December 29, 2023 • 12 mins
As a parent, you've probably faced moments that test your strength, but what happens when those moments stem from the wounds of betrayal? I open up about my personal journey of healing and the formidable task of co-parenting with someone who embodies narcissism. I'll take you through the raw, unvarnished reality of my struggles to process the complexities of my emotions and how, in the face of broken promises and disrespect from my ex-husband, I strive to maintain my composure for the sake of our children.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me
podcast.
I hope you all had a wonderful,wonderful, wonderful holiday
that was filled with love andlaughter.
Mine was kind of eventful, noteven gonna lie.
I busted my ass on ChristmasEve, really really bad, and my
(00:25):
four-year-old he pretty muchsaved my life, although I was
running to save him, although hewas fine, but he had locked
himself in his room in my roomand I was in the shower and I
thought that he really maybe gothis hand caught in the door or
something.
So Mom mode just kicked in,didn't even think twice.
(00:48):
I had to get to my baby and Ijust ran out the shower and let
me tell you, when I went andturned that corner, baby, I
busted my ass Like really,really bad.
It was so scary and I'm stillsuffering from the fall right
now.
I've been having headaches inthe last couple days, but I went
(01:09):
, got a CT scan.
Unfortunately it was just alittle mild concussion and some
ulcers spasm.
But yeah, never a dull momentwith me.
But what I wanted to get off mychest today because I was just
so enraged and I remembered,like I started this podcast to
(01:35):
let out my feelings for me rightLike a dear diary and if you
guys have been following mypodcast for a while, you know I
did an episode earlier this yearbetrayal of my husband's best
friend and while I'm still in myhealing process and obviously
(01:56):
have grown and growing and justin a way better place today than
I was last year and earlierthis year, right, and I've been
discovering a couple thingsabout this healing journey is
that it has no time limit andI'm the type of person where
(02:16):
it's like, okay, it happened,let's move on, move on.
But when you do that, you'redoing yourself a disservice
because it's like it's almostlike sweeping it under the rug.
So during my healing processthat I've been sharing and I
hope I've been doing a good jobin sharing it in order to help
someone else who might be goingthrough the same thing or might
(02:37):
have went through the same thing.
And again in this healingjourney, I've come to the
realization that it's in yourtime and you can't rush it and
to remember to feel your feels.
Whatever you're feeling at thatmoment, acknowledge it and it's
(02:58):
okay to be there, but I like tounderstand why I'm feeling this
way in order to not feel thisway again.
So in the episode of my, thebetrayal of my husband's best
friend.
We all know the story how hehad this disgusting person in my
(03:20):
face throughout our entirerelationship and turned out she
was just the pick-me-ho thatthis is nothing new for the both
of them.
They've just been around eachother constantly.
If he says jump, she says howhigh.
And I've expressed to him overand over and gave my reasons as
to why I don't want her aroundour children and I thought that
(03:48):
there would be some ounce ofrespect, despite everything that
was done to me during the timeof our relationship and our
marriage.
And once I dropped that podcasthe swore because understand
that in order to get to anarcissist or have them have
(04:13):
some sort of reaction, the onlything they care about is their
image.
So once I dropped that podcast,he swore up and down that he
wouldn't have the kids aroundher.
But long and behold, a coupledays ago he had the kids and he
(04:34):
came over to drop off the kidsand my four-year-olds just kind
of wanted to tell me, but notreally telling me he's like,
yeah, because I was just playingwith everybody and he just kept
repeating it and I just knowthat there aren't a lot of
people at his dad's house.
So I'm like, well, who'severybody?
Then he said the trash's nameand his dad immediately came and
(05:00):
is like you're going to saythat?
You're lying.
You're calling my four-year-olda liar to the point where a
narcissist does not care.
They will deny something to theend.
Understand when you areco-parenting with a narcissist,
you are actually parallelparenting.
It's called parallel parenting.
That's for another episode.
(05:21):
But basically you're trying toimplement something as far as
like a structure with your childand they are doing the opposite
.
So you're constantly trying to,you know.
