April 19, 2025 • 35 mins
What happens when the magic carpet ride of childhood suddenly ends? In this enlightening episode, we welcome Rob Finlay, author of "Hey Dad," as he shares invaluable insights into the jarring transition from dependence to independence that many young adults—and their parents—experience.
Drawing from a humorous yet poignant middle-of-the-night call with his daughter about whether "green gas" (diesel) can be used in her gasoline-powered Jeep, Rob realized just how many practical life skills young people often lack. This inspiration led him to interview 30 experts—from NASCAR drivers to clinical psychologists—and ultimately compile "the ultimate guide to adulting."
Highlights:
- Understanding how graduation signals the abrupt end of childhood’s predictable magic carpet ride.
- The essential interpersonal and networking skills that young adults need for success in today's diverse environment.
- The evolving landscape of challenges facing young adults today—from digital finance management to navigating social media.
- The parallel journey for parents re-evaluating their purpose as their children step into independence.
Key Takeaways:
- Young adults must cultivate adaptability to navigate unexpected disruptions after graduation.
- Finding purpose is crucial for both young adults embarking on their new path and parents adjusting to the empty nest phase.
- Rob’s book features insights from a diverse range of experts, making it a valuable resource for young adults and parents alike.
Rob Finlay Bio
Robert J. Finlay is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, seasoned entrepreneur, renowned speaker, and father of four. He is a successful entrepreneur and commercial real estate investor. He has built and sold four companies. He brings strategic insights and inspires the next generation of leaders with his commitment to mentorship, education, and the integration of technology. When Rob is not at his day job, he is passionate about agriculture, exploring new practices and sustainable methods to enhance environmental stewardship in farming.
Find Rob Online: LinkedIn, Twitter (X), Instagram, Book (Amazon)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
No matter what you think, they're either confident
about their job or they'reconfident about where they're
going.
There's a lot of mixed emotionsand uneasiness going along with
this situation and in manycases, because of the way that
things change in our economy orour environment, it's not what
they planned.
You're not going from fifthgrade to sixth grade, You're
(00:20):
going from fifth grade and thenwait a second the job that you
thought you were going to havedoesn't exist anymore.
Or the friends that you thoughtyou were going to be roommates
with after college are not goingto be the roommates you're
after college, and so you reallyhave to be able to adapt.
It's not set in stone.
You're not just going to go onthis magic carpet ride.
You now have to make your owndecisions.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramsden.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Hey there, Empty Nesters.
Today's episode is not one onlyfor you, but it's for your
kiddos high school, college,young adults.
It doesn't really matter wherethey fall in that, but you're
going to want to share thisepisode with them, and here's
why Today I have the pleasure ofchatting with Rob Finley, the
author of hey Dad.
He's right here in the studioand let me tell you, when I was
(01:25):
reading through this book alittle bit, I was like, Ooh, I
taught my kids something, but Ididn't teach them everything.
So sorry about that, Connor andCaitlin, but maybe after
reading this book I'll come backand teach you a few more things
.
So, Rob, good to see you andwelcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, thanks, jay.
Thanks so much for having me,yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So tell me a little bit more about this book you
talk a little bit about.
You had a call at one point inthe middle of the night and you
were like, oh well, yeah, Ididn't teach my kids everything
that I should have, or maybe youhad that feeling of I should
have taught them more abouteveryday things that happen.
Is that the impetus for thisbook?
Was there something else?
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, no, I really think.
I mean there was a magicalmoment, obviously, that moment
where it was actually my wifeafter that call that you
mentioned middle of the nightcall which every parent dreads,
right, that's the one thatalways gets us and my daughter.
I answered the phone.
It was my daughter.
She was in the middle oftraveling from Wisconsin to
Austin, texas.
She called me and she asked ifshe could put the green gas in
(02:30):
her Jeep and at that moment Iwas like, well, what do you mean
?
Green gas in your Jeep?
She's like, yeah, green gas.
I'm like diesel, is that whatyou're talking about?
It was so clearly she has a gasengine, so, no, she cannot put
diesel in.
But at that point it made mefeel, along with all these other
sort of revolving questionsthat I get from my kids, that
(02:54):
maybe I haven't taught themeverything.
And it was actually after thatphone call late at night, my
wife was like you know what, whydon't you just write a book?
Why don't you just put all thisstuff that you've learned and
write a book?
And so I said you know what,why don't you just write a book?
Why don't you just put all thisstuff that you've learned and
write a book, and so I said, youknow what?
It's actually not a bad idea.
I couldn't even get back tosleep that night because I was
so excited about it.
And so the next day, forprobably the next year or so, I
(03:18):
interviewed 30 experts in thefield of everything from finding
apartments, maintaining cars,practical life wisdom, navy
SEALs, nascar race car driversand crew chiefs on how to take
care of their cars, andeverybody in between, to give a
book that is not preachy butrather sort of a foundational.
(03:40):
Here you're about to get thisbig life moment, this big life
change.
Here you go.
Here's a little manual Skimthrough it.
Figure out what you need to doto become an adult.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, and what I like about the book too, is it's
kind of broken down into likewhere you are at any given
moment in life.
Right, it's like the questionscome up in a timeline for them.
What do you think are the mostimportant skills that we may
have missed teaching our kids?
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, I think one of the biggest ones that I see is
networking and the ability forour young adults to have
meaningful conversations and becomfortable in situations that
are not their buddies onSnapchat or messaging or
whatever, and I think that's oneof the things that I would
(04:29):
encourage.
And now, seeing this and talkingto others, I would actually go
back and really focus on thisand really work with your young
adult to make sure that they'rehaving conversations with other
adults and that they'recomfortable putting them in the
situations, and the reason forthat with networking is
everything that they do from nowon will involve some type of
(04:51):
interaction with another adult,whether it's trying to find a
job.
It's a big shock for a lot ofkids that you don't just go on
LinkedIn, click the easy buttonand get the job of your dreams.
You actually have to work at it.
You have to talk to people.
As your child gets older, theygo to a different area, a
different apartment, a differentarea, and they're going to have
(05:13):
to make friends.
They're going to have to beable to be comfortable in these
situations.
I think one of the first things, the long-winded answer is
networking Get your kidscomfortable to be interpersonal
and be able to interact withother adults.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yeah, I think most people know the phrase right.
It's not what you know, it'swho you know, right.
And it's also how you interactwith people as well.
And you know, the bigger yournetwork, the more likely if you
are going to move to someplaceelse you may know somebody that
knows somebody that knowssomebody who could like connect
you up there and start even justa conversation to say, hey,
(05:48):
what are the places to be andhow do you get there?
What else is there besides thenetworking pieces?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
There's just yeah, just to just to back on that
point.
Hey, you know, it's so muchmore than just getting a job,
right, you know, at some point ayoung man is going to have to
come in and ask for, you know to, to marry one of my daughters.
Or my daughter brings in aboyfriend, you know what, if
they can't look me in the eyeand give me a real handshake,
that's it, you know.
So these are things that are,that are, you know they, they
(06:14):
come and go, but they're,they're evolved in everywhere.
So I think that's that's thefirst one.
The the second thing that I'verealized is a big issue for a
lot of young adults at this timeof transition.
I call this time of transitionbasically going from basically
dependent to independent, soeither graduating from high
school and then they're on theirown, or graduating from college
(06:37):
and they're going on their own.
And the analogy I like to useis I was at an airport and
you're on these airports andthey have these sort of these
automated walkways, you know,and I call them basically the
magic carpet ride.
