September 11, 2023 • 12 mins
In this episode, I talk about the controversial idea of turning over your will. But it isn't as spooky as it sounds.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (00:14):
Good afternoon, everybody.
This is M your gratefulrecovering addict.
And this is thoughts of anaddict.
And I am that attic of what youwill be hearing those thoughts.
Hope that everybody is having anexcellent day.
I am sorry for the lack ofpodcasts lately.
The next five weeks of my lifeare going to be f-ing insane.
(00:39):
Going to be exploring manydifferent places and I'm not
going to be home that much.
So I apologize in advanced forthe two listeners that I have my
mom and probably one otherperson in Spain, according.
According to the analysis here.
So thank you, mom, in person inSpain.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (01:02):
Today's episode in theory.
Could take.
Maybe an hour.
Depending on how you look atthis issue.
It could take an eternity.
Because it seems.
Unsolvable in some ways andhighly philosophical.
But guess what folks, you know,how I work, I get straight to
(01:22):
it.
And I think I'm going to be ableto distill this down to actually
a very brief episode.
And I've been told by people.
Mm, make your episodes longer.
Well, I would, if I could, but Ijust don't have the mental real
estate for that right now.
So we're going to keep it brief.
And where we left off on thelast episode is.
(01:45):
Whew, this whole conception of ahigher power.
And if you haven't listened tothe last episode, episode seven,
then please go do that rightnow.
Otherwise this episode willprobably not make a hell of a
lot of sense.
But if you're not going to heedmy advice.
And I'll do a really, reallyquick, dirty recap.
(02:06):
Effectively in the last episode,I said that you have to select a
higher power.
Of course you don't have to doanything.
I'm just some guy, but this iswhat worked for me.
So selecting a higher power justinvolves accepting that you are
fucked up right now.
And accepting that there issomething else out there in the
universe that is not your own.
(02:27):
Addicted fucked up mind.
That's going to get you help.
Okay.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (02:33):
All right.
So we've accepted that our mindsare fucked.
But there is something outthere.
That.
At least we believe might beable to help us.
I'm not going to guarantee toanybody right now that whatever
you've selected as your higherpower, that's gonna get you the
help that you need.
But right now, we're just sayingthere is conceivably something
(02:57):
in the universe that can help meget clean.
I noticed that I said in theuniverse.
Not outside of it.
We don't need some spooky, atheorial fucking.
Old man in the sky type shit.
Sorry to be crass, but.
We don't need to exist outsideof space and time we can be in
the here and the now.
(03:18):
Okay.
Do I still got ya.
So then we move on to step threeand step three is where a lot of
people absolutely close thebook, leave the room, get the
fuck out, go start using again,go to some other fucking
programs, which they maybethat's great.
If other programs are workingbetter for you.
(03:40):
But here's what step three says.
It says that we turned our willand our life.
Over to the will of God.
As we understood him.
And if you're anything like me, when
I first read this, you might bethinking to yourself, No.
What the hell is this?
(04:00):
Turned over my will toned overmy life.
To the will of some God.
Now.
What the fuck kind of cold shitis this.
I remember thinking to myselfwhen I first read this step.
I almost left.
Frankly at that point in time.
It's it just sounds crazy.
Okay.
(04:20):
In a vacuum, turning your willand your life over to God.
It sounds like some Jonestownshit.
Right?
It sounds like a cult.
And I promise you, it hasnothing to do with that.
It has nothing to do with.
Anything that exists outside ofthe universe.
It's not some crazy.
(04:41):
Fucking.
Colt.
Like I need to give my soul overto a spirit.
You ain't selling your soul tothe devil.
You ain't selling your soul toJesus Christ.
Okay.
So let's take this apart now.
And before diving in, I'd be remiss
if I didn't mention.
I'm sorry that a lot of this.
(05:04):
Language is.
It seems very religiouslycharged in a lot of ways.
I think this is a bit of ashortcoming.
Of the program that I'm infrankly, is that it's written in
a lot of these terms.
When.
Truth be told it could be verymuch simplified.
To meet a much more secularaudience.
(05:24):
Like many of the people I mightbe speaking to right now, but
Hey, I digress.
Not going to pick apart.
This program right now.
Let's just dive into what thefuck does it mean to turn your
will and your life over to a Godas you understand him?
So really, really justdistilling the shit out of this
thing.
(05:45):
Oh, but this is saying.
Is the following.
Yes.
I acknowledged that there islikely something.
In the universe.
That is not my own mind.
That is going to help me getclean.
And yes.
I am willing to accept thishell.
(06:05):
That's it.
Bada Bing, bada boom.
Nothing to do with selling yoursoul.
