices of not

(00:21):
sleeping or not making healthyfood choices.
Whatever the case may be thecircumstances.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramston.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Janine Mouchoir, Queen of Parenting Teens.
Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
Thanks for having me.
Jay Love the title, I'll acceptthat.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah, 100%.
Well, you know that's your jobas coaching parents of teens,
and so I think it's, I think itfits the queen of parenting
teens.
But tell me a little bit moreabout about what you do and how
you help people.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, yeah, thanks and thanks for having me on.
Yeah, I coach moms and dads whohave preteens, teenagers, young
adults, and just help themfigure out what to say and to do
to help their child.
And you know, most people tellme I want to be my child's go-to

(01:30):
person and they're not openingup and sharing with me and I
want to help them and they justfeel like you know, they're
batting their head against thewall and they're not able to
break through and they'restarting to feel that
disconnection against the walland they're not able to break
through and they're starting tofeel that disconnection.
And so, yeah, I just helpparents just know what to say
and do to reconnect with theirkid and help them be the best

(01:53):
version of themselves.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
I love that and does that you think?
When you coach people on thosethings, is that something that
carries over into, like when thekids leave and become adults?
Can you use the same skill setor does it change, do you think?

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, it's actually the same skill set.
In fact, I have many clientswho say I try these skills with
my spouse and it works reallywell.
I have another client who islike a big time pediatrician and
heads up a huge group and hewas saying, yeah, I try this at

(02:30):
work and it's so great and I'mforming such strong connections
with my employees.
So I mean, what I teach and mywhole philosophy is just basic
communication skills.
Well, I shouldn't say basic,because they're not
communication skills we wereever taught.
But what I find is really itapplies to a wide range of

(02:54):
people.
And yeah, I think you know,when it's the preteen time it's
a little more hands-on approachfor parenting and then a little
less with teenagers andobviously a whole heck of a lot
less when they go to college.
But I have clients with kidswho are in middle school, all

(03:15):
the way college and actuallybeyond.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Yeah, so I think for my audience right, the people
who are listening mostly emptynesters, so they're going to be
like, well, this doesn't apply,but that thing about
communicating with your spouse,that tell me more about that,
Like what?
Give me an example.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, yeah, well, so basically, I have a philosophy
where we move forward in termsof communication with three
principles.
One is, you know, we want toget the person talking, we want
to show that we understand, andthen we want to help them help
themselves.
And so, although I teach it inthe context of parenting, those

(03:57):
three things basically apply toyour spouse.
And so far as, like, let's saythat you, um, you're the primary
parent and your child's gradesare plummeting or they're
missing a few assignments, andso your spouse comes home and
the kids have gone to bed andyou're sitting and talking and

(04:19):
you're sharing like I'm, I'mreally frustrated.
They've got all these missingassignments and I'm worried
they're not going to be able tocatch up.
And whenever I talk to them,they just argue with me and you
know, and it's angry.
You could have your spouse goone and in one of two directions
, right?
You can have a spouse who'slike, oh well, you should just

(04:40):
take away their phone and youshould ground them and don't let
them go to the party, and like,why haven't you, you know, told
him that and put the gauntletdown?
Right, you can have a spousewho takes that direction and I
see you nodding along, like Ithink if you check in with
yourself and you ask yourself,how does that feel to have that

(05:02):
kind of response?
Probably not the responsethat's super helpful, true?
Or you can have a differentspouse who really is trying to,
like I said, get you talking,show that they understand and
ask questions where you can helpyourself, right.

(05:22):
So that might sound more likewow, yeah, that's really scary
and pretty worrisome thatthey've got all these missing
assignments.
And you know, yeah, of courseyou're concerned, and you know I
am too, and what are yourthoughts on?
You know what we should doabout it?
That's an approach of havingcompassion for our spouse and

(05:49):
showing curiosity about what arethey thinking, versus.
The first version was like youshould do this, you need to do
this, here's my advice, right,all of those things, and so, in
that regard, you could see howthe same approach really can
work with your spouse as it doeswith your child.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, absolutely what I hear.
What I think I hear you sayingis that you know, if you
approach it with looking at likethe person who your spouse or
your partner just wants to beseen, heard and valued in that
communication process, yeah,Exactly.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, it's just another way of saying that,
right I?
Tend to lead with showcompassion and curiosity, Like
that's the secret sauce.
But I love the way you said itas well.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, what I try and get my clients to when I'm
working with folks is like thegame changer is just ask
somebody when they're coming to.
It's works with most peoplethat you love or care for is um,
let me get my hat on Right Doum, you know.
Do you just want to be heard?
Do you want to be helped or doyou want to be hugged?

