"A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
~ Proverbs 15:1
Is it possible to fight fair?
How can someone who hates conflict approach it better?
How do you turn conflict into connection?
In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea dive deep into the heart of fighting well with the "Four Cs of Conflict." Drawing from real-life family stories, faith, and the practical tools of therapy, they lay out a step-by-step process to approach disagreements in healthier, more meaningful ways. You'll learn how to calm yourself, connect within before reaching out, recommit to the relationship—even in the heat of the moment—and finally address the real issues at hand. Whether it’s a kitchen squabble, challenges in marriage, or tough moments with friends, Pat and Kenna’s blend of humor and vulnerability offer hope and practical wisdom. Plus, they share their favorite “conflict hacks,” and recap why honest conflict can actually draw us closer. Tune in for encouragement, laughs, and a fresh approach to living faith and mental health in everyday difficulties.
Chapters:
0:00: Introduction and Highs & Hards
13:48: Practical approach to conflict
18:00: Is comfort with conflict built in or learned?
21:30: C #1: Calm
26:33: C #2: Connect
30:14: C #3: (re)Commit
37:58: C #4: Content
45:47: Challenge By Choice
Reflection Questions:
- What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?
- What is your usual approach to conflict? How does it serve you well, and how does it challenge your relationships?
- Have you experienced moments of conflict bringing your closer to someone? What made the difference?
- Which of the 4 C's stands out to you? Which C is something you need to work on?
- What phrase will you use to recommit to moments of conflict in a way that communicates your desire for connection?
Send us a text. We can't respond directly, but we're excited to hear what's on your mind!
Click here to register for the DBT group from Jan. 20 - March 24, 2026 (MN & WI residents only)
Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!
Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.
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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration
Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.
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