August 31, 2023 • 12 mins
In this episode, I discuss how the addict's idea of fun will change during the recovery process. FUN is not only POSSIBLE but it is IMMINENT.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo M (00:14):
Happy happy start to the week.
All of my wonderful listeners.
This is M on thoughts of anaddict.
And yeah, this is the firstepisode in probably four days.
So.
I'm sorry about that.
But life is starting to getincredibly busy.
(00:34):
So.
I was a wee bit ambitious withmy four to five podcast
episodes.
Per week, it's going to lookmore like two to three, and
hopefully I can maintain thisspace.
But God damn it.
We are doing an episode today.
And.
(00:55):
You'll find that I am prettyhigh energy because I am excited
to be talking on this subject.
And I will open this podcastwith a quote from one of our
great contemporaries who said.
F is for friends who do stufftogether.
You is for you and me.
(01:18):
N is for anywhere and any timeat all.
Down here in the deep blue sea.
Now.
If you have fine tastes, you'llprobably know that.
Yes, that is SpongeBob squarepants.
W really, really wide range onthis podcast here from Beatles
to SpongeBob, we got it all.
(01:39):
And today we're going to betalking about fun.
And how your conception of funis going to change a lot as an
addict.
Whole idea of having fun.
That was one of the biggesthurdles that I faced when I got
(01:59):
clean.
Because when you're an addict orcertainly when I was an addict.
The only way that I would derivepleasure.
Is from.
Hedonism is from dopaminefucking firing off in my brain.
I didn't have an overarchingpurpose in life.
(02:20):
I didn't have true connectionwith people.
So.
My idea.
Uh, fun.
Was just maximizing as muchfucking dopamine, serotonin
epinephrin, whatever the fuck.
Chemicals in your brain and justhaving them all swore out at the
same time.
And how was that end achievedjust by getting absolutely
(02:42):
fucking loaded and doing drugsand drinking to the point of
blacking out.
And without that.
I didn't really understand howhaving fun.
Could be possible.
I would work Monday throughFriday and granted I was getting
(03:03):
loaded on.
Days of the week, but.
I think this applies to a lot ofpeople and not just my addicted
listeners.
Where you're looking forward tothat Friday night, that Saturday
night.
Where you get to getobliterated.
And.
(03:23):
I remember I would go on hikesor I would do.
Fun things outside or any otheractivities.
Sober, not under the influenceof drugs and alcohol.
When I was deeply addicted.
And I just couldn't.
Derive the enjoyment from them.
During the active addiction,which makes sense to me.
(03:46):
Because here's the comparison,right?
We have on one hand.
Me taking a substance thatliterally just explodes.
All of the happiness receptorsin my brain at once.
And I'm comparing that to.
An experience like a hike whereyou have to, where you derive
pleasure from nature.
It's not just done for you.
(04:08):
And that to me was a serioushurdle.
That was a huge reason I couldnot get clean for so long
because I was wondering, well,Where's the fun man.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (04:22):
And here in lies the rub, my
friends.
Your idea of fun.
It's going to have to change andindeed, it's going to change.
It used to be the case where youcould literally just have fun by
taking a pill.
And then no matter what you did,you could be.
(04:44):
You can go to a club, you couldbe rolling around in mud.
It doesn't matter.
You don't really have to put inany effort to derive that
pleasure.
But now.
Once you get clean.
You're going to derive pleasurebecause you're going to actually
be putting in a little bit ofeffort.
(05:06):
And let me describe to you whatthat looks like at least from my
perspective.
So.
When I first started gettingclean.
I'm going to be totally candid.
It was pretty boring.
Because, like I said, I wascomparing it to those wild
nights out.
And like I said, idea of fun wasgetting blacked out, not
(05:27):
remembering anything.
Which, looking back at it isinsanity.
That's what we've been talkingabout.
That this whole addiction thingis a form of insanity.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (05:42):
And, As I said in a previous pod,
your only job.
Is getting your head to thatpillow.
Without having any drugs in yoursystem.
And so what leaves the room forfun?
How can you still have fun?
And if you're not getting messedup.
And here's what happens.
(06:03):
Okay.
Eventually after a month or twoof being clean, I'm not going to
lie to you.
It was fucking hard.
This stuff is hard.
Okay.
But you're not going through italone.
But after a few months, I got sofucking bored.
