April 20, 2022 • 37 mins
Agenda:
- Final update on the camera replacement project (to remove the WeWatch malware)
- Introduction of new intern, Melanie Hubbard!
Takeaways:
- Everyone review results of Melanie’s background check and vote on if we should offer her a position to stay
- Matt follow through on idea of how to connect Melanie and John
- Kate to remember to take breaks
Melanie Hubbard was played by Jenny Kessler, who can be found online and in person doing improv with Letters to Chicken, Brad's Dad, and Babeprov. You can request to follow @JennyKessKlump on both Instagram and Twitter.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ben (00:07):
welcome to this startup is being recorded.
This recording is improvisedfiction.
Similarities between it and thereal world are entirely
intentional.
Now enjoy the recording.
Kate (00:26):
Okay.
Uh, Hey everybody.
Um, just another Wednesday.
Um, we're all here with our newintern, Melanie hopefully have
one of the final meetings abouttaking the cameras out of all
the devices are corrupted withwe watch.
Um, and guess Matt, you saidthat Melanie might play a role
(00:48):
in this project and that's
Matt (00:49):
Oh, yeah.
Are you kidding me?
Uh, I mean, this is basicallyMelanie's show at this point,
uh, for those who maybe haven'tmet, uh, Melanie Hubbard applied
to, uh, be an intern, uh, gosh,a couple of weeks ago, I guess,
and, uh, recommended by MJ.
Uh, so like she knows what's upwith the, we watch firmware, uh,
(01:11):
and just has.
Really speeding things up.
Uh, yeah.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
We've been really work focusedon this stuff.
Everybody's bringing a lot ofdevices.
I mean, we're looking at like,you know, siblings of cousins of
roommates here who have beeninfected with this.
Uh, I'll call it malware.
We can do that.
Uh, even though this isrecorded.
(01:31):
Hi, I'm Jay.
so.
Melanie (01:34):
and Matt I'm.
I'm sorry.
It was actually a everybody.
Uh I'm uh, Melanie.
I am so excited to be here.
Thanks for the introduction.
And I'm just going to like take,I don't know, like 30 seconds to
Matt (01:47):
Yeah, please tell, tell everybody about.
Kate (01:50):
Oh, sure.
Melanie (01:52):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I told myself.
Cry or get emotional and Ishouldn't know, work.
Um, yeah, it's just, you know,some of, you know, I've, I've,
uh, I'm very familiar with CITand, I've interviewed with each
of you, um, a couple of timesyou know, various positions.
Um, you know, got my MBA, uh, atcathedral and John, um, he spoke
(02:20):
at the commencement address andit was just.
Kate (02:24):
Oh,
Melanie (02:24):
It was so amazing.
Um, so yeah, and that wasactually
Kate (02:29):
He's not
Melanie (02:30):
sorry.
Kate (02:30):
speaker.
Melanie (02:31):
Oh no.
Oh my God.
It was, it was
Calathea (02:37):
Um,
Melanie (02:37):
believable.
I mean, it was very pithy.
It was short, it was
Matt (02:41):
Yeah.
Melanie (02:41):
minutes.
Um, but the fact that.
Contribute with such gravity wasso inspiring, but yeah, it's
been, um, 15 days and four hoursand 13 minutes.
Um, since I've been here as anintern, uh, and you know, that's
(03:04):
been so great and really kind oflet me, explore and my, um, my
past, uh, work, which was.
Paid my not internship with, uh,with we watched working on the,
um,
Matt (03:20):
Oh,
Melanie (03:20):
the team that did, uh, the install.
Matt (03:23):
yes.
Melanie (03:23):
So,
Matt (03:24):
Melanie.
You, we, we pay our interns.
Uh, you should, you should begetting paid.
Um, I put in all of yourpaperwork, uh, actually before
you started.
So I usually goes through prettyfast.
Melanie (03:39):
yeah.
Um,
Kate (03:41):
with the system, uh, of paperwork.
So
Matt (03:45):
Oh,
Kate (03:45):
you should just do it again, Melanie.
Melanie (03:49):
Um,
Matt (03:50):
well, I've got, I've got all of her details, you know, I
can, uh, I can go ahead andjust, uh, Punch that in again
now it's, uh,
Kate (03:58):
Yeah.
Matt (03:58):
it, it's not a part of you're sure.
This is the, you said there wasa problem, Kate, with the
automated system, you.
Kate (04:06):
I know, I, I, most of my systems don't have problems like
this, but this one had aproblem.
Eric (04:11):
Oh, I see.
I see, I see.
Melanie (04:14):
Um,
Eric (04:14):
I just got another notification because you've
applied to be an intern so manytimes it's, it's coming up as if
it's us.
Uh, entry.
And so it's, it's, it'srejecting an automatic.
Can you, can you try, likeputting her in, throw in with
the middle initial as well?
Matt (04:33):
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean,
Kate (04:35):
Yeah, try that.
Matt (04:36):
we can just fuzz this thing.
Sure.
If that's gonna
Eric (04:39):
it.
Melanie (04:40):
Um,
Kate (04:41):
We should do interest of everyone,
Eric (04:43):
Yes.
Kate (04:43):
something we just do for all of our recorded meetings.
Um, I think Melanie, maybeyou've already done yours.
I will say.
Unless
Melanie (04:52):
okay.
Kate (04:52):
you need to add.
Melanie (04:55):
I was just waiting.
I was wondering if you wouldknow when my top secret
clearance would come through.
Kate (05:03):
Uh,
Melanie (05:04):
I applied for the government clearance on your
request?
Uh,
Kate (05:11):
Oh,
Eric (05:12):
top secret clearance.
Matt (05:13):
whose request.
Yeah, we don't, uh,
Melanie (05:15):
yeah, she, um, had me submit like 15 years of work
records and has been conductingpersonal interviews, um, for the
project.
Kate (05:28):
Right.
We do.
just sort of like a backgroundcheckup.
I know.
I probably said top secretgovernment clearance.
Cause that's kind of like levelof background check we try to
do.
And you guys might not befamiliar with this because it's
just a random sampling.
We obviously don't want to dothis for
Matt (05:44):
I said, okay, because.
Kate (05:45):
pick
Matt (05:46):
are lots of people that have worked for the company that
definitely didn't get scrutiny.
I would just say any amount ofscrutiny.
Kate (05:55):
That is true.
Calathea (05:56):
it would be great to know if that's a new hiring
process, because as you know, Ihave, I'm very selective about
what we ask my team members.
Melanie (06:06):
Um,
Kate (06:07):
We definitely won't be random sampling anyone from your
team Thea.
Calathea (06:12):
Thank you.
Matt (06:12):
Well, that's kind of, that
Eric (06:13):
Not random.
Kate (06:15):
Well it's of the rest of the pool.
It'll be a brand.
Matt (06:19):
Okay.
Kate (06:19):
We're mostly just doing it for interns now that are part of
Matt teams Matt's team andjoined in the last three weeks.
Melanie (06:27):
yeah.
Matt (06:28):
Okay.
That's
Calathea (06:29):
this is our first.
Matt (06:31):
Yeah.
Kate (06:32):
Yeah.
Melanie (06:33):
Oh,
Matt (06:34):
and I I've never, I mean, this is my first intern hire
actually, when I, when I put outthe job at, it was for, uh, a
full.
Full time position just on apart-time basis.
Like it was a contract, but thenthe system downgraded it to
internship.
And I dunno.
(06:55):
K, you just said it was, it wasokay.
Kate (06:57):
Yeah.
Um, let's, let's do intros.
I think
Matt (07:01):
right.
Kate (07:01):
to move on
Matt (07:02):
Sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
Why don't you go ahead.
Melanie (07:04):
Sorry.
Kate (07:05):
it's okay.
I'm Kate I'm a chief of staff.
I work directly under John.
John is my superior.
He is my manager.
and John is someone who, who Italk to and work with direct.
Um, because he respects me ashis employee.
Um, would anyone else like to go
Calathea (07:27):
Okay.
Um, um, I am the chief creativesare here.
Um, I'm sensing a lot of tensionin the room.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt indroves, but maybe we go through,
we could just do a quickbreathing exercise.
Matt (07:47):
okay.
Melanie (07:48):
You're still good at this.
Eric (07:52):
Uh, I'm Eric Troy Carter, chief product officer here at.
Uh, and since we're got some newpeople, I like snowballs and
snowballs a lot.
Melanie (08:01):
Terry I heard.
That's your
Eric (08:05):
Yeah.
That's yeah, that's true.
Matt (08:08):
Uh, Hey, I'm.
Matt.yachts.
Uh, it's also my website and I'mthe CTO here at, uh, middle
market.
And I'm uh, sorry.
Right.
Eric (08:20):
Okay.
Dollar in the jar.
Matt (08:22):
I will, yeah, let me put the dollar in the jar.
