July 25, 2024 • 43 mins
In this episode of "This is Wealth-Living Life Richly," Elizabeth Crawford and special guest Tara Maxwell explore wealth beyond finances. They discuss its emotional, spiritual, and familial dimensions, offering insights on discussing wealth within families and fostering healthy money conversations. Tune in for practical tips on cultivating a harmonious family dialogue and embracing wealth in all aspects of life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to This is Wealth
On this podcast we ask what is wealth?
What does wealthy really mean to you?
Most of us immediatelythink of money, but honestly,
wealth is so much more than that.
If you have health, deep friendships, asupportive family, you have great wealth.
Our conversations are going to focus ontopics and guests
(00:23):
that will enrich your lifethrough their experiences and stories.
Our goal is to help you achieve your ownwealth in the many facets of your life.
This is wealth.
It isn't all about money.
It's about living life richly.
My name is Liz Crawford,and I have been in the investment
and wealth managementindustry for 30 years.
I have been blessed to work with a widevariety of clients, from people
(00:45):
accumulating assetsto one day retire to mega wealthy families
who could do anything to nonprofitsserving our communities.
Each client brings their own story.
It's my favorite part of workingwith clients.
What I have learned over the years iswealth isn't measured in dollars.
I want to share with you true storiesthat are practical, motivating,
(01:08):
and inspiring and will likely shiftyour view of what wealth is.
These are normal, everyday peopleyou may run into in the coffee shop.
When you hear their story, their journey,
you can't helpbut be impacted in some way.
Some guests will have very practicaltakeaways you can use in your life.
Other guest
stories will sit with you for daysand have you reflecting on your life.
(01:30):
Get ready to be impacted.
Today as we launch our first episode.
I've asked my friend and partnerfrom Sendero Wealth
Management, Tara Maxwell, to join me.
Tara and I work very closely designing
(01:50):
family engagement programsfor families of generational wealth,
and it might surprise you to knowthat money
is not the most important thingto these families.
Let's beginwith a question to our audience.
How do you define wealth?
Hit pause.
Think about that questionand we'll get back to you in a minute.
(02:14):
Welcome back.
Now, if you start asking friendsand family that question,
you might be surprised.
Some of the answers will really shock you,and you'll be surprised to know
that money is not really the top answer.
We often use money and wealthinterchangeably, but they're not really
the same.
I find that when you askwhat matters most to you and why,
(02:38):
we get to the trueanswer of what wealth is for you.
Tara, let me ask you,how do you define wealth in your life?
You would ask me that. I appreciate that.
it's definitely the family.
The purpose that I have.
I can only say for myself.
It's my faith.
(02:58):
It's the things that matter most to me.
If I had not anything leftin my financial category,
I would still have those things left.
And so that makes me a very wealthyand blessed person.
Isn't it funny that some of the familiesthat we work with
say again and again,the money could go away?
And sometimes the money is a burden,but the true wealth that they have,
(03:20):
and that is the most important thingto them, is their family.
Often for the familieswe work with, it's their faith.
it's making surethat they have that togetherness
and that nothing divides them upas a family.
It's true. It'ssomething that they're focused on.
And I really feel like thatthe people that we work with,
that's the most important part.
(03:41):
And just giving back to their familyand investing in their family is really
Okay.
You bring up a great pointinvesting in your family.
Tell me what that means.
So it's taken that time and it's havingpurpose living purposefully, intentionally
with your family,whether that be through spending,
being present, and spending your timewith your family or even,
(04:06):
trips together.
You know, your dinners togetherwhether you're close or far.
It’s those phone calls.
We have somebody in our office that works,has a family across the country.
And so every Sundaythey're speaking on the phone.
That's investing time and energyinto your family.
It's a it's a great point.
(04:27):
We have a saying, investing in memories.
So spending time with your family,making that a priority
is a way to invest in memoriesthat you will all have forever.
And you know that that little slide showplays in your mind of those great times
you spent together.
And that's a richness that youyou can't just go out and buy.
(04:47):
You have to make
the time to make that happenand be together and make it a priority.
So if I think about the financial
industry, because that's the worldwhere we come from,
it really does a fantastic job
of focusing on wealth as money.
It creates products to grow your wealth.
We have estate planning attorneysto transfer your money,
(05:09):
and philanthropyis a way to give your money away.
But this often leavesmany people still feeling
like what's really importanthasn't been addressed.
So what?
What's missing in all of that?
It's the memories.
It's the stories. It's the values.
It's the connectedness of it is yourwhy that all adds up to your why.
(05:32):
Why are youwhy are you trying to make this money?
Great point.
So why, why or why are you tryingto transfer this wealth down?
I often say that
the estate planningis the technical aspect of moving money,
but again,that's not people's really main priority.
It's just that they knowthey're supposed to do that.
(05:55):
But what they often want to transferare the stories, the legacy.
What made this money?
Well, let me tell you about my grandfatherand what he had to do as a kid,
you know, during the depressionand how they made money,
how they had to feed themselves.
wealth was not about accumulating assets.
It was surviving day to day.
(06:15):
And then that led to my dad doing thiswhen he was young.
And, I mean, these are the storiesthat then create who you are today.
And there's a history that we all carry,whether we know it or not.
and it's that family history,those, those stories
of those people who came beforeus and how their additions,
(06:36):
you know,
left in us, how we carry those forward.
What will we take to our kids?
financial planning softwaredoesn't touch that.
Estate documents don't touch that.
growing money doesn't touch those stories.
So how do you address that with families?
So we sit downand we dig down into those stories.
(07:02):
We ask the questions.
We try to help them
get out.
What is what is their reason?
What is their why?
We all have a surface level,but really digging down.
So asking the next questionand being able
to really get them to think about,you know what?
(07:22):
This is really important to me.
And I'm here todayto make somebody proud, to prepare,
to provide for my kids, whatever that is,to provide for the next generation.
Sometimes it's to provide for my communitythings
that are important to eachand every family that we work with.
We design it.
Think of it like this, Liz.
(07:42):
It's like a tree.
And if you're just focused on the wealth,it's like those trees that just
die immediately if they grow fastand there's no roots.
We're trying to create the roots trying to
develop for each generation going forward.
Their connection to the
(08:02):
wealth it's a great pictureif you think the root system underground
and the trees connecting and buildingstrong branches, strong trunks,
and then you can build from that.
if I think about our, our industry,taking that a little bit further,
you know, if I'm a consumerin this world of finance,
(08:24):
I can get help from a broker, an advisor or a money manager.
But why do you thinkwe have so few conversations
with those service providersabout my value and my purpose?
Don't you think that that should align
with your money choicesand what you're trying to do?
And yet it's so rarely talked about.So it's scary, right?
(08:46):
If I ask you a questionyou don't want to answer or,
you answer.
And it's scary for me because I'ma mathematical guy or gal
and an analyst with emotions. And emotionsjust don't come out.
It's scary.
And so I will sometimes avoid thatquestion if I'm that type of personality.
(09:08):
But at the end of the day,moving wealth forward,
helping people live their most rich life,that is what we want to do.
We want to help design that forfor our families where they're really have
that deep root systemwhere they're getting to grow their trees.
So you're talking about wealthis you're talking about money.
(09:30):
No, I'm talking about feeling blessedand having purpose.
And yes, money is part of that component.
But it is a it is a
word way down the line.
So how do you help somebody
define or find their purpose?
(09:51):
We really work on
what is it that is driving you day to day.
We really work on what makes you feelas if you're adding value.
What gives you joy in the moment?
What gives you,
a need to move forward?
It's like finding your career versusyour job, right?
(10:12):
Right.
It's not working when you find your careerbecause you found your passion
and your purpose,and it's really getting to that passion.
What gets you out of bed in the morning.
How do youhow do you enjoy spending your time.
What are the things that that excite you.
Right.
And if we can focus on helping themfind that
then their life becomes balanceda little bit more.
(10:36):
Great segue. Let's talk about balance.
I tell people
all the timethat that balance is not a straight line.
It is a line that moves up and downconstantly.
