Escaping the clutches of narcissistic abuse is a journey—a path I've walked and now share with you, piece by piece. It's a tale of transformation, gratitude, and steadfast faith. From the ashes of that turmoil, I've discovered the foundations of financial independence, the trials of health battles like H. pylori, and the delicate dance of co-parenting after a divorce. This isn't just my story; it’s a beacon for anyone who's felt the chill of a shared past, showing that with the right self-healing tools and a cautious heart, life can bloom once more.
I invite you to find strength in my reflections on mental fortitude. Consider this episode a testament to the power of journaling, affirmations, and spiritual practice—your armor in the face of co-parenting challenges and the pursuit of personal growth. We're not here to suffer; we're here to thrive, to spread light, and to stand as living proof that faith, resilience, and self-care are the cornerstones of transcending our deepest trials. Join me on this journey, and let's embrace the promise of a brighter tomorrow, together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me
podcast.
And I am your girl, marilyn Boy, boy, boy.
It has been a month, but beforeI get started and jump into
everything that I have to unpack, I just want to start off by
saying thank you to God.
I know I used to do prayerMondays to get the week right
(00:22):
and I haven't done it in a while, but I can never forget to
continue to give grace,gratitude, love to the man that
makes it all possible for meevery single day, and that is
God.
Because I'll tell you right now, I don't know how I would be
(00:44):
able to wake up every morning,do what I do, if I didn't have
God by my side.
So just a quick reminder stayprayed up, stay in your prayers,
write down your gratitude listand remember that every morning
we wake up is a blessing.
So, to segue into that, youknow my life.
(01:08):
Lately I've been loving thelife that I've been living.
I'm loving the life that I'vebeen curating for myself.
We all know what my journey hasbeen the last two years.
And again, all things arepossible through God, because
the only way that I am standinghere today is because of him.
You know my content.
Creating it's creating.
(01:30):
It's going all right.
I am getting deals,collaborations.
I'm not where I need to be inthe numbers section as far as
the income coming in, but it'scoming in.
I'm comfortable to say that I'mnear what I would have been
(01:51):
making at a nine to five.
So won't he do it?
I took the leap of faith, notonce, but twice.
I quit office jobs Like what amI doing here?
This isn't my purpose, thisisn't my passion.
And well, as scary as it was, Itook that leap of faith knowing
that God was behind me and hewas going to pick me up and
break my fall.
(02:11):
Rather, my kids are great.
The children are thriving.
I'm feeling better.
I know I shared that I wasexperiencing some stomach issues
.
While they thought that it wasgastritis, it ended up being age
pylori.
And the more research I did onthis bacteria that lives in your
(02:35):
stomach and apparently I'vebeen living with it majority of
my life.
I got it when I was a littlegirl.
It's very dangerous if it goesuntreated, and if it goes
untreated it's possible stomachcancer.
So thank God that everythingworked out the way that it did.
I went through a first round oftreatment.
It didn't work.
(02:55):
Then I went through a secondround of hardcore treatment like
strong ass, freakingantibiotics that for like two
weeks I was down and it wasterrible.
It was miserable and I didn'tgo back to get tested because I
just finished it.
(03:16):
But I'm telling you, I think itdied.
I'm losing weight.
I don't feel bloated anymore.
I feel rested now.
I don't feel lethargic as muchas I always used to suffer with.
I'm always tired.
Granted, I have mad kids anddoing a lot, but it just wasn't
normal how tired I was.
But health wise, thank the Lord, I am feeling great.
(03:42):
And when life is going good, youknow when the good comes to
evil.
And for many years I'vestruggled like damn, can't I
just catch a break, can't I justenjoy this little thing right
here.
But now that I'm older it'salmost like I embraced it, I've
(04:02):
accepted it.
Remember that word acceptance,not expectations, but acceptance
.
And when you accept things forwhat they are, you're better
equipped to handle it.
So, as much as my life has beenjust, I've just been enjoying
(04:22):
it.
