February 12, 2024 • 12 mins
In today's episode, I talk about why being present is CRITICAL to becoming clean. Also, yeah, I'm BACK baby.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (00:09):
Good afternoon or morning or
whatever.
This is M.
That's right.
We're back.
Ben in a bit of a hiatus here,it's been a couple of months and
frankly it's almost feelsbizarre to be talking to this
microphone right now.
Definitely the longest that I'vegone without recording a pod.
(00:30):
Since I started this thing.
Maybe you're wondering where thehell is.
I'm been, if you're one of mythree listeners and I guess I'll
tell ya.
I've been on a bit of a worldtour for the last two months.
Went to a, quite a few differentcountries.
I was in Africa, Chile, CostaRica.
And.
Yeah, just reflecting on.
(00:54):
All the things that can happen.
When you're clean.
Shit.
I'm remembering six years agobefore I was clean, I was in
bathrooms doing drugs off oftoilet seats.
And.
Now I'm flying across the worldto go.
Experience.
Everything that life has tooffer.
(01:14):
And if you're an addictlistening right now, I don't
know what your version of.
Heaven is or serenity, but forme, it's travel and.
I'm able to do things like thatnow because I am clean because I
was able to regain control of mylife.
And.
This isn't a humble brag oranything, but.
(01:37):
Just here today to let you knowthat.
There are so many, so many giftsin life.
And you're never going to beable to experience even.
Even an iota of any of them.
While you're in activeaddiction.
The only way that I everexperienced any kind of joy.
(01:57):
Or any kind of fulfillment.
Is when I was getting fucked up.
It's when I was taking thosepills, it was when I was getting
high, but.
Now I've created a life formyself where.
I don't need those things.
I can.
Create those experiences, thosereal experiences.
Not those fake experiences whereyou just have dopamine shooting
(02:18):
out of both ends of your headout of your ears, out of your
nose.
No.
So just telling the addict outthere who still suffering that.
Get clean, get clean, man.
Get clean woman, get clean,whoever.
Because there are a lot of giftsout there.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (02:40):
Anyways.
Let's let's dive into a littlebit of a little bit of addict
talk.
So where we last left off wason.
I think it was step four,talking about all the shitty
things that you've done in yourlife.
And.
Today, let's take a bit of apause.
Let's not go too much into thestep work any day.
Need to get my wheels back onhere.
(03:01):
So I just wanted to talk aboutsomething.
That I think is super important.
Not only for me, but for addictseverywhere.
And I actually opened this uptoday with our daily mantra.
As addicts have a daily mantra.
And today it's living in themoment.
We regretted the past.
(03:22):
Dreaded the future.
And we weren't too thrilledabout the present.
And God damn, God damn.
Was that true?
All of those years in activeaddiction.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (03:36):
It was completely impossible for me
to live presently.
In any way.
I was either spending my timedoing one of two things.
I was either regretting everysingle shitty mistake.
That I had made.
Because I was told as a kid.
Oh, you did good in your mathclass.
You did good in your classes.
You were valedictorian of sixthgrade.
(03:56):
Woo.
You.
You have so much potential.
And I never was able to live upto any of it because I was so
deep in my active addiction.
And so I spent most of my timejust ruminating and ruminating
and thinking.
Wow.
What a fuck up.
I am.
(04:17):
I haven't done a single thingright.
With my life.
And of course, what does thisdo?
It makes it, so I can't doanything in the present.
If I'm constantly beratingmyself and beating myself up.
For all the things that I'vedone.
Well, that's going to create avicious cycle.
I'm just going to keep doingshitty things.
Because that's how our mindswork.
If you just tell yourself you'rea piece of shit all the time,
(04:38):
well, guess what, you're goingto act like a piece of shit.
And that's what I did.
that's what I did.
during all those years in activeaddiction.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (04:46):
But I wouldn't do that all the time.
I would also be worried aboutthe future nonstop.
Just oh, no.
And what's going to happen whenI graduate.
Oh no.
What happens?
If I overdose in three days andoh no.
What happens in yada yada, yada,blah, blah, blah.
