May 21, 2024 • 11 mins
In celebration of the 100th episode of "this is going to be fun" we dive into a key ingredient that has been crucial both to the success of this podcast and to parenting—consistency. You will love exploring this fun analogy between piñatas and parenting for a fresh perspective on consistency.
Discover the importance of continuing to show up for your teen, even when it seems like nothing you do is making a difference. Parenting gets more challenging as our kids get older and we explore how you can make sure you are up to the challenge.
The reward of a connected relationship with your teen is worth all the effort required. In fact, it often feels even sweeter because of the effort required!
Full Show Notes at https://www.jenbelltate.com/blog/importance-of-consistency
Mentioned on the Show:
- Brand new content is available all summer long in the ENJOY Parenting Community. Join now to get instant access to live workshops and classes, support and practical parenting tips and strategies to make parenting teens easier!
- Join the free Teens are the Worst Facebook Group to ask questions and continue this conversation
- Follow me on Instagram and Facebook
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:27):
We are celebrating today becausethis is the hundredth episode
of "this is going to be fun."
About two years ago, when I started thispodcast, I knew that I had a lot that
I wanted to share with other parentsabout the joy of raising teenagers and
how it doesn't have to be as miserableas everyone makes it out to be.
(00:47):
But I had no idea just how much I wouldlearn along the way, and I had no idea
that a hundred episodes in, I would stillhave so much that I wanted to share.
As I have prepared for this hundredthepisode, I knew that I wanted to share
something special and important because,you know, it's the hundredth episode.
(01:08):
And I've been thinking about my journey,creating this podcast and sharing it with
you and showing up here every single week.
And I've realized that one ofthe most essential ingredients
in getting this podcast to whereit is today is also an essential
ingredient of parenting teenagers.
And that ingredient is consistency.
(01:32):
Last week was my twin's birthday, and Iwas reminded of a tradition we started
years and years ago around their birthday.
When they were really little, myhusband worked at a clinic up in
a small rural area, and one ofhis patients was a piñata maker.
And she decided that she reallywanted to make a piñata for my
(01:53):
husband to bring home to our family.
It happened to be right around thistime of year when he brought the
piñata home, and the piñata wasbigger than either of my twins.
It was enormous.
So we decided it would be reallyfun to have this piñata as part
of their birthday celebration.
(02:13):
I mean, what little boy doesn'twant to smack something with
a bat and have candy come out?
So we stuffed this piñata full oftreats, hung it from the basketball
hoop, and got our family linedup and ready to hit this pinata.
We lined the kids up in age order.
So the twins got to go first, theywere turning two, and then we had
(02:35):
a four year old, a six year old, aneight year old, and a ten year old.
And this piñata was not youraverage grocery store piñata.
It had been expertly crafted.
It was sturdy and strong.
And so it took a lot for the kidsto break through this piñata.
But eventually they did.
(02:56):
And that piñata was such a big hitwith our family that we have had
a piñata for my twin's birthdayjust about every year since.
So, I thought it would be fun to use allof that piñata breaking experience to
teach you about consistency in parenting.
The first lesson of piñatasand parenting is don't give up.
(03:22):
If you want to break the piñata,you have to hit it over and over and
over and over again until it breaks.
And the same is true in parenting.
Not hitting, of course, but you needto show up and teach and forgive
and love over and over and overand over again until you have the
(03:44):
relationship you want with your teen.
I have rarely ever, maybe never,seen someone hit a pinata one
time, break it open, and allof the candy comes falling out.
And even if that happens, it'sactually kind of a bummer because
part of the fun is hitting the piñata.
(04:05):
With each swing we take atthe piñata, we are learning.
We are able to adjust and modify ourswing, modify our aim, and that is
how it is with parenting as well.
We keep making adjustmentsand improvements until we get
better and better and betterat connecting with our teen.
(04:26):
But whatever you do.
No matter how long it takes, don'tgive up before you get the reward.
The second piñatas and parentinglesson is that each hit matters.
Each time you hit the piñata, even thesmallest little hits weaken the piñata.
(04:49):
The hit that finally breaks the piñataopen isn't necessarily the best hit.
It isn't the strongestor most powerful hit.
It is the result of all the otherhits that have come before it
that have weakened the piñataenough that it can break.
In parenting, sometimes wefeel like our efforts are for
(05:13):
nothing, that nothing is working.
