August 30, 2023 • 10 mins
Struggling to stay afloat amid life's whirlwind? Stressed about divorce, battling anxiety and struggling to stay positive? In a sincere and candid conversation about my recent personal struggles, as I unveil my journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and growth. Throughout our heart-to-heart, I lay bare my feelings of being overwhelmed, my face-off with anxiety, and how I navigated the stormy waters of unexpected life changes.
My chat with a dear friend, who happens to be a psychotherapist, provided a refreshing perspective and sowed the seeds of acceptance. Sharing my experiences of journaling, I shed light on its power as a tool for self-expression and its role in fostering personal growth. Amidst the lows, I've clung onto positivity, celebrated small successes, and continue to seek the silver lining. Listen, and let's traverse this journey together, because remember, life isn't designed to be a solo expedition.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me.
I am Marilyn podcast.
First, I want to say thank youso much for all of the support
that you guys have been givingme.
I have my first paid subscriber.
You're able now to support theshow.
Someone sent me $50.
(00:21):
Oh my God, if God is not good.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So please continue to support,share, like, subscribe, comment,
leave a review.
If you feel like this podcastcan help someone else, please
don't hesitate to share.
But anyways, I just wanted tojump on here because I've been
(00:44):
having a lot of meltdowns latelyand, considering all that I
have been, all that I'm goingthrough.
I'm pretty good with navigatingthrough the bullshit but, as of
late, I just felt like it wasjust so much bullshit for me to
navigate through that I kind ofjust drowned a little bit and I
(01:05):
lost my bearings and I justcould not find it.
I just could not find mybearings.
I didn't know how to find alife jacket right.
So a good friend of minehappens to be a psychotherapist
and I've never called him for asession because, again, I'm just
good at finding my escape, myoutlet, just getting myself back
(01:31):
, and I couldn't and I called asI listened to the therapy
session and we were on the phonefor like an hour and a half and
I explained to him like youknow, I'm pretty good with
finding my way back, but thistime around so it's like I'm
fully aware of everything thatis happening and stuff like that
.
But it's like you always askthat question.
(01:52):
It's like when is enough goingto be enough?
Like how much punches can Itake?
And just one simple word hesaid just brought everything
back into perspective.
And that was acceptance For me.
Last year, when I was in theeye of the storm, I accepted
(02:14):
that situation because that'ssomething I chose, right.
So it was just easy for me tosay it is what it is.
So for me it's like at whatpoint did I lose that mentality
that every decision that I ammaking for myself is going to
(02:34):
happen not how I want it, buthow God sees fit?
And I just kind of lost my waywith that.
But I lost sight of theacceptance.
I've accepted that.
I have to accept that I'veasked God for change and change
is going to come.
Disruption, change isn't goingto come just oh, here you go,
(02:55):
here's your change, marilyn, youknow so when you're in the
moment of vulnerability and it'slike, with one thing happens it
kind of opens the gate for like, be more vulnerable to other
things, and that's.
You know, it's just like agateway for the devil to just
come in is like gotta, let mejust throw more shit on her,
more shit on her.
(03:16):
But I Say that to say it's likewe're all gonna go through shit
.
Oh, this is what I want to say.
It I was losing my train ofthought.
So someone had messaged me.
I Said that they're not onsocial media much, but they
jumped on to just contact mebecause they wanted to send me a
video and this particularperson has gone through a
(03:37):
divorce and it's dealing withdepression and anxiety and you
know all that comes with thatstuff.
For me, personally, I I Don'tlike to be in that state of mind
of depression and anxiety.
And I Was dealing with anxietyand having panic attacks and
that's the part that was scaringme.
(03:58):
It's like, oh my god, I feellike I am no longer in control.
And the video that she sent mewas weeping through it.
So I Was weeping through it, Iwas crying through it, I was
melting through it, but I wasstill working.
I was still growing, I wasstill working on myself, I was
still podcasting, I was stilldoing you know my content and
all that stuff, while trying toput a smile through it, because
(04:20):
that is the challenge of life.
