94. Your Next Chapter Is a Choice, Not a Crisis

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Join us for an empowering episode with mindset coach Julie Traina as we explore how shifting your perspective can turn empty nest syndrome from a period of loss into one of opportunity and growth.

Julie shares her powerful insights on redefining this pivotal life transition and offers practical strategies to embrace the changes that come with it.

Key Takeaways & Highlights

- The evolution of parenting from “sage on the stage” to “mentor in the center” and ultimately “guide on the side” as children grow and become independent.

- Her personal story of resilience, revealing the strength found through life’s challenging transitions.

- Practical steps for embracing change—how to take baby steps toward new experiences instead of overwhelming ourselves with big leaps.

- The importance of honoring where you are while recognizing your capacity for growth and transformation.

Whether you’re feeling anxious about your children leaving home, currently navigating the emotional landscape of an empty nest, or looking to redefine your purpose in this new chapter, this episode will offer you practical steps to foster growth, celebrate new possibilities, and cultivate fulfilling relationships.

Join us to discover how to transform your empty nest into an open door full of potential and promise!

Julie Traina's Bio

Julie Traina is a certified life coach, mother of five, and former teacher with a master’s degree in education. Long fascinated with personal development and the power of perspective, Traina found her life forever altered when her 44-year-old husband suffered a debilitating stroke in 2014. Reimagining a new future and rebuilding a life for herself and her family required her to lean into her belief in the power we possess to embrace, rather than fear change, and find joy, even in difficult circumstances.

As a life coach, Traina relies on her natural ability to connect with clients, and her background as a teacher to share techniques and lessons that transform lives. In her professionally produced workshops, Traina reaches broader audiences with engaging case studies and easy-to-grasp tools.

Traina's passion lies in guiding women through midlife and helping them thrive in the second half of life with excitement, purpose, and yes...joy.

You can find Julie online: Instagram,

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Like I can't dance, like I justknow I can't dance, I've
thought of it so many times, Ican't, I'm not a good dancer,
whatever.
And.
But is is that true?
Is that a fact in life that Icannot dance?
Or is that just something I'vetold myself so many years and
then out evidence and feltawkward about and made it true,

(00:23):
right.
So we, you're right.
Whatever we think, we make afact, but it's just a thought,
it's just whatever we have inour head.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramston.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Julie Trena.
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
So good to see you.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
So nice to officially meet you, Jay.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I know.
I know we got connected throughother folks and it's the power
of the internet right.
When people like meet eachother, they're like well, I know
you, but I don't know you.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Exactly Well, I love that we have so many
similarities.
I love that we're talking tothis game group of people coming
at it from a very differentperspective.
I think it's absolutelywonderful.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Right, yeah, the whole that you do like mindset
for midlife and I think that'san important like next step for
people is like, yeah, when thekids leave, like what do we
focus on?
So how do you work with people?
Let's start there, then we'llsee where the conversation takes
us.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Sure, so I would say it's twofold.
So I'll say it's threefoldactually.
So first off, I would say it'sthrough my clients and I do.
I do coach one-on-one Um.
I've done some groups also andI've done some workshops, so
those are the more personalizedones that I work with Um and
I've been doing that for foryears, for a long time, and but

(01:56):
that's not the bread and butterof what I do Um cause that's
very limited.
It's been a wait list for years.
Um, my secondary role I'd saythat I spend more time on is on
Instagram, because what I'velearned is that so many midlife
women, for various reasons,whether it's financial, whether
they're afraid to branch out,whether they don't even want to

(02:19):
admit it to themselves, whetherthey don't have the opportunity,
but they don't look forcoaching, for one-on-one
coaching, so they kind of sit intheir own mess, right?
They kind of sit there thinkingI'm the only one.
so what I found on social mediais that I started just putting
up some posts here and there andI started getting so many dms

(02:42):
from women that were like, oh mygosh, you're kind of like
speaking exactly what I'mfeeling.
And I realized this was a wayfor me to be able to teach
because I was a teacher for manyyears before to be able to
teach women who maybe wouldn'thave access otherwise to
coaching, and I'm so passionateabout what I do and the purpose

(03:03):
that I get from doing this too.
Like it's it's.
I believe there's no truealtruism, right that.
Um, so that's my secondary andprobably I spend more time doing
that now and it's just free.
I just put out as much contentas I can to try to help women.
Um, at least start to kind oftiptoe into the idea, like I try
to put out like little hacks orlittle tools or just a little

