September 6, 2023 • 12 mins
In this episode, I talk about the idea of a Higher Power.
Spoiler: No, this does not involve anything spooky or religious.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (00:15):
Hello?
Hello.
My listeners or listener as thecase has been on my last few
episodes.
Whoever you are.
I appreciate you.
Anyways, welcome back tothoughts of an addict.
My name is em.
I hope that you were having justan absolutely lovely day.
Hopefully it's filled with somesemblance of peace and
(00:37):
gratitude.
Jesus Christ.
Does life move fast?
But anyways, today I wanted todiscuss a topic that I have long
been avoiding since I startedthis thing.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (00:51):
And it is about a conception of.
A higher power.
Ooh, spooky.
I know.
Well, we're going to dive deeperinto that, but first, just
recapping a little bit aboutwhat we have been talking about.
Straight a little bit talkedabout fun, talked about a few
other things on the most recentpodcasts.
(01:12):
But before that, Oh, it'stalking about how you needed to
ask for help.
You needed to get the fuck outof your mind and go look out
there somewhere else in theuniverse, in the infinite
universe and find something elsebecause clearly.
Whatever you are doing right nowas an addict.
If you are an active addiction,clearly that you doing it on
(01:35):
your own.
By your own accord.
It's just not working for youright now.
And.
We got to go look somewhereelse.
So where, where, where are wegoing to look?
And according to the 12 steps and
to.
Many other ideologies.
(01:55):
This is where we invoke themysterious.
Higher power.
Now I know.
The knee-jerk reaction from somany of you, hell, you've
probably already closed thepodcast by now.
If just the idea of higher powermakes you sick.
You might be running for thefucking Hills right now
(02:17):
thinking, oh God, I liked thisguy up until now, but now he's
going to start shoving thisJesus crap down my throat.
But if you've made it this far and
you haven't closed down thepodcast completely.
I am here to tell you that.
This is not a religious podcast.
This is not a religious program.
(02:38):
There is nothing.
About getting clean.
That involves religion.
You don't need some kind ofgrand conception.
Of God that's out there in the.
In the mystical universe thattranscends space and time.
No.
I remember when I first got intothe rooms and ice first started
(03:01):
getting cleaned.
I remember reading that secondstep and I was like, ah, fuck.
Those 12 years that I spent inCatholic school.
Well, here we go again, baby.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo M (03:13):
Yeah.
I just, giving you a second ofbackground about me, I was.
Raised incredibly Catholic wentto Catholic school for.
All of the formative years of mylife until I got into college.
And that experience.
Made me start resenting religionas a whole.
And.
(03:35):
I'll put the stipulation outthere now.
I don't resent religion today.
I think religion has a lot ofreally, really good utility for
people.
I think it brings a lot ofpeople, a sense of community and
peace in their lives.
And I'll admit I am religious insome ways.
I guess it depends on the seasonand how much I need religion at
that specific time.
(03:55):
But to call myself a devout,anything.
Would be a huge stretch of theimagination.
But yeah, all of that to saythat when I saw this idea of a
higher power, I was like, okay.
This shit is not going tofucking work for me.
This.
Getting clean thing.
It's got to involve going tochurch and closing my eyes.
(04:17):
And throwing my hands to the skyto God, or the great Juju in the
sky or to the Buddha or anyreligious figure that you can
think of.
And they're just going tomagically come in and wash away
my sins.
That's what I was afraid of.
And that's what turned me off tothis idea of a higher power for
so long, which is why I thinkit's pretty goddamn important
(04:39):
for me to talk about it.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (04:42):
Anyways.
I've talked a lot about what ahigher power is not.
And you're probably champing atthe bit wondering, all right.
Um, so what the hell is thishigher power?
And I'm going to preface thiswith.
I am not.
An N a spokesperson.
I am not.
A pastor.
(05:03):
Not a doctor, et cetera, etcetera.
And this is my interpretation ofwhat a higher power is and how
it's worked for me.
So all a higher power is.
Is something outside ofyourself.
That's going to help you stayclean.
(05:24):
Now.
That doesn't have to be.
By that definition that doesn'thave to be anything that
transcends reality that existsoutside of space and time.
And indeed.
More practical things are goingto be useful here as your higher
power.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (05:43):
So now you think about it.
And your higher power can be.
Literally anything.
That works for you.
Your higher power could be aperson.
Somebody in your life that youknow is going to help you.
Stay clean.
Your higher power could besomebody you don't even know.
(06:03):
For example, maybe your higherpowers, Tom Brady.