You know, you jump on and yougo.
And I put that analogy to sortof our kids where, from the time
(06:58):
they're born to the time theyleave home, they're on that
magic carpet ride, and sothey're constantly in there
saying, okay, I go to firstgrade, I go to second grade
carpet ride.
And so they're constantly inthere saying, okay, I go to
first grade, I go to secondgrade, third grade, so on and so
forth.
And then all of a sudden, thatmagic carpet ride stops and they
now have to figure out whatthey're going to do.
Do not underestimate howimpactful and difficult this
(07:20):
situation is for your child, nomatter what you think.
They're either confident abouttheir job or they're confident
about where they're going.
There's a lot of mixed emotionsand uneasiness going along with
this situation and in manycases, because of the way that
things change in our economy orour environment, it's not what
(07:40):
they planned.
You're not going from fifthgrade to sixth grade, you're
going from fifth grade and thenwait a second the job that you
thought you were going to havedoesn't exist anymore, or the
friends that you thought youwere going to be roommates with
after college are not going tobe the roommates you're after
college, and so you really haveto be able to adapt and make
(08:01):
decisions and understand thatit's not set in stone.
You're not just going to go onthis magic carpet ride.
You now have to make your owndecisions.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Right, and I think there's a great point too, rob,
because you see it now, as weget older right, it's like even
with my parents are both stillalive.
My mom has said I didn't expectour life to turn out like this.
Now my clients say the samething, once the kids are grown
and flown I didn't expect mylife to be like this right now,
and it's something I thinkthat's underestimated for the
(08:31):
kids, as they're getting readyto launch.
They're so full of excitement.
It's like it's not going to goexactly as you plan.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, and it's overwhelming.
I mean, in some cases.
One of my daughters startedcollege, thought she had picked
the perfect major.
It was in computer science.
Everybody knows A few years agoeverybody wanted to be a
developer and she could justbasically go out and write her
own whatever she wanted to do.
That was going to happen.
(08:58):
But then all of a sudden, whileshe was in her senior year, all
of a sudden those jobs went offshort and they weren't hiring.
And next thing, you know, thatskill set that she got and she
thought she was going to have nolonger is valid and now she had
to pivot and adapt to somethingnew and that was very hard for
her because she was so set inwhat she was going to do.
(09:20):
Now she had a failure to launch.
Almost she didn't know whereshe wanted to live because she
didn't know what she wanted todo.
She didn't know what she wantedto do because she didn't know
where she wanted to live and itjust became this failure to
launch and that became somethingwhere I finally had to sit her
down and this was a lot of theone of the best parts about
(09:41):
writing this book for me wasbeing able to interview all
these experts and so many things, and there were a couple of
people who are my contributorson this book, who are clinical
psychologists and theyunderstand, like you know, being
able to step up and move andall this, and they said, yes,
it's okay, this is just a stepin your life.
(10:03):
The decisions that you makeright now are not going to be it
for the rest of your life.
You're not going to have thisjob, this location for the rest
of your life, so don't worryabout it, relax, but get going,
because the longer you delaymoving out and becoming
dependent is or independentrather the longer you take to
(10:24):
get to that moment in life, theharder it's going to be for you
to continue.
And, parents, we are guilty ofenabling our kids to stay in the
nest a little bit longer to todo the things that we think is
going to be until it's the righttime, and that's detrimental.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Yeah, absolutely Right.
We do often enable our kids to,you know, have a little bit of
a cushion, a little bit of help,Right?
Not everybody, Right.
There's some parents whooperate differently, but at
least in the US there is kind ofthis idea of like, no, we're
going to help our kids becausewe want them to have better and
(11:01):
do better than what we did whenwe were growing up, and that's
like a true American thing.
Every single generation wantsthat same thing.
But we've gotten to a pointwhere it's like, ooh, now what?
Like you don't even know how topivot to plan B.
Is that?
You mentioned that in your book?
Do you talk about how to pivotto plan B and what does that
look like?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I think you know, from thatstandpoint, being able to pivot
and being able to adapt.
It comes down to things likefailure, accepting failure and
accepting change andunderstanding.
That's part about being anadult, too, right?
It's like our lives.
We know that it doesn't alwayshappen, and you know it's funny.
You mentioned this.
And to back to your point whereyou know the perfect time to do
(11:42):
it OK, well, we're going towait until you have a couple
dollars left to go and do this.
So that's sort of the sameconversations with young adults
today where they say, well,we're going to have a baby when
we have six months of savings inour bank account and we're
going to become married when wehave this or we have this, and
people try to plan as much asthey can but, quite frankly,
(12:05):
that's when is it enough?
You never, right.
You're never going to say now'sa perfect time to have a kid,
let's go have one.
Or hey, now, yeah, I know I'veloved you and we should have
been married 10 years ago, butlet's get married now, because
now that's the right time.
And I think for for for parentstrying to get your kids to to
be in that point where there.
(12:25):
It is the right time.
Never, it's never the righttime.
The right time is now.
The right time for them tobecome an adult is now.
The time for them to experienceand learn and adapt is right
now, and I know it sounds likehard love not to say that, hey,
you don't, you can't give them acouple of bucks and help them,
help them out or do some thingsso they don't really get in
trouble?
But for the most part, theyneed to start living their own
(12:49):
life.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Right, yeah, they do right To be able to step off
that and decide what doesinsurance look like, and how do
I take care of my car, and howdo I register If I move states,
how do I get a new license?
What does that look like?
What forms do I need?
All of those things thatsometimes we take for granted
because we've been adulting forso long.
(13:10):
And I think one of the aims ofyour book is to kind of shorten
the learning curve with learningto adult.
And what does that look like?
Specifically Like what kind ofadvice would you give to parents
today whose kids may be in highschool and say how can you help
them shorten that learningcurve?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I think it comes down to, there's some foundational
elements, I think, of this book,and that's really what I tried
to do.
I didn't try to make it a 101on everything, right, it's not.
You know, this is not a how tobe an adult.
It's fundamental, which arethings like first thing is
trying to figure out where youwant to go, what you want to do.
Relax with that.
The second is hey, now go get ajob.
(13:50):
Go get a job.
Learn how to save your money,learn how to create budgets,
learn how to live, learn to geta place, learn to get a car,
learn to be a good human, learnto figure out what happens when
emergencies happen.
Right, these are things thatyou don't have time to Google or
do things like that.
You need to have this foundation, and so the way that I framed
(14:10):
this book was for parents,because I think a lot of times,
for example, when I talk aboutsome of the interviews I had was
a NASCAR race car driver andhis crew chief.
Now these are two gentlemen Onehas won the Daytona 500 and
other real NASCAR races, and theother one is the guy who has to
make sure his car is perfectand in working condition.
(14:31):
Well, these guys know somethingabout beating up cars and being
tough, but I can tell you thatI'm sure that their kids know
cars, they're probably verycomfortable about cars, but do
they know how to find anapartment?
Do they know how to think aboutinsurance, the difference
between a credit union and abank?
(14:52):
And so I tried to make thisbook so that, no matter what
information you have as an adultand you're giving your kids,
there's probably something thatyou haven't taught them because
maybe you're not comfortable orit just never came up, maybe you
just didn't pay attention right.
And so this book is really justthe foundation that you know
(15:13):
for the most part.
You give it to them, they takea look at it.