(03:27):
shift in perspective.
So they start to realize, oh,you know, maybe this isn't such
a huge change that I'm totallyoverwhelmed.
I can do these little tinythings.
And then I sneaky do that sothat we create the momentum
moving forward, and then they'reready for a little bit more and
they'll dive into our personaldevelopment and they'll dive
into realizing wait, maybe mypurpose wasn't just raising kids

(03:49):
, maybe I have a lot more togive the world.
So that's number two.
And number three is I try veryhard to walk the talk.
I try very hard, in whomever Imeet, whether it's at a
volleyball practice for myyoungest, or friends that I meet
walking or people in Starbucksor whatever it might be is kind
of also spreading that wordone-on-one and setting an

(04:11):
example and trying to showpeople that we very much have
different stages in our livesand that when our kids are grown
number one we're still just asmuch as a mom, just like when I
was pregnant and carrying mykids, and I was pregnant.
I was still very much a mom whenI was my youngest.
Our youngest is adopted and wewere going through the adoption

(04:33):
process I immediately felt likethis is our baby, even though I
had never even met her birth momat that point.
Right Like so, I thinkparenting is is a a spectrum and
it looks different in everystage of life.
And when we finish raising ourkids, I like to say we're just

(04:53):
as involved, just in a differentway.
So we go from being the managerof their life to a consultant
in their life.
So that's a very long-windedanswer to your very nice
question.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
No well, I love that Cause in in the education piece
in particular, cause I was ineducation as well.
So if there's a good parallelthere is that you know how we
used to say, like that, likesome teachers come at it from,
like we're the mentor in thecenter.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Oh, love that yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Right Mention the center of the sage, sage on the
stage, Like that's how we are asparents, like when the kids are
growing up, or like first forthe stage.
On the stage, like don't touchthat, you'll get hot, don't burn
yourself, that's hot.
And then you become kind of thementor in the center but like
when they leave, you end up kindof it's totally different,
right.
So you end up being this kindof guide on the side when they

(05:44):
need you.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh, I have never heard this Dan.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
I absolutely love it.
You've never heard that I loveit, but I will absolutely quote
you on that.
I love that.
So that's like the three stagesyeah, three stages of parenting
.
Right Is like the stage on thestage, the mentor in the center
and the guide on the side.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
That's really really cool.
No, I've never heard that and Iabsolutely love it.
And you're absolutely right.
You know what else I find, too,jace.
We have five kids and I findthat, just like you know, when
you're parenting and you've gotmore than one child, you think
you've got it all figured outwith the first one, right, and

(06:20):
then the second one comes around.
You're like wait, like it somedegree, and I find the same
thing in Empty Nest.
Like four of my five are fullygrown, one is about to graduate
high school soon and each oneneeds something different from
me.
Each one needs more or lessfreedom, like I call that the
tightrope of parenting at thisstage, right, Like kind of like

(06:40):
give me my freedom but be readyat any moment in time when I
need you, and I find each one ofthose is totally different too.
So it's not even like we cansay, like parenting is exactly
like this and empty nesting isexactly like this, Because not
only does it vary from parents,parent to parent to parent, but
also within that family unit.
I find it varies between thekids too.

(07:01):
Right, I find it veryindividual.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yes, yeah, absolutely Right.
Varies between the kids too,right, I find it very individual
.
Yes, yeah, absolutely right,it's parenting and emptiness.
Parenting is different for eachkid based upon what they need
at any given point and from bothparents, really, right.
So it's totally different onhow they give and take what they
need from us once they leavehome.
So you talk about before youknow people dming you, I'm sure.
So you talked about before youknow people DMing you, I'm sure,

(07:23):
kind of like me, like you.
In the last week or so we got abunch of DMs about Gretchen
Rubin's book.
You know, in the Atlantic itwas out there about changing the
concept from the emptiness tothe openness, one of my
favorites I've ever read on thistopic.
Yeah, what made it your?

Speaker 1 (07:42):
favorite?
Well, first of all, I'm a hugeGretchen Rubin nerd.
Anyway, I've read probably allof her books.
I'm not sure if I've missed one, but I absolutely love her
books Happier, all of them, Ilove all of them.
So she had me at hello rightwhen I saw the article and I
didn't know it was coming out.
And I saw on social media sheposted something about it and it

(08:03):
was rather late at night and Ipopped on like I'll just look at
it quickly and it's a rathershort article, like it's very
readable, right.
But so you would think, likeyou know, a normal person would
read the article and go to sleep.
But no, not me.
I went through and I'm likethis is fascinating.
So then I had to dive deeperinto so many of the things.
So what I love, what Iespecially loved about this
article, is most things that Iread about emptiness, and I read

