June 12, 2025 • 35 mins
Kelle Sparta is a transformational shaman, spiritual coach, and someone who has completely burned her life to the ground more than once...in the most liberating way.
She was living the American Dream on paper…
... successful business...
... big house
... the husband
... the dog
... but she was totally miserable.
So she walked away from all of it and started over from scratch.
Like… moved in with a house full of witches and shamans kind of starting over.
We got into everything.
The messy middle.
The fear of the unknown.
How to stop pretending you’re fine when your soul knows better. She’s spent decades helping people peel back the layers and come home to who they really are...
...and you can feel it in every word she says.
If you’re in that space of wondering “is this really it?” or feeling like something in your life just isn’t lining up anymore…
...Kelle’s story will crack something open in you.
She talks about what it really means to reclaim your power, why so many women feel stuck even when their lives look “good,” and how to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of keeping the peace.
She’s funny.
She’s bold.
She’s been through the fire and came out with so much wisdom.
And she tells the truth in a way that feels so incredibly soothing.
I can’t wait for you to hear this one.
You can find Kelle and her Boundaries for Empaths here Boundaries for Empaths - https://courses.kellesparta.com/products/courses/view/1144322 or follow her over on Instagram @kellesparta. And definitely check out her podcast Spirit Sherpa if you want more.
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
redefine what's possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise, drink Walter, yourmidlife renewal coach Here to
help you embrace your power,purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt, navigate transitions,
rediscover joy.
Thrive for you by you because ofyou.
(00:22):
It is an honor and a privilegeto welcome Kelly Sparta to the
Thrive after 45 podcast.
Kelly is a spiritual andbusiness coach, transformational
shaman and personal evolutionguide.
With over 26 years ofexperience, she's helped
thousands step into their power,activate their purpose, and show
(00:43):
up fully in life.
Business known for her nononsense approach and intuitive
clarity.
Kelly blends ancient wisdom withpractical tools to help people
break free from limitations andlive their souls calling.
If you're seeking clarity,deeper purpose, or curious about
modern day shamanism, thisconversation is for you.
(01:06):
Let's welcome the remarkableKelly Sparta.
Nice to have you here.
Thanks for having me.
Having me, Denise.
This is, this is gonna be fun.
I'm excited.
So much fun.
So let's just dive right in,which is what I love to do.
You've spent over two decadesguiding people through
transformation.
Is there a pivotal moment thatyou can remember in your own
(01:30):
life as a first awakening whenyour calling as a
transformational shaman began?
So it, it's a little differentfor me.
Mm-hmm.
But I, but I do have, so, um, mymother raised me in the new age
movement, so I have beenstudying personal growth and
development, spirituality,metaphysics, psychic abilities,
(01:51):
you name it, anything in thatgenre for the last 50 years.
And so, uh, I had a different.
Starting point than the averageperson because I had been doing
this for so long, and in factmy, my 26 years really is longer
because I have high schoolyearbook signatures that read
like client testimonials.
(02:11):
So it's not like, wow.
So yeah, it's kind ofterrifying.
And so, um, but I did have, uh,a, so my first Saturn return was
quite.
Quite, uh, disruptive to mylife.
Uh, so a Saturn return, if youdon't know a Saturn return is
when you're, when Saturn comesback to the place it was in on
(02:33):
your birth chart.
Okay?
And so it takes 28 years.
So we get a Saturn return at 28,1 at 56.
I'm 55.
I'm coming into my second one.
Now.
I'm crossing my fingers right?
Because they're big.
Right.
The last one I dumped my wholefreaking life.
Right.
So I, I woke up one morning at28 and I realized that I was not
(02:55):
happy in my marriage.
I was burnt out on my business.
I had the, the American dreamlife.
Mm-hmm.
I had done the checklist that Iwas supposed to do.
I had everything I was supposedto have.
I had a.
Successful business.
I was a pillar of my community.
I had a trophy husband, I had adog.
I had the big house on thecul-de-sac lot.
I had it all.
And I hated my life.
(03:17):
Right?
Mm-hmm.
I was just, we were, my husbandand I were in a cold war.
I, I was burned out on mybusiness.
I was hiding in the nonprofitfrom everything in my life by
doing all the stuff of thenonprofit.
Mm-hmm.
And I just, I just wasn't happy.
Right.
I had, I had.
Not gotten what I actuallywanted, which was to be Auntie
(03:38):
Maim without the alcohol.
So, uh, I, I don't know if youknow the Rosalyn Russell movie
from 1965 called Auntie Maim, orthe book called Auntie Mame.
But Auntie Maim was a true, areal person.
Mm-hmm.
And she.
She was this amazing,adventurous, outgoing, creative
person who hobnobbed with allthe, the, um, sorry, my nose.
(04:03):
It's just today with all of the,um, the.
Uh, big thinkers of her time,the philosophers and the, all
the creatives, all the, theactors and the musicians and you
know, the artists.
And I was like, that was thelife I wanted this big, wide,
rich life.
And what I ended up with was,you know, go to work, do sell
(04:27):
real estate, you know, come homeexhausted, you know, fall down,
have a fight with my husband, goto bed, get up and do it again,
and then, you know, go hide inthe nonprofit when I'm not doing
that.
You know, it's just, I was like,not what I wanted.
And so I literally just woke upand went.
I was sold a bill of goods.
This checklist does not work.
(04:47):
I am out of here.
Am I.
Leveled my life.
I sold my business.
I quit the nonprofit.
I divorced my husband.
I made him take the dog and I.
I moved out of state to livewith a bunch of people I met at
the Renaissance Fair, my, myformer business.
Wow.
Then I ran off and joined thecircus and he was not quite
(05:08):
wrong, and so that was my bigawakening.
Right.
I What happened was the, uh, thedivorce more than anything.
Uh, had me waking up everymorning going, oh my God, I love
my life.
I love my life.
I love my, and I, Iautomatically shifted into
gratitude because I was just sograteful to not have to justify
(05:30):
everything I bought, to not haveto com, you know, deal with
complaints and whatevers, youknow, I was so grateful to not
be in that space mm-hmm.
With my ex anymore.
Mm-hmm.
And I, I went so fully intogratitude that my entire being
woke up.
Right.
And I, I had been doing all thisstuff before we got married, but
(05:51):
he was an atheist, so I kind oftook a break from it during our
marriage.
Right.
And when I was waking up andcoming out of it, I went and got
my Reiki certification and Iwent and got a Shiatsu
certification and I startedstudying all these books again
and.
Um, just really waking up toeverything and my psychic skills
came online again and, you know,I had been using them but at a
(06:15):
lower level, right?
Sure.
Um, and I all started to openup, I came out of the spiritual
closet to my real estate clientsthat I was selling houses to at
the time, and I was like worriedthey were gonna think I was
crazy and.
One of'em is like, we love,we're we're Edgar Casey people
and the other one's like, Ooh,you could tell us what the
energy of the house is.
Yes, please.
(06:35):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
All this stuff.
So it was really wonderful'causeit was the nineties and you
know, nobody talked about thisstuff.
Right.
If you talked about it, you werea crackpot.
Right?
Yeah.
You know, I mean, it was just,just really like that.
And so it's not like it was likeit is today where everybody's
like, oh, isn't it cool to be inyour intuition?
And you know, all of the, youknow, look at my angels and
(06:58):
angel numbers and, and all thethings, right?
So it, that was not the case inthe nineties.
And so, uh, you know, it was abig leap to come out of that
spiritual closet.
And, um, but yeah, that was thebig thing for me.
I started to really, and that,that was the time when I proved
to myself I was psychic.
And it was when all of theseother gifts started coming on
(07:21):
board and.
It's just I started to learn, Istarted to learn ritual.