(06:24):
I needed to find other things todo.
That didn't involve drugs andlow and behold.
I figured out what this word.
Hobbies means.
I never really fuckingunderstood hobbies.
Why the.
Why are people knitting?
Why are people collectingstamps?
Why are people.
(06:45):
Even playing sports.
I didn't fucking get it.
Why would you do any of thosethings when you, uh, to a club
and get wasted, but.
It was finally time for me.
To try to find hobbies.
So, what I did is.
I tried out sports.
I remember my buddy Bert.
(07:05):
You to bring me to the And wewould play pickup basketball
games.
And woo.
Boy, did I fucking suck?
Granted I still suck, but.
That has become.
One of my absolute favoritehobbies in the world.
Something about just going onthe court and giving it your all
(07:27):
and being on a team and justfucking.
That feeling when that ball goesthrough the hoop.
Once every six games for me.
Man that is a feeling.
That I wasn't even able tocreate through drugs.
(07:48):
Then I started exploring other ways
of having fun.
I started going on hikes.
I remember when I was gettingloaded.
I thought nature was fuckingstupid.
Which sounds like a veryarrogant thing to say.
And indeed it is because I wasinsane.
And I started to extrapolatevalue out of things like nature
(08:09):
and comradery and.
Sports and competition that Ididn't understand before,
because I never really.
Gave myself an opportunity toenjoy these things.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (08:25):
And it's time continued to go on.
It went from the craving to needto go take that pill.
To a craving.
To want to get outside and.
Maybe hug some trees and smellthe fresh air.
Or go get absolutely racked in agame of why YMCA basketball
(08:47):
against a 15 year old.
It didn't matter.
My idea of fun.
We're starting to change.
And while, once my idea of funwas incredibly damaging to my
body and the people around me.
My new idea of fun.
Was actually really healthy.
(09:09):
And I think any hobby.
Serves value, whether that bephysical or be it mental, or
could even be somethingspiritual.
Eventually.
Once you get clean.
You are going to get.
So goddamn board.
You're actually going to develophobbies.
(09:31):
And then once you develop thesehobbies, they're actually going
to be way fucking more fun.
Then doing the drugs ever were.
I mean now in school.
I play on five different.
I am sports teams.
And God damn I suck at all ofthem.
Fuck.
But it's okay.
(09:51):
It's not.
It's not about.
Winning.
And it's not about losing.
It's about getting out there.
And doing something good foryourself that you can feel proud
of yourself for.
And that in itself.
Is fun.
And I will say.
I did pick up one hobby that Ithink.
(10:12):
I am the best at, at this schoolit's pickleball and.
I think 10 of my classmates herewould disagree, but that's a
sword I'm willing to die on andI doubt any of them are
listening anyways.
So.
Yeah, I can say whatever I want.
Anyway.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (10:31):
My key takeaway right now is yes.
Your idea of fun.
Is going to change.
It's not going to be the same.
And it's going to be verydifferent at first.
But in time.
It's going to get better.
And I promise you.
(10:51):
That you're going to be able tohave a lot more fun.
That you've ever had in yourlife.
If you're able to get clean.
And, I'm not even just talkingto my addicted friends right
now.
If you're the kind of personwho's like, fuck.
I only look forward to thatFriday night, getting fucked up
obliterated out of my mind.
(11:12):
Maybe peel back a little bit onthat maybe Friday night.
You got to go do something else?
Maybe go see a movie.
Maybe go.
Maybe go bowling.
I don't know.
I don't know what people donowadays.
But there are other ways to havefun that don't involve getting
fucked up.
And you need to take a bit of aleap of faith on that one.
(11:35):
I know I had to, and it's.
One of the best decisions I'veever made.
And one of my favorite quotesfrom.
N a literature says.
That at one point in time, ouridea of fun.
Who is doing so many drugs thatwe're awake until the sun came
(11:55):
up.
Now that we're clean.
We're able to wake up earlyenough.
To watch the sunrise and enjoythe beauty of life.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (12:07):
And God damn, isn't that a powerful
thing?
Anyways.
Oh, I hope this was helpful foranybody listening out there.
I hope you all have anabsolutely wonderful rest of
your day.
I'm about to go up to the oldgolf range, probably going to go
slice some balls into a forest.
And I hope everyone has a reallyfucking fun rest of your week.
(12:31):
Everyone give yourself a break.
