Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone and
welcome back to this Is Me
podcast.
I hope you guys missed me asmuch as I missed you.
I pretty much took the month ofMay off because it was my
birthday and your girl turned 40.
So I know it's been about twomonths since my last podcast but
(00:21):
honestly, just leading up to mybirthday I was in a moment of
silence within myself because Iwas just going through so much.
You all know I'm currently incourt with my ex-husband over
custody of the children.
If you listen to my previouspodcast, and just being in that
(00:47):
situation kind of opened up oldwounds and kind of pushed back
my healing process a little bit.
And that aside, I was also justlike embracing turning 40
because it is just insane andI've always said like the moment
you turn 18 to 21, your mindsetis different.
(01:11):
From 21 to 25 is different.
From 25, 26, 27 for the nextfive years until you reach 30 is
different.
But let me tell you when youare about to enter into your
forties, it is just insane onthe transition of your mindset
and really what it is that youwant in life and understanding
(01:35):
life.
And I was just loving it.
I love being 40.
I had a wonderful 40 year old40th birthday.
On the day of my birthday, Iwoke up.
I took the kids to daycare, Iwent to the gym, I went out to
(01:59):
the liquor store and got me abottle of champagne a Vivecly
Clue to celebrate being 40.
Got me a bottle of champagne aVivecly clue to celebrate being
40.
I had scheduled an at-homemassage, which was luxurious.
I literally felt like I was onvacation with this massage.
It was just amazing.
And, yeah, I went and picked upmy kids, I went to my
(02:20):
girlfriend's house and they sangme happy birthday and it was
the best birthday ever.
It didn't have to be lavish,extravagant, it was just perfect
.
And when you reach 40, yourealize that it's the simple
things in life that truly matter.
(02:40):
If you have a good group ofpeople, or even one person or
two people that you can lean onand depend on and count on and
who are truly authentic, that'sreally all you need in life.
As long as you have food inyour fridge, clothes on your
back, a roof over your head andI'm truly, truly living in a
(03:04):
moment of pinch me, you knowwhat I mean and anything that
happens here after is a bonus,because I've hit the bottom.
I was at the bottom, and whenyou're at the bottom, when you
hit rock bottom and you just getto the top on your way up,
every little blessing is trulyappreciated, every win is to be
(03:31):
celebrated.
So I just feel amazing.
I look amazing, um, I just feelgreat.
My kids are good, um.
But again, I'm still dealingwith that other part of me where
I was lost for a moment, aperiod of my life, and slowly
(03:51):
but surely I was finding myself.
I'm finding myself and, um,yeah, what else is happening?
I have two listings I'm gettingmore brand deals.
I'm currently planning mysecond woman's empowerment, the
we Too Brunch.
Women Empowerment we EatTogether.
(04:12):
So I'm excited about startingto plan that, which I'm a little
behind the ball because I haveit scheduled for August 3rd and,
honestly, this court thing haskind of really consumed me,
which I'm a little bit upsetwith myself because of it, but
it's okay because when it comesto your children, you can't
(04:34):
focus on anything else.
But I just wanted to sharesomething today with you because
I was watching the JenniferLopez love story and stuff.
There was like the kind ofmusical movie and then she did a
documentary about why shewanted to do the movie and what
(04:56):
led to her really puttingherself out there and she really
gets deep about her emotions.
And I think that for me duringmy healing process, that was one
of the things that reallyhelped me a lot was healing,
being vulnerable, expressing andsharing and knowing that I'm
(05:16):
not alone in a place of pain,because we kind of tend to mask
it.
It's like everything's perfect,but no, we are hurting.
It can look great on theoutside it's why I'm such an
open book but deep down we'refighting these demons and unless
you speak about it you won't beable to understand it.
(05:36):
Because if you're only thinkingabout it in your own head, then
you having conversations inyour own head is dangerous,
because one thought can leadinto another thought, one
thought can lead into anotherthought and you're never really
unpacking to try to process itor understand it.
So what I'm trying to say isthat with Jennifer Lopez in this
(05:57):
documentary she was hold on.