You are literally onlyaccepting.
The help.
That you've chosen for yourhigher power.
And if you've been with me on this
journey the entire way, I reallydon't think.
I don't think this is a hardone.
(06:27):
Let's be quite honest, right?
So in the first step we'veaccepted that our minds are
fucked up.
In the second step.
We've admitted.
That our minds on their own.
Our minds on our own.
Aren't going to fucking get usout of this.
So there's gotta be somethingelse out there.
That's going to help us.
The third step, just saying,yeah.
(06:48):
You know, I'll accept that help.
It's also hard.
But a lot of people get hung upon this step.
Because this whole turning yourwill in your life, this is where
people double back, usually fromwhat I've seen and they go and
say, No, no, no, no, no.
You know what, you know what.
Fuck that turning my will overto God.
(07:09):
I can do it on my own.
And then they go back and theyrenege on what they said in the
first step.
And they say, no, no, no, no,no.
You know what?
I don't need outside help.
I'm not powerless.
And then this ends up.
Re fucking them effectively.
So.
Please use this.
My takeaway message today,please use this as an
(07:31):
opportunity.
To tell yourself.
Yes.
I've selected something outthere in the universe that is
going to help me.
But more importantly, I'mwilling to accept that hell.
So, let me show you a little bit
about what this looked like forme, when I first started getting
clean.
So as I mentioned in my previousPI.
(07:53):
My higher power.
That I've chosen.
My God, my, whatever, the F youwant to call it, doesn't matter.
The thing out there that'sgetting me help.
Is my 12 steps.
Just the act of journaling.
Let's leave it at that.
What I've chosen in the universethat's going to help me get
clean is simply the act ofjournaling.
(08:13):
And it doesn't have to be anymore complicated than that.
Because I've admitted that Ican't do it on my own.
And there's something else outthere that has to help me.
Well, that's going to be my actof journaling.
Because guess what?
When I'm journaling.
It does help me get out of myown head.
And that's the whole point ofthis step is to get out of your
(08:35):
own fucked up head.
This prison.
Of dark emotions and justsickness that you've created for
yourself in your mind.
Just a glimmer just to letsomething else in, let some
light in there, man.
And I think the reason why this is
really hard for people and I'llspeak for myself.
Is because it requires anelement of faith.
(08:58):
And I think I mentioned in thelast episode being raised
Catholic, I grew to hate theidea.
Of faith of taking a chance onsomething.
Because it had failed me in thepast.
But this does require an act offaith because you're saying.
I'm going to try something else.
And I don't know, with a hundredpercent certainty, if it's going
(09:21):
to work or not.
But guess what?
I'll tell you.
One thing that you do know forcertain.
That doing it on your own.
Hasn't worked.
So you got nothing to lose.
And the great part about thiswhole idea of a higher power or
a God.
He can change.
It can change all the time.
Remember the last part.
Of.
The third step.
(09:42):
We turned our will and our lifeover to the power of God as we
understood him.
As we understood him.
You can understand him.
Or her, or it.
Or whatever the fudge.
In any way that you want.
And nobody can tell youotherwise.
Your job right now is to findwhat out there is going to help
(10:06):
you.
And I could give you.
A list of things.
But my recommendation to youwould be.
Go find a program of any kind.
And lit that your higher power,12 steps, smart rehab, fucking
some community group, your bestfriend, your mom.
It doesn't matter.
Just find somebody else.
(10:29):
That is not your own corruptedmind.
And be willing to accept theirhelp.
And if that higher power ain't
working for you.
Let's use some of my fancyschmancy business jargon here.
Fail fast.
Just fail fast.
It's okay.
(10:49):
It's okay.
If your higher power doesn'twork for you.
My first firepower, the day Iwalked into the room with Jesus
Christ.
Didn't work for me.
That's okay.
Worked for other people.
Good for them.
But just try something.
Anyways.
I know that was quite themouthful and hopefully I was
able to distill this.
(11:11):
Incredibly complex idea down tosomething very simple.
I think so much of this shit.
Is over complicated.
I think getting clean can reallybe simplified.
I mean, shit.
This is eight episodes.
It can be distilled down tofucking basic things.
Right.
And meet you have a problem.
Admit that something can helpyou.
(11:32):
And go get the help you need.
And as I continue to pause, I'lltalk more about what you can
actually do to get help.
But for right now.
Like I've been saying, giveyourself a break.
If you're an addict and you'velistened to this podcast, guess
what?
You're getting out of your ownmind, you're listening to
somebody else who's gone throughand shared your same struggle.
(11:53):
And you should be really fuckingproud of yourself for that.
Anyway, this is M this isthoughts of an addict.