(08:27):
more about perspective andmindset than I do specifically
about emptiness.
But whenever I do it, I tend tocome across articles that are
kind of like here's whatemptiness is like, adjust
yourself around it becausehere's what it is Right, like
it's not changing theperspective of empty nest itself
.
It's most things that I comeacross are you fix yourself and

(08:50):
change yourself around theconcept of this empty nest.
And what she did in thisarticle is flip the whole thing
on its head.
And so I took it and said waita minute, empty nest as a
concept is a pretty depressingway to describe it.
She's like it's just that thefrom I mean, I read this a
couple weeks ago, but basicallywhat what I remember her saying

(09:10):
is it's, it's a band, it denotesabandonment and loss, that
we're being abandoned by ourkids and we're left with this
emptiness.
And she said she sat with thatfor a long time and add in what
you remember because it's been acouple weeks for me, that for a
long time, and add in what youremember because it's been a
couple weeks for me.
But what she said, what?
What she?
She started to think of anotherway to describe it, another
title besides emptiness, and shewent through all these

(09:33):
different gyrations and she saidshe landed upon open door and
at first I'm like, oh, it's alittle bit hokey, right.
And then I started.
I started reading further.
Once again, I told you I'm agretchen Rubin nerd.
I'm like, yes, gretchen Rubin,yes.
And she said what she likesabout it is not only the concept
of open door for our kids andthat we're all coming and going.

(09:54):
We're always coming and going.
So whether it's us going awayfor the weekend or our kids
leaving for six months or three,whatever it is, it's the
concept of leaving and comingback.
And then also she said about,like, even our kids, like it's
so common now for our youngadult kids to move home for six
months to save money or whatever.

(10:15):
My daughter's home for a fewmonths while she's finishing up
grad school, like.
So there's, there's always thatcoming and going and I loved
that.
And then she brought it further, if I recall, was the concept
of just a welcoming nature, oflike guests coming and going,
and that like just the idea ofthis open door, of this
welcoming of the world andbringing everything and your

(10:35):
friends and family to you,rather than you sitting in this
depressing emptiness.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Right.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
And I just thought that was fascinating.
I loved how she flipped it.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, it's so good how she flipped it, but it's
also to me it's like, when youthink about it in nature, right
the not only do the baby birdsleave the nest, but the parents
do too.
Like the nest, the nest is justgone, right, they move on and
do other things.
They go and do other things,right, they're not.
No one is coming back to thatnest and which.
So trying to get people to wraptheir head around that, and

(11:06):
being a parent having the kidshome like yeah, when leave, like
nobody's coming back to thatsame spot.
So there's a little bit of afor me.
There's a little bit of aparallel there between like
nature and what Gretchen wastrying to say was like what,
what I say, what I talk about alittle bit, is like our kids are
like free range kids, likethey're out in the forest.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
They just happen to be in a different part of the
forest and we're in a differentpart of the forest.
Sometimes we come togetheragain.
Yeah, I love that I used to do.
I did a talk one time aboutempty nests and I equated us to
the trees itself and I equatedthe parents and I was talking
about moms in particular, butparents in general that we're
like this sturdy tree and thatthe roots are formed and then
when we raise children, childrenwe build this nest and we have

(11:51):
this nest of children, but thetree was strong and firm and
whole even before this nest wasformed, and then when the
children leave the nest, we arestill there and I like, like
that and I went, if I recallcorrectly, I went into all of
these tangents about, like, howwe are seeking shade and that,
how, like trees you know treesin a forest there's a, a

(12:14):
totality of the life force where, through the root system, they
help one another.
And so I love the idea of us asparents and others like cause.
I love community, the idea ofcommunity that we're all the
life force helping one anothertoo.
So I like the idea that we werea tree before we raised our
children and we're a tree afterthat.
The continuity is still there.

(12:34):
That was years ago.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, the continuity.
Yeah, that's the biggest thingis the continuity.
People feel like it's different.
Right, the energy is differentin the house, things change.
It's almost like it's a deadstop, but there can still be
some continuity there.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Oh yeah, and it's again.
Well, you know, you know, I'mall about perspective, that if
you want to, it's really up tous.
Just like everything else, likewhen we first had kids, right?
Like as a mom when I was firstpregnant, it was not planned.
We got pregnant on ourhoneymoon and it was not planned
.
No-transcript roof again.

(13:38):
I'll never see them in their PJs, whatever all the depressing
thoughts.
Yes, we, absolutely.
It's probably true.
We could find all the evidencethat that's true.
And it's dark and it's sad.
And, yes, any feeling is validor equally true.
Like what else?
What's what else is true?
Well, I'm still going to bevery connected to them, no
matter where they live.
I can choose to be.
What else is true?

