April 23, 2024 • 18 mins
Sharing the top 19 parenting lessons to help you in your parenting journey! Since becoming a mom 19 years ago, I have learned SOOOO much. But of everything I have learned, these 19 parenting lessons have been essential in helping me enjoy the teen years more than I could have ever imagined.
The 19 parenting lessons include everything from the power of fun and saying yes more often to the meaning of bad behavior and your role as a mom. The teen years are fleeting, and these lessons will you make the most of the time you have.
I hope this episode inspires you with lots of tangible ideas you can apply in your own parenting and gives you encouragement and hope to keep going! But don't forget to reflect on the parenting lessons that you have learned from your own journey!
Full Show Notes at: https://www.jenbelltate.com/blog/parenting-lessons
Mentioned on the Show:
- Check out this podcast episode to learn how to turn your no's into yes's.
- This free Processing Emotions mini-course will help you welcome ALL of your teen's emotions.
- Join the free Teens are the Worst Facebook Group to ask questions and continue this conversation
- Parenting teens doesn’t have to be so hard! Join the ENJOY Coaching Community now to learn how to make the most of the teen years!
- Follow me on Instagram and Facebook
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:26):
My oldest child turned 19 thisweek, and I'm feeling a little bit
nostalgic and a little bit like,can this possibly be real life?
Do I really have a 19 year old child?
And add to that the fact that heis currently serving a mission for
our church and living in Mexico.
And that means I have not giventhat boy a hug in real life
(00:48):
in person for seven months.
Man, I am just feeling all the feels.
And so today for the podcast, what Ithought I would do is share with you
19 things that I have learned fromthe 19 years that I have been a mom.
When I think back on that day 19 yearsago, when that little boy came into
(01:12):
my life and made me a mom for thefirst time, I have so much love for
that very young, starry eyed versionof me that held that baby in her arms
for the first time, and was just soexcited to embark on this journey of
motherhood with this darling baby boy.
I felt prepared and excited andhopeful as I started this journey
(01:36):
and little did I know there was somuch that I didn't know that I was
about to learn through trial by fire.
And I'm sure you can probably relatebecause we don't know what we don't
know until we realize that we don'tknow it and we're in the middle of it.
Now I could not possibly ever coverall the things I've learned as
(01:58):
a parent in one podcast episode.
So the 19 things that I'm goingto share with you today are not
necessarily the most important thingsI've learned, but the things that
I think will be most relevant foryou as you are raising teenagers.
They are not in any particularorder, so we're just going
to dive in and get started.
Number one, I am only responsiblefor my own behavior, and
(02:21):
that is a big enough job.
I used to focus so much on my kidsbehavior, on what they were doing or not
doing, and I've realized that really,the only thing I can control is me.
That's it.
And if I just focus on controllingme, how I'm showing up and what
I'm doing, That is enough to keepme busy for an entire lifetime.
(02:47):
Now that isn't to say that I neverget caught up in worrying about my
kids behavior, of course I do, andof course I'm teaching and leading
and guiding as best I can, but myparenting has improved exponentially as
I have started to focus more on my ownbehavior and less on my kids behavior.
Second, welcome all ofyour child's emotions.
(03:09):
You don't have to be scared of them.
This is a lesson that apparently I needrepeated over and over and over in my
life, because I for sure have beenafraid of emotions like fear and anger
and jealousy, and I really haven't wantedmy kids to experience those emotions.
I really wanted to shut those downin the past, and I've learned so much
(03:32):
about the importance of allowing ourkids to have all of the human emotions.
And the more I welcome themand invite them into our life,
the less scary they become.
Number three, I don't needto fix or change my kids.
What I need to do is understand themand appreciate them for who they are.
(03:52):
So many of the things that I used to tryand fix or change about my kids are the
traits that now are the reason they aresuccessful in the things they're doing.
They are the traits thatare serving them the best.
And I am so glad that I was notsuccessful in fixing them or changing
them the way that I thought I wanted to.
