September 27, 2023 • 14 mins
M is officially BACK! Today, I'll answer the question... If I'm an addict, can I still put myself in situations where there is drinking (and maybe even drugs?) BONUS: Even if you aren't an addict, maybe you don't want to drink on a given night but still want to go out. Can you still have fun? (Spoiler - yes.)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (00:15):
And his bag back again.
And Ms.
Back.
Tell a friend.
M is back.
I am his back and his back andhis back and his back.
Whew.
It is good to be back.
And if you're listening rightnow, You're probably wondering.
(00:36):
What the hell is this?
Why is I'm referencing M and Mright now?
And my response to that is jokeson you.
I know nobody's listeninganyway, so I get to do whatever
I want, except for you mom.
I know you're probably listeningright now.
Love ya.
Anyways, you could probably tellthat I am pretty stoked to be
(00:58):
back on the airwaves right now.
And indeed I am.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo M (01:04):
Maybe he'd thought that I had already
given up.
Or maybe you just thought thatthis was actually, this is
actually being used as a torturedevice.
People get locked into a roomand they're forced to listen.
To episodes of my podcast, adinfinitum.
And in both cases you'd bewrong.
Well, I can't speak definitivelyto the ladder.
(01:24):
I don't know what people aredoing with this podcast.
Certainly haven't given up.
I actually have been gone forthe last two weeks.
I did a little trip toOktoberfest.
That's right.
I went to Germany for about twoweeks with some college friends.
It was.
(01:45):
An absolutely magical two weeks.
Good to be back.
And actually it inspired today'spodcast.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (01:57):
The fun part about today's podcast
is this doesn't necessarily haveto apply to addicts.
This could be somebody who justdoesn't want to go out and drink
that night.
Or maybe.
You lost Roshambo and you arethe designated driver for the
night.
And I'm here to tell you.
(02:19):
That it is possible to stillhave a good time.
When you go out with yourfriends who may be getting a
little bit fudged up onrefreshments.
And this might actually be a
controversial take here.
That you can actually still goout.
And enjoy.
Being around people that areengaging.
(02:41):
In the nefarious activities thatyou can no longer engage in.
And I think it's going to be areal difference in kind here.
And what I mean by that is.
If all of your buddies weregoing out and doing heroin under
a park bench.
Then yeah.
You probably can't.
(03:02):
Go hang out with them under thatpark bench.
This is more speaking to.
Quote, unquote, normalizedsocial activities.
If your pals are going to thebar to catch the football game.
Can you still go out with them?
If your buddies are going on aVegas trip and I don't know, you
wanted to go and maybe do alittle bit of gambling and do a
(03:23):
little bit of dancing or go seesome shows and you didn't want
to engage in the drinking orwhatever the hell else people do
out in Vegas.
I think it's possible and, WhenI first.
Went into the rooms of narcoticsanonymous.
We learn pretty quickly that weneed to start severing our ties.
(03:44):
With.
People that are going toencourage us to continue to use.
But in my experience, The truefriends, the real friends, the
best friends that I've ever had.
They encourage me.
This talk using, when I pulledmy front, I was afraid of
(04:04):
telling my friends.
That are sorry, boys.
Not going to be drinkinganymore.
Not gonna be doing drugsanymore.
They said, oh Jesus.
Thank God.
You're a fucking asshole.
When you get drunk.
Which was a little bit hard tohear, but I'm like, all right,
well, At least I have somesupport on this journey.
(04:26):
And my dear attics, of course, you
got to know yourself.
Okay.
I'm not saying that every singleaddict out there.
We can go to a bar and be okay.
There's an old saying in therooms, which is, if you go to
the barber enough, eventuallyyou're going to get a haircut.
And that might be true for a lotof people.
(04:50):
And, I can't tell you if you'regoing to be so tempted by
bartenders, serving alcohol andpeople being drunk around you,
that you're going to feelcompelled to drink.
That's something that you canonly answer for yourself.
And, I'd had addict friends inthe past.