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
And right, so it goes .
I'm okay.
You want me to help you?
Okay, then I know I'm going togive you strategies, but if you
just want to be heard, I'm notgoing to say anything like it
makes it easy.
So I love that, like that.
So I think the takeaway for myfolks is like yeah, okay, we're
talking to somebody who helpsparent parents, parent teens,

(07:19):
but in this regard, withcommunicating with your spouse
or your partner which often endsup being a struggle for people
when they end up empty nestingbecause they weren't connected I
think that's just such a strongstrategy.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, great, I love the way you said it too.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, awesome.
I'm curious, you're an emptynester too.
Right, so you help peopleparent their teens, but you're
an empty nester.
What's that like?
Like, how do you take what youteach into that life?

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Oh well, I love that question.
So I learned the philosophy andprinciple and strategies that I
teach.
I learned when my kids were 14,17, and 19.
So it was primarily for my17-year-old at the time and my
kids are now all in theirtwenties.
So, you know, what I have foundis that all the principles and

(08:13):
strategies I started using abouteight years ago it still all
applies now that they're youngadults.
And so, you know, I just findthat I'm still really coming
back to the core foundationalprinciples that I teach my
clients.
I'm finding I still have topractice every day.

(08:34):
And, you know, although I maybe eight years ahead of somebody
starting this new approach, youknow today it still is
something where you know I haveto work at it and I have to
remind myself of what I need tobe doing.

(08:55):
And oftentimes, you know, Ilove having the tool in my back
pocket of a mulligan or ado-over and just to know that,
yeah, you know I'm not going toalways show up the way I want to
either, and when that happens,I can always go back and try

(09:15):
again and try an approach that Iknow is more effective in terms
of connecting with my child,who's now a young adult and just
helping them be their bestversion.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
And then, of course, like I said, I try to also use
the same principles now thatit's just my husband and myself.
So yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
So what?
What comes to mind for me islike, in a moment of, like
people see us, they hear coaches, whatever, whatever their
interactions are with coaches,like, oh, I just I wish I could
just like, approach life, likeyou approach life, and they
think we're different, right, Insome aspect, but we're we're

(10:06):
not.
We're humans and we strugglewith the exact same things.
They struggle with.
And I think you used um thephrase like, well, I have this
in my toolbox, right, themulligan or the do-over.
We just have different tools inour toolboxes.
So how would, how would youapproach somebody who's like,
yeah, what does this even mean?
Like, how do I go aboutcommunicating better with the

(10:27):
people in my life?
What would you tell them?

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah Well, I think you know, whenever I'm talking
to somebody, I really believethat we as humans intellectual,
smart people we first want tounderstand why what we're doing
isn't working.
Because if we don't have anunderstanding why our approach

(10:50):
isn't working, it's really hardto motivate to try a different
approach.
And you know, as we know, asadults, it's hard to create new
habits and communicate in newways.
And so what I'd love to justshare is what I see people and
parents getting, where they'regetting stuck with their kids

(11:14):
and why they aren't.
Their kids go to person or theydon't have that connection they
want.
And that's what I find isreally because most of us are
using an outdated parentingapproach that's focused on
fixing or stopping behavior thatwe either are worried about or

(11:38):
frustrated with or we'redisappointed in, right.
So, when it comes to teenagers,maybe they've got those three
missing assignments, or theirgrades are plummeting, or
they're smoking, or they'rebeing disrespectful, or they're
not taking responsibility anddoing their chores, or they
can't get off their devices.
I mean, whatever the case maybe, if you think about that

(12:03):
interaction and thatconversation you're having, most
people are talking to them andtrying to get them to stop what
they're doing or change it orfix it.
And that doesn't work for threereasons.
One is it shuts theconversation down.
One is it shuts theconversation down.