(04:15):
Number four, the power of fun.
I have learned that there is.
Immense power in bringing fun intoyour family, whether it's dance
parties or game nights or celebratingrandom holidays or telling dad jokes.
Those are the thingsthat build connection.
Those are the things that createan environment for learning.
(04:38):
They are the things that buildlove and respect in homes.
So give yourself permissionto have more fun.
Fun for yourself, fun for your kids,fun as a family: bring fun into
your home because it is powerful.
Number five, the most important thingto invest your time and energy into
(05:01):
is your relationship with your teen.
If that is solid and secure, it willget you through all the other stuff.
Our family has been through somereally hard things that I never could
have anticipated or prepared for.
But Every time one of those challengescomes along, I am so grateful that
(05:22):
we have a solid, secure relationshipbecause it makes the whole process of
getting through the challenge easier.
And the thing about that is youcannot build that relationship
in the moment of crisis.
It has to be solid andsecure before you get there.
So invest your time, invest your energy,invest everything you have in building
(05:45):
a solid, secure relationship and it willmake all the other stuff so much easier.
Number six, how you react when yourteen shares something with you is
directly correlated to what theywill share with you in the future.
We have to be so careful about how wereact when they tell us about what their
(06:06):
friend did or what they did or whenthey make a mistake, because if we freak
out, it's not going to prevent thosethings from happening in the future.
What it's going to prevent is themtelling us about it in the future.
It's going to prevent us from havinga relationship where they feel
like they can trust us, where theyfeel like they are safe with us.
So, as hard as it may be, wehave to practice our reactions.
(06:31):
We have to practice stayingcalm and not freaking out.
This was really challengingfor me to learn, but man,
it makes such a difference.
Number seven, you willsee what you look for.
If you are looking for all the waysyour teen is challenging and making
your life harder, you will see it.
You will feel it on a deep level.
(06:51):
But if you start looking for all thegood things about your teen, all the
good they are doing, all the ways they'reactually making your life easier, all
the ways that they are contributing inthe world, I promise you will see that.
You will find so much evidenceof how incredible your teen
is if you just look for it.
(07:12):
Number eight, I am not responsible whenmy child is amazing and incredible, and
I am not responsible when my child isnot so amazing and not so incredible.
So many people compliment meon my incredible kids, but
I never take credit for that.
That is them.
They are successful of their own right.
(07:34):
They are choosing to do thethings that create all these
great things in their lives.
I don't take credit for that.
Yes.
I've encouraged it.
Yes.
I'm trying to influence it.
Yes.
I'm trying to help them alongthe way, but they ultimately get
to choose who they want to be.
And so they get credit for that.
And the same is true when they'remaking choices and decisions that
(07:55):
really are not in their best interest.
When they're doing things thatare not serving them, that are not
the best things we want for them.
No matter how much you teach and tryand influence and try and encourage your
child to make choices that you think willserve them, ultimately it's up to them.
So, give them all the credit, good andbad, and just know that you get credit for
(08:21):
showing up and being the parent you wantto be, not for how your kids turn out.
Number nine, I am fully convincedthat time speeds up once your child
goes to middle school and high school.
It is as if things arehappening in warp speed.
And so, I have learned that I have toenjoy the moments that are happening.
(08:42):
I can't wait till the nextseason, till this year's over,
till this sports season's over.
I have to enjoy it now becauseit is speeding by so fast.
Number 10 is another lesson that I havelearned over and over and over in my life.
And that is that the hardest conversationsand situations that I have dreaded having
(09:04):
with my teen have ended up being the onesthat have brought us the closest together.
Because we started out with a securerelationship, those conversations and
those situations, have actually been thetimes when my teens have learned that they
can trust me, that they can lean on me,that they can come to me with literally
(09:25):
anything, and I am there for them.