(13:59):
I'll still see them on holidays.
I'm not losing my children wecan now discuss things at a
different level because they'readults and we can go deeper that
they're going to hopefullybring a partner in someday, or
kids to expand our family evenmore Like that's equally true,
right?
So we get to choose whichperspective, what we want to
focus our flashlight on of whatwe're seeing, because whatever

(14:19):
we focus our flashlight on, ourbrain that wants to be right is
seeking evidence to prove thatto be true.
So it's up to us, right, we getto pick.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
Absolutely, we do get to choose right.
And you said, like what else istrue?
And one of the things I love totalk about is like is that true
?
Like people have like thismindset of like just closing
things off.
I'm like, well, is that reallytrue, or is that just what
you're thinking in this moment,that that's like your truth,
when it's really just a thoughtthat you're you're going through
in this moment?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
And what happens is we tell ourselves that same
thing right Over and over, soour thought starts to seem like
a fact.
Well, it's just true.
Like I can't dance, Like I justknow I can't dance, I've
thought of it so many times, Ican't, I'm not a good dancer,
whatever.
And but is is that true?
No-transcript.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
It's absolutely just a thought, yeah, and continuing
on that, sometimes we think wecan't.
I don't know if you run acrosspeople.
I run across people all thetime Like, well, I don't know if
I can change, I don't know if Iwant my life to change or I
don't know if I want it to bedifferent.
I loved when the kids were homeand I love the community, the
energy and all those things thattook place, and I don't want it
to be different.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Right, well, yeah, and I get that, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
A hundred percent Right.
You get it because it's a, it'syour own little community right
Of you and your partner andspouse if you have one and the
kids, and life just feels good,even though it's hard.
It's hard, yeah, but it'sfamiliar and I think that's what

(15:59):
people struggle with the most.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
And change is hard, yeah, and I get it.
And people absolutely have theright to say I don't want it to
change.
But the truth is we all knowthis the only constant is change
, right.
So the fact is it is changing.
So we can sit there and we canstomp our feet saying I don't
want this, this is not what Iwant, I want my child in that
car seat.
We can say that all we want.

(16:20):
But the problem is, every timewe face a change or a challenge,
we either wither or we grow.
And, yeah, we can choose tostomp our feet and we can choose
to find all the reason thatlife is really hard and awful or
we can evolve.
And what I have found with mostpeople, like I started saying
earlier alluding to, is, if Ihave somebody that's really

(16:41):
resistant to change, I hear themout, I validate how they're
feeling because it's true andevery feeling is valid and
everybody's experience is theirown and what I start to do is
tell them I get it.
Change is really hard for somepeople.
And then I have them changewhen I say the tiniest little
baby step so that they barelynotice that they're doing it.

(17:04):
I'm really sneaky that way andthen they start to change a
little bit and I'm like, wow,look at you, look at that.
And then we start to look atthe little tiny successes they
might have and then move forward.
So what I tend to do is if Ihave somebody that is stomping
their foot and they're like Icannot change, I won't, I can't,
I'm like I get it, we're'regoing to work on this and try a

(17:24):
little tiny, step and baby stepthem along the way, and then we
peek back like hey, do you seehow you did that?
That was pretty cool.
And help them realize later Idon't battle them.
It's almost like with atwo-year-old Not that I'm
comparing clients totwo-year-olds.
No, absolutely, when we are likestubborn and we can't see the
end, the light at the end.

(17:45):
I do what I did when I taughtand when I had younger children,
which is I was sneaky and Iwould show them little, tiny
steps so they weren'toverwhelmed and they weren't
stomping their feet, and thenthey could look back and realize
the change they had.
Because it's hard.
Change is really hard,absolutely.
But when we look back andrealize how many changes we've
been through and how manychallenges we've been through,

(18:09):
we realize we've made it through100% of them.
We've gotten a little bitstronger in each one that we
faced, and we're going to dothat here too.
It just takes time.
Like any change, it takes timeto adjust.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Right, right, and I mean with the two-year-old.
They're stubborn because thisis how they see life in this
moment.
They can't always articulate itright.
Right, exactly, but that's howthey're seeing life in this
moment, and that's true for when, like our kids, get to be
teenagers, like they come at usa different way.
But it's because it's howthey're seeing life in this
moment and we have a choice.
When the kids leave the homeand life changes for us, to us

(18:41):
to say like this is how I seelife, but do I want to see it
differently?

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Right, absolutely right.
It's like I said, like wealways can choose how we want to
see the world.
And there are people I'm awareof this I am a sunnier person, I
was born a sunnier person.
There are people that are not.
We all come with kind of ourown set point, so we can choose
how we see the world.
But we can also always change.
We can always shift it littleby little, by little.

