April 2, 2024 • 11 mins
Do you know who you truly are? Does your teen? Discover a whole new way to see your teen inspired by Disney's Moana.
In this episode we discuss the parenting lessons you can learn from Moana, Maui and even Te Ka. Discover which approach works best with teens and start implementing it today.
Even when your teen is hurling fireballs and acting like a full-fledged lava monster, there is always more to the story and it is your job to figure out what that is. If you need help decoding your teen's behavior, join me inside of ENJOY.
Full Show Notes at: https://www.jenbelltate.com/blog/who-you-truly-are
Mentioned on the Show- Disney's Moana (affiliate link)
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- Parenting teens doesn’t have to be so hard! Join the ENJOY Coaching Community now to get everything you need to make parenting teens easier!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:27):
I don't know if your teenagers are asnostalgic as mine, but my teens love to
watch classic Disney movies together.
There is just something specialand magical about watching those
movies that came out when they werekids, that were favorites of theirs
when they were kids, that theyjust love to do it again and again.
So the other night we happened to haveone of those rare occasions where our
(00:50):
whole family was home, All at the sametime, and we were having a movie night,
and when the kids were deciding what theywanted to watch, they decided on Moana.
Now, Moana is one of myfavorite Disney movies, too.
It came out when my kids werelittle, and I just, it spoke to
my heart in such a special way.
And it's funny and the music is so good.
(01:12):
And I love the story.
So of course I was all on board.
Well, as we were watching Moanathis time around, I could not
help but see this movie throughthe lens of parenting teenagers.
It was like, it hit me right in the face.
I had never seen it in this way before.
And now I could not unsee it.
(01:33):
So today, I want to sharewhat I saw with you.
I am sure you are probably alreadyfamiliar with the story of Moana,
but just in case there's anyoneout there that isn't, I'm going
to give a tiny short little recap.
So Moana is the daughterof the village chief.
They live on an island and her dad isin charge of the whole island and she
(01:54):
is the heir to that responsibility.
She loves the water.
She's always feeling called to go tothe ocean and her dad will not let her.
He wants her to stay onsolid ground on the island.
Well, eventually Moana's father convincesher to step into her role as the leader of
(02:14):
the island and as she does, All of thesethings start going wrong on their island.
The palm trees aren't producingthe coconuts they used to produce.
There are no fish for themto catch around the island.
And eventually she realizes that what'shappening is her island is slowly Dying.
Her grandmother gives her this stonecalled the Heart of Te Fiti and tells
(02:36):
her that the only way to save theisland is for her to leave the safety
of the island and go on a quest.
She needs to find the demigodMaui who stole the Heart of
Te Fiti in the first place.
And get him to take it back tothe mother island and restore the
balance and save their island.
So that is exactly what Moana does.
(02:59):
She goes out on this quest, all on herown, to restore the heart of Te Fiti.
There are a lot of adventures thatthey have along the way, but the
part of the story that I reallywant to talk about is the part where
they arrive at the Mother Island.
And they are ready to restore the Heartof Te Fiti and complete the quest.
(03:20):
But there is one more hurdle in theway before they can restore the Heart.
The island is being guarded bythis lava monster named Te Ka.
Now this is a terrifying lava monster.
It looks like the form of a human, butit is basically fiery burning mass and
it is determined not to let them through.
(03:43):
So Maui takes on Te Ka and hismethod is to attack, to use force and
aggression to fight against Te Ka.
He tries all sorts ofmethods to defeat Te Ka.
He cuts off the arms, heirritates it, he distracts it.
(04:03):
But Te Ka puts up such a good fightthat Maui ultimately takes a hit that
causes him to completely lose hope.
And he abandons Moana.
Now, in that moment when Maui leavesMoana, she also wants to give up.
And she even gives the heartof Te Fiti back to the ocean
and says, I am not the one.
(04:26):
You picked the wrong girl to do thisquest, but luckily the spirit of her
grandmother comes to her and remindsher who she is and what her purpose is.