As I look back on my years of parenting,I realize that these Really hard
conversations and really hard situationsare ones that I would never trade for
anything Because of what they havedone for my relationship with my kids
Number 11, when my needs aren'tmet I am NOT gonna show up as
(09:48):
the parent that I want to be.
I'm not as patient.
I'm not as understanding I'mnot as available I'm not as
connected as I want to be.
So, Meeting my own needs is myjob and I need to make sure I am
doing that If I want to show up andbe the parent that I want to be.
Number 12, bad behaviordoes not equal a bad kid.
(10:10):
I believe that all kids are inherentlygood, even our teenagers, they inherently
want to do good in the world and they'relearning and they're growing and they're
falling short because they don't haveall the skills they need to regulate
themselves and to make good decisionsand to make good choices that are
going to serve them in the long run.
(10:32):
But their behavior doesnot define who they are.
It is just a symptom of a skillthey need to develop or a need
that they are not getting met.
When we can see our kids through thislens, man, the whole world opens up to
us as parents, instead of focusing onchanging behaviors and consequences and
(10:53):
taking away phone time and all of thosethings, we start to focus on seeing
them for who they are, on recognizingwhere they are falling short in the
skills that they have and recognizingwhere their needs aren't being met.
That is when we can meet themwhere they are and then the
behavior changes on its own.
(11:13):
Number 13 being the grown upwho follows ,through is hard.
It is hard and sometimes it is reallyInconvenient, but in the long run
it is so worth it to become a secureconsistent person for your child.
I remember when my oldest was little, weused to go to playgroup, and I had this
(11:35):
great group of girlfriends that we wouldmeet up with, and I loved that time.
I looked forward to it so much becauseI was a stay at home mom, and so it
was just kids all day, and that wasmy time to connect with my friends.
Well, my oldest was pretty solid andtaller than everyone else and he knew it
and if he wanted to get his way He wouldshove the other kids push them down.
(11:58):
And I could not for the life of mefigure out why he was doing this.
We did not use any kind ofPhysical punishments in our home.
We didn't even yell likehe did not see violence or
aggression in his life anywhere.
And I could not figure out why he did it.
But I knew that I had todo something about it.
And so we made a deal that if he pushedanother kid down at play group, we were
(12:22):
going to have to immediately leave.
And sure enough, he tested me on it.
And every single time we'd get to playgroup, they'd be playing nicely and
about 15 minutes in he'd shove some kid.
And I had to decide whether ornot I was going to follow through.
It was the worst.
I had to pick up my baby and pick up thisthree year old who did not want to leave,
(12:43):
and I had to head to the car and missout on my time with my friends because I
had to be the adult and follow through.
And it took a long time for him to figureit out, but over time he realized my mom
will do what she says she's going to do.
And our kids actually crave that.
They need that.
(13:03):
They need us to be the solid, secureperson that is going to be consistent.
That they can come to and knowhow we're going to respond,
how we're going to react.
It is so important that we followthrough even when it's hard and
even when it's inconvenient.
Not in a mean way, not in an angry way.
(13:24):
That we show up and do what we said wewere going to do, even though it's hard.
Number 14, there is nothing morepainful or more rewarding than watching
your teen go through hard things.
I have watched my kids go throughsome really, really hard things.
And it is excruciating as amom to watch your kids suffer.
(13:47):
To watch them struggle.
And if you're willing to go beyond thepain that you feel inside, watching
them go through it, and you start tosee how this is shaping them, who they
are showing up as in this challenge,it is also one of the most beautiful
(14:07):
and rewarding experiences of your life.
Seeing your teen through that lens.
is incredible and it will changeyour relationship with them forever.
Number 15 is for any of you moms outthere who have a kid who doesn't share
all the things with you, who doesn't openup about all the things in their lives.
(14:28):
And it is that just because a kid doesn'ttell you all the things does not mean
you don't have a close relationship.
It is absolutely possible to have areally close connected relationship
where they know they can trust you.
They know you are safe.
They know you are secure.