I've been enjoying my journey.
I'm still struggling.
I'm still dealing with mydivorce, with my marriage,
because being a narc survivor isnot an overnight thing.
You will continue to facechallenges, trials and
tribulations, and drama, drama.
(04:45):
You don't want drama that youtry to protect yourself from.
But this is why the healingprocess for you is so important.
In order for you to Be a narcsurvivor and know how to handle
it, especially when you'reco-parenting with one, you have
to constantly heal yourself,equip yourself so you're able to
have the proper tools Should asituation present itself, that
(05:10):
you know how to handle it andit's not consuming you and it's
not taking over your life.
But at the end of the day,we're all human to at some point
it will just kind of try tosuffocate you.
But that's why we have feelingsright, like being your feels,
go through the motions, feel, do.
It.
Is that you need to do in orderto Get yourself back up.
You, we all know that I'vestruggled.
(05:33):
I struggled with the divorcebecause, you know, I felt
scammed, starting over again.
I was never one of those womento be like, oh, I want to get
married, I can't wait, like Ijust never.
It just wasn't in me, not thatI was just against it.
I guess you know the childhoodtrauma and just seeing like I
came from a divorced Household,so I never.
(05:56):
I'm like I just don't want togo through that.
You know I got scammed andthinking like things were
perfect and I was older and surewhy not?
So that part broke me the mostis like I did something that I
said I would never do.
And I'm not tainted from love.
(06:16):
I do believe that everythinghappens for a reason and God
will have whoever swore meexactly for me but you know I
always say a less.
God sits at the end of my bedand says my friend wants to talk
to you.
It's gonna be real hard but inany event.
So I've been dealing with it.
(06:38):
The last month I have beentrying to do the best that I can
possibly for the small babiesbecause they're small babies and
Trying to be the bestco-parenting that I can be, and
I was never one of those womenthat, no, you can't see your
(07:00):
kids cuz you didn't pay me atthat or whatever.
But At some point, as a parent,as an adult, it is our job to
protect our children.
It is our job to do what's intheir best interest.
We have to break the gengenerational curse and and teach
(07:20):
them right from wrong, becauseKids are not gonna do as we say.
Kids are gonna do as we do.
So what I am dealing with ishaving multiple women around my
children and For a narcissist,you have to understand that they
have no feelings, there's noempathy, there's no connection,
(07:40):
there's no.
All they care about is justfeeding them.
All they care about is Gettingthe attention that they want and
they need, at Anyone's expense,and they don't care.
This is why they'll get the newsupply.
Bring it to the old supply totry to Create this drama,
because just that drama alonejust feeds them.
(08:01):
They feel it's just.
And Listen, if you don't knowabout narcissism or narcissistic
personality disorder is verytextbook, so do your research
and understand how it works.
So, while they move on veryquickly, don't feel bad, don't
feel hurt, don't take itpersonal.
It is just thumb needing a newsupply cycle.
(08:23):
Vampire, right, like they justneed to just suck the blood.
Suck the blood in because theyjust need to live and survive.
So I've explained this severaltimes Please protect me and the
children.
Due to the fact that I am outthere.
People do know me at times whenI go out, especially my
four-year-old.
(08:43):
We know that he's Instagramfamous.
You just don't know whatpeople's intentions are the last
.
So what does he do?
He gets this new supply.
He brings them to my house todrop off the kids.
This is the second time already.
I'm not gonna argue.
I'm not gonna, you know,because this is what they want.
You have to equip yourself Toknow how to handle it and not
(09:07):
get yourself out of character.
And it is very hard when itcomes to your children, because
we don't want to catch a charge.
But, fathers, please understandthat having Children are
emotional beings.
You're Subjecting your childrento women after women, after
(09:31):
women, so now the children arecreating this relationship with
them and then you rip them apartand then you understand the
cycle, it.
It is not healthy.
If you want to go ahead and putyour thing in this one, in that
one and that one, go rightahead, but do not use the
children to make yourselfrelevant.