No, the, uh, all of our hiringstuff's still says Metro market,
by the way.
Um, I don't want.
Yeah, whoever's doing ourQuickBooks integration.
Anyway, I put this stuff backin, uh, for you and it's it's
coming up and saying it wasmanually rejected.
(08:43):
Um, yeah, no, I see the spamflag on here and I cleared that.
I resubmitted with your middlename.
I added Northwest to your.
Uh, address and, uh, plus, uh,sit at the email.
Kate (09:01):
Um,
Eric (09:03):
Kate.
Why do you have a keyboard?
Uh, under the desk?
Kate (09:06):
can we just sidebar this, everyone?
I would like to take this
Matt (09:10):
okay.
Is this hook K R U
Kate (09:13):
on
Matt (09:14):
K I,
Calathea (09:15):
Okay.
Eric (09:15):
We're not going to right.
Click.
Matt (09:17):
your account name is on the rejection.
You, you did it.
You rejected the.
Kate (09:23):
All of HR uses.
Melanie (09:27):
I thought, I thought we had a really strong connection.
You know, we talk, I talk, youtalked, we talked for 45 minutes
and it was really nice.
Kate (09:38):
I was trying to have my silent lunch where I do every
variation of Wordle.
you talked for 45 minutes.
I w.
get this sorted out folks.
We can have a separate meeting.
This meeting is supposed to beabout frigerators or something.
Eric (09:56):
I'm sorry, I just need to know.
Can you type with your feetpaid?
Kate (10:01):
yes.
Melanie (10:02):
she can.
Calathea (10:04):
I, I CA could you just in, you know, 30 seconds or
less, tell us how you learnedthat skill.
Kate (10:12):
I definitely can.
Um, so in college I was doing,uh, as many of, you know, the
type of sleeping where you onlysleep for 15 minute naps every
Eric (10:23):
Yes.
Kate (10:24):
Um, and you have to find.
Yeah, you have to find ways tooccupy yourself in the middle of
the night.
Most people are asleep.
so I found that if I could useall of my extremities, that it
would do a better job ofactivating parts of my brain
that would help force me to stayawake, even in pitch blackness,
because you know, it's not fairto the migratory birds to
Matt (10:45):
wait,
Kate (10:45):
lights on at night just for
Matt (10:46):
hang on.
So you, you not only type withyour feet, you touch type with.
Kate (10:52):
yeah, you don't need to look at it.
You just feel.
Matt (10:56):
I guess,
Melanie (10:56):
important skill.
Okay.
Like some of us have beenworking on it for years.
After reading Kate's blog posts.
Matt (11:03):
oh,
Melanie (11:04):
harder than you think
Matt (11:06):
hang on.
I didn't know you had a blog,Kate.
Kate (11:09):
okay.
That
Melanie (11:10):
old?
Matt (11:11):
I put everybody's blogs in my feed reader.
Come on.
What's your, what's youraddress?
I would love to find.
Kate (11:17):
No,
Melanie (11:18):
Um, no, it's, it's, uh, it was a thing I can.
Kate (11:24):
How did you even find my blog search entrance?
Can't find my blog.
I have
Melanie (11:28):
No, I've done deep words, uh, deep web searches on
everyone in the company
Matt (11:36):
Doesn't surprise me.
Melanie (11:38):
You're so cool.
You're great.
Um,
Matt (11:42):
That's a very good.
Melanie (11:42):
of, it was, it was part of the other job that watch.
Matt (11:47):
yeah, MJ, uh, does a lot of heat basically treats client
opportunities like oppositionresearch, um, cause he likes to
have leverage, I guess, I guessthat doesn't surprise me too
much.
Well, Melanie, I'm sorry.
It seems like we're off to of aweird.
For what, for what it's wortheverybody nobody's has been
(12:08):
doing great work, swapping outall these cameras,
Eric (12:12):
Yes.
Matt (12:13):
clean new firmware installed on everything, uh,
yeah.
We're, we're clearing out thebacklog on this thing.
And now that we've got Eric'sfridge in here, uh, and, uh,
Eric, did you bring the nestthermostat?
Eric (12:26):
Yeah,
Matt (12:27):
Awesome.
Uh, yeah, I think those are,those are some of the last
hotspots that we've got to worryabout and, uh, Melanie has
really crushed it.
So, you know, thank, thank you,Melanie.
Eric (12:38):
that is exciting.
Melanie (12:40):
oh,
Matt (12:41):
don't understand like the energy in this room.
I mean, Califia you pointed itout, but it's, uh, it's really.
Melanie (12:49):
I don't.
Calathea (12:50):
Yeah, I get the distinct impression that there
might be a baby bird trying topush another baby bird off out
of the nest.
Melanie (12:59):
I just,
Kate (13:00):
I.
Calathea (13:00):
I say that there is enough regurgitated Grewal for
all of us.
So I don't understand why thisbehavior is, you know,
happening.
Melanie (13:12):
okay.
Did either baby births orrebirths together.
Do
Matt (13:16):
I think, yeah.
Kate (13:19):
I okay.
I take personal offense.
The idea that I'm a baby bird, Itake more offense to the idea
that the work John gives us isregurgitated.
Grool.
John cares about this companyand although he may not show it,
um, he is the best boss I'veever had.
Melanie (13:36):
is the best boss I've ever had.
So.
Calathea (13:40):
was not meant to be a slander against John.
A regurgitated grill is verynutritious for mother bird to
feed their baby birds.
And we all know that John haskind of a fetish about objects
and.
Being a large example of.
Melanie (13:58):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a in 94 that really kindof kicked up.
Um, it was a special year of, ofcollege
Matt (14:08):
that's right.
Melanie (14:09):
time.
Um,
Matt (14:13):
He, didn't tell me that story until we were doing
Iowasca together.
Well, how did you hear that?
That's he never tells anyone theregurgitation story.
Melanie (14:22):
Weird, uh, you know, um, I don't know, like four
weeks and two days ago, you, youwere in the break room.
Um,
Matt (14:33):
Uh,
Melanie (14:35):
Uh, cause that's sort of the last, no, Nope.
I, um, I didn't, I didn't, uh,but the, camera,
Kate (14:46):
the fridge
Matt (14:47):
Yeah,
Kate (14:48):
have a smart fridge in the break room guys.
Matt (14:51):
and we hadn't gotten around to pulling the camera on
it yet.
Uh, so it was running, we watchand you, right.
Well, you know, it's nice to puta face.
I always wonder who MJ puts onthese things.
I know he doesn't trust AI to doit yet.
So a nice to know who waswatching us.
Melanie (15:09):
Yeah.
It was only like three months.
Um, it was fine.
It was actually, it was really,it was really good.
Uh, I, I know so much about youguys you're just really
beautiful.
You.
Kate (15:22):
I was just when, when you did things like take the cameras
out of our employees, deviceslike Eric's fridge, for
instance, didn't, the point isjust to take the camera out,
wipe all the data, replace it,right.
There was absolutely no storingor or.
Melanie (15:41):
Um, Was the gab wiping is the end Um, but since I also
do the 15 minutes of sleepthing, been able to really,
expeditiously, you know, reviewall the footage and, and take
screenshots and then clear thelogs, um, So it's, I've gotten
(16:04):
pretty good at it.
Uh, and I, you know, it's reallyjust, it's about supporting the
company, you know, I just, Iwant to know everything about
you all, the time.
Eric (16:19):
So, yep.
Screenshots and meeting specialsandwich.
Kate (16:22):
I don't sleep for 15 minutes, every two hours
anymore.
Just, I hope everyone knows that
Melanie (16:29):
I mean,
Kate (16:30):
work a full eight hours at least in a row every day.
And when I do take lunch breaks,it's only because need them for
my mental health that I just, Idon't want you guys what Melanie
is saying and thinking somethingabout.
Calathea (16:42):
Kate it's okay.
You know, that's something thebody needs and taking rest time
and taking time off in the daysis actually incredibly healthy
for your productivity.
I, for instance, take 10 minutesevery hour to sure that I
mentally recharge and do thingsthat stimulate my brain and
(17:03):
prepare it for the creativechallenges.
Matt (17:07):
and like, I don't know, 20% of my team is, is still
smoking.
Not because they, they want thenicotine, they just need the
reminder to get up.
Uh, otherwise they get RF.
Melanie (17:20):
Right, right.
Um, but you know, it was just.
I was just going through theZynga and it was between the
entry about crush on the entireband of death cab for cutie, um,
complaining about her mom shereally outlined just
step-by-step how, how wonderfulthe system was.
(17:43):
Um,
Calathea (17:43):
denied it.
But I knew from the very firstpart that I met you, that you
had some very deep seated mothertrauma.
Matt (17:52):
oh, I thought you were going to say deep cab for cutie
Phantom.
I, is it transatlantic autism?
Which what's your favorite?