And with a renewed sense of purpose andmotivation, Moana continues on her quest
alone to restore the heart of Te Fiti.
(04:48):
Moana knows that she is not goingto win this battle by brute force.
She knows that she cannotfight Te Ka and win.
So she tries a totally different strategy.
She uses skill and maneuvering to tryand distract Te Ka so that she can get
(05:09):
around Te Ka without having to fight.
And it works.
She gets past Te Ka.
But now Te Ka is really mad,hurling fireballs and trying to
prevent Moana from reaching theMother Island in any way they can.
Luckily, Maui comes back and helpsprotect Moana so that she can get to the
(05:33):
island and restore the Heart of Te Fiti.
But when Moana reaches the island,she realizes that the island is gone.
Feeling completely hopeless anddefeated, Moana looks down at
the Heart of Te Fiti in her hand.
And then she looks up and sees Te Kafuming and furious and raging, and
(05:54):
she realizes who Te Ka really is.
In that moment, she holds upthe heart of Tefiti, and it
catches the attention of Te Ka.
She tells the ocean to let Te Ka cometo her, and she starts to walk toward
this fiery burning lava monster.
(06:16):
And as she walks, she singsthe most beautiful words.
She sings, I have crossedthe horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from insideyou, but this does not define you.
And at that moment, Te Ka reachesMoana, and Moana is washed
(06:38):
over by a huge cloud of smoke.
But then Te Ka stops as Moana singsthe words, This is not who you are.
You know who you are.
Moana walks toward Te Ka andtouches her forehead to Te Ka's.
(06:58):
And then she returns the heart of Tefiti.
To Te Ka.
And immediately, Te Ka starts to shedthis outer layer of lava and fire,
revealing her true identity as Te Fiti.
My friend, how often doesyour teenager feel like Te Ka?
(07:19):
Like a burning ball of fury who ishurling fireballs in your direction as
you are just trying to come and help them?
And do we show up like Maui?
Do we show up and fight them to the death?
We manipulate them, wetrick them, we punish them?
Or do we show up like Moana, andwe try and distract them so we
(07:40):
can get around them and avoid thementirely without them catching us?
We walk on eggshells and try notto do or say anything that might
make this monster even worse.
Or do we look underneath thatouter, scary, raging, fiery shell?
And see who they truly are.
(08:02):
Do we see their struggle?
Do we see their pain?
Do we see that this terrifyingouter shell is just a cover
for a person who is hurting?
A person who is lost and strugglingand wondering who they are.
I know it's tempting to wantto fight back when those fiery
(08:23):
balls are being hurled at you.
I know it's tempting to want to avoidthe fire altogether, but Or distract
them so we don't have to deal withthe fiery monster in front of us.
But none of that will work if you areunwilling to see past the fiery outer
layer and inside to who your teenagertruly is and what they are going through.
(08:48):
There is power in seeing yourteenager for who they are.
And in order to do that, youhave to know who you are.
So my job today is to be like Moana'sgrandmother who came to her and reminded
her of who she was when she wanted toquit, when she wanted to back down.
(09:10):
You, my friend, have been called as themother of each child in your family.
You have been given special gifts tohelp you see them for who they are.
And just like Moana sings "andthe call isn't out there at all.
It's inside me."
Your call is inside of you.
(09:33):
And I know that you have heard itand I know that you are responding to
it because you are here and you arelistening to a podcast all about how to
parent teens and you want to do betterand you have a desire to do better
and you are the person for this job.
You were chosen for a reason.
And I want to challenge you to seebeneath the surface, to look at
(09:57):
your teen for who they truly are.
To see that their bad behavioris just an expression of an
unmet need inside of them.
And when you give your teen that gift,you give the whole world the gift of your
teen who knows their true identity, whoshares their gifts with the whole world.
(10:23):
You are the chosen one for this quest.
Don't ever forget it.