Maybe Tom Brady inspires you.
To be the best version ofyourself.
So Tom Brady is your higherpower.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (06:18):
Your higher power could be gratitude.
Because you believe thatgratitude is what is going to
help guide you in your recoveryon this path to breaking free
from your addiction.
Your higher power could be thepower of love.
Your higher power could be abook that you find super
(06:39):
compelling that you know, thatyou can turn to.
When you feel the urge to use.
Your higher power can be anykind of hobby.
It could be basketball or.
Crochet or.
I don't know.
Although, I don't know whatpeople do anymore.
Whatever helps you stay.
Clean.
(06:59):
At your higher power.
It's not something that exists.
Out there in the mysteriousether of the universe.
That's so divorced from realitythat it's totally inaccessible.
No.
It's something that's incrediblyaccessible to you.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (07:17):
And I need to make a note here.
That I'm not poo-pooingreligious people at all.
It's totally acceptable.
For your higher power to beJesus Christ.
To be the Buddha.
To be anything that you want itto be so long.
As it helps you stay clean.
(07:40):
And I feel that this message.
Really really needs to be saidbecause.
So many people see any 12 stepprogram, AA, whatever it is.
And right there, right in thatsecond step.
They read the first one orthey're like powerlessness.
Okay.
Yeah.
I guess I can get behind that.
I'm pretty fucked up.
They get to that second one.
(08:00):
They see higher power.
They run for the fucking Hillsand to be honest, I get it.
Okay.
I get it.
And there's a fundal fundamentalissue here.
In that.
Higher power.
Isn't explicated just fromreading that second step.
Because we, as a society havebeen conditioned to believe.
(08:24):
That a higher power is somethingspooky.
The old man in the sky thatlives outside of ourselves.
But my message here today.
The anybody here who is curiousabout recovery or addiction.
And they run into this idea ofhigher power.
And they're like, ah, fuck.
I want you to know that it's notwhat your knee jerk reaction
(08:47):
tells you.
It is.
Okay.
It's just something that helpsyou stay clean.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (08:54):
I'll tell you a little bit about my
higher power.
And the way that I found it.
When I first got to.
The rooms of N a.
I did have that knee-jerkreaction to higher power.
Like, well, fuck.
I guess I'll be religious again.
At least I've read half theBible from Catholic school.
So I got that.
So I guess I'll turn towardJesus again.
(09:17):
And as I spent more time in theprogram, That's what I learned,
what a higher power really was.
And you know, much love toJesus.
But Jesus is not what I wouldturn to.
To help me stay clean.
What was helping me stay clean.
(09:38):
We're the actual 12 steps.
And when I say the actual 12steps specifically, I mean,
journaling on them.
I would spend just five, 10minutes each day.
Journaling and thinking about myaddiction and being honest about
it and just putting it on paper.
(09:58):
And so my higher power.
What's the action of journaling.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (10:05):
And journaling, certainly bet.
The two requirements.
To stay clean.
Number one.
Is it outside of myself?
Check number two.
Does it help me?
Fuck.
Yeah, it does.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Journaling helped me andcontinues to help me stay clean.
And that's all higher power isto me.
(10:26):
And it makes sense why you wouldneed a higher power.
And I've talked about this inprevious podcasts.
Which is.
You're fucked right now.
And you're stuck in your ownhead.
You need some thing, some buddy.
Some entity, some book.
Just anything.
Outside of your own head.
(10:48):
That's going to help you.
And I can't tell you what thatis.
Your pastor.
Can't tell you what that is.
No one can fucking tell you whatthat is.
It is totally up to yourdiscretion.
To decide.
What your higher power is.
And how.
Even if it scares you.
(11:09):
Calling it higher power.
You don't even have to call itthat.
Oh, whatever the fuck you want.
As long as the stipulationexists, that it's outside of
your own mind, that it helpsyou.
That's what you're going to needright now.
And in future pods, I'll talkabout.
Further about how this higherpower or whatever the fuck you
want to call it.
(11:30):
Is going to help you.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (11:35):
Anyways.
I hope.
If you're an addict out there,this gave you some clarity as to
what these people are talkingabout.
When they're talking abouthigher power.
If you're not an addict.
Maybe I change your point ofview about what the fuck higher
power can even mean.
And.
If my hypothesis is correct.
(11:56):
No one's even made it this faron the podcast.
So I'm talking to myself rightnow.
And hell even that's okay.
Because sometimes I like thesound of my own voice.
Anyway.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
And this was another episode ofthoughts of an addict from your
very grateful recovering addict.