We just couldn't do it.
If they went to a bar.
(05:10):
The pressure to drink wouldbecome so overwhelming.
That they just couldn't be inthe situation.
And that's okay.
But you got to know yourselfwith all the stuff I'm talking
about.
You got to know yourself.
You can't think now.
Oh, well, This jackass on apodcast named M so that it's
okay for me.
To go out to a bar and I'll befine.
(05:32):
No.
No, not saying that.
I'm saying.
If you've had a little bit ofclean time.
I'm not saying on your first dayclean, you should go to the bar.
You should probably wait.
You should probably wait atleast a couple months.
I'm saying after a few monthsclean.
If you think in your heart ofhearts, That you're going to be
(05:53):
able to avoid drinking.
Out in a public setting wherethere is drinking.
Then maybe you can do it.
And I'm just here today to tellyou how I've been able to
balance the two.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (06:08):
So the first thing is.
You really got to go out withpeople that.
Not necessarily that know you'rean addict.
Sure.
That can be helpful.
But you got to go out withpeople who support the fact.
That you're not drinking withthe rest of them.
Maybe they know your story,maybe they don't, but they
(06:31):
respect the fact that you're notdrinking.
And this is helpful for tworeasons.
The first one is they're notgoing to be pushing alcohol on
you.
A and B.
They will also kind of belooking out for you, I know when
I go out and I have friends thatsupport me on my journey.
Sometimes they'll come up to meand they'll be like, Hey,
(06:51):
everything.
All right.
I know everyone's getting alittle messed up and just that,
just a little pep talk withpeople that are there to support
you.
That can be really, reallyhelpful for you when you're
going out.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (07:04):
When I first started going out again.
Got my friend, my boys, God, Ilove you boys.
They were all so, so supportiveof me They knew that they were
getting.
Messed up on liquor.
But they were always there forme and they were always telling
me, Hey, I know we're all prettyfudged up right now.
(07:24):
But we support you.
And.
Just throwing that in there tolet you boys.
No, I love you guys.
And I miss y'all so much.
Anyway, second thing that isvery helpful for me is if
there's an activity involvedthat doesn't involve drinking.
(07:45):
For example, like.
People like to play slosh ballslash malts, this stupid game.
It's effectively kickball andthere's beers involved.
Well guess what?
I can enjoy the kickball aspectof it.
I don't need to go slosh myselfto have a good time.
Or even a more typical example.
You got friends going outclubbing or going out to a bar.
(08:08):
90% of the time there's going tobe dancing.
And M don't drink, but M lovesthe dance.
There's a dance floor.
You can be sure that M broughthis dancing shoes.
Everyone is getting.
Inebriated out there and I'll bepart of those conversations.
While people start drinking,I'll be there in cock with them
(08:30):
for a bit.
But once they start getting toomessed up to the point where
it's impossible to even have acogent conversation with them
anymore.
Then the dance shoes come outand I just hit the dance floor
and I just enjoy myself.
And like anything in life.
Like anything, it's a practice.
(08:51):
It was really, really hard forme at first to go out.
And dance, or even just hock topeople at a bar while being
sober, without doing anydrinking.
And indeed there in my friendsthat there lies a big part of
the reason that I was probablydrinking so much.
(09:11):
It was.
The deal with this cripplingsocial anxiety issue.
But like any psychologist willtell ya.
The only way to overcome theseanxieties without the use of
drugs or alcohol is throughexposure therapy.
All of this to say that it'sgoing to get easier.
I go into a bar while everyone'sdrinking.
(09:33):
Let me let you in on a littlesecret, a big reason why.
People are drinking at the bar.
Usually not going to speak foreverybody, but a lot of people
do, they just want to loosen up.
Because they're anxious too.
Anxiety's real.
A lot of people have it.
We just don't talk about it.
And the more that you exposeyourself to that situation of
being sober.
(09:53):
And having conversations withpeople that are drinking.