That is the moment that isgoing to touch to you the most
and for me, I'm just alwaystransparent and it's like you
know what, if I'm having ameltdown, yeah, I'm gonna see
this meltdown, because when themoments are good, you guys are
gonna celebrate with me and I'mgonna share these celebratory
moments with you guys To show,like this is what life is about.
(04:42):
If you want change, change isgonna be uncomfortable, change
is gonna be tears, change isgonna be confusion, change is
gonna be um, who am I?
And I was on the phone with mysister earlier and I'm like I
just want to shake this off so Ican just Find my smile again.
She's like you have, your smileis just, it's just in the back
(05:05):
right now and you can't shakewith that feeling off, because
that feeling that you're feelingis you coming into your new
change.
So don't try to shake it off,embrace it, man.
If that wasn't a word, I sayyou know what you write.
You write because it's likedamn, I honestly just be wanting
to stay in bed, but I got.
You know, I get up and I stilldo what I need to do was
(05:27):
required was.
My goal every single day is toget better.
What am I doing today, or whatcan I do today?
Rather to become a betterversion of myself.
And you know, the gym is anoutlet for me.
Podcasting is a huge outlet forme Because I get my thoughts
out.
Sometimes I jump all over theplace, but yeah, I know what I'm
(05:49):
talking about.
But you know, I went to the gymtoday and, um, I went on the
stair master for about 15minutes because I was a little
tired and I went to the saunafor 10 minutes and I gave myself
a little grace because I got upand did it.
And I thought that's somethingelse I lost sight of was just
giving myself grace andcelebrating my small wins.
(06:11):
And you know what do I want mylife to look like?
Is my life really that badright now?
And you know, with what's goingon with my brother right now is
I have to accept it.
But you know the way that thetherapist explained it was I'm
mourning my brother, in a senseNot having that easy access to
(06:34):
him, and you know so, while I'mmourning my divorce and still
confused about that and Ihaven't, while I thought I'll
explain that on, this is meexclusively.
You can subscribe for that.
To get down to the nitty grittyof all that has been happening
with that, I think I was almosta little bit in denial, like,
(06:56):
yeah, I am almost healed or I'mbetter, I am better, but it's
like I don't want to accept,like shit, I'm still feeling
this way because it's like, damn, it's already been a year or a
little over a year, but the shitis going to take time.
And I was kind of in denialabout that a little bit because
I just wanted to get over italready and it doesn't come.
(07:20):
It doesn't happen that way.
So it was just like one morningon top of another morning and I
think that that's where I lostmy way a little bit and lacking
the acceptance of the situation,because I kind of just wanted
it to go away and it's not so.
(07:43):
That just really helped me alot.
But again, journaling has beenso effective for me.
I can't even when you asidefrom letting it out on the
podcast, but when you put a pento paper and just put out your
thoughts, and it doesn't evenhave to make sense, it's just
like whatever is at the top ofyour head.
(08:03):
Journaling is just so important.
You guys, it's great to havepeople around you that you're
able to have as a sounding board.
But if you don't, I'm alwayssaying please contact me if you
want to talk things through,because we cannot do this life
alone.
But if you don't and you shy,don't want to speak, I
(08:27):
definitely encourage you to justget a pen and paper, get a book
, date it, journal what yourthoughts are, how you're feeling
in that morning.
When you wake up, find yourentry, if you're sad, mad, happy
, and I read back at my journal,I'm like, man, this is what I
(08:49):
was doing last year or this ishow I was feeling last year or
even the year before.
So now, journaling, I've beenconsistent with it and I'll
remain consistent with itbecause I see how effective it
is as well, aside from my visionboard that I have.
You know, writing down my wants, writing down my gratitudes.
(09:09):
Every day is just gettingbetter and if you do that, then
you're winning in life.
Honestly, this life isn't easy,it's not perfect.
It's only going to get harderif we're living in just an ugly,
ugly world right now and it'sjust continuing to try to find
(09:31):
your happiness and find yourplace and find your peace in it.
So I just hope that my story andmy journey and my ups and downs
and my wins is something that'sable to help you or the next
person you know.
I truly believe that that is mycalling in life, because I love
to help, I love love and I justlove to see everyone succeed.