That house that I moved intowith the Renaissance Fair people
turned out to be a house filledwith witches and shamans.
And I'm like, didn't know thatwhen I moved, you know, before I
connected with them.
I knew before I moved in, but Ididn't know before I connect.
(07:42):
Okay.
Um.
And so, you know, it was, it, itturned into the magical house is
how we referred to it.
Sure.
And we spent four yearsfacilitating healing for each
other over the course of thattime.
And I learned ritual during thattime as well and, and, uh, all
sorts of other things along theway, so I'm sure.
(08:03):
Really profound space.
Right.
And, you know, it wasn't easy,but it was.
You know, those people are morelike family than anybody in my
actual family, so, right.
Okay.
Okay.
Different kind of connectionlevel, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That you can't make up.
(08:23):
Yeah, exactly.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, as you're speaking, there'sa whole bunch of things that are
flowing through me that, thatalign with our audience.
I believe the risks that youtake when you make such drastic
changes, and the women that Iwork with, they sometimes take a
(08:48):
while to enter into my supportbecause they're afraid of what
they don't know.
Right, right.
Do you find that that'ssomething pretty common with
people that you work with, or socommon in the fact that it's
actually baked into my programs,so yeah.
There you go.
I'm gonna give you the answer tothe fear of the unknown.
(09:11):
The fear of the unknown is not afear that you, that it's not a
fear about the thing that mightshow up.
The fear of the unknown is afear that you cannot handle the
thing that will show up.
That's a very different thing,and so if you can reinforce your
adaptability, your ability tofigure things out, your
resourcefulness, you know, allof these things, if you can re
(09:33):
reinforce that, then no matterwhat shows up, you're okay.
Right, right.
And so we redefine it.
Instead of being afraid of whatmight come, we're, we're
redefining it as, I can handlewhatever life shows, like life
throws at me, and I will weatherthe storm no matter what.
And in fact, you know, that bigtidal wave that's coming at me,
(09:55):
I'm gonna surf it, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And so it's, it's just adifference of the way that you
look at it.
Yeah.
So my, my thing is the minuteyou have a fear, you make a
plan.
And then you let go of the plan.
Right?
You know, the fear comes up,okay, if this, uh, completely
random and unreasonable andunlikely thing happens, here's
(10:18):
my plan to deal with it.
Now, can you stop screaming inmy monkey mind and telling me I
need to have a plan for this?
I have a plan.
Now let's move on.
Right, right, right.
So you can package it and createmovement forward.
I love that.
I love that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've actually dumped my life,uh, like three times in my life.
I've, I've given away everythingI've owned three times or sold
(10:41):
it.
Um, it's just an intense amountof.
Letting go that I've done overmy life.
My mother was military, myex-husband was military, so I've
lived, yeah, when we moved here,I live in Boquete Panama now.
Okay.
And we moved here in 2022 and,uh, we had to get rid of
everything we own to come down.
(11:02):
Well, we didn't have to, but wechose to.
Sure.
And, you know, we arrived withsix suitcases and the dog.
Right.
So, um, the, the thing aboutmaking.
Big change like that is you haveto be willing to be with
whatever shows up, right?
Right.
And you have to be willing toaccept the consequences.
(11:24):
And usually that means thatyou've gotta do a lot of really,
um, looking at what you'retolerating, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, you make a list of all your,the things that you're
tolerating because.
As Tony Robbins likes to say,the you will not change until
the pain of the change is lessthan the pain of staying the
(11:45):
same.
Right?
Right.
So you gotta amp up the pain ofstaying the same by looking at
all the things you're toleratingall at once.
'cause we only look at them oncein every blue moon.
Of course, of course, of course.
It's kind of when it, so whenyou get it all at once, you're
like, that's a lot.
It's like, yes, there's yourmotivation.
And it's interesting that youshare that because what's,
(12:06):
what's important in that is thatyou are taking the time to look
at your life for you, by youbecause of you based on our
show.
It's not a what you're doing foreverybody else, it's about.
My role here in what I am doingand what I'm tolerating and what
I'm going through, and beingsuper honest with yourself.
(12:28):
Like, this is your work.
This doesn't have to go out intothe internet.
You don't have to post this onsocial media po folks.
Like this is your journey.
Right.
In fact, I wouldn't post it onsocial media.
No.
Yeah, totally.
People will try and talk you outof it because they don't, they,
they're afraid.
Mm-hmm.
And so, you know, when we weremoving to Panama, I can't
believe how much pushback therewas.
(12:49):
They were like, oh my God,you're leaving country.
Oh my God, what are you gonnado?
What happens if things go south?
What happens if there's a coup?
What happens?
And what happens?
What happens?
And I'm like, this country ismore stable than the US dude,
you know, right now.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, we arrive sununseen.
And they were just like, whatare you gonna do if you hate it?
I said, we did the hard partgetting rid of everything.
(13:09):
We have six suitcases and thedog, how hard could it be to
move again?
Right, right.
As it turns out, we love ithere, but you know, it could
have been right.
Yeah.
And that's, that's just it.
That's not, it's not likethere's only one answer.
Right.
So, so you move and it doesn'twork out.
Big deal.
Yeah, I actually, um, I havethis story I talk about called,
(13:31):
you know, Stockville.
And Stockville is a valleysurrounded by massive mountains
so high that no cell phoneservice, no internet comes in or
out, no messages come in.
No, nothing comes in from theoutside world.
Stockville, you are there untilyou leave.
And the thing about stuck V ispeople think I have to know
(13:53):
which way to go, but you don't.
You just have to pick amountain.
Pick a mountain and scale.
It doesn't matter what mountainmakes no difference at all
because when you get to the topof that mountain, you now will
have the ability to know whichmountain you would have you
needed to choose.
Right?
And nobody ever comes back tostockville, which means there's
(14:13):
a path that goes around the topof the mountain, so you don't
have to go all the way back downagain.
And you have so much moreinformation.
We worry so much about gettingit right.
Yeah.
You know, if you get stuck inhaving to get it right the first
time, you're gonna be stuckforever, you know?
Mm-hmm.
It's just, it's not gonnahappen.
You've gotta let go of thegetting it right.
You have to treat it as thegrand adventure that it is.
(14:35):
Oh, I love that.
The grand adventure of what itis instead of being in
Stockville.
That's fantastic.
I love that.
You talk about helping peoplebreak free from their internal
limitations, right?
What do you find is a commonblock or is there such thing as
a common block that hold peopleback from living in their
(15:00):
desired truth?
Desired truth.
Okay.
Yes.
There are lots of blocks, so,okay.
Lots like I have identified 38different blocks that the
average person on a spiritualpath has.
Nobody has all of them.
Everybody has some of them.
Okay.
And so I'll pick, uh, I'm, firstI wanna tell you what that looks
(15:21):
like because the big problemwith living your truth is that
you're not currently holding theidentity of the person who lives
their truth.
And so it, this is an identityshift issue.
And when we shift into a newidentity, we go into, again, the
unknown, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And we sometimes havepreconceived notions about what
(15:45):
it means, right?
And so for me, I'll, I'll giveyou an example of something I've
mm been working on for the lastcouple of years.
Um, for me, I have been workingon the four.
A long time it's been, I don'twanna be famous because my
highest value is freedom.
And I always thought that beingfamous meant you had to be
(16:06):
hiding in your home with allyour security guards and all
that stuff.
And I've been actively workingon that and understanding what
that means.
And the, the universe brought metwo.
Count them two very high-endcelebrities.
One in the spiritual world cameonto my podcast, Neil Donald
Walsh.
(16:26):
And the other was John RiceDavies from Sliders and Lord of
the Rings.
He was, he was gimli the, thedwarf.
Right.
And he showed up in my tinylittle town in Boquete, I mean
like 25,000 people town.
Right.