It's going to get a little biteasier and frankly, in a lot of
ways, It can actually be easierto talk to drunk people if
you're like super introvertedand you don't talk that much.
Well, guess what?
Somebody who's had three or fourbeverages.
They're going to be doing a lotof the talking.
So it actually becomes easier ina lot of ways to converse with
(10:16):
these folks.
But.
It does get easier with time.
Which actually leads me toanother really important point
about going out.
If there are people.
That are pressuring you to drinkmy, when this happened to me.
My knee-jerk reaction was.
Fuck you.
(10:37):
I don't know if that's typical,but it was for me.
And it just led me to get angryand that's just not good.
It's not good for anybody.
So if you're in a situationwhere you're feeling pressured,
By other people to getintoxicated and you don't want
to.
I give you one of two options.
The first one is go to yourcamp, go to your people that are
(10:59):
there to support you.
Second option.
Get the fuck out of Dodge.
Get out of there.
You have no obligation to bethere.
You have no, you don't oweanybody an explanation for why
you're leaving.
If you're feeling pressured.
Get yourself out of thatsituation, because it could be a
matter of life and death,ultimately.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (11:24):
And ultimately, even if people are
pressuring you, if that littleaddict voice in your head, He
starts coming back.
He starts saying things like,Hey.
You can go have one drink.
You'll be fine.
Or.
You're not really an addict.
This is going to be okay.
Get out.
Not worth it.
(11:45):
That FOMO you might feel frommissing.
The dance night.
Nope.
Not worth the potential relapse.
That's when you know.
It's time to get out of there.
And, if you have loose thoughts,it doesn't necessarily mean
you're doomed to never going outagain.
But maybe it means you need towork on your resolve a little
bit more.
And maybe you need to refrainfrom going out until you've had
(12:06):
a little bit more clean time.
That's totally.
Okay.
Good to know yourself.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (12:13):
So in summary.
It really just comes down to.
Going out with the right kind ofpeople.
And staying close in thesesituations with a, the people
that support you and be thepeople that aren't too fucked
up.
I mean.
Even if somebody supports youand they get absolutely
hammered, then they'll probablybe, I don't know, they might be
(12:34):
a little bit annoying.
So that's also one of mystrategies.
Try to err, towards the peoplethat aren't.
Super messed up, but you canstill have decent conversations
with, because after a certainpoint that it just goes off a
cliff.
It's a January-ish.
And if you can find other peoplethat aren't drinking as well.
That's just absolute perfection.
Maybe spend some time talking tothem, do a little people
(12:56):
watching.
I don't know.
Sometimes it can be fun towatch.
Drunk and interactions.
I think it can be interesting.
At the very least.
And.
Yeah.
I don't think any of this stuffis super deep or super complex.
It's pretty straight forward.
You can still go out.
(13:17):
Just know your limits.
Do you have the right people,avoid the people who are
encouraging you to drink and youcan still have a good time.
And I knew when I got clean.
I had people telling me, oh, yougotta separate yourself from
those friends that are drinkinga lot.
And I'm like guess what?
(13:38):
95% of my friend group, theylike to enjoy a few beverages
and, uh, uh, fuck.
No.
I am not cutting ties with thepeople that are absolutely the
most important in my life.
And now if it was somebodysaying, Hey, Em, you got to get
fucked up with me.
If you still want me to be myfriend, guess what?
(13:58):
Just realized they're notreally.
One of my good friends in thefirst place.
So it doesn't matter.
Move on.
Stay close to your good friends.
And yeah, I think that aboutwraps this one up.
I am super, super thrilled to beback on the air with everybody.
I missed you guys.
I mean, I don't know who islistening right now.
(14:18):
So it's hard for me to sayexactly who I miss.
But there's something catharticfor me just talking into this
microphone.
Getting to speak to all of youand for the love of God, I hope
I've helped somebody today.
And if I haven't, maybe I madeyou smile.
Maybe I made your cringe.
I don't know.
Hope that everybody has anabsolutely beautiful rest of
(14:39):
your day.