And what you're trying to do is strive
for low volatilityin that up and down movement.
The smaller the up and down movement,the more balanced your life is.
(10:58):
But for example,if I take my family on a week vacation,
then I am high in my family lifeI'm spending time with them.
I'm investing in memories,creating those memories we’re together
we're having a great time, we’re spending quality time together.
But then when I come back to the office,I'm going to pay for that vacation.
(11:19):
I'm going to have to work longer nights.
I'm going to have to put in extra timeat the office,
which means my familylife is going to suffer.
But on average, when you combine those,I've got work life balance.
It just means I canspend time where I need to.
if I'm if I'm thinking about wealth,
how do you think balance playsinto living a wealthy life?
(11:45):
I think when you are balanced,it takes the chaos,
the anxiety, theit keeps you up at night, factor away.
And so having that balance allows you
not to be in the moment of stress at alltimes.
Just how am I going to handle thisone situation
(12:05):
that's putting me out of balance?
I think we all strivefor balance in our lives,
and when we are balanced,we are humming along
and it just makes lifefeel like it's going by
pleasurably as opposed to
I just can't take any more of it.
I tend to live in those.
I can't take any moreof this weeks on occasion.
(12:27):
I think maybe you do that to yourself.
I do, I do,and I also think that when you're in,
we call it the fight or flight,you know, phase of stress
that you don't have the gratitudethat helps you find that balance as well.
I think gratitude is a big component
of being thankful for where you arethankful for what you have.
(12:49):
It allows you to look at thingsa lot differently.
If you think about things
from the gratitudestandpoint, it’s never the glass half empty.
It's a glass half full.
So when you approacha problem, you're able to say, okay,
yeah, this is just a
challenge,just a blip, and you're able to master
any issue that comes alongand have creative solutions
(13:13):
instead of not seeing any solutionsbecause you're so stressed out.
Absolutely.
I think one time I've worked with somebodythat they always would say,
oh, I'm just so stressed. I'm so stressed.
And I think we've all met those people.
and more things happen to those people, yes,because they cannot make
a good choice at that point.
(13:33):
They're just living inthat stress filled life.
So how do you, help peoplewho tend to live more in that realm?
How can you help themfind that balance and that gratitude?
So I love a gratitude journaland writing down.
And when you start writing down gratitude,what you're grateful for,
(13:53):
when you start saying it out loud,you begin to thank.
I'm grateful for the friendshipsthat I've made.
I'm gratefulfor the work that I get to do.
The purposethat I live, grateful for my family.
So you just begin to think about,
you know, I have a lot of thingsto be grateful for.
My life's not so bad,and you're forced to slow down
(14:14):
to think about those thingsso you decompress as you're doing that.
I think actually writingis proven to decompress people as well.
you know, interestingly enough,
one of the most powerful things
to set off balance from,
(14:37):
people worry about having,
kids that are spoiled and entitledand don't understand
the sacrifices that were made,
which I think ties backto our conversation on telling the stories
of what got you to the pointwhere you are in life,
how your your parents, your grandparentsplayed into where you are today.
(14:59):
but gratitude offsets entitlement.
If children understandthe sacrifices that were made,
then they're less likely to huff and puffwhen they don't get something,
but actually be grateful for you.
Be appreciative for what you do for them.
And that's a seismic shiftin a relationship
if you've been on the entitled side.
(15:22):
but I think it's somethingthat most of the families that we work
with worry about on some levelwhether it's
in the back of their head or whether it'sscreaming out front at them,
how do I how do I not raise entitled kids?
And in today's society where everything isso disposable, just buy another one,
you know, even order it on Amazon,whatever it may be, it's immediately here.
(15:42):
how do you think about
helping kids to practically understand
that there's more to life than Amazon?
It's a hard one, right?
Because you have to
really engage with the child,but then you have to develop who they are
and help them see their purpose in lifeand what their strengths
(16:02):
and characteristics are,and then helping bring that value.
My one surprise that I havefor every parent that we work with,
with every family, is your kids
were listening?
Yeah, they were listening to those values.
They were listening to those stories.
And, we have yet to do a familythat they don't in some form or fashion.
The parents say,
(16:24):
you know, I didn't realize they heard me.
And so I think just really reiterating whothey are, what their family stands for.
you know, our family has a,
a motto we're from in Ireland,and our motto is to rise again.
And so you just know thatthat is who you will be going forward.
(16:48):
no matter what comes at you and teachingkids that you're going to have mistakes.
And I will tell you, Liz,the one thing I think is telling them
about your failures sometimes is huge.
just think about social mediaand the pretense.
Right?
That is shownbecause everything looks perfect.
People are in these great vacations.
I mean, nobody shows the crappy partof life on social media. No, they’re always smiling,
(17:12):
and it's always the best angleand the best hair.
And the little comments are,oh, love you so much.
And you're like, wait, I thoughtyou didn't like that child at all, right?
I mean, it's just this fake facade, butthat's the world they're growing up in.
So how do you ground themand help them know there's more to life?
Showing the mistakes is just aawesome, powerful opportunity
to say, hey, life isn't perfectand things don't always work out.
(17:35):
And you've got to be prepared andresilient and know how to get up again.
it's that's hugely powerful.
I even think about in the workforce,we have a fair
amount of young kids that come in,
and, you know, it's very differentthan when you and I were growing up.
We didn't have cell phones.There was nobody watching us.
(17:56):
We didn't have to put on a facade.
We were all riding bikes together.
Right? Playing in the woods or whateverit was.
However you grew up,and today it's just very, very different.
And I think there'sa lot of fear of judgment.
that you have to have the answer rightaway, that
search it on Google and you'll find it.
And life isn't really like that.
(18:20):
Talk about a little bit about what you seeprofessionally with with
new hires,if you will. Young professionals.
I think with young professionals,they want to be perfect.
Sometimesthey're afraid to even make a mistake.
So they just sit in their boxand they won't venture out.
and, you know,
everybody is going to make mistakes.
(18:41):
So really for us, we try to teach themthat, hey, talk to a colleague.
We try to mentor them alongand coach them along
so that they really do feel likethey can blossom in their role.
When you have the abilityand this isn't family
or even work settings,and you have the ability to go
ask somebody, well,how do you handle this?
(19:03):
And they are able to tell youhow they handle it, handled it,
and it was a different way of handling itthan you're thinking.
it's a great environment to grow in
our founder, Fred Middleton,he's really great at being a mentor,
and that's one of the things that we'veall been blessed with is we've been able
(19:24):
to talk to him and figure outhow he did things back in the day.
You know,that was way, way back in the day.
But still, it's there are thingsthat you can glean from his experience,
I hate to tell you that kids think we arefrom way, way back in the day.
I know we didn't have computers.
I remember the first typewriterbeing put on everybody's desk.
(19:45):
Carbon paper.
I remember the first email,the birth of the internet.
I mean, yeah,we look really old, so. Right.
That's the funnest thing in our officeis an old typewriter.
It's there for nostalgia purposes.
Oh, Iwant to go back to parenting a little bit.
you and I are similar in ages,but you have one child.
(20:05):
I have four.
I think you do such a good jobof being intentional
and having conversationsand framing situations for your son
to learn from, whereasI feel like there's chaos always going on.
I'm exhausted when I get home.
lucky to put them all in bedwhen they were little.
(20:26):
And I just look backand I think about all the opportunities
that I have missed over the yearsto really teach them.
and, you know, it's something that
you have to make peace with over time.
I didn't, I didn't do itthe way I would have wanted to
because life was realityand I did it the way I had to.
(20:47):
So a lot of conversationsI have in my head, but
you also said something about,they learn from example.
They're watching, they're listening.
They pick up a lotmore than you think they do.
And now that my kids are intheir young 20’s, late teens,
for the
most part, we havesome really interesting conversations.
(21:08):
And sometimes I'm like, phew,they did hear that.
They did catch that. It's okay.
But I think you have such a strength
in pausing
and really addressing the situation.
I mean, talk a little bitabout how you have made that
a purpose and a way for your son to learn.