Hope everyone has an amazingblessing day and I will be with
you on the next one.
Good afternoon, everybody.
This is M your gratefulrecovering addict.
And this is thoughts of anaddict.
And I am that attic of what youwill be hearing those thoughts.
Hope that everybody is having anexcellent day.
I am sorry for the lack ofpodcasts lately.
The next five weeks of my lifeare going to be f-ing insane.
(00:39):
Going to be exploring manydifferent places and I'm not
going to be home that much.
So I apologize in advanced forthe two listeners that I have my
mom and probably one otherperson in Spain, according.
According to the analysis here.
So thank you, mom, in person inSpain.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (01:02):
Today's episode in theory.
Could take.
Maybe an hour.
Depending on how you look atthis issue.
It could take an eternity.
Because it seems.
Unsolvable in some ways andhighly philosophical.
But guess what folks, you know,how I work, I get straight to
(01:22):
it.
And I think I'm going to be ableto distill this down to actually
a very brief episode.
And I've been told by people.
Mm, make your episodes longer.
Well, I would, if I could, but Ijust don't have the mental real
estate for that right now.
So we're going to keep it brief.
And where we left off on thelast episode is.
(01:45):
Whew, this whole conception of ahigher power.
And if you haven't listened tothe last episode, episode seven,
then please go do that rightnow.
Otherwise this episode willprobably not make a hell of a
lot of sense.
But if you're not going to heedmy advice.
And I'll do a really, reallyquick, dirty recap.
(02:06):
Effectively in the last episode,I said that you have to select a
higher power.
Of course you don't have to doanything.
I'm just some guy, but this iswhat worked for me.
So selecting a higher power justinvolves accepting that you are
fucked up right now.
And accepting that there issomething else out there in the
universe that is not your own.
(02:27):
Addicted fucked up mind.
That's going to get you help.
Okay.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (02:33):
All right.
So we've accepted that our mindsare fucked.
But there is something outthere.
That.
At least we believe might beable to help us.
I'm not going to guarantee toanybody right now that whatever
you've selected as your higherpower, that's gonna get you the
help that you need.
But right now, we're just sayingthere is conceivably something
(02:57):
in the universe that can help meget clean.
I noticed that I said in theuniverse.
Not outside of it.
We don't need some spooky, atheorial fucking.
Old man in the sky type shit.
Sorry to be crass, but.
We don't need to exist outsideof space and time we can be in
the here and the now.
(03:18):
Okay.
Do I still got ya.
So then we move on to step threeand step three is where a lot of
people absolutely close thebook, leave the room, get the
fuck out, go start using again,go to some other fucking
programs, which they maybethat's great.
If other programs are workingbetter for you.
(03:40):
But here's what step three says.
It says that we turned our willand our life.
Over to the will of God.
As we understood him.
And if you're anything like me, when
I first read this, you might bethinking to yourself, No.
What the hell is this?
(04:00):
Turned over my will toned overmy life.
To the will of some God.
Now.
What the fuck kind of cold shitis this.
I remember thinking to myselfwhen I first read this step.
I almost left.
Frankly at that point in time.
It's it just sounds crazy.
Okay.
(04:20):
In a vacuum, turning your willand your life over to God.
It sounds like some Jonestownshit.
Right?
It sounds like a cult.
And I promise you, it hasnothing to do with that.
It has nothing to do with.
Anything that exists outside ofthe universe.
It's not some crazy.
(04:41):
Fucking.
Colt.
Like I need to give my soul overto a spirit.
You ain't selling your soul tothe devil.
You ain't selling your soul toJesus Christ.
Okay.
So let's take this apart now.
And before diving in, I'd be remiss
if I didn't mention.
I'm sorry that a lot of this.
(05:04):
Language is.
It seems very religiouslycharged in a lot of ways.
I think this is a bit of ashortcoming.
Of the program that I'm infrankly, is that it's written in
a lot of these terms.
When.
Truth be told it could be verymuch simplified.
To meet a much more secularaudience.
(05:24):
Like many of the people I mightbe speaking to right now, but
Hey, I digress.
Not going to pick apart.
This program right now.
Let's just dive into what thefuck does it mean to turn your
will and your life over to a Godas you understand him?
So really, really justdistilling the shit out of this
thing.
(05:45):
Oh, but this is saying.
Is the following.
Yes.
I acknowledged that there islikely something.
In the universe.
That is not my own mind.
That is going to help me getclean.
And yes.
I am willing to accept thishell.
(06:05):
That's it.
Bada Bing, bada boom.
Nothing to do with selling yoursoul.
You are literally onlyaccepting.
The help.
That you've chosen for yourhigher power.