It will damage them emotionally.
(09:53):
Do you think telling this to anarcissist?
They understand what you'retelling them?
No, that is why, if you feellike you need to do what's best
for you and your children, thenyou go ahead and you do that.
I mean understand that I marrieda man who went to Sunday school
(10:13):
.
Mind you, I'm still marriedthrough the church and
apparently, the more researchI'm doing it.
Doing it because my mother toldme I didn't believe it, I did
not want to get married to thechurch, because even through me,
I'm like if you get marriedthrough the church, that is
serious.
It is like there's no divorcething.
That's how I felt.
So when he proposed that hewanted to get married through
(10:35):
the church and he didn't getbaptized or did it do his
confirmation or anything likethat, I'm like all right, this
is forever.
I was scared.
But I'm like you know what fearain't gonna get you nowhere or
just jump or don't worry aboutit.
Sometimes, when things areuncomfortable, you get a little
scared.
So I'm like, let's get marriedthrough the church.
(10:56):
So we're married, we'redivorced by the state and
apparently now I have to getdivorced by the church.
But they say, like some peopledon't really get divorced from
the church because, like it's aharder process to get divorced
through the church than it is toget divorced through the state.
(11:17):
But the only thing is is likeif you still remain married
through the church, you won't beable to get married again
through the church if you're notdivorced from the church.
Do I have intentions of gettingmarried through the church
again.
Never say never.
However, I want to bedisconnected as much as possible
(11:38):
, but anyways, yes, I'm dealingwith that right now.
He brought a new supply to myhouse to drop off the kids.
You know, and I spoke to thegirl.
She was very respectful, didn'tcome out of pocket and I said
just do me a favor, woman towoman, don't make it a habit Now
, if you're all together sixmonths, you know what I'm saying
(11:59):
, because I'm not trying to stopanybody from doing what they
want to do or live how they wantto live, because I wouldn't
want that to be done to me.
But I still have to protect mychildren.
I think it's only right andcommon sense for any parent that
you know and I was trying to dothe co-parenting like we would
go out and do things togetherwith the kids, because I don't,
(12:23):
I don't want to fuck up my kidsbecause kids, because they're
still so little and it's justtrying to create a normality for
them.
But it's not normal if my kidsare seeing mommy and daddy, we
go out and do things, and nowthis person and now that person
my children have been around forwomen since we've separated
(12:45):
Four.
You know what I love the mostwhen they always come back and
say you have great children.
It's almost like their way oftelling me like, oh, I've been
with your kids and all this andthis.
Just breathe, marilyn.
Breathe One day at a time, onestep at a time, one hour at a
(13:07):
time.
The most challenging thing aboutthis is how would I say,
challenging.
Let me strike that Aggravating.
It's aggravating that I have todeal with this.
I'm frustrated that I have todeal with this.
I'm annoyed that I have to dealwith this.
(13:27):
I am pissed that I have to dealwith this.
However, I'm equipped becauseyou're not going to stop me from
what I have to do, becausethat's the devil's work.
This is why I said in thebeginning things in life are
(13:48):
going to be thrown at you.
You're going to have a greatwin and then you're going to
have the devil trying to comeand just take it from you.
Notice when you have to justcontinue to remind yourself that
God is good.
God is good.
God got you and he didn't bringyou this far to leave you this
(14:10):
far.
If you don't do things with illintent, everything will work
out for you.
You just have to stay thecourse.
Stay the course.
Stay grounded, stay patient.
Just know that this, too, shallpass.
(14:34):
I get a lot of messages like,man, you're so strong, and
hearing now all that I'm goingthrough and seeing me, or seeing
the videos that I post.
I'm not living a lie, I'm justliving my life, because this is
life right now.
When you're going through adivorce, it's like going through
a death, and then there'salways gonna be bullshit.
(14:54):
I just get up and I just dealwith it, cause guess what?
I'm still living, loving andliving this little life of mine
and no one's gonna come in andinterrupt it.