(19:07):
So I look at like a ladder,right, if you, if you see
something, you're at the bottomrung and and you think this just
stinks like everything aboutempty nest stinks and at the top
rung, like your dream.
If I say, what's the dream?
How do you want to feel?
If I had like a magic wand andI can make you feel any way you
want it, they'd say, well, Iwant to feel really fulfilled
and excited for my kids.
Okay, great, that's the toprung of the ladder.

(19:29):
Now I don't know how many stepsare on that rung on that ladder.
Excuse me, but what we're goingto do is we're going to take
one tiny one.
We're going to take one tinylittle step and say, well, could
we get to a place that we'restill a little bit happier for
them.
We can see this is positive,but still really sad for us.
Yeah, okay, so I can get themthere and we can find all the

(19:50):
proof to make that true, thatfeeling true.
And once they get there whichcould take a little while we
look up what's the next littlestep we can find.
Can we celebrate one thing thathappened to your child in this,
like whatever it might be forthem in that situation?
I do that a lot, which is likewe take one tiny little step and

(20:10):
we take that step up.
We look around to say, well,how can I prove it?
What thoughts can I pick thatcan prove this to be true?
And then we move up little bylittle.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yeah, I love that you bring up steps, because that's
like my life motto is like everystep has purpose, like that's
how.
I live life in my emptinesslife.
I love that and like I'm justcurious, like what steps have
you taken in your emptiness lifeto help kind of define it
differently than perhaps whenyou were, you know, a mom with

(20:38):
five kids at home?

Speaker 1 (20:40):
So mine is like a really unique situation because
I was a teacher before.
We had kids and we had fourchildren and my husband was
adopted.
So we always said our youngestwould be adopted.
So we adopted our youngest thenand then when she was finishing
kindergarten, my husband had astroke like a really severe,
disabling stroke, so it's okay.

(21:01):
It's been 10 years now almost,but he it's been 10 years,
excuse me.
So he can't see or speak orstand or anything.
He's very disabled.
So he lives at home and I have24 hour care so that I have help
too.
So when I was raising the kids,there was a pretty significant
period of time where I was likecompartmentalizing and he was in

(21:23):
the hospital for over a year.
So I would drive every singleday to be with him all day, come
home at night um to be with thekids after school and my dad
flew in and stayed with Mike theentire for a year.
He didn't leave his side at thehospital.
So my parenting um was therewere.
It was very um stage orientedof like, where was I regarding

(21:49):
Mike's health in terms of myparenting?
And so mine was reallydifferent.
But, like I said, it was 10years ago.
So then there was a lot of timeof raising them on my own and
handling his care.
So my empty nesting.
So I think my kids are prettyindependent as well and they're
a pretty tight crew because ofeverything we've been through,

(22:17):
and I think that has made itharder and easier in empty
nesting, because I feel likethere are times that I'm like
gosh.
I want more of them.
I feel like I missed out onsome things.
I just want to suck them in andbe with them every possible
second.
And there are times that I wantto give them that freedom and
I'm so happy to watch themsucceed in life, and I don't
mean like a good job or a goodschool, I mean like these happy
people that are fulfilled, and Ihonestly feel as if I'm putting

(22:41):
these wonderful humans out intothe world, which was my husband
and my number one goal.
So it's hard for me to say thedifference between parenting
younger kids and my kids now inempty nesting, cause mine was so
different.
Right, my, my pattern has beenso different.
Like, what do you find Likewhen your kids were younger

(23:01):
versus now?
How do you feel it different?
Like, do you see a bigdifference in how you handle it?
Like, do you see a bigdifference?

Speaker 2 (23:08):
in how you handle it.
Yeah, I think I think thedifference for me is in terms of
like.
Before I was just kind of likeMr Logistics for the entire
household and you know my wifeand I were both in education, so
you know how this goes, but Iwas in IT and she was in
academics and she was inacademics.

(23:32):
So her life, school life,happened a lot after school,
with meetings and after schoolmeetings, division or department
meetings, all those kinds ofthings, especially as she's kind
of moved up and I could doanything from anywhere.
So quite naturally I became theperson, you know, the partner,
who took the kids everywhere anddid all the things and made
sure everything, like like life,was set Right and being able to
balance all those things andmaking sure that nothing got out

(23:53):
of balance, got it Right, andso now it's a little bit
different and I think that'swhat I struggled with a little
bit too when they um, mydaughter and son both moved into
their first adult apartments aweek from each other.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
And so yeah all at once.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
So it was like for me , that was like okay, now I'm
not really needed anymore, thatwas done, and so that's what I
kind of.
I was like okay, how do Iparent now when it's on their
schedule, not my schedule?