I even condensed parts so theydon't have to read the whole
thing, but it gives you sectionsso they sort of figure it out,
and when they're in that time intheir life where it's looking
for a job or looking for anapartment or looking to buy a
car, they can look at thissection and at least are given
the foundation to be able tomake good decisions.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, in terms of making good decisions, you
clearly made good decisions,speaking to like 30 people to
have this book come to life.
How did you choose who to speakto?
Like you were like oh, theNASCAR driver and crew chief.
Like got to have that guy Right.
How did you decide who wasgoing to be on this journey with
you?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
So it was.
It was a combination.
I wanted to have people who arereally experts in their field,
right?
So?
So that was the first thing.
The second thing was I wantedthem to be relatable to the
people that are going to bereading this, right, so, you
know they.
They needed to be within sortof, you know, a demographic and
a style that that people couldrelate to.
(16:17):
And then, finally, it was onceI wanted to get a broad world
right.
So, yes, I have a professionalrace car driver and his crew
chief that's wonderful.
But I also have a woman who hasmoved 17 times in 10 years,
right, and she's just awonderful woman who didn't want
to settle down.
(16:38):
And so getting advice on how tomove and how to pack and things
like that, it just sort ofadded to the story, if you will,
of life, because you're notalways going to get the expert
advice You've got to get it fromwherever you can get it from.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, I love that and it brings up a story for me.
Even when I was growing up.
It's like I was getting readyto move from my first apartment
in Baltimore, maryland, to NewYork and I called my dad and was
like, so how do you go aboutmoving?
And his response was, like thisis really just about money,
isn't it?
Like?
(17:14):
What are all the aspects of it?
Do you need some money to helpyou figure that out too?
So it's like when kids havethose questions, how are you
going to use this book?
When kids have those questions,how are you going to use this
book?
Like, how do you want parentsto use this book as, like, a
gift or a guide for them at highschool graduation or college
graduation?
Or tell me a little bit aboutthat vision.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, I mean, my vision when I started out was
really just that this is a giftfrom you to a young adult who's
going through transition.
It's more of just a somethingwhere it's I get you, I care,
and so it's very much meant tobe.
That's why it's coming out.
You know, really springtime forgraduation.
But the other thing that Ireally encourage people to do is
(17:56):
is to look at the book.
If you're giving it to somebody.
Look at the book, read the bookyourself.
It's a very simple read, buttake a look at it.
But add your own personaladvice to sections, and I really
would love to have people dothat.
I really want people toactually send me what they give
(18:16):
feedback, because it's alwaysit's just nice, because that's
what it is.
It's just.
This is meant to be a heartfeltsort of gift to somebody.
It is.
This is a big time.
This is a big moment insomebody's life where they're
out on their own and it's forreal and being able to give
somebody sort of the comfort ina non-preaching sort of
non-judgmental way, but alsowith a little bit of personal.
(18:39):
Go off to college and spend thesummer adding your own notes
and thoughts and maybe usingsticky notes or postcard,
whatever postcards, index cardsinside the book to just add to
it.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I think that's a brilliant, brilliant idea.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
And I think.
But it's what makes it special.
As I said, this is not, youknow, this is not true crime
novel.
This is not, you know, ascientific journal.
This is just from the heart.
And these were when I went tothese 30 people, these these 30
experts.
I just asked them, you know, ifmany of them had young adults
and have gone through it.
So a lot of them came from fromthat perspective, but a lot of
(19:27):
them were just felt like it wasjust, it's just genuine.
It's just genuine help andguidance for our next generation
.
And but making it your own.
I've got a grandmother whowrote me and she said I can't
wait because I've got all theselittle things that I've been
wanting to give as advice on onwhen they decorate their first
(19:48):
apartment, how to, whatfurniture to buy, what not to
buy and things like that andthey add their own little story,
so really making it personal.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I love that.
That is so good, so good.
Now I'm curious too.
You have an addition to thebook.
It's an AI app that's going tobe a hey Dad AI app that's going
to be coming out.
You're not trying to replacedads, are you?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
No, no, you can never replace a dad and you can never
replace a mom, right, I mean, Ithink, or anybody who has been
there to give advice andmentorship to a young adult.
I mean, that's that bond thatyou cannot recreate with any
type of technology.
What the AI was for was toreally just make it easy.
(20:31):
It's just a chat bot, right?
If you just needed somethingreally quick and it just comes
from you know it's.
Hey, how do I do this?
Hey, I just got into it.
My daughter used it, actually,she got into a little fender
bender and I wasn't available.
She went into her AI app andsaid what do I do?
And it detailed what she shoulddo and it was just.
(20:52):
It's just nice to know that inan emergency, it's there.
If it's like, what's the mostimportant piece of furniture
that you need, that you should.
The one thing, you should buyMattress, right.
So there's there's things likethat where you can, you can
question it.
Or how many times should I washmy sheets?
In a week, or or in a month,right, and you know that's.
(21:13):
It's surprising how, howvariable that answer could be to
people.
So it's once, by the way, youshould wash your sheets every
week I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I heard something recently.
There was a study done and andlike young males who are just
launching like go almost a yearwithout washing their seat so
great.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I think that was in the book, right, I was like that
was shocking.
But then I look back and I'mthinking, geez, when I was in
you know college, I don'tremember doing that much of it.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
So it's quite possible.
Does the AI pull from the bookitself or does it pull from a
larger swath of data andinformation?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
It pulls from both.
So, from a technical standpoint, it's pulling from the book, it
understands the book, but italso uses the open AI large
language model, foundationalmodel, and so it's getting
everything, but the predominanceof it will be off the off the
book.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Love it, love it.
Now you, you yourself arealmost an empty nester, right
you have.
You have one that has almostlaunched, just got another year
of school left, right, yeah?
So tell me about that journey.
Right, you're not only anauthor, serial entrepreneur, but
you're also a dad who has fourkids, who are all different age
range but are of launch.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Like, tell me about your own emptiness journey it's
been a very interesting umdynamic, which is why, when I
saw your podcast, I was likewhat a fantastic, fantastic
topic.
Right it is.
It's such a transition forpeople.
Right, it's it's time of yourkid, especially when you devote
(22:53):
so much to raising them andhaving them leave.
It's a sense of purpose that Ithink is incredibly like you're
void of that meaning, of thatmeaning.
So I had a very similarexperience when I sold my first
business, because I'd spent allmy time creating this business
(23:17):
and I sold it and it was theonly thing I had.
I mean, I had the kids, but Ihad the business.
I sold the business and thenext day people say, oh well,
what do you do?
And I would say I don't know, Inothing, I guess.
And I would say I don't knowNothing, I guess.
And it really became.
It was almost like that waslike almost a midlife crisis for
(23:38):
me, because I had to find outwhat I really wanted to do and I
had to go through this soulsearching of purpose and what is
my life.
And I was fortunate I had thekids at the time, but I don't
know, I was probably veryimmature at the time when I sold
it, where my kids were.
I thought I was doingeverything I could to build a
business, provide for my kids,and not realize what really is
(23:59):
important is actually creatingthe kids, then focus on the
business.
But the journey has beeninteresting and I've got four,
as you said, and each one isdifferent.
One was really easy, next one alittle bit harder, because she
had some other dynamics of whereshe wanted to live and who she
wanted to live with, and thethird one was really hard
(24:20):
because she had the job and soon and so forth.
The fourth one is moreindependent than I am, so she's
already planned and mapped outher life.
Now what I worry about her is,if something changes, will she
be able to adapt?