(05:07):
All the fucking time.
And of course, when I'm thinkingabout the future.
None of it's positive.
It's all bleak.
Because I'm using my past.
As an engine.
As a basis, point to think aboutall the things that are going to
happen in the future.
Oh, well, my life has sucked upto this point.
So.
(05:27):
In the future, everything isgoing to be the same.
Of course I wasn't usingpositive psychology, trying to
actualize a positive kind offuture for myself.
I was stuck in a vicious cycleof.
Faking of every shitty thingthat I had done in my wife.
And then thinking about myfuture.
Applying it there too.
And guess what.
That's called selfactualization.
(05:48):
That's called a self fulfillingprophecy.
And inevitably.
Bad things did happen.
Because I was unable to everstop.
Just stop the mind.
Live presently, look around,look up at the sun, look up at
the stars.
Realized that I had everythingthat I needed.
(06:08):
I had the bare necessities,those simple bare necessities of
life.
And as I reflect on it, Maybe it was
a coping mechanism of sorts, anexcuse for me to never actually
put in the work and the effortto actually get clean.
Because if I'm constantlyworrying about the past and
worrying about the future.
I've never focused on what'sright in front of me.
(06:30):
I'm not realizing.
Right now.
All of the damage that I'mdoing.
To myself, to my soul, to otherpeople, to society.
It's only through being present.
That we can really get a grip onreality, right?
And I mean that quite sincerelyreality.
Because the past doesn't exist.
(06:51):
The future doesn't exist.
They're just ideas.
Just thoughts that are spinningaround in our head.
All that we have at any fuckinggiven moment.
Think about that.
As you're listening to this.
You were here.
Right now.
And you're always going to behere right now.
That's all we got.
(07:12):
And we can't make any changes to the
past.
We also can't make any changesto the future though.
A lot of people think they can,all we can do.
It's focused on what's happeningright now.
And until you recognize that asan addict.
That you can only affect what'shappening in this moment.
Then you're never going to getclean.
(07:33):
You're never going to get cleanand it took me so, so long to
recognize this.
I would always kick the can downthe line.
A few years into addiction, it'dbe like, eh, well, in five
years, obviously I'm going to beover this whole addiction thing.
I don't need to do anythingright now.
This has got to end someday.
Guess why secret it?
Doesn't fucking end.
It doesn't end until you dosomething about it and you can
(07:55):
only do something about it inthe present.
And I'll tell ya.
It is real, real hard to livepresently.
When you're in active addiction.
First of all your brain's notworking, right.
You're constantly coming downfrom a drug.
So you don't have the necessaryconditions required to live.
Presently, you gotta be kind ofhealthy.
(08:16):
Your brain's gotta be right.
Your soul's gotta be right inorder to appreciate and love.
And just acknowledge that whatis happening in front of you is
real when your brain's allmessed up.
You're just like a monkeyplaying symbols in your brain
all the time.
You just have thoughts runningon and on and on and on and on.
(08:36):
And it makes it damn nearimpossible.
When you have this movie playingin your head nonstop to be able
to live presently.
As a quick side note.
I think all addicts areaddicted.
There's addiction to so manydifferent things, but I think
there's one common theme amongaddicts.
And I think addicts.
Are addicted to thoughts.
(08:57):
And when you're just yammering on
and on and on and on abouteverything, that's gone wrong.
Everything that could go wrong.
You're never actually making anypositive changes.
In your life.
So that's my message.
For today.
Is.
We need to find a way to livepresently.
And I think this actuallyextends beyond addicts as well.
(09:18):
I've been clean for.
Uh, five and a half years now.
And I still catch myself doingthis a lot.
And for all of my quote,unquote, normies out there who
are listening.
I'm sure that you might beguilty of this as well.
Thinking about things that havegone wrong.
Thinking about things that couldgo wrong.
Worrying about outcomes that youhave no control over.
(09:39):
What's the point.
What's the point.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micro (09:43):
I think you'll find.
Once you start living presentlyand there's a spectrum to this.
You don't live presently all thetime.
But once you start making anactive effort to just.
Look around.