And now that I'm back from theother side of the world, this is
going to get a little bit moreregular.
This is M this is thoughts of anattic.
And I'm signing off.
And his bag back again.
And Ms.
Back.
Tell a friend.
M is back.
I am his back and his back andhis back and his back.
Whew.
It is good to be back.
And if you're listening rightnow, You're probably wondering.
(00:36):
What the hell is this?
Why is I'm referencing M and Mright now?
And my response to that is jokeson you.
I know nobody's listeninganyway, so I get to do whatever
I want, except for you mom.
I know you're probably listeningright now.
Love ya.
Anyways, you could probably tellthat I am pretty stoked to be
(00:58):
back on the airwaves right now.
And indeed I am.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo M (01:04):
Maybe he'd thought that I had already
given up.
Or maybe you just thought thatthis was actually, this is
actually being used as a torturedevice.
People get locked into a roomand they're forced to listen.
To episodes of my podcast, adinfinitum.
And in both cases you'd bewrong.
Well, I can't speak definitivelyto the ladder.
(01:24):
I don't know what people aredoing with this podcast.
Certainly haven't given up.
I actually have been gone forthe last two weeks.
I did a little trip toOktoberfest.
That's right.
I went to Germany for about twoweeks with some college friends.
It was.
(01:45):
An absolutely magical two weeks.
Good to be back.
And actually it inspired today'spodcast.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (01:57):
The fun part about today's podcast
is this doesn't necessarily haveto apply to addicts.
This could be somebody who justdoesn't want to go out and drink
that night.
Or maybe.
You lost Roshambo and you arethe designated driver for the
night.
And I'm here to tell you.
(02:19):
That it is possible to stillhave a good time.
When you go out with yourfriends who may be getting a
little bit fudged up onrefreshments.
And this might actually be a
controversial take here.
That you can actually still goout.
And enjoy.
Being around people that areengaging.
(02:41):
In the nefarious activities thatyou can no longer engage in.
And I think it's going to be areal difference in kind here.
And what I mean by that is.
If all of your buddies weregoing out and doing heroin under
a park bench.
Then yeah.
You probably can't.
(03:02):
Go hang out with them under thatpark bench.
This is more speaking to.
Quote, unquote, normalizedsocial activities.
If your pals are going to thebar to catch the football game.
Can you still go out with them?
If your buddies are going on aVegas trip and I don't know, you
wanted to go and maybe do alittle bit of gambling and do a
(03:23):
little bit of dancing or go seesome shows and you didn't want
to engage in the drinking orwhatever the hell else people do
out in Vegas.
I think it's possible and, WhenI first.
Went into the rooms of narcoticsanonymous.
We learn pretty quickly that weneed to start severing our ties.
(03:44):
With.
People that are going toencourage us to continue to use.
But in my experience, The truefriends, the real friends, the
best friends that I've ever had.
They encourage me.
This talk using, when I pulledmy front, I was afraid of
(04:04):
telling my friends.
That are sorry, boys.
Not going to be drinkinganymore.
Not gonna be doing drugsanymore.
They said, oh Jesus.
Thank God.
You're a fucking asshole.
When you get drunk.
Which was a little bit hard tohear, but I'm like, all right,
well, At least I have somesupport on this journey.
(04:26):
And my dear attics, of course, you
got to know yourself.
Okay.
I'm not saying that every singleaddict out there.
We can go to a bar and be okay.
There's an old saying in therooms, which is, if you go to
the barber enough, eventuallyyou're going to get a haircut.
And that might be true for a lotof people.
(04:50):
And, I can't tell you if you'regoing to be so tempted by
bartenders, serving alcohol andpeople being drunk around you,
that you're going to feelcompelled to drink.
That's something that you canonly answer for yourself.
And, I'd had addict friends inthe past.
We just couldn't do it.
If they went to a bar.
(05:10):
The pressure to drink wouldbecome so overwhelming.
That they just couldn't be inthe situation.