So while you feel people willalways try you, people will
always test you, people alwaystry to throw you off your game.
You gotta stay the course.
Deal with the bullshit, becausethe bullshit is not that big,
(15:21):
bigger than the plans that youhave for yourself.
This little bullshit that I'mgoing through right now is so
small compared to the dreams andaspirations and the goals that
I have for myself and the factthat my God is bigger than this
devil that's trying to distractme.
Baby, look at me.
(15:43):
Look at me sipping my coffeeand minding my business.
Minding my business.
What do I do when I getaggravated?
What do I do?
I take a deep breath.
What do I do when someone triesto test you or test me?
(16:04):
Take a deep breath.
You know what I've been sayinglately no weapon Cha Formed
against me, no weapon formedagainst me shall prosper,
because who can be against me ifGod is for me?
Just get you a couple ofscriptures that kind of relate
(16:28):
to you.
That just gets you backcentered.
You repeat those scripturesthree times over and over, as
many times as you need.
There are some days where I stayin the Word all day.
I listen to a sermon all daybecause our mind is so powerful
and it can kind of, if you werein your thoughts and you're not
(16:50):
letting shit out it can justtake you to dangerous places.
But when I listen to the Wordand I pray to God like he's
sitting in the passenger seat inthe car with me, I'm like you
need to calm me down right nowBecause look and it works.
It works.
So anytime some new act happens, or the nark tries something
(17:18):
else or is calling nonstop or istexting nonstop, no weapon
formed against me.
Come on now Listen, guys.
Life is hard.
Life is hard and it makes itmuch more harder when someone's
(17:38):
trying to distract you in, butto whom much is given, much is
required.
I don't know why I ended upgetting married and having two
more kids and people were likedamn, he was almost out.
I have a junior in college anda junior in high school.
But I tell you, those twolittle babies, oh my God,
(18:02):
they've taught me so much.
They've taught me how to reallylove, more than I already love,
my other two kids.
They made me appreciate myother two kids even more.
They've taught me enjoy life.
This is why I pretty much wakeup every morning.
(18:24):
It's like today's gonna be agood day, because when those
babies wake up in the morningand the little one goes good
morning mommy and Rome.
You know he's always dramatic,even when he wakes up is just,
he wakes up and he wants what hewants, you know, and that in
itself is like motivating.
Let me may wake up and get whatI want, go after what I want,
(18:47):
and it's like light.
That's how simple life is, andI'm not overcomplicating my life
and I'm not gonna allow anyoneelse to over complicate my life.
So don't ever let anyone guiltyou for what's doing what.
Don't allow anyone to guilt youfor doing what's best for you
and your children.
I'm not gonna go on a rantanymore about this because I'm
(19:15):
sure I'll come back with somemore, because it's always an
event when you're co-parentingwith an arc.
But I will tell you this stayconsistent with your mental
(19:36):
exercise, and I tell this to mychildren.
You can go to the gym every dayand exercise, but are you
exercising your mental?
Get up and read, get up injournal you can purchase my
journal on Amazon right now Ihave two of them and just get up
(19:56):
and just write, let it out.
If you don't have anyone totalk to, if you don't have
anyone to vent to, just hold onmy computer locked.
Are we still recording?
Yes, we're still good, sorryy'all.
(20:20):
Journal, journal, journal.
Stay in your word, stay prayedup and focus on exercising your
mental, because our mental is sopowerful and if we're not
feeding it what it means, thepositivity, the affirmation it's
, you will self-destruct.
(20:41):
If you're going through so muchshit in your life right now and
you don't know how to handle itand you feel like you're, you
just want to crawl in a hole andno one find you.
Get out, stand up and focus onyou.
That's you.
That's the number one purposein life is to work on yourself.
(21:03):
We are here as a vessel in thisearth, god's children, to just
spread his work.
That's why, for me, I willalways tell you God did it.