Kate (18:01):
okay.
There's a lot coming out aboutme right
Matt (18:04):
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Kate (18:05):
I was not planning on having come out about me in this
meeting and I I'm dealing withmy mother issues.
Okay.
I am
Melanie (18:14):
therapy is working so well.
Kate (18:17):
that you shouldn't know that
Melanie (18:21):
I mean, the reason I got by I mean one he's new.
And so it was a really greatopportunity to start a new
relationship.
No.
Matt (18:32):
Sorry.
You know, I, I never thought tolook back in the previous
applicant history.
Like I looked at people we'vehired before and she wasn't in
there, but I never, neverthought to check, you know, the
old outbox
Melanie (18:47):
look, I am not nefarious.
I am not like I'm not doing thisto hurt you or the company.
I am just ready to, to level upand to be a city.
B a a adult sitter, not, I was ababy that are, and now I just
(19:07):
wanna,
Kate (19:08):
We're not sitter.
Melanie (19:09):
I mean, right.
Matt (19:11):
we dropped that because it was well
Eric (19:13):
Yeah.
Matt (19:14):
Baby-Sitters club lawsuit, but yeah,
Melanie (19:18):
I knew I missed something.
Matt (19:21):
it's it's it's okay.
Look, look, Melanie.
You know, we're, we're all herebecause we want this company to
succeed.
We generally believe in John'svision, uh, for, for the scope
of the company.
uh, you said it was an obsessionwith John that brought you here.
(19:43):
What, what is it you hope to getfrom John by working at CIT?
I mean, this isn't his onlyproject.
In fact, I wouldn't say that weget very much of his time at
all.
Melanie (19:55):
Well, um, I'm hoping to change that.
Uh, you know, I've been, uh,I've been working on his.
I don't want to call it adossier.
That seems a little intense, um,for like the last eight years
and just the trajectory of hiscareer.
I said, he just, he blew me awaywith his four and a half
(20:20):
minutes.
Kate (20:22):
I have to, I'm sorry.
I have to stop you because Ijust did a little digging myself
the last few minutes with myfeet um,
Melanie (20:33):
That's so cool.
Sorry.
Kate (20:34):
know, that Melanie's last name is Hubbard.
and so you may potentially seethe connection to Hubbard, the
founder of Scientology.
Um, and I guess I've beennoticing recently that John has
been getting into someinteresting new groups of
friends.
(20:55):
Um, are you guys seeing how I'mtying these pieces together?
Calathea (21:01):
Okay, Kate, um, No, I do.
I do get it.
I do wonder if there aren'tenough red flags here on their
own.
I mean, it seems like Melanie isjust what we would call in
marketing parlance, a stalker ora Stan
Melanie (21:21):
Oh,
Eric (21:21):
Um,
Melanie (21:22):
I love Stan.
I feel like that's such a greatnew term.
Um,
Matt (21:26):
it's,
Eric (21:27):
and stopped out.
Matt (21:28):
Yeah.
It's a reference to a, an M andM song where a fan becomes so
obsessed, uh, with music,artists that he's not getting
responsive, uh, feedback fromthat, uh, he kills his
girlfriend and blame his blamesit and himself and blame.
The, uh, the music artists for,for not engaging.
Calathea (21:46):
Thank you so much, Matt, for explaining the true
meaning that I was attending,not the internet meaning, but
the
Melanie (21:52):
um,
Eric (21:53):
not the reclamation.
Melanie (21:55):
well, I mean, John and I have both been single, um, for
years at this point.
Calathea (22:03):
if, anything, the F Melanie recruiting him to sign
intelligence might seem like amore innocent, uh, intention
than the vibe I'm getting offhere.
Melanie (22:12):
listen, I am, I am sorry.
Coming off.
So like, yeah, I'm kind ofsaving a step back and it is a
little bit creepy, but it's notintention.
I'm not going to murder anyone.
I just want to know
Kate (22:27):
oh, you
Melanie (22:27):
you.
Kate (22:28):
marry him and take all his money and put it into a fake
chart.
Yeah.
Melanie (22:34):
That is so many steps further than I was thinking.
if
Eric (22:39):
That's not a no.
Melanie (22:41):
Kate, then do whatever you say.
Let seems amazing.
Calathea (22:47):
Um, Matt, this is your personnel.
So I wouldn't want to, um, mean,I believe we came here for a
status update about the, wewatch system, not for grilling
of your personnel.
You know, I, obviously havepeople in my department that
have been questioned before.
Um, you know, I, one of my bestdesigners is a, you know,
(23:11):
arsonist and that's.
Doesn't affect his design work.
Matt (23:16):
Yeah.
Calathea (23:17):
far as we know, he's never set fire to anything on
these premises.
So who am I to judge is what I'msaying?
Matt (23:22):
Um, yeah, I would like to like, let's see if we can find a
little bit of closure on thispart of the meeting.
Uh, so, uh, devices are almostdone.
There'll be done in a couple ofdays, uh, for sure.
And I just want to thank you,Melanie, for your help on that.
Um, given that the paperwork hasbeen rejected multiple times,
(23:44):
uh, you're actually not myemployee, so.
Eric (23:47):
Well, that's true.
Matt (23:48):
guess, you've just kind of been volunteering your time.
I would like at least see that,that you get that pay.
Um, before we talk about yourcontinued employment here or
your actual employment here, um,I feel like there's some stuff
that you need to get out of yoursystem with respect to John and,
(24:09):
you know, I'm, I'm happy to justlike set up a lunch for the two
of you or a coffee.
Uh, I mean, John and I used tohave sushi dinners, uh, once a
month on the last Sunday.
Um, like I,
Kate (24:24):
But
Matt (24:25):
I could, you could take, take, yeah, he, we don't do that
anymore.
Um, but there are otherrestaurant possibilities.
Eric (24:33):
Yeah.
Matt (24:33):
You know, I just don't want you to be distracted by
this, uh, because if you, if youwant to work here and be a part
of the team, you've got torealize, like talking to John,
seeing John, uh, even gettingemails from John is like not
really a part of it.
Melanie (24:47):
No.
I mean, of course, listen, myafter work activities are our
after work, you know, and I,since, I guess I'm not actually,
but you know, Having an internthat's unpaid as illegal.
Kate (25:03):
you're
Melanie (25:03):
anyway,
Kate (25:04):
on our books.
Calathea (25:05):
we, we brought this up.
We're happy to pay you for the
Melanie (25:08):
right.
Calathea (25:09):
in.
And second, like if your goal isto get closer to John, I mean, I
can put you in touch with who'spersonal chef or trainer or,
know, something that willactually get you into his house.
This company is a barrenwasteland.
As far as John sightings areconcerned.
Melanie (25:26):
Right.
Right.
And I mean, yes, that was sortof a goal, but I'm not kidding
you guys, like I have, I haveabsorbed this.
I know much about this companyand about its employees and, and
just trying to carry throughvision.
(25:48):
You know, like initially what Iwanted to be was was Kate's
junior associate I applied forit like five times, you know,
she's just such an inspiration.
Kate (26:01):
I don't even want a junior associate anymore.
Okay.
Melanie (26:03):
know.
Kate (26:06):
I just.
Melanie (26:07):
When you
Matt (26:08):
well,
Melanie (26:08):
like me, and now you just think I'm a creepy stalker,
and,
Kate (26:23):
Yeah,
Calathea (26:23):
that's it.
That's the answer.
Usually you want like a definiteno
Matt (26:27):
Yeah.
Something to like, clearly takeit off.
Calathea (26:30):
you are a young professional woman and you're
growing in your career and Iwant to really help you.
But if somebody asks, if you areabout to become a murder, even
if you are about to become amurderer, the answer should
always be no
Melanie (26:41):
I'm sorry, are we comparing someone who's not
committed a crime with like anactual arsonists who happens to
be
Calathea (26:49):
saying they look the same in a job center.
Melanie (26:51):
right?
I thought I was.
I thought I was hyped it's thisisn't about me.
It's not about
Eric (26:58):
It is.
Matt (26:59):
It's definitely become about.
Melanie (27:02):
Yeah, this
Calathea (27:04):
because I hear from Matt, your, your work is
stunning.
Eric (27:07):
Yes.
Calathea (27:08):
you know, I think that in terms of trying to figure out
whether or not we keep you on,it's certainly not the work it's
possible concerns that we mighthave behind your
Matt (27:18):
Yeah, well, you know,
Melanie (27:19):
14 days, six hours and four minutes.
I feel like that's just really alot.
Do I not get like a 90 day planfor
Matt (27:28):
I mean, you've, you know, this was meant to be a contract
based opportunity and you kindof tore through all of the work
we had.
So I don't really know muchabout your skills beyond.
You know, working withsurveillance equipment and
replacing parts of phones.
I think if you wanted to stayon, we would have to talk more
(27:49):
about what that role would looklike.