It is not making a difference.
It is not changing.
And then if we keep going, if we don'tgive up, eventually something works.
And we think it was the thing thatwe did that worked, but it's not.
It's the product of all of the effortswe have made all along the way.
(05:37):
Every investment of time andenergy and love into that child.
Every time we have kept our cool.
Every time we have shown upand listened with curiosity.
Every time we have created safetyand space for our kids to be who they
are and feel what they feel everytime we validate an emotion that they
(05:58):
are experiencing- makes a differencewhen we add it all up together,
that is what builds a relationship.
That is what builds the kind of connectionthat we want to have with our teens.
So, if you've been listening to thispodcast for a hundred episodes, and you've
been trying to do what I share, and itdoesn't seem like it's working, just
(06:21):
know that each and every time you showup as an intentional parent, it matters.
Each of those moments are layingthe groundwork and laying the
foundation for the relationshipyou are building with your teen.
At some point, the piñata will break open.
And you'll think it was that final hit,but I promise you that it is the product
(06:46):
of every hit that has come before.
The next piñata parenting lessonis that sometimes we miss.
We have tried lots of different waysto make piñatas a little bit more
challenging and a little bit morefun as our kids have gotten older.
One of those is to have themwear a blindfold, which of course
makes it more difficult for themto aim correctly at the piñata.
(07:09):
And another thing we've tried is tohave my husband move the piñata up
and down with the rope as they areswinging so that they are constantly
trying to hit a moving target.
With either of these methods, Thereare a lot more times when they swing
at the piñata and miss entirely.
(07:29):
And the same is true for us as parents.
As our kids get older, thechallenge level increases.
All of a sudden we are swingingat a moving target or someone has
blindfolded us and we have no ideawhere to swing or where to aim.
Or maybe there's a combination ofboth of these things: we're swinging
(07:50):
with a blindfold at a moving target.
That is sometimes whatthe teen years feel like.
So sometimes you are going toswing and you are going to miss.
You're not even going to hit the piñata.
And that is okay.
The only way to get to the candyinside is to keep swinging, to
(08:12):
keep showing up, to keep trying.
Sometimes when my kids areblindfolded and swinging at that
pinata, I try and help them out.
I try and give them some instructionslike a little bit higher, a little bit
lower, a little more to the right, alittle more to the left, take a step.
And if they follow my instructions, Theyhave a better shot at hitting the piñata.
(08:34):
And that is really why I do what I do.
Because I want to be the person with eyeswide open who is telling you, take a step
to the right, take a step to the left.
You need to go a little higher or a littlelower so that you know how to connect
with that piñata instead of swinging andmissing over and over and over again.
(08:57):
There are now 100 episodes of thispodcast that you can use as a resource.
You can go back and listen to episodeson all sorts of topics with helpful
ideas and tips to make parenting easierso that you're not swinging and missing.
And if you really want help knowingexactly where to swing and where that
(09:17):
piñata is headed next, you Come join usin Enjoy, because that is where I can
be the eyes when you are blindfolded tohelp you know exactly where to swing.
The final piñata parenting lessonI want to share with you today is
that piñatas are meant to be fun.
The whole reason we get a piñatais for the experience of swinging
(09:42):
at the piñata until it breaks.
Of course, the reward is worth it.
The candy at the end is awesome, butwe could just buy the candy and lay
it out and skip the piñata, right?
We only do the piñata becausethe process of it is fun.
And I hope that you canapply that to your parenting.
(10:04):
What if we saw parentingthe way we see piñatas?
Like a game, like an activity, likesomething fun to do, to figure out?
What if we could take some of thepressure off of ourselves to hit
it and break it open the first timewe try and Instead know that the
process is part of the experience.
(10:26):
The reward is worth the effortBut the reward is also so much
sweeter Because of the effort.
I want to thank you for being here and forlistening to this podcast week after week.
It makes me so happy to know that thereare people all around the world who
are benefiting from the things thatI share with you every single week.
(10:49):
I also want you to know that thissummer, I am going to be taking a short
break from podcasting so that I canspend more time with my own family.
Now I don't want to leave youhigh and dry, so I will still be
publishing episodes all summer long,but they will be replays of some of
my favorite episodes from the lasttwo years I have been podcasting.