(21:29):
So we were not blessedto have children early on in life.
And so when we have them late in life,I knew what a blessing it was.
and I will say this.
First of all, I've met your kids andthey're all amazing kids, so thank you.
They were listening.
We're always our own worst critic. But,
you know, you lay in bed and the thingsthat go through your head right?
(21:50):
But I think just taking a momentand being able
to teach from what I know
and letting him see,it gives him an advantage when he grows up.
That he has some situational,I like to call it situational experience.
That's my own made up word.
But, he has that situational awareness
experience and I feel like for him,that's incredibly important.
(22:16):
Do you think,
well, let me ask you this.
How do you think we help our kidsthink about wealth?
And when I say that, I do not mean money,I mean,
how do we help them realizewhere they are
wealthy, right.
And we're not going to use that wordwith them.
But the concept is there.
(22:38):
I like to think about it
as, blessings for because that'swhere they can understand.
And so I really like to help themsee their strengths.
Let them identify as their own individual,
help them grow,but also how they fit in the family.
you have four children.
(22:59):
They're all four unique individuals.
Yes, they are.
And, they all have their placein the family and they,
you know, they have cousinsand other relationships within the family
helping themidentify that, hey, you may not be,
maybe one of them is
not a sports person and their cousin is,
(23:22):
and one may not be a brainiac,and they are just trying to help them
see that they are blessed in that areaand not compare to each other,
and then also that they have this greatbig family and in this whole,
circle of love around them,
and that they fit inand they're wanted and needed.
I think that's incredibly importantin this world that we live in right now,
(23:44):
where people feel out of balance, out of,
out of kilter,
where they don't feel likethey have a purpose
or they don't feel like they are wantedand needed.
So that that reminds me of something,
you and I were both growing up in the 80’s.
It was the real dual income
(24:07):
lifestyle.
Both parents working kidsgoing home to empty houses.
you know, there was somewhat a
the level of destruction of family valuesduring that time.
And if I look at thatat one end of the pendulum,
I think we have swung to the far end.
And, you know, we see kids come in nowthat are not motivated by money,
(24:30):
not that they're not motivated by it,but it's not a top motivation for them.
And insteadthey're motivated by a work life balance.
Having experiences, I mean, they'll savemoney and vacation to take these,
experience trips.
I mean, they're not just vacations, but,you know, it's rock climbing.
It's it's island hopping.
(24:52):
It's whatever it is,but it's it seems deeper than what
we experienced with peersthat went on vacations.
You know,
they might go to Cancun and spend a weekon the beach and drink beer and have fun.
But these kids seem like they're,you know, not all of them,
but there's a fair amountthat are after real true experiences.
(25:12):
And it's it's filling that bucket
in a different way, right,with what I would say
seems to have more purposeand thought to it than
ever happened in our lifetimes.
Well, I think I think the pendulumhas swung that way, and hopefully,
maybe it will swing back to the middlejust a little bit.
(25:34):
where,
you know, you don't need to have money
to live wealthy,
but you can also create chaos
if you don't have some to fall back on
being thoughtful, having a plan.
I mean, those are not, subs.
You can't substitute that otherwise.You're right.
(25:55):
You live in chaos and fear, and that'swhen you are afraid of flight again
and not having balanceand not having gratitude.
I mean, it's a cycle.
So you do have to find your happy medium.
And I think,
what I have seen in, in some of the
young professionals that really want thoseexperiences, they really plan for them,
(26:17):
they know what they want to do.
They figure out how much they need
to save to get there,how much vacation time they need.
and it's it's not just on a whim.
It's a year or two in advancethat they're planning these trips.
And to me, that'sjust such a more thoughtful approach than,
like I said, we used to do.
I think it is.
And, the outcomes are a lotbetter as well.
(26:40):
I agree, I agree.
No, it's it's
fulfilling when they take those trips,there's a sense of accomplishment.
Right?
They've achieved a goal. Exactly.Yeah. No.
And then it does give them that boost.
They need to continue on work and not feelstressed out, burnout, whatnot.
And it's not like that's
the only vacation they take,but that's just the one that refuels them.
(27:04):
So kind of
continuing in
on that path since we're right here,
is wealth money?
And I think in our society today,
the answer looks like yes,but it's really not.
So if it if
if wealth is money,then why doesn't it feel so fulfilling
(27:27):
when you have the big house,the fancy car, the designer shoes,
you know, the latest whatever.
You still see people
trying to keep up with the Joneses,looking at who else has what.
Oh, what? Maybe I need more.
You can't ever fill that voidif you're measuring that way.
(27:48):
And yet, as a society,we keep seem to repeat that
pattern again and again, thinkingthat we're going to be fulfilled there.
But as I tell my kids,there's always somebody richer than you,
always somebody prettier than you,always somebody smarter than you.
But you know what?
You're prettier than some people.
You're smarter than some people.You have more than some people.
(28:09):
I mean, it's a spectrum.
And don't try and beon top all the time, because
you don't get there
and you fall from thereand you're judged from there.
And I mean, there's a lot of negativesthat go along with that as well.
So, you know, as a society,
it feels likewe need to change what we call valuable.
(28:32):
I hundred percent believe that.
I think our, our kids deserve to change
what we call valuable.
it is living in,
you know, the frameas in a picture frame, right?
Right now as on social media. Right? Yeah.
And I really feel likewhen you find people who are really
(28:54):
and love themselves and love the peoplethat are around them, they are the ones
you want to be around, notthe ones that are trying to get the next.
Those people fill you up becausethey're comfortable with where they are.
They're genuine in who they are.
It's a great point, 100%.
They feel their value in who they are.
They're not trying to be somethingor someone else. Right.
(29:15):
That's a great point.
so wetalked a little bit about kids in wealth.
How do we help kids think about money?
And as a society,do you think we prepared them enough?
and let me just mention.
I answer my own question.
(29:36):
Maybe
I, I think
and I did a Ted talk on this years ago.
we start to trainkids on sex ed in elementary school,
but tell me when your childis taking a financial literacy class.
Never.
And so this is a tool that I hopethey will use every day,
you know, deciding
(29:57):
what to do with money, whether it'sdo I buy this cup of coffee or this soda?
Do I buy this candy?
Do I buy this new Xbox controller?
I mean, they're making those decisionsall day long, every day.
I hope they aren't making sex ed decisionsevery day, you know?
Right.
so it drivesme crazy that we don't teach that more.
(30:18):
And to to that effect.
we launched a bootcampthis summer to really teach those late
high school kids, early college kids,
about how to think about financialdecisions and things that make sense.
But as a society,as we're talking to our children,
how do we prepare themfor not following the money,
(30:39):
but still being
productive,you know, finding jobs that work for them?
I mean, you know, we laughabout criminal justice as a degree.
Well, what are you going to do?You want to be the police force?
Do you want to go to law school?
Do you want to be in the FBI?
You know,did you think about what your degree was?
And just for the show,that's my daughter's degree.
(31:02):
Well, so
for I don't think we do a justice to our kids.
I think we send them off and we expectthem to be perfect in many decisions.
And we didn't give them the tools.
And you said a great word there.
Again, perfect.
They're going to fail.
They should fail.I mean look we fail as adults.
We fail.
And I think as adultswe are afraid to talk to our kids
(31:27):
about money and decision
making because sometimes we fearthat we're not making the right ones.
So how do you teach it if you don't feellike you're always living it. Right?
It is uncomfortable to have conversations.
We have conversations with our 13 year oldand it's it's,
you know, they ask questionsand you're like, oh, I didn't
think about thator I'm not really ready to tell you that.
(31:48):
But really, if you're preparing them,
you you have to geta little uncomfortable.
It's okay, be vulnerable.
Be vulnerable andit will get better as you grow together.
And it's just like having a first child,right? Right.
You made some mistakes on your first childthat you didn't make.
On the second one you learned on them.
(32:08):
You both were learning together.
And so as an oldest child,I can tell you that, that happens.