(12:23):
So when most of us approach ourchildren, we start telling them
oh, you need to do, you know,you need to study more, or you
should get off your devicesooner and do your homework
first.
You know, we give our advice,our life lessons, we tell them
why they're wrong, and theseapproaches end up shutting down

(12:47):
the conversation.
Why?
Because our kids, when weapproach this way and they're
teenagers now, they're trying toexert their independence when
they sense that we'redisappointed or that we're
worried or that we're angry,right, they feel ashamed and

(13:08):
they feel like they're lettingyou down and that feels so awful
inside of them that they pushyou away.
Right.
And that's when they'll say getout of my room.
Or you're trying to talk tothem and it turns into an
argument.
Or if you have a more agreeablechild, they like might pay lip
service and tell you what youwant to hear, but nothing

(13:30):
changes.
So that's the first reason thatwhen we want to motivate them
to make better choices, when wefocus the conversation on
stopping or fixing or changingwhat they're doing it doesn't
work.
What are your thoughts aboutthat?
And then I'll share the secondand third reason.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
Yeah.
So my thoughts that just turnto.
I don't think that powerdynamic changes, right, even
when they become, because a lotof folks that I work with are
older.
You know they're in their 50s,60s, even 70s, and their kids
are older, you know, 30s late,20s early that power dynamic
doesn't change.
So going back to like how wecommunicate with somebody, like

(14:11):
the idea of having aconversation, is literally
having a conversation.
It's not trying to say you'reright or wrong or leaving the
door open for, like, here's allmy advice.
Do with it what you may, whichyou know most people don't want
your advice, right, whetheryou're a parent or a kid,
whatever it may be, they don't.
I mean they don't, yeah Right,and we just offer it freely.
So that's what comes to mind.

(14:32):
I'm like trying to apply itlike to parents who may struggle
with having I won't sayparenting having a relationship
with their adult kids.
Right this is key, this is key.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah, and I mean, when you think about it, it
makes sense, right?
Because when our kids wereyoung and little, they were just
one, they were really agreeableand two.
We just like automatically hadthat connection and what they
needed from us was our adviceand was our wisdom and was
telling them what they should door they need to do.

(15:04):
You know, you need to hold myhand when you cross the street.
This is how you tie your shoesright.
It was like that was our role.
You know, you need to hold myhand when you cross the street.
This is how you tie your shoesRight.
It was like that was our role,and usually we were rewarded
with love and affection and youknow them grabbing our cheeks
like I love you, mommy.
You know, when we get all thispositive feedback, we naturally

(15:26):
get these like dopamine hits andso we start learning patterns
of.
This is how to communicate withour kids, and I think what we
miss is that when they hit theteen years, they're going
through this huge transition.
We know that intellectually,but what we miss is that, as

(15:46):
they're going through atransition and again this can
apply to your listeners withtransitioning from home life to
college or college and aftercollege?
Right, we miss that.
Their needs become different,and so we need to have
conversations that areaddressing what they need from

(16:08):
us, and that requires us tobuild new communication habits
and approaches.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, yeah.
So, as I was a former educatorand so when we were trying to
get teachers to kind of movethrough, like well, teaching is
changing, and it used to be like, well, we were the sage on the
stage, that's how it was when wewere parenting our little kids,
right, as parents, we're thesage on the stage, like we're in
.
That's it.
You're looking at us forexamples and things you know,
right and wrong versus right orwrong, and then you move to kind

(16:36):
of like the mentor in thecenter, right when it's like you
release a little bit of thatcontrol and then, when they get
to be like that 18 to 25, 20,wherever it may be like, you
move to becoming like the guideon the side, when I think guide,
guide means questions insteadof advice.
Yeah, does that resonate it?

Speaker 1 (16:58):
totally resonates.
I love your rhyming, the guideon the side all those are catchy
and really stick.
The analogy or metaphor I useis that when they're young,
you're like the mid-levelmanager, with your very hands on
.
You know you're telling themwhat to do because they don't

(17:18):
know, but that once they hit theteen years and beyond, you've
been promoted to CEO and nowit's time to be a leader and to
guide and to influence and tomotivate and to teach instead of
trying to control them.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
I like that.
I like that a lot.
So what's number two?

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Yeah.
Number two is that they end upfeeling like you don't
understand what's going on withthem, right, and so that happens
, because your conversation isfocused on their behavior.
So the grades plummeting, thesmoking, the, you know, getting
in with a bad group of friends,the can't get off video games or

(18:01):
Instagram or TikTok, right, andso the conversation is about
that, and what they're feelingin this conversation is that we
don't understand what they'regoing through and what they're
experiencing, because you know,we know from cognitive
behavioral therapy that there isa thought and a feeling.