He will always do it to sharethe message, to share the
journey and to remind you thathe didn't put you here for you
to live a life of suffering.
So don't disrespect him likethat.
(21:24):
Do your part because he's doinghis part.
Exercise your mental.
That's all I have for today,y'all.
I hope that my experiences andmy journey, what I'm going
through, helps you or someonethat you know like.
Subscribe, comment.
As always, I love you all.
(21:45):
Stay, prayed up, say blessed,remember this too shall pass and
I will talk to you soon.
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me
podcast.
And I am your girl, marilyn Boy, boy, boy.
It has been a month, but beforeI get started and jump into
everything that I have to unpack, I just want to start off by
saying thank you to God.
I know I used to do prayerMondays to get the week right
(00:22):
and I haven't done it in a while, but I can never forget to
continue to give grace,gratitude, love to the man that
makes it all possible for meevery single day, and that is
God.
Because I'll tell you right now, I don't know how I would be
(00:44):
able to wake up every morning,do what I do, if I didn't have
God by my side.
So just a quick reminder stayprayed up, stay in your prayers,
write down your gratitude listand remember that every morning
we wake up is a blessing.
So, to segue into that, youknow my life.
(01:08):
Lately I've been loving thelife that I've been living.
I'm loving the life that I'vebeen curating for myself.
We all know what my journey hasbeen the last two years.
And again, all things arepossible through God, because
the only way that I am standinghere today is because of him.
You know my content.
Creating it's creating.
(01:30):
It's going all right.
I am getting deals,collaborations.
I'm not where I need to be inthe numbers section as far as
the income coming in, but it'scoming in.
I'm comfortable to say that I'mnear what I would have been
(01:51):
making at a nine to five.
So won't he do it?
I took the leap of faith, notonce, but twice.
I quit office jobs Like what amI doing here?
This isn't my purpose, thisisn't my passion.
And well, as scary as it was, Itook that leap of faith knowing
that God was behind me and hewas going to pick me up and
break my fall.
(02:11):
Rather, my kids are great.
The children are thriving.
I'm feeling better.
I know I shared that I wasexperiencing some stomach issues
.
While they thought that it wasgastritis, it ended up being age
pylori.
And the more research I did onthis bacteria that lives in your
(02:35):
stomach and apparently I'vebeen living with it majority of
my life.
I got it when I was a littlegirl.
It's very dangerous if it goesuntreated, and if it goes
untreated it's possible stomachcancer.
So thank God that everythingworked out the way that it did.
I went through a first round oftreatment.
It didn't work.
(02:55):
Then I went through a secondround of hardcore treatment like
strong ass, freakingantibiotics that for like two
weeks I was down and it wasterrible.
It was miserable and I didn'tgo back to get tested because I
just finished it.
(03:16):
But I'm telling you, I think itdied.
I'm losing weight.
I don't feel bloated anymore.
I feel rested now.
I don't feel lethargic as muchas I always used to suffer with.
I'm always tired.
Granted, I have mad kids anddoing a lot, but it just wasn't
normal how tired I was.
But health wise, thank the Lord, I am feeling great.
(03:42):
And when life is going good, youknow when the good comes to
evil.
And for many years I'vestruggled like damn, can't I
just catch a break, can't I justenjoy this little thing right
here.
But now that I'm older it'salmost like I embraced it, I've
(04:02):
accepted it.
Remember that word acceptance,not expectations, but acceptance
.
And when you accept things forwhat they are, you're better
equipped to handle it.
So, as much as my life has beenjust, I've just been enjoying
(04:22):
it.
I've been enjoying my journey.
I'm still struggling.
I'm still dealing with mydivorce, with my marriage,
because being a narc survivor isnot an overnight thing.
You will continue to facechallenges, trials and
tribulations, and drama, drama.
(04:45):
You don't want drama that youtry to protect yourself from.
But this is why the healingprocess for you is so important.