So not only are youmanipulating our child and
teaching them how to lie totheir mother, and he gave every
detail of what happened,whatever the situation was
(05:45):
happening.
And if you know my child, youknow he's very, very, very
intelligent.
So he was caught red-handed andI wasn't going to argue.
I wasn't going to argue becausewhat happens over there?
If you're ever going through acourt battle, you are not in a
position to try to control whoand who's around your kid and
(06:07):
who's not around your kid.
If they have the time with thatparticular parent, I showed no
emotion in front of the kids andof course he just wants to like
make a show, make a scene.
Whatever the reason why I'msharing this is because I was so
angry.
I was so angry, I was soenraged.
(06:29):
It was like triggering and it'slike how dare you, how could
you?
And then I had to talk to self.
It's like, marilyn, you'redoing so well in your life,
you're headed in the rightdirection, you've done so much
work, why are you continuing toallow this situation trigger you
(06:53):
?
And I think for me Is the lie,because if you're telling me
okay, I won't, and then you'relying about it, so I think it's
the lie more than the action.
It's like how dare you?
You still don't respect me.
So I had to ask myself a coupleof questions.
Do I really give a fuck?
(07:14):
If this person respects me?
What did I expect if he waslying and disrespecting me
during our marriage?
This isn't someone I just had akid, kids with.
This is someone I married,lying and cheating During our
marriage.
So now that you're divorced,and not with this person, what
(07:36):
makes you think that they'regonna give you any ounce of
respect now?
So when I talk to self and putthat into that perspective, I
had to.
Just I Saw Right, because at theend of the day and for the rest
(07:59):
of their life.
They will always be miserable.
They will always do this songand dance.
She will still be in theshadows while he Continues to be
with multiple women and she isthere on the shelf.
It's taken off when needed andputs back when not needed, and
that is her life.
And I, you know I'm I'm animperfect soldier of God, but I
(08:25):
am a woman of a strong faith andat this point is more looking
like.
I feel sorry for you becausethat is a sad, isolated life,
something of which I do not live, and if I allow for myself to
fall into that emotion, I amright there in the boat with
them and Gross.
(08:46):
I don't want it.
That is not the life that I amcurating for myself.
I walked away from thatmiserable life.
I got off that boat.
So, as a Christian woman, what Iwould do is just throw you a
lifesaver, and what that meansis I'm gonna keep my hands to
myself, I will no longerAcknowledge, I will no longer
(09:07):
engage, I will no longer Stoopmyself to sheep.
Well, I walk around with mywolf head, power, everything.
You know what I'm trying to say.
My crown, yes.
So I had to bet you know I'mlike this Do what you need to do
(09:33):
in order for your healing and,I think, for me, I think you
just never let it off my chest.
And now how I'd never let it offmy chest to her and it's like
you smug bitch, because wheneverything happens, when it came
out in the beginning, she wassending me Taxes or like memes
(09:54):
and quotes, or like trying to bemotivated, like you have to be
one sick individual To be thereand and still be there, and
you're fuck, you're sick, you'regross.
I Was not in a forgiving place.
I'm not saying that I'mforgiving now because this is,
(10:16):
this is something that was.
You were smiling in my face foryears.
So this feeling of Anger anddisgust and, you know, wanting
to spit in your face, I thinkthat's going to take time for me
, um, and that's just like thecontinuous work that I have to
do on myself, with myself, tolet that One last bit go.
(10:40):
But I think that when it comesto your kids, it's, it's hard.
You know, the kids, ourchildren, are our blind sight,
blind side.
So if you're wondering what thestatus is, the pick me home is
still there, will always bethere, because that is just what
(11:04):
they know the bull for them.
And I just have to rememberthat I do live a blessed life
and I'm not miserable.
I, I am very, very, very, veryblessed and I wake up every
single day with gratitude.
Thank you all for the continuedsupport, for allowing me to
(11:29):
rant.
Shit ain't easy.
It ain't easy because there arestill two small children
involved, very, very smallchildren.
But one day at a time, one stepat a time, one tool at a time,
adding more tools to my toolbelt in order to Be able to
(11:54):
handle life, because shit willalways be thrown at you.