See how fucking cool things are.
Oh my God.
Just this experience of beingalive.
It's a pretty, it's a prettycrazy thing.
(10:05):
And let's not get too, too metahere, but.
It's only through livingpresently that we see that we
have.
We have what we need.
And it's not that much.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (10:22):
And then once we recognize in the
present.
That we're taking care of theuniverse has taken care of us.
God, whoever.
Then we can actually slow downand then we can actually start
implementing real changes intoour lives.
Like getting clean, like findinglove, like loving ourselves.
But all of these things are onlygoing to happen in the present.
(10:45):
So that is my message to you.
My fellow addicts.
Is.
Past doesn't exist, future.
It's not here right now.
We need to learn how to focus onthe present.
And then we are going to find.
Gifts.
(11:05):
And if you're wondering, okay,great.
Um, that was, that was reallynice.
How the hell do I actually dothat?
How do I actually livepresently?
Well, I will do an entire,another pod.
Where I'm talking aboutdifferent methods and different
ways to become present, becauselearning how to live presently
has been by far.
The most critical piece in mebecoming clean and becoming a
(11:26):
functioning human being again.
So that's all I had today.
I know this one's kind of short.
You might hear.
I might hear a little shakinessin my voice.
It is.
It is crazy.
That I haven't done this in solong, but I am just so fucking
happy to be doing this again.
I feel like I've been gottenaway from my purpose a little
bit in life.
(11:46):
And helping the addict who stillsuffers.
Hey, tying it back into thetheme today.
I was wondering, oh no.
What if.
What if I sound weird?
What if people aren't going tolike my show, yada yada, no.
Just turn the fucking recordbutton on, get something going,
who knows.
Maybe I help someone.
That's all I want.
Thank you.
So, so, so fricking much forlistening today.
If I still have any listenersout there.
(12:08):
I would definitely start to getback into a more common cadence
of getting these pods out.
It just means a lot to me beingable to do this.
And it means a lot to me.
If anybody out there islistening.
So.
Thank you So.
much.
Have a beautiful, beautiful restof your day.
And this is M signing off andwe'll be getting back to you
again soon.
Good afternoon or morning or
whatever.
This is M.
That's right.
We're back.
Ben in a bit of a hiatus here,it's been a couple of months and
frankly it's almost feelsbizarre to be talking to this
microphone right now.
Definitely the longest that I'vegone without recording a pod.
(00:30):
Since I started this thing.
Maybe you're wondering where thehell is.
I'm been, if you're one of mythree listeners and I guess I'll
tell ya.
I've been on a bit of a worldtour for the last two months.
Went to a, quite a few differentcountries.
I was in Africa, Chile, CostaRica.
And.
Yeah, just reflecting on.
(00:54):
All the things that can happen.
When you're clean.
Shit.
I'm remembering six years agobefore I was clean, I was in
bathrooms doing drugs off oftoilet seats.
And.
Now I'm flying across the worldto go.
Experience.
Everything that life has tooffer.
(01:14):
And if you're an addictlistening right now, I don't
know what your version of.
Heaven is or serenity, but forme, it's travel and.
I'm able to do things like thatnow because I am clean because I
was able to regain control of mylife.
And.
This isn't a humble brag oranything, but.
(01:37):
Just here today to let you knowthat.
There are so many, so many giftsin life.
And you're never going to beable to experience even.
Even an iota of any of them.
While you're in activeaddiction.
The only way that I everexperienced any kind of joy.
(01:57):
Or any kind of fulfillment.
Is when I was getting fucked up.
It's when I was taking thosepills, it was when I was getting
high, but.
Now I've created a life formyself where.
I don't need those things.
I can.
Create those experiences, thosereal experiences.
Not those fake experiences whereyou just have dopamine shooting
(02:18):
out of both ends of your headout of your ears, out of your
nose.
No.
So just telling the addict outthere who still suffering that.
Get clean, get clean, man.
Get clean woman, get clean,whoever.
Because there are a lot of giftsout there.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (02:40):
Anyways.
Let's let's dive into a littlebit of a little bit of addict
talk.