Kate (27:51):
I also want to point out again that you've applied for
every position we've had.
None of which you have beenqualified for, except for the
one relating to surveillanceequipment.
Matt (28:03):
Say we want to be clear.
You're very good at.
Beyond.
Yeah.
Well, above par, uh, haven'tseen anybody.
Melanie (28:12):
I mean, I was told that if I just got my MBA, that I.
Get a job, you know, I saidlike, oh, I'll be whatever you
want.
And then we, you know, got theundergrad and that was horrific.
And then now, you know,entry-level jobs are like, you
need an MBA.
So I got it.
And, um, I've, I've just beentaking all these, skill stack
(28:32):
courses.
Uh, so I am a successfulgraduate of, um, Ruby on rails.
Uh, I
Matt (28:41):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Nice.
Melanie (28:43):
a one-on-one and I'm working on 1 0 2 and, uh, I can
answer the phones.
Matt (28:50):
I mean, Eric, I know you're always complaining about
having to do the data analysison, on some of our consumer
testing and how none of yourteam.
Feels like it's their jobbecause it's work.
That's beneath them.
Melanie (29:05):
I'll do anything
Eric (29:07):
No, no, I'll do it.
Melanie (29:10):
you can listen.
You've
Eric (29:13):
can, I can keep doing it.
Melanie (29:15):
and I'll just stay there.
Eric (29:17):
There was a lot of training required for the
screening room and.
Calathea (29:21):
it's a very technical situation.
Melanie (29:24):
yeah.
Yeah.
I heard about, um, was great.
Eric (29:31):
can't believe I'm saying this, but I do know some people
in Scientology and I think I canget you a job there.
I lost my parents to them.
I don't have a good relationshipwith the church, but it feels
like a good fit.
Melanie (29:47):
Well, keep telling me that.
And
Eric (29:51):
I be trying to listen
Melanie (29:52):
I guess just,
Kate (29:55):
name is Hubbard.
So are you not really the, toRon Hubbard?
Melanie (30:00):
name is Kate Blanchett.
Are you not a movie star?
Matt (30:03):
What's
Kate (30:03):
been
Eric (30:04):
the band chat.
Matt (30:05):
K banshee.
Calathea (30:06):
Yeah, sorry, Kate.
I feel like you're gettingreally upset about this.
Um, do you want me to call meyou're down love of my someday.
You will five and how be right.
Be all.
Dang.
You landed that dark.
Kate (30:26):
Thank you.
Calathea (30:27):
well.
Eric (30:30):
Um,
Calathea (30:30):
just.
Matt (30:31):
This death cab songs are haunted.
Calathea (30:33):
Yeah.
Kate (30:35):
okay.
I'm having a brief moment ofclarity.
I think I'll just share thebackground, check results with
the rest of the team.
We'll do a vote on whether ornot you should stay and continue
working on, um, surveillanceequipment for our company not.
Melanie (30:51):
anything.
Kate (30:54):
right.
Or anything.
Um, and maybe as a backup plan,uh, if that doesn't work out,
Matt can schedule you some typeof.
Brief meeting with John as a wayof us showing our appreciation
towards.
Melanie (31:14):
Before we, we do that, Kate, can you just, can you just
tell me why you don't like me?
I've done everything.
I brought you cupcakes outsideyour house, like every day and a
half.
I've I've learned from you somuch.
I just, I just want to be aroundyou because you're, so you're
(31:35):
also inspirational because youknow, you've learned so much
from John and I just don't getit
Kate (31:42):
Listen.
grew up with a twin.
Melanie (31:47):
Lindsey.
Kate (31:47):
when you're a twin Lindsey, yes.
Now everyone knows her name.
Matt (31:52):
Yeah, it didn't know her name.
Kate (31:54):
when you're a twin, people don't think you're unique.
And that's something I'vestruggled with my entire.
Life.
And once my twin decided thatshe was going to go to Southeast
Asia and then happened todisappear for a few years, it
was my chance finally, to beunique.
(32:15):
And I just, what
Eric (32:19):
Yeah.
Kate (32:22):
sorry, my blood pressure's rising again.
Calathea (32:25):
hello, my God someday, you will five hour.
Be rare.
Be hi.
All I'm you enter the dark.
Kate (32:43):
Melanie.
Calathea (32:46):
Oh,
Melanie (32:46):
I was harmonized and it was pretty, you liked it.
Didn't you
Kate (32:55):
About what I like or what I don't like.
Melanie (32:58):
fine?
Just tell them the results.
Fine.
meeting.
Got so off track.
Kate (33:04):
okay.
I'm going to send them all toyou.
Um, and
Calathea (33:09):
I don't wanna, I don't want to linger.
I just Melanie, while we haveyou here.
Cause this might be the lasttime, you're really into John
and you've worked in, we worked.
So I assume you saw the videoshis porn habit and that did not
deter.
Did it encourage you or deteryou?
Melanie (33:29):
I try and keep a very open mind you know, I am not,
uh,
Matt (33:34):
you for that reminder.
Melanie (33:35):
36, so I I've had to do a lot of unlearning around, uh,
sexuality and, and, and genderand all of these stereotypes,
um, and doing some exploring onmy own.
no, Califia, I, that was fine.
And honestly, You're poor andhabits are great too.
Matt (33:58):
scent.
Uh, okay.
That gave me the perfect idea ofa meet.
Cute for you and John.
So.
This is under way,
Eric (34:07):
Oh,
Melanie (34:08):
Oh my God.
Calathea (34:09):
mean, as I was just thinking about this, I mean,
obviously John is very intoknowing personal details about
everybody he watches and anintimate interaction.
This
Melanie (34:19):
Right.
Calathea (34:20):
be a good, good, uh, you might pair on that way.
Melanie (34:25):
I could just be his like personal, I just find out
everything about everyone forhim, Um, Chan speech said that
you don't, you don't shoot forthe stars, then probably you'll
build a rocket ship and you'llgo even farther.
(34:45):
So that's.
Kate (34:47):
It doesn't even make sense.
It doesn't even make sense
Matt (34:50):
no it's he was hanging out with Ilan and Bezos when they
were starting their rocketcompany.
And he, you know, he was talkingto.
And he was bitter about it.
Kate (35:03):
gosh.
Okay.
Well, listen, have our actionitems.
We have to wrap this up beforeany more information about
anyone becomes leaked to theother folks in this room.
Um, I guess for now you cancontinue volunteering as long as
Matt would like.
Matt (35:22):
I feel like we'll probably be done today or tomorrow on the
devices, and then we can figureout next steps.
Okay.
Ben and Kate, we, we have to payMelanie
Eric (35:32):
Yeah.
Matt (35:32):
for her time.
That's
Calathea (35:34):
were agreed about that.
Eric (35:35):
yeah,
Kate (35:35):
Fine.
Fine.
But let's do some off-book way.
So it doesn't look like she everworked.
Matt (35:41):
I don't see why that's necessary, but.
Kate (35:44):
I'll explain later.
Melanie (35:46):
Thank you.
Kate (35:47):
Okay.
Well, Melanie, it's been, uh,it's been a meeting.
Melanie (35:53):
Yeah.
Thanks so much for the time youguys.
Oh, great.
I'm gonna, I'm going to journalabout this and put it my
scrapbook.
So I've already taken
Kate (36:04):
You're going to journal and then put a journal in your
scrapbook
Melanie (36:09):
yeah.
With the screenshots
Kate (36:10):
digital scratch.
Okay.
Okay.
Melanie (36:15):
and I'll pause for a while.
And then on my last day we canall sign it and it'll be, it'll
just be.
Matt (36:20):
it's probably tomorrow.
So I guess I would get that donetonight.
Melanie (36:24):
I'm only sleeping like 30 more.
Kate (36:27):
that makes sense.
All right, I'm gonna stop there.
Ben (36:31):
This meeting has ended.
To subscribe to this startup isbeing recorded.
Go to the podcast player of yourchoice and tap a button that
likely says subscribe.
More content is on Twitter atstartup recorded, or shoot us an
email with ideas, feedback, oryour personal startup horror
story.
At hello@startuprecorded.com.
Melanie Hubbard was played byJenny Kessler, who can be found
(36:54):
online and in person doingimprov with letters to chicken.
Brad's dad and babe prov you canrequest a follow at
@JennyKessKlump on bothinstagram and twitter
Kate is played by Valerie Garrison.
Valerie is a product manager andregularly plays with the improv
troupe letters to chickenonline.
You can find her on Twitter atthe vulgaris Eric has played by
(37:15):
Barry.
Right Barry is a product managerat Spotify and a co-founder of
high-wire improv.
Find him by his name onLinkedIn, where he holds regular
office hoursor@highwireimprov.com Matt is
played by Martin Maguire Martyis a senior web engineer and
improviser in New York city.