(18:24):
That's what's going on insideof us that causes the behavior
or the action that you see themdoing.
And so really, the problem inthis approach, in this kind of
outdated rules, reward,punishment approach that we all
grew up with, is that we missthe secret sauce of what's

(18:48):
happening inside of them andreally understanding that and
that that's what's causing,maybe, the poor choices of not
sleeping or not making healthyfood choices, whatever the case
may be the circumstances.
And so that is where I see thesecond reason that this approach

(19:09):
doesn't work is our kids feellike you know, I think, like the
common thing you probablyremember hearing was like you
know, you don't understand, youdon't get it.
The phrases like that that mostof us hear quite frequently with
our teenagers.

Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yeah, oh, and even probably sometimes, like I hear
that with 20 year olds, right,they get into a certain
situation and they're like well,times are different now and you
don't get it.
But I think the point around islike people just don't have
behaviors.
They come from someplace, right, yeah, to realize, like, okay,

(19:46):
if you can examine, just presspause in your life, whether it's
you with your teens or withyour adult kids or your spouse,
and just say, okay, I'm having athought and feeling in reaction
to whatever they said or did,is that the best thing for me to
be doing right now?
Like, or do I want to dosomething different?

Speaker 1 (20:04):
How do.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
I want to approach it differently.
And it becomes a skill toactually press the big old pause
button, to actually go throughthat.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
Yeah, and so important to just to kind of
slow ourselves down.
It's hard to do when we're, youknow, worried or freaked out at
what our teenagers doing, butso important to slow ourselves
down, yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, okay, number three.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, yeah.
So the third thing is like soone we've now like shut the
conversation down.
They feel like we don't getthem and understand what they're
going through, and so when thathappens, right, we actually
don't stop the behavior or fixthe behavior, and their argument
ensues, they tend to dig theirheels in, and so we then get

(20:47):
more disappointed, more angry,more worried, more frustrated,
and, if you're like me, whenthat happens, the natural go-to
response is to tighten the reinsand to try to control them more
and the bummer, but the realityis we don't really have control

(21:08):
over them, right?
If they want to go smoke, youknow we can't keep eyes on them
24, seven every day they'regoing to do that, like.
We can't actually make themstudy, we can't actually choose
their friends for them, right?
And so I find that in stepthree, what happens, or the
third reason that it doesn'twork, is either we tighten the

(21:29):
reins even more or we just getso exhausted from going round
and round having the sameconversation that we just give
up.

Speaker 3 (21:38):
Yeah, yeah, I remember this happening with my
son.
Right, he was he.
He's a mini me like he.
I could see him living his lifeand going through school.
The same approach, like whenmemorizing things in school, was
the way we went.
Like elementary school, youmemorize a lot, sixth grade and
then seventh, eighth, you startto actually have to take what

(21:59):
you memorized and like processit and do things with it.
And and then in high school,even more right, you got to
actually go deeper and both ofus great memorizers and I saw
him going down that same path.
So when he got to be likefreshman and sophomore year of
high school, I started pushingexactly what you're talking
about, like the control startedto get deeper and deeper because

(22:19):
I wanted something differentfor him.
That wasn't great atarticulating that.
I wanted him to like bedifferent from me, be different
from me.
But then it was somewhere alongsophomore year.
I realized if I keep pushinglike this right instead of
removing myself and allowing himto figure it out, this
relationship is going to bedifferent in two years when he

(22:39):
graduates from high school andgoes to college.
I just I freed up the reins andhe figured it out.
I think that's what happens,right?
Is that?
Sometimes in parenting, when wepush too hard, we push them
away, but if we remove ourselvesa little bit and just observe
and maybe bumper them, they endup actually figuring out for
themselves.

(22:59):
Because yeah, that's part ofthe growth.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah, and honestly, like I'm so glad you shared that
, you know I had a similarexperience I think what's so
challenging about letting go ofthe reins is it's scary.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Right, the uncertainty, the unknown of you
know, releasing the controlfeels like oh gosh, but then you
know then what might happen andit's terrifying.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
But you know, what I know to be true is really the
most direct path to calmingthose worries and fears is to
open up the lines ofcommunication and find out
what's going on inside of them.
And it's really thatinformation is what is settling

(23:47):
for us.
We think it's going to be God.
Just do the right thing, dowhat I'm telling you to do, and
I'll feel so much better.
But it really is not.
It's our mind tricking us andreally the answer is, you know,
really getting them to open upand share what's going on inside
of them so you can, like wewere talking about earlier, you

(24:11):
know, be more of a guide and ateacher and gently influencing.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, I think this is what comes to mind.
For me, it's like when we tryto exert more control to get a
desired result from our kids orthe people in our lives, we'll
just say it's about makingourselves feel better, right and
taking care of what we need, asopposed to actually opening up
the conversation to figure outwhat is it this is happening,

(24:37):
what do you need?