Drama will always come andunderstand that the moment you
leave your door, you're fightinga spiritual warfare.
So, as always, thank you fortuning in.
Do you guys hear him?
And I will talk to you soon.
Yes, yes.
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me
podcast.
I hope you all had a wonderful,wonderful, wonderful holiday
that was filled with love andlaughter.
Mine was kind of eventful, noteven gonna lie.
I busted my ass on ChristmasEve, really really bad, and my
(00:25):
four-year-old he pretty muchsaved my life, although I was
running to save him, although hewas fine, but he had locked
himself in his room in my roomand I was in the shower and I
thought that he really maybe gothis hand caught in the door or
something.
So Mom mode just kicked in,didn't even think twice.
(00:48):
I had to get to my baby and Ijust ran out the shower and let
me tell you, when I went andturned that corner, baby, I
busted my ass Like really,really bad.
It was so scary and I'm stillsuffering from the fall right
now.
I've been having headaches inthe last couple days, but I went
(01:09):
, got a CT scan.
Unfortunately it was just alittle mild concussion and some
ulcers spasm.
But yeah, never a dull momentwith me.
But what I wanted to get off mychest today because I was just
so enraged and I remembered,like I started this podcast to
(01:35):
let out my feelings for me rightLike a dear diary and if you
guys have been following mypodcast for a while, you know I
did an episode earlier this yearbetrayal of my husband's best
friend and while I'm still in myhealing process and obviously
(01:56):
have grown and growing and justin a way better place today than
I was last year and earlierthis year, right, and I've been
discovering a couple thingsabout this healing journey is
that it has no time limit andI'm the type of person where
(02:16):
it's like, okay, it happened,let's move on, move on.
But when you do that, you'redoing yourself a disservice
because it's like it's almostlike sweeping it under the rug.
So during my healing processthat I've been sharing and I
hope I've been doing a good jobin sharing it in order to help
someone else who might be goingthrough the same thing or might
(02:37):
have went through the same thing.
And again in this healingjourney, I've come to the
realization that it's in yourtime and you can't rush it and
to remember to feel your feels.
Whatever you're feeling at thatmoment, acknowledge it and it's
(02:58):
okay to be there, but I like tounderstand why I'm feeling this
way in order to not feel thisway again.
So in the episode of my, thebetrayal of my husband's best
friend.
We all know the story how hehad this disgusting person in my
(03:20):
face throughout our entirerelationship and turned out she
was just the pick-me-ho thatthis is nothing new for the both
of them.
They've just been around eachother constantly.
If he says jump, she says howhigh.
And I've expressed to him overand over and gave my reasons as
to why I don't want her aroundour children and I thought that
(03:48):
there would be some ounce ofrespect, despite everything that
was done to me during the timeof our relationship and our
marriage.
And once I dropped that podcasthe swore because understand
that in order to get to anarcissist or have them have
(04:13):
some sort of reaction, the onlything they care about is their
image.
So once I dropped that podcast,he swore up and down that he
wouldn't have the kids aroundher.
But long and behold, a coupledays ago he had the kids and he
(04:34):
came over to drop off the kidsand my four-year-olds just kind
of wanted to tell me, but notreally telling me he's like,
yeah, because I was just playingwith everybody and he just kept
repeating it and I just knowthat there aren't a lot of
people at his dad's house.
So I'm like, well, who'severybody?
Then he said the trash's nameand his dad immediately came and
(05:00):
is like you're going to saythat?
You're lying.
You're calling my four-year-olda liar to the point where a
narcissist does not care.
They will deny something to theend.
Understand when you areco-parenting with a narcissist,
you are actually parallelparenting.
It's called parallel parenting.
That's for another episode.
(05:21):
But basically you're trying toimplement something as far as
like a structure with your childand they are doing the opposite
.
So you're constantly trying to,you know.
So not only are youmanipulating our child and
teaching them how to lie totheir mother, and he gave every
detail of what happened,whatever the situation was
(05:45):
happening.
And if you know my child, youknow he's very, very, very
intelligent.
So he was caught red-handed andI wasn't going to argue.