And so I really think that preparing them,but also you ask about how to
how do you help themnot just follow the dollars. And
really when you talk about kidsand are they
(32:29):
are they purpose filled?
Is this what they enjoy doing?
They're going to have to do some jobsto figure out what that is.
We all kind of probablywere a little bit.
Had some failure first jobs, you mean?
A little bit of,bouncing around in the beginning.
But that's life, right?
You have to find your way, but
it's getting them back to their purpose.
(32:52):
What are their values?
I have a great story about your dad.
He worked for a gentleman.
He was making greatmoney, had four babies, and,
he told me that
somebody asked him to do somethingthat was not he didn't feel was ethical.
And he quit his job and called his wife.
(33:12):
That your mom and said,I just quit my job.
And he was, like, mortified.
But his character was more important.
If you knew Les's dad,you knew character was all
you know.
He was just a man of character.
And so,
that's, that's teaching
kids it's okay to stand up forwhat is right.
(33:33):
Yeah, yeah, I, I look backon the things that my parents did
and I can see lessonsthat we learned along the way.
And then I reflect on mine and I'm like,
have we shown them those things?
But, you know, even again,when we were going through those as kids,
it's not like my parents stopped and said,hey, look, this is what's happening.
(33:56):
We just absorbed it from the situation.
So hopefully that is happeningwith my children.
But I think not shying away fromthose conversations is important.
And like you said, you know, maybe it'snot 100% transparency with numbers,
but it's, it'sthe character of the conversation.
(34:17):
It's, it's going down that path of,hey, look, everything is not always great
and you have to be ableto make adjustments.
Or maybe the conversation is,
you, you chose that job and
it pays well, but you’re burnout,you don't like the people you work with.
You know that voice inside your head,your heart, wherever, is telling you that
(34:38):
maybe this isn't for you?
And being able to
be comfortablewith coaching them to listen to yourself.
And, you know,
because you did raise those kidsand they do have values and those are
the thing that that that is important,that’s going to drive them.
I do think when you can align your valueswith your decision making,
(35:01):
that's where you find fulfillment.
That's where you find purpose.
You've got alignment there.
And I think you're famousfor saying the money will come.
If you can fill those first two thingsand maybe it's that the money doesn't
have to be as much because you're happydoing what you're doing.
or maybe
(35:21):
it's because you are happydoing what you're doing.
You're good at it, and you're betterin your job because of that.
And you make more money becauseyou progress along in your career faster.
Lots of different ways to go.
But the alignment of values and decisionmaking, I think, is truly important
(35:41):
for a purpose filled lifeand and feeling fulfilled in life.
I think so too,if you think about it, Liz,
if somebody walked inand gave you all the money in the world
but every other aspect of your life,you hated, you hated
who you had to be to get that money,you hated everything.
Would you really take that option?
Nope, nope.
(36:02):
The money's not worth it.
And I think if we ask ourselvesthose questions, that's a great point.
Great point.
Live in that situationmentally before you go there.
Yes. What outcome do you want from it?
Right.
Yeah.
You give me something to think about.
Any other words of wisdom on
kids,
(36:24):
siblings, family?
So I would say,from a parental standpoint,
I don't have multiples,but I work with a lot of clients that do.
And, your kidsall have a calculator in their head,
and they're all thinking abouthow you gave Liz something
and you didn't give Charlotte something,and, you know, that's that.
(36:48):
having transparent conversations
about why you're doing something for oneand not the other,
especially when they're adults,is a really good habit to get into.
why is that important?
So I really feel likewhen you have those conversations, let's
let's just I said you gave Liz somethingyou don't have, but let's say you had a
(37:12):
special needs childand you needed to stay home.
and your sister was a doctor,
and she didn't need to stay home,didn't have any children.
Your parents were supporting youto do that.
Having that conversationand not doing that behind the scenes
with Charlotte, your sister.
(37:33):
who allows her to say,oh, of course you're going to do that.
It allows there not to be that baggage.
The animosity, the animosity, resentment,the jealousy that can pop up
and all of these things. I love to say,
we can bring our animosity, our baggage,
if you will, to every yes,every family function.
(37:55):
If we don't get these conversations
out in front of everybody.
It is very fair point.
I think a lot of familieslive in those unhealthy family dynamics.
and they're living wealth
as a monetary instrumentinstead of wealth,
as something that fuels your lifethat is more broad, like health,
(38:20):
like family, like love, like faith, likethose things that fulfill you as a person.
If we're focused on the monetaryaspect of wealth,
life can get really messyand really divisive.
and that'sjust not a pleasant way to live.
No, it isn't, and it's chaos. Yeah.
(38:40):
And it's stressful.
Instead of a family where it's your peaceand you can go back to
and they always have your back and they'resupporting you and there's connection.
There's not.
It's broken and it's chaotic.
And then people dread coming togetherand being a part of that.
Yeah.So it's really unhealthy in so many ways.
(39:04):
Takeaways.
Can you, can yougive me a couple takeaways for audience
if they want to really thinkabout living life richly
and, having wealththat is more than money.
What do you what do you recommend?
I would say that spending timewith your kids, figuring out what
(39:26):
your purpose is, what fills your bucket,
and then evaluating what are your values?
Are you living your values?
Are you living with a presence?
And then are you making decisions on it?
And when you start making decisions basedon your values, it becomes a no brainer.
I would say, do you talk about your valuesand listen, I'm the first one to
(39:47):
throw out the question and not necessarilydo it because it's hard to
be sitting around the dinnertable talking about sports and then say,
hey, let's talk about our values.
But finding ways to incorporate those intoa conversation somehow is so powerful.
And even if it's through telling a story.
(40:08):
I was thinking about this the other day.
My mother and her cousin are very close.
They grew up together in El Paso and,
the the family
is getting older,and they went back and pulled all of these
great photos, letters that were writtenbetween my great grandparents.
(40:28):
And there's such an incredible historythere of what my great grandparents did
in the 1880’s, that, you know, today
would just seem so foreign to my kidsbut they put these two beautiful books
together of their mothers,their grandmothers, and,
and the history and delivered themand to all my siblings.
(40:50):
And I realized, you know,I have them there, and I had them out
to look through them.And then they got put away.
And I haven't looked through them.
And I'm embarrassed to sayit's probably been close to a year.
So I'm laying in bed less the other night,
you know, awake thoughtsgoing through her head.
And one of the thoughts was, oh my gosh,
I need to get those books outand we need to sit down in the living room
after dinner, you know, not formal,but just flip through them and say,
(41:15):
oh my gosh,my mother had a donkey instead of a bike.
You know, growing up.
And that's, “what” story.
Then you can get the book out,right? Right.
I mean, that's that's
because your kids don't want to sit down
and look at old picturesuntil you start telling a story.
And they're like,I don't believe you, right?
Remember, they're the Google generation.
So you got your evidence right here.
(41:37):
Here is your grandmotherwith her donkey. Yep.
And you would never believe who she is.
Today was who she was then.
That's so much fun to do those game nights.
That's a really good timeto bring in a conversation.
A story we've talked before about,just how human beings are wired to tell
(42:02):
and to hear and to learn from stories.
It's really it is has a 75% retentionrate versus phenomenal. Yes.
Well, and we we createdlittle conversation cards that you know,
there's like 20 in a pack, but it is
implicitly trying to get
people to think about their values without
(42:23):
saying, hey, what's your value?
I mean,what are the things you value most?
And those are great,
conversations around the dinner tablethat you can have that aren't awkward.
But, you know, teenagers and above,I think is the right audience for that.
For the most part, I think it is.
I think you can you can meet each one withwith its own little bit of nuggets.
(42:43):
You build upon it as they're younger.
I think we were telling our child,when he had fallen and get hurt.
Your max will get at you.
Can you eat?
We're strong. We get up, we rise again.
They say that those little thingsthat you tell them, that
you repeat to them over the years,are who they become.
So find the things that are importantto you and repeat them
(43:05):
very much so well,there are so many great conversations
that come from discoveringthe true wealth in your life.
And I feel that when you see,wealth for more than money,
you will have true clarityin what matters to you,
and that clarity will help youin every decision you make.