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah, yeah, when you think about it, jay, like we
were never taught skills likethat you know in school, or you
know at least I wasn't, and youknow it least I wasn't and you
know it is a big shift.
But when you make that shift itreally feels so good and you
end up just really enjoying yourrelationships more.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, I think what kicked it off for me with that
10th grade episode with my sonis I went back to something he
said to me when he was five.
Right, I was reprimanding himfor something and he said dad,
daddy, when the volume in yourvoice goes up, the volume in my
ears goes down, right Out of themouth of babes.
And I was like that's whatkicked in.

(25:22):
Yeah, that's what kicked in.
I'm thinking about like oh,he's so right.
Like if I keep pushing he'sgoing to not hear me.
Even more and more and more.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah, oh gosh.
She reminded me.
I remember my daughter was likein her car seat, in the in the
back of you know the car.
We were driving somewhere andall of a sudden she says Mommy
yelling, daddy yelling, juliayelling, I've stopped, I've
started our talks like oh mygosh, what is going on?

(25:54):
And right, it's just.
That has always stuck with meand I have to say I really made
an intentional effort to try notto yell after that and really
kind of check myself.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
So good, so good.
What's on your journey?
What's?
What's something you'verecently learned about yourself?

Speaker 1 (26:13):
Ooh, oh, I like that question.
I think I've learned that Ihave this inner desire to always
be growing and learning andjust bringing meaning into my
life.
I think there were so manyyears I was a stay-at-home mom

(26:37):
and there were just so manyyears where my life was being a
mom and, you know, supporting mykids and having a beautiful
home with nutritious food andmaking sure everybody's where
they need to be, and all of thatthat I think I well not.

(26:58):
I think I lost some of myselfin the process, and so one thing
I found to be true is andactually thanks to a little
nudge from my husband when myyoungest got his driver's
license, as any of you know outthere, once that happens like
they really spend a lot lesstime with you.

(27:20):
When that happened, my husbandwas like you know, Janine, what
do you see yourself doing in thenext chapter of your life?
Because he knew I wasn'tsomebody who does well, just
sitting idly by without purposeor meaning, and you know, I
remember thinking I don't knowwhy are you asking me that?

(27:41):
That's?
That was like a lot of pressure, but I ended up just kind of
falling into coaching because Ithink, as I mentioned, my middle
son was really struggling inhigh school and I, you know, my
parenting strategies were notworking.
And so, know, when I finallycame to a point where I said,

(28:03):
thought I've got to go find newinformation and try different
strategies, and so when I didthat and it just was so
dramatically life changing, Iwas kind of like you know what?
I think this is what I want todo for the next chapter is help
parents that are going throughexactly what I went through and
help, you know, share thesestrategies with them so

(28:28):
hopefully their life can be alittle easier and smoother than
the high school years were forme in my parenting.
And so that's when I went andgot a life coach certification
and started this business.
But, as I'm sure you know aswell, Jay, there's really two,
two paths on this business.

(28:49):
One is being the coach, whichwe all love, and we love helping
right Our clients and servingthem.
And then the other is more theentrepreneur side and for that I
think that is also like morerecently, where I've learned so
much about myself that I can dohard things.

(29:12):
And you know, it might be scaryto get up and speak in front of
120 parents, but you know, Ican be brave and I can be
courageous and I can focus onserving them and that's like
what will motivate me to lean inand to do it and to show up and
, you know, really try to getinto that energy of serving

(29:35):
others, because I do really wantto help other parents have an
easier time of it.
Yeah, it's kind of a long-windedanswer to your question.