I wasn't going to argue becausewhat happens over there?
If you're ever going through acourt battle, you are not in a
position to try to control whoand who's around your kid and
(06:07):
who's not around your kid.
If they have the time with thatparticular parent, I showed no
emotion in front of the kids andof course he just wants to like
make a show, make a scene.
Whatever the reason why I'msharing this is because I was so
angry.
I was so angry, I was soenraged.
(06:29):
It was like triggering and it'slike how dare you, how could
you?
And then I had to talk to self.
It's like, marilyn, you'redoing so well in your life,
you're headed in the rightdirection, you've done so much
work, why are you continuing toallow this situation trigger you
(06:53):
?
And I think for me Is the lie,because if you're telling me
okay, I won't, and then you'relying about it, so I think it's
the lie more than the action.
It's like how dare you?
You still don't respect me.
So I had to ask myself a coupleof questions.
Do I really give a fuck?
(07:14):
If this person respects me?
What did I expect if he waslying and disrespecting me
during our marriage?
This isn't someone I just had akid, kids with.
This is someone I married,lying and cheating During our
marriage.
So now that you're divorced,and not with this person, what
(07:36):
makes you think that they'regonna give you any ounce of
respect now?
So when I talk to self and putthat into that perspective, I
had to.
Just I Saw Right, because at theend of the day and for the rest
(07:59):
of their life.
They will always be miserable.
They will always do this songand dance.
She will still be in theshadows while he Continues to be
with multiple women and she isthere on the shelf.
It's taken off when needed andputs back when not needed, and
that is her life.
And I, you know I'm I'm animperfect soldier of God, but I
(08:25):
am a woman of a strong faith andat this point is more looking
like.
I feel sorry for you becausethat is a sad, isolated life,
something of which I do not live, and if I allow for myself to
fall into that emotion, I amright there in the boat with
them and Gross.
(08:46):
I don't want it.
That is not the life that I amcurating for myself.
I walked away from thatmiserable life.
I got off that boat.
So, as a Christian woman, what Iwould do is just throw you a
lifesaver, and what that meansis I'm gonna keep my hands to
myself, I will no longerAcknowledge, I will no longer
(09:07):
engage, I will no longer Stoopmyself to sheep.
Well, I walk around with mywolf head, power, everything.
You know what I'm trying to say.
My crown, yes.
So I had to bet you know I'mlike this Do what you need to do
(09:33):
in order for your healing and,I think, for me, I think you
just never let it off my chest.
And now how I'd never let it offmy chest to her and it's like
you smug bitch, because wheneverything happens, when it came
out in the beginning, she wassending me Taxes or like memes
(09:54):
and quotes, or like trying to bemotivated, like you have to be
one sick individual To be thereand and still be there, and
you're fuck, you're sick, you'regross.
I Was not in a forgiving place.
I'm not saying that I'mforgiving now because this is,
(10:16):
this is something that was.
You were smiling in my face foryears.
So this feeling of Anger anddisgust and, you know, wanting
to spit in your face, I thinkthat's going to take time for me
, um, and that's just like thecontinuous work that I have to
do on myself, with myself, tolet that One last bit go.
(10:40):
But I think that when it comesto your kids, it's, it's hard.
You know, the kids, ourchildren, are our blind sight,
blind side.
So if you're wondering what thestatus is, the pick me home is
still there, will always bethere, because that is just what
(11:04):
they know the bull for them.
And I just have to rememberthat I do live a blessed life
and I'm not miserable.
I, I am very, very, very, veryblessed and I wake up every
single day with gratitude.
Thank you all for the continuedsupport, for allowing me to
(11:29):
rant.
Shit ain't easy.
It ain't easy because there arestill two small children
involved, very, very smallchildren.
But one day at a time, one stepat a time, one tool at a time,
adding more tools to my toolbelt in order to Be able to
(11:54):
handle life, because shit willalways be thrown at you.
Drama will always come andunderstand that the moment you
leave your door, you're fightinga spiritual warfare.
So, as always, thank you fortuning in.
Do you guys hear him?
And I will talk to you soon.
Yes, yes.
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