So where we last left off wason.
I think it was step four,talking about all the shitty
things that you've done in yourlife.
And.
Today, let's take a bit of apause.
Let's not go too much into thestep work any day.
Need to get my wheels back onhere.
(03:01):
So I just wanted to talk aboutsomething.
That I think is super important.
Not only for me, but for addictseverywhere.
And I actually opened this uptoday with our daily mantra.
As addicts have a daily mantra.
And today it's living in themoment.
We regretted the past.
(03:22):
Dreaded the future.
And we weren't too thrilledabout the present.
And God damn, God damn.
Was that true?
All of those years in activeaddiction.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (03:36):
It was completely impossible for me
to live presently.
In any way.
I was either spending my timedoing one of two things.
I was either regretting everysingle shitty mistake.
That I had made.
Because I was told as a kid.
Oh, you did good in your mathclass.
You did good in your classes.
You were valedictorian of sixthgrade.
(03:56):
Woo.
You.
You have so much potential.
And I never was able to live upto any of it because I was so
deep in my active addiction.
And so I spent most of my timejust ruminating and ruminating
and thinking.
Wow.
What a fuck up.
I am.
(04:17):
I haven't done a single thingright.
With my life.
And of course, what does thisdo?
It makes it, so I can't doanything in the present.
If I'm constantly beratingmyself and beating myself up.
For all the things that I'vedone.
Well, that's going to create avicious cycle.
I'm just going to keep doingshitty things.
Because that's how our mindswork.
If you just tell yourself you'rea piece of shit all the time,
(04:38):
well, guess what, you're goingto act like a piece of shit.
And that's what I did.
that's what I did.
during all those years in activeaddiction.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (04:46):
But I wouldn't do that all the time.
I would also be worried aboutthe future nonstop.
Just oh, no.
And what's going to happen whenI graduate.
Oh no.
What happens?
If I overdose in three days andoh no.
What happens in yada yada, yada,blah, blah, blah.
(05:07):
All the fucking time.
And of course, when I'm thinkingabout the future.
None of it's positive.
It's all bleak.
Because I'm using my past.
As an engine.
As a basis, point to think aboutall the things that are going to
happen in the future.
Oh, well, my life has sucked upto this point.
So.
(05:27):
In the future, everything isgoing to be the same.
Of course I wasn't usingpositive psychology, trying to
actualize a positive kind offuture for myself.
I was stuck in a vicious cycleof.
Faking of every shitty thingthat I had done in my wife.
And then thinking about myfuture.
Applying it there too.
And guess what.
That's called selfactualization.
(05:48):
That's called a self fulfillingprophecy.
And inevitably.
Bad things did happen.
Because I was unable to everstop.
Just stop the mind.
Live presently, look around,look up at the sun, look up at
the stars.
Realized that I had everythingthat I needed.
(06:08):
I had the bare necessities,those simple bare necessities of
life.
And as I reflect on it, Maybe it was
a coping mechanism of sorts, anexcuse for me to never actually
put in the work and the effortto actually get clean.
Because if I'm constantlyworrying about the past and
worrying about the future.
I've never focused on what'sright in front of me.
(06:30):
I'm not realizing.
Right now.
All of the damage that I'mdoing.
To myself, to my soul, to otherpeople, to society.
It's only through being present.
That we can really get a grip onreality, right?
And I mean that quite sincerelyreality.
Because the past doesn't exist.
(06:51):
The future doesn't exist.
They're just ideas.
Just thoughts that are spinningaround in our head.
All that we have at any fuckinggiven moment.
Think about that.
As you're listening to this.
You were here.
Right now.
And you're always going to behere right now.
That's all we got.
(07:12):
And we can't make any changes to the
past.
We also can't make any changesto the future though.
A lot of people think they can,all we can do.
It's focused on what's happeningright now.
And until you recognize that asan addict.
That you can only affect what'shappening in this moment.
Then you're never going to getclean.
(07:33):
You're never going to get cleanand it took me so, so long to
recognize this.
I would always kick the can downthe line.