Speaker 3 (29:44):
I've never been asked that it's perfect.
I love it because a lot ofempty nesters like their
identity gets wrapped up inbeing Billy or Susie's mom or
dad, right, and then the kids gooff and they're stuck with this
identity that doesn't fit.
It's like an old pair ofclothes, a pair of jeans.
It just doesn't fit rightanymore and you're not sure what

(30:07):
to do about it.
And that's the thing I hear themost is that people feel like I
don't.
I'm not sure what my passion ormy purpose is.
Now that the kids are gone, Ifeel a little rudderless, is
what I hear from people.
And so it's such a greatexample of like reminding people
you are stronger and braverthan you know.

(30:28):
But you know, being strong andbrave means you have to take a
step, and I'm a big believer inevery step has purpose.
So most people are like well, Igot to go from this to
something completely different.
No, figure out what fits bestfor you like that pair.
No, figure out what fits bestfor you Like that pair of jeans,
just what fits best for you.
So it was helpful to share thatstory that hopefully somebody
hears it and goes oh no, I can,here's what I can bring to the

(30:50):
table now that I'm not parenting24-7 anymore.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, oh yeah, I love that and I'm sure you coach
people on this all the time.
I mean, I know some of myclients who've been with me a
little longer and I'm you know,they're still with me now that
their kids have launched theyhave that same question like
what, what now?
You know what's meaningful tome now and what purpose do I

(31:15):
have now?
And I think you know, comingback to just those, coming back
to your values, and like whatmakes you light up and you know
what feels meaningful to you,and to kind of try to quiet your
mind.
I think I had to do this Justthe traditional job roles, right

(31:38):
, and to kind of quiet my mindabout, well, I don't want to do,
you know, all these traditionaljobs that came to mind and I
couldn't go back to my career,pre-kids.
So then it was like how do Iconnect with my values and
what's meaningful to me, and tokind of pivot from there.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
Yeah, yeah, the values.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Like do you bring people back to their values?

Speaker 3 (32:06):
What's core to you, I think is a big piece for people
to kind of reconnect with.
Sometimes people will say, youknow?
People say, oh, what did youused to love to do before you
had kids?
And lots of people had kidsright out of college.
They're like well, I leftcollege, got married, had kids.
So there was no this timeframehere and so it's.
Yeah, it's getting reconnectedto the values of that.

(32:28):
But also the other thing I findfascinating is like you learn a
ton of skills as a parent.
You know those parents who arelike super organizers, like
they're the ones who organizeeverything, and other people are
really good at like nutritionand lunches, and other people
like as parents we're notcreated everything right.
As humans we're not createdeverything.
But find the thing that youwere really good at as a parent

(32:49):
and figure out is there apurpose there for you now?
But yeah, I love that.
And but those things tie backto the values of what you
believe in too.
Yeah, that resonates.
That resonates so much If you,if you had I don't know if you
have one, but if you had tothink about it what's your
emptiness life motto now thatthe kids are grown and flown?

Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, I don't have one, I've never thought about
that, but I think, in general,something that I try to remind
myself of every day is to havefun.
Right, like, why are we livingthis life if it's not to have

(33:31):
fun?
And to realize that, for me,fun is connecting to you.
Know what's meaningful to meand purposeful to me?
And, um, just to kind of, Ithink the other thing I think
about um, a lot is just tryingto stay curious, curious about

(33:51):
life curious about my clientscurious about my kids.
Um, I just find that that reallyhelps me stay connected to
those, the ones that I love, andto my clients.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
Yeah, I love that.
People, we're not taught how tobe curious.
We're not taught how tocommunicate either, but we're
not taught how to be curious,and I think those two things are
so important to learn if youhaven't done so, so I love that
you brought that up.
Being curious yeah, yeah,janine.
Where can people find youonline if they want to learn

(34:26):
more about what you do?

Speaker 1 (34:28):
Oh yeah, Thanks, Jay.
You can go to my website, whichis JanineMouchoircom.
All the links are there.
Or you can find me on Instagramat Janinetheparentingcoach.
I'm also on Facebook.
I have a Facebook group.
I love to do Facebook lives andcalled oh why am I forgetting

(34:51):
the name for a minute?
How to not lose your shit?
I think it's something likethat, Because, as parents, we do
.
But yeah, you can find me thereand yeah, I'm also on LinkedIn
I love it, love it.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
Thank you so much for being here, janine.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Thank you for having me.
I loved our conversation and Ilove being connected with you,
Jay.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
Yeah, I love being connected to you too.
We'll see you around theinternet, as they say.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Okay, sounds good.
Take care All right.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
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