Relax.
I'll see you again.
Next time.
This is M.
Bless you all.
Happy happy start to the week.
All of my wonderful listeners.
This is M on thoughts of anaddict.
And yeah, this is the firstepisode in probably four days.
So.
I'm sorry about that.
But life is starting to getincredibly busy.
(00:34):
So.
I was a wee bit ambitious withmy four to five podcast
episodes.
Per week, it's going to lookmore like two to three, and
hopefully I can maintain thisspace.
But God damn it.
We are doing an episode today.
And.
(00:55):
You'll find that I am prettyhigh energy because I am excited
to be talking on this subject.
And I will open this podcastwith a quote from one of our
great contemporaries who said.
F is for friends who do stufftogether.
You is for you and me.
(01:18):
N is for anywhere and any timeat all.
Down here in the deep blue sea.
Now.
If you have fine tastes, you'llprobably know that.
Yes, that is SpongeBob squarepants.
W really, really wide range onthis podcast here from Beatles
to SpongeBob, we got it all.
(01:39):
And today we're going to betalking about fun.
And how your conception of funis going to change a lot as an
addict.
Whole idea of having fun.
That was one of the biggesthurdles that I faced when I got
(01:59):
clean.
Because when you're an addict orcertainly when I was an addict.
The only way that I would derivepleasure.
Is from.
Hedonism is from dopaminefucking firing off in my brain.
I didn't have an overarchingpurpose in life.
(02:20):
I didn't have true connectionwith people.
So.
My idea.
Uh, fun.
Was just maximizing as muchfucking dopamine, serotonin
epinephrin, whatever the fuck.
Chemicals in your brain and justhaving them all swore out at the
same time.
And how was that end achievedjust by getting absolutely
(02:42):
fucking loaded and doing drugsand drinking to the point of
blacking out.
And without that.
I didn't really understand howhaving fun.
Could be possible.
I would work Monday throughFriday and granted I was getting
(03:03):
loaded on.
Days of the week, but.
I think this applies to a lot ofpeople and not just my addicted
listeners.
Where you're looking forward tothat Friday night, that Saturday
night.
Where you get to getobliterated.
And.
(03:23):
I remember I would go on hikesor I would do.
Fun things outside or any otheractivities.
Sober, not under the influenceof drugs and alcohol.
When I was deeply addicted.
And I just couldn't.
Derive the enjoyment from them.
During the active addiction,which makes sense to me.
(03:46):
Because here's the comparison,right?
We have on one hand.
Me taking a substance thatliterally just explodes.
All of the happiness receptorsin my brain at once.
And I'm comparing that to.
An experience like a hike whereyou have to, where you derive
pleasure from nature.
It's not just done for you.
(04:08):
And that to me was a serioushurdle.
That was a huge reason I couldnot get clean for so long
because I was wondering, well,Where's the fun man.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (04:22):
And here in lies the rub, my
friends.
Your idea of fun.
It's going to have to change andindeed, it's going to change.
It used to be the case where youcould literally just have fun by
taking a pill.
And then no matter what you did,you could be.
(04:44):
You can go to a club, you couldbe rolling around in mud.
It doesn't matter.
You don't really have to put inany effort to derive that
pleasure.
But now.
Once you get clean.
You're going to derive pleasurebecause you're going to actually
be putting in a little bit ofeffort.
(05:06):
And let me describe to you whatthat looks like at least from my
perspective.
So.
When I first started gettingclean.
I'm going to be totally candid.
It was pretty boring.
Because, like I said, I wascomparing it to those wild
nights out.
And like I said, idea of fun wasgetting blacked out, not
(05:27):
remembering anything.
Which, looking back at it isinsanity.
That's what we've been talkingabout.
That this whole addiction thingis a form of insanity.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (05:42):
And, As I said in a previous pod,
your only job.
Is getting your head to thatpillow.
Without having any drugs in yoursystem.
And so what leaves the room forfun?
How can you still have fun?
And if you're not getting messedup.
And here's what happens.
(06:03):
Okay.
Eventually after a month or twoof being clean, I'm not going to
lie to you.
It was fucking hard.
This stuff is hard.
Okay.
But you're not going through italone.
But after a few months, I got sofucking bored.
(06:24):
I needed to find other things todo.
That didn't involve drugs andlow and behold.
I figured out what this word.