Because she is so regimented onwhere she's going to go, what
(24:41):
she's going to do, who she'sgoing to work for, research that
she's going to do, and so Ihope so.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
You hope that it all pans out in the end right,
Absolutely.
What is what?
What's something that you'velearned about yourself through
writing this book and alsothrough becoming an empty nester
?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You're never done being a parent, you're never
done being an adult, andadulting changes, and adulting
and the interactions that wehave with our children have
changed so much and the issuesand the concerns that they have
are very different than probablythe ones that we had when we
(25:18):
were in the same situation, andthat was really fascinating for
me.
It's just this point.
I was talking to an EMT as partof the book on emergencies,
like what do you do?
I said, what are the thingsthat every young adult must know
how to do?
And I was thinking, oh, theyneed to know how to perform CPR,
(25:39):
they need to know how to do theHeimlich.
You know all this other stuff?
He came to me he said, no, justone.
The one number one thing isknowing how to administer Narcan
, which is this.
I was flabbergasted, I was likewhat?
And so when you start torealize, as part of this journey
(26:00):
, just like being an adult andeverything changing, you realize
the world that our kids live inis very different.
And it's from everything fromfrom that statement alone to
talking to a daughter saying,hey, I don't need a bank account
, I have Venmo or Zelle, right,and it's, it's, it's those kinds
(26:20):
of same things, that the worldis very different, so we have to
be equally uh, understanding ofwhat the world is to help help
our kids manage through thatworld right, right.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
The other thing that comes to mind for me is like,
just money.
Like the kids don't carry cashright anymore.
Right, they can't, it'severything just transfers
automatically.
They don't even have to deposita paycheck anymore and so it's.
That piece is like, as we startto see our kids adult, like we
(26:57):
have ideas about what that meansfrom our own experience.
But also, you know, we maybeshould step back and watch a
little bit too.
Do you see that at all?
Do you offer any of that in thebook to use?
Like, how do you take a littlebit from both sides?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, and that's part of it.
It, and that comes back to thatpoint where you have to
understand the world is changing.
Where I think we should be as agood parent is understanding
that the world has changed.
Yes, we will have our own mindof what it is.
It's either good or bad orindifferent.
Right?
We're adults.
We get to make those choices.
Now, understanding, though, howwe explain to our why we think
(27:30):
those are different or why wethink that is a good or a bad
thing.
Take, for example, social media.
Social media can be a wonderfulthing.
It's a good way to stay intouch with people.
It's a good way for business toconnect with people, and, and
there's and there's yes, and I'mguilty of it there's mindful
scrolling, right, it's just hey,I've got a, you know I'm on a
place and I just want to scrolland see stuff that you know my
(27:52):
fishing, and you know there'sfishing and hiking and camping.
Yeah, so I get, I getentertained.
Where social media, where,where I tried to tell my kids is
be mindful of what you'relooking at when you're watching
social media, to understand thedifference between real and fake
.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
And.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
I think a lot of our young adults, particularly now,
look at social media and can'talways distinguish between
what's real and what's fake.
And so when you start seeingthe successes of people and I
think a lot of the people that Iinterviewed had the same
statement, which is they'rereally concerned because young
adults could be getting taxadvice off of a social media
(28:55):
platform from somebody whodoesn't really have the If you
know they're an expert, sure,they work at a big investment
house, they have all thecredentials, they have all the
rules, all the licensing Sure,go listen to them.
When Warren Buffett comes outon social media and talks, sure,
listen to him.
But when it's some person whoyou don't know who tells you
(29:16):
that you can make a milliondollars overnight by going
investing in something, bemindful not to believe that.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Yeah, you can't Google everything, and I think
that's why I like your book somuch is that you've done the
work with the experts to put itin a very accessible format for
the kids and something that'seasy to thumb through.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Right, right, and it's all about just.
I come back to this point whereit's foundational.
It's not, you know.
There's basic building blocksof being an adult, right?
Everything from etiquette andmanners to, you know, keeping
your house clean, to findingroommates, all of these things.
These are foundational buildingblocks and that's what this
(29:57):
book is for is making sure thatyou have the building blocks.
You need the foundation firstbefore you can build upon that,
and building upon that is yourpersonal journey.
But having these foundationalblocks is what's critical for
you to be able to live thatjourney.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
So good.
Now you've shared a number ofkind of antidotes from the book.
Is there one that you thinkwould resonate the most with my
audience, for kids or, you know,for a parent who's like, oh, I
need to share this episode withsomebody.
Here's why.
Here's why they need to look atthis book.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I think, honestly, it's something that they could
take with themselves, and it'sreally the first chapter where I
talk about.
It's a saying that I love.
It's a Shakespeare, so I don'twant to get all geeked out on
everybody, but it's to thine ownself, be true and finding your
purpose.
And I really think that, as anadult, as a parent, going
(30:50):
through this transition yourselfright, your little one, your
baby, you know, has now flownthe coop and this is a very
emotional time Finding your ownpurpose.
Just like your young adult hasto go out and find their own
purpose, their own journey.
You do too.
If it's defined you to be aparent, their own purpose, their
own journey.
(31:11):
You do too.
If it's defined you to be aparent and your life was there,
it's time for you to figure outokay, well, where do I go now?
Where's my next journey?
So I think that's where I wouldrecommend, if anybody reads this
, read the first chapter.
It's a little bit more esoteric, it's a little more of mind,
body and spirit.
It's less about fixing your carand how to look at your car to
(31:33):
make sure it's not right, but Ithink at the same point it's
critical for those people whoare in a transitional time in
their life graduating fromcollege, graduating from high
school, kids leaving the house,something happening.
It's a way for you to rememberthat the life is a journey.
It's like a hiking trail, right.
You sort of figure out whereyou want to go, but you don't
(31:56):
really know what you're going tosee.
The best part about a hike ishey, if you want to try
something else, you want to looksomeplace else, take another
path, right, and so that's partof what I would suggest is for
people to look at that.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
So good, what's next on your journey?
What comes up next for you?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So for some crazy reason, I do enjoy writing these
books and I think it comes backto my entrepreneurial roots.
I love building companies andif they don't sell, I still have
to run it right, and so a lotof times my day-to-day job it
never really ends right.
I know I have the same issuestomorrow, and so on.
Writing a book is basicallylike an entrepreneur's dream,
(32:37):
because you come up with an idea, you write it, you publish it
and then you're done.
You get it.
Here's my book, I've done it.
It's like you've completed atask and for those of us who
need that, I enjoy it.
I am contemplating a coupledifferent things in writing.
I really have enjoyed.
I have.
No, yeah, there's no businessassociated with it, it's only
(33:01):
purely just a personal enjoyment, but I do like watching this
transition of young adults, andI see it for my business as well
, because for the last 25 yearsI've been hiring young analysts
straight out of college who arecoming looking for their first
real job, if you will, to comeinto my program, and I've seen a
(33:21):
remarkable change in those 25years.
I've been doing this betweenthe young people who started
interviewing to the people today, and so I think it would be.
I think I will continue on thisjourney of sort of providing
advice to young adults, butmaybe a little bit more
specifically for a certainsegment or something a little
(33:44):
bit more narrow.
We'll see, though.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, you'll see what inspires you.
There may be another hey dadquestion that points you in a
different direction.
For sure, right?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Rob, before I let you go, what would if you had to
say what your empty nest mottois?
What would it be?
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I would say.