Speaker 1 (24:21):
And that's really accurate way to look at it more
on their schedule than on ours.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, exactly yeah.
I think that's reallyinteresting.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
That's really, and I said like God, I think that's
really interesting.
That's really.
And I said like God, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
I was just going to say, through everything that
kind of your life has thrown atyou, especially, you know, with
Mike and his stroke and raisingthe kids and everything you have
going on Like what's somethingyou learned about yourself,
either through that process ormore recently, that you could
share?

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Sure.
So I would say so.
I was a teacher, right, andthen we got married and we moved
for his job so I became a stayat home mom at that point for
five kids, so for a long time.
But my master's is in educationand I was always.
I always thought of myself askind of like the, the wind
beneath his wings kind of person, right Like Mike is like this

(25:07):
like the wind beneath his wings,kind of person right, like Mike
is like this, like verysuccessful, handled everything,
like if I was anxious or upsetor whatever, he talked me off
everything, like he was just soemotionally strong and stable
and this strong foundation forour family, like I would say he
was like the cornerstone and Iwas like the wind beneath your

(25:30):
wings.
He was more pragmatic, I waslike the emotional dreamer Right
and we complimented one anothervery well, but I really did
think of myself as the windbeneath his wings.
And then when all of this, whenhe had his stroke, it was
instantaneous.
There was no warning Like we.
He was very healthy, we didn'tknow it was going to happen and

(25:50):
so the shift was, oh my goodness, completely the other direction
.
And what I learned, and I'vecontinued to learn, is that I
and I truly believe all of usare so much stronger than we
ever could have thought I have alittle plaque in my kitchen
that says something about youdon't realize how strong you are

(26:10):
until you have to, and I thinkthat's really true.
So there's a lot of reasons Iwent into life coaching a ton of
reasons.
One of them was that I realizedthat when I really needed to, I
could find the strength to notonly go through life but to live
a really happy, fulfilled,purpose-driven life and to teach

(26:34):
my kids how to do that and bean example for them, and I
wanted to show other parents thesame thing.
That change is really hard, butthe truth is we're strong
enough to handle it.
We've handled every changewe've gone through.
We've handled every problemwe've gone through, and we can
handle this now too.
And that's how you get stronger.
Right, Like when you face toughtimes is when.

(26:56):
That's when we actually getstrong.
So I would say, for me, whatI've learned through that
process is that I'm really proudof myself because I through
example of how I feel, how Ilive, how I set examples for
other people is I'm so muchstronger where I could have
climbed into bed and nevergotten out.
Nobody would have blamed me, Umthat when we when we need to

(27:19):
find our way, we do and not tosay I didn't have moments like
that because I did, but that wecan.
We can reach for more.
We moments like that because Idid, but that we can.
We can reach for more, we canbe more, we can do more than we
ever thought we could.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
We can.
We can reach for more.
I love that, and thank you forsharing your story a little bit
of your journey.
We can always reach for more.
What are you reaching more fornow?
What's?

Speaker 1 (27:40):
like next?
Great question.
So I don't know if there is athing to be next.
I started a book.
That will be next, but that'smore of a continuation.
I think of it that way.
I love the workshops.
I've done some workshops, somevirtual workshops.
I'm going to do a live workshopsoon, probably in the next

(28:01):
month or two for free, probablyin the next month or two for
free.
The only thing so to answerwhat's next is to reach as many
women as possible.
I am really happy with where Iam now.
I am really happy.
I'm very careful to createbalance in my life.
So, like I said, I do have theone-on-one coaching.
I'm not taking on more rightnow.

(28:23):
I love the social media andbeing able to reach all of these
people.
That's been really, reallywhat's the word I want to use
for this Meaningful to me and Ifeel like I'm really making a
difference, which is importantto me.
I tried to be there for our54,000 children for whatever

(28:45):
they need, and they're at pointsin life where they're just kind
of getting started, so they'realways somebody moving into a
new apartment or somebody with anew relationship or what might
be happening, but I try to bethere.
Like I said that tightropeparenting of stay back, give
freedom, be there when they needme, and I try to do that and I
think I and I really enjoytraveling.
And I try to do that and Ithink I and I really enjoy

(29:05):
traveling and I'm real I my goalin the last two years has been
working on solo traveling,because Mike and I really
dreamed of traveling together alot and obviously he can't do
that now and I have friends andthe kids travel with me and I
can do that.
But I felt, um, I had just apush that I wanted to.
I wanted to be able tocomfortably travel alone