(09:54):
Man, and I hope that my successstories and my trials and
tribulations again, it's justsomething that you help, because
I know that what is in myvision board is going to come to
life.
Come on, jesus won't he do it.
He has brought me this far andhe's not going to leave me here.
(10:15):
So that's all I got.
That's the update for today.
Y'all, that's all I got, asalways.
Thank you for tuning in.
Please again support the show.
Like, comment, subscribe, shareall that good stuff.
I will talk to you soon.
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me.
I am Marilyn podcast.
First, I want to say thank youso much for all of the support
that you guys have been givingme.
I have my first paid subscriber.
You're able now to support theshow.
Someone sent me $50.
(00:21):
Oh my God, if God is not good.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So please continue to support,share, like, subscribe, comment,
leave a review.
If you feel like this podcastcan help someone else, please
don't hesitate to share.
But anyways, I just wanted tojump on here because I've been
(00:44):
having a lot of meltdowns latelyand, considering all that I
have been, all that I'm goingthrough.
I'm pretty good with navigatingthrough the bullshit but, as of
late, I just felt like it wasjust so much bullshit for me to
navigate through that I kind ofjust drowned a little bit and I
(01:05):
lost my bearings and I justcould not find it.
I just could not find mybearings.
I didn't know how to find alife jacket right.
So a good friend of minehappens to be a psychotherapist
and I've never called him for asession because, again, I'm just
good at finding my escape, myoutlet, just getting myself back
(01:31):
, and I couldn't and I called asI listened to the therapy
session and we were on the phonefor like an hour and a half and
I explained to him like youknow, I'm pretty good with
finding my way back, but thistime around so it's like I'm
fully aware of everything thatis happening and stuff like that
.
But it's like you always askthat question.
(01:52):
It's like when is enough goingto be enough?
Like how much punches can Itake?
And just one simple word hesaid just brought everything
back into perspective.
And that was acceptance For me.
Last year, when I was in theeye of the storm, I accepted
(02:14):
that situation because that'ssomething I chose, right.
So it was just easy for me tosay it is what it is.
So for me it's like at whatpoint did I lose that mentality
that every decision that I ammaking for myself is going to
(02:34):
happen not how I want it, buthow God sees fit?
And I just kind of lost my waywith that.
But I lost sight of theacceptance.
I've accepted that.
I have to accept that I'veasked God for change and change
is going to come.
Disruption, change isn't goingto come just oh, here you go,
(02:55):
here's your change, marilyn, youknow so when you're in the
moment of vulnerability and it'slike, with one thing happens it
kind of opens the gate for like, be more vulnerable to other
things, and that's.
You know, it's just like agateway for the devil to just
come in is like gotta, let mejust throw more shit on her,
more shit on her.
(03:16):
But I Say that to say it's likewe're all gonna go through shit
.
Oh, this is what I want to say.
It I was losing my train ofthought.
So someone had messaged me.
I Said that they're not onsocial media much, but they
jumped on to just contact mebecause they wanted to send me a
video and this particularperson has gone through a
(03:37):
divorce and it's dealing withdepression and anxiety and you
know all that comes with thatstuff.
For me, personally, I I Don'tlike to be in that state of mind
of depression and anxiety.
And I Was dealing with anxietyand having panic attacks and
that's the part that was scaringme.
(03:58):
It's like, oh my god, I feellike I am no longer in control.
And the video that she sent mewas weeping through it.
So I Was weeping through it, Iwas crying through it, I was
melting through it, but I wasstill working.
I was still growing, I wasstill working on myself, I was
still podcasting, I was stilldoing you know my content and
all that stuff, while trying toput a smile through it, because
(04:20):
that is the challenge of life.
That is the moment that isgoing to touch to you the most
and for me, I'm just alwaystransparent and it's like you
know what, if I'm having ameltdown, yeah, I'm gonna see
this meltdown, because when themoments are good, you guys are
gonna celebrate with me and I'mgonna share these celebratory
moments with you guys To show,like this is what life is about.
(04:42):
If you want change, change isgonna be uncomfortable, change
is gonna be tears, change isgonna be confusion, change is
gonna be um, who am I?
And I was on the phone with mysister earlier and I'm like I
just want to shake this off so Ican just Find my smile again.