In order for you to Be a narcsurvivor and know how to handle
it, especially when you'reco-parenting with one, you have
to constantly heal yourself,equip yourself so you're able to
have the proper tools Should asituation present itself, that
(05:10):
you know how to handle it andit's not consuming you and it's
not taking over your life.
But at the end of the day,we're all human to at some point
it will just kind of try tosuffocate you.
But that's why we have feelingsright, like being your feels,
go through the motions, feel, do.
It.
Is that you need to do in orderto Get yourself back up.
You, we all know that I'vestruggled.
(05:33):
I struggled with the divorcebecause, you know, I felt
scammed, starting over again.
I was never one of those womento be like, oh, I want to get
married, I can't wait, like Ijust never.
It just wasn't in me, not thatI was just against it.
I guess you know the childhoodtrauma and just seeing like I
came from a divorced Household,so I never.
(05:56):
I'm like I just don't want togo through that.
You know I got scammed andthinking like things were
perfect and I was older and surewhy not?
So that part broke me the mostis like I did something that I
said I would never do.
And I'm not tainted from love.
(06:16):
I do believe that everythinghappens for a reason and God
will have whoever swore meexactly for me but you know I
always say a less.
God sits at the end of my bedand says my friend wants to talk
to you.
It's gonna be real hard but inany event.
So I've been dealing with it.
(06:38):
The last month I have beentrying to do the best that I can
possibly for the small babiesbecause they're small babies and
Trying to be the bestco-parenting that I can be, and
I was never one of those womenthat, no, you can't see your
(07:00):
kids cuz you didn't pay me atthat or whatever.
But At some point, as a parent,as an adult, it is our job to
protect our children.
It is our job to do what's intheir best interest.
We have to break the gengenerational curse and and teach
(07:20):
them right from wrong, becauseKids are not gonna do as we say.
Kids are gonna do as we do.
So what I am dealing with ishaving multiple women around my
children and For a narcissist,you have to understand that they
have no feelings, there's noempathy, there's no connection,
(07:40):
there's no.
All they care about is justfeeding them.
All they care about is Gettingthe attention that they want and
they need, at Anyone's expense,and they don't care.
This is why they'll get the newsupply.
Bring it to the old supply totry to Create this drama,
because just that drama alonejust feeds them.
(08:01):
They feel it's just.
And Listen, if you don't knowabout narcissism or narcissistic
personality disorder is verytextbook, so do your research
and understand how it works.
So, while they move on veryquickly, don't feel bad, don't
feel hurt, don't take itpersonal.
It is just thumb needing a newsupply cycle.
(08:23):
Vampire, right, like they justneed to just suck the blood.
Suck the blood in because theyjust need to live and survive.
So I've explained this severaltimes Please protect me and the
children.
Due to the fact that I am outthere.
People do know me at times whenI go out, especially my
four-year-old.
(08:43):
We know that he's Instagramfamous.
You just don't know whatpeople's intentions are the last
.
So what does he do?
He gets this new supply.
He brings them to my house todrop off the kids.
This is the second time already.
I'm not gonna argue.
I'm not gonna, you know,because this is what they want.
You have to equip yourself Toknow how to handle it and not
(09:07):
get yourself out of character.
And it is very hard when itcomes to your children, because
we don't want to catch a charge.
But, fathers, please understandthat having Children are
emotional beings.
You're Subjecting your childrento women after women, after
(09:31):
women, so now the children arecreating this relationship with
them and then you rip them apartand then you understand the
cycle, it.
It is not healthy.
If you want to go ahead and putyour thing in this one, in that
one and that one, go rightahead, but do not use the
children to make yourselfrelevant.
It will damage them emotionally.
(09:53):
Do you think telling this to anarcissist?
They understand what you'retelling them?
No, that is why, if you feellike you need to do what's best
for you and your children, thenyou go ahead and you do that.
I mean understand that I marrieda man who went to Sunday school
(10:13):
.
Mind you, I'm still marriedthrough the church and
apparently, the more researchI'm doing it.