My empty nest motto is you know, in fairness, it's a wonderful
thing.
I've done my job Right andthat's really.
That's that's the key.
I've done my job.
I've raised decent humans thatcan go out into the world and
and live on their own.
Yeah, they're always need me,They'll always ask questions,
(34:22):
but ultimately, I've done my job.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I've done my job.
I love it, and you've done yourjob with hey Dad.
It's a great book.
I encourage people to go outand get it.
It's available for pre-ordernow on wwwheydadbookcom.
It comes out on April 28th andthen it'll be available on
Amazon and Barnes, noble and afew other places, so go check
that out.
Rob, it was a pleasure havingyou on the show today.
(34:47):
Thank you so much for beinghere and sharing a little bit
about ADAD.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Great Thanks, gary, I really appreciate the time.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
No matter what you think, they're either confident
about their job or they'reconfident about where they're
going.
There's a lot of mixed emotionsand uneasiness going along with
this situation and in manycases, because of the way that
things change in our economy orour environment, it's not what
they planned.
You're not going from fifthgrade to sixth grade, You're
(00:20):
going from fifth grade and thenwait a second the job that you
thought you were going to havedoesn't exist anymore.
Or the friends that you thoughtyou were going to be roommates
with after college are not goingto be the roommates you're
after college, and so you reallyhave to be able to adapt.
It's not set in stone.
You're not just going to go onthis magic carpet ride.
You now have to make your owndecisions.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Welcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leadsyou on a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the EmptyNest Coach, Jay Ramsden.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Hey there, Empty Nesters.
Today's episode is not one onlyfor you, but it's for your
kiddos high school, college,young adults.
It doesn't really matter wherethey fall in that, but you're
going to want to share thisepisode with them, and here's
why Today I have the pleasure ofchatting with Rob Finley, the
author of hey Dad.
He's right here in the studioand let me tell you, when I was
(01:25):
reading through this book alittle bit, I was like, Ooh, I
taught my kids something, but Ididn't teach them everything.
So sorry about that, Connor andCaitlin, but maybe after
reading this book I'll come backand teach you a few more things
.
So, Rob, good to see you andwelcome to this Empty Nest Life.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, thanks, jay.
Thanks so much for having me,yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So tell me a little bit more about this book you
talk a little bit about.
You had a call at one point inthe middle of the night and you
were like, oh well, yeah, Ididn't teach my kids everything
that I should have, or maybe youhad that feeling of I should
have taught them more abouteveryday things that happen.
Is that the impetus for thisbook?
Was there something else?
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, no, I really think.
I mean there was a magicalmoment, obviously, that moment
where it was actually my wifeafter that call that you
mentioned middle of the nightcall which every parent dreads,
right, that's the one thatalways gets us and my daughter.
I answered the phone.
It was my daughter.
She was in the middle oftraveling from Wisconsin to
Austin, texas.
She called me and she asked ifshe could put the green gas in
(02:30):
her Jeep and at that moment Iwas like, well, what do you mean
?
Green gas in your Jeep?
She's like, yeah, green gas.
I'm like diesel, is that whatyou're talking about?
It was so clearly she has a gasengine, so, no, she cannot put
diesel in.
But at that point it made mefeel, along with all these other
sort of revolving questionsthat I get from my kids, that
(02:54):
maybe I haven't taught themeverything.
And it was actually after thatphone call late at night, my
wife was like you know what, whydon't you just write a book?
Why don't you just put all thisstuff that you've learned and
write a book?
And so I said you know what,why don't you just write a book?
Why don't you just put all thisstuff that you've learned and
write a book, and so I said, youknow what?
It's actually not a bad idea.
I couldn't even get back tosleep that night because I was
so excited about it.
And so the next day, forprobably the next year or so, I
(03:18):
interviewed 30 experts in thefield of everything from finding
apartments, maintaining cars,practical life wisdom, navy
SEALs, nascar race car driversand crew chiefs on how to take
care of their cars, andeverybody in between, to give a
book that is not preachy butrather sort of a foundational.
(03:40):
Here you're about to get thisbig life moment, this big life
change.
Here you go.
Here's a little manual Skimthrough it.
Figure out what you need to doto become an adult.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, and what I like about the book too, is it's
kind of broken down into likewhere you are at any given
moment in life.
Right, it's like the questionscome up in a timeline for them.
What do you think are the mostimportant skills that we may
have missed teaching our kids?
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, I think one of the biggest ones that I see is
networking and the ability forour young adults to have
meaningful conversations and becomfortable in situations that
are not their buddies onSnapchat or messaging or
whatever, and I think that's oneof the things that I would
(04:29):
encourage.
And now, seeing this and talkingto others, I would actually go
back and really focus on thisand really work with your young
adult to make sure that they'rehaving conversations with other
adults and that they'recomfortable putting them in the
situations, and the reason forthat with networking is
everything that they do from nowon will involve some type of
(04:51):
interaction with another adult,whether it's trying to find a
job.
It's a big shock for a lot ofkids that you don't just go on
LinkedIn, click the easy buttonand get the job of your dreams.
You actually have to work at it.
You have to talk to people.
As your child gets older, theygo to a different area, a
different apartment, a differentarea, and they're going to have
(05:13):
to make friends.
They're going to have to beable to be comfortable in these
situations.
I think one of the first things, the long-winded answer is
networking Get your kidscomfortable to be interpersonal
and be able to interact withother adults.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yeah, I think most people know the phrase right.
It's not what you know, it'swho you know, right.
And it's also how you interactwith people as well.
And you know, the bigger yournetwork, the more likely if you
are going to move to someplaceelse you may know somebody that
knows somebody that knowssomebody who could like connect
you up there and start even justa conversation to say, hey,
(05:48):
what are the places to be andhow do you get there?
What else is there besides thenetworking pieces?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
There's just yeah, just to just to back on that
point.
Hey, you know, it's so muchmore than just getting a job,
right, you know, at some point ayoung man is going to have to
come in and ask for, you know to, to marry one of my daughters.
Or my daughter brings in aboyfriend, you know what, if
they can't look me in the eyeand give me a real handshake,
that's it, you know.
So these are things that are,that are, you know they, they
(06:14):
come and go, but they're,they're evolved in everywhere.
So I think that's that's thefirst one.
The the second thing that I'verealized is a big issue for a
lot of young adults at this timeof transition.
I call this time of transitionbasically going from basically
dependent to independent, soeither graduating from high
school and then they're on theirown, or graduating from college
(06:37):
and they're going on their own.
And the analogy I like to useis I was at an airport and
you're on these airports andthey have these sort of these
automated walkways, you know,and I call them basically the
magic carpet ride.
You know, you jump on and yougo.
And I put that analogy to sortof our kids where, from the time
(06:58):
they're born to the time theyleave home, they're on that
magic carpet ride, and sothey're constantly in there
saying, okay, I go to firstgrade, I go to second grade
carpet ride.
And so they're constantly inthere saying, okay, I go to
first grade, I go to secondgrade, third grade, so on and so
forth.
And then all of a sudden, thatmagic carpet ride stops and they
now have to figure out whatthey're going to do.
Do not underestimate howimpactful and difficult this
(07:20):
situation is for your child, nomatter what you think.
They're either confident abouttheir job or they're confident
about where they're going.
There's a lot of mixed emotionsand uneasiness going along with
this situation and in manycases, because of the way that
things change in our economy orour environment, it's not what
(07:40):
they planned.