If this episode has touched your heartand you feel called to parent in a
different way and to start to do thingsdifferently in your home and with your
teen, I want to invite you to join meinside of the ENJOY coaching community
(10:44):
where I can support you and help youand guide you every step of the way.
I will help you see what is underneaththat outer shell and help you learn what
is beneath your teen's bad behaviors.
But most of all, I will remind youover and over and over and over again
who you are, so you never give upon the work that only you can do.
I don't know if your teenagers are asnostalgic as mine, but my teens love to
watch classic Disney movies together.
There is just something specialand magical about watching those
movies that came out when they werekids, that were favorites of theirs
when they were kids, that theyjust love to do it again and again.
So the other night we happened to haveone of those rare occasions where our
(00:50):
whole family was home, All at the sametime, and we were having a movie night,
and when the kids were deciding what theywanted to watch, they decided on Moana.
Now, Moana is one of myfavorite Disney movies, too.
It came out when my kids werelittle, and I just, it spoke to
my heart in such a special way.
And it's funny and the music is so good.
(01:12):
And I love the story.
So of course I was all on board.
Well, as we were watching Moanathis time around, I could not
help but see this movie throughthe lens of parenting teenagers.
It was like, it hit me right in the face.
I had never seen it in this way before.
And now I could not unsee it.
(01:33):
So today, I want to sharewhat I saw with you.
I am sure you are probably alreadyfamiliar with the story of Moana,
but just in case there's anyoneout there that isn't, I'm going
to give a tiny short little recap.
So Moana is the daughterof the village chief.
They live on an island and her dad isin charge of the whole island and she
(01:54):
is the heir to that responsibility.
She loves the water.
She's always feeling called to go tothe ocean and her dad will not let her.
He wants her to stay onsolid ground on the island.
Well, eventually Moana's father convincesher to step into her role as the leader of
(02:14):
the island and as she does, All of thesethings start going wrong on their island.
The palm trees aren't producingthe coconuts they used to produce.
There are no fish for themto catch around the island.
And eventually she realizes that what'shappening is her island is slowly Dying.
Her grandmother gives her this stonecalled the Heart of Te Fiti and tells
(02:36):
her that the only way to save theisland is for her to leave the safety
of the island and go on a quest.
She needs to find the demigodMaui who stole the Heart of
Te Fiti in the first place.
And get him to take it back tothe mother island and restore the
balance and save their island.
So that is exactly what Moana does.
(02:59):
She goes out on this quest, all on herown, to restore the heart of Te Fiti.
There are a lot of adventures thatthey have along the way, but the
part of the story that I reallywant to talk about is the part where
they arrive at the Mother Island.
And they are ready to restore the Heartof Te Fiti and complete the quest.
(03:20):
But there is one more hurdle in theway before they can restore the Heart.
The island is being guarded bythis lava monster named Te Ka.
Now this is a terrifying lava monster.
It looks like the form of a human, butit is basically fiery burning mass and
it is determined not to let them through.
(03:43):
So Maui takes on Te Ka and hismethod is to attack, to use force and
aggression to fight against Te Ka.
He tries all sorts ofmethods to defeat Te Ka.
He cuts off the arms, heirritates it, he distracts it.
(04:03):
But Te Ka puts up such a good fightthat Maui ultimately takes a hit that
causes him to completely lose hope.
And he abandons Moana.
Now, in that moment when Maui leavesMoana, she also wants to give up.
And she even gives the heartof Te Fiti back to the ocean
and says, I am not the one.
(04:26):
You picked the wrong girl to do thisquest, but luckily the spirit of her
grandmother comes to her and remindsher who she is and what her purpose is.
And with a renewed sense of purpose andmotivation, Moana continues on her quest
alone to restore the heart of Te Fiti.
(04:48):
Moana knows that she is not goingto win this battle by brute force.
She knows that she cannotfight Te Ka and win.
So she tries a totally different strategy.
She uses skill and maneuvering to tryand distract Te Ka so that she can get
(05:09):
around Te Ka without having to fight.