Doing it because my mother toldme I didn't believe it, I did
not want to get married to thechurch, because even through me,
I'm like if you get marriedthrough the church, that is
serious.
It is like there's no divorcething.
That's how I felt.
So when he proposed that hewanted to get married through
(10:35):
the church and he didn't getbaptized or did it do his
confirmation or anything likethat, I'm like all right, this
is forever.
I was scared.
But I'm like you know what fearain't gonna get you nowhere or
just jump or don't worry aboutit.
Sometimes, when things areuncomfortable, you get a little
scared.
So I'm like, let's get marriedthrough the church.
(10:56):
So we're married, we'redivorced by the state and
apparently now I have to getdivorced by the church.
But they say, like some peopledon't really get divorced from
the church because, like it's aharder process to get divorced
through the church than it is toget divorced through the state.
(11:17):
But the only thing is is likeif you still remain married
through the church, you won't beable to get married again
through the church if you're notdivorced from the church.
Do I have intentions of gettingmarried through the church
again.
Never say never.
However, I want to bedisconnected as much as possible
(11:38):
, but anyways, yes, I'm dealingwith that right now.
He brought a new supply to myhouse to drop off the kids.
You know, and I spoke to thegirl.
She was very respectful, didn'tcome out of pocket and I said
just do me a favor, woman towoman, don't make it a habit Now
, if you're all together sixmonths, you know what I'm saying
(11:59):
, because I'm not trying to stopanybody from doing what they
want to do or live how they wantto live, because I wouldn't
want that to be done to me.
But I still have to protect mychildren.
I think it's only right andcommon sense for any parent that
you know and I was trying to dothe co-parenting like we would
go out and do things togetherwith the kids, because I don't,
(12:23):
I don't want to fuck up my kidsbecause kids, because they're
still so little and it's justtrying to create a normality for
them.
But it's not normal if my kidsare seeing mommy and daddy, we
go out and do things, and nowthis person and now that person
my children have been around forwomen since we've separated
(12:45):
Four.
You know what I love the mostwhen they always come back and
say you have great children.
It's almost like their way oftelling me like, oh, I've been
with your kids and all this andthis.
Just breathe, marilyn.
Breathe One day at a time, onestep at a time, one hour at a
(13:07):
time.
The most challenging thing aboutthis is how would I say,
challenging.
Let me strike that Aggravating.
It's aggravating that I have todeal with this.
I'm frustrated that I have todeal with this.
I'm annoyed that I have to dealwith this.
(13:27):
I am pissed that I have to dealwith this.
However, I'm equipped becauseyou're not going to stop me from
what I have to do, becausethat's the devil's work.
This is why I said in thebeginning things in life are
(13:48):
going to be thrown at you.
You're going to have a greatwin and then you're going to
have the devil trying to comeand just take it from you.
Notice when you have to justcontinue to remind yourself that
God is good.
God is good.
God got you and he didn't bringyou this far to leave you this
(14:10):
far.
If you don't do things with illintent, everything will work
out for you.
You just have to stay thecourse.
Stay the course.
Stay grounded, stay patient.
Just know that this, too, shallpass.
(14:34):
I get a lot of messages like,man, you're so strong, and
hearing now all that I'm goingthrough and seeing me, or seeing
the videos that I post.
I'm not living a lie, I'm justliving my life, because this is
life right now.
When you're going through adivorce, it's like going through
a death, and then there'salways gonna be bullshit.
(14:54):
I just get up and I just dealwith it, cause guess what?
I'm still living, loving andliving this little life of mine
and no one's gonna come in andinterrupt it.
So while you feel people willalways try you, people will
always test you, people alwaystry to throw you off your game.
You gotta stay the course.
Deal with the bullshit, becausethe bullshit is not that big,
(15:21):
bigger than the plans that youhave for yourself.
This little bullshit that I'mgoing through right now is so
small compared to the dreams andaspirations and the goals that
I have for myself and the factthat my God is bigger than this
devil that's trying to distractme.