Hobbies means.
I never really fuckingunderstood hobbies.
Why the.
Why are people knitting?
Why are people collectingstamps?
Why are people.
(06:45):
Even playing sports.
I didn't fucking get it.
Why would you do any of thosethings when you, uh, to a club
and get wasted, but.
It was finally time for me.
To try to find hobbies.
So, what I did is.
I tried out sports.
I remember my buddy Bert.
(07:05):
You to bring me to the And wewould play pickup basketball
games.
And woo.
Boy, did I fucking suck?
Granted I still suck, but.
That has become.
One of my absolute favoritehobbies in the world.
Something about just going onthe court and giving it your all
(07:27):
and being on a team and justfucking.
That feeling when that ball goesthrough the hoop.
Once every six games for me.
Man that is a feeling.
That I wasn't even able tocreate through drugs.
(07:48):
Then I started exploring other ways
of having fun.
I started going on hikes.
I remember when I was gettingloaded.
I thought nature was fuckingstupid.
Which sounds like a veryarrogant thing to say.
And indeed it is because I wasinsane.
And I started to extrapolatevalue out of things like nature
(08:09):
and comradery and.
Sports and competition that Ididn't understand before,
because I never really.
Gave myself an opportunity toenjoy these things.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (08:25):
And it's time continued to go on.
It went from the craving to needto go take that pill.
To a craving.
To want to get outside and.
Maybe hug some trees and smellthe fresh air.
Or go get absolutely racked in agame of why YMCA basketball
(08:47):
against a 15 year old.
It didn't matter.
My idea of fun.
We're starting to change.
And while, once my idea of funwas incredibly damaging to my
body and the people around me.
My new idea of fun.
Was actually really healthy.
(09:09):
And I think any hobby.
Serves value, whether that bephysical or be it mental, or
could even be somethingspiritual.
Eventually.
Once you get clean.
You are going to get.
So goddamn board.
You're actually going to develophobbies.
(09:31):
And then once you develop thesehobbies, they're actually going
to be way fucking more fun.
Then doing the drugs ever were.
I mean now in school.
I play on five different.
I am sports teams.
And God damn I suck at all ofthem.
Fuck.
But it's okay.
(09:51):
It's not.
It's not about.
Winning.
And it's not about losing.
It's about getting out there.
And doing something good foryourself that you can feel proud
of yourself for.
And that in itself.
Is fun.
And I will say.
I did pick up one hobby that Ithink.
(10:12):
I am the best at, at this schoolit's pickleball and.
I think 10 of my classmates herewould disagree, but that's a
sword I'm willing to die on andI doubt any of them are
listening anyways.
So.
Yeah, I can say whatever I want.
Anyway.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (10:31):
My key takeaway right now is yes.
Your idea of fun.
Is going to change.
It's not going to be the same.
And it's going to be verydifferent at first.
But in time.
It's going to get better.
And I promise you.
(10:51):
That you're going to be able tohave a lot more fun.
That you've ever had in yourlife.
If you're able to get clean.
And, I'm not even just talkingto my addicted friends right
now.
If you're the kind of personwho's like, fuck.
I only look forward to thatFriday night, getting fucked up
obliterated out of my mind.
(11:12):
Maybe peel back a little bit onthat maybe Friday night.
You got to go do something else?
Maybe go see a movie.
Maybe go.
Maybe go bowling.
I don't know.
I don't know what people donowadays.
But there are other ways to havefun that don't involve getting
fucked up.
And you need to take a bit of aleap of faith on that one.
(11:35):
I know I had to, and it's.
One of the best decisions I'veever made.
And one of my favorite quotesfrom.
N a literature says.
That at one point in time, ouridea of fun.
Who is doing so many drugs thatwe're awake until the sun came
(11:55):
up.
Now that we're clean.
We're able to wake up earlyenough.
To watch the sunrise and enjoythe beauty of life.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (12:07):
And God damn, isn't that a powerful
thing?
Anyways.
Oh, I hope this was helpful foranybody listening out there.
I hope you all have anabsolutely wonderful rest of
your day.
I'm about to go up to the oldgolf range, probably going to go
slice some balls into a forest.
And I hope everyone has a reallyfucking fun rest of your week.
(12:31):
Everyone give yourself a break.
Relax.
I'll see you again.
Next time.
This is M.
Bless you all.
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