You're not going from fifthgrade to sixth grade, you're
going from fifth grade and thenwait a second the job that you
thought you were going to havedoesn't exist anymore, or the
friends that you thought youwere going to be roommates with
after college are not going tobe the roommates you're after
college, and so you really haveto be able to adapt and make
(08:01):
decisions and understand thatit's not set in stone.
You're not just going to go onthis magic carpet ride.
You now have to make your owndecisions.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Right, and I think there's a great point too, rob,
because you see it now, as weget older right, it's like even
with my parents are both stillalive.
My mom has said I didn't expectour life to turn out like this.
Now my clients say the samething, once the kids are grown
and flown I didn't expect mylife to be like this right now,
and it's something I thinkthat's underestimated for the
(08:31):
kids, as they're getting readyto launch.
They're so full of excitement.
It's like it's not going to goexactly as you plan.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, and it's overwhelming.
I mean, in some cases.
One of my daughters startedcollege, thought she had picked
the perfect major.
It was in computer science.
Everybody knows A few years agoeverybody wanted to be a
developer and she could justbasically go out and write her
own whatever she wanted to do.
That was going to happen.
(08:58):
But then all of a sudden, whileshe was in her senior year, all
of a sudden those jobs went offshort and they weren't hiring.
And next thing, you know, thatskill set that she got and she
thought she was going to have nolonger is valid and now she had
to pivot and adapt to somethingnew and that was very hard for
her because she was so set inwhat she was going to do.
(09:20):
Now she had a failure to launch.
Almost she didn't know whereshe wanted to live because she
didn't know what she wanted todo.
She didn't know what she wantedto do because she didn't know
where she wanted to live and itjust became this failure to
launch and that became somethingwhere I finally had to sit her
down and this was a lot of theone of the best parts about
(09:41):
writing this book for me wasbeing able to interview all
these experts and so many things, and there were a couple of
people who are my contributorson this book, who are clinical
psychologists and theyunderstand, like you know, being
able to step up and move andall this, and they said, yes,
it's okay, this is just a stepin your life.
(10:03):
The decisions that you makeright now are not going to be it
for the rest of your life.
You're not going to have thisjob, this location for the rest
of your life, so don't worryabout it, relax, but get going,
because the longer you delaymoving out and becoming
dependent is or independentrather the longer you take to
(10:24):
get to that moment in life, theharder it's going to be for you
to continue.
And, parents, we are guilty ofenabling our kids to stay in the
nest a little bit longer to todo the things that we think is
going to be until it's the righttime, and that's detrimental.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Yeah, absolutely Right.
We do often enable our kids to,you know, have a little bit of
a cushion, a little bit of help,Right?
Not everybody, Right.
There's some parents whooperate differently, but at
least in the US there is kind ofthis idea of like, no, we're
going to help our kids becausewe want them to have better and
(11:01):
do better than what we did whenwe were growing up, and that's
like a true American thing.
Every single generation wantsthat same thing.
But we've gotten to a pointwhere it's like, ooh, now what?
Like you don't even know how topivot to plan B.
Is that?
You mentioned that in your book?
Do you talk about how to pivotto plan B and what does that
look like?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I think you know, from thatstandpoint, being able to pivot
and being able to adapt.
It comes down to things likefailure, accepting failure and
accepting change andunderstanding.
That's part about being anadult, too, right?
It's like our lives.
We know that it doesn't alwayshappen, and you know it's funny.
You mentioned this.
And to back to your point whereyou know the perfect time to do
(11:42):
it OK, well, we're going towait until you have a couple
dollars left to go and do this.
So that's sort of the sameconversations with young adults
today where they say, well,we're going to have a baby when
we have six months of savings inour bank account and we're
going to become married when wehave this or we have this, and
people try to plan as much asthey can but, quite frankly,
(12:05):
that's when is it enough?
You never, right.
You're never going to say now'sa perfect time to have a kid,
let's go have one.
Or hey, now, yeah, I know I'veloved you and we should have
been married 10 years ago, butlet's get married now, because
now that's the right time.
And I think for for for parentstrying to get your kids to to
be in that point where there.
(12:25):
It is the right time.
Never, it's never the righttime.
The right time is now.
The right time for them tobecome an adult is now.
The time for them to experienceand learn and adapt is right
now, and I know it sounds likehard love not to say that, hey,
you don't, you can't give them acouple of bucks and help them,
help them out or do some thingsso they don't really get in
trouble?
But for the most part, theyneed to start living their own
(12:49):
life.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Right, yeah, they do right To be able to step off
that and decide what doesinsurance look like, and how do
I take care of my car, and howdo I register If I move states,
how do I get a new license?
What does that look like?
What forms do I need?
All of those things thatsometimes we take for granted
because we've been adulting forso long.
(13:10):
And I think one of the aims ofyour book is to kind of shorten
the learning curve with learningto adult.
And what does that look like?
Specifically Like what kind ofadvice would you give to parents
today whose kids may be in highschool and say how can you help
them shorten that learningcurve?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I think it comes down to, there's some foundational
elements, I think, of this book,and that's really what I tried
to do.
I didn't try to make it a 101on everything, right, it's not.
You know, this is not a how tobe an adult.
It's fundamental, which arethings like first thing is
trying to figure out where youwant to go, what you want to do.
Relax with that.
The second is hey, now go get ajob.
(13:50):
Go get a job.
Learn how to save your money,learn how to create budgets,
learn how to live, learn to geta place, learn to get a car,
learn to be a good human, learnto figure out what happens when
emergencies happen.
Right, these are things thatyou don't have time to Google or
do things like that.
You need to have this foundation, and so the way that I framed
(14:10):
this book was for parents,because I think a lot of times,
for example, when I talk aboutsome of the interviews I had was
a NASCAR race car driver andhis crew chief.
Now these are two gentlemen Onehas won the Daytona 500 and
other real NASCAR races, and theother one is the guy who has to
make sure his car is perfectand in working condition.
(14:31):
Well, these guys know somethingabout beating up cars and being
tough, but I can tell you thatI'm sure that their kids know
cars, they're probably verycomfortable about cars, but do
they know how to find anapartment?
Do they know how to think aboutinsurance, the difference
between a credit union and abank?
(14:52):
And so I tried to make thisbook so that, no matter what
information you have as an adultand you're giving your kids,
there's probably something thatyou haven't taught them because
maybe you're not comfortable orit just never came up, maybe you
just didn't pay attention right.
And so this book is really justthe foundation that you know
(15:13):
for the most part.
You give it to them, they takea look at it.
I even condensed parts so theydon't have to read the whole
thing, but it gives you sectionsso they sort of figure it out,
and when they're in that time intheir life where it's looking
for a job or looking for anapartment or looking to buy a
car, they can look at thissection and at least are given
the foundation to be able tomake good decisions.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, in terms of making good decisions, you
clearly made good decisions,speaking to like 30 people to
have this book come to life.
How did you choose who to speakto?
Like you were like oh, theNASCAR driver and crew chief.
Like got to have that guy Right.
How did you decide who wasgoing to be on this journey with
you?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
So it was.
It was a combination.
I wanted to have people who arereally experts in their field,
right?
So?
So that was the first thing.
The second thing was I wantedthem to be relatable to the
people that are going to bereading this, right, so, you
know they.
They needed to be within sortof, you know, a demographic and
a style that that people couldrelate to.
(16:17):
And then, finally, it was onceI wanted to get a broad world
right.
So, yes, I have a professionalrace car driver and his crew
chief that's wonderful.