He, he used to date a woman herewhen he was in his teens.
He just showed up in town and Igot to spend time talking to
(16:48):
both of them, and both of themsaid, no, I don't really have
security guards and I can prettymuch go anywhere I wanna go.
I mean, if I'm in a dangerouscountry, I might have a security
guard, but you know, I.
Otherwise not so much.
Yeah.
And I was like, okay, so that'sgone now, right?
You have to debunk yourpreconceived notions, right?
Mm-hmm.
And so my latest thing is thatmy, my programs are taking off,
(17:11):
uh, because I've let go of the,the, yeah, right.
My programs are taking off at,at a higher level than they ever
have.
And now it's, if I get too manystudents, I won't have any
freedom.
Right, because I'm gonna be, youknow, scheduled within an inch
of my life, is the way I say it,right?
Mm-hmm.
And I'm, and so I've gone andI've looked at the structure and
I'm like, okay, what can I dohere to help and support myself?
(17:33):
What can I do here?
And I brought on an, a fellowcoach of mine who I love, and
we've done programs togetherbefore, and we share a brain,
you know, she says Nice, saysthings very differently than I
do, but we all, we both alwayssay the same thing.
Yeah.
We just come at it fromdifferent ways and so, mm-hmm.
That was a gift to myself tohire her to help me with the
program, and now I'm hiring onstaff to help me with the tech
(17:57):
end.
Yeah.
Things like that.
'cause I've been doing it myselfand'cause you gotta, you gotta
do it yourself to learn how totrain somebody to do it.
Yeah.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And that's the hard part, so.
Yeah.
Um, and so, you know, I've beenaddressing that and this is the
process of conscious identityshift.
Mm-hmm.
You have to identify the thingthat you know is causing you to
(18:18):
resist and procrastinate and,and just have no energy and all
the things, right?
You have to look that thing inthe face and say, what is it?
You have to name it, and thenyou have to systematically
dismantle it.
Right now, part of that is gonnabe internal stuff, right?
Right.
So, you know, belief structures.
I believe that my freedom willbe limited by X, Y, or Z.
(18:40):
That's gonna be my, my stickingblock.
But it might be, I believe I'mnot good enough, right?
It might be, and that's a reallycommon one.
That is the most common one.
Okay?
It might be, I'm not welcome,I'm not wanted, I'm not
important.
And that gets you on the bottomof your own priority list,
right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And a whole lot of other things,right?
Sure.
I believe that I don't havevalue unless I'm doing something
(19:02):
for someone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That's another big one.
So there's, there's like a wholelitany of things that, that are
blocks I can't be seen,especially in the spiritual
community.
That's a big one because so manyof us were killed for our gifts
in past lives.
Right?
Yeah, for sure.
Right.
And that one, that one is aneasy one.
(19:23):
You just have to look in themirror and go, gotta die
somehow.
Yeah.
Might as well be that way.
Might as well be for somethingthat I care about that I Yeah,
exactly right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't get out of this lifealive, so, okay.
Yeah.
Um.
There's lots and lots ofdifferent, different things that
mm-hmm.
Get in the way for people and,you know, it just depends upon
what you're dealing with.
(19:43):
It can be very complex.
Sure.
'cause a lot of this stuff isreally like a tap history of
coping mechanisms and beliefstructures and assumptions.
Assumptions are the hardest.
Right.
Because we don't even know thatwe know them.
We don't even, yeah.
It's like, so it's like gravity.
You don't assume.
That your feet are gonnaactually hit the floor, or you
(20:05):
do assume rather, you assumeyour feet are gonna hit the
floor, right?
You don't believe your feet willhit the floor.
You're not conscious of it.
You just know if you put yourfeet on the floor, you're gonna
be stuck to the floor.
Right?
You know, you're.
You're not gonna float up.
Right, right, right.
And, and that is the level ofassumption, and that's the one
that is so hard.
So I have a lot of, uh, moreadvanced practitioners who come
(20:27):
to me mm-hmm.
Because they will be like, okay,I've been able to navigate this
and I've been doing okay, andnow I'm just stuck and I can't
figure out what the problem is,and I don't know where it's
coming from.
And I've looked and I've lookedand I've tried every pathway I
can find and I just can't seeit.
And I'm like, ah, assumptionlevel.
(20:48):
Right, right.
Yeah.
Either assumption level whenthat happens or it's, you missed
a foundational piece way backhere.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You miss because there's nocurriculum for spirituality is
so easy to miss.
A key structure piece.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, so for instance, I hada, I had one person I worked
with, she had been in thespiritual world for like 15 or
(21:09):
20 years and she had neverlearned boundaries.
And that was the thing that wasjust messing up her whole life.
And I'm like, I could see that.
I'm like, yes.
Because she learned from peoplewho didn't want her to have
boundaries.
Mm-hmm.
It was in their interest to nothave that.
Of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and.
I find that that's very true fora lot of us, and when we hit our
(21:32):
midlife years, this is when thependulum starts to swing and or
open up differently.
And then people, well, I whatyou said at the very beginning,
I should be happy.
I have the house, I have thehusband, I have the job, I have
the good income, I have the twocar I have, but there's
something missing and that's whywe're having this conversation
(21:54):
because there's so much.
Underneath that we know isthere, but we don't know what to
do with it.
Like there's that little nagginggoing, something's off.
Right?
Yeah.
And and I, that's exactly whereI was in 28.
Yeah.
I was like, I should be happy.
I have everything I wanted and Idid it well.
(22:16):
Yeah.
Why am I so miserable?
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, that's anindicator.
But I will say be careful not toshould on yourself.
Thank you because thank youshould is it's not helpful.
Things are, or they aren't.
There's no such thing as should.
Yeah.
Right.
And if you should on yourself,then you are shoulding on
(22:36):
yourself and so Yeah.
It's, it's not good for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you say would be themost important thing for
everyone to do right now?
Everyone.
I would say take back yourpower.
That would be the single mostimportant thing because we hand
(22:58):
away our power and we'vetrained, been trained to hand
away our power in so manydifferent ways.
Right.
Women in particular mm-hmm.
Are trained to never be in ourpower because we're, we're on
high heels.
We can't even ground.
Right.
We're, we're in restrictiveclothing.
We can't move, we're in a faceof makeup.
We can't be seen.
(23:18):
We're told to be peacemakers andto be the facilitators, and we
Oh.
Don't make a scene dear.
Yeah, right.
Make a freaking scene, okay?
Make a scene.
That's all I'm gonna say.
If you need to make a scene,make a scene.
I will tell you that the fewtimes that I have stood up and
(23:39):
and truly made a scene, it waswarranted.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm like, I gotsexually assaulted once somebody
grabbed me in places that heshouldn't and I turned around
and just ripped him to shreds ata very large volume up.
Large event, everything stoppedand everyone was staring at me
and I'm like, ah.
(24:00):
I was like, there will be goodnone.
This, I'm going to yell at youuntil I stop feeling violated.
Yeah.
That is felt.
I'm like, you have pulled powerfrom me.
I'm going to yell at you until Ifeel my power back.
Mm-hmm.
That is where it came from, andso yeah.
And that was very, that waspretty early on in my journey.
That was shortly after thewhole, you know, Saturn return.
(24:24):
So I was in my late twenties,maybe maybe 30.
Right.
And, uh, you know, nowadays.
I, it would be faster for me toget my energy back because I
know how to hold my energy moreeffectively.
Sure, sure.
And it would've been less likelythat that would've happened
because I saw it coming fromYeah.
Than I would've headed it off atthe pass and been like, don't
(24:46):
you don't even bother.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Step back.
I was trying to politely avoid,and thus it didn't work out.
And so, you know.
Yeah.
Nowadays I've been like, youknow, yeah.