A few years into addiction, it'dbe like, eh, well, in five
years, obviously I'm going to beover this whole addiction thing.
I don't need to do anythingright now.
This has got to end someday.
Guess why secret it?
Doesn't fucking end.
It doesn't end until you dosomething about it and you can
(07:55):
only do something about it inthe present.
And I'll tell ya.
It is real, real hard to livepresently.
When you're in active addiction.
First of all your brain's notworking, right.
You're constantly coming downfrom a drug.
So you don't have the necessaryconditions required to live.
Presently, you gotta be kind ofhealthy.
(08:16):
Your brain's gotta be right.
Your soul's gotta be right inorder to appreciate and love.
And just acknowledge that whatis happening in front of you is
real when your brain's allmessed up.
You're just like a monkeyplaying symbols in your brain
all the time.
You just have thoughts runningon and on and on and on and on.
(08:36):
And it makes it damn nearimpossible.
When you have this movie playingin your head nonstop to be able
to live presently.
As a quick side note.
I think all addicts areaddicted.
There's addiction to so manydifferent things, but I think
there's one common theme amongaddicts.
And I think addicts.
Are addicted to thoughts.
(08:57):
And when you're just yammering on
and on and on and on abouteverything, that's gone wrong.
Everything that could go wrong.
You're never actually making anypositive changes.
In your life.
So that's my message.
For today.
Is.
We need to find a way to livepresently.
And I think this actuallyextends beyond addicts as well.
(09:18):
I've been clean for.
Uh, five and a half years now.
And I still catch myself doingthis a lot.
And for all of my quote,unquote, normies out there who
are listening.
I'm sure that you might beguilty of this as well.
Thinking about things that havegone wrong.
Thinking about things that couldgo wrong.
Worrying about outcomes that youhave no control over.
(09:39):
What's the point.
What's the point.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micro (09:43):
I think you'll find.
Once you start living presentlyand there's a spectrum to this.
You don't live presently all thetime.
But once you start making anactive effort to just.
Look around.
See how fucking cool things are.
Oh my God.
Just this experience of beingalive.
It's a pretty, it's a prettycrazy thing.
(10:05):
And let's not get too, too metahere, but.
It's only through livingpresently that we see that we
have.
We have what we need.
And it's not that much.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (10:22):
And then once we recognize in the
present.
That we're taking care of theuniverse has taken care of us.
God, whoever.
Then we can actually slow downand then we can actually start
implementing real changes intoour lives.
Like getting clean, like findinglove, like loving ourselves.
But all of these things are onlygoing to happen in the present.
(10:45):
So that is my message to you.
My fellow addicts.
Is.
Past doesn't exist, future.
It's not here right now.
We need to learn how to focus onthe present.
And then we are going to find.
Gifts.
(11:05):
And if you're wondering, okay,great.
Um, that was, that was reallynice.
How the hell do I actually dothat?
How do I actually livepresently?
Well, I will do an entire,another pod.
Where I'm talking aboutdifferent methods and different
ways to become present, becauselearning how to live presently
has been by far.
The most critical piece in mebecoming clean and becoming a
(11:26):
functioning human being again.
So that's all I had today.
I know this one's kind of short.
You might hear.
I might hear a little shakinessin my voice.
It is.
It is crazy.
That I haven't done this in solong, but I am just so fucking
happy to be doing this again.
I feel like I've been gottenaway from my purpose a little
bit in life.
(11:46):
And helping the addict who stillsuffers.
Hey, tying it back into thetheme today.
I was wondering, oh no.
What if.
What if I sound weird?
What if people aren't going tolike my show, yada yada, no.
Just turn the fucking recordbutton on, get something going,
who knows.
Maybe I help someone.
That's all I want.
Thank you.
So, so, so fricking much forlistening today.
If I still have any listenersout there.
(12:08):
I would definitely start to getback into a more common cadence
of getting these pods out.
It just means a lot to me beingable to do this.
And it means a lot to me.
If anybody out there islistening.
So.
Thank you So.
much.
Have a beautiful, beautiful restof your day.
And this is M signing off andwe'll be getting back to you
again soon.
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