But I also have a woman who hasmoved 17 times in 10 years,
right, and she's just awonderful woman who didn't want
to settle down.
(16:38):
And so getting advice on how tomove and how to pack and things
like that, it just sort ofadded to the story, if you will,
of life, because you're notalways going to get the expert
advice You've got to get it fromwherever you can get it from.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, I love that and it brings up a story for me.
Even when I was growing up.
It's like I was getting readyto move from my first apartment
in Baltimore, maryland, to NewYork and I called my dad and was
like, so how do you go aboutmoving?
And his response was, like thisis really just about money,
isn't it?
Like?
(17:14):
What are all the aspects of it?
Do you need some money to helpyou figure that out too?
So it's like when kids havethose questions, how are you
going to use this book?
When kids have those questions,how are you going to use this
book?
Like, how do you want parentsto use this book as, like, a
gift or a guide for them at highschool graduation or college
graduation?
Or tell me a little bit aboutthat vision.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, I mean, my vision when I started out was
really just that this is a giftfrom you to a young adult who's
going through transition.
It's more of just a somethingwhere it's I get you, I care,
and so it's very much meant tobe.
That's why it's coming out.
You know, really springtime forgraduation.
But the other thing that Ireally encourage people to do is
(17:56):
is to look at the book.
If you're giving it to somebody.
Look at the book, read the bookyourself.
It's a very simple read, buttake a look at it.
But add your own personaladvice to sections, and I really
would love to have people dothat.
I really want people toactually send me what they give
(18:16):
feedback, because it's alwaysit's just nice, because that's
what it is.
It's just.
This is meant to be a heartfeltsort of gift to somebody.
It is.
This is a big time.
This is a big moment insomebody's life where they're
out on their own and it's forreal and being able to give
somebody sort of the comfort ina non-preaching sort of
non-judgmental way, but alsowith a little bit of personal.
(18:39):
Go off to college and spend thesummer adding your own notes
and thoughts and maybe usingsticky notes or postcard,
whatever postcards, index cardsinside the book to just add to
it.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I think that's a brilliant, brilliant idea.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
And I think.
But it's what makes it special.
As I said, this is not, youknow, this is not true crime
novel.
This is not, you know, ascientific journal.
This is just from the heart.
And these were when I went tothese 30 people, these these 30
experts.
I just asked them, you know, ifmany of them had young adults
and have gone through it.
So a lot of them came from fromthat perspective, but a lot of
(19:27):
them were just felt like it wasjust, it's just genuine.
It's just genuine help andguidance for our next generation
.
And but making it your own.
I've got a grandmother whowrote me and she said I can't
wait because I've got all theselittle things that I've been
wanting to give as advice on onwhen they decorate their first
(19:48):
apartment, how to, whatfurniture to buy, what not to
buy and things like that andthey add their own little story,
so really making it personal.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I love that.
That is so good, so good.
Now I'm curious too.
You have an addition to thebook.
It's an AI app that's going tobe a hey Dad AI app that's going
to be coming out.
You're not trying to replacedads, are you?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
No, no, you can never replace a dad and you can never
replace a mom, right, I mean, Ithink, or anybody who has been
there to give advice andmentorship to a young adult.
I mean, that's that bond thatyou cannot recreate with any
type of technology.
What the AI was for was toreally just make it easy.
(20:31):
It's just a chat bot, right?
If you just needed somethingreally quick and it just comes
from you know it's.
Hey, how do I do this?
Hey, I just got into it.
My daughter used it, actually,she got into a little fender
bender and I wasn't available.
She went into her AI app andsaid what do I do?
And it detailed what she shoulddo and it was just.
(20:52):
It's just nice to know that inan emergency, it's there.
If it's like, what's the mostimportant piece of furniture
that you need, that you should.
The one thing, you should buyMattress, right.
So there's there's things likethat where you can, you can
question it.
Or how many times should I washmy sheets?
In a week, or or in a month,right, and you know that's.
(21:13):
It's surprising how, howvariable that answer could be to
people.
So it's once, by the way, youshould wash your sheets every
week I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I heard something recently.
There was a study done and andlike young males who are just
launching like go almost a yearwithout washing their seat so
great.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I think that was in the book, right, I was like that
was shocking.
But then I look back and I'mthinking, geez, when I was in
you know college, I don'tremember doing that much of it.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
So it's quite possible.
Does the AI pull from the bookitself or does it pull from a
larger swath of data andinformation?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
It pulls from both.
So, from a technical standpoint, it's pulling from the book, it
understands the book, but italso uses the open AI large
language model, foundationalmodel, and so it's getting
everything, but the predominanceof it will be off the off the
book.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Love it, love it.
Now you, you yourself arealmost an empty nester, right
you have.
You have one that has almostlaunched, just got another year
of school left, right, yeah?
So tell me about that journey.
Right, you're not only anauthor, serial entrepreneur, but
you're also a dad who has fourkids, who are all different age
range but are of launch.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Like, tell me about your own emptiness journey it's
been a very interesting umdynamic, which is why, when I
saw your podcast, I was likewhat a fantastic, fantastic
topic.
Right it is.
It's such a transition forpeople.
Right, it's it's time of yourkid, especially when you devote
(22:53):
so much to raising them andhaving them leave.
It's a sense of purpose that Ithink is incredibly like you're
void of that meaning, of thatmeaning.
So I had a very similarexperience when I sold my first
business, because I'd spent allmy time creating this business
(23:17):
and I sold it and it was theonly thing I had.
I mean, I had the kids, but Ihad the business.
I sold the business and thenext day people say, oh well,
what do you do?
And I would say I don't know, Inothing, I guess.
And I would say I don't knowNothing, I guess.
And it really became.
It was almost like that waslike almost a midlife crisis for
(23:38):
me, because I had to find outwhat I really wanted to do and I
had to go through this soulsearching of purpose and what is
my life.
And I was fortunate I had thekids at the time, but I don't
know, I was probably veryimmature at the time when I sold
it, where my kids were.
I thought I was doingeverything I could to build a
business, provide for my kids,and not realize what really is
(23:59):
important is actually creatingthe kids, then focus on the
business.
But the journey has beeninteresting and I've got four,
as you said, and each one isdifferent.
One was really easy, next one alittle bit harder, because she
had some other dynamics of whereshe wanted to live and who she
wanted to live with, and thethird one was really hard
(24:20):
because she had the job and soon and so forth.
The fourth one is moreindependent than I am, so she's
already planned and mapped outher life.
Now what I worry about her is,if something changes, will she
be able to adapt?
Because she is so regimented onwhere she's going to go, what
(24:41):
she's going to do, who she'sgoing to work for, research that
she's going to do, and so Ihope so.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
You hope that it all pans out in the end right,
Absolutely.
What is what?
What's something that you'velearned about yourself through
writing this book and alsothrough becoming an empty nester
?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You're never done being a parent, you're never
done being an adult, andadulting changes, and adulting
and the interactions that wehave with our children have
changed so much and the issuesand the concerns that they have
are very different than probablythe ones that we had when we
(25:18):
were in the same situation, andthat was really fascinating for
me.
It's just this point.
I was talking to an EMT as partof the book on emergencies,
like what do you do?
I said, what are the thingsthat every young adult must know
how to do?
And I was thinking, oh, theyneed to know how to perform CPR,
(25:39):
they need to know how to do theHeimlich.
You know all this other stuff?
He came to me he said, no, justone.