And they're just not big talkers.
That has absolutely been myexperience with one of my kids.
(14:49):
And for the longest time, Ithought that it meant something
was wrong with our relationship.
All of my friends had kids that talkedto them and told them everything.
And this kid didn't tell meanything, but it wasn't anything
wrong with our relationship.
It was just who that kid is.
He's not a big talker.
He's not a big sharer.
And that's okay.
Number 16.
(15:10):
The little stuff matters.
Since my oldest has been out of ourhome, it has been so fun for me to see
the things that he has taken with him.
The little things that I didn't evenknow he cared about or mattered to him
at all, that he has been implementingin his apartment with his companion.
(15:31):
And it's been really fun to seethat those little things that we
did for so many years had an impact.
And they mattered to this kid.
Number 17, say yes more often.
I am definitely guilty of automaticallysaying no to a lot of things that I don't
want to deal with, but I have learnedthe power of saying yes more often and
(15:56):
the power of turning no's into yeses.
I did a whole podcast episode on this,so I will link that in the show notes
if you want to check that out andlearn how to turn your no's into yeses.
Number 18, you and yourteen are on the same team.
You're working toward the same goaland the more you can solve problems
(16:19):
and work together, the better theexperience is going to be for everyone.
So make sure when you go to tackle aproblem, it's not you against them.
It's you and them against the problem.
And finally, number 19.
You will miss the teenyears when they are gone.
I know sometimes as moms, we're inthe thick of it and it's hard and
(16:42):
we're doing all the things and we'restruggling and we think, I just can't
wait till we get through the teen years.
I just have to survive the teen years.
And I a hundred percent get it.
Sometimes we feel that way, but youwill miss this time when it is gone.
This is the magical time that you haveto have a front row seat to watching your
(17:05):
child become who they're going to become.
Don't miss it.
Enjoy it while you have it.
Make the most of the time you have.
And if you're thinking to yourself,I don't think that's possible.
I don't think I can do that.
I don't even know how to do that.
You need to come and join me insideof my Enjoy community because
that is what we learn to do there.
(17:27):
I hope that sharing this perspective oflooking back on the lessons I've learned
over the last 19 years of being a momhave been helpful for you, have given
you some hope and some encouragement,and some ideas for how to make the most
of the time you have with your teen.
I also hope that this has given youan opportunity to reflect on some
(17:49):
of the things that you have learnedthrough your experience as a parent.
And I would love it, love it, if youwould go over to Instagram and find
me @jenbelltate, and send me a DMwith some of the lessons that you have
learned on your parenting journey.
My oldest child turned 19 thisweek, and I'm feeling a little bit
nostalgic and a little bit like,can this possibly be real life?
Do I really have a 19 year old child?
And add to that the fact that heis currently serving a mission for
our church and living in Mexico.
And that means I have not giventhat boy a hug in real life
(00:48):
in person for seven months.
Man, I am just feeling all the feels.
And so today for the podcast, what Ithought I would do is share with you
19 things that I have learned fromthe 19 years that I have been a mom.
When I think back on that day 19 yearsago, when that little boy came into
(01:12):
my life and made me a mom for thefirst time, I have so much love for
that very young, starry eyed versionof me that held that baby in her arms
for the first time, and was just soexcited to embark on this journey of
motherhood with this darling baby boy.
I felt prepared and excited andhopeful as I started this journey
(01:36):
and little did I know there was somuch that I didn't know that I was
about to learn through trial by fire.
And I'm sure you can probably relatebecause we don't know what we don't
know until we realize that we don'tknow it and we're in the middle of it.
Now I could not possibly ever coverall the things I've learned as
(01:58):
a parent in one podcast episode.
So the 19 things that I'm goingto share with you today are not
necessarily the most important thingsI've learned, but the things that
I think will be most relevant foryou as you are raising teenagers.
They are not in any particularorder, so we're just going
to dive in and get started.