But I wouldn't be the, Iwouldn't be the target at this
age either, so, you know, that'sa different thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's, that's thechallenge, right?
Is that predators go afteryounger women.
(25:08):
Mm-hmm.
Because they're easy targets,they're easy prey.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
As we get older, we learn how tobe like, uh, no.
No.
Yeah.
How about No.
Yeah.
And what I think is reallyimportant here in this component
of our conversation, or thisjunction in our conversation, is
that power and understandingthat you not only have it, but
(25:30):
you must use it.
Yes.
Because nobody can do it foryou.
You have to do it.
And importantly, not just indefense of others, but in
defense of yourself self.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so,'cause I see that all thetime.
You see most of my people comein and they're in their night
and shining armor mode.
They've come out of damsel indistress and they're like, oh,
we will save the world here.
(25:51):
I come to save the day.
Right.
And the That's great.
Except that you forget to saveyourself.
Yeah.
And really what you're trying todo in the world is save
yourself.
Yeah.
And, but you're externalizingit.
You're projecting it onto otherpeople.
And so, you know, but thatrequires being willing to take
up space.
Yeah.
(26:11):
That requires being willing tohave conflict around you.
Right.
Not just conflict for others.
Right.
You know, because I was reallygood at conflict for others.
I could step up and protectanybody in the world, but when
it came to me, I was like, no,I'm okay.
I'll be fine.
I understand why he's doing itor she's doing it, so it's okay.
(26:34):
It's like, so here's, here's myrule on understanding.
Mm-hmm.
You should be this much lessunderstanding, which is a tiny
little bit if you're justlistening, it's a tiny little
bit less understanding than youare treated well.
Okay.
When you are having to be moreunderstanding than you are
(26:54):
treated well.
The relationship needs to bedone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Or, you know, you need to callit out and have a big one or the
other.
Right, right, right.
Um, but typically if you're notbeing treated well, a hash out
doesn't do much.
Mm-hmm.
Once in a blue Well, but.
Yeah, it doesn't, there is adisdain, a contempt, uh, that is
(27:18):
a, you know, so, uh, JohnGottman did the four horses of
the apocalypse for a marriageand contempt, stonewalling, uh,
defensiveness.
And I always get, I alwaysforget the fourth one.
Look it up on Google.
Anyway, there's a fourth one.
Um, but all of those are the, ifthose exist, those are the, the
(27:40):
four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For an for a marriage or for arelationship.
It works for a relationship too.
Right, right.
Um, and so, you know, if you'renot being treated well, then
you're already in one of those.
Right, right.
So, and, and the awareness.
Is key in order for you to makeany kind of move.
So we talk a lot in our coachingabout, um, your awareness is the
(28:06):
starting point because if you'renot even aware, then you're not
going to be able to make anysteps forward.
So the facts that you are awarethat this is happening, so if
this is landing.
What Kelly's speaking about,make sure that you check the
show notes because we have theinformation in there on how you
can find Kelly, how you canconnect with her.
(28:28):
I know she has a variety ofsupports available for you, um,
because that's why I have her onthe show.
I don't have people who don'thave ways to support you.
So is there anything that youwould like to share before we
depart with our listeners?
Is there any.
Golden nuggets.
We haven't actually, I knowthere's tons, I shouldn't say
(28:49):
are there any, we we need to doa three day show, but I know, so
the one thing that feels mostrelevant these days for me is
mm-hmm.
Um, to remember that you get tochoose your experience
regardless of what's going onaround you.
Ooh, nice.
And what that means is that, youknow, if the world is chaos
(29:11):
around you and you would likepeace, well choose to be the eye
of the storm.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Chaos can rain around you andyou will be the eye of the
storm.
And every, and the, the hardestwall is the one that gets to
between you and the storm.
Right.
Because that's where the windsare the fastest.
Right.
Right.
And you could choose to be theeye of the storm, just embrace
(29:32):
that identity.
Mm-hmm.
And if you're feeling like thechaos is too much than, than
make.
If you've got a family,obviously bring your family into
the, the eye with you.
You know, you don't want themspinning around outside without
you, but you know, have that aspart of your identity.
It really is helpful.
And when you start doomscrolling and looking at stuff
(29:52):
and being like, oh, the world'sgoing hell in the hand basket,
like, okay, but do what you cando right.
And then let it go.
Right.
Because we spend so much energyand mental anguish and time on
agonizing over things, we havezero control over.
(30:15):
Yeah.
And this is why I'm saying dowhat you can do and then pull
your energy.
Pull your power back from thatscenario.
Because when you are feeling outof control around things that
you have no control over, youfeel victimized.
Yep.
When you feel victimized, yourpower goes to wherever you think
(30:36):
the perpetrator is.
Mm-hmm.
And then you have no power tochange it.
Right.
So the first thing you have todo is recognize I am choosing to
give my power there.
I need to take that back.
Right.
You know, this is not what Iwould prefer.
But I am in my life right nowand I have walls around me, a
roof over my head, food in myfridge, money to pay my bills,
(31:00):
and I'm, I'm ready to go, right?
Mm-hmm.
I, I, my, I, if I look around, Iam okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
And just remind yourself of thatand do a vagus nerve reset
periodically.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Those are like, those are thebest things ever.
And again, you can Google thatright.
But the vagus nerve reset is agreat way to get yourself back
(31:22):
down to a baseline and out ofyour fight, flight, or freeze
response, right?
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
And so, you know, just chooseyour experience.
Mm-hmm.
Because in actuality, everythingthat could be happening right
now is happening right now inthe internal moment of now.
Mm-hmm.
And literally we are standing inthe midst of it.
(31:43):
It is all happeningsimultaneously, time and space
or illusions, and all you haveto do is turn your head a
millimeter to the left or right.
And your entire experience oflife changes.
Mm-hmm.
It is literally that simple.
Yes.
Yeah.
So don't, don't believe that ithas to be hard.
Right?
Yeah.
(32:04):
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
I love that you're talking,you're summed it up beautifully
because you're pulling it allback to giving yourself the
power back, being in your ownspace, in your own energy, and
knowing what is within your owncontrol.
And when you do look afteryourself for you, by you because
(32:24):
of you, and you do little thingsevery single day.
To give back to you withoutthinking about others.
Even if it's for half a minuteevery single day.
Consistency and doing the littlethings, your life will change
and so will those that I callyour sphere and within your
sphere of influence, yourfamily, your work, coworkers,
(32:46):
whatever, will also feel thatbecause energy shifts and flows
all the time well, and you trainpeople how to treat you based on
how you treat yourself.
Yeah.
Bingo.
Mm-hmm.
And so if you treat yourselflike you're the bottom of the
priority list, that's whateveryone's gonna treat you like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not egocentric.
I know I have that pushback alot is not being like really
(33:10):
egocentric.
I'm like, that's selfish.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, no, it's not selfish.
It's self-aware.
There's a difference.
Big give from the whole flow,not from your emptiness.
Right.
When you give from youroverflow, you give from a place
of wholeheartedness and peoplecan fully receive.
When you give from youremptiness, they feel like a
burden because they are Yeah.
(33:30):
Yeah.
You have to take care of you.
It's, it's, you know, the.
The horrible cliche, but true ofput your own face mask on first,
right.
Before you help the person nextto you on an airplane when the
oxygen mask comes out.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's a horrible cliche, but it'sabsolutely true.
But everybody gets it.
It's what I know.
And you pass out.
Nobody is getting any help fromyou.
(33:51):
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Kelly, what a pleasure to havethis conversation, this robust
awareness and ability to tapinto your years of experience
gifts.
I wanna have you back afterSatin.
Hits and I wanna know, where areyou now?
(34:16):
Where's Kelly now?
Yes.
In a, in a year, year and ahalf, I will be through my
Saturn return, so yeah.