(29:26):
internationally and be able toreally enjoy it and feel
comfortable in that.
So that has been a goal.
So I think, moving forward, Iwould say I don't have a
specific plan of something bigcoming on, as much as it is to
continue to grow in all areas,but maintaining balance.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Maintaining balance oh, I like that.
I like that.
Balance.
Maintaining balance oh I likethat.
I like that With the solotraveling piece, because I have
quite a number of women reachout to me and say, like like, my
husband passed unexpectedly andour plans were to do just that
to travel.
And they don't.
They're struggling with how doyou even begin to want to, not

(30:03):
how to right it's not.
How do you travel by yourself?
Like it's a I.
How do I even get over the humpof the hurdle of like I want to
even try this.
So tell me a little bit moreabout that.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
Okay, so I think it's .
I think that's going to vary byperson and knowing what your
comfort level is because, likewhen you, whenever we grow right
, like I would say, it's likeconcentric circles, so we have
our comfort zone and where we'rehappy, or not even happy where
we're comfortable.
So maybe their comfort levelright now is just home.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
Right.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
And what happens is?
This is why New Year'sresolutions don't work, by the
way, is we tend to say we tendto be like.
I like.
For example, my two habits inlife are diet Coke and Starbucks
.
I love both.
I get one of each per day.
If I were to say, my New Year'sresolution is I'm going to
drink my entire weight in ouncesof water and never have

(30:50):
caffeine or whatever, we go allthe way in, right.
And then we, of course, within30 days we go right back to
where we were.
The key to any growth, includingNew Year's resolutions, but
also in terms of solo travel orthings that are outside of our
comfort zone is tiny steps.
So what I would say if I wereadvising someone, if it were a
friend, a client, my sister,whomever find a baby step,
because you're not going to knowif you want to do it.

(31:13):
Fear overrides all of it right,absolutely, you don't know if
it's something you don't want todo, if you're just looking
through the lens of fear, and soI would say you want to take a
baby step and try.
So the first travel would notbe alone, in my opinion.
It would be with one of youradult kids, or more than one, or
with friends, like.
The first time we did a familyvacation after Mike's stroke was

(31:33):
with our best friends.
Their entire family with theirfour kids and me with our five.
My five kids, our five kidswent together on a vacation and
it was hard, but it was like Ineeded to get over that hurdle
of being somewhere without Mikeas a family.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Right.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
And the same thing with the international travel of
I.
For me it was like I used underthe guise of well, I don't know
if it's safe to travel alone,but really it was.
It was I was looking throughthe lens of fear and discomfort.
So they could choose to travelwith one of their kids or more,
with a friend.
They could go on a tour groupsfor women, just for women, for
single women that you can go onand they could be hiking, or

(32:10):
they could be like as active asyou want, or just go into
museums and drink and wine,which doesn't sound so bad to me
.
So what I did, though?
For me my first solo experiencewas one of my older kids, jack,
knew my goal and very kindlyinvited me to travel with him.
So we were going to greece andcroatia.
This is um a year and a halfago, and what I did is I met him

(32:32):
there.
It was so wonderful and then incroatia he left and I stayed
for three more days and I still.
It was my little entree intosolo travel internationally, and
and I've done like Manhattanand get alone and stuff, but
this was like.
International is a bigger dealto me.
Manhattan I'm comfortable.
And so it was so freeing for me,when I went on this trip, of

(32:54):
realizing so what?
The reason I did it the way Idid is I wanted a comfort level
at the place.
So we had already been therefor like four or five days.
So we had an Uber driver we hadadopted who became our driver.
While we were there.
I had areas of Dubrovnik that Iloved and I felt comfortable
with in being there, and I knewthat I knew the area a little
bit because we had been there.
So when he left I wasn't throwninto this completely foreign

(33:17):
area that I wasn't familiar with.
I already had a little bitlevel of comfort.
So that really helped me.
So I needed that little bridgeright.
I needed to be able to step outof the fear a little bit and
not be panicked.
The key is you don't want toset yourself up for, just like
in our New Year's resolution,where you don't want to go from
drinking a Diet Coke every dayto, all of a sudden, I'm going

(33:38):
to drink, you know, 800 ouncesof water only and never touch
caffeine again.
You're going to fail for themost part.
So the same with travel.
If you're super afraid oftraveling alone, you don't want
to book a flight to Bangkok byyourself for six months.
Right, you might freak out andget there and it'd be really
hard.
You want to baby step, justlike the ladder.
Everything in life is a step,just like you were saying.