(12:16):
M.
Hope you have a lovely rest ofyour day.
Goodbye.
Hello?
Hello.
My listeners or listener as thecase has been on my last few
episodes.
Whoever you are.
I appreciate you.
Anyways, welcome back tothoughts of an addict.
My name is em.
I hope that you were having justan absolutely lovely day.
Hopefully it's filled with somesemblance of peace and
(00:37):
gratitude.
Jesus Christ.
Does life move fast?
But anyways, today I wanted todiscuss a topic that I have long
been avoiding since I startedthis thing.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (00:51):
And it is about a conception of.
A higher power.
Ooh, spooky.
I know.
Well, we're going to dive deeperinto that, but first, just
recapping a little bit aboutwhat we have been talking about.
Straight a little bit talkedabout fun, talked about a few
other things on the most recentpodcasts.
(01:12):
But before that, Oh, it'stalking about how you needed to
ask for help.
You needed to get the fuck outof your mind and go look out
there somewhere else in theuniverse, in the infinite
universe and find something elsebecause clearly.
Whatever you are doing right nowas an addict.
If you are an active addiction,clearly that you doing it on
(01:35):
your own.
By your own accord.
It's just not working for youright now.
And.
We got to go look somewhereelse.
So where, where, where are wegoing to look?
And according to the 12 steps and
to.
Many other ideologies.
(01:55):
This is where we invoke themysterious.
Higher power.
Now I know.
The knee-jerk reaction from somany of you, hell, you've
probably already closed thepodcast by now.
If just the idea of higher powermakes you sick.
You might be running for thefucking Hills right now
(02:17):
thinking, oh God, I liked thisguy up until now, but now he's
going to start shoving thisJesus crap down my throat.
But if you've made it this far and
you haven't closed down thepodcast completely.
I am here to tell you that.
This is not a religious podcast.
This is not a religious program.
(02:38):
There is nothing.
About getting clean.
That involves religion.
You don't need some kind ofgrand conception.
Of God that's out there in the.
In the mystical universe thattranscends space and time.
No.
I remember when I first got intothe rooms and ice first started
(03:01):
getting cleaned.
I remember reading that secondstep and I was like, ah, fuck.
Those 12 years that I spent inCatholic school.
Well, here we go again, baby.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo M (03:13):
Yeah.
I just, giving you a second ofbackground about me, I was.
Raised incredibly Catholic wentto Catholic school for.
All of the formative years of mylife until I got into college.
And that experience.
Made me start resenting religionas a whole.
And.
(03:35):
I'll put the stipulation outthere now.
I don't resent religion today.
I think religion has a lot ofreally, really good utility for
people.
I think it brings a lot ofpeople, a sense of community and
peace in their lives.
And I'll admit I am religious insome ways.
I guess it depends on the seasonand how much I need religion at
that specific time.
(03:55):
But to call myself a devout,anything.
Would be a huge stretch of theimagination.
But yeah, all of that to saythat when I saw this idea of a
higher power, I was like, okay.
This shit is not going tofucking work for me.
This.
Getting clean thing.
It's got to involve going tochurch and closing my eyes.
(04:17):
And throwing my hands to the skyto God, or the great Juju in the
sky or to the Buddha or anyreligious figure that you can
think of.
And they're just going tomagically come in and wash away
my sins.
That's what I was afraid of.
And that's what turned me off tothis idea of a higher power for
so long, which is why I thinkit's pretty goddamn important
(04:39):
for me to talk about it.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (04:42):
Anyways.
I've talked a lot about what ahigher power is not.
And you're probably champing atthe bit wondering, all right.
Um, so what the hell is thishigher power?
And I'm going to preface thiswith.
I am not.
An N a spokesperson.
I am not.
A pastor.
(05:03):
Not a doctor, et cetera, etcetera.
And this is my interpretation ofwhat a higher power is and how
it's worked for me.
So all a higher power is.
Is something outside ofyourself.
That's going to help you stayclean.
(05:24):
Now.
That doesn't have to be.
By that definition that doesn'thave to be anything that
transcends reality that existsoutside of space and time.
And indeed.
More practical things are goingto be useful here as your higher
power.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (05:43):
So now you think about it.
And your higher power can be.
Literally anything.
That works for you.
Your higher power could be aperson.
Somebody in your life that youknow is going to help you.
Stay clean.
Your higher power could besomebody you don't even know.
(06:03):
For example, maybe your higherpowers, Tom Brady.
Maybe Tom Brady inspires you.
To be the best version ofyourself.