Okay.
So I'll be 56 in November, so,you know that's, that's right on
the money right there.
Perfect.
Well, we will have you back'cause we want, we, listeners
will wanna know where is Kellynow?
There you go.
(34:36):
Well, if you're out there andapproaching your 50th birthday,
look into the Chiron returnbecause that's another time
when, when there's a huge shiftas well.
Oh, okay.
So Chiron is C-H-I-R-O-N, so,okay.
All right, perfect.
Thank you so much for being herewith us and thank you to
(34:57):
listeners and we want to haveyou have a wonderful day and
make sure you go and dosomething for you by you because
of you today and every singleday.
Take care.
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
redefine what's possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise, drink Walter, yourmidlife renewal coach Here to
help you embrace your power,purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt, navigate transitions,
rediscover joy.
Thrive for you by you because ofyou.
(00:22):
It is an honor and a privilegeto welcome Kelly Sparta to the
Thrive after 45 podcast.
Kelly is a spiritual andbusiness coach, transformational
shaman and personal evolutionguide.
With over 26 years ofexperience, she's helped
thousands step into their power,activate their purpose, and show
(00:43):
up fully in life.
Business known for her nononsense approach and intuitive
clarity.
Kelly blends ancient wisdom withpractical tools to help people
break free from limitations andlive their souls calling.
If you're seeking clarity,deeper purpose, or curious about
modern day shamanism, thisconversation is for you.
(01:06):
Let's welcome the remarkableKelly Sparta.
Nice to have you here.
Thanks for having me.
Having me, Denise.
This is, this is gonna be fun.
I'm excited.
So much fun.
So let's just dive right in,which is what I love to do.
You've spent over two decadesguiding people through
transformation.
Is there a pivotal moment thatyou can remember in your own
(01:30):
life as a first awakening whenyour calling as a
transformational shaman began?
So it, it's a little differentfor me.
Mm-hmm.
But I, but I do have, so, um, mymother raised me in the new age
movement, so I have beenstudying personal growth and
development, spirituality,metaphysics, psychic abilities,
(01:51):
you name it, anything in thatgenre for the last 50 years.
And so, uh, I had a different.
Starting point than the averageperson because I had been doing
this for so long, and in factmy, my 26 years really is longer
because I have high schoolyearbook signatures that read
like client testimonials.
(02:11):
So it's not like, wow.
So yeah, it's kind ofterrifying.
And so, um, but I did have, uh,a, so my first Saturn return was
quite.
Quite, uh, disruptive to mylife.
Uh, so a Saturn return, if youdon't know a Saturn return is
when you're, when Saturn comesback to the place it was in on
(02:33):
your birth chart.
Okay?
And so it takes 28 years.
So we get a Saturn return at 28,1 at 56.
I'm 55.
I'm coming into my second one.
Now.
I'm crossing my fingers right?
Because they're big.
Right.
The last one I dumped my wholefreaking life.
Right.
So I, I woke up one morning at28 and I realized that I was not
(02:55):
happy in my marriage.
I was burnt out on my business.
I had the, the American dreamlife.
Mm-hmm.
I had done the checklist that Iwas supposed to do.
I had everything I was supposedto have.
I had a.
Successful business.
I was a pillar of my community.
I had a trophy husband, I had adog.
I had the big house on thecul-de-sac lot.
I had it all.
And I hated my life.
(03:17):
Right?
Mm-hmm.
I was just, we were, my husbandand I were in a cold war.
I, I was burned out on mybusiness.
I was hiding in the nonprofitfrom everything in my life by
doing all the stuff of thenonprofit.
Mm-hmm.
And I just, I just wasn't happy.
Right.
I had, I had.
Not gotten what I actuallywanted, which was to be Auntie
(03:38):
Maim without the alcohol.
So, uh, I, I don't know if youknow the Rosalyn Russell movie
from 1965 called Auntie Maim, orthe book called Auntie Mame.
But Auntie Maim was a true, areal person.
Mm-hmm.
And she.
She was this amazing,adventurous, outgoing, creative
person who hobnobbed with allthe, the, um, sorry, my nose.
(04:03):
It's just today with all of the,um, the.
Uh, big thinkers of her time,the philosophers and the, all
the creatives, all the, theactors and the musicians and you
know, the artists.
And I was like, that was thelife I wanted this big, wide,
rich life.
And what I ended up with was,you know, go to work, do sell
(04:27):
real estate, you know, come homeexhausted, you know, fall down,
have a fight with my husband, goto bed, get up and do it again,
and then, you know, go hide inthe nonprofit when I'm not doing
that.
You know, it's just, I was like,not what I wanted.
And so I literally just woke upand went.
I was sold a bill of goods.
This checklist does not work.
(04:47):
I am out of here.
Am I.
Leveled my life.
I sold my business.
I quit the nonprofit.
I divorced my husband.
I made him take the dog and I.
I moved out of state to livewith a bunch of people I met at
the Renaissance Fair, my, myformer business.
Wow.
Then I ran off and joined thecircus and he was not quite
(05:08):
wrong, and so that was my bigawakening.
Right.
I What happened was the, uh, thedivorce more than anything.
Uh, had me waking up everymorning going, oh my God, I love
my life.
I love my life.
I love my, and I, Iautomatically shifted into
gratitude because I was just sograteful to not have to justify
(05:30):
everything I bought, to not haveto com, you know, deal with
complaints and whatevers, youknow, I was so grateful to not
be in that space mm-hmm.
With my ex anymore.
Mm-hmm.
And I, I went so fully intogratitude that my entire being
woke up.
Right.
And I, I had been doing all thisstuff before we got married, but
(05:51):
he was an atheist, so I kind oftook a break from it during our
marriage.
Right.
And when I was waking up andcoming out of it, I went and got
my Reiki certification and Iwent and got a Shiatsu
certification and I startedstudying all these books again
and.
Um, just really waking up toeverything and my psychic skills
came online again and, you know,I had been using them but at a
(06:15):
lower level, right?
Sure.
Um, and I all started to openup, I came out of the spiritual
closet to my real estate clientsthat I was selling houses to at
the time, and I was like worriedthey were gonna think I was
crazy and.
One of'em is like, we love,we're we're Edgar Casey people
and the other one's like, Ooh,you could tell us what the
energy of the house is.
Yes, please.
(06:35):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
All this stuff.
So it was really wonderful'causeit was the nineties and you
know, nobody talked about thisstuff.
Right.
If you talked about it, you werea crackpot.
Right?
Yeah.
You know, I mean, it was just,just really like that.
And so it's not like it was likeit is today where everybody's
like, oh, isn't it cool to be inyour intuition?
And you know, all of the, youknow, look at my angels and
(06:58):
angel numbers and, and all thethings, right?
So it, that was not the case inthe nineties.
And so, uh, you know, it was abig leap to come out of that
spiritual closet.
And, um, but yeah, that was thebig thing for me.
I started to really, and that,that was the time when I proved
to myself I was psychic.
And it was when all of theseother gifts started coming on
(07:21):
board and.
It's just I started to learn, Istarted to learn ritual.
That house that I moved intowith the Renaissance Fair people
turned out to be a house filledwith witches and shamans.
And I'm like, didn't know thatwhen I moved, you know, before I
connected with them.
I knew before I moved in, but Ididn't know before I connect.
(07:42):
Okay.
Um.
And so, you know, it was, it, itturned into the magical house is
how we referred to it.
Sure.
And we spent four yearsfacilitating healing for each
other over the course of thattime.
And I learned ritual during thattime as well and, and, uh, all
sorts of other things along theway, so I'm sure.
(08:03):
Really profound space.
Right.
And, you know, it wasn't easy,but it was.
You know, those people are morelike family than anybody in my
actual family, so, right.
Okay.