The one number one thing isknowing how to administer Narcan
, which is this.
I was flabbergasted, I was likewhat?
And so when you start torealize, as part of this journey
(26:00):
, just like being an adult andeverything changing, you realize
the world that our kids live inis very different.
And it's from everything fromfrom that statement alone to
talking to a daughter saying,hey, I don't need a bank account
, I have Venmo or Zelle, right,and it's, it's, it's those kinds
(26:20):
of same things, that the worldis very different, so we have to
be equally uh, understanding ofwhat the world is to help help
our kids manage through thatworld right, right.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
The other thing that comes to mind for me is like,
just money.
Like the kids don't carry cashright anymore.
Right, they can't, it'severything just transfers
automatically.
They don't even have to deposita paycheck anymore and so it's.
That piece is like, as we startto see our kids adult, like we
(26:57):
have ideas about what that meansfrom our own experience.
But also, you know, we maybeshould step back and watch a
little bit too.
Do you see that at all?
Do you offer any of that in thebook to use?
Like, how do you take a littlebit from both sides?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, and that's part of it.
It, and that comes back to thatpoint where you have to
understand the world is changing.
Where I think we should be as agood parent is understanding
that the world has changed.
Yes, we will have our own mindof what it is.
It's either good or bad orindifferent.
Right?
We're adults.
We get to make those choices.
Now, understanding, though, howwe explain to our why we think
(27:30):
those are different or why wethink that is a good or a bad
thing.
Take, for example, social media.
Social media can be a wonderfulthing.
It's a good way to stay intouch with people.
It's a good way for business toconnect with people, and, and
there's and there's yes, and I'mguilty of it there's mindful
scrolling, right, it's just hey,I've got a, you know I'm on a
place and I just want to scrolland see stuff that you know my
(27:52):
fishing, and you know there'sfishing and hiking and camping.
Yeah, so I get, I getentertained.
Where social media, where,where I tried to tell my kids is
be mindful of what you'relooking at when you're watching
social media, to understand thedifference between real and fake
.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
And.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
I think a lot of our young adults, particularly now,
look at social media and can'talways distinguish between
what's real and what's fake.
And so when you start seeingthe successes of people and I
think a lot of the people that Iinterviewed had the same
statement, which is they'rereally concerned because young
adults could be getting taxadvice off of a social media
(28:55):
platform from somebody whodoesn't really have the If you
know they're an expert, sure,they work at a big investment
house, they have all thecredentials, they have all the
rules, all the licensing Sure,go listen to them.
When Warren Buffett comes outon social media and talks, sure,
listen to him.
But when it's some person whoyou don't know who tells you
(29:16):
that you can make a milliondollars overnight by going
investing in something, bemindful not to believe that.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Yeah, you can't Google everything, and I think
that's why I like your book somuch is that you've done the
work with the experts to put itin a very accessible format for
the kids and something that'seasy to thumb through.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Right, right, and it's all about just.
I come back to this point whereit's foundational.
It's not, you know.
There's basic building blocksof being an adult, right?
Everything from etiquette andmanners to, you know, keeping
your house clean, to findingroommates, all of these things.
These are foundational buildingblocks and that's what this
(29:57):
book is for is making sure thatyou have the building blocks.
You need the foundation firstbefore you can build upon that,
and building upon that is yourpersonal journey.
But having these foundationalblocks is what's critical for
you to be able to live thatjourney.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
So good.
Now you've shared a number ofkind of antidotes from the book.
Is there one that you thinkwould resonate the most with my
audience, for kids or, you know,for a parent who's like, oh, I
need to share this episode withsomebody.
Here's why.
Here's why they need to look atthis book.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I think, honestly, it's something that they could
take with themselves, and it'sreally the first chapter where I
talk about.
It's a saying that I love.
It's a Shakespeare, so I don'twant to get all geeked out on
everybody, but it's to thine ownself, be true and finding your
purpose.
And I really think that, as anadult, as a parent, going
(30:50):
through this transition yourselfright, your little one, your
baby, you know, has now flownthe coop and this is a very
emotional time Finding your ownpurpose.
Just like your young adult hasto go out and find their own
purpose, their own journey.
You do too.
If it's defined you to be aparent, their own purpose, their
own journey.
(31:11):
You do too.
If it's defined you to be aparent and your life was there,
it's time for you to figure outokay, well, where do I go now?
Where's my next journey?
So I think that's where I wouldrecommend, if anybody reads this
, read the first chapter.
It's a little bit more esoteric, it's a little more of mind,
body and spirit.
It's less about fixing your carand how to look at your car to
(31:33):
make sure it's not right, but Ithink at the same point it's
critical for those people whoare in a transitional time in
their life graduating fromcollege, graduating from high
school, kids leaving the house,something happening.
It's a way for you to rememberthat the life is a journey.
It's like a hiking trail, right.
You sort of figure out whereyou want to go, but you don't
(31:56):
really know what you're going tosee.
The best part about a hike ishey, if you want to try
something else, you want to looksomeplace else, take another
path, right, and so that's partof what I would suggest is for
people to look at that.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
So good, what's next on your journey?
What comes up next for you?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So for some crazy reason, I do enjoy writing these
books and I think it comes backto my entrepreneurial roots.
I love building companies andif they don't sell, I still have
to run it right, and so a lotof times my day-to-day job it
never really ends right.
I know I have the same issuestomorrow, and so on.
Writing a book is basicallylike an entrepreneur's dream,
(32:37):
because you come up with an idea, you write it, you publish it
and then you're done.
You get it.
Here's my book, I've done it.
It's like you've completed atask and for those of us who
need that, I enjoy it.
I am contemplating a coupledifferent things in writing.
I really have enjoyed.
I have.
No, yeah, there's no businessassociated with it, it's only
(33:01):
purely just a personal enjoyment, but I do like watching this
transition of young adults, andI see it for my business as well
, because for the last 25 yearsI've been hiring young analysts
straight out of college who arecoming looking for their first
real job, if you will, to comeinto my program, and I've seen a
(33:21):
remarkable change in those 25years.
I've been doing this betweenthe young people who started
interviewing to the people today, and so I think it would be.
I think I will continue on thisjourney of sort of providing
advice to young adults, butmaybe a little bit more
specifically for a certainsegment or something a little
(33:44):
bit more narrow.
We'll see, though.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, you'll see what inspires you.
There may be another hey dadquestion that points you in a
different direction.
For sure, right?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Rob, before I let you go, what would if you had to
say what your empty nest mottois?
What would it be?
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I would say.
My empty nest motto is you know, in fairness, it's a wonderful
thing.
I've done my job Right andthat's really.
That's that's the key.
I've done my job.
I've raised decent humans thatcan go out into the world and
and live on their own.
Yeah, they're always need me,They'll always ask questions,
(34:22):
but ultimately, I've done my job.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I've done my job.
I love it, and you've done yourjob with hey Dad.
It's a great book.
I encourage people to go outand get it.
It's available for pre-ordernow on wwwheydadbookcom.
It comes out on April 28th andthen it'll be available on
Amazon and Barnes, noble and afew other places, so go check
that out.
Rob, it was a pleasure havingyou on the show today.
(34:47):
Thank you so much for beinghere and sharing a little bit
about ADAD.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Great Thanks, gary, I really appreciate the time.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Are you ready to start living and enjoying your
empty nest years?
If so, head over tojasonramsdencom and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact.
One Media LLC.
All rights reserved.
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