(33:59):
So I would say, is finding alittle step, whether that's with
somebody and staying one extrahour by yourself, or one extra
day by yourself, or going to anarea like Manhattan, somewhere
that I'm super familiar with andcomfortable with?
That was an easy entree for meas well, because I already knew
it, so being alone there wasn'tterrible.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
Yeah, such good tips as it is, like when you break it
down to the tiniest thing, likeeven take a train to the next
city over and go have lunchright, like that could be the
very first step.
Perfect, yeah, exactly right,the train may be the new thing
that you haven't navigatedbefore.
Absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
It could be sitting at lunch.
I mean, a lot of people havetrouble just going to a meal by
themselves or a movie bythemselves, like any little
stepping stone that you can doalone.
And then here's the importantpart also, not only doing it.
So, let's say, going out todinner would be hard to do alone
.
I would say go out to dinneralone, you can use your phone,
you can do whatever you want.

(34:54):
Bring a book.
Then the next step would be goout to dinner alone and just be,
don't be on your phone, don'tbring a book, just see if you
can handle it.
And afterwards, even if youonly lasted 10 minutes without
opening a book or getting onyour phone, celebrate that 10
minutes.
Look for your win, no matter howsmall it is, because we all
need that boost.
It's not like I failed, Icouldn't do a whole dinner

(35:16):
without going on my phone.
No, it's like, wow, I lasted 15minutes and didn't go on my
phone, like I rocked.
That.
That was amazing.
Right, because you want to feelproud and see your own growth.
We're so hard on ourselves.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
See the growth yeah, yeah, it could.
It all harkens back to likewatching our kids take their
first steps.
Right, they didn't like get upand walk across the room for
days on end.
They like took two steps andfell down.
That's how life is right.
Yeah, when something's new,that's what the mindset you have
to take is like no, I'm gonnatake going to take a couple of
steps and that's going to beokay.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
That's right.
They tried to walk for weeksbefore and we weren't like well,
give it up, bob, you're not awalker, it's just not working
out for you Exactly it's notgoing to happen, right it's like
wow, you stood up.
Oh, you held on Right Like thesame compassion.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Good, so good.
As we get ready to wrap up.
You talked a little bit aboutmeaning like meaningful life.
So what is your, what's youremptiness life motto.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
Oh, that's great, I don't.
I saw it.
I heard you say your motto andI absolutely love that and I
feel like I need to have abetter, like planned motto.
But mine really is kind of Idon't have a specific just these
words I always say aboutemptiness.
I don't have a specific justthese words I always say about
empty nest.
But I will say is the mantrathat I always use is everybody's
next step in life, Everybody'sempty nest stage in life or open

(36:34):
door stage in life, is a choice.
We all get to choose how weview it and how we shift that
view.
So if there is somebodylistening who's really
struggling, I want people toknow.
Number one you're not alone.
This is so common and it'sreally hard and it really is an
adjustment.
But that doesn't mean becauseyou're there now, that that's

(36:56):
where you're stuck being.
That doesn't mean that's yourempty nest experience.
That means that's yourexperience right now, in this
moment, and you can change it atany point in time.
So to look for little tinyshifts of growth.
So my mantra to when I talk toclients or my message I try to
give on social media is more howI look at empty nest is

(37:19):
whatever your choice is on howyou want to view it.
My perspective on it is isnobody's business and theirs is
not mine.
It's more everybody has theirown experience to honor, where
you are realizing that you cangrow and get to wherever you
want to be.
It just takes time.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's a good ending is
just honor where you are.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
That's right, knowing there's always.
Life always changes, good andbad, right Like life always
changes.
So being willing to adjust tochanges, but giving yourself
time, grace and compassion to beable to do so.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
Wow, julie, thank you for honoring being here today
with me.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Oh, it was a pleasure talking to you.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
If people want to connect with you online.
Where can they?
Where can they find you?

Speaker 1 (38:06):
So on social media, on all the platforms I am at
trainer coaching and it's liketrained with an a coaching.
My website is trainercoachingcom.
They can reach me through thereand there's a ton of freebies
on both on Instagram, facebookand on my website, so they can
go on and and download whateverthey want.

(38:26):
And then I have a newsletter Iput out every month and a
journaling workbook every monthwith daily prompts for free as
well.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Yeah, so much value.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Oh, I hope so.
That's my goal.
My goal, I told you, is to makean impact and a difference in
the world.
So, whatever I can do, I try.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
You certainly are, and I'm glad we had a chance to
connect and talk a little bitabout that impact.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Thank you so much, Jay.
It was really nice to meet you.
Thank you for having me.
I really appreciate it.
It was an honor.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
It was great to have you here.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Awesome, thank you.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.