Okay.
Different kind of connectionlevel, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That you can't make up.
(08:23):
Yeah, exactly.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, as you're speaking, there'sa whole bunch of things that are
flowing through me that, thatalign with our audience.
I believe the risks that youtake when you make such drastic
changes, and the women that Iwork with, they sometimes take a
(08:48):
while to enter into my supportbecause they're afraid of what
they don't know.
Right, right.
Do you find that that'ssomething pretty common with
people that you work with, or socommon in the fact that it's
actually baked into my programs,so yeah.
There you go.
I'm gonna give you the answer tothe fear of the unknown.
(09:11):
The fear of the unknown is not afear that you, that it's not a
fear about the thing that mightshow up.
The fear of the unknown is afear that you cannot handle the
thing that will show up.
That's a very different thing,and so if you can reinforce your
adaptability, your ability tofigure things out, your
resourcefulness, you know, allof these things, if you can re
(09:33):
reinforce that, then no matterwhat shows up, you're okay.
Right, right.
And so we redefine it.
Instead of being afraid of whatmight come, we're, we're
redefining it as, I can handlewhatever life shows, like life
throws at me, and I will weatherthe storm no matter what.
And in fact, you know, that bigtidal wave that's coming at me,
(09:55):
I'm gonna surf it, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And so it's, it's just adifference of the way that you
look at it.
Yeah.
So my, my thing is the minuteyou have a fear, you make a
plan.
And then you let go of the plan.
Right?
You know, the fear comes up,okay, if this, uh, completely
random and unreasonable andunlikely thing happens, here's
(10:18):
my plan to deal with it.
Now, can you stop screaming inmy monkey mind and telling me I
need to have a plan for this?
I have a plan.
Now let's move on.
Right, right, right.
So you can package it and createmovement forward.
I love that.
I love that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've actually dumped my life,uh, like three times in my life.
I've, I've given away everythingI've owned three times or sold
(10:41):
it.
Um, it's just an intense amountof.
Letting go that I've done overmy life.
My mother was military, myex-husband was military, so I've
lived, yeah, when we moved here,I live in Boquete Panama now.
Okay.
And we moved here in 2022 and,uh, we had to get rid of
everything we own to come down.
(11:02):
Well, we didn't have to, but wechose to.
Sure.
And, you know, we arrived withsix suitcases and the dog.
Right.
So, um, the, the thing aboutmaking.
Big change like that is you haveto be willing to be with
whatever shows up, right?
Right.
And you have to be willing toaccept the consequences.
(11:24):
And usually that means thatyou've gotta do a lot of really,
um, looking at what you'retolerating, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, you make a list of all your,the things that you're
tolerating because.
As Tony Robbins likes to say,the you will not change until
the pain of the change is lessthan the pain of staying the
(11:45):
same.
Right?
Right.
So you gotta amp up the pain ofstaying the same by looking at
all the things you're toleratingall at once.
'cause we only look at them oncein every blue moon.
Of course, of course, of course.
It's kind of when it, so whenyou get it all at once, you're
like, that's a lot.
It's like, yes, there's yourmotivation.
And it's interesting that youshare that because what's,
(12:06):
what's important in that is thatyou are taking the time to look
at your life for you, by youbecause of you based on our
show.
It's not a what you're doing foreverybody else, it's about.
My role here in what I am doingand what I'm tolerating and what
I'm going through, and beingsuper honest with yourself.
(12:28):
Like, this is your work.
This doesn't have to go out intothe internet.
You don't have to post this onsocial media po folks.
Like this is your journey.
Right.
In fact, I wouldn't post it onsocial media.
No.
Yeah, totally.
People will try and talk you outof it because they don't, they,
they're afraid.
Mm-hmm.
And so, you know, when we weremoving to Panama, I can't
believe how much pushback therewas.
(12:49):
They were like, oh my God,you're leaving country.
Oh my God, what are you gonnado?
What happens if things go south?
What happens if there's a coup?
What happens?
And what happens?
What happens?
And I'm like, this country ismore stable than the US dude,
you know, right now.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, we arrive sununseen.
And they were just like, whatare you gonna do if you hate it?
I said, we did the hard partgetting rid of everything.
(13:09):
We have six suitcases and thedog, how hard could it be to
move again?
Right, right.
As it turns out, we love ithere, but you know, it could
have been right.
Yeah.
And that's, that's just it.
That's not, it's not likethere's only one answer.
Right.
So, so you move and it doesn'twork out.
Big deal.
Yeah, I actually, um, I havethis story I talk about called,
(13:31):
you know, Stockville.
And Stockville is a valleysurrounded by massive mountains
so high that no cell phoneservice, no internet comes in or
out, no messages come in.
No, nothing comes in from theoutside world.
Stockville, you are there untilyou leave.
And the thing about stuck V ispeople think I have to know
(13:53):
which way to go, but you don't.
You just have to pick amountain.
Pick a mountain and scale.
It doesn't matter what mountainmakes no difference at all
because when you get to the topof that mountain, you now will
have the ability to know whichmountain you would have you
needed to choose.
Right?
And nobody ever comes back tostockville, which means there's
(14:13):
a path that goes around the topof the mountain, so you don't
have to go all the way back downagain.
And you have so much moreinformation.
We worry so much about gettingit right.
Yeah.
You know, if you get stuck inhaving to get it right the first
time, you're gonna be stuckforever, you know?
Mm-hmm.
It's just, it's not gonnahappen.
You've gotta let go of thegetting it right.
You have to treat it as thegrand adventure that it is.
(14:35):
Oh, I love that.
The grand adventure of what itis instead of being in
Stockville.
That's fantastic.
I love that.
You talk about helping peoplebreak free from their internal
limitations, right?
What do you find is a commonblock or is there such thing as
a common block that hold peopleback from living in their
(15:00):
desired truth?
Desired truth.
Okay.
Yes.
There are lots of blocks, so,okay.
Lots like I have identified 38different blocks that the
average person on a spiritualpath has.
Nobody has all of them.
Everybody has some of them.
Okay.
And so I'll pick, uh, I'm, firstI wanna tell you what that looks
(15:21):
like because the big problemwith living your truth is that
you're not currently holding theidentity of the person who lives
their truth.
And so it, this is an identityshift issue.
And when we shift into a newidentity, we go into, again, the
unknown, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And we sometimes havepreconceived notions about what
(15:45):
it means, right?
And so for me, I'll, I'll giveyou an example of something I've
mm been working on for the lastcouple of years.
Um, for me, I have been workingon the four.
A long time it's been, I don'twanna be famous because my
highest value is freedom.
And I always thought that beingfamous meant you had to be
(16:06):
hiding in your home with allyour security guards and all
that stuff.
And I've been actively workingon that and understanding what
that means.
And the, the universe brought metwo.
Count them two very high-endcelebrities.
One in the spiritual world cameonto my podcast, Neil Donald
Walsh.
(16:26):
And the other was John RiceDavies from Sliders and Lord of
the Rings.
He was, he was gimli the, thedwarf.
Right.
And he showed up in my tinylittle town in Boquete, I mean
like 25,000 people town.
Right.
He, he used to date a woman herewhen he was in his teens.
He just showed up in town and Igot to spend time talking to
(16:48):
both of them, and both of themsaid, no, I don't really have
security guards and I can prettymuch go anywhere I wanna go.
I mean, if I'm in a dangerouscountry, I might have a security
guard, but you know, I.
Otherwise not so much.
Yeah.
And I was like, okay, so that'sgone now, right?
You have to debunk yourpreconceived notions, right?
Mm-hmm.
And so my latest thing is thatmy, my programs are taking off,
(17:11):
uh, because I've let go of the,the, yeah, right.
My programs are taking off at,at a higher level than they ever
have.