You can find Marty's comedy codeand cats on his website at M M G
(37:36):
dot R E.
Califia is played by RobinStegman Robin is a digital
campaign manager for oceanConservancy and is a comedian
mostly found at Highwire improvYou can find her on all the
social medias And she does meanall at our steaky Thank you for
listening.
welcome to this startup is being recorded.
This recording is improvisedfiction.
Similarities between it and thereal world are entirely
intentional.
Now enjoy the recording.
Kate (00:26):
Okay.
Uh, Hey everybody.
Um, just another Wednesday.
Um, we're all here with our newintern, Melanie hopefully have
one of the final meetings abouttaking the cameras out of all
the devices are corrupted withwe watch.
Um, and guess Matt, you saidthat Melanie might play a role
(00:48):
in this project and that's
Matt (00:49):
Oh, yeah.
Are you kidding me?
Uh, I mean, this is basicallyMelanie's show at this point,
uh, for those who maybe haven'tmet, uh, Melanie Hubbard applied
to, uh, be an intern, uh, gosh,a couple of weeks ago, I guess,
and, uh, recommended by MJ.
Uh, so like she knows what's upwith the, we watch firmware, uh,
(01:11):
and just has.
Really speeding things up.
Uh, yeah.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
We've been really work focusedon this stuff.
Everybody's bringing a lot ofdevices.
I mean, we're looking at like,you know, siblings of cousins of
roommates here who have beeninfected with this.
Uh, I'll call it malware.
We can do that.
Uh, even though this isrecorded.
(01:31):
Hi, I'm Jay.
so.
Melanie (01:34):
and Matt I'm.
I'm sorry.
It was actually a everybody.
Uh I'm uh, Melanie.
I am so excited to be here.
Thanks for the introduction.
And I'm just going to like take,I don't know, like 30 seconds to
Matt (01:47):
Yeah, please tell, tell everybody about.
Kate (01:50):
Oh, sure.
Melanie (01:52):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I told myself.
Cry or get emotional and Ishouldn't know, work.
Um, yeah, it's just, you know,some of, you know, I've, I've,
uh, I'm very familiar with CITand, I've interviewed with each
of you, um, a couple of timesyou know, various positions.
Um, you know, got my MBA, uh, atcathedral and John, um, he spoke
(02:20):
at the commencement address andit was just.
Kate (02:24):
Oh,
Melanie (02:24):
It was so amazing.
Um, so yeah, and that wasactually
Kate (02:29):
He's not
Melanie (02:30):
sorry.
Kate (02:30):
speaker.
Melanie (02:31):
Oh no.
Oh my God.
It was, it was
Calathea (02:37):
Um,
Melanie (02:37):
believable.
I mean, it was very pithy.
It was short, it was
Matt (02:41):
Yeah.
Melanie (02:41):
minutes.
Um, but the fact that.
Contribute with such gravity wasso inspiring, but yeah, it's
been, um, 15 days and four hoursand 13 minutes.
Um, since I've been here as anintern, uh, and you know, that's
(03:04):
been so great and really kind oflet me, explore and my, um, my
past, uh, work, which was.
Paid my not internship with, uh,with we watched working on the,
um,
Matt (03:20):
Oh,
Melanie (03:20):
the team that did, uh, the install.
Matt (03:23):
yes.
Melanie (03:23):
So,
Matt (03:24):
Melanie.
You, we, we pay our interns.
Uh, you should, you should begetting paid.
Um, I put in all of yourpaperwork, uh, actually before
you started.
So I usually goes through prettyfast.
Melanie (03:39):
yeah.
Um,
Kate (03:41):
with the system, uh, of paperwork.
So
Matt (03:45):
Oh,
Kate (03:45):
you should just do it again, Melanie.
Melanie (03:49):
Um,
Matt (03:50):
well, I've got, I've got all of her details, you know, I
can, uh, I can go ahead andjust, uh, Punch that in again
now it's, uh,
Kate (03:58):
Yeah.
Matt (03:58):
it, it's not a part of you're sure.
This is the, you said there wasa problem, Kate, with the
automated system, you.
Kate (04:06):
I know, I, I, most of my systems don't have problems like
this, but this one had aproblem.
Eric (04:11):
Oh, I see.
I see, I see.
Melanie (04:14):
Um,
Eric (04:14):
I just got another notification because you've
applied to be an intern so manytimes it's, it's coming up as if
it's us.
Uh, entry.
And so it's, it's, it'srejecting an automatic.
Can you, can you try, likeputting her in, throw in with
the middle initial as well?
Matt (04:33):
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean,
Kate (04:35):
Yeah, try that.
Matt (04:36):
we can just fuzz this thing.
Sure.
If that's gonna
Eric (04:39):
it.
Melanie (04:40):
Um,
Kate (04:41):
We should do interest of everyone,
Eric (04:43):
Yes.
Kate (04:43):
something we just do for all of our recorded meetings.
Um, I think Melanie, maybeyou've already done yours.
I will say.
Unless
Melanie (04:52):
okay.
Kate (04:52):
you need to add.
Melanie (04:55):
I was just waiting.
I was wondering if you wouldknow when my top secret
clearance would come through.
Kate (05:03):
Uh,
Melanie (05:04):
I applied for the government clearance on your
request?
Uh,
Kate (05:11):
Oh,
Eric (05:12):
top secret clearance.
Matt (05:13):
whose request.
Yeah, we don't, uh,
Melanie (05:15):
yeah, she, um, had me submit like 15 years of work
records and has been conductingpersonal interviews, um, for the
project.
Kate (05:28):
Right.
We do.
just sort of like a backgroundcheckup.
I know.
I probably said top secretgovernment clearance.
Cause that's kind of like levelof background check we try to
do.
And you guys might not befamiliar with this because it's
just a random sampling.
We obviously don't want to dothis for
Matt (05:44):
I said, okay, because.
Kate (05:45):
pick
Matt (05:46):
are lots of people that have worked for the company that
definitely didn't get scrutiny.
I would just say any amount ofscrutiny.
Kate (05:55):
That is true.
Calathea (05:56):
it would be great to know if that's a new hiring
process, because as you know, Ihave, I'm very selective about
what we ask my team members.
Melanie (06:06):
Um,
Kate (06:07):
We definitely won't be random sampling anyone from your
team Thea.
Calathea (06:12):
Thank you.
Matt (06:12):
Well, that's kind of, that
Eric (06:13):
Not random.
Kate (06:15):
Well it's of the rest of the pool.
It'll be a brand.
Matt (06:19):
Okay.
Kate (06:19):
We're mostly just doing it for interns now that are part of
Matt teams Matt's team andjoined in the last three weeks.
Melanie (06:27):
yeah.
Matt (06:28):
Okay.
That's
Calathea (06:29):
this is our first.
Matt (06:31):
Yeah.
Kate (06:32):
Yeah.
Melanie (06:33):
Oh,
Matt (06:34):
and I I've never, I mean, this is my first intern hire
actually, when I, when I put outthe job at, it was for, uh, a
full.
Full time position just on apart-time basis.
Like it was a contract, but thenthe system downgraded it to
internship.
And I dunno.
(06:55):
K, you just said it was, it wasokay.
Kate (06:57):
Yeah.
Um, let's, let's do intros.
I think
Matt (07:01):
right.
Kate (07:01):
to move on
Matt (07:02):
Sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
Why don't you go ahead.
Melanie (07:04):
Sorry.
Kate (07:05):
it's okay.
I'm Kate I'm a chief of staff.
I work directly under John.
John is my superior.
He is my manager.
and John is someone who, who Italk to and work with direct.
Um, because he respects me ashis employee.
Um, would anyone else like to go
Calathea (07:27):
Okay.
Um, um, I am the chief creativesare here.
Um, I'm sensing a lot of tensionin the room.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt indroves, but maybe we go through,
we could just do a quickbreathing exercise.
Matt (07:47):
okay.
Melanie (07:48):
You're still good at this.
Eric (07:52):
Uh, I'm Eric Troy Carter, chief product officer here at.
Uh, and since we're got some newpeople, I like snowballs and
snowballs a lot.
Melanie (08:01):
Terry I heard.
That's your
Eric (08:05):
Yeah.
That's yeah, that's true.
Matt (08:08):
Uh, Hey, I'm.
Matt.yachts.
Uh, it's also my website and I'mthe CTO here at, uh, middle
market.
And I'm uh, sorry.
Right.
Eric (08:20):
Okay.
Dollar in the jar.
Matt (08:22):
I will, yeah, let me put the dollar in the jar.
No, the, uh, all of our hiringstuff's still says Metro market,
by the way.
Um, I don't want.
Yeah, whoever's doing ourQuickBooks integration.
Anyway, I put this stuff backin, uh, for you and it's it's
coming up and saying it wasmanually rejected.