(43:26):
Thank you for spending time with us.
I look forward to the next timeyou'll join us.
And remember,wealth is a lot more than money.
Thank you.
Welcome to This is Wealth
On this podcast we ask what is wealth?
What does wealthy really mean to you?
Most of us immediatelythink of money, but honestly,
wealth is so much more than that.
If you have health, deep friendships, asupportive family, you have great wealth.
Our conversations are going to focus ontopics and guests
(00:23):
that will enrich your lifethrough their experiences and stories.
Our goal is to help you achieve your ownwealth in the many facets of your life.
This is wealth.
It isn't all about money.
It's about living life richly.
My name is Liz Crawford,and I have been in the investment
and wealth managementindustry for 30 years.
I have been blessed to work with a widevariety of clients, from people
(00:45):
accumulating assetsto one day retire to mega wealthy families
who could do anything to nonprofitsserving our communities.
Each client brings their own story.
It's my favorite part of workingwith clients.
What I have learned over the years iswealth isn't measured in dollars.
I want to share with you true storiesthat are practical, motivating,
(01:08):
and inspiring and will likely shiftyour view of what wealth is.
These are normal, everyday peopleyou may run into in the coffee shop.
When you hear their story, their journey,
you can't helpbut be impacted in some way.
Some guests will have very practicaltakeaways you can use in your life.
Other guest
stories will sit with you for daysand have you reflecting on your life.
(01:30):
Get ready to be impacted.
Today as we launch our first episode.
I've asked my friend and partnerfrom Sendero Wealth
Management, Tara Maxwell, to join me.
Tara and I work very closely designing
(01:50):
family engagement programsfor families of generational wealth,
and it might surprise you to knowthat money
is not the most important thingto these families.
Let's beginwith a question to our audience.
How do you define wealth?
Hit pause.
Think about that questionand we'll get back to you in a minute.
(02:14):
Welcome back.
Now, if you start asking friendsand family that question,
you might be surprised.
Some of the answers will really shock you,and you'll be surprised to know
that money is not really the top answer.
We often use money and wealthinterchangeably, but they're not really
the same.
I find that when you askwhat matters most to you and why,
(02:38):
we get to the trueanswer of what wealth is for you.
Tara, let me ask you,how do you define wealth in your life?
You would ask me that. I appreciate that.
it's definitely the family.
The purpose that I have.
I can only say for myself.
It's my faith.
(02:58):
It's the things that matter most to me.
If I had not anything leftin my financial category,
I would still have those things left.
And so that makes me a very wealthyand blessed person.
Isn't it funny that some of the familiesthat we work with
say again and again,the money could go away?
And sometimes the money is a burden,but the true wealth that they have,
(03:20):
and that is the most important thingto them, is their family.
Often for the familieswe work with, it's their faith.
it's making surethat they have that togetherness
and that nothing divides them upas a family.
It's true. It'ssomething that they're focused on.
And I really feel like thatthe people that we work with,
that's the most important part.
(03:41):
And just giving back to their familyand investing in their family is really
Okay.
You bring up a great pointinvesting in your family.
Tell me what that means.
So it's taken that time and it's havingpurpose living purposefully, intentionally
with your family,whether that be through spending,
being present, and spending your timewith your family or even,
(04:06):
trips together.
You know, your dinners togetherwhether you're close or far.
It’s those phone calls.
We have somebody in our office that works,has a family across the country.
And so every Sundaythey're speaking on the phone.
That's investing time and energyinto your family.
It's a it's a great point.
(04:27):
We have a saying, investing in memories.
So spending time with your family,making that a priority
is a way to invest in memoriesthat you will all have forever.
And you know that that little slide showplays in your mind of those great times
you spent together.
And that's a richness that youyou can't just go out and buy.
(04:47):
You have to make
the time to make that happenand be together and make it a priority.
So if I think about the financial
industry, because that's the worldwhere we come from,
it really does a fantastic job
of focusing on wealth as money.
It creates products to grow your wealth.
We have estate planning attorneysto transfer your money,
(05:09):
and philanthropyis a way to give your money away.
But this often leavesmany people still feeling
like what's really importanthasn't been addressed.
So what?
What's missing in all of that?
It's the memories.
It's the stories. It's the values.
It's the connectedness of it is yourwhy that all adds up to your why.
(05:32):
Why are youwhy are you trying to make this money?
Great point.
So why, why or why are you tryingto transfer this wealth down?
I often say that
the estate planningis the technical aspect of moving money,
but again,that's not people's really main priority.
It's just that they knowthey're supposed to do that.
(05:55):
But what they often want to transferare the stories, the legacy.
What made this money?
Well, let me tell you about my grandfatherand what he had to do as a kid,
you know, during the depressionand how they made money,
how they had to feed themselves.
wealth was not about accumulating assets.
It was surviving day to day.
(06:15):
And then that led to my dad doing thiswhen he was young.
And, I mean, these are the storiesthat then create who you are today.
And there's a history that we all carry,whether we know it or not.
and it's that family history,those, those stories
of those people who came beforeus and how their additions,
(06:36):
you know,
left in us, how we carry those forward.
What will we take to our kids?
financial planning softwaredoesn't touch that.
Estate documents don't touch that.
growing money doesn't touch those stories.
So how do you address that with families?
So we sit downand we dig down into those stories.
(07:02):
We ask the questions.
We try to help them
get out.
What is what is their reason?
What is their why?
We all have a surface level,but really digging down.
So asking the next questionand being able
to really get them to think about,you know what?
(07:22):
This is really important to me.
And I'm here todayto make somebody proud, to prepare,
to provide for my kids, whatever that is,to provide for the next generation.
Sometimes it's to provide for my communitythings
that are important to eachand every family that we work with.
We design it.
Think of it like this, Liz.
(07:42):
It's like a tree.
And if you're just focused on the wealth,it's like those trees that just
die immediately if they grow fastand there's no roots.
We're trying to create the roots trying to
develop for each generation going forward.
Their connection to the
(08:02):
wealth it's a great pictureif you think the root system underground
and the trees connecting and buildingstrong branches, strong trunks,
and then you can build from that.
if I think about our, our industry,taking that a little bit further,
you know, if I'm a consumerin this world of finance,
(08:24):
I can get help from a broker, an advisor or a money manager.
But why do you thinkwe have so few conversations
with those service providersabout my value and my purpose?
Don't you think that that should align
with your money choicesand what you're trying to do?
And yet it's so rarely talked about.So it's scary, right?
(08:46):
If I ask you a questionyou don't want to answer or,
you answer.
And it's scary for me because I'ma mathematical guy or gal
and an analyst with emotions. And emotionsjust don't come out.
It's scary.
And so I will sometimes avoid thatquestion if I'm that type of personality.
(09:08):
But at the end of the day,moving wealth forward,
helping people live their most rich life,that is what we want to do.
We want to help design that forfor our families where they're really have
that deep root systemwhere they're getting to grow their trees.
So you're talking about wealthis you're talking about money.
(09:30):
No, I'm talking about feeling blessedand having purpose.
And yes, money is part of that component.
But it is a it is a
word way down the line.
So how do you help somebody
define or find their purpose?
(09:51):
We really work on
what is it that is driving you day to day.
We really work on what makes you feelas if you're adding value.
What gives you joy in the moment?
What gives you,
a need to move forward?
It's like finding your career versusyour job, right?
(10:12):
Right.
It's not working when you find your careerbecause you found your passion
and your purpose,and it's really getting to that passion.
What gets you out of bed in the morning.
How do youhow do you enjoy spending your time.
What are the things that that excite you.
Right.
And if we can focus on helping themfind that
then their life becomes balanceda little bit more.
(10:36):
Great segue. Let's talk about balance.
I tell people
all the timethat that balance is not a straight line.
It is a line that moves up and downconstantly.
And what you're trying to do is strive
for low volatilityin that up and down movement.
The smaller the up and down movement,the more balanced your life is.
(10:58):
But for example,if I take my family on a week vacation,
then I am high in my family lifeI'm spending time with them.