Number one, I am only responsiblefor my own behavior, and
(02:21):
that is a big enough job.
I used to focus so much on my kidsbehavior, on what they were doing or not
doing, and I've realized that really,the only thing I can control is me.
That's it.
And if I just focus on controllingme, how I'm showing up and what
I'm doing, That is enough to keepme busy for an entire lifetime.
(02:47):
Now that isn't to say that I neverget caught up in worrying about my
kids behavior, of course I do, andof course I'm teaching and leading
and guiding as best I can, but myparenting has improved exponentially as
I have started to focus more on my ownbehavior and less on my kids behavior.
Second, welcome all ofyour child's emotions.
(03:09):
You don't have to be scared of them.
This is a lesson that apparently I needrepeated over and over and over in my
life, because I for sure have beenafraid of emotions like fear and anger
and jealousy, and I really haven't wantedmy kids to experience those emotions.
I really wanted to shut those downin the past, and I've learned so much
(03:32):
about the importance of allowing ourkids to have all of the human emotions.
And the more I welcome themand invite them into our life,
the less scary they become.
Number three, I don't needto fix or change my kids.
What I need to do is understand themand appreciate them for who they are.
(03:52):
So many of the things that I used to tryand fix or change about my kids are the
traits that now are the reason they aresuccessful in the things they're doing.
They are the traits thatare serving them the best.
And I am so glad that I was notsuccessful in fixing them or changing
them the way that I thought I wanted to.
(04:15):
Number four, the power of fun.
I have learned that there is.
Immense power in bringing fun intoyour family, whether it's dance
parties or game nights or celebratingrandom holidays or telling dad jokes.
Those are the thingsthat build connection.
Those are the things that createan environment for learning.
(04:38):
They are the things that buildlove and respect in homes.
So give yourself permissionto have more fun.
Fun for yourself, fun for your kids,fun as a family: bring fun into
your home because it is powerful.
Number five, the most important thingto invest your time and energy into
(05:01):
is your relationship with your teen.
If that is solid and secure, it willget you through all the other stuff.
Our family has been through somereally hard things that I never could
have anticipated or prepared for.
But Every time one of those challengescomes along, I am so grateful that
(05:22):
we have a solid, secure relationshipbecause it makes the whole process of
getting through the challenge easier.
And the thing about that is youcannot build that relationship
in the moment of crisis.
It has to be solid andsecure before you get there.
So invest your time, invest your energy,invest everything you have in building
(05:45):
a solid, secure relationship and it willmake all the other stuff so much easier.
Number six, how you react when yourteen shares something with you is
directly correlated to what theywill share with you in the future.
We have to be so careful about how wereact when they tell us about what their
(06:06):
friend did or what they did or whenthey make a mistake, because if we freak
out, it's not going to prevent thosethings from happening in the future.
What it's going to prevent is themtelling us about it in the future.
It's going to prevent us from havinga relationship where they feel
like they can trust us, where theyfeel like they are safe with us.
So, as hard as it may be, wehave to practice our reactions.
(06:31):
We have to practice stayingcalm and not freaking out.
This was really challengingfor me to learn, but man,
it makes such a difference.
Number seven, you willsee what you look for.
If you are looking for all the waysyour teen is challenging and making
your life harder, you will see it.
You will feel it on a deep level.
(06:51):
But if you start looking for all thegood things about your teen, all the
good they are doing, all the ways they'reactually making your life easier, all
the ways that they are contributing inthe world, I promise you will see that.
You will find so much evidenceof how incredible your teen
is if you just look for it.
(07:12):
Number eight, I am not responsible whenmy child is amazing and incredible, and
I am not responsible when my child isnot so amazing and not so incredible.
So many people compliment meon my incredible kids, but
I never take credit for that.
That is them.
They are successful of their own right.
(07:34):
They are choosing to do thethings that create all these
great things in their lives.
I don't take credit for that.
Yes.
I've encouraged it.
Yes.
I'm trying to influence it.