(08:43):
Um, yeah, no, I see the spamflag on here and I cleared that.
I resubmitted with your middlename.
I added Northwest to your.
Uh, address and, uh, plus, uh,sit at the email.
Kate (09:01):
Um,
Eric (09:03):
Kate.
Why do you have a keyboard?
Uh, under the desk?
Kate (09:06):
can we just sidebar this, everyone?
I would like to take this
Matt (09:10):
okay.
Is this hook K R U
Kate (09:13):
on
Matt (09:14):
K I,
Calathea (09:15):
Okay.
Eric (09:15):
We're not going to right.
Click.
Matt (09:17):
your account name is on the rejection.
You, you did it.
You rejected the.
Kate (09:23):
All of HR uses.
Melanie (09:27):
I thought, I thought we had a really strong connection.
You know, we talk, I talk, youtalked, we talked for 45 minutes
and it was really nice.
Kate (09:38):
I was trying to have my silent lunch where I do every
variation of Wordle.
you talked for 45 minutes.
I w.
get this sorted out folks.
We can have a separate meeting.
This meeting is supposed to beabout frigerators or something.
Eric (09:56):
I'm sorry, I just need to know.
Can you type with your feetpaid?
Kate (10:01):
yes.
Melanie (10:02):
she can.
Calathea (10:04):
I, I CA could you just in, you know, 30 seconds or
less, tell us how you learnedthat skill.
Kate (10:12):
I definitely can.
Um, so in college I was doing,uh, as many of, you know, the
type of sleeping where you onlysleep for 15 minute naps every
Eric (10:23):
Yes.
Kate (10:24):
Um, and you have to find.
Yeah, you have to find ways tooccupy yourself in the middle of
the night.
Most people are asleep.
so I found that if I could useall of my extremities, that it
would do a better job ofactivating parts of my brain
that would help force me to stayawake, even in pitch blackness,
because you know, it's not fairto the migratory birds to
Matt (10:45):
wait,
Kate (10:45):
lights on at night just for
Matt (10:46):
hang on.
So you, you not only type withyour feet, you touch type with.
Kate (10:52):
yeah, you don't need to look at it.
You just feel.
Matt (10:56):
I guess,
Melanie (10:56):
important skill.
Okay.
Like some of us have beenworking on it for years.
After reading Kate's blog posts.
Matt (11:03):
oh,
Melanie (11:04):
harder than you think
Matt (11:06):
hang on.
I didn't know you had a blog,Kate.
Kate (11:09):
okay.
That
Melanie (11:10):
old?
Matt (11:11):
I put everybody's blogs in my feed reader.
Come on.
What's your, what's youraddress?
I would love to find.
Kate (11:17):
No,
Melanie (11:18):
Um, no, it's, it's, uh, it was a thing I can.
Kate (11:24):
How did you even find my blog search entrance?
Can't find my blog.
I have
Melanie (11:28):
No, I've done deep words, uh, deep web searches on
everyone in the company
Matt (11:36):
Doesn't surprise me.
Melanie (11:38):
You're so cool.
You're great.
Um,
Matt (11:42):
That's a very good.
Melanie (11:42):
of, it was, it was part of the other job that watch.
Matt (11:47):
yeah, MJ, uh, does a lot of heat basically treats client
opportunities like oppositionresearch, um, cause he likes to
have leverage, I guess, I guessthat doesn't surprise me too
much.
Well, Melanie, I'm sorry.
It seems like we're off to of aweird.
For what, for what it's wortheverybody nobody's has been
(12:08):
doing great work, swapping outall these cameras,
Eric (12:12):
Yes.
Matt (12:13):
clean new firmware installed on everything, uh,
yeah.
We're, we're clearing out thebacklog on this thing.
And now that we've got Eric'sfridge in here, uh, and, uh,
Eric, did you bring the nestthermostat?
Eric (12:26):
Yeah,
Matt (12:27):
Awesome.
Uh, yeah, I think those are,those are some of the last
hotspots that we've got to worryabout and, uh, Melanie has
really crushed it.
So, you know, thank, thank you,Melanie.
Eric (12:38):
that is exciting.
Melanie (12:40):
oh,
Matt (12:41):
don't understand like the energy in this room.
I mean, Califia you pointed itout, but it's, uh, it's really.
Melanie (12:49):
I don't.
Calathea (12:50):
Yeah, I get the distinct impression that there
might be a baby bird trying topush another baby bird off out
of the nest.
Melanie (12:59):
I just,
Kate (13:00):
I.
Calathea (13:00):
I say that there is enough regurgitated Grewal for
all of us.
So I don't understand why thisbehavior is, you know,
happening.
Melanie (13:12):
okay.
Did either baby births orrebirths together.
Do
Matt (13:16):
I think, yeah.
Kate (13:19):
I okay.
I take personal offense.
The idea that I'm a baby bird, Itake more offense to the idea
that the work John gives us isregurgitated.
Grool.
John cares about this companyand although he may not show it,
um, he is the best boss I'veever had.
Melanie (13:36):
is the best boss I've ever had.
So.
Calathea (13:40):
was not meant to be a slander against John.
A regurgitated grill is verynutritious for mother bird to
feed their baby birds.
And we all know that John haskind of a fetish about objects
and.
Being a large example of.
Melanie (13:58):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a in 94 that really kindof kicked up.
Um, it was a special year of, ofcollege
Matt (14:08):
that's right.
Melanie (14:09):
time.
Um,
Matt (14:13):
He, didn't tell me that story until we were doing
Iowasca together.
Well, how did you hear that?
That's he never tells anyone theregurgitation story.
Melanie (14:22):
Weird, uh, you know, um, I don't know, like four
weeks and two days ago, you, youwere in the break room.
Um,
Matt (14:33):
Uh,
Melanie (14:35):
Uh, cause that's sort of the last, no, Nope.
I, um, I didn't, I didn't, uh,but the, camera,
Kate (14:46):
the fridge
Matt (14:47):
Yeah,
Kate (14:48):
have a smart fridge in the break room guys.
Matt (14:51):
and we hadn't gotten around to pulling the camera on
it yet.
Uh, so it was running, we watchand you, right.
Well, you know, it's nice to puta face.
I always wonder who MJ puts onthese things.
I know he doesn't trust AI to doit yet.
So a nice to know who waswatching us.
Melanie (15:09):
Yeah.
It was only like three months.
Um, it was fine.
It was actually, it was really,it was really good.
Uh, I, I know so much about youguys you're just really
beautiful.
You.
Kate (15:22):
I was just when, when you did things like take the cameras
out of our employees, deviceslike Eric's fridge, for
instance, didn't, the point isjust to take the camera out,
wipe all the data, replace it,right.
There was absolutely no storingor or.
Melanie (15:41):
Um, Was the gab wiping is the end Um, but since I also
do the 15 minutes of sleepthing, been able to really,
expeditiously, you know, reviewall the footage and, and take
screenshots and then clear thelogs, um, So it's, I've gotten
(16:04):
pretty good at it.
Uh, and I, you know, it's reallyjust, it's about supporting the
company, you know, I just, Iwant to know everything about
you all, the time.
Eric (16:19):
So, yep.
Screenshots and meeting specialsandwich.
Kate (16:22):
I don't sleep for 15 minutes, every two hours
anymore.
Just, I hope everyone knows that
Melanie (16:29):
I mean,
Kate (16:30):
work a full eight hours at least in a row every day.
And when I do take lunch breaks,it's only because need them for
my mental health that I just, Idon't want you guys what Melanie
is saying and thinking somethingabout.
Calathea (16:42):
Kate it's okay.
You know, that's something thebody needs and taking rest time
and taking time off in the daysis actually incredibly healthy
for your productivity.
I, for instance, take 10 minutesevery hour to sure that I
mentally recharge and do thingsthat stimulate my brain and
(17:03):
prepare it for the creativechallenges.
Matt (17:07):
and like, I don't know, 20% of my team is, is still
smoking.
Not because they, they want thenicotine, they just need the
reminder to get up.
Uh, otherwise they get RF.
Melanie (17:20):
Right, right.
Um, but you know, it was just.
I was just going through theZynga and it was between the
entry about crush on the entireband of death cab for cutie, um,
complaining about her mom shereally outlined just
step-by-step how, how wonderfulthe system was.
(17:43):
Um,
Calathea (17:43):
denied it.
But I knew from the very firstpart that I met you, that you
had some very deep seated mothertrauma.
Matt (17:52):
oh, I thought you were going to say deep cab for cutie
Phantom.
I, is it transatlantic autism?
Which what's your favorite?
Kate (18:01):
okay.
There's a lot coming out aboutme right
Matt (18:04):
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Kate (18:05):
I was not planning on having come out about me in this
meeting and I I'm dealing withmy mother issues.
Okay.
I am
Melanie (18:14):
therapy is working so well.