I'm investing in memories,creating those memories we’re together
we're having a great time, we’re spending quality time together.
But then when I come back to the office,I'm going to pay for that vacation.
(11:19):
I'm going to have to work longer nights.
I'm going to have to put in extra timeat the office,
which means my familylife is going to suffer.
But on average, when you combine those,I've got work life balance.
It just means I canspend time where I need to.
if I'm if I'm thinking about wealth,
how do you think balance playsinto living a wealthy life?
(11:45):
I think when you are balanced,it takes the chaos,
the anxiety, theit keeps you up at night, factor away.
And so having that balance allows you
not to be in the moment of stress at alltimes.
Just how am I going to handle thisone situation
(12:05):
that's putting me out of balance?
I think we all strivefor balance in our lives,
and when we are balanced,we are humming along
and it just makes lifefeel like it's going by
pleasurably as opposed to
I just can't take any more of it.
I tend to live in those.
I can't take any moreof this weeks on occasion.
(12:27):
I think maybe you do that to yourself.
I do, I do,and I also think that when you're in,
we call it the fight or flight,you know, phase of stress
that you don't have the gratitudethat helps you find that balance as well.
I think gratitude is a big component
of being thankful for where you arethankful for what you have.
(12:49):
It allows you to look at thingsa lot differently.
If you think about things
from the gratitudestandpoint, it’s never the glass half empty.
It's a glass half full.
So when you approacha problem, you're able to say, okay,
yeah, this is just a
challenge,just a blip, and you're able to master
any issue that comes alongand have creative solutions
(13:13):
instead of not seeing any solutionsbecause you're so stressed out.
Absolutely.
I think one time I've worked with somebodythat they always would say,
oh, I'm just so stressed. I'm so stressed.
And I think we've all met those people.
and more things happen to those people, yes,because they cannot make
a good choice at that point.
(13:33):
They're just living inthat stress filled life.
So how do you, help peoplewho tend to live more in that realm?
How can you help themfind that balance and that gratitude?
So I love a gratitude journaland writing down.
And when you start writing down gratitude,what you're grateful for,
(13:53):
when you start saying it out loud,you begin to thank.
I'm grateful for the friendshipsthat I've made.
I'm gratefulfor the work that I get to do.
The purposethat I live, grateful for my family.
So you just begin to think about,
you know, I have a lot of thingsto be grateful for.
My life's not so bad,and you're forced to slow down
(14:14):
to think about those thingsso you decompress as you're doing that.
I think actually writingis proven to decompress people as well.
you know, interestingly enough,
one of the most powerful things
to set off balance from,
(14:37):
people worry about having,
kids that are spoiled and entitledand don't understand
the sacrifices that were made,
which I think ties backto our conversation on telling the stories
of what got you to the pointwhere you are in life,
how your your parents, your grandparentsplayed into where you are today.
(14:59):
but gratitude offsets entitlement.
If children understandthe sacrifices that were made,
then they're less likely to huff and puffwhen they don't get something,
but actually be grateful for you.
Be appreciative for what you do for them.
And that's a seismic shiftin a relationship
if you've been on the entitled side.
(15:22):
but I think it's somethingthat most of the families that we work
with worry about on some levelwhether it's
in the back of their head or whether it'sscreaming out front at them,
how do I how do I not raise entitled kids?
And in today's society where everything isso disposable, just buy another one,
you know, even order it on Amazon,whatever it may be, it's immediately here.
(15:42):
how do you think about
helping kids to practically understand
that there's more to life than Amazon?
It's a hard one, right?
Because you have to
really engage with the child,but then you have to develop who they are
and help them see their purpose in lifeand what their strengths
(16:02):
and characteristics are,and then helping bring that value.
My one surprise that I havefor every parent that we work with,
with every family, is your kids
were listening?
Yeah, they were listening to those values.
They were listening to those stories.
And, we have yet to do a familythat they don't in some form or fashion.
The parents say,
(16:24):
you know, I didn't realize they heard me.
And so I think just really reiterating whothey are, what their family stands for.
you know, our family has a,
a motto we're from in Ireland,and our motto is to rise again.
And so you just know thatthat is who you will be going forward.
(16:48):
no matter what comes at you and teachingkids that you're going to have mistakes.
And I will tell you, Liz,the one thing I think is telling them
about your failures sometimes is huge.
just think about social mediaand the pretense.
Right?
That is shownbecause everything looks perfect.
People are in these great vacations.
I mean, nobody shows the crappy partof life on social media. No, they’re always smiling,
(17:12):
and it's always the best angleand the best hair.
And the little comments are,oh, love you so much.
And you're like, wait, I thoughtyou didn't like that child at all, right?
I mean, it's just this fake facade, butthat's the world they're growing up in.
So how do you ground themand help them know there's more to life?
Showing the mistakes is just aawesome, powerful opportunity
to say, hey, life isn't perfectand things don't always work out.
(17:35):
And you've got to be prepared andresilient and know how to get up again.
it's that's hugely powerful.
I even think about in the workforce,we have a fair
amount of young kids that come in,
and, you know, it's very differentthan when you and I were growing up.
We didn't have cell phones.There was nobody watching us.
(17:56):
We didn't have to put on a facade.
We were all riding bikes together.
Right? Playing in the woods or whateverit was.
However you grew up,and today it's just very, very different.
And I think there'sa lot of fear of judgment.
that you have to have the answer rightaway, that
search it on Google and you'll find it.
And life isn't really like that.
(18:20):
Talk about a little bit about what you seeprofessionally with with
new hires,if you will. Young professionals.
I think with young professionals,they want to be perfect.
Sometimesthey're afraid to even make a mistake.
So they just sit in their boxand they won't venture out.
and, you know,
everybody is going to make mistakes.
(18:41):
So really for us, we try to teach themthat, hey, talk to a colleague.
We try to mentor them alongand coach them along
so that they really do feel likethey can blossom in their role.
When you have the abilityand this isn't family
or even work settings,and you have the ability to go
ask somebody, well,how do you handle this?
(19:03):
And they are able to tell youhow they handle it, handled it,
and it was a different way of handling itthan you're thinking.
it's a great environment to grow in
our founder, Fred Middleton,he's really great at being a mentor,
and that's one of the things that we'veall been blessed with is we've been able
(19:24):
to talk to him and figure outhow he did things back in the day.
You know,that was way, way back in the day.
But still, it's there are thingsthat you can glean from his experience,
I hate to tell you that kids think we arefrom way, way back in the day.
I know we didn't have computers.
I remember the first typewriterbeing put on everybody's desk.
(19:45):
Carbon paper.
I remember the first email,the birth of the internet.
I mean, yeah,we look really old, so. Right.
That's the funnest thing in our officeis an old typewriter.
It's there for nostalgia purposes.
Oh, Iwant to go back to parenting a little bit.
you and I are similar in ages,but you have one child.
(20:05):
I have four.
I think you do such a good jobof being intentional
and having conversationsand framing situations for your son
to learn from, whereasI feel like there's chaos always going on.
I'm exhausted when I get home.
lucky to put them all in bedwhen they were little.
(20:26):
And I just look backand I think about all the opportunities
that I have missed over the yearsto really teach them.
and, you know, it's something that
you have to make peace with over time.
I didn't, I didn't do itthe way I would have wanted to
because life was realityand I did it the way I had to.
(20:47):
So a lot of conversationsI have in my head, but
you also said something about,they learn from example.
They're watching, they're listening.
They pick up a lotmore than you think they do.
And now that my kids are intheir young 20’s, late teens,
for the
most part, we havesome really interesting conversations.
(21:08):
And sometimes I'm like, phew,they did hear that.
They did catch that. It's okay.
But I think you have such a strength
in pausing
and really addressing the situation.
I mean, talk a little bitabout how you have made that
a purpose and a way for your son to learn.
(21:29):
So we were not blessedto have children early on in life.
And so when we have them late in life,I knew what a blessing it was.
and I will say this.
First of all, I've met your kids andthey're all amazing kids, so thank you.