Let me back up for a second,because Jennifer Lopez has
always been disliked or notliked or no one ever really has
been able to kind of connectwith her, been able to kind of
(06:19):
connect with her.
And in this document everythingalways says it's like surfacy,
like she's just posing or shedoesn't come back to the Bronx
or she's not real.
But in this documentary shebecame very vulnerable and she
just explained how she justalways dealt with insecurities
and that's why it's like youalways have to look good or you
always have to feel good, butalways have to feel good.
But deep down inside, or shewas craving something and never
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under really understood what itwas.
And now, at this age where Ithink she's 50 or 50 something,
she has come to the realizationthat she was raised by
narcissistic parents or she hada narcissistic mother and never
really knew her place or nevereven felt accepted, even though
she was doing these great thingsand understand that.
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If you hear a lot of celebritiesdeal with the battle is they
play this role but at the end ofthe day, they're still human
and they just don't know how toprocess their normal life.
So they're just playing thischaracter and I think that that
was the case with Jennifer Lopez, that she was just playing
Jennifer Lopez, that she knewhow to do, but she didn't know
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how to be Jenny.
She didn't know who Jenny wasand it's why through every
marriage is kind of I love him,this is it and stuff like that.
But you kind of chase something, or you chase that love instead
of learning how to loveyourself.
And, personally speaking, whenI left my ex-husband, there was
(07:55):
a certain point where I had tostop putting the blame on him.
It's like why did I fall intothis, why did I fall victim into
this situation?
And it's because maybe I didn'tlove myself the way that I
thought I loved myself, notrealizing that I myself was
raised by narcissistic parentsand really understanding what
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narcissism meant.
So for her, at 50 years old, tofinally be open about the demons
that she was fighting within,now she's going to be able to
start her healing process.
Now she's really going to startloving herself, because we tend
to seek the love that we feellike we lacked when we were
little.
(08:36):
We tend to seek the love thatwe feel like we lacked when we
were little.
You know, it's thatgenerational curse, it's that
childhood trauma.
No-transcript.
(08:56):
We're allowed to make mistakes,but we're also.
We also have to learn from that, you know.
And again, the prize of gettingolder is to become more, have
more wisdom, and it really is abeautiful thing.
That's why, for me, I'm alwayslike if you need someone to talk
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to, because maybe there are.
You know, there are some of youwho don't have anyone to lean
on and just have a safe place ortalk about what you went
through or what you're goingthrough a million times a day
until you're able to process it.
And once you process it andkeep asking yourself the tough
questions like well, do I lovemyself?
(09:38):
And what was it that caught me?
What was it that I'm lackinginside that he kind of gave to
me and I believed him and I kindof clinged on to that.
And you know, going through mycourt case now, I've been
frustrated with myself, I'vebeen angry and stuff.
(10:02):
Because why am I still feelingthis way?
But understand that things dotake time.
Healing does take time andmaybe sometimes people aren't
fully healed regarding thetrauma that was caused on them.
So you're not actuallynecessarily healing from the
(10:23):
person, or you know I miss them,you know this and that, but
what you're healing from isbeing a victim.
And now for me it's like I wasa victim of this person's.
You know I was a victim of thisperson's.
You know game or story or moviethat they live in their
universe, and for me it's like Ihave to protect my children and
(10:44):
make sure that they don't fallvictim to that.
You know also, for me I can sayI don't know who the hell I
married, but I sure as hell knowwho I divorced.
So understand that once youleave your situation, you're no
longer a victim, you're free,you're out of jail and now, once
you process that and understandthat, you can then go and start
(11:08):
your healing journey.
You're allowed to do that.
You're deserving.
So don't be so hard on yourself.
Give yourself some graceserving.
So don't be so hard on yourself.
Give yourself some grace anddon't let anyone guilt you or
fault you for healing how youneed to heal, not for how they
need you to heal, but don'tapologize for how you need to
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heal.
And I think that for JenniferLopez her doing this movie
because no one wanted to backher up, she every studio was
knocking her down.