And it works.
She gets past Te Ka.
But now Te Ka is really mad,hurling fireballs and trying to
prevent Moana from reaching theMother Island in any way they can.
Luckily, Maui comes back and helpsprotect Moana so that she can get to the
(05:33):
island and restore the Heart of Te Fiti.
But when Moana reaches the island,she realizes that the island is gone.
Feeling completely hopeless anddefeated, Moana looks down at
the Heart of Te Fiti in her hand.
And then she looks up and sees Te Kafuming and furious and raging, and
(05:54):
she realizes who Te Ka really is.
In that moment, she holds upthe heart of Tefiti, and it
catches the attention of Te Ka.
She tells the ocean to let Te Ka cometo her, and she starts to walk toward
this fiery burning lava monster.
(06:16):
And as she walks, she singsthe most beautiful words.
She sings, I have crossedthe horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from insideyou, but this does not define you.
And at that moment, Te Ka reachesMoana, and Moana is washed
(06:38):
over by a huge cloud of smoke.
But then Te Ka stops as Moana singsthe words, This is not who you are.
You know who you are.
Moana walks toward Te Ka andtouches her forehead to Te Ka's.
(06:58):
And then she returns the heart of Tefiti.
To Te Ka.
And immediately, Te Ka starts to shedthis outer layer of lava and fire,
revealing her true identity as Te Fiti.
My friend, how often doesyour teenager feel like Te Ka?
(07:19):
Like a burning ball of fury who ishurling fireballs in your direction as
you are just trying to come and help them?
And do we show up like Maui?
Do we show up and fight them to the death?
We manipulate them, wetrick them, we punish them?
Or do we show up like Moana, andwe try and distract them so we
(07:40):
can get around them and avoid thementirely without them catching us?
We walk on eggshells and try notto do or say anything that might
make this monster even worse.
Or do we look underneath thatouter, scary, raging, fiery shell?
And see who they truly are.
(08:02):
Do we see their struggle?
Do we see their pain?
Do we see that this terrifyingouter shell is just a cover
for a person who is hurting?
A person who is lost and strugglingand wondering who they are.
I know it's tempting to wantto fight back when those fiery
(08:23):
balls are being hurled at you.
I know it's tempting to want to avoidthe fire altogether, but Or distract
them so we don't have to deal withthe fiery monster in front of us.
But none of that will work if you areunwilling to see past the fiery outer
layer and inside to who your teenagertruly is and what they are going through.
(08:48):
There is power in seeing yourteenager for who they are.
And in order to do that, youhave to know who you are.
So my job today is to be like Moana'sgrandmother who came to her and reminded
her of who she was when she wanted toquit, when she wanted to back down.
(09:10):
You, my friend, have been called as themother of each child in your family.
You have been given special gifts tohelp you see them for who they are.
And just like Moana sings "andthe call isn't out there at all.
It's inside me."
Your call is inside of you.
(09:33):
And I know that you have heard itand I know that you are responding to
it because you are here and you arelistening to a podcast all about how to
parent teens and you want to do betterand you have a desire to do better
and you are the person for this job.
You were chosen for a reason.
And I want to challenge you to seebeneath the surface, to look at
(09:57):
your teen for who they truly are.
To see that their bad behavioris just an expression of an
unmet need inside of them.
And when you give your teen that gift,you give the whole world the gift of your
teen who knows their true identity, whoshares their gifts with the whole world.
(10:23):
You are the chosen one for this quest.
Don't ever forget it.
If this episode has touched your heartand you feel called to parent in a
different way and to start to do thingsdifferently in your home and with your
teen, I want to invite you to join meinside of the ENJOY coaching community
(10:44):
where I can support you and help youand guide you every step of the way.
I will help you see what is underneaththat outer shell and help you learn what
is beneath your teen's bad behaviors.
But most of all, I will remind youover and over and over and over again
who you are, so you never give upon the work that only you can do.
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