They were listening.
We're always our own worst critic. But,
you know, you lay in bed and the thingsthat go through your head right?
(21:50):
But I think just taking a momentand being able
to teach from what I know
and letting him see,it gives him an advantage when he grows up.
That he has some situational,I like to call it situational experience.
That's my own made up word.
But, he has that situational awareness
experience and I feel like for him,that's incredibly important.
(22:16):
Do you think,
well, let me ask you this.
How do you think we help our kidsthink about wealth?
And when I say that, I do not mean money,I mean,
how do we help them realizewhere they are
wealthy, right.
And we're not going to use that wordwith them.
But the concept is there.
(22:38):
I like to think about it
as, blessings for because that'swhere they can understand.
And so I really like to help themsee their strengths.
Let them identify as their own individual,
help them grow,but also how they fit in the family.
you have four children.
(22:59):
They're all four unique individuals.
Yes, they are.
And, they all have their placein the family and they,
you know, they have cousinsand other relationships within the family
helping themidentify that, hey, you may not be,
maybe one of them is
not a sports person and their cousin is,
(23:22):
and one may not be a brainiac,and they are just trying to help them
see that they are blessed in that areaand not compare to each other,
and then also that they have this greatbig family and in this whole,
circle of love around them,
and that they fit inand they're wanted and needed.
I think that's incredibly importantin this world that we live in right now,
(23:44):
where people feel out of balance, out of,
out of kilter,
where they don't feel likethey have a purpose
or they don't feel like they are wantedand needed.
So that that reminds me of something,
you and I were both growing up in the 80’s.
It was the real dual income
(24:07):
lifestyle.
Both parents working kidsgoing home to empty houses.
you know, there was somewhat a
the level of destruction of family valuesduring that time.
And if I look at thatat one end of the pendulum,
I think we have swung to the far end.
And, you know, we see kids come in nowthat are not motivated by money,
(24:30):
not that they're not motivated by it,but it's not a top motivation for them.
And insteadthey're motivated by a work life balance.
Having experiences, I mean, they'll savemoney and vacation to take these,
experience trips.
I mean, they're not just vacations, but,you know, it's rock climbing.
It's it's island hopping.
(24:52):
It's whatever it is,but it's it seems deeper than what
we experienced with peersthat went on vacations.
You know,
they might go to Cancun and spend a weekon the beach and drink beer and have fun.
But these kids seem like they're,you know, not all of them,
but there's a fair amountthat are after real true experiences.
(25:12):
And it's it's filling that bucket
in a different way, right,with what I would say
seems to have more purposeand thought to it than
ever happened in our lifetimes.
Well, I think I think the pendulumhas swung that way, and hopefully,
maybe it will swing back to the middlejust a little bit.
(25:34):
where,
you know, you don't need to have money
to live wealthy,
but you can also create chaos
if you don't have some to fall back on
being thoughtful, having a plan.
I mean, those are not, subs.
You can't substitute that otherwise.You're right.
(25:55):
You live in chaos and fear, and that'swhen you are afraid of flight again
and not having balanceand not having gratitude.
I mean, it's a cycle.
So you do have to find your happy medium.
And I think,
what I have seen in, in some of the
young professionals that really want thoseexperiences, they really plan for them,
(26:17):
they know what they want to do.
They figure out how much they need
to save to get there,how much vacation time they need.
and it's it's not just on a whim.
It's a year or two in advancethat they're planning these trips.
And to me, that'sjust such a more thoughtful approach than,
like I said, we used to do.
I think it is.
And, the outcomes are a lotbetter as well.
(26:40):
I agree, I agree.
No, it's it's
fulfilling when they take those trips,there's a sense of accomplishment.
Right?
They've achieved a goal. Exactly.Yeah. No.
And then it does give them that boost.
They need to continue on work and not feelstressed out, burnout, whatnot.
And it's not like that's
the only vacation they take,but that's just the one that refuels them.
(27:04):
So kind of
continuing in
on that path since we're right here,
is wealth money?
And I think in our society today,
the answer looks like yes,but it's really not.
So if it if
if wealth is money,then why doesn't it feel so fulfilling
(27:27):
when you have the big house,the fancy car, the designer shoes,
you know, the latest whatever.
You still see people
trying to keep up with the Joneses,looking at who else has what.
Oh, what? Maybe I need more.
You can't ever fill that voidif you're measuring that way.
(27:48):
And yet, as a society,we keep seem to repeat that
pattern again and again, thinkingthat we're going to be fulfilled there.
But as I tell my kids,there's always somebody richer than you,
always somebody prettier than you,always somebody smarter than you.
But you know what?
You're prettier than some people.
You're smarter than some people.You have more than some people.
(28:09):
I mean, it's a spectrum.
And don't try and beon top all the time, because
you don't get there
and you fall from thereand you're judged from there.
And I mean, there's a lot of negativesthat go along with that as well.
So, you know, as a society,
it feels likewe need to change what we call valuable.
(28:32):
I hundred percent believe that.
I think our, our kids deserve to change
what we call valuable.
it is living in,
you know, the frameas in a picture frame, right?
Right now as on social media. Right? Yeah.
And I really feel likewhen you find people who are really
(28:54):
and love themselves and love the peoplethat are around them, they are the ones
you want to be around, notthe ones that are trying to get the next.
Those people fill you up becausethey're comfortable with where they are.
They're genuine in who they are.
It's a great point, 100%.
They feel their value in who they are.
They're not trying to be somethingor someone else. Right.
(29:15):
That's a great point.
so wetalked a little bit about kids in wealth.
How do we help kids think about money?
And as a society,do you think we prepared them enough?
and let me just mention.
I answer my own question.
(29:36):
Maybe
I, I think
and I did a Ted talk on this years ago.
we start to trainkids on sex ed in elementary school,
but tell me when your childis taking a financial literacy class.
Never.
And so this is a tool that I hopethey will use every day,
you know, deciding
(29:57):
what to do with money, whether it'sdo I buy this cup of coffee or this soda?
Do I buy this candy?
Do I buy this new Xbox controller?
I mean, they're making those decisionsall day long, every day.
I hope they aren't making sex ed decisionsevery day, you know?
Right.
so it drivesme crazy that we don't teach that more.
(30:18):
And to to that effect.
we launched a bootcampthis summer to really teach those late
high school kids, early college kids,
about how to think about financialdecisions and things that make sense.
But as a society,as we're talking to our children,
how do we prepare themfor not following the money,
(30:39):
but still being
productive,you know, finding jobs that work for them?
I mean, you know, we laughabout criminal justice as a degree.
Well, what are you going to do?You want to be the police force?
Do you want to go to law school?
Do you want to be in the FBI?
You know,did you think about what your degree was?
And just for the show,that's my daughter's degree.
(31:02):
Well, so
for I don't think we do a justice to our kids.
I think we send them off and we expectthem to be perfect in many decisions.
And we didn't give them the tools.
And you said a great word there.
Again, perfect.
They're going to fail.
They should fail.I mean look we fail as adults.
We fail.
And I think as adultswe are afraid to talk to our kids
(31:27):
about money and decision
making because sometimes we fearthat we're not making the right ones.
So how do you teach it if you don't feellike you're always living it. Right?
It is uncomfortable to have conversations.
We have conversations with our 13 year oldand it's it's,
you know, they ask questionsand you're like, oh, I didn't
think about thator I'm not really ready to tell you that.
(31:48):
But really, if you're preparing them,
you you have to geta little uncomfortable.
It's okay, be vulnerable.
Be vulnerable andit will get better as you grow together.
And it's just like having a first child,right? Right.
You made some mistakes on your first childthat you didn't make.
On the second one you learned on them.
(32:08):
You both were learning together.
And so as an oldest child,I can tell you that, that happens.
And so I really think that preparing them,but also you ask about how to
how do you help themnot just follow the dollars. And
really when you talk about kidsand are they
(32:29):
are they purpose filled?
Is this what they enjoy doing?
They're going to have to do some jobsto figure out what that is.