And now it's, if I get too manystudents, I won't have any
freedom.
Right, because I'm gonna be, youknow, scheduled within an inch
of my life, is the way I say it,right?
Mm-hmm.
And I'm, and so I've gone andI've looked at the structure and
I'm like, okay, what can I dohere to help and support myself?
(17:33):
What can I do here?
And I brought on an, a fellowcoach of mine who I love, and
we've done programs togetherbefore, and we share a brain,
you know, she says Nice, saysthings very differently than I
do, but we all, we both alwayssay the same thing.
Yeah.
We just come at it fromdifferent ways and so, mm-hmm.
That was a gift to myself tohire her to help me with the
program, and now I'm hiring onstaff to help me with the tech
(17:57):
end.
Yeah.
Things like that.
'cause I've been doing it myselfand'cause you gotta, you gotta
do it yourself to learn how totrain somebody to do it.
Yeah.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And that's the hard part, so.
Yeah.
Um, and so, you know, I've beenaddressing that and this is the
process of conscious identityshift.
Mm-hmm.
You have to identify the thingthat you know is causing you to
(18:18):
resist and procrastinate and,and just have no energy and all
the things, right?
You have to look that thing inthe face and say, what is it?
You have to name it, and thenyou have to systematically
dismantle it.
Right now, part of that is gonnabe internal stuff, right?
Right.
So, you know, belief structures.
I believe that my freedom willbe limited by X, Y, or Z.
(18:40):
That's gonna be my, my stickingblock.
But it might be, I believe I'mnot good enough, right?
It might be, and that's a reallycommon one.
That is the most common one.
Okay?
It might be, I'm not welcome,I'm not wanted, I'm not
important.
And that gets you on the bottomof your own priority list,
right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And a whole lot of other things,right?
Sure.
I believe that I don't havevalue unless I'm doing something
(19:02):
for someone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That's another big one.
So there's, there's like a wholelitany of things that, that are
blocks I can't be seen,especially in the spiritual
community.
That's a big one because so manyof us were killed for our gifts
in past lives.
Right?
Yeah, for sure.
Right.
And that one, that one is aneasy one.
(19:23):
You just have to look in themirror and go, gotta die
somehow.
Yeah.
Might as well be that way.
Might as well be for somethingthat I care about that I Yeah,
exactly right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't get out of this lifealive, so, okay.
Yeah.
Um.
There's lots and lots ofdifferent, different things that
mm-hmm.
Get in the way for people and,you know, it just depends upon
what you're dealing with.
(19:43):
It can be very complex.
Sure.
'cause a lot of this stuff isreally like a tap history of
coping mechanisms and beliefstructures and assumptions.
Assumptions are the hardest.
Right.
Because we don't even know thatwe know them.
We don't even, yeah.
It's like, so it's like gravity.
You don't assume.
That your feet are gonnaactually hit the floor, or you
(20:05):
do assume rather, you assumeyour feet are gonna hit the
floor, right?
You don't believe your feet willhit the floor.
You're not conscious of it.
You just know if you put yourfeet on the floor, you're gonna
be stuck to the floor.
Right?
You know, you're.
You're not gonna float up.
Right, right, right.
And, and that is the level ofassumption, and that's the one
that is so hard.
So I have a lot of, uh, moreadvanced practitioners who come
(20:27):
to me mm-hmm.
Because they will be like, okay,I've been able to navigate this
and I've been doing okay, andnow I'm just stuck and I can't
figure out what the problem is,and I don't know where it's
coming from.
And I've looked and I've lookedand I've tried every pathway I
can find and I just can't seeit.
And I'm like, ah, assumptionlevel.
(20:48):
Right, right.
Yeah.
Either assumption level whenthat happens or it's, you missed
a foundational piece way backhere.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You miss because there's nocurriculum for spirituality is
so easy to miss.
A key structure piece.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, so for instance, I hada, I had one person I worked
with, she had been in thespiritual world for like 15 or
(21:09):
20 years and she had neverlearned boundaries.
And that was the thing that wasjust messing up her whole life.
And I'm like, I could see that.
I'm like, yes.
Because she learned from peoplewho didn't want her to have
boundaries.
Mm-hmm.
It was in their interest to nothave that.
Of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and.
I find that that's very true fora lot of us, and when we hit our
(21:32):
midlife years, this is when thependulum starts to swing and or
open up differently.
And then people, well, I whatyou said at the very beginning,
I should be happy.
I have the house, I have thehusband, I have the job, I have
the good income, I have the twocar I have, but there's
something missing and that's whywe're having this conversation
(21:54):
because there's so much.
Underneath that we know isthere, but we don't know what to
do with it.
Like there's that little nagginggoing, something's off.
Right?
Yeah.
And and I, that's exactly whereI was in 28.
Yeah.
I was like, I should be happy.
I have everything I wanted and Idid it well.
(22:16):
Yeah.
Why am I so miserable?
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, that's anindicator.
But I will say be careful not toshould on yourself.
Thank you because thank youshould is it's not helpful.
Things are, or they aren't.
There's no such thing as should.
Yeah.
Right.
And if you should on yourself,then you are shoulding on
(22:36):
yourself and so Yeah.
It's, it's not good for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you say would be themost important thing for
everyone to do right now?
Everyone.
I would say take back yourpower.
That would be the single mostimportant thing because we hand
(22:58):
away our power and we'vetrained, been trained to hand
away our power in so manydifferent ways.
Right.
Women in particular mm-hmm.
Are trained to never be in ourpower because we're, we're on
high heels.
We can't even ground.
Right.
We're, we're in restrictiveclothing.
We can't move, we're in a faceof makeup.
We can't be seen.
(23:18):
We're told to be peacemakers andto be the facilitators, and we
Oh.
Don't make a scene dear.
Yeah, right.
Make a freaking scene, okay?
Make a scene.
That's all I'm gonna say.
If you need to make a scene,make a scene.
I will tell you that the fewtimes that I have stood up and
(23:39):
and truly made a scene, it waswarranted.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm like, I gotsexually assaulted once somebody
grabbed me in places that heshouldn't and I turned around
and just ripped him to shreds ata very large volume up.
Large event, everything stoppedand everyone was staring at me
and I'm like, ah.
(24:00):
I was like, there will be goodnone.
This, I'm going to yell at youuntil I stop feeling violated.
Yeah.
That is felt.
I'm like, you have pulled powerfrom me.
I'm going to yell at you until Ifeel my power back.
Mm-hmm.
That is where it came from, andso yeah.
And that was very, that waspretty early on in my journey.
That was shortly after thewhole, you know, Saturn return.
(24:24):
So I was in my late twenties,maybe maybe 30.
Right.
And, uh, you know, nowadays.
I, it would be faster for me toget my energy back because I
know how to hold my energy moreeffectively.
Sure, sure.
And it would've been less likelythat that would've happened
because I saw it coming fromYeah.
Than I would've headed it off atthe pass and been like, don't
(24:46):
you don't even bother.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Step back.
I was trying to politely avoid,and thus it didn't work out.
And so, you know.
Yeah.
Nowadays I've been like, youknow, yeah.
But I wouldn't be the, Iwouldn't be the target at this
age either, so, you know, that'sa different thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's, that's thechallenge, right?
Is that predators go afteryounger women.
(25:08):
Mm-hmm.
Because they're easy targets,they're easy prey.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
As we get older, we learn how tobe like, uh, no.
No.
Yeah.
How about No.
Yeah.
And what I think is reallyimportant here in this component
of our conversation, or thisjunction in our conversation, is
that power and understandingthat you not only have it, but
(25:30):
you must use it.
Yes.
Because nobody can do it foryou.
You have to do it.
And importantly, not just indefense of others, but in
defense of yourself self.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so,'cause I see that all thetime.