Yes.
I'm trying to help them alongthe way, but they ultimately get
to choose who they want to be.
And so they get credit for that.
And the same is true when they'remaking choices and decisions that
(07:55):
really are not in their best interest.
When they're doing things thatare not serving them, that are not
the best things we want for them.
No matter how much you teach and tryand influence and try and encourage your
child to make choices that you think willserve them, ultimately it's up to them.
So, give them all the credit, good andbad, and just know that you get credit for
(08:21):
showing up and being the parent you wantto be, not for how your kids turn out.
Number nine, I am fully convincedthat time speeds up once your child
goes to middle school and high school.
It is as if things arehappening in warp speed.
And so, I have learned that I have toenjoy the moments that are happening.
(08:42):
I can't wait till the nextseason, till this year's over,
till this sports season's over.
I have to enjoy it now becauseit is speeding by so fast.
Number 10 is another lesson that I havelearned over and over and over in my life.
And that is that the hardest conversationsand situations that I have dreaded having
(09:04):
with my teen have ended up being the onesthat have brought us the closest together.
Because we started out with a securerelationship, those conversations and
those situations, have actually been thetimes when my teens have learned that they
can trust me, that they can lean on me,that they can come to me with literally
(09:25):
anything, and I am there for them.
As I look back on my years of parenting,I realize that these Really hard
conversations and really hard situationsare ones that I would never trade for
anything Because of what they havedone for my relationship with my kids
Number 11, when my needs aren'tmet I am NOT gonna show up as
(09:48):
the parent that I want to be.
I'm not as patient.
I'm not as understanding I'mnot as available I'm not as
connected as I want to be.
So, Meeting my own needs is myjob and I need to make sure I am
doing that If I want to show up andbe the parent that I want to be.
Number 12, bad behaviordoes not equal a bad kid.
(10:10):
I believe that all kids are inherentlygood, even our teenagers, they inherently
want to do good in the world and they'relearning and they're growing and they're
falling short because they don't haveall the skills they need to regulate
themselves and to make good decisionsand to make good choices that are
going to serve them in the long run.
(10:32):
But their behavior doesnot define who they are.
It is just a symptom of a skillthey need to develop or a need
that they are not getting met.
When we can see our kids through thislens, man, the whole world opens up to
us as parents, instead of focusing onchanging behaviors and consequences and
(10:53):
taking away phone time and all of thosethings, we start to focus on seeing
them for who they are, on recognizingwhere they are falling short in the
skills that they have and recognizingwhere their needs aren't being met.
That is when we can meet themwhere they are and then the
behavior changes on its own.
(11:13):
Number 13 being the grown upwho follows ,through is hard.
It is hard and sometimes it is reallyInconvenient, but in the long run
it is so worth it to become a secureconsistent person for your child.
I remember when my oldest was little, weused to go to playgroup, and I had this
(11:35):
great group of girlfriends that we wouldmeet up with, and I loved that time.
I looked forward to it so much becauseI was a stay at home mom, and so it
was just kids all day, and that wasmy time to connect with my friends.
Well, my oldest was pretty solid andtaller than everyone else and he knew it
and if he wanted to get his way He wouldshove the other kids push them down.
(11:58):
And I could not for the life of mefigure out why he was doing this.
We did not use any kind ofPhysical punishments in our home.
We didn't even yell likehe did not see violence or
aggression in his life anywhere.
And I could not figure out why he did it.
But I knew that I had todo something about it.
And so we made a deal that if he pushedanother kid down at play group, we were
(12:22):
going to have to immediately leave.
And sure enough, he tested me on it.
And every single time we'd get to playgroup, they'd be playing nicely and
about 15 minutes in he'd shove some kid.
And I had to decide whether ornot I was going to follow through.
It was the worst.
I had to pick up my baby and pick up thisthree year old who did not want to leave,
(12:43):
and I had to head to the car and missout on my time with my friends because I
had to be the adult and follow through.