She's like you have, your smileis just, it's just in the back
(05:05):
right now and you can't shakewith that feeling off, because
that feeling that you're feelingis you coming into your new
change.
So don't try to shake it off,embrace it, man.
If that wasn't a word, I sayyou know what you write.
You write because it's likedamn, I honestly just be wanting
to stay in bed, but I got.
You know, I get up and I stilldo what I need to do was
(05:27):
required was.
My goal every single day is toget better.
What am I doing today, or whatcan I do today?
Rather to become a betterversion of myself.
And you know, the gym is anoutlet for me.
Podcasting is a huge outlet forme Because I get my thoughts
out.
Sometimes I jump all over theplace, but yeah, I know what I'm
(05:49):
talking about.
But you know, I went to the gymtoday and, um, I went on the
stair master for about 15minutes because I was a little
tired and I went to the saunafor 10 minutes and I gave myself
a little grace because I got upand did it.
And I thought that's somethingelse I lost sight of was just
giving myself grace andcelebrating my small wins.
(06:11):
And you know what do I want mylife to look like?
Is my life really that badright now?
And you know, with what's goingon with my brother right now is
I have to accept it.
But you know the way that thetherapist explained it was I'm
mourning my brother, in a senseNot having that easy access to
(06:34):
him, and you know so, while I'mmourning my divorce and still
confused about that and Ihaven't, while I thought I'll
explain that on, this is meexclusively.
You can subscribe for that.
To get down to the nitty grittyof all that has been happening
with that, I think I was almosta little bit in denial, like,
(06:56):
yeah, I am almost healed or I'mbetter, I am better, but it's
like I don't want to accept,like shit, I'm still feeling
this way because it's like, damn, it's already been a year or a
little over a year, but the shitis going to take time.
And I was kind of in denialabout that a little bit because
I just wanted to get over italready and it doesn't come.
(07:20):
It doesn't happen that way.
So it was just like one morningon top of another morning and I
think that that's where I lostmy way a little bit and lacking
the acceptance of the situation,because I kind of just wanted
it to go away and it's not so.
(07:43):
That just really helped me alot.
But again, journaling has beenso effective for me.
I can't even when you asidefrom letting it out on the
podcast, but when you put a pento paper and just put out your
thoughts, and it doesn't evenhave to make sense, it's just
like whatever is at the top ofyour head.
(08:03):
Journaling is just so important.
You guys, it's great to havepeople around you that you're
able to have as a sounding board.
But if you don't, I'm alwayssaying please contact me if you
want to talk things through,because we cannot do this life
alone.
But if you don't and you shy,don't want to speak, I
(08:27):
definitely encourage you to justget a pen and paper, get a book
, date it, journal what yourthoughts are, how you're feeling
in that morning.
When you wake up, find yourentry, if you're sad, mad, happy
, and I read back at my journal,I'm like, man, this is what I
(08:49):
was doing last year or this ishow I was feeling last year or
even the year before.
So now, journaling, I've beenconsistent with it and I'll
remain consistent with itbecause I see how effective it
is as well, aside from my visionboard that I have.
You know, writing down my wants, writing down my gratitudes.
(09:09):
Every day is just gettingbetter and if you do that, then
you're winning in life.
Honestly, this life isn't easy,it's not perfect.
It's only going to get harderif we're living in just an ugly,
ugly world right now and it'sjust continuing to try to find
(09:31):
your happiness and find yourplace and find your peace in it.
So I just hope that my story andmy journey and my ups and downs
and my wins is something that'sable to help you or the next
person you know.
I truly believe that that is mycalling in life, because I love
to help, I love love and I justlove to see everyone succeed.
(09:54):
Man, and I hope that my successstories and my trials and
tribulations again, it's justsomething that you help, because
I know that what is in myvision board is going to come to
life.
Come on, jesus won't he do it.
He has brought me this far andhe's not going to leave me here.
(10:15):
So that's all I got.
That's the update for today.
Y'all, that's all I got, asalways.
Thank you for tuning in.
Please again support the show.
Like, comment, subscribe, shareall that good stuff.
I will talk to you soon.
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