They just didn't believe in herproject.
And she's like I have to dothis.
I don't know what it is, butit's something inside of me says
that I have to do it.
(11:50):
And she put up her own money.
That's how much she believedthat she needed to share what
was burning inside of her and Ithink it was more, not her
telling the world everything.
This is the way that she knowshow to express her pain and her
(12:12):
trials and tribulations andagain it just goes back to heal.
However, you need to heal.
If it means that you need acommunity and you want to bring
people in and you want to sharestories, then do that.
If it means you want to journal, if it means you have to go to
the gym, do whatever it is.
But start your healing processbecause it will eat at you and
(12:35):
you have to let go of the anger,because the anger is what's
going eat at you.
And you have to let go of theanger because the anger is
what's going to consume you.
And for me, while I've let go ofthe anger at times because I'm
not perfect, there are momentswhere again I said I was angry.
I get frustrated, but for themost part, being angry is not
going to change anything.
It's more processing and askingyourself how did I get here?
(12:58):
What is it that led me to this?
What is it that I need to do toimprove so I don't fall victim
to this again?
You know, but yeah, I justwanted to share that.
Even our celebrities and youknow people who have it all,
(13:18):
still don't have it all, becausepeace is expensive and it comes
at a price.
Okay, happiness, now that'sfree.
Find your peace and you paythat price and you set your
(13:38):
boundaries and you filter outthe people who are no longer
serving you.
Then you're going to get tothat happy place and that's
priceless.
And trust and believe.
I will tell you this y'allbecause I do get messages like
oh my God, you're so positiveand you're so motivational and I
just love your content and allof that.
I work hard.
I work hard towards that Justas much as I work at the gym, as
(14:04):
hard as I work at the gym.
I work hard on my mental aswell.
I'm intentional about it.
I make it part of my dailyroutine, whatever, if it's
reading the Bible, journaling,saying my affirmations, you know
, repeating scriptures, I can doall things.
Through Christ, who strengthensme, or, if God be for me, who
(14:28):
can be against me and nobleweapons formed against me shall
prosper.
I am reiterating scriptures inmy head all day to make sure
that when I have that negativethought, I immediately replace
it with a positive thought.
That is doing the work on yourmental because life is lifing,
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people are peopling and thedevil's always.
You know, with the good comesthe bad and the devil's always
behind you, trying to just throwyou off your game.
So I just wanted to leave youout with that little, with that
little gem, with that littlediamond.
Take it as you want it.
I hope it helps.
But the this Is Me podcast wastruly started if you just go
(15:13):
back to my first episode, Ithink in 2022 or the end of 2021
, rather, it was my escape fromthe misery that I was living,
you know, and I got out of itand here I am today.
You guys have been with mesince day one and I'm proud of
myself, and it's okay to tellyourself that you're proud of
(15:36):
yourself.
And I seen this meme the otherday.
It said my mom.
My mom clapped so hard for methat I didn't hear the naysayers
.
My mom worked two jobs, so thatwasn't the case for me.
But I clap so hard for myselfnow and I wish I would have done
that more before, when Istarted in this industry of
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taking pictures or being on theradio, or you know, I've been in
the game for a very long timeand if I would have done that
back then, who knows where Iwould have been now.
But this is my journey.
This is where I'm supposed tobe right now.
I had to go through that to behere and I wouldn't change my
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story, and this is just.
This is a new chapter.
You know, the last decade hasbeen a whirlwind, but I'm
excited for chapter 40.
I truly, truly, truly am,because it is now that I know
what I want.
It is now that I know what I'mnot going to accept.
It is now that I know what lifetruly means and I'm just out
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here trying to live my best lifeand blocking these weapons,
baby.
So yeah, I love you all.
Thank you always for supportingme and my family and my
children and everything likethat.
As always, share my podcast,like, subscribe, comment, shoot
(17:10):
me a DM, whatever you want to do, but just reach out and I love
you all.
Be blessed, be great, beproductive and, as always, I
will talk to you soon.