Kate (18:17):
that you shouldn't know that
Melanie (18:21):
I mean, the reason I got by I mean one he's new.
And so it was a really greatopportunity to start a new
relationship.
No.
Matt (18:32):
Sorry.
You know, I, I never thought tolook back in the previous
applicant history.
Like I looked at people we'vehired before and she wasn't in
there, but I never, neverthought to check, you know, the
old outbox
Melanie (18:47):
look, I am not nefarious.
I am not like I'm not doing thisto hurt you or the company.
I am just ready to, to level upand to be a city.
B a a adult sitter, not, I was ababy that are, and now I just
(19:07):
wanna,
Kate (19:08):
We're not sitter.
Melanie (19:09):
I mean, right.
Matt (19:11):
we dropped that because it was well
Eric (19:13):
Yeah.
Matt (19:14):
Baby-Sitters club lawsuit, but yeah,
Melanie (19:18):
I knew I missed something.
Matt (19:21):
it's it's it's okay.
Look, look, Melanie.
You know, we're, we're all herebecause we want this company to
succeed.
We generally believe in John'svision, uh, for, for the scope
of the company.
uh, you said it was an obsessionwith John that brought you here.
(19:43):
What, what is it you hope to getfrom John by working at CIT?
I mean, this isn't his onlyproject.
In fact, I wouldn't say that weget very much of his time at
all.
Melanie (19:55):
Well, um, I'm hoping to change that.
Uh, you know, I've been, uh,I've been working on his.
I don't want to call it adossier.
That seems a little intense, um,for like the last eight years
and just the trajectory of hiscareer.
I said, he just, he blew me awaywith his four and a half
(20:20):
minutes.
Kate (20:22):
I have to, I'm sorry.
I have to stop you because Ijust did a little digging myself
the last few minutes with myfeet um,
Melanie (20:33):
That's so cool.
Sorry.
Kate (20:34):
know, that Melanie's last name is Hubbard.
and so you may potentially seethe connection to Hubbard, the
founder of Scientology.
Um, and I guess I've beennoticing recently that John has
been getting into someinteresting new groups of
friends.
(20:55):
Um, are you guys seeing how I'mtying these pieces together?
Calathea (21:01):
Okay, Kate, um, No, I do.
I do get it.
I do wonder if there aren'tenough red flags here on their
own.
I mean, it seems like Melanie isjust what we would call in
marketing parlance, a stalker ora Stan
Melanie (21:21):
Oh,
Eric (21:21):
Um,
Melanie (21:22):
I love Stan.
I feel like that's such a greatnew term.
Um,
Matt (21:26):
it's,
Eric (21:27):
and stopped out.
Matt (21:28):
Yeah.
It's a reference to a, an M andM song where a fan becomes so
obsessed, uh, with music,artists that he's not getting
responsive, uh, feedback fromthat, uh, he kills his
girlfriend and blame his blamesit and himself and blame.
The, uh, the music artists for,for not engaging.
Calathea (21:46):
Thank you so much, Matt, for explaining the true
meaning that I was attending,not the internet meaning, but
the
Melanie (21:52):
um,
Eric (21:53):
not the reclamation.
Melanie (21:55):
well, I mean, John and I have both been single, um, for
years at this point.
Calathea (22:03):
if, anything, the F Melanie recruiting him to sign
intelligence might seem like amore innocent, uh, intention
than the vibe I'm getting offhere.
Melanie (22:12):
listen, I am, I am sorry.
Coming off.
So like, yeah, I'm kind ofsaving a step back and it is a
little bit creepy, but it's notintention.
I'm not going to murder anyone.
I just want to know
Kate (22:27):
oh, you
Melanie (22:27):
you.
Kate (22:28):
marry him and take all his money and put it into a fake
chart.
Yeah.
Melanie (22:34):
That is so many steps further than I was thinking.
if
Eric (22:39):
That's not a no.
Melanie (22:41):
Kate, then do whatever you say.
Let seems amazing.
Calathea (22:47):
Um, Matt, this is your personnel.
So I wouldn't want to, um, mean,I believe we came here for a
status update about the, wewatch system, not for grilling
of your personnel.
You know, I, obviously havepeople in my department that
have been questioned before.
Um, you know, I, one of my bestdesigners is a, you know,
(23:11):
arsonist and that's.
Doesn't affect his design work.
Matt (23:16):
Yeah.
Calathea (23:17):
far as we know, he's never set fire to anything on
these premises.
So who am I to judge is what I'msaying?
Matt (23:22):
Um, yeah, I would like to like, let's see if we can find a
little bit of closure on thispart of the meeting.
Uh, so, uh, devices are almostdone.
There'll be done in a couple ofdays, uh, for sure.
And I just want to thank you,Melanie, for your help on that.
Um, given that the paperwork hasbeen rejected multiple times,
(23:44):
uh, you're actually not myemployee, so.
Eric (23:47):
Well, that's true.
Matt (23:48):
guess, you've just kind of been volunteering your time.
I would like at least see that,that you get that pay.
Um, before we talk about yourcontinued employment here or
your actual employment here, um,I feel like there's some stuff
that you need to get out of yoursystem with respect to John and,
(24:09):
you know, I'm, I'm happy to justlike set up a lunch for the two
of you or a coffee.
Uh, I mean, John and I used tohave sushi dinners, uh, once a
month on the last Sunday.
Um, like I,
Kate (24:24):
But
Matt (24:25):
I could, you could take, take, yeah, he, we don't do that
anymore.
Um, but there are otherrestaurant possibilities.
Eric (24:33):
Yeah.
Matt (24:33):
You know, I just don't want you to be distracted by
this, uh, because if you, if youwant to work here and be a part
of the team, you've got torealize, like talking to John,
seeing John, uh, even gettingemails from John is like not
really a part of it.
Melanie (24:47):
No.
I mean, of course, listen, myafter work activities are our
after work, you know, and I,since, I guess I'm not actually,
but you know, Having an internthat's unpaid as illegal.
Kate (25:03):
you're
Melanie (25:03):
anyway,
Kate (25:04):
on our books.
Calathea (25:05):
we, we brought this up.
We're happy to pay you for the
Melanie (25:08):
right.
Calathea (25:09):
in.
And second, like if your goal isto get closer to John, I mean, I
can put you in touch with who'spersonal chef or trainer or,
know, something that willactually get you into his house.
This company is a barrenwasteland.
As far as John sightings areconcerned.
Melanie (25:26):
Right.
Right.
And I mean, yes, that was sortof a goal, but I'm not kidding
you guys, like I have, I haveabsorbed this.
I know much about this companyand about its employees and, and
just trying to carry throughvision.
(25:48):
You know, like initially what Iwanted to be was was Kate's
junior associate I applied forit like five times, you know,
she's just such an inspiration.
Kate (26:01):
I don't even want a junior associate anymore.
Okay.
Melanie (26:03):
know.
Kate (26:06):
I just.
Melanie (26:07):
When you
Matt (26:08):
well,
Melanie (26:08):
like me, and now you just think I'm a creepy stalker,
and,
Kate (26:23):
Yeah,
Calathea (26:23):
that's it.
That's the answer.
Usually you want like a definiteno
Matt (26:27):
Yeah.
Something to like, clearly takeit off.
Calathea (26:30):
you are a young professional woman and you're
growing in your career and Iwant to really help you.
But if somebody asks, if you areabout to become a murder, even
if you are about to become amurderer, the answer should
always be no
Melanie (26:41):
I'm sorry, are we comparing someone who's not
committed a crime with like anactual arsonists who happens to
be
Calathea (26:49):
saying they look the same in a job center.
Melanie (26:51):
right?
I thought I was.
I thought I was hyped it's thisisn't about me.
It's not about
Eric (26:58):
It is.
Matt (26:59):
It's definitely become about.
Melanie (27:02):
Yeah, this
Calathea (27:04):
because I hear from Matt, your, your work is
stunning.
Eric (27:07):
Yes.
Calathea (27:08):
you know, I think that in terms of trying to figure out
whether or not we keep you on,it's certainly not the work it's
possible concerns that we mighthave behind your
Matt (27:18):
Yeah, well, you know,
Melanie (27:19):
14 days, six hours and four minutes.
I feel like that's just really alot.
Do I not get like a 90 day planfor
Matt (27:28):
I mean, you've, you know, this was meant to be a contract
based opportunity and you kindof tore through all of the work
we had.
So I don't really know muchabout your skills beyond.
You know, working withsurveillance equipment and
replacing parts of phones.
I think if you wanted to stayon, we would have to talk more
(27:49):
about what that role would looklike.
Kate (27:51):
I also want to point out again that you've applied for
every position we've had.
None of which you have beenqualified for, except for the
one relating to surveillanceequipment.
Matt (28:03):
Say we want to be clear.
You're very good at.
Beyond.
Yeah.