And that's okay.
But you got to know yourselfwith all the stuff I'm talking
about.
You got to know yourself.
You can't think now.
Oh, well, This jackass on apodcast named M so that it's
okay for me.
To go out to a bar and I'll befine.
(05:32):
No.
No, not saying that.
I'm saying.
If you've had a little bit ofclean time.
I'm not saying on your first dayclean, you should go to the bar.
You should probably wait.
You should probably wait atleast a couple months.
I'm saying after a few monthsclean.
If you think in your heart ofhearts, That you're going to be
(05:53):
able to avoid drinking.
Out in a public setting wherethere is drinking.
Then maybe you can do it.
And I'm just here today to tellyou how I've been able to
balance the two.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (06:08):
So the first thing is.
You really got to go out withpeople that.
Not necessarily that know you'rean addict.
Sure.
That can be helpful.
But you got to go out withpeople who support the fact.
That you're not drinking withthe rest of them.
Maybe they know your story,maybe they don't, but they
(06:31):
respect the fact that you're notdrinking.
And this is helpful for tworeasons.
The first one is they're notgoing to be pushing alcohol on
you.
A and B.
They will also kind of belooking out for you, I know when
I go out and I have friends thatsupport me on my journey.
Sometimes they'll come up to meand they'll be like, Hey,
(06:51):
everything.
All right.
I know everyone's getting alittle messed up and just that,
just a little pep talk withpeople that are there to support
you.
That can be really, reallyhelpful for you when you're
going out.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (07:04):
When I first started going out again.
Got my friend, my boys, God, Ilove you boys.
They were all so, so supportiveof me They knew that they were
getting.
Messed up on liquor.
But they were always there forme and they were always telling
me, Hey, I know we're all prettyfudged up right now.
(07:24):
But we support you.
And.
Just throwing that in there tolet you boys.
No, I love you guys.
And I miss y'all so much.
Anyway, second thing that isvery helpful for me is if
there's an activity involvedthat doesn't involve drinking.
(07:45):
For example, like.
People like to play slosh ballslash malts, this stupid game.
It's effectively kickball andthere's beers involved.
Well guess what?
I can enjoy the kickball aspectof it.
I don't need to go slosh myselfto have a good time.
Or even a more typical example.
You got friends going outclubbing or going out to a bar.
(08:08):
90% of the time there's going tobe dancing.
And M don't drink, but M lovesthe dance.
There's a dance floor.
You can be sure that M broughthis dancing shoes.
Everyone is getting.
Inebriated out there and I'll bepart of those conversations.
While people start drinking,I'll be there in cock with them
(08:30):
for a bit.
But once they start getting toomessed up to the point where
it's impossible to even have acogent conversation with them
anymore.
Then the dance shoes come outand I just hit the dance floor
and I just enjoy myself.
And like anything in life.
Like anything, it's a practice.
(08:51):
It was really, really hard forme at first to go out.
And dance, or even just hock topeople at a bar while being
sober, without doing anydrinking.
And indeed there in my friendsthat there lies a big part of
the reason that I was probablydrinking so much.
(09:11):
It was.
The deal with this cripplingsocial anxiety issue.
But like any psychologist willtell ya.
The only way to overcome theseanxieties without the use of
drugs or alcohol is throughexposure therapy.
All of this to say that it'sgoing to get easier.
I go into a bar while everyone'sdrinking.
(09:33):
Let me let you in on a littlesecret, a big reason why.
People are drinking at the bar.
Usually not going to speak foreverybody, but a lot of people
do, they just want to loosen up.
Because they're anxious too.
Anxiety's real.
A lot of people have it.
We just don't talk about it.
And the more that you exposeyourself to that situation of
being sober.
(09:53):
And having conversations withpeople that are drinking.
It's going to get a little biteasier and frankly, in a lot of
ways, It can actually be easierto talk to drunk people if
you're like super introvertedand you don't talk that much.
Well, guess what?
Somebody who's had three or fourbeverages.