We all kind of probablywere a little bit.
Had some failure first jobs, you mean?
A little bit of,bouncing around in the beginning.
But that's life, right?
You have to find your way, but
it's getting them back to their purpose.
(32:52):
What are their values?
I have a great story about your dad.
He worked for a gentleman.
He was making greatmoney, had four babies, and,
he told me that
somebody asked him to do somethingthat was not he didn't feel was ethical.
And he quit his job and called his wife.
(33:12):
That your mom and said,I just quit my job.
And he was, like, mortified.
But his character was more important.
If you knew Les's dad,you knew character was all
you know.
He was just a man of character.
And so,
that's, that's teaching
kids it's okay to stand up forwhat is right.
(33:33):
Yeah, yeah, I, I look backon the things that my parents did
and I can see lessonsthat we learned along the way.
And then I reflect on mine and I'm like,
have we shown them those things?
But, you know, even again,when we were going through those as kids,
it's not like my parents stopped and said,hey, look, this is what's happening.
(33:56):
We just absorbed it from the situation.
So hopefully that is happeningwith my children.
But I think not shying away fromthose conversations is important.
And like you said, you know, maybe it'snot 100% transparency with numbers,
but it's, it'sthe character of the conversation.
(34:17):
It's, it's going down that path of,hey, look, everything is not always great
and you have to be ableto make adjustments.
Or maybe the conversation is,
you, you chose that job and
it pays well, but you’re burnout,you don't like the people you work with.
You know that voice inside your head,your heart, wherever, is telling you that
(34:38):
maybe this isn't for you?
And being able to
be comfortablewith coaching them to listen to yourself.
And, you know,
because you did raise those kidsand they do have values and those are
the thing that that that is important,that’s going to drive them.
I do think when you can align your valueswith your decision making,
(35:01):
that's where you find fulfillment.
That's where you find purpose.
You've got alignment there.
And I think you're famousfor saying the money will come.
If you can fill those first two thingsand maybe it's that the money doesn't
have to be as much because you're happydoing what you're doing.
or maybe
(35:21):
it's because you are happydoing what you're doing.
You're good at it, and you're betterin your job because of that.
And you make more money becauseyou progress along in your career faster.
Lots of different ways to go.
But the alignment of values and decisionmaking, I think, is truly important
(35:41):
for a purpose filled lifeand and feeling fulfilled in life.
I think so too,if you think about it, Liz,
if somebody walked inand gave you all the money in the world
but every other aspect of your life,you hated, you hated
who you had to be to get that money,you hated everything.
Would you really take that option?
Nope, nope.
(36:02):
The money's not worth it.
And I think if we ask ourselvesthose questions, that's a great point.
Great point.
Live in that situationmentally before you go there.
Yes. What outcome do you want from it?
Right.
Yeah.
You give me something to think about.
Any other words of wisdom on
kids,
(36:24):
siblings, family?
So I would say,from a parental standpoint,
I don't have multiples,but I work with a lot of clients that do.
And, your kidsall have a calculator in their head,
and they're all thinking abouthow you gave Liz something
and you didn't give Charlotte something,and, you know, that's that.
(36:48):
having transparent conversations
about why you're doing something for oneand not the other,
especially when they're adults,is a really good habit to get into.
why is that important?
So I really feel likewhen you have those conversations, let's
let's just I said you gave Liz somethingyou don't have, but let's say you had a
(37:12):
special needs childand you needed to stay home.
and your sister was a doctor,
and she didn't need to stay home,didn't have any children.
Your parents were supporting youto do that.
Having that conversationand not doing that behind the scenes
with Charlotte, your sister.
(37:33):
who allows her to say,oh, of course you're going to do that.
It allows there not to be that baggage.
The animosity, the animosity, resentment,the jealousy that can pop up
and all of these things. I love to say,
we can bring our animosity, our baggage,
if you will, to every yes,every family function.
(37:55):
If we don't get these conversations
out in front of everybody.
It is very fair point.
I think a lot of familieslive in those unhealthy family dynamics.
and they're living wealth
as a monetary instrumentinstead of wealth,
as something that fuels your lifethat is more broad, like health,
(38:20):
like family, like love, like faith, likethose things that fulfill you as a person.
If we're focused on the monetaryaspect of wealth,
life can get really messyand really divisive.
and that'sjust not a pleasant way to live.
No, it isn't, and it's chaos. Yeah.
(38:40):
And it's stressful.
Instead of a family where it's your peaceand you can go back to
and they always have your back and they'resupporting you and there's connection.
There's not.
It's broken and it's chaotic.
And then people dread coming togetherand being a part of that.
Yeah.So it's really unhealthy in so many ways.
(39:04):
Takeaways.
Can you, can yougive me a couple takeaways for audience
if they want to really thinkabout living life richly
and, having wealththat is more than money.
What do you what do you recommend?
I would say that spending timewith your kids, figuring out what
(39:26):
your purpose is, what fills your bucket,
and then evaluating what are your values?
Are you living your values?
Are you living with a presence?
And then are you making decisions on it?
And when you start making decisions basedon your values, it becomes a no brainer.
I would say, do you talk about your valuesand listen, I'm the first one to
(39:47):
throw out the question and not necessarilydo it because it's hard to
be sitting around the dinnertable talking about sports and then say,
hey, let's talk about our values.
But finding ways to incorporate those intoa conversation somehow is so powerful.
And even if it's through telling a story.
(40:08):
I was thinking about this the other day.
My mother and her cousin are very close.
They grew up together in El Paso and,
the the family
is getting older,and they went back and pulled all of these
great photos, letters that were writtenbetween my great grandparents.
(40:28):
And there's such an incredible historythere of what my great grandparents did
in the 1880’s, that, you know, today
would just seem so foreign to my kidsbut they put these two beautiful books
together of their mothers,their grandmothers, and,
and the history and delivered themand to all my siblings.
(40:50):
And I realized, you know,I have them there, and I had them out
to look through them.And then they got put away.
And I haven't looked through them.
And I'm embarrassed to sayit's probably been close to a year.
So I'm laying in bed less the other night,
you know, awake thoughtsgoing through her head.
And one of the thoughts was, oh my gosh,
I need to get those books outand we need to sit down in the living room
after dinner, you know, not formal,but just flip through them and say,
(41:15):
oh my gosh,my mother had a donkey instead of a bike.
You know, growing up.
And that's, “what” story.
Then you can get the book out,right? Right.
I mean, that's that's
because your kids don't want to sit down
and look at old picturesuntil you start telling a story.
And they're like,I don't believe you, right?
Remember, they're the Google generation.
So you got your evidence right here.
(41:37):
Here is your grandmotherwith her donkey. Yep.
And you would never believe who she is.
Today was who she was then.
That's so much fun to do those game nights.
That's a really good timeto bring in a conversation.
A story we've talked before about,just how human beings are wired to tell
(42:02):
and to hear and to learn from stories.
It's really it is has a 75% retentionrate versus phenomenal. Yes.
Well, and we we createdlittle conversation cards that you know,
there's like 20 in a pack, but it is
implicitly trying to get
people to think about their values without
(42:23):
saying, hey, what's your value?
I mean,what are the things you value most?
And those are great,
conversations around the dinner tablethat you can have that aren't awkward.
But, you know, teenagers and above,I think is the right audience for that.
For the most part, I think it is.
I think you can you can meet each one withwith its own little bit of nuggets.
(42:43):
You build upon it as they're younger.
I think we were telling our child,when he had fallen and get hurt.
Your max will get at you.
Can you eat?
We're strong. We get up, we rise again.
They say that those little thingsthat you tell them, that
you repeat to them over the years,are who they become.
So find the things that are importantto you and repeat them
(43:05):
very much so well,there are so many great conversations
that come from discoveringthe true wealth in your life.
And I feel that when you see,wealth for more than money,
you will have true clarityin what matters to you,
and that clarity will help youin every decision you make.
(43:26):
Thank you for spending time with us.
I look forward to the next timeyou'll join us.
And remember,wealth is a lot more than money.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.