Well, above par, uh, haven'tseen anybody.
Melanie (28:12):
I mean, I was told that if I just got my MBA, that I.
Get a job, you know, I saidlike, oh, I'll be whatever you
want.
And then we, you know, got theundergrad and that was horrific.
And then now, you know,entry-level jobs are like, you
need an MBA.
So I got it.
And, um, I've, I've just beentaking all these, skill stack
(28:32):
courses.
Uh, so I am a successfulgraduate of, um, Ruby on rails.
Uh, I
Matt (28:41):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Nice.
Melanie (28:43):
a one-on-one and I'm working on 1 0 2 and, uh, I can
answer the phones.
Matt (28:50):
I mean, Eric, I know you're always complaining about
having to do the data analysison, on some of our consumer
testing and how none of yourteam.
Feels like it's their jobbecause it's work.
That's beneath them.
Melanie (29:05):
I'll do anything
Eric (29:07):
No, no, I'll do it.
Melanie (29:10):
you can listen.
You've
Eric (29:13):
can, I can keep doing it.
Melanie (29:15):
and I'll just stay there.
Eric (29:17):
There was a lot of training required for the
screening room and.
Calathea (29:21):
it's a very technical situation.
Melanie (29:24):
yeah.
Yeah.
I heard about, um, was great.
Eric (29:31):
can't believe I'm saying this, but I do know some people
in Scientology and I think I canget you a job there.
I lost my parents to them.
I don't have a good relationshipwith the church, but it feels
like a good fit.
Melanie (29:47):
Well, keep telling me that.
And
Eric (29:51):
I be trying to listen
Melanie (29:52):
I guess just,
Kate (29:55):
name is Hubbard.
So are you not really the, toRon Hubbard?
Melanie (30:00):
name is Kate Blanchett.
Are you not a movie star?
Matt (30:03):
What's
Kate (30:03):
been
Eric (30:04):
the band chat.
Matt (30:05):
K banshee.
Calathea (30:06):
Yeah, sorry, Kate.
I feel like you're gettingreally upset about this.
Um, do you want me to call meyou're down love of my someday.
You will five and how be right.
Be all.
Dang.
You landed that dark.
Kate (30:26):
Thank you.
Calathea (30:27):
well.
Eric (30:30):
Um,
Calathea (30:30):
just.
Matt (30:31):
This death cab songs are haunted.
Calathea (30:33):
Yeah.
Kate (30:35):
okay.
I'm having a brief moment ofclarity.
I think I'll just share thebackground, check results with
the rest of the team.
We'll do a vote on whether ornot you should stay and continue
working on, um, surveillanceequipment for our company not.
Melanie (30:51):
anything.
Kate (30:54):
right.
Or anything.
Um, and maybe as a backup plan,uh, if that doesn't work out,
Matt can schedule you some typeof.
Brief meeting with John as a wayof us showing our appreciation
towards.
Melanie (31:14):
Before we, we do that, Kate, can you just, can you just
tell me why you don't like me?
I've done everything.
I brought you cupcakes outsideyour house, like every day and a
half.
I've I've learned from you somuch.
I just, I just want to be aroundyou because you're, so you're
(31:35):
also inspirational because youknow, you've learned so much
from John and I just don't getit
Kate (31:42):
Listen.
grew up with a twin.
Melanie (31:47):
Lindsey.
Kate (31:47):
when you're a twin Lindsey, yes.
Now everyone knows her name.
Matt (31:52):
Yeah, it didn't know her name.
Kate (31:54):
when you're a twin, people don't think you're unique.
And that's something I'vestruggled with my entire.
Life.
And once my twin decided thatshe was going to go to Southeast
Asia and then happened todisappear for a few years, it
was my chance finally, to beunique.
(32:15):
And I just, what
Eric (32:19):
Yeah.
Kate (32:22):
sorry, my blood pressure's rising again.
Calathea (32:25):
hello, my God someday, you will five hour.
Be rare.
Be hi.
All I'm you enter the dark.
Kate (32:43):
Melanie.
Calathea (32:46):
Oh,
Melanie (32:46):
I was harmonized and it was pretty, you liked it.
Didn't you
Kate (32:55):
About what I like or what I don't like.
Melanie (32:58):
fine?
Just tell them the results.
Fine.
meeting.
Got so off track.
Kate (33:04):
okay.
I'm going to send them all toyou.
Um, and
Calathea (33:09):
I don't wanna, I don't want to linger.
I just Melanie, while we haveyou here.
Cause this might be the lasttime, you're really into John
and you've worked in, we worked.
So I assume you saw the videoshis porn habit and that did not
deter.
Did it encourage you or deteryou?
Melanie (33:29):
I try and keep a very open mind you know, I am not,
uh,
Matt (33:34):
you for that reminder.
Melanie (33:35):
36, so I I've had to do a lot of unlearning around, uh,
sexuality and, and, and genderand all of these stereotypes,
um, and doing some exploring onmy own.
no, Califia, I, that was fine.
And honestly, You're poor andhabits are great too.
Matt (33:58):
scent.
Uh, okay.
That gave me the perfect idea ofa meet.
Cute for you and John.
So.
This is under way,
Eric (34:07):
Oh,
Melanie (34:08):
Oh my God.
Calathea (34:09):
mean, as I was just thinking about this, I mean,
obviously John is very intoknowing personal details about
everybody he watches and anintimate interaction.
This
Melanie (34:19):
Right.
Calathea (34:20):
be a good, good, uh, you might pair on that way.
Melanie (34:25):
I could just be his like personal, I just find out
everything about everyone forhim, Um, Chan speech said that
you don't, you don't shoot forthe stars, then probably you'll
build a rocket ship and you'llgo even farther.
(34:45):
So that's.
Kate (34:47):
It doesn't even make sense.
It doesn't even make sense
Matt (34:50):
no it's he was hanging out with Ilan and Bezos when they
were starting their rocketcompany.
And he, you know, he was talkingto.
And he was bitter about it.
Kate (35:03):
gosh.
Okay.
Well, listen, have our actionitems.
We have to wrap this up beforeany more information about
anyone becomes leaked to theother folks in this room.
Um, I guess for now you cancontinue volunteering as long as
Matt would like.
Matt (35:22):
I feel like we'll probably be done today or tomorrow on the
devices, and then we can figureout next steps.
Okay.
Ben and Kate, we, we have to payMelanie
Eric (35:32):
Yeah.
Matt (35:32):
for her time.
That's
Calathea (35:34):
were agreed about that.
Eric (35:35):
yeah,
Kate (35:35):
Fine.
Fine.
But let's do some off-book way.
So it doesn't look like she everworked.
Matt (35:41):
I don't see why that's necessary, but.
Kate (35:44):
I'll explain later.
Melanie (35:46):
Thank you.
Kate (35:47):
Okay.
Well, Melanie, it's been, uh,it's been a meeting.
Melanie (35:53):
Yeah.
Thanks so much for the time youguys.
Oh, great.
I'm gonna, I'm going to journalabout this and put it my
scrapbook.
So I've already taken
Kate (36:04):
You're going to journal and then put a journal in your
scrapbook
Melanie (36:09):
yeah.
With the screenshots
Kate (36:10):
digital scratch.
Okay.
Okay.
Melanie (36:15):
and I'll pause for a while.
And then on my last day we canall sign it and it'll be, it'll
just be.
Matt (36:20):
it's probably tomorrow.
So I guess I would get that donetonight.
Melanie (36:24):
I'm only sleeping like 30 more.
Kate (36:27):
that makes sense.
All right, I'm gonna stop there.
Ben (36:31):
This meeting has ended.
To subscribe to this startup isbeing recorded.
Go to the podcast player of yourchoice and tap a button that
likely says subscribe.
More content is on Twitter atstartup recorded, or shoot us an
email with ideas, feedback, oryour personal startup horror
story.
At hello@startuprecorded.com.
Melanie Hubbard was played byJenny Kessler, who can be found
(36:54):
online and in person doingimprov with letters to chicken.
Brad's dad and babe prov you canrequest a follow at
@JennyKessKlump on bothinstagram and twitter
Kate is played by Valerie Garrison.
Valerie is a product manager andregularly plays with the improv
troupe letters to chickenonline.
You can find her on Twitter atthe vulgaris Eric has played by
(37:15):
Barry.
Right Barry is a product managerat Spotify and a co-founder of
high-wire improv.
Find him by his name onLinkedIn, where he holds regular
office hoursor@highwireimprov.com Matt is
played by Martin Maguire Martyis a senior web engineer and
improviser in New York city.
You can find Marty's comedy codeand cats on his website at M M G
(37:36):
dot R E.
Califia is played by RobinStegman Robin is a digital
campaign manager for oceanConservancy and is a comedian
mostly found at Highwire improvYou can find her on all the
social medias And she does meanall at our steaky Thank you for
listening.
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