They're going to be doing a lotof the talking.
So it actually becomes easier ina lot of ways to converse with
(10:16):
these folks.
But.
It does get easier with time.
Which actually leads me toanother really important point
about going out.
If there are people.
That are pressuring you to drinkmy, when this happened to me.
My knee-jerk reaction was.
Fuck you.
(10:37):
I don't know if that's typical,but it was for me.
And it just led me to get angryand that's just not good.
It's not good for anybody.
So if you're in a situationwhere you're feeling pressured,
By other people to getintoxicated and you don't want
to.
I give you one of two options.
The first one is go to yourcamp, go to your people that are
(10:59):
there to support you.
Second option.
Get the fuck out of Dodge.
Get out of there.
You have no obligation to bethere.
You have no, you don't oweanybody an explanation for why
you're leaving.
If you're feeling pressured.
Get yourself out of thatsituation, because it could be a
matter of life and death,ultimately.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (11:24):
And ultimately, even if people are
pressuring you, if that littleaddict voice in your head, He
starts coming back.
He starts saying things like,Hey.
You can go have one drink.
You'll be fine.
Or.
You're not really an addict.
This is going to be okay.
Get out.
Not worth it.
(11:45):
That FOMO you might feel frommissing.
The dance night.
Nope.
Not worth the potential relapse.
That's when you know.
It's time to get out of there.
And, if you have loose thoughts,it doesn't necessarily mean
you're doomed to never going outagain.
But maybe it means you need towork on your resolve a little
bit more.
And maybe you need to refrainfrom going out until you've had
(12:06):
a little bit more clean time.
That's totally.
Okay.
Good to know yourself.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (12:13):
So in summary.
It really just comes down to.
Going out with the right kind ofpeople.
And staying close in thesesituations with a, the people
that support you and be thepeople that aren't too fucked
up.
I mean.
Even if somebody supports youand they get absolutely
hammered, then they'll probablybe, I don't know, they might be
(12:34):
a little bit annoying.
So that's also one of mystrategies.
Try to err, towards the peoplethat aren't.
Super messed up, but you canstill have decent conversations
with, because after a certainpoint that it just goes off a
cliff.
It's a January-ish.
And if you can find other peoplethat aren't drinking as well.
That's just absolute perfection.
Maybe spend some time talking tothem, do a little people
(12:56):
watching.
I don't know.
Sometimes it can be fun towatch.
Drunk and interactions.
I think it can be interesting.
At the very least.
And.
Yeah.
I don't think any of this stuffis super deep or super complex.
It's pretty straight forward.
You can still go out.
(13:17):
Just know your limits.
Do you have the right people,avoid the people who are
encouraging you to drink and youcan still have a good time.
And I knew when I got clean.
I had people telling me, oh, yougotta separate yourself from
those friends that are drinkinga lot.
And I'm like guess what?
(13:38):
95% of my friend group, theylike to enjoy a few beverages
and, uh, uh, fuck.
No.
I am not cutting ties with thepeople that are absolutely the
most important in my life.
And now if it was somebodysaying, Hey, Em, you got to get
fucked up with me.
If you still want me to be myfriend, guess what?
(13:58):
Just realized they're notreally.
One of my good friends in thefirst place.
So it doesn't matter.
Move on.
Stay close to your good friends.
And yeah, I think that aboutwraps this one up.
I am super, super thrilled to beback on the air with everybody.
I missed you guys.
I mean, I don't know who islistening right now.
(14:18):
So it's hard for me to sayexactly who I miss.
But there's something catharticfor me just talking into this
microphone.
Getting to speak to all of youand for the love of God, I hope
I've helped somebody today.
And if I haven't, maybe I madeyou smile.
Maybe I made your cringe.
I don't know.
Hope that everybody has anabsolutely beautiful rest of
(14:39):
your day.
And now that I'm back from theother side of the world, this is
going to get a little bit moreregular.
This is M this is thoughts of anattic.
And I'm signing off.
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