And it took a long time for him to figureit out, but over time he realized my mom
will do what she says she's going to do.
And our kids actually crave that.
They need that.
(13:03):
They need us to be the solid, secureperson that is going to be consistent.
That they can come to and knowhow we're going to respond,
how we're going to react.
It is so important that we followthrough even when it's hard and
even when it's inconvenient.
Not in a mean way, not in an angry way.
(13:24):
That we show up and do what we said wewere going to do, even though it's hard.
Number 14, there is nothing morepainful or more rewarding than watching
your teen go through hard things.
I have watched my kids go throughsome really, really hard things.
And it is excruciating as amom to watch your kids suffer.
(13:47):
To watch them struggle.
And if you're willing to go beyond thepain that you feel inside, watching
them go through it, and you start tosee how this is shaping them, who they
are showing up as in this challenge,it is also one of the most beautiful
(14:07):
and rewarding experiences of your life.
Seeing your teen through that lens.
is incredible and it will changeyour relationship with them forever.
Number 15 is for any of you moms outthere who have a kid who doesn't share
all the things with you, who doesn't openup about all the things in their lives.
(14:28):
And it is that just because a kid doesn'ttell you all the things does not mean
you don't have a close relationship.
It is absolutely possible to have areally close connected relationship
where they know they can trust you.
They know you are safe.
They know you are secure.
And they're just not big talkers.
That has absolutely been myexperience with one of my kids.
(14:49):
And for the longest time, Ithought that it meant something
was wrong with our relationship.
All of my friends had kids that talkedto them and told them everything.
And this kid didn't tell meanything, but it wasn't anything
wrong with our relationship.
It was just who that kid is.
He's not a big talker.
He's not a big sharer.
And that's okay.
Number 16.
(15:10):
The little stuff matters.
Since my oldest has been out of ourhome, it has been so fun for me to see
the things that he has taken with him.
The little things that I didn't evenknow he cared about or mattered to him
at all, that he has been implementingin his apartment with his companion.
(15:31):
And it's been really fun to seethat those little things that we
did for so many years had an impact.
And they mattered to this kid.
Number 17, say yes more often.
I am definitely guilty of automaticallysaying no to a lot of things that I don't
want to deal with, but I have learnedthe power of saying yes more often and
(15:56):
the power of turning no's into yeses.
I did a whole podcast episode on this,so I will link that in the show notes
if you want to check that out andlearn how to turn your no's into yeses.
Number 18, you and yourteen are on the same team.
You're working toward the same goaland the more you can solve problems
(16:19):
and work together, the better theexperience is going to be for everyone.
So make sure when you go to tackle aproblem, it's not you against them.
It's you and them against the problem.
And finally, number 19.
You will miss the teenyears when they are gone.
I know sometimes as moms, we're inthe thick of it and it's hard and
(16:42):
we're doing all the things and we'restruggling and we think, I just can't
wait till we get through the teen years.
I just have to survive the teen years.
And I a hundred percent get it.
Sometimes we feel that way, but youwill miss this time when it is gone.
This is the magical time that you haveto have a front row seat to watching your
(17:05):
child become who they're going to become.
Don't miss it.
Enjoy it while you have it.
Make the most of the time you have.
And if you're thinking to yourself,I don't think that's possible.
I don't think I can do that.
I don't even know how to do that.
You need to come and join me insideof my Enjoy community because
that is what we learn to do there.
(17:27):
I hope that sharing this perspective oflooking back on the lessons I've learned
over the last 19 years of being a momhave been helpful for you, have given
you some hope and some encouragement,and some ideas for how to make the most
of the time you have with your teen.
I also hope that this has given youan opportunity to reflect on some
(17:49):
of the things that you have learnedthrough your experience as a parent.
And I would love it, love it, if youwould go over to Instagram and find
me @jenbelltate, and send me a DMwith some of the lessons that you have
learned on your parenting journey.
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