Baby, look at me.
(15:43):
Look at me sipping my coffeeand minding my business.
Minding my business.
What do I do when I getaggravated?
What do I do?
I take a deep breath.
What do I do when someone triesto test you or test me?
(16:04):
Take a deep breath.
You know what I've been sayinglately no weapon Cha Formed
against me, no weapon formedagainst me shall prosper,
because who can be against me ifGod is for me?
Just get you a couple ofscriptures that kind of relate
(16:28):
to you.
That just gets you backcentered.
You repeat those scripturesthree times over and over, as
many times as you need.
There are some days where I stayin the Word all day.
I listen to a sermon all daybecause our mind is so powerful
and it can kind of, if you werein your thoughts and you're not
(16:50):
letting shit out it can justtake you to dangerous places.
But when I listen to the Wordand I pray to God like he's
sitting in the passenger seat inthe car with me, I'm like you
need to calm me down right nowBecause look and it works.
It works.
So anytime some new act happens, or the nark tries something
(17:18):
else or is calling nonstop or istexting nonstop, no weapon
formed against me.
Come on now Listen, guys.
Life is hard.
Life is hard and it makes itmuch more harder when someone's
(17:38):
trying to distract you in, butto whom much is given, much is
required.
I don't know why I ended upgetting married and having two
more kids and people were likedamn, he was almost out.
I have a junior in college anda junior in high school.
But I tell you, those twolittle babies, oh my God,
(18:02):
they've taught me so much.
They've taught me how to reallylove, more than I already love,
my other two kids.
They made me appreciate myother two kids even more.
They've taught me enjoy life.
This is why I pretty much wakeup every morning.
(18:24):
It's like today's gonna be agood day, because when those
babies wake up in the morningand the little one goes good
morning mommy and Rome.
You know he's always dramatic,even when he wakes up is just,
he wakes up and he wants what hewants, you know, and that in
itself is like motivating.
Let me may wake up and get whatI want, go after what I want,
(18:47):
and it's like light.
That's how simple life is, andI'm not overcomplicating my life
and I'm not gonna allow anyoneelse to over complicate my life.
So don't ever let anyone guiltyou for what's doing what.
Don't allow anyone to guilt youfor doing what's best for you
and your children.
I'm not gonna go on a rantanymore about this because I'm
(19:15):
sure I'll come back with somemore, because it's always an
event when you're co-parentingwith an arc.
But I will tell you this stayconsistent with your mental
(19:36):
exercise, and I tell this to mychildren.
You can go to the gym every dayand exercise, but are you
exercising your mental?
Get up and read, get up injournal you can purchase my
journal on Amazon right now Ihave two of them and just get up
(19:56):
and just write, let it out.
If you don't have anyone totalk to, if you don't have
anyone to vent to, just hold onmy computer locked.
Are we still recording?
Yes, we're still good, sorryy'all.
(20:20):
Journal, journal, journal.
Stay in your word, stay prayedup and focus on exercising your
mental, because our mental is sopowerful and if we're not
feeding it what it means, thepositivity, the affirmation it's
, you will self-destruct.
(20:41):
If you're going through so muchshit in your life right now and
you don't know how to handle itand you feel like you're, you
just want to crawl in a hole andno one find you.
Get out, stand up and focus onyou.
That's you.
That's the number one purposein life is to work on yourself.
(21:03):
We are here as a vessel in thisearth, god's children, to just
spread his work.
That's why, for me, I willalways tell you God did it.
He will always do it to sharethe message, to share the
journey and to remind you thathe didn't put you here for you
to live a life of suffering.
So don't disrespect him likethat.
(21:24):
Do your part because he's doinghis part.
Exercise your mental.
That's all I have for today,y'all.
I hope that my experiences andmy journey, what I'm going
through, helps you or someonethat you know like.
Subscribe, comment.
As always, I love you all.
(21:45):
Stay, prayed up, say blessed,remember this too shall pass and
I will talk to you soon.
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