(11:10):
Repetition is key to learning,so I hope that by replaying some
of these older episodes, it willactually help you learn the concepts.
and understand them and applythem to your life even better.
And if you really don't think you canlive without brand new content from me
all summer long, you can always join usinside of Enjoy, where I teach two live
(11:32):
workshops every single month, and youget access to dozens of workshops and
classes that I have taught over the lasttwo years to help you in your parenting.
I hope you have a fabulous summerwith your family, and I cannot
wait to be back with you withbrand new episodes in August.
We are celebrating today becausethis is the hundredth episode
of "this is going to be fun."
About two years ago, when I started thispodcast, I knew that I had a lot that
I wanted to share with other parentsabout the joy of raising teenagers and
how it doesn't have to be as miserableas everyone makes it out to be.
(00:47):
But I had no idea just how much I wouldlearn along the way, and I had no idea
that a hundred episodes in, I would stillhave so much that I wanted to share.
As I have prepared for this hundredthepisode, I knew that I wanted to share
something special and important because,you know, it's the hundredth episode.
(01:08):
And I've been thinking about my journey,creating this podcast and sharing it with
you and showing up here every single week.
And I've realized that one ofthe most essential ingredients
in getting this podcast to whereit is today is also an essential
ingredient of parenting teenagers.
And that ingredient is consistency.
(01:32):
Last week was my twin's birthday, and Iwas reminded of a tradition we started
years and years ago around their birthday.
When they were really little, myhusband worked at a clinic up in
a small rural area, and one ofhis patients was a piñata maker.
And she decided that she reallywanted to make a piñata for my
(01:53):
husband to bring home to our family.
It happened to be right around thistime of year when he brought the
piñata home, and the piñata wasbigger than either of my twins.
It was enormous.
So we decided it would be reallyfun to have this piñata as part
of their birthday celebration.
(02:13):
I mean, what little boy doesn'twant to smack something with
a bat and have candy come out?
So we stuffed this piñata full oftreats, hung it from the basketball
hoop, and got our family linedup and ready to hit this pinata.
We lined the kids up in age order.
So the twins got to go first, theywere turning two, and then we had
(02:35):
a four year old, a six year old, aneight year old, and a ten year old.
And this piñata was not youraverage grocery store piñata.
It had been expertly crafted.
It was sturdy and strong.
And so it took a lot for the kidsto break through this piñata.
But eventually they did.
(02:56):
And that piñata was such a big hitwith our family that we have had
a piñata for my twin's birthdayjust about every year since.
So, I thought it would be fun to use allof that piñata breaking experience to
teach you about consistency in parenting.
The first lesson of piñatasand parenting is don't give up.
(03:22):
If you want to break the piñata,you have to hit it over and over and
over and over again until it breaks.
And the same is true in parenting.
Not hitting, of course, but you needto show up and teach and forgive
and love over and over and overand over again until you have the
(03:44):
relationship you want with your teen.
I have rarely ever, maybe never,seen someone hit a pinata one
time, break it open, and allof the candy comes falling out.
And even if that happens, it'sactually kind of a bummer because
part of the fun is hitting the piñata.
(04:05):
With each swing we take atthe piñata, we are learning.
We are able to adjust and modify ourswing, modify our aim, and that is
how it is with parenting as well.
We keep making adjustmentsand improvements until we get
better and better and betterat connecting with our teen.
(04:26):
But whatever you do.
No matter how long it takes, don'tgive up before you get the reward.
The second piñatas and parentinglesson is that each hit matters.
Each time you hit the piñata, even thesmallest little hits weaken the piñata.
(04:49):
The hit that finally breaks the piñataopen isn't necessarily the best hit.
It isn't the strongestor most powerful hit.
It is the result of all the otherhits that have come before it
that have weakened the piñataenough that it can break.
In parenting, sometimes wefeel like our efforts are for
(05:13):
nothing, that nothing is working.
It is not making a difference.
It is not changing.
And then if we keep going, if we don'tgive up, eventually something works.
And we think it was the thing thatwe did that worked, but it's not.
It's the product of all of the effortswe have made all along the way.
(05:37):
Every investment of time andenergy and love into that child.
Every time we have kept our cool.
Every time we have shown upand listened with curiosity.