And if you've been with me on this
journey the entire way, I reallydon't think.
I don't think this is a hardone.
(06:27):
Let's be quite honest, right?
So in the first step we'veaccepted that our minds are
fucked up.
In the second step.
We've admitted.
That our minds on their own.
Our minds on our own.
Aren't going to fucking get usout of this.
So there's gotta be somethingelse out there.
That's going to help us.
The third step, just saying,yeah.
(06:48):
You know, I'll accept that help.
It's also hard.
But a lot of people get hung upon this step.
Because this whole turning yourwill in your life, this is where
people double back, usually fromwhat I've seen and they go and
say, No, no, no, no, no.
You know what, you know what.
Fuck that turning my will overto God.
(07:09):
I can do it on my own.
And then they go back and theyrenege on what they said in the
first step.
And they say, no, no, no, no,no.
You know what?
I don't need outside help.
I'm not powerless.
And then this ends up.
Re fucking them effectively.
So.
Please use this.
My takeaway message today,please use this as an
(07:31):
opportunity.
To tell yourself.
Yes.
I've selected something outthere in the universe that is
going to help me.
But more importantly, I'mwilling to accept that hell.
So, let me show you a little bit
about what this looked like forme, when I first started getting
clean.
So as I mentioned in my previousPI.
(07:53):
My higher power.
That I've chosen.
My God, my, whatever, the F youwant to call it, doesn't matter.
The thing out there that'sgetting me help.
Is my 12 steps.
Just the act of journaling.
Let's leave it at that.
What I've chosen in the universethat's going to help me get
clean is simply the act ofjournaling.
(08:13):
And it doesn't have to be anymore complicated than that.
Because I've admitted that Ican't do it on my own.
And there's something else outthere that has to help me.
Well, that's going to be my actof journaling.
Because guess what?
When I'm journaling.
It does help me get out of myown head.
And that's the whole point ofthis step is to get out of your
(08:35):
own fucked up head.
This prison.
Of dark emotions and justsickness that you've created for
yourself in your mind.
Just a glimmer just to letsomething else in, let some
light in there, man.
And I think the reason why this is
really hard for people and I'llspeak for myself.
Is because it requires anelement of faith.
(08:58):
And I think I mentioned in thelast episode being raised
Catholic, I grew to hate theidea.
Of faith of taking a chance onsomething.
Because it had failed me in thepast.
But this does require an act offaith because you're saying.
I'm going to try something else.
And I don't know, with a hundredpercent certainty, if it's going
(09:21):
to work or not.
But guess what?
I'll tell you.
One thing that you do know forcertain.
That doing it on your own.
Hasn't worked.
So you got nothing to lose.
And the great part about thiswhole idea of a higher power or
a God.
He can change.
It can change all the time.
Remember the last part.
Of.
The third step.
(09:42):
We turned our will and our lifeover to the power of God as we
understood him.
As we understood him.
You can understand him.
Or her, or it.
Or whatever the fudge.
In any way that you want.
And nobody can tell youotherwise.
Your job right now is to findwhat out there is going to help
(10:06):
you.
And I could give you.
A list of things.
But my recommendation to youwould be.
Go find a program of any kind.
And lit that your higher power,12 steps, smart rehab, fucking
some community group, your bestfriend, your mom.
It doesn't matter.
Just find somebody else.
(10:29):
That is not your own corruptedmind.
And be willing to accept theirhelp.
And if that higher power ain't
working for you.
Let's use some of my fancyschmancy business jargon here.
Fail fast.
Just fail fast.
It's okay.
(10:49):
It's okay.
If your higher power doesn'twork for you.
My first firepower, the day Iwalked into the room with Jesus
Christ.
Didn't work for me.
That's okay.
Worked for other people.
Good for them.
But just try something.
Anyways.
I know that was quite themouthful and hopefully I was
able to distill this.
(11:11):
Incredibly complex idea down tosomething very simple.
I think so much of this shit.
Is over complicated.
I think getting clean can reallybe simplified.
I mean, shit.
This is eight episodes.
It can be distilled down tofucking basic things.
Right.
And meet you have a problem.
Admit that something can helpyou.
(11:32):
And go get the help you need.
And as I continue to pause, I'lltalk more about what you can
actually do to get help.
But for right now.
Like I've been saying, giveyourself a break.
If you're an addict and you'velistened to this podcast, guess
what?
You're getting out of your ownmind, you're listening to
somebody else who's gone throughand shared your same struggle.
(11:53):
And you should be really fuckingproud of yourself for that.
Anyway, this is M this isthoughts of an addict.
Hope everyone has an amazingblessing day and I will be with
you on the next one.
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