So Tom Brady is your higherpower.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (06:18):
Your higher power could be gratitude.
Because you believe thatgratitude is what is going to
help guide you in your recoveryon this path to breaking free
from your addiction.
Your higher power could be thepower of love.
Your higher power could be abook that you find super
(06:39):
compelling that you know, thatyou can turn to.
When you feel the urge to use.
Your higher power can be anykind of hobby.
It could be basketball or.
Crochet or.
I don't know.
Although, I don't know whatpeople do anymore.
Whatever helps you stay.
Clean.
(06:59):
At your higher power.
It's not something that exists.
Out there in the mysteriousether of the universe.
That's so divorced from realitythat it's totally inaccessible.
No.
It's something that's incrediblyaccessible to you.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (07:17):
And I need to make a note here.
That I'm not poo-pooingreligious people at all.
It's totally acceptable.
For your higher power to beJesus Christ.
To be the Buddha.
To be anything that you want itto be so long.
As it helps you stay clean.
(07:40):
And I feel that this message.
Really really needs to be saidbecause.
So many people see any 12 stepprogram, AA, whatever it is.
And right there, right in thatsecond step.
They read the first one orthey're like powerlessness.
Okay.
Yeah.
I guess I can get behind that.
I'm pretty fucked up.
They get to that second one.
(08:00):
They see higher power.
They run for the fucking Hillsand to be honest, I get it.
Okay.
I get it.
And there's a fundal fundamentalissue here.
In that.
Higher power.
Isn't explicated just fromreading that second step.
Because we, as a society havebeen conditioned to believe.
(08:24):
That a higher power is somethingspooky.
The old man in the sky thatlives outside of ourselves.
But my message here today.
The anybody here who is curiousabout recovery or addiction.
And they run into this idea ofhigher power.
And they're like, ah, fuck.
I want you to know that it's notwhat your knee jerk reaction
(08:47):
tells you.
It is.
Okay.
It's just something that helpsyou stay clean.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (08:54):
I'll tell you a little bit about my
higher power.
And the way that I found it.
When I first got to.
The rooms of N a.
I did have that knee-jerkreaction to higher power.
Like, well, fuck.
I guess I'll be religious again.
At least I've read half theBible from Catholic school.
So I got that.
So I guess I'll turn towardJesus again.
(09:17):
And as I spent more time in theprogram, That's what I learned,
what a higher power really was.
And you know, much love toJesus.
But Jesus is not what I wouldturn to.
To help me stay clean.
What was helping me stay clean.
(09:38):
We're the actual 12 steps.
And when I say the actual 12steps specifically, I mean,
journaling on them.
I would spend just five, 10minutes each day.
Journaling and thinking about myaddiction and being honest about
it and just putting it on paper.
(09:58):
And so my higher power.
What's the action of journaling.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (10:05):
And journaling, certainly bet.
The two requirements.
To stay clean.
Number one.
Is it outside of myself?
Check number two.
Does it help me?
Fuck.
Yeah, it does.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Journaling helped me andcontinues to help me stay clean.
And that's all higher power isto me.
(10:26):
And it makes sense why you wouldneed a higher power.
And I've talked about this inprevious podcasts.
Which is.
You're fucked right now.
And you're stuck in your ownhead.
You need some thing, some buddy.
Some entity, some book.
Just anything.
Outside of your own head.
(10:48):
That's going to help you.
And I can't tell you what thatis.
Your pastor.
Can't tell you what that is.
No one can fucking tell you whatthat is.
It is totally up to yourdiscretion.
To decide.
What your higher power is.
And how.
Even if it scares you.
(11:09):
Calling it higher power.
You don't even have to call itthat.
Oh, whatever the fuck you want.
As long as the stipulationexists, that it's outside of
your own mind, that it helpsyou.
That's what you're going to needright now.
And in future pods, I'll talkabout.
Further about how this higherpower or whatever the fuck you
want to call it.
(11:30):
Is going to help you.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (11:35):
Anyways.
I hope.
If you're an addict out there,this gave you some clarity as to
what these people are talkingabout.
When they're talking abouthigher power.
If you're not an addict.
Maybe I change your point ofview about what the fuck higher
power can even mean.
And.
If my hypothesis is correct.
(11:56):
No one's even made it this faron the podcast.
So I'm talking to myself rightnow.
And hell even that's okay.
Because sometimes I like thesound of my own voice.
Anyway.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
And this was another episode ofthoughts of an addict from your
very grateful recovering addict.
(12:16):
M.
Hope you have a lovely rest ofyour day.
Goodbye.
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