You see most of my people comein and they're in their night
and shining armor mode.
They've come out of damsel indistress and they're like, oh,
we will save the world here.
(25:51):
I come to save the day.
Right.
And the That's great.
Except that you forget to saveyourself.
Yeah.
And really what you're trying todo in the world is save
yourself.
Yeah.
And, but you're externalizingit.
You're projecting it onto otherpeople.
And so, you know, but thatrequires being willing to take
up space.
Yeah.
(26:11):
That requires being willing tohave conflict around you.
Right.
Not just conflict for others.
Right.
You know, because I was reallygood at conflict for others.
I could step up and protectanybody in the world, but when
it came to me, I was like, no,I'm okay.
I'll be fine.
I understand why he's doing itor she's doing it, so it's okay.
(26:34):
It's like, so here's, here's myrule on understanding.
Mm-hmm.
You should be this much lessunderstanding, which is a tiny
little bit if you're justlistening, it's a tiny little
bit less understanding than youare treated well.
Okay.
When you are having to be moreunderstanding than you are
(26:54):
treated well.
The relationship needs to bedone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Or, you know, you need to callit out and have a big one or the
other.
Right, right, right.
Um, but typically if you're notbeing treated well, a hash out
doesn't do much.
Mm-hmm.
Once in a blue Well, but.
Yeah, it doesn't, there is adisdain, a contempt, uh, that is
(27:18):
a, you know, so, uh, JohnGottman did the four horses of
the apocalypse for a marriageand contempt, stonewalling, uh,
defensiveness.
And I always get, I alwaysforget the fourth one.
Look it up on Google.
Anyway, there's a fourth one.
Um, but all of those are the, ifthose exist, those are the, the
(27:40):
four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For an for a marriage or for arelationship.
It works for a relationship too.
Right, right.
Um, and so, you know, if you'renot being treated well, then
you're already in one of those.
Right, right.
So, and, and the awareness.
Is key in order for you to makeany kind of move.
So we talk a lot in our coachingabout, um, your awareness is the
(28:06):
starting point because if you'renot even aware, then you're not
going to be able to make anysteps forward.
So the facts that you are awarethat this is happening, so if
this is landing.
What Kelly's speaking about,make sure that you check the
show notes because we have theinformation in there on how you
can find Kelly, how you canconnect with her.
(28:28):
I know she has a variety ofsupports available for you, um,
because that's why I have her onthe show.
I don't have people who don'thave ways to support you.
So is there anything that youwould like to share before we
depart with our listeners?
Is there any.
Golden nuggets.
We haven't actually, I knowthere's tons, I shouldn't say
(28:49):
are there any, we we need to doa three day show, but I know, so
the one thing that feels mostrelevant these days for me is
mm-hmm.
Um, to remember that you get tochoose your experience
regardless of what's going onaround you.
Ooh, nice.
And what that means is that, youknow, if the world is chaos
(29:11):
around you and you would likepeace, well choose to be the eye
of the storm.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Chaos can rain around you andyou will be the eye of the
storm.
And every, and the, the hardestwall is the one that gets to
between you and the storm.
Right.
Because that's where the windsare the fastest.
Right.
Right.
And you could choose to be theeye of the storm, just embrace
(29:32):
that identity.
Mm-hmm.
And if you're feeling like thechaos is too much than, than
make.
If you've got a family,obviously bring your family into
the, the eye with you.
You know, you don't want themspinning around outside without
you, but you know, have that aspart of your identity.
It really is helpful.
And when you start doomscrolling and looking at stuff
(29:52):
and being like, oh, the world'sgoing hell in the hand basket,
like, okay, but do what you cando right.
And then let it go.
Right.
Because we spend so much energyand mental anguish and time on
agonizing over things, we havezero control over.
(30:15):
Yeah.
And this is why I'm saying dowhat you can do and then pull
your energy.
Pull your power back from thatscenario.
Because when you are feeling outof control around things that
you have no control over, youfeel victimized.
Yep.
When you feel victimized, yourpower goes to wherever you think
(30:36):
the perpetrator is.
Mm-hmm.
And then you have no power tochange it.
Right.
So the first thing you have todo is recognize I am choosing to
give my power there.
I need to take that back.
Right.
You know, this is not what Iwould prefer.
But I am in my life right nowand I have walls around me, a
roof over my head, food in myfridge, money to pay my bills,
(31:00):
and I'm, I'm ready to go, right?
Mm-hmm.
I, I, my, I, if I look around, Iam okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
And just remind yourself of thatand do a vagus nerve reset
periodically.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Those are like, those are thebest things ever.
And again, you can Google thatright.
But the vagus nerve reset is agreat way to get yourself back
(31:22):
down to a baseline and out ofyour fight, flight, or freeze
response, right?
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
And so, you know, just chooseyour experience.
Mm-hmm.
Because in actuality, everythingthat could be happening right
now is happening right now inthe internal moment of now.
Mm-hmm.
And literally we are standing inthe midst of it.
(31:43):
It is all happeningsimultaneously, time and space
or illusions, and all you haveto do is turn your head a
millimeter to the left or right.
And your entire experience oflife changes.
Mm-hmm.
It is literally that simple.
Yes.
Yeah.
So don't, don't believe that ithas to be hard.
Right?
Yeah.
(32:04):
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
I love that you're talking,you're summed it up beautifully
because you're pulling it allback to giving yourself the
power back, being in your ownspace, in your own energy, and
knowing what is within your owncontrol.
And when you do look afteryourself for you, by you because
(32:24):
of you, and you do little thingsevery single day.
To give back to you withoutthinking about others.
Even if it's for half a minuteevery single day.
Consistency and doing the littlethings, your life will change
and so will those that I callyour sphere and within your
sphere of influence, yourfamily, your work, coworkers,
(32:46):
whatever, will also feel thatbecause energy shifts and flows
all the time well, and you trainpeople how to treat you based on
how you treat yourself.
Yeah.
Bingo.
Mm-hmm.
And so if you treat yourselflike you're the bottom of the
priority list, that's whateveryone's gonna treat you like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not egocentric.
I know I have that pushback alot is not being like really
(33:10):
egocentric.
I'm like, that's selfish.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, no, it's not selfish.
It's self-aware.
There's a difference.
Big give from the whole flow,not from your emptiness.
Right.
When you give from youroverflow, you give from a place
of wholeheartedness and peoplecan fully receive.
When you give from youremptiness, they feel like a
burden because they are Yeah.
(33:30):
Yeah.
You have to take care of you.
It's, it's, you know, the.
The horrible cliche, but true ofput your own face mask on first,
right.
Before you help the person nextto you on an airplane when the
oxygen mask comes out.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's a horrible cliche, but it'sabsolutely true.
But everybody gets it.
It's what I know.
And you pass out.
Nobody is getting any help fromyou.
(33:51):
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Kelly, what a pleasure to havethis conversation, this robust
awareness and ability to tapinto your years of experience
gifts.
I wanna have you back afterSatin.
Hits and I wanna know, where areyou now?
(34:16):
Where's Kelly now?
Yes.
In a, in a year, year and ahalf, I will be through my
Saturn return, so yeah.
Okay.
So I'll be 56 in November, so,you know that's, that's right on
the money right there.
Perfect.
Well, we will have you back'cause we want, we, listeners
will wanna know where is Kellynow?
There you go.
(34:36):
Well, if you're out there andapproaching your 50th birthday,
look into the Chiron returnbecause that's another time
when, when there's a huge shiftas well.
Oh, okay.
So Chiron is C-H-I-R-O-N, so,okay.
All right, perfect.
Thank you so much for being herewith us and thank you to
(34:57):
listeners and we want to haveyou have a wonderful day and
make sure you go and dosomething for you by you because
of you today and every singleday.
Take care.
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