Every time we have created safetyand space for our kids to be who they
are and feel what they feel everytime we validate an emotion that they
(05:58):
are experiencing- makes a differencewhen we add it all up together,
that is what builds a relationship.
That is what builds the kind of connectionthat we want to have with our teens.
So, if you've been listening to thispodcast for a hundred episodes, and you've
been trying to do what I share, and itdoesn't seem like it's working, just
(06:21):
know that each and every time you showup as an intentional parent, it matters.
Each of those moments are layingthe groundwork and laying the
foundation for the relationshipyou are building with your teen.
At some point, the piñata will break open.
And you'll think it was that final hit,but I promise you that it is the product
(06:46):
of every hit that has come before.
The next piñata parenting lessonis that sometimes we miss.
We have tried lots of different waysto make piñatas a little bit more
challenging and a little bit morefun as our kids have gotten older.
One of those is to have themwear a blindfold, which of course
makes it more difficult for themto aim correctly at the piñata.
(07:09):
And another thing we've tried is tohave my husband move the piñata up
and down with the rope as they areswinging so that they are constantly
trying to hit a moving target.
With either of these methods, Thereare a lot more times when they swing
at the piñata and miss entirely.
(07:29):
And the same is true for us as parents.
As our kids get older, thechallenge level increases.
All of a sudden we are swingingat a moving target or someone has
blindfolded us and we have no ideawhere to swing or where to aim.
Or maybe there's a combination ofboth of these things: we're swinging
(07:50):
with a blindfold at a moving target.
That is sometimes whatthe teen years feel like.
So sometimes you are going toswing and you are going to miss.
You're not even going to hit the piñata.
And that is okay.
The only way to get to the candyinside is to keep swinging, to
(08:12):
keep showing up, to keep trying.
Sometimes when my kids areblindfolded and swinging at that
pinata, I try and help them out.
I try and give them some instructionslike a little bit higher, a little bit
lower, a little more to the right, alittle more to the left, take a step.
And if they follow my instructions, Theyhave a better shot at hitting the piñata.
(08:34):
And that is really why I do what I do.
Because I want to be the person with eyeswide open who is telling you, take a step
to the right, take a step to the left.
You need to go a little higher or a littlelower so that you know how to connect
with that piñata instead of swinging andmissing over and over and over again.
(08:57):
There are now 100 episodes of thispodcast that you can use as a resource.
You can go back and listen to episodeson all sorts of topics with helpful
ideas and tips to make parenting easierso that you're not swinging and missing.
And if you really want help knowingexactly where to swing and where that
(09:17):
piñata is headed next, you Come join usin Enjoy, because that is where I can
be the eyes when you are blindfolded tohelp you know exactly where to swing.
The final piñata parenting lessonI want to share with you today is
that piñatas are meant to be fun.
The whole reason we get a piñatais for the experience of swinging
(09:42):
at the piñata until it breaks.
Of course, the reward is worth it.
The candy at the end is awesome, butwe could just buy the candy and lay
it out and skip the piñata, right?
We only do the piñata becausethe process of it is fun.
And I hope that you canapply that to your parenting.
(10:04):
What if we saw parentingthe way we see piñatas?
Like a game, like an activity, likesomething fun to do, to figure out?
What if we could take some of thepressure off of ourselves to hit
it and break it open the first timewe try and Instead know that the
process is part of the experience.
(10:26):
The reward is worth the effortBut the reward is also so much
sweeter Because of the effort.
I want to thank you for being here and forlistening to this podcast week after week.
It makes me so happy to know that thereare people all around the world who
are benefiting from the things thatI share with you every single week.
(10:49):
I also want you to know that thissummer, I am going to be taking a short
break from podcasting so that I canspend more time with my own family.
Now I don't want to leave youhigh and dry, so I will still be
publishing episodes all summer long,but they will be replays of some of
my favorite episodes from the lasttwo years I have been podcasting.
(11:10):
Repetition is key to learning,so I hope that by replaying some
of these older episodes, it willactually help you learn the concepts.
and understand them and applythem to your life even better.
And if you really don't think you canlive without brand new content from me
all summer long, you can always join usinside of Enjoy, where I teach two live
(11:32):
workshops every single month, and youget access to dozens of workshops and
classes that I have taught over the lasttwo years to help you in your parenting.
I hope you have a fabulous summerwith your family, and I cannot
wait to